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Kid/Family Sales
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Clementine says
Okay, calling Uncle.
3 year old used to be a good sleeper but since we moved her out of her crib (18 months ago at this point), she has needed someone laying with her to get to sleep. She also wakes up inconsolably sobbing at least 2 nights a week in the middle of the night and wakes up the baby. I don’t know if it’s nightmares or what but I sometimes literally splash cold water/cool washcloth on her face to snap her out of it.
We’ve done incentives, we’ve done sticker charts, she shares a room so she’s not alone, we’ve done nightlight, we’ve done pallet on the floor. We even tried to do both gentle and hard line CIO (and I don’t do CIO generally) and turns out that she will scream for 3-4 hours if we don’t basically lay with her and gently Pat her back for a looooong time. Melatonin helps initial sleep but not the wakeups.
I’ve had kids go through hard sleep times, but this is killing me. I don’t know what I’m looking for – books? Suggestions? Exorcisms?
HSAL says
Did you take her out of the crib for the baby? This might be silly for a 3 year old, but does she need the security of the crib?
Clementine says
No! We took her out before the baby because she was climbing out.
anonM says
So hard!
For falling asleep – have you tried easing out of the patting routine? Like, I’ll pat your back for 2 songs (s/o to Daniel Tiger Countdown to Calmdown) and then sit in a chair in her room reading your own book/phone? Give her her own quiet toy or kid booklight and book? We end up sitting in there for far longer than I’d like, but after we do the book/songs I can at least read my book or veg out on my phone for a bit. We are trying to shift away from the length of time spent sitting in their room, which has meant lately one of us sits in the hallway until they stay in bed consistently.
For waking up, that is so strange! When DS does that he has to pee. Maybe try potty?
GCA says
Potty is where my thoughts went as well. DS used to do this when he was 3 and newly day-trained but not yet night-trained. His brain was freaking out because his body was sending him the ‘I need to pee’ signal. Took us a while to figure out but once we started taking him to dream-pee, he got over the midnight wakeups. In fact he started waking up fully, taking himself to the potty in the middle of the night, and heading back to bed.
Clementine says
Yeah, that was my instinct but it doesn’t seem to be needing to pee!
Anon says
My four year old used to do this and would go for hours. I’m still not sure why – night terrors? But if he wouldn’t calm down I’d try to get him fully awake and feed him, read a book, take a bath, or even in true desperation watch a little tv. Then once he calmed down we’d do bedtime again.
AIMS says
I would quit the melatonin. It gives me awful disturbing dreams. Maybe your kid is having similar? For the lying down with her, I would incrementally work on this by first sitting in the room until she falls asleep and then either leaving earlier and checking on her in increments (start with 2 minutes and work your way up) or working your way to sitting outside the room and then further away as needed.
For the nighttime wake ups, I think you just need to try to calmly get her back to sleep, which is admittedly much easier said than done. But I really think ot can be done if you just stick to a plan (took us about a week of no sleep to get there). I find redirecting can help – my kids have worry dolls for this, but we have also used stuffies or special blankets. I think they sometimes just need a crutch – they don’t even know why they are upset so giving them an out helps – “you had a bad dream? Let me give you your special bunny!’ Repeat as needed. And maybe google night terrors in case this is related?
It’s super hard and frustrating but you will get thru this. Also your baby will eventually stop waking up for this. My youngest used to be the lightest sleeper and his sister’s nighttime shenanigans basically made him able to sleep thru anything.
Clementine says
Thanks! Yeah, I’m thinking I need to just pick a week and lean into the suck.
She’s just so SO determined and let’s it go on for SO long.
Anonymous says
I’m a little confused on the exact problem. Is it that she was OK until recently but now, for the past two weeks, is waking up screaming? If that’s the case, it sounds a lot like night terrors. My oldest had them around 3/4 and they were rough, but they did go away.
If the problem is that since she moved into a big bed 18 months ago she needs someone to help her get to sleep, I say stick her back in the crib and see what happens. Or possibly make her bed more crib-like (mattress on the floor, surrounded by blankets so she doesn’t roll around, etc.)
Have you tried making sure she’s really tired (but not overtired) before bed? I agree that unless there are extenuating circumstances Melatonin might be too much. I have one kid who had a LOT of sleep issues (still does but we’ve learned to wrangle them) and Melatonin was a band-aid to the real problems.
Clementine says
It’s been an issue that I keep telling myself ‘it’s a season, all your kids have gone through this’ since she got out of the crib. Right now though, I am trapped with her until 9/930 pm and then dealing with two kids awake from 12-1, after which I can’t get to sleep until 2.
