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When I travel for business, one thing I love to do is draw a bath. These bath pebbles will take my hotel soak to the next level.
This solid bath and shower oil contains cocoa butter, baobab oil, and citric acid to hydrate and exfoliate your skin. Just add warm water and the pebbles will foam up — you can even use them in the shower by gently rubbing them against your skin. This is also a Clean + Planet Positive at Sephora product.
Kate McLeod’s Pebble Bath & Shower Oil is $38 at Sephora. It comes in “breath” (eucalyptus) and “sleep” (lavender).
Sales of note for 12.5.23…
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Nordstrom – Holiday sale up to 50% off; 5x the points on beauty for a limited time
- Ann Taylor – 40% off your purchase & extra 15% off sweaters
- Banana Republic – Up to 40% off select styles; up to 40% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything & extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – Extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off your purchase with code
- Lands’ End – Up to 70% off everything; free shipping (readers love the cashmere)
- Loft – 50% off your purchase with code (ends 12/5)
- Summersalt – Up to 60% off select styles & free scarf with orders $125+ (this reader-favorite sweater blazer is down to $75)
- Talbots – 40% off your regular-price purchase; extra 50% off all markdowns
- Zappos – 34,000+ women’s sale items! Check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.
Kid/Family Sales
- Crate&kids – Free shipping sitewide; up to 50% off toy + gift event; free monogramming for a limited time only (order by 12/15)
- J.Crew Crewcuts – 40% off your purchase with code
- Pottery Barn Kids – Up to 50% off toys, furniture & gifts
- Graco – Holiday savings up to 35% off; sign up for texts for 20% off full-price item
- Walmart – Up to 25% off top baby gifts; big savings on Delta, Graco, VTech, Fisher-Price & more
Cb says
Ooh, these look lovely. I don’t love baths but our good shower has been broken since September (4 more weeks…). I’ve been taking more baths because electric showers are the WORST- like someone gently spraying you with lukewarm water. But some dummy put a bright light right above where your head goes in the bath – so I’ve been bathing by candlelight.
Anonymous says
I like the idea of saving them for travel only because I hate having to clean bath oil out of my own tub so it isn’t slippery. (My tub does not get cleaned often, I confess).
Clementine says
Oh god, you guys remember those bath oil beads that were super popular in the late 90’s/early 2000’s??? Those were a nightmare to clean out of the tub…
Anonymous says
Yes!
Anonymous says
What on earth is an electric shower?!?
Anonymous says
IIRC it is a shower that has its own mini electric water heater that you have to turn on before using the shower. It doesn’t draw from a big tank that is always on.
Cb says
It doesn’t feel safe, right? Especially my BILs, which was definitely DIY’d.
The builder came to do the quote and said “You must be miserable with all that hair…” because it’s not got the pressure to get the conditioner out of long hair.
Anonymous says
I went to a surf camp in Costa Rica more than a decade ago, the vibe was rustic, definitely not one of the swanky resorts, and there was a sketchy-looking electric shower in our room. I literally took a picture of it before I got in the shower the first time because I was convinced it was going to electrocute me and I told my husband he’d need that for the insurance.
Anonymous says
Which surf camp?!? I am looking at Surf with Amigas and am suspicious about the accommodations.
Anonymous says
It was very creatively named “Costa Rica Surf Camp” in Dominical. I obviously did not die in the shower, and it remains one of my favorite vacations ever. We went to Arenal and stayed at one of the Tabacon hot springs resort for a few days to recover after surfing.
Anon says
It probably depends on your definition of fancy, but generally I wouldn’t expect fancy accommodations at any Costa Rican surf camp.
Anon at 1:36 says
I am not looking for fancy unless clean, comfortable, cool enough for sleeping, bug-free, and not hazardous = fancy. In the US I am usually fine with the Fairfield Inn but am grossed out by air b n b. A lot of the surf camp photos I am seeing on line look more like air b n bs.
Anon says
That’s fair. I think surf camp accommodations will be much more Airbnb than Fairfield Inn though. So maybe “fancy” is not the right word (there are certainly some upscale Airbnbs that are fancier than a Fairfield Inn) but less…commercialized, maybe. And bugs are nearly always an issue in the tropics, except at the big resorts that spray.
Anon says
At what age do kids stop whining? Asking for a friend :)
Cb says
It seems to go in phases with my 6-year-old. Months without, and then a week of whingeing. It seems to correlate with time with his moaniest friends. I’m the anti-Dr Becky though so send him up to his room.
Anon says
Whingeing is my favorite British word :) US english doesn’t have a word that fully captures that kind of peevishness.
My almost 6 year old is similar. It comes and goes. I’m anti-Dr Becky also but we don’t use timeouts for this because we have more egregious behavior to use timeouts on. Sigh. We mostly just try to ignore and for whiny requests we say “can you rephrase that in a nicer way?” which *usually* gets a decent reaction these days.
TheElms says
So with you! I consider it a huge success if we get more than an hour of no whining. Kiddo is 4 1/2 and pretty much everything is a huge challenge. Hoping OT starts to pay off soon – we are in month 3 and so far no changes at home at least.
Spirograph says
hahaha I don’t know that it ever stops? But it gets far less frequent. My kids all still whine occasionally, even the 10 year old, especially when they’re tired.
