As someone who was pregnant during the height of summer, the last thing I wanted to wear was a suit jacket. But I might have made an exception for this breezy linen version from Angel Maternity.
This 100% linen blazer has notched lapels, a single back vent, and an open front to accommodate your changing body. Add a pair of tailored jeans or a flowy skirt for a relaxed, yet polished, in-office look.
This linen blazer is on sale for $55 (down from $79.95) at Nordstrom. It comes in sizes S/M and L/XL. It also comes in white.
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Sales of Note…
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale has started! See our thoughts here.
- Ann Taylor – $50 off $150; $100 off $250+; extra 30% off all sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 25% off purchase
- Eloquii – 60% off all tops
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off “dressed up” styles (lots of cute dresses!); extra 50% off select sale
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything; 60% off 100s of summer faves; extra 60% off clearance
- Loft – 40% off tops; 30% off full-price styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Talbots – 25-40% off select styles
- Zappos – 28,000+ sale items (for women)! Check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off kids’ camp styles; extra 50% off select sale
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off summer pajamas; up to 50% off all baby styles (semi-annual baby event!)
- Carter’s – Summer deals from $5; up to 60% off swim
- Old Navy – 30% off your order; kid/toddler/baby tees $4
- Target – Kids’ swim from $8; summer accessories from $10
Did anyone have a lot of nighttime wakeups to use the bathroom in the third trimester and not have some type of UTI? If so, how did you cope? I’m 33 weeks and waking up with 8+ times a night to use the bathroom. My regular OB did a urine test last week, and it was negative for any type infection. I have a MFM specialist appointment today (due to advanced maternal age) and plan to ask about this. I don’t remember it being nearly this bad with my first pregnancy. I’m beyond exhausted and looking for any tips anyone has to share.
Somehow I’m organising our school uniform bank and the person who has historically done it is dealing with a family crisis, so I don’t want to pester her. Any tips and tricks?
My plan is to gather donations in the last few weeks of school and do a dropoff point at the local library, include a fabric recycling box for things that are no longer in a fit state, organise the good quality stuff by size, and let people come in the last week of school/last 2 weeks of summer. My gut is that it should be pitched as an environmental project rather than a financial resources thing, to encourage people to use it without any shame.
It’s a big, socioeconomically diverse school, and times are hard for lots of folks at the moment but I know there’s a stigma around getting your kid dressed for school. My son’s uniforms are mostly scoured from the school’s pile of unlabelled things but I know not everyone feels the same degree of comfort with that.
I understand not pestering her, but can you reach out to any other parent who has been at the school before? Your plan sounds great to me but prob a good idea to make sure it’s in line with expectations.
Yes, good to check with her. Every school is different – ours requires a slightly different uniform for end of year graduation so the school ‘closet’ is open on end of year parent teacher meeting days as well as 1 Friday afternoon to allow folks who have an ‘omg my kid grew out of the random color pants we need!’.
You may also be surprised by those who are willing to use it – our school is in a fancy area with lots of generational wealth but WASPs looooove being thrifty and the uniform swap shop is very popular. I know that the moms who run it have to be pretty strict with making sure everything is in good condition. I get more than a few reminders about how all clothing must be and washed/dry cleaned prior to drop off or they will turn it down.
Thanks! I’m in the UK where charity shops are on every high street and pretty well frequented.
It’s a state school, just with basic uniforms (black or grey bottoms, polo, bright blue jumper) and no logo required so it’s fairly straight forward.
Yes, I think it’s been a one-woman band, but I can check in with the people who run the zero-waste crew and see if they have any tips.
This is clearly my volunteer at the school without having to volunteer with children strategy :)
Our school sets it up like an actual store and focuses on the environmental aspect and hand me down nature of the uniform game. I wish they would use it more like a fundraiser but literally you get credit for each item you drop off and “swap,” and that credit is equal to what the new items cost. The woman who runs it is a complete angel and has it really organized and won’t take items that are worn out at all or stained. She opens it up to new families at the school first ahead of the term, and then to current families. You could also lean into the supply chain issues – “no waiting at the school swap store!” Last year we waited months for a specific color of red polo to be in stock with our uniform supplier, which led to the school totally switching contracts for the upcoming year.
