Some of the articles of interest to working mothers that we’ve seen around the web recently…
- The Mom Edit rounds up some appropriately tacky Ugly Christmas Sweaters for the whole family.
- A lawyer and mother shares her thoughts with Above the Law about the impossibility of “having it all.”
- Hannah Morgan of Career Sherpa writes for U.S. News & World Report about looking like a “real professional” during a job hunt.
- New York magazine’s The Cut talks to Kate Spade (er, Kate Valentine) for their “How I Get It Done” series.
- Scary Mommy has a working mom’s open letter to her husband.
- From Quartz: “The Stanford professor who pioneered praising kids for effort says we’ve totally missed the point.”
- Sunshine and Hurricanes features some good picks for kids’ subscription boxes.
- Learn about mom retreats at The Washington Post’s On Parenting.
- The New York Times talks to adults who took a gap year before college and are glad they did.
- Have you heard the big news yet? Wired reports that Netflix is allowing users to download content to watch offline. (What’s your kid’s favorite show on Netflix?)
- Of course, we realize not all stay-at-home moms are like this, but … Romper lists “10 Things Stay-At-Home Moms Need To Stop Saying About Working Moms.”
Do be sure to check out the news update over at Corporette!
On Corporette Recently…
- Kat rounded up some great Cyber Monday sales — some may still be going on.
- We talked about wearing interesting suits to court
- Kat shared her lip balm collection.
Did we miss anything? Add ’em here, or send them to [email protected] Thank you!
CHJ says
Random/fun question – my son is attending a birthday party tomorrow (age 3) for a girl in his preschool class, and I have to get a gift today. I asked him what she likes, and he said “she likes rakes!” Question: do I get her a rake?
PhilanthropyGirl says
This is hilarious to me. I would hazard a guess that if she likes rakes that much, she probably already has one? At least in my region, rake season is over and finding one could prove really difficult.
Given that 3 YO interest can change really fast, and that maybe she really likes rakes because of one particular instance at school that day – I would maybe look for something a little less specific. Or maybe a book about leaves or raking leaves?
mascot says
A kids garden set or seed kit? Sandbox toy? It’s warm here year round so…
Anononymous says
If she likes rakes a little gardening kit could be perfect. If there’s a really good gardening shop in your town you may be able to get her some child size tools (shovel, rake, watering can). If you had more time I’d say a newspaper pot form (for making pots to grow seeds in that can be transferred to a garden) would be perfect. A child size wheel barrow is probably too expensive, but may be on sale at the end of the season.
I think respecting both your sons knowledge of his friend and her likes (even if he’s wrong! even if she changes her mind) is how to avoid overly gendering kids.
anne-on says
Oh gosh, my son would love his own gardening tools – he borrows mine all the time when we’re outside to help ‘plant’.
anne-on says
Maybe one of those kinetic sand kits? I think they have molds and rakes, like miniature versions of beach toys. My kid would looooove that.
H says
Awesome. My 2 year old loves his rake and dustpan.
Beth says
My 3 y/o (who likes rakes!) got a plant-your-own fairy garden lot for her bday and it was a huge hit. Bonus: it comes with mini rakes and a spade.
Anon says
Agh, we told our nanny we were giving her a raise and she countered with a higher number! We can make it work and good for her, but the raise was kind of where we wanted to be. She also told us she is very happy. Im inclined to give it to her but oof. But good for her! Oh well.
anne-on says
Perhaps she countered expecting you’d negotiate? If you can afford it great, but perhaps see if you can find a figure in the middle that is more comfortable? And I’d say pretty clearly that you’re willing to go higher because she’s great, but any more than (figure X) compromises on other priorities for your household.
Anonymous says
Can you meet her half way?
I’m honestly not sure if that would be okay… I feel like our caregivers kind of have the upper hand in these things (rightly so?), so I ‘m kind of curious to hear if anyone disagrees with this.
Bright side is that you seem to be happy with her and it’s great that she was vocal about being happy with you.
Anonymous says
Oops. this was meant to be a response to Anon at 1:17 pm
CPA Lady says
1. I made the gift basket for my friend and I am SO excited about it. I think she’s going to like it a lot. Thank you for all the wonderful ideas yesterday.
