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I usually think animal prints = fall, but this shell from Ann Taylor is perfect for midsummer.
This summery take on a zebra print works as both a layering piece or alone. This sleeveless knit top has a halter neck and is made from an easy care, machine washable blend. Pair it with a light tan or cream suit or just wide-leg slacks depending on your A/C situation. Take it into the fall by switching your suit or pants to black.
This Zebra Jacquard Sweater Shell is $69.50 and available in sizes XXS–XXL as well as petite sizes.
Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for washable clothes for work, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear.
Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
Anonymous says
What are everyone’s favorite nursing and pumping bras? Thanks!
Anon says
Context: 34A when not pregnant or nursing, 36C when pregnant/nursing. Nursed for a 13.5 months and pumped every other day starting at 4 weeks and then a few times a day starting at 16 weeks (so nanny could feed baby when I wasn’t available to nurse).
Pumping bra: Kindred Bravely Sublime Pumping/Nursing bra. I found this way too tight/constricting to wear as any everyday bra, so I would put it on to pump and then take it back off.
Nursing bras: Kindred Bravely Sublime for sports bras/athleisure days, Natori Feathers nursing bras for normal clothes, Natori Feathers racerback for normal racerback clothes (since I could just unclasp at the front and entirely free the nursing side and my clothes would more or less keep the other side in place).
I also had a cheap pack of 5 nursing bras from Amazon that I brought to the hospital and wore those first few weeks when I knew I didn’t want underwire or a sports bra that I had to put on over my head. Back clasp, unglamorous, but good b/c I figured out that 1) lanolin stains everything and 2) I hate lanolin while I was using them, so I didn’t stain anything I actually liked!
Mary Moo Cow says
Bravado Body Silk, hands down. I had a zip front pumping bra and a three strap over the neck harness-like contraption from Amazon that I preferred to the zipper bra.
AwayEmily says
This is going to depend so much on your size. I have a small chest normally and a medium one when nursing. My absolute favorites are the Target pullover seamless “sleep” bra (I do not wear them to sleep). I really prefer the cross-front style to the clip style, but then I also don’t need a ton of support.
I would *not* recommend the Bodily ones. I gave into the Instagram hype and ordered one and although it is super soft, it provides zero support and also the fabric is so thin that it gets soaked through if even a little milk gets on there.
In terms of pumping, I use the Simple Wishes hands-free one. I like the zip front.
HSAL says
I’m a 36J (a little smaller pre-pregnancies, but not much) and I loved Bravado Body Silk so much that I bought more after I was done nursing and now I wear the non-nursing version. I also had Cotton Candy from Cake but didn’t like those as well – too big in the band after pregnancy. I also bought a few “real” nursing bras from Nordstrom (honestly just buy a bunch and return) but I seldom needed good bras when I was nursing. I wore regular bras for work and then for pumping I used either the simply wishes bandeau or a cheap sports bra that I cut holes in. Either were fine.
DLC says
I had both the Rumia and BeliBea nursing/pumping bra which conveniently you could wear for both nursing and pumping and not have to change bras. It fit kind of tight, like a sports bra, and had more layers than a regular nursing bra, so didn’t create the most flattering silhouette for me, but I really liked not having to change bras.
My favorite just nursing bra was the Anita wireless bra- I still wear it even though I’m not nursing. I found Bravado and Natori made some bras that were super comfy too, but it doesn’t look like the ones I had two years ago are being made anymore. (I always had wireless bras)
Also for pumping a lot of the time, I used the trick where you just wrap your nursing bra around the flange to keep it up. Google “nursing bra to pumping bra hack” It was life changing for me.
Clementine says
You know, my kids are really fun right now. We’re having a really great summer.
I feel like I come on here when I’m struggling a lot, but man… really enjoying it. (Also – realizing how much vacation time and hiring good staff has helped alleviate my burnout.)
Anon says
That’s so good! My kids are really fun, too. Even though there are rough times, they’re really fun to spend time with.
Mary Moo Cow says
Yay! We’re having a good summer over here, too (okay, we need more childcare, but aside from that!) This is our first summer in a new neighborhood, and we’ve made friends, gone to the pool almost every day, gone on scooter rides with packs of kids, played on the nature trail and in the creek, eaten way too much junk food, and had a lot of quiet, quality family time. My kids are 7 and almost 5, and I think this is our best summer yet.
Anon says
Yay!! I’m so glad you’re having a good summer!
Anon says
yes we just returned from an almost 3 week trip with our 4 year old twins. last summer we took a similar trip and i think slept through the night once. this time we all got sleep and actually had fun. don’t get me wrong- there were tantrums and it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows, but we had many more fun moments than not fun ones and I had moments of actually feeling refreshed. (then of course our second night back home one kid woke up 5+ times and yesterday at bedtime the other one lost it for a good 45 minutes when we didnt help her put her pjs on first)
Anon says
We’ve had a really fun summer too. This is the first summer my 4 year old really loves the pool, and I’ve been rapidly burning through all the vacation leave I accrued and didn’t use in 2020 and 2021.
