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Help me come up with a list of gift ideas for DH to get me on Mother’s Day. If I am not specific then he will get me something expensive that I don’t like. I would rather not get anything but that’s not an option. Already booked a massage the weekend before (going on a girls’ trip).
I usually do an upgrade of something I have. The gift is that it’s a splurgey version of something I have already or am planning to buy so it doesn’t feel like more ‘stuff’. This year I’m thinking of either a high end bathrobe and bath stuff, or a new carry on suitcase for some upcoming vacations.
My favorite Mother’s Day gifts have been:
Jewelry – I have to send him specifically what I want
Art my kids have made with his help – coffee cups, painted tchotchkes, etc
A night or weekend to myself – he takes the kids to MILs
+1 to these.
I especially like my Mother’s Day jewelry: A locket necklace with a picture of my oldest as a 1 year old (he was still an only child when I got that), and a ring with all 3 kids’ birthstones.
Here’s what I would want but we don’t do gifts like that: solid gold jewelry from Aurate, a washable silk blouse from Amour Vert, an array of Sunday nail polishes, or a cashmere wrap. I keep a “gift” notes app in my phone, add when I think of it, and then check when gift input is needed. Works for me.
Another spa treatment/gift certificate?
nice robe? (I love the long waffle ones from the White Company)
some really nice teas, if you’re into that. I am always excited to get tea from Palais des Thes or Kusmi.
Tickets to a show?
Favorite print, framed? One of my favorite gifts is a framed movie poster for one of my favorite old movies.
A day out doing something fun – planned from start to finish?
Mary Moo Cow says
Giant bouquet of flowers that you wouldn’t buy yourself? For example, peonies are my favorite flower but I won’t buy them for myself because they’re expensive and impermanent- in short something absolutely frivolous. But it would make my week to get a huge bunch!
Do you like flowers or chocolate? Those are my go-to when I don’t need/want anything, or when I already have a trip planned as my big present.
Anything for outside? New planter pots for the front steps, furniture/cushions for the deck, etc?
This is a little out there, but I am asking for a fancy worm composter – it’s a little art deco looking with two trays and pretty sleek compared to the gigantic black bins that are standard. But composting is a thing we do and I’m excited to have a more efficient “accessory”.
All that to say, you can think outside the traditional box of “sentimental mom gifts” and ask for anything you’ve been considering purchasing anyway.
personally I want another nixplay frame. I have one in my office and i get so much joy watching the digital phots cycle through. I want another one for my home.
These are the best.
I have one that you can remotely add pix from an App that everyone in my extended family has on their phone. Everyone will randomly add new fun photos to the frame so it is a mix of classic favorites and new things that are going on in everyone’s lives.
Fancy chocolates! Like, REALLY fancy, not just grocery store chocolate box. I love recchiuti chocolates. they have the best flavors. I always ask for a box for mothers day and then have one each night for a few weeks and it’s lovely.
Also, we always give each other the Gift of Being a 1950s Dad for the day, for both mothers and fathers day. Basically, the honoree gets to do all the fun parts of hanging with kids while the other person does all the admin work (planning what you’re doing, packing the snack bag, changing diapers, wiping butts, making dinner). It’s amazing.
My list included a new pair of Vuori joggers in a different color, some fuzzy Birkenstock Arizonas to wear around the house, and a new apron. I don’t expect it all for Mother’s Day, but my birthday is also coming up, so I sent a general list.
I recently listened to this podcast about gifting pacts and thought it was so smart! https://www.athingortwohq.com/podcast-episodes/seam-rippers-gifting-pacts-and-leftovers. Basically taking the work out of doing this every year. You decide what holidays you gift things and what type of things for the ones you do gift for.
My favorite mother’s day gift was a yeti straw cup in hot pink with MOM engraved on it. It brightens my day at work and makes me think of kiddo every time I see it. Otherwise I usually request that he plan dinner outdoors on a patio around that weekend (but not on actually mother’s day, because crowds), and that I get flowers. One year I gifted myself an inexpensive robot vacuum and I love it.
I like the idea of tickets to a show or a fancy dinner you could go to (although this may be more of a birthday present idea).
I’ve also enjoyed personalized things related to the kids- he got me a bracelet with a phrase that I say to the kids before bed or a keychain with 4 circles, each one w/ their name engraved & the birth year/ our anniversary year. For Father’s day, I’ve done personalized coffee mugs as well as personalized shirts for the whole family (my husband normally buys himself whatever he needs).
