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A bright, bold coat is what I need to start the holiday season.
This long, double-breasted coat is made from a striking, pink-and-red-plaid, wool-blend fabric. It’s fully lined and has notched lapels, back vent, and seamed pockets.
Keep the rest of your outfit simple and let this coat shine.
Ann Taylor’s Plaid Long Double-Breasted Coat is $298 and comes in sizes XXS–XXL as well as petites.
Sales of note for 12.5.23…
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Nordstrom – Holiday sale up to 50% off; 5x the points on beauty for a limited time
- Ann Taylor – 40% off your purchase & extra 15% off sweaters
- Banana Republic – Up to 40% off select styles; up to 40% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything & extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – Extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off your purchase with code
- Lands’ End – Up to 70% off everything; free shipping (readers love the cashmere)
- Loft – 50% off your purchase with code (ends 12/5)
- Summersalt – Up to 60% off select styles & free scarf with orders $125+ (this reader-favorite sweater blazer is down to $75)
- Talbots – 40% off your regular-price purchase; extra 50% off all markdowns
- Zappos – 34,000+ women’s sale items! Check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.
Kid/Family Sales
- Crate&kids – Free shipping sitewide; up to 50% off toy + gift event; free monogramming for a limited time only (order by 12/15)
- J.Crew Crewcuts – 40% off your purchase with code
- Pottery Barn Kids – Up to 50% off toys, furniture & gifts
- Graco – Holiday savings up to 35% off; sign up for texts for 20% off full-price item
- Walmart – Up to 25% off top baby gifts; big savings on Delta, Graco, VTech, Fisher-Price & more
Cb says
I miss pretty coats! We’ve had a miserably wet autumn so I’ve just been in my tatty raincoat or cycling cape the whole time.
TheElms says
Perhaps time to put a pretty raincoat on your Christmas list? (If you don’t have anything else you’d like more).
Cb says
Maybe something to pick up in the sales. My husband bought a replacement pair of Sperry duck boots for me, as I find proper wellies too heavy.
Anonymous says
Check out Rain Sisters. Someone posted about them on the main page a couple of weeks ago and they are so pretty, even though they would never work on long-waisted stick-straight me.
Spirograph says
This coat is so fun! I’m not sure I can justify an extensive coat wardrobe, but my winter overcoat is very old and has seen better days, so maybe I should think about getting something slightly more exciting than basic black.
Mary Moo Cow says
After watching Ted Lasso, I really want a coat collection a la Rebecca. This one would be such a pick me up in January and February.
Anonymous says
I love gorgeous wool coats in movies and on TV and am sad that they are completely impractical in real life. They always end up being itchy, smelly, bulky lint collectors.
Yolanda says
For those of you that have larger age gaps – how do you keep the big kid toys with the little pieces away from the younger ones. In our case our four year old has LEGOS/Playmobile toys with little pieces that we try to keep away from our about to crawl 8 month old baby. We remind him to keep them in his room instead of bringing them down to the living room but he ends up playing down there anyways…
Anonymous says
Baby goes in baby jail
Anonymous says
Yep. Giving baby a safe space with her own toys is the solution.
RR says
This. My older two were 5.5 when the youngest was born. She spent a lot of time in a baby-proofed play area if we couldn’t be actively engaged with her.
TheElms says
We did a mix of strategies — take the really dangerous toys away entirely (marbles, magnets); relocate smaller toys to places the baby didn’t play; be very consistent about the toys not migrating to places the baby does play (we took them away every time it happened for months and its much better now); now that the “baby” is almost 2 we also remind her that teeth are food and take toys away that she tries to eat (but acknowledge this wouldn’t be appropriate for a younger baby); and live with the baby putting some toys in her mouth that definitely wouldn’t have happened with the older one.
Anon says
Duplo in the main area (it is still fun for my boys ages 6 and 8!) and Lego in a designated area. It’s up to you to redirect him back to the area every. time. With Playmobil, if he wants to play in the main area then pack up the tiny pieces for now; at 4, my boys cared more about the trucks, characters and larger pieces like trash bins than they did about tiny things, anyway.
If it’s a finite period of time he’s using little pieces, then okay maybe you relocate the baby. But in general, I think babies should get a space to roam free, too, and it’s easiest to keep small parts on a different level/wing of the house. (We have a playroom on the main level for everyone but Lego and micro machines stay in the big boys’ bedrooms.)
Anonymous says
+ 1 on the Duplo. Our bigger kid actually preferred Duplo because it’s so fast to build stuff.
Anon says
Yeah my almost 6 year old likes Duplo too. Lego kits are pretty much just built once and forgotten, whereas Duplos are the daily toy used for creative building.