Husband has same issues, has same results (for a while I worried it was me). We’ve stopped melatonin and tried it again – the night screaming has nothing to do with whether or not she takes it.
Goodluck says
I could have written this almost verbatim.
The biggest thing we did was dramatically limit daytime sleep. Asked daycare to wake our kid up after an hour and stopped him from napping at home.
Anon says
You’re lucky your daycare will do that. Ours won’t wake a sleeping child and it caused a lot of problems for some of my friends whose 4 year olds were taking 2+ hour naps at daycare and refusing to sleep at night.
Anon says
+1 to this. Our state’s law is that a sleeping child cannot be woken up at daycare. If they don’t fall asleep within 20-30 minutes, they can play quietly, but the law requires at least that much time for a chance of sleep. Therefore, during the week, my 4 year old doesn’t fall asleep at night until 9ish. Couple of things to try: a stuffed animal or blanket to cuddle for comfort (it took us a few tries to find the one that worked), bedtime snack to make sure she wasn’t waking up hungry, no nonsense conduct at wakeups, get her ears checked to make sure there isn’t fluid back there causing problems, consult with an ENT about possible sleep apnea that is contributing to the wakeups.
Anon says
I would also recommend an ENT visit. A lot of ENT issues like chronic ear fluid, nasal congestion, sleep apnea, and tonsil problems can cause sleep issues.
anon says
+1 One of my kids had alllllll these sleep issues for months (years?) and we tried absolutely everything. Turns out it was sleep apnea.
Anon says
so one of my twins is like this and it also started around age 3. i think developmentally this might be when nightmares start and sometimes my daughter has nightmares and sometimes night terrors, which is when she doesn’t realize she is awake. she shares a room with her sister and somehow, despite the fact that she is screaming bloody murder her sister doesn’t always wake up, as long as i go in there and scoop her up to take her out asap. DH is better with the night terrors than I am, but what works for us is to basically take her to a different room, and try to get her to wake up, though i believe the technical advice with night terrors is not to wake the person, i feel like that advice only works if there are no other kids in the house. then usually she wants some cuddles, a sip of water and wants to go back to bed. you mentioned you’ve tried the pellet on the floor – why does that not work? is it that she still wakes you up? is still screaming? because i think even if she wakes you up once and you are able to get her settled down on the floor next to your bed, that is a step in the right direction. we got my daughter a dreamcatcher (she helped pick it out) and talked about what it is, etc. and told her if she wakes up scared in the middle of the night to look at that, hug a stuffie, “read” a book in her bed, or color on her led tablet. last year she got covid shortly after her 4th bday and was waking up 3-5 times a night and each time i’d walk her back to her bed, it was exhausting and i only survived bc i was WFH and taking frequent naps. i don’t like bribing with food, but i started promising a mini marshmallow every morning if she didn’t sit up in her bed and scream (it was ok to come and get me once, i just didnt want her to wake her sister bc then i had two inconsolable kids) and then it evolved to a marshmallow for not waking me at all, and i honestly think growing up is what helped with this. now she does still sometimes have night terrors and sometimes wakes up in the middle of the night, but is much better at self soothing than she was 2 years ago, though far from perfect. sleep issues suck
Anon says
My 2 year old was doing this- -hysterical at bedtime and sporadic nighttime wakeups, and once we fixed bedtime, the night wakeups stopped. So, I would focus on bedtime. For us, being in the room when he fell asleep made it worse because he would expect us to be there when he woke up in the middle of the night and get upset.
Anonymous says
You’ve gotten a lot of good advice. I just wanted to second stopping melatonin and asking for a consult with an ENT. One of my twins has always been a horrible sleeper; melatonin helped him go to sleep but he would wake screaming. It was not night terrors: my oldest had those and this was different. I wonder if it gave him weird dreams. Anyway, he got ear tubes at 18 months and that has helped a lot. He and his brother are being evaluated for tonsillectomy in September. Good luck! Not sleeping is the worst.
Cb says
Late to school pickup because I got locked in the PTA office – a glorified cupboard… last day of school tomorrow and thank goodness!
Comfy Work Pants says
Anyone have a good recommendation for on-trend wide-leg tie-waist pants that fit like pajamas (elastic waist?) but that I can wear to work? I’ve ordered a couple and returned because they looked like clown pants on me, though I know some of this is just getting over the skinny leg pants of the last several years. Recommendations?
