I have a huge warehouse-club stack of Dove soap in my closet — you can say I’m a longtime fan. But on the go, I prefer body wash, so their version will be in my cart shortly.
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This body wash is $8.99 at Target.
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Anon says
I paid our last ever daycare bill this morning!! We’re being responsible and diverting the money to savings but it still feels like a milestone worth celebrating.
Cb says
Woohoo! I thought we’d be rich after we stopped paying for nursery, but then I was paying rent elsewhere + aftercare was more than we had anticipated.
But I’ve paid my last rent and my commuting costs will go down dramatically!
Anon says
Yay! Congrats on the new job :)
HSAL says
That’s amazing! I literally danced the last preschool check to the director.
Anonymous says
Congratulations!
Momofthree says
For people who have kids with september birthdays- how do you think about birthday party invites? My middle child is in 1st grade & just started school today. His birthday is in less than 3 weeks. I’m currently planning his birthday party & trying to figure out who to invite (it’s at a bowling alley, so don’t necessarily have a hard headcount limit, but there is a substantial cost to each additional person). Would you do last years class? This year’s class? there’s some overlap in the kids. Most other parties at this school are at a park/playground/ someone’s backyard, so they tend to be whole class type events.
We don’t have a big enough backyard to hold a party and I don’t have the time/energy to coordinate a park party.
Anon says
I’ve also been wondering about this for my early fall birthday K-er. My understanding from other parents is that whole class parties are Not Done past preschool in our area, but there hasn’t been time for friend groups to solidify (and I don’t have contact for any of her classmates’ parents) and I feel weird inviting pre-K kids we haven’t seen in months. I think I’m going to just invite the whole current class plus a couple preschool buddies we’ve kept in touch with. We’re doing it at an indoor playplace, so there’s some cost per kid, but it’s not exorbitant.
All that to say, solidarity… it’s hard! I’m jealous of everyone with winter and spring birthdays.
NYCer says
No personal experience as my kids have bdays in the spring, but I would probably do this year’s class plus any very close friends from last year’s class or other activities.
Anonymous says
At that age the trend seems to be to invite the current year’s class. Around third grade parties get smaller and the guests are usually actual friends from various places—previous classes, day camp, current class, extracurriculars, etc.
Anonymous says
This year’s class plus a couple besties if they are in the other class. Around grade 3/4 the parties get smaller.
Anonymous says
I would do this years class and anyone from last year not in the same class but that he’s good friends with. If that’s too many kids, do boys only.
Anonymous says
I have kids in k-5th and there has always been such a mix. If your kid has his core buddies, do a smaller party. If he’s in active friend making life, cast a wider net.
AwayEmily says
Interesting — norms must differ a lot from place to place. For my kids, whole-class birthdays completely stopped after preschool. What we did starting in kindergarten was to tell them how many people they could invite (which varied depending on the type of party/venue) and then just let them fill whoever they wanted.
Anon says
I’ve heard it’s the same in our area, but it makes me so anxious. Do all kids really have a tight friend circle by kindergarten? I feel like if I asked my 5 year old for names of who to invite it would change daily, and I don’t have any way of reaching those people because they’re mostly kids from school or aftercare whose parents I’ve never met. I feel like my kid is pretty normal socially and she seems to get along well with others and play with lots of different friends at school, but whenever I think about having a small birthday party I get so stressed out because she doesn’t have a core friend group. I thought it was normal for that to not happen until more like third or fourth grade, but maybe I’m wrong.
Anonymous says
I don’t know if it’s kosher for elementary school but for preschool we sent an invite to the parents via the teachers. Maybe a teacher can skip invites in a backpack?
Our elm school has a private app though and I can find parents based on the kids name and message them through there. Very convenient.
Anon says
Ah, yeah our school doesn’t do directories for privacy reasons. I am getting better at accosting classmates parents and asking them for contact info when we randomly meet at the PTA or whatever, but it’s a slow process. It’s a big adjustment from daycare where we passed the parents in the hall every day and also had a directory.
Anonymous says
IME it just takes one family inviting the whole class and then the dam breaks. We were the first ones to do it in kindergarten last year (in February) and I felt pretty awkward about it, but then a whole bunch of people did it in the spring.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having a smaller group if that’s what your or your kids prefer, but I also think it’s socially acceptable to invite the whole class through at least first, maybe second, grade.
Anonymous says
My kids (private religious) school asks that you invite the whole class, which is 15-22 kids. Honestly we cannot afford that for anything more than a park party, so we either do a park party or invite just a couple of friends.
