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- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
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- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
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Anon says
Is the Doona worth it?
Pregnant with #2. Big sister will be 2 when baby is born. We never bought an infant seat car seat for her, we’ve just used a convertible car seat since birth and a Mockingbird stroller.
Imaging daycare drop offs and just moving around with 2, this time we’ll want an infant seat, right? Could we just get a decent travel system for $300 or is it really worth it to spend an extra $250+ on the Doona?
GCA says
We didn’t have an infant seat for kid 1 either, but we got one for kid 2 as part of a travel system. But it depends. How much walking will you do vs driving? How many cars do you use – is the Doona part of a strategy to get one seat that switches between cars? With that age gap, will you need a double stroller instead so both kids can ride?
Anon says
+1 to all these questions. If you are walking to and from daycare, I’d put the money towards a quality double stroller and get an adapter bar for the infant seat. I’ve used Chicco KeyFit infant seats for my three kids and been happy with it; I don’t think a fancier version is necessary.
If you are driving, then you can just carry the infant seat. It seems like more work to unload and load a stroller. In general I am very much in favor of infant seats – you can set baby down while you get toddler ready, etc, and quickly click baby into the car before buckling in the toddler.
OP says
We both drive to daycare every day from work (one of us does drop off, one does pick up). We’d be able to leave the infant seat at daycare and have bases in each car. Will also drive to the store etc. Our daycare is situated further inside a building so it’s a small walk to get to after we park. Nothing bad at all, but I imagine it’d be nice to wheel the car seat in rather than carry it, especially if we have our hands full of supplies and the toddler.
The Mockingbird converts to a double stroller so we’re planning on doing that for any walking.
Anon. says
I used the Chicco KeyFit referenced above plus the Snap n Go stroller thing for this type of daycare set up. I was able to leave both the car seat and the snap ngo in the car seat space at daycare. (We had a parking garage and two elevators to negotiate.)
But yes, you definitely want an infant seat with #2.
anon says
You can do bucket seat in one hand, bag of supplies over your shoulder on on your bag, and have one hand free for the toddler. I wouldn’t bother with the Doona.
Clementine says
I think the Doona is only worth it if you’re doing a lot of traveling or live in a city where you’re in taxis/Ubers regularly.
I think that once you jump to 2, an infant bucket seat makes your life much easier. I frequently stick toddler in the ‘princess seat’ in a shopping cart and put the baby in their bucket seat in the big cart itself. Being able to just set the baby down (base makes it easy to do one handed and then have both hands to strap in the toddler is CLUTCH).
Personally, I think that once you’re going for a double stroller, just go all the way and get the double bob if you have the room. when we’re in crowded places, I tend to wear the baby and use our single stroller.
Anon says
We absolutely love ours and recommend it to everyone we know
Seafinch says
It’s probably highly unique to your needs but you couldn’t pry my Doona from my cold, dead hands. I think it’s it unbeatable. I even loved it when our driveway was down two flights of stairs and I had to carry it up the stairs. I have a City Select with second seat but haven’t actually used the second seat *that* much because my older kids always wanted to walk. I find it so convenient for when I was dropping an older kid at school and had to walk 500 yards from the parking lot to the school, doctor’s appointments, other quick errands.
Maizy says
We need a new morning strategy. We’ve had our 3.5 year old in a full-size bed for about 3 weeks now, and where he used to sleep in/babble quietly in his crib until 8:30 or so, he now gets up and wanders the halls starting at 6:15. We got him a Hatch light that turns green at a certain time, but he’s not paying any attention to it. One day I was able to pull him into our bed and get an extra 20 minutes of sleep, but that hasn’t been successful since. Do we need to put a child lock on his door? Or just embrace the early rising and adjust our schedules?
