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I’ve sung the praises of Sleepwear products over at Corporette, as they’re a key part of my skincare routine, especially as we head into the colder months. I can’t say enough about Sleepwear — I’ve tried a lot of heavy creams because my skin gets very dry in the winter, but this is what I keep coming back to. They even have “flight-friendly” travel sizes. I have Sleepwear for Hands, Sleepwear for Eyes … I really like the whole brand in general. Sleepwear (Note that Sleepwear products are available on Amazon but the brand doesn’t recommend purchasing them there.) This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 4.18.24
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anon-omenon says
I’m back again–ultrasound with no HB, just waiting to miscarry. Thank you for the kind words last week. I’m doing okay-ish, I think, but have had zero bleeding and only very minor cramping and I am just going crazy waiting.
So…talk to me about a D&C. Is it painful (and more or less painful that doing it naturally, if you have unfortunately been able to compare)? What kind of recovery am I looking at? When were you able to go back to work?
Thanks.
Anonymous says
No personal experience but the reason by sister chose D+C both times was that she found the waiting excruciating. When comparing waiting, pills, or D+C, take into account your emotional health too.
Hugs.
Anon says
I got horrific cramps in high school, and I would compare the D&C recovery to a bad episode of that. I had the procedure on a Friday morning and was able to go to work on Monday, although I probably should have taken it off just for another day of mental health recovery. I couldn’t really get off the couch for Fri and Sat (probably due to a combo of physical and mental), so you’ll want someone else to be able to take care of all the meals and care of pets or kids. Find mindless things to distract you – a good Netflix binge or a bunch of trashy magazines or a great game on your phone. Definitely delete the shortcuts to your social media, at least for the weekend, so you don’t accidentally open them up before you’re ready. By Sunday night, I was itching to do something, so I did a small house project (organizing the linen closet, including buying all sorts of bins and containers) just to have a tiny accomplishment to feel better about. I was emotionally raw on Monday, but had a clear calendar so could just sit in my office without being interrupted, so I worked about a half day and then headed home. Tuesday was much better.
Momata says
I had a D&C at 8 weeks. I had the procedure on a Friday and took off Monday only for emotional health. They put me completely under (totally understand why Michael Jackson liked prop0fol – I still vividly remember the state of being completely well rested and blissful when I woke up, which was odd considering the circumstances). They sent me home with Oxy which I did not need or take. I think I took one Motrin and that was all I needed, physically. I spent the weekend on the couch and just gave myself license to watch and eat and fell whatever I wanted. By Tuesday I was ready to go back to work.
Thinking of you.
Anon says
Propofol is a great drug. I haven’t been in your shoes and I’m sorry you are going through this. I have needed Propofol for other procedures and I just want to tell you a bit about my experience so you can prepare yourself/your SO if you use it. I woke up giddy happy, laughing at absolutely everything but also really really sleeping and out of it and couldn’t walk straight. I was clearly still under the influence. Since this is a sad time for you, I don’t want you to be upset with yourself or for your SO to be confused if you wake up laughing about what happened. It is a totally normal side effect of the drug.
The other issue I had is my brain wanted me to get up and move about before my body was ready. Then my body was jittery and wanted to move while my brain wanted to sleep. It was a pretty uncomfortable restless feeling that kicked in about an hour after I woke up. It only lasted about a half hour or so. It made me a bit panicky at first because I didn’t know how long it would last but it went away pretty quickly.
I would absolutely use propofol again for another procedure, it’s just good to know what you might deal with after.
JP says
I had a D&C at 9 weeks. For me, once it was confirmed that there was no heartbeat, I couldn’t bear the “feeling pregnant” stuff (exhaustion, nausea) and just needed it done. I had a D&C three days later and was so grateful to have that option.
I had it done on a Thursday, took off Friday, and was physically back to normal on Saturday or Sunday. I felt lousy physically but nothing that Advil couldn’t handle.
I am so sorry. It is so, so hard. Giant internet hugs.
Anonymous says
This was my experience as well. So sorry for your loss.