SC says
+1 on the Duplo. My 8 year old loves complicated Lego sets with thousands of pieces (especially Technic). But he has fun and is very creative with the Duplo. It takes too long and is too hard to find the pieces he wants to build creatively with the regular Lego.
Anonymous says
Baby jail. For our lay out, we actually had a reverse baby jail. Older kid’s toys were kept inside the baby jail with mesh sides in one corner of our living room.
Making older kid play by themselves in their room if they want to play with their toys while you are downstairs with baby has a lot of potential to create sibling resentment.
GCA says
When I had a preschooler and a mobile baby, we lived in a 1br, so we had to limit the Lego use to certain times of day (baby naptimes), and just in the bedroom.
Anon says
With the same age gap, I always found that protecting the 4 year old’s space was more important emotionally than giving the baby unfettered space to roam. So, baby would be put in a jumper, baby jail or (most frequently) I’d carry the baby in an ergo. “Telling” the baby “Hey, I’m really sorry, but [older kid] needs some space to work here” went a long, long, LONG way to reducing sibling rivalry. My older kid always felt like his stuff was protected and prioritized.
Telling a 4 year old, again and again, “[younger kid] doesn’t know any better, he’s just a baby.” just gives the 4 year old allllll the resentfulness. Also, once we started protecting the 4 year old’s stuff, he got more secure that his things wouldn’t get destroyed or picked up to make space for the baby, so he — totally of his own volition — would clean up his things to keep the baby safe. This epiphany happened after I read somewhere that kids who aren’t made to share are more willing to share on their own terms, as they are secure knowing that they won’t be asked to give away their things without any control or say. I feel like this happened when we went out of our way to prioritize the 4 year old’s needs (keeping the baby safe, of course, just putting the baby in a confined place over making the 4 year old pack their things away).
Anon says
And, to be clear, we didn’t stumble onto this method until we had a really tough 6 months where the older kid seemed to get super resentful of the younger kid. The “baby” is now 4 and older is 8, and we had to dust off this method again when the baby was a toddler and older was 6, but they play together SO much at this point.
Anonymous says
It is so incredibly important to preserve the older child’s space and autonomy, even when the baby is much older. As a kid I was never allowed to do or to have anything until my sibling, who was three years younger, was old enough, and my sibling’s needs and wants were always prioritized above mine. The favoritism has had lasting effects on both of us well into adulthood.
Anon says
Small legos go in baby jail and baby gets to go wherever. Our baby jail is huge and so my older kid doesn’t mind.
Anon says
We recently discovered my kindergartner is able to read very basic Bob books (like “Mat sat on Pat”), but she hates doing it. We shouldn’t push it, right? I’m slightly worried about how she is going to learn to read if she’ll never practice at home, but I also know it’s really important not to turn reading into something she’s forced to do.
Anon says
Right, don’t push it. And don’t borrow trouble. She will learn to read. My oldest was so resistant, even though he was capable; in first grade when he had reading homework and a chart to complete we did not make it a battle, and he only filled it in about halfway each month (we talked to the teacher and he agreed). We did keep reading to him tons at home, and encouraging him to read a page to us every and then.
Now in third grade he loves to read for pleasure and scored in the 99th percentile on his latest standardized test (based on national averages, not just the district). I don’t say that to brag, but more to reassure that you want to keep reading fun and trust she will get there (as long as you don’t see major red flags, of course).
Cb says
School sends books home and we read them 3-4 times per week, which seems to be alright. But my 6 year old hated it until he was able to read a bit more, so we did a push over the summer, with some sight word cards and extra practice and now he’s enjoying it.
Anon says
i have 2 kindergarteners who are at about the same place. i know we need to practice more at home. they seem to be more into practicing on the weekends when they arent as tired than after a full day of school, so i try not to push them for now. their teachers both said they are right on track if not a little bit ahead and i want reading to be fun, so i’m not doing anything to push it yet. i will say that getting some easy readers with characters/topics they are excited about has made them more eager to read
Anon says
Do you have suggestions for books? One of my kid’s big complaints is that the Bob books are “boring baby books” (which is true) but I don’t think she’s anywhere near ready to read anything like Elephant & Piggie.
Anonymous says
I think this is spot on. I’ve noticed that during stages when our kiddo’s reading ability has been less than her other cognitive abilities, she has had no desire to read on her own without being forced. I liked a lot of the “I Can Read” level 1 books at this time. They have more of a plot and are you can find them about books that your child is into. We’d do a lot of “you read a page, I read a page” that that time to keep kiddo from getting too worn out.
Cb says
See the Cat and See the Dog. They are very funny.
Anonymous says
My kid has been revisiting her Sandra Boynton board books.
GCA says
Same. Never fails to elicit a giggle.