My favorite thing to do is have him get a dozen bagels + sides & go have a picnic in the park as a family.
We’ve started doing more experiences, too. Last year I received show tickets AND he had already booked the babysitter, which was awesome.
I’m asking for a night away on my own at a nice hotel.
18 month old well visit coming up. Daughter screamed for the entirety of her 15 month visit as well as a visit at 16 months when she had a lingering stomach bug. My understanding is that they test for autism at the 18 month visit…how do they do this if she’s screaming the whole time? Her stranger danger has lessened so it might be better this time, but I expect there to be a lot of screaming nonetheless.
I think that’s a them problem?
I think it’s just a questionnaire the parent fills out. Or at least that’s been our experience.
since she is a bit older now, i might start reading books about going to the doctor. like one from daniel tiger.
Mine had major stranger danger with doctors too. FWIW, 18 months was a tiny bit better than previous ones because it was the first time that snacks were helpful – harder to scream if you’re mainlining strawberries and goldfish! But the autism “test” is just a questionnaire for parents, so no impact from screaming.
The autism thing is just a parent survey about developmental milestones, not any ‘test’ they do on the kid.
+1 I remember the survey asking oddly specific things like…”can child successfully put items inside an empty water bottle?”….I never thought to let my kid play with an empty water bottle and monitor what they do .
That’s the ages and stages questionnaire I think (and agree… I had no idea about half the hyper specific questions and just made stuff up). At least at my ped’s office the autism survey was more basic and asked about things like eye contact and simple pretend play. But fwiw many autistic children (especially girls) will pass the early screenings. They’re not that sensitive.
I think you fill out a questionnaire, so it should be nbd. Doctors know that kids can act up at their office. My 3 year old kicked the doctor on two separate visits. Not that I allowed him to, it was in the struggle to look in his ear.
It’s just a questionnaire that you fill out.
Is the autism survey something that you are especially concerned about? If it is you can request an early intervention eval for it and that would be done at your house.
I always find it hard to have a convo with my kids doctor with my kid there. So I send them a message a week before the appointment with questions and concerns I would like to address. That way I am not trying to shout over a crying kid or trying to remember my questions while my kid climbs the wall.
Could you visit the doctor’s office for a fun trip? Just to stop by to get stickers or a lollipop and say hi to the fish? That might help it be a place that isn’t just associated with shots.
What do you bring in your bag of tricks? Favorite snacks? New toy? My older kid helps me pack the bag before we go to appointments for the younger one so they see whats in it and are EXCITED to be there.
And don’t worry too much about your daughters reaction. They have seen everything before. Not saying you aren’t calm about it but I always have to remind myself that if I stay calm it helps my kid stay calm too!
Thanks all for the advice especially about snacks; will definitely bring her favorites. She also loves books so I’ll start on some doctor visit books too. No particular concerns about anything but I was wondering how they’d test things like receptive language with her screaming her lungs out. But if it’s a questionnaire that answers that! And on the bright side, we’ve never had any concerns about her lung capacity or endurance :) 100th percentile there I think
My oldest had major doctor stranger danger around this age. We watched a lot of Doc McStuffins and the Daniel Tiger doctor episodes to help make it less scary. We also bought a toy doctor kit to play with at home. She’s five now and wants to be a doctor (to the point she’ll fake sick so we’ll go see the pediatrician) so maybe we went overboard on the de-sensitization. ;)
yesterday someone posted about a similar issue, but mine has been ongoing for months now and it is driving me nuts. my almost 5 year old daughter who potty trained easily and barely had any accidents for two years has been having 1-5 accidents a day since maybe like October? we’ve spoken with the doctor and there doesn’t seem to be a medical issue. i know yesterday someone mentioned it can be a sign of abuse, and i did think of that when it first started, but she doesn’t go anywhere alone with anyone other than when she goes to speech, but that takes place in her school in a classroom with windows on both sides. we’ve had the same nanny for almost 5 years, and she has had one drop off playdate, but that only happened like two weeks ago, so i don’t think it is that. when we are home and i have her go commando, she will stop what she is doing and go use the potty, otherwise she would rather pee in her pants than stop whatever she is doing to go to the bathroom. HELP!
How often do you reminder her to go? With my three kids, I found there was a window after they were toilet trained when they felt overly confident in their abilities and would wait to long to go and then not make it to the bathroom. They get caught up in whatever they are playing and try to hold it vs stop playing and go. There’s a Daniel Tiger episode about this issue.