Anonie says
I invited her whole first grade class for the current school year, by having the teacher hand out the invites to everyone – I figured it was a good way to get to know the kids. This year, she’s in second and I’m just inviting the select friends she requests by name, since she now has more of an opinion. Logistically, I don’t know how you’d go about inviting last year’s class.
CCLA says
For K last year for our Sept bday kid we did a whole class party at the park and also included preK friends. It was a giant bash but everyone seemed to have a great time – preK friends hung out together and it was really nice to meet the other parents from K that way to start off at the new school. We sent the invites within a couple of days of school starting once the class app comms were up and running. We will probably do the same this year for our TK kid who has an Oct bday, though that leaves a little more time to get settled in.
Our older one that had the big bash last year wants a sleepover this year, so by nature it has to be smaller. In a lot of ways the whole class thing was so much easier. I reached out to the parents of a few of her friends from last year to get a critical mass on the calendar and figure we’ll also open it up to new friends in the next couple of weeks if she wants to. The targeted invite thing is so hard though, especially as the parent of a shy kid, I am very wary of leaving kids out, and about parties getting talked about at school where kids weren’t invited. I like the approach of inviting only a few kids or inviting all – inviting say 75% of the class seems exclusionary.
Anon says
+1 to your second paragraph. I think/hope most people agree that you shouldn’t invite 75% of the class; that’s just hurtful.
I also personally dislike inviting all of only one gender, which seems to be very common in my area in K-2. It’s tough because my daughter’s friends are mostly boys and so we’ve had some situations where she felt really left out, even though half the class wasn’t invited.
Anonymous says
I have a late winter birthday kid, but we invited the whole class in K and likely will again this year in first. It’s my kid’s preference to have the whole class there and we can easily afford it, and maybe it’s my past as a shy, loner kid but I’d rather be inclusive of everyone even if some parents think it’s weird. As an extreme introvert, I’m also dreading having a smaller party and having to actively host and entertain the kids. I agree that the big parties at public play areas are much easier – many of the ones in our area even take care of the food so there’s nothing for the hosts to do except send out the invites and pay the bill.
Anonymous says
I am a finalist for a position in my industry at a location in a neighboring state. This is exciting and in line with what I want for my career (it would also be at least a 40% pay raise), but I am struggling with the logistics. My kids just started kindergarten and fourth grade, and moving them mid-year feels daunting. I’m also not sure how soon we would be able to buy a house, given the market, and I am feeling overwhelmed by even the potential of sorting through these things, especially if I am going to be expected to start at this potential new employer ASAP. Any words of wisdom or encouragement? None of this may come to pass, of course, but I’m trying to prepare myself for the various possibilities.
Anon says
Unpopular opinion I think, but I wouldn’t uproot my family for a job that’s just exciting and better pay. It would have to be something I’d dreamed about my whole life and something that was impossible to do without moving. Also look closely at cost of living in the new place – it will be very easy for a 40% pay raise to be eaten by a higher cost of living.
Anonymous says
This. If you are going to move, can you work remote or just M-F in new city while DH holds fort at home. I’d be reluctant to move mid-school year.
Anonymous says
Congratulations! It will be ok. If you do get the job, IMHO moving the kids mid-year is not a big deal. The housing market in my town is crazy, but you can rent a decent house in a good school district for $1,800-$2,400 per month. It’s not going to be a showcase home, but they’re big enough and within walking distance to the local elementary school (we just did this exercise last weekend as we’re thinking about moving to a rental). Also, with your raise could you maybe afford to outsource some things to help out your partner while you’re away? That might buy you some time to house hunt. If you advance to salary discussions: could you ask for their timeline and your options? Surely they know you need a little time to move? Some companies offer temporary corporate housing but I really don’t know how all that works.
Chl says
I’m in HR and I work with leaders who we hire who go through the same thing. Congratulations on making it this far! Sounds like a great opportunity for you! It will be disruptive but then it’s over and you have a great new set up. First; any reasonable company that you want to work for will realize this is a thing. Are they covering your relocation, temporary housing or other costs? They might have a service that helps you look for a house, find a school, etc. Ask. Many of our executive who do this also do some kind of temporary arrangement like a corporate apt for 3 months combined with some remote work until a suitable time to move (like the change in semester or similar). Don’t be afraid to ask for time off. Can your partner take time to coordinate stuff? Also I have elementary school kids and it will be stressful but they adapt so quickly. Don’t think about the next 6 months – think about the life you want in 2 years or something more like that. You got this!
Anon says
It sounds like you are assuming she will be a future executive with a similar level of benefits.
HSAL says
Sure, and if she is it’s great and useful advice from someone with some experience. If not she can ignore it.
Op says
Thanks! I’m not an executive, but this is a fairly high level position and these points are worth thinking through regardless. I appreciate this perspective!