Spirograph says
Dr Seuss is perfect for this. Cat in the Hat, Hop on Pop, Green Eggs and Ham, and One Fish Two Fish are classics for a reason! Also Go Dog Go (which is not Dr. Seuss). It’s helpful that there are so many rhyming words on a page, it seems to really reinforce the phonics concepts of certain letter combinations making certain sounds.
Usually we took turns with kid reading a page or two, then parent reading some.
FVNC says
My learning-to-read first grader enjoys the Hi, Jack books — they have enough of a plot to keep him engaged, have lots of sight words plus some unusual words that he can sound out (which gives him confidence) and a lot of repetition for reinforcement. This is a new-to-us series so wanted to plug it for those that hadn’t heard of it.
Anon says
We never, ever, ever had our kids read those super basic books at home. We felt confident in our school’s ability to teach phonics, and our kids never wanted to read those books. Instead, we really leaned hard into reading more interesting books out loud to the kids. The basic books just weren’t interesting to the kids, and I could tell made them resent reading. Starting around 2nd/3rd grade, the kids were able to start reading books that actually interested them, and they transitioned away from being read to (but we sometimes still pick out chapter books that I read out loud). I wanted them to love reading, and even though it probably took them slightly longer to learn to read, it was always a huge source of joy for them. Both kids now happily read for pleasure (totally different kinds of books) and are allegedly reading two or three grade levels above their years (I always take these stats with a grain of salt, but that’s where they are testing), and I have no regrets that we didn’t push them to read books they found uninteresting.
Anon says
I feel like my tone was off here — just trying to give you a random stranger’s permission to opt out of these early books if it doesn’t seem to be a good thing for your kid. I really believe reading much more interesting books out loud at home helped remind the kids why reading can be amazing, while they slogged through the early readers at school. One of the first books my son picked up to read voluntarily was my marine biology text book from college, which we had been using at the time as a doorstop. He loved the intricate pictures, and the short descriptions about where the creatures live after the pictures were surprisingly simple to read. From there, he figured out that he loved graphic novels, and has been an avid reader ever since.
Anonymous says
We’re hosting thanksgiving for about 12 people, kids included. While we have plenty of food, I’m struggling with the dinnerware. I have 8 dinner plates and 4 salad plates. PB no longer makes my dishes, and I don’t like any of their current sets. Would you just get a caterers box or would you buy festive paper plates for this kids or something else entirely? We’re happy with our everyday dishes but I think I’d use the caterers box dishes daily too if I bought it. Thanks!
Anonymous says
If you’re going to be hosting 12+ people regularly (meaning at least yearly), I would get something that coordinates with but isn’t obviously trying to match my regular dinnerware. My grandma ended up with 3 sets of dinnerware that could be mixed and matched for holidays, and it always looked very festive.
Cb says
I don’t have a separate stash but buy tableware in blue, teals, and whites and everything looks really nice. Nothing expensive, just home goods etc. Roughly coordinated but not matchy matchy. I’d buy yourself some new everyday plates.
Spirograph says
This is what we do, too. Our original tableware pattern is discontinued, so we’ve just been buying various blues and whites when my kids break everything that isn’t Corelle.
Also, Goodwill is a great place to buy extra dishes if you’re not picky about the pattern! Whenever I go to drop things off, I take a swing through the store — dinner plates are $1 each.
NLD in NYC says
Unless you’re in the market for new dishes, why not just use festive paper plates for everyone? Bonus is that clean up will be so much easier.
NYCer says
+1. I would definitely use festive paper plates here.
Anonymous says
Oh I would never! I’d buy 4 additional plates that coordinate with the 8 you have.
Mary Moo Cow says
Same, even if it is just for the kids. I started doing festive paper plates for appetizers only a few years ago, and it made such a noticeable dent in clean up, that now I do it for the kids and sometimes, desert, too.
That said, yeah, if you’re going to be hosting that many more than twice a year, I would go for a caterer’s box, too. But maybe still have festive paper plates in the mix.
anonM says
I’d never heard of caterers box, what a good idea!
We use fiestaware for our main dishes, and have extra white plates/salad plates for holidays. (They’re made in the US, and while some colors “retire” I doubt white ever will be. And, you can order piecemeal rather than full sets if you break/want extras for holidays). Our kids use the fiestaware for most meals now and while we have had a few breaks over the years, they are really sturdy and have held up well. If you go this route, I’d stick to the white classic dinner/classic salad so you don’t have to worry about a certain style/color being “retired.”
Anonymous says
If I had the money and the storage space I would love to have the caterers’ boxes for big dinners. On the other hand, there is something to be said for the ease of cleanup with paper plates. The big oval holiday-themed ones from Target are great.
