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I have way too many coats for someone who works primarily from home, but every fall I lose all reason and add another to my growing collection.
This one from Sandro is loaded with “je ne sais quoi.” Sandro’s lined, long trench coat has a traditional houndstooth pattern, but the pleated yoke and press-stud fastening will make you look twice. Wear this unique fall coat for both work and weekend.
Sandro’s Mathilda Houndstooth Trench Coat is $865 full price with 30% off at checkout. It’s available in sizes XS–XL. For another option with a more traditional cut, check out this version from Ann Taylor for $238 that comes in sizes XXS–XXL.
Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
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- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
Anonymous says
My 10 year old and her bestie do a lot of things together. We often take Bestie along on trips, and my kiddo is often their family’s +1 for things (out to dinner, to a movie, to meals after various sport events etc). They’ve been good friends for 2-3 years and we never really exchanged money back and forth to cover the extra expense of another kid.
It’s starting to feel a little uneven- I don’t track this closely or anything but it seems like my kiddo has been going with them a lot more recently. They are taking the girls to a movie tomorrow night. Am I starting a whole can of worms in a system that is not currently broken if I Venmo the mom $50 for drinks and tickets?
I don’t want it to become tit-for-tat and I really don’t want to make things awkward. Maybe I can do it with a message like “our treat tonight”? I don’t want the parents to think they need to venmo me every time we take their kid out.
For example, we will probably offer to take their kid on a ski day trip with us over the winter and I wouldn’t expect to have them pay for her ticket and would decline if they offered.
For context, both our families are high income- the actual money itself is a non-issue. Both families have 3 kids. My daughter is the oldest while her bestie is the youngest so I think there’s an aspect of their family doing more “big kid” outings like going out to dinner. Our family tends to do bigger things, like an amusement park trip, and bring bestie to keep my oldest entertained.
As I’m typing this out I’m thinking maybe rather than pay for the movie this weekend I just plan something relatively soon? Thoughts?
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
First of all, what a dream situation! Kudos to both families. It sounds to me like it evens out in the grand scheme? If anything, could you have this chat (like what you posted above) with the Mom? Something like “I love how close they are, and we love having her as a bonus daughter. It seems like she’s been over at yours a lot more lately, is there anything we can do to pitch in?” and leave it at that. If she offers to pitch in for the trip, you politely decline.
My brother’s childhood BFF was always at our house, came out to eat with us, to movies, etc. We were solidly middle class at best, and I don’t think my parents ever accepted the BFF’s (single) mom’s offer to pay for things. Looking back, I think it was the same with my teenage BFF and I, too – caveat that “big” things like trips were not involved, it was more hanging at the others house, eating food, getting driven places, etc. – and no money was exchanged between families.
anon says
I really like this phrasing: “I love how close they are, and we love having her as a bonus daughter. It seems like she’s been over at yours a lot more lately, is there anything we can do to pitch in?”
It acknowledges that it’s been uneven, but doesn’t presume that assistance desired would be financial. I wouldn’t want to introduce the idea of transferring money back and forth in this kind of (amazing!) relationship, but I’d love a recognition that it’s been uneven and a general offer to help out. I might take you up on it–like, if the children wanted to do something for multiple hours that required adult supervision at a time that was tricky for me, maybe ask you to cover some of that time.
Cb says
Could you send your daughter with spending money (hard in an increasingly cashless society but probably OK at a big theatre) to buy popcorn for everyone?
I was an only and often had a plus one and sometimes other parents would send their kid with money to buy everyone ice cream which I think is a nice way to balance it?
Spirograph says
This is what I’d do. My 10 year old would feel very Mature and Important to have his own cash to buy popcorn or movie snacks for himself, and I’d coach him ahead of time to offer to buy for his friend as well.
Otherwise, I think you don’t break what sounds like a great situation. FWIW, we have a frequent carpool thing going for my son’s travel sports-team friend, and the game are far enough away and intense enough that the boys need a heavy snack if not a meal on the go before they get home again. DH just told the other parents “I’ll always feed [friend]. Can we just agree that we’ll feed everyone with us, and not worry about sending cash with the kid?” and everyone’s happy with that arrangement. That’s small dollar amounts compared a lift ticket, but if you’re confident both families can afford it, I think it’s nicer and easier to just trade treating each other.
Anonymous says
OP here. When I do this, and when other friends do it, the kids conveniently “forget” and it comes home.
