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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Never Holiday Again? says
Hi all – how do you get your toddler back to their normal self after a holiday? Granted, son is only 2, so his ‘normal self’ is constantly changing – but his latest new thing is wanting to nurse at all times, forever, like 4 hours non-stop. I tried to plan ahead for any post-travel blues by having a couple days of pure chill-with-baby time in between visiting grandparents and going back to daycare, but maybe those days gave him a taste for that much time together? (I love him, but have no desire to quit my job to enable this.) He just saw the dentist (unrelatedly), and it’s not teething. I know that weaning is the obvious solution to this, but I’d been operating so long under the assumption that he’d wean on his own, especially since I’ve never exclusively nursed and he’s always been a good eater and substituted with more food happily when I’ve been gone overnight. I’m just crunchy enough to actually let him nurse for a few hours while I read a book, etc., but this is obvious madness. Is there any way to get him back to the previous routine (20 minutes before work, 20 minutes after, 20 minutes at night) or do I just need to wear turtlenecks and let him scream?
Anonymous says
This is so kid dependent. My 2 y/o (31 months) mercifully dropped nursing at 8 months. She’s a complete spitfire and we’d both just had enough. I cannot fathom having nursed her past 1, much less into 2. But!! There are kids for whom nursing is really comforting.
Since he is older, I’d suggest replace nursing time with snuggle time + something special (books, songs, a tv show if that’s your jam, looking at family photos). Give him something in lieu of milk- a lollipop, chocolate milk, juice, whatever. Your b00bs will be a distant memory.
That being said, I’m on my 3rd kid so my bar is low and I am all about bribery when/as needed. My kids take so well to it!
Anonymous says
The lollipop substitute is genius – gives the child the comfort of sucking on something and also it’s more delicious than milk.
Cb says
We’re going through the 18 month sleep regression and my toddler wants to nurse all night at the moment, after being night weaned for a few months. He’ll take a bottle but that doesn’t seem like a great idea either. I’ve got a terrible chest thing and would like some strong drugs but I feel like taking away the comfort of nursing at a time when he’s really struggling would be quite cruel.
So no advice, but solidarity.
Anonymous says
Omg take your medicine. You need it. It’s not cruel to lovingly snuggle your toddler while they aren’t sucking a boob.
Anon says
What is with all the snarky anonymous here lately!? It’s not unreasonable for to not want to suddenly wean her teething toddler just so she can take cold medicine. Be kind.
Anonymous says
+ 1 million
Her choices are not a judgment on your choices. Many women are comfortable and enjoy nursing into toddlerhood.
Anonymous says
I would just tell him that nursing is for wake-up and bedtime (and/or whatever works for you) and offer distraction. We weaned completely around 33 months. I was very lucky that we pretty naturally went down to just wake-up and bedtime around 18-20 months. Around 2.5, I went to mornings only, then a few months later was ready to wean completely. I always gave kiddo 2-3 days advance notice (any more than that was too much for my kiddo and resulted in more apprehension than help). There were protests and gentle reminders along the way, but distraction and DH often helped. So maybe tell him that in 2 days, he’ll only get to nurse at X, Y, and Z times. Then tomorrow remind him. Then the day of remind him and hold firm, but possibly be ready with a new activity or two. I really don’t think it’ll take long for him to re-adjust.
Anonymous says
I’m also pretty crunchy. I would go back to your predicatable routine on nursing. He may push back a bit but sometimes that’s just about kids wanting to know where the boundaries are and firm clear boundaries help him feel more secure.
At that age, I did a lot of baby (toddler) wearing. The physical contact seemed to be soothing. I used an ergo first and then a toddler tula. I rucked the toddler on my back as soon as we came home from work. Usually he had his sippy cup and just snuggled while I prepped dinner. The security of the carrier vs. me carrying him in my arms seemed to really make a difference. You could try doing the 20 minute after work nursing session and putting him on your back in a carrier to maintain the phyical closeness he gets from nursing but still allow you to get on with your evening. At that age we also changed up the bedtime routine so that DH sang him a song and cuddled for a bit after the 20 mins of nursing. I said goodnight and left the room when DH came in.
Anonymous says
Wean him.
OP says
Thanks, all! It’s good to hear the last one, but also to get some interim options. I hadn’t connected the dots, but he’d been in his tula a lot over the holiday so maybe he is just missing that.
OP says
Thanks all (and sorry if this posts twice, something is up with phone). I needed to hear the last one but am glad for suggestions to try in the shorter term. I hadn’t made the connection, but he was in his tula a lot over the holiday, so it’s possible he just misses that – the tula plus apple bribe worked after work today, so keeping my fingers crossed it will keep on doing so.
LadyNFS says
17 month old, recently returned from an overseas trip and being home had found us with lots of time nursing and generally wanting to be ON me at all times. It took about a week but she is back in the swing if it’s any consolation. Admittedly I probably gave in and nursed for (hours) longer than I should have, but I chalked it up to we disrupted her routine and exposed her to SO.MANY. new things for 2 weeks and she just needed some extra nursing to deal. Give it some time and see how babe does – wearing is a great idea as well and I wish I had thought of it! Next time…
Anonymous says
How did you deal with pregnancy exhaustion in BigLaw? By 5:30 or so I’m really dragging these days. Any advice?
CCLA says
Naps and coffee, but mostly naps. This will depend on your practice and seniority and ability to flex your schedule, and whether this is first kiddo (so no one else to watch), but I slept basically slept whenever able outside the hours of about 930-5, meaning I would often arrive at 10 if I had no morning meetings. I’d nap in the evening then get some more work done at night then sleep and repeat. WFH when able if it was a particularly tough day. And when I could stomach it, I definitely drank 2 cups of coffee each day with the afternoon one being the most crucial. I was out of biglaw into a boutique by the time I was pregnant, but my workload was the same as in biglaw. First tri was hardest because I hadn’t announced, but once they knew people were pretty understanding. Congrats, and you got this!
Anon says
This + hydration (I couldn’t have any caffeine when pregnant because of a heart issue). And when I was able I would calendar a 30 minute conference call, shut my door, and take a desk nap in the afternoon to make to my usual 7 or 8 leave time.
anon says
I’m 8 weeks right now and only getting more tired. I have quietly flexed my hours to start and finish much earlier in the day. I’m having insomnia and early waking anyway, so starting work at 6 a.m. instead of 9:30 is fine. And I’ve had no issue pushing back against too many evening demands. I’m a senior associate, if that matters. As with everything in biglaw, no one will set boundaries for you. That’s all on you. It’s a very short time in the grand scheme of things. They’ll get over it.
