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Reader J just wrote in to recommend this coat, noting “Never suggested a product before but I’m due in March and maternity coats either sucked or were $$$$$. I needed fall AND serious winter coat (Philly w/o car). This has been an awesome solution makemybellyfit.com — works w/my Bauer GOTG trench (no adapter needed) and L.L. Bean wool coat (w/adapter and fleece insert if really cold). Also should work for babywearing. Wanted other moms to know about this b/c it saved me $150+ on coats I would have only worn for 2-3 months (this is #2 and last).” Nice! We’ve recommended 3-in-1 coats before but I’ve never seen a zip-in jacket extender like this (and, bonus, it works on your husband’s jacket too when you’re babywearing — or your nanny’s, or your MIL’s, or whatever). Another bonus: There’s a sale on! Certain colors are 20-30% off through the end of January (or until the stock runs out). The extender is $41-$58 USD. Make My Belly Fit Zip-In Jacket Extender (L-0) Building a maternity wardrobe for work? Check out our page with more suggestions along both classic and trendy/seasonal lines.Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
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- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Alexandria VA says
My husband an I now use AnyList so we can both add to our grocery list. I love it as we can both add items and remove items from the grocery list. Is there a similar type of app for creating a to do list?
Cb says
Can you not add a separate list with anylist?
I use evernote to manage my whole life (including shared to do lists) but that might be a bit overkill.
Anononymous says
I know people who share Trello lists, but I’ve only heard of it for bigger projects like a remodel. It might be a little fiddly for smaller things.
Walnut says
I’ve used Trello for the last three or four years to manage to do lists and keep my husband on the same page. They were recently sold to another company, so not sure what the future looks like for Trello.
anon says
Wunderlist. You can create multiple, shared lists with due dates.
OliveMac says
+1 for Wunderlist. We keep everything from grocery, to job opportunities we are tracking, to our standard sushi order so we don’t have to re-create it in our mind when we call. ;)
CHJ says
My husband and I use Wunderlist for this. It’s designed for to-do lists, but we also use it for grocery lists.
AnonMN says
We have to-do lists on Anylist. House To-Do is always on there, but we add/remove others as needed (i.e. vacation to-do, new daycare to-do, etc).
Jdubs says
Wunderlist. We use it for groceries and basically everything else.
lucy stone says
Google Keep.
Pumping output says
Hey everyone, quick pumping question. I am about to return to work and have a decent stockpile- hopefully enough to cover some work travel and bachelorette activities. My routine was pumping one side in the morning after a feed, and I could pretty regularly get 2-4 ounces in 10-20 minutes. However, these last three days I’m barely getting an ounce. The only change I can think of is that I normally eat oatmeal with brewers yeast and flaxseed for breakfast, but haven’t for the last week. I think all my equipment is in good shape, and other than the stress of returning to work this week, I can’t think of another change. I’m just nervous because when I return to work, obviously I’ll need to rely on pumping a lot more. Has this happened to anyone else? Any tips or anything I should try? TIA!
Anon says
I had one of these last year for babywearing. Worked really well, and I loved just putting socks over footed pjs and a hat on the two month old and going outside! She stayed super warm inside my coat. We’re not sure if we’re one and done, but it’s one of the only maternity-ish things I’m keeping, since it’ll work with so many coats or I’ll just order another adapter (I needed an adapter for my Uniqlo down jacket).
If you don’t live in a super cold area or it’s spring, you can adapt a button peacoat with a hair elastic looped through the buttonhole.
Cb says
I saved a lovely coat when I dropped a few sizes and am so glad I did. I’ve been wearing it now so I don’t obviously outgrow my normal winter coat. It has an empire waist and I think with a bow, it might be fine for baby wearing.
Anononymous says
You might find that empire waist is not great with baby carrying. It probably depends on exact cut/how big/etc. of your coat You wear the baby up on your chest, especially when they are new! (Just don’t want you to be disappointed in a few months!)
Pumping output says
Sorry if this posted twice, but the first one disappeared on me! I am going back to work soon, and have built up a milk stash by pumping every morning. I used to get 2-4 ounces from one side in 10-20 minutes. However, these last three days I’ve barely gotten an ounce, which makes me super nervous about being able to pump at work. The only thing I can think of that’s changed is that I haven’ eaten oatmeal with brewers yeast and flaxseed for breakfast the past week, which had essentially been what I was eating every day since the baby was born. My equipment seems fine. Advice? Has this happened to anyone else? I just wish this sudden drop hadn’t happened literally the week i’m going back to work.
CHJ says
How old is your baby? I found that it was hard to generate extra when nursing full-time and trying to pump on top of that. But once I was swapping nursing sessions for pumping, it wasn’t a problem. But it also depends on how old your child is. By the time my son was 9-10 months, my supply started to decline.
Anonymous says
Can you go back to eating oatmeal? Doesn’t affect everyone but I definitely had a dip in supply whenever I was inconsistent. Also make sure you are getting enough protein in your diet.
Pumping output says
Baby is three months. And yes, I will be going back to eating oatmeal ASAP! Thanks CHJ, I’m hoping that swapping will make it easier instead of trying to do both. Trying not to stress myself out too much about this on top of everything else before I go back, but it’s hard not to dwell!
RDC says
+1 on the oatmeal (I favor granola and it seems to make a big difference in my production). Also, lots and lots of water.
CHJ says
+1 granola. Also if you have a Pret A Manger near you, their Harvest Cookies are awesome. Those were my post-lunch pumping treat for months after I went back to work.
JEB says
Did your period just return? Could you be getting a cold? These two things often impacted my supply, but I usually saw some improvement with some extra effort (lactation cookies, lots of liquids, etc.). Your body could also be feeling some stress as you mentally prepare to return to work. And like CHJ above, my supply started to decline around 9 months, and I couldn’t do anything about it. So depending on the age of your baby, that could be a contributing factor.