2. PSA: the Lil’ Loo potty is on sale for $4 in the green and white color combo on amazon today. Which I know about because …
3. I think my daughter (turned 2 two months ago) is trying to potty train herself. Some of the kids in her daycare class are potty trained, and for the last week or two she’s been showing increasing interest in it. She’s asked to go to the toilet several times this week, and each time she has peed. This morning she woke up dry. My husband was going to change her diaper but she freaked out and was all “NOOO! NOOO! GO POTTY!” so he took her to the toilet and she used it rather than peeing in her diaper.
So, my question is what is the purpose of getting a tiny potty like the Lil’ Loo? They have normal toilets at daycare and she’s not scared to use the toilets in our house. Should I still get the little one? I mean, it’s only $4. Also, am I being overly hasty in thinking she is ready? I was going to wait ’til she’s older, but she seems pretty insistent on using the toilet.
NewMomAnon says
That was how my daughter started potty training. It sounds like your daughter is also physically ready for it (mine wasn’t quite….we had a lot of wet pants). I’d say go for it.
And as for the little potty; my kiddo still prefers the little potty for #2, and it was nice to be able to drag it around the house while she was into the “sitting on the potty for long periods of time” phase. I’ve also put it in the car on road trips because she’s finicky about unfamiliar bathrooms. But it’s gross to keep clean, and we’ve had some unfortunate “dumping” episodes, so if you can avoid it, I would highly recommend that.
TBK says
I potty trained myself at the same age, as did my step-sister. According to our moms, we just decided one day we were done. And we were! Congrats! I would be doing cartwheels if either of my sons was even close. One likes to sit on the potty and say “pee in the potty” and “point [email protected] down” very loudly. But he has yet to actually do anything besides sit there, and occasionally poke at his [email protected]
Lurker says
OMG this just cracked me up.
anon says
God, they do love to poke at their [email protected] no? My son often freaks out when his is um, up, e.g., “MAMA MY [email protected] IS STICKING OUT TOO MUCH! ITS TOO BIG!” I told him it would go back to normal if he stopped playing with it, and the other morning he announced happily (and loudly) “My penis is sticking out because it is full of blood but it is going back to normal because I am not playing with it!!”
TBK says
This is awesome.
jlg says
yeah mine just discovered this cause-and-effect phenomenon and finds it hilarious and entertaining. i try so much not to laugh. but wow.
H says
I’m actually trying to avoid getting one of those little potties. The thought of cleaning them grosses me out. I bought my son the toilet seat that converts between a kid one and adult one. We’re not to the point your daughter is but he will sit on it occasionally, with his stool underneath for his feet.
Meg Murry says
We had one for my oldest, and yes, it got gross so we tried to avoid it and just went with an insert (which my kids referred to as a “potty-topper”) for my youngest.
The only advantage I’ve seen to having the little potty is if you only have one bathroom (because your kid will inevitably insist they have to go the moment someone else steps into the bathroom) or if you think they might learn by sitting on their little potty while you sit on the big one. Oh, and I guess the other is if you think they would go by themselves on the little one, vs needing to be picked up or helped to balance on the real toilet. My son always wanted our assistance (at least to get his pants off or just to show off that he was using the potty) so it was fine to just use the big toilet.
Oh, I guess, kinda gross, but I guess if you only had an upstairs bathroom and you had a tiled place to keep the little potty on the first floor like a laundry room – because when a kid needs to go *now*, running across the carpeted living room and up the carpeted steps sometimes results in them not making it in time, and the steps are a royal pain to carpet shampoo.
Anonymous says
Honestly — I got 4 of the little potties. One is in my car, one is in H’s car, one is at my mom’s house, and one is at home. Makes the “OMG POTTY” announcement so much easier to deal with.
Anonymous says
Anyone have tips on where I can buy holiday outfits for my sons (size 2T and 5T) for tropical weather? Doesn’t have to be overly Christmasy.
mascot says
How tropical and how formal? Could you get plaid button down shirts, roll the sleeves and pair them with shorts? Red/green polo shirts with khaki pants? Gap/ON, Lands End usually have them in their uniform section.
mascot says
Also, christmas ties/bowties with button downs would work. Try Crewcuts.