Standard responses:
“Sorry, I couldn’t understand you because you were whining. Did you want to ask or tell me something?”
“You know what you should do? Whine about it some more, that always solves everything.” (In fact, if I say, “you know what you should do?” The kids usually just fill in the rest for me and then slink off to solve their own problem)
“Did you know that the sound grown-ups hate most in the world is a kid whining? If you annoy people, they’re less likely to help you, so why don’t you come try again when you can think of a better way to solve your problem.”
Anonymous says
I don’t remember exactly but I remember it being terrible around age 4, and now at 11 we’re more in the storming off in a huff or giving us the silent treatment stage.
Anonymous says
I’m 40 and occasionally have a whine to my dad
Anon says
Asking for a friend, really ;). Mom works a few hours a week, and 4 month old just screams at Dad the whole time. Dad is plenty hands-on in general, and always had the magic touch with their first and with other babies. If you were the mom or dad, what would you do?
Spirograph says
If I were dad: put the baby in its crib (or other safe place) with a couple toys and walk away to save my sanity. Maybe find a babysitter occasionally
If I were mom: 1. make sure I’m leaving the house during this work time, 2. sympathize with the dad
Anonymous says
Has dad tried babywearing?
OP says
Oh that’s an interesting idea! Baby loves his ergo sling on Mom, but I’ve never seen Dad wearing it…
Anonymous says
This. DH did a lot of babywearing and walking outside. Something about the position and the cool fresh air was calming for both of them.
Anon says
+1 to baby wear. Go for walks in stroller. Sing. Put in baby swing and sit nearby.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1 to the babywearing. I feel like that was a big bonding thing with DH with both of our when they were babies.
Anonymous says
Honestly I’d tell him to grow up and parent. Try things! Take baby for a walk. Rock baby. Bounce baby. Sing happy baby songs. Moms aren’t magic we just try harder.
GCA says
According to OP, whatever Dad did worked well with the first, but some babies really are just finicky.
anon says
He’s definitely doing it. But we can all see what a hard time he’s having. If a mom had that pinched gray look all the time I would want to help too. We’re bringing dinner, helping out when we can, etc but these work-day hours of solo-dadding are clearly a major strain.
GCA says
+1 to babywearing and movement. Also see if there is any pattern to when and how baby is grouchy – is baby screaming at certain times of day or just whenever Mom is not around?
Anono says
My kid really likes a squatting motion for some reason. My husband would Bob up and down while wearing him and he’d quiet down.
Anon says
Dad just has to keep trying different things. Take the baby for a walk, maybe? That always did the trick when we had a nanny. Otherwise my kid would flip the f out that we left.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
For those celebrating, what does your Thanksgiving look like this year?
We are hosting a smaller get together – us 4 + my mom and brother. We do a mix of restaurant/bakery bought items and homemade. None of us love turkey (or the leftovers) so our main this year is BBQ brisket :) We will be eating on festive paper plates. Friday evening I’m getting together with girl friends, and sometime this weekend we will decorate for Christmas and move DS #2 into a toddler bed (he’s 1 month shy of 3…like many others here, we just kinda keep what works for as long as possible :)).
We’re hosting a bigger get together with extended family next weekend, as some are out of town this weekend, or hosting their own smaller TGs the day-of, and that will 100% be catered.
GCA says
Husband is one of 6 siblings. His parents and two of his sisters arrive Wednesday night, Thursday is co-hosted at BIL’s house (midafternoon dinner) and ours (late afternoon dessert), and then just hanging out and lots of family time. Possibly a date night while the aunts babysit (to be negotiated)!
Cb says
I’m in the UK (but American) and we didn’t get it together to do anything this year. But I made pumpkin pie last night, and my son and I will have chicken for dinner on Thursday (while my vegetarian husband is out). My son has no sense of his American identity, which I feel a bit bad about, but also not bad enough to brave Thanksigiving travel…
Emma says
CB, I just wanted to mention I grew up in Europe and my (American) mom really embraced Thanksgiving. The local butcher used to special order turkey for us in November (the French eat turkey for Christmas only), and my mom would invite whoever – either American friends or random French friends, all of whom were very excited to join “le Thanksgiving”. We always cooked and baked together and it’s such a special memory, although we usually hosted on Friday since we didn’t have time off. I’ve lived in Canada for more than 10 years now and still think of November as the appropriate time for Thanksgiving, so I’m making a chicken with stuffing and pecan pie (we won’t have enough people to justify a turkey). If it’s something that matters to you, you can definitely pass that onto your son even if it’s harder when you’re in a country that doesn’t celebrate the holiday at all.
Seafinch says
If you happen to be in Ontario, Farm Boy does absolutely divine, very small turkeys. I sometimes buy a 4lber . They are fresh and heritage and really good. (Though I actually prefer chicken and happily eat it instead!)
Anonymous says
My mom is visiting from out of town. We are taking two dishes to a big family dinner on my husband’s side. All of this is contingent on my kid’s cough disappearing by tomorrow morning and not turning into the nasty bug that’s going around school.
