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It’s peak zucchini season here and I’m always looking for a way to work more veggies into my meals.
I’ve had this spiralizer from OXO for a few years and every summer, I use it to add some “zoodles” to my spaghetti. Perhaps I should branch out — this open blade design works with longer veggies (zucchini, carrots) as well as round ones (sweet potatoes, beets). In addition to long spaghetti-like noodles, you can also make spirals for salads or stir frys.
This Hand Held Spiralizer is $17.95 from Crate & Barrel.
Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
Anon for this says
Do mothers with salaried jobs think mothers without salaried jobs are lesser than them?
Do mothers of multiple children think mothers of single children are lazy?
Signed,
A mother of one child who does not have a salaried job and who sometimes puts up with jabs from high-powered women of multiple children
Anon says
I have a salaried job and don’t think less if you don’t. But I understand that there are some who do. Just like there are judgements for working as a mom, for staying at home as a mom… moms can’t catch a break!
Parents should support parents. Period. Jabs like that help no one.
Anon says
+1 – My closest “mom friend” is SAHM to triplets. She works a weekend part time job for extra cash and to have adult interaction. If I tried to compare my regular salary job +1 kid life to the work load on her plate. I would say she has the tougher set of cards by far.
Parents should support parents.
Cb says
If you stay at home, you’re lazy, if you work, you are neglectful. If you have one kid you are selfish, if you have more you are a drain on society. Women can’t win and we have to stop playing this stupid game, instead demonstrating solidarity with each other and figuring out how to exist in community. If someone isn’t doing that, than you should avoid then.
My job is important to me (and to a small degree, to society), just like my SAHMs job is for her. I’ll collect her kid so she can get some time to herself, she’ll collect mine if my flight is running late.
GCA says
+1. Pitting women against each other is a scam perpetuated by people afraid of the collective power of mothers. Yeah, it’s a shame some women have internalised those messages.
Anonymous says
When I moved into my house, my immediate next-door neighbor had a nanny share with a mom down the street. Neither of them worked. 2 kids. I had Opinions, mainly b/c the immediate neighbor was nasty to me and in so many words, it was because I worked. Mean people s*ck, parent or non-parent.
Pogo says
I’ve definitely never had that thought around number of children… any child is a lot of work. I do feel more impressed if someone has like, 4+ kids (whether they work or not!!), but I don’t think having one kid is easy.
I also haven’t heard that sentiment around salaried vs not salaried… though I do sometimes find myself having a hard time relating to people who have shift work – it’s hard in a different way, but when you’re off, you’re off. I have a friend who is an NP and she literally has entire day per week when her kids are in FT care and she’s just off… going to barre class, drinking lattes, doing all the chores and errands I have to pay someone to do or squeeze into weekends. And I have people in my local moms group who work like 5 hours/week or sell Usborne and love to say they are “working moms”. It’s not about salary vs not, but it’s comparing apples to oranges in terms of the challenges. Ditto teachers who love to chime in and be like “we don’t get the summer off!!! we have to do curriculum development and prep our classrooms!!” but take 3-week long vacations in July and post pictures of themselves at the beach on a random Tuesday in August. Don’t get me wrong – being a nurse or social worker or teacher is HARD and I could not do it. But the challenges are just different.
Cb says
Yeah, I think we are all facing different challenges. I have one easy kid but a travel heavy job. I think 2+ kids looks hard, but that’s because I’m an only child myself so that’s what I know. I definitely feel judged (looking at you in laws with your “oh wraparound care, poor thing….) but the three of us are all happy with our choices, and if we aren’t, we’ll change.
Pogo says
yeah I mean as I wrote that I realized it came off really judgy…. I think this week has been hitting me particularly hard with having to send my littlest to a backup care two towns away. I’m feeling particularly aware of the nature of my job. But I don’t look down on anybody, even a SAHM whose kids are all out of the house at school… it’s still a challenge! Just a different one, and I think we all need to appreciate that the challenges are different, and recognize when we have privilege that others dont (ie I can pee by myself during the day).
GCA says
I agree on the time flexibility and being fully ‘off’ though. But arguably, we should all have that kind of time and mental space. I see my Gen Z reports especially working to maintain those boundaries for themselves between work and play, which is great.
Anonymous says
Do mothers who are doing their best get annoyed at these vague-booking drama posts from people feeling defensive and going on the attack instead of dealing with their own feelings?
Anonymous says
Woah sorry that came out way meaner than I intended.
I just think everyone feels judged. All of us. And pointing fingers doesn’t help.
anono says
Haha.
Anonymous says
Hmm, I’m not salaried but I make a boatload of money (i’m a consultant and I bill hourly). My husband used to be an engineer that was paid hourly at something like $150/hr.
Is it really the pay structure itself? Or the type of work that lends itself to an hourly rate?
anon says
Yes because earning a lot of money is the one true way to measure someone’s importance. Stop talking and look at what you just wrote!
Spirograph says
I didn’t read 9:22’s comment that way at all. I think she was wondering whether, in OP’s question, “without salaried jobs” was shorthand for something else… whether it’s number of hours worked, or amount of money earned (both of which have more practical impact than the pay structure) or just “status,” and trying to clarify what the OP is actually asking about.
FWIW, I read the OP’s “without salaried jobs” description as referring to SAHM and/or moms with side hustle or gig-type jobs as opposed to more traditional ones. I don’t think she was talking about highly-paid professionals who happen to be compensated hourly but are not self-employed and generally work a full-time schedule.
Anonymous says
Woah, that was my comment and not at all what I meant. I genuinely meant “do you mean people who are paid by the hour” or the kinds of jobs that are more generally “hourly workers.”
Liza says
This is OP’s way of emphasizing that stay at home moms still WORK, they’re just not SALARIED. They’re not talking about salaried vs. hourly vs. shift work. They’re talking about paid vs. unpaid “work.” At least that was my read.
Anon says
Since this is turning into venting anonymously about ways we feel judged, I often feel judged by parents with only one kid. I have 3 kids, including twin toddlers, and there is just more opportunity for quirks to be on display. Several of my kids’ friends are onlies, and I’ve noticed that their parents seem much more quick to judge other kids’ behavior. I don’t know if it’s because once you have 3 kids, you see how much of their personality is driven by who they are intrinsically, so you definitely don’t feel like your parenting is really driving how your kids turn out? Or, individually, each of my kids is awesome, with quirks. If there is only 1 kid around, you don’t see as many of the quirks, but if all 3 are around, you probably only see the kids being quirky – not the moments where they are being awesome. With 2 toddlers in particular, you are always going to see a toddler acting up, even though half the time, one of the toddlers is being awesome. When I only have one of my kids, I look like an awesome parent, but when all 3 are around, it’s loud and chaotic. I’ve just heard here and elsewhere “oh my kid is so easy, but [friend’s family who has a bunch of siblings] is a mess.” Well, sometimes everyone’s kid is a mess too, including yours, but it’s just less on display. Rant over.
Anon says
Nah your friends just sound smug. I have an only child and don’t think what you’re describing is an only child parent thing. I think my parenting has very little to do with my kid’s behavior and I don’t think my kid is better (or worse) behaved in average than kids with siblings. The only child parents I know all feel the same way. If anything we’re hyper conscious of our own kid’s bad behavior because of stereotypes that only children are spoiled monsters. When a kid with siblings won’t share a toy people say “2 year olds am I right?!” When an only child won’t share a toy it’s “if she had a sibling she’d know how to share.”
Anon says
+1
Anon says
Yeah, that’s fair. I think I’m just overly sensitive bc with twin 2 year olds, someone usually isn’t sharing, but someone usually is. I just get tired of the little jabby comments about how “spirited” my twins are, when they really are no different than any other 2 year old – there’s just 2 of them.
It’s probably stemming from a few different sources – one who says she remembers her now 11 year old daughter quietly sitting at restaurants as a 2 year old because “manners were important to them, so they just really focused on manners,” and it is usually said while my twins are getting up and down from the picnic table, and the other who just had a brand new baby, who says all the time that she can just sense how “quiet and thoughtful” her baby will be and that their relationship will be so very close and connected, based on how he moves as a newborn and in utero. Usually said while she’s watching my 5 year old boy running laps around the playground, which just feels like a jab. Maybe these remarks shouldn’t feel pointed? But they do. My kids have all kinds of “wins,” but I don’t point them out to other people when they are experiencing a tough moment that has just gone well for my kid. Ugh. Maybe I do need new people :)
Anon says
Anyone who says “my kid(s) did X because X is important to us” is not someone I’d want to be friends with, personally. Genetics has such a huge role in behavior and I can’t stand when people give themselves all the credit for how well their kids behaved. The “quiet and thoughtful” comment is weird (and seems extremely naive, lol) but doesn’t seem like a slam at you.