Anonie says
I strongly recommend checking Goodwill. You should be able to find plates for <$1 each (in my area, closer to $.25). It's no more expensive than paper plates and is more sustainable – if you don't want to store them, just donate them after.
Nailpolish? says
Low stakes question – at what age did you start painting your kid’s nails when they asked? My 3-yo randomly asked for red nailpolish this morning. There is no way she can sit still long enough, even for the quick dry nontoxic kids’ polish, and this was clearly a stalling tactic to delay going to school, but it honestly hadn’t occurred to me (I rarely have time to do my own nails).
Anon says
2. We were in lockdown and “spa day” was something to do that wasn’t screens or her cooking me a meal with play food. I used the nontoxic kids stuff and only did toes. I took her for her first professional pedicure when she was 4.5.
Anon says
i don’t. i have 5.5 year old twins and theyve gone to get a manicure, have had them painted at grandma’s house and a friend’s house. i just don’t keep nail polish at home
Mary Moo Cow says
Hmm…3 or 4 for both kids. I started with Piggy Paint and now use Essie on the rare occasion we paint nails at home. A few times a year we go to a local nail salon that only uses non-toxic and low odor supplies and get a pedicure as a big treat.
anon says
Quick dry kid is REALLY quick dry – I promise. DD started around 3.5? She’s 5.5 now and can barely get her grown up polish to dry. We get to the point that it’s tacky and then inevitably crumples but she doesn’t seem to care, which is good because I’m not about to tie her down long enough for them to dry, either.
I’d ignore for a little longer unless it becomes a persistent ask, but I’d encourage you to give the quick dry stuff a shot.
Anon says
Around 2? I do only toes at first, but with my older kids, I’ll paint nails as a treat. It’s an easy treat honestly.
AwayEmily says
I let them color each others’ nails with washable marker starting whenever.
Anonymous says
Quick dry kids polish dries in a minute.
But nails are not a before school activity so my default answer for any morning questions is ‘yes but not this morning. This evening or on the weekend is okay.’ I try to always separate the ‘what’ and the ‘when’ if kids ask to do stuff at inconvenient times.
Spirograph says
All my kids, including the boys, occasionally ask for nail polish and I don’t remember ever declining due to age when they asked, so probably around 3-4. I did it outdoors with quick-dry nailpolish and made the kids stay outside until I was confident it was dry until they were at least 6 or 7, though. I agree with the Anonymous at 12:05 — nailpolish is not a before-school activity; I defer to evening or weekend if anyone asks in the morning. In fact, I am on the hook to paint my daughter’s nails tonight.
Anonymous says
Thanks, all! Sounds like something to keep in mind for an activity during the inevitable winter illness quarantine/daycare closure. Obviously it wouldn’t be a before school activity, but I do remember my mom using it as a stalling tactic to delay going to her in-laws’ house, so maybe there’s some genetic component here, LOL!
Anon says
Ha, I love that!
Anon says
I do a really thin coat of regular polish and then a 20 min episode of TV, and it is usually dry by the time the show is over. I used this as a bribe to get nails cut, which was always a battle.
Anonymous says
Around age 3. I strongly recommend against Piggy Paint. It is impossible to remove with their special remover, rubbing alcohol, or acetone.
Anon says
It never lasted very long on my kid, so we didn’t need to remove it.
anon says
Yes, Piggy Paint is awful. Chips immediately, and what’s left is impossible to remove.
Anon says
Getting ready to try again after a miscarriage and it’s hard. I barely told anyone in real life that I was pregnant and it feels lonely now and like I should tell even fewer people if it happens again. That’s all.
Anon says
I’m sorry for your loss, and I’ve been there. I had an early miscarriage in September. Barely anyone knew – I told my mom the day I miscarried because I needed her to babysit my toddler. I was planning to wait a few months but…I was in the baby mindset, so we went for it, and I am now (early) pregnant again. I actually feel like I want to tell everyone and be very open this time around! It’s sad to me that my last baby existed only to me and my husband and sisters. Everyone is different and there is no right way, of course, but this roller coaster of emotions is so hard to predict. Wishing you the best.
Anonymous says
Hugs from an internet stranger. I’ve been there. Also, I highly recommend talking to your OB about recommendations for a therapist who has experience in working with people going through pregnancy after loss or looking at the directory at Postpartum Support International. I felt the same – didn’t want to tell anyone, but I also needed someone to talk to who wasn’t my spouse.
anon says
For those of you who were/are pregnant over 40, how frequently did you see the doctor in 3rd trimester? I’m 30 weeks now and seeing the OB every two weeks, but at 36 weeks I will apparently see the OB every week and the MFM every week. Just curious if that is normal.