Also, pump efficiency can decrease over time, so I’d change out your membranes and tubing. I was surprised when I changed my tubing for the first time – I didn’t realize how much efficiency I was losing as the tubes stretched out on the ends. (If you don’t want to buy replacements, which I actually found hard to find, you could just trim the ends with sharp scissors.)
Good luck!
lsw says
The scissors tip is smart – thank you!
AnonMN says
Things I would try (some already suggested): ensuring you are getting enough water (especially if in a dry winter climate), go back to eating oatmeal, change your pump membranes (if you have a medela, those little white circles). For me, the membranes being bad were always a surprise and upped my output immediately once I changed them out (now I keep a package in my pumping bag and change them frequently).
But, it could also be baby going through a growth spurt and eating more. If this is the case, just keep pumping at the same time and your body will get the message eventually. That “extra” first morning pump is awesome for maintaining supply once you are back.
lsw says
How frequently do you change the membranes?
AnonMN says
atleast once per month. I also have three “pump parts” in rotation, so i’m not using the same set every day, so it might need to be more often if you are using the same set every day. I just ordered a huge amount of them from amazon so I always have them on hand. May be overkill, but it seemed to work.
FTMinFL says
The growth spurt was my first thought. There is a big growth spurt between 12 and 15 weeks, so it is likely that your supply has not dropped, baby is just eating more!
Meg Murry says
Do you have someone you could do a dry run with – have them come give baby a bottle of milk sometime during what would be the work day while you go pump? Then you could see if it really is an issue with the pump or if it’s just a slight adjustment for some reason – like perhaps your baby is eating more at that morning nursing session, or maybe the oatmeal really does make that much of a difference for you.
If it’s a Medela PIS/PISA, make sure the yellow face plate is snapped on tight. If one section comes a little loose, it makes the suction go to crud. I’d also second the advice to change the membranes (if the current ones don’t look worn just wash them and put them in a ziploc as backup/spares in case you rip or lose one at work).
H says
See a lactation consultant.
lucy stone says
Make sure your tubes are connected tightly, change your membranes (I check on my Spectra every month, change about every six weeks, but I was an EPer so I pump more than normal), check your settings, drink your water!
PhilanthropyGirl says
Shoe shopping help.
Can anyone recommend a black flat that comes in wide with decent arch support? Must be business casual appropriate – I’m open to a heel of less than 1″ if it means right fit and price. Preferable budget range $50-$60. I need to be able to order online, with simple returns.
lsw says
Check out the Me Too Aimee flat at Nordstrom. I paid $79, looks like it’s on sale now for $60.
PhilanthropyGirl says
Thanks
Chicago K says
I have this for babywearing and it is fantastic. I had a maternity down jacket and didn’t discover this until baby was born, but I can still fit her in a front carry inside this and she just turned 2. I highly recommend it! Especially if you live in an urban area where it is easier to babywear than drag the stroller on public transit or down crowded streets, or you have winter baby that you need to keep super warm while out and about. this thing is totally the best! The only downside I will say is it is sort of hard for me to reach the zipper on my own with the toddler inside so sometimes hubby zips it for me. And I guess it looks a little weird, but I get lots of comments on how cool it is from other like minded mamas.
Anononymous says
How do you front carry with a two year old? My 14 month old tries to head bash my teeth out. So we switched to back carry, but it doesn’t work for the winter.
Anonymous says
Curious as to what the back carry obstacle is in winter? I’m a Canadian and back carry my toddler (28 months) frequently in an Ergo. If he’s sleepy, sometimes I’ll do a front carry in case he falls asleep.
Sarabeth says
Maybe she’s thinking about back carrying under a coat? I also use our SSC all winter on my back, with the toddler in a warm snowsuit.
Anon 10:54 says
This is what I do (ergo cover my coat, snowsuit/boots on toddler). But my hack for quick trips – walk around the block etc – when it’s not too cold/snowy is a cheap large Men’s fleece from Old Navy, cut a hole in the back. Put on over toddler and myself. Toddler is usually warm enough under this if wearing sleeper + slippers + fleece jacket/sweater. You can buy actual babywearing fall/spring jackets for back carries but toddlers want to be up and down so much I didn’t think it was worth it.
Anononymous says
Getting kiddo into a snowsuit for short trips is so not worth it for me (see head bashing above!) And I worry she will be too hot or her hands/feet too cold on longer trips.
SC says
DH and I are thinking about taking a vacation in August with Toddler, who will be 2 (28 months) at the time. Where would you go? Our budget isn’t enormous, so we need to stay in the continental U.S. and should probably avoid extremely expensive cities.
We live in an area that gets really hot in the summer and is near the beach, so we are thinking of going somewhere with cooler weather and/or mountains. We usually enjoy cities or towns with museums, parks, etc. to explore, and we’d enjoy some “light” outdoor activities, but we’re probably not up for rigorous hiking or camping with a 2-year-old (who, at least right now, hates his stroller and being carried and holding our hands and wants to run everywhere all by himself).
CHJ says
Totally depends on where you’ve already been! But I think going to a city and spending a week doing kid-friendly stuff is really fun (going to children-centric museums, playgrounds, zoos, etc.) Portland, OR seems like a good fit for what you want. Boston is also really fun with kids, as are San Diego and Chicago.
TK says
I’m from Portland, can confirm it’s a great place to go with kids in August.
NewMomAnon says
I would go to the Rocky Mountains. Yellowstone has all sorts of cool animals, geysers, sulfur pools, light hiking (and of course rugged hiking), lots of history, and you might even see snow in the mountains in August. Glacier National Park is nice too, but there aren’t many accommodations nearby unless you want to camp or drive in each day.