Anonymous says
Try to negotiate for mostly remote until January and switch the kids over Christmas. Rent to start. People can be so dramatic but moving isn’t torturing your kids.
Op says
Good ideas! And thanks for the gut check. I have moments of feeling like I’m going to ruin their lives if I do this and appreciate the reminder that they will be okay.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Congratulations! This sounds like what you want, so fingers crossed that you get the position!
FVNC says
Congrats on the opportunity! Moving will be hard and annoying and stressful, but ultimately fine. We’ve relocated for my husband’s job several times, most recently last summer when my kids were rising 4th grader and rising kindergartner. This past move was definitely the hardest on my older one, to the point where she still has occasional breakdowns now 14 months later because she misses her old school and friends. But overall, the kids are very happy and have adjusted well. Friends of ours moved last past winter with a 1st and 3rd grader, and while it wasn’t the best experience, the kids were fine and now eight months later, very happy in their new town.
A couple points – I agree with those above who suggest you can temporarily rent. But if your kids come with you for that time period, make sure you can buy in whatever school district they start in. You want to avoid another school switch if possible. Another consideration — are you moving closer to family or further away? Are you leaving a strong friend group? My sister has lived in her current town close to 20 years now, and I envy the strong friend group she’s been able to cultivate because she hasn’t moved eight times in the past 20 years like I have :)
op says
This is helpful, thanks! It’s hard not to get caught up in the next four months at the expense of the potential future we are hoping for. We would be moving further away from family and leaving some really great friendships, although this new community is one we have lived in before (years ago, pre-kids) and we already have dear friends there, too. There is a lot to consider, and it’s hard to know what the right call is (if I am even put in the position to make one!), so I appreciate the food for thought.
Anonie says
We moved mid-year with our kids in elementary, a little younger than yours. We rented a house for a year to ease the transition. Once we had a signed lease, we were able to apply to the new school district, and we just let the school registrar know the date we wanted to start. We took a week off between schools to give time for the move and for us to settle in the new town. They did great and now a year and a half later it’s like we’ve always been here. We also got a property manager and had them rent out our house in our previous town – it sat empty for about a month before they found someone, so for that month, we were paying both rent and a mortgage. I don’t think there’s any way to avoid double-paying for housing for at least some period of time when making a big move like this, so just factor it in and accept that it’s part of the cost of the move.
TheElms says
I moved from the US to country A in 7th grade (had lots of family in country A but it was a completely new school system) and then moved to country B (where I had been once on holiday but it was an American style school) in January of 8th grade, and finally I moved back to the US for 11th grade. The last move was the hardest, but overall it was fine. As an adult I’m really grateful I got to have each of the experiences. So just another perspective to say that moving isn’t ruining your kids lives.
anon says
Boy names! Carter, Cole, Cameron, Callum. Pick two
Anonymous says
Cameron and Carter
NYCer says
+1.
anon says
Cole and Cameron
Anon says
from this list, I like the first 3. I do not care for Callum.
Anonymous says
Cameron.
Anonymous says
Carter.
Anon says
Tbh none of these are my style but my daughter has a bestie named Cameron so I have pleasant associations with that name.
Anon says
Carter and Cole.
I do know 2 Carters who have been born within the last year so if you want something that’s likely going to be less trendy, Callum would be my other choice.
Anonymous says
Cameron and Callum. If you’re having twins then they can be Cam & Cal
Anon says
Cameron and Callum. I love the nickname Cal
Anonymous says
How do Kids These Days listen to music?
We are on a beach vacation and I’m realizing that when I was 10, I had a discman and later an mp3 player. Is there a modern equivalent that is not a $1000 iPhone with $250 AirPods?
I do have an old phone (6s) but the battery runs down super fast. And I don’t really want to give her a phone. Just a music player.
Anon says
Based on the friend groups of my 10 and 8 year old, it’s a mix of “old phone with bluetooth speaker” or “old ipad” or “small smart speaker like the Echo”.
I gave my kids older phones that are very locked down but have Spotify and Messenger Kids, and they got bluetooth speakers for Christmas. I’m thinking of getting them knockoff airpods or maybe older gen ones for this year because this year’s cabin vacation got very loud, but have not yet researched my options.
anon says
We have 11 and 13 year olds, and our experience is consistent with the above. Our kids have Echoes in their rooms and for music on the go, they use our hand-me-down phones and a combination of older airpods and just random over the ear headphones. Our 13 year old has a phone with cell service and judicious use of parental controls (plus monitoring software); the younger one only has wifi and much more extensive parental controls.
