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Snarkclerk says
Can anyone share what interviewing at a private (catholic) preschool is like? What kind of questions are usually asked from parents or child?
NYCer says
Here are a few questions I remember from our preschool interviews. It has been a few years, but the “interviews” were very conversational and low key, and these were at what are considered “fancy” private preschools in NYC. The child visit is even more low key for preschool. My daughters were like 18 months at the time (applying for a 2s program) – they basically just watched them play and chatted with me at the same time.
– Why are you interested in the school? For a catholic school, I would be sure to emphasize you are most interested in a faith based school.
– Tell us about your family.
– Describe a typical Saturday with your child.
– What activities does your child like to do?
– Does your child go to any classes currently?
– What is your child’s favorite book?
As you can see, it really is not rocket science. Just be friendly and warm and act interested in the school.
Anon says
That is laidback! We got asked similar questions on our tour of our non-fancy Midwest daycare. The answers probably didn’t matter as much, but still. I’m surprised it was so chill.
OP says
ETA: My son is four (we moved to a new city) so I think they might ask him some questions too.
NYCer says
Based on our experiences with private kindergarten interviews (that happen when the kid is 4.5), I think the main thing they look for is whether the kids can follow instructions and are generally good listeners. I would make sure he knows his full name and birthday. Doesn’t hurt to have him practice his address too. They will likely ask him if he can write his name and to draw a picture of himself or something else of his choosing. They probably will have some puzzles or other games that he can either do on his own or with other kids at the playdate. Simple rhyming, opposites, etc.
Anonymous says
If the school is part of a parish, they’ll likely ask you about your commitment to the parish as a whole – are you members or do you plan to be, will you get involved in ways other than the school, etc.
Anon says
Venting…I posted a few weeks ago about having a severely depressed spouse.
I’ve suggested therapy (either him alone, or offered we both go), and he thinks he’s “not there yet.” He’s better than a few weeks ago, has shared what he’s going through with some friends…but it seems like he has some big internal things and stuff from his past/childhood to deal with that requires professional help.
Honestly, even him joining some type of low-stakes social outlet (trivia night, rec league) would probably help a lot at this point, but I think he feels like he’s limited due to work and work travel.
I’m fortunately OK thanks to therapy and my own “village” of friends and family I can lean on.
I’m not looking to separate or divorce, but just writing out for any support this community can offer. If anyone has been through this, please share your experience with me.
Anon says
I’ve been there, solidarity (although I know it’s not what you need right now but mine ended in divorce). My best advice is don’t let him bring you down with him. It sounds like you’re taking care of yourself which is great. It’s not your responsibility to save this man from himself – of course you can offer support and encouragement but at the end of the day it has to come from him. I wish I had known that five years ago when I was drowning trying to help someone who wouldn’t help themselves.
OP says
Thank you for the solidarity. I had a tough few weeks where I felt down in the trenches, but thankfully I think it has passed thanks to the supports I’m fortunate to have.
I can absolutely see how this can end up in separation/divorce because one partner essentially has to carry the household on their back in many ways, and the depressed partner can’t see or appreciate that.
Anonymous says
It’s not just that the healthy spouse has to carry the household on her back. The mental energy involved in shielding your spouse from things that upset him (e.g., fixing something broken before he discovers it and goes into a spiral about how you are poor and will never be able to afford to retire) and in protecting the children from his moods is soul-crushing and will eventually destroy your career and your sanity.
OP says
Ugh I’ll have to watch out for this. I figure you’re writing from experience and I’m sorry you had to go through this.
We had a minor plumbing issue last week that triggered him (not around kids), but I’m not to the point where I feel like I need to “hide” things from him – if he decides a broken appliance is the worst thing that’s happening to him, that’s his decision, and if he acts out around the kids, well…that’s not ok.
Fortunately, he’s been his normal, great self with the kids (for now), it’s everywhere else the depression seems to have taken over.
