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Anonymous says
We have a cute, old 3-br house in a close-in suburb of DC. We have 1 kid and are TTC #2. When we bought our house, we did not expect to work from home, which now I do 80% of the time, using the 3rd bedroom as my office. My question is, should we try to find a bigger house, or wait until after we have baby #2 to see how we feel?
Anonymous says
Depends! Can you afford something bigger in your current neighborhood? Do You want to be there long term?
Anonymous says
Casually shop now. Be open to both staying and moving. See what feels right as your kids get older. Are you stopping at 2 or might you go for 3 kids?
Do you have other space (eg finished or finish-able basement) that could be an office one day?
Would you buy something bigger in your close-in suburb or move further out? Does your spouse commute to DC? Is your line of work one that is likely to stay remote regardless of employer? How are the schools?
Anonymous says
Thanks, all, these are good questions to think about. I do think we could probably refinish our basement into an office set up for maybe $25-30k, which would be preferable to me to having to move and pay a much higher mortgage rate somewhere else, especially since we really like our neighborhood. Our current schools are good but not the best in the area, so while I’m fine with them now we may change our minds as our kid(s) get older. All this has me leaning to staying put for now, while casually looking on redfin, until we decide we really need to make a move.
Anonymous says
Doing the basement would also be great for resale so that’s my vote! Do it now and have it to enjoy and then when you do want to sell you’ll have a great marketing point.
Anon says
I think you’re really underestimating basement finishing costs. We paid $65k more than five years ago in a LCOL area for a very basic refinishing.
Anonymous says
The costs vary tremendously- we did our entire 1400 sq ft basement and converted it from a garage + finished space + disgusting definitely not code compliant laundry room to a walk out basement with 2 sets of french doors, a full bathroom, a bar/billiards room, an office and a rec room with heating (no AC), refinishing a set of stairs and building a second stairway entrance. It was $160k in 2018.
If OP is finishing, say, 900sq ft of space and just needs studs/drywall, basic floors, lights & heat it could be under $40k.
Boston suburbs, and we got several bids; they were all in this general range.
OP, I’d say if spending $75-100k on the house to make it workable STILL beats moving, then you are in a great place to make that decision.
Anon says
I’m the poster who said it was $65k and we only did drywall and carpet and I think some lighting. The HVAC was already in place and we didn’t pay for any extras. But our basement is larger than 900 sq feet, I think around 1200. Construction costs have increased a lot in the last few years though, even relative to inflation, so it’s hard for me to imagine a similar project costing less today but who knows.
Anonymous says
Wow, that’s bonkers. My Boston burb home just flooded and we had all our plaster re done and new floors put in. Insurance paid but it was $5k for the plaster, $14k for the floors (more than carpet) and $7k in demo, market pricing (ins reimbursed us). Plus paint and trim which we did but wouldn’t have been more than $5k.
Anon says
First of all, congratulations!
Could you move your office to a corner of your bedroom or elsewhere? Also, if your kids are going to be in daycare (vs. nanny) that gives you more options for WFH spots, IMHO.
As a former NoVa resident who worked in Montgomery County…If you live in a close-in suburb of D.C., I promise you that you’re “good but not the best” schools are very high quality. Another reason to stay put.
EDAnon says
Someone once cautioned me to not worry about school that your kids won’t attend for 10+ years. Schools can change in a decade!
Cb says
Some sort of pod in the garden or even a co-working desk space might be cheaper than moving?
Anon says
Agreed, these are all good things to think about. I think you’ll probably want to move though. We have one kid and our 4 bed + den feels tight now that I’m fulltime WFH and DH is primarily WFH. We do have a finished basement, but it’s dark and dreary and I would not want to be exiled there 40+ hours/week. Basements aren’t usually nice spaces to be in all day unless it’s a walkout basement with a lot of light.
Spirograph says
I’m sorry, I looked at this a couple times because I thought I’d misread. I 100% agree that working in a basement is not something I’d sign up for (which is why my kids all share a room so I can have a main floor bedroom as my home office), but how are 3 people cramped in a 4BR+den house, even with 2 home offices?!