Anonymous says
I remember my daughter sitting quietly at restaurants when she was 2 because we were very, very lucky.
Anne-on says
My old boss was a POOPCUP with her (then) only girl, had a second boy and oh wow was she not prepared at ALL. She at least had the grace to admit what a jerk she’d been. We call those the ‘trick’ babies in our family – perfect easy first baby that tricks you into having the high needs/no sleep/picky eater second kid.
In terms of shaming – I’ve got an only child and was one of the first in my group of friends to have a kid (older husband, his friends all had kids already and were lovely). I got shamed/ostracized by all these ‘my child would never!’ childless women because I was dealing with his extra health issues and things that just made him a harder baby/child. They all mellowed when they had their own harder babies/second children but I just let those friends go for the most part. I found it really unforgiveable to be so snarky to a new mom or any mom struggling and instead of commiserating or listening blaming her.
Anon says
This post feels kind of judgy to people who have onlies. FWIW, the worst poopcups I know were all moms who wanted and had two or more kids, but got very lucky with #1 and ended up majorly humbled by #2 not being as perfect and easy as #1. The people I know who have only children (whether by choice or infertility) don’t give themselves too much credit if their kid happens to be easy. But I may be biased because I’m a mom to a very spirited and intense only child and had to watch all my friends with easy first kids judge me until their seconds came along.
Anon says
Hi! I too have a very spirited and intense (and for now only, secondary infertility, sigh) kid. I feel a certain smugness when I am now the “expert” for all the challenges they are facing because we’ve been there and done that. One of my best friends couldn’t wrap her head around how I let my child get so picky as her baby ate everything under the sun and I must have just not offered the right variety of foods, etc. Guess who turned one and learned how to shake her finger no at her parents and refuse to eat anything but the most banal foods? Karma, I tell ya.
Anonymous says
Nah, your friends are POOPCUPS. Kids are tricky. I have 3 and one is way, way more difficult than the other 3. If I had only my two easy ones I’m sure I’d judge other parents. But with my more difficult child I know now that it’s the child and not the parenting sometimes :). Parents with more kids are statistically more likely to have learned this!
Anon says
I get defensive and angry when people imply that it’s so easy for them (and should be for me) even though they are a working mom when their work is something like 15 hours a week doing MLM or personal training, and even for standard 9-5 jobs (salaried or not; I have never once asked someone what their pay structure is) which do not involve a lot of decision-making responsibility and once they clock out they can just lock the work away until they next time they clock in. I am a BigLaw lawyer, so my challenges are obviously very different when I am trying to juggle working 60-80 hours a week, often on unpredictable hours I have no control over, and while I’m not a doctor where someone’s life hangs in the balance if I mess up, if I mess something up or give the wrong advice, it could crush an entire company or ruin a deal (and I am senior enough that my advice matters and clients act on it). I very much welcome advice from other women who share my kind of unpredictable and decision-making type responsibility jobs because they are more likely to actually understand the challenges. So basically, don’t try to tell me my challenges aren’t real if you aren’t actually facing my challenges and I won’t judge about how you choose to spend your time (which is basically what you are saying on the other side).
Anne-on says
I only side-eye MLM ‘boss babe’ moms who try to use every class list as an oppotunity to try to shill/recruit other moms (never dads!) and who then try to convince me that I could make more with them than in my corporate job with full benefits. Kidding! kinda…
Otherwise I try hard not to judge – everyone has different stuff going on. I have an only child and the amount of ‘oh how sad, aren’t you going to try for another’ etc. etc. comments I’ve received are insane. I’m ‘infertile’ (ish – I can get pregnant but have been advised by multiple doctors that it would be very, very bad to have another pregnancy due to my medical issues). But I don’t look ‘sick’, our kid is great, and so ppl looooove to make comments. The older I get the more I just shrug it off and try to keep my eyes on my own paper.
But seriously, if you offer to host a class coffee and then try to guilt me into selling skincare I will be snarking on you.
anon says
I don’t care how pay is structured, but do draw a line between a job and a career. A job is work you do for pay. A career is a job where you’re invested in progressing and has a higher level of commitment. Can someone work an hourly wage and consider it their career? Absolutely. Can someone earn a salary and consider it just a job? Absolutely.
So the mom who works 15 hours a week in the school office stuffing folders? That’s a job. The mom who does scheduling for the local dance studio (with no interest in doing more)? That’s a job. The mom who cleans houses and is trying to build a professional cleaning business with employees? That’s a career.
Pogo says
This is what I was trying to send much less clearly. 100% agree.
GCA says
Yes, and I wonder if we can turn these feelings of judgement or resentment into a wishlist for society. Like:
Everyone should be able to choose the number of kids that works best for them and their family. (One, two, more, none, but obviously infertility and other challenges sometimes get in the way.)
Want a career? You should be able to go out and pursue one. Want a job? That’s a great contribution and you should be able to do that. Lean in? Lean out? Do each at different times? Awesome.
And of course, everyone needs social networks and less isolation. My underemployed SAHM friend would give her right hand to use her political science degree, to build the beginnings of a career and also to pee alone during the day. My FT working mom friend with the corporate finance job can afford the nanny and the cleaning service but would love to meet more mom friends and have more waking hours to spend with her kid.
So then – what kind of infrastructure do we need to enable these choices? Redesigned work? Accessible childcare? Public playgrounds? Health insurance that’s not tied to an employer? Transit you can take a stroller on? Amazing. How can we build it? It’s a little bit of fantasizing, but I am a dreamer.
GCA says
*language matters, too – even the word ‘underemployed’ implies a value based only on economics!
anon says
No judgement here. People can do what works for them. But there is a difference when it comes time for people to sign up to lead a girl scout troop or coach a soccer team or volunteer as class parent. There’s a difference in whether a kid is available for after school playdates or in extended day. There’s a difference as to whether the mom socializes with her friends and gets chores done during the school day and keeps weekends for “family time” or if all socialization AND chores are during the weekend because both parents are working during the week. They are just different life cadences and it affects how we interact on a practical level.
Personally, I’m work likely to share work stress with another mom with a big career. I’m more likely to talk kid stuff with a mom with a job. That’s just where we have similarities.
Nah says
I don’t know though. The reality is that many people who have what you describe as a “job” are paid less and therefore have access to less help than I do. I can go out and buy another pair of shoes if one is lost. I don’t have to panic every time daycare raises their prices. So it seems silly to me to try to draw this kind of line.
If you’re talking about a parent who has a very part time job just to get out of the house or whatever, then sure, that’s not comparable to working towards a career goal or trying to support your kids. But otherwise I don’t quite get this.
anon GC says
I neither care how another mom’s pay is structured and nor do I care whether she has a “job” or a “career.” Why is drawing a line between those things even important to you? Why does it matter whether some other mom is answering phones at a dance studio or building her own business? All of these things are about her, not about you.
Anon says
It has to do with how much of their brain is occupied by work. My experience is that some people are super occupied by their career. Others are more focused on kids, hobbies, and social events. I’m not judging, but do interact with these other moms in different ways. I talk about with work stress with only career focused moms. Doing so with non-career moms would be tone deaf. I also know some moms have the time and are super tapped into the social goings on or school politics. I’ll connect with them to help me stay looped in. In short, it can matter without there being any positive or negative judgment on my part.
Emma says
I think no one should be judging anyone – we all have challenges. Assuming this is talking about working moms vs SAHMs (not salaried vs consulting or whatever), I don’t judge SAHMs but often feel a little concerned for them. I’m in a financial independence group for women where a recurring theme is “I need to leave my husband and I don’t have a single penny to my name, what can I do?”. I’m in a very happy marriage but was divorced before and I always want the ability to pay my own bills if something happens. I know people are confident that their marriages are solid, but I thought my marriage to my ex was solid until he was fired, had a psychotic breakdown, and was also cheating on me.