Anonymous says
It can be much more subtle than just him yelling at the kids. It’s that he’s too overwhelmed to go anywhere or do anything on the weekend so you never take the kids to the pool or hiking or to the museum. It’s financial anxiety that causes him to resist expenditures that would make you better off in the long run, like refusing to sell your run-down house and buy a slightly more expensive new one while prices and interest rates or low, so later you are stuck with a house that needs at $200K renovation just to be habitable and you will never get that money back when you sell it. It’s you having less time and energy to focus on work so your career stagnates and you are left with fewer resources and options if you need to get out of the marriage. It’s having to cancel a business trip at the last minute because you think it’s not safe to leave him with the kids.
Being married to a person with a serious mental illness is kind of like boiling a frog. You throw the frog into a pot of water and turn on the stove. At first the frog thinks, oh, this is a nice warm bath. It starts to heat up and he thinks, well, this still isn’t too bad and staying in is better than hopping out onto the cold counter. By the time the frog realizes what’s really going on he’s cooked and can’t get out.
OP says
Thank you for this. I’ll keep this in mind, it’s very helpful.
I’m sorry you had to go through this. I’m glad you are on the other side.
Anon says
As someone who has been working through my own depression with therapy and medication, I want to remind you that not everyone has the same symptoms as your spouse and depression isn’t always hopeless from a marriage standpoint.I’m grateful my husband has stayed with me through my shortcomings.
Anonymous says
When DH needed some help dealing with his father’s death and pulled a similar line to “he’s “not there yet.” it helped when I said therapy is like the dentist. You don’t want to wait until you need a root canal, go get your teeth cleaned and keep up regular appointments. It was also helpful that I found a list of 3 male therapists with availability in the next two weeks so that ‘where to go’ was not a burden. Yes he should be able to do that for himself, but I hope DH would also do this for me if I was struggling.
Loved to read that you are doing your own therapy and leaning on your village. Keep pulling your own oxygen mask on first. When he is struggling, protecting your own health is so important for yourself and your children.
Anonymous says
Tell him you disagree and you’d like him to go even if he doesn’t think he needs to for you and for the sake of your marriage.
OP says
Thank you.
He already feels like the world is constantly asking things of him he doesn’t want to give/do, so this framing probably won’t work in this moment. I may have to resort to this if things continue this way.
Anon says
OP, this is a tough situation. I don’t want this to sound like a threat (which I think could be counterproductive), but maybe a reframe to him could be “I understand that it’s not something you want to do right now. It’s important to me that you understand the consequence of that, though, which is damage to our marriage. It would be dishonest of me to pretend that you can make the choice without harming our relationship. You should make your decision knowing that that is the cost.”
Anonymous says
I wouldn’t phrase it that way, which very much does sound like an ultimatum. I would instead explain to him that when a person is severely depressed it is often difficult for him to exert himself to do the things that will help, and that others around him can usually see the severity of the situation better than he can. Then make you appeal “if you won’t do this for yourself, do it for me.” Also see whether you can communicate with the therapist. They won’t tell you anything about what he says, but you can get a feel for whether they are useful or the type of therapist who makes things worse.
Another Anon says
Not the 10:49 poster above but I do identify with that experience. I did ultimately give my DH an ultimatum. We had a young toddler and I was drowning and at the point where I knew life would be easier – and likely happier – without him around us on a day-to-day basis. I told him he had to go get help for me to be willing to stay in our marriage. He went begrudgingly and is so glad he did. He didn’t have to go forever (which I think was a concern for him in starting), but he was diagnosed with OCD in addition to his severe depression, went to an appropriate psychiatrist, and massively changed his medication to something that is working well. We are in a much, much better place now and I have a partner again.
Something else he started during that time that was hugely beneficial was attending a weekly evening men’s bible study at a church (which has now become our church). We were not very religious people and spent the first 10 years of our marriage not attending any church. The group he found there is not pushy and skews older and more experienced. He’s learned about all kinds of life experiences from being in that group and I think it massively helped him to hear men talk about their struggles, mistakes, and regrets in their lives. He had nothing else like that before. FWIW, I was raised Methodist and it’s a Methodist church that he has found this group. I’m sure this could be debated (and with the schism, the debate could be lengthy and it certainly varies based on the church), but I have generally found the Methodist church to be welcoming to different kinds of lived experiences and viewpoints.
