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Good thing my kids don’t read anything I write, because here’s something that’s ending up under the tree.
I love the idea of craft kits, but not so much the idea of doing them with my kids. Here’s one I hope will occupy my oldest without occupying me. Kids will use a fork to wrap, tie, and snip in order to make cute mini pom-pom pets. Just add the included eyes, nose, ears, tail, and rosy cheeks for a new little friend.
This kit from Klutz is available at Amazon.
Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
anon says
This week my husband dropped off our daughter at daycare Weds-Friday. Normally I do it all, and I’ve been working on offloading some of my responsibilities on him. Wednesday he forgot her socks and shoes. Thursday he forgot her snacks. Today he forgot her entire lunch. He’s upset because daycare probably thinks he’s incompetent. Well, yes. They do.
Spirograph says
That’s progress, though: he didn’t forget the same thing twice! I bet he’ll have a system to remember all the regular stuff by next week. Then he’ll be set for all but the days when kids are supposed to bring a toy for “show and share” or wear red, or whatever other things daycares do to up the level of difficulty.
AwayEmily says
Yup, totally. The only way to get better at these things is to do it, and learn from the mistakes. This happened to me recently because I started rotating in on bath duty for the first time. My kids are 4 and 6 and I had given them a bath maybe twice ever (yes my husband travels but also we don’t bathe our kids that often because they have horrifically dry skin). I was SO BAD at it. I got water in both kids’ eyes, I forgot to rinse the conditioner out of my daughter’s hair. Just tears all around. BUT! I am slowly improving.
anon says
You guys are right and I should be extending more grace to him. He drove back home to get the forgotten items and the daycare drop off is a brand new addition. I’ve been doing it for a while now and it’s second nature to me but not to him.
Aunt Jamesina says
You’re going to be so glad you made this change! My husband does drop-offs and I do pickups, and despite generally being the Queen of Lists and double checking everything, I still managed to accidentally take the carseat with me the first time I did drop off and also left the bottles in the car on my second… it meant I was much later to work than intended when I had to turn around both times, but I learned :-)
Lizard says
Goodness, if he’s taking ownership and correcting the problem, and not blaming you or using weaponized incompetence, of course you should extend him grace. Everyone makes mistakes when doing something new.
Anonymous says
So is he upset at you for this (my husband would be), upset at day care, or upset at himself?
anon says
Himself. He’s a little embarrassed.
HSAL says
My husband took our four year old twins to preschool Wednesday because I was volunteering at school for our oldest. They didn’t wear coats. We live in Indiana.
Anon says
I tried to do pickup without a carseat, and we had to wait for dad to come get us after he finished work in another city. I almost always do pickup. And honestly, several of my coworkers laughed that they’ve done the same at least once.
Pogo says
I always forget SOMETHING. Like if it’s not milk or bottle or diapers it’s my own lunch or my badge.
Anon says
I regularly forget that it’s Pajama Day, Dress the Rainbow Day, Funny Sock Day, etc. I also never pick my kid up from daycare so I once went without the tag I need to pick him up and had to go back home.
Aunt Jamesina says
I hate theme days. Doubly so since my kid is only a year old and has no clue what’s going on. Sorry daycare, but we aren’t going to decorate and ornament “together” to put on the tree in the lobby.
Anonymous says
I did this, too. Thankfully my husband was WFH and close by that day.
Anonymous says
I’m proud of you for asking him to step up! And I’ve been doing drop off for 5 years and I forget something at least once a week. Yesterday it was a shoe. A SHOE. I need sleep.
anonn says
lol at the socks and shoes. ah to be a man with all that extra brain space not taken up by such trivial matters as kids needing to wear shoes.
Anon says
We once scooped up a napping 4 yo to get to Disney World for a dinner reservation and arrived without socks or shoes for the kid. Oops. It happens.
Anon says
No they don’t think he’s incompetent. They think he’s the greatest dad ever for doing the bare minimum. Sad but true.
Anonymous says
My daycare just sent a note that they’re doing a holiday theme week next week, with things like santa hats day, ugly Christmas sweater day, and taking pictures with Santa. They’re also doing secret santas and stockings, so we’ll need to bring in little gifts for everyone. We’re Jewish, and I don’t really care about our kid participating in Christmas events, but it seems weird to me! They did have another Jewish family come in last week and tell the kids about Hanukkah (which I only found out about afterwards! It would have been nice to know in advance so we could participate in that, but oh well). But a whole week of Christmas events, including meeting Santa, seems like a lot.
Pogo says
That is pretty extra. Ours does all the holidays as appropriate and the xmas stuff is very generic – like a kindness tree and ornaments.