JayJay says
I thought of you over the weekend. I hope you’re doing as well as you can under the circumstances. This was my exact experience as well. Again, so sorry for your loss.
Anonymous says
I’ve been there twice. The first was a missed miscarriage at 12.5 weeks (ultrasound showed the heartbeat had probably stopped around 9 weeks), so my doctor strongly urged a D&C since my body had yet to get the hint.
I had second one discovered at 9 weeks, having seen a heartbeat just the week prior, but I still opted for a D&C because my doctor said it could take up to two months before a natural miscarriage began. I could not stand the idea of waiting and not knowing, and I was also still experience morning sickness with that one, so it was an easy decision.
Both procedures were very simple (I was under general anesthesia for both) and I found the recovery uneventful. There was very little pain afterwards; nothing that couldn’t be handled with ibuprofen. The first time, I think I was back at work in about 4 days, but that was mostly for my emotional recovery. The most recent one, I was back at work the following day.
Big hugs to you.
bluefield says
Mine was very simple (which may be impacted by the fact that I had taken the drugs a few weeks before so this was more of a cleanup than a whole procedure). I was out & about the next day (although I took off from work). The drugs were terrible and waiting is horrible so I think the D&C is the right way to go.
Chi Squared says
Natural miscarriage was more painful for me. I had cramps for several days, and then “contractions” for about 45 mins – 1 hr, but complete relief after the blighted ovum passed. The D&C seemed benign in comparison due to general anesthesia.
anon for this says
Both D&C and natural were extremely painful for me. But I think it was more mental causing pain.
Please take time to grieve and, if you have an SO, remember he/she is sad as well.
What helped me was after everything passed, we had a small memorial service with our pastor at our church. Also did grief counselling. Remember that there was nothing you did that caused a miscarriage and that 1 in 4 of us ladies experienced at least 1 in our life.
So sorry for your loss.
Cornellian says
How do I take a pump to a wedding I’m attending alone out of state? I was trying to figure out if I had a clutch I could dig up to take, and realized that even my hand pump wouldn’t fit in that. Do I just suck it up and take a large normal purse and leave it at the table? I think I’ll just dump (Gasp!) so not worried about having room for ice packs, etc.
Anon says
Are you renting a car? Last time I went to a wedding, I left my hand pump in my car and went out to the car halfway through the reception to pump. It wasn’t great because it was summer so it was still light outside and I felt exposed, but you should have better luck with darkness this time of year.
AIMS says
Check with the venue to see about coat check. Also call venue generally b/c I have been given accommodations in this situation. BUT – that said – if you’re just going to dump, you may be okay just waiting till you get back to your hotel. I wouldn’t have been comfortable (physically) doing that when I was first nursing, but after about 6 months it wouldn’t have been a problem if I pumped before going out and then pumped again 5-6 hours later.
Anonymous says
BM is okay for 6 hours at room temperature. Just take the pump in a bag, leave it under the table, pump when needed and leave milk in bag until back to hotel. Then pop in mini-freezer. But I had low supply and hated to dump so YMMV.
Cb says
Could you bring something smaller like the haakaa silicone pump? It won’t fit in a clutch but would easily fit in a slightly larger bag.
H says
I honestly would just take my giant bag and try and stash it somewhere right when I get to the venue. Maybe ask the bride (or venue, I guess, if you don’t want to bother her) if there is a room you can put it in and then pump in at some point during the evening. Thinking back to my own wedding, someone easily could have gone to the bridal room and pumped at some point. I didn’t step foot in there after I left it to walk down the aisle.
I’ve also just gotten into taking big bags with me to events. I’m almost always cold so I need a jacket or wrap and I also always want to change into flats at some point. No shame.
breakfast strike says
What do you feed your kids for breakfast on weekday mornings, especially your picky eaters? My son used to eat breakfast at daycare and since he started kindergarten and it’s on us to feed breakfast, I cannot get him to eat anything.