OP says
Thank you for sharing your story. I’m not drowning (yet) and I also don’t want to wait until I’m at that point. I’m happy to give him some more time, but if he does not make the changes/seek help, I’ll have to think about this some more.
The hard thing is, some of the blame of his unhappiness/depression he puts on me (which is not fair), so giving him an ultimatum with our marriage/family at the center may just push him away further, and make him go deeper into depression. It could also do the opposite – but I don’t know if that’s a risk I’m willing to take (for now).
Also, I’m pretty religious (non-Christian), and one thing I always like about being religious is the sense of community it can offer regularly and/or when you need it. That’s what I read from your story – and I’m happy for you and your family!
Anonymous says
I am the 10:49 poster. If your husband is blaming his unhappiness on you this is common, and a huge warning sign. You are already walking on eggshells, having to worry about his reaction if you suggest or demand that he seek treatment. FWIW, in my observation therapy is a huge gamble. At least 75% of the therapists out there are either worthless or actively harmful. Only a small number are capable of doing anything of actual value like CBT, which only works if the client is willing to engage and doesn’t work immediately. The rest are either just a nice very expensive chat or will actually reinforce obsessions and other negative thought patterns or will even complain about their own problems to the client. A good psychiatrist or psychiatric nurse practitioner who will prescribe medication and make adjustments until the right medication and dosage are found is an excellent starting point.
OP says
Thank you so much again for sharing. When therapy has been suggested to DH, he’s said “he’s not there yet”, or that it’s “crossed his mind”.
Fortunately we have a great therapist we’ve seen together and individually that we trust. They have been wonderfully helpful. I have also heard some of the things you mentioned re therapy and know that it’s not always a silver bullet, and depends greatly on the therapist and approach. There are also a lot of unlicensed therapists out there, too, which doesn’t help.
I do think psych would be ideal, and we have access to those services through our provider, so I’ll find out more about if needed how he can make an appointment.
Anon says
I think “75% of therapists are worthless or actively harmful” is a bold statement, but I do think in most cases people who are severely depressed need to get on meds first to get to the mental place where they can begin doing the work in therapy. I’m sure there are exceptions, but I think it’s rare to pull yourself out of a really bad place with therapy alone, especially because being resistant to starting therapy is often a symptom of depression.
Anonymous says
It’s super encouraging that he talked with some friends. Can you be supportive of him spending more social time with the friends he’s comfortable confiding in? Maybe even suggesting a dads’ weekend? Our culture is so therapy-centric, and while I’ve done therapy and think it can be great, it doesn’t have to be the only solution. Tl;dr you shouldn’t feel like you’re failing/ he’s a lost cause if you can’t convince him to do therapy. Plan B is better than nothing.
Anon says
100%! I am probably a bit TOO supportive of him spending time with friends. Hahaha.
I know he’s lonely and this is part of it. Outside of me/my side of the family he just doesn’t have a deep bench of good personal friends he can count on, and one of the few he can his going through a major life event/crisis (which has thus triggered my DH), and his immediate family isn’t really dependable for him to confide in.
Anonymous says
Just had my first experience getting locked out of a summer camp… two minutes after registration opened. Fun times.
HSAL says
I’m currently 0/3 in getting a babysitter for this weekend. I’ve got a few other requests out and have posted on our neighborhood Facebook group, but man do I finally really see the appeal of the Babysitters Club. One phone call to check availability for 5-9 sitters? Yes please.
Anonymous says
I asked the twin mom group if we could get a babysitting pool going and they looked at me like I had three heads. I honest think around here you either rely on family or you never get a break. I have a dedicated weekend sitter that I found on Care dot com, but that place is such a crapshoot. This particular lady is a young professional, super awesome with my kids, but she lives in the city so she only does full weekends (too far to drive on a week night after work). I also got one twin mom to share her weeknight babysitter with me. She’s very young and inexpensive. But she also doesn’t clean up, help with homework or enforce bedtime. But for twice a month date night it’s nbd. I hope you find someone HSAL!
Anonymous says
I mean, how would a babysitting pool even work with parents of twins? I sure wouldn’t want to be responsible for four toddlers at the same time.
Anonymous says
I meant a directory of babysitters that someone in the group has used before and has found to be reliable and responsible.