Anonymous says
We have managed to cram in a lot of the fun that we were denied over the past two summers, but it’s only increased my burnout and work stress.
Anon says
This top is pretty!
We are in Covid land over here. Only 1 of 4 of us have tested positive .I am assuming we will have the most inconveniently cascading cases – like we all test positive on day 10 of someone else’s. Our partially vaxxed 3yo is our for 8 days after the last person’s 10 days. Right now, that’s mid August. But it could easily stretch to almost September…
Anon says
Oh no! Wishing you speedy negative tests. Our family of 3 all had it at once (thanks MIL). It was rough for the 2-3 days husband and I were curled up on the couch while the toddler ran around, but it was over fast.
Anonymous says
We’re on round two of Covid in our household, too. Daughter and I tested positive early last week — me symptomatic, her not — but husband and sons are good as of this morning. Husband and I both had symptomatic cases 8 months ago, one son tested positive more than 2 weeks later but was asymptomatic. DH and I are not eligible for 2nd boosters, but the whole family including kids has gotten their first boosters on schedule.
At this point, I’m not really interested in another booster until they have the new version that is more protective against omicron variants. Anecdata: last winter’s covid was over for me in 2 days; this time I didn’t feel tired or achy, but the sore throat, cough and congestion lasted almost a full week.
anon says
Isn’t the current recommendation five days?
OP says
Yes but my state does not care to update their recommendations for child care because they don’t care about working families or children’s early learning, I guess. I am en ranged about this, if you cannot tell. They have been promising updates guidance for months.
I can’t totally blame them since the legislature has consistently crushed state workers. The pay is abysmal and it is hard to find people to do complex work for super low pay.
anon says
It’s only 5 days if they can reliably wear a mask for the following 5 days. I’m assuming their 3 yo can’t do that all day at daycare, especially with meals and snacks.
Anon says
Not all daycares follow the CDC guidelines. It depends on state and local health dept regulations as well.
Signed, was still doing 14 day classroom quarantines for every exposure until March 2022 because our local health department was slow to adopt CDC guidance.
AIMS says
I tested positive wind no one else ever did in my house. Good friend just had the same experience. You never know!
Back to School Clothes Shopping says
Does anyone have a good list of amounts of clothes to aim for for kiddos (first grade girl for reference). I suppose it wouldn’t be hard to come up with it myself, but I’ve decided to spend more time searching on Google/Pinterest/here instead of just sitting down and doing it, lol. The lists I find on Pinterest seem really off the mark (3 pairs of jeans, 4 pairs of pants, 2 leggings, etc.). My sweet child wears leggings or shorts. Rarely anything else. I just never end up with the right amounts/styles of cold weather clothes. Summer is way easier for me.
HSAL says
My mom buys almost all of my kids’ clothes, and I just fill in the occasional gap when I see one, but I’d just figure out what she does wear and how often you want to do laundry. So if you do laundry every week you need maybe 10 pairs of leggings to account for messes/late laundry day.
AwayEmily says
I think it’s tough to know until you’re actually in the thick of it. For example, my kindergartener refused to wear shorts to school (even on hot days) because the air conditioning kept it too cold in there. She also randomly decided she preferred non-zip sweatshirts. This is why Target curbside pickup is so amazing — we do a pickup order every other week or so (basically anything non-food we get at Target, e.g. cleaning supplies, Tupperwares, etc) and if we are low on any kid clothes I’ll throw in an extra t-shirt or pair of leggings. Honestly I kind of love that I am limited to what is available at the store. Saves a lot of time/comparison shopping/etc, and I like that there’s no shipping.
Anon says
That seems really low to me. We have probably 10-12 pairs of leggings that currently fit my 4 year, plus ~7-10 long sleeve dresses/shirts and ~7-10 short sleeved dresses/shirts. We live in the Midwest so weather can fluctuate wildly most months (eg. it can be high of 50 or 90 in September) and I want to make sure I don’t have to do laundry mid-week.
Anon says
I do laundry weekly, but the folded clothes don’t usually make it back into the drawers until the following week so we have more than a week’s worth of clothes. My kid (rising K-er) wears mostly dresses with leggings and runs warm. This is what I consider my “complete wardrobe” for the fall and winter, which then my mother supplements so the child has more clothes than I do.