Anon says
I wouldn’t worry too much about it, since you’re both high income and can afford it. We often take a friend along for my only child and we don’t expect the kid to send money – if we’re inviting, we’re expecting to pay for the kid. I agree you can bring it up with the other mom, but if she says it’s not a big deal I’d just let it go.
Anonymous says
OP here. She’ll say it’s not a problem. I am also very confident it’s not a financial strain. The skiing thing isn’t even an issue; they have a family ski house and season passes to the mountain. My kid has a multi mountain season pass that is good on their mountain.
When we take Bestie, it’s to keep my kid occupied while we are watching the younger kids. We have buddy tickets and they are still under 13 so it’s cheaper than a day of ski school :).
I just want to make it clear we are happy to pay for some of this stuff but at the same time really prefer not to have to send or receive $20 every time they do something (which is often).
Fallen says
This is an issue we often run into with my kiddo. I try to keep things loosely even to by offering to take them more places etc (both money-wise but also the time required from the parent). A lot of her friends are crazy wealthy where some of their activities are more expensive (they may do a Broadway show and dinner at a nice restaurant in NYC but I may take the girls apple picking or to the mall or a haunted trail) but I think it’s the thought that counts. I also always give my daughter money for snacks or to treat them to something. I only offer if something is very pricey, but every time I have offered it’s not taken up. I have noticed other moms only offer when it’s pricey too (so they won’t offer for say a movie but may for a more expensive activity) but I don’t think it’s common to accept the offer, I never have.
Anon says
we have a similar arrangement with family friends. right now, it’s even, but that’s going to ebb and flow based on family circumstances and activities. don’t mess it up! enjoy and look for opportunities to treat when you’re hosting.
Anon says
I actually agree completely! I’d feel awkward if my child’s BFF started sending money bc then I’d feel like I’d need to send money the next time my child hung out with theirs. I have a running joke with the mom of one my kids’ friends that we just sent the same $40 back and forth every week or two for the first year of their friendship before we just let it go.
I like sending a treat with my kid – so, a sweet neighbor mom stepped up last year and drove my son to like 60% of the practices throughout the season while I could only cover like 20%, so I just sent my kid down with a bottle of wine every couple of trips with a note acknowledging that she was taking on the lionshare of the driving that season. Not regular – so again, it doesn’t feel like she needs to reciprocate, but just a quick gesture that says thank you and this is appreciated! Doesn’t need to be wine – if your child is tagging along to ski, maybe send over snacks + hot chocolate or something similar. I am notoriously bad at using gift cards, but I’m always appreciative of a tangible item I can use immediately for the kids or myself.
Anonymous says
As another mom of 3 – don’t do this! It would make me feel like I have to reciprocate which is then one more thing I have to keep track of. Anything non-essential on my plate is going to be more stress than it’s worth. I would have a totally different answer if the financial circumstances were different but this family is not hurting – it’s fine how it is.
The current arrangement is working for everyone, don’t stress about it.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I love this coat! Trench coats, pleats, and grey for neutrals are all my faves. Be still my heart. Alas, I have a classic trench (with liner) and live in a subtropical climate so cannot justify owning multiples.
AwayEmily says
I need a trench coat! My cheap H&M one which I LOVED has finally disintegrated. Do you have recommendations for good ones? Preferably in petite sizes; otherwise the arms are too long and I look like I’m a toddler dressed up in a grown-up coat.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
One of the gold standards in trenches, IMHO, is Burberry. Other solid brands if you don’t want to spend a chunk of your mortgage or search pre-owned sites: London Fog and Club Monaco.
I had a rain jacket style trench in my 20s from Forever21 that I LOVED, got many compliments on and actually stayed in good shape for years.
Anon says
The styling in this picture is terrible
Anonymous says
I feel like it’s time for an in-law rant. My husband’s mom can be really loving and supportive, and she really wants to be involved in our lives (2x weekly video calls, visits as often as possible considering we live several states apart). Her visits are usually fine, however when she gets/we get home she always texts or calls my husband and tells him a long list of criticisms or things she felt went wrong during the trip. It makes my husband feel like every visit is a job interview and he gets anxious. It’s gotten worse since our son was diagnosed with autism — now every time she says anything about his behavior, it feels like a criticism of us. Is there a way to set some boundaries with her while still maintaining a good relationship?