Anon says
Our room, kid room, guest room (we have frequent guests and need a dedicated guest room), and my husband’s home office are the four main bedrooms and I am stuck in the den which is a very cute room aesthetically but is open and in a public area of our house, so it’s not a good WFH environment. Our house also has a fully open floor plan on the first floor (the den, kitchen, living room and dining room are all connected without doors) and it’s aesthetically pleasing (it was a main feature when we bought the house!) but impractical with two adults who WFH a lot. I think more than the size of our house, it’s the change from what we were used to. Our house felt perfect or even large for us when we both worked in an office but the adjustment of moving two adults into nearly full-time WFH has made it feel very cramped.
Anonymous says
I have a basement office. It has no windows, but it does have a glass door. The rest of the basement is walk-out and sunny. I love it. FWIW my office in downtown Boston was also windowless :)
Anon says
Right? Everyone is different, but we have 2 people WFH in a 2-bedroom apartment and that doesn’t feel THAT cramped…I’m sure it will when the baby comes though.
Spirograph says
The floorplan does make a huge difference. The benefit of my cute old house is that it’s very closed-floorplan, and my office is on a different floor from my husband’s wfh space (we offset our wfh days anyway, though). For me, at least, the separation is key to feeling like there’s “enough” room. I can totally see how it’s not great to have work encroaching on family space and vice versa.
Pogo says
Eh, I get it. It’s all very much a “nice to have” – but we feel similar about our current house (older house, 2 kids, 2 parents doing a lot of WFH). Husband has the basement setup (it is finished/heated/AC etc) and I have the guest room/office. Do we NEED more space? no, not technically. But also as well compensated professionals, we are getting to the point where we feel like it would be fair not to have to share one sink between four people, or dig through an under bed storage unit for clothes because DH and I share one tiny closet.
Anon says
Why no suggestions that the husband take the less desirable WFH space? Maybe he wouldn’t mind it – it’s worth at least a conversation. It’s crazy that the default position is that the mom would be the one to compromise and take the bad space.
Anon says
Yes, we’ve had multiple conversations about it. He wants a bedroom office. I’m not sure what about my post implies that we’ve never discussed this?
Anon says
Because you also want a bedroom office and don’t have one, even though you have a dedicated guest room? It seems super unfair to me.
Anon says
I voluntarily took the den when we moved into the house. I wasn’t working from home much at the time, and the den was fine for what I wanted (a reading nook/ space of my own to decorate however I wanted). Asking him to switch offices would be changing the status quo we’ve had for years. I get that the current set up is not fair to me but there is no good solution. Switching would be unfair to him. We’re in agreement that one room needs to be a guest bedroom. If my husband were pushing for that against my wishes I agree he should give up the fourth bedroom but he’s not. The problem here is the pandemic that forced us into a permanent two person WFH situation that our house wasn’t designed for.
Anon says
I would start looking now, but it may be worth evaluating if it makes sense to add on.
anon says
It’s like a real life love it or list it! :D
We are in a similar boat but renting now. Close friends referred us to their agent and she was happy to setup an MLS search for us knowing we won’t be buying for 8 months – 1 yr. Told her we want to understand how far our $$ will go and be able to jump on anything if a dream house did happen to pop up. We were transparent that it will be a while before we buy, this might be something to consider.
Anonymous says
I’d hang tight and make a decision as you get ready for elementary. Moving childcare for two kids is a big pain. You could probably find a preschool for the younger one in a couple of years, while the older transitions to elementary.
Assuming you’re close to work now, keep that while you have little ones. Decide if you want to be farther out in a few years.
AwayEmily says
Hm. It really depends on the size of your bedrooms and comfort with kid room-sharing, I think. We have a similar sized house. I work from home a lot and have a nice desk setup that is in our room but doesn’t feel cramped. Also, two of our kids share a room (the third is in the guest room but will probably move in with the other two in a few months). I guess I’d stay put if you’re happy and consider moving when/if it actually becomes a problem.
Spirograph says
FWIW, I have a cute old 3 br house in a close-in suburb of DC and three kids. You can definitely make this work. Your kids can share a room and you can keep your 3rd bedroom as the office. *especially* when they are young. Our house is starting to feel a little cramped (more for DH than for me) but that’s with 3 elementary schoolers. PreK kids don’t take up much space.
I will caveat that our basement is finished and that does make a big difference. If you like your neighborhood, I’d add space/finish the basement rather than move. If you want to change locations anyway, then that tips the scales toward looking.