Kids shoe stores in Philly? says
Looking for recommendations on where to take my 6 year old shopping for sneakers. I have been buying shoes online, either Amaz*n or Kidizen, and just cannot ever seem to get the size right on the first try. I want to get her a good quality pair of sneakers to wear for spring sports and summer camp, preferably without breaking the bank. I don’t think we need to get her measured or anything, just go to a place with a good selection where she can try on various option. Would DSW be good for this? Any other Philly area recommendations?
AwayEmily says
I didn’t know we had Philly parents on here! I lived there for six years during grad school and miss the city a lot — I always thought it would be a fantastic place to raise kids. No shoe store recs, though. I order from Zappos and they have pretty easy/free returns. Once my daughter (also 6) aged out of Saucony Jazzes, we switched to Tsukihoshi Kids and they have been WORKHORSES. Still look brand-new and she’s worn them daily for five months.
Cb says
We have struck out with Clark’s, but my finicky son loves his Decathlon sneakers and they are cheap and really lightweight. He’s tough on his shoes, and I’ve been surprised how well they’ve held up (weekend and holidays only, uniform requires black leather shoes and the basic reeboks have worked for this). His bestie has the Merrell barefoot runners and they look super comfy.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Sketchers have worked well for my kid who is also hard on his sneakers.
Anon says
Counterpoint, my kid got some light up Sketchers for Hanukkah and they already have holes in the toes, in both shoes. Not even three months in! Before this she wore a pair of Adidas for a year and a half with almost no visible signs of wear except some scuff marks.
FP says
I have the same issues with trying on my own to shop online, and now I just suck it up and go to the locally owned kids shoe store in my city that has been doing this for several generations, even though they are a fortune (no sales) and basically only open during business hours and for three hours on a weekend. It’s so much less convenient but I am successful every time and we walk out with sneakers that go the distance for my two kids.
Lily says
Nordstrom has usually had good kids shoe departments (albeit pricy) with pretty knowledgeable sales associates. They will also measure your kids’ feet. The closest is Cherry Hill but I assume they also have a store on the Main Line.
Anon says
If you go to the DSW at the King of Prussia mall, there are lots of other options and a few kids’ shoe stores.
Anonymous says
I order shoes in a bunch of sizes from amazon and then return them as needed. DSW can be hit or miss and I don’t always love the shoes there for my kids’ specific feet. For my run-of-the-mill-footed kid DSW is great. For higher end shoes, we do Nordstrom kids.
My 1st grader with narrow feet and capable but slow shoe tying skills loves new balance fuel cores. She also has nike low dunks which are way too wide but she loves them. Her big sister has AF1s but those are not in budget category and don’t make much sense for summer camp.
Anon says
We took my kid to a Dick’s Sporting Goods to get measured for shoes and were happy with the service and experience (not Philly though). They have lots of the common brands like Adidas, Nike, Skechers. Now that we know her size we mostly order shoes online.
Anonymous says
We have really good luck at our regional sporting goods store in the Midwest (not located that far East). I’d go to a Dick’s or something similar. They’ll measure kiddo’s feet, and then you can try on several different styles and brands. I do think spending more on sneakers once kiddo hits 6 or 7 is a bit of a reality, especially if you want them to last until they outgrow them.
Artemis says
John’s Sneaks in Ardmore, if you’re more out in the burbs. Doesn’t look like much but they know their shoes, kid selection is good and they understand kid fit issues, and the prices are great!
Isabella says
Interesting factoid of the day: Daniel Tiger was named for Debbie Daniel, the female tv executive who launched Mr Rogers’ first show, and the whole station that aired it. She gave him the first tiger puppet at a party to celebrate their first broadcast.
Anonymous says
I love this!
Paging Vicky says
Just reposting from yesterday because I feel this strongly about the cheap pump!
Oh! I know this one!
I had Medela (older version) PIS for my first and it was okay. I now have a spectra S1 and I like it better, but it’s also been 6 years so technology maybe just advanced.