Anon says
Ugh that sounds awful. Is there any way to shut it down in the moment? Like if she starts talking about your son’s behavior, can you husband say “Mom, we’re not interested in discussing this with you”?
AwayEmily says
OH MY GOODNESS that is really, really awful. Of COURSE he is stressed out by this! Is there any way he could say this to her? “You are such an amazing grandmother (and mom!) and we love your visits. But it really makes me sad and stressed out when afterwards you text me with all the things that you think went wrong. Can we figure out a solution?” Maybe she doesn’t quite realize how bad it makes him feel.
anon says
Similar situation. I am so anxious before my in-laws come visit. MIL was a sahm for the most part and is retired now so all she does is cook and clean. Then she shows up to our house and complains about things to my husband. Exact statement from last visit “this bath mat is filthy. you need to wash it”
No advice but commiseration.
Anon says
This is so bizarre. Has your husband asked her straight out why she likes to rehash all these things in a call? Does the call consist of any fond reminiscing, or is it just a list of criticism? I can see why she’d feel lonely right after a visit and want to call to extend the connection, but this doesn’t seem like that. In the most charitable view, maybe she’s a complainy person and thinks she’s just making conversation?
Clementine says
Commiseration here too. I produce the grandchildren for fun activities where they are an accessory.
At dinner this week, my FIL decided to talk about how I let my toddler use my phone ‘all the time’. Ironically, there are 2 scenarios in which my toddler can touch my phone: FaceTiming (which often means FaceTiming THEM) and the nightmare ‘stuck in an er/airport for 4-6 hours with no end in sight’ scenario.
The criticism is not helpful. Nor is the offer to watch kids with the last minute bailout,
Anonymous says
My mom is this way. Tl;dr – you can try to set boundaries but I’ve not had a ton of success. What’s worked for me is 1) realizing my mom is a flawed human and she’s trying her best and 2) working really hard to ignore/brush off the hurtful comments. She came from a verbally and emotionally abusive household and she genuinely thinks saying things like “your floor is dirty” is helpful. About a year ago I was really struggling with suicidal ideation a. I took her out to lunch and said “I am having a hard time. When you “help” me by being critical, it’s very discouraging. I need you to not do that anymore.” She made it all about herself and how she is a terrible mother. Now she just kind of doesn’t talk to me. We see her once or twice a week. She still makes backhanded comments but they’re aimed at the kids now: “wow mommy hasn’t done the dishes in a long time huh. Y’all must be keeping her busy!” I hate it, but it’s better than getting a weekly list of crap I “should be doing”, all of which I’m well aware of already. But It’s definitely worth having a conversation. Maybe your MIL is more emotionally mature than my mom and she will stop.
Anonymous says
“Mom I loved having you visit but I’m. It open to hearing a list of things you think went wrong, bye.”
Anonymous says
“If you are going to Monday morning quarterback every visit with me mom, I’m not going to come. Let’s talk politics.” ;)
Anonymous says
Ooh I’ll just commiserate. My 4th grader was showing my ILs her outfit for the Taylor swift movie and my 85 year FIL said “ you better be care standing on the street corner like that, someone will pick you up.” This was via FaceTime and went over her head but DH texted his mother “if I ever hear dad refer to my daughter as a hooker again you can let him know that will be the last thing he says to her.”
FWIW we have 3 girls and DH is an only child with parents across the country.
anon says
Oh man, this was really awful of FIL and I’m glad your husband was so clear in his response. I feel like this kind of talk was pervasive when I was growing up in the 90s and also really harmful. I’m so glad it didn’t register with your 4th grader.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I really think that some people’s love language is complaining – either about their own lives, or what they see others doing – it’s seen as bonding! My MIL is kind of like this, with a lot of sighs and “suggestions” about what we could do better. It annoys my husband, but he tries not to engage. Can your husband just ignore those texts? Like, not take them literally, and find a new topic of conversation.
Anonymous says
This. I would do a lot of “Sorry that the ABC aspect of your visit was challenging for you. We loved having you and look forward to the next visit.” Keep repeating some version thereof – don’t give oxygen to specific complaints.
And reassurance that this is a her thing, not that your DH is doing anything wrong. He needs to accept that she will ALWAYS find something to complain about. My MIL is the same way, she enjoys complaining.
Anon says
Help me get some…gumption. I have an interview for what was at one point a “dream organization” for me.