Anon says
Honestly, there’s such a huge spectrum of working motherhood difficulty and unless you work in the biggest of Big Law or Big Finance with 4+ kids, there’s almost certainly someone out there who has it harder than you. I’m a salaried employee with a job that’s full time on paper, but I rarely spend a full 40 hours working, I have a ton of vacation time, we don’t need wraparound care and I never think about my job outside of traditional work hours. Are there people who would say I’m not a “real” working mom? Probably? Do I care? No…my job meets my needs and that’s what matters. As someone said above, everyone’s challenges are slightly different. I don’t have the childcare struggles that many working moms do, but I carry the mental load of a job and parenting in a way that SAHMs don’t. I can find common ground with most moms.
Anon says
Not to pick on you because I totally get what you’re saying but I think even the framing of Big Law or Big Finance being the hardest is problematic. I’d say the mom trying to work two minimum wage job she commutes to on a bus is probably working harder too. We just tend not to think of her.
Anon says
That’s very true, good point.
anon GC says
Yeah, like…I’m the GC of a publicly traded company, work a massive number of hours, am married to a biglaw partner, and have three kids. My life is very, very stressful but it is a cakewalk compared to a working class single mom.
Anonymous says
Also problematic because that Big Law or Big Finance mom can throw money at every problem. Whereas the mom with the Big Job at a nonprofit is also juggling cooking, cleaning, and kid taxi duty.
Anon says
I agree with this. I’m one of the few moms on here with 4 kids. I am a GC of a lobbying organization. I get a lot of “how do you do it?” Well, candidly, my H lost his parents young, so he inherited enough for us to pay off our loans. So we can outsource a lot, and hire a lot to make life easier. I also have been in my job for over 15 years, so much of it is on auto-pilot. I’m fully remote, and can fit most of my working hours into the 9 to 3 time slots, which gives me good flexibility to be with my kids. My sister is amazing, but she and her H both do shift work (nurse and EMT). In many ways, their life is harder with 1 kid who is young bc it’s hard to find good, affordable childcare without a set schedule. This is to say nothing of the incredible moms who are cleaning houses, working at Target, and driving UBERs while raising 3 kids.
Anon says
That’s totally fair. I was speaking about people here who mostly have college or grad degrees and white collar jobs. I feel like I have it a lot easier than many here (and many working moms in my real life social circles) because my job is so un-demanding. We certainly don’t have Big Law money or anything close to it, but I live in a LCOL area and we have plenty of money for our needs and most of our wants. I don’t really feel like more money would lower my stress level. I’m not actually sure how I could throw more money at my life to make it easier. I have a cleaning service, I don’t want to outsource childcare more than I already do and things like private chef services don’t really exist in my area. Someone who is working two minimum wage jobs and barely getting by is certainly in a different situation and would benefit a lot more than I would from a salary increase.
Anon says
i’m a mother of two with a part-time salaried job who thinks less of myself than the surgeon mother of four i met earlier this week since i often feel overwhelmed/exhausted with my part time job and two kids, but i don’t think less of you as a mom with one kid with a non salaried job. i mean i have twins, so i do sometimes wish/imagine what it would be like to have one child at a time, but i am also thinking about one of my children who are generally neurotypical and healthy
Anon says
Don’t know about other moms/other areas with different cultures, but I sure don’t. My best friends are all moms. They include 2 SAHMs, 2 counselors, 2 NPs, 2 management consultants, and me, a lawyer. We see each other as individuals and, especially since becoming parents, we don’t judge each other’s worth by the kind of work that we do.
Spirograph says
Hm. I fall into the “high-powered women of multiple children” category, and I don’t think mothers of only children who don’t have salaried jobs are lazy or less than. Are you sure these are actually intended to be jabs? It’s possible you’re taking an offhand comment personally… harried parents sometimes blurt out things that they could have worded more sensitively if they weren’t harried parents. Unless they’re straight up saying you’re lazy, I’d try to assume good intentions.
In any case, I think this comes down to knowing your audience. I have different conversations with different friends depending on what we have in common. Like, I would never kvetch about the annoying logistics of an expensive camp or vacation to a friend with less disposable income, but we can commiserate about kid shenanigans whether they’re coming from one kid or three.
Hmmm says
Yes, I’m wondering what was said!
Hmmm says
I spent almost zero time thinking about whether someone is salaried or hourly.
Some people leave their jobs at the door when they go home, some don’t. Some people (like me) have flexibility to leave during the day if needed without have to check with a manager, get permission, or take PTO for a doctor appointment. So I feel like it all sort of evens out honestly.
Anonymous says
Working, salaried mom here. I don’t look down on moms based on the type of job they have (unless they’re aggressively trying to get me to buy their MLM products…) or the number of children they have. My grandma was so so tired of all the comments she got about having 6 kids, and sometimes she wished she’d been able to have a career. As an only child myself and someone who will probably only have one child because that child came after two years of miscarriages, I will never make a comment about the number of children someone has. You just never know what a person has gone through.
I do look down on other parents who cannot seem to comprehend that we all have different challenges and that everyone has different experiences.
Anon says
I’m a single mom by choice to one kid. I get a lot of moms with partners saying “oh I don’t know how you can do it” and I’m kind of like well, I have family support, a decent income (not by the standards of this site but in real life), and a kid without major special needs, so we make do. And then on the other hand, some times people are like but you have one kid and money and family support so your life is easy. And that’s fair too but there are obviously various struggles that they might now know about. Basically I think people are hard wired to look at what they don’t have and try to compare directly but in reality you can’t really compare being a teacher vs. being a lawyer vs. being single vs. having a chronic illness vs. having three kids and come up with a “hardness” ranking scale. It’s all just it’s own thing.
Anonymous says
IDK how I’d know what people make or how they are compensated. I part-own a business, so I am none of the above (K-1).
anon says
I literally have no idea whether most of the working moms I know are paid salary or hourly. That being said, most of the moms I know also don’t work.
Anonymous says
The one thing I judge is MLMs.
Night terrors says
Any tips on working through night terrors? My 7-year-old son has been up 2-3 hours after bedtime for two weeks straight crying or screaming or moaning like he’s in pain, for up to 30 minutes at a time. We aren’t able to get him to tell us anything in the moment, and he doesn’t remember anything the next day.
Internet research says limit screen time at night, make sure he’s not stressed in the evenings, and making sure he gets enough sleep at night. We’ve managed to do the first two and are working on the third (we pull up bedtime but it’s a constant in-and-out of his room if we go much earlier than 8:30). He has been consistently getting 10-11 hours of sleep a night.
Cb says
Oh my goodness, my son had them for two weeks straight over the summer. I do think they are a phase, but one thing that really helped us was putting him on the loo as soon as he started screaming (which is easier said than done…). I think needing the loo was partially waking him, and once he had gone, he was often calmer.
So we did loo (which often involved herding…), trying to keep him as safe as possible in our room, low lights, calming voices, trying not to let him thrash around too much or run toward the stairs and then let him lie in our bed for a few minutes once he came to. We knew he was coming out of it once he started to nuzzle into our pillows.
Pogo says
agree with trying to get him to pee. Sometimes if mine is extremely tired he half-wakes to pee, but can’t figure out what’s going on and screams inconsolably. I will take him to the potty, direct him at it, let him pee, and then he will often completely snap out of it and go right back to sleep. Never remembers it.
OP says
Ok, thanks to you both – yes, I remember we did this once late last week and he settled down shortly thereafter. Not sure why I didn’t put that together in my very exhausted brain :) I’ll try to do this as a first remedy tonight.
Pogo says
um probably because your child was howling like a tortured monkey and not responding to you? It’s terrifying. fyi, my kid fights us, like physically does not want to be touched, so sometimes I have to carry him the potty.
Best bet is to get that kiddo extra sleep, we see a HUGE improvement when he’s caught up on sleep.
EJF says
My daughter has these. They are so troubling to see because she is so upset/scared, but, like your son, she never remembers the next day. And it’s almost like clock work where, if she is going to have one, it will be between 9:30-10:30 pm. No real tips—only solidarity. Sometimes offering water gets her to come out of it, but sometimes it’s just 30 minutes of watching her be scared/upset and gabber about something we don’t understand.