IP Attorney says
I would go in on the later side to sleep in (around 10 am as the above poster) and leave by 7-8 pm. I’d allow myself one cup of coffee in the early afternoon when I got really sleepy. I also would drink LOTS of water – hydration is good to stay awake and the frequent bathroom trips were a nice break in the day when I got tired. I would eat snacks (like a granola bar, fruits, etc). I also napped a lot when I got home, usually falling asleep on the couch while my husband made dinner and then after when we were watching tv. I couldn’t work in the evenings when I was pregnant because of exhaustion/comfort, so I just tried to stay later at work.
shortperson says
i spent a few weeks working in bed as much as possible, quietly whimpering and barely moving. actually i got a decent amount done.
Anonymous says
Not big law. Mid-sized firm in a mid-sized city. But, same, in an oversized chair and ottoman. I was way more productive when comfortable while feeling crappy.
Anonanonanon says
Not big law but had a high-pressure long-hours job during my last pregnancy. Echoing much of what others said: Go to bed as soon as you get home (it was my second kid and I still did this). If you have a weird sleep schedule from pregnancy just roll with it. I often woke up at 4 and would knock out a couple of hours of work before going in to the office, which allowed me to sneak a couple of naps in behind my closed door. If I REALLY didn’t want to be bothered, I’d sleep in my car. Towards the end WFH a day or two a week was a huge life-saver
Mama Llama says
I feel so seen/personally attacked by this article. https://www.thecut.com/2019/01/why-do-new-moms-want-to-ignore-advice-from-seasoned-moms.html
Boston Legal Eagle says
Ha. Thanks for posting this. I often catch myself almost saying “wait until he/she is 2 and then it’ll really get hard” or “wait until you have 2 kids” to new parents but I try to resist saying this as this isn’t really helpful to anyone. I have coworkers who have older kids, teenagers, and some do warn of the years to come, but I really appreciate those who just listen to me talk about my stage of life and sympathize and say that it’s hard.
I like that the tone here is almost always to give helpful advice and sympathize, without trying to downplay anyone’s problems.
CPA Lady says
bwahaha, I literally just did this downthread. My bad. :D
Boston Legal Eagle says
I always find your comments really helpful CPA Lady! No judgment read.
Anon says
I’m the OP from the nanny handwashing thread below…I thought your response to my question was completely reasonable and useful. But this ‘bahahaha’ and sarcastic “my bad” with a giant smiley face seems kind of Mean Girl-ish. I know you probably don’t care, but just so you know, it feels like I’m being mocked and it’s a little hurtful.
Anon says
Fwiw, I read her comment more as “oh crap, I just realized I’m ‘that person’ and I didn’t mean to be.”
Anonymous says
Ditto to anon at 2:28.
HSAL says
Yes, big fan of CPA Lady and I don’t think she was mocking at all.
CPA Lady says
Oh gosh. That was not my intent at all. I’m sorry if it came across that way. It was more of a facepalm than anything.
Spirograph says
I read it as 2:28 did, too. I’ve never gotten a mean girl vibe from CPA Lady, and usually enjoy her commentary /advice!
Grumpy new mom says
As a new parent, I don’t mind advice, even unsolicited advice- I find it helpful! But the “oh it gets so much harder!” and “at least you only have one!” comments make me absolutely ragey.
Being a new parent is hard and if you think it isn’t, you’ve either forgotten what it’s like or your situation was somehow different than mine.
I’m barely holding on over here and being told “oh it gets so much worse, you cute little innocent person who has not idea” is just not helpful.
Sorry for the overreaction – this isn’t targeted at anything anyone has said here today –
mostly it just trigger some frustration with my sister who we all fawned over when she was a new mom (first grandchild) but now acts like I’m not entitled to be even a little bit tired because babies are “so much easier” than toddlers and I only have one. Hurumph.
Anonymous says
Each stage has its tough points, but I think being a new mom is uniquely difficult because you are adjusting to parenthood itself – no longer being the center of your universe, for lack of a better way of expressing it. My son is only 6, but no tantrums/sleep deprivation/etc have compared to the emotional difficulty of coping with the radical readjustment of my identity that happened when I became responsible for another human life. In hindsight he was an easy baby, but the first year was so hard.
Anon says
I’m working from home today and discovered that our new-ish nanny doesn’t wash her hands before prepping the baby’s food. My husband says I’m a bit of a control freak, so I’m trying not to micro-manage. I think she’s already kind of uncomfortable with me working at home so I don’t want her to feel like I’m spying on her and trying to “catch” her doing something wrong. But also…eww, right? Would you say something?
anon. says
I would absolutely NOT say something, and try to let it go. I’m sure other people feel differently But I am weirdly oblivious to germs and live in a house with dogs and dog fur everywhere and my kid regularly probably eats dog fur so…
Em says
Same.
FVNC says
Similar to anon above, I would not say anything provided her hygiene is otherwise acceptable (i.e., she’s washing hands after diapering, upon entering your home after being in a public place like mass transit, that sort of thing). My youngest is a thumb sucker, though, and we also have a dog with associated shedding/dirt, so kid already gets plenty of germs from his own hands…
HSAL says
Nope. Say nothing.
CPA Lady says
Nope. I would not say anything. I’m guessing she washes her hands after going to the bathroom or changing your kid’s diaper, one of which probably happened recently enough that a second hand washing is not necessary.
FWIW, re: germs, kids are incredibly gross in a way that will unfold before you in horrifying detail the moment your child is consistently mobile. If your baby were in daycare, he would be crawling over to another drippy nosed baby, yanking the pacifier out of her mouth, and shoving it into his own mouth so fast that the teachers would have no time to intervene (I saw this exact scenario play out when my kid was in the infant room). Once your kid is potty training, he will absolutely touch everything in a public restroom, including the sanitary products trashcan and/or the toilet seat, and then put his hands directly in his mouth before you can grab him. Or lick a window or table out in a public place. Probably somewhere like a public bus or park bench. He may even pry some gum off the bottom of a table or find some on the ground and shove it in his mouth. It’s horrifying, but it’s part of how they build their immune systems.
When my kid was new to walking, I joked that public bathrooms should have anxiety medicine dispensers for germ phobic moms of young children (I was that mom, but at this point I’ve seen her live through licking a bunch of things in public so I’ve calmed down).
