What Kind of Career Do You Hope For For Your Child?
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Ladies, what kind of career do you want for your child(ren)? I just saw a list of the “30 Highest-Paying Jobs in America,” which looks at the average salary for a lot of high-paying professions, and thought it might be an interesting discussion. The list tops out around $250K, so it obviously doesn’t include a lot of weird professions like the bloggers/YouTubers making millions of dollars or people with font empires or coaching classes or successful yoga studios, etc. Instead, the list is filled with the stable, kinda boring, “safe” professions: anesthesiologist… dentist… pharmacist. There’s nothing wrong with those jobs, of course — but I think people choose them more often for their stability rather than because of passion or interest. So I thought it might be an interesting question today — what kind of career do you hope for for your child? Do you hope your child finds a career she or he is passionate about — something that is fulfilling in a meaningful way — or would you encourage them toward a “secure” job that will pay well, be readily available, and be mentally challenging but maybe not terribly exciting? Looking back, how did you choose your own profession, and what influence (if any) did your parents have on that decision?
This is something I think about often, in part because I’ve seen so many people chasing their passions (particularly creative ones, like furniture design, dancing, and acting) who have been relegated to minimum-wage work and what seems like a lot of drifting. On the flip side, one of my oldest and best friends is a pharmacist, in large part because she and her mother had a discussion during high school that went like this:
Which subjects do you like the most? English and chemistry. You should be a pharmacist, because that involves chemistry, plus you can always get extra work if you need it at a Target or CVS. Also, there’s a college with a 5-year program that you could definitely get a scholarship to. Huh. OK.And that was it! (Meanwhile, my top goal in life at the time was to write for David Letterman’s show, so I really don’t mean to cast stones here!) I mean, maybe I have downplayed in my mind the vast affection my friend had for her chemistry classes — but it was something she went into really as just a major. I’m constantly impressed with how her career has turned out — her starting salary was great, and when she was young and had school debt, she at times worked at a hospital and did “extra hours” at chain pharmacies like CVS. She’s made a niche for herself in her hospital (she specializes in NICU babies) and now does academic presentations and manages and trains teams of more junior pharmacists… all the while sharing her job with someone else, a flexible arrangement that she negotiated for. She only works about 25 hours a week so that she can manage her busy household with three kids and a high-achieving husband. It is in many ways the ideal job, although of course like everyone’s life, hers is not perfect and is full of drama at times. I also remember reading something about how big of a mistake it is for high schoolers to choose professions that are well-known — essentially “Richard Scarry professions” — because there’s so much fun to be had in weird niche fields that no one even knows exist until you get into the field a bit. In fact, Inc. Magazine used to have a feature where they looked at all the niche fields and businesses involving things you’ve probably never thought about, like tennis courts, and I loved it because it just never occurs to you that there are so many non-Richard Scarry professions (and specialists, and experts!) involved in something like that.
Ladies, what are your thoughts? What kind of profession do you hope your child gets into? Do you have any plans to encourage him/her/them towards one field or another (e.g., STEM over English?)
It’s an interesting question. My daughter is only 2, so I think I’ll obviously think about this more in the future than I do now and it will probably depend a lot on her personality and interests. My mother was a tenured STEM professor and I think I felt a lot of pressure to go into STEM and live up to her legacy, even though I can’t recall her ever telling me expressly that I should. If anything, I think more pressure to do STEM came from my lawyer father who was always buying me chemistry sets I didn’t want for birthday presents. I was very good at science and math in high school, so I enjoyed it in the sense that a lot of smart overachievers enjoy the things they’re good at, but I definitely didn’t feel the kind of passion about it that you need to in order to get a PhD. I majored in science at a top university and did fine but I really did not want to pursue a PhD and thankfully realized that before college graduation so I decided to apply to law school and become a patent lawyer. I admit that like a lot of people drawn to law school, I was attracted to the (alleged) big money, although I’m not sure why I was so focused on money – my childhood was very comfortable and I wanted for nothing, but my parents are anti-materalistic and certainly didn’t raise me with a “keeping up with the Jonses” vibe. I feel like usually it’s people who grow up poor or very wealthy who are the most motivated by money? Anyway, my parents weren’t happy about my decision to go to law school. Officially their reasons were that my father is an unhappy lawyer and both were worried about me taking out huge loans and not being able to get a Big Law job to pay them off – this was in 2006 so they were quite prescient! But I think there was also an element of disappointment about me leaving STEM behind. At the time, I also had a boyfriend they hated, so that was mixed up in there too. Anyway, I ended up getting a big scholarship to law school and having a fine career (Big Law –> in-house) but I definitely think my parents are still disappointed on some level that I didn’t become a scientist.