So at age 5, there would be reminders to go when they first got out of bed in the morning and before we left for daycare/school, and when we got home from daycare/school they were to try to go and wash their hands before playing. And then again when they are sent to wash their hands before supper, and then again before bed.
Some of this may resolve next year if she is in school and more conscious of having accidents around her friends.
she is in school now! she was potty trained for almost 2 years before this started. at home she resists reminders, though her teacher at school says there she is open to reminders.
I think you need the reminders then regardless of whether or not she likes them. The line I used was when you are accident free for a week then I will cut back on reminders. When they were reminded they had to go try.
If she’s not having accidents at school, then it’s behavior/habit so a new routine at home may help.
oh she is having the accidents at school too unfortunately
Do the teachers have any advice?
the teachers think it is FOMO, and a bad habit, like she’d rather pee in her pants than stop whatever she is doing bc stopping isnt fun and doesnt care that she is in wet pants. they think she’ll grow out of it, but it is taking quite a long time….i guess i need to be more patient, even though it’s been months already
Can you just make a calendar for her and tell her she has to try every hour or two hours or whatever you think is reasonable based on her past history? If she resists, tell her matter of factly and in a non-shaming way that this is the rule until she can consistently start peeing in the potty and stop peeing in her pants.
Is she constipated? Being constipated can lead to pee accidents. If she’s not having a soft, easy bowel movement every day I’d ask the doctor about starting her on something like Miralax.
we’ve done Miralax
For how long have you done Miralax? I have a kid who is currently on a 6 month plan with it. If we miss a day or two we are back to accidents. They managed to stretch out their bowel so we are waiting for it to shrink back so they have normal poop sensations. Have they had xrays to see if they have anything really backed up? Just saying because we would do the weekend clean out and then the problem would be right back despite pooping everyday. Might be worth looking into if you haven’t done the long thing.
Yeah Miralax often isn’t a one and done thing. My understanding is that if a kid has any constipation symptoms, including pee accidents, a ped will want to see soft, daily bowel movements (even though as infrequently as 3x/week can be considered normal in people who don’t have symptoms) and if you’re not there naturally, treatment with a laxative is usually indicated.
Is it like small accidents? I think I remember reading that is really common in kids in kindergarten – they basically don’t want to stop what they are doing to go to the bathroom but need to go, so they let a little out to lessen the pressure, or something like that. My son did something similar (and had small poo accidents almost daily until 2nd grade). If there is a way to set up a schedule so she is checking periodically, like after every meal, that might help avoid the “I don’t want to stop what I am doing issue.” Beyond that, we just waited it out and he eventually grew out of it. Was definitely not constipated.
PS – we allowed tablet screentime during the sit on the potty as a bribe. Probably gross and terrible but we were at our whit’s end with daily poo accidents.
We didn’t have a hard time with poop training once we got her un-constipated, but for months after she was potty-trained we made our kid do a daily after dinner poop time to avoid getting constipated again and she hated it so we let her have books for that. I don’t think it’s that gross. It’s not like they’re handling the book/tablet after wiping.
fortunately it is pee accidents only. and not necessarily small ones. she will empty her whole bladder. and then not tell anyone and sit around in wet clothes, which is obviously not good. my other daughter (her twin) had issues with tiny pee accidents, but then she would realize she was wet and go to the potty.
This seems like it may be a sensory issue.
in what sense? like she doesn’t care about being wet? she barely had an accident for 2 years, so seems strange she suddenly has a sensory issue?
Not the original poster, but I’m guessing they mentioned it potentially being a sensory issue that your child tolerates wet, potentially smelly, clothes for a while without mentioning discomfort. A lot of times when kids have accidents, they’ll notice pretty quickly & express discomfort/ asked to be changed (like with your other child). If that isn’t happening, it may be worth bringing that fact up with a doctor since there may be a sensory-based reason they aren’t noticing it.
Yeah, I’m not an expert but wanting to sit around in wet pants seems like it could be sensory-seeking behavior. It’s unusual at this age to not care that you’ve wet yourself. Sensory stuff can definitely come and go and be triggered by life events and changes in external circumstances so I don’t think the fact that it’s recent means it’s not a sensory issue.