AwayEmily says
Sounds like we have similar setups (our house is just under 2000 square feet). I agree that our house still feels totally fine…we are considering finishing our attic at some point (basement is unfinished tho we store stuff down there and sometimes the kids do messy crafts there). An extra bathroom would be nice…1.5 bathrooms for 5 people may be tough once #5 is out of diapers. And I’ve noticed that on the one hand the kids get bigger, but their STUFF gets smaller. Legos and coloring books take up less room than Exersaucers and wooden puzzles. Caveat that my kid don’t do sports, which I imagine takes up a lot of space.
Spirograph says
Yes, my husband literally wants to move so that we have a garage for the sports equipment!
anon a mouse says
This is very much a know-your-comfort-level question, said from someone else who is in an old cramped house in a DC suburb. If you are in a county that allows them and you have room, consider building an office or an ADU in your backyard that can give some WFH space. Or look into finishing your basement and get some actual quotes, including expanding some windows so you get good natural light. If you like your neighborhood, it’s worth staying, but if you are agnostic, it will be much easier to move with one kid than two.
Anon says
I agree to start casually looking. It could take a long time to get a sense for new neighborhoods, what you really value in a new house, etc. Your area probably hasn’t seen a market correction yet, either, and supply may still be slim. If you see a dream house you can jump on it, but you can also definitely make due in a 3 bdrm for a couple years more (esp since #2 isn’t a reality yet).
Redoing the basement would probably be an excellent option. We just moved and are finishing the basement, too, because basement space is so flexible. But yes, be serious about the budget…we are doing an office and playroom, basic finish, no plumbing, and it’ll be probably $60K.
(FWIW, we had three kids in essentially a 2.5 bedroom house, which is why we moved, but we did have basement space for an office.)
Anon says
We have a similar problem, due with #2 in a couple of months and holding bedroom 3 of 3 open for guests. We paid to put in doors to close off our open floor plan. I work in the formal dining room which is adjacent to the kitchen. Now there is a solid core door separating it from the kitchen. DH is in the corner of the living room which is past the kitchen, so we’re separated by that same door. There is an additional family room which is now separated by a double door from my office. This will be the baby’s room. We may put in one more door to separate the family room from the entryway. It’s not the most beautiful but it’s functional enough that $3K investment for doors beat the heck out of another move. Our local schools are very good but #1 goes to private school because it’s reasonable, has a much lower student to teacher ratio, and provides seamless before and aftercare including extracurricular activities for a very reasonable fee. Point with the last sentence being – you never know what you’re going to prefer in terms of school, it may not be worth it to plan too far ahead.
Emma says
This Montreal mom is very shaken up and holding her baby a little closer today. (I’m not sure how much this made international news but there was a horrific incident involving a daycare).
Karen says
I had not heard about the incident until I looked (but I’m also sick and in a bubble), but how absolutely devastating.
Cb says
Oof, I saw this yesterday. I work on secession so the Quebec news tends to filter through. How awful! I’d be really shaken as well.
Vicky Austin says
I had to Google – how horrifying! Thinking of you, Emma.
Spirograph says
Yes, it showed up in one of my news feeds yesterday and it’s just awful. My heart goes out to those families and the whole community.
Anonymous says
And it was on purpose. I felt unspeakable rage when I learned that.
Anonymous says
I posted a few weeks about ideas for a valentines party for my 1st grader. The party is this weekend and 100% of the invitees are coming so we’ll have a full house- 12 kids!! (She has a summer bday so we are used to more like a 50% yield). Party is 4-6pm, includes dinner. Gut check on the menu?
Strawberrries & Choc dipped strawberries, veggies (carrots, cukes, peppers) & dip out on the tables where they are crafting and decorating cookies (this is the first activity; kids will likely arrive hungry).
Smartfood & pretzels in a few bowls in the “salon” (where they are getting hair/makeup/tattoos done, there may be a bit of a line here)
Dinner will be pizza + chicken nuggets and French fries (a few kids don’t eat pizza).
Cupcakes for dessert, cookies go home with them.
Water bottles for all.
Thinking 2 pizzas cut in 16 slices each? 3 pizzas seems like overkill, my kid will probably have 1/16th of a pizza, 2 don’t eat pizza at all, and there lots of other snacks food around.
anon says
This sounds so sweet!
My kids love smartfood but it gets just as dusty as cheetos do for us….just white. May want to have extra wipes or something on hand from them.
Assuming you have bags or something for the cookies to go home?