Also curious what your practice’s approach to delivery date was (I am scheduled for induction at 39 weeks – they would have scheduled any time between 39-40 but my due date was the latest possible date).
Anon says
I think that’s the normal third trimester OB schedule even for people under 40 – at least that’s what I did. So it sounds like they’re just adding the MFM.
TheElms says
This has been standard for all my friends over 40.
Anonymous says
same, except for COVID of course
anon says
This was standard for me at 34 years old 5 years ago and is also consistent with me now at 39 (being induced Sunday – woot woot!). My MFM and OB is one in the same, interestingly. Are you having two sets of appointments? Not sure if that’s standard but definitely could see how that’s a lot!
This go-round I have the option of an elective induction at 39 weeks, which is Sunday, and I’m taking it and running. Baby is also measuring 9.5 lbs as of yesterday. Despite 20% up or down room for error in that measurement, doc said if we go to 40 my likelihood of a c section is way higher. So, induction at 39 weeks is still “elective” but will help me either way. Also, #1 was an induction for other reasons (reduced fetal movement) so I’ve been down the induction road before and I’m totally fine with it. They wouldn’t officialyl schedule it until yesterday – something about not booking it until you’re 4 days out from the date of induction as hospital procedure, but we’ve been talking about it for the last couple of weeks.
Good luck!
anon says
Yeah, MFM and OB are different and they require that the visits be 72 hours apart.
Anonie says
I saw the OB every week after 36 weeks at age 29.
Anon says
This is standard practice at my OB. I’m 31. After 28 weeks, it moved to biweekly and then weekly after 36.
Anon says
Yup, my OB did the same and I was 32 when I delivered. I think it was twice weekly after 40 weeks, although I didn’t make it that far (got induced at 40+3 due to reduced fetal movement).
Anonymous says
That was the visit schedule for all patients at the practice I use regardless of age. I would be skeptical of the 39-week induction without a specific reason.
anon says
My practice doesn’t allow mothers over 40 to go past the due date, and they don’t do inductions on weekends. So basically once you hit week 39, it’s just a question of when in that next week works for you/the hospital.
anon says
But you didn’t see MFM, or did you?
Anon says
Normal during my pregnancy at age 42 – weekly visits after week 36. We did a scheduled c-section, but that would have been the case at any age due to complications from an earlier pregnancy.
anon says
Did you also see MFM/perinatalogy?
Anon says
Context: I delivered my first child at age 40, and my second at age 42 (a month shy of being 43). Both were conceived via IVF due to factors unrelated to my age.
I saw the OB monthly in my until I was 28 weeks, then every other week until 36 weeks, then weekly until I delivered (and a NST at each of those weekly appointments starting at 36 weeks). I saw a MFM monthly starting at 10 or 12 weeks, frequency never increased.
B/c of combo of my age and IVF, my practice’s policy was that I would be induced at 40+1. I had uncomplicated pregnancies and no factors that would have suggested c-section. For my first, I was induced at 40+1 and had an uncomplicated, unmedicated (except for pitocin) v-delivery. For my second, I went into labor at 39+6 and baby was born 6 hours after my first contraction, uncomplicated and entirely unmedicated.
I saw the midwife at my OB practices a few times towards the end (I was not allowed to have her as my primary because my age plus IVF made me “high risk”) and she said I was lucky that they were letting me get to 40+1 because they often try to induce by 39 for patients with my profile. She was also the one who laughed when they started making noises about inducing me early because they thought my second baby was big, and told me to hold up my hand and tell her my shoe size. She held her hand up to mind and then said “Well, I’ve just measured your hand, I know your shoe size, and I’ve just been in your pelvis – your body can handle a big baby”. Loved the laid back approach. He was 8lbs 5oz full term, so not even big.
KL says
Hello, Currently 34 weeks pregnant at age 40. The OB appointments are consistent with how my practice handles. Currently seeing the OB every other week, but at 36 weeks will increase to once per week. For MFM, since 32 weeks I have been going once per week for a non-stress test and fluid check. Starting at 36 weeks, I will see MFM twice per week – two non-stress tests and 1 fluid check. Per discussion with my OB, the MFM visits are related to my age (40+) and nothing specific related to my pregnancy. Good luck!!
Anonymous says
DH and I are struggling a bit right now. I have expressed that I am frustrated that life/schedules/priorities/etc. always revolve around him. Over the last year or so, when I bring up things that I need help with, I feel like they’re ignored. I finally snapped earlier this week. He keeps asking me what I want beyond to just be heard/listened to/etc. I feel like he is looking for some sort of grand gesture to “help” me that will smooth this over. In reality, I want like 20 things that I’ve brought up over the past year to be done yesterday. So I don’t feel like I can even answer that question in a reasonable way. I also feel like I don’t have the mental energy to answer the question because I am so burnt out. I just don’t feel like this is something that resolves overnight which is what he is looking for. I don’t even know what I’m asking for from this board…maybe thoughts or ideas for how to get through periods like this. FWIW, we love each other and are not separating.
