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I want to update my wardrobe basics, and this pointed-toe pump is what I’m looking for.
This versatile, classic pump has a tapered 2.75-inch heel. The heel matches the rest of the shoe for a sleek look. It comes in three colors: black, sand, and peach (for those looking for a not-so-basic color). Wear these with your favorite trousers Monday through Friday.
Veronica Beard’s Lisa Pointed-Toe Pump is $395 at Nordstrom and comes in whole and half sizes 5–13.
Sales of note for 8.30.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 20% off
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lands’ End – 40% off sitewide; 50% off backpacks, 40% off kids’ apparel
- Loft – Summer sale, 30% off new arrivals; up to 50% off much more
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- Zappos – 28,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – 50% off everything
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 40% off everything
- J.Crew Crewcuts – 40% off sitewide; extra 50% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 50-60% off; 50% off pants for the family
- Target – 20% off select clothing for all; up to 50% off home; up to 30% off select nursery furniture; up to 30% off kitchen & dining
Cb says
Does anyone have a helmet rec they like? We have the GIRO MIPs helmet for my big-headed 5-year-old, but the straps never seem to stay tight. I like the quality (MIPS essential) and the crash replacement scheme, but I worry that it’s not properly fitted as the straps loosen up as he carries it around throughout the day (to and from wraparound/class). The school bike racks tend to be used as part of the playground so I worry if he left it on the bike all day, it would wander off/get damaged.
Anonymous says
Does the helmet itself fit properly without the strap buckled? The helmet should stay in place when he shakes his head, even without the strap.
Cb says
Ah, that’s a good test. I think it does, but I’ll test it when I pick him up. I’m just constantly shortening the strap.
An alternative might be some sort of lightly padded helmet bag that I could carabiner to his ruckstack? It would protect his light as well.
Anonymous says
Even a plain drawstring bag with no padding would do the job.
Pogo says
I will check, I think that’s the one we have as well and we don’t have a problem with the straps. I think with that method of carrying it you do need to check them pretty much every day – that’s how I carried my helmet around in college (strapped to my backpack) and I feel like I always readjusted when I got on the bike.
Clementine says
We really like Nutcase helmets and have found the fit and quality to be very good.
Anonymous says
We had to get a “youth” size helmet (as opposed to child) when our son was about that age as his head is so large. He graduated to adult size around age 9 or so.
FP says
I like Bern helmets for my kids. They have great youth sizing.
CCLA says
If you’re using the Scamp, we much preferred the Tremor (essentially next size up, still from Giro, still has MIPS option, which was also essential for us). The Tremors are all around more comfortable and stay in place better and get tangled way less. But if it’s getting carried by the straps, will probably need to address that anyway. But still, a vote for the Tremor as an awesome helmet.
Anonymous says
These shoes are gorgeous. Whyyyyy don’t expensive shoes like this come in narrow and wide sizes?
Talk some sense into me or enable my dreams says
We have been getting quotes and talking about putting on a pretty big addition – we are hoping for a 3rd, and this addition would allow us to still have all kids in their own rooms + each parent gets an office + space for guests/au pair if needed down the line. Plus, we would finally have a master bath, walk-in closets and room in our garage to actually load/unload the kids.
We can afford it, though it would be a sizeable addition to our monthly payments. We might have to scale back on vacations or just be more budget conscious for a few years, but it’s totally doable (meaning continuing to fully fund all our retirement, 529s, etc). But part of me still feels like it’s… overkill? I go back and forth. I grew up in like, 1700 sq ft. Lots of people make do with MUCH less space than we have today. With this we’d be somewhere around 3300sq ft and I think part of me feels icky about the “excess”? But, at the same time, we’re both successful mid-career managers, well compensated and yet we have to take turns brushing our teeth because our family of four shares one sink. I have to store my workout clothes in an ottoman at the end of my bed and dig around for them every morning. My husband refers to his basement office as “the dungeon”.
Has anyone grappled with something similar?
Clementine says
Do it. If this is your forever home and you can swing it, do it.
As someone who is living in a decently sized house, 3 kids + an au pair makes it crowded quickly.
Also, I love that mom and dad have our own bathroom. So SO nice.
Anon says
If you want it, do it. I’ve done major additions and builds but the only thing I grappled with was spending the hundreds of thousands it costs to do it. :) It’s totally a luxury but if you compare that 1700 sq ft to what your ancestors lived in a century prior, that was also a luxury.
Anonymous says
At least with respect to the point about growing up in ~1700 sq ft, I don’t think it’s fair to hold yourself to that now. WFH was extremely rare back then, and that takes up space. Plus, I feel like kids have more sports equipment, etc. that all needs a home.
FVNC says
Agree with Clementine — if you can afford it, do it! This is assuming you’re also prepared for the upheaval and mess and chaos that can come with construction projects :)
We have moved frequently due to my husband’s job, but are finally, fingers crossed, in our forever home. We have lived in houses of varying sizes — from almost 3000 sq ft in a LCOL area, to 1800 in a higher COLA. Our home now is almost embarrassingly large AND we’ve made some customizations that are probably not great for resale (e.g., eliminating the breakfast nook that was never used; we use the island or dining room to eat). All the homes have been great in their own ways, but this one works so well for our family. Could we live in a much smaller and less expensive home? Yes. But like you, we’re still able to fund retirement, 529s, take vacations, eat out occasionally, make charitable contributions, etc. Clearly, I’m on team “make your home a place you love”!
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I spent most of my childhood nights on my parent’s bedroom floor, sleeping next to my sibling, because we always had extended family/family friends staying with us while they got settled in the U.S.
During a few of my teenage years, my brother, and my parents were in one bedroom, 2 of my cousins + my aunt were in the other bedroom, and I had a cousin sleeping in the living room.
While I am grateful for it now, because it did teach me a lot, and has enabled me to be flexible in many ways…I struggled with it at the time. Like, a lot. Yes people do with a lot less, but for reasons which I don’t think you have. This is something DH has to remind me of at times. Get the extension. Love your home.