Anonymous says
Gathering at my parents house with a (big for us) group of 12 people of family and close friends. The interesting twist this year is that my parents have retired to a college town (have lived there now for 5 years) and they became a host family for one of the international students at the college. Their international student is a freshman and my mom invited her for Thanksgiving, so she’s experiencing her first Thanksgiving ever with us! I don’t think that my family has any particularly odd traditions or foods, and we’re 99% drama free, but I’m still a tiny bit nervous about her being there, due to not wanting to overwhelm her or give her a bad impression of this American holiday. She has hung out with my parents before (stayed with them for a night or two during her fall break), so it’s not ALL new to her, but this will definitely be a new experience!
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
My parents were international students (they moved here in the late 1970s), and my Mom has vivid memories of her first Thanksgiving, the food (all if it was “foreign” to her and my Dad), and the warmth they experienced. It is a lovely thing your family is doing!
GCA says
Agree! I love it. Your international student guest will be fine – as an international student myself I promise that she has already survived a fair bit of culture shock by this point in freshman year; it’s part of the adventure!
anonM says
+1. Great memories of being invited to tag along for family/group gatherings. The main holiday I was able to celebrate abroad was just a blast, and frankly the slight family drama was so entertaining. I loved watching my host grandmother cook and make drinks. Just a note if there is a language barrier, a group with multiple people talking, several generations (read, so much and different kinds of slang!), pop culture references, and jokes is about as hard as it gets for someone learning a language. Spending a few minutes one-on-one giving the person a chance to practice is such a gift. Bonus points if you speak clearly, allow the person to see your face/lips, and try to avoid putting them on the spot too much. Extra bonus points if you give them the recipe for the food that was their favorite and explain how to make it! Take a group picture with the student.
Anon says
We’re also in a college town and I would love to do the host-an-international-student thing, but my parents who always have Thanksgiving dinner with us are vehemently opposed (for both Covid reasons and introvert reasons).
Spirograph says
I love this! We had an international student for Thanksgiving one year, and she was definitely overwhelmed, but seemed to have a lot of fun. Also, not quite this same, since it’s all Americans, but … one of my favorite Thanksgivings was when my grandparents invited a couple of Mormon girls who were in the city for their mission and had no family nearby. I think the “big tent” makes it more fun (and keeps people from bringing up hot-button family issues!). I was a guest at a couple Thanksgivings when I couldn’t get home to my family in my early 20s and I so appreciated being included in other families’ traditions.
Cb says
A+ to the big tent.
I lived in Poland during grad school and ended up at Mormon thanksgiving. One of the diplomats and his wife and many children, a bunch of 19 year old missionaries, and me and my bestie. It was really nice.
My husband and I had our 2nd date on Christmas Eve, with his sister and brother-in-law. I was on a student visa and got stuck in the UK for Christmas and they felt bad for me.
Anonymous says
Poster at 11:11 here! Thanks all, I’m excited. I haven’t met her yet, but my mom says she’s very sweet. It should all be good, we’re a welcoming bunch of people! My parents have really enjoyed their experience as a host family so far – it’s a perfect activity for two retirees (in addition to the 262552 other things they do!!!).
Anonymous says
Some years we host, some years we fly across the country to my in-laws, some years we do something else.
This year we are driving 13 hours to see my sister and her dogs, at the insistence of my kids. We did this last year and the kids loved it. We are doing a t-day run as a family (1 mile gobble wobble for me and 2 kids; 5k for DH and oldest kid and sister). We’ll do something fun on Friday (hike, zoo, etc- she lives in the south and we are coming from New England), then start heading home on saturday and stop at great wolf lodge on the way back. Head home from GWL around 4pm on Sunday.
Anon says
It’s just me, husband, kiddo and my parents. We have a pretty traditional meal. My mom is helping me do the turkey and I’ll do all the baking.
Anon says
We’re doing a family Turkey Trot 5K on Thursday morning (my 5 year old’s first one! she & I will just be walking), Thanksgiving dinner with my local parents, on Friday my mom and daughter and I are going to Frozen the musical, and then on Sunday we’ll hang holiday lights.
Otherwise I expect the long weekend to consist of a lot of family time (including my parents), reading, Netflix + working on photobooks, board games and baking.
Clementine says
Going to my brother in law’s house with my inlaws. Husband is out of town.
Sister in law (brother’s partner) and I have mutually decided that if in-laws get obnoxious we’re locking ourselves in the bedroom with a bottle of wine and Christmas movies.
Anonymous says
We’re piling into the minivan and driving 6 hours (through the rain, from the looks of the forecast) to my mom’s place tomorrow. It should been a fairly small dinner; my brother recently moved out of state for a new job and can’t fly in until after work on Friday, my mom is getting over a mild case of covid and that has likely scared away my 93-year-old grandma (understandably!), and my sister often comes up with a last-minute excuse not to show up. So it may just be my family, my mom and her partner, and my dad. It’s guaranteed to be slightly awkward, but hopefully the activities will distract from that.
We always do some local attraction on Wednesday, cook/eat/watch the parade & football all day Thursday, daytime hike (or board & card games if the weather is bad) and evening minor league hockey game on Friday, and head home Saturday after lunch.
SC says
DH’s parents are divorced and remarried, both local. So we’re attending Thanksgiving with FIL’s family on Thursday (13 people), and MIL’s family on Friday (11 people). We just have to bring cranberry sauce on Thursday. On Friday, I am making dressing and an apple crisp that will be gluten-free, dairy-free, and refined-sugar-free for a family member who has these restrictions due to a medical issue.