It needs to be of the grab-and-go variety. I have tried various brands of granola bars, yogurt pouches and smoothies, fruit, cheese sticks, the little Jammy Sammys, making him a sandwich, waffle sticks, and breakfast sausage. I can sometimes get him to eat Belvita cookies, and I’ve even been buying mini muffins, which he will usually eat. They do have a mid-morning snack, but I just can’t believe that gets him thru until lunch at 12:20 (!!).
He will drink some milk most days, so at least I am getting some fat and protein in him. For awhile, his teacher would send him to the cafeteria to let him eat breakfast at school, which I am fine with, but now he is not even doing that anymore.
I’m almost to a point where I’m willing to allow him to eat anything if I can just get him something.
AIMS says
What do you do on the weekends? I would try for a consistent routine if possible.
It sounds like you’ve tried a lot of things and maybe he is just not a breakfast person. Other things to try: egg cups (you can make a large batch with whatever he likes on the weekend and just reheat); PBJ; cereal. If he likes mini muffins and you’re concerned about nutrition, you could make your own with whole wheat flour and less sugar. Banana Bread also works well for this sort of thing, or zucchini bread or pumpkin bread or whatever.
SC says
My kid gets half a bagel with cream cheese, but that’s only grab-and-go if you a particularly neat eater.
FWIW, I have never been a breakfast person. My mom stopped trying sometime around preschool.
Anonymous says
I would give him a cup of whole milk in the morning and leave it alone. Offer two choices each morning (e.g. granola bar or string cheese) but accept if he refuses. With a mid-morning snack, he’s probably fine.
anon says
5 year old generally gets offered cold cereal (cheerios, kix, Kashi GoLean crunch, kashi autum wheat), often without milk on it, milk in a cup, OJ, peanut butter (eat with spoon), and sliced apple/pear or applesauce. He doesn’t always eat much. I agree he’s probably fine with the snack. My son barely eats dinner.
HSAL says
So this is a make-ahead thing, but egg muffins! You thaw and press (with a glass) three tater tots into a muffin tin (use foil liners because they’re a pain to clean) and bake at 400 for 10 minutes. Turn down to 350, then top the tots with whatever breakfast food you want – crumbled sausage, bacon, veggies, etc. Scramble eggs (I use 8/dozen muffins) and pour in, then sprinkle with cheese and bake for 22ish minutes. So good and they’re great cold or you can reheat them (not with the foil liners).
lsw says
Can you freeze these? They sound delicious!
HSAL says
Yes! They’re so good.
breakfast strike says
man, I want to make these for myself!
Thanks all for the suggestions. I’m a lifelong breakfast eater so it just boggles my mind that he can go so long on so little food. Sounds like I need to work on accepting it and trusting that he will let me know if he is hungry.
avocado says
Have you tried giving him something rich in protein right before bed to tide him over through the morning?
CPA Lady says
My kid eats breakfast at daycare, but before that I do a smoothie with whole milk plain greek yogurt, a banana, OJ, and some frozen berries. I have a nutribullet blender, and it takes about 1 minute to make. I put it in one of these:
https://www.amazon.com/Reusable-Portable-Refillable-Container-Smoothies/dp/B01A0XA5I8/ref=sr_1_3_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1508167024&sr=8-3&keywords=silicone%2Bpouch&th=1
Sarabeth says
My 4 yo gets a smoothie most mornings as well. I put it in a reusable pouch. Bonus: I have enough pouches that I can make all of them on Sunday evening, and then just grab one on the way out the door in the morning. She eats it in the stroller on the way to daycare.
Meiqi says
My son likes to eat those “handful” packs of almonds or cashews from Trader Joe’s en route to preschool in the morning. Due to all the other kids’ allergies, he can’t eat what he’d normally eat at home for breakfast, so I send English muffin sandwiches with various proteins (sunflower butter, smoked salmon bacon, regular bacon, etc.) For other grab and go snacks, he likes the roasted chickpeas, dried seaweed snacks and Ranch flavored kale chips from Costco and the dried beet chips from Trader Joe’s.
