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Fallen says
My 10 year old has been swimming competitively for 3 years and is very good at it. She is now talking about quitting. Says the cold water annoys her and that she often looks forward for practice to be over. On a practical end the swimming has worsened her eczema and has caused repeat ear infections. It’s obviously her decision, but I wanted to help her be wise about this decision since she put so much into it rather than to quit on a whim. What are some ways to help her think through it carefully? Also, should I encourage her to try another sport? She says nothing else interests her but I don’t know that she has given anything a shot really. She has pretty much only swam bc practice is 4x a week and has other activities too that aren’t a sport.
Anon says
Let her quit. And I wouldn’t make her do another sport as long as she has other activities she does.
Anonymous says
I have a kid of similar age. Some friends have been one-sport track since early elem and they are fading.
What are her friends going? Can she check out town / rec sports this spring and see if anything is interesting? 10 isn’t too late to try anything, honestly. I know girls at 10 who are just getting into swimming.
She might like something totally different- lacrosse, soccer, climbing, dance, softball. In my area, while 5th graders *can* be elite, you can also still just start out. A colleague of mine had a daughter that did highly competitive gymnastics until 8th grade, then dropped out and took up field hockey and lacrosse. She went all in and ended up playing D2 in college. Turned out she had the wrong sport until high school!
Anonymous says
It’s physically hurting her. Literally nothing about this sounds like she decided on a whim.
Anon says
Yeah, quitting on a whim is wanting to quit after one bad practice. It’s making her physically ill and she doesn’t enjoy it. I don’t really see what there is to discuss.
anon says
I have a 10 yo who swims competitively. My kid has lots of other interests so we’ve tried to keep swimming low key. She’s been doing club swim this year with 2x a week practices, but we’ll likely step back next year as its only one of her interests.
She’s planning to do summer swim team this summer because it’s fun and she can do it with friends. In the fall she’ll likely just do a developmental practice 2x a week so she can keep up skills and then she’ll do the middle school swim team with her friends in the winter. We’ll reevaluate after that, but she’ll likely just go back to developmental lessons 2x a week so she’s ready for summer swim. We aren’t going to go all in with club swim but keep it up as a good form of exercise that she can keep doing for life. Will she be amazing at swim? Nope, but she’s late to puberty (very small for her age) and wouldn’t be amazing even if she was super intense about it.
I guess my question is, could she step back to a program that is more like 2x a week practices or a version of swim that is more social than competitive? She’s only 10 and could always ramp up again later.
As for trying other sports, could she sign up for some sports summer camps? That’s a good way to get to try a new sport without committing to a whole season. Field hockey and girls lacrosse are big middle school start sports in our area. Cross country also starts in middle school here.
octagon says
Our mantra is you don’t quit on a bad day, but it sounds like the joy is gone for her for swimming.
If the cold water is an issue, are there other pools in your town she could try? Is it a coaching mismatch? I think it’s worth emphasizing some form of physical activity, but she might enjoy trying a few different things over the next year. It’s not too late for anything!
Anon says
These comments about it not being too late are amusing me. This girl is 10. I know women who picked up new sports in their 60s.
octagon says
I get that this is location specific but where we are, by the time kids are 12-13 it’s very difficult to find casual or rec leagues for kids who want to try a sport if they haven’t done it before. My kid is 9 and wants to play soccer, but not like SERIOUS SOCCER, and there isn’t a league within 45 minutes of our home for that. The only soccer option is for kids who are now doing travel soccer (and have been playing soccer since they were 5-6). Which is a bummer, but he will do soccer camps and have fun with that. I guess by high school there’s intramural sports as an option but it’s missing for the tween set.
There’s a ton more for adults who want to casually take up a sport!
Anonymous says
In our town, all soccer turns into travel soccer in 3rd grade but you can very much just sign up. You’ll be on the lowest ranked team in town, but who cares? They also run clinics year round so where I am she could sign up for a summer session and a winter clinic and play spring and fall no problem.
I would say just walking into soccer without being a good runner at 12 would be tricky, but that’s a fixable thing in the pre season!
