Accessory Tuesday: Tuscany Manhattan Hat

My 10-year-old is extremely lucky to have 4-5 playmates in our neighborhood. I know the other girls’ parents, and it’s a suburban neighborhood that’s plenty safe to run around. If she wants to be social, she usually can find someone to hang out with. It is a great thing and not an experience we had with our older kid, so I hesitate to complain at all.

The problem comes when either she can’t find a friend to play with, or we tell her that she needs to take a break from constant activity and do something quiet at home. Then she doesn’t know how to occupy herself. It doesn’t matter how many activities I suggest. She’ll literally follow me around the house because she can’t bear to be alone. She is not lacking attention from us, trust me. Unfortunately, her older sibling is NOT interested in hanging out with a 10-year-old (which is its own issue).

Help. She used to be much better at playing alone as a 7- or 8-year-old who didn’t go places, but I don’t know how to help her rebuild those skills without cutting off playdates.

I may be overthinking but would appreciate advice about what to do in this situation.
My 7 year old and her BFF were kind of tormented by a girl in their class (“Sarah”) this past year, though towards the end of the year, Sarah started being nicer and they all became friends and were even describing themselves as the three muskateers. My daughter and I have had a couple conversations about how maybe it’s best not to trust Sarah the same way she trusts her super loyal BFF, but it’s nice to play with her and include her when she’s being nice. About a month or so ago, BFF’s mom told me Sarah’s mom had run into her in public and asked for her phone number for a play date (but hadn’t yet texted to set anything up). She said her daughter didn’t want a play date with Sarah “because she’s mean to us” and she seemed to want reassurance that she was doing the right thing by saying no to a play date if the mom texted. I felt kind of weird discussing the whole situation since it didn’t really involve me or my daughter, but I told her truthfully that at this age I wouldn’t force my child to go on a play date if they weren’t enthusiastic about it. She said she’d make up some excuses about being busy and I said that sounded good. I recently met Sarah’s mom and she asked for my number and then texted for a play date. My daughter wants to go. I’m wondering if I should mention this to BFF’s mom — normally I would never discuss social plans with someone that isn’t involved, but I sort of worry she thinks we agreed not to have play dates with Sarah (even though that’s not what happened, and I chose my words pretty carefully) and will be hurt if she finds out about it. I would hate to do anything to damage the relationship with BFF or her mom – the girls are super close, we get along well and have discussed taking joint vacations, etc. so hopefully this relationship will be long term, whereas Sarah feels like more of a situational friendship that will dissolve if they’re not in the same class. Thoughts? Would you say something?

Older kids and babysitters: My kids are old enough to stay home alone when DH and I go out with friends for dinner (finally!). Our neighbor’s 18-yo granddaughter is in town for summer and has babysat for us in prior years, but this year we don’t really need her. But, I’d still like to throw her some babysitting hours if I can think of a way to use her. What am I not thinking of that would be helpful “babysitting” for kids who don’t really need a babysitter? She doesn’t drive unfortunately, or I would have her take our kids to their lessons!

Can I just vent for a minute about a very much first world problem? Three kids including one active toddler. DH hurt himself working out and can barely walk. It’s been going on for weeks now. He’s trying hard (and getting appropriate medical care) but we have no real family support and I am just so tired of chasing toddler and feeling guilty every time he limps to do a parenting task

Just venting that my in-laws want to travel to us for my son’s birthday party this year. They did last year, and it was kind of inconvenient because we had to worry about ferrying them around while also worrying about set up and take down of the birthday party. Theoretically they were there to help, but they are not able to lift things or walk very far. This year the party will be at a trampoline park so the only thing we need to bring is the cake, so my husband thought it would be fine if they come again. I feel like a grump for not wanting them to come, but I feel like they make it all about them when my son will want to focus on his friends and having a fun party (and jumping, which they can’t do at all). I’m also just over celebrating birthdays with them because they buy 80 million toys and want to take videos of DS opening each one, and it’s overwhelming. I feel petty because they are really sweet! But. You get it.

I did not grow up in an allowance family and neither did DH but we both are allowance-curious. Our oldest is 7 and will be going in to 2nd grade in the fall. DH is from a family with horrid money management habits (FIL filed BK several times) and my family is the total opposite – militant about spending/saving despite indisputably having solid mid/upper middle class means. I used to have to outright beg for money to go to the movies and money earned went straight to some phantom “college fund” and I never saw a dime (and I worked a TON). Mind you, it probably did go to pay for college… but I never was taught the skills of earning > saving vs spending. So, needless to say we’re wanting to strike a balance with teaching our daughter healthy money skills.

If you use allowances in your house, how to do you implement? Is it tied to chores? I struggle with this a little because I want my daughter to inherently just want to keep a clean room, tidy her playroom, make her bed, etc. I did growing up but, again, my dad was a drill sergeant (and not in a healthy way…). Open to any and all suggestions.

Also… how much? What do they spend it on (like what do you decide is for you to buy vs them?). Someone taught her the spend-save-donate idea (not us)… I caught her using that phrasing this weekend randomly so maybe we build on that a bit. TIA.

In fresh Spirit Week hell: Anything But A Backpack day, in which you take your belongings to school in anything but a backpack. Because a first-grader already cannot get through their day without dropping or forgetting half their stuff. I’m sure it’s great fun for middle schoolers though.