Anonymous says
I can’t imagine that other parents would want to volunteer that information!
HSAL says
That’s such an awful attitude. After I posted on our neighborhood group, two mom-friends texted me with their sitters’ info, and another proactively reached out to her sitter for me. The one I ended up using is the main sitter for yet a fourth mom friend, who had given me her info months ago. I cannot imagine hoarding information for an occasional sitter.
Redux says
My record is 10. Ten separate babysitters declined. We ended up canceling our plan, as neither of us wanted to go alone.
We pay really well! and our kids are relatively easy! and most of it is post-bedtime so you just hang in our house, eat our food and use our WiFi! Let me give you $100 for the pleasure!
Leatty says
Depending on where you are, there may be a service that does this. We use a service that employs a ton of sitters(as in w-2 workers with benefits and insurance), and we just submit a request for a sitter through the app. Service has generally been good, but we pay a premium for it (rates now $34/hr in my HCOL). One day we will find some local cheaper sitters, but right now I’m going for easy.
Anon says
+1 – there is a service in my area that does this. You pay a yearly subscription fee and they send you the resumes/details for sitters that are available on your nights. We don’t need it any longer (older kids) but it was an absolute lifesaver when mine were younger.
Anonymous says
+2. We used this for after-school sitters when I traveled.
Lydia says
yup we do this too… there’s a flat rate booking fee, and then a set hourly fee (I think it’s $18-20?). Totalyl worth it for convenience, and the sitters are vetted and great.
GD says
Has anyone experienced blood sugar related issues in pregnancy without being diagnosed with gestational diabetes? I’m close to the cutoff but not above it, however I’m experiencing pregnancy complications that are typically associated with GD (baby is measuring huge and amniotic fluid is high). My doctor’s office seems to take a pretty relaxed “you’re below the cutoff so we’re not worried” approach to GD – they may not be worried but I am! I think they are used to working with patients who are resistant to being diagnosed, whereas I am much more concerned about not being diagnosed when I should be. It feels to me like blood sugar management is a spectrum more than it is a black and white thing, and I’m on the problematic end of the spectrum. I’m trying to figure out what sort of support I should ask my doctor for over the remainder of my pregnancy. At this point I’m considering just buying a glucose meter on my own and tracking my numbers, but I wonder if I would get better guidance if my doctor’s office was working with me on it. Any resources would be very much appreciated!
Anonymous says
Referral to a dietician? There’s no harm in following a GD plan even if you don’t have GD.
Anonymous says
Ask for a referral to a dietician
Anonymous says
Agreed on referral to a dietitian. My OB had monthly GD nutrition classes, so if you’re in a large health system, something like that might be an option as a starting point.
Also, have you had your thyroid checked lately? Thyroid issues can affect glucose metabolism.
Anon says
Try looking at Lily Nichols’ book, Real Food for Gestational Diabetes. She also has blog posts.
Vicky Austin says
I love her work! She is also on Instagram @lilynicholsrdn.
Anon says
Refer yourself to an endocrinologist. Start tracking your blood sugars now and gather a week or two of data before seeing the endo. You should get a finger prick monitor (Amazon or any drug store) and test your fasting sugar each morning (upon waking) and then 1 or 2 hours after each meal. You can google what the recommended cut-offs should be post-meal.
This was me. First pregnancy, failed 1H, passed 3H (barely). Baby was born very large, I was induced due to hypertension and I had a ton of swelling. Baby was diagnosed with hypo in the hospital. After 1 pregnancy my A1C started to creep up at very high end of normal/borderline pre-diabetic (note, I have a very normal BMI, so it’s not just weight related – partly genetic).
Second pregnancy, failed 1H, passed 3H. But I knew something was up, so I started tracking blood sugars at home and realized they were above the recommended thresholds. I self referred myself to an endo (she thought I was a little nuts at first but in the end told me how proud of me she was for being an advocate for myself and my baby’s health). My OB was looped in by my endo. I ended up needing insulin toward the end of my pregnancy and my baby was born a healthy size and her blood sugar was perfect in the hospital.
I’m now pregnant a third time and am just being treated as though I have GC.
