CorporetteMoms

Updated: Aug 10, 2022 182 Comments · by

Washable Workwear Wednesday: Gates Blazer

Machine-Washable Work Clothes· Recent Recs

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model wears washable blazer in navy

If you’re looking to up your office-wear game, but your Before Times suits seem a little stuffy, try this collarless blazer from Of Mercer.

This blazer is made from a lightweight (and washable!) Italian fabric meant for warmer weather. It has an open front, welt pockets, and clean lines. While you could add coordinating pants for a full suiting look, try pants in a complementary color instead. For example, for a vaguely nautical look, pair the navy blazer with crisp white trousers.

The Gates Blazer is $228 at Of Mercer and comes in fuchsia (which looks more merlot on my screen), shell, or navy. It’s available in sizes 0–14.

Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for washable clothes for work, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear.

Sales of note for 9.10.24

(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)

Kid/Family Sales

  • Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
  • Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
  • J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
  • Old Navy – 40% off everything
  • Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs

About Ann

Ann is a working mom, a longtime reader of Corporette and CorporetteMoms, and has been writing our morning fashion advice for working moms since November 2020! She has a daughter (born winter 2014) and a son (born fall 2019) and is a public interest lawyer in Washington, D.C.

Comments

  1. Anonymous says

    It’s my oldest’s first day of kindergarten and I’m a mess. I’m so proud and sad and all the feels. Any good kid stories to take my mind off this big change?

    • Cb says

      Oh so exciting! That’ll be us next week. Last day of nursery on Friday and 2 teachers have already cried…I’m going to ugly cry. He’s been there since he was 1.

      Kiddo was supposed to go to a conference with one of his teachers to talk about his research on trees and was super excited (I think for the conference biscuits and the train ride). But turns out, the conference about early years education doesn’t allow children. T took the news like a champ and one of the teachers is going to do a video of him talking about his tree research, so Emma can share it.

      • GCA says

        Oh bless, the thought of your kid presenting his research on trees is adorable! Seems ironic that an early childhood education conference wouldn’t allow children, lol.

    • Anon says

      My kid starts K one year from today and I am already emotional about it! Hugs to you and your kiddo. I’m sure this will be a wonderful journey for your child, but I empathize with you feeling all the feels.

    • ifiknew says

      Us too! Oldest first day of kinder today. I feel good and she was so excited to start a new school. The baby years were beyond brutal for me mostly because she didn’t sleep through the night consistently until about 4 and I was just a shell of myself with a two year age gap between my kids, so I’m just so thankful to have an incredibly sweet, mature, curious older child and younger child that’s getting there as well. I think parenting only gets better!

    • Pogo says

      Mine is starting in two weeks and I’m in total denial. It truly feels like the first in a series of endless “big kid” steps and I am certain I will blink and we’ll be dropping him off at college.

      Two cute stories: The soon-to-be-Ker noticed the other day when DH was out of town he’d left his memoryfoam pillow. “Daddy forgot his special pillow! He’s going to be uncomfortable.” It was so cute because he had not only drawn the conclusion himself about it being a special pillow but also his use of the word uncomfortable just seemed very precocious.

      Our almost two year old calls computers “pew-pew” and it’s so adorable. “Mommy pew-pew” (points to my computer) “Daddy pew-pew” (points to daddy’s computer).

      • Cb says

        Pogo, our boys were just born 5 minutes ago! How can they be starting kindergarten? I’m going to dig up your email address and send you a school uniform picture.

      • Anonymous says

        So many Big Kid steps. This summer our 5 year old learned how to ride a bike without training wheels, is swimming across the pool like a fish, started reading, and has 4 loose teeth. I’m not ready for any of it!

    • Walnut says

      New school for my first grader this year, second goes to kindergarten and my third is going to be solo at our daycare. It’ll be the first time he’s been solo anywhere or for anything. Navigating all of our emotions next week is going to be wild – oh and I’m solo parenting through three days of it.

      • FVNC says

        Aww, good luck! Hope the emotional roller coaster is mostly positive.
        In contract, my 5 yr old is starting K in 2 weeks and for the first time EVER will be at the same school as his big sis. He is beyond thrilled; rising 4th grader seems less enthused, ha!

        • Walnut says

          And YOU get one drop off. That’s scream from the rooftops level excitement.

    • momofthree says

      My husband & I are going to an art exhibit today so the kids will be having dinner with the nanny (and they’re a little concerned about the change in routine). Before they left for camp, my oldest gestured to two bead necklaces they made at camp last week & said I should wear them so I can look fancy for the art exhibit.

      • Cb says

        Haha! I’m wearing a dress today and my son said I looked beautiful “like the Queen…” Erm, thanks, I guess. But also what kind of monarchist propaganda are you getting at that school of yours?

      • Pogo says

        I LOVE when my son asks me to wear jewelry he made me ‘to be fancy’.

  2. Not ideal timing says

    Does anyone have a poorly-timed (but desired) pregnancy story to share? I just started a dream job and unexpectedly found out I’m pregnant with my third child and due at a time that is inconvenient for the new job which is technically a temporary position. I’m excited about the pregnancy as we have a history of infertility/IVF. But I’m very nervous about telling work and I imagine they may not have hired me if they had known the timing. (I found out the same week I accepted the job so telling them at that point really wasn’t on the table.) I won’t qualify for leave or FMLA or anything so I really am at their mercy. Good vibes appreciated!