FWIW, from what I’ve read on this board and the few instances I’ve seen IRL – most people with 3+ kids tend to scale back on other things like you mentioned.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Grrr…During a few of my teenage years, me, my brother, and my parents…is what I meant to say.
Anon says
Just some questions I’d consider: Is this your forever home? Does it make more sense to just buy a bigger place than remodel? Are you going to price yourself out of the neighborhood? Long term will you both need an in home office? Will you actually make use of a guest room frequently enough to make it worth it?
I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad idea at all. It sounds like you’re adding 2 bedrooms, an office and 2 bathrooms though, right? I agree that’s a big addition.
Anonymous says
I mean you’re talking about 7 bedrooms right? That’s a massive house. Do it if you want!
OP says
Sorta – would be one additional bedroom (master), one additional bath (master) + a bonus space that would be gym/office on the top floor and playroom on the lower floor. The current basement in-law apartment is my husband’s office and would be guest space (right now my office is also guest space). The basement space wasn’t including in our listing because I don’t think the previous owners wanted to pay taxes on it, but it meets the legal definition (it’s not below grade, you can walk out the door; it has a closet, is completely closed in and finished; has heat and AC, etc).
So yeah, if you counted that, we would end up at 6 beds, 4 baths post addition.
anon says
Get the addition. There is something to be said for a home that functions well for your family. Yes, you can make do with what you have now, but it sounds like the addition would be a big enhancement for not only your home, but the people who live there. Agree with another poster that home office space is a big deal in a way that it wasn’t a generation ago.
Anonymous says
I have 3 and have lived through a couple Renos at current house and previous.
1. It will take longer than you think, cost more and be more upheaval. But having it right is fantastic.
2. Your kids may want to share. We moved for a unicorn 2700 sq ft 4 bedroom upstairs plus basement suite house when I was 36 weeks pregnant with twins. The twins are now 8 and insistent that they want to share until they get married.
3. Take a hard look at how much space you have/ need/want. More space is more stuff to manage. I halved the size of my walk in closet when I realized it was just be more clothes I was storing and not wearing.
anon says
Off topic, but my 6yo twins still plan to share a room after they get married. They’re going to keep the bunk bed they currently sleep in and get a separate twin bed for the husband of one of them (the other isn’t currently planning to get married, but she’s going to share a house with her twin sister and her brother-in-law).
OP says
These are great points to think about! Talked about sharing w/ DH last night, as I could see our current 2 wanting to share.
Anonymous says
I expect that they will want their own rooms when teenagers but at that point you could maybe use the nanny space for the oldest etc. like you might not need 6 bedrooms plus two offices.
Anonymous says
As someone in an NYC apartment, do these giant houses take forever to clean, or is that not an issue as you outsource? Or does the same amount of mess just get spread out more so it isn’t actually worse than a smaller space as each room doesn’t need to be cleaned as often? No advice to OP, just curious.
Anon says
I think it’s easier to keep clean because you have more space to spread the stuff out in.
Anonymous says
Also new construction stays much cleaner.
Anonymous says
That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard
Anonymous says
It’s true. Our first apartment was built in the 1970s and there was so much dust. We then moved to an apartment that was less than 5 years old and were shocked by how much less dust accumulated.
FVNC says
Agree that newer tends to be easier to keep clean. I say this having lived in a pre-war NYC apt and a 1920s house, as well as new or new-er construction homes. I love older homes, and in fact prefer them to newer homes for many reasons, but in my limited experience they have been difficult to keep clean.
OP says
This is one of my concerns! Was hoping to hear from some people in 3000sqft+ properties. I already feel like we have to lot to keep clean, but I also only have my cleaner come 1x/month. So one of the things I am thinking is, ok maybe the additional payment on the financing is like $1800/month BUT I’m also paying more to heat/cool, clean, maintain, etc for this larger area. Just trying to think that through and prepare myself that we have the cash flow for that as well.
Anon says
We have 2800 sqft and I really don’t think it’s that hard to clean. We vacuum about once a week and it probably takes 30 minutes to do the whole house. Usually husband does downstairs and I do upstairs.
Anon says
We have 5 bedrooms/2,700 square feet and we do housecleaning every 2 weeks. However, my husband and I are both WFH and my youngest is home full time with our nanny, so we have a lot of people making messes on a day to day basis. I don’t find vacuuming or spot cleaning in between her visits tough to keep up with, though.
Anon says
I would go for the addition, but consider whether you need quite as much space as that. My consideration there would be about the increased costs of maintenance and property tax. It sounds like you can comfortably afford things and if so, great, but if you’re having any doubts, why not split the difference and see if you can cut the square footage a little bit? I’d personally love to have less to clean. That can be a bigger hit to your time than the cost is to your wallet.
OP says
great point re: tax. Mentioned above but someone how the previous owners kept the basement apartment out of the tax listing for this exact reason, though it ended up getting reassessed so we now pay $10k/year in taxes as it is.
Liza says
When we were considering gutting our house (similar to an addition IMO), we realized it would be far more cost- and time-efficient to sell and move into a house that is already the size/layout we wanted, rather than deal with the construction project ourselves. Is that something you all have considered? Are there houses in your neighborhood that are more like 2500 sqft that would suit? I completely understand that if you’re going to bother with an addition, you might as well max out, so moving might offer you a better middle ground.
OP says
Yes – and there are homes in our area that *sorta* meet all our criteria, starting at around $1.2M. So it’s not any cheaper or more expensive from pure dollars (adding $400K onto our $800K house; and our existing mortgage is at like 2.8%) but I feel like we could get exactly what we want in terms of layout? And we don’t have to pack everything up?
BUT we will have GC/subs/etc working at our house for 6+ months…
Anonymous says
Someone here made the following comment on a post I had: “don’t unnecessarily increase the degree of difficulty of your life.” If you can afford it AND it makes sense, then if do it. Just because you can live in 1700 square feet doesn’t mean you should or you have to.