Anonymous says
smoked salmon BACON??? Is this a thing? it is salmon-flavored pig bacon or actual bacon made of salmon? Because if the latter, this 20+ year pescetarian wants!!
Meiqi says
It is the latter. Trader Joe’s makes it.
Cb says
What kind of activities do you do as a family? We don’t have local family and most of our friends don’t have kids so I’m trying to establish some routines and a sense of community and would love any ideas. We went on a hike yesterday with a family hiking group which was really lovely (apparently at 2.5 months, he’s the youngest child they have had).
Anonymous says
My DD is 7 months. We started doing waffles every Sunday morning. We also hike/walk a lot as a family. I took her hiking in a baby ktan at 8 weeks, so I’m with you there! We also explore every local county/state park within 30 mins on the weekends. I think it will get easier as your kid gets older. If you’re interested, you can look for a local mom’s Facebook group which usually has ideas of what to do, advice, and sometimes meetups. Right now we’re into swim class, but I’m not sure if we’ll keep that up because I’m finding out that we’re not a fan of scheduled activities on the weekend (already!).
AIMS says
We also do a big Sunday breakfast; usually pancakes. At some point on a weekend, we’ll also try to go to the dog park, which my daughter absolutely loves. We don’t do too much by way of “family” stuff with other “families,” mostly because I am not a fan of forced friendships like “couple friends” and “parent friends” and figure these things will either develop naturally over time or not, either is fine. One thing I can recommend at the teeny tiny age – and this is great to do with your childless friends – is go out to eat, meet for lunch/brunch, just hang out. Babies that small will usually happily sleep through most of the afternoon and you get to hang out and enjoy your friends. We also started doing a lot more hosting of people – it’s hard to get a sitter to leave but it’s easy enough to invite people over to watch X event and put a bunch of appetizers together.
Anonymous says
at 2.5 months we basically brought baby along for all the stuff we did pre-baby – museums, hikes, brunch, farmers market etc.
Enjoy baby’s portability and the extent to which you can still enjoy pre-baby type activities. Soon enough baby will be a toddler and you’ll be limited to more kid friendly spaces if you don’t want to lose your mind. Even the farmers market is a production when the toddler starts trying to grab everything.
anon says
What works for you is going to change frequently as your child changes dramatically over the next few years, but working on making friends with other people with kids around the age of your child will continue to pay dividends as then you can socialize and have built in entertainment for your child. We started having people over to eat a lot more after having a child – much easier than going out. But with a newborn we mostly did pre-baby stuff or met up with mom’s group friends.
SC says
Most weekends, we do a “big” family activity in the morning one day, such as the zoo or aquarium, swimming, a birthday party, or something “special” like a small road trip, a seasonal or holiday event, something like Touch-a-Truck, etc. We have a “sleep is the most important thing” mentality, so we always go home in time for a nap.
The other weekend morning, we typically do a smaller activity like going to the playground and spend the rest of the morning doing work around the house–doing laundry, weeding the garden, cleaning the kitchen, etc. Kiddo picks up his toys and helps with laundry. He doesn’t really help in the garden yet, but he enjoys smelling all the different herbs we have out there, then plays with his toys.
In the afternoons, we either all go to the grocery store or Costco together, or DH and I trade off spending one-on-one time with Kiddo (DH likes playing with cars inside, and I like taking Kiddo for walks) and taking some time for ourselves. Sometimes the grandparents come over, or we have a play date with one of Kiddo’s friends whose parents we are becoming friends with.
SC says
Clearly, we’re in the toddler years. When Kiddo was a baby, we mostly took him wherever we wanted to go that wasn’t quiet, had people over, or went to other people’s houses (he was happy to sleep in a pack-n-play until about 1 year old).
Also, one unexpected (for me, at least) advantage of choosing a daycare near home is that Kiddo’s classmates also live in the neighborhood. We often see them at the playground or at the events that take place in the neighborhood, even without scheduling a play date. We’ve only graduated to play dates at our house with one family, but they live about 10 minutes away from us, so it’s easy to go back and forth.