Or Napa/Sonoma. Get an Airbnb house, plan a bunch of biking/sightseeing/eating trips. I once stayed at a place that had hot air balloons taking off from a field behind the house. I don’t know the weather that well, but I bet it would be cooler than most really hot areas.
EB0220 says
My kids LOVE Denver. You could stay in town and/or go to Boulder, which is lovely to just walk around.
SC says
We were actually thinking about Denver and/or the surrounding area. We don’t know much about it, especially activities with kids, but DH loves Colorado, and we have some very good friends there who we’d try to see. Also, Southwest offers relatively inexpensive, direct flights from our city to Denver, which is a huge plus. Do you have any specific suggestions for Denver with kids?
EB0220 says
Not exhaustive at all but we usually spend a half day or so at the flagship REI and confluence park. You can walk around there and easily eat a meal or two + coffee break in that immediate area. Everyone in my family loves Biker Jim’s gourmet hot dogs and we usually go to Great Divide brewery (they’re super cool about the kids). We haven’t done kid-specific stuff but repeated things that we liked pre-kids. It’s worked out fine! I’m sure there are more kid-specific activities I don’t know about, though!
H says
We went to a ski resort in Colorado last summer. We stayed in a really nice place for not too expensive (would be tons more this time of year). My LO was 21 months and it was great. There was a playground and pool at the resort and it was nice just walking around the town. We did go on a short hike (put LO in one of those backpacks) but just riding up the gondola was fun for LO and you don’t have to hike. I’m seriously considering going back next summer.
Frozen Peach says
Which one?
sfg says
San Francisco! An AirBNB here can be really reasonable, and August is typically cool by objective standards (low 60s with fog). Lots of cool kid activities, huge urban park and lots of opportunities for light outdoor activities either in the city or in Marin county.
Pogo says
Ugh, I replied below because I clearly don’t know how to comment.
Strategy Mom says
Maine!
Katala says
Peanut arrived early while we were all coming down with a cold. Poor guy caught it. Luckily it’s not too bad and I’m bf’ing so ped is not worried unless he spikes a fever. He has a cough and stuffy/runny nose (so sad in a 1-week old!). I track his temperature and have a nosefrida that works for visible gunk, but he sometimes pulls away while nursing to breathe so he’s still congested. Any tips to help a tiny one feel better?
CHL says
Ask your ped, but sometimes dropping or squirting a little saline in their nose makes them sneeze out the gunk or make it easier to get out with the nosefrida. Other than that, just wait it out. For all he knows, this is what life is like on the outside — and it only gets better!
Anononymous says
+1 to saline. My pediatrician is actually sort of anti-nosefrida. She said it can cause swelling/inflammation in babies’ nasal passages. (We still used it during colds.) Baby hated saline, but not any more than the nosefrida. I would not do it on the changing pad, because it can create negative associations. Holding her slightly head down helped get the saline in.
Now that 1 year old can pick her nose, we use that as a cue to use saline on her. Keeps nose picking down to when she’s truly uncomfortable.
Momata says
Suction with nosefrida immediately prior to nursing so he can get maximum hydration. Run a humidifier in his/your room. Steam up the bathroom and camp out in there for a while. Good luck – they’re so sad when they’re sick!!
ChiLaw says
I’ve heard moms swear by a drop of milk up the nose? Sounds like it would be torture but maybe worth a try?
LegalMomma says
I swear we could be twins. Way too similar a story this year!! Baby boy arrived while I was sick at the ending of Nov. labor plus not being able to breathe through nose is not fun! He caught the cold and was seriously congested at a week old. We used the boogie wipes saline spray and the nose sucker in combo and that worked pretty well. Also tries to keep him upright / at least semi elevated as much as possible. This too shall pass – good luck!
S says
Sit with him in a steamy bathroom (and when he’s older put him in a baby container in the bathroom and just take a warm shower yourself).
Meg Murry says
Pulling away isn’t necessarily congestion – when babies are that little sometimes milk flows into their mouth faster than they can swallow it – and the more they swallow and suck, the faster the milk comes, so sometimes the only choice they have is to pop off and take a quick breath. Not uncommon at all for babies in the first couple days/weeks, especially if your milk came in with a vengeance or you have a forceful letdown.
All I can advise is to make heavy use of burp cloths as well as straight up towels (washclothes, hand towels, full out bath towels – whatever you need) so that you don’t wind up wearing all that milk every time baby pulls away and spits it down your front.
When my son got sick (and unfortunately it was projectile-vomit sick, not just a cold, hopefully that doesn’t come your way), I started draping everything in towels – the chair I was nursing in, wrapping him in a towel instead of a blanket, towels draped on me instead of blankets or bathrobe, etc.
What meat do you feed your little ones? says
I’ve fallen into a bad habit of giving the kids (2 and 6) deli meat 2-3 times a week. It’s always Applegate uncured/organic whatever, but still, my MIL and mother are both giving me the stinkeye and moaning about how unhealthy deli meat is. What are the other options? I feel like I grew up on baloney so this seems to be an improvement to me, but hey.
We eat a lot of yogurt, cheese, and eggs, but I still feel like lean, meat-based protein is a good thing, and deli meat is easy. Do you guys grill up chicken or turkey breasts and give that to your kids? Am I missing some totally obvious thing?
CHJ says
I give my son tons of deli meat, so no stinkeye here. But one easy option – rotisserie chicken. You can keep it in the fridge and pull off a few pieces as needed. Costco makes awesome rotisserie chickens if you have one nearby.
Pogo says
+1 Or just buy a bunch of boneless skinless chicken breast & poach it on Sunday for eating during the week.