In all other situations I’d be like all-in, but right now this season of life is particularly hard – both kids are <6, husband is in BigLaw. I serve as primary parent, and we do have FT childcare + other help.
IF I got this job, I'm not sure what the hours/expectation would be. Knowing what I know of leadership at this place, I don't think it'd be unreasonable. I think I'd really enjoy it and it could set me up for a lot of long-term success, exposure, and opportunities.
I would not get that in my current role. I've been in my current spot for ~4 years, things are good and stable now after a year of incredible upheaval that definitely impacted my mental health. I'm in a leadership-level role but have never felt like I "owned" or "drove" much, which may change soon since I'm under a new team, but it's not clear what the future path is. I think I'm just burned out and know this is a safe place for now after being unsafe for so long.
Please tell me to go for it? For Reasons, I don't want to lean out, but I also don't want to be in a position where I crash-and-burn.
Spirograph says
Go for it. Use the interview to get a better feel for the culture of the team, workload, and availability expectations.
And then armed with that information, you’ll be able to make a good choice if/when you’re offered the job.
anon says
GO FOR IT.
It’s an interview. You’re not making a final decision. Information gather and then come back to us after you interview and get it, and we’ll tell you to take the job ;)
Boston Legal Eagle says
+1 You lose nothing by interviewing!
anon says
Go for it! You know what contributed to me leaving the workforce when things got challenging with caregiving? Not having a job that felt worth it. You should absolutely go for a job that feels worth it. Read LeanIn if you want a whole book to push you to go for it.
If you get this job and the hours are more than what you’re working now, your husband can figure out how to step up to be an equal or even primary parent.
Anon says
Thanks, all!!! This is helping! This is a first time in a long time I’ve been excited about an opportunity vs. feeling like I “should” interview.
The amount of times I’ve been told to lean out because I have small kids and a husband in BigLaw (mostly on the main page, not here or IRL) has really infuriated me. Again, I get why people do, and there’s 0 wrong with whatever folks decide is best for them/their families, but what if it’s not right for everyone?
To Anon at 9:33 AM – your comment is spot-on – people often LOSE motivation because of the workplace, and then exit or lean out as a result. When things at my current job were at their nadir, I definitely thought about leaving the workforce for a short-term regroup and then finding something “easy” to do. Then, I realized that type of unicorn job does not exist for the salary I would like to make for myself. I read Lean In back in my 20’s, and while I appreciated the attitude, I’ve found it…not helpful as I’ve gotten older TBQH. I do agree with what Michelle Obama said about the concept of leaning in, though ;)
Anon says
Eek – Anon at 1:40 PM, not 9:33 AM.
Anon says
My almost three year old speaks very well. Usually very articulate, complex sentence structures, super chatty, etc. however, I’ve noticed recently that in public spaces (school and library) he speaks in a lisp/alters his speech by pronouncing words differently than he normally does or pretending he can’t speak well.
I am sure this is a phase or some sort of social anxiety? Has anyone else had this happen with their toddler?
Cb says
It’s just a phase. My 6 year old speaks like an adult most of the time but will do an annoying baby voice around his bestie/in certain social situations. At his 4 year development check, he meowed like a cat the entire time…
OP says
Oh my god I love that!
Thanks everyone for the great anecdotes.
anonM says
+1. What’s with the baby voice thing?
Cb says
To drive me round the bend….
anonM says
Same hahah.
Anon says
I posted earlier this week – I have a second kid, same age as yours, who is NOT at all articulate and chatty (but has an older sibling who was/is). For example, this morning, he wanted water and I had to nudge him to say “I want water” vs. “Water”. And water sounds like “Wawa” or “Mama” depending on the day. Le sigh. :)
Your child sounds like a delight. Kids just do weird stuff sometimes.
Anonymous says
Yeh kids are weirdos. At my 6 year olds check up she started using her babyish voice. The doctor suggested she needed to go back to speech therapy (she does not). Frustrating! My very loud, energetic 4yo will become a mute with new people and only nod/point. Who knows.
Anonymous says
Sometimes it’s a confidence thing. My kindergartener is HIGHLY, precociously verbal, but still often talks in a baby voice or refers to himself in the third person if he’s feeling less than confident or if he needs to advocate for himself. So we are just working on it from the self-confidence front. I did notice at the doctor’s office that when the nurse didn’t understand him he knew to switch to regular talk without my prompting him.