Anon says
we live in a house that is 4800 sq feet. we were looking for a house around 3500, but this is what we ended up with. the space is not designed in the way i would’ve if i could’ve chosen. we have two kids. i will say while we could obviously live with less (we moved into the house from a 2 bedroom apartment). other than the dining room, we use every other room (or we will once our twins stop sharing a room) almost every day. I say go for it, or move? I love that DH and I each have our own offices
Anon says
+1 same situation
Vicky Austin says
It sounds like the problem with your house is not that it’s too small, but that it’s poorly designed. I bet the 1700 sq ft house you grew up in had more than one sink for four people to brush their teeth in. So a reno/addition to improve the design and livability of your house is more than justifiable and square footage isn’t even really part of the question. I say go for it!
Anonymous says
If the current house is poorly designed, will a renovation really fix it? Our house is poorly designed with tiny rooms and tiny closets. You could add on another 1,000 square feet and it would never fix the problems with the existing rooms.
Anon says
Agree.
GCA says
This! It’s not the absolute size, it’s the layout and design. Get the addition that works for your needs – and it could be smaller (and less costly) than you expect if it is well-designed. We are house-hunting and my big criteria is at least 1.5 baths and a kitchen and living area that flow into each other – I want the kitchen to be at the heart of our family life. I’ve seen 2,000+sqft, beautifully renovated houses that don’t have this, and 1,600sqft ones that do.
OP says
These are good points too – I do think we need to add some space (we’d lose a bedroom if we tried to make the bathroom any bigger currently) but we could potentially look at not doing the full second floor over the garage. Good discussion point for me and DH.
And yeah, we did all share one bathroom growing up. I would kick my dad out in the morning and he would finish his shaving routine downstairs in the half bath which I do not want to have to do when I have two teenage boys who need to shower every morning at the same time as me and DH need to get ready for work. My mom didn’t work full time so she just waited to get ready until we left, but that’s not going to be an option for us.
Vicky Austin says
And you have the money to fix it – I say do it.
NYCer says
If you are comfortable with the finances, I would do it. I don’t think 3300 square feet is particularly excessive. Yes, it is a spacious home, and people do just fine in smaller homes, but it is not like you’re talking about building some 10,000 square foot monstrosity with rooms that you never use.
Anon says
Do it. Three years ago we got a quote to add an attached garage and at the time we didn’t move forward because the cost seemed (at that time) a bit steep.
Well. Doing it today would cost three times as much, and I curse past-me every time I have to haul two-kids-plus-my-stuff , or groceries, or anything else that has to go in or out of a car through the ice and snow (I live in upper midwest). Our lives are busy and hectic enough … if there are ways to make any of easier / more tolerable and cost isn’t really an issue, I think you’d regret not doing it.
anon says
You do you, but since it sounds like you’re looking for a perspective to potentially talk you out of it…
Renovation can be varying degrees of tough, depending on where you are. First order of business would be to talk with neighbors who have done something similar recently to find out what you’re really getting into. In my VHCOL area, this sounds like it would end up being way more time consuming and expensive than the numbers folks are estimating here.
If you’re going to have such a giant house, I think it makes sense both from a financial perspective and an environmental perspective to focus on efficiency and green building methods. Costlier up front, but can save money in the long run.
I wouldn’t do it, but I’m happy with what most folks here would consider a really small house. Housing is so expensive that it’s normal where I live for kids to share a room, even when families have an income equivalent to two biglaw associates.
I put a huge premium on having lots of breathing room in the budget and not having a lot of extra things on my to-do list. I found managing a relatively small house projects to be unduly burdensome (turns out, there’s still a lot to do if you want things to move along even when you’re sold a turnkey project).
Are there smaller, easier renovations that would make your existing space more useful?
AwayEmily says
Yes, I do think you want to keep in mind the mental energy of the renovation. Are you the kind of person who likes choosing finishes, etc? Are you okay with managing contractors (finding them, interviewing them, following up with them, bugging them)? Will all that be stressful for you? We are also a bit tight on space in our older house (5 people in a 3br, 1.5bath house) but I really, really do not want to manage a renovation. It just seems like SO much extra work for such a long time that I’d rather be a little cramped, at least for now, then take on that kind of project. But my sister LOVES doing that kind of thing — for her it brings a lot of joy, and she just managed a big reno on top of a very demanding job.
Anonymous says
Do you have an actual bid? Our 250k addition came in at 350k+ when it went to bid. We scaled it way back, ended up with a 275k project, and at the end of the day it cost nearly 300k.
That said, it’s been amazing. We went from a really oddly laid out 2 car garage 3000sq ft home to one with a garage that has a workshop and holds 3 cars, 3400 sq ft house and a 1400 sq ft finished basement. We use the new garage/basement SO MUCH. With COVID it was a game changer as DH and I moved our offices to the (walk-out) basement).
Anon says
It sounds like you’ve considered all your options and this makes sense for your family. It also sounds like you have some margin in your budget if you are planning to keep fully funding retirement, college, etc, which is important. Because if you move forward, be prepared to go way over the time and money estimates.
We are doing a fairly simple basement reno (600 sq feet, two rooms, no plumbing) and it is taking double the time and is 50% over budget than our expectations when we began. This is not really the fault of the contractors – the permit/inspection process can cause long delays, and challenges will inevitably arise (plus you may decide you want to upgrade or change some of the finishes, as we did). I’m really looking forward to having our dream basement, though!
anon says
I just found out I’m pregnant and I’m already feeling nauseous. I had the world’s easiest pregnancy with my first but this one is already causing nausea and fatigue! There’s roughly a 50/50 chance of twins, so that could be contributing (double embryo transfer). I WFH but am in a sales-adjacent role so basically the harder I work, the more money I make. I don’t really want to slack off but oof the constant nausea isn’t helping. What remedies would you all recommend?