I’m surprised your ped isn’t taking this more seriously. If your kid is emptying her whole bladder in her pants multiple times per day, she’s not potty-trained and that’s a pretty big deal at almost 5. This is very different than the occasional accident because she’s so wrapped up in play and can’t stop. I’d push for a referral to a urologist to rule out physical causes beyond the obvious like UTIs and an OT to talk about potential sensory stuff and work on the behavioral issues.
I don’t know why you think you can rule out abuse when the child attends school. To be clear, I don’t think abuse is likely the cause of this. The odds are overwhelming that it’s not. But unless your child is never out of your sight, which is not what you described (and would not be normal at this age), abuse is always a possibility.
My daughter has had this problem off and on. For her it’s usually caused by FOMO so she holds her pee. Then she forgets that she has (had) to pee. And then the next time she feels like she needs to pee it’s TOO LATE. Her control isn’t quite up to the challenge. It’s gotten better over time as she’s gotten older. And we sometimes talk about not holding it or remembering to go once the fun thing she didn’t want to miss out on is over.
of course abuse is alway a possibility if your child is out of your sight, but how does one go about assessing this
Wouldn’t you start by ruling out more likely causes such as constipation and sensory issues?
thanks all! we have our 5 year old checkup in a couple of weeks and i will bring this up again then
Late comment but you should consider asking your pediatrician about the possibility of very subtle seizures causing the accidents. That’s what was the case with my son who had been fully potty trained for 8 months and then started having multiple accidents a day. The seizures relaxed the bladder and there was truly nothing he could do about it. We had a misdiagnosis of constipation for a few months before we realized. Good luck mama.
I had a similar issue with my now 7 y/o who still holds it too long. She no longer has accidents but she gets wildly agitated when she has to pee.
What helped was a positive reinforcement sticker chart AND somewhat micromanaging her bathroom breaks. It took a while but did eventually pass.
My son has had hives on and off since Friday. We took him to the pediatrician, who said it doesn’t seem to be a big deal and is probably seasonal allergies (the pollen here has been bananas). We’ve been giving him Zyrtec, but do y’all have any other suggestions? Daycare teachers seem a little freaked out about the welts, but we have a note from the doctor saying he’s fine to go to school as long as he doesn’t have other symptoms.
How old? The Zyrtec should have resolve it by now which makes me wonder if it is something else. Make sure you keep your windows and doors closed and dry all clothes and bedding in the dryer not outside on a clothesline. Daycare should also wipe off his face and arms with a damp cloth after outside play if there is that much pollen around.
Try upping the zyrtec dose, if you’re 2.5, do 5 or do 2.5 twice a day. Also try claritin or allegra if its just seasonal allergies. or benadryll for a few days before bedtime.
In my experience, Gold Bond medicated anti-itch ointment with menthol is by far the best itch relief. It won’t solve the hives, but it really helps soothe the itch.
If he can tolerate it, Epsom salt baths before bed. To help with welts and to try to keep pollen (or other allergy triggers) out of his hair before he sleeps. When allergies are really bad in my area I also try to up my game at washing my bed sheets or switching them out for clean ones mid-week.
+1 to washing all bedding (assuming you haven’t switched detergent recently: that also triggers hives with my sensitive kids) and to upping the dose to 5 ml if you haven’t already. Try bathing them daily and washing hair. I swear the allergies are going to kill us. Mine kept getting strep (seriously two of my kids have had strep four times each this year) and the pediatrician recommended we just keep giving Zyrtec all year round. Sigh. And before I get a bunch of “have you tried” I asked about tonsils and he said he can’t recommend removal yet.
I have skin allergies, and I take medicine (Allegra) year round. It makes a big difference in my life.
In House Lobbyist says
We had this on and off for weeks (he came back from camp and we assumed he was allergic to something or got bit by something). They would come and go with Benadryl even after urgent care and ET visit during the camp. I eventually went to our ped and he suspected a virus and prescribed Zyrtec and Pepcid AC and that’s what finally worked. Might be worth a shot.
I failed my 1 hour glucose test at 12 weeks yesterday. I’ll take my 3 hour test next week. It’s frustrating because I eat well and exercise regularly (outside of 1 trimester fatigue/nausea the last couple of weeks). I have a parent with type 2 diabetes, so the rational part of me knows it’s likely for me to have gestational diabetes and it could largely out of my control. I’m wondering if anyone has a positive outcome experiences of being diagnosed with GD early in pregnancy and can tell me it wasn’t too big of a deal?
Not what you asked, but many many many people fail the one hour and pass the three hour (including me). I would not worry yet. Do you know your quantitative reading and how far over the cutoff you were?