We have club soccer and elite travel soccer as well. Just encouraging you to reach out to the travel teams/somewhat local teams and see what their policy is on newbies. Even though they seem elite on the website, nearly every kid sport I”ve worked with has been so welcoming and encouraging of new players. My kid has played softball for a long time and when a friend wanted to join her, we talked to the town league and they found a high school girl to work with her a little on the very basics (rules, how to hit, throwing and catching) so she could play on the middle school team. They also recommended a couple camps for winter and spring break which the girl happily did (and my kid joined her).
Anon says
Soccer is the biggest sport for little kids so tends to be more intense early.
In my area it’s totally normal to pick up track/cross country, golf, tennis, volleyball and baseball/softball around late elementary or middle school and even basketball there isn’t necessarily a big benefit to starting young. My husband often rants about how kids who start basketball in pre-K or early elementary develop bad shooting form. He taught our daughter dribbling and passing beginning when she was 5 but didn’t want her to practice shooting that young.
Anonymous says
I made one of them and do agree but to a kid, and even some adults, it seems like if you aren’t club level/competing at 10 you’ve missed the boat. And you totally haven’t! My kid is 11 and her favorite sport is “learning new sports with my friends.” She’s not gonna be a D1 athlete, she doesn’t care at all, and she likes running around and spending time with friends. She’ll probably be in ski club or play on an ultimate frisbee team or something in high school and that’s fine by me!
Spirograph says
I’m 40 and my favorite sport is still “learning new sports with my friends.” :) I did club softball, summer swim team and track & field (middle school, not very seriously) as a kid, but I was never really a sports person. I still like lap swimming, and I can throw a baseball well enough to enjoy catch with my kids. Sports/activities I’ve tried for the first time as an adult: tennis, rock climbing/bouldering, snowboarding, skiing, surfing, rowing, figure skating (I did that a little as a kid, but picked it back up), distance running & triathlons, ballet…
There have been so many mountain biking comments here recently, I think that may be my next one. I’m not a great athlete, but I can hang well enough to have fun with all of it, and I like the novelty & variety!
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’ll give a plug for cross country/track. Definitely able to pick this up in middle school/high school, has a reputation for a good group of kids and can be competitive but not supppper competitive like other sports. And you can keep up running for the rest of your life!
GCA says
+1. All the endurance sports are the ones you almost *have* to pick up later. Serious athlete? Try rowing. Most people don’t pick that up till high school.
Anonymous says
I rowed crew and unless things have changed programs don’t start until ~12. My kiddo can’t wait because she is built like a powerhouse rower.
Anon says
I would definitely get her to enroll in another sport. Sports are amazing for girls as they get older in terms of their body confidence, self-confidence, belonging to a team, less time on their phones, etc. etc. She can view this as an opportunity to try different things and find out what she likes.
Anonymous says
Can she just swim for fun? Do a sport that’s swimming adjacent, like sailing or when she’s a little older, crew?
Or just…start playing tennis or softball this spring. See what she likes and what she doesn’t like. She can keep swimming for fun but not compete this spring.
Anonymous says
I’m a former competitive swimmer and I would let her quit. The problem with competitive swimming is that it is hard to do it casually–the time commitment is only going to ramp up as she gets older–and ultimately you are staring at a black line at the bottom of a pool for hours on end. And yeah, I had swimmer’s ear more or less constantly for 5+ years. She’s already doing 4x week practices, which is a LOT for a 10 year old, and in the next 2 years it is likely she will ramp up to 6 days a week, 2-3 hours a day, year-round, and then adding a second morning practice 2-3x/week in her teens. Not to mention all of the meets. If that is what she wants, great, but it doesn’t sound like she does. She can always go back to it if she changes her mind; she’s only 10. I didn’t even start swimming competitively until I was 12. Re: other sports – I would give her some time to figure out what interests her; she probably hasn’t had time to try a lot of other things. Trust her. Let her do nothing. She’s 10.