BUT, I actually like this incredibly cheap one the best! by far! No word on how it ages, and it’s not hospital grade in terms of being a closed loop, but it is SO much more effective than the other two I’ve owned. It’s a bit louder, but way smaller, and works with avent natural bottles (like the spectra). I’m not going to link here but it’s by bellebaby and it’s a double pump. I got it for literally 42 bucks on sale (with bottles and flanges), so it may be worth just having it as a backup/work pump.
In the age of hybrid work, I’ve found having a tiny hand pump also valuable. I’d just get whatever one fits with your main pump’s bottles, but for the Medela hand pump has lasted best.
GCA says
+1 to the hand pump (in addition to the Spectra Vicky ordered, and hand pumps are cheap) for occasional versatility on the go. I have found myself pumping and dumping on international flights and in the field. Basically anywhere you can’t get to a power outlet or don’t want to lug a battery-operated pump. But you don’t have to run out and buy one before you give birth & see what your nursing & pumping journey looks like in practice!
Cornellian says
Agreed on hand pump. I also like it for early mornings when baby nurses on one side and falls back asleep so that i”m not… making a mess.
Vicky Austin says
Hey Cornellian, I saw your response! Thank you so much. I do plan to have a backup or two, so it’s great to know you had a good experience with the bellebaby one! I’ll save it somewhere so I can do a bleary midnight order if I need to. This community is the best. :)
Anon says
I love my Medela hand pump! It’s a great addition to my spectra S1 and Willow. I actually find myself reaching for it more than I thought I would. I didn’t have ot with kid1 and I wish I had.
Anonymous says
This is prime sadbeigechildren
Anon says
Hahaha yes
Anonymous says
100% agree
Paging UK moms says
Question for UK moms – we have an upcoming trip that will involve unavoidable trips in taxis in a rural area with a very large (~47 lb) nearly 5 year old. Will U.S. booster seats work in UK cars? Some of the standard models appear to use the LATCH system which I’m not sure UK cars have ? Any recommendations for something I can buy here that will work ?
Anon says
US booster seats don’t need to be installed – you just set them on the seat and use the seatbelt. The latch component is so they don’t become a projectile if no one is sitting in it…but I doubt you’d have that issue while traveling.
Anonymous says
This is the answer I needed !!! Thank you !
Anon says
Though to be crystal clear for safety, I’m talking about the booster mode where the seatbelt goes over the kid…if you use it in harness mode you *do* have to install in separately (but can also install with a seatbelt vs Latch). But, for the size of your kid, I would probably bring a low profile simple booster to make everything more convenient. Just make sure kiddo sits up straight and properly while using it!
Cb says
Yep, that’s what I’d use in a taxi.
I think the Mifold has a similar premise but it doesn’t look comfortable to me.
UK car seat safety rules are pretty lax.
Anonymous says
Latch is called Isofix in the UK and EU. It’s standard. We used the mifold booster for travel. We use the backless very but I think there’s a high back as well. I’m very ‘five point harness booster’ as long as possible at home but more flexible for travel.
Agree with other advice that booster does not need to be installed, whichever one you use.
Anonymous says
Thanks all. We still use a traditional forward facing car seat at home, but it doesn’t seem feasible for this trip and given kiddos size I think we are safe using a booster for the trip. Appreciate your help !
Anon says
My 5 year old is still in a carseat at home but we’ve been using a backless booster for travel since the week she turned 4. Like your kid, she’s big and cleared the height and weight minimums easily and a booster is so much easier for travel. I think being more conservative at home is a pretty common approach. The only issue we’ve had is that after our most recent trip our kid was demanding to ditch the carseat at home.
Cb says
Strike camp report – kiddo had a great time, there were 6 kids and 4 staff which suits my little old man. They made cookies, played outside, did crafts. He was reading his magazine at the table when I got there.
I got most of my teaching prep done and my lupus is flaring so curled up on the sofa with the heated blanket. Now off to the airport and he’s at the fun swim / adventure camp tomorrow.