We’ve been part of a lot of uniform swaps for sports teams. All of them have worked the same way: A standard price is set for items in acceptable condition. If you turn in an item, you either get the same item in the new size or the set value in cash. If you want to buy a used item but don’t have one to turn in, you pay the set price. This seems fair and works well. I wouldn’t like to see the school or club skimming off the top of resale prices.
It sounds good to me. I would just make sure there is somewhere to drop things off at the end of the summer, so that parents who were waiting to see if things would still fit can donate them before the school year starts
No experience with uniforms, but in my kids’ socioeconomically diverse school, pitching this kind of thing as environmentally friendly/zero waste would get a big draw. You’d get lots of folks who can fully afford to buy new using the bank.
At my kids’ school, there are various staff members who quietly ensure that children have full access to school-related events for which parents are charged, like overnight field trips, from funds that are provided by the PTA. Is there a school staff member who could privately give the neediest families first crack at the uniform bank, ideally walking them through without you there?
Anyone have a good recommendation for a kindergarten-appropriate book on personal boundaries? Among the several underdeveloped skills I am blaming on pandemic isolation, my 6 year old needs more targeted guidance on personal (physical) boundaries with friends and strangers.
A friend recently recommended Don’t Hug Doug as a good book about consent.
Ha I wonder if this is a response to Hugless Douglas, a terrible book in which a bear goes around hugging people who don’t want to be hugged! We got it as a hand me down, read it once and recycled it immediately. The opposed a consent-aware book, who approved this?
mY KIDS AND i LIKED THIS: Let’s Talk About Body Boundaries, Consent and Respect: Teach children about body ownership, respect, feelings, choices and recognizing bullying behaviors
No Means No by Jayneen Sanders
Personal Space Invader by Harrison Spader
Nanny share questions says
I’m interested in anyone’s thoughts or ideas about a summer nanny share. I have had the same nanny since 2019. She now works for us about 20 hours a week. My friend is having a hard time finding childcare for the summer and she asked if I would be interested in doing a nanny share with my current nanny. Our daughters are in first grade together and are close friends. We both have two younger girls (4.5 and 5.5) and they get along well. The idea is that the big kids would be in our local camp together pretty much every morning (9-12) The nanny would watch the two younger girls, pick up the big kids, then have them all in the afternoon at one of our houses. She would have access to a car that would fit everyone if she wanted to go to the playground or something like that.
We currently pay our nanny $22/hr and we proposed that for this summer when she had both families at the same time we would each pay her $18/hr for a total of $36/hr for her. If there ever was a situation where she would only be watching one family because of vacation or illness, etc, the remaining family would still pay her $22/hr. So she would never be making less than what she makes just watching my kids and would often make a lot more.
I have questions about a few issues. Our nanny asked for $20/hr per family for a total of $40/hr. This seems like a lot to me, especially when she would only be watching two kids for most of the time. Am I being unreasonable? I was hoping that it would save us a little bit more money this summer to have a nanny share.
I’m having a hard time weighing the costs/benefits. Aside from what I was hoping might be a little financial benefit, the other big benefit in my mind is that my daughters would be with friends instead of just at home, which would make me feel less stressed and guilty about being at work all summer. I also think it might give me more flexibility because typically I only work until 2 pm or so but at times I need our nanny to stay longer and she isn’t available to change her plans at the last minute if she’s planning to leave at 2. If she is watching the other kids until 5 or 6, then I know she is available and my kids can stay longer if I need.
My husband is not really on board because he thinks its not helping us in any way, will result in less supervision for my own kids, and will just makes things more logistically challenging for us.
Any thoughts or issues I need to think about before we move forward with this?