Anonymous says
If you’re looking for permission to opt out, here it is. Elementary school did “12 days of Christmas” with a different theme to dress up each day and I told kiddo up front we won’t be doing that. One of his siblings is in the hospital and I am beyond exhausted. I felt a little validated to see that about 25% of kids at drop off seemed like they were participating. I don’t want to be grinchy but I just couldn’t do it this year. Maybe next year.
Anon says
I’m hoping you’re at a school affiliated with the Christian religion, otherwise this is extremely inappropriate
Anonymous says
This is public school! It was stuff like “wear a Santa hat day”, “wear Christmas socks day” and “dress like the grinch day” but holy eyeroll Batman. I talked to some other moms and we decided not to complain and to just not participate but it’s a bit much IMHO. I think teachers are just really enthusiastic and tired and trying to make it to winter break. And like I said it’s not compulsory and not that many kids participate. It’s fine. I’m fine. Everything is fine.
Aunt Jamesina says
Wow, that’s pretty bad for a public school. Also… Christmas SOCKS? I’m so annoyed for parents coordinating all these stupid theme days, all the families and kids who don’t celebrate who feel excluded, and for a freaking burning planet that doesn’t want us to buy stupid themed garbage for every last event. Enough!
Up here, dying on this hill. Anybody want to join?
Anon says
Not to mention that the 12 days of Christmas START on Dec 25, so this is just wrong on all the levels ;)
Anonymous says
Hahaha. Are you my choir director, who keeps reminding anyone who will listen that they are Christmas carols, not Advent carols?
Lizard says
Singing O Come O Come Emmanuel for four weeks, impatiently shuffling our feed for Joy to the World, lol.
Lyssa says
It’s obviously different for day care and maybe Kindergarten), but my 2nd and 4th graders are basically in their own for dress up days – I might remind them, but if they want to pick something out of their drawers and dress up, they can, if not, they don’t. I don’t feel the need to put any parental effort into it.
Anonymous says
I’m so grateful that my son has never wanted to participate in anything other than pyjama day. Even that we couldn’t do this yer because he sleeps in a T shirt and underwear,
anon says
The multiple weeks of it is what drives me crazy. I know Christianity is the dominant culture and is always going to get mentioned in public schools, but my jewish kids have been coming home with Santa crafts, etc since December 1. I’d much rather they at least tried to only limit it to the week before break.
Anonymous says
I hated being forced to make Christmas crafts, Valentines crafts, St Patricks Day crafts in public school so much that we are sending our kids to Jewish school. Have never felt so other in my life (and in our area, 35 years ago, I really was the only Jewish kid in the class).
Anonymous says
Uh, Valentine’s Day and St. Patrick’s Day are not Christian holidays despite ostensibly being named after saints. They are 100% commercial and overenthusiastic teacher/Pinterest mom observances. Do you also object to Halloween as a pagan observance?
Anon says
Yes there are many observant Jews who don’t do Halloween because of the pagan/Catholic origins. https://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/do-jews-celebrate-halloween
My family is secular/agnostic Jews and we do most American holidays except the overtly Christian ones like Christmas and Easter, but it’s not weird or wrong for people of a different faith to not want to celebrate holidays that aren’t their own. We know many Conservative/Orthodox families who don’t do Halloween, Valentine’s Day or St. Patrick’s Day. Technically, Jews aren’t supposed to celebrate any gentile holidays so observant Jews won’t celebrate anything except Jewish holidays. Your snark about that makes you sound really ignorant, bordering on anti-Semitic.
Anon says
Ugh – our daycare did that. I tried very politely pushing back the first year and we got one hannukah song added to the 30+ minutes of Christmas songs the kids learned and I just gave up pushing back on the full week of Christmas content the next year. If it helps you, a few years later neither of my kids remember any of it at all (they barely remember the daycare at all) so it didn’t stick.
DLC says
We celebrate Christmas, and this would irk me too. Would it be that much harder to do “Winter week” or “Solstice Week”? Also- little gifts for everyone? I don’t want those!
When I was growing up in small town Ontario we did a full on Christmas pageant at our public school, with the one Southeast Asian kid in the whole school as the donkey that Mary rode to Bethlehem. It was only when I was an adult that I realized how messed up that was.
AwayEmily says
That is super annoying and I think it is absolutely appropriate to say something if you feel so moved. Our daycare has a blanket rule that they do not celebrate ANY holidays (including Halloween), which I absolutely adore.
Elementary school is a different story. We are currently in a “countdown to vacation” thing where there is a theme every day (“Kindness day — wear something cheerful!” “Candy day — dress the color of your favorite candy!”). None of them are explicitly Christmas, thank goodness.