PregLawyer says
This is exactly what we do with our 2.5 year old.
H says
When LO was a baby, we did a LOT of walks around the neighborhood. We didn’t even attempt the kid friendly activities our city has to offer since most of them aren’t appropriate for babies. We also all go to the grocery store on the weekends and aside from occasionally eating out, that was it.
Now that he’s a solid toddler, we do lots of park/playground time and choose restaurants that have playgrounds (and yes, there are several in my city that aren’t mcdonalds and have good food.) Occasionally we’ll do the aquarium, zoo, or children’s museum, but we try to keep it simple. He loves looking at the halloween decorations that neighbors have been putting up so lots more walks around the neighborhood, just at toddler pace now.
GCA says
When kiddo was a teeny baby, we pretty much took him wherever (within reason) – to a friend’s house for a big boardgame get-together, apple picking, hiking in the carrier, etc.
Kid is now 2.5 and I’ve just trained for a marathon, so here’s how our weekends were structured over the summer:
Saturday mornings – I get out at 5.30 or 6 to do a long run. Husband sleeps in with kid, and they have a leisurely breakfast, maybe go for a stroller run to playground, then go to the grocery store.
I’m back by 9 or 10am at the latest, then we do a morning activity – aquarium, strawberry picking, children’s museum, etc. Sometimes if I’ve done a really long run and am wiped out, I put on a movie while kid and I snack and husband gets free time. Then lunch and naptime, followed by a playdate or just chilling out at home playing with trains/ reading/ drawing etc.
On Sundays, husband makes pancakes, we go to kid swim lessons, and then kiddo gets to run around with a bunch of his little friends from swim class (while parents hang out and chat). Then naptime and playground time with whatever’s left of the afternoon till dinner.
K says
IVF tips/advice? I just called today to get the prescription for BC pills to start the IVF process. I’m so excited and nervous. We have a 6 yo that was conceived naturally with no issues, so this is a new experience. Any tips or advice for us as we’re beginning the IVF process?
JP says
Congrats! I went through it and now have a 10 month old and one on ice.
Are you nervous about needles? Your clinic can help you practice the injections w saline so you don’t have to worry about wasting the meds or botching the shots when the time comes. My husband was the “injector in chief.” This worked very well for us because it gave him a central role and he otherwise felt powerless in the face of so much going on w my body.
Be kind to yourself during the stim process. Eat takeout or have your partner cook, your partner can be the lead parent w the 6yo so you can sleep on the weekends, if you feel horrible then take a half sick day or a whole day if you have one.
Good luck! The process is not fun, but it is so worth it :)
K says
Thanks! I’m not generally squeamish about needles, but then again, I’ve never had to give myself an injection. There’s a mandatory class I will take at the hospital that will explain the process and how to give injections, so I’m assuming that will help. Did you do the chromosomal testing? How long did the process take from BC pills to transfer? I’m trying to somewhat plan the process given it will take place during Thanksgiving and Christmastime. And congrats on your baby!
2 Cents says
If the shots sting, ask if you can freeze the injection site first. (Not sure if you can for IVF treatments.) I give myself injections weekly for a long-term medical issue, and that helps me get over the “ick” factor of sticking myself with a needle because I can’t even feel it.
M says
If you are still reading, I did IVF on that timeline – started meds over Thanksgiving (remember having to make room in my parents’ refrigerator for my injections) and gave birth to my twins the following August. I was lucky that it worked on the first try and I did a fresh rather than frozen implantation.
It certainly wasn’t pleasant but even though I dislike needles, really wasn’t all that bad. And the results were worth it in my case.
Good luck and keep us posted!
JP says
If you’re still reading…I did do the chromosomal testing due to history of multiple miscarriages. Our first, fresh transfer ended in a miscarriage so we tested the remaining ones. Turns out that 3/5 of our embryos were abnormal (47 chromosomes)–it added some time to the process but we were so glad that we’d done it.