    • Anonforthis says

      I had a successful IVF transfer for our second child, and about 10 days later, we had some internal reshuffling at work which resulting in me getting a huge increase in responsibilities and a promotion to SVP and a ton more money. And then some other changes will be implemented while I’m on mat leave that will increase my responsibilities further.

      I decided that I was going to be the example of how women can reach a high level and excel AND have young kids while they do it. There are plenty of female SVPs at my company, but with older (like at least elementary school, if not high school/college) kids. I’m going to set a different example.

      (Also there will probably be days when I’m really f*ing tired).

      • Pogo says

        Yes! We only have a couple female SVP’s but their kids are middle school or older. Even at the director or VP level, most men even have older kids. I’m with you on setting a different example.

    • Anon says

      I work with one other person in our key roles and we managed to have overlapping maternity leaves. Oops! It was both a fairly big disaster at the time and also the company made it through and now a year later it’s no big deal at all.

      In my 5 years here we’ve had 2 major new hires who were pregnant on their start date. Everyone has been nothing but publicly thrilled for them and they got their leaves even though they didn’t qualify for FMLA. This is typically a fairly backwards field/company in terms of expectations and work life balance so I hope you get the same response!!

    • Pogo says

      One of my close friends/previous coworkers got pregnant before a year at our company and they gave her FMLA anyway. I think the larger the company the more likely they’ll be able to swing it (in terms of having coverage), while a small company might be more flexible/not have established policies. Fingers crossed for you either way you can make something work!!

    • Anonymous says

      Yup, my sister (attorney). They did give her 8 weeks off, but it all worked out in the end and her third is now 5. Sometimes it’s hard to see the big picture

    • Leatty says

      Congratulations!

      I got pregnant with my first just a couple of months after starting a new job, got promoted 2 years later, got pregnant shortly after being promoted, and got promoted again (all in less than 6 years at a place where it is hard to get promoted).

      A colleague joined the same company when she was nine months pregnant, is well thought of, and has since been promoted. Another colleague recently joined the company and found out she was pregnant the week she started; her boss was completely supportive and encouraged her to take the full 6 months.

      All that is to say – you don’t owe your employer perfect timing. While we like to believe we can plan pregnancy, there are many things outside of our control, and there is no such thing as perfect timing for either you or your company. Just be open with your manager whenever you are comfortable (for me it was around 16 weeks), do the best you can do before going on leave, and make sure you do what you can to prepare anyone who will be covering for you while you are on leave.

      You’ve got this!

    • Walnut says

      This was me! Moved cross country for a job and must have gotten pregnant on the move? The timing still bewilders me. I was like 10+ years successfully pregnant or not pregnant via natural family planning until this one. (No worries y’all – IUD was placed after my third was born. Fool me once and all that jazz.)

      No FMLA, but was still covered by company leave policies. It was definitely a surprise to people, there was some panic and I managed the panic with excellent transition planning. I was so angry in the moment but a third kid had always been on our radar – just not on that timing. That said, I didn’t know that timing wasn’t on my side anyhow because growing right alongside that baby was colon cancer. I add that last bit to say that life is crazy, timing is never right, and you’ll make it through this temporarily awkward situation.

    • Been there says

      Yup – got pregnant with my second after a long time trying and found out literally the week I started a time-limited new job in a new city with no local support system. NGL – several parts of it were rough (had to fight for three months *unpaid* leave) but years later my second is such a joy and I’m thrilled were had her when we did. Congrats!

  3. Anonymous says

    Speaking of upping one’s workwear game, my work wardrobe from the Before Times is feeling tired. My office is now 100% remote, but in-person meetings and conferences are starting to come back. I work mostly with attorneys, judges, and federal agencies, so business formal is still the dress code, but I don’t appear in court. I mostly have tailored black and gray sheath dresses and jardigans bought at MMLaFleur a few years ago (before it jumped the shark and pivoted to weird work pajamas and sack dresses), with a few similar pieces from Goat and other brands thrown in. I am pretty senior and my job involves a lot of telling people who think they are Very Important what to do.

    All the current workwear looks I see on line are giant blazers with pants and lug-sole loafers, but those outfits make me look like a little kid playing dress-up in my grandparents’ attic. I like The Fold, but I don’t think their architectural details would work on me because I am smallish with no curves. What’s in style these days for a boss lady with a “gamine” figure and features? Or should I just stick with what I’ve got?

  4. Late developer says

    Can I get some anecdata about late(ish) talkers? Eleven month hasn’t said any words yet. She’s also just pulling up to stand and still army crawling, so not really doing awesome on gross motor but at least that’s progressing. She’s our fourth, so I know there’s variation across kids but it still has me mildly worried. She makes a lot of noises but doesn’t babble consonants and doesn’t point at things (does clap and sometimes wave sort of and generally makes her wishes and needs known). She has great eye contact and knows names. Good fine motor skills since she loves to eat! Going to tell this all to the ped next month – but tell me about your late bloomers please? We’re talking and reading to her and doing all the things, she just doesn’t seem to feel like she needs or wants to talk!

    • Anon says

      It is COMPLETELY normal and not considered late to not be talking at 11 months!! Our daughter said her first word right around her first birthday and no one suggested she was behind on verbal stuff. She was using tons of single words and two word phrases by 18 months, and speaking in complete sentences around 2. It sounds like maybe your other kids were early talkers so your expectations are out of whack?