But like the poster above, I let my first-grader take the lead. She reads it the night before and then decides whether she wants to participate and if so, she picks out the clothes. I think it’s kind of fun, honestly. She reports back that about a third of the kids participate on any given day.
Anon says
Our daycare is the same although I think it might be because it’s run by a public university so it can’t have any religion. They do have pretty obvious alternatives to V day and Halloween (“Love Day” and “Costume Day”) but they stay away from religion.
Fallen says
How do you handle it when your kiddo has a lot of social drama? My 9 year old recently became friends with this new group of girls. Two of the girls have been friends forever, but my daughter is new to the group along with another girl (let’s call her Mia). Both came to the group at the same time. Mia does not like my daughter and is constantly convincing the other two girls to not be friends with my daughter. So the girls have gone through one day periods where they won’t be friends with my daughter, and then they make up. This leads my daughter to be very upset. I spent hours with her crying and talking about it yesterday, emailing the teacher to resolve, etc.
Any tips on how to handle? I just validated and encouraged her to spend time with other girls who are less drama filled (she has another group of good friends who never have this type of drama) and making new friends and to think about what she is willing to tolerate with friends.
Also this is exhausting. Between this, the million of extracurriculars (almost every night we don’t get home til 8 pm) and a 4 year old boy who is a lot I am ready to pull my hair out.
ElisaR says
i have no advice, but this age is so hard. i am 45 years old and i still remember the mean girls in 4th and 5th grade. my mom told me i was too sensitive. she was right but that wasn’t helpful. it sounds like you’re doing the right things!
Anonymous says
OMG my 9 year old and I had a talk last night about something like this. My kid is the most chill, zen, easygoing kid (and always has been). She was telling me about this group of girls that she’s friendly (but not super good friends) with and HOLY BATMAN is there drama. In fact, if you live in MA it’s possible the 4 girls you are talking about are at my daughter’s school as this is exactly the sort of drama they create. Apparently my daughter had to take herself out of the group chats/texts/calls on messenger kids because the 4 girls are always fighting with each other and re-calling as a smaller subgroup. My daughter was like “I just want to play Roblox and chat!” and FWIW since it sounds like you are suggesting your daughter play with lower drama kids, as the parent of a lower drama kid I will tell you that they are very happy to play with other kids! If you want an actionable thing, perhaps offer to plan a cookie baking/decorating party or sleepover with a group of non drama llamas.
Anon says
Or if you live in IL it’s also possible it’s my 9 year old daughter’s school. I think this is just common in 4th grade, unfortunately.
We’re also talking about setting boundaries on what she wants to do and what she’ll accept from a friend. Standing up for others who don’t deserve to be left out, and not participating in mean behavior. How to go play with someone else and then say “You’re not acting like a good friend right now, so I’m taking a break this recess.”
I’m also trying to make sure she knows we’re a safe place at home, that even if she’s not proud of her behavior, or is the one left out, or didn’t know what to do, anything, she can always come talk about it with us. We’ll always be there to listen, to hug, to practice, to distract – whatever she needs to feel better.
I know common advice is to make sure she has a friend group outside of school, but it’s winter in the midwest and harder said than done. She does have a friend from softball that we plan to have over for a playdate during the holiday break, so hopefully that helps.
Anon says
Do you like Mia? Is she otherwise a nice kid? If so, you might try to build that friendship. Perhaps have her for a 1:1 playdate to do something structured and fun, like a trip to a pottery painting place. I wouldn’t do unstructured unless you know they can get along.
anon says
As a mom of a 9 year old girl, I’m skeptical. Mia does not sound like a friendship you want to encourage. I had another mom reach out to me because her daughter was embroiled in a saga and she was trying to extricate herself and become friends with my daughter but wanted to confirm that my daughter was ok with this (which of course she was but I totally understand why she reached out because 4th grade girl drama).
Anon says
I would not do this. I don’t think the lesson should be force her to hang out with someone that is actively mean to her.
Anonymous says
For those who have experienced postpartum depression what prompted you seek out treatment ultimately? And if you didn’t did you wish you had done so sooner, or did things just resolve on their own? Anything you would have done differently? I am considering finding a therapist or even a psychiatrist but it is harder than I thought to find someone local with appointments available.
Mrs. Jones says
I waited way too long and was miserable for 2 years. I finally went to a therapist briefly and a psychiatrist who prescribed antidepressants that saved me. Go ahead and make an appointment if you can.
Anonymous says
If you’re having trouble finding a therapist, ask your OB — they can help connect you to a therapist and/or get you started on anti-depressants if needed.
Anon says
Start with your OB. They can recommend and prescribe a few medications and may know specialists.