DH has been renovating our home office, and he has to finish before we can decorate for Thanksgiving. So, hopefully, he finishes by Wednesday, and on Saturday, we can move furniture back in there, and on Sunday, we can start decorating for Christmas!
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Ok, another post. Clearly in a mood :)
I’ve made A DECISION. DS #2 turns 3 very soon…and with everything we have going on through year-end, I’ve decided not to attempt potty training until the new year. I don’t know why I feel guilt, as DS #1 was potty trained “late” – between 3.25-3.5, but I do so I’m posting it here to absolve myself of it! I’ll offer the potty, etc. but not doing any type of 3-day method or anything until I can actually find the mental space and time.
I was talking to a colleague-friend who has a kid a few months younger than my DS #2 and we were discussing potty training/her kid (their preschool…considers 2+ “late”…no idea what’s going on there), and she was like “YES! Except for #2. Oh, and he still has #1 accidents! But he’s in underwear and does ask to go!” – so maybe it’s better I’m avoiding this situation for now?
Spirograph says
I feel like potty training is the worst time… with diapers, you’re good, you can go anywhere. and once they’re reliably able to hold it, you’re good, you can go anywhere. but that in-between time is exhausting what with the carrying around extra clothes and making sure you’re never too far from a bathroom and always ready to drop everything and run to one at a moment’s notice. I hereby absolve you of any guilt for not doing that at this time of year. Free up that mental space to enjoy the season!
Anonymous says
Sounds like your friend’s preschool wants more cleanup work for staff?
It is DEFINITELY ok to wait until after the holidays. My new 3-yo just decided two weeks ago that she wants to use the potty – been #2 trained for awhile, but had been struggling with stopping play for #1. She’s been doing a great job so far, but I’m dreading Thanksgiving with a full house of people and the upcoming Hanukkah dinner at my in-laws’ house with my 14-yo niece who spends entire holidays hiding with her phone in the only bathroom that’s accessible from the kitchen/living room.
FVNC says
Totally ok! My younger kid turned three in spring of 2020 and with everything else going on, we just forgot about potty training. I think he learned soon after his 3rd birthday but that was also partly just from being home so much. With our first, we were very concerned we missed the “magic window” that Oh Crap talks about and it was so stressful. The second time around was much smoother!
Anonymous says
Oh do not feel guilty. I didn’t potty train either kid until 3 and pee training was super quick/easy and then they never had accidents unlike my friends kids who were “potty trained” at 26 months with 6 months of accidents. Also, my youngest wouldn’t poop on the potty until 4. It was frustrating and a bit embarassing but he’s fully trained now! They all get there eventually.
AwayEmily says
I have a friend who started potty training at 11 months. YES 11 MONTHS. The kid is now 20 months and they still have to follow her around the house with a little potty at all times. But they say “she’s mostly potty-trained!” Sounds exhausting. Waiting til 3 is a great call.
Anon says
It’s common in Chinese culture to do it very young. I have a friend who swore she potty-trained around 8 months but it sounded like what you describe with a lot of following the kid around the house with a potty, and even now at almost 5 her kid regularly has accidents. My kid potty-trained late even by American standards (3.5) but never had an accident after the initial short process was complete. I’m a big believer in waiting until they’re really ready.
anonM says
We started at 2 with DS and it went so poorly we just stopped and restarted again later. It’s ok. If they aren’t ready or you aren’t ready, it is not worth it!
Miz Swizz says
My son started potty training at daycare at 2.5ish. He showed zero interest at home and actually would scream if you tried to put him on the toilet. I’m not sure when we would’ve started if he didn’t go to daycare but I absolve you of guilt for postponing it!
Puppy Teeth! says
calling my fellow new puppy parents.
what’s your schedule with your pup during working hours? ours is about 4 months old (rescue) and he’s sleeping through the night in his crate or waking up once to go out overnight.
before getting a puppy, I had a fantasy that he would just hang out with me while I WFH in my office upstairs. I quickly learned that he is a handful and also does not do stairs. I don’t want to reach him to do the stairs because it’s nice to have so much of the house off limits. I’ve been crating him for 2-3 hours in the morning, taking him on a walk, and then letting him stay out of the crate for 2-3 hours in the afternoon and finishing my workday on my laptop on the main floor. it’s going fine but… just fine. I’m paranoid about him interrupting meetings I am going to need to be putting more hours in during normal business hours. (I have been working a lot in the early AM when my husband is still home).
what are your schedules?
Anonymous says
I think the guideline is one hour in crate per month of age so at that age you can go 3-4 hours at a stretch.
Ours was reliably housetrained pretty quickly so we moved to a bed (crate with door off) inside a puppy playpen area (like baby jail but for puppies – check pet smart).
We usually did morning walk and playing with kids, crate 4 hours, out for a half hour to hour at lunch with some backyard play. Crate 3-4 hours depending on schedule. Evening walk/backyard play for half hour. Crate when DH and I handled bedtime then out again until DH and I went to bed.