      • Anon says

        +1 – I remember clearly, my daughter’s first word was “ball” and she said it the day before her 1st birthday. She took her first steps the same week. After 18 months, I was a little concerned when she wasn’t talking in full sentences but that started like a fire house around her 2 birthday.
        What has been nice for perspective, I have a friend with triplets (which is wild) they were been consistently behind in speech for by at least 9+ months compared to normal. They just turned 4 years old and just recently got completely back-up up to speed in speech department. Their pediatrician had no concerns the entire time because it’s so typical with multiples.

      • anon says

        OP said she’s not babbling, and it is late to not be babbling consonants at 11 months. There may absolutely be nothing wrong but I think it’s understandable for OP to be a little concerned.

    • Cb says

      My son didn’t walk until 14 months, and never really crawled. At 5, he’s more coordinated than I am.

    • TheElms says

      I don’t think my 11 month old had any spoken words, but she did have a few baby sign language words (milk, all done, more, dog). My kid could clap but definitely didn’t wave until closer to 18 months, which I think is late compared to the other kids her age. For my kiddo, once she got a first word (dada) she gained many more words quickly. Around her first birthday I think she had 2 or 3 words, but very quickly after that it was 10 words and by 15 months it was at least 100 words. Around 18 months she had a huge language explosion and started putting two word phrases together. Kiddo is 3 now and speaks in complete sentences, strings them together, and has a large vocabulary. But kids focus on different skills at different times. If your kid has excellent fine motor skills that is probably where her attention / effort is going. As long as she is making progress I think it will likely sort itself out by 15-18 months, but obviously as your ped if its starting to worry you. Also there are some Instagram accounts (wee talkers, speechsisters) that have ideas on how to get kids talking that you could try to work into daily life.

    • Anonymous says

      Agreed; this is not late. Our ped did not have any verbal milestones until 15 months (I think they wanted 5-10 words at 15 months?) but they were super relaxed if your kid didn’t have that because language explosions between 15 and 18 months are common. In fact, most people I know whose kids were “talking” well before a year were very liberal with the definition of “talking.” Technically, a word is a sound they use spontaneously and consistently to mean the same thing. So if they say “ba” when they want their ball, that’s a word. But if they say the word “ball” randomly or they just repeat words you say, that’s not a “word” as far as language development goes even if they’re clearly pronouncing English words.

      • OP says

        I think the problem is I’m being liberal with my definition and we’re still not getting any words. Like no “uh” for “up” or whatever. She makes noises – they just aren’t communicative. But I’m hearing here that I’m hopefully not the only one? She’s an awesome baby so I’m trying just to enjoy her and not worry too much. But maybe I SHOULD start to worry a bit?

        • Anonymous says

          Oh yeh my son did none of that. Wasn’t waving or clapping at 1 either. He was *just* at the milestone at 2 (I think 50 words? I literally counted and had notes on his words). He flew off afterwards and is a great talker at 3.

        • Pogo says

          Does she sign? I feel like we had the sign for “more” and “milk” by 11mos, but only ‘word’ mayyyybe was “dada”. Even at 18mos we were super borderline on the 25 or whatever you’re supposed to have, but now at 2yo I couldn’t count (50? 100?). He pointed to a baseball in a book the other day and said “Baseball!” clear as day. There is often a big explosion, even following a relatively slow start.

    • Anon. says

      My son didn’t talk at 11 months and had maybe 3 words at 15 months. Now at 5 he will talk your ear off about dinosaurs using vocabulary that I sometimes need to Google.

    • Anon says

      Sounds similar to my kid. She was late-ish on gross motor stuff (army crawling at 9 months, proper crawling at 12 months, walking at 18 months) and not late but not early on talking (she had words starting at 12 months, but no big language explosion until 18 months). People always say kids are walkers or talkers, so it was frustrating to have a kid who was not really doing much of either until 18 months. Like your kid, she loved to eat finger food and had great fine motor skills. She’s 4 now and very verbal. She has core strength issues that in hindsight probably caused the delayed walking. Because of that she doesn’t have the best endurance for long walks and has some issues sitting still in the upright position, but she runs around the playground with other kids normally.

      • OP says

        Ha, yes! Like she should be doing one or the other?!

        I should add, we’ve been consistently using a couple baby sign language motions and she hasn’t picked those up either (more, all done).

        But she actually seems very alert and engaged so if I didn’t know about milestones and development I probably wouldn’t be worried – thank you all for all this reassurance!

        • Pogo says

          I mean, worst case – you get here in for EI eval, you get EI, and she’s on track! There’s so many reasons for all of these things, no harm in getting an eval if ped thinks it’s warranted. But I often find they say to wait just 3mos and often that’s when you see the “explosion” of skills. Or, conversely, my2yo had a stutter and it went away before he turned 3 which was when the pathologist said to get it eval’d.

    • Anonymous says

      I would try teaching her some sign language. It supposedly helps with language development because it allows kids who are still figuring out how to make sounds to express themselves more fully than they’d otherwise be capable of, and it’s just a fun thing to do.

      • OP says

        Ugh, I should have put this in my original post. We’ve been trying to do some sign language – nothing complicated, mostly consistently showing More and All Done which my big kids learned pretty easily and she’s not doing that either. Sort of how she doesn’t point. But she does love to clap for herself and will give a kiss about a third of the time (those are her two big tricks) so she can do something if that makes sense?

        • Anon says

          So, just btw, pointing at this age also has a liberal definition– it really just means that they will put their hand towards and object and try to reach for it. DS didn’t really start pointing with one finger until about 15 months.

          There are not really any speech milestones this young that you could do EI for, but I think if you suspect something is wrong in your gut, you should bring it up to your pediatrician.