Anon says
Do it – I waited way too long, and waited for a psychiatrist for medicine. If I had to do it all over again I would have had my MD put me on medication right away while seeking out a talk therapist for additional support. This is well-trodden territory for an MD with a full clinical practice and no need for a psychiatrist IMHO.
govtattymom says
I am so so sorry you are going through this! I agree that your OB is a great place to start with the caveat that mine was not very helpful. Ultimately I ended up working with a therapist that I found through social media. It was very difficult to find anyone with openings that would take my insurance so I had to pay out of pocket. I did not take antidepressants due to interactions with the medication I take to treat my chronic illness (but I think this can be a great treatment option for so many people). Therapy + passage of time + ending our breastfeeding journey eventually resolved the issue for me. In hindsight, I wish I would have switched to formula earlier. A large part of my depression and anxiety was related to the sleep deprivation from the nursing and pumping schedule. I am thinking of you! Things will get so much better!
Anon says
My son’s pediatrician took me more seriously than my OB and she referred me to someone. I eventually switched therapists but it was the push in the right direction I needed. This was around 4 months.
I knew I needed to do something when I was crying all the time, pissed off wt my husband, and didn’t enjoy motherhood. I wish I had gone sooner at 6 weeks even though the OB just said getting outside and exercise would help
Kathleen Pausch says
I’m so sorry! I didn’t deal with PPD, but I have dealt with depression in other points in my life. Do you have a spouse or parent or friend who could help you source care? I know the only thing that got me in to a therapist was telling my husband that I really need him to do all the checking with insurance and scheduling an appointment nonsense. He also drove me to the first appointment and waited in the car. I have such a hard time with motivation to do anything while depressed, and it was a huge relief that I just had to get out the door to the appointment.
anon says
I had postpartum anxiety and even though I was prescribed meds immediately, I didn’t start taking them until a year later when I stopped nursing. (Even though the doctor assured me the meds were safe for nursing.) I wish I had started them sooner, because they really worked well for me, almost immediately. PPD and PPA are very treatable. But sometimes it’s hard to even take the first step towards treatment. Therapy is crucial too.
Anonymous says
I sought treatment at 6 weeks pp when I was crying all day every day and resenting my baby. I did a couple of therapy sessions and the strategies I learned did help and I still use them now, 4 years later. However, it became clear for me that it was mainly hormonal – I waited to go on meds and ended up not needing them. With that child, he stopped nursing right about six weeks and that change was brutal for me. Within a few weeks I felt ok. I’m adding this because it may be contributing for you depending on your situation. I’ve had similar reactions after a miscarriage, at a time when I needed to be put in a menopause state temporarily, and the 3 days before my period, so I now know that those hormonal shifts make a very big impact for me, and I can prepare accordingly.
Anon says
Hit me at about 7 weeks… uncontrollable crying, wanting to stay in bed and cry, feeling out of control/not like myself, etc. Talking to a therapist helped! But that appointment took longer (maybe 1-2 weeks IIRC) to book, so I started with my OB who started me on an SSRI immediately. I never completed the SSRI ramp-up because once I got into the talk therapy I felt much better. And try a virtual therapist (video) and maybe get in sooner? I also used my EAP to coordinate the appointments (+1 to be it being hard to find someone on my insurance, OB’s first suggestion was not)
Toxic mom friend says
How do I slow fade a toxic friend when my other friends keep pulling her back in? Toxic friend and I are the only moms in our friend group. She brags about how advanced her toddler is, joins our Zoom calls just to talk about herself and then leaves before hearing from anyone else, receives time, attention, and gifts from us but does not reciprocate, has backed out of our girls trips at the last minute leaving us in a lurch, etc. Also, she is cruel to her stepson who is on the spectrum, but our friends take her side and I am the only one calling her out. I really like these women and I want to continue being friends with them, but I am baffled by how infatuated they are with Toxic Friend. Since Toxic Friend and I are the only two moms in the group I am a bit more sensitive to her insufferableness (sends her son to a special Montessori school 45 minutes away, speaks to him only in French, etc). She has also made rude comments about my son, family, culture, etc which the rest of the group is not aware of. I don’t know how to explain all of this to the rest of the group without seeming jealous or petty.
Anonymous says
This is hard! I’ve experienced a similar dynamic, and sometimes a few “honestly, sometimes Linda can be too much for me” comments to some of your other close friends can be enough to reduce your exposure to her, especially if they agree. Also, it may help to have a sounding board that is not in your friend group (in my case, my husband) to complain to, so they can tell you when your anger is justified and when you’re just at the “b*tch eating crackers” stage with her.
