What are your opinions on taking vacations during the school year, readers? Do you plan them without regrets? Do you feel like that’s doable only up until a certain grade (and then, what grade)? Is there a difference in your mind between a day or two here or there, or a full week?
For my $.02, we’ve always been against taking the kids out of school for a planned vacation. But last year, both kids had missed so much school for COVID (exposures or illnesses) that after we all had both natural immunity plus vaccinated immunity, we took the kids out for a week at Disney mid-February. (I’d been especially worried since I never tested positive when the others had it so I didn’t have natural immunity, and worried my November booster would be waning by the scheduled spring break.) No regrets, given the last weird few years we’ve had, we had an amazing time at Disney.
As we approach the current school year, though, I’m thinking about it again — especially taking my youngest, who starts school earlier than my eldest, out for a few days so we can have a last-minute Labor Day weekend. It feels like it’s in poor taste, but I find myself questioning a) if it really matters in the third grade, b) if this year will look at all like last year in terms of missed days due to COVID policies, and c) with so many years where we didn’t vacation at all, shouldn’t we grab every opportunity where we’re healthy and able?
(I suppose this is a whole other question – have you changed your vacation strategy to make up for lost or missed vacations during the pandemic years? We’re discussing this — as well as whether extreme weather and more are affecting travel decisions – over at Corporette today.)
What are your opinions on taking vacations during the school year, readers? Do you plan them without regrets? Do you feel like that’s doable only up until a certain grade (and then, what grade)? Is there a difference in your mind between a day or two here or there, or a full week?
Stock photo via Stencil.
Anon says
Ugh, this is a huge point of contention between me and DH that is going to get a lot less hypothetical next year when our kid starts K. I would not pull a kid out to lie on a beach at a resort or go to Disney, even we could save a bucket of money by doing so (e.g., we’ll go to the Caribbean over Christmas-NYE week, even though it would be like a third the cost to go a couple weeks earlier). But I view missing school for any educational trip to not be that big a deal in elementary school, and I particularly have no hesitation about doing it for a trip that can’t be done without missing at least some school like Antarctica. DH’s view is no missed school, ever. I’m not looking forward to the fights to come about this.
Anonymous says
I’m like you. My husband is even more cavalier than I am about missing elementary school. The main thing we’ve done is pull the kids out in the winter for a ski trip. Always adjacent to a holiday weekend so they miss 4 days instead of 5, because I still feel like it’s wrong. I wouldn’t think twice about missing school for a more “educational” trip to a foreign country, or a big, multi-generation family trip.
On the advice of my teacher mom, I do not ask for any make-up work, but I do let the teachers know well in advance and ask the week before if they recommend any reading ahead or review to make sure the kid doesn’t fall behind. (They always say no)
Anon says
My thoughts on this changed during the pandemic. Before, I wouldn’t take my kid out for non-essential “fun” travel during the school year. But now, I’m much more open to it, particularly in younger grades, for a few reasons: 1) Having witnessed classroom ‘academics’ for a year and a half of distance learning, they don’t miss much that can’t be easily made up at home; 2) Life is short, and saddest of all 3) Not sure how much of the natural world is going to be around though my kids’ adulthood due to climate change. I mean, I wouldn’t pull them out in the weeks leading up to or during standardized testing, but a few days on the front or back end of a holiday break? Sure. In fact, I’m planning a family trip to Yosemite that will cause a few missed days of school late next spring because May is the best viewing for the waterfalls and I’m pretty sure the whole park is going to be lost to a forest fire sooner rather than later. Moreover, this year, the last month of school was basically a daily “good bye to the school year” activity or field trip of some sort, so I feel no guilt whatsoever.
anon says
I’m a former teacher, in case that matters..
Life’s short. We’ll do it in elementary school but unlikely during middle or high. I also take in to account commitments to extra curriculars and teams, which are probably way more critical at the older ages. Also, DH’s family is out of town. Sometimes the difference between a 2pm flight and an after-school Friday night flight is literally thousands. I imagine we’ll have to make that judgment call around the holidays or potentially, which we will opt to do. Again, life is short and family and experiences are priceless.
I do remember my mom calling me in “sick” a handful of times during middle and high school to sneak up north and go skiing with her on a whim. It was our secret, and it was so memorable. We’d probably do that, but thoughtfully – not around tests, big events or other obligations.
Anonymous says
I’m against it. Our kids love school and school always plans fun stuff for the Friday before long weekends. We have done it before when other plans just aren’t feasible- once for a 6 hour flight to get to thanksgiving. We weren’t going to fly Wednesday afternoon before thanksgiving with 3 young kids- and we had to go.
FWIW our elem kids are not at risk of getting behind at school. My calculus would be different if they were struggling.