SC says
Oh, the public restroom! The other day, my 3 yo noticed there was a small trashcan in the stall. So after he washed his hands, he (of course) had to take his paper towel back into the stall and throw it away in “his” trash can, not the open trash can right under the paper towels. On the way to “his” trash can and back, he touched the stall door, the toilet seat, the trash can lid, and the stall door again. I tried to redirect, but he was really insistent that that was where the paper towel was supposed to go and really proud of himself, so I let it go. I would have used Purell, but I (of course) forgot the diaper bag.
Anon says
Ewwww! I’m the outlier here but I think that’s gross. I don’t know if I would have the guts to say anything or not, but I’d sure want to.
Anon says
Um yeah, you can say something. The first line of defense in food safety is hand washing and keeping certain foods separate. I have a compromised immune system so this is non-negotiable for me. Hand washing is so easy.
ElisaR says
gently – your kid will be fine because….. daycare. my kids survive and who the heck knows what goes on there.
ElisaR says
obviously if the child has a compromised immune system it’s a different story… .then say something.
Anonymous says
Omg no. I don’t do this. Why are you micromanaging? Bet your husband doesn’t wash his hands either.
Anon says
OP here, thanks for the thoughts. To clarify, our house is definitely messy and we have a large dog and the baby (almost 8 months) is very mobile and has already gotten into plenty of gross stuff when we’re out and about (including chewing on an airplane seatbelt which is probably literally never washed…), so I know that’s inevitable to some degree. It’s cold and especially flu viruses I’m more worried about, given the season. I know she’d be exposed to these illnesses in daycare, but part of why we’re paying so much more for a nanny is because we wanted to minimize that. The nanny definitely does not wash her hands after arriving at our house (although she doesn’t take public transit) and I haven’t seen her wash her hands after changing a diaper (although I haven’t seen her change a #2 diaper and I personally don’t think pee is that big a deal and often don’t wash my hands after changing pee diapers). And since I wrote this, she sneezed into her hands and didn’t wash her hands.
Anon says
I would say something! I understand that kids get into germs and dirt and generally it’s fine, but expecting someone to wash their hands before handling your baby (and especially your baby’s food!) is completely reasonable. Even more so when it’s someone you are paying.
I’d probably say something along the lines of “ I know I’m kinda of a germ freak but I’m really worried about flu season so could you please wash your hands when you get here and before you prepare the baby’s food.” I don’t think I’d directly point out that I’d noticed her not washing her hands, thou.
ElisaR says
wording it this way is not rude at all….. even though I said you don’t have to say something if you say it this way I think that’s cool too.
FVNC says
Ok, I think this makes your concern more reasonable. I would be horrible at having this conversation (maybe you can frame it around avoiding extra germs during cold and flu season?), but I think it’s warranted given what you’ve said here. I feel like I’m pretty lax on hand washing, but I wash after using the bathroom, changing a poo diaper, and before handling food IF I’ve been out in public and touched door handles and would be upset if a caregiver didn’t have the same minimal standards.
anon says
I was firmly on team “say nothing” until you outlined all the times she’s not washing her hands. If it were me, I would try to find some way to bring this up that doesn’t make it obvious you noticed that she is not washing her hands. Bring it up as a general request that she wash her hands when she arrives, after changing number two diapers, before prepping food, after using the restroom, after sneezing, after a trip to the park, etc., maybe with some sort of lame excuse about new posters at work or some such thing. She should also be sneezing into her elbow (when possible), not her hands. Maybe find some random pamphlet about avoiding cold and flu?
HSAL says
Yeah, I’ve changed my mind given the additional information. Agree that it should be a general, non-accusatory request, but I don’t think I’d go the pamphlet route.
Anonymous says
I think it would be difficult to do this in a non-accusatory way, TBH. But I am really awkward and constantly come off adversarial when I’m trying to gently say something. Does kiddo have a 9 month pediatrician appointment coming up? If so, I might say something after under the cover of the pediatrician went over best practices for cold and flu prevention, so you and hubby are trying to implement them and would like nanny to, also.
Anonymous says
No one washes their hands every time they sneeze. Do your work and stop staring at your nanny.
Anonymous says
Actually most childcare providers and healthcare providers are vigilant about hygiene and either sneeze into their elbow or wash their hands constantly when they’re sneezing. I’m kind of surprised by all the “but daycare!” comments. I worked at a daycare and they were strict about us washing our hands regularly, including after diaper changes and before serving meals and snacks. It’s not just flu I’d worry about, either. If she’s this lax about hand-washing, there’s a good chance she doesn’t wash her hands after going to the bathroom herself and she’s running the risk of exposing the baby to bacteria in her own poop. And since the baby hasn’t been exposed to any of the bacteria in the babysitter’s gut before, that’s actually much more dangerous for the baby than the sitter not washing her hands after a diaper change. It’s gross, but you can basically eat your own poop without getting sick. Other people’s poop, not so much.
Anon says
Yes! My 3 year old’s daycare has taught him to sneeze and cough into his elbow, consistently. Even preschoolers can get this concept.
FVNC says
Agree. Daycare is germy because of kid-to-kid interaction, not bc of lax caregivers. The teachers are militant at our daycare about handwashing/wearing gloves, teaching kids how to wash hands, sneezing into elbows, not touching kid food with their hands (using serving utensils instead) etc. etc.
Anonymous says
Our daycare is strict on both handwashing and gloves (possibly the state regulations).
A few months ago (give or take), I sneezed while driving so admittedly didn’t have the best ‘into your elbow’ form. My three year old told me that no one wants my germs.
Anonymous says
Yep. Our day care taught the kids to wash their hands after blowing their noses.
Anonymous says
Uhhh I either sneeze into my elbow or wash my hands/sanitize every time I sneeze.
Anon says
I’m the poster who asked yesterday about going from 0 to 1 to 1 to 2. Just wanted to thank everyone for their candid responses!
Child scared of the dark says
My 3 1/2 year old is scared of the dark. Before, bedtime was easy. Stories and we could leave the room. He would read or play for awhile and then fall asleep on his own. Now, he is scared to be in his room alone. He has always slept with a lamp on. Now, even if we leave the overhead light on, he will be too upset to sleep. He is fighting falling asleep bc he is scared. WeI have tried several things, including staying with him till he falls asleep. When I do so, all that happens is he wakes up alone and is still upset. I have run out of ideas. We have no problems with nap times. Any suggestions?
octagon says
We really liked the book “The Dark” by Lemony Snicket/Jon Klassen. Now we greet the dark: “Hi, Dark!”
rakma says
Special stuffy, and role playing what to do if you wake up in the middle of the night. (Find stuffy, roll over, make sure your head is on the pillow) She’s now very proud on the nights where she can roll over and go back to sleep.