TBK says
Re Dweck and effort, when I was growing up, my mom never allowed me to say “I can’t” about anything. I always had to say “I haven’t learned yet.” So not “I can’t do long division” but “I haven’t learned long division yet.” Or even “I haven’t learned to skydive yet” not “I can’t skydive” (even though it’s very unlikely I will ever learn). It was annoying at the time and I’d say “I MEAN that, but right now I can’t!” But now that I’m grown up, I think her approach was amazing. I think it really did change my perspective. There are things that are clearly out of my reach. I will never be an Olympic gymnast. I’m 5’9″, 39 years old, and extremely unathletic. But I don’t doubt that I could learn to do a backflip if I really, really, really wanted to. As an adult I had a marital arts instructor who took a similar tack. It was never “I can’t” but “I don’t choose to put in the effort to learn.” It’s okay to choose not to, but just to acknowledge that it’s a choice.
Closet Redux says
Ah, your mom’s strategy sounds awesome!
Olivemac says
This is awesome!
Anonymous says
LOVE this. What a great perspective.
AnonMN says
I’m afraid i’m being too “special snowflake” with my 3 year old, so before I storm into conferences demanding answers next week I thought I would poll you ladies, who are always honest.
Our (new, as of September) daycare has video cameras. I didn’t utilize them much in the beginning other than to check in every once and a while. Then I started noticing that every time I checked in my 3yo was separated from the group (at a separate table by himself, sitting on the floor while everyone else is at the table, etc). I also noticed that he didn’t always have the same artwork as other kids at pick-up time. So I decided to start watching more often (yesterday and today). I’ve found that he is often separated from the group for long periods (still in the same room, but not doing the same activity) and that a lot of their morning consists of sitting at a table (other than outside time). Our daycare (and state licensing) has a policy that any “separation from group” be a last resort after positive redirection and be logged by the teacher in a separation log stating what measures were taken before separation. Separation must be in sight of hearing of the group (same room) and end once the child regains control (no more than 10 minutes).
My son is very rowdy, doesn’t always have great spacial boundaries with others, and incrediby sensitive to sounds, touch, and transitions, and always has something in his month. He’s always struggled with playdates/playing with same age peers. I’m starting to wonder if he has a sensory processing disorder, which I always overruled as an issue because he was very verbal at an early age. As I read more about it, he seems to fit the bill, but I also know there is danger in google diagnosing everything.
So those together has me wondering what I should do. Obviously something needs to be done. I think (1) it is not age appropriate for his 2-3yo class to be expected to sit as often as they are, (2) If my son is being separated I should know about it so we can work on solutions, (3) the rules should be followed regarding his separation.
Thoughts? Am I mama bear overreacting here? Should I talk to the teachers first and then the director or both together (his teachers are both fresh out of college, so I think are still learning about how to run a classroom).
AnonMN says
*something in his mouth.
I thought I would also clarify that during his separations he isn’t doing anything. Just sitting on the floor/at a table.
Anon in NYC says
Do you know if his teachers are separating him or is he choosing to not do the things that the classroom is doing? Perhaps you can get some clarity from him this weekend.
If his teachers are separating him, I would go straight to the director.
AnonMN says
Based on what I see in the video, he is being separated by the teachers (they walk him over to the separated spot).
SC says
With the caveat that I have no experience or specialized knowledge on this, I would talk to the teachers and director together. I would find this upsetting, and you’re not overreacting at all. But I would approach it with the focus on finding solutions. It sounds as though your gut is telling you that your kid has a SPD, which can be helped tremendously with early diagnosis and intervention. If you approach it with your opinion on what is age-appropriate or whether the school is following the rules, I think you may be perceived as too special-snowflake. I would start with asking for the teachers’ perspective on what is happening in the classroom, and everyone’s perspective on whether testing is warranted at this point. Then, as part of the solution, you can ask the teachers to document what happens in the classroom, and you can schedule a follow-up meeting in a month or so.
mascot says
Start with some open questions 1) Can you tell me about a typical day routine? (There may be some preschool curriculum at work here) 2) It seems like my son isn’t participating in all the activities with the group, why is that? 3) What leads up to the separation – type of incident, other corrections? 4) What are your guidelines/policies for separation 5) Can we work together on modifying some of this behavior-specific plan for how? Here are some suggestions on what works for us at home, would they work here?