20 pairs of underwear (the child got her father’s habit of changing undies every time she changes clothes)
10 pairs of socks (child often prefers to go sockless, so these are really for being at school)
8-10 pairs of leggings (ideally half in prints that match her dresses because she likes to match, the other half are
solid colors that go with her dresses, usually a variation of pink, navy, or black)
5 pairs of bike shorts for under dresses on the warmer days or days we don’t go outside
2-3 long sleeve dresses (for extra cold days since the kid won’t wear a sweater)
5-7 short or elbow sleeve dresses (these are often summer dresses that carry over, one of the reason I like the elbow sleeve Hanna skater dress is it is good in 4 seasons)
2-3 long-sleeve shirts (these never get worn unless everything else is in the laundry or it is a snow day)
2-3 short-sleeve shirts (will occasionally tolerate with pants, often carry over from summer and into spring)
2 cardigans (on days when I don’t want to fight for long sleeves)
2 zip-up sweatshirts
2 pairs of sweatpants (mostly worn for snow days, post swim class and mountain trips)
2 pairs snow pants
1 swim suit that still fits and isn’t completely worn out for swim class and hotel pools
1 pair of jeans because I keep hoping she’ll like and wear them (her least favorite, often used as the “back-up clothes” that live in her backpack)
2 long-sleeve cotton sweaters (only worn when the high is below freezing with much complaining).
Anonymous says
Kids that age tend to prefer one style of clothing and refuse to wear anything else. So 3 pairs of jeans + 4 pairs of pants + 2 pairs of leggings means that you will run out of the preferred bottoms by Tuesday and have 5 – 7 other bottoms that never get worn and were a total waste to buy. I aim to have enough pieces to make 10 complete outfits that the kid will agree to wear for every possible weather scenario, plus two or three dress-up outfits appropriate to the season (we dress up a lot so YMMV). My kid refuses to re-wear anything, even sweatshirts that are layered over a t-shirt, so we can’t do a cute mix-and-match capsule wardrobe.
blueberries says
I think it depends on how often you do laundry and how much space you have.
I have limited space and do laundry every few days, but aim to have a week’s worth of something seasonally appropriate just in case. That can include the spare clothes kept in the car for emergencies.
I have nothing against directing kids to pick clothes out of clean laundry baskets if clothes haven’t made it back to the drawer yet.
Ifiknew says
How many pajamas do yall buy if you only do laundry weekly? I hate spending a lot on pajamas
Anonymous says
8 pairs for little ones who get them dirty.
AwayEmily says
I save some money by always using two sizes (since PJs don’t have to fit perfectly) — so, half of my 4yo’s pajamas are 4T and half are 5T. When he’s 5, he’ll wear half 5T and half 6T. Does that make sense? Saves me from buying a full set in one size.
startup lawyer says
same here. though i sized up to 5t for my 3yo and it’s not even that big.
GCA says
On the PJ question, kid 2 wears kid 1’s hand-me-downs; I think we have 3 sets of summer PJs (short sleeves and shorts/ pants) and 2 sets of winter ones (long sleeves and pants) for her. Kid 1 now wears a t-shirt and pj pants to sleep (if at all – in summer and now increasingly in winter he just sleeps in his underwear, this kid is a space heater) so I buy him one set a year, usually at Christmas! they wear the same pajamas for several days.
Cb says
Yeah, we had loads of PJs but my son is in an undies only phase. I also buy them quite big so they can be worn for 2 years – especially summer jams.
We have probably a week to 10 days of bottoms, 4 pairs of shorts (bought really big for 2 years wear), 6 T-shirts, 8 long sleeves, lots of undies and socks, 4-5 sweaters and tops (although they seem to be missing…). But I’ll probably cut back on future years due to uniforms.
got 6 days worth of uniform tops and bottoms, 3 sweaters, but will try and snag some more sweaters at the free shop.
Anon says
We only have a couple pairs of pajamas. I don’t think pajamas require daily washing because they don’t get dirty like outside clothes do. Also my kid usually sleeps in the next day’s clothes to save time in the morning. So pajamas are mostly for sleepovers and special occasions.
Anon says
I regularly hear about having kids sleep in their clothes for the next day… This would never work for us as my kid often gets his pajamas dirty while eating breakfast and his clothes would be so wrinkled after sleeping in them!
Anon says
The cheap kid clothes we own don’t really wrinkle. We change into them at night after all the eating is done for the day. Sometimes they do get dirty at breakfast but that would happen even if they weren’t slept in. I also just think wrinkles and dirt are not a big deal on young kids, but I seem to have lower standards than many here.
anon says
If you don’t feel strongly about pj aesthetics, you can get 1-2 pairs for when you’ll be with guests/others and use old leggings and free t-shirts for the other nights. My bigger girls like sleeping in their old school/camp/recital T-shirts with holey leggings, sweatpants, or under-dress-bike-shorts.
Anon says
My kid has probably 15 pairs of PJs, all Hanna’s. But probably 10 of those are in her current size and 5 are the next size up and she just wears them a little big. I probably get a full year or more out of each size, and I only buy them on sale (so $22 or less a pair (sometimes clearance ones get down into the $12-$15 range), and I buy a few pairs in the next size up each time I place an order, so the expense is spread throughout the year). We will also hand them down to friends and cousins and they hold up really well.
Anonymous says
I love love love cute pjs so it’s essentially in my entertainment budget vs my clothing budget- plus my older kid is always freezing and wears pjs as long underwear from October to May. Ultimately he has 7-8 pairs of pjs so we can wash weekly and he’s not rewearing since he’s worn them 24 hours straight. Then our younger one has the hand me downs plus also has extra pairs if the kids get matching pairs or holiday pairs.