Good luck and (to quote my doctor) good for you for being an advocate for your own health! My endo said many women are borderline like me (and maybe you) and pass the screening but do still have GD.
Anon says
I’ll also add to my post above, I was able to diet control my daytime levels using low-ish carb diet and Lily Nichol’s book was useful. My endo also had an in-house dietitian who I saw. Also, exercise and walking helps a lot. I tried to get out for a walk after lunch (even if only 15 min) and each evening.
GD says
This is incredibly helpful – thank you!!!
Anonymous says
I am so grateful to this hive. My husband started not feeling well on Sunday and now we are on day 4 of him with some symptoms. I’m just about done with the poor me I don’t feel well. When Moms are sick they just power through. It doesn’t help that his parents are constantly asking me how he’s doing….I’m busy working, taking care of our kids, running the house, etc. Meanwhile I had foot surgery on Monday and I’m hobbling around. Thanks for listening!!
Cb says
Oh no! I hope you get a proper break soon. I lovingly describe my husband as a “Victorian invalid with an iphone” when he’s ill, and once scandalised my in-laws by “abandoning” him at home with measles to go to yoga. He’s a fantastic husband, 99% of the time, but he’s having a minor surgery in April and I’m secretly dreading it.
Anonymous says
He had measles?!? How?!? You don’t live in Florida!
Anon says
There have been big outbreaks in the UK.
Cb says
To clarify, I badgered him into getting his MMR (hippy parents didn’t vaccinate) because we were going to California and he broke out in measles spots so doctor said he was unlikely to be contagious, and I’ve had all the vaccines.
Anon says
Oh yeah that’s totally different than catching measles in the wild.
Anonymous says
Ok so no he didn’t “have measles”
Anonymous says
Why on earth would you be going out in public while your husband has measles?!
Anonymous says
The MIL texting me asking how my ailing husband is doing really pushes me over the edge. He’s an adult with a cell phone! Text him! I’m a little busy taking care of your grandchildren.
Anon says
Haha I’m the anon below and my MIL does this too! I would be like “hmmm I hear him moaning up in our room so I guess he’s still alive, please ask him how he is feeling”
Anon says
My husband had the flu two weeks ago. It was genuine flu with a bad fever and everything but after a few days of him lying in bed feeling terribly sorry for himself he started to get very on my nerves. I can’t remember being out of commission for more than 24 hours since we have had kids (and I’ve had the flu, bronchitis and pneumonia since then, not to mention a variety of brutal stomach bugs). He is usually a great dad and spouse, but hearing him whine about how I wouldn’t care if he was dying while I was managing absolutely everything for more than a week and bringing him chicken soup and tea in bed (and he was sick, sure, but in no way dying) was just… ugh.
Vicky Austin says
Oh my God, so much sympathy. During January both DH and I were unemployed, but we had interviews near family, so we went to go stay with my ILs for a few days so we could interview in person. The day before we were planning to head home, DS was up all night barfing. Fun times. OK, so we’ll stay another day; it’s not like we have jobs to get back to. We all wake up the next morning and every adult in the house is not feeling well. I throw up once and then rally, but DH is down for the count. He lay flat on his back in his parents’ guest room for two more days refusing to drink water while I tried to profusely apologize to my sick ILs, make chicken soup, refill waters, chase DS around and keep our dog from tearing up the place out of sheer boredom. There was a foot of snow on the ground, too. I wanted to throw him into the ocean.
Anonymous says
I will say that my DH is a bit of a manbaby too but once I threw my back out and I was the saddest, most desperate and useless thing. He kept the house going for days because I could not move. He even had to help me get to the toilet because I couldn’t even crawl there. He had to hold me up while I used the toilet and then carry me back.
I was lying on the ground trying to get work done, so depressed and bored and useless feeling and …he brought me a up sandwich and you guys, I cried. I was just so depressed and sad and immobile and he made this delicious sandwich and brought it to me even with everything else going on. He could have brought me a cold hot dog and I would have been happy. It bought him YEARS of goodwill. That was 2 years ago and I’m still talking about it.
anon says
Ladies, marry yourself a single dad and you will never have this problem. Fast track to a man who packs lunches, knows the dosing on children’s Tylenol, and keeps a stack of pre-wrapped birthday gifts so that you never have to run to Target first thing in the morning before a party. My husband has many flaws, but unless he’s literally having surgery he is never out of commission due to illness.