I’d start with the teachers since they are the ones who see the day to day. Once you’ve gotten some answers, you’ll have a better sense about involving the director. Also, behavior modifications take time. Good communication makes it easier to keep everyone on the same page.
Teachers and pediatricians both see a wider range of normal behaviors than we do as parents to just our kids. If you are hearing about concerning behaviors from teachers, ask your pediatrician about the SPD.
Anonymous says
That seems like a lot of structure for a young aged class. I would expect a lot more free play at that age. I would focus on your outcome from the meeting. that (1) his separation is in violation of state policies and (2) new strategies for his integration into the class need to be developed. Maybe that looks like him standing at the table when other kids are sitting if he struggles to sit still. Or he’s always on the end of the table so he only has to watch his boundaries with another kid on one side of him. Etc. I would push them to suggest solutions.
Anon says
I’m annoyed by the can’t have it all article and the letter to a husband. Both get so close, but miss the point. Men get a “pass” and women don’t get that same pass. Men CAN have it all, because they have women in their lives who cater to their lives. Women do not have that same support from the men (or women) in their lives. Similarly, working women are tired in a way working men aren’t, because working men don’t do the upkeep of the household. Writing an entire article to say “husband, please do all of these daily things just so i can have one night out” but then saying you promise not to judge if it’s mac and cheese just treats it as him pitching in for the one night, rather than saying things need to change on a permanent basis so the working woman isn’t as raggedly tired.
I don’t know. I’m not articulating this well. But I’m annoyed.
Katala says
I’m annoyed by these (repetitive) articles too. I think we need more examples of women who DO get the type of support traditionally offered to men. In my family, we chose to focus on my career, at least for now. H took a step back in his to shoulder more of the home/family burden. He’s not always happy about it and does get resentful sometimes (as would I, if I were the one who stepped back) but we overall agree it’s the right thing for our family. I do far less of kiddo’s daily routine and home upkeep than he does. It’s not the same – I know/can figure out what needs to be done so I don’t need instructions if he’s out for a few hours and I am super appreciative of his sacrifice in a way I think men portrayed in these kinds of articles generally aren’t. But other dynamics do exist, and instead of all the lamenting about how it “always” is, I wish we heard more about how it can be different (my family could use role models for making this work!).
GCA says
Oh, the abovethelaw piece rubbed me the wrong way altogether, too. It smacks too much of just throwing up your hands and giving up – like, how would the glass ceiling ever be broken that way?
Yup says
Along these lines, my husband has taken time off when I initially returned to work after maternity leave for each kid. He’s home with newest baby now. I have gone straight from work to happy hour a few times in the last few weeks, and didn’t really think twice about it (other than to, you know, coordinate with my husband so he knows he’ll be on his own). I’m going on a business trip next week, and I’m not worried. He’s keeping the house mostly in order, doing errands, making dinner, etc. If I have something specific I’d like him to do, I tell him, but I’m not making grocery lists or doing any thinking about housework at this time, because he’s got it. He’s perfectly capable. When I was on maternity leave, I did that stuff, and he worked full time. Now we’ve flipped. When we’re both at work, we divide and conquer. I’m not going to say we do everything 50/50, because I definitely *care* more about housekeeping than he does, but he has his responsibilities that he does without me asking and he takes care of more if I ask. We do divide kid stuff 50/50. We both prioritize our own and each other’s self care and have “nights off.” It’s totally possible.
Earlier this week, a coworker asked how my husband is doing with the baby all day and made some comment to the effect that she wouldn’t trust her husband all day with her baby. Because how would he know how to do any of that stuff? He’s never taken care of a baby before, and he doesn’t even have any younger siblings. I wanted to shake her. Ffs, I never took care of a baby for a full day before I had my own, and I figured it out. Why shouldn’t my husband, or anyone else? Men are not incompetent unless you let them be incompetent! I settled for just cheerfully saying that for her own sanity, she should let her husband be alone with the baby early and often, and promised he’d learn in no time.
Katala says
Thank you! Love to hear these stories.
Blogs (for the most part) are so complain-y and negative. Makes me appreciate this community even more.
