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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
strollerstrike says
Tell me about daycare in the US. How does the settle-in period work?
We live in my European home country and my American husband thinks that the way we settle in our 11 months old over six to eight weeks is super slow. He doesn’t mind but it made me curious about how that works in the states.
Over here it starts with a week of going into the daycare together with the baby for an hour, playing together and then taking them back home. The following week the parent leaves the baby with the care provider for 10 mins, spends the rest of the hour there together. Next week we will do 30 mins and then one full morning, etc.
Curious to hear about the US approach.
Cb says
Friends in France and Germany seem to have similar settling in process to the one you’re describing, likely because there isn’t the pressure to return to work ASAP. I’m an American in the UK and it varies from nursery to nursery but my nursery had a prolonged and painful settling in period, they basically wouldn’t let us leave him for the day until he was happy.
strollerstrike says
Germany is right on the money :)
Anonymous says
I left my baby all day right from the beginning. If I’d wanted to stay a while or start with shorter periods of time they would have let me. If she’d started in a classroom other than the infant classroom, I probably would have been gently encouraged to leave.
Cb, the nursery’s refusal to let you leave until your son was happy seems absolutely nuts to me. Often, the parent’s leaving is what gets the child to stop crying and engage with the caregivers and class.
Mrs. Jones says
+1
Cb says
Oh my goodness, it was awful! Honestly, I think we were so stressed out (had used up all our leave, etc) that it made it worse. Within 3 days of starting full-time, he was fine and he loves, loves, loves his nursery so I’m glad we stuck with it but long-time readers will remember the saga.
Anonymous says
In our first US daycare we had basically no transition, we just left our 12 week old baby all day the first day. At the second one, my son was older (15 months) and had separation anxiety. I think we may have done some shorter drop offs and eased into it a bit, but the transition period was probably no more than a week (foggy memories). How do working parents manage an 8 week transition? Maternity leave here is often only 12 weeks, so there is no way most US parents could do that.
Anon says
It varies, but I don’t know of any as intense as what you’ve described. In my east coast town, my friends and I have kids in 6 daycares. 5 of them you just drop the kid off and leave. The other has a week-long settling-in process where your kid goes for an hour or two with you for 2 days, then a half day with you, then a half day without you, then a full day without you. It drives working parents nuts, because if you switch to that center you basically have to take a week off work.
Anon says
That does sound super slow to me. In the US you can drop your kid off for a full day starting on day 1 and most people do. We did a visit with us there while baby played, two short days, and then full time. Now though with Covid we can’t even come into the building. If I restart my kid at daycare I have to hand him over in the parking lot.
TheElms says
I had 6 months of paid maternity leave (an eternity in the US), so I did a 4 day transition. 3 half days and 1 full day where I could have come back if needed, but my daycare didn’t require or expect any transition.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I think we did half days, or a few days of the week for the first week with both of our kids, but then both were in full time (well, our second started with part time and my dad watching him for 2 days) the next week. My husband took part of his paternity leave after me, so he had that last week available to bring the baby home if needed. For a 12 week maternity-only leave, I think most parents just drop the kids off full time, or do a week transition. 6-8 weeks seems like a lot, and I’m not if that really accomplishes much? Babies around age 1 tend to have heightened separation anxiety so I imagine drop offs are hard no matter what.
govtattymom says
When my daughter started daycare at 12 weeks, she did full days from the start. When she was three, she started at a new daycare. They told me that she could only spend one hour the first day, two hours the second, etc. But my daughter was incredibly excited about starting and she was very comfortable with the routine, expectations, etc. (she transitioned from one Bright Horizons to another). When I arrived to pick her up after the first hour, they offered for her to stay the remainder of the day. A colleague’s daughter started the same day and she was asked to strictly follow the transition schedule because her daughter screamed hysterically at dropoff.
Pogo says
My son started with a full day when he was about 5 mos old. I needed more of a settling in period than he did, which I accomplished by going back part time for a week when he was 4 mos old and my leave was ending, and he was home with DH. For the rest of the month he was home with DH I worked full days.
Lana Del Raygun says
Wow, this is so weird to me! We just dropped her off and left.
Anonymous says
You drop them off, maybe meet the teacher, and leave. CB did this whole absurd settling in thing with her child! We don’t do that because we have jobs.
Anonymous says
I don’t think she had a choice.