Emma says
First, congrats on your pregnancy! Honestly very few home remedies worked for me. I would get a prescription for meds if you don’t already have them. Other than that, constantly eating small amount of whatever my stomach tolerated (mostly saltines and cucumber slices). Some people like ginger tea, but it didn’t work for me and to this day ginger tea makes me violently nauseous because I associate it with that time. And although I know it’s hard, rest – you are building a human (possibly two) and your body is going through a lot.
Anon says
Congrats! I am right there with you. About 6 weeks with my second as well. I started feeling nausea 3 weeks ago even though I never had it with my first. Fun :)
I’ve been trying to sip on water as much as humanly possible. I’m finding that if I am well hydrated it effects my nausea the next day. I’m also trying to make sure I get in activity each day. I read continuing to exercise can help with morning sickness and keep energy up. It does seem to be helping. Also I stocked up on some gin-gins candies, they’re at my grocery store. In a pinch, they can make me feel a little better quickly. I keep some in my work bag.
Anon says
just curious as to why two embryos – i feel like that is pretty rare these days.
anon says
Because I had 3 failed transfers prior and ASRM guidelines call for double transfer at my age and transfer fail rate.
IVF Anon says
Just another anecdote: my upcoming FET [Friday, if I don’t back out… see: last week’s post reflecting my mental meltdown over this] would be a double if not for my history with a uterine septum. They definitely still happen, but perhaps for narrower circumstances? I don’t know for sure. But, for stats, I’m 38, gnarly case of PCO, and have had 4 failed FETs and 3 MCs.
Congrats, OP. Sending you lots of cautious optimism!
Anonymous says
Zofran was the only thing that helped me.
Anon says
Same. I waited too long to ask for it and it made life so much better. Before I got it, I ate so much ginger (that barely did anything) that I now have a ginger aversion. However, keep in mind that Zofran can make you super constipated, so I would recommend taking with Colace.
Anon says
+1 on each of Zofran, ginger aversions and Colace. All true for me too.
anon says
Yup, this. No other remedy helped.
Vicky Austin says
I don’t have any helpful tips that haven’t already been shared, but congratulations!
anon says
I was advised to eat something before my feet hit the floor in the morning. I kept a box of crackers on my nightstand. That helped!
CCLA says
Diclegis. Insurance may make you try the roll your own variety of unisom + B6 for a period covering it (so…consider trying that now before you have any doc appt so you can say you already did it), but for me that did nothing and I needed the delayed release of the diclegis. Life saver for the first tri. Plus all the usual stuff of small meals, and I basically ate whatever I could tolerate, which was a lot of carbs. Use WFH for strategic napping too. Good luck!
Anonymous says
Peppermint worked for me. I kept a tin of peppermint Altoids on my desk. Often just the smell would be enough to help for a bit.
Also, if your work allows for it, naps. Since you work from home, breaking the working day into several smaller chunks with naps in between might help. I was work from home with minimal meetings and entirely flexible hours, so I worked in 2-3 hour chunks with 90 minute naps. Also gave me something to do when nausea was keeping me up at night.
anon says
I’m both whining and looking for solutions, LOL.
DH and I have a milestone anniversary this summer. We have not traveled alone, as a couple, for the past 10 years. We both would LOVE to, but we do not have grandparents who are willing or able to watch our kids, who are 9 and 12. I’d rather not go into the reasons why, but the short version is that although my kids have grandparents who will hang out for short periods of time, the grandparents are not interested in hosting sleepovers or staying overnight at our house. This is something I’ve had to accept, though it makes me sad. I have awesome memories of spending a week at my grandparents’ house every summer, but my parents are totally uninterested in that.
My sister would probably watch our kids, but it would be a huge ask. She has three kids of her own, all of whom attend daycare in the summer, plus she and her DH both have full-time jobs. I know that getting our kids to their various activities and day camps would be a logistical nightmare for them. She would do it, but it’s hard for me to ask, knowing how much it would inconvenience her.
The friends I am closest to have super busy lives of their own with older kids who are heavily involved in summer sports. So I hate to ask, because it would be a huge imposition to have two extra kids hanging around.
Unfortunately, the pandemic wiped out our already shallow pool of babysitters. On the rare occasion that we get a sitter, it’s the teenage kid of one of the aforementioned friends.
I just want a few nights alone with my husband. I guess an alternative to an actual vacation would be to see if my sister could watch the kids for a weekend, when there’s less going on, and do a short getaway within driving distance. For some reason, the idea doesn’t excite me. We don’t exactly live in a mecca of couples destinations. I miss traveling with my husband. Someday …
Emma says
Is a week at overnight camp an option for your kids?
Liza says
+1, if this is a problem you’d be willing to throw money at, overnight summer camp is a no-brainer.
I also don’t think asking your sister is completely unreasonable, but I think you’d have to be willing to take her lead on what the childcare arrangements during her work hours would be – if her kids attend a day camp, you should pay for your kids to also go to that camp, and you should be prepared for them to skip their “various activities” for a week, to cut the logistics down to the bare bones.
Anonymous says
Yes to summer camp, with the caveat that you need to have family on call to take the kids if something goes wrong at camp (although IME overnight camps don’t send sick kids home, even with COVID). Your kids are the perfect age to have a fantastic time at sleepaway camp. I would do two weeks of camp and take a week’s vacation right in the middle. Most “one-week” camp sessions are really only 5 or 6 days including pick-up and drop-off days, which wouldn’t leave much time for a vacation. I’d also plan to arrive home 48 hours before pick-up day so if your flight is delayed by a day you don’t run into trouble.
Vicky Austin says
Even just one kid? 12yo to camp, 9yo to your sister (probably less of a PITA for her to have one extra kid than two) or a friend, and you and DH off to the airport?
Anonymous says
Ask and then return the favor. I have three kids but I would gladly host a couple more kids if it meant DH got to go away ourselves in the future. Even if you can’t return the exact amount of time. DH and I never get away for more than a weekend because that’s the most the grandparents can handle. I’d love to have 3 days at a friends to make it a full week.