Anonymous says
Competitive swimmer who switched to synchronized swimming at age 9 and LOVED it. Still intense hours and in cold water but a way different dynamic in terms of how practices run and how you interact with your teammate. Obviously this is a judged sport, more emphasis on appearance that can be tough.
Anon says
I wanted to be a synchronized swimmer so badly but it didn’t exist in my town! I pursued figure skating instead and towards the end of my career got to do some synchronized team skating, which was so much fun. I like the team version of individual sports.
Spirograph says
I’d probably let her quit. She can always go back to it if she misses it. And yes, I’d encourage her to try another sport. There are YMCA summer camps in our area that are basically “sport camp” and play a variety of field sports throughout the week, which could be a good way to get a sampler and hopefully find something that piques her interest. Or, since swimming is more speed/endurance than hand-eye & team play, maybe something like Girls on the Run would appeal to her? What do her friends do? Friends are a major motivating factor in just about anything my 9 year old daughter signs up for.
Anon says
I’ll put in a plug for mountain biking. Leagues for girls are on the rise nationally (check out NICA) and it’s an amazing lifelong sport. It builds confidence, teaches how to navigate risk safely, and is all outside.
Anon says
Not OP, but I appreciate the plug. I read “Mountain Biking Adventures with Izzy” to my four year old. Her dad loves mountain biking and I hope I can get her into it some day.
Anon says
And when you’re older, it’s a great way to meet bada$$ friends. Our once weekly after work mountain bike rides (with apres-ride parking lot beer and snacks) are the highlight of my week. (They’re seasonal where I live though.)
Anon says
I would let her quit. I wouldn’t focus at all on how much she’s put into it — she swam from ages 7-10, which is great, but she is still a young kid. If she doesn’t want to do a sport, let her take some time to figure out what else she does want to do. I personally hated every sport I tried and every practice was miserable. My parents didn’t force me but did encourage for college app reasons. Some kids just aren’t into team sports and that’s fine! (I did go on to become a runner in college and beyond, running half marathons with friends.) Yes sports can be great, but they can also backfire and have a seedy side, and I don’t see them as the pinnacle of a well-rounded childhood like many people do.
anon says
I agree with you. Now that my oldest is in middle school and I hear what families are dealing with as part of participating in these stupid travel teams, I am so freaking GRATEFUL that my kids just don’t care that much about team sports. There is seedy behavior, indeed.
One of my kids got really into taekwondo about a year ago. He was a 13-year-old beginner, and it has been amazingly good for his confidence, self esteem, etc. We tried to get him interested earlier, but he wasn’t into the idea until he was.
OP, it’s OK to let your kiddo take a break for awhile. It sounds like this has been an intense time commitment and she may need some time and space to figure out what interests her instead.
Anon says
Good point on martial arts – you really can begin them anytime. My kids both started karate this year and the beginner class is ages 6-12! The belt color just above them, which meets right after, seems to have a lot of older teenagers, too
Anon says
I agree with you too. My husband never did organized sports (unless you count a couple years of T-ball around age 5), and he got into an Ivy League college and is now one of the most physically active adults I know. Being active is important for mental and physical health, especially as you get into adulthood, but organized sports are not necessary for a happy and active life.
FVNC says
+1, from a former D1 swimmer. I swam with a woman who was national age group record holder when she was 10. She was obviously still a good swimmer by college, but not extraordinary and she’d definitely lost the joy of competing in the sport. I only say that to assure you that just because your daughter is a good 10 year old swimmer doesn’t mean she’s throwing away potential to be an elite athlete. Let her quit, but I’d encourage her to find another sport.
Anon says
Forcing her to swim when she doesn’t like it anymore seems like it would have absolutely no upside.
Anonymous says
Let her quit. I swam in high school and was not very good, but I enjoyed it a lot. My brother swam in high school and college and was pretty burned out but needed the scholarship. There were several of kids who swam because their parents forced them. Spoiler: none of those kids are Olympians. I would be willing to bet they don’t even enjoy swimming now. I would let her have an activity break for a set amount of time ( a semester, three months, whatever) and then encourage her to try something new.