TheElms says
I overbuy so have more than this (but am trying to reduce so I have been thinking about what I need to get for the size up). For Fall/Winter in the DMV for a PK3 girl I think we need:
– 1 heavy jacket
– 1 snow pants/bib
– 2 fleeces (because 1 will get lost/left somewhere)
– 1 fleece vest
– 3 zip front sweatshirts (but my kid run warms so you might need more)
– 14 long sleeve tops (generally good for wearing with leggings) (we usually go through 2 shirts a day — 1 at school / 1 at home)
– 10 leggings where some are regular and some are fleece lined or thicker
– 2 other pants ( jeans/cords)
– 3 sweatpants
– 14 underwear
– 3-5 dresses at least one is nicer
anon says
Wow that’s a ton. We don’t come even close to this.
We do either a zip up sweatshirt or a zip up fleece, not both. They both wear their mid-weight down winter coats if it’s chilly outside. They don’t like to layer because of the bulk.
We shoot for 8-10 or so outfits, so for one kid that’s school-day dresses + under dress leggings and for the other that’s pants + shirts that can be mixed and matched.
We’ll add a few sets of athletic clothes for soccer or basketball or other sports. We usually have one pair of sweat pants or warm ups to wear to/from activities. We also ski, so both kids have ski coats and pants.
PJs are hand-me-downs or free t shirts from activities.
TheElms says
I attempt to do laundry once a week but don’t always manage it. And whatever shirt is worn to school comes home covered in sand/mud/paint/ food most days so she changes her shirt and pants after school most days. I assume this will get better as she gets older?
startup lawyer says
3 yo boy
– 8-10 tops (includes 1 button down, 1 tank, and rest are long or short sleeve tees)
– on average 4-5 pairs of bottoms total (winter it’s mostly sweats, a pair of jeans, a pair of cords and one overalls and summer, patagonia baggies which are waterproof and so can wear multiple times before a wash)
– winter, also a set of wool underwear which can b worn all week before being washed
-1 heavy coat and 2 lighter jackets to layer
-10 pairs of socks
– 1 pair of shoes per season
Speech therapy experience? says
Does anyone have experience with speech and feeding therapy for a 23ish month old? Our LO had a speech explosion in the past month, meaning he babbles nonstop and tries to converse and points things out. He has only about 10 decipherable words though; everything else is the same combination of di, da, ba syllables. We started speech therapy, but I find it obnoxious. The therapist talks and makes sounds relentlessly. I am exhausted listening to it and trying to mimic and engage with my son. I can only imagine that he, as a pandemic baby and shy kid, is overwhelmed. He burst into tears while eating his favorite food because the therapist was so intense in watching him and coaching him. He hardly interacts at therapy but begins chattering away with me as soon as therapy is over. Is this normal? Does it take some time to get used to the therapist?
anon says
Speech therapy is hard work, so I don’t think it’s that unusual for a kid not to like it. Obviously a good therapist helps a lot.
In case it makes you feel any better, my brother hated his speech therapist as a 3 yo so much that he would only call her Ms. Poop-Head. Fortunately his speech was so poor she had no idea what he was calling her. My mother spent every appointment waiting for her to make a breakthrough with him such that she could understand him–only to learn he had been calling her Ms. Poop-head for months to her face without her realizing it. It would have been quite the moment. He ended up being switched to a different therapist before he ever got there.
Anne-on says
We did feeding therapy when my son was small and he loved it – the therapist had a ton of toys/ways to engage and lots of ‘tools’ that were basically interesting chew toys. It sounds like this simply isn’t the right therapist for you – which is ok! We’ve swapped therapists before for lots of reasons. We also mainly used the therapy visits to teach us as parents how to do the exercises at home and get my son used to some exercises, the at home nightly therapy was what made the biggest difference.
Fwiw, I’d separate out the feeding therapist from the speech therapist, I know it’s the ‘same’ credential of SLP but in practice the ones we liked who focused on feeding were much more knowledgeable about that (and had LOTS of experience with preemies, young kids and kids who had been primarily tube fed) vs. the ones who did primarily speech. Your local children’s hospital should have good recommendations for the feeding aspect. Good luck!
Anon says
I agree with all of this! I fired my first Early Intervention SLP because she was a BAD fit. We took a break and when we came back the second one was great.
Anonymous says
We did this program for our oldest – it’s the program the hospital does for the parents of kids who are on the waitlist for individual therapy. We ended up not needing therapy after we adjusted what we were doing. Can the therapist focus on the eating issues and you can use the Hanen program to focus on the speech part? http://www.hanen.org/Programs/For-Parents/It-Takes-Two-to-Talk.aspx
Anonymous says
We’ve been through about 12 different speech therapists (my son is now 8, we started at 2.5). We loved most, hated some; we always see growth when we switch it up. To be honest it sounds like your son might have childhood apraxia of speech, which is characterized by drooling and indecipherable words — the therapy you want is most likely PROMPT therapy which involves touching the kid’s face.