2 pizzas cut into 16 sounds right using my pizza math (2 slices x 10 pizza eaters = 20 slices min.)
anon. says
I’d do the three pizzas. This seems like a marginal cost increase and I’d be like “but what if one kid needs extra food that night?” Sounds so fun.
OOO says
GFS sells frozen sugar cookie dough in heart shapes, pack of 72 so perfect quantity for your party. Though maybe you were planning on getting them from a bakery instead which would be even easier.
I’d get at least three pizzas. Does the pizza place make heart-shaped pizzas?
Anonymous says
We made them from scratch earlier this week, but that’s a great time! :)
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1 to more pizza. Worst case you have leftovers and/or send kids home with some. This way you don’t have to re-cut it either. Caveat that I like to over-order in these situations, but it’s always worked out fine.
Anonymous says
Too funny, I’m the OP and I wonder if you have boys? I know most of these girls pretty well and they eat like BIRDS. Especially with a belly full of fruit & veg.
The two that don’t eat pizza *cant* eat pizza. You guys really think most girls will want two *or more* full pieces of pizza (4+ small)?
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
OP – Yes! 2 boys but they are 2 and 5. Depending on the day or mood, they can eat each 2-3 full slices of pick off the cheese (but usually the former).
But like GCA, this may also be partly cultural for me, too. It has been hardwired that having copious food is a major way to be a great host.
Anon says
Ugh can we not with these sex-based generalizations? My daughter has a big appetite and has definitely eaten three pieces of pizza in one sitting. She’s not overweight, just very tall and active. Some kids eat like birds, some eat a lot. Until you get to puberty there really aren’t significant differences between boys and girls in terms of height or calories and no need to stereotype.
Anonymous says
OP here, and I made the comment. I asked because if you have only boys, you have tons of parties with boy- eaters which is very different than girl-eaters.
My oldest daughter is like your kid. But 90% of her friends do not eat like that so a party for 10 year old girls, all of whom are athletes, and a party for 10 year old boys, has very different food consumption levels, in our experience. Our neighbor is an 11 year old boy and we moms joke about this all the time.
Anon says
I can’t speak to what happens at age 10-11 but this party is for first graders. I’ve been to a lot of early elementary parties recently and haven’t observed any differences in how boys and girls eat. As GCA said it’s very random and just depends on the kid as well as how they’re feeling and what food is served. I just feel like there’s way too much sex-based stereotyping and we don’t need to add to the “teehee girls eat like birds” narrative. To me that feels very hard to separate from diet culture for women, and I think it’s really toxic.
GCA says
+1 I am an over-orderer, just to be safe. Personally it feels worse for me as a host to have insufficient food than too much, but I have deeply ingrained ‘food = love’ cultural mindsets. I have a boy (7.5) and a girl (4.5); sometimes they eat 3 pieces of pizza, sometimes they eat like birds – it’s totally random!
Anonymous says
Three pizzas
GCA says
Just to add – I assume you’ve already done the allergy check with other parents, and the nuggets & fries are for kids who can’t do dairy? If so, maybe extra nuggets and fries instead of extra pizza, in case the dairy-eating kids want some.
Anonymous says
yes, there are enough nuggets to feed them all :). IME those will go, the pizza will be left with a few bites in it.
GCA says
ahh, then I think your original 2-pizza plan is good to go :)
NYCer says
I think 2 pizzas is fine considering you’re having nuggets and french fries too. My bet is on the fries going first.
Anonymous says
If you order two pizzas, they will need four. If you order three pizzas, they will eat one and a half. The answer is therefore to order three pizzas and plan to have leftovers.
anon says
I was annoyed with my 15 month old this morning and I’m so upset about it. She woke up at 5:30 and was clingy and whiny all morning. I love her more than I ever imagined I could love anyone and I absolutely cherish her. I was still loving and playful with her- we played games and read and she had loads of snuggles- but I feel so so guilty that I was annoyed with this innocent little girl, who was only acting that way because she was tired. I looked forward to my husband taking her to daycare and now I want her back. I’m trying not to let this ruin my morning but I really feel bad that I let myself get annoyed by her. She couldn’t help it!
Anonymous says
You couldn’t help it either. It is okay to want to sleep past 5:30 and not be greeted by clingy and whiny. Forgive yourself for being human!