Did this recent bout start around the time your son started school? I’ve noticed that these tick up for our daughter after she’s had any sort of transition (new classroom at school, coming back home from vacation), has been sick, or has been up too late.
OP says
Yep! Start of school and the start of the season for his athletic team.
Anonymous says
Ok weird thought but a banana. He might need the potassium if his activity level is up.
Anon says
My son had recurring night terrors every spring for about 5 years. I never figured out why. His were a little later, but also during a “window”. At some point he started saying “I don’t want to do it” so I could say “you don’t have to”. He would sometimes remember me coming in, but he would not remember the terror itself.
Hmmm says
These are the worst! Our pediatrician recommended waking kiddo very slightly before the time that the night terror normally happens – you don’t have to fully wake him up, just rub his back and bother him enough to move him into a different stage of sleep. Worth a try maybe?
OP says
That is an idea! Thank you. Yes, these are the absolute worst. Like, I KNOW he is fine, but it’s so hard to watch and listen to! We haven’t called the ped yet but I might need to if these ideas don’t work.
Anon says
Came here to suggest this – wake slightly at the beginning of the window you expect it, maybe get him to the toilet then?
Mm says
Toddler backpack recs for preschool? We have a skiphop one that is done after less than a year.
Anon says
LL Bean kids Junior. Lasted my big kid from 2 until 5, and then we switched to the “Original” size for K (and she is 4 feet tall and 68 pounds going into K, so most kids we know use the junior backpack in K still and then size up in first when the kids get laptops).
Anon says
Well. It happened. At 20 months my kiddo decided it is time to crawl out of the crib. Crawl is too soft of a term. He literally catapults out of anger. I watched him do it when I put him down for a nap and he did it again at bedtime. It’s like the child is doing parkour…I guess he knew how to do it all along, but he finally decided to take matters into his own hands to protest sleep.
Waffling between doing the toddler bed conversion and just going straight to a twin size bed. Ikea is sold out of all the kids beds.
Pogo says
crib tent?
Anonymous says
I tried a crib tent and baby hulk literally ripped through it. We moved her to a twin bed and for whatever reason she stayed in it.
Anon says
Hi, that was us at 17 month. Vaulted over like an olympic gymnast. We did the toddler bed conversion because our crib came with the rail, so it was literally right there. Otherwise I would have just moved her to the queen bed that she uses now (and we moved her to at around 3). If you have to buy a bed either way, I would just go straight twin.
GCA says
Skip the toddler bed! A twin is more versatile. At 20 months we had kid 2 on a twin mattress under her brother’s loft bed, but then she decided to figure out how to climb the ladder to her brother’s bunk. So we taught her how to get down again safely instead of yowling for help every time.
Anon says
Unpopular opinion here I think but we did the toddler bed conversion and I was so happy we did. A real bed, even a twin, takes sooo much more space than a crib. Unless your bedrooms are really big, you’ll probably miss all the floor space once you convert to a real bed. Kid lasted in the converted crib until 3.5 and I still miss it.
Anon says
My kid would somehow fall out of the toddler bed. I don’t know how, but yeah. I would try it if you already have it but I don’t think it’s worth buying if you don’t already have the rail.
Anon says
OP here. Thanks everyone for the input! We have the toddler conversion kit somewhere…if we find it I’ll give it a shot. If not I guess we will go to the twin bed a go.
Anonymous says
Or mattress on the floor if falling out is a concern!
Anon says
+1 Did this for two kids, worked great.
Pogo says
Little Pogo before school update: this morning he sauntered over to a group of big kids and said, “hey guys, what’s up”. Didn’t even bother to say goodbye to me.
The toddler was another story, the daycare person had to pry him screaming from my arms. ugh. Only 1 more day of this backup care (which I’m sure is fine, just totally new to him).
FVNC says
Aww, love this! Nice job, Little Pogo! Sorry about the backup care situation, glad it ends soon.
My kids (including the new Kindergartner) have been back for almost two weeks now, and were definitely not fans of before-care during week 1. But, each day this week the resistance has gotten progressively less so I’m hopeful they’re adjusting. Today they went in by themselves without me accompanying them, so I’m taking that as a win!
Cb says
“Hey guys…” Adorable! We had tears at breakfast club today, he wanted to walk me back to my bike and I said “I think that might make you more upset…” and he burst into tears and had to be taken away by the staff. He hasn’t cried at dropoff in YEARS!
Anon says
My Ker got on the bus this morning without me holding her hand to the door. I stood a good 40 feet away with all the other parents and she got on all by herself!
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
BAHAHAH I love this. “SUP GUYS.” Imagining a head nod…
Pogo, I’ve been meaning to post, since we both have boys of the similar ages! We started our kids at a new school that offers Transitional K, which is what DS #1 is in. He’s…loving it so far and he looks so big and grown in his uniform (they make Kers wear them). This is just the change he needed, he comes home overflowing with news (when he’s ready to share).
DS #2 is in a class with all 2+ year olds and is 20 months and is struggling with the change. He was among the oldest/favorites in his last class/school. I know it’ll be fine in a few weeks, but man.
Anonymous says
My youngest did basically the same thing yesterday. He’s always been the super affectionate one (eg, climbing over the front seat to hug me goodbye in the drop-off line all last year), but I finished the 2-second sign in at before-care and turned around looking for my hug and…. he was already off playing with other kids. *sniff* they grow up so fast
Anon says
My elementary-aged kid just doesn’t love to read. Any advice on how I can encourage a love for reading?
anon says
How old? What are their interests? Will they listen to you reading?
Big hits for us:
(1) Audiobooks on car trips. Gregor the Overlander would be a good book to try if they’re 7+. It’s an adventure story with a cute 2 yo in it who provides comic relief.
(2) A parent reading Harry Potter aloud before bed (starting at 7 or 8 yo).
(3) Non-fiction. Magic School Bus was a particular hit. I started by reading the text. They’d read the dialog bubbles. They moved on to reading these themselves.
(4) Seeing you read.
(5) If in 2nd grade or lower, try Dragon Masters. I think it’s going to become a cult classing in the early elementary set for good reasons.
Anonymous says
My 1st grader doesn’t either. Part of the problem is that my 3rd grader is a total bookworm. The other part is she’s still learning and doesn’t like “failing” ie not knowing words.
Nonfiction books work well for us. She’s interested in learning information way more than reading for pleasure. Also, I try and read more complex texts to/with her and ask her to read aloud books that are below her level so she can feel accomplished.
If your child is older, I have seen the following methods work:
$1 per book read (length to be determined in advance)
1 minutes screen time for every minute reading
Finding books that have movies and doing a movie night after reading the books
Anon says
You could try graphic novels. Dogman and Bad Kitty for the littles, Captain Underpants and Diary of a Wimpy kid for the older set. The Squish series, InvestiGators, and the Bad Guys series were all hits for us.
Anon2 says
+1. Graphic novels and, if they’re young, time/patience. My now second-grader really hated to read independently for the first half of first grade (he loved being read to, though). Then he found Dogman. This has progressed to other graphic novels and he now reads 1-2 per day (lots of rereading and library trips). He’ll also read picture books to himself but won’t yet do chapter books. So I am indulging his love of graphic novels and being patient. He’s quite a strong reader, but I’ve been careful not to push faster than he’s ready/willing
Anon says
Read fun books that aren’t too advanced. Picture books are still good books. I also remember being pushed to read snoozefests like Island of the Blue Dolphins instead of Sweet Valley Twins or whatever. Boring books do not foster a love of reading.
anonM says
Why the Island of the Blue Dolphins hate? Hahah I loved that book! Barely remember any details now, though. I agree with your point overall, just had to chime in :)
Anon says
Ha, I think she just wanders around without talking to anyone, finally agrees to get outta there because of boredom, and then finds out that everyone has been dead the whole time. Of course I may be missing something, I have not read it in like 30 years. :)
Spirograph says
hahah I should reread this. I remember liking it when I was in my solo survival novels phase. Island of the Blue Dolphins, My Side of the Mountain, Hatchet, and Julie of the Wolves all run together in my memory.
Spirograph says
This is all about just finding something they like. My oldest was indifferent to reading until he discovered Wings of Fire and Spy School, then all of a sudden I had to take his book/kindle away to get him to sleep.