Anon in NOVA says
^this. put them in the crockpot or instant pot and cook them until you can shred them. I used to hide shredded chicken in pasta with red sauce, mac and cheese with broccoli, just plain ol’ pile of shredded chicken on a plate… whatever.
I’m a fan of the frozen trader joe’s mini meatballs too
October says
For lunch or dinner? For dinner, can you just give them what you eat yourselves? My toddler likes anything in a sauce — meatballs with marinara, pulled pork or grilled chicken with barbecue sauce, breaded chicken with ketchup. He also really likes salmon with either a teryaki or honey mustard sauce. Usually we just save him a few servings of whatever we eat for dinner… but if you aren’t big into cooking for yourselves, it only takes a half hour to whip up a batch of meatballs or bake some chicken to have on hand. In a pinch, I also turn to peanut butter sandwiches or hummus-dipped veggies for protein.
Em says
I also give my 11 month old deli meat. As long as you are buying nitrate free and low sodium I don’t personally think it’s bad. Another easy option is to cook up a bunch of chicken breasts one weekend, shred them, and freeze them in small portions. It makes it easy to throw into stuff. My son’s lunch for daycare 80% of the time is Annie’s mac and cheese with an ounce of shredded chicken and an ounce of pureed kale/spinach. You could also mix it with beans and cheese to make burritos/tacos/nachos or mix with pasta sauce and pasta.
SC says
My kid seems to only like processed meat, ground meat, and stewed/braised meat. He won’t eat anything with a firm texture, so nothing grilled or baked or pan-fried. So we give him some deli meat, chicken nuggets (the “natural” ones, at least), and chicken sausage. To get in non-processed meat, we give him ground meat in spaghetti sauce or meatballs (sometimes with spaghetti, sometimes in dip), the dark meat from a chicken braise or stew or rotisserie chicken, and pork or beef that’s been braised or stewed. The braised/stewed meat is usually from something we make for the whole family on the weekends, although sometimes there’s leftovers. By the end of the week, we’re usually heating up chicken sausage or thawing meatballs from the freezer.
Anonymous says
Chilli with ground turkey or with pulled chicken (or whatever you call it when it gets cooked in the slow cooker for a long time) are good bets. But really our kids generally eat whatever kind of meat we serve. They like fish — particularly salmon — which is easy to eat because it it tender, and a filet of salmon is pretty easy to cook in a short amount of time.
Anon in NOVA says
the weelicious cookbook (the tone can be annoying, but good recipes!) has a good recipe for homemade chicken nuggets. Which sounds like an INSANE thing to make yourself (at least it did to me) BUT they legitimately taste like the mcdonalds ones, but you know what’s in them because you made them. You put raw chicken and mashed potatoes in the food processor with some seasonings to get that texture. They’re also baked, so a little more healthy.
They aren’t too bad to make and they freeze really well. I always dread making them and every time I realize it wasn’t so bad :)
AEK says
First— the Applegate Herb Turkey is a staple for our toddler. So I’m with you.
As for homemade, Toddler does better with braised meats. His teeth are fine but he still seems to prefer something like pot roast or pulled chicken or any taco/enchilada meat I make, before the hot spices go in.
Also… fish sticks. *Hangs head in shame*
Anononymous says
Here is toddler’s favorite two slow cooker recipes. They make enough that we eat them for dinner as a family and she has at least two or three meals after that. The spicy chicken can go into quesadillas, tacos, burritos and huevos rancheros. The apricot chicken can go over pasta, couscous or rice.
http://allrecipes.com/recipe/218863/slow-cooker-cilantro-lime-chicken/?evt19=1
http://crockpot365.blogspot.com/2010/02/slow-cooker-chicken-with-apricots-and.html
A says
Maybe try making chicken in the crockpot and shredding it? You could use it a bunch of different ways throughout the week.
anon says
If it makes you feel any better, my son eats a lot of IKEA meatballs. And turkey pepperoni. And when he was a toddler we definitely did deli meat. He’s less flexible now, sigh. I forgot about fish sticks – we should try that again.
Anon says
Popcorn shrimp. (Seconding fish sticks as well).
It’s gross to me, but my kids LOVE Cheesy Macaroni Hamburger Helper and will eat a ton of ground beef.
Turkey sausages mixed in to cheesy eggs.
Pre-packaged shredded pork in a quesadilla.
Sloppy joes.
Make your own tacos with non-spicy meat.
Make your own pizza with canadian bacon, sausage, pepperoni, etc.
Cubed ham and peas mixed in to fetuccini alfredo.
TBK says
So I took a vacation day on Friday to start potty training boot camp for my twins (2 yrs, 10 mo.). It was an unmitigated disaster. We talked up the potty for weeks before. We got potty books and watched potty videos. We took the kids into the bathroom with us and discussed in detail what we were doing. We talked about which of their friends at school use the potty, and about how they’re big boys and ready to not wear diapers.
I covered everything in plastic, rolled up what rugs I could, and set the potties out in the middle of the room. The au pair and I let the boys run pantsless all day. Every time one started peeing, we’d scoop him up, say “pee goes in the potty!” and plop him on the potty. We had a chart and every time anything went in the potty, we made a mark on the chart and the kid got an M&M. I had Hot Wheels cars (which they love) for any time they either got 4 pees in the potty, or one #2. We did a potty dance and song for any hits.