Anon says
My husband isn’t a single dad, but is also the one who powers through illness better. I’m the Victorian invalid in the house ;)
Anonymous says
On the other hand, my husband powers through illness to the point where he literally passes out. I, on the other hand, have never fainted in my life, not even the several times I came close while pregnant during a very hot humid summer with HG, because I am smart enough to know when to stop and sit down. Why are men?
Anon says
Thoughts on Bear as a first name for a baby boy? Too cutesy?
An.On. says
How reasonable this is depends on how much money you have, I think.
Anon says
I’m confused how money comes into this, and whether it’s better or worse if you’re very rich. It’s terrible all around, I think!
Anonymous says
If you are very rich the name is an additional signal to college admissions offices and potential employers that your child is the kind of Tradwick they are looking for. If you are not very rich it will make people assume the kid is [redacted out-of-date pejorative].
Anon says
I’ve worked in admissions for an Ivy. Fancy colleges don’t consider the names of applicants in making a decision, but to the extent they have unconscious bias I can’t imagine Bear would impress a group of people who lean highly educated and traditionally privileged.
An.On. says
Oh, to me it signals that you’re impervious to other’s opinions and the idea of your child’s social or career opportunities being hamstrung by a silly name, either because you have so much money that your kid will never worry about it anyway, or you have very little money and don’t expect your kid to ever make much either.
I agree I don’t think much of it as a given name. But it’s not offensive, and it’s easy to spell. Could be worse, I suppose.
Anon says
no offense – but that is a terrible name. id think it was a mistake every time i saw it on a class list or that the parents were nuts
Anon says
Do you think Bear can be used as a name for a 4 year old, name for a teenager, name for a young professional and name for a middle-aged man?
I think you can do much, much better. Are you trying to do a tribute to the TV show? And want to support the nickname Teddy?
Anon says
a person or a dog? for some reason it is one of the most popular dog names, but i find that confusing.
Anon says
OP here and my sister is considering it for her boy (due in a few months). It was her husband’s idea – he’s an outdoorsy type in a red state, if that matters. My first reaction is no, although maybe it would work as a nickname, but I can’t quite put my finger on why.
anonymous says
Gotta be in Alabama. THE Paul “Bear” Bryant reigns supreme ;)
Anon says
Montana, actually, but for all I know there’s someone similar there…
Anonymous says
What about normal first name, Bear as middle name, and last name? Like Benjamin or Robert (Benny Bear or Bobby Bear is cute for a baby nickname). Dad can use Bear and kid has a normal name for junior high/job applications.
FWIW I work wildlife law in an area with a LOT of hunting and fishing and I’ve never met a Bear/Wolf etc.
If she really hates it she could always imply that Bear is like River/Rain/nature names that might make people think his parents are hippies and she doesn’t want that?
Anonymous says
Yup it’s strong “my granddaddy did a lynching” vibes
Anon says
Hahaha but for real yeah
Anon says
Yup. See also, names with a double X instead of an ‘x’ or a ‘ck’ – Jaxxon, Axxel, Paxx, Paxxton, etc.
Anonymous says
My friends did “Barrett” with a nickname of Bear, which I think might be a bit easier for the kid.
NYCer says
I have heard this as well.
Personally, I do not like the name Bear at all. I would never name my kid Bear, or use Bear as a nickname anywhere outside of the house.
Vicky Austin says
I think this is great. Barrett is way more flexible from little boy to grown man.
Anonymous says
Nope. But what about Barrett with a nickname Bear? We know one who is 13 and it still works :).
Anonymous says
Ha! Jinx.
Anonymous says
Love this!
Anon says
I hate it personally. I can’t imagine being called Bear as an adult in the workplace.
Anon says
I know someone who did this, the kid is 3, and I just can’t understand why. You can always call him Bear as a term of endearment! But no, it is a not a name for a person. It’d be like naming your kid Dog or Lion. (Admittedly, I did go to school with a family that was part Native American and all the kids went by animal names, including a girl Bear…still thought it was odd — they had different legal first names — but at least there was some cultural reason).