Anonymous says
No I know she didn’t! Her day care is absurd not her!
Anon Lawyer says
Didn’t end up doing it because of COVID, but my baby was supposed to start at 4.5 months and do two half-day “transitional days” before then. Honestly, you can’t have a 6-week daycare settling in process when you only have a 12 week (or less) maternity leave like so many women in the U.S. It would be insane.
I also think a baby under 6 months is going to adapt easier to daycare than a baby who’s a year old. They haven’t developed object permanence or separation anxiety to the same degree. So it’s less necessary to do a settling in period.
Anonymous says
Every daycare we have used you just drop the kid off on the first day. You have the option to do short days if you want to to start, but I never have since I need to be at work. It’s been fine!!!
June says
When my child started daycare at 6 months old, we took 2 weeks to work up to a full day, and he attended 3 days a week (M,W, F). Now he is almost 3, he was home with us for 4 months but will be starting a new daycare 3 days a week (M,W,F) and we are again taking 2 weeks to work up to full time attendance. If it was allowed I would spend some time there at drop off the first few days (we currently have to do curbside dropoff in my state).
Anon says
My maternity leave transitioned straight to WFH because of the pandemic, and daycares have only recently reopened. We have eased our baby into the routine by putting him in 3 days a week for about 5-6 hours at a time. It’s incredibly fortunate that we have this option, and I think it makes life a lot easier on everyone. Kids tend to pick up on their parents’ emotions, and it was so helpful to know that he was just down the road and we could pick him up any time.
Flip side is, because of the pandemic, we aren’t allowed inside the building.
Anon says
I’ve never heard of a US daycare that doesn’t let you leave the kid immediately if that’s what you want. Many (most?) will also allow you to do a more gradual settling in if that’s what you want. We took about 3-4 weeks to transition, gradually leaving our daughter there for longer and longer periods of times. She loves (well, loved, it’s closed now) school, but I don’t know how much credit the gradual transition deserves for that.
Anon says
Do most people use puddle jumpers in the pool with their kids? One friend told me they are unsafe and prevent kids from learning to swim, another told me they won’t go near a pool without one
buffybot says
I’m not an expert, but I think the conventional wisdom agrees with your first friend – supposedly they create bad swimming posture. The swimming teacher we got for my son doesn’t support them at all. I also think it’s healthy for kids to learn their limits in the pool – what does it feel like to sink? Can you push yourself up and grab the wall? How do you actually keep yourself afloat? Etc.
That being said, I could see that if you were dealing with multiple kids in a pool where you were just hanging out for a prolonged period of time, they could help reduce the chaos/grabbing. I think anything that makes you less vigilant in the pool with your kid is to be approached with great caution, however.
Lyssa says
We’ve used basic floaties instead (no particular reason, just didn’t ever get anything else), but the puddle jumpers are very popular with little kids in my neighborhood. I don’t know if they really impact swimming ability (seems like it could be easily overcome), but it’s really nice to be able to give the kid some freedom in the “big” pool to jump in by themselves and learn to propel themselves around rather than just being held.
FWIW, we never got around to getting formal lessons (was really going to this year, but you know), but my son started swimming pretty well at 5 and is like a fish now at 7. My daughter is 5 and has just started swimming a little on her own, but not very far and she still uses her floaties.
Anonymous says
My husband was a lifeguard and swim instructor. Puddle jumpers didn’t exist back then, but he had to rescue a lot of kids who got overconfident and whose parents relaxed their vigilance because they were wearing arm floaties. I feel a little safer about the puddle jumper because it’s a Coast Guard-approved floatation device, but our daughter was so tiny that by the time she was big enough for one she had already learned to swim.
mascot says
Former lifeguard here too and we had a similar experience. We used a puddle jumper or kids life vest on occasion (team never waterwings), but we were already well on the way to swimming safely by the time he could fit properly into those. Once we told him that he couldn’t use the diving board unless he could swim without them, he was ready to go without consistently (a couple of months before age 5)
AnotherAnon says
We own a pool, and we have a 3 y/o who is a cautious kid and has little interest in swimming. I was very anti-puddle jumpers because the internet says they are not safe. So I got him an expensive, highly-recommended life vest. He will not wear it. We had some friends over who use puddle jumpers (although their kids take expensive, individual swim lessons so they can swim) and my kid was much more adventurous in the water with kids his age around. So now I’m going to try getting him a puddle jumper.
anon says
Another pool owner with a 3 year old here and this has been our experience too. OP, if you use puddle jumpers I would think of them as a flotation type device. They are not a substitute for teaching your kids how to swim and won’t help your kids learn how to swim because of how they’re balanced. We still use them but under very close supervision (almost always have a hand on the kid wearing it).