Anon says
We’ve found that it’s sometimes easier on everyone to go during the week. The kids are in school, so there are more hours of childcare coverage for grandparents, and if the kids are in elementary school, you can always line up after school activities with friends (which is less burdensome than asking them to stay over). That way you lighten the load – grandparents do mornings, but then have a break until dinner and bedtime. We also leave a bunch of prepared dinners to make it even easier.
anon says
Yep, we’ve only left our early elem kids with grandparents once, but the way we talked them into it was going during the week, so that they got an 8 hour break while the kids were at school.
NYCer says
+1 to going during the week. If we are going on a longer trip, we sometimes will take a red eye on Saturday night, and then return the following Friday. So grandparents only have one full day “alone” with the kids.
Anon says
It is really frustrating with grandparent support/relationships just do not look like what was originally pictured.
Have you and your husband thought about maybe taking kids with to a resort with a kids program during the day? It doesn’t get you the nights alone, but there are some resorts that have day-programs for kids and sometimes offer babysitters in the evening so parents can go out to dinner. It might help scratch the traveling itch and it would allow for time alone during the day.
Anonymous says
I am so sick of the “my parents owe me babysitting” attitude here. Your parents raised you. It’s their turn to relax now. It’s not their job to solve your child care problems.
Anon says
I’m not the 10:19 poster, but where did she say “owe”? It can be disappointing when a relationship isn’t what you’ve pictured, even if neither party is doing anything wrong.
ElisaR says
i have to agree with Anonymous at 10:52 here. I feel fortunate to have grandparents locally. They don’t babysit, it’s not really their wheelhouse due to age and nature….. it is what it is. I think a lot of people on this page must be young and have young parents, but that’s not the experience most people in my life have. OP, I agree with the suggestions of sister helping during the week if you are local enough to make that work.
one other suggestion: we did have my mother spend the night at our house once after babysitter put the kids to bed. my mom complained that she didn’t sleep all night so i won’t do it again, but we did get to attend that wedding.
Anon says
“Young” is relative I suppose, but I’m very old for my small town red state (had kids mid-30s, parents had me mid-30s), so my parents were almost 70 when they became grandparents, and they are still really involved with and provide childcare for my elementary age kids. I don’t think it’s strictly about age, there’s a lot that goes into it besides that. My mom and dad are essentially the same age and my mom seems a decade or more younger than my dad, due to a variety of factors including attitude and weight.
Anon says
I think you may have misread my comment here. I can empathize for OP that her situation with kids and grandparents looks very different than what she grew up with. Growing up I use to spend several weeks in the summer grandparents and have great memories. My kid will not have the same experiences. In my particular case, my father on dialysis (outcome is not looking good) and my FIL has early on-set dementia. There is so much other caregiving going on, I too would not leave my kid overnight with either set of grandparents. They just do not have the capacity for it. Before you assume a comment is coming from entitlement. I would recommend thinking for a moment if the comment is acknowledging a loss. We all know life happens, but it’s okay to be disappointed when things do not pan out like you had hoped.
Anon says
+1. I used to resent this about my parents, but then I realized my mom has been a caretaker her WHOLE LIFE. She grew up as the oldest child of a very poor family that included a medically fragile child who passed away before the age of 10. She took care of her younger siblings until the day she left for college. She was an AWESOME mom to my brother and me, but she and my dad finally had some extra money and (thank the Lord) their health & a happy marriage when my brother and I left home. She is the fun grandma who will come with us to Disney and ride the rides with us, but isn’t going to babysit for us. In fact, I asked her a few weeks ago if she could come be the ring leader for our crew (as in, we’d hire extra help, but we just need someone to manage it all) during two long weekends when we are traveling this year, and she said no – because she already has trips planned those weeks, but invited me to visit her alone (without my kids) on another week at their vacation spot. Sure, sounds great :)
anon says
OP here. I don’t think my parents “owe” me babysitting. But it’s surprising to me for a number of reasons that I won’t go into here, and yeah, sometimes I’m sad that my kids will not have the same relationship with them that I had with my own grandparents. Sorry for being human and having feelings about this?
anonM says
to OP- I didn’t read your post as entitled at all. I have my kids’ grandparents and great-aunts as support, and I can see the difference it makes compared to friends who don’t have that extra backup and support for their parenting/kids. Having support is like a release valve. DH and I both talk about how we hope to pay it forward when our kids are grown, because helping others in the thick of it is not that much time/effort (an occasional night) vs how much benefit it provides the kids/parents. There are SO so many reasons for not having the support you think you’ll have as parents, not just because your parents aren’t interested, and it stinks for any reason. I hope you can set the harsh comments above aside.
anon says
@10:52 Anon
It’s not that parents owe babysitting it’s
1) sadness about the relationship not being what you had hoped
2) sadness about the loss of a built in community that so many generations before us had, we are parenting more and more alone that we ever have in history. How many spent days/weekends/weeks with grandparents while parents went on vacation/worked (both me and my husband) yet how many of us now hear our parents tell us “I did my time” and never change a diaper?
Anon says
I can think of a few options if you are willing to throw money at it. Full disclosure that my husband and I throw money at a couples’ only getaway every year with the rationale that it is “cheaper than a divorce.” It was tongue in cheek at first, but I actually have come to fully believe it over the years. We’ve left on these trips in a tough spot, and always come back restored.
I would go to your local parents’ listserve and ask for a nanny who is willing to do overnights and drive (you can also go to a college listserve and ask for the same thing, but I trust a professional nanny more). Have the nanny do a few test runs with your kids before you go, and negotiate an overnight rate for her to use while she’s there. You can leave your kids with a cell phone so that they can text you directly if there is an issue while you are gone. Then line up lots of fun activities for them to do while you are gone with friends, and have the nanny schlep them for a long weekend. We did this and flew to St. John a few years ago, and it was heavenly. Your kids are at the age where staying a few nights would be a sweet gig for a professional nanny – that’s young enough to not get into real trouble, but old enough to be very self sufficient.