It also gave me a bit more confidence to just book him there for the week we need coverage over the summer.
anon says
DH and I need to decide, once and for all, whether to take our older kids on a Disney trip. We had one planned for 2020 and obviously canceled. We were excited back then: our girl was still in her princess phase, and our boy would’ve been geeked for all the Harry Potter stuff. Three years later, our girl couldn’t care less about princesses and while our boy still likes HP, it’s not an obsession anymore. I feel really sad about this, actually, like we missed our window for making all that time, effort, and expense worthwhile.
On the surface, Disney sounds like a massive, overcomplicated endeavor. (We have a friend who is a Disney travel planner and can help with logistics, but still. Having to go-go-go constantly doesn’t sound much fun anymore.) Would we enjoy another stupid expensive vacation more than Disney? Are we depriving our kids of a key childhood experience? They have no idea that we had a trip planned in 2020 and occasionally have lamented that they haven’t been to Disney like their friends.
With these factors in mind — would you try to make this work? Will it be worth it? I recognize this would be a vacation that’s very much for the kids, not us.
Anonymous says
Disney can be really fun with older kids, so if you want to go, do it! If you don’t want to do it though, don’t give it another thought. It’s not some rite of passage that all kids need to go on.
Anon says
I’m not a Disney person, but I know what you mean about feeling like you missed the window for certain things during the pandemic and now the kids are too old. It sucks.
See above about not being a Disney person, so I’m not exactly objective but I don’t think Disney is a key childhood experience. I’m not saying that kids who go don’t have very happy memories from trips there, but there are lots of other family trips that will make the same kinds of memories. We travel frequently both domestically and internationally with our kids and we have no plans to take them to Disney unless they start begging for it, which they haven’t yet.
How old are your kids? I think the idea of the occasional kid-centric trip is nice, because vacations typically (not unreasonably) revolve around what the adults want to do, but I see no reason why the kid-centric trip has to be Disney, especially if they’re aging out of it. If you share more about their interests and what they like to do on trips, people can probably share ideas for what kinds of travel might be good. Maybe you could even plan a special trip for each of them individually, since generally boy and girl interests start to diverge more as kids get older. The tween girls I know would love to go to a big city like NYC or Chicago for shopping and theater.
One option you could consider if you want a lower stress way to do Disney is a Disney cruise or the Disney Aulani resort in Hawaii. That combines (some of) the Disney magic with activities that appeal more to adults and tweens/teens and is a lot less stressful than the theme parks. Although again there is the issue of vastly overpaying for what you’re getting – the last time I looked at Disney cruises (pre-pandemic, so things may have changed) it cost literally twice as much as comparable cruise lines like Royal Caribbean and Norwegian, and the itineraries were worse. I don’t know what the pricing is like at Aulani, but I imagine it’s not cheap either.
Anonymous says
How old are the kids? My 10 year old LOVED Disney and was well past her princess prime. Honestly, I’m the oldest of 4 so I went to Disney as an 8 year old and again at 16 and I had a blast both times (and I am NOT a disney person). Older kids do different things than younger kids, but it’s still fun. If your kids read Harry Potter *ever* they will like the Universal stuff. I’m 40 and I loved seeing how creative it all was.
You don’t have to obsess over all the character meets, but doing ONE thing where you can snag a pic of your kiddos in mouse ears with a character is good. You don’t need this to be All On Disney. Stay off site, go to the parks around lunch when the little kids nap and stay until things close.
In your situation I’d spend a week in Orlando, rent a car. Do Universal for two days, do Disney for 1-3 days (I’d hit Magic Kingdom and Hollywood studios, plus maybe one more). Do a water park.