Read chapter books aloud (I read the first of each of those series aloud to my kids, and then the oldest was hooked and took off on his own), and try a bunch of different genres until you hit on one that sticks.
anon says
Agree with all the above comments to find their currency. Mine declares many books “boring” and won’t even try them, but if they are about unicorns or magic (preferably with a glittery cover) she’s all into them.
Another friend has an arrangement with his 10yo that screentime is earned 1:1 by reading, so if he wants computer or ipad time on Saturday afternoon, he needs to read something that morning.
Anon says
Can we please do a CorporetteMoms “book club” on the Archetypes podcast about ambitious women with Meghan Markle and Serena Williams? I’m hesitant given the amount of vitriol and racism they both receive, but I’d also love to hear people’s thoughtful, nuanced opinions. I feel like there was a lot of fascinating topics- the sacrifices we make for our careers and our families, if “ambitious” is a compliment or a criticism, etc.
Anon says
I really can’t stand Meghan (and Harry!). I don’t doubt that she experienced racism from the press and from some of Harry’s family. But they both seem really whiny, social-climbing, immature and dramatic. They seem to want the status and fame associated with their titles, but don’t want to do the “job” (in quotes because it’s obviously not a job in the sense most of us use that word). They say they want to protect their children and not so subtly shade William and Kate for releasing the occasional cute photos of their kids, but then they invite a reporter on the preschool run, which to my knowledge the Cambridges have never done. I don’t like how they constantly make digs at the Cambridges, especially Kate (Meghan’s dramatic “actually SHE made ME cry” Oprah interview) when they know Kate’s royal position prevents her from giving any kind of response. It feels like punching down for that reason. The reports of how Meghan treated her staff when she was a working royal are absolutely horrifying. Yes, there are higher standards for women and people of color, but when every person on your staff is upset with you, the problem is you. And she also seems to have a penchant for telling tales that are completely made up. Like her comment about the Lion King performer saying her marriage was celebrated throughout Africa like Mandela’s release. Which first of all….what!?! Comparing oneself to Nelson Mandela, even if you’re repeating something someone else allegedly said, is… a choice. And then the Lion King actor came out and completely denied that he said it!
Serena on the other hand I unequivocally stan. Her Vogue article was great. My husband got teary last night when she won!
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Not what the OP asked but I’m chiming in!
I actually love following Meghan and Harry. However I think both the podcast and the cut article are…not doing them any favors. Some of MM’s commentary during the podcast (like her closing statements both times…eek), plus the stuff about her and Harry being the two intertwined trees and salt & pepper shakers…
I do think it’s a case of multiple things are true – she was treated poorly, there was racism, the Royal role wasn’t a fit in part because all of the reasons royalty is problematic, AND she’s still dining out on what happened…and agreed, the “dancing in the streets” in South Africa comment was a major headscratcher. Even if it was true – you aren’t a figure like Mandela or Obama, nor is the British Royal Family revered as such in Commonwealth nations that were formerly colonies…
Serena (Ambitious) and Mariah (Diva)? Both queens I LOVE. Highly recommend Mariah’s autobiography for anyone who loves a celeb memoir.
Anon says
Yeah I think we agree. There were definitely objectively racist things about her in the press and the BRF was probably cold to her for a number of reasons including her skin color (but also divorced, American, actress, etc). And it does sound like being working royalty was very hard on her mental health and I’m glad she got out and is ok now. But it’s also not helping anyone to keep rehashing it all publicly and criticizing your BIL and SIL when they can’t respond publicly. If you want a private life in Montecito with your (adorable!) babies that’s great but trying to be a celeb is not in line with that. And yeah The Cut article did NOT paint her in a good light. I forgot about the salt and pepper intertwined trees lol! And now she’s apparently going to reactivate her Insta and try to be an influencer? Its exhausting.
I was actually super excited when she joined the Royal family (not dancing in the streets though, lol) and greatly sympathized with her about her father drama at the wedding, but I think they both handled their exit very poorly, stooped to a new low with the Oprah interview and are now losing their grip on reality trying to become D list American celebrities.
Anonymous says
Yeah, I got into low-key royal watching via the GFY s1te (although they no longer cover royals, primarily because of the nastiness about Meghan in the comments), so I am interested but I agree with this take on multiple things being true. The original points about racism deserved the air time they got, and I don’t even begrudge the Oprah interview too much, but I feel like it’s devolved into monetizing family drama and I find it off-putting. Working royal and media influencer are not such different jobs, really…. but the royals have a vested interest in decorum and influencers up their clicks with conflict and hyperbole. I see what she’s doing and while it makes sense from a business standpoint, I think it’s gross.
Anonymous says
Serena Williams is awesome and I don’t get why she associated with someone like Meaghan Markle. ‘Ambition’ doesn’t apply in royal families – like what, if you do a great job then Harry is king instead of William? It’s a constitutionally prescribed role – you literally cannot be political. I don’t get what she thought she was going to be ‘ambitious’ about.
Really wanted to like her podcast but straight up lying about someone at the Lion King premiere saying South Africa celebrated her wedding like Mandela’s freedom was insane and really turned me off.
Anon says
My theory: before marriage, Meghan was an actress, influencer (not sure that’s the word she’d use but I think it’s true) and philanthropist (which makes me roll my eyes some, but also arguably true). I both believe she married for love and also viewed the duchess-ship as a job that would expand the later two. Not world, not my goals, and prior to this episode I wouldn’t have said this, but I do think she‘s an ambitious influencer.
Anonymous says
I mean she has ambitions to be an influencer but I don’t see how she expects to be successful if she lies about stuff that is verifiable? And she doesn’t learn – like when the Archbishop of Canterbury had to come out after the Oprah interview and say that the ‘secret ceremony’ was not true, then you’d think she’d have enough sense not to lie about the lion king/Mandela thing.
I really wanted to like her as a fresh face in the royal family but I don’t have time for people who lie about stuff.
I’d love a Serena Williams podcast – she’s SO great and has really overcome so much racism in tennis.
anon says
I do not look up to Meghan as some kind of example and fount of wisdom. She and Harry are making millions by badmouthing his family, dropping one terrible public accusation after another. It’s childish, low, and short-sighted. I think they both know they could easily run out of money for the lifestyles they are accustomed to, and they are terrified. Now Harry no longer has meaningful family ties or the same connection with his country. It’s a real loss for him, and I’m sure life alone with Meghan and two babies is no picnic. As humans, we all want to burn bridges in the heat of the moment, but that’s not a wise decision. They could have distanced themselves from the royal family without all the shame and blame.
Anon says
I agree with you except I don’t think Harry is at all a victim in this scenario. I think he’s just as bad as her. He just doesn’t talk directly to the press as much so there’s less to point to on his part.
Anon says
Good point. His soon-to-be published autobiography will be telling too.
Anonymous says
I don’t get victim vibes from him. He just strikes me as lazy. Like he’s happy to live off inherited money and play polo with his buddies. A weird contrast when she’s pushing the ambition angle so hard.
Nina says
My aunt, uncle, and 13 and 9 year old cousins are coming over this weekend, and I’m trying to decide on an appetizer. I’m probably going to order food for the meal but I want to make at least one thing. My uncle is vegetarian, which works because I don’t really cook meat. The boys eat everything including spicy food. Any ideas?
Anon says
Baked brie topped with honey, dried fruit and nuts served with crackers. Or vegetable spring rolls (freezer section). Or spinach and artichoke dip (freezer section) with tortilla chips.
Anonymous says
What are you ordering for the meal?
Anonymous says
My husband is home with our 3.5 year old and 4 month old this week. We had a little time between when I needed to go back to work and when daycare could take the baby, so he is off with them solo. It is really tough right now with our 2 kids because my 3 year old is in an incredibly needy phase, plus of course the baby needs a lot of attention too, so I know he is barely surviving this week.
But yesterday he made it out to the library with the kids and one of the librarians went up to him and said “your kids are so well behaved. You must be a really good dad.” I know that made his day and made him feel a lot more confident, so I’m glad he had that experience. But it did make me think of the past 4 months I was on mat leave and the 2 years I (somewhat involuntarily) was a SAHM during the pandemic and never, not one single time, was told I was doing a good job by a stranger. It’s a little maddening how people are still driven to compliment dads but not moms, isn’t it?
Anyway, I just wanted to share with some ladies who would “get it.”