Or, if you/the kids aren’t comfortable, then splurge on an all inclusive like Beaches Turks Caicos where the kids have their own space separate from you guys. Do a lot of date nights or visiting the adults only part of the resort while they do the kids’ club. Just go in with the kids understanding that they will be expected to do the kids’ club during the day/some evenings.
Even a night or two close by can be restorative as a trial basis! When our kids were much younger than yours, we rented a hotel like 30 minutes away, but went at noon on Saturday and didn’t leave until noon on Sunday. glorious!
Anon says
I love Beaches but it’s nothing like an adults only vacation. If you can afford Beaches, you can afford camp or a nanny for the kids, and I would just do that.
Anon says
Agreed completely that it’s not the same as a child free vacation, so OP should definitely take the advice with a grain of salt. I guess I was reading into and making assumptions about the fact that OP hasn’t left her kids with a non-family member before, nor does it sound like they have done summer camp despite their ages, so OP’s family might not be comfortable with any of the options that have been thrown out. On the trips where we’ve done the kids club, at least you get moments of child free times – afternoons at the spa and the adults only pool after, dinners out where you aren’t navigating kid requests, but you can still have some nice family time too :) It’s not a perfect substitution, but it still can be restorative as a couple (and sometimes with a smaller logistics lift).
Anon says
Fair. I guess it depends how bothered you are by other people’s kids. Even if my own kids are at the kids’ club, I don’t consider a family resort to be very relaxing because there are so many other kids running around everywhere. Personally I’d rather just have a spa day or staycation at home. But other people have a higher tolerance for kid chaos than I do.
Anon says
Ah, yes, great catch. It’s crucial to find the spots that have adults only sections of the resort that you can access when the kids are in the kids club. We did a Club Med a few years ago, where we stayed in the “exclusive” section of the resort – so very quiet compared to the larger part of the resort – then when we had the kids in the kids’ club, we did the spa, and used a pool and dining area where kids weren’t allowed to go, period. It was a really nice balance, honestly. Kids had their own room, but were still in the unit with us, so again, definitely not a kid free vacation – but lots of long pool side afternoons and a few dinners without kids around.
Anonymous says
Where do you live? Have you ever used a babysitting service or nanny placement service? Not care dot com, but a local company that is more selective and screens people for you. I think that’s what you need in this situation. If you happen to be in Chicago I can let you know what we use.
Alternative: send the kids to sleepaway camp, if they’re game for that kind of thing.
Anonymous says
We live in the suburbs of a big city, but there’s no college nearby, so there’s not a huge pool of young people who don’t already have full time jobs. I looked for a nanny for about six months before giving up, but I’ve been able to find two good babysitters who will do overnights. And I have twin toddlers! Honestly, our favorite babysitter came from care dot com. That’s not the only solution, but it worked for us. You might try it, depending where you are. And just to echo others: she did date nights for us several times before I asked for overnights and I talked to my older kid about whether he was comfortable with her.I trust her completely and it’s so nice to just get away a couple times a year. I asked up front if she’d be willing to do overnights, just fyi.
Anonymous says
The solution is so obviously sleep away camp I’m very confused. You just send them away the same week?
Anon says
Is there a reason you can’t send them to sleep away camp at the same time during the summer? That seems like the solution to me, and both are definitely old enough!
anon says
It honestly hadn’t occurred to me. But it’s definitely an option worth considering.
Anonymous says
It is really a win-win. Kids get to go to camp and you get a kid-free vacation.
Anonymous says
Solution 1: sleepaway camp. It can only be a week! My 9 year old is going for a week for the first time this summer.
Solution 2: hire a college student. Your kids are 9 and 12, not 2. My 9 year old could easily survive 24 hours in our house by herself (not that I would ever leave her!); a college student with a car would be a blast for 3-4 days. Make sure they have some activities and leave a phone for the kids if you are okay with that. When I was a kid my parents left me and my siblings with my college aged cousin (male) for a week. We were 6/9/12. It was a lot of fun. I babysat in college and grad school and this would have been such a sweet gig.
Solution 3: bargain with their friends’ parents. I have 3 kids so this would be Level 10 parent organization but with 2 kids you surely can find someone to take each of them for a weekend and do a trade back later in the year.
Solution 4: Your sisters’ kids are in daycare. Send your 9 and 12 year old to daycamp near your sister for a few days, or hire a sitter to watch them at your sisters’ house. Maybe they can play with the little cousins and do “cousin camp” for a weekend and help your sister out? Definitely have your kids skip one week of their summer stuff vs having your sister schlep them around.
I really had to do a double take at your kids ages because this is totally a problem with younger kids but by 3rd grade it’s really a solvable problem.
Anon says
In case you’re still reading…
When I was a toddler (with older siblings), my parents literally hired a couple from an ad in the paper to stay with us while they traveled to Europe. We made it.
Also, what about each kid staying with their best friend’s family for 4-5 nights. My parents did this when I was a kid.
Anon says
The answers above about the big renovation were fun to read! I’m curious for thoughts in a slightly different situation – a few years ago, we moved into a big, old house that is dated and a bit of a jigsaw puzzle. Then, a year later, we had a surprised third child. We technically have enough “space,” but all the rooms in this house are disjointed (half the bedrooms are upstairs and half are downstairs, the living room is smaller than one of the bedrooms).
We can either do a massive renovation where we basically gut the inside of the house and get all the trappings of a new, modern house (mud room, nice offices for H and me, big living room, modern kitchen, etc.) with a very logical floorplan. It would entail moving out for six months, and we’d have to take out a HELOC to pay for about half the reno over a two-year period.
Or, we can do a targeted renovation and shuffle people around – update a bathroom and closet space on the first floor, plus upgrade some furniture, and we’d have a house that works, but isn’t perfect. Our family room would always be really small for our whole family of 5 to enjoy (especially once the kids are bigger), two kids would always have to share a bedroom – two kids would be upstairs, one would be downstairs/parents would be downstairs, but we could knock out the bathroom/closet with savings and not change our lifestyle at all.