Anon says
My husband and I usually go each summer to our family vacation home with our 5 year old who’s going into K this summer, and my mom goes too. DH doesn’t want to go this summer. I’m not worried about the plane travel, I travel solo with my kid a lot, but I generally look forward to this trip as a vacation and it won’t really be one unless I arrange some paid childcare. We’ll still have two adults there, but my mom understandably isn’t as hands-on as DH is, plus she and I share a hobby my kid hates and since kid is too young to stay home alone even briefly, it will be hard to do it without DH there. So we were looking at signing kid up for a half day camp, but the camps in the area are all full day and very expensive. We could pull her out early I think but it seems like a waste of money to sign up for these expensive full day camps just to send her for a couple of hours. I found a daycare program that lets you enroll by the week and has half days, plus I think my kid would actually enjoy it more than the camps (less structured and less outdoorsy, both of which are good for her). But I feel weird about sending her to “daycare” on vacation. Somehow camp seemed fine, maybe because people think of camp as having more educational value, but daycare is…daycare. I know it’s just a mental block and the terminology doesn’t really matter. Anyone done anything like this?
Anon says
this is no different than sending your kid to childcare at a resort. you found a daycare that has half days that you think your kid would enjoy more than the expensive camps…which sounds like a perfect solution and you’re creating a problem that doesn’t exist :-)
Cb says
Yep, do it! If you have to tell people about it, just say she’s going to camp at a local daycare.
But is DH taking kiddo somewhere so you get time alone at home?
Anon says
He’s not, he doesn’t like to travel which is why he’s begging out of this trip. But he’s fine with me taking solo trips, which I have done before and will do again.
Anon says
Thank you this is what I needed to hear :)
Anon says
i know there are a number of parents on here with kiddos with adhd or sensory challenges, etc. how do you manage to stay patient with your kids? i think we are heading towards an adhd diagnosis with one of our twins, but even if she ends up not meeting the official diagnostic criteria, she has a number of tendencies that she clearly cannot control, which are super annoying for me and DH. she is already in OT, but we can barely make it through a meal without her knocking over her water bottle or dropping her fork, etc., when sitting in a chair, she is always picking up the back legs, chewing on/licking different things, and just generally cannot sit still. she can be the sweetest kid ever, but sometimes it is just so hard to stay patient. any tips?
Anne-on says
For us, the diagnosis/subsequent therapy helped a ton in reframing the issues from ‘child is chosing to do this’ to ‘child has fine/gross motor delays that make it very hard for them to execute on specific behavior we expect’. For example – in OT before the therapist had my kid do fine motor skills work (tracing lines on paper/lacing lanyards/etc.) they did gross motor work (spinning, jumping) or compression that helped soothe his system enough to allow him to focus on the fine motor stuff. They also confirmed that he was a delayed in certain fine motor skills and had to work up to them or needed help breaking them down into smaller steps (for example my kid is almost 11 and we’re still working on pencil grip and holding a fork NOT in a fist).
We also were counseled to pick our battles – if dinner as a family is the most important thing to us then maybe dinner only lasts 10 minutes. Or kiddo eats dinner standing while we sit, or on a wobble seat, or we run races outside for 10 minutes before dinner to get the wiggles out, etc. Good luck – it’s legitimately hard stuff and it definitely requires more of you as a parent, but I also love that therapy/OT gives you more tools!
Anon says
Wow…this sounds just like my 2 year old, who had a gross motor delay (walking) which is fine now, and is a bit delayed in speech. For him, I do think it’s a bit of him being a late bloomer and doing things on his own time – for example, he can identify all of his alphabets and most of the sounds, he just…doesn’t speak very clearly and have a ton of two-sentence words.
He loves dropping his fork and then looking for a reaction. We literally switched him back from eating at our island to eating on the tray that came with his booster because he loves putting his leg on our island when he’s done (ugh) and leaning back…and seeing our reactions…
I thought he was just…2 but this is good to know if it continues.
Anon says
This behavior is all completely normal at 2.
Anon says
Thank you – that’s actually helpful. We had none of this with our older one so it’s still very new and a bit challenging for me!
anon says
Trying to remember that it’s not her fault is my main coping mechanism, though that’s easier said than done. Our current family therapy also focuses on a lot on praising any sort of behavior that you want to see more of. The logic is that positive reinforcement is really important for ADHD kids and they don’t get much of it at school when they’re always in trouble, but it also helps as a parent to get a reminder of all the time she actually is doing great and thus have more patience for the chaos.