Also, 3 nightlights, including Supermax the Turtle, which has a 45-min timer but she’s allowed to turn it back on if she’s awake. Concrete actions she could do helped to break her out of the panic cycle.
Fine Hair Recs says
Kiddo has straight and very fine hair. We’re ready to move beyond Aveeno Baby shampoo/wash combo. What shampoo/conditioner recommendations do you suggest?
Anon in NYC says
I use Honest brand shampoo/body wash + conditioner – the orange scented one because I like it more. My daughter has very straight, fine hair that gets tangled easily. I tried to switch to Babyganics, but it gave my kid really dry skin, so we switched back.
FTMinFL says
The Beautycounter kids line is great! My daughter has very fine hair that seems stronger and much less frizzy/breakable with consistent Beautycounter kids conditioner use.
onlyworkingmomintulsa says
I was just researching best shampoos and conditioners for fine-haired kids and I have a friend who sells Beautycounter, I’m going to make my first order, thank you!
Anon says
We use the J&J tangle free shampoo and conditioner on my curly but fine-haired moppet. The tear free part was the most important to me, because she’s 17 months and it’s still a constant battle to wash the hair and rinse – she acts like I’m drowning her every.single.time. even when no water gets on her face.
anon says
Paul Mitchell kids’ shampoo is really good. We’ve also used Honest in the past, but I like the PM more. We get it at Cost Cutters and it lasts forever.
Pumping schedules? says
For those who have managed to do the breastfeeding and pumping at work thing, what is/was your pumping schedule like? I’ve been pumping whenever the baby takes a bottle, which is around 9:30, 11:30, 2:00, 4:30 — and it’s wearing me out. Am I doing this wrong somehow? Help!
Boston Legal Eagle says
With my first, I pumped twice a day: 10 and 2:30/3. That got me enough supply for the next day’s bottles. I figure that each nursing session primarily comes from one side, so one pump will cover 2 nursing sessions because I’m getting all the milk from both sides. Caveat that I never had a supply problem and the pump worked fine for me.
Knope says
When I was pumping, I maxed out at 3x a day. Your supply is typically higher in the morning, so I’d keep the 9:30 and 11:30 but slowly start moving the 2 PM later and seeing if you can skip the 4:30 and replace it with one session at 3 PM or so.
HSAL says
So with my first, she nursed every couple hours but only took one side at a time. I pumped at 9, 12, and 3, and usually ended up with a few ounces extra each day. I’m currently pumping for twins and if my schedule allows I do it four times/day, but if not I just do it 3 times/day. That, plus one or two pumping sessions before I go to bed every week, keeps up with their daycare bottles plus maybe ten ounces every week. Remember that pumps aren’t as efficient as babies, and not all women respond well to them, so it might be hard to keep up. Don’t kill yourself. My kids are 7 months and I’ve got a work trip at the end of this month, so I’m shooting for 4 pumps/day until then to keep my supply up, but then I’m going to officially cut back to 3/day after that, and start adding a little formula whenever I need to.
ElisaR says
I pumped twice a day even though there were 3 feedings during the time we were apart. I made up the 3rd pump right before I went to bed at night when baby was already asleep, around 10pm.
Elle says
It depends on what your work schedule is/how long you are away from baby. Also, are you able to pump in your office (ie little disruption) or are you going to a mothers room (more disruption to your day).
That said, with my first I did the same thing as you but I found that I could switch to 3 pumps and still get the same out put. I went back to work at 6 weeks so I didn’t feel like my supply was established enough in the beginning to not pump every time she got a bottle.
With my second I went back to work at 12 weeks and we found he took 3 bottles during that time period. So you might see if daycare (whoever) can move the feeding around at all to see if that works for your baby. Depending on the ounces, if it works, you could switch from 4 3-ounce bottles to 3 4-ounce bottles (so essentially the same amount of total ounces, but spaced differently).
Depending on how far post-partum you are, you could probably drop to 3 a day (I currently do 9, 12 and 3 but have flexibility if I want to move those around to 9:30, 12:40, 3:30 etc.) and generally see the same output. I think 3/day is common for most peoples schedules.
Anon says
Do you feed the baby from both breasts at each nursing session? If you only feed one side and you double pump, then you should only need half as many pumping sessions as nursing sessions – ie, two pumping sessions for four bottle feeds. That was what I and most of my friends did.
Anonymous says
Try 9:30 or 10 then 12:30 or 1pm and 4:30pm eventually moving to a 10:30 and 2:30 schedule when you are ready to drop to 2 pumping sessions.
EB0220 says
I did not really try to align pumping times with when she would eat. At first, I pumped 3x a day – about 10-10:30, 12:30-1 and 3-3:30 or so. Eventually I dropped the lunchtime pump and added an evening pumping session (after baby was in bed).
Anon. says
This is exactly what I did, except that when I dropped the lunchtime pump I started supplementing instead of adding an evening pump.
Maternity Leave Before 1 Year on the Job says
I am about to start a new job. My employer (Fortune 100 company) requires you to be there 1 year before you can be eligible for their very generous paid leave (20 weeks). There’s also short term disability leave (6 or 8 weeks depending on method of delivery) on top of that. Due to a variety of factors (my age, husband’s job, age gap btw kid 1 (just turned 4) and kid to be) I want to have a second child sooner rather than later. If I’m 2-3 months short of the 1 year mark would short term disability cover my leave? Has anyone been successful at getting fully paid leave from their employer before 1 year on the job (assuming that’s your company’s policy)? I’m not pregnant yet but plan to start trying soon.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Would you be able to wait 3 months to take advantage of the full policy? I know you’d like to get started sooner rather than later, but 3 months isn’t that long in the grand scheme of things. Seems like it’s worth it to get the longer fully paid leave! Plus you’d have a few months of preg-free time on the job to get settled in and work hard.
mascot says
Yeah, my vote here is that you should wait. That’s a big benefit to leave sitting on the table. If you were already pregnant and starting the job, then I’d try to negotiate an earlier leave.