Anonymous says
I really like the Jamie pant from J Crew Factory, but that doesn’t quite fit the bill. I’ve been eyeing some linen wide leg pants from Old Navy. But I’m also trying not to buy anything for the months of June-July, so I’ll have to report back if I decide to get them once my spending hiatus is up.
Miz Swizz says
I love the Old Navy wide leg linen pants. I have the olive green and chambray ones and Old Navy often has sales.
Anon says
where are your kids mattresses from? time to move on from the crib/toddler bed for a regular size
anonM says
Wayfair brand. We liked DS’s so much we got the same brand for our new mattress.
Mary Moo Cow says
We have two Allswell twins. They’ve held up well, are decently comfortable, and delivery was a cinch.
Anonymous says
Avocado (but it’s $$$)
Anonymous says
Costco.
AwayEmily says
Same! We got a two-pack of foam twin mattresses for the kids’ bunk beds. They’ve been great.
Anon says
Macy’s. We got an amazing deal on her “big girl” mattress and bedding during a holiday weekend sale there last year.
Leatty says
Flying with small kids is so painful! Had a 4 hour delay on my international flight (most of which has been sitting on the plane), and now the people sitting in front of my 2 year old keep giving us dirty looks. My son is behaving spectacularly (napping, eating relatively quietly, coloring, watching his tablet, and occasionally talking to me), but the guy in front is mad that my son’s coloring wobbles the tray on the back of his seat and that my son’s feet once touched the back of his seat. I’m doing my best to keep him calm, quiet, and entertained, but it’s completely impossible to get a 2 year old to stay as still as a statute for an international flight. Only 7 more hours to go.
Emma says
Oh no. We had that problem coming home from France – you know what really helps a 7-hour daytime flight with a 6 month old? Spending two extra hours sitting on the tarmac with seat belts on. We survived, but definitely got some dirty looks. She was an angel baby on the way there (slept in the bassinet the whole time) so my expectations weren’t the most realistic. Sounds like you’re doing all the right things! Ignore the grouches.
Anon says
The standard shouldn’t be “as still as a statue” – that’s a crazy expectation for adults, let alone children. It sounds like your 2 year old (and you!) are doing great. Don’t worry about other people. Their opinions don’t matter and you’ll never see them again.
Vicky Austin says
Oh, I’m so sorry. We had to fly with our tiny baby twice in the last month and people were nothing but kind, but one flight attendant was telling me how cute he was and then immediately said, “Older kids though…*dismissive head shake.*” I hope your flight attendants are at least on your side and that you get home ASAP.
anon says
You’re doing great. I’d much rather have my seat wobbled by a delightful child’s quiet coloring than sit near an adult who gives dirty looks to a parent and child for existing.
Anonymous says
oh man, thoughts & prayers. I feel so lucky we had super supportive seatmates on our recent flights with kids! I get that kids can be annoying, but as long as parents are TRYING, I refrain from any comments or eye-rolling (and I fly solo a lot for work, where I 100% do not want to be near children).
NYCer says
Ugh that delay sounds painful. I always try to remind myself that I will never see the people from the flight ever again, so try not to be bothered by the guy’s dirty looks. It sounds like your son is doing amazingly well, especially considering such a long delay.
GCA says
It sounds like the kid is doing better than the guy in front of him!
Anon says
My 5 year old soon to be kindergartner doesn’t seem to get the concept of having more than one friend and cycles through who her one friend is fairly regularly. She only wants to play with whoever her friend du jour is, and can often be quite rude to other kids in the process. This post was prompted by her telling a former bestie “No I’m friends with X now” today when former bestie ran up to her at dropoff and sweetly asked if they could play together… :(
On the one hand, I’m glad she isn’t too dependent on one particular kid, which was a big issue for me as a kid. But this isn’t nice behavior and I’m also worried it’s going to backfire on her when other kids wise up to her behavior and don’t want to be her friend-of-the-week when she finally gives them that ‘honor.’ We’ve had multiple conversations about how you can have more than one friend, it’s ok to have a favorite friend but you can still play with people who aren’t your best friend and you should generally let anyone join in on group play unless they’re being mean or actively undermining the game. But it doesn’t seem to be getting through to her. Thoughts?
Ano says
I would focus more on the importance of being kind and not being rude to kids who want to play with her. I frame it as the golden rule with my kids, and I think the phrase “golden rule” is catchy and memorable, however old school it may be. I’d keep talking about it using specific examples encouraging her to imagine if she was in the other person’s shoes. Also, I’m sure you can find lots of books at the library (in the nonfiction section) about being friends and using manners. I’ve picked those up from time to time as well. At least a start!