Puppy Teeth! says
thanks! this is helpful. I’ve been worried about him spending too much time in the crate since he’s there all night and it’s also just sort of a pain. I think I need to do a balance of being more willing to put him in the crate for short bursts of time and also just letting him out more. housetraining has been great, we have no issues there. the biggest issue we have is the natural instinct to chew and when he has too much energy, he goes on a rampage quick. he’s a black lab great dane mix so his sheer size (over 40 pounds) is a lot. he’s been getting 2.5ish hours of walks a day so it sometimes feels like he’s just walking, sleeping, or generally causing havok and I just don’t want havok to start when I need to work.
Anonymous says
If it’s in the budget you could think about adding a dog walker either at lunch time or mid afternoon. In my area a half hour walk is pretty reasonably priced.
Fallen says
A couple thoughts – are you training him? Our trainer says that a puppy should not be unsupervised outside of a crate and maybe den or they will just go potty and chew everything haha. Our trainer has me tell ehr no and gently close her mouth every time she nips/chews, and also recommends pulling a nylon/lead leash although I am too soft for that. Also our vet says 1.5 miles of walking max due to hips – I would check with vet on the 2.5 hours of walking (maybe it is a breed thing though and you are fine).
Fallen says
Just wanted to add the walking limit is just until 8 months. I think standard rec is 5 mins of walking per month, but we do a tad more because our vet says this is the most highly energetic puppy she has ever met (just my luck!) and I will go insane if we don’t do closer to 1.5 miles. She has me split it 3 times a day in 3 short walks that are .5 miles each
Anonymous says
Not exactly what you’re asking, but bully sticks could be a good distraction during your meetings. They’re the only thing that reliably get my large energetic dog to focus and settle down (when he’s not tired enough to just sleep).
Fallen says
We just got a 3 month puppy bernedoodle! We do 1-3 hours free time in the AM, 1-2 hours at lunch time, 3-4 hours in the evening depending on schedule and the rest of the time is in the crate. So probably a total of 7 hours free time out of the crate. Our trainer said up to 18 hours in crate is good, they should be sleeping 18 hours a day with a couple 3-4 hour naps (apparently that is their sleep cycle) and then 1-2 hours free time after that. BUT a lot of this time is in a puppy safe den area we gated off (highly recommend), walks, tied to her “place” while intermittently getting treats (we worked on place with a trainer), going with us to Home Depot/coffee Shops/petco, or walking around the house in a leash. I have trained her to sit still next to me by giving her treats, which highly helps since she just lays there while I have calls/answer emails… To keep her busy, we give her lick mats with frozen pumpkin/peanut butter, ruffle balls/puzzle mats with treats, lots of rolling toys with kibble, Kong stuffed with frozen peanut butter. I basically have her work for all her meals by either doing training stuff or looking for them in a puzzle mat. It’s all a ton of work though but I hear that it gets much easier at 6 months or so, especially if you put in the training work now.
Anonymous says
FYI, even if your puppy is house-trained, it doesn’t mean they’re safe to roam. Ours was house-trained when he chewed threw a cloth-wrapped electric cord while I was on the phone and seriously electrocuted himself.
I highly recommend setting up a safe zone using old baby gates as an alternative to the crate.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Sorry for the delayed response, Puppy Teeth! You know we’re in the same boat. In our house, she is currently primarily my husband’s responsibility, so she lays with him most of the day while he works out of the dining room (his “office”). We do try to take her for a short walk in the morning around school drop off, then some running around in the backyard or maybe another walk at lunch time, and then some running in the yard when the kids get home. When it’s just me at home working (once a week currently), she’s in the crate other than those hours because I don’t like her getting into my wires.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Sorry, she is in her ex pen during the day and sleeps in her crate at night. Also almost 4 months.
anon says
How do you handle interactions between bigger kids and your much younger kid in a shared play space? I took my 2.5 yo to a children’s museum this weekend and I really had a hard time with it. Even in the dedicated toddler areas, there’d be older kids blasting past my kid, who’s not as physically adept on the walkways, or taking up a whole part of a pathway for hide and seek so my kid’s left there waiting for them to move, and my kid is just not aggressive or pushy and still can’t tell people to move even if she were comfortable doing so. Do I ask them to move? Do I let my kid learn how to deal with it on her own? Am I just overanxious? She’s an only child and doesn’t roughhouse that much at home but she does go to daycare.
AwayEmily says
Let her deal with it on her own and if you see her getting overwhelmed, then remove her from the situation altogether. Some kids thrive in that high-energy environment (my third kid), some kids hate it (my first), and some change depending on the day (my second). Also, something that is hard for me to remember: don’t assume she’s having a difficult time — check in with her directly. Sometimes kids are actually just fine in situations that we “read” as annoying/frustrating for them. Example: last night my 5yo was taking the 21mo’s lovey and running around with it and the toddler was yelling. My instinct was to say “knock it off” but when I looked more closely, she was actually delighted with the game.
Anon says
+1 I have an only child, but this is my approach to kid interactions in public.
Also 2.5 is young and at that age many, many kids who will eventually have a sibling are still only children, so I wouldn’t read too much into the only child status at this age.
Clementine says
+1. And re: the big kids tormenting the baby? Yeah. Mine play fetch with baby brother. But also… he loves it?? And it’s an easy game for me to play with him too?