Cb says
My husband and son are away for his October school break (galivanting around London) and I’m home alone til Sunday! I slept til 9 this morning. I normally have a very long commute but Scotland’s ground to a halt due to storms, so I’ve moved my teaching online, so I’ll get to sleep late tomorrow as well.
Anon says
How lovely! I did the October break travel with the kid, and it was great but exhausting and I’m still recovering. Fortunately grandma is taking kiddo for a sleepover on Friday night so I’ll get to sleep in on Saturday.
Anonymous says
DS is in pre-K and we just got a note from school saying that they would recommend we look into speech therapy. He spoke relatively late (late enough that we had him evaluated three years ago) but he caught up fast and I’m a little surprised by it–which I mention not to be defensive/ dismissive, but because I’m not sure exactly what we need to fix.
The school sent a list of private speech therapists along with their note. How do I pick one and evaluate the options when I don’t really know what we’re solving for yet?
GCA says
Don’t pick one, talk to the teachers first! “Do you have some examples of what’s giving you this concern?”
Anonymous says
I would take action. My sister ignored a similar note from K because she felt like she understood him fine. I could hear an issue when I spoke to him on the phone, I think she was just used to how he spoke. He did have some successful interventions a couple years later but the speech/language issue did hinder him socially in K/1/2.
Write the school back and ask them to provide more detail on the issue. I suspect it relates to him not being understood by peers or the teacher.
Anon says
Speech therapy is about articulation as well as vocab/grammar. It doesn’t mean your kid is delayed in how they talk, it may just be that the way they pronounce certain words is not perfectly intelligible by unfamiliar adults. A speech therapist will do a full evaluation that’s more comprehensive than the screening, and if they recommend speech therapy I’d do it.
Anonymous says
If the school is recommending an evaluation, shouldn’t they provide it?
Anon says
In public school yes, but at private school (including private daycare/pre-K) you’ll normally be referred to a speech therapist for an evaluation.
Anon says
so i was shocked when we were recommended to look into speech for my daughter who never stops talking and i was shocked, but now that I know what the issues are I see them. she has a major tongue thrust. so a few things – is he in prek in a public or private school? i would first call the school and ask why they recommend you look into speech. then, if any of these speech therapists would visit with your kid during the school day i’d consider them first. and if not, ask about available slots. don’t start down a path with someone who doesn’t have the availability you need
anon says
How old is he? You should be able to self-refer to Early Intervention if he’s under 3, and if he qualified speech therapy would be covered.
anon says
I agree with asking the school to give some examples of what they’re concerned about. If you’re in the US, I think it’s common for public school districts to provide speech therapy at no charge even for children who aren’t old enough for public kindergarten. The speech therapist for the school I’m zoned for was my first call in similar circumstances. With the examples that concern the school, the therapist can assess if the issue is one where it makes sense to get an evaluation or if it’d be better to wait and see or if it’s totally within the (big!) range of not needing speech therapy.
Anon says
Caveat that these programs in elementary school for kids that are older than 3/not old enough for K vary WILDLY by state, county, and district. And they have to be X% “behind” in speech.
For example, they can require you to enroll in PreK at the school (e.g. for places without UPK, if your kid qualified for speech, they’d be in the PK class at the school) so you would leave your current center, or you’d have to take your child to the elementary school 2x/week for a ~30 minute session, etc.
If financially possible, I’d go with private and what suits your family’s schedule the best before going down the public route. Caveat that while I think early intervention is fantastic, I felt jerked around by the experience I’ve had with one of my kids.
Anon says
If the school is recommending an evaluation, I would definitely get one done. We didn’t think our kid had any speech problems (she wasn’t an especially early talker, but was a chatterbox by the time she turned 2 and we thought she was pretty understandable) but her Pre-K teacher gently recommended an evaluation, and it turns out she was in the first percentile of kids her age for enunciation (she was ~80th percentile for things like number of words and complexity of sentence structure, so the problem was just with pronunciation). Six months of speech therapy helped a lot, to the point that her K teacher doesn’t think she will qualify for the school’s speech services (eval is still in progress).
Agree that if there’s anyone who will come to the school, that should be your top choice. Our kid was enrolled in university daycare and also got speech therapy at the university, but they weren’t able to do it at her school or pick her up, so I had to take a big chunk of time off work once a week to drive over there and shuttle her back and forth, and it was annoying.