Have you looked at whether you can purchase a short term policy on your own? There are some carve-outs surrounding pregnancy (like the conception date can’t be within so many days of the effective date of the policy). Then, if it takes a while to get pregnant, you could drop your independent coverage because you now qualify for the employer plan? I think this may depend on how your employer coverage works and if double coverage is possible. You may need to talk to a broker to understand that more
Anon says
Yeah, wait. Your child is 4. Waiting 3 months isn’t going to seriously change the age gap (and I don’t think having the exact age gap you want is all that important anyway).
anon says
This happened to me. I learned I was (unexpectedly) pregnant within a week of starting a new job at a midlaw firm. The firm was clearly angry about the pregnancy, and they took months to make a decision on leave (I don’t think there was a decision until I was 27 weeks). I negotiated 12 weeks unpaid and our STD did not kick in because of the timing. That being said, I’ve spoken with colleagues at bigger firms where this happened (and I would assume a Fortune 100 employer would be similar) where the firms gave the employee the full leave she would’ve been entitled to had she been there for the minimum requirement.
This is my two cents too, but if you have difficult pregnancies I would be cautious about timing. I had severe morning sickness requiring multiple hospitalizations. So that meant I was unreliable right away as a new employee. It’s not fair but in some of my colleagues’ eyes, I’ve never been able to build up that credibility because I never established it early on.
SC says
I also had severe morning sickness and, for unrelated reasons, was put on bed rest at the end of my pregnancy. I’d been working in midlaw for 4 years when I got pregnant. I was never able to build my credibility back up, and ended up being pushed out of that firm. I needed a fresh start, and even now, I feel like I couldn’t get pregnant again if I wanted to. So, I actually wouldn’t worry too much about timing, because a difficult pregnancy hurts your credibility any time.
anon says
I feel like I have to counter as I do work in a Fortune 100 – a few good friends and colleagues had difficult pregnancies that made them be on bedrest for weeks on end, none had issues with career later on. So most likely it’s an industry vs law firm thing.
I’d say though, in my Fortune 100, rules are rules and if you don’t qualify, even by a month, you don’t qualify.
FVNC says
I work for a Fortune 100 company with a similar but not quite as generous policy. Based on my experience, I would guess your manager would have the ability to extend the benefit to you, but might not choose to do so. For my first maternity leave, my manager was wonderful but very much a rule follower. I’m not sure she would have made an exception to provide the benefit to me if I were in your shoes. For my second leave, my manager was very hands-off, “you do you, come back when you’re ready” and I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t even have noticed if the policy technically should not have applied to me. One question you might ask to get a feel for how your manager might handle is to ask HR (or future colleagues if you know any) how common it is for employees to take extended leaves. Maybe few do, given the already generous amount of leave, but it might give you an idea of how strict your manager is in applying the policy. All that said, three months doesn’t seem like a long time to wait…I’d probably not risk it.
Anonymous says
My company has a similarly generous policy. I had a baby 6 months after I started and was not able to take full advantage of it, despite requesting. My manager supported it, HR did not. The way it worked for me is, I was able to take about 14 weeks fully paid through STD and leave, and then after I hit the one year mark, I was eligible for remaining parental leave until my child was a year old. In theory I could have taken 6 more paid weeks off, but by that time we already had the baby in daycare, and I was back in the swing of things at work. I took a few weeks here and there instead of doing it in a big chunk, and used that leave for baby sick time instead of my own sick leave.
Anonymous says
That was a little unclear. I should specify that my company offers upwards of 20 weeks of paid leave for birth mothers, but it’s a combination of STD and parental leave. sTD eligibility starts immediately, it’s the parental leave you have to wait a year for. So if you could bridge the gap with STD and your own leave, you might be good. Talk to HR/benefits to confirm.
Anon says
Your risk tolerance will dictate this but I would definitely wait at least three months and probably more like five or six. Something to consider is you may have pregnancy complications or the baby could come early (coming from a mom who had a long NICU stay) which would be stressful enough without worrying about work benefits. Especially if your family is relying on your employer for insurance. You don’t have full job protections until you’ve been with the company for a while. I know it’s stressful but waiting a bit is a lot less stressful than then potentially losing your job/insurance. A few months is not that long in the grand scheme.
Low-lying placenta says
Hi all – can anyone offer me encouragement for a low-lying placenta and bleeding? I rushed to the doctors yesterday at 13 weeks pregnant due to a massive, sudden, bleed. No cramps. They did an ultrasound and baby was fine. They just said my placenta attached low (I don’t think it’s covering the cervix) and that hopefully it moves up with time. Bleeding has stopped for now. Their advice was pelvic rest, no exercise, and to “take it easy.” They know I have a toddler and they didn’t tell me not to lift her or anything.
Basically im just struggling to find information on whether I’ll continue to get bleeds, if I’m more at a risk of miscarriage, etc… I have another ultrasound next Friday to check on things again. I just didn’t have my wits about me yesterday to ask the right questions.
ElisaR says
I don’t personally have experience with this, but my friend did and her placenta moved a lot. Right up until the 40 week mark it kept moving.
Sending you positive vibes!
SC says
I’d call the doctor or, if your doctor has one, the nurse practitioner. Just say, I was nervous yesterday, but I have a few questions now that I’ve had time to reflect.
Anonymous says
I had this with my second child — it was pregnancy #4 (m/c, baby, m/c due to chromosomal abnormalities, baby). So I was extra-white-knuckle over the thought of another loss. The placenta was on the front of my uterus, so while it was initially low-lying, as my belly grew, it moved up (it is different is if it attached to the back side of your uterus — the u/s people may be able to tell you more). Had a normal v-delivery and a normal pregnancy with just one bleeding incident. Good luck!
Brir says
I had a placenta previa that moved to low-lying by 33 weeks, I did a ton of research on this and I am a nurse practitioner so I had access to medical journals/resources. It is very likely that it will move up especially if you haven’t had a c section. I had a c section with #1 and previa and it still moved us a bit. As far as miscarriage, there werent really any statistics, but this is one of those scary pregnancy things where there is nothing anyone can do to prevent mc. Personally I would avoid extended time walking/standing And heavy lifting until a the next ultrasound but I think all doctors don’t necessarily give that advice because it isn’t necessarily going to do anything especially in the first trimester .
Anonymous says
Thanks! Yeh the doctor explained there’s nothing to do but wait which I understand. I’m definitely not lifting anything other than my kid, and no long walks right now (I’m a big walker – so this is kind of depressing). Also my mom came to stay with us to help immediately so I don’t have to do housework.
aelle says
Hope you are still reading – I had a low lying placenta all the way to the end and had a planned cesarean at 38 weeks as a consequence. I had the best birth experience my body would allow, I recovered well, my baby was and is healthy, and I felt heard and well cared for by my medical team. Carrying a transverse baby to term was uncomfortable in many ways, but on the flip side I avoided the issues associated with a heavy dropped baby. In particular my pelvic floor did great, I had no incontinence before or after birth.
anon says
Our heater broke!!! Will take a few weeks to repair it. Ideas on how to keep baby warm at night? I don’t like space heaters bc of safety hazard. I was thinking of using a fleece bunting. I live in the south so it’s not terribly cold, but baby has been waking up earlier than usual and my guess is that it is bc he is cold.