(My guy had about 50 words by age 3, but he dropped syllables at the end of the words so “ba” could have been bathrom, basement, ball, etc. We did PROMPT therapy for about 6 months and it helped a lot, we also listened to a pronunciation CD in the car called “Rockit to Talkit.” He read before he spoke in sentences. At 8 he’s mostly understandable and conversational but he’s autistic so he’s not always cogent.)
Veins says
Just a vent.
I’ve had varicose veins my whole life (genetic, both sides). Annoying but whatever – I’m not a bikini model and my husband thinks i’m beautiful. They got slightly worse during my first pregnancy but then back to my normal afterwards.
I’m now pregnant for the second time and have developed them in my hoo-ha (ridiculous term but avoiding mod) and good grief. It’s going to be an interesting 5 more months, that’s for sure!
Pogo says
I had them and had to get the ugliest support belt thing. I can try to find the link if you want. It felt like I had an orange between my legs most of the time, tbh.
The good news – at least for me – they went away w/ delivery. I have no pain or swelling down there anymore!!
Veins says
Good to know – thanks for the share!
Yes, please send the link if you have it!
(Also, if I’m remembering correctly and you’re the one who practically gave birth in the hospital lobby, I’m glad to know that they didn’t impact you having an unmedicated, v&ginal delivery – it’s what I had for the first one and intending to repeat).
Pogo says
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0024L5KQ2/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1
also how great is the product name: Babybellyband Original Pregnancy Belly Band -with-Compression Therapy-Groin Bands- Supports-Pelvic Floor-Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction-Vulvar Varicosities-Prolapse-Hernia
Really covers all the bases. Vulvar varicosities… that was what my midwife called em. so much fun.
Anonymous says
Oh, golly, that might be even worse than hemorrhoids. If it makes you feel any better, apparently it is a Thing that happens to some people during pregnancy. So at least you are not alone.
Veins says
I have hemorrhoids too! Never went away after first baby. It’s a holy trinity of swollen parts :)
ugh says
I had the veins problem you’re describing with my third pregnancy but not my fourth. Just throwing that out there in case you aren’t finished having kids!
Veins says
Oh that is good to know – thank you! We don’t know yet – the plan was “2 and then we’ll see about a 3rd after we get a feel for 2”.
Patty Mayonnaise says
I know you didn’t ask for advice, but I wanted to recommend checking out Bao Bei support bloomers. They were lifesavers during my pregnancy and immediately postpartum. Hope you find some relief!
Veins says
Thank you!
anon says
I also had them and wore the V2 support belt. It really did help. I am so sorry that you are dealing with it. It was so uncomfortable. The good news is that they went away!
Patty Mayonnaise says
Any moms of 4 on here? I currently have a 5 yo, 3 yo, and an 8 mo and I’m somehow experiencing baby fever? I feel like I might want a 4th even though I had totally thought #3 would be my last. Just wondering if anyone has been there or could offer any insight. My husband and I both work full time and are spread pretty thin as it is, but I am really feeling this pull…
Anon says
i’m a mom of 2, but i know moms of 4 in real life and many of them say that the 3-4 transition wasn’t that hard (for those that went from 3–>4, i also know a number of people who tried for #3 and ended up with twins, so went from 2–>4 and I think that was harder). i also don’t know your age, but do you have to decide right now? are you weaning or any other hormones going on, because at least to me an 8 month old is still a baby, though I know is starting to become a bit more of a person each day
Patty Mayonnaise says
Thanks – all of this is on my mind as well. I am still nursing, etc. And I’m 38, so wanting to decide sooner rather than later I guess… and I’m a planner.
Anonymous says
My MIL frequently says that the transition from 3 to 4 kids was what turned her family into a “big family” and made logistics exponentially more difficult. With 4 kids they felt like their family didn’t fit in anyone’s house when visiting, even for the afternoon. You can cram 3 kids into the back of a rented sedan but not 4. Etc.
Anonymous says
No, I only have 3, but I have a bunch of friends with 4. For a lot of families 3 vs 4 is not really a big change. I would just say be prepared to drive a Very Large Car and think about how you’d arrange the bedrooms.
Me says
I have four! 7, just turned 6, 3 and 10 months. Baby was the easiest transition for sure. I really love that we have an even number – I think it’s going to work out really well. DH and I both work full time and I am somewhat dreading figuring out after school carpools and activity schedules for the fall. It gets overwhelming, but I expect I’d be overwhelmed with three. And it sometimes gives us a good excuse to say no to things, which is probably healthier for everyone (e.g. 3 year old is not doing soccer even though older two did at age 3 – we just don’t have the saturday morning capacity!)