Also, once she hits 6, looking into medication. I know many people are reluctant to jump right to stimulants, but there are non-stimulant options that can have a really positive effect on the hyperactivity that leads to some of those behaviors.
Anonymous says
This sounds exactly like one of my twins (he’s two so a lot of it is also developmentally normal). What helps me is getting a lot of time to myself. I know that sounds glib and impossible, but I try really hard to schedule time to myself, go to bed early, and schedule babysitters and call my mom or DH in to help when I’m feeling burnt out. He really is a sweet kid and I love him. It’s just a lot.
Anonymous says
My kid has different issues (anxiety) but what has worked the best for me has been really understanding the root cause – anxiety- then continually framing for myself in my mind and self talking to myself: “OH here’s an anxiety meltdown! Ok breathe. Let’s review the strategies…” and then trying to do that same thing out loud with kiddo. Narration of “ok, I see your brain is telling you this is a dangerous situation- we call that being anxious. Remember the strategies we try for that, let’s start with square breathing…”. It’s really hard though, kiddo had a 30 min meltdown at bedtime over inability to decide what he wanted for his birthday dinner on weds, and it took literally everything in my power not to be a bad parent. It’s particularly hard because we are working really hard on reducing “accommodation” for anxiety which means we need to lean into the big reaction every time. It’s a lot of screaming.
OP says
well and when there is another kid there (my kiddo also has big tantrums) and you are solo parenting, it’s just so so hard
is this normal? says
how old is your kid? this part describes my 5 year old pretty well but I never thought it was like a diagnosable issue, I thought it was just how little kids are “we can barely make it through a meal without her knocking over her water bottle or dropping her fork, etc., when sitting in a chair, she is always picking up the back legs, chewing on/licking different things, and just generally cannot sit still. she can be the sweetest kid ever, ” yesterday she straight ran in front of a car in a parking lot because she was so excited to get in the building. later she kicked her brother in the face because she was mad at our instructions and a full body spasm is her typical response, regardless of her surroundings. she gets lots of bruises.
Anonymous says
Tactical question: practically speaking, how do you teach table manners in your house? Is it something you just model? Do you actively practice behaviors at certain meals? We’d like our 4yo to develop better table manners, but he’s often exhausted at dinner and it’s been a struggle.
Anon says
My just turned 5 year old struggles a lot with staying at the table/sitting with her bottom on the chair. She also interrupts us a lot. (I suspect an ADHD diagnosis may be in our future.) So those are the two big things we focus on for now, and we figure we’ll work on more nuanced table manners when we don’t need to be constantly reminding us about these basics. Daycare also helps – they taught her how to use utensils, have taught/reinforced saying please and thank you and chewing with mouth closed.
anonM says
We focus on manners more outside the home, and try to give them a heads up before going to a restaurant or event that they need to try to stay clean, use manners, have “listening ears” on, etc. At home we are fairly lax, and I’m more strict about clearing their plates after dinner (ages 3/5) than general messiness. I don’t want to discourage them from trying new foods because they used their hands or whatever. One thing I don’t like is them yelling at me with demands, so I make them rephrase it politely (usually)- is that “manners” idk. But one funny thing that helps is occasionally I pretend to be “manners robot” who can only hear polite requests. (“Beep Boop, DH did you hear something? I can’t because I only hear polite things.”) They now “beep boop” at each other when one is being especially rude. I’m not saying I always respond in this silly fun way, but it is one tool to use to break the yelling-at-them-because-they-yelled-at-me cycle. So, at totally FWIW/if it works for you maybe try it out.
Anonymous says
I super-love this :)
Anon says
I’m a new mom of a 6 month old baby, and this may sound odd, but I like it so much more than I thought I would? I was on the fence about having kids for a loooong time because I understood what that reality would probably look like. I thought I might have to slog through the baby years but eventually it would be worth it. Alas, I am not slogging. I’m absolutely thriving, I’ve never been happier, everything is great. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. When does it start getting “I’m starting to regret this” hard?