Cb says
My husband is the primary parent and you’d think he was WIDOWED! “Poor A, it must be so hard when Cb is travelling…” He responds “Rather her than me, she has to get on a plane and go and work, I just do my normal routine!”
When they commuted by train, he’d get all these atta boys…
Pogo says
burn. down. the. patriarchy.
I know this is one of those “they mean well” things but I feel you.
Anon says
Oh yeah 1000%. When our daughter was an infant she was screaming in a restaurant so DH and I took turns walking her around the mall the restaurant was in, while she continued screaming. He got coos and “aw you’re such a good dad” and I got glares and comments about how I should feed the baby (gee that hadn’t occurred to me). It is really gross how people (especially older women, in my experience) compliment dads for doing the bare minimum.
anon says
Ugh I can SO see this happening!!!
anon says
Yep. My husband traveled this summer with our two kids (6 and 9 yo) and got compliment after compliment. How did he do it? Unlimited tablet time. The kids logged tons and tons more screen time than they ever get normally. He couldn’t believe how many people were gushing about his parenting. ::eyeroll::
Anonymous says
LOL and every time I hand my child a screen in public I get dirty looks!
anon says
Yeah, I think we are all secretly burning for more of those “your kids are so well-behaved” comments. Motherhood is a slog with so few gold stars to be had. The older ladies at a church we went to were practically falling over themselves showering my husband with compliments because he was holding our baby and they could see he was an involved dad. It does make me wonder how bad it must have been in the past if this seems so out of the norm to them. Hard to imagine in some ways…
FVNC says
I’ve noticed this too, and have started to compliment mothers! Especially when the kids aren’t behaving. I still remember — this is probably 7 years ago now — the mom at my daughter’s daycare who gave me a hug after witnessing a drop-off meltdown. No idea who she was and never saw her again, but MAN did I need that hug.
I’m glad my husband gets recognition when he has the kids alone, because he IS a great dad…but moms need it too.
Anon says
My DH took my then-3 year old to the grocery store once, and a stranger (elderly lady) came up to him in the parking lot, congratulated him on being an amazing dad, and tried to give him $20.
W. T. F.
Anon says
I feel this. One day another mom told me I was doing a great job and I have tried to pay that forward to other moms. Moms unite! 😊
Pogo says
such a great point. I will try to remember this next time I see a fellow mom struggling!
Anonymous says
This is why I always try to give moms who are struggling with a screaming kid etc. in public a “you’re doing a great job” smile.
Anon says
Yes! I travel solo with my kid a lot and I always look for other moms traveling solo and tell them they’re doing a good job!
Although I will say one time I ended up in first class and my husband was stuck in coach with our kid. I spotted a mom in the exact same situation (we both were carrying the kid’s booster seat so immediately identified each other as moms 🤣) and we had a good laugh (with the first class flight attendant who was also a mom) about how this dinky 1 hour United Express flight was the best vacation of our lives. But our husbands were probably getting alllllll the praise from the economy flight attendants for using nonstop screen time so whatever.
Anon says
DH is a stay at home dad. He notes the double standard, jokingly “You mean people don’t help you and open doors, etc. when you’re out and about with the kid?”. Then he giggles because he knows it will set me off since I am still fuming from 8 years ago when realtors refused to speak to me when we went to buy our house (a travesty for any woman, but made worse when I am the one on the mortgage and sole earner). My (single) sister just recently bought a house and had the same experience (and everyone kept asking for her non-existent partner). It is an inside “joke” except not that funny that “remember when women couldn’t buy houses” (i.e., now). And don’t get me started on when we needed new windows and they wouldn’t even come out to quote if DH wasn’t going to be present (we obviously picked a different company). Burn it all down.
Anonymous says
Re. the windows, my husband had the opposite experience–they wouldn’t talk to my husband unless I’d be there too. It was a scammy company that wanted everyone to take out financing and they wanted us both to be there so they could pressure us to sign immediately. I was glad that they made him mad so we didn’t have to meet with them. Then he let me arrange the next estimate.
anon says
1000% this is a real thing, and it sucks for us. Literally nobody compliments me or my parenting, ever. But DH is “such an involved dad!”
CCLA says
Ugh, just…ugh. Yes, maddening. I have gone away for girls weekends, or work trips, or whatever else on and off since our oldest was an infant. We used to joke about how many medals he would be awarded (tongue in cheek, he thinks it’s as ridiculous as I think it is) while I was away. “Such a good dad”, “wife is so lucky” yada yada. I can think of exactly one time I’ve gotten that kind of compliment from a stranger but for him it’s like 99% of the time he’s alone with them, it brings adoration. I do like the comments above about paying it forward to women – I clearly still remember that one time it happened to me, and will try to keep that in mind. Also I think it is happening less as the kids are older, something about seeing dad out alone with a 5yo isn’t quite as mind boggling to the patriarchy as seeing him out alone with a 6 month old.
Marshmallow says
Absolutely. DH works part-time (and I travel for work) so he’s out and about with kiddo on his own more often than I am. Constant “aren’t you two so cute together” comments– pretty much never happens to me when I take kiddo anywhere. And he jokes that he doesn’t want me to bust in on their little outings because people don’t compliment us when we are all together! He sees the double standard and it’s a source of dark humor.
anonM says
Yes! My DH and I joke about how high the bar is to be a “great’ mom but the great dad bar is super low comparatively. I’m pretty proud I’m managing to be an ok mom. Dark humor ftw.
Anon says
I say I’m a bad mom but a great dad. It’s a joke but definitely in earnest.
GCA says
Yep, DH milks this double standard for all it’s worth, and it’s dark humor for us too. Also he’s not above gently ribbing other dads who claim they can’t handle getting two kids out of the house on an outing on their own…
anonM says
YUP! I went to a wedding shower recently and saw an old friend with her 3mo baby. Her mom basically apologized for the baby being there (which, why apologize for that?!) and said it was just “too much to ask” of the dad to watch 2 kids under 2 all by himself (aka, his own children for two hours, which his SAHM wife does every day?!). Even my mom said it made her sad to hear that this doesn’t seem to be changing as much/quickly as she’d hoped.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Me: Traveled with DS #1 solo regularly from ages 0-2. Most flights were fine, but there were 1-2 doozies in there. Side Note: Most flight attendants were so wonderful to a overwhelmed mum traveling with a baby/toddler.
Pandemic happened, DS #1 didn’t get on a flight again until he was 4.
DH: Traveled with DS #1 solo when DS #1 was 4. One of our friends texted me “How nice he’s going to get all the headpats to solo travel with DS #1 now that it’s WAY easier to travel together!” I felt so seen.
Anonymous says
Curious what others are doing/have done. Our youngest turned 4 in June. She’s 42lbs. The rest of my kids and family are vaxxed and boosted. We have not gotten Youngest vaccinated yet. We plan to before she starts K/turns 5, but are not seeing any compelling reason to get her vaccinated before then. She had her annual physical yesterday and the ped asked if we would like to do the vaccine with her other shots; I said “we were thinking about holding off until she turned 5, what do you think?” to which she said “that makes a lot of sense to me.” and there was no more convo about it.
Her preschool class is small and we know the families in it well. Most have already had COVID. The quarantine policy is the same with or without a vaccine. Nobody in our family or extended family is high risk. The only factor at play is that my 95 year old grandmother is in a building that requires all visitors to be vaccinated, but we rarely see her with the kids (and my youngest saw her a few months ago anyway).
We got my oldest vaccinated as soon as possible (9 at the time). We waffled a bit with our then newly 5 year old (who at the time she was vaccinated with the 5-12 dose was the same weight my 4 year old is now!) but ultimately got her vaccinated because it lowered the time she had to quarantine while in kindergarten.
Thoughts? We are pro-vaccine, so it feels odd to not want this for her, but the young child doses seem so much less effective, the variants are changing all the time (and the newer booster for the new strain is just now available, have not looked into what she would actually get). And my pedi who is very pro vaccine did NOT seem strongly in favor (eg. she didn’t even open a conversation about it, just left it at “yep makes sense.”)
Anon says
I got my 4 year old vaccinated asap with Moderna. She would have gotten the same shot if she were five as Moderna is for 5 and younger.
I’m not sure why your ped said what they said, my ped encouraged me to get my kids vaxxed (have a 1 yr old as well) asap even though I didn’t need the enouragement.