I guess generally I would say that I’d encourage my daughter to follow her passions, but I will also make it clear that our guaranteed financial support ends with college, taking big loans can be very risky, and she should choose a career that allows her to pay her own bills and live whatever lifestyle she wants.
My mom was a flight attendant, and I remember her flight attendant friends asking me if I wanted to be one too when I grew up. I answered enthusiastically no haha!
I want my kids to understand the importance of working to live, not living to work. I hope I teach them that kindness matters more than any worldly successes. Even though I’m an attorney (and I fell into it when I didn’t know what else to do), I think the American obsession with formal education has gone about as far as it can go. I would love my children to be in a helping profession – ministry, nursing…I’d love for them to be teachers, if only you didn’t need food stamps to make ends meet :|. I’d be happy for them to be in a trade, too – there’s such demand.
I will definitely encourage interests other than the humanities – I remember hearing the arguments over whether or not a liberal arts degree was “worth it” way back when I was in high school and even then I was thinking “thou dost protest too much.” I was only good at English and history and that’s how – mumblety years later – I fell into law. Practical skills will get you far in life (says the granddaughter of an engineer…he always had me out there with him working with my hands :) ).
Interesting question! I hope that my kids choose careers that provide a lot of work-life balance and flexibility, while still paying a decent wage. My husband and I both really value this for own our lives and careers – he has an easier time of achieving this in his field (engineering) vs. mine (law) so I’d probably steer them more in his direction. This all depends on their interests of course, so if they were more into biology/chem, I’d encourage them more into nursing or pharmacy. In general, I hope they take the view that a job is just a job that they shouldn’t put all their time in and that they can find fulfillment elsewhere. Some interest is important, but passion is unrealistic, IMO. I’d also look around at the market when they graduate and see what’s in demand and needed – I have a feeling that nursing and home health care work will be up there in the future.
I think my parents were more into finding fulfilling (and often more time-consuming) work than I am. I wouldn’t say they pushed me into any particular career, but I didn’t really think of any careers beyond the publicized high-paying, “high-status” ones of doctor, lawyer, engineer. If I could go back, I’d probably pick accounting, as it’s fairly stable with a variety of jobs available, still high paying and I think more balanced options available than law.
I think my answer to this question is heavily colored by the fact that I graduated in 2009 – coming out of a no-name liberal arts college, any job that offered health insurance was a good job. My son is 2, and so far my husband and I aren’t planning on pushing him in any particular direction. We are, however, planning on exposing him to the full range of job options out there, and we will hold him to the expectation that he will be accepted to college (although if he chooses to instead go to trade school to become an electrician, we will be all for it).
Not law. Anything but law.
When I was in middle school we did a cool exercise. Each student randomly selected a job that came with a salary. Of course there was a wide range of salaries to make the point. Then everyone had to build a budget using their salary and account for things like housing, transportation, food, etc. I really liked it and it made the point: some day you have to support yourself. If you want to live like a starving artist to follow your passion, cool. But know that is a choice you’re making and that some higher paying jobs require enough training that you may want to start early.
I don’t really care what my kids do. I just want them to know that a) they should plan to support themselves b) they will not be getting planned, regular financial support from their parents after a certain age c) they have a fixed amount of tuition assistance from mom/dad/grandparents for college/grad school. I also want them to be informed about the options available to them – which will certainly evolve while they’re in the workforce. And that’s it. Ultimately they need to make the decisions that will maximize their personal utility – not mine.
I would want my daughter to pursue something she likes and is good at and that also has potential for financial security. I was an English major, and although I really enjoy what I do now (writer/editor), I know I could be earning much more in a different field and have an easier time getting a job. That said, it is nice to have a job that really fits your skill set, interests, and personality, so I wouldn’t want to push my daughter into a specific field just for the earning potential alone. But I would want to talk to her about different options and why some fields might be more appealing than others.
Someday, I think it would be great to introduce my daughter to friends who do different jobs, and talk to them about a day in the life of that occupation, so she can get an idea of what’s out there and the possibilities become more real to her. Just going to college and choosing a major based on what courses you liked as a freshman is not the best approach.
It also amazes me that someone with an associate’s degree can work as an ultrasound technician and earn $70,000 a year. I earn much less than that with a four-year degree from a prestigious school and many years of work experience. Your earning potential can be connected to the problems you solve for others. Fixing grammar issues and communicating clearly? Yeah, kind of important to some people. Diagnosing a disease? Really important to a lot of people. Those differences can be reflected in your paycheck (of course, this theory does not apply to all professions, but it can be one way to think about it).