Anonymous says
She sounds terrible but you just can’t tell the other women not to be friends with her (that’s like the grown-up version of the 9 year old friend drama above). I would focus on the friendships you want to maintain in the group and try to ignore her.
This says
+1
Anonymous says
I don’t really have any advice. When I found myself in this situation I finally decided I needed to find a different friend group. That’s been hard because I haven’t really found another whole group, but I’m slowly making a few mom friends who are kind to their children, empathetic toward me and not making motherhood into a competition. It’s nice. I hope you find your tribe.
Anonymous says
Most of this does indeed sound toxic, but what’s wrong with commuting to a school you love or doing language immersion at home? It sounds like you’re letting your feelings color your judgment here. My son’s two best friends both speak different languages at home, and I would never judge their moms for that!
Toxic friends are hard. Years ago I decided to confront my Toxic Friend, but in a constructive way. I invited her out for drinks and tried to keep an open mind. I shared my feelings about her behavior toward me, but I didn’t attack. I said I was hoping we could build a better relationship for the sake of the group. Etc etc. Well, it was super awkward and nothing changed! I did feel better for trying, though?
Boston Legal Eagle says
Can you message one on one with your other friends? Avoid the group texts in this case. And agree to find other mom friends, even acquaintances, if you can. I no longer have tolerance for any friend who isn’t totally supportive and a welcome presence in my life. I don’t have a ton of friends, but the ones I do are excellent.
startup lawyer says
what’s wrong with language immersion?
anon says
Gently, it seems like you might be at BEC stage here and maybe overreacting a bit and projecting some insecurities. Why on earth does it matter to you what school she sends her son to, or that she speaks to him in a different language at home?
Anon says
How did you know you were done having kids? DH and I have a 5 month old baby and couldn’t be happier. The adjustment from no kids to 1 kid was natural. We always said we’d have an only child. However, I’ve started feeling sad that our baby won’t have a sibling, and thinking about what life would look like with another. It would be a tight squeeze in our house, but we could make it work. I’ve heard the transition from 1 to 2 kids is really hard though. I think my husband would go along with it if I REALLY wanted to, but I’m not sure if I do.
Anon says
FWIW, my transition from 0-1 was tough and from 1-2 was relatively easy. Unless age is a big factor, you have plenty of time to decide so you don’t need to pressure yourself now (you can store the key baby items and still get rid of the excess if space is an issue). I think three years is a great age gap…older kid can do many things independently and can actually be helpful with baby.
But to answer your question, I still don’t know! I have 3 and want a fourth…I have loved motherhood more and more with each passing year, and really loved the baby phase with my third.
DLC says
Our first two kids are five years apart. I didn’t think we were done after the first kid, but we weren’t ready to plunge back in. So we waited. Longer than I thought we would but our transition from one to two was, I think, easier because the first one could dress herself, go to the bathroom, at at the table and eat…
I think the answer somewhat depends on how pressing it feels to have kids close in age, and factors around one’s fertility and age.
We now have three. I would want more, but Husband is 45 and done. “I want to be able to retire,” he says. So I’m not ready to be done mentally or in my heart, but practically, yep, we’re done.
Anonymous says
I did not feel done after 2. After 3 I was merrily packing up the baby clothes and driving them to the donation center as soon as my 3rd outgrew them.
FWIW, my second was a difficult baby. DH and I decided when she was almost one that if we were going for 3 we had to do it ASAP because once we got over the hump with #2 we would never want to go back. I had 3 under 5 for a bit and it was intense but now they are all in elem and life is busy but good.
No wrong decision says
Our transition from 1-2 was easier than 0-1, even thou #2 was during covid so we had very little help. Do you need to make a decision right now? Unless time is a big factor, I’d table this for a year or two (or more) as you might feel completely differently.
Anonymous says
I think you only have a 5 month old so it’s a little early to make this decision. I want a third but DH has always been a hard no on the third, so that is what made our decision.
Anon says
Following along b/c interested in the responses. I’m due with our 2nd in January (and will turn 43 in February). We’ve always said 2 and then reevaluate. I think my husband will be done at 2. I don’t know where I stand. We have the embryos (all our babies are/will be IVF babies) so my age isn’t a consideration as far as conceiving, and I’ve felt great throughout two 40s pregnancies with exception of 1st trimester nausea, but I do wonder if I’d be testing my “I feel great” luck by trying to have a 3rd when I’m 44/45 with two young children underfoot.
Also, and this is TOTALLY ridiculous, I admit, but I also think people will assume we stopped at 2 because we happened to get one of each sex. We would have been thrilled with all girls or all boys, so that has zero to do with it. If we have a 3rd, then that assumption goes away.