Anonymous says
Let her quit. Offer that she can swim for fun if she wants. What about water related sports like rowing? That starts up in the age 10-12 range.
She may get back into it at some point. My 12 year old dropped dance at 8 when she was dancing twice a week and just got back into it last fall and wants to do three times a week next fall.
DLC says
When my kid wants to quit something, I usually will also ask her if she wants to quit or just take a break? That helps it feel like she isn’t giving it up entirely if she’s on the fence and just wants to see what else is out there.
Anonymous says
It sounds like she has thought it through and knows what she wants, so I would let her drop swimming. I would have her pick up another sport or dance two or three times a week. If you can still register, summer is the perfect time to try out new sports through one-week camps.
In our house kids must do one physical activity and one music/drama/art activity. If they want to do something at a very intense level we will support them as far as we are able. With one of our kids dropping an intense sport and replacing it with a relaxed fitness activity made space for her to really excel in an artistic pursuit.
Anonymous says
It sounds like your daughter has activities most days of every week. I’d let her quit and also take the semester/summer off. These are her last years of truly being a kid. Maybe there’s a summer camp where she could try different sports/games in a low key way. Then you could introduce a sport back in the fall at 1-2X a week.
Eclipse Plans? says
What are everyone’s plans for the eclipse on Monday? We are not in the path of totality and schools are on the normal schedule, so wondering whether it is worth it to pull the kids early to observe it.
Anon says
I wouldn’t pull kids for a partial eclipse, personally. They happen pretty frequently and aren’t that exciting. A total eclipse is a different story.
We’re about 60 minutes from the center of totality and our local schools are closed so we’re driving to see it. I’m looking forward to the eclipse but dreading the traffic coming home. I looked into hotels for Monday night but it was like $1000 for a Motel 6 so that’s not happening.
anon says
The last time there was a total eclipse, it was a total bust because of cloud cover in my area. It was such a bummer!
Anon says
Forecast is currently for mostly sunny. Fingers crossed!
Clementine says
Same. I’m wondering if it’s going to be a nightmare but we’re driving about an hour to see totality.
And yeah, all our schools are closed or closing early because of ‘safety reasons’.
Anon says
This is possibly a once-in-a-lifetime event – the next one isn’t coming for decades and it’s a smaller path of totality. I hope no one is considering staying home because traffic exists.
Anon says
Well the next one that’s visible in the continental US isn’t for decades. There’s another total solar eclipse happening in 2026, and many more within the next decade, they just won’t be visible for most of us without flying.
Anonymous says
We’re flying to see it! I have family in several different states in the path of totality, but we haven’t been to TX in a while (and going now absolves me of needing to go at a time of year when the weather is more likely to be uncomfortable) so we’re heading there for a visit + eclipse viewing. Kids will miss a couple days of school, but since the next total eclipse over the US is several decades away, I don’t feel too guilty about that.
The Youtube Channel “Smarter Every Day” has an eclipse episode that walks through various ways to observe the eclipse, so if the weather cooperates, we’re going to set up some science stations in the yard.
Boston Legal Eagle says
We’re not in the path, but aftercare is having them watch the partial. I just got some eclipse glasses to see it too. Not driving for the totality. It looks like the next one is not until 2044, so maybe then!
Anonymous says
We’re in NYC so fairly close to totality but not in the direct path. My son should be getting home from school right around the peak, and my husband happens to be taking that day off for a doctor’s appointment so they will view together. My office got permission to do a group viewing event from our building roof. Fingers crossed the weather cooperates! I watched the last eclipse (partial in NY) from the middle of Times Square, which was memorable.
Anon says
DS #1’s school asked us to sign permission slips – they are providing the glasses and taking the kids out of class to observe it. We’re in Houston, so a bit far from the path and it looks like it will be cloudy, so TBD. I just got some glasses for DH and I to watch while at work.
HSAL says
We’re right in the path. Schools are doing elearning that day but we’ll just walk outside to look at it. I have zero interest in going somewhere and spending hours in the car to go ten miles.