I do think we get invited to do things as a family less – that’s the one downside that actually bothers me. No one wants to invite the family with four kids out to a restaurant with them or to their farm for the weekend (common where we live). But we have a happy little unit as is, so I try to focus on that. And I wouldn’t trade our youngest for anything, she’s wonderful and all the big kids adore her.
Patty Mayonnaise says
Thank you for this perspective!!
Earlier poster says
Aw thanks – I’m feeling sort of guilty reading the post from the oldest of four below who said she missed out on things – because my kids do! But we’re also well off and they have tons of opportunities so I’m going to try not to lose sleep about it!
Patty Mayonnaise says
Good to know! We’re def not well off, so that’s a big consideration as well.
Earlier poster says
Yeah, four is expensive. By well off I really mean comfortable and we definitely avoid things that are too expensive (mostly some of the travel I might otherwise do) but the kids love driving to our local beach so again i think having four sometimes helps us make the better choices!
Patty Mayonnaise says
Thank you for this perspective! I feel like we’re even a bit of an outlier with 3 where I live, so this is really helpful.
anonM says
Can you say more about the even number? I’m tempted to have a 3rd but not 4, but with 3 I worry about the odd-man-out dynamic of 3?? Or can you just not predict these types of sibling dynamics?
Earlier poster says
I think what’s nice is not just that we don’t have an odd man out but that there’s more constant shifting between them 1 and 2 hanging out then 1 and 3 then 1 and 4 and with the other pair pairing off at the same time. Does that make sense? More opportunity for different dynamics. Or even 1, 2, 3 playing or 1, 3, 4 playing with an odd man out varying. We like having two of them share a room and the two that have has changed and will continue to change – I’m not sure we’d be switching things up as much with only three kids.
We also have three of one gender and one of the other (who’s one of the middle kids) so that plays in there too.
Earlier poster says
Ugh I think Iost my earlier post but basically it’s not just that there isn’t an odd man out – it’s that we have so many different combinations of kids who can play or hang out or share a room or really anything. So 1 and 2 may pair off then 1 and 3 then 1 and 4 (and the other two kids in each pair). We’ve switched around who shares a room a lot already – we always have one shared room – and I don’t know that we’d be switching it up as much with just three kids or even motivated to do so. Even when there’s one odd man out, that person tends to vary. So yeah, I like the variety of dynamics. And since kids totally have such different personalities regardless of how you parent them, the variety of their relationships is really fun to watch.
anon says
As one of 4, I think going from three to four really changes family dynamics. Kids just won’t be able to do as many activities (unless you have resources to hire drivers and nannies) so time tends to be spent as a family instead of individual interests. It also really hinders family travel. Plane tickets and hotel rooms and rental cars are all problematic. You also end up with a bigger age range, so your oldest will be in high school (14 yo) by the time your youngest would old enough for bigger adventures (7 yo). As the oldest of four I felt like I missed out on a lot by always having a baby in the family. Don’t get me wrong, I love my siblings, but my parents were always busy with babies and preschoolers. I was always helping. It’s not even close to the same as what my two kids get now where they get to explore their own interests and we go on big trips. There’s pros and cons to both, but it’s certainly different.
Anon says
i have a bunch of friends who are one of four and one also married someone who is one of four and went on to have four kids of their own. my BIL’s gf is one of four and I was with her last week and we were talking a lot about it and there is a two year age difference between each of her siblings and she said she never felt like she didn’t get enough time with her parents, though she said thinking about it in retrospect, she and her youngest sister probably had time together alone with parents and it felt like solo time because there weren’t four kids around at the same time. i will say all of the people i know who are one of four grew up in very well resourced families – there weren’t unlimited resources, but finances didn’t get in the way of hiring the necessary help or taking trips, or paying for college, etc.
Anon says
We had a 12 year age gap from the first to the last, so there was always a baby. We also had a SAHM, but otherwise very limited financial resources. No hired help ever, not even occasional babysitters. No local family.
AIMS says
I once saw a study that said moms of 3 are the most stressed out but moms of 4 are actually pretty happy (b/c just having kids dressed is a victory).
anon says
I’d agree with this. I bet parents of three often try to parent like families with one or two kids, but it’s logistically more challenging with more drop offs, pick ups, sick days, needs for supplies, etc. Parents of four give up on those demands and parent a big family with more family time and fewer external obligations.
Spirograph says
Yeah, as a mom of three with neighbors who have 4 (also that mom is a SAHM, so somewhat of an unfair comparison), I agree with this.
OP, I had baby fever when #3 was young, too. We opted out of 4 because my husband wants to be able to give kids individual attention and let them pursue their individual interests. I’m sure I would have loved a fourth, but the baby fever passed.
Patty Mayonnaise says
I’ve heard this too! Thank you.
Not sure if the fever will pass, but I keep thinking of this woman who told me shortly after having #3 that she thought about having a 4th then decided against it and has always regretted it. I’m the worst at closing “doors” too, so I know that’s a part of it. Before having kids, I seriously never imagined I’d be thinking about this!