Anonymous says
We do not take vacations during the school year simply because our school district has draconian limits on absences, excused or unexcused. 20 absences in elementary or 10 in secondary school = automatic failure. The real risk is getting referred to court, which happens with some frequency after 5 – 10 absences; the reason doesn’t matter. At work I’ve had judges from all over the state complain to me that their time is being wasted on these matters. We are lucky we did private kindergarten instead of public, because our daughter missed around 20 days that year just due to illness.
anon says
My MIL will give us things for our infant daughter, and then demand them back if she doesn’t think we are using them sufficiently. How do we handle this? If we tell her we don’t want something when she gives it to us, she is very huffy. She never includes a receipt. We cannot donate items because she’s over once a week and always takes stock of what we do and don’t have out. She brings a new gift each visit so they really add up. Recent “gifts” that she’s demanded back have included a 3-foot stuffed unicorn and a vtech walker for our daughter who doesn’t yet walk. (I donated both and told her, which went over extremely poorly). We do not have storage space to pretend we will use these items later. We already don’t have a great relationship and with our daughter’s first birthday coming up in the next couple of months I’m steeling myself for a mound of unwanted gifts she’ll demand back months later. My husband has accepted that this is the way she is, but his tolerance for clutter is a lot higher than mine. She likes to buy things SHE likes without regard to the recipient so past attempts to suggest certain things we actually need have gotten mixed results.
Anonymous says
she is being completely manipulative and controlling, and this is a hill I would die on. It’s going to affect your marriage, if it hasn’t already started to.
if this were me, I would be having a serious conversation with husband and then setting some serious boundaries. Instead of donating things, actually give them back, unopened. ‘here you can take this back, it’s never going to get used’, and be firm in refusing things you don’t want. her reaction is a her problem.
believe me when I say this will get worse, especially when kid gets old enough to understand what’s going on, and grandma starts giving the gifts directly to kid. if you have a second kid one day you may have a case of MIL favoring one over the other, which is a whole other level of problems. your best chance of stopping it is now.
Aunt Jamesina says
(FYI, this is yesterday’s post. You might get more traction on the current post!)
I have SO many thoughts about this. We have a similar dynamic with my MIL, down to my husband generally being more tolerant of having stuff than I am. We observed her give tons of gifts to our nieces before our daughter was born and vowed we didn’t want that to happen for a few reasons (consumerism, not wanting to overwhelm our kid, not wanting [email protected] to take over our home). She also gave things that were meant for older kids, so my BIL had to store them (like a potty when their oldest was only six months old and a huge dollhouse with tiny parts). I see a lot of people in these situations who just say you should be thankful for whatever you get, and that it’s rude to tell people what you want to be gifted, but I suspect these people mostly haven’t dealt with a grandma who comes over with a giant toy or baby gear item (or literally TWENTY TWO baby outfits, omg) every time she comes over. If it’s close family and it’s ongoing, then you have to deal with it somehow, and just keeping everything to protect her feelings at all costs isn’t the way. And really you can be genuinely thankful for the thought behind the gift without keeping it!
The big picture thing to remember is that she’s very likely doing this out of love for her grandchild, even if her expression of it is really frustrating. My MIL worries out loud about whether our kid really likes her when she cries or has normal baby reactions. Being sensitive to that is so important. I think there’s insecurity about her role since she feels like my mom has more access to our kid than she does (which isn’t true, but I think this dynamic is common in many families). Validating that our daughter feels a bond with her and commenting on how much our kid loves going on walks in the park with grandma and other activities has helped somewhat.
My MIL also grew up in another country with very little, so I know to her it’s an absolute miracle that she can go to TJ Maxx or Target and select a fun toy for $10 before she comes over. Even for a Boomer that grew up in security in the US, the plethora of cheap toys has exploded over the last 20-30 years, and I think our culture has decided that the answer to every insecurity or wish to “help” or be there for someone is to Buy Them More Stuff. It’s an uphill battle that we can’t completely win. And for all of your efforts, your MIL might still continue to give gifts like this and you really can’t control it, so there’s a certain amount of just letting it go that has to happen (but that doesn’t mean you have to keep it in your house).
While I want her to show her love for our kid, I feel just as strongly that’s it’s important to do what is best for our kid and our family. From the reading I’ve done, overwhelming kids with toys leads to less meaningful play and sets up the expectation that every time grandma comes over, she’s coming with a new toy (which has the opposite of her intended effect of bonding with kiddo). I got husband on board by framing it from an anti-consumerist perspective and really wanting our kid to engage in play with fewer, more open-ended toys. We’re generally the semi-crunchy weirdos in the family, so most seem to get it.
We set a few parameters around what we don’t want (plastic, items with batteries) and shared with our families what we DO want, which is just as important (books and secondhand items). BUT! This isn’t a mandate, and you can’t control people. When we do get the items we don’t want, we thank her. If it’s especially crazy (huge, developmentally inappropriate, and/or expensive), my husband lets her know that it doesn’t work for us because of our parameters that she has already been told multiple times. We’re both pretty blunt people, so I don’t spend time worrying about how she feels about it (because she already knew our feelings about that type of item). If she doesn’t want to take it back, we just go ahead and donate it. If she asks about it later, we’re truthful that it didn’t work for us. For smaller things, we tend to just say thank you and pass it on. While donation centers are overwhelmed with stuff, I figure a brand new item in the box is probably a welcome donation. If you’ve already let her know that you generally don’t want a certain type of item and she still goes ahead and purchases it, her feelings about that are HER responsibility. If she asks for something back and you don’t have it any more, that’s not your problem. You have to kind of get used to a bit of discomfort around that, but that’s how it goes.