Anon says
Ha I have three of the same sex and want a fourth and don’t want people thinking we’re continuing on just because of that. I know I’ll get Sad Pity Looks if I have another boy. Some people’s first response to the birth of my third was “maybe next time!”
But, in the grand scheme, people will always have an annoying opinion about something and I don’t want to avoid the life I want because of that.
An.On. says
I don’t want to be done, but I also don’t want another enough if my husband isn’t really gung-ho about it, and he’s not. I think I could push him into it but I don’t want to. I try to focus on the things we can do when we’ve only got one child, rather than thinking about a second child who may or may not be what I imagine them to be.
Anon says
I think you should have a second kid if you want one, but I don’t think kids “need” siblings. I’m an only who has an only by choice. I loved being an only child and have had a lot of advantages from my only child status including full tuition at private college and grandparents who moved to our area to be very involved in raising their grandkid. Most people I know aren’t super close to their siblings and some have active conflict or estrangement so I don’t see a sibling as an unequivocally good thing. Like anything else, it can be great but it can also be bad.
I also echo others that 5 months is very early and you’ll probably have a better sense of what you want around ages 2-3. Fwiw we always planned to be one and done but the time period when I questioned it the most was 6 months – 18 months. I had an easy baby and I think hormones make you broody around that time. Age 3 cemented one and done for us ;)
AwayEmily says
Echoing this about siblings being a mixed bag. I have three kids and zero regrets. My kids all love each other and get along fine, but it has become pretty clear that while my 6yo just really adores having a brother and sister, my middle struggles with many aspects of siblinghood. He’s generally an anxious and sensitive kid, and it’s just HARD on him having to deal with sibling dynamics, shared affection, etc. Again, all his behavior is totally normal and while he and his big sister are close, I do often think his day-to-day stress would be a lot lower if he were an only child.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’m an anxious, sensitive only child. I can’t say what it would have been like to grow up with siblings, but just for a grass is always greener perspective, I don’t think I had a better childhood by being an only. I was pretty lonely, and I think having a sibling might have helped with some of that. Or not, who knows. Just saying that our personalities are what they are, and you’re not doing him a disservice!
Anonymous says
I think anxious kids are just going to be anxious no matter what. But having a high-needs kid is much harder for the parents if there are other kids in the mix.
AwayEmily says
Thanks. I kind of needed to hear that, actually — he’s just so much CHILLER (patient, happy, less senstive) when his brother and sister aren’t around that it’s hard not to feel a little like we’ve put him into a no-win situation by bookending him with siblings.
Anon at 12:19 says
Yeah I think it’s really personality dependent. I’m very introverted. I loved being alone and with my parent(s) as a kid. I truly never wanted a sibling (I do think that’s a minority opinion among only children). I had some social struggles especially in middle and high school but I’m not sure a sibling would have made that better. I liked that my home was a retreat where I could have quality time with my parents or be alone, and I never felt lonely at home.
My daughter is way more extroverted and TBD on whether she hates us for making her an only. For now (age 5) I think we’re doing a decent job of meeting her peer socialization needs with play dates and activities but she clearly craves time with kids her age in a way I never did. On the other hand like Emily’s kid she’s also anxious and sensitive (was a beast of a threenager) and seems to respond well to individual attention from us so I’m not sure a sibling would make her life better right now.
One of my mom friends has 11 and 5 year old daughters and has been open with me about the fact that her daughters would both be happier as onlies. They’re not close enough to play together and they both resent the time and attention the other gets. On the other hand maybe they’ll be close as adults, and my kid doesn’t have that possibility. There are just so many variables. But generally I believe that the decision to add another kid should be based on what parents want, not the idea that a child needs a sibling.
Morning Mom says
Happy Friday! Does anyone have tips for making mornings easier, quicker with a 3 year old? I’m doing a lot of prep the night before, waking up earlier, etc. but still feels like chaos and madness trying to get out the door to daycare and work. I’ve seen chore charts and routine cards online but skeptical that will really get this little bum moving!
Anon says
What are the most chaotic parts? Does he take forever to get dressed, dawdle while eating breakfast, refuse to go pee so he can put his shoes on? It’s easier to give tips if we know where you’re stuck!
AwayEmily says
The key to our successful mornings is 15 minutes of TV *right* before we go out the door, during which the kids get dressed (with help when little, on own when big), get sunscreened (in the summer), and adults can do any last-minute things they need.
I honestly could not function without that TV time. The kids know that there is a hard stop after 15 minutes and if they complain about it ending, they don’t get to have it the next day, so they rarely (as in, maybe once every six months) kick up a fuss about it.