Em says
We keep our house pretty cold so we used to put our son in fleece footy pajamas and a fleece sleep sack to sleep.
Anonymous says
A few WEEKS? Call a different HVAC company, stat. If you are dealing with a home warranty company, call the warranty company, tell them you have an infant and it’s not safe to be without heat, and demand that they authorize a different repair company to perform the work. When we had a home warranty, there was a specific provision for emergency repairs when the outdoor temperature was above or below a certain threshold. For heating, I think it was something like 55 degrees.
I am in the south too, and it’s supposed to be 9 degrees here Sunday night.
HSAL says
Yes, call someone else. I know companies in our area prioritize houses with children and the elderly. I had 6 week old twins this summer when our AC went out and I had the entire unit replaced less than 24 hours after calling.
Anon says
Oh no! Personally I’d move to an AirBnB if I could – but I’m a wimp about the cold and also live in a colder climate.
Would you be comfortable using a space heater while you were awake to heat up the room and then turn it off before going to bed?
Anon in NYC says
Yes – you should check your homeowners insurance. When our only bathroom broke and we couldn’t shower in our apartment, our insurance company paid for us to live elsewhere while it was repaired.
As for how to keep the baby warm, fleece pjs + a thicker sleep sack (Halo has fleecy ones).
Anon says
How cold is it? We had to move into a hotel when our heat broke, but it was ~35 outside overnight and got down to about 55 in our house the first night. My baby (she was 8 months then I think) needed about 65 to comfortably sleep, even in fleece footie PJs, a fleece sleepsack and a hat.
Agree that it shouldn’t take weeks to repair, that’s insane. Ours was repaired within 48 hours and they had to order a part.
Anonymous says
Space heater. They’re safe if used sensibly.
Anonymous says
Yeah, this. New ones have all various safety shut-off features and I’ve never felt bad using them in our kids’ room. Our thermostat is downstairs and the upstairs heating isn’t the best, so if we want their room above 60 at night without turning up the whole house to 75, a safe, efficient space heater is the best bet.
Anonymous says
+1. It’s not an open fire.
FP says
If you’re okay with spending the money, we have Dyson air purifiers / fans / heaters in each kid’s room. You can set a temperature so it won’t heat up too much. I love them and have never had a second thought about using them in my kids’ rooms.
DLC says
I prefer wool to fleece- it traps the warmth and at the same time allows skin to breathe so you/baby doesn’t overheat. I get wool or wool/silk long johns and tops and layer them under everything in the winter. Brands like Hocasa, Cosilana and Engel are great. They are pricy and can’t be thrown into the washing machine, but I’ve found it’s the best at keeping my kids warm. I buy a size up so they last at least two winters.
lawsuited says
I started pumping at 5 weeks with #1, but unexpectedly had to start at 2 weeks with #2 due to being hospitalized for postpartum complications. With #1, I pumped after the middle of the night feed and the first feed of the day. Initially just 5 minutes a side working up to 10 minutes a side. I also pumped during any bottle feed (we did some bottle feeds even when I was home to be sure LO would drink from a bottle when I went back to work).
I echo others who are recommending you relax and enjoy your baby for now. I ended up with too large a stash and a lot of it went to waste. The extra sleep and time with my baby would have done me a lot more good than the milk did. When I returned to work I was able to pump LO’s milk for the next day within 1-2 oz with 2 pumping sessions a day. At the moment, I’m pumping once a day most days in order to have milk in the freezer so I gave the freedom to leave the house/put toddler to bed even if newborn is hungry, etc. I’m no longer a stash believer and builder.
lost academic says
I’m a first time mom, have a 3 week old, and I’m trying to start pumping to build a supply but it’s fairly overwhelming! For those of you who breastfed and pumped, how did you manage to find the time and also keep the kiddo fed? Right now I can manage a good pumping in the morning which is supposed to be there best time but with cluster feeding and its unpredictability, I can’t seem to add any other pumping sessions. Will it get easier to do this? I’m getting paranoid about socking in milk even at this stage. Going back to work with the crazy schedule I have in consulting worries me too since we really don’t want to use formula.
Anon says
I didn’t…? There’s honestly no reason to pump until you return to work or need to be away from the baby for a long stretch of time. Each day at work, you’ll pump what your baby drinks the next day. And if your baby’s milk intake starts exceeding what you can pump, which sometimes happens around 5-6 months, you’ll introduce solids (a lot of peds now recommend solids as early as 4 months anyway for allergy reasons). The first couple of months are hard and overwhelming with almost round-the-clock nursing, and trying to add pumping into that would have made me insane. And I had a really good sleeper.
Anon says
I found it helpful to pump occasionally – a couple times a week from about two weeks old – to build a freezer stash and also so I could go for a walk or to Target and leave my husband home with the baby and a bottle. But I agree that with a newborn, you should not be stressing out over pumping! This will get easier as the baby gets older.
Anon says
I think if you’re pumping at all with a 3 week old, you’re doing great and should call that a win!
HSAL says
Yep, this. I think doing the morning is great. Pumping more throughout the day is asking for oversupply issues. You don’t need a giant stash, just enough to get through the first couple days of childcare if needed.
shortperson says
to push back a bit, you need a stash if you are trying to avoid formula. sounds like she is a consultant and may be traveling. i pumped and stored every day for about six weeks on mat leave with my first and i had what i thought was a huge amount in the freezer (11 or so gallon sized bags filled with medela bags of milk), which got us to about 11 months and then we supplemented with formula. with my second i went back to work with four gallon bags full of medela bags of milk, and my surprise colonoscopy when baby was about 6 months and i had to pump and dump for over 48 hours ended my backup supply.
of course the alternative is to be open to some formula supplements which i tell all of my type a friends to consider.
Anon says
I don’t even understand why anyone would be against formula after 4-6 months when solids are introduced. I know a lot of people that are determined to make it to one year “exclusively breastfeeding” but you’re not actually EBFing if your child is eating solids. Why is formula worse than applesauce or yogurt or whatever else you buy/make? Don’t get me wrong, I’m aware the scientific benefits of breastmilk are well-documented, and I breastfed for almost two years. But I just don’t understand the reasoning for avoiding formula once baby is on solids.
lost academic says
Yes. I’m hoping to travel less when I go back in April and my husband takes his FMLA (daycare in July) but right now it works just be great to sleep for 3 hours or maybe leave the house…. And I just couldn’t tell how much I should or could be saving. We will need some backup supply when I go back to work. Husband is dead set against formula and I’m willing to give it a shot. But the most I’ve produced so far is just under 4 oz (,combined pump, 15 min per side by weight) and it feels like Just Not Enough. And I feel guilty for not pumping today….