Anonymous says
I want you to continue to talk to me about this and engage with me on it. It isn’t one quick fix. I’m not looking to go back over the last year and address every issue. I love you and I want us to work together so that this coming year is different.
SC says
I feel like we need more concrete examples to really weigh in fairly. But I get this feeling of having 20 things that need to be done yesterday, and I need DH’s help for most of them. It helps me to look at what DH really is doing and how he’s spending his day. It also helps to remind myself that we can only work on one thing at a time.
I’d suggest setting aside time for a “family meeting,” at a time you both have mental energy, where you talk about the 20 things on your list, prioritize them, and make a concrete plan for tackling a reasonable number of them. In making your plan, think about whether any of those 20 tasks can be outsourced, or whether you can outsource something else to make room for some of the tasks (for example, get takeout every Tuesday night and work on the list).
OP says
I appreciate all the responses. We did this in June. Nothing on the list has been completed. I don’t think is fair to me to have the conversation again.
I know that I’m just going to have to get over it and do it. But I’m always the one who just gets over it and compromises.
And also, I’m mostly just venting here. Not disagreeing with your very helpful suggestion and comment. I just need somewhere to throw the venting energy.
Anonymous says
Our conversations like this always need agree on what has to be done and when it will be done. We do a quarterly meeting about a month in advance of change of seasons.
I also push back on any references to stuff he does at my request as ‘for me’ when they are kid related.
And solidarity – the frustration is real. There are a few dudes on TikTok aiming content at this space – trying to get their $hit together on the family responsiblities front and DH has been receptive to some of that.
SC says
I’ve been there, and I agree that the conversation doesn’t help if there’s no follow through. There have been times in our marriage where it’s felt like I’m pulling him along, instead of us pulling [the metaphorical sled?] together. It’s hard to explain, but there’s an emotional weight to that feeling, and it’s exhausting. It felt like he was doing the bare minimum to get through a day, while I was trying to build or accomplish something. It manifested in projects being ignored, but also small stuff like me being the only person to get our kid ready to go somewhere and pack all the stuff, and DH showing up at the front door like he was waiting on me.
We got through the period by talking about it a lot. Couple’s therapy probably would have helped. But we eventually improved our communication. It probably helped that our kid got older and more independent and less exhausting too.
Boston Legal Eagle says
This advice is always given, but couples therapy. It may help to have a neutral third party to ask you questions and what you both feel, without either of you feeling defensive or like you are repeating yourselves.
Anon says
Second couples therapy. My husband and I go around and around on this too, but we try to communicate really openly about it. We just have very different preferences – I’m a type A planner, and he’s a hardcore procrastinator with ADHD. In a lot of ways it works great because we balance each other out – he brings more spontaneity and fun into my life, and I help him stay grounded and think a bit more about the future. But it makes some of the “household management” components of our marriage stressful. What we’ve found is that it ultimately comes down to trust. Do I trust that he will do the thing he’s said he’s going to do, even if it’s not within the timeframe that *I* would do it/like it to be done? I would frame it as a breach of trust to help him understand the seriousness of what you’re feeling and that it’s not a simple overnight fix. Ultimately he’s shown that you can’t rely on him, and that’s a serious relationship issue that requires long-term effort on his part to resolve. If he’s not hearing that from you, then I think the investment in therapy would be worth it so that he can hear it from an objective third party.
Anon says
Sounds like you need professional help to communicate better.
FrumpAnon says
I’m feeling so frumpy lately. It’s chilly, my wardrobe is old and tatty after 3 kids and my body doesn’t look like it used to. I’m currently on maternity leave. What wardrobe items would you buy to feel polished again? Have to be able to chase down a toddler in them.
Anonymous says
A sweater dress that you can wear with leggings and tall boots! They’re everywhere this season — Gap, etc.
And then 90s style jeans from Madewell with a striped Breton shirt and sneakers.
Spirograph says
Yes, this is basically my wardrobe at this time of year. Also, get a puffer vest to throw over the top.
YMMV on comfort, but I have come to love spanx. I have an open-bust bodysuit and it just makes everything lay so much more nicely. I wear size 8-10, but my post-3-kids tummy isn’t as taut as it used to be, and the spanx makes me feel more put-together. I got it thinking I’d wear it mostly under dresses for work, but I’ll even wear it under lightweight sweaters on the weekend (bonus, I run cold and it does keep me noticeably warmer!).