Another thing that’s helped is doing our breakfast menu ahead of time (e.g. Monday frozen waffles, Tuesday cereal, Wednesday French toast) so that there’s one less thing to think about.
DLC says
What is the issue specifically? And how much time do you have in the morning? What would be your ideal morning schedule?
I know every kid is different, and I feel like for me, mornings are better when I don’t micro-manage my three year old. It just makes me annoyed when I do, and it doesn’t make the kids move any faster. I do have times in my head when we move to the next thing, but I don’t push too hard if the last thing doesn’t get done. I know she will get breakfast at school so I don’t make a big deal if she dawdles on eating- i just put the food in front of her and when time to move on, I’ll take the food away and get her our of her chair. I tell her if she wants me to help her get dressed she needs to get out of her pjs and put on her underwear by herself. If she’s not ready to do that, I leave the room and take care of something else. Usually she doesn’t want me to leave the room so that motivates a little bit of urgency. “It looks like you’re not ready to get dressed. I’ll come back when you are,” usually lights a fire under her.
We also have an alarm for when it is time to put shoes and socks on and leave the house, and that usually works. But even still, leaving the house is always going to be chaotic and rushed for us because there are so many pieces to keep track of.
CCLA says
Big clock where they know the routine (eg breakfast is over when the long arrow is at the 3, etc.), including sticking with it even if they’re only halfway done with breakfast – if it’s truly an issue where I think they are actually hungry but have dawdled, we don’t delay the routine but they can have a spoonful of peanut butter on the way out the door
Hand over independence as much as possible (takes a lot of work but big payoff when they can get their own water, get dressed, climb in and out of breakfast chair, etc.)
Move things to where they’re used if feasible – when they were younger we kept a sock bin by the front door, and now I keep a hairbrush and detangler and hair ties in a drawer in the breakfast room and sunscreen in the shoe cabinet drawer so we can apply on the way out the door
Accept once in a while, usually when least convenient, things will go to sh!t but they won’t be scarred from an occasional day of you carrying them out to the car and shoving a waffle at them
Anonymous says
We go from kids asleep to out the door in 30 min. I would not expect a 3 year old to be doing any steps independently if speed is your major interest. (I still help my 7 year old, but it’s because we are choosing to prioritize speed here – I have kids with high sleep needs and can’t move bedtime much earlier).
My husband does the after school stuff so I’m mostly on point in the am.
6:55- I get up, do my hair (curly hair, takes 3 min of refresh with water/product), dress if I need to, boil the kettle for coffee, fill kids milk thermoses and put lunchboxes in backpacks.
7:10- go wake the kids up
7:15-7:25- continue waking kids up, help them get dressed (literally putting the clothes on the preschooler’s body often while he is still half awake in bed, handing clothes to 7 year old who is not fully awake).
7:25-breakfast, sometimes need to carry a child to the table . Kids eat things that are very fast, eg cereal, oatmeal made the night before and heated up, toast, microwaved poached egg . If they are slow they can finish on the walk to school. I usually eat later.
7:35 walk kids to bathroom to brush teeth.
7:40 hand shoes to preschooler , yell at big kid to locate his shoes
7:45 coats on, out the door
AwayEmily says
YES I also help with things that my kids are technically able to do themselves in the interests of speed/less hassle. Like if my daughter is spacing out and not brushing her hair then I will gently take the brush and start doing it because it’s easier than nagging her about it. Same with putting on my kids’ shoes — I often do it for them even though they are perfectly capable of doing it. There are times when I am happy to prioritize independence. 7:45am is not one of them.
Anon says
Most of our low stress mornings are due to the routine actually working. I was trying to wake up my 3 year old right before we had to leave and going straight from bed to clothes, hair, teeth, shoes, and car. That wasn’t working. So, I started waking her up a half hour earlier (many times she wakes up before that, but this is the latest I’ll let her sleep now). She gets to watch her iPad or play while I finish getting myself ready (it was TV, but that became a battle, so I had to cut the TV). I give her multiple reminders of the next steps (“10 more minutes until Mommy gets ready and then it will be your turn”, “5 more minutes until Mommy gets ready and then it will be your turn”, “Mommy’s getting ready, then it will be your turn”). I’ve also given her some choice in dressing herself. We have a lot of clashing outfit choices, but I’ve let that go to avoid the tantrum over not liking her outfit. I build in enough time that even on bad mornings, we are only running a few moments late rather than 10-15. You just have to figure out what works for your kid through trial and error, too. The TV didn’t work for us (she didn’t want to turn it off), but the iPad has been wonderful.
Anon says
I suspect you might be doing this already, but I look for ways to avoid walking around the house. Primarily with clothes, I try to keep it organized/accessibly so my 3 year old can help her self somewhat.