Anon says
Don’t beat yourself up. Totally normal and I feel this way basically every morning. My son is incredibly clingy every morning. Insists I take him out of his crib, get him fed, and is basically on top of me for 2 hours until it’s time for preschool. He won’t let his dad come near or he screams.
I’m a much better and happier mom after space from him.
Anonymous says
Omg girl. Please do not do this to yourself. Kids are annoying. Being annoyed is normal and fine.
Anon says
Lol, yes. A sprinkling of ‘f them kids’ is good and right.
(And I would throw myself in front of a bus for my children.)
Anon says
It’s normal and this will happen more and more as she gets older. Being annoyed at your child doesn’t mean you don’t love them.
Spirograph says
I’m low grade annoyed with at least one of my kids frequently. Because they wake up too early, or won’t go to sleep, or are dragging their feet getting ready for school, or didn’t clean up after themselves, or [name any extremely typical thing kids do]. Kids are individuals. You can’t control them, and therefore sometimes they do things you don’t like. And then you have a human, “selfish” reaction and make a choice about how you outwardly respond. Your outward response was fine, and it’s also fine to feel what you feel. Annoyance at being awoken at 5:30am says nothing about how much you love your kids.
Anon says
I get it. I lost it on my 5-year-old this morning when he got dressed in a costume for school and wouldn’t budge. I apologized on the way to the bus, owned my mistake and gave him lots of encouraging words about how cool he looked in his costume, but I still feel so bad about essentially bullying my sweet child.
Your 15-month-old has absolutely forgotten that anything happened and she will be thrilled to see you later! We are human, it happens.
Anon says
Ha, I was in a huge face off with my wakes up grumpy every morning 16 month old. DH and I fight over who has to get her. And then try to lure her into her highchair as fast as possible because we need her clipped in (and then benignly ignored with like a bagel) as fast as possible to get three older siblings ready for school until our nanny gets there. There are no snuggles or games or play in the morning… ever.
Anonymous says
weird question but I’m not finding much on the internet – I noticed last night that there was like mildew mold in my kids’ lunch carrying insulated bag. It’s not obvious at first site, but if you clean all the corners i got a ton of black grossness on the clorox wipes and soapy water I’m wondering has anyone had this issue? Has anyone found a way to permanently get rid of this? I had no idea this was even a thing!
Anon says
I’ve washed my kids’ soft-sided lunch boxes in the washer before. They can get gross if they get food on them.
Anonymous says
I do this too, even though they say “wipe clean only.” Machine wash cold, hang dry.
HSAL says
Such weird timing – the same thing happened to me this morning. My daughter had spilled water in her lunch bag and it was a little black when I wiped out the corners. I’m just going to wash it a little more regularly (/ever).
Anonymous says
Definitely. Just throw it in the washer.
JoJo says
I need a pep talk. My DDs are 2 and 8 months. The 8MO is not sleeping through the night. I need to sleep train her, I have listened to the whole Taking Cara Babies class I bought, I just need to write down the plan, talk to DH, and go for it. It feels so much easier to just get up and nurse but also I am so tired. I haven’t slept more than four hours in a row for 8 months except for maybe 2-3 times. I have a full-time-plus job as a litigator in a small boutique firm (and a big hearing tomorrow) and can barely stop tearing up today with how tired and overwhelmed I am. DH has trouble sleeping due to stress, refuses to take any OTC meds, and our marriage is fine but not great. I have no energy to have a conversation about re-balancing because if I don’t do it the most perfect way, he gets very defensive and we end up talking about him instead of me. I am happy to talk about him and his concerns, but not at the expense of my own. I have an amazing group of mom friends that I met in a second-time-moms class and we text almost daily and I am seeing them tomorrow. But I feel like I am doing worse than all of them and their marriages/partnerships are more supportive. Please tell me it will get better.
Año says
I am so sorry you are going through this and it absolutely will get better! Most likely slowly over time so you won’t really notice it until all of a sudden you realize. And I promise you that those other moms aren’t all doing better. Most of us just don’t talk about this stuff except for with our absolute closest family and friends – or not even them. In the mean time, is there any way you can get some more support? Maybe outsourcing something or someone can watch the kids on Saturday for two hours while you take a nap? Hang in there, you are doing great and it will get better!
party food question says
Sunday party from 2-4 pm for eight year olds. What food would you all serve? I’m so used to doing parties around a meal. I almost htink the kids will expect pizza or something like that?