The result? We got one hit in each potty, each from scooping up the kid mid-pee. Mostly they held it and went A LOT in their pull-ups at naptime. By Saturday morning, my husband was suggesting we throw in the towel, but I had already put so much into it, that this suggestion just led me to completely break down in sobs. Meanwhile, one kid was begging for a diaper, and the other was mortally afraid of the potty. I got Twin B to sit on the potty by offering him M&Ms for trying. This led to him basically doing bodyweight squats over the potty (sit down “M&M&M?”, stand up, sit down “M&M&M?”). I offered to let them play with their LeapFrogs if they sat on the potty. B was okay with this but A would sit, grab the LeapFrog, and run off. From 8:00am until nap time at 12:30pm, no one peed AT ALL, except it turned out someone peed in a corner of the tarp on the rug that I didn’t notice until I was rolling up the tarp and put my hand and sleeve right into a big puddle of pee. By post-nap, they were 100% opposed to anything potty and were crabby little monsters the rest of the day, and all day Sunday (even though we totally gave up on potty training Sunday).
Has anyone else had such a horrible first go? Is there a method other than boot camp? Something less intense and that doesn’t require me to take another vacation day for potty training? I honestly am in no hurry to do potty training, but the Oh Cr@p book made me think I was already far behind. They need to be trained by Sept for school, but otherwise everyone’s fine with diapers. Any advice for next steps? We’re all totally fried from the weekend.
October says
With the caveat that I am not at that stage yet, it sounds like nobody is ready for potty training. Forcing the issue could lead to control issues and it could be a long struggle. I’ve always heard it’s not uncommon for boys to train late — yours sound like they are on the young end. If you want an internet stranger’s permission to wait another 4-6 months and try again, you have mine!
mascot says
We didn’t do boot camp- that sounds miserable. Are they not responsive to the approach where you take them to the bathroom every hour or so? That was the approach our daycare used. It took some time, but once our kid was ready, it all clicked. So lots of exposure and patience. You can still do the charts and rewards with the gradual method. They’ve got plenty of time before September. I’d back off, let everyone recover, and try again slowly.
Anon says
I had a similar first weekend, except mine just held it. I hated the parts of Oh Cr@p that made me feel like all 18 month olds should be potty trained, night and day. That said, I had a similar first weekend, and we just kept pushing through. By the end of the week, my kiddo was pee trained, with only a few accidents. We also had a supportive school program (every day from 9 to 3), which helped.
If time really doesn’t bother you, you could try the whole pull-up thing, but I think it just requires vigilance for a long time.
avocado says
We successfully combined an approach similar to the boot camp methods with big-time bribery at age 2y 11mo. We told the kid that the sport she wanted to try because all her friends were playing it didn’t take kids in diapers. It took maybe three days to get her trained (she was physically ready but had lost interest because day care was not on board with potty training). As a reward, we took her to a trial session of the sport, which she did not find that interesting after all. She remained potty trained.
Anonymous says
We didn’t boot camp it. For about 2 months prior to ‘training’ we had a morning routine of every morning, everyone sits and tries to pee. My daughter on the potty and me on the toilet next to her. Sat for not more than 5 minutes. Then got up and washed our hands. Did this before/after nap time and before bed as well. Lots of times where was no pee, sometimes there was. It was just about establishing it as habit like teeth brushing. No rewards etc, just habit. After about two month of her sitting on the potty, we started adding additional times – before lunch, before going outside to play etc until we worked up to sitting on the potty almost every hour and then ditched the diapers. We went straight to underwear with no pull ups and diaper at all once we switched.
We did day and night training at the same time because she was often waking up dry after her nap and only peed once fully awake.
Anonymous says
our LO was also 2 years 10 months. Don’t stress yourself too much – you’ll figure it out.
AEK says
I am so sorry you went through this— sounds miserable! We’re planning on a doing a more long-term approach (now he just watches us and sits on the toilet at random times to get used to the idea). Daycare is doing “field trips” to the restrooms. So I think boot camp isn’t the only option. Can you let it go for a little while so everyone can reset and then try again?
On another note, though, I hope someday (soon!) when the trauma has subsided you will laugh at loud at this: ” no one peed AT ALL, except it turned out someone peed in a corner”
Frozen Peach says
Agreed. I felt bad but it gave me a much-needed midday chuckle.
Anon in NOVA says
I too felt bad, because I know from experience these things aren’t funny at the time, but I strongly encourage the OP to save this post verbatim somewhere to look back on :) :) (I got a midday chuckle as well)
TBK says
Oh it’s funny to me already. (I strongly suspect it was A who peed in the corner, btw, but I also don’t want to lay blame on the wrong twin.)
Katie says
I am cracking up because I have younger twin boys and I know this will be my future. Hope they make a giant leap for you soon!
Edna Mazur says
I’m right there with you. We started training our almost three year old about two weeks ago. The first weekend was an unmitigated disaster. We have him in underwear though. It saves the floors somewhat and he does not like wet underwear. We can still usually see when he is mid pee but it is another deterrent. Just yesterday, he told me he doesn’t like diapers anymore.
We make him at least sit on the potty every two hours or so. If he hasn’t gone for awhile we will park his potty in front of a movie and tell him we are turning the movie off if he gets up without peeing.
He refused his dinner last Thursday. When we wouldn’t make him a sandwich half an hour later he went pee in the potty three times in rapid succession because he knew he would get M&Ms. Maybe not the best method…
SC says
That last paragraph is hilarious. Kids are so smart.
M says
I was just going to check in on you. I also gave it a try with my twins this weekend (who will be hitting the 30 month mark in a few weeks). I had one sort of success and one abject failure – twin parenting always keeps you humble. My daughter had lots of readiness signs but just was stubborn with preferring diapers. She had very few accidents and generally responded well. There’s still work to be done (no pooping in potty yet) but I think she might get there this week. My son didn’t have the classic readiness signs but is able to say the alphabet (which is Oh Crap’s diagnostic). I got him to pee in the potty once but he ultimately doesn’t care about peeing/pooping on the floor so I threw in the towel for him halfway through the first day after one too times cleaning up poop from the floor (so much poop!!!) I’m hoping if my daughter picks it up, peer pressure might eventually kick in.