Anon says
is something like this considered better than a puddle jumper? https://www.amazon.com/Speedo-Begin-Classic-Berry-Medium/dp/B01M01MSJP/ref=pd_lpo_200_t_1/131-8765149-2421405?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=B0876R2HRF&pd_rd_r=b9b3e888-e130-4f91-ad6a-f0dc47701ba5&pd_rd_w=gdZPi&pd_rd_wg=PKjRQ&pf_rd_p=7b36d496-f366-4631-94d3-61b87b52511b&pf_rd_r=H7ZY0VXFYK3508XHWC84&psc=1&refRID=H7ZY0VXFYK3508XHWC84
anon says
IMO kids prefer puddle jumpers. Both of my really enjoy the independence they have with a puddle jumper and find it to be the most comfortable option.
Both of our kids used puddle jumpers extensively at ages 2-3. By 4 both had made enough progress with swim lessons that they would spend a portion of their pool time practicing swimming with a parent without the puddle jumper, but would wear their puddle jumper for playing. By 5 both were swimming independently with confidence.
Anonymous says
It really helped our kiddo be comfortable in the water to use the Puddle Jumper to have some independence and get a feel for not being attached to Mom and Dad. Despite being in swim lessons (where she sometimes uses the single floatie on her back to swim away from the instructor), she is very timid in the water. We haven’t been to the pool as a family in a long time (thanks, Covid), but the last few times we went on vacay in Feb., she got very frustrated with any sort of device that limited her range of movement (Puddle Jumper, regular life jacket). Yet, she was too timid to try the water without it. They were pretty epic meltdowns. My aunt who lives next door to my parents’ house where we were staying could hear the screaming in her house.
anon says
This is exactly how we used the puddle jumper. When my oldest was born, they weren’t a thing at all. Let me tell you … pool time was much less stressful with our younger child because the puddle jumper allowed her to explore more. She could be near us (within an arm’s distance) without being ON us at all times. She had a lot more freedom, while still being closely watched. Puddle jumpers will impede stroke development, but as long as kids are still learning to swim (through lessons or whatever), I don’t see the harm in using them for a family recreational swim.
Learning to swim is a process. I found the jumpers great for that time period where DD was still learning but not yet proficient.
I’ve never heard the safety concerns. If anything, our swim school pushed the use of puddle jumpers rather than arm floaties, which are prone to deflating. Swim school recommended using the jumper part of the time and allowing “free swim” during the rest of the time.
anon says
yep. we own a pool and our daughter is the youngest grandchild, this is exactly how it has gone for all the older grandchildren. she is not outside without a parent, for now she is not outside while wearing her swimsuit unless she has a puddle jumper on, or we take it off to work on swimming skills, she just turned 3 and started swimming lessons, she’s doing great.
Anon says
No, because I share your first friend’s views. But I will say that my kid is one of the only kids without them at our pool. She is only 3, so we haven’t yet faced the social hurdle of wanting a little more freedom to go hang out with her friends that I expect you would get with the kindergarten crowd, but a) I hope to have her swimming well by then and b) if she is not I would likely insist on an actual coast-guard approved life vest as the super uncool mom. I spent a lot of time around water growing up (beaches, pools, rivers) and have a healthy respect for it despite being an exceptionally strong swimmer myself.
Anon says
I’m in this boat, too. Former lifeguard. Very anti-puddle jumper. They really scare me. I think the combination of giving kids overconfidence + parents a false sense of security is a recipe for disaster. I really hate that they are so prevalent, but we are hoping daughter is a strong enough swimmer by the time she’s old enough to want a little more freedom in the pool.
SC says
When Kiddo was a baby and toddler, we didn’t use puddle jumpers at all. We were going to have him in our arms or be within arms’ reach no matter what. We used a life vest at family pool parties when he was outside of the pool and at the beach.
Around 3 years old, we used puddle jumpers to allow Kiddo a little more independence in the water. To be clear, at that age, we were still in the water near him, but he could direct his own movements and didn’t have to hang on us nearly as much. We also made him practice swimming underwater and jumping in and stuff without the puddle jumper before putting it on. At that age, he was swimming, but not well enough to swim safely.