Anon says
My kid is younger (5) but every party we’ve attended has had pizza, even if it’s not at an official mealtime. I would serve pizza.
octagon says
Oh this is the perfect scenario for all the ridiculous premade apps! Bagel bites. Pizza rolls. Taquitos. Chicken nuggets. Wings. Mini muffins. Etc. Maybe a vegetable tray as well.
OP says
Oooh she’s kind of a foodie. Depending on effort I will 1) still go for pizza, or 2) take this as permission to go to town. Thanks both!
Anonymous says
Do a Dip Spread. Things to dip in things. Falafel, veg, hummus, meatballs, marinara, strawberries, chocolate, etc.
NYCer says
I would probably just do pizza and fruit and call it a day. Maybe some goldfish or other snacky type food too.
Anon says
honestly, at that time i don’t think you have to serve a meal. you can just serve all the snacks
JoJo says
Sorry if this is a double post….
I need a pep talk. My DDs are 2 and 8 months. The 8MO is not sleeping through the night. I need to sleep train her, I have listened to the whole Taking Cara Babies class I bought, I just need to write down the plan, talk to DH, and go for it. It feels so much easier to just get up and nurse but also I am so tired. I haven’t slept more than four hours in a row for 8 months except for maybe 2-3 times. I have a full-time-plus job as a litigator in a small boutique firm (and a big hearing tomorrow) and can barely stop tearing up today with how tired and overwhelmed I am. DH has trouble sleeping due to stress, refuses to take any OTC meds, and our marriage is fine but not great. I have no energy to have a conversation about re-balancing because if I don’t do it the most perfect way, he gets very defensive and we end up talking about him instead of me. I am happy to talk about him and his concerns, but not at the expense of my own. I have an amazing group of mom friends that I met in a second-time-moms class and we text almost daily and I am seeing them tomorrow. But I feel like I am doing worse than all of them and their marriages/partnerships are more supportive. Please tell me it will get better.
NLD in NYC says
Hugs from an internet stranger. Getting some rest could give you some more perspective. Don’t overthink it (signed, a Type A, spreadsheet queen) – start the sleep training so that you all get you rest you need. Then focus on marriage once you’re more well rested. Regarding your mom friends, you never truly know what’s going on in their marriages. Not wishing a pox on anyone’s house, just a reminder that we don’t always see others’ situations clearly.
Anonymous says
Agree- you all need sleep so that should be your #1 priority right now. No one is at their best on little sleep. Start tomorrow night after your hearing.
FVNC says
+1. Everything looks worse on no sleep. Start sleep training tonight. It doesn’t have to be a big convo with husband, just — here’s the plan, do you have any concerns or objections, if not, here’s what each of us needs to do to get some sleep. Good luck. I remember feeling like everything was an insurmountable challenge when I was going on 8 months of no sleep, too.
For the it gets better part: I also would have described my marriage as “fine” when we had a preschooler and infant and my husband and I actually have a similar dynamic in terms of defensiveness. With sleep and time, I can say we are 15 yrs married and both very, very happy now — but that took time and effort to rebuild, which we didn’t have when we were in the throes of no sleep and caring for tiny humans.
Anonymous says
Not necessarily speaking to your marriage situation, but we finally sleep trained at 8-9 months and it made a world of difference! Go ahead and try it, hopefully it helps you too. And lots of hugs, this is really hard.
anon says
Blunt honesty: your marriage does not sound “fine” to me.
But, that is not a today problem. Sleep is the today problem. Work on that first. Literally nothing else on your plate is more important right now.
Anon says
Are you me? Children same exact ages. Younger one who still isn’t sleeping through the night. At 6.5 months I sleep trained her and now we’re down to only 1 feed a night (she got sick a bunch recently so I sort of let her fall back into 1 feed a night). It’s SO much better than the 2-3 times she was waking up previously. I was a zombie and like you, hadn’t slept more than 2-3 hours straight in 8 months. My marriage was also fine but not great – not ideal workload balance, etc. I’m so much happier already. My plan is to fully sleep train this upcoming week (cut out all night feeds). Once I’m fully rested I’ll work on my marriage…
Hugs! Now, go sleep train! Let her cry it out 2-3 nights – it’ll be worth it.