Anonymous says
” Husband is dead set against formula and I’m willing to give it a shot. But the most I’ve produced so far is just under 4 oz (,combined pump, 15 min per side by weight) and it feels like Just Not Enough. And I feel guilty for not pumping today….”
Society and the medical profession have convinced all new moms that they must exclusively BF at any cost, and husbands are buying into it and heaping guilt onto their exhausted wives. It is your body and your choice, not your husband’s. Do not accept the guilt. You are doing more than enough–you are feeding your child! You don’t need to be going above and beyond to build up a huge stash at 3 weeks, even if your choice is to EBF.
Hugs–I know how hard this is. My husband pressured me to BF too, and years later I still regret giving in. Do what works best for YOU, whatever that is. What your baby needs most is a happy, well-rested mother. Have you told your husband how you feel? He needs to be supporting you right now, and if he knew how much stress the pressure to pump is adding at a time when you really don’t need any extra worries, he might see things differently.
SC says
Well, you’re producing just under 4 oz because your baby is still small and is only eating 2-4 oz at a time. It’s enough. If you increase your supply so much that you’re pumping more than 4 oz in one session, then you risk your baby having too much foremilk–which means (a) you could have a sick baby, and (b) you’ll probably have to throw out your stash because it won’t be nutritionally balanced.
If you want to avoid formula when you return to work, you do need some freezer stash. Pump once or twice a day, but don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Pumping stimulates supply, so even if you have a low volume pump, you’ll probably have more next time. Also, give your body a break if that’s what it’s telling you. Remember you’ll be nursing and pumping when you return to work too. There are traveling consultants who find ways to pump and store breast milk while traveling.
Also, formula is available and is a modern miracle that keeps your baby alive and healthy if you’re not able to exclusively breastfeed. Breast feeding for X months is a great goal, but there is no reason to be dead set against formula.
Anon says
This husband who is “dead set against formula” needs to GTFO. I’d tell him he’s welcome to produce his own breastmilk if he feels it’s so essential. Seriously this makes me so ragey on your behalf. I would have asked my husband for a divorce if he told me not to use formula when I was 3 weeks postpartum and struggling to get the hang of breastfeeding.
HSAL says
Oh man, second everything Anonymous & 2:59 says. This sounds like you’re under a lot of stress (which can decrease production) and you need to cut yourself some slack. Do not let anyone make you feel guilty.
Walnut says
First, you have my permission to have a come to jesus conversation with your husband if at any point you want to hang up the pump.
Second, I combo pumped and formula fed my first two children. A hospital grade pump was very much worth the rental in terms of building up some supply and squirreling away some milk for my second child. I only pumped while home on leave with the objective of having one or two bottles of breast milk a day for as long as the supply lasted.
Anonymous says
+1000. I started pumping really early with my first and ended up with a serious oversupply – and I know, that sounds great in theory to moms who are struggling, but it was awful. I got mastitis three times, and had a secondary yeast infection in my b88b once as a result; my baby got sick from too much foremilk which took several weeks to figure out, and weaning was a horrible experience. I would slow your roll. It’s so, so early – even with a 6 week leave.
Anon says
Same. I had a preemie who couldn’t nurse for awhile and pumped on a schedule and ended up with an enormous oversupply that made my life very difficult for awhile.
AK says
When are you going back to work? 3 Weeks postpartum is a little early if you’re on a 12-week start (but probably right on time if you’re taking off 6 weeks). If you’re getting in one pump a day and getting out at least half of what your baby would eat at a sitting (so, at least 2 oz), you’re doing amazingly well.
What helped me most of all was picking the first morning feeding and pumping on one side while the baby nursed the other. I tended to have the most milk then and then didn’t worry about it for the rest of the day. I continued this while I went back to work and it was helpful because I didn’t produce enough to replace what kiddo was eating with 3 worktime pumping sessions.
lost academic says
I’m taking off the full FMLA plus an additional 30 days. So I have time, but I’m just always in prep mode…
Anonymous says
Pump once for 10 mins or so right after the first feed of the day. That’s when you’ll have the most milk.
And don’t worry about it otherwise. Enjoy your maternity leave.
Anonymous says
Yep, I was definitely not pumping any milk at all at the 3-week mark. I did get about a bottle’s worth of milk each day just from capturing leaking milk from one side while nursing on the other side with little milk cups you can buy on Am*zon.
shortperson says
i started building up my stash when my first was 3 weeks old. i bought a chest freezer pumped every morning soon after feeding baby and saved about 4 ounces a day. for me having a regular time meant my milk supply accommodated it. also i found 3 weeks old to be a great time to start because i had a lot of extra milk at that point.
but if you are stressed out, i gently encourage you to consider to being open to formula supplementation. with #2 i just did not have the time on leave to build up a significant war chest and baby started on one bottle of formula 2-3 times per week around 6 months. slowly built up to a bottle of formula most school days by 9 months. (i’m still feeding #2 who is 15 months old morning and night, did the same with #1 to 21 months, so i’m moderately crunch on the breasfeeding otherwise.) we were all fine and my maternity leave was much more enjoyable not stressing about it. there’s enough to be stressed about with going back to a stressful job.
anon says
One thing i read on this site which really helped frame being ok with some formula is that it’s not the absence of formula but the presence of breastmilk
mascot says
+1. My awesome lactation consultant drilled that into my head and said that the immunity benefits can be given with even a small amount of breastmilk and that much of the benefit occurs in the first 3 or so months. This doesn’t have to be all or nothing. I know that your husband is coming from a good place of wanting the best for his kid, but he’s missing the mark and needs to back off.
Elle says
I think once per day in the morning is just fine, but don’t get too worried about building a stash. I would also recommend getting a Hakaa. I used it with my second and it will “collect” on the opposite side (even if you’re not leaking; it works with suction). I built up a decent stash just using that. Even if it’s an ounce or so at a time, it will add up.