Anon says
got my 4 year old twins their second shot yesterday. all of my pediatrician friends have gotten their kids their shots. i dont really understand why you wouldnt
GCA says
Has she already had Covid? We got the 4yo (who turned 4 in August) her vaccine ASAP starting in July because of summer travel plans and the chance of exposure from older sib’s elementary school in fall. Most of her preschool class had it in the Dec-Feb wave, though she never tested positive, and we haven’t heard about reinfections just yet. To me, a full year feels a bit long to wait if there are likely to be winter waves of infection. If she just had Covid, though, my calculation would be different.
Anon says
I got my 4 year old (who is a giant – 46″ and 45+ pounds) vaccinated with Moderna on the first day she was eligible. You can’t make a perfect comparison between vaccine brands but Moderna’s 0-6 dose is generally regarded by scientists as a higher dose than Pfizer’s 5-12 vaccine, because Moderna started with a much higher adult dose (and both brands based their kid doses on their adult dose). My kid had no side effects at all. I truly do not see a downside to vaccinating against Covid or any other virus. Statistically the risk of a serious complication is so much smaller from the vaccine than from the virus. I would never be able to live with myself if I declined to have my child vaccinated and they ended up in the ICU or worse. Covid has killed far more kids in the last two years than many other diseases we vaccinate against like flu and chickenpox. Even if the virus has almost zero chance of causing death in a healthy child (like chickenpox), why not get the vaccine? I’m so jealous that kids today get the chickenpox vaccine and don’t have to deal with all that misery + the risk of future complications like shingles. We don’t know exactly what the shingles equivalent will be for Covid, but there’s a good possibility there’ll be something like that and the vaccine could mitigate the risk or make it milder.
For me getting the vaccine for my kid was pretty much the easiest risk assessment decision I’ve made since March 2020.
I think your ped was probably just being polite and trying to avoid an argument, although I am surprised she didn’t push a bit more. My ped was very emphatic about the importance of vaccination for kids.
Anon says
I waited with my four-yr-old because he’s turning five next week. For a new four I would absolutely get the younger kid vaccine. When she’s five she can get a booster.
HSAL says
My twins turned 4 in June and got their second Moderna a month ago. One had a fever during the night but no other issues. We all had Covid in February. I see zero downside. I’d never forgive myself if I didn’t get them their shots and they had a bad case of it.
Anon says
We vax our 4.5 year old with Pfizer because that’s what pharmacies have around here and moderna was hard to find. She has not had covid that we know. We aren’t high risk either and no older relatives issues. With school starting we wanted to give her some protection against a virus that is new and still unknown in many ways. Especially since no more masks or quarantines in prek. We also get our kid and ourselves vax with the flu shot every year. We are getting her third Pfizer shot in about a week, she has had no reaction to any of the prior shots.
The data shows many are hesitant but I don’t see the risks here. If I had a teenage boy I might carefully review the data on moderna and possibly avoid that after a risk/reward analysis due to the myocarditis data. But our risk/reward analysis for our daughter was firmly in favor of the vax, and our pediatrician fully agrees.
Anon says
I got my then turning 5 in two months kid vaxxed with a 4YO moderna dose. My rationale is that notwithstanding efficacy for symptomatic infection, it reduces risk of MIS-C. I am high-risk, so it protects me, as well as my cancer patient mother, and she was starting K, which does not require quarantine for vaxxed kids. Moderna had her fully vaxed before K started in late August.
Anonymous says
I would vaccinate. Any protection is good, right, even if overall risk is low for a 4 year old? Like if it’s 20 percent less likely my 4 year old gets my parents sick, I’ll take it (vaccinated my now 42 lb 4 year old the moment we were able to). I wouldn’t wait on a better vaccine at 5 because I’m sure the entire landscape will be different in a year a d she’ll at minimum have a booster opportunity. Every doctor I know vaccinated their babies/preschoolers immediately.
AwayEmily says
Well put. I just vaccinated my 4.5yo (would have done it earlier but he got Covid JUST before the vaccines came out and so we waited 90 days). I am so incredibly grateful that when he had Covid, he did not pass it on to my mom (who we see often but happened not to that particular week). I’ll take anything that reduces that risk. I see absolutely no down side to vaccinating as soon as you can.
Anon says
We got both our 4 year old and our 2 year old vaccinated. We chose Moderna.
Can you have a more in-depth convo with your pediatrician if you’re concerned? It might help to know her reasoning and thoughts beyond just the fact that she didn’t try to talk you out of waiting a year.
Anon says
I had the same concerns as you that the vaccine seems relatively ineffective, but eventually came down on the side of vaccinating my (also giant, 46 lb!) 4 year old a few weeks ago.
Our thinking:
1. While there isn’t great data, some protection seems better than none, and we are satisfied that it’s safe. As far as we know kiddo has never had COVID (despite many exposures), so seemed wise to get some protection.
2. The new omicron boosters won’t be available for under 5 for some time, so figured we should get a primary series done first and hopefully eventually boost.
3. In our area at least, it’s not out of the realm of possibility the vaccine will be required for sports, school, etc, even for young kids.
Totally respect your thoughts though and I think it’s not quite as obvious a decision as it is for older kids or the non-COVID vaccines kids get.
Anonymous says
Bras- at what age did your daughter wear one? At what age did she need one? What does “need one” really mean?
My daughter is 9 and has the start of breast buds. She loves sports bras and has for the past year or so. Half for style, half because some of her sport jerseys chafe and the sports bra is a nice layer.
In some shirts, I think she’s starting to need (?) a bra – if she wants to wear one of course (and I think she does). Are these the t-shirt type bras they sell at target? My approach is just going to be causal in a store and see if she wants to buy one, but I want to know what to suggest.
As a kid I remember my mom buying me sports bras and that’s it. So at like 12 I had a 1994 sports bra to wear under all my shirts and it looked dumb.
Anon says
i personally probably didnt need a bra until i was 12, but started wearing them earlier because all the other girls did. i think i wore what is now probably low impact sports bras with those super thin straps etc.
Anon says
At 9, I would start with the stretchy bralettes they sell now. I wish those were around when I was a kid! they have cute ones now– ones that are shaped more like a sports bra and ones that are more like a triangular bikini top. Personally, I would stay away from anything with padding or a semblance of an underwire like some “t-shirt bras” have until middle school.
And if she doesn’t want to wear a bra, you could introduce the idea of a cami under thin/sheer tops as a little extra layer. Honestly, as a lifelong member of the IBTC I still do this sometimes :)
Anon says
My daughter is 9 and doesn’t have breast buds, but I definitely think this is normal. I kind of think take her to target and let her pick.
anon says
My 9 yo has no need and hasn’t expressed interest. I’m happy to have her stay a kid for a bit longer, so I’ll hold off until one of those two isn’t true any longer.
Anonymous says
In third grade the girls started to wear bras and comment if anyone wasn’t. I’d start with the kind that are basically a cut-off camisole.
Spirograph says
omg 3rd grade?! I remember when I was going into middle school my mom basically took me to the store and said “you need a bra now, here, try these on.” I’m pretty sure I did not need one from a body standpoint, but she was right in the social sense.
Anonymous says
Yep, it’s insane. I witnessed it at my daughter’s eighth birthday party in third grade.
Anonymous says
OP here. My daughter is technically 8.999. Turns 9 next week and is in 3rd. She has 4th grade friends and is on sports teams with 4th graders and I think sports bras are a thing for them.
Some shirts are totally fine, some shirts are just a little too see through. She is not where she needs actual support yet.
Vicky Austin says
If she’s worn sports bras for a while and you think some shirts are not working without a bra, I’m sure she’s ready to go to Target and pick out some camisoles or basic soft bralettes.
Anonymous says
In my book she “needs” one when things start showing underneath her shirts, same as with adults. (And no this is not sexist; I also think certain men really ought to wear undershirts with certain shirts and if I had boys I would make them wear undershirts with dress shirts and polo shirts.)
Anonymous says
OP here. She’s sort of like a very overweight man in a thin t-shirt, if that makes sense? Like you can see the shape and nipple a little bit with shirts of a certain material/thinness.
Anonymous says
Yes, it makes sense, and yes she needs a bra.