Why not go with something like Teddy…
Anon says
I lobbied hard for Theodore (Theo/Teddy as a nickname). It was our runner up boys name and I still love it as a classic but sweet boys name.
I also just learned that Byron is an anglicized stand in for Bjoern/Bjorn (bear). Would that work? It seems to scratch that romantic/classic itch.
Anon says
I love Theodore with either Theo or Teddy as a nickname.
Anon says
My co-workers daughter’s name is Theadora, with Tea (tay-a)/Thea/”T” as nicknames and I love it!
Cb says
I’ve got a Teddy and call him Teddy Bear at home (have mostly broken myself of it in public).
My in laws hated Teddy as a nickname (too American) and called him Theo until he was old enough to correct them himself.
Anon says
Ha that’s funny I just read a book about an English Teddy. My mom is British and Teddy doesn’t scream American to me as far as nicknames go but I know your in-laws probably just wanted to complain :)
anon says
My son’s best friend’s name at preschool is Theodore. Hearing him go “Good morning Theodore” and Theo responding “Good morning Everett” like they were little old men was the cutest thing ever.
PS he goes by Theo at school but teddy would be equally cute.
Anonymous says
I loved Theodore, it probably would have been my top boy’s name if I was making the decision alone. My husband wanted something more Jewish so we ended up agreeing on Isaac and then had girls anyway. But I love the name Theodore especially Theo as a nickname.
Anon says
Isn’t Leo a top five baby name right now?
Anon says
Yeah but Leo is very different than actually naming the kid Lion!
Anonymous says
Dov is Hebrew for Bear and it’s been on my list.
Anon says
Dov is better than Bear, but I think the best known Dov at least in the US is Dov Charney and I don’t like that association.
I like Lev (Lion) and Zev (wolf) a lot more than Dov.
Anonymous says
Dov to me also screams Dov Charney
Anonymous says
There is also a Yiddish name Ber, which also means … bear. We have friends who used that. Both their kids have very obviously culturally Jewish names though, and I think it would be a weird one to use if you didn’t have that background.
Anonymous says
I hate it
Anon says
I once worked with someone whose name is Bearclaw. I mean at first I was like, “Hmmm, okay…”, but you quickly get used to it being someone’s name when you interact with them everyday. I don’t know… I feel like people can be really judgmental and mean about names, which is unfortunate because a name is one of the simplest ways to accept and acknowledge a diverse population. I had a friend names Phouc and wouldn’t it be nice if we lived in a world where that wouldn’t have been prime bullying bait?
Anonymous says
Sure but these are clearly just random dumb white people
Anon says
Doesn’t it help other names stand out less if Anglo people move away from Anglo names?
I think it’s a little strange when churchy people move away from Christian names, but it makes a lot of sense to me that people who aren’t religious would be looking for something different.
Anonymous says
I can’t think of a whiter name than Bear.
Anon says
What about Bjoern/Bjorn instead? Same meaning but less woo, especially if you have Germanic/Nordic heritage.
Anonymous says
or Arthur.
Anonymous says
Red state husband? Just tel him it’s such a lovely gender neutral choice!
Anonymous says
Oh, no. This is practically preordaining him to turn into a dumb bully because that’s how teachers will treat him as soon as they see the name.
Anon says
So much wrong with this comment that I don’t know where to begin! I hope no one is really leaving their kid in the care of people they believe treat kids this way.
Anonymous says
Oh, come on. You think people don’t have unconscious or unacknowledged biases? If you give your son a football player name, people are going to assume things about you and your values and how you are raising him and are going to expect certain behavior from him. They will notice that behavior and not kind, sensitive behavior. That’s just how human brains work. Then they will start to box him into a role and he will oblige by playing it.
Anon says
I don’t think most people think that hard about names. I agree Bear is a pretty weird name for a white person, but I’m not sure what a “football player” name is (the football players in my high school mostly had generic names that were very popular at the time like Adam and Matthew) and if you’re a teacher in a diverse community you’re probably used to seeing all kinds of names you don’t “get” and you just assume an unusual name is from a different culture.