AwayEmily says
+1 to sweater dress! Also, while I find Spanx too uncomfortable, I think a slip does wonders for making sweater dresses hang better. The Uniqlo Airism one is my favorite but they only sell it during the summer.
DLC says
I really lean into the accessories- smart booties, a cute hat, a cozy scarf. Also a nice jacket/cardigan or third layer. I love fall because I can layer things so that even though my basics feel tired, I can have fun by adding something. These added pieces work for me no matter how my body fluctuates, which I also appreciate.
Anonymous says
I have been wearing mainly jeans in current cuts with “fancy” sweatshirts (e.g., Anine Bing) or fake Jenni Kanye slouchy sweaters and Ugg ultra minis or lug-sole boots and a Clare V bag. Not at all dressy but comfy and feels current. A good haircut and a DIY Dazzle Dry mani whenever I have the time also help with feeling put together. And I always put on eyeliner and mascara even if I’m not wearing full makeup.
Belts are trending and are a great way to add polish to a jeans outfit. A fabric bomber-style jacket worn as part of the outfit is also trending. I have a quilted one from Vuori that I love, and I’ve seen some in plaid wool that look cute.
For dressier occasions I agree with sweater dress + tights + boots.
Anon says
Has anyone been to St. Martin/Sint Maarten with kids? We’re going next month and staying on the French side (Grand Case). We’re mainly just looking to do pool and beach, but I’d love suggestions for places to eat and anything that would be fun for kids in early elementary school.
Emma says
I have, a few years ago. It’s mostly a beach and chill place. But we did a day in Marigot (the capital on the French side) which was kind of interesting- historical fort, some shops, cafes… and we did an excursion to Ile Tintamarre which was beautiful (nature preserve). We also did a day trip to St Barth which was interesting as the playground and famous, and the seashell beach was cool. We didn’t do Anguilla but I’ve heard it’s beautiful too. Warning that the boat ride to St Barths was extremely choppy, not sure if that’s common but a few people were seasick on the boat. We had a car and explored different beaches and did a few hikes. Grand case was walkable with a few good restaurants although I don’t remember specifics, sorry!
Anon says
Thanks! We’re not doing St. Barth’s because my husband and kid both hate being on boats even with seasickness meds. I would love to go there some day, but if my husband is with me we’ll have to spring for the plane tickets. I’m doing a solo day trip to Anguilla that also stops at Ile Tintamarre.
anon says
I have just gotten back on FB after about 20 years. It seems to be the best/only way to connect with other moms, and I want more community. I never thought I’d be the mom posting a million baby pictures, but actually I do want to. Can anyone tell me the pros and cons of posting them where my FB “freinds” can see? TIA.
Anonymous says
It depends a lot on what your privacy settings are. If you have it set so that friends of friends can see stuff that your friends have liked then you are sharing with potentially tens of thousands of people.
I don’t put anything on FB or social media that I would not put in the newspaper.
Anon says
+1 this is my approach to it too. I basically treat it like a digital holiday card and only share photos and words I want disseminated widely. I do a post on Halloween with a photo of the costume, a post on my kid’s birthday with a few nice photos from the past year, a photo from her spring dance recital, and then I usually update my profile picture with a photo of our whole family after our annual professional photos.
I think a lot of parents overshare. In particular, I would never put any photo of my child partially naked, anything about potty-training or bathroom habits, anything about their behavioral or social challenges or anything that I think might potentially embarrass them as a teen. I also never post photos of kids that aren’t my own, even if I’m friendly with the mom and they say it’s ok.
Anon says
+2. My Instagram is a lot more locked down, due to the nature of the platform, and I will share more there, but still not a lot (maybe 2-3 posts a month? More in stories, though). On Facebook I just post the highlights — birthdays, holiday picture, kids in sports uniform, a big milestone or especially lovely photo, etc. I am kind of done with the over sharing at this point (I am a first generation FBer lol…my college was in the first round to get it, my freshman year).
Anon says
I’ve also been on “thefacebook.com” since March 2004 which was also my freshman year. I can’t believe it’s been almost 20 years!
Boston Legal Eagle says
Another early generation fb-er here, who joined in 2004. I’ve basically been on it my whole adult life. In general, I think about how I would feel about a picture I post, whether of or of my kids, being seen by colleagues in the future. So, the drunken pic albums are mostly all deleted, but I have random 2006 albums still on. And I’m finding myself post less and less about my kids because it’s becoming more of their story now, and less about me with a baby or a toddler.
I do like Instagram stories for sharing funny in the moment pics or updates. Those get deleted after 24 hours (at least, I hope!)
Anon says
For those who have had C*vid within the last year, how long did it take you to test negative? Currently on day 7 and getting bright positives on rapid tests, even though I’m feeling better. I want to cuddle my kids!