But I’m totally there with you about being emotionally invested after dedicating a whole long weekend to a boot camp. There were so many ways I’d prefer to spend my weekend – including having marched. I hope this sticks with my daughter but not sure I’ll repeat this method with my son.
avocado says
What is the rationale behind using the ability to say the alphabet as a sign of readiness for potty training?
M says
I can’t remember exactly but it stuck out to me in the book because it did seem odd.
Pigpen's Mama says
I thought it was that the kid had to sing the alphabet song on the potty before he or she could get up. But I read the book a while back and realized it wasn’t the method for me, so I could be totally making that up.
bluefield says
This sounds a lot like my first go too (except I only have one kid). You have to keep going. The only way out is through. The fact that they’re holding it in to pee in their naptime diapers is a great, encouraging sign – they can hold it in, and that is a huge part of the battle. Do not listen to the people who tell you your kids aren’t ready. They are ready. They are just being stubborn. Do not listen to your husband. You started and there’s no pause. Keep going. It took me a week to make any sort of measurable progress. Progress is not linear. Every day will not be better than the one before, but in a week or two you will be able to look back and say, this is better than it was a week ago.
shortperson says
this was our first weekend too. mostly holding it. we let her watch tv on the potty and sat there for 30 minutes to an hour. often crying because she needed to pee but just couldnt. it was AWFUL and my husband wanted to quit. the first successful pee in the potty was on day 3. she’s been pee accident free since day 10.
Katarina says
We did not do a bootcamp method. We started just after 3. My husband SAH, and he made up his own method, which goes against almost all advise, but worked fine. He was mostly potty trained after a few weeks, and 100% day trained after about 6 weeks (he still wears a diaper at night). We focused on poop first, and used bribery for a bona fide attempt at pooping. We also went diaper-less in the morning until first poop, mostly bottomless. We gradually reduced the diaper-free time, until it was all diaper free time. I am not completely sure on the details. There are a lot of advantages to the parents for later potty training.
Pigpen's Mama says
We also didn’t do the bootcamp method — it seemed like a great idea in theory, but really stressful for everyone involved.
We’ve had a potty around for a while, and tried panties every so often, but it never went well. She’d sometimes pee or poop in the potty, but never regularly.
For the last two weeks we been ramping up traing and are now in the middle of old-school methods of reminding and bribery (M&Ms, or “nemanems”) and a sticker chart leading up to medium rewards (dum-dum lollipops) and a big reward (a mylar balloon). Daycare is remindering her on the regular to use the potty. We had a good few days, then yesterday was awful. At this point she’s in pull-ups when she’s out of the house, but in Gerber-style thick training pants at daycare and home (mostly).
I’m not sure how we’ll phase out the rewards once she’s got it down, but we’ll probably switch to rewarding keeping dry for a while, then maybe a ‘big’ reward that is tied to being a ‘big girl.’
TBK says
Thanks for all the feedback! There are some great suggestions in here. I was just frustrated because I felt like when I Googled for information on potty training, it was all intense boot camp style stuff. I get that that works for some people, but it clearly did not work for us.
Meg Murry says
For a way to flip it, since they were staying dry, one way we found that worked was to make the praise about sitting on the potty and about having dry pants, not necessarily about going on the potty. So we would ask every 30-45 minutes “who has dry pants? do you have dry pants?” and then do a *dry pants dance* and high fives in celebration. Sitting on the potty got stickers, regardless of whether anything went in or not, and lots of “Oh, I like the way Joe is sitting on the potty. Look at that big boy!” Wet or messy pants got a bland non-reaction. “Oh, you have wet pants? That’s no fun, let’s go change you.”
Our daycare also did a stamp on the arm/wrist for going potty which worked well because:
-Nothing to buy, no food bribes
-Kiddo could show it off to us right away when we picked them up
-By stamping above the wrist, no fits about not wanting to wash hands because the stamp would wash off
Extra special days or when they needed a push got a sticker, and the kid got a choice whether to put on the wall chart or on their shirt or to take home.
Since kiddos go to preschool, could you ask if there is a time when they take a bathroom break and if your kids could be included in that? Just to get them used to the idea of being one of the “big kids that uses the potty” and perhaps some peer pressure? That’s how my kids got started, by being included in the after breakfast and before nap potty break.
In House Lobbyist says
Both of my kids essentially trained themselves when they figured out they could pee outside. Maybe not the best method considering my little girl still wants to pull her dress up and panties down anytime she is playing outside and has to go. Maybe make it fun for them by drawing them a target on their little potty?
anon says
We did not do bootcamp. I was okay with waiting until my son was older. Around when he turned 3 his daycare started pushing it – they said he was very interested; I wasn’t seeing signs of readiness but also wasn’t sure I would recognize them. He theoretically did okay at daycare but was having tons of accidents at home, and the poop accidents every morning before work were killing me. (He also pooped in the tub a lot and always seemed surprised at it). After a month or two I finally realized that even at daycare the teachers were mostly prompting him to go; he didn’t initiate it. That made me think he really wasn’t ready so we gave up for a couple months. Around 3.5 we tried again and it was fine, he totally could do it, and it was pretty painless. (I don’t remember the details; I think we just put him in underwear and reminded him to go. No rewards or anything other than fussing over him). We kept using pull-ups at night and around 4 or so he started waking up dry every day, so now at 4.5 he is fully night trained. I’m willing to believe he might have trained earlier if we were more proactive but I have zero regrets about our approach. As with baby sleep, I think that the idea that 1 thing will work for all kids is BS.
Pogo says
Maine!