I was right at 141 mg/dL. From what I’ve read online I know 140 is the typical cut off. At my OB they consider over 129 mg/dL a fail.
Yeah it’s sooo common to fail the 1 hour and pass the 3 hour. I wouldn’t worry too much yet.
That was me – my mom had GD twice (once diagnosed late), and then I failed the first test. I was all prepared to start the restrictive diet, but then I passed the second one, which as mentioned above, is quite common.
I also failed the 1hr but passed the 3hr (and I’m overweight).
Is there a reason you were tested so early? That’s normally a late second tri test
Since I have a family history with diabetes, my OB has always recommended testing at 12 weeks and later in pregnancy. So I was expecting to test, it was the same with my last pregnancy.
I had to take the 3 hour test with both pregnancies. I ended up with a marginal pass in both cases, so no GD diagnosis, but one of the four readings was off. They suggested that I try to eat healthy (which I did). I generally followed recommendations for a GD diet, but didn’t test my blood sugar.
My first was a totally normal size. My second was born on her due date, but was large and got stuck with shoulder dystocia (which is one of the risks of GD). They got her out, but it was super scary and she had to go straight to the NICU. If I was to do it again, which I’m not, I’d follow a GD diet more carefully and ask for closer medical monitoring.
I have numerous relatives who are borderline for Type II diabetes, including my father, but they typically have been able to control it with diet and exercise.
one of my besties who was in excellent shape (former marathon runner, ran throughout pregnancy), and a healthy eater had GD for her 2nd pregnancy, but not her 1st or 3rd. it is largely outside of your control
I had GD with both pregnancies. Like you, I eat well and exercise regularly, but have a parent with diabetes. As my doctor reminded me repeatedly, she ran marathons (!) while pregnant and still had gestational diabetes. It is largely outside of your control — and it will be okay if you fail the three hour test. I did not need to take medication, but did need to walk after every meal to ensure that I would not have blood sugar spikes. I also found a list of fods that worked for me and mostly repeated them throughout my pregnancy.
I failed My one hour all 3 times and passed the 3 hour all three times.
Does anyone have a gizmo watch or something that plays a similar function? My 4th grader is now able to go to nearby park by himself or walk to a friend’s house to play and some of his friends have things like that. I also sometimes leave him for 30 minutes while a run an errand which I feel comfortable with (but is illegal in my state…)Do we need this? Are any options better than others?
I don’t know whether it’s a need, but I can tell you that we’ve loved having one for our kids who are old enough to roam the neighborhood a bit but definitely aren’t old enough for a cell phone. I also have used it to stay in touch with them while I’m running errands nearby.
We had a Gizmo watch and it worked well for what it was. They’re really hard to charge (the charging base is SO finnicky!) My biggest complaint was the texting feature. To receive/send a text, you have to sign into the app which made it too many extra steps and easy to miss something. In addition, the text messages they can send are only preset generic ones they have to scroll through, or a voice note. Not very convenient when they’re texting from a noisy playground.
After about 1.5 years of use, we decided to just activate an older iPhone as our “house phone” slash kid who needs it phone. Easy to keep in a soccer bag at practice, easy to keep in a pocket at the park, etc. It charges and stays in the living room so it’s not truly a kid phone, but it’s nice to have it there for quick errand runs when we want to let them stay home.
As they get older, we plan to let them say that is their phone number for texting or calling friends. We’ll still keep it as a house phone, which means we can read every text and see the call history, but it feels like a lower stakes way to let them start to chat with friends.
No advice but I’ve been meaning to ask this same question. My kid is old enough to bike around the neighborhood but I need a way to call him home. I basically need a walkie talkie.
DH literally ordered walkie talkies for this purpose. They have a small bike bag under the seat of the bike and the charging stand is next to where the bikes are parked in the garage.
This is smart! What kind of range do they get? We have some kiddie ones, but they’re not powerful enough to work more than a few houses away, and I can yell that far :)
I think it’s a mile or two? They’re also useful when canoeing on the lake at my parents cottage where the cell phone reception is patchy.
We have a very free range neighborhood, and started with walkie talkies, but quickly stopped using them because there is no privacy on the channels. It didn’t even occur to me until I overheard someone else’s conversation, and realized I had no idea who was listening to my kid tell me that they were walking to the park (or wherever). I felt like I was broadcasting where and when the kids would be alone, which felt even more unsafe than having them without a way to communicate. Also, the audio was never perfect, which was often more frustrating than just having them know to be home at a certain time.