Anon says
Pulling both kids from daycare around 2pm and drawing the shades in our house. My husband is an ophthalmologist and generally is very not worried about things but neither of us trust our 2 kids under 3 to keep any eclipse glasses on. We are in NYC area. Have fun everyone else!
Anonymous says
Picking kids up early from school and driving a couple hours so we can see it from the path of totality.
Anonymous says
We’re not in the path and the weather isn’t forecasted to cooperate, so I’ve got nothing planned. I’m glad other people are into it but I just don’t really care.
Anonymous says
We’re at 85% and it’s at 3:20 in our area so we have our glasses ready. Fingers crossed viewing from our front lawn.
Anon says
Ugh, I just accidentally ate a bagel that may have had mold. Mine didn’t have any, but my husband said another in the bag did. I’m six weeks pregnant so this is annoying. Does eating probiotic-containing foods help at all?
Anonymous says
As my mother always says, a little penicillin never hurt anyone.
Anon says
Yup.
Anonymous says
This. I’m not an expert, but I’m pretty sure most mold is going to be killed quickly by your stomach acid. Other than the “ick” factor, a little bit won’t hurt you.
NLD in NYC says
Ha! So did mine.
Anon says
But people aren’t supposed to eat mold, so…
Vicky Austin says
You’ll be okay!
Cb says
I think if it was bad, you’d have noticed, especially with pregnancy super sniffer sensitivity.
SC says
+1. I had a bagel that actually had mold a few weeks ago. It was an everything bagel, from a brand new bag, and the mold was between the toppings. I noticed immediately and spit it out and threw the whole bagel away. I’m shuddering just at the memory of the taste.
TO No-Longer-Junior says
Just a vent: I’m going on mat leave in a couple of months and I’m wondering how on earth I’m going to make it at work until then! I already feel like I have very reduced working capacity and that I’ve dropped the ball on more projects than I am comfortable with as a result. I both have no motivation to keep going but I’m also worried that my poor performance right now is going to take me out of the running for promotions once I am back from my mat leave next year, which I otherwise was on track for pre-pregnancy.
Baby is very, very much planned and wanted – it took several rounds of IVF and fertility treatments to get to this point – so no regrets about having a child, just so many conflicting emotions about career and priorities. On the one hand, I want to keep my foot on the gas pedal workwise to keep my career on track, but on the other, I am wondering if I have already torpedoed it beyond repair, so I might as well take a step back. I haven’t felt this unsure of myself and my career in years.
anon says
I cant even begin to describe the degree of transformation that occurs in pregnancy and early baby years with how you’ll see your career, I would think of this as a first step. It is HARD to push in your career the same way. I know this doesn’t feel like good advice, but 7+ years ahead of you, I’d try to make peace with being passed over possibly for a promotion and know that youre doing the best you can in these years. There will be times in the future when you can push hard again, but it’s hard to comprehend until you’re in it how hard it can be to push forward in your career like before with pregnancy/early years.
Boston Legal Eagle says
And having kids will force you to prioritize what’s really important to do at work. Putting in 100 hours per week just probably won’t work anymore. If it means switching jobs to a better work environment, then that’s something you can consider when you get back.
FWIW, I’ve gotten promoted twice since having my kids. I work hard but work is not my everything anymore.
Anony says
Just seconding this. I would never have expected this in the first year of my son’s life, which was pretty hazy with sleep deprivation, but now that he is almost 4, I am better at my job now than before he was born. My relationship with work changed for the better – I used to take everything so seriously, and now I feel like I’ve learned what to really take seriously and what to let go, and that’s actually made me a better lawyer. I’ve become more efficient and better at prioritizing. Balancing work and parenting is no joke, but if you are able to give yourself some more time and space, it can be good, too.
Anon says
Could have written this myself. 100% agree.
I’ve also been promoted twice since having kids.