This is definitely our forever house. Kids are 10, 8, and 3. We still have a full-time nanny in the house, but in 2 years, we will move to a part-time nanny b/c all kids will be in school full time. WWYD? I guess I am leaning towards doing the big reno in 2 years when we no longer have a nanny/preschooler at the house every day, but I’m worried I will regret not doing the big renovation now before my oldest is in the high school crush of life.
Liza says
I said this on the post above, and I’ll say it here too: are you sure that doing either of these renovation projects is more cost- and time-effective than just selling and moving to the house you want?
Anon says
X factor that I didn’t mention in my post is that my yard-adjacent neighbors are basically family after COVID. We have a unicorn situation where the parents hang out in the evenings, and kids roam freely in the neighborhood every day after school/all summer. Even going a street or two away would fundamentally decrease our daily happiness, and unfortunately, it is very unlikely anyone in the immediate vicinity with a house that would work for us will move in the near future.
Anon says
Don’t leave that unicorn situation! I’m so jealous of it. We moved to a famously kid-friendly neighborhood so our kid could have a neighborhood crew, but there are no kids on our block or the adjacent ones and it’s a huge bummer.
anonM says
+1. Maximize overall family happiness by doing piecemeal reno. You’ll end up leaving the unicorn for way longer than you plan and spending more.
Anon says
Ohhhh good point on missing the day to day with neighbors for a year. I guess I hadn’t thought of it in those terms.
Anonymous says
I would say the opposite–don’t stay and renovate just for the neighbors. You have no idea whether they’ll decide to move next week. Do what makes sense independent of the identity of your neighbors because that can always change.
anon says
I agree with 10:58. This is a great situation but could turn on a dime if the neighbors decide to move. I’ve seen it happen plenty of times.
Anon says
so my best friend just gutted her house while living in the house. it was done in two stages. the contractor built a temporary staircase, a temporary kitchen, etc. it took almost two years (which she somehow did during the pandemic and with a newborn). maybe it would’ve been cheaper to sell and move, but they bought this house knowing they’d have to renovate as they live in the area with mostly older houses and the chances of them finding what they wanted was few and far between
Anon says
Six months sounds ambitious! A gut renovation of that scale will likely take a full year unless you only use things that are in stock—but then you wouldn’t get the house you want.
Are you willing to move out of your house for 1-1.5 years, put everything in storage, and have uncertainty as to when your house will be complete? Our neighbor has been doing a gut Reno and expansion of their home and they’ve been at it for 8 months and it still needs a lot of work!
PS envious of your neighbor friendship situation!
Anon says
:) 6 Months is definitely ambitious — okay, let’s say it does take a year. Would you (1) do it now, and get it over with, notwithstanding the nanny and preschooler at home? (2) wait 2 years and do it when all children are in school full days, but you have a 12 to 13 year old in a temporary living space for a year? or (3) never do it, and just shuffle everyone a bit and bank the extra cash, but struggle to fit everyone in the living room :) as teens or adults?
Anon2 says
If your big drive for not moving is the unicorn situation, then I’d do 2 or 3. Moving out for 6 months – a year will definitely disrupt your/the kid friendships.
Also- I’d lovingly caution about making long term plans based on this situation. It sounds amazing, but if a neighbor gets a new job and the kids age, poof, it’s not the same as before.
anon says
Yeah, we are doing a reno like this and it’s a 14 month project, and we’ve ordered everything in advance. Old houses are slow. Never move based on the info you gave us!but be ready for it to take a while.
AwayEmily says
Oh definitely do the easy one.
Anon says
I’ve been living in Lululemon and Vuori pants since I had a baby last year. I need to buy new non-athleisure pants (or at least something I can wear with a nice top), but for various reasons I need pants that are not too tight around the waist. Jeans are tricky unless maybe they have a lot of stretch. Does anyone have recommendations on where to shop? I’m about a size 12. I tried some things from Old Navy but struck out.
Anonymous says
Uniqlo ultra stretch jeans have been wonderful for the postpartum period into early pregnancy with my second! They’re super inexpensive yet look put together.
anon says
I started back up with stitchfix, I too struck out at old navy – they let you preview items now so you can pass on anything not your style. Not sure it will help with sizing but surely they could send you 6 pairs of jeans in various sizes/cuts to try on and take the mental load off.
Anon says
I feel like Duluth Trading Company is my go to for comfortable yet structured pants these days. They have wide stretchy waistbands and a pretty high rise.
Betabrand too, though i found their pockets were strangely large.
Mrs. Jones says
Athleta Brooklyn pants!
Anonymous says
Or Athleta Endless pants if you need something that passes as business casual work pants.
anon says
Everlane Straight Leg Crop
Anonymous says
Talbots Soho 5-pocket jeggings are my go-to.
Anon says
just a vent as we move from toddler clothing sizes to kid sizes, why do so many of the girls dresses have cut outs or thin straps or other style elements that are annoying for sunscreen and unnecessary for a kid in early elementary school. i honestly think the toddler styles are more appropriate, or retailers should design one set for babies, one set for toddlers, one set for younger kids and one for older kids, or just make the toddler clothes in larger sizes
AwayEmily says
could not agree more.
Anon says
Even the toddler sizes have this! I’m so sick of seeing adorable dresses for my 18 month old and then looking at the back and realizing they’re open backs with little criss cross ruffle straps and no other coverage. So impractical!
GCA says
I haven’t looked at dresses in ages as DD rejects them all and DS’s dress phase ended at 3.5, but Primary might be your answer here? On the casual side but cute prints/ colors and no funny cutouts.
Anon says
Hanna and Primary have lots of cute but functional dresses.
OP says
agreed, but i like shopping at more than 2 places and sometimes i don’t want those prices
anon says
Boden is pricy, but also has cute and functional dresses.
Anonymous says
Old Navy has cheap short sleeved knit dresses in toddler and girls – my toddler lived in them last summer and just bought more.
Anonymous says
I have 3 girls and I **HATE** some of the options out there. My oldest is 9 and while she does wear and like 2 piece bathing suits, they come from Lands End and more recently athleta.