Around 4, last year, he could swim independently, but not for long periods, so he’d use the puddle jumper for long pool days or evenings. I was hoping he’d be swimming independently this summer, and enrolled in better, more expensive, actually-teach-them-to-swim swimming lessons in January. That didn’t really work out, and we haven’t had many opportunities to swim because of Covid.
CHL says
Our kids preferred vests to puddle jumpers. I think it also helped them learn a more natural way to swim.
Anonymous says
Our swim school is big on safety and swim technique. And they teach you how to use puddle jumpers. Puddle jumpers are coast guard approved (but not for boats!). Pre-COVID, we did one day of swim lessons (no puddle jumper) and one day of swimming as a family (with puddle jumper). Our kiddo was not harmed in swim lessons and, I’m fact, definitely gained from going twice per week (even if one was supported). We never let them swim unsupervised, but he gets a lot more freedom with the puddle jumper.
Anon says
Eh, we do. First, I have kids 18 months apart. Second, I’m always in the pool and watching them closely. Oldest dropped hers this year and learned to swim just fine.
I actually am not big on having my three or four year old think they know how to swim anyways. This is personality dependent, but my kids are both pretty cautious in the water. Oldest learned at 5 – don’t think she would have been any safer learning earlier because you should always be in arms reach watching your kids anyways! We go to a community pool where parents will drink and that blows my mind – I’ll never have a drink when they are near water. Puddle jumpers let you swim with them in more fun ways and make it a little easier on the parent. In terms of form, it’s sort of like those parents that don’t like the vtech walker because it slows down kids learning to walk? They’ll learn eventually! And won’t be straight up and down!
So basically I’m pretty hyper vigilant but with more than one small kid puddle jumpers are great.
AwayEmily says
Also have two kids close together and I agree with pretty much all of this (I like the walker comparison). We use puddle jumpers, but also have a strict rule that you are not allowed to go in the water at ALL unless a parent is with you (regardless of whether you are wearing it). The difference a puddle jumper makes is that we can actually play with our kids in the water instead of just holding them the entire time. Our older also takes swim lessons, so she is well aware of her inability to swim.
Anon says
Does anyone else have a kid who wakes up crying/screaming at age 2? We’ve tried an ok to wake clock, but every morning wakes up making noise asking to get out
Anon says
Mine did from about 18 months to 2.5. Then she randomly stopped and always tells me “I waited for the green light FOR YOU.”
We just were persistent with the OK to wake clock and mostly let her cry until it was time to get up. I think she just eventually grew out of that phase but it took a long time.
Anon2 says
Yesterday’s comments about backup care/going to work if your kid’s daycare/school closes for COVID exposure got me thinking. What are your workplaces rules?
We’re supposed to take sick leave if we’re a primary contact but still come in if we’re a secondary contact. As far as I understand it, this means that even if there’s a case in my kids’ class, kiddo is a primary contact but I would only be a secondary contact (unless kiddo tests positive) so am expected to be in the office. In the case of the OP yesterday where there was a case in a different classroom, that would put kiddo as a secondary contact (assuming there was a pod system in place) and me as a tertiary contact, which definitely doesn’t count for anything.
avocado says
My employer’s policy amounts to “don’t ask, don’t tell, and when we find out about an exposure for the first time we may ignore it, cover it up, or engage in reactionary panic.”
Saaame says
Haha, hello! I didn’t realize we were co-workers!
Anon says
Mine assumes that if one household member has it you all have it. The form most businesses are using in my Northeast state as whether you or anyone in your household has been exposed to a positive case, whether you or anyone in your household has exhibited symptoms and whether you or anyone in your household has traveled via public transport (including airplane) outside of New England. If yes to any of the above you have to stay home for 14 days. My office is still allowing most people to work remote and if the answer ends up being yes to any of the questions and you were supposed to have an in-office day it is just now a remote day.
The reality is I’m probably never going to be able to pass the questions. I have allergies and asthma that give me “symptoms” all the time. The question doesn’t ask for “new” symptoms. If you are sneezing or coughing you can’t come in the building. Also, my husband’s job exposes him to a high risk population and we have decent contact tracing so he is informed when one of the people he has seen later tests positive. I think we are currently on the third time that has happened since quarantine. Since he is essential, he still goes to work unless he personally gets a positive test or symptoms or someone in our household does. For me, I’d have to stay home for 14 days.