I (probably not so secretly) want my kids to be helpers: doctor, nurse, vet, teacher, etc. I don’t really know why, but I would be thrilled if they went into STEM fields they liked. They both probably will have jobs that haven’t even been invented yet. Ultimately, I guess, I hope they have careers that pay them a living wage and allow them to use their brain but don’t drain the life from them.
What’s interesting for me to consider is the models they have in me and DH, grandparents, and aunt. My dad was a financial guy who wanted to be a broadcast sports reporter. My mom was an elementary school teacher who genuinely loved it and was very good at it. DH is a freelance consultant and writer (first in his family) and I’m a (happy) lawyer (first lawyer in our family), and my sister left elementary school teaching to be a SAHM. Both of DH’s parents fell into vocations but never had the “career” that my parents seemed to espouse. With this variety, I wonder if my kids will choose something they’ve seen or be maverick?
I don’t care what she ends up doing as long as she can support herself independently in a lifestyle she’s happy with. I would also hope that she is content with the work she’s doing. Her current life plan would fit into that, but obviously no one picks their career when they are 4. (Although I wanted to be a banker when I was a small child, and where I ended up is pretty close!)
I think “follow your dreams” can be extremely harmful, if it’s not balanced with “but think about the practical realities of life.”
I’ve seen a number of my friends end up in difficult financial positions because they followed their dreams with no regard for planning, timing, or realism. And I think “follow your dreams!” can be emotionally harmful too, when you get this idea that any job that is not Deeply Fulfilling is not a good enough job for you. A lot of jobs are just not that fulfilling but need to get done.
So what I want to teach my daughter boils down to “balance dreams with reality”. That doesn’t just go for future career, it goes for where she goes to college, where she lives, what kind of student loan debt she might take on, etc.
I am a professor and many of my students come to me asking about law school. In general, the advice I give them is (1) law school does not guarantee you a high-paying job, (2) you should only go to law school if you are very clear on what a lawyer does and know that you would enjoy that type of work. I also discourage them from getting a law degree if what they really want is to work in policy or an adjacent field — in that case, they should consider a policy degree instead (much cheaper!). I would love to hear from some of you lawyers (happy or unhappy!) about whether there is other advice I should be giving them.
We’re both engineers, so we not so secretly hope our son is a little nerd, too. I think I would be a little bummed if he wanted a career that had him travelling all over and kept him from having a family – but ultimately when he grows up and if that’s what he chooses, he’ll be an adult and he can make his own choices. I’m not sure I would support him financially to achieve this type of dream though – I’m thinking of friends who were basically roadies for a band, or wanted to live on a ship sailing around the world. It’s selfish but I do want him to be in my life even when he’s grown up and hopefully has a spouse and/or kids of his own someday!
I would also worry if he chose a dangerous profession, like military or police work. I would still support him, but I’d be a nervous wreck all the time. I suppose all moms in that position are!
My mom was a SAHM who had dropped out of college to put my father through college. My dad was an engineer. Interestingly all of the girls in the family went on to be much more successful than my brothers. I think in large part because my mother pushed us girls much harder than my brothers. She always stressed we needed to be able to support ourselves. When any of us are having a hard time at work her famous line is if work was supposed to be fun they would call it fun, not work. While the practice of law is hard, especially litigation, frankly I am very happy were I am at financially and I can make my job more flexible in terms of coming home for a sick baby and then just working while the nanny tends to the baby (like I am doing today). I will stress to my daughter that she needs a career that she can support a family comfortably. Life is uncertain and I want my child to have the same luxuries that we have: nanny, vacations and no stress about paying monthly bills. Yes, I sometimes have to work long days, but I also recall the long double shifts I worked waiting tables for far less money. Money isn’t everything, but having had periods of my life where I didn’t have enough to pay the bills while putting myself through college, money certainly makes life more enjoyable.
I hope my daughter gets a job that provides her enough financial resources to support the life she wants to live. If she’s ambitious like her momma that’s cool. If she just wants a job to pay the bills and pursue passions outside of work that’s cool too. I will not be telling her to pursue dream jobs or follow her passion or any of that nonsense.
National Geographic photographer!
Like many of you said, I hope they find a balance where they enjoy their jobs and the jobs support their desired lifestyle. Both mine and my husband’s parents said they weren’t paying for our colleges, so we both became Naval Officers. We recently left the service after eight years. It was fun, and the pay was good, but we want to raise our kids in a more stable environment. DH also left a bit bitter, and while he won’t actively discourage it, I don’t think he’ll push them to go into the service like my parents did to me. If you don’t want children, it can be a great lifestyle, but I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone who wants children, especially women. My parents didn’t understand the restrictions where, if you get pregnant at certain points in your career, they don’t tell you that you won’t promote; but you won’t.
Anyways, we’ll probably gently push towards STEM, but anything that supports their desired lifestyle.