Anon says
There is a lot going on at work, and my boss wants me to “step it up” while she has additional pressures and responsibilities – fine, I’m ready for the challenge. What I’m not ready to be is a punching bag.
This morning, I got a snarky email from her saying that I missed a bunch of things on a document that someone more junior on our team sent to the group (it was not explicitly assigned to anyone to review – maybe my mistake in not assuming it should have been me?). I made the mistake of quickly scanning it last night vs. doing a solid review and sending junior person my very minimal feedback, and then when junior person went to boss for their scheduled review, boss was irate that I didn’t catch what she did and sent a “non-value add” email with feedback.
I know I made a judgement error here, but I don’t know if I deserve the ire.
Vicky Austin says
Is this a regular thing from your boss?
OP says
Yes – I’ve posted a bit on the main site as well about this, and your responses have been very kind (like when she compared one of my direct reports to her child), and even the “eh she’s being reasonable” have been helpful for me.
It’s gotten more intense lately as the pressure on her mounts. Maybe it’s becoming clearer that I can’t be what she needs? I don’t know.
Anonymous says
Oh, interesting – I don’t remember the exact details of your post, but I was going to say I’d let this pass this one time as a result of the increased pressure if it wasn’t already a pattern. Sounds like it *is* a pattern though? In which case I’d be more ready to say something. “I’m ready for the challenge, but I’m not going to be a punching bag” is a great phrasing.
Vicky Austin says
oops, this was me. Ignore my nesting fail below.
Anon says
Bummer. Ouch. Sorry.
Anonymous says
Honesty (and I appreciate there may be more to this in terms of background or tone of the email), this sounds fair enough to me. You did a half assed job of something and your boss called you out on it. If your boss is asking you to step it up but is still having to provide substantive comments on something you’ve already looked at, then maybe you did need a bit of a kick to up your game. Of course being irate about it is unpleasant and an overreaction, but I’m struggling to see why you think your boss’s underlying concern is unfair.
Vicky Austin says
Oh, interesting – I don’t remember the exact details of your post, but I was going to say I’d let this pass this one time as a result of the increased pressure if it wasn’t already a pattern. Sounds like it *is* a pattern though? In which case I’d be more ready to say something. “I’m ready for the challenge, but I’m not going to be a punching bag” is a great phrasing.
(Sorry if this double-posts – I can never get my name/email to save over here.)
Anon says
cooperative games for 4/5 year olds. my twins love games, but in the evening cannot handle managing the fighting over who gets to use the zingo board with the cake and rainbow, who wins etc.
AwayEmily says
My newly 5-yo likes Outfoxed and Race to the Treasure.
Our public library lets you check out games for a week, which has been a great way to preview some before buying.
SC says
+2 to Outfoxed and Race to the Treasure.
octagon says
Gnomes at night is cute (and perfect for two kids working together to beat the clock).
Leatty says
Hoot Owl Hoot
anon says
My first castle panic
Anon says
My best friend and I went through IVF and had our sons at roughly the same time. After a year and a half I tried for a second but was not successful. I went through grief, then acceptance, and now gratitude for our little family of three. Best friend is now pregnant with her second. Though I now think having one child is the best situation for my family, I can’t help feeling envious. Best friend messages me on occasion about random funny things and we chat for a bit, but I can’t bring myself to ask her how she is doing or acknowledge the pregnancy in any way. How do I get over this so I can show up for my friend?
Anon says
Hi – I was pregnant with oopsie #2 as a BFF was in the depths of infertility. I called her to let her know, and then she texted me letting me know that she was having a tough time celebrating others right now. I thought it was imminently reasonable.
As the friend in the situation – I didn’t expect anything from my BFF. I didn’t expect her to cheer me on (not saying that’s what you’re saying), I didn’t expect her to show up, I just expected her to continue being my BFF as we processed our own experiences. You are a good friend to think about this.
Lily says
Can you just fake it until you make it? Ask her (occasionally) how she is doing? She probably senses your grief and won’t bring up something pregnancy-specific, but it will let her know that you care about her. I haven’t experienced infertility so please take this with a grain of salt, but I personally would be hurt if my best friend never asked how I was doing for a 9 month period. Also, when she has the baby, you can’t really ignore the elephant in the room anymore… So maybe just grit your teeth, shoot a quick “how are you doing/feeling” text, and give yourself permission to feel however you want to feel about her response?
Anon says
She knows what you’re going through and understands. Being a good friend in other ways that don’t talk the pregnancy is sufficient right now for supporting her. I went through infertility treatment as did multiple close friends and I know they’d all say the same. She gets it, and if the situations were reversed you would be just as understanding.
Anon says
I think you do need to ask about how she’s feeling and how she’s doing. You don’t have to be her number one sounding part for all things pregnancy, but I think the bare minimum effort will be helpful to both you and her. I know it’s really hard and I’m sympathetic.
anon says
Does she know that your second IVF was unsuccessful?
I went through the exact same thing (we’re still trying naturally, because it’s clear that IVF will not work for us, but our odds of success are miniscule), and it was hard, but it helped that my friend knew what I was going through. So please tell her, if you haven’t. Beyond that, the only way I got over it was by getting over it – it was hard at first to be checking on how she was doing, and talking about her pregnancy, but eventually it was easier, and after even more time, I was able to be actively happy for her.
anon says
Funeral attire help – I’m going to be at a close family members visitation and funeral this weekend and will be in the receiving line. While I have plenty of dark colored dresses I can wear I’m realizing I don’t have many comfortable dark shoes that I can wear with tights (it’ll be chilly). I have plenty of dressy leather flats but I just don’t know that I can stand in them for long – any unicorn shoes that are dark, aren’t totally hideous and I can get quickly via Zappos?
Cb says
I’m sorry for your loss. Do you have dark boots? I’d imagine they’d be better if it’s chilly?
ElisaR says
yes, boots! this was what i did at a family funeral a year ago.