We ultimately got a flip phone, which can text and call. That’s it. I didn’t want my kids to have access to games or have access to the internet (even if locked down). The kids think the flip phone is super boring, so it doesn’t turn into any more screen time, but is super easy to throw into a backpack or pocket. It also doubles as our landline when they are home alone.
We got a cell phone watch for our 4th grader and are really happy she has it. It’s great that it doesn’t have social media. She can only use it to call us. We like being able to call her.
We got a TicTalk, but I wouldn’t recommend it. We’ve had charging issues and it’s glitchy, but we love the concept. I’m hoping it means that we can avoid getting her an actual cell phone for several more years.
We do NOT have one, but many of my 4th grade son’s friends do. I don’t feel like we need it. I’m OK with him wandering the neighborhood with his pack of friends, as long as I know the general plan & who he’s with; I have phone numbers for their parents and the group text usually updates me where they are. He has my phone number memorized if he needs an adult to call on his behalf.
After an incident a few weeks ago when he didn’t come home at dark and wasn’t where I thought he was, we are now more specific about what time he needs to be home (he has a regular wristwatch), and also have a rule that when I think he’s at friend A’s house, he needs to stay there or make a quick stop by home to tell me he’s going to friend B’s house if the plan changes.
I also leave him (and sometimes another kid, too) for 30 min to run a quick errand. I usually let a neighbor know they’re home alone and I’ll be right back. We have a phone in the house they can use to call an emergency number if needed, and we make sure to tell them to go to [whichever neighbor’s] house if they need an adult.
For the errand piece we have amazon dots. She can call me on them.
She also has an iPad she can call me with via wifi.
Does anyone know how to petition to lower speed limits in the school zone? Our school district is county-wide but I suspect speed limits are city or Dept of Transportation-managed?
For context our speed limit for schools is 35 (feels high), I was visiting FL recently and their school zone speed limits were 15. Apparently, our GA has a statute that the lowest speed limits can be in school zones in 20, which would be a nice change. At our school, multiple speeders are pulled each day…
No help on how to petition, but I agree with you that 35 is high for a school zone. I believe all the ones near us are 25… 35 is the regular speed limit on many of the roads where elementary and middle schools are located.
I would start by engaging the PTA, then calling your local representative’s office. They can probably point you in the right direction and may even champion for you; keeping kids safe seems like an easy political victory.
In Texas they are initially set by TxDOT, but you can petition the municipality to have it lowered. So you’d start at city hall. I would just Google “school zone speed limit lowered [my state]” and see what comes up. Good luck!
Has anyone had success with therapy after a traumatic birth in preparation for a second pregnancy? As some vague background on my situation– my first pregnancy was generally very healthy until I started developing high blood pressure, and a scan my OB ordered out of an abundancy of caution showed baby was growth-restricted, resulting in fetal monitoring and a c-section. Bloodwork postpartum showed that I have some clotting disorders that made this type of outcome more common. They can be managed in a subsequent pregnancy to mitigate risk, but I am high risk for a subsequent pregnancy. DS is generally healthy but still small for his age, and we’ve had to do some PT with him due to prematurity, etc. I thought I was generally over this and ready for Kid #2, but a family member recently had a similar situation happen during her pregnancy, and I just have a lot of anxiety about a second pregnancy. Is this something that therapy would help me with, and what type of therapist would I even go to?
Yes! I had an emergency c-section for my first birth that resulted in medically good results, but emotional trauma. I knew I would have another c-section with my second and worked with a therapist that specializes in perinatal mental health. My second birth was emotionally tough right up until DD was born. I was very open with my OB, the anesthesiologist, and literally anyone who asked me how I was the day of my second c-section that I had a traumatic first birth and was very scared, and they were all great. I think it’s really common to think this your first experience was fine or you’re over it until you feel like you’re facing the same scenario – for me it was when I was 3 mo pregnant with my second.
This is very tough. If your employer offers a couple of free therapy sessions (my employers has this benefit through our life insurance for handful of sessions) I think even one of those therapists could help get you started. I had good luck with one over a couple of sessions to identify that I had anxiety and gave me some good tools to help with it.