Anonymous says
The whole point is that people don’t think about them. Maybe I am extra attuned to this issue because implicit bias was all the rage in my field when I was starting out.
Anon says
so my friend has an etsy shop where she makes personalized stuff for fun. she has a job but this lets her use her creative side, anyway, she recently told me she was making personalized party favors and some of the names were: Bridedmayer, Rex, Tripp, Rocky, Orson” – i thought it was a party for some pets, but it’s for people. Orson and Tripp are more like real names, but seeing them in a list like that I was just confused
Anon says
Bridedmayer needs to be shared with r/tragedeigh
The rest of them are not that bad imo although Rocky does sound like a pet. Less so than Bear though.
anon says
Rocky is okay unless the siblings are Zuma and Skye.
Anon says
OMG you joke, but a blogger I vaguely follow named her first tow kids Ryder and Chase.
Anonymous says
I read that blog too- her third kid has a different name though!
Anon says
Yeah, Rhett which doesn’t really fit with the other two imo. But at least it’s not another Paw Patrol name, lol.
Anon says
As a given name? Absolutely not. As a nickname, sure, why not?
I went to high school with a kid nicknamed Bear. I *think* his name was Matthew but I only ever knew him as Bear; the nickname was so entrenched that literally everyone, including the teachers, called him Bear. We also had two kids only called Moose.
Vicky Austin says
I knew a Moose! (Nickname, mercifully.)
Cb says
I know a Bear and a Tigerlilly which felt better together.
anon says
Growing up in the 90s I knew a boy named Bear, and I’m pretty sure it was his legal name. I also knew an adult woman who changed her name from Connie to Bear; I doubt she made a legal change but she really did use it as her name for decades. That being said, our community was known for weird names!
no says
no. I imagine a 3 year old who climbs on everything, breaks everything and has frequent er visits.
test run says
Any IUGR success stories? We were diagnosed at 28 weeks and just made it to 32 (6th percentile estimated fetal weight) – likely to be induced at 37 weeks if not sooner depending on twice weekly ultrasound results. It seems like outcomes can vary widely. Some doctors we see really downplay the risks and others seem much more ominous. Trying to avoid doing too much sleuthing myself to avoid panicking, but would love to hear if anyone has any experience and how babies are doing now!
Anon says
It’s very common in my community (South Asian) for women to have IUGR and/or have smaller babies in the 5-6+ lb range, full term. I didn’t have an IUGR diagnosis, and my 2nd kid was just a bit over 5 lbs born at 38 weeks (induced – low fluid), no complications.
He’s a happy, healthy 3 year old now. He did walk late (~19 months) which was a bit of a scary time because of all the various evals our then-ped thought made sense, and is in speech therapy to help expressive speech/articulation, but I consider this all very minor given everything else he can “do”, and I have 0 idea if his birth weight plays into it.
Anon says
My south Asian BFF also had very small babies. Her kids were 5 lbs 2 oz born on the due date and 4 lbs 15 oz born about a week early.
GCA says
*waves anecdata* I was an IUGR baby (for unclear reasons, but my mom is very petite) and my mom was induced at 37 weeks. I was maybe 5.5lb at birth, jaundiced, not latching – this was in the 1980s – but somewhere along the way I caught up and spent elementary school at 50th percentile weight and height as far back as I can recall. Also why I am a bit militant about ‘fed is best’ – if anyone had tried to limit my mom to breastfeeding-only, I probably wouldn’t be here. I don’t want to downplay risks, but I expect neonatal care is much more advanced these days.
test run says
Anecdata very much appreciated here! Thanks for sharing and yes, I also feel strongly about “fed is best” and am planning on supplement with formula as much as needed for this little one!
DLC says
My first was born via a scheduled c-section at 33 weeks because of an IUGR diagnosis. She was 4lbs, 6 oz, and very healthy- she spent three days in the NIcU then they sent us home. She is now 12 years old and taller than I am. So it was a little worrisome at the time, but looking back, I see that I had very good care and doctors whom I trusted, and I just kind of assumed that everything would be fine.
test run says
Thank you for sharing! I am trying to stick to thinking everything will be fine, too, or at least remind myself that nothing is certain – so far everything looks normal on ultrasound just… small. So fingers crossed.