I started the BC around xmas, started shots on January 3 (in an airport bathroom…), transfer Jan 25 or so, miscarried 2 weeks later. I opted to stay on BC while we tested the remaining embroys so I could start the prep immediately upon getting the results. I got pregnant w my daughter on 3/31, gave birth 12/12.
Anon says
As someone considering interventions, I’ll be following this post. Forgive my ignorance, but what are the BC pills for?
K says
To shut down your ovaries so they do nothing on their own until you stimulate them with meds, is my understanding. Someone with more experience may have a better or more thorough explanation though.
Anon says
Thanks. I was curious because my Gyno was of the opinion that after years of BC use, I should wait a month or two before trying to get my uterine lining to thicken back up. If that was a concern, I’m surprised that BC is part of IVF since you’d still need a healthy lining for the embryo to stick.
Batgirl says
They have other ways of thickening your lining — most people doing IVF take progesterone to aid with that after the transfer.
IVF mom says
Recognize that any timeline you get can change in an instant. Every time something was supposed to happen in 3 days, it took 5, or next month turned into the one after that. I didn’t realize how much things could shift in an instant, and it threw me for a loop emotionally.
Be prepared for the drugs to make you feel terrible or crazy (they might or they might not), and then when you feel really bad, remember that it’s not you, it’s the drugs. That said, while I hated the experience, a lot of it was due to my medical phobia and more general anxiety and desire to control everything.
To give you an idea of timing: I started taking the BC pill in early December, did one round of IVF and then had embryos frozen and undergo genetic testing. I had one transfer that didn’t work, and then the next one took and I got a positive pregnancy test on Cinco de Mayo, which means I was pregnant in April. It took about half of my friend group that long to conceive naturally with no issues, so IVF isn’t necessarily such a long process.
Oh, and stay off message boards! People have interventions for all different reasons and there are so many different approaches. Hearing from random people without context or medical knowledge won’t help but can make you crazy. I did IVF because my husband and I were both carriers for a terrible disease, so I likely didn’t have any fertility issues but we had to do frozen embryos and PGD. After reading about all the risks, I felt strongly I only wanted to transfer a single embryo at a time to avoid multiples, and wound up with identical twins! The message boards were irrelevant.
My twins are turning two now, and I remember moments of the process, but it’s mostly been blocked out and now I have my kids. Truly wishing you the best of luck!
Anon says
Hi – 1/2 of a fellow genetic carrier couple over here. It’s pretty rare to come across other people in our situation, and DH and I are contemplating how to best grow our family in the future (we are currently pregnant with one child affected by our disorder). I would love to pick your brain a bit and ask you questions about the IVF/genetic process. Do you have an anonymous email address where I could reach you?
IVF Mom says
Feel free to email me at 2munchkintamer at the google mail.
Batgirl says
Not to be a downer, but I would just try to adjust my expectations a bit to recognize that it doesn’t always work for everyone in the first round (or after several) and that you may or may not have anything leftover to freeze. That said, try to stay positive but realistic, and practice a lot of self-care. For me, the process wasn’t that bad physically but it was tough emotionally.
For injections, I would recommend having some sort of incentive to get them done quickly (for me, I would have dinner ready and then know that it was going to get cold if I waited too long to do it). If you have to do intramuscular shots (in the butt!), I would have someone help you with those, but having had to do them a few times on my own, they weren’t as bad as I feared. The stomach shots were just mind over matter for the most part. One other tip is to let the meds come to room temperature before the shot — that can make it sting less. Also, let the alcohol swabbed area dry before injecting.
In terms of timing, I would usually take BC for two weeks before my cycle started, then on Day 2, go into the office. I was usually ready to have my trigger shot around Day 10-12, with retrieval 36 hours later (so usually Day 12-14). We usually did Day 3 transfers (so usually Day 15-17). Then, you wait two long weeks to find out if it worked.
Best of luck — I really hope it works for you, and quickly! I also enjoyed the podcast IVFML, but it may be a bit of a downer if you’re very new to the process.