    • More Sleep Would Be Nice says

      Hi there. DS #2 is 19 months, and only really started walking (he’s in PT, which has helped, but the PT themselves was like “sometimes you don’t know if it’s the PT helping and time, or just time!”). DS #1 – walking at a year!

      As for talking DS #2 has about ~20 words (that I know of), but DS #1 was talking WAY more by 19 months. Based on the fact that DS #2 can imitate consonants, loves being read to/pointing to things, and can understand directions, I’m guessing he’s just on a different development timeline than his sibling. Plus he’s just…stubborn and wants to do what he wants vs. his brother who would happily parrot back words to me. I’m giving him until closer to 2 and will see if he can benefit from any speech therapy, but I’ve heard and read here about language explosions by then as well. Hope this helps!

    • Anonymous says

      The late talking isn’t a problem.
      I’d be more concerned about the lack of pointing and the army crawling — my son didn’t do those until 18 months and I now feel like a knucklehead that I didn’t notice the huge delay. He’s autistic and I don’t believe “early interventions” would have made a huge difference with him behaviorally (ABA stinks) but with PT maybe. We got him into speech therapy by 2.5, but I wish I’d done it earlier.

      But you’re a ways away from 18 months – just make sure your pediatrician knows about the not walking and not pointing.

    • Anonymous says

      All right so I have twins, born super early but I’m here to tell you 1) this seems normal and 2) talk to her ped if you feel something is off.
      Twin 2: poor eye contact at 6 months. Not walking at a year. Put him in PT for crawling/walking. At 18 months he signs and has 10 words (also walks). I was seriously worried about him a year ago but I think he just does things at his own pace.
      Twin 1: “early” walker (9 mo adjusted), constant babbler, he had zero real/intelligible words until 18 months (like 3 days ago). He also spent two weeks refusing to use sign language (that was fun). Yesterday he said two sentences! “Dog pretty” and another one that I’ve already forgotten. Twin 1 doesn’t talk because he can get brother to tell me what he needs. They’re both incredibly stubborn. I’ve only recently figured out a bedtime routine that involves reading to them. See my first two suggestions, but I just wanted to say you’re a great mom and you’re doing all the right things. Some kids need more time than others.

      • Pogo says

        awww, “Hi kitty!” was my oldest’s first sentence. Pretty sure my second’s was “momma move” as he pushed me out of the way.

    • anon says

      Our son said only one word before he turned 3, and that word was the supremely un-useful “quack”. Didn’t babble at all, didn’t say “up” or “mom” or “dad”. He understood everything, knew his alphabet (could point out letters accurately), did EI speech therapy to learn some nonverbal communication methods to help when he got frustrated. Shortly after 3, he began speaking in full sentences. Today he’s six, reading chapter books independently, knows how to multiply, and is a sweet, funny, and generous kid with a sly sense of humor and plenty of friends. His older sister is very verbally expressive, and I think he just didn’t see the need to speak until he was ready.

      Not babbling or pointing at 11 months…I would not worry about this in the slightest.

      • Vicky Austin says

        “Supremely un-useful ‘quack'” has me absolutely crying laughing. Thank you for sharing haha.

      • OP says

        Thank you for sharing! I think she’s probably this type of kid – but hopefully talks soon.

        I don’t have major concerns about larger problems because the kid has awesome eye contact. Maybe that’s a silly thing to be comforted by, but it’s true. And always has! So she stares us in the eye and smiles and then we do whatever it is she apparently wanted us to do without her asking? Ha/ugh.

        • mom of quacker says

          Lol. If I could get people to do what I wanted simply through the power of my smiling gaze, would I bother to speak? Perhaps not…

    • An.On. says

      Mine’s about 15 months and only in the last month has started saying “puh” for up, “ba” for ball, and “bub-bub” for bubbles (don’t ask). Before that, pretty much just did grabby hands for whatever. I don’t consider mine a late bloomer at all! Everytime we go to the ped, seems like she’s right on average.

      • Anon says

        Yup, a few words at 15 months is pretty average. Late talker to me is a kid who is basically not talking at all at 18 months.

  5. Anon says

    I want to start tracking my ovulation. I’ve seen the clearblue tests, which would get very expensive, and some on Amazon, but I’m very skeptical that I’m getting quality, non-knock off products from Amazon based on a prior experience. Any recommendations for other places to look or specific brands?

    • Anonymous says

      This may not be helpful, but I used the Amazon ones and they appeared to work fine (got pregnant when desired based on the tests).

    • Anon says

      The clear blue ones work in theory just like the cheap strips. It just has a fancy “reader” that shows when two lines pop up instead of just 1.

      • Anon says

        Most (all?) ClearBlue strips also test estrogen; you must have an estrogen rise and an LH spike to spur ovulation. Cheapies just test LH…which is usually sufficient in women with normal cycles.

        OP, Wondfos and Easy@Home work great for me.

    • Anon says

      I bought the least expensive OPK sticks from CVS and they worked well for me. There were about 30 in a pack I believe, which was great since I have irregular cycles and needed to test many days (~15-20) each cycle to get my positive days. As that probably indicates, I ultimately needed some medical assistance conceiving and the extent of data was very helpful in being able to answer doctor questions in my preliminary work up.

      • Anon says

        Wanted to add they have fast, free shipping through their website if you want to avoid Am@zon.

    • Anon says

      Pregmate from Amazon worked fine for me – due in 11 days! I also had an odd cycle with a short luteal phase (which I wasn’t aware of prior to tracking) and they helped me ID that.