Portland is a nice small city to walk around/do touristy things, and mid-coast is a short drive from the city and good for “light” outdoor stuff. The Freeport outlets (where LLBean is) are very kid friendly and there’s a lot of car camping nearby – places with pools and hot showers and toilets, so not “real” camping but still fun for a night or two.
You could combine with Boston, tho I think Boston is miserably hot in the summer (not as bad as NYC but still.. not fun).
Otherwise PNW – the Olympic peninsula and Rainier are both nice and cool in August and have plenty of family-friendly “hikes”. We also did the San Juan islands one year around that time, I think, which could be fun because boats! And whales! Though potentially more of a PITA for hauling stuff.
About ten years ago we did a Smoky Mountains trip (including Asheville) with this idea in mind – cool mountains, Air Bnb, walking around downtown, light outdoors stuff – and I found it underwhelming, but that might have been lack of planning on our part. We stayed pretty far outside the city so everything was A Production to go anywhere, and due to bear sightings we couldn’t do anything outside on the property we rented. The locals were not concerned with the bears whenever we told them (Us: “We saw a bear!” Locals: “Yeah, that happens”)but DH and BIL refused to allow the women and children outside lest we be eaten (lol).
Pogo says
ugh, meant for SC above.
Anon in NOVA says
PLAYDATE HELP!
My son is in first grade and has seriously had 2 play dates with a school friend that entire time. He has friends at school and his after school care program, gets invited to birthday parties etc. but I can’t seem to bridge that gap into playdates. When I (rarely) meet the other moms they’ll often say “Oh you’re ______’s mom! so and so loves to play with him on the playground!” However, it seems most of the moms at his school don’t work full time if they work, so it’s hard to get an “in”.
A lot of this comes from being insecure, I start thinking “omg they’re all friends already and they’re going to talk about me behind my back if I try to get a playdate and I”ll be so mortified if they say no and what if I break an unwritten rule?”
Anyway, to bridge this communication gap, I thought about getting come cards printed that say “Anon In NOVA (_____’s mom)” with my phone number and email. Then my son could give them to a friend who is interested in a playdate so their mom could contact me. Is that weird? He often comes home and says such and such friend wants a playdate, but I have no way to reach their mom!
Advice?
Thanks ladies
Pogo says
Do schools not send a list of who is in kid’s class & their parents’ names and contact info? I definitely remember that from growing up. Because I made my parents call and arrange my playdates until I was like 10.
You could opt out of it (or opt out of your phone number, etc) but we for sure had this directory all the way until high school if I recall.
avocado says
Our school does class directories, but it is not unheard of for parents to send notes through the kids. I wouldn’t use a business card, but you could write a little note to the effect of, “Johnny would love to have Timmy over for a play date. If Timmy is interested, please give me a call at [number]. Signed, Johnny’s mom.” Then stick it in an envelope addressed to “Timmy’s mom” and instruct your child to give it to Timmy to take home.
Anon in NOVA says
That’s a good idea. I just saw a whole section of “Mommy Cards” on the tiny prints website and got carried away :-P I was hoping he could have something to use on the spot to give to a kid, rather than trusting him with follow through, but a note might be less weird.
Although does a handwritten note put too much pressure on the other parent? Maybe a card is easier to ignore and I won’t have to worry they felt weird because I gave them a note? (SEE?!?! overthinking!!)
avocado says
I have both sent and received the handwritten notes. My take is that the handwritten note is organic and spontaneous, whereas the preprinted card comes across as trying too hard.
Anon says
Might I gently suggest, “Timmy’s parent,” since Dad might be in charge of setting up those sort of things?
Em says
I would think it was odd if I received a printed card with my kid’s friend’s mom’s info on it. When your son comes home and tells you friend wants a play date can you ask your kid to request the mom’s number from the friend? Or just hand-write a note that says “I would love to set up a playdate with the kids. My number is _________, please call me if you are interested” and ask your kid to send it home with his friend? Or is there any opportunity to run into parents at pick up or drop off? My son had a buddy at daycare and we set up a “play date” with the other family (basically we had them over for dinner). My husband ran into the mom during drop off and said “oh we’ve been meaning to have you guys over for dinner, can I get your number to pass along to my wife so she can set something up?” I felt incredibly weird setting it up but we all laughed about how awkward the whole situation was later over dinner.
Anon in NOVA says
I don’t see any at pickup or drop off unfortunately. He attends before/after care offsite and it serves multiple schools, there’s no overlap between his class at school and the before/after care gang.
Also no kids in his age bracket on our street anymore :(
Meg Murry says
+1 to this, except I would propose something semi-specific if you had an idea in mind, like “come over to our house to play on Sunday afternoon” or “meet up with us at [playground] on Saturday morning”. That way it doesn’t turn into a vague nebulous thing that I’d never get around to contacting you for because I’d keep putting it off.
I’d also include an email address or specify “call or text me” if you are ok with texts. I’ll admit to being a bit anxious about making phone calls to people I don’t know, so I’d be more likely to spaz out and put off making that call forever.
So my note would be something like this:
“[My kid] has been asking to set up a playdate with [your kid]. What do you think about [Saturday morning at playground] (or Sunday afternoon at our house, or a more vague “weekend afternoon at our house”). Please call or text me at XXX-XXX-XXXX or email me at blah so we can set something up. Thanks, Jane Smith.”
And if you never hear back, you can assume that it’s just as likely that Timmy lost the note or that Timmy’s mom is a flake than it is that Timmy’s mom doesn’t like you or is gossiping about you.
FYI, I have major play-date reciprocity anxiety because my house is always such a mess, which I why I like to propose meeting up at a free location that isn’t either of our houses.