Anon says
Totally normal! Just focus on the short term – try to maintain your sanity and do the best you can at work. Be realistic about what you can take on in late pregnancy (my kid was early and I’m really happy I decided to leave work a week earlier and had already ramped off most major projects by then). You’ll have plenty of time to gear back up later. And yes, your promotion plan might move back a bit, but that’s ok. Life is long and having a baby may reset your priorities anyway – although not necessarily! Just focus on what’s going on right now and figure out the future later.
Anon says
I have 5 year old twins who are in K in different classes. Some people invite both kids to their birthday and some just invite the class. I’ve received an evite that has neither child’s name on it from someone both are friendly with but only one is in the child’s class. Is it rude/invitation-grubbing to ask if the parents intended to invite both kids? I don’t care at all what the answer is and I don’t want to pressure the parents to invite both kids if they don’t want to, but it would be nice to know rather than tell one kid he can’t come when he really was invited.
Anon says
Totally fine to ask, just make it clear you’re ok with either answer.
Anonymous says
Not rude at all, just shoot them a not RSVPing for twin A and ask to clarify whether B was intended to be included in the invite as well.
anon says
Agree just go ahead and ask. It’s slightly awkward, but this is just par for the course with twins when invites aren’t specifically addressed.
OP says
Thank you all for the gut check!
Siclady says
Travel help question!
Traveling to Portugal (Lisbon, Algarve) and then to Seville for a 10th anniversary trip with my husband for 7 days in May. First trip abroad without our kids since kids. Haven’t been to Europe since before COVID but did study abroad in Spain (15 years ago…). We normally go off the Rick Steves guidebooks, slightly off beaten path. We’re very much the see everything people and get sick on the 4th day because we’re doing so much, but trying to slow down a little for this. As a perspective, most of our hotel reservations are $200-300/night, so not backpacker budget but also not super luxury.
a) What do I pack? It will be May and we will be doing lots of walking/ sightseeing/ perhaps some hiking on the Algarve. Planning on a pair of Athleta trousers, maybe a dress. Ideas for light jacket and shoes? Thinking one Euro sneaker, one good traction sandal – I think my Birkenstocks don’t have enough traction and my Chacos aren’t dressy enough .
b) Any must sees that people have loved?
Thanks in advance!
Anon says
I studied abroad in Spain and have been to Portugal–
Seville will be hot and humid. Hotter than you are expecting, and you will be walking a lot, mostly on cobblestones. There are also a lot of tourists, so it’s not like you’re going to stand out if you’re wearing Chacos. I would bring a dressier shoe if you are going out for dinner– not sure if things have changed, but Spaniards love dressing up.
Lisbon will be chilly. Think San Francisco weather. I also remember it being less dressy than Spain. Make sure to visit Sintra.
Have a great trip!
Anon says
we went pre covid but loved our day trip to Sintra and in the Algarve the Seven Valleys Hanging trail. That sounds like a fun trip, but a lot of stops! personally i’d pick 2 of those 3 locations
Anon says
Yeah I said below that we did Seville and the Algarve in one week. I feel like we saw both places decently well (especially Seville, which is small and compact) but we didn’t have time for day trips and there are some really great ones. I can’t imagine fitting Lisbon into that timeframe as well. I’d pick 2 of the 3.
Anon says
Fun! We did Seville and the Algarve for spring break last year and had the BEST time. We had our 5 year old with us, so I don’t have recs for fancy meals or anything like that, but I absolutely loved both places.
In Seville we hit most of the tourist highlights in two very full days. My favorites were the Alcazar and Plaza de Espana, also the chocolate and churros. In the Algarve the highlights for me were Praia de Marinha (I’ve been all over the world and I think that’s a top 5 place for natural beauty) and a boat ride to Benagil Cave. Faro was our favorite city in the Algarve.
In Seville we stayed in a lovely boutique hotel, Hotel Amadeus. It’s centrally located and I believe it was around $200 a night. Not Four Seasons-type luxury, but very clean, comfortable and quiet, and it had a nice rooftop pool.
I think Seville will already be quite hot by May. The highs were around 70 at the beginning of March.