    • NLD in NYC says

      fairhavenhealth dot com has multi-packets of ovulation and pregnancy tests at decent prices.

    • Anon says

      If you use the cheap strips, use an app read them. I think Femometer is the popular one? It helps identify the real peak line – it has to be a certain darkness to count as ovulation. Clear blue is nice because it tracks more than just the LH so you can get more of a heads up that you’re going to ovulate, but the cheapies work fine.

  6. Lotsgoingon says

    Hey, wise-hive. I work in a state government agency and I am anticipating that with this election cycle my job might become less stable (maybe a new governor?); I’m having a hard time accepting this and would love to stick around through the election and beyond to see if I can stay; I’m also facing a work culture that has turned toxic with the stressors of the electoral environment and I don’t know if that will get better post election or not. I love the work, have a great position with flexibility and also the chance to do real good. I would love to see if I can stay and continue to try to make changes I feel are necessary at the agency, continue to mentor direct reports, etc. Sometimes I think to myself: “okay, I’ll stay till I’m fired.”

    However, waiting for something to happen to me instead of pursuing outside opportunities involves financial risk — my husband and I just have not built up the emergency fund we should have and everything else is in retirement or college accounts that aren’t really that flush either.

    My husband is about to make partner at a small firm; we are also about to put the kids in school and say goodbye to our full time nanny, which should free up some cash. But given our ability to save in the past and how stressed out we are with two small kids, I’m trying to be realistic about what we really can save, how much different my husbands salary will be as partner, and if we can swing some time for me to recover if I get fired and also find something new, which most likely will pay much less. Right now I make 170K and husband makes 110k, we are in a mcol city with a mortgage. I’ve run the numbers and we can pay expenses on my husbands salary alone but I am anticipating some consumer debt.

    So, with all that:

    (1) have folks here ever experienced a big loss of income? What was it like, how did you manage (or not)?

    (2) for those in govt/politics with jobs that are more variable, any advice?

    • Anonymous says

      When school starts and you let the nanny go, can you try living on his income alone and saving all of yours? Also keep in mind that if you drop to one income your marginal tax rate will fall and you will become eligible for more credits.

      • Anon says

        Yeah the tax code really favors families with one earner, so this might not be as big a hit as you’re anticipating.

      • OP says

        Yes I think that’s what we should do…it’s just we throw money at lots of things right now (cleaners, etc.) that I wouldn’t necessarily want to stop while working. But I do see your point about starting to cut expenses now.

        • Anonymous says

          The thing is that if you want to build up your emergency fund you will have to cut expenses now. But you already know that.

    • Anon says

      It’s not “ideal” but in the past were you putting money into a Roth IRA? If you were in a real pinch, a person could take the cash contributions out without penalty. I always have kept that in the back of my head it’s an option if something really hit the fan and our emergency savings was not enough.

    • Pogo says

      I have a close friend who was in this situation and she networked aggressively to get something in the private sector. I think in her case she had some lead time as the guy told her he wasn’t going to run again, privately, before it was announced. She also previously went from gov to non-profit when her guy wasn’t re-elected, and that may have been shorter notice but she networked with law school friends to get that gig.

    • Mary Moo Cow says

      I’m taking a stab at answering 2. For context, I’m in state government, in a quasi-independent office, so the leader is elected, and reports to but is not controlled by the Governor or legislature. I’ve been here for 7 years, under 2 elections. The leader who was in charge when I started was reelected for one term and then lost the bid for reelection for a 3rd term, so there was turnover. New leader fired some highly visible/high ranking individuals in some politically sensitive areas, but the vast majority of us (and not just line staffers) were not affected. I was a nervous wreck, and asking everyone I knew who had survived change in party elections what to expect. How long have you been there? If you haven’t made it through a party/leadership change, ask around to those who have and you may be pleasantly surprised to hear that after a few uncomfortable weeks, and the high level deputies depart, things settle down. If you hear differently from veteran colleagues, and they’re polishing their resumes, then you might want to do the same.

      • OP says

        Oh man. I am one of the high level deputies. This was a really helpful answer Mary Moo Cow! Helps me be realistic about what might come. I guess my choices are: (1) cut expenses or (2) find a new job now

    • AwayEmily says

      Would it be helpful to talk to a professional? We don’t really make enough money to need to use one consistently but we have consulted with someone at a couple of “decision points” (eg when we were thinking of buying a house). It was useful in that they helped us game out different scenarios and gave some practical advice.

    • EDAnon says

      If you’re an appointee, you should be looking for work. High-level appointees almost always turn over in the executive branch. If you’re in legislative service, you are probably okay.
      I actually hired an appointee last year (she’s amazing) who was anticipating the Governor change (though I am hoping the governor doesn’t change!). Most get out before the election unless they don’t need the work or have some kind of fall back (like a law firm or consulting).

  7. Anonymous says

    Vent ahead. My husband thinks I am too slow getting through the massive list of home-related to-dos, so he took it upon himself to call for an appliance repair person. We know the issue has to be one of two things, and that if the repair cost is more than $XXX we are going to replace the appliance instead of repairing it. He refuses to ask the repair place what the cost of each fix would be and instead prefers to spend a fortune on a diagnostic visit. I don’t see why we should waste money on a diagnostic visit unless there is a good possibility that the repair bill will come in under our threshold. This is why I have to do everything myself. Now I am going to have to call the repair place myself and ask, which will make him feel emasculated. Why do men take such pride in a lack of common sense?