Anonymous says
In two years your kids will be 2.5 and 4.5! It’s so much better. You can make it!
anonn says
once you get some sleep it will shock you how different your perspective becomes. I didnt’ do TCB but worked with a sleep coach who texted me for 3 days straight to keep us on the regimen/wake windows and that did the trick. In retrospect it was so simple but having that accountability made it happen. Could you put it on the calendar and tell DH it’s go-time? We started in the morning on day 1 with getting good naps and its true that night follows naps.
CCLA says
I’m sorry, that sounds so brutal. Can you hire help to do the sleep training (a lot of night nurses will also do sleep training). Or even if not that, just hiring someone for a night here or there to let you catch up on sleep. I was unaware of these services when I had my first and it was like buying sleep. Hugs. This should not be all on you, but I get why you want to get through it before tackling the marriage stuff. Kid stuff will get better when they’re sleeping. Marriage stuff will get better if he meets you halfway to work on it.
Anon says
Do you do a dream feed? I’m not sure I would start sleep training the night before a big hearing – it was stressful for me. But the dream feed (feed the baby while asleep) at like 10 gave me a bigger chunk of sleep.
TheElms says
Its going to be so much better once you sleep train (says the mom of a 3.5 year old and a 1 year old). You can do TCB or if that is overwhelming you can just do cry it out. You can start tomorrow (Friday) night after the hearing. Give your little one lots of snuggles and say goodnight and turn off the baby monitor. Turn the monitor back on after 30 minutes to see where things stand. Or better yet leave the house and have DH turn on the monitor after 30 minutes. If you stay in, maybe plan to watch a movie or TV show you are excited about that night so you aren’t as focused on whether your little one is crying in that initial crying period. By Monday night there is a very, very good chance that you will both be sleeping through the night. And after a week of better sleep you will have more mental space / energy to think about the other things.
Last Minute Trip with 10 year old daughter? says
My oldest daughter is in 5th grade and I’m taking her spring break off to hang with her. We haven’t made any plans, but I’m considering going somewhere mid-week with her from Denver. I want to create fun memories and let her know I’m here for her before we enter the crazy middle school years. She has a younger sibling and another one on the way this summer, so I want to take an opportunity to spend time together. Any thoughts/ideas on where we should go for some of her spring break!? Or would you think it’d be more fun to just do day trips but stay home??
CCLA says
Do the overnight! Getting away will make it so special. My kids are younger so I’m zero help on where to go, but for the last couple of years I have taken my oldest away for a weekend just the two of us and it’s been so positive. Will do the same for my youngest when she turns 5 and plan to continue indefinitely. There isn’t anything quite like the 1:1 time and not coming home in the evening really makes it that much more of a bonding time.
Anon says
I think staying somewhere overnight is a lot more special than home. It could just be a staycation if the budget is tight, but I would definitely get a hotel with a pool.
As for travel suggestions, what does she like? I think beach resorts are a lot of fun and popular with kids that age, especially if you go to one that has a big waterpark. There are lots of options at various price points in the Riviera Maya region of Mexico, which shouldn’t be too bad a flight for you.
NYCer says
Would she (you) be interested in NYC or DC? I think that 10 is a fun age to go to either of those places for this first time.
octagon says
Where can you go that’s a short flight away? This is a great chance to do something quick and impactful, I agree with the others that an overnight is a great idea. What about going to Chicago for 2 nights and seeing a show on one of them?
Anon says
Yeah, I’m biased because I live near Chicago and love it, but I think Chicago is the right idea if you want a big city, museums and theater. Our theater scene is really good – there are shows that open here before transferring to Broadway. And you could go to a comedy show at Second City. NYC would be fun too but the longer flight and time change don’t seem worth it to me if you’re only thinking of going for a few days. Personally I don’t think DC is a ton of fun for kids that age, but it probably depends on how into American history and politics she is. I was dragged there on a trip around the same age and not-so-fondly recall it as one of our most boring family vacations ever but I’m not what you’d call a history buff.
Runner says
So we are Colorado and have almost booked for Moab/Arches for spring break. It is gorgeous and March is the last time to get into the park before you need reservations. 7 hour drive from Denver through some of the most beautiful parts of the state. With that drive, you can do 2-3 nights in a hotel, a few hikes, maybe get a hotel with a pool (heated!) for swimming, some Tex mex restaurants. I have great memories of my dad taking me and my sister there during high school. Have fun!