Anon says
I distinctly remember getting teased in 5th grade because my mom wouldn’t get me a bra and things were showing. I’d try the bralettes with a little padding.
Anonymous says
What is the deal with parents who refuse to let their daughters deal with their changing bodies? If a girl needs a bra, it’s more inappropriate for her not to wear one than it is for her to wear one, no matter her age.
anon says
Late bloomer here. I got teased because I wasn’t wearing a bra because I didn’t need one. I asked my mom for one, I wish she’d just bought the dang bra so I could fit in!
anon says
I’d get her one of those cami-style bralettes. And I am lol’ing remembering my 1994 bra game … also lots of sports bras under regular shirts. It looked so bad!
DLC says
My 10 year old has definitely been on playdates where she and her friends sit around and compare bras.
She either wears a light cotton sports bra, a cami with a shelf, or nothing. Honestly, it’s usually nothing, particularly in the summer. I tell her to look in the mirror before she goes out and make sure she is comfortable with how she looks. That being said I used to insist more that she wear a bra, but I got tired of fighting with her about it and now let her make the choice and handle what happens.
CCLA says
Anyone recently have a kid go through K and can tell me if this is normal? Kiddo started K a couple of weeks ago. Everything seems fine, I notice she’s tired at at the end of the day and not super chatty about what happens during the day but I’ve been told that’s normal. Teacher says she’s a delight. But this morning out of nowhere on our way out the door she says no one wants to play with her at school and if she asks them if she can play with them they say no. I was not ready for this. She was in full day pre-K for the last couple of years and very social there. I’m guessing this just takes time and it’s too early to be concerned, probably overwhelming with all new kids. I’ll keep engaging with her on concrete things to do on the playground if she brings it up (looking for other friends who are not in a group, etc.). She is having a bday in a couple of weeks so we invited the whole class and several kids are coming, so hopefully that will help smooth some relationship building.
Anon says
Very normal! It takes time to settle in and make friends. Play dates and birthday parties will help. My pre-Ker is going through this now after 80% of her class graduated (despite the fact that her BFF is still there!). I’m happy she has kids coming to her party and hopefully she really enjoys that :)
anon says
Schools used to let parents visit for lunch. Are you able to go have lunch with her? You could even bring a special take out lunch from her favorite place. It would give you a chance to see how things are going.
Anonymous says
I would not do this. It will just make things worse and draw out the adjustment period.
Anon says
Yeah and I’m also not sure how this would even help. If you see she has friends it won’t help to deny her feelings when she says she’s lonely. And if you see her having no friends what are you going to do that you weren’t already doing? Eg having play dates, encouraging her to talk to new kids etc. It just doesn’t make sense to me.
anon says
I also wouldn’t hesitate to send a note to the teacher letting her know that K has expressed worries about making friends and seems to be having trouble finding her group on the playground. The teacher might be able to help facilitate and/or keep an eye on things.
If she does make a friend, I’d set up a 1:1 playdate so she can solidify that friendship.
Anon says
My experience (of 2 weeks) is this is normal. Our school has a counselor come into the K class once a week for “social-emotional learning” which I thought was hogwash until I thought about what 2 years of pandemic isolation on kids just starting K (an adjustment in normal times) means. They talk a lot about making friends, being kind to friends, respecting our friends (which is apparently necessary because, if what my K tells me is true, there are some boys in her class that are being rude and disruptive, resulting in time in the “chill out chair”, so I think her class might be getting extra sessions). My kid has 1 (new) friend in class (she knew no one going in). We often talk about (and role play) what to do to make friends (e.g., kid was upset her new friend didn’t sit next to her on the bus home, we said did you ask her to, kid said no, practiced asking, then kid came home the next day happy because she asked her friend to sit with her and her friend said yes).
So in short, you might ask if the school guidance counselor can do some of that for the whole class. And I would probably send a note to her teacher just flagging the concern your child has raised, asking if that is consistent with what the teacher is seeing, and if there are any strategies that teacher is using in class that you could support at home for helping the kids make connections.
Spirograph says
Very normal. Or at least, 3 out of 3 of my kids did this in K.
Anonymous says
Unfortunately very normal. Gosh those tricky social situations are one thing I really don’t miss about childhood. I can feel myself in my daughter’s shoes when she faces social dilemmas and I wish so badly I could somehow transfer the confidence I’ve gained in my 30’s to her. Following for all the tips from you amazing moms!
anon says
yes! week 3 of K and she was saying this a few nights ago. so glad to hear it’s normal, really pulled out some trauma from my childhood.
CCLA says
Yep, totally same. Thanks all for the reassuring responses. DH and I will keep an eye on it but try not to worry too much right now. Bday party should provide some ability for us to see if there are kids we could do future playdates with. And will ping the teacher if it continues to come up.
Anon says
I hear you on the childhood trauma stuff. My kid told me the other day that her BFF said she doesn’t want to be her friend anymore. My heart just about shattered because I had a similar experience around the same age and it impacted me so much, and honestly still impacts me in adulthood – I’m so wary of coming on too strong and scaring people away. Literally the next day I saw this kid hug my kid and tell her she loves her and is her favorite friend. Clearly the other kid didn’t really mean what she said, and fortunately my daughter seems less sensitive than me. But whew. The emotional ups and downs of kid friendships are a lot harder for me than changing diapers and sleepless nights. And she’s only 5!
anon at 2:46 says
so my daughter has had the same experience with her bestie. tells me often that “bestie says we can’t be friends any more because xyz” or “bestie doesn’t play with me” and then when I pick her up they hug so tight they fall over. I wonder if my daughter is making some of it up, but why? Janet Landsbury had a guest on her podcast this week with the topic of parenthood bringing up unresolved “trauma.” hit me right between the eyes. one big takeaway was that we often think our issues aren’t bad enough or traumatic enough to go to therapy, but therapists hear that all day long, and it’s not true.
Anon says
I doubt your daughter is completely making it up. Kids do say things like that fairly flippantly. And as someone else said below, they generalize small moments. “Bestie doesn’t play with me anymore” probably means “bestie didn’t want to play XYZ game this afternoon when I asked.” So she’s not making it up but it also doesn’t carry the significance you might think it does.
Liza says
I think it’s pretty normal. My kids will go from having an AWESOME day to making random comments about how no one will play with them to a GREAT day with so many friends the next day. I think their little brains just ping on some random conflict they had with a classmate, or one moment where they felt lonely or rejected, and they generalize it. I’d pay attention to the overall feedback you’re getting – if it comes up multiple times as an issue, then see how you want to address it.
Anonymous says
Ugh has anyone had warts as an adult? I had a few white bumps on my hand and just got them checked out by the dermatologist, turns out they’re warts! I’m feeling weird and grossed out about it.
Mary Moo Cow says
Yes, me, and on my hand, too. My infant daughter had them, and then they showed up on my hand, so I made a connection in my mind. Ours both took more than a year to go away, and finally, for her it took a round with the deep freeze at the doctor’s office. I was kinda lazy and only remembered to do OTC treatment with duct tape occasionally, but when I was diligent about it, they went away. I’m sorry; I felt weird and gross and annoyed about it, too.
Anon says
Yes I had one on my foot during the pandemic. I kept meaning to go to a derm but I never did and it eventually disappeared. No one else caught it from me (it’s a virus that causes warts I think?)
I had warts on my feet and hands as a kid too. I think some people are more prone to it? I don’t think it’s anything to feel ashamed about. It’s not related to bad hygiene or anything like that.
Anonymous says
It is the HPV virus, but a different strain than the one tweens are now vaccinated against. Your immune system is supposed to clear it eventually, but it might not. Then you get the fun and expense of repeated liquid nitrogen treatments, immunotherapy with candida injections, and eventually tussling with insurance for coverage of laser treatments.
Anonymous says
My derm recommended trying to get my toddler vaccinated, but the CDC website says they recommend vaccination between 10-12 years old so it may be too soon. I haven’t asked my pediatrician yet but I plan to.
Anon says
When I was a kid I had to put my foot in some kind of chemical solution every day for a few weeks? They decided (correctly) that I couldn’t handle the liquid nitrogen freezing off process. I don’t think there was anything wrong with my immune system, they just didn’t want to wait to see if it would go away on its own. As an adult I’m kind of glad I just ignored it until it went away. It wasn’t painful or anything.