NYCer says
Never? My kids have definitely gone through lots of challenging phases, but I never thought “gee, I am starting to regret this.” I found ages 2-4 to be a lot more challenging than ages 0-2 FWIW, but still…I have always been happy with my life and my family and my decision to have kids.
Not sure what you were getting at here with your post, but don’t create a problem that doesn’t exist. Enjoy your baby and the fact that you enjoy motherhood, and don’t worry about when it will get hard.
AwayEmily says
Yay! that is absolutely wonderful. I think very few people actively regret it, but there are harder parts and easier parts, and those differ by person. I overall was (like you) surprised at how much I enjoy being a parent — if you had told me when I was 19 that I would have three kids one day I would have laughed in your face.
For me the hardest periods have been having two under two, and then a recent long spate of anxiety/sadness from my then-4yo. But who knows, maybe you won’t have any of these hard periods! I think it makes sense that parenting is just more enjoyable for some people than others, just like for any other job. I know that a lot of people who have my same job (professor) complain about it, but I legitimately love 90% of it (except grading. nobody loves grading). I’d say I love about 80% of parenting.
Anon says
Not odd at all! It’s so nice to hear positive stories! Yay! My two cents- Everyone’s parenting journey is so different! “Hard” varies by kid – each child/parent combination is unique. Or you might temperamentally just be suited for parenthood. I loooved having babies. My tween, however, is making me regret life choices and question everything I do as a parent. I don’t regret my kid- I love seeing how she is becoming an independent person- but sometimes I wish I didn’t have to parent her so much.
Also- for me it’s not my kids that are necessarily hard, it’s keeping life together and the mental energy of seeing that everyone’s needs are met (including mine and my husband’s) that I find the hardest.
NLD in NYC says
Enjoy it! Could the other shoe drop when they become a toddler? A preschooler? A teen? Maybe. Don’t go looking for the downsides lest you find them.
Anon says
So far (at 20 months old) it hasn’t yet! We’re definitely getting into more attitude and tantrums but it’s so delightful to watch her personality starting to shine through.
Cb says
I love each age more than the last? I found the first three months challenging because I was so so tired. He didn’t sleep through the night til 2 but I must have adapted. And 5 is awesome.
TheElms says
You sound similar to me. I waited a long time to have my first and thought long and hard about it because I had been firmly in the no kids camp for a while because I thought my personality and lifestyle weren’t suited to kids. Well, DH and I loved our first and decided to have a second. For us, it got hard (but not in the regret sense because I don’t regret DD1 or DD2 at all and I really can’t imagine not having both of them), really, really hard around 2.5 with our first. Her behavior completely shifted and everything was battle from the moment we woke up until the moment we went to bed and no amount of parenting strategies seemed to make any difference.
And then adding a second when DD1 was 2 years and 9 months, made it worse. Like shockingly hard and how could I be so naive as to not realize how hard this would be. And going back to work after DD2 was worse yet because there just weren’t enough hours in the day and DD2 is just a fussier child overall.
I know have a 1 year old and an almost 4 year old and its just starting to get a bit easier or I can see how it will get easier. Most of that is DD1’s behavior is overall better and DD2 has become a much better sleeper than the first 6-8ish months of her night which were brutal.
Anon says
I don’t think most people regret having children. I was also on the fence about having kids and expected to have to slog through the baby years to get to elementary age, but I was surprised by how much I enjoyed the baby years. I’m still not a “baby person” but it’s different when it’s your own. For me, the newborn period was way better than I anticipated (I had an easy baby but also my expectations were low thanks to all the horror stories) and it just got steadily better through maybe 20 months or so. Age 2 was less fun for me than 6-18 months and age 3 was really pretty awful (for me, people have different experiences) but 4 was great and 5 is even better so far.