Anon says
I tested positive for 12 days when I had it (for the first time) in July of this year, with barely any symptoms. It did go from bright pink to negative fairly quickly though..it was a *very* dark line on day 10, fainter line on day 11, barely there on day 12 and then finally negative on day 13.
It really s*cked to be apart from my family that long, but I was glad I didn’t pass it on to them. I know many people who ended isolation early and gave it to family and I really wanted to avoid that, especially because we had travel planned soon after and would have had to cancel if someone else had gotten sick. I did see them with masks on after day 10, but didn’t get close and didn’t take the mask off (so I ate all meals separately).
Anon says
Thank you! I have come out of isolation a bit but am still masking around the kids and eating separately. I’m so over it, though. I got it while on a business trip, so it feels like I’ve barely seen them in the last two weeks and it makes me so sad. It’s worth it to keep them them healthy, though.
Anon says
Ugh. I got it after a trip with just my husband (our first one ever!), so same situation with being apart from the kids for a really long time. I don’t think most people are positive for as long as I was, so fingers crossed you’ll get a negative test soon.
Anonymous says
I had it this summer and tested positive for 16 days.
Anon says
Wow. Did you mask that whole time? Did anyone else in your family get it?
Anonymous says
I isolated in my bedroom as much as possible, masked in the rest of the house and when I had to drive the kid somewhere, ran air filters in every room, and ate on the patio the whole time. My husband got sick two days after I did but likely caught it before I knew I was sick. He took the same precautions as soon as his symptoms started and until he tested negative, which was the same day I did. Our kid never caught it. The precautions were a pain but definitely worthwhile.
Anonymous says
16 days as well. My husband had it first and took maybe 12 days. I think I stopped masking around the family at 10ish days bc by then both kids had been very clearly ill (although neither ever tested positive).
Anon says
14 days from first positive test but I bet I would have tested positive if I had tested 2 days earlier, for a total of ~16 days (I had just had the new vax a few weeks ago and was newly pregnant and have a toddler so chalked it up to normal daycare bug plus pregnancy).
Break says
Crowdsourcing spring break (March) travel recommendations for a week with DH and a four year old, traveling from the Midwest. Preferably something with an outdoorsy element, but not the beach. We were thinking about Santa Fe area but looks like it will still be a bit chilly there then. Fairly high budget so any and all ideas welcome!
Anon says
March is a great time to go to southern Europe and 4 is a great age to start doing bigger trips like that (at least for my kid, 4 was when travel kind of clicked and became much easier and more fun). We’ve loved Tuscany/Florence, Seville Spain and the Algrarve coast of Portugal as mid-March destinations. I think we got somewhat lucky with weather, but all of them were much warmer than our Midwest home.
For relatively warm destinations in the US with kids that age, I like southern California, Phoenix/Scottsdale, New Orleans (check Mardi Gras dates, I’d avoid that) and pretty much anywhere in Florida.
Anon says
Not sure what dates in March you are looking at, but we went to New Orleans for St. Patrick’s Day one year, which was great. There was one big parade in the garden district, so we got to experience that, but it did not overtake the city in the way that Mardi Gras does.
anonM says
Ohhh, I like the NOLA idea! (not OP, just tagging along. Any thoughts on late February for a long weekend (after Mardi Gras)? Kids will be 4 and 6, my mom may come along too.
SC says
I live in New Orleans, and I love it in late February and March. The weather is usually pretty nice–not warm, but likely highs in the mid-60s. We’re between major events (football, Mardi Gras, Jazz Fest), so there’s a relaxed feel. There are a lot of kid-friendly activities–zoo, aquarium/insectarium, streetcar, ferry across the river, City Park playgrounds (including Story Land) and boat rentals.
Anonymous says
I think it depends on what weather you want. In the US, South Florida is probably the only place that will reliably be truly warm in March. If that’s not your thing, then you probably need to look outside of the US. Costa Rica will have non-beach outdoorsy elements. I like the Europe recommendation. I’ve had it be in the 30s in Orlando in March. Last year, my cousins went to Destin for Spring Break, and it was in the low 50s. How cold are you okay with?
NYCer says
If you want stay in the US, San Diego would be a good option. Yes, it is on the coast, but March isn’t generally beach weather in southern California. The zoo and Legoland are both fun for 4 year olds. There is also hiking if you enjoy that with a preschooler, bike riding, etc – so you could still get the outdoorsy element.
Anon says
Yes, Legoland is really fun for that age. Florida is likely to be warmer (we swam at Legoland FL in February – the pools are heated to about 85 degrees, so it’s comfortable even when the air temps aren’t what you think of as typical swimming weather), but San Diego has more to interest the adults.