AwayEmily says
I have had zero baby fever in the five months since my third was born and I’m hoping it will stick. I ADORE her, she is the chillest, cutest baby, and I am leaning hard into all the baby snuggles while at the same time being absolutely certain that she is my last. Such a different feeling than with my second, where I still felt like our family wasn’t finished, but also didn’t know for sure if we would go for a third, so everything felt more fraught.
anonM says
I feel similarly about deciding on a #3. So piggybacking/thinking out loud here. One thing that holds me back is that I’m 2/2 in delivery complications (much better/less dramatic with #2, but still required emergency D&C post-delivery). Another is that my firm (law) is now basically my boss and I, and clients are institutional and long-term — and I handle nearly all logistics, filing, etc. I couldn’t do a long maternity leave, but I do wfh.
FWIW, I have noticed that families with 4 or more kids to the outside often get lumped together as “so many kids” and I’ve noticed acquaintances stop trying to remember how many kids they have let alone the kids’ names. I think some people would be bothered by that, but most people who have large families dgaf about that sort of thing.
Anonymous says
I just cannot deal with presenteeism any longer. Remote work has made it even worse. Our VP led a meeting from a hospital room, and now she is trying to lead one while sick with COVID. The clear message is that we should all be working all the time no matter what. It’s so toxic.
Anon says
That’s awful. My boss has gotten really sick with Covid twice now and has taken a big chunk of time off both times. It would be horrible to see someone working from a hospital room.
First Time Mom says
Reposting from the morning thread because I posted too late: My husband and I are expecting our first baby. He really wants to find out the gender, but I would rather keep it a surprise. Have any of you had one parent know the gender and the other not? Did the parent in the know actually keep it a secret? I am concerned my husband will accidentally let it slip out. Are there practical reasons to find out the gender? (We are not planning a gender-themed nursery) It seems to me that the baby’s needs will be the same regardless of gender for some time.
Anon says
There is no practical reason like in terms of buying stuff. For boys you need to decide if you want to do circumcision. But some people feel more connected knowing the gender and especially for a dad I’d probably want to support that, even knowing it may spill out.
Spirograph says
You can’t do this. Or at least, I think it would be really difficult. I found out the baby’s sex with my first and my dad declared that he did not want to know ahead of time. He’s not local, I only talked to him on the phone every week or two, and it was still really, really hard to remember to change up pronouns at random. And that’s before you factor in friends who might accidentally let it slip either in conversation or on social media. Unless he’s going to tell ZERO other people (in which case, why even find out?), there’s no way this stays a secret from you.
There are no practical reasons to find out the baby’s sex beyond narrowing down the number of names you need to agonize over. We didn’t find out with my 2nd, and she managed just fine, although I was convinced she was going to be a boy and we had not agreed on a girl name and it took another 2 days to decide on one. :)
NYCer says
As a practical matter, I agree that it is seems basically impossible to do this. I have no advice because both of us wanted to know as soon as we could. You’re surprised whenever you find out, so I preferred to be surprised as early as possible. :)
Anon says
I have one toddler and we’re expecting our second.
I also would have been happy to wait until birth to find out the sex of the baby, but my husband wanted to find out earlier. We ended up finding out around 12/13 weeks each time, when we got our NIPT test results.
His reasoning was that he is big on visualization as part of his preparation (for anything in life, really, but he’s a former competitive athlete), and he would have an easier time preparing for his role as a new father if he knew the sex. Not because he was going to pigeonhole our kid into that sex’s “norms” (heck, he was the first to say that our son will definitely be wearing our daughter’s handmidown pink floral jammies because 1- practical and 2 – get him in touch with is feminine side early!). To me, this was valid. It was going to be a “surprise” either way, and if he was going to feel more prepared going into fatherhood knowing daughter or son, then that seemed like a good reason for us to find out.
It also saved having to pick names for 2 different sexes :)
We did keep the name secret from everyone until birth (I wanted our child to hear her name first, before anyone else), but he accidentally let it slip to my brother. Oops! It was in the context of saying thank you for agreeing to be her legal guardian, though, so I couldn’t get mad b/c it was a lovely thank you.
Anon says
I know one person where husband found out and wife didn’t. How they actually didn’t slip up
I don’t understand. My husband really wanted to find out the sex and i said no and he deferred to me, since i was carrying the baby and in our case babies- i was pregnant with twins. We are Jewish so i had lots of contingencies planned in case we had a boy for a bris, needed lots of names to choose from and had already picked out certain things to add to our registry depending on what we had. I don’t regret not finding out for a second. And neither does DH.
Anon says
I will also say that i am one of the most type A planner type of person I know, so one could say that me not wanting to find out was counter to what others expected. Usually i want all info possible- and i did when it came to the health of the babies, genetic testing etc.
Anon says
I am also usually a Type A planner and want as much info as possible but for some reason i loved being surprised for this.
Anon says
I think it would be too way easy for it to slip out if one parent knows.