Anonymous says
When you have your second baby that has insane reflux and cries hysterically for every car ride until he’s 5 months old. Not that I’d know. KIDDING. I have always loved being a mom but my first was an “easier” baby than my second. The first 6 months of having a toddler/newborn were the most challenging (note that I do not say the worst, just challenging) of my life. I have a 3.5yo and 6yo and we’ve had some very hard days but I love being a mom!
anon says
I don’t think it has to. I have found, even on this board, that if you mention how much you love motherhood you’re either not a feminist or you’re a “poopcup” or both. I find the “just wait till” trope really tiresome.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Just wait till you have two ;) In seriousness though, I don’t find anyone on this board who hates motherhood – we all talk about our challenges and I appreciate the solidarity. Poopcups generally take credit for their kids’ personalities, it doesn’t mean that you have to hate parenthood.
anonM says
+1. My recommendation is to focus on your gratitude. A lot of what makes parenting really difficult for some who maybe seem “negative” from the outside are just dealing with more than meets the eye. For example, my dear friend’s son has significant developmental delays, but you would not know casually meeting them that the family is balancing taking him to many different appointments, evaluations, and school meetings with very little outside support. So if you have a child that is happy, healthy, and meeting all developmental milestones, just focus on your gratitude. It’s not “a just wait till trope” but really, you just don’t know what life has in store and if you have a baby that isn’t colicky or sick and your birth was traumatic and your recovery is going to plan, have some gratitude and remember to give others grace. If someone accused me of being negative or not loving motherhood enough because I was struggling, it would reallyyyy hurt my feelings. Now go get some baby cuddles for me because gahhhh I love that.
Anonymous says
So I’ve also tried to say some form of this on this board and been blamed for “toxic positivity”. Can’t win
Anon says
Yeah, people have been called poopcups for taking credit for their kids being good sleepers or adventerous eaters and while it’s not a nice term I sort of agree. You can do everything right and still have the world’s pickiest eater or a terribly colicky baby who doesn’t sleep. I don’t recall anyone ever being judged for saying they love being moms. I think most people here love motherhood!
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Well-said.
Plus, a lot of us (myself included) are dealing with our own baggage; people’s responses are always classically about them, not you and your true, lived experience.
I found the first year really hard on multiple fronts, had really bad PPA, and I also gained/kept on all my weight while nursing, which did not make me feel good in my body, and I didn’t find my new normal until my kid was close to 2. When I hear someone else having a really lovely time in the early months, I’m not envious or jealous – it makes me smile! But, at one point, it made me wonder if something was wrong with me and caused me to spiral.
Anonymous says
Congratulations?
Boston Legal Eagle says
It gets both harder and easier when you realize that most phases with kids are just that – phases. They will change. Parenting a baby is different than parenting a toddler than parenting an early elementary than parenting a teenager. It’s hard in different ways when they get older. I don’t regret having kids at all, but I too had thoughts that I just needed to get through the early years and then it’s easy living. Nope! It’s a challenge, but it’s very meaningful for me, and most people I think.
In hindsight and with my second, months 4-10 or so really were so nice. Not easy necessarily, but simple, and you don’t have to think too much about your parenting strategies.
Anon says
I LOVED ages like 5-14 months with my twins and then ages 20-39 months, struggled in the middle there for 6 months when one could walk and one couldn’t. Honestly, it might never for you, you might get lucky with your kiddo, i also think that if you just have one, it is a lot easier bc you don’t have the challenge of balancing the needs of multiple kids
GCA says
It’s not odd, and you are lucky! I do think that there are some times when parenting *is* harder than other times – nearly everyone has some kind of struggle whether it’s sleep, or picky eating, or potty training, or bigger emotional challenges as kids get older, or juggling work and parenting, or just a solo parenting stint here and there. Just enjoy the phase of parenting you are in right now, and know that you *will* have the ability to cope if things get harder – that is what communities like this are for. If things get hard, others will have tools and strategies to share.