Anonymous says
Wow, that’s more intense than my employer in DC. We’re just asked about new symptoms (for anyone in the house), if anyone in the household has tested positive (not if they’ve been exposed), and international travel.
Anon says
Our questionnaire (DC) is similar. Asks about symptoms (not new symptoms) and requires you to be not have had exposure to even someone “identified as a potential carrier” or travel to any location from which other states have enacted mandatory quarantines. If you do, you are asked not to come into the office.
Anon says
Employees are being encouraged to use the rapid on site COVID testing if we’re concerned about having been exposed and need to be on campus.
Right now they ask that if you have direct exposure, you should work from home for 14 days.
Anon says
my workplace doesn’t have anything so explicit, but we could probably just work from home. in your scenario i think your employer’s policy in theory could contribute to asymptomatic spread – your kiddo could have it (and i’m assuming you aren’t going to subject your kid to a covid test) and then you could have it and be asymptomatic and spread it to your whole office.
Pogo says
I said this yesterday but my employer is super strict and not even asking us to come back for the foreseeable future. You would definitely be allowed to work from home in the rare case that you were actually back in the office.
Anonymous says
Same, we just learned today that there is authorization to work remote until at least October. If the office is open and you want to go in, you can (masks required), but no offices in the US are open, yet.
Anonymous says
Can anyone recommend a vacation house rental or even just an area to look in for a house in Virginia/Western Maryland that is near a pond/lake/river/swimming hole? We live in NYC and have been planning to meet up with my parents and brother at my parents place on the Outer Banks in early August. Parents live in Charlottesville, brother is in NoVa. Given that NC is now on the list of states requiring a quarantine for returning New Yorkers and the fact that it is a long drive from NYC (with potentially limited restrooms along the way/possible exposure/etc), I’m wondering if we should look at Plan B. My parents are in their 70s so high risk, but with schools reopening this fall, I think this is our best chance to see them for some time.
Anonymous says
Maybe Smith Mountain Lake, VA?
Anon says
We love SML and were there a few weeks ago. Rent a house and a boat. Buy a tube for tubing from Amazon.
SML says
Agreed! An relatively short drive for the siblings if you stay on the Lynchburg side. Enjoy!
Anonymous says
Where do you find rental homes? So far every place I checked seems to be booked. That may just be the reality at this point but maybe I’m not looking in the best places.
anon says
We always use VRBO, but it is mostly booked up at this point. You might try early September.
Anonymous says
Thanks, I was afraid of that. My husband is a teacher so we can’t wait.
Anonymous says
Try Deep Creek Lake.
Anon says
someone i know recently went to the airbnb d and d farm and liked it
Anonymous says
Deep creek lake, Massanutten, lake Anna.
Anonymous says
Daycare has opened back up and we are all so happy about it! Somewhat similar to the question above about transitions, I was really worried about my 1.5 year old going back- she has seemed to enjoy this time at home and also got into a pretty intense “mommy only” period. But every morning she has walked in with the teacher without looking back! And my 4 year old, who was definitely regressing in speech from only being around the younger one, is suddenly speaking much more clearly, with a better vocabulary, after only three days of spending time with same age kids and the teachers. This morning the 4 year old scarfed breakfast and was immediately ready to go to school- very much an attitude of “why am I still here with you when I could be there.” Happy days are here again!!!! Fingers crossed we can stay open.
FVNC says
That’s great! We recently relocated halfway across the country and sent our 3 yr old to a new daycare after him being home for three months. He’s a stage 5 clinger to me at home so I was very worried the transition would be awful. But it’s been great! My 6 yr old starts outdoor nature camp next week and I’m so excited for her to be with kids her age again.
Anon says
My daughter is also so happy to go to daycare, and I feel like I can be a functioning person again. I definitely have a greater appreciation for my daycare now more than ever. Glad you are seeing positive effects! I know people are quick to mention every drawback and danger of daycare, but my own experience has been nothing but positive so far since it reopened.
Anonymous says
My kids are so happy! Our older has to start wearing a mask in the classroom which makes me sad. But I think it will be fine. I think it will push them outside more. And he’s been happy to be there and play.