Ex. I keep all her socks in a basket by the shoes/entry way. All of her clothes are in organized so she can find them (this helps for my husband too) pants are in one drawer, shirts another, etc. I keep all clothes I don’t think are school appropriate stashed way high up in her closet so she can not find them as easily.
Emergency travel while pregnant says
How far along in pregnancy would you travel for true family emergency (e.g., funeral for spouse’s parent?)
I’m in the third trimester but still technically allowed to fly (I think?). Travel involves flying with a layover. Destination is a smallish city in a very red state, very religious area (which feels relevant even though I know it shouldn’t be). They do have an hospital with a NICU, thou it is a lower level NICU than my local hospital. Obviously women give birth there all the time, and it isn’t a rural area with literally no medical access. The likelihood of the hospital becoming an issue is really small. But it’s spinning in the back of my mind, along with a million other things.
I am very much not wanting to travel right now for a bunch of reasons (pregnancy, COVID/flu, weather, usual holiday travel issues), but these are extreme circumstances.
Anon pregnant says
Given everything you’ve written, I wouldn’t go. I’m currently 35.5 weeks pregnant btw, and if this was our scenario, my husband would absolutely want me to stay home (as would I). If it was my parent, I’d talk to my siblings and surviving parent about having them cremated now and a service after I deliver, because I wouldn’t want to travel now regardless. And I would fly surviving parent up to stay with us so they weren’t alone.
Anon says
What’s the abortion law in the state? If it’s restrictive, I would absolutely not travel there late in pregnancy. Obviously women live there and have to deal with it, but the risk of getting criminal medical care if anything goes wrong is too high for me and I wouldn’t choose it.
Spirograph says
I’d probably factor gestational age into how heavily I weight this. if I were far enough along that medical care could be emergency C-section with good outcomes for the baby, I wouldn’t be as concerned. of course, then I’d be far enough along that I wouldn’t want to fly…
I agree with the poster above to send heartfelt condolences but not travel and feel out the potential for a memorial service later. Also, how does your spouse feel? it might be comforting for him or her to grieve with the surviving parent and siblings alone if this is a fresh loss.
CCLA says
agree with all of this. would be a different answer if flying a single flight to a city with great medical care – if that were the case i’d have travelled pretty late, but the availability of care at your destination is absolutely relevant.
Anonymous says
It isn’t just about the availability of medical care. Even with the best care, do you really want to risk being stranded away from home with a preemie in the NICU? I don’t know many people who could afford that financially, to say nothing of the emotional and logistical burden.
Anon says
I’d fly until 36 weeks. You could probably dial it down to 34 if you want to be more conservative. For your spouse’s parent, you should go.
Anon says
I’m very much a “you must show up for important life events” person, but the exception is third trimester of pregnancy. It’s not one of the times where “should” comes into play in the decision to go.
Anonymous says
The should comes in the form of “should NOT.”
Anon says
Well, we all have different opinions. I used to travel a lot for work and it was not a problem for me to travel in the third trimester. My last flight was home at 34 weeks. The medical guidance I was given was to fly if I wanted to until week 36.
anon says
I flew at 35 weeks for my brother’s wedding (not a true family emergency and many years ago, so COVID was not an issue) and flew back at 36 weeks. My doctor was ok with it because it was a direct flight (her view was that the pressure changes were the biggest risk) and I was comfortable giving birth at the destination (where my parents live, reasonably sized Midwest city so plenty of good hospitals).
I think in your circumstances I probably wouldn’t go. If you could fly most of the way there direct and it’s a relatively short drive (like fly to Chicago and drive to Kalamazoo), I might consider it.
Anon says
I wouldn’t go
Lizard says
I’d ask your doctor, not an internet message board. If they say you can safely go, then go. If they say no, then when your spouse gets questions about why you’re not there, they can truthfully say that your doctor advised against it.
OP says
Obviously I’ll clear it with my doctor. This is a really rough time and I could’ve done without this snark, thanks anyway.
Lizard says
Not meant to be snark, that’s my advice, i.e., don’t not go if your doctor says it’s fine based on what people here say. This seems like an important event to attend if you’re safely able.
Anon says
I think your spouse’s feeling really matter. If they want you there I’d go. If they don’t mind if you stay home, then don’t go. Don’t worry about the opinions of people who aren’t your spouse.
EDAnon says
Probably too late but my insurance wouldn’t cover the north if you traveled after a certain point (I think 36 weeks). I wouldn’t travel after that point.
For my spouse’s parent, I would really try to go, but I wouldn’t risk it at or after 36 weeks.
EDAnon says
Birth not north! Darn autocorrect.