Fwiw it was very important to me to know even though we didn’t have a shower and I don’t go in for gender stereotyping AT ALL. I’m just an anxious control freak and wanted to know. We had names for both boy and girl, but I know some people need to know to figure that out. My payments finally figured out their boy name when I was 3:)
Anon says
My parents! Lol
Anon says
For me the “practical” reason was that I wanted to deal with any feelings about it ahead of time so that I wasn’t unexpectedly disappointed or something else at birth. I actually found this helpful at avoiding gender stereotyping because it gave me a chance to think about what my expectations were head on instead of just being thrown into it. But I think YMMV on that!
I do think that about 50% of the people I knew who wanted to be surprised had a doctor or ultrasound tech slip and found out anyway.
Anon says
I wanted to know in case I’d be disappointed. I wanted that disappointment up front so i could get over it quickly and then get excited.
Anon says
I feel like waiting to find out is attention seeking behavior. You want the attention of people asking and guessing. It’s so much lower drama to just find out. People ask, you share the answer, they say something trite and everyone moves on. If you aren’t finding out, people ask why, guess if you really know, go through old wives tales, etc. It becomes a *thing* when it really shouldn’t matter.
Anonymous says
Um. Wow. In my case, we didn’t want to find out because we didn’t want to get too attached after multiple miscarriages, including one in the second trimester. Literally no one pushed us about why or whether we secretly knew (and only our parents know that we had multiple miscarriages). They just said cool, and then got on with their lives.
Anonymous says
This is a crazy take.
I didn’t find out on any of my 3 and had like zero discussions about it. people ask, you say you don’t know and don’t care one way or the other and everyone moves on. On baby #3 the nurse said they had at least 3 people a month where the gender was wrong. Now that’s the drama I don’t need.
Anon says
Apparently ultrasounds are not very accurate! Especially if they say you’re having a girl, because the penis can just be hiding. Our ultrasound tech predicted girl, but was VERY relieved when we told her we’d already had an NIPT test showing female sex.
Anonymous says
huh? This is not my experience. One (woman) coworker guessed based on how I was carrying, but much more common was: “do you know whether you’re having a boy or a girl?” “no, we’re waiting to be surprised” if a parent: either “oh we did that too!” or “I couldn’t wait, I wanted to know as soon as possible” [launches into story about their own children] if not a parent: “how exciting! [changes subject to literally anything that is not babies]”
startup lawyer says
Having to come up with 2 sets of names was enough reason for me to find out the gender
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
We didn’t know for DS #1, and found out for DS #2. I loved that it was a surprise for DS #1, but many of my in-laws thought we were CRAZY for not finding out which was very odd to me. Both DH and I were onboard for this. I kind of felt the same as you – didn’t really care about “boy stuff” vs. “girl stuff”, and was fine with kid #2 wearing “boy stuff” regardless of gender.
Vicky Austin says
Hive, just polling: what was your first pregnancy symptom and how far along were you?
Anonymous says
tender enlarged boobs – I remember looking down while doing a plank or something and thinking boy my boobs look big today
Anonymous says
I repeatedly fell asleep while working on my law review write-on. I think it was around 4 weeks. I was waiting to test until the write-on was over because I didn’t want to be distracted by excitement over finally being pregnant, but the exhaustion was a dead giveaway.
I ended up grading on to law review so I will never know exactly how bad my write-on ended up being. But it did get turned in.
Anon says
With my second pregnancy my coffee tasted like iron one day. I was at most 5 weeks along and I have long period cycles.
Anonymous says
The leftover Christmas cookies looked disgusting. :)
Anon says
Incredibly sore breasts, beginning more than a week before my missed period, so less than 3 weeks pregnant? I had to hold my breasts to walk up and down the stairs. I’ve always had tender breasts around my period but I’ve never experienced anything like that before or since.
Anonymous says
Sore boobs and a general sense of fatigue.
GCA says
Complete exhaustion. I’d done a triathlon the week before (it was week 5, but my period was irregular) and thought I was just dragging. Oh, THAT’S why I was tired.
Celia says
SMELL. Threw up when the coffee was brewing and I looove the smell of coffee. Maybe four weeks along?
Anon says
My pee smelled different. Then a few days later my sense of smell was so amplified, walking past garbage cans I could smell exactly what was in them. I was 5 weeks along.
Anonymous says
Sore boobs two days before I finally got a positive test.
Anonymous says
Backpack Rex’s again- I asked earlier this week and got a suggestion for state bags. I LOVE them but my kiddo didn’t like any of the colors except the one color I thought would get dirty super fast.
Any other suggestions that are similar in trendiness? She is 9 going in 13 ;).
Anonymous says
Fjallraven Kanken. It comes in a million colors.
Anon says
If she doesn’t know of trendy brands herself, then why are you going to such efforts to teach her about them? She’ll likely care about trends and brands in middle school. Stop foisting them on a 9 yo. Just let her pick something she likes.
startup lawyer says
because it’s her prerogative as mom to put her kid in what she wants until kid pushes back?