Anon says
So, so jealous. Our school is theoretically reopening in about 6 weeks (although I’m about 50-50 on whether it will actually happen, given surging cases across the country) and we’ve started talking about it a little bit with our 2 year old just to prepare her for all the different procedures like masks and temperature checks and stuff like that. When we first started talking about school reopening eventually, she said “I go school NOW?!” and we explained no, not right now but hopefully soon and she was like “GO! RIGHT! NOW!” I really really hope for her sake they can open and stay open, she’s so starved for interaction with other kids.
hysterosonogram says
Has anyone had or heard of a failed hysterosonogram because (as I understand it) the saline solution essentially wouldn’t cycle? I have a friend who has one successful pregnancy and several miscarriages. She is trying for another kiddo and just had a Hysterosonogram where the solution wouldn’t stay in so they couldn’t image. Our collective googlefu is coming up short for why this may be. She’s obviously consulting with her doctors but also looking for anectdata. Thanks!
anon says
I had a ‘successful’ one in that it worked and they uncovered my deformed uterus. Hugs to your friend – all of that diagnostic work is the absolute pits, and a lot of them hurt more than advertised (HSN, included for me).
anon says
Is anyone in the process of forming a learning pod for the school year? How’s it going?
We have a group of parents who are looking to hire a tutor/educator for 2-3 mornings a week for a small group of 2nd graders. We’re still trying to sort logistics and school schedules, but I’m hopeful something will work out.
Spirograph says
I like this idea, but don’t know enough to make it work for us yet. Can you share some more details about how this fits in with your (assuming, here) public school system? If we are 2 days in the classroom and 3 days at home…we would need everyone in the pod to be on the same schedule. I have no clue when that schedule is going to be communicated, which makes it really difficult to plan.
Quail says
Same here. This is what I would like to do, but haven’t heard anything from our district about even a rough plan. And I doubt we would find out who was in our “pod” and what our particular schedule would be with enough time to find a caregiver for the off days.
This is a huge source of stress for me. Sigh. Plus looking at another year of preschool tuition rather than the long awaited kindergarten because we need full time child care. Not that paying a caregiver for the many hours per week will be much cheaper.
anon says
We’ve been told that our school system will likely split kids for the 2 days on / 3 days at home by last name, with A-M and N-Z groupings, but it’s not final yet. Right now we have a group of kids with A-D last names that we think will likely end up on the same schedule. We still need to sort all other logistics–who’s house? what hours? what tutor? etc. It’s very rough.
Anonymous says
If a lot of people do this — and to be clear, I’m not knocking the idea at all, it is the best option I can think of for continuity of learning when both parents need to work and school isn’t an option — I wonder if the unintended consequence is that risk actually goes UP compared to keeping the same pod of 20 kids in a classroom together, less than 6 feet apart, five days a week. It’s ridiculous to assume that if you only open school 2 days a week the kids will just stay home alone in their house for the other 3 days. People need childcare, and not everyone can or wants to afford their own nanny. Partial opening of schools is going to be the cause of more overlapping germ bubbles… which I think is kind of the opposite of the intent of the CDC guidelines.
Anonymous says
OMG, I just had this exact conversation with community leaders today. My town has a lot of hourly workers who are in factories, etc. If they don’t work, they don’t get paid. So they’re likely to be turning to daycare situations which will inevitably lead to commingling of cohorts that would otherwise be isolated together in full-time school. Is that really better?
Pogo says
OK I know this has been discussed ad nauseum… but please, one more time: Spectra S2 vs Medela PISA?
I had the PISA last time and it was fine, but I’ve heard really good things about the S2 and both are no cost to me w/ insurance. Is it worth the hassle of getting adaptors for all my bottles and stuff from last time? One thing I loved about Medela was you could get pretty much anything at any Target anywhere – is that also the case for the S2? Not that I expect to be travelling anywhere anytime soon…
Boston Legal Eagle says
I had the Medela with my first and the Spectra (the one you have to plug in) with my second. The Spectra was quieter and had more settings, which was nice. And it just looks better! (as good as a pump could look). I didn’t notice much difference in output though. I’d get the Spectra if I were you, and keep your old Medela as a back-up. I ordered all the Spectra parts and bottles from their site. I don’t think they are as widely available as the Medela parts, at least not 1.5 years ago.