FVNC says
Definitely read this as using baby brother to play fetch, i.e., baby is the ball, and was briefly horrified / fascinated! I totally played fetch with both my kids. My six year old is still basically a puppy and I treat him accordingly, haha.
Anonymous says
ha! so did I
Anonymous says
This is one of the many reasons I dislike these sorts of play spaces. The more aggressive kids will literally shove my small, timid kid aside. We usually avoid these spaces except during very un-crowded times.
Anon says
This! I only go after 3:30 to the childrens museum with my below average size 34 month old (almost 3 year old?). The museum closes at 5. We stay until 4:55.
Anon says
This made me anxious at this age as well. We just ended up shadowing her around everywhere. My husband drew the short straw on having to do all of the jumping at the jump park, climbing at the playground, going down the slides at the indoor play area. Once she hit around 3.5-4, she proved that she could hold her ground with the older kids and was much more steady on her feet. Now that she is one of the older ones, I’m constantly reminding her to be careful of the little kids in shared spaces.
Spirograph says
Based on the info you have here, I’d say a little of column A, a little of column B to your questions. Was your daughter bothered by the older kids, or just you? Was she actually knocked down, or were these just close calls?
It’s totally OK to cheerfully say, “excuse me, can you please let us get through?” (or better yet, to say loudly to your daughter, “say ‘excuse me’ so they know we’d like to get through!”) to older kids blocking the path, and to remind them that your toddler is waiting for a turn, etc. If there are elementary-aged kids running in a toddler area, not just interacting with younger siblings, it’s also reasonable to gently remind them that the area is supposed to be for little kids and they need to slow down / be careful / go somewhere else. Older kids usually aren’t trying to be jerks, they’re just often in the zone with their own game and not paying attention to how they might be impeding others’ fun.
To me, though, a certain amount of rambunctiousness should be expected in a children’s museum on a weekend. If you’re not comfortable with older kids “blasting past,” you need to find quieter spaces or go at less-crowded times. In my area, the little kids seem to run the show early in the morning, and anything after about noon is dominated by K and up.
GCA says
+1 to this. How does your kid handle it? Is she fine waiting or does she seem upset? One of mine (firstborn) would just elbow his way through at that age and the other (second child) would walk away and sit it out till she saw an opening, then make a run for it. Also, agree this is really part and parcel of going to a children’s museum on a weekend. Maybe the children’s museum has a toddler area or dedicated toddler times?
Anonymous says
Try to pick quieter times – even within the same day. You can ask staff when are the least busy periods. Like Sunday afternoon between 3-4 is insanity at our local trampoline park but 4:30-5:30 is basically empty.
Anon says
Let her learn that the world doesn’t revolve around her and sometimes she’s going to have to wait??
oil in houston says
my 4 year-old is becoming more picky than before with his eating – he refuses any food that’s combined (think pizza, stews etc), which I know can be a normal developmental thing, but now he is rejecting food he used to love, and didn’t replace it with anything – pasta is becoming challenging, and he refuses any sort of sauces in them, avocadoes are a big no, etc Essentially, if left to his own device, he would eat only proteins, with a big of cucumber and sometimes grapes thrown in, his weight in grated cheese, and sometimes raw carrots.
He is becoming quite constipated (not surprisingly), so I need to gind a way to get him to eat more veggies. Any tip? i’m thinking I’ll try lentils pasta, but otherwise I’m at a loss…
Anonymous says
Will he eat soup? Puréed vegetable soups are a good way to get in fiber and veggies for the texture-averse. I have even managed to get my picky eater to consume soup with roasted cauliflower in it.
Anon says
Grapes are really good for constipation, so I’d lean into those and serve them daily. Fruit and fruit juices in general are great, with a couple of exceptions for some people (bananas and applesauce, although neither has ever really blocked up my kid). Yogurt is great if he will eat it. Limiting other kinds of dairy may help.
My kid unfortunately has a basically veggie-free diet (lettuce only) and does not have constipation issues, so while I understand wanting your child to eat them, it’s not required to have a healthy gut.
anonM says
For the picky eating, I’d look at Kids Eat in Color and Feeding Littles on IG. I think you’ll feel better just looking through some of their highlights. I’d try deconstructing old favs (so they aren’t combined), keep putting at least one piece of whatever food on their plate, even if they say reject it (like one piece of avocado), and make something like carrot muffins if you’re trying to get in more veggies subtly (I have tried and liked 2 of the Kids Eat in Color muffins). Also, it might be time to do something a little different with LO. Can you get him to help you cook one night? Help you shop? I’m not saying it has to be a weekly thing, but sometimes getting them really involved and giving them some options helps at that age. (We did a purple dinner once, and it got us out of a food rut. It was not hard at all- just blue taco shells instead of regular, purple cauliflower instead of white, etc. Again, only did this once but DS helped me plan it and shop for it and it helped us with a super-super-picky phase.) Some of this can be the age/trying assert themselves. Ex- DS wouldn’t at any cheese but shredded cheese, and no, melted shredded cheese didn’t count. It felt like it went on for months, but I don’t really remember now how long it actually was. GL!
Anonymous says
It actually might be the constipation. Have you talked to the pediatrician? Mine went through a year of constipation with some rounds of miralax and once he was regular his diet got a lot more varied. You can also purchase fiber gummies to help with that issue. Also look into feeding therapy.