Batgirl says
P.S. I should say, my caution to temper your expectations is rooted in the fact that we’ve done this for two pregnancies — the first, we started 5 rounds before getting to do an embryo transfer (because I have a low ovarian reserve) but got pregnant on the first completed transfer (we transferred a whopping four embryos). The second, we are in the middle of now. I started four rounds, got to do a transfer for only one round (with one embryo) and it failed. We just did a frozen embryo transfer last month (we had a single frozen embryo from three years prior) and it has implanted. We’re only at 6 weeks and waiting for an ultrasound to hear a heartbeat — so please say a prayer or think good thoughts for us since this is probably our last shot with my eggs. Cautiously optimistic. Hope you have quick success! Hang in there.
Preschoolers and Death says
Sorry for the heavy topic. My husband’s grandmother doesn’t look like she is going to make it much longer. My kids have attended funerals before, but never for someone they knew and they didn’t see/notice the open casket.
They know, and are fond of, great-grandma. My instinct is to not take them to the viewing/wake and show up at the funeral after the casket is closed. Explain that she died and went to live in heaven with Jesus (this is consistent with our belief system), but I really can’t imagine it wouldn’t be traumatic for them to see her remains. To be fair, this might be me really, really hating open caskets. I still have a hard time taking it as an adult.
Their ages 3.5 and 2. My three year old was watching a nature documentary and saw a baby elephant die (I was napping on the couch and woke up too late) and still talks about it and cries occasionally.
Am I being to helicopter parenty or are they really too young for this? I haven’t discussed with my spouse yet, as he has other things on his plate (supporting his parents, his own grief, etc.).
Mrs. Jones says
I also hate open caskets. Your plan to skip that part sounds fine to me.
Mrs. Jones says
Also, I’m sorry about your husband’s grandmother.
Preschoolers and Death says
Thanks, she is a great lady!
Anon in NYC says
My husband’s grandmother passed away when my daughter was about 1.5. We attended the wake (open casket) with her but avoided going up to the front, and then also brought her to the funeral. We figured that she was too young to really understand. My BIL who has older kids (then 6 and 4) did not bring his kids to the wake but brought them to the funeral (closed casket).
I think it’s totally fine and reasonable to not bring your kids to the wake. If you go that route, the only thing that I would say is to have your spouse tell your in-laws when coordinating/finalizing plans. My BIL (who is generally a jerk) did not tell my MIL in advance, so she expected her grandkids to be at the wake. It seemed particularly hurtful to be surprised that they weren’t there (even though it also makes complete sense why they wouldn’t be there — people don’t think rationally at times like these). I’m sorry about your husband’s grandmother.
Preschoolers and Death says
Good point about making sure to let MIL know. She is lovely and will probably be fine either way but prepping her in advanced is a good call.
AIMS says
I think it’s fine. But I also think it’s fine to bring the kids to see the body. I attended a family funeral recently and the great grand kids (a bit older than yours, but not much) were surprisingly good about handling it. I think part of what makes it hard for kids is that they don’t understand what’s happening. Seeing great grandma “sleeping” peacefully and explaining she has passed (whatever system works for you) may actually be easier.
Anonymous says
My LO was 2.5 when my grandma died. I took her to the wake after the casket was closed, I did not take her to the funeral. I took her to the grave a few days afterwards and we brought flowers. She still asks about her but we have just focused on that it’s okay to miss people and feel sad sometimes. It’s gotten easier with time.
When I had to tell her I basically said: Nonna died. When people get really old, then their bodies don’t work, then they die. Nonna is in heaven and we can’t see her anymore. Mommy feels sad and it’s okay if you feel sad. Talking about nice memories about Nonna helps when we feel sad.
Preschoolers and Death says
Thanks for the conversation suggestions. I like these. If my husband is ok with it, we will probably do something similar. They should be fine for the funeral because we go to church every Sunday and they know, usually, how to behave there.
Anonymous says
It wasn’t so much LO’s behavior at church that we were worried about, my mom was super close with her mom and she was a bit of a wreck emotionally. I thought it would be upsetting to my LO to see my mom so upset and I didn’t want my mom to feel like she had to repress her grief. Your situation may be totally different but I did want to mention it.