Anon says
A lot of my friends have Alexa or Google devices, and kids as young as 2 or 3 can communicate with those devices to play certain songs or playlists. They even take them with them when they travel. We’ve made a decision not to have a smart home for privacy reasons, but my almost 6 year old has an old iPhone with no cellular service that she uses as a camera and could also use for music. She hasn’t yet expressed an interest in listening to music beyond the car radio though.
RR says
Echo, old phone or tablet, random ipod her mother still has for some reason.
Anon says
tonight we have meet the teacher for kindergarten. please send good vibes my way as i have two very nervous 5 year olds who often get overwhelmed by loud noises/big crowds, and this elementary school has ~850 students with all of the parents, etc. it is sure to be a lot of people. i liked their preschool better where we met the teacher on a Tuesday and then started the following day because I think the next 3 days until Monday are going to feel like an eternity
Anon says
Does the whole school have meet the teacher at the same time? Our elementary school also has ~800 kids but they separate out the kindergartners and it was not as overwhelming as I thought it would be. And I wouldn’t worry too much about not starting immediately. Mine had her meet the teacher on Tuesday and then didn’t go to school until Friday, and it was fine! More than fine, actually. She was pretty anxious before meet the teacher, but that switched the anxiety to mostly excitement and then we had three days to build up the excitement before the first day.
OP says
yup, whole school at the same time. i agree it would be better staggered, but no one asked me.
Anon says
Last minute Bday planning help needed! DS turns 7 in two weeks and we haven’t planned anything. I was thinking to invite his best friends (from his class) for a get together in our backyard. Pizza and cake. Do I need to buy/rent something to entertain the kids? Or do I let them play and figure out entertaining themselves? Thanks
Anon says
A bounce house or inflatable waterslide would be super fun. I don’t think rentals are too expensive.
Anonymous says
+1. You don’t HAVE to have a planned activity, but a bounce house or waterslide would be special and fun.
Anon says
to me this depends on how many kids and what you know abotu this group of kids. 2-3 kids, they can probably just play. a larger group, i’d have some kind of activity planned.
CCLA says
Has anyone done a mixed gender sleepover party for kids, or thought about it and decided not to? DD (turning 7) is set on a sleepover and she has a few boys on the list when I asked her to make a list of 15 or so kids to invite to her bday. I know the norm is to keep sleepovers same gender, but I really struggle with the messaging that sends and when I was about to tell her we would only invite the girls, I realized before starting that I didn’t have a good reason (or at least one that I liked the sound of) to tell her.
To be clear, DH and I don’t have concerns about inviting the boys too – these kids are 7 not 17, will be watched the whole time (no basement or the like), and in any case plenty of people aren’t straight so I don’t think single gender parties eliminate concerns about…exploratory activity. But I struggle with whether parents of daughters would expect to receive a heads up if there would be boys present, and whether I’m missing something that would make this a bad idea. We are in a pretty liberal community so I don’t think it would be crazy. Also, we are building in an option for any parents who don’t do sleepovers to pick up at bedtime, esp since this is a pretty young age to have overnights.
Anon says
Curious about responses to this. My kid is a bit younger (almost 6) and most of her friends are boys. We’ve already experienced some parents not having a ton of enthusiasm about play dates, not because of any concerns about anything s3xual, but just macho notions that by this age boys should be playing with other boys. I can’t imagine inviting boys to a sleepover, just because I assume none of the other parents would be comfortable with it. But I do agree with your points, and I hate how early the boy-girl divide begins. My kid has been asking about sleepovers with boy friends and we’ve deflected by telling her she’s too young, which I think is true for now but won’t be true forever.
anonM says
This is tricky, and I get your point. One thing I’d try to think through is whether you will allow this at age 17. It might be hard to say at 7 you can have mixed-gender sleepovers but at age 9 now you can’t? Not an easy answer tbh, but I would at least tell parents/make it clear boys and girls will be invited to stay overnight. Maybe boys and girls in separate rooms? While on paper I get it, you just do not know people’s history and sensitivities with things like sleepovers. You could do a simple text of all safety-type things maybe? (Like, hi everyone! Just a few things so all us parents are on the same page. Please pick up either at xyz time before bedtime, or by 9am the next morning. And, please keep your cell nearby just in case I notice your LO having a rough time. We do/don’t have guns in the house, there is no pool, and we have invited 15 boys and girls to stay the night, but I don’t know the full headcount yet. The kids will all be in a common area and I’ll check on them periodically even after lights out. The other people in our home are X, Y, and Z, and we won’t have any other guests. I’m going to insist on lights out no later than 11:30 but am telling the kids 11 to give us some buffer time. Kids should bring xyz with them. Any concerns, you’ve got my number!) If people do opt out and go for the before-bedtime option, don’t take it personally. I would go for that option but it’s about my own personal experience/history, not that I don’t trust you as a parent/caregiver.