Anonymous says
Get Spectra, it’s so much better! I actually didn’t buy any new bottles or anything- the Spectra came with two bottles that I pumped into, and then dumped all the milk into my Medala bottles from last time. And spectra has fewer fiddly little parts than the Medala does, so there is less you’ll need to replace anyway.
Anonymous says
Spectra all the way. Much more comfortable and worth the hassle of getting new bottles etc.
Knope says
I loved the S2, but unfortunately it is NOT easy to find parts for it. I say this as someone who realized she forgot a valve while I was on a cross-country flight. I went to a specialty BF store right after I landed and even they didn’t have the right part. There are hacks that you can use (and I used) to make Medela parts work if you’re really desperate, but it’s a pain. All that said, I’m sticking with the S2 this time around (now pregnant with #2), and will just order some spare parts to have around if needed. (I also am going to be pumping way less, and likely not traveling at all, given the situation).
TheElms says
I rented a Medela Symphony and then when I returned to work used a Spectra. You can get bottle adapters on Amazon; I bought two sets and I think it was $10-12 dollars. Amazon and Target both sell Spectra parts and there are third party manufacturers now too for parts (Maymom, Nenesupply) that worked almost as well/maybe as well as the Spectra parts. I used third party as back ups in case I forgot things or ran out of time to wash parts.
anon says
I used a spectra with both kids but with medela parts. You can buy a backflow adapter on amazon that allows you to use medela parts. The only part I’ve needed to replace on my spectra is the tubing once or twice when they stretched out and got loose but our target carries the tubing.
anon says
+1 I preferred the Spectra pump but Medela bottles/parts.
Anon says
I had both – the PISA came with insurance and I bought the spectra to keep at work on my LC’s recommendation. Much preferred the spectra. I bought lots of extra parts because as noted, they were hard to find at the time (3 years ago). I think now target carries some parts and they are more widely available. Frankly I would pump into the spectra bottles at work and then transfer to medela bottles for storage at home since I had so many more of those.
Anon says
All Targets I have been to sell Spectra parts. I’ve heard people say they’re hard to find but that is not true in my experience. Maybe things have changed? It seems to be the most popular pump these days. Also pretty easy to buy generic parts on Amazon.
If you have Philips Avent bottles they will screw into the Spectra flanges.
Pogo says
Thanks all! The consensus is pretty clear. I honestly do not see myself needing to pump in super random places as much as I did w/ my last given the current state of affairs, so I think the possible harder to find Spectra parts is definitely outweighed by the pros. And the adaptor thingies on Amazon don’t look too bad at all.
Lana Del Raygun says
I was really really glad to have the frequency setting on my S2, and idk how to compares to the PISA here but the S2 truly is “whisper-quiet” as advertised.
Emily S. says
I’m team Spectra. I had a PISA and Spectra; I ended up buying the Spectra out of pocket with my second, even though I had a brand new PISA from insurance. I, too, was concerned about an emergency where I needed additional parts, so I ordered 3 extra sets of tubing, etc. (at least one set was a generic brand). That way I had one for home, one for work, one in the pumping bag, and one floating extra. I didn’t need them; I never had any problems with parts (unlike the darn membranes on the PISA.) I used my PISA and Avent bottles, and my old PISA adapters for the Avent bottles worked with the Spectra. If you go with the Spectra, open it up and see if what you have works with the Spectra before you buy.
Nanny share says
Talk to me about the pros and cons of a nanny share, please! Our neighbors approached us about this as a possibility and it is an appealing option given all of the uncertainties associated with daycare right now. What are things that we should consider / talk about in advance? We’ve used a nanny in our home before but never a shared arrangement.
Anonymous says
Pros and cons compared to a daycare, or compared to your own nanny?
The big con of a nanny share to me is that you have two relationships to manage: one with the nanny, one with the other family. When things are going smoothly, it’s great. When there are wrinkles, it can get stressful and awkward, especially if your share family is otherwise in your social circle.
Short list of things to consider:
1. Do you have the same basic approach to parenting? eg, one family valuing independence and one family being helicopter-y might cause friction.
2. Do you have the same idea of the role a nanny plays in your and your child’s life? eg, how much autonomy does she have to make decisions about your child’s care?
3. Where is the share located / how will you split time between your homes? Are both families comfortable with mitigation of any potential safety hazards in each home?
4. How will you coordinate vacations and time off, or how does pay work if one family is on vacation but the other needs care?