Anon says
Fruit is great for constipation.
Anonymous says
Just lean into fruits and avoid processed foods. The mention of grated cheese gives me pause.
I would also serve him meals that give him control over mixing foods, while inviting it as a sort of play. On weekends, we do a lot of grilled cheese with pureed vegetable soup and encourage dipping. I haven’t had much luck yet with cauliflower or carrot soup but the kids love tomato soup at least, and they sometimes go for broccoli cheddar.
Redux says
For those of you with kids who have multiple recitals in a weekend, do you attend all of them?
My kids are in ballet and have three performances of the nutcracker over a weekend (plus the dress rehearsal). I got tickets to one performance but now am feeling like maybe I’m supposed to go to all of them? I will be there for drop off pick up, but the show is two hours long and fists $35 per ticket. Do list parents sit in the audience for all performances in a series? I feel bad if they’re among the few without someone watching them in all three but also seems a little extra to go to all three… what do you do?
Spirograph says
Definitely do not go to all three. Go to one, bring flowers, and just be on time for drop off/ pick up for the rest.
Anonymous says
Depends. Our family usually attends one then I’ll volunteer for the other 2- help out backstage and also get to watch kiddo in her part.
Redux says
Yes, I should add that I’m volunteering at the dress rehearsal and my husband is volunteering (because I voluntold him) to load in.
Parents are so intense these days! Thanks for the reality check.
Cerulean says
Holy cow, absolutely not! I hope no parent is doing that (unless they really want to). I did the Nutcracker growing up, and my parents would attend one performance. I think over the years after so many shows, my dad didn’t make it every year since he had a pretty demanding job. I didn’t think anything of it.
Anonymous says
I think it’s different with a professional Nutcracker. Ours has two casts of kids with something like nine performances per cast and the tickets are expensive. For something like a dance studio Nutcracker I see a surprising number of parents attending every show.
Cerulean says
I was in a professional production!
Anonymous says
Yeah, I am guessing that with just three performances OP’s is not a professional one and that is why she is feeling pressure to attend all performances. But it is totally not necessary!
Cerulean says
Ah, i read that wrong, I thought you meant that parents should be there if it were a professional production. But my answer is the same no matter the production. I was in plenty of other non-professional shows over the years and my parents didn’t attend everything.
Anon says
+1 This seems crazy to me… perhaps if you have multiple adults wanting to attend, send grandparents to one, dad to another, etc. But what is the overall message you want to send to your kid? 1) We’re proud of you, we came to watch you, and we’ll see you later at home — this is your activity!
Or 2) you are the center of the world and it’s our duty as parents to sacrifice money and all our free time so you don’t feel left out.
(I suppose age matters a bit…maybe I wouldn’t leave a 3 yo unattended, But by elementary school it’s fine)
Anon says
Pushing back gently — I answered below, but it hasn’t shown up yet. I promise that I’m not making my 11 year old the center of the world bc we are at most of her shows :) (1) I get free tickets, and (2) we have incorporated the shows into special one-on-one time with our other kids/scheduling time with friends we don’t typically see because we usually end up with an hour of time between drop off and the start of the show (and the friend I meet typically does not attend the show). Or, if a friend does want to see the show, I will use my comped tickets, and attend with the friend as a courtesy.
I get your point that you don’t want to send the wrong message — and my daughter knows that I’m not attending the majority of her shows because I’m convinced she’s the most amazing actress who ever lived, just that it’s a fun, easy thing to do and share time with other friends/my other kids. She honestly doesn’t even seem to mind/notice if we are at shows or are not at them.
Anonymous says
What do your other kids think about this?
Anon says
It’s honestly been a really fun time for our family – other kids never have to attend, but they always have the option. If they do come, there is a little over an hour to get a pre-show meal together. So, there is usually a one on one dinner or lunch date before the show starts, which all of us love. Usually my husband or I will take the kid who wants to attend, and the other stays back with the other kid. My son plays on a pretty active soccer team, so I’m sure he views it a little bit like when his siblings come (or don’t) to his games. The younger child is 4, so doesn’t have a “thing” yet, but is used to going to soccer games or matinee shows, and is usually just really happy to be doing a “thing” with her older siblings or my husband and I.
Anonymous says
I go to one performance. Many of the other parents seem to go to every performance.
Anon says
My daughter’s dance studio does two recitals the same day. My husband and parents go to one and I join them in the audience at that one, and then I volunteer as a backstage mom at the other one and get to see her performance up close for free. I think if there were a third one I’d skip it. I definitely can’t imagine paying to see it three times.
avocado says
My kid is in high school. There is a pretty even split between parents who attend one show and families where mom + dad + grandparents attend one show and mom attends all the other shows. This holds regardless of whether the kid can drive. We fall into the former camp.