    • Anonymous says

      This is one of those areas where I would follow the “fair play” guidelines of giving the task over wholly to one person. If it’s your husband’s task, let him do it how he wants to do it. Or, if you’d rather do it, take it over from him (and give him something else to be in charge of). I think this is generally the best way to not carry resentments in household chore splitting.

    • anon says

      I think a diagnostic visit from my repair guy costs $150. It’s not nothing, but I wouldn’t characterize it as a “fortune” either. How are you so sure it’s exactly one of two things? I’m Team Husband on this one – sorry!

      • Anonymous says

        Based on the symptoms and our googling we thought it was one of two things, and when my husband described the problem the repair place said “it’s one of these two things.” $150 is an awful lot of money to waste to learn that the repair is too expensive when the whole appliance would cost $1300 to replace.

        • anon says

          But that’s just how this works and it’s the cost of owning a home and appliances and things that break? No one is going to give you this estimate without seeing it, because what I they get in there and it’s one of the to problem but also a third problem? And the cost is now more? And then you’re really, really upset with them? Maybe you won’t actually be upset and you’d be understanding, but as the repair person I’d not tell you the estimated cost without seeing the issue to hedge this possibility.

          I’m doubling down on team husband, a stance I don’t often take ’round these parts either.

    • Anonymous says

      Why are you so obsessed with being right? He’s doing nothing wrong here. He is contributing. He is getting it done. Be less controlling.

    • Anon says

      That’s super frustrating. Maybe you let this one go? In versions of this problem where the roles are reversed (husband not getting a project started on a reasonable timeline), this site always tells the poster to just outsource it and that husband will have to accept that it won’t be done his way. If you’re already stretched too thin (aren’t we all with jobs + kids + the patriarchy!), it may be worth it for you to just pay the money to have this one off your plate, even if not done your way.

    • Anon says

      Are you sure that what you want is even possible? Plumbers and appliance repairmen generally won’t let you self-diagnose appliance issues. Even if you call and say “My dishwasher has X problem” they will need to come look and the dishwasher to diagnose it themselves and charge you a fee for that visit.

    • NYCer says

      The repair company many not be able to give you an estimate without assessing what is wrong with the appliance themselves. I would just let this one go, unless the diagnostic visit truly is crazy expensive.

    • anon says

      How long has he been waiting for you to do this? Why were you the one who was going to do it? How much is the cost of the diagnostic visit? Why are you positive it is one of the two things you think? Does he agree with the replace vs repair cost? I’m actually leaning towards being on your husband’s side on this but there is a lot of missing info

      • OP says

        Wait = 1 day so far but I am busy and stressed out with work and kid stuff and he was trying to “help.” I was going to do it because home repairs are “mine” in our division of labor. Cost of diagnostic visit is $120. His replace v. repair number is actually lower than my original suggestion and I don’t think there is much chance this repair will come in below it.

        • No Face says

          Just let your husband handle this one and let it go. It sounds like you are busy and stressed, and you are wasting emotional energy on something that is not a big deal.

          • OP says

            I guess what pi$$es me off is that he is a total cheapskate about nearly everything else, but he’s willing to throw away $120 on an estimate that is bound to come in high so we end up replacing instead of repairing. There is an ongoing pattern of his being penny-wise (let’s repair instead of replace) and pound-foolish (replacing would be a better value) that has led to our house being an unpleasant dump and I’m tired of throwing money down the drain this way.

          • Vicky Austin says

            I hear you; my husband can be like that too, but that sounds like a bigger conversation to have when you have the bandwidth for it. I’d appreciate this as a (misguided) gesture of love and focus on what’s on your plate.

    • Anonymous says

      Sorry I’m kind of on your husband’s side on this. I can’t imagine a place would just tell you how much a repair would be without even taking a look. And you sound pretty convinced it needs to be replaced anyway, so why not just do that instead of going through the whole thing with the repair place?

      And this is probably why you have to do everything yourself, if you’re super critical of how he does things.

      • anon says

        Ooh, not to pile on to OP but that last sentence might be on to something…

    • Anon says

      I’d probably let this one go? Recent anecdote: our dishwasher broke. My husband can fix it, but the part was back ordered. It was going to take one month. I was getting frustrated. I would have rather just bought a new dishwasher. I told my husband this. Instead, he said, what if I do all the dishes? And really, that was enough. I just didn’t want to be stuck doing dishes for a month. And, to be fair to him, he did 95% of the dishes for that time. When the part came in, he fixed the dishwasher. But was this how I would have fixed this problem? Heck no. But was it a perfectly reasonable way to fix our problem? Yes. I’d probably just let this one go.

    • Anon says

      This sounds like a dishwasher issue? If so, I’m with your husband that it needs to be fixed ASAP. A house is unlivable without a dishwasher IMO.

    • Walnut says

      Girl, channel your inner Elsa and Let It Go, Let It Gooo, Don’t Have To Deal With This Anymore….

    • Allie says

      Agree that your husband’s approach seems reasonable. I feel like $120 diagnostic visits are just an expected part of home ownership? Like owning a home just does require ongoing maintenance and as annoying as those costs are they’re not unexpected.

  8. NIPT says

    Did y’all do this testing? I’m leaning toward yes as I’m over 35, but for some reason it stresses me out so much to think about.

    • Anon says

      Yes. I was only 32 and have a HDHP so I paid out of pocket, but it was very worth it to me. I’m pretty sure I would have terminated the pregnancy if the results showed any of the screened-for developmental abnormalities, so I wanted to know as early as possible. I also loved finding out the sex early.