5. How will you handle disagreements? I strongly suggest regular meetings about how the share is going for the first month or two, and periodically after that. Don’t let things fester.
6. All the covid things – are you on the same page about social distancing, etc?
Anonymous says
https://www.parkslopeparents.com/Nanny-101/the-psp-step-by-step-guide-to-a-successful-nanny-share.html
Quail says
We’ve been in our nanny share for about 7 months (minus 2-3 months of covid stay-at-home) and really like it so far for our baby. We split hosting every other month. We are comfortable with each other’s child proofing. We interviewed nannies together. Hosting family provides food for nanny. Each house has two cribs, high chairs, etc. that we split the cost of. We had a lot of conversations up front about some specifics, though I imagine those will have to continue as we are quickly moving into toddlerhood and will want to be on the same page about discipline. We’ve agreed on two weeks of vacation, one of nanny’s choosing and one (jointly) of ours – luckily, both families planned to travel over the Christmas season so that will hopefully line up. We are in the same social circle very loosely (we have acquaintances in common) which was nice to know but not necessary. I agree with the prior poster that trying to share with friends could end the friendship – it’s like a roommate situation.
One note is that we used a nanny agency to find the nanny because we were looking for a specific language and to pay over the table. This saved a lot of time and took the stress off of one family trying to be point person, etc, for an online search.
GBS+ says
So I know this is nbd, and I will get a course or two of antibiotics during labor, but anyone who has been GBS+ have some tips or something I should plan for? I’m going to start taking probiotics this weekend. I’m not allergic to penicillin that I’m aware of.
Anonymous says
I was in both pregnancies. I got antibiotics but it was really nothing (I was worried, too!). I got an epidural so I barely noticed when they’d throw the antibiotics in. Both babies were (and are) healthy. Probiotics are a good move.
Anonymous says
I was GBS+ for at least two of my deliveries. For one kid, I delivered too quickly after they started the IV antibiotics for them to be comfortable that it had worked, so I think I had to stay in the hospital a little longer so they could observe the baby? I honestly don’t remember.
You’re right, nbd.
Pogo says
My SIL had it for both I think. She had to stay a full 48 hours after delivery for observation and got antibiotics. Zero actual impact on the deliveries.
Anon says
For me it was an IV antibiotic, as long as you’re able to get it before delivery there is no issue.
Anonymous says
Probiotics sounds like a good idea. Otherwise, all I can think of is to make sure you get to the hospital not too late, so they can give you the IV before you deliver the baby, and make sure the L&D nurse knows your status. (Surely it’s in your chart, but you never know.) I had it twice and it was really, truly nbd.
Anon says
Should I be concerned that my 2.5 year old (29 months) still refers to herself exclusively in the third person? Her verbal development otherwise seems pretty normal, although I’m not an expert. We noticed a few months ago that we were referring to ourselves in the third person sometimes around her (mimicking her language basically) so we made a conscious effort to stop doing that. In the last few weeks we’ve been actively trying to correct her and have her repeat “I want that” instead of “[name] wants that” but we’re still not really seeing any progress. She seems to understand what the words “I” “me” and “you” mean, but just won’t use them.
Anon says
My almost three year old refers to herself as “you” because we kept saying “that’s you” in the mirror, with pictures of her, etc. Our speech therapist suggested ways we can model proper pronouns if it bothers us, but said it frequently self-corrects and generally wasn’t fussed about it.
Anonymous says
It’s a normal stage of verbal development. You could ask the pediatrician if it seems like it’s lasting a long time. Both of my kids have done that for pretty long periods of time and I have to say I miss it when it’s gone! Requests to “snuggle you!” are the best!
SF says
Has anyone experienced low platelets during pregnancy? My issue is related to an autoimmune disease, but I know it’s a fairly common issue. I’m speaking with my doctors but wanted to hear what treatments you used so I can better advocate for myself?
Pogo says
I know it can keep you from getting an epidural, so I would ask about that.
govtattymom says
I had low platelets during pregnancy (also due to an autoimmune disease). My platelets got as low as the 40s during early pregnancy, but surprisingly they rebounded prior to delivery so I didn’t have to take steroids. I think my platelet level was in the high 90s at delivery, and the doctor was comfortable with doing an epidural. FWIW, I have taken the steroids for other issues and, while somewhat unpleasant, they weren’t terrible. Thinking of you!