Anon says
Just a reminder that you have to do what works for your family. My husband or I attend a vast majority of our daughter’s plays (and she has a ton per weekend), but I promise we aren’t attending “at” anyone :) I am a consultant, and my firm is a corporate sponsor, so I get tickets for free. The theatre where she does her plays is only about 5 mins from our house, and is next to a lot of great restaurants. I always have about an hour between when she has to be at the theatre and when the shows start, and I use that hour to schedule a drink/appetizer with friends I don’t usually get to see regularly. Or, I’ll take my other kids on “date nights” for that hour, where we’ll get to have a quick dinner just the two of us, and then go to the show. The other kids are never forced to attend, but we’ve all come to really enjoy having a quiet hour to talk together. Or, sometimes, I sit alone for an hour with a drink, then revel at being “alone” in a quiet, dark theatre. All that to say that we go a lot (and I’m sure other parents think I’m crazy), but we do it in a way that 100% works for us, and has nothing to do with being some crazy stage mom.
Anon says
Yeah, I would totally go to all three Nutcrackers too :) But I LOVE the Nutcracker, and would consider the ticket price a donation to the dance studio or professional company, which we typically support with charitable giving anyway. I think just do what works for you but we don’t have to judge people who want to attend more. It’s definitely not just about being a crazy stage mom.
Anonymous says
That’s fine and dandy if it works for your family, but why the huge explanation/excuse? I am firmly on the side of “one show only.” I have a friend who goes to every show and admits it’s because she just wants to see every show. I don’t judge her for that. It’s only when combined with performative tiger mom or stage mom behavior that attending every performance is over the top.
Anon says
I’m not that poster but the “huge explanation/excuse” as you put it was just her explaining her perspective. No need to be snide!
Spirograph says
Yeah, I didn’t read it as a huge explanation/excuse, just a perspective that being present being at all shows doesn’t represent a sacrifice or extraordinary effort for all parents, and doesn’t necessarily equal crazy stage parents. This routine sounds lovely, anon 1:36, it’s nice that you can combine meeting your own social needs, quality time with your other kids, and quiet time alone with supporting your on-stage daughter!
Anon says
Thank you both — really appreciate you reading my comment in the spirit I intended!! Spirograph, your comment particularly is spot on — our presence is really not a big lift and the experience is genuinely enjoyed by all.
Anon says
Are you asking me why I’m explaining I attend every show? I’m confused at your response because the OP literally asked what other people do. I *do* attend most shows, and was happy to explain mitigating factors as to why I do, as it’s not common for most parents to attend a bunch of shows. So, if those circumstances don’t align with hers, then it probably doesn’t make sense to attend all shows. As in, it’s not common or expected, but it really works for my circumstances. Shrug?
Anonymous says
My local mom is very socially awkward and I’m having a hard time with the fact that she’s spending an increasing amount of time with my kids’ teachers, friends and other moms/grandmas as the kids get older. She’s a wonderful grandma and my children adore her, but she seems to have a hard time following and participating in the flow of normal conversation and often makes comments that are self-centered and off-topic, bringing the conversation to an awkward standstill. She’s been like this her whole life, it’s not an age-related issue. These comments frequently come across as one-upping or braggy, even though I don’t know that it’s her intent. A recent example: in a discussion a couple moms were having about challenges finding and keeping reliable baby-sitters, she said to one of my kids”oh [kid] you NEVER have to have a babysitter because you have your grandparents available to babysit all the time!” It’s true, but it was tone deaf to say at that moment and was also weird to address the kid directly, since the kids were present but weren’t really part of the conversation. It’s like she doesn’t understand that staying silent is an option if you don’t have anything pertinent to say! I don’t expect her to be a social butterfly, and am hardly one myself, but her behavior really stands out, and I’m worried it’s going to start impacting my kids socially. But I don’t know what to do — she’d be really hurt if I started not letting her come to things, especially because we live in a very multi-cultural community and a lot of our kids’ close friends have similarly involved grandmas. But most of those grandmas are non-native English speakers who are quiet and keep to themselves and my mom is the opposite. Anyone been in a situation like this and have any advice?
SC says
When I’m in situations like this, I take a deep breath and tell myself, “You’re never too old to be embarrassed by your parents.” And I tell DH the same thing when his parents do something socially awkward. In reality, few people will give as much thought to your mother’s behavior as you do, and they’re unlikely to see it as a reflection on you or your child. What evidence do you have that her social behavior is impacting your kids socially? Have your kids noticed? Do they care?
If anything, you can limit the number of grandparent invitations. We have 4 local grandparents, but we don’t invite them to all the school events. They’re sometimes a little hurt, but I just do what’s best for our family.
Anonymous says
HELLO I feel this deep in my bones. My mom “surprise” moved states and into my town and 1 mile away and OH I THOUGHT ID JUST GET A PART TIME JOB AT YOUR KIDS’ SCHOOL. Don’t worry, it’s just temporary through COVID and it will be on the days your kids are home. Oh, I’m staying on full time next year. Oh, and the year after that. It’s now been 3+ years of her living in my small town and working at my kids’ school and i am DONE.
I hate hate hate it. I wish she never started working at the elem school, which I’ve talked to her about at length, and it falls on hilariously deaf ears (each time I bring this up, it is “the first time you’ve mentioned it!”). It has ruined our relationship, ruined her relationship with my oldest (now an 11 year old who can totally see how awkward my mom is), made things weird at school, and made spending time with her suuuuuper uncomfortable (she will only talk about Things At School.) If she were a different person with social skills then this wouldn’t be so bad.
No solutions, just my sympathy.