Ifiknew says
This is really helpful. where did you stay in algarve and were the tourist destinations interesting to your 5 year old kn seville? my kids will be 6 and 8 and thinking about going next fall around october.
Anon says
In the Algarve, we stayed in PortoBay Falesia. Great with kids, but I didn’t mention it to OP because I wouldn’t go there without kids (there are TONS of families). It’s on a beautiful, calm beach that my kid loved. It wasn’t really ocean swimming weather in March but we played on the sand and waded in the water.
So in Seville my kid vomited in the middle of our first night there and she and my husband spent a large portion of the next day sleeping, so they missed a lot of the sightseeing. I think she would have liked the Alcazar, at least relative to other historical sites in Europe. On our second day, she did the cathedral climb with no issues (It’s a ramp instead of stairs, so easier than a lot of other tower climbs). We also did a boat cruise that day that was ok but kind of boring for all of us. She’s generally happy to walk around cities if there’s gelato or ice cream at the end of the walk. She wasn’t otherwise thrilled with the food in Spain (Portugal was a bit easier) but she managed, and she’s pretty picky.
It would be great with elementary age kids, and I think October is supposed to be a really good time to go.
Chl says
Go to sintra but be aware the times ticketing is a disaster so pick the first time of the day for Peña palace so you don’t wait in line for a long time.
Tired says
Mostly a complaint, not really seeking advice- I’m coming out of a very busy season of work and right into a month of solo parenting while husband is deployed for a training exercise. This isn’t my first extended solo parenting, but coming on the heels of busy work period and now that I have a very rambunctious 3.5 yo I feel like I’m entering this already exhausted. My parents are local, but one is recovering from a major surgery and needs a lot of tending.
I already have a calendar laid out with weekend activities. I’m hoping I can squeeze in a day or two of PTO just to rest and do things without kid in tow.
Anon says
That sounds hard! Reach out to your village – if I had a friend or acquaintance in your situation I’d be happy to take the kid for a weekend day.
Anon says
I get it. I’m super busy at work and my husband will be gone probably 50% of the weekends and 75% of the mornings and evenings between now and August. And we have a 1 year old and a 3.5 year old. And I freaking love them to death and also very envious of people with local family!
Anon says
Hi, I’ve been in very similar situations often. While DH isn’t deployed for a month (not military), he has often back-to-back travel. We also have local family, which is a huge help, but I’ve also had periods where there have been other things going on in their lives where they just couldn’t be as present. I agree on leaning on your village (if you have one you trust). My youngest is 3 and we are finally getting to the point where he can play without constant supervision.
Your PTO idea is great. I would suggest in addition or instead – If finances and availability allow – please book a sitter 1-2x/week (maybe one weeknight and one weekend night) to give yourself a break from the evening routine. I usually use those times to go exercise or see a friend and have a good meal.
I also frame time DH is “away” as a FUN TIME for me and the kids. We have HOT DOGS FOR DINNER! We move the coffee table so there is more play space in the living room! DS #1 gets to sleepover in our bedroom on weekend nights! I say I do it for the kids/their memories of DH traveling, but it also really helps me reframe the time with them.
I also make meals REALLY simple in these sprints (see above re hot dogs), and make sure I have something to look forward to in the evening after kids are asleep (book, TV show, whatever).
Anon says
Commiseration. I’ve been solo parent this week with a 4 year old and a baby. I went into it exhausted and developed strep throat. At least it’s something I’m able to start taking antibiotics for. If you can, I would do everything you can to keep your health on the up and up. Hydration, good sleep, etc. Being sick and solo parenting is not fun.
Anonymous says
Good luck!! My DH was deployed last year, and is in the reserves so I understand the month of training activities. We did more food delivery and all the grocery delivery. Cooking for me and just the kids is easier than DH who wants big man meals at night (which I am happy to cook when he’s here!). I did find the weekends the hardest because everyone else is usually doing family time. Honestly if you have the PTO I’d do 1 day off/week and definitely take some time to pamper yourself with spa/pedicure etc…if you have the funds. It really does help.