Preschoolers and Death says
Hadn’t even thought of that. Good call.
mascot says
+1, know the family dynamic here. We’ve opted out of taking my child to viewings and funerals for grandparents and great grandparents (he was 18 months and 5 yrs). A big part of it was sensitivity to the fact that it can be a very confusing emotional time for a little kid. As somone who did go to funerals and viewings starting around age 6, I remember being upset because my parents/relatives were emotional more than anything. I also clearly remember my great grandfather’s open casket and was a little freaked out by the whole thing.
avocado says
I am also horrified by open caskets and do not attend any event where the body of the deceased is present, open or closed casket. I think you are right to protect your children against potential trauma at this age. I would probably let a kid of about 10 or so make his or her own choice about whether to view the body.
Rainbow Hair says
This is what I did. I dropped my stuff in the room where the bride and bridesmaids were getting fancified.
Rainbow Hair says
Uh, yeah, for Cornellian.
Cornellian says
hahah I read this and pictured you in the back of an open casket funeral pumping.
For Cornellian re: pumping at a wedding says
I just did this! I called the venue ahead of time and the site coordinator said I could use her office. I was also able to use the staff fridge. She assured me that both locations were locked and she was the only one that could get in.
So to answer your question I just brought my giant pump bag. It wasn’t weird at all, because I took it to the office where I’d be pumping right after I got there.
Both the wedding coordinator and site coordinator were so sweet to me and shared their own pumping stories.
You didn’t ask but as far as times to pump – I found right after ceremony, right before dessert, and the end of the evening to be the best times to pump because I didn’t miss any dances/toasts/etc (this is the second wedding I’ve been to this month!). I also have a newborn so I can only go about 2.5 hours, and I really have to fully pump (hand pump or haakaa would not cut it for 7oz each time….)
Cornellian says
Thanks! Depending on how late it goes I can probalby get away with just pumping once. My baby is 9 months so I’m not pumping/nursing every 90 minutes any more, thank God.
Last wedding I went to I just pumped and dumped with hand pump in bathroom but it was at an outside casual venue in my city, so I was less worried.
For K re: IVF says
+1 to everything IVF mom said – you never know how long it will take, because complications arise. From “we’re moving on to IVF” to positive test for me was four months. I really had a hard time with this because I’m a planner. I always struggled with whether to cancel work trips as important dates got closer (retrieval, transfer, etc).
I never had to but it was stressful. From the moment my plane touched down from a work trip to being in the clinic undergoing the transfer was less than 8 hours. I just had to be mentally prepared to tell work “sorry, I have to fly home NOW.” Ditto for DH (well, for those occasions on which his er… services were needed!)
Anon says
This is a response to cb above– mobile won’t let me chain it. As a baby we just did normal weekend things — errands, friends, walks, playground once mobile. As a 2.5 year old, we mostly go to parks. We typically do one bigger “event” per weekend (could be children’s service at synagogue, hike, play date , this week explored a new train with the trike), sat or sun morning, and supplement with walks/errands/gardening/library. At this age we try to be outside most of the weekend other than naps, and our city has no shortage of interesting parks — hiking, playgrounds, duck pond d etc. We try really hard not to spend money on toddler outings because there’s so much that’s free– we were given a zoo membership but don’t really do children’s museum etc. We do a lot of play dates but it’s usually hiking, playground, or other outdoor activity. 2 year olds need a LOT of running, it turns out!
In House Lobbyist says
Preschooler and funerals – we just did this for my husband’s grandmother. My kids are 7 and 4. They went to the service but it was short and closed casket. We took the for visitation before to let my MIL show off her adorable grandkids and then kept them outside on the porch until the service started. My little one didn’t really get it but must have listened because she has said several times that when people die they go to heaven but they live in your heart forever. I think that is a great way to explain it to little ones and it still makes me want to cry when she says it.
Paging those interested in IVF with PGD says
Feel free to email me at 2munchkintamer at the google mail.