Anonymous says
I would say anywhere with an overnight is fine. Honestly even downtown Denver for two nights would be a blast. I live in the Boston burbs and took my 10 year old into the city for two full days. We did one night at a hotel. Meals out, saw a show, window shopped, took the subway a bunch. She still talks about it.
You could add an airplane and make it more of an adventure type trip. I want to take my two kids to LA (DH has no interest) at some point, and 5th grade is a great age for that. If not, maybe San Francisco?
Last Minute Trip with 10 year old daughter? says
OP here – thanks for all these ideas!! You all are confirming my thoughts that we should get away. We were on a family trip to DC in October and we’re going on a family trip to NYC in April, but I also love the Chicago idea–I’ve only ever been in the summer so it’d be fun to go at a different time of year, she’s never been, and we both love musical theater. I went to Second City in 2019 on a girls’ trip and I don’t remember it being particularly kid friendly–but I’d be happy to be wrong on that!! I’ll also look at Mexico options! I’m pretty sure my husband would feel too left out if we did Moab. :) I’m also considering just a couple nights in the mountains (we both ski), a couple days on a beach in Florida, or visiting my mom on the east coast. I’ll probably share some of these ideas with her tonight and let her help me decide. Thanks everyone!!
Anon says
Regular Second City is definitely not kid friendly (I’m not even sure you can get in if you’re under 21) but they have a special show for kids, or at least did before the pandemic. Chicago in March can be pretty yucky weather-wise though.
NYCer says
A few nights in the mountains, Florida or visiting your mom would all be a blast too.
I am not sure when her spring break is (I assume March since you said you’re going to NYC in April), but I don’t find Chicago to be very pleasant in March.
Anon says
Chicago in March is not super pleasant but i don’t think it’s that much worse than NYC or other northeast cities. DC and points south will definitely be substantially warmer. The worst thing about Chicago weather IMO is how long it takes for spring to come. May can be *really* cold in Chicago and is usually lovely elsewhere. But March is yucky in most of the northern US.
Anon says
Yeah at 10 I would definitely give her input! I give my 5 year old input on where we go for trips that are just me and her.
Anon says
Not quite the same age, but I took my then 4YO on a spring break trip solo to the beach last year for 3 nights and it was pretty special to her, and I as 10YO would have thought a solo beach trip with my mom was awesome. For us (east coast) it was a 4 hour drive to a so-so beach and the weather was more like sweatshirt than swimsuit, but she didn’t care. We ate out all the time, she took her first boat ride, saw dolphins, played in the sand, froze her feet in the waves, swam in the indoor hotel pool, went to the science museum and ate lots of ice cream. Being away from home really allowed me to focus on her, rather than constantly cycling through my mental to-do list.
Anon says
+1 on trips like this being really special.
My kid is only 5, but we’re about to take our third mother-daughter trip together, and I’m hoping to make it an annual tradition for her school fall break. I love family travel but being able to connect one on one is special and I imagine even moreso if you have other kids at home. I’m not sure if other moms feel this way, but I feel like I spend way too much of my kid’s life nagging at her or dealing with tantrums/bad behavior. The trips we take just us are entirely kid-driven so there’s no cajoling her to do things she doesn’t want to do, and consequently she has a great attitude, so it’s a really nice break for both of us.
Anon says
I am 29 weeks pregnant and so exhausted. It takes me monumental effort to keep up with work. Is this normal? Does this get better before delivery?
Abby says
I don’t have advice, but I’m also 29 weeks and also exhausted!
Anon says
It depends. Pregnancy insomnia will go away immediately but then you have a newborn keeping you up. If you’re lucky that stage is brief. It also prova it depends on how demanding your job is. If you’re working long hours maternity leave will feel more relaxing than it otherwise would.
Anon says
At some point you may get a burst of “nesting” energy, but third trimester is pretty exhausting. Not as bad as first, but not great. Make sure your evenings and weekends are as restful as possible
Bette says
I hate to say it but in my personal experience (currently 30 weeks pregnant with #2), it does not get better before delivery but it does get better after. The third trimester is so physically uncomfortable, multiple bathroom breaks throughout the night, etc. Any bursts of “nesting energy” are just going toward house/baby prep projects, I am just trying to get through work without completely crashing and burning. I actually found my maternity leave very relaxing and rejuvenating, despite the sleep challenges of a newborn, because I was able to nap throughout the day when the baby slept and didn’t have to divide my attention between work and family.
Hang in there! It will get better soon and it will all be worth it.