Anon says
I went back to work at 20 weeks. At about 5 weeks, I started pumping one extra session 2-3 times a week to start building up a supply. I ended up starting with something like 30 oz in the freezer and 12 oz. for the first day back in bottles. Since my kiddo refused to take bottles and reverse cycled the first week, my stash exponentially increased, and I kept pumping 3x at work longer than she was taking that many bottles, so I was able to increase that way. Even so, I never topped 100 oz. and it was plenty fine even with my long hours and unpredictable schedule. The only formula supplementation we had to do was when I was hospitalized at 6 weeks PP with an emergency gallbladder removal and we pumped and dumped for 12 hours after the anesthesia.
Anonymous says
Do a test run with pumped milk. I had high lipase or something and my thawed milk had the nastiest smell. So bad that I felt bad giving it to my baby. Even though I pumped, I usually tossed the Friday milk if it didn’t get consumed over the weekend because it stank by Monday (so I’d use formula on the Monday bottles).
Annie says
I could never manage the morning pump and ended up pumping about an hour and half after the last feed of the night but definitely started way later than three weeks.
Anonymous says
The only person I know who pumped that early built up a HUGE freezer stash – like 20 gallons or something like that. And then her baby developed a milk/soy protein allergy, and she had to dump it all, because she had been eating dairy at the time she pumped it. Her experience made me very glad I didn’t start pumping until a few days before I returned to work, even if it meant I had to supplement with formula here and there. I agree with others that exclusive breastfeeding for 6 months is a good goal (but definitely don’t kill yourself to attain it) but beyond that there’s no downside to formula.
ElisaR says
don’t worry about pumping now! Congratulations!! Get comfortable with b-feeding and enjoy your new baby. You can pump later…. (i pumped a froze a TON of milk and like anonymous said above….. I tossed all of it. Only pumped milk he would take was not frozen)
Boston Legal Eagle says
You’ve gotten some great advice here. For my latest baby, I’ve been pumping here and there to be able to leave the house and still have milk for the baby. I have a bit of an oversupply so I’ve ended up with a lot of frozen milk that way. I didn’t start this until baby was 6 weeks or so (and even that may be too early).
Just wanted to call out your comment “husband is deadset against formula” – sorry, but that’s not really his call and he shouldn’t be making you feel guilty to EBF. I hope you don’t feel pressured because of him.
anon says
+1
I give my husband input on almost everything parenting, including whether I ate sushi while pregnant. He has zero input on my bfeeding and pumping. And when I wanted to supplement with formula, he was my cheerleader and the counter to my own guilt, as it should be. Get him to do some research if it makes him feel better. He’s allowed to have an opinion, but the only one he’s verbalizing should be supporting you.
I say this because this is the first of many times when you all are becoming Team Insert-Name-Here. And it’s good to realize it early!
SC says
I had to nurse and pump from Day 1 because Baby was a premie and was still developing a suck/swallow reflex. Even after he developed the reflex, I pumped a couple times a day to let others give Baby a bottle and to build a freezer supply. We probably used half of what I pumped within 24 hours and froze half of what I pumped. I went back to work with a pretty decent supply–it supplemented new breast milk for about 1 month, then supplemented formula for about 1 month. We started using formula around 6 months, and were using formula exclusively (well, besides solids) at 7 months.
First of all, if you’re pumping regularly, pay attention to any signs of oversupply, since that can have a separate set of issues for you and baby. If you have signs of oversupply, cut back on pumping to make sure your baby is getting the proper balance of nutrients now.
I found the best times to pump were after the first morning feed and after lunch. I would nurse at midnight and 2 am, DH would feed a bottle at 4 am, and I would nurse and pump at 6 am. (Once baby hit the doctor’s weight goal and was able to skip a nursing session, I nursed at midnight, DH fed at 2, and I nursed at 6–yay for me!) Then I would nurse at 8 am and 10 am and nurse and pump at 12 pm. In the afternoons and evenings, it seemed like baby wanted to do more cluster feeding, and the schedule was less predictable.
As for having time–buy extra pump parts. Use a pumping bra. I tried to keep the nursing/diaper change/swaddle/pumping routine to under a hour so that I had an hour “off” before it was time to nurse again.
Elle says
4 ounces after bf (so you’re pumping in addition to feeding rather than replacing a feeding like you would if you were away/at work) is really good. Hang in there. And talk to a lactation consultant if you need additional guidance or find a LLL meeting or other group in your area.
Anon. says
Real life: I probably started pumping with some regularity around 8 weeks I’m guessing. I took a 16 week leave and had about 100 oz in the freezer when I went back to work. That was PLENTY and I travel quite a bit: several times a month for a night or two. I always pumped in the morning either during or after the first feed. By that time, I was producing enough that he would only eat one side and I would need to pump off the other for comfort. And I’m guessing the pumping routine maintained that supply balance.
Think about it this way. If you pump 5 times a week for the next 12 weeks at 4 oz per pump that is 240 oz — that is a easily a week-long business trip worth of milk. And you’ll be pumping while you’re traveling to replenish the stash.
And per the above advice – STOP STOP STOP feeling guilty about pumping or not. STOP STOP STOP feeling guilty about formula or not. Your kid is eating, that is 100% all that matters. Your husband is not allowed to make this choice for you.
Book recommendation: Work. Pump. Repeat.
anon says
I pumped once o/n (while baby nursed on one side) starting at about 6 weeks. He slept pretty well (6-8 hour stretches) so it was really easy. I only did it because I knew I was taking a 5 day trip without him when he was 7 months. My only word of caution is that if you ever travel with the baby, you can’t skip the pumping session. We went camping for two nights and I forgot to bring my hand pump, and it was so painful.
Scilady says
I don’t know if you’re still reading this but you are doing a great job! I have a 4 month old and am back to work, so can offer some tips.
I started pumping around 6 weeks (went back to work at 13). I would pump after my first (daylight) morning feed, getting 4+ oz total (from both breasts). I would then save and freeze that. I built up a stash of 200 oz + before I went back to work at 13 weeks. I ended up having high lipase in my breast milk (turns your milk soapy tasting) and had to throw out my entire stash at 10 weeks or so. I only have 150 oz of scalded breastmilk in the freezer but feel pretty comfortable with that. Back at work I pump 4 x per day and pump more than she consumes so I continue to build a stash. I went on my first overnight work trip and there was more than enough for my husband to feed to her. You don’t need a huge stash, so don’t worry about that too much. 25-30 oz/ day times the longest anticipated work trip is all you really need.
ElisaR says
also – your milk changes as your baby ages. Baby is getting the type of milk he/she needs now at 3 wks old. That milk is going to be different than what you produce when baby is 6 months old. This fact might relieve you from feeling like you should be building a stash now.