      • OP says

        I don’t know exactly! I think it’s a combination of waiting for the call / imagining worst case scenarios / fear of false positives based on a recent NYTimes article. I’m going to do it but the waiting is ughhhh.

        • anon says

          So, since you brought it up. I had a false positive for T-18. The result was actually marked “borderline” on the results which my MFM said to treat as a positive. The results came back a little after 13 weeks and I had to wait until 16ish weeks to do the amnio since it’s safer then. Amnio was uneventful (and they are much much lower risk in the hands of an experienced provider than the 1/500 miscarriage risks that get thrown around) and those results came back completely normal. That put my mind entirely at ease since the amnio results have an extremely tiny error rate, but when he was born they had the NICU come up and assess him on the spot and tell me everything was absolutely fine minutes after birth. It had entirely slipped my mind by then, but it was nice of them.

          It was terrible, yes. Would I do the screening again? Yes. Honestly the worst part was that the results were accidentally released to me in the portal late at night before my provider saw them; I was absolutely wrecked until she called me first thing in the morning and we had a game plan in place and she was able to explain to me the math on how it was more likely than not that everything was okay.

        • Anon says

          You can still have worst case scenarios without the testing, to be fair. You’ll just find out much later.

    • Anon says

      I did because I want to know everything ASAP and we’d make choices based on the information it provides. My understanding is that it’s a screener meaning a “normal” result is very reassuring that there isn’t one of the genetic issues they’re testing for and an abnormal result means you need further testing.

    • AwayEmily says

      Also did it 3x and am so glad to live in a time when it’s available. What a cool technology.

    • anon says

      Yes and I was 31. It gave me peace of mind and is totally noninvasive. I like as much information as possible though.

    • Nyc says

      I did. It was nice to have reassurance that there was not a high risk of genetic disorders AND you get to find out gender earlier than you otherwise would (if you want to know).

    • Anon says

      Yes, although it was a bit of a belt and suspenders for us because we’d done IVF and embryo screening and transferred a euploid embryo. I like science and knowledge (although we did not know the sex of the embryo we transferred and didn’t want to know – we found out with the NIPT – because I also like mystery/nature).

    • Anon says

      Of course. I wanted all possible information. Plus I was old (35 and 42). I did have a questionable result that required more testing, and the wait was torture (though everything ended up fine). But you know what have been worse? Not knowing, and only finding out about a terminal defect late into a pregnancy.

      Especially now.

      • OP says

        Thanks, that is very true. I didn’t do this with my last pregnancy even thou I was also over 35- I have some medical history that I think makes waiting and results feel even more stressful; I know how it feels to get “that” phone call. But this time, with the current political climate and reality that my decision may be really limited in my state if something is discovered later…. I feel like I don’t have much of a choice but to do the testing now.

      • Pogo says

        thissss. I have a close friend who actually had a normal NIPT, but then findings at 20w, then was ushered into quiet room where the genetic counselor advised her and her DH what they needed to do next because “time was running out”. They would only have 4w left in their state to decide if amnio confirmed the findings (and actually 24w is pretty much the limit in most states) – so if you find out asap w/ the NIPT, it gives you that much more time to think it over or come up with a game plan or depending on where you live, start planning a road trip.

        luckily, baby was genetically normal and had a totally treatable, non-fatal physical disability. but you never know.

    • An.On. says

      Yes, I considered it like the 20 week anatomy scan: an early alert and check for issues.

    • Alanna of Trebond says

      The NYT article was trash. I did NIPT. I thought it was really shoddy science reporting.

  9. Scilady says

    I need more sleep!

    My 22 month old/ almost 2 year old has been waking up every night since January between 5 am and 6 am. She generally wakes up crying/ yelling for “mama, mama”. We have a noise machine, we tried to make the room as dark as possible with a window AC unit. We have a wakeup clock. Pretty much no matter what she wakes up early. My husband or I try to keep her in the room until her clock turns green at 6.

    Suggestions? I thought this would work itself out (this is my second) but it doesn’t seem to be improving.
    She normally is sleeping around 7:30pm. She has all her teeth so I wasn’t worried about that. She will take a 2 hour nap at daycare (!) and usually only 1 hour with us at home on the weekends.

    • Anonymous says

      Is her bedtime too early? If she’s getting 10 hours at night (7:30 – 5:30) and 2 hours at day care that’s 12 hours’ sleep a day, which may be sufficient to meet her needs. That would explain the early wake-ups. Also, she may just naturally be an early bird. 5 – 6 a.m. does not seem excessively early to me. Can you shift some of your evening activities to the morning and go to bed earlier?

      • Anon says

        I was also going to suggest a later bedtime. With a 2 hour nap at daycare, it’s very possible she only needs 9-10 hours of sleep at night (11-14 hours a day is the normal range at this age). If that’s the case an 8:30-6:30 or 9-7 schedule might be more tolerable for you guys.

      • Anon says

        I just ran into this with my now 2.5 year old at the 2 year mark. 1) We had to push bedtime to 8:30 from 7:30. 2) I asked teachers at daycare about her nap and learned she was sleeping for close to 2.5 hours and was the hardest sleeper there. Ex. all of her “friends” would be awake playing in the same room and she’d keep sleeping.
        When they learned about the early wake-up times they offered to try to arrange for her to be the last kid to go to nap and wake her up after 1 or 1.5 hours. She’s now sleeping till between 6:30am – 7am consistently. But it took about 8 weeks to make the full transition.