Anonymous says
I’m confused about the playdate thing. I just remember seeing my friends at school, after school activities and birthday parties. When we were older there were sleepovers etc (like age 10) but I don’t really remember seeing school friends otherwise or for ‘playdates’. I just played with the kids on my street.
avocado says
I had lots of playdates back in the ’80s, but we didn’t use that term. I also ran around with with the kids on the street, but none of my really good friends from school, preschool, summer programs, etc. lived anywhere near our neighborhood so playdates were often the only way to spend time together.
Pogo says
+1 no other girls my age in my neighborhood growing up, so parents had to drive me to friends or their parents had to drive them to my place. This necessitated parental contact through the aforementioned directory. The parents would have never met each other – even if they were all SAHMs, there just wasn’t an opportunity.
Anon in NOVA says
Right?! I remember it being a lot more organic as well. I registered him in baseball last year and we ended up with no one from his school on his team (of course).
He has no siblings or cousins, and it’s getting to the point where I feel strongly that he needs some free play with other kids on weekends. (So not just in a class or activity that has other kids, but able to play with a friend).
mascot says
Hmm, we have class FB pages (set up by a room mom I’m sure) and people use those to poll for who wants to join various sports teams so the kids have a buddy. I also make a point to go to birthday parties and school events if I can, although not the class holiday parties. I’ve met a lot of people that way. Between school, sports, and after school care, I think my kid gets a lot of time to play and socialize with other kids. We do very few actual playdates. Those that we do have are with families where we are friends with the parents rather than the kids initiating the event.
Anon in NOVA says
Would it be incredibly weird to email all of the parents in the class (that I can find in the PTA directory, at least) and propose some sort of parents meet at greet somewhere?
Actually no I would never have the guts to do that. I wish someone else would, though!
Em says
I am sensing a lot of fear of rejection in your posts, which I get. In my story above I sat on that mom’s phone number for a week before I worked up the nerve to text her – turns out they thought we decided we didn’t like them and didn’t want to hang out with them anymore (lots of overanalyzing!). I think you are overthinking this, though. I have found a lot of people feel the same way when trying to make parent connections. I have two friends who are SAHMs (since you mentioned a lot of the disconnect is that the other moms don’t work) and always say they wish other parents would initiate get-togethers. You may just have to power through the awkwardness. My husband and I would definitely be excited to go to a parents meet and greet and I bet at least some of the other parents in your son’s class would as well! Or ask your son who his friends are at school and just send it out to that small group.
avocado says
If you don’t have a class directory but do have the ability to e-mail all of the parents, how about sending out a mass e-mail offering to put together a directory? Or ask your room mom if she would like help compiling a directory. I’m sure other parents would appreciate that.
CHJ says
If there is any kid in particular that your son wants to see, I would ask the teacher for the family’s contact information. And I totally hear you on feeling like everyone else is already friends! I force myself to be very bold and friendly about reaching out to other parents. And (hardest part!) I try not to take it personally if they don’t respond – people are busy and overwhelmed, and it doesn’t mean anything about you or your son if someone doesn’t get back to you.
Anonymous says
This so much. I’ve had the email of a family up the street whose daughter wanted a playdate with our daughter back in the fall but life has been super hectic and I just can’t find time.
A says
Yes, I think this is the best approach. Also, you’re not asking to be friends with the other moms, right? (That could be a bonus, but not a requirement.) When I was that age, my mom would just drop me off at a friend’s house and come get me a couple hours later. I assume that’s all you’d be asking? Not asking the whole family over for dinner or anything?
TBK says
My mom was always convinced all the other moms in my school (1) didn’t work and (2) were all best friends. That was completely untrue. Many worked, and as far as I know, none were more than just acquaintances. (She also believed they were all richer than we were and had housekeepers, drivers, and gardeners. Somewhat true, since I went to private school on scholarship, but there were plenty of other kids on scholarships and other families that were seriously scraping to pay tuition.)
I am about 90% sure that no one is talking behind your back, that they’re not all best friends, and that if you reach out first, they’ll all be extremely grateful.
NewMomAnon says
OMG, my mom harbored the same beliefs about all the other moms at my private high school – despite knowing that several of my friends had moms who worked full time.
TBK says
What’s hilarious is that she became good friends with my best friend’s mom, who was also a single mom with a kid on scholarship. At one event, I found out all the other moms felt jealous and excluded because my mom and her friend were clearly besties and were laughing and joking together!
Anon in NOVA says
Thank you all for the advice, I think a hand written note is the way to go (d@mn you tinyprints!). Thank you especially for the assurances that many people feel this way, and that it really is awkward for everyone! I have friends I’ve met through other avenues of my life (work, volunteer groups, etc.), but those that have children aren’t in the same age group as my son, so it’s been tough.
Definitely some fear of rejection! I don’t know why this is the one area of my life I have so much social anxiety with. I need to just let it go :)
I’m sure lots of the other moms work and I’m just seeing them at the school events I happen to attend because they’re, you know, at work!
Thanks as always!
EB0220 says
I will agree that handwritten notes are the way to go. Also – when you do meet a mom and they say “Joey loves playing with Timmy” I’ll say, “Oh, Timmy would love to have a playdate sometime. Can I give you my number?” At which point the mom will pull out her phone, text me her number and then at some later point – a week or two later – if I haven’t heard from her I’ll text her and try to set something up. I also agree with others that they’re not all best friends, not talking about you, and not going to mock you for reaching out. I also agree not to take it personally if they don’t respond….people are busy and it’s hard to keep up with playdates unfortunately. Good luck! My SIL says making parent friends is like dating!
EB0220 says
I should say I do this with dads too! Just using “mom” as an example!
Famouscait says
Has anyone here bought furniture from Land of Nod? I’m specifically looking at their Taylor bed, but wondering about the quality of their wooden furniture, in general.
Cate says
Bought our changing table from there and love it. It’s held up very well so far.