I went to therapy during a high-risk complicated pregnancy for my first and then saw her again after a traumatic delivery with my second (due to a totally different set of issues – childbirth is so fun!). It did help a lot to have a safe hour every week or so to discuss my feelings and fears and how to manage and process them, separate from talking to my partner and doctor. I found my therapist by Googling some combination of “women’s mental health + my city” and “prenatal post natal mental health + my city” and my literal gem of a therapist came up. Good luck.
I had a perinatal therapist. PSI has an online directory of therapists trained specifically in perinatal issues: psidirectory DOT com
I hope you can find the help you need. My therapist helped me so much.
Yes, I found therapy very helpful with this! With my first, I basically had a panic attack while in labor. I’d been expecting a long, slow laboring process (what we’d discussed in pre-natal classes, etc.) and min ended up being pretty quick. My water broke, I got to the hospital & had liquid soaking the ground when I got out of the car- felt completely out of control & my doula wasn’t able to be there 100% b/c she was attending another birth at the same time a few rooms down. I then had pretty bad ppa/ppd with a huge hormone crash that I wasn’t expecting after the birth and felt little support from the peds/ other doctors about my needs & medicine.
I got pregnant again within a year & was very apprehensive. Besides therapy, I had a conversation with my doula about where expectations might have been misplaced & coping mechanisms that would be helpful the second time. I had follow up conversations with MFM specialists who focused on data around anti-depressants and pregnancy so I felt more prepared the second time around. I also had explicit conversations with my therapist about what the 2nd birth would look like and how to better prepare myself. I’d already had a therapist from before my first pregnancy. However, she ended up having a health issue that meant I needed to look for a new therapist weeks before my 2nd was due (super anxiety producing…) and I found one that focused on pre-natal, post-natal or peri-natal issues. She’s been fantastic.
In DC, there’s a group called DC Peri-Natal Mental Health Collaborative. If you’re in DC, could be a good place to start. If not, the descriptions of the therapists would be good starters for the types of therapists you’d want to target.
Good for you for being proactive about this & hope you find someone wonderful to help- my second two births were much smoother (although a summer 2020 COVID baby threw me for a bit of a loop…)
You could also look into support groups. My ob put me in touch with one in NYC, and just listening to other women’s stories–all far worse than mine–put everything in perspective for me in a way that really helped.
i definitely think this is someone a therapist could help you with. either someone who focuses on postpartum anxiety and/or other anxiety issues, but i’d start with the former. i often joke (though it’s not really a joke) that the day my daughters were born was one of the worst days of my life. i love my twins, but the day the day they were born were very traumatic for me and i worked with a therapist for quite some time to help me process.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
The wise peeps here have you covered, but just…good for you for thinking through what you need and good luck on your journey.
Crib and high chair says
How old was/were your child/children when you transitioned them from a crib to a toddler bed/bed and from a high chair (strapped in) to a chair they could get into and of themselves?
Our oldest is 2.5 and top of charts size wise. She is still in crib and high chair bc she hasn’t protested and it is easy (esp with a baby sibling). But at what point are we stunting development of new skills?
I think most people like to keep kids in cribs as long as they will stay. We had to move our daughter out of the crib into a twin bed at 26 months for safety reasons because she was climbing out of the crib and nothing would contain her. We also moved her to a chair with a booster cushion (no straps) at around the same time because the high chair was such a pain to deal with. Because she was a climber, she could get in and out of the chair safely on her own. She was also used to sitting through meals at day care in a child-sized chair, so we had no issues with her roaming during meals. I would not use a booster seat without a harness with most kids that age, though.
TL/DR: Do whatever is easiest and safest for your particular kid.
Um…my 5 year old still sits in a high chair. I know people will judge but she’s perfectly capable of sitting in a normal chair, it’s just a lot more convenient to have her in the high chair for meals when she’s eating solo (mainly weekday breakfast). We haven’t strapped her in years though and she can get in and out herself. We transitioned from crib to toddler bed around 2.5.
But generally I think there’s not too much need to rush these things. If it’s working for your family, don’t try to fix it! Toddlers aren’t known for being chill about things that upset them, so if your kid is unhappy being strapped in or sleeping in a crib, they’ll let you know.
16 months on the crib, because that’s when she learned to catapult herself out repeatedly while we stood there and watched. High chair was probably about the same age, then we switched to a booster seat that straps to a chair until around 2, and then it was just free reign. But mine is (still now at almost 6) very independent and very much a boundary pusher (she also quit the stroller around 18 months as well) and finds restraints that she cannot escape of her own volition very frustrating.