Anon says
Yeah, I would think at 6-turning-7 most parents will opt for the pre-bedtime pickup, so definitely don’t take it personally. I’m comfortable with sleepovers, but don’t know many other parents of kids this age who are, unless it’s with family or a very close family friend who’s more like an aunt/uncle to the kids.
Anon says
Personally, I would not. Reasonable people may feel otherwise, but that is where I fall. I do think you should tell other parents if you decide to invite boys and girls for a sleepover.
You didn’t ask, but I also think 15 kids is A LOT of kids for a sleepover. I can’t even imagine managing that! And that 7 is quite young. I imagine that many if not most of the parents will pick their kids up before bedtime.
anon says
Agree on both counts. Maybe it shouldn’t make me uncomfortable, but it does. And I would definitely have concerns about any parent being able to supervise 15 kids in their house. DD had eight girls over for her birthday last year (no sleepover) and it was sheer chaos and I don’t think I’ll do it again.
Anonymous says
I would not have a problem with mixed gender, but would have a problem with 15 kids. That sounds hellish!
anon says
I would have concerns about any set of parents being able to supervise 15 kids at a sleepover. That is a lot of kids!
Anonymous says
I would do a “sleep under” pajama party with this many kids and mixed gender – have parents drop off kids in PJs, pizza, movie, some activities (smores, craft something, makeovers) – all of the good things about a sleepover – and pick them up by 9 PM. I recently had a sleepover with four 7 year old girls and it was tough. I walked 8000 steps in my own house running after these kids. It took forever for them to get to sleep, then one woke up at 4 am. I don’t think any of them would sleep with 15 kids at 7 years old. That’s a lot to monitor – snacks, meals, breakfast, allergies, potty, teeth, brushing hair. Not all of the kids will be as independent as you might think.
Or sleep under with the 15 kids and 1-2 kids stay the whole night.
Anon says
I would just do the sleep-under, which I think is a great idea. It will cause hurt feelings if a couple kids get to stay the night at the same time.
CCLA says
Thanks all for the replies, good food for thought. To be clear we are not expecting 15 kids to sleepover – we had her make that list to get a sense of who she would want to include in theory and are planning to have her cut it down. We would expect a lot of breakage but even so won’t invite all 15 at once, and as we think about sending invites in waves, the question of whether to just limit it to the girls came up. I figure we’ll end up with about 6-10 (10 would be a lot but manageable), some of whom will get picked up before sleep. I definitely won’t take it personally if people don’t want their kids to sleepover. A couple of kids had sleepovers last year in their class so it’s not unprecedented, but those were limited to the girls.
Anon says
I think inviting people in waves is not the best idea unless it’s separate groups of people that don’t overlap (e.g., inviting church friends before school friends or something like that).
CCLA says
Yep no overlap. It’s a great point above about independence, my kid is incredibly independent but good reminder that not all are. We’ll probably keep it closer to 6-8 with just the current school group and maybe do something separate with the other friend group, which incidentally is where here closest friend that is a boy comes from, so maybe we’ll avoid the gender issue all around. I do think the gender question is still interesting in theory but on a practical level you all have reminded me of a few things that probably nudge this toward a smaller all girl event from one friend group.
Anonymous says
A 15 kid sleepover for a 7th bday?! Mixed gender or not I think this is both too many and too young.
Tell her to pick her 3-4 best friends for a sleepover or do something else. Maybe a sleep under?
Anonymous says
As the parent of a daughter I would be very angry if I were not given a heads-up ahead of time that boys were invited. I did let my daughter go to a couple of coed sleepovers, but only because the boys and girls slept on separate floors of the house and the dad slept in the room with the boys.
15 kids is too many for a party at home, at that age, let alone a sleepover. I would do a sleep-under with more like 8 kids.
anon from yesterday says
just wanted to say thank you to the folks who responded to my question about 11 week pregnant OB appointment! I just got back from the appointment and heard the heartbeat and got some ultrasound pictures of baby, who is moving around a lot and measuring great! i did have a lot of blood taken for genetic testing so it was good to know that was coming.
thank you for the reassurance. it’s my first and i’m pretty nervous about the whole thing for whatever reason, so i really appreciate having this board to ask questions to in this strange time before i have told others in my life. going to start with telling my parents over labor day weekend!
Anon says
Congrats, how exciting! I was pregnant at the same time of year and also told my parents over Labor Day weekend. Since it’s the first grandchild, they will be over the moon!