    • Pogo says

      Cut the nap. I have the same w/ my 23mo. We only have good success with a one hour nap and 7:30 bedtime. When he naps longer or goes to bed earlier, he’s in there hollering for whoever will listen at 5:30 – “MommAA!” “Da-DAAAA” “Brubbe? Hep, brubbe, hep?” as older brother has been known to at least retrieve a toy or lovey from the floor for him.

      fwiw, we just ignore him.

  10. anon says

    WWYD? We are considering switching our daughter’s daycare to one that makes more sense with my commute. We have a strong contender- great reviews, location, price, etc. The lead infant teacher is a witness in a case of mine (I’m a prosecutor) and I know she has multiple mental health diagnoses, some of which have contributed to causing our professional relationship to be extremely strained. Think- she is attempting to sue my office because we legally cannot turn over certain discovery to her. There is one other teacher in the baby room besides her. Our daughter is a toddler but we hope to have another child who would be in the infant room. Would you forego this daycare because of the issue with the infant teacher? We are not desperate to switch, and although there are some other possible options nearby, they are slightly out of our price range and mostly have long waitlists.

    • Clementine says

      Oh, I would not want to deal with this human on a daily basis. Pass for now. Should things change (there’s a lot of turnover at daycares) I would put it back on the table, but… not while all this is going on.

    • Anonymous says

      Only you can say whether you’d feel comfortable with this — I maybe wouldn’t based on the facts you gave. I find that daycare is so much a trust exercise, so if you don’t feel you trust the teachers it won’t work out. On the other hand, turnover at daycares can be pretty high, so maybe she won’t be a teacher there when you’re ready to enroll your infant?

    • anon says

      Absolutely not. Also, do her mental health diagnoses indicate she may be unfit to take care of infants? If so, that’s terrifying and I feel terrible for those babies and their parents who are being kept in the dark.

  11. Mary Moo Cow says

    Home repairs are one of my least favorite things, so I’m sympathetic, but, 2 things, in my experience: (1) technicians are wary of giving diagnostics and estimates over the phone, without laying eyes on the appliance, especially to lay people. (2) Companies often can or will roll the diagnostic cost into the cost of repair or replacement, especially if you are a good customer. I’ve had HVAC techs not charge me to remove a plastic bag from the unit because it was a quick fix and I’m a regular customer, or when we need a new hot water heater, they credited the diagnostic visit fee toward the purchase and installation either because we had a regular service plan or it was more than a $1,000 issue.

    • Anon says

      Yes, typically if they diagnose X issue and you agree to go forward with the repair, you don’t have to pay a separate diagnostic fee. At least that’s been my experience.

  12. Part time says

    I’m a partner at a mid-sized firm and am seriously considering asking to go part-time. I’m in burn out mode as we have lost so many employees lately (who lateraled to other firms) and it feels like I either figure out a way to regain some sanity or leave my job. Historically, they have been very against granting part time requests. I guess I’m trying to figure out if it is worth having the conversation where I’m pretty sure the request will not be granted. I dont’ know anyone in real life that has navigated this and would love to hear if anyone has been in this situation and/or any resources that anyone suggests about pros/cons of going part time.

  13. Octo(ber)Mom says

    Can you please give me your best recommendations for comfy sandals/slippers for the hospital and postpartum? I am picturing plastic or synthetic Birkenstocks but don’t know brand names. Thank you!

  14. SleepHelp says

    I have a 3.5 month old baby, who I have been nursing to sleep for basically every nap and night. Of course, now we can’t get him to sleep without the nursing. We have tried moving the nursing earlier in his wake window and doing a consistent short routine before putting him down but he simply will not sleep. I let him cry and grouse for a bit but eventually cave and nurse him till he falls asleep, Where do we go from here?

    • Anon says

      Assuming you don’t want to stop nursing him to sleep (which is an option!), I’d start instituting a nighttime routine you do EVERY night and get used to cry it out. The earlier you do it the shorter the period will last from starting CIO to when baby can put him/herself to sleep when you put baby in the crib.

      My third baby is currently 6 months old and I’m still nursing him to sleep. I nursed the other two to sleep, too. We were a bit more tired at the time than I think we could have been otherwise, but it worked for our family.

      • Anon says

        OP here – how did this work when other people need to put baby to sleep, or were you home with babies for a long duration? I go back to work in a few weeks, which is making this feel urgent.

        • Anon. says

          Bedtime: bottle. Naptime: lots of rocking.

          It was actually something I really didn’t want to give up after I went back to work because it was such a sweet part of our day. Until it wasn’t… and then we adjusted again.

        • Anon says

          If I was around, I was putting the baby to sleep. If he was somewhere else – either with grandparents or with just my husband, they’d kind of rock him to sleep with a pacifier.

          If I’m at home and needed to get something done, I’d still nurse him to sleep, but maybe once he was out I’d transfer him to my husband to snuggle for a bit and then he’d get the honor of putting him down.

          I will say that after my first I said never again will I continue nursing a baby to sleep past like 3 months. I did with my second but stopped much earlier than my first. We intend for our third to be our last, and now I’m thinking I’m just going to nurse him to sleep for a while longer. Who knows.

    • AwayEmily says

      First, continuing to nurse to sleep is totally legit if you are both enjoying it!

      But yeah, I think the best way out is to pull off the band-aid and CIO. FWIW we did it with nights first (nights tend to be easier — and indeed it only took a couple of nights), and then tackled naps a bit later. We did it at around 10 weeks for all 3 kids (with our pediatrician’s blessing).

      I know CIO doesn’t work/isn’t right for everyone but it’s worth a try if you want him to become an independent sleeper.

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