October says
Men can’t have it all, though; the accepted, traditional model of a “working man” sacrifices time and relationships with his children and wife (though maybe I’m misunderstanding you — are you saying that reductionist pieces like this convey only women are unable to have it all?). No one can have “it all”; we have to pick our handful of priorities and structure our lives and families around those.
$14 says
Do we have any Philly moms on here? My best friend is moving to Philly soon and did some early childcare cost investigation (her daughter will be 3 when she gets there). It looks like what she found is $2k per month and the school has July and Aug off (so perhaps additional cost to find short term care in those months).
Does that sound like par for the course? Is that high end? Low end? Middle? Anyone have any suggestions of places in the city they like? Or that might be a bit cheaper?
Thanks!!
Francophile says
Yes, I’m in Philly! That sounds really high to me, although obviously that depends on the neighborhood. We live in Roxborough (northwest Philly) and have 2 kids, ages 4 and 2 in a Catholic daycare/preschool. FT preschool there is about $850 month for care from 6 am to 6 pm, year-round. July and August are actually even cheaper because they have a summer camp program instead which is more like $500/month. That seems to be roughly the norm in our neighborhood, I think the fanciest place I looked at, the Schuykill Center Nature Preschool, would have been ~$1k including after care. We love our kids’ school, but there is a massive waiting list so that is probably not super helpful.
That said, before we move here I did look at centers in Center City which seemed to be roughly double what we pay.
$14 says
Francophile. This made my day! Thank you so much. I want things to go smoothly for her — this is great news, and good intel. I appreciate it!
anon says
I am in Philly. We were paying $1700 per month per kid for the Parent Infant Center in University City (which we loved). That seemed pretty par for the course in the University City and Center City areas. She should join the pennsymoms group. I will add the link in a reply. I am now in the Jersey burbs and paying $1100 per month per kiddo, which also seems par for the course there.
anon says
This group has been amazing for me moving to the city:
https://groups.google.com/forum/#!forum/pennsymoms
I recommend they use a computer rather than an
iPad or iPhone. I don’t think the Google Groups interface is
mobile-friendly.
Potential members *must* fill out the form correctly, providing all
requested information.
Tell your friend to be patient. Sometimes it takes a while for
membership requests to be processed.
anon says
She can also email me—happy to talk and share the tons of research I did last year [email protected]
jlg says
yes, use PennsyMoms! and PennsyMomsMarket for buying/selling kid stuff! so amazing — she can search the archives for recent discussions of daycare costs and experiences, and can also ask questions about specific facilities.
$2K/month seems high, even for center city. we pay around 240/wk for preschool aged full-day, year-round care, which is on the low end for center city for what we get. but even some of the fancier programs have monthly costs closer to 1300-1500/mo last i checked. it really depends on what she is looking for. if she is comfortable with a keystone 4-star/naeyc accredited program that functions as a daycare but also meets the curriculum requirements for those accreditations and for pre-K counts, she can probably find something less expensive (though there are waiting lists, with most spots available in early June and late August). if she wants a preschool that is designed to get her kid into a private elementary program, $2K might be just the starting point.
$14 says
Thank you! So helpful! I’ll pass it on.
Anon says
Random MIL text “Do you want lavender scented boot shapers?” Um, sure. I mean, if they’re on offer. But how do you just happen across lavender scented boot shapers?
Anonymous says
TJ Maxx? Stuff you never knew you wanted until you saw it on the shelf.
mascot says
Yep and all its affiliate stores. I have so much random stuff from my mom’s TJMaxx/HomeGoods sprees for holidays.
Pogo says
Haha maybe she meant to send it to someone else? MIL sometimes does that to me – texts me things like “How did the carpet work out for you?” and I’m like, what carpet, we did not just buy a carpet.
Anonymous says
This is definitely something my MIL would do. So awkward. I never know if I should bother responding or not.
NewMomAnon says
Dear clients, if you want my undivided attention and best legal work, you should call at a time that is not 4:30 pm on a Friday. Thanks for your understanding.
Anon says
Amen. And this:
Dear private attorneys,
Don’t start a conversation with a government attorney by exclaiming how surprised you are that she picked up the phone after 5:00 pm.
K thx bye.