That does sound like a lot ($40/hr) compared to her normal salary, especially since in my experience, it can be a lot easier to watch kids + friends instead of entertaining a 4.5 year old all on your own. But I am in a MCOL so maybe that’s why it seems high to me.
My decision making process would focus more on the lower level of supervision (mostly because it would make me nervous around water) and if this would make your life more difficult by removing your nanny’s ability to run errands/do light chores for your family. The main benefit for us with a nanny vs. au pair (especially with an older child who needs less hands on supervision) is that I heavily use our our nanny’s time for things like laundry, getting groceries, returning packages, dropping off dry cleaning, getting gas, etc. In this scenario you’d be payng slightly less but losing a lot of your own free time if you suddenly have to take back ownership of all those errands because I don’t see how the nanny could feasibly do that while watching all the kids.
$40 sounds like the minimum for four kids. I wouldn’t do it personally. Sounds like you got a good thing going so why rock the boat. And also ditch that guilt. What are you talking about? How could anyone who works full-time get the summer off? Unless you are working for free you’re contributing to your family and that’s that.
I have 4 kids of my own. We don’t pay babysitters $40/hr!
Ha, um, we pay our sitters $25 – $30 per hour with four kids 8 and under. I promise, it’s doable. I also do bedtime alone regularly.
As someone who went from nanny to nanny share, I am with your husband on the “making things more logistically challenging.” I don’t think there’s an appreciable difference in supervision, and there is a benefit to having the kids entertain each other… but the logistics and dynamics of including another family in your childcare planning is just not worth it to me.
For the payment stuff… I get that you were hoping this is a cost savings, but I feel like the differing rates for one family vs two (if someone is on vacation) is a bit unfair to the nanny. You should agree on a flat hourly rate and commit to each paying your share except for if you have a planned vacation for a whole week. This means that if one family’s out for a day or two due to illness, the nanny can still count on her income.
If you do go ahead with this, I don’t think $20/family is unreasonable. Especially if she’s expected to do camp drop off and/or pick up.
I am 100% with your husband here. I am always the mom trying to cobble together summer child care, and I think your friend is taking advantage of you here.
+1 to this. I would probably suck it up and try to make it work if this is a very good friend in truly extenuating circumstances (which I get, I’m at an age where we’ve helped out friends going through cancer treatement or dealing with end of life care for parents). If this is just run of the mill ‘I didn’t make any plans and now I’m panicking’ stuff from your friend I’d gently decline. Your failure to plan shouldn’t make my life harder.
I have done two nannyshares, and I agree with this. I would not do it. There are also a ton of logistics that take a while to iron out, which your share would be over by the time you get through the initial bumps (how “sick” is too sick to come to the share? Are you going to be annoyed if they bring sick kids to your house? One family might start to feel like they are subsiding the convenience of the other family, etc.), and reading between the lines, there is an unquantifiable expense in making your nanny feel over-burdened with a new schedule and kids. In my experience, this leads to an over-all decrease in the quality of care.
Also, I have four kids, and this schedule assumes a LOT of time with kids who are not used to being together full-time. My guess is that it would be wonderful fun for about a week or two, but I would worry that the day in/day out schedule will eventually start to wear on the kids and you’ll see a lot of conflict.
My takeaway is that this set-up could lead to a lot of quick resentment – from your nanny (important if you want to protect the long-term employer/employee relationship), from your friends (I know neighbors who did this, and it really strained the relationship of the families – who were incredibly close prior to this set up), and between the kids.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I also had concerns about the kids not getting along after a while. And this is two sets of kids who may (likely) end up in conflict, and then they’re stuck together.
Also OP, are you going from 20 hours to 40 hours? And paying basically the same hourly rate? How would this be a cost savings in any case?
+a million to the quick resentment. I am your neighbors. When we brought in some close friends to do a share with our existing nanny, the nanny played us off each other it caused all kinds of problems. Less than 6 months in, I pulled out of the share and put my kids in daycare, and it was more than a year before my friendship with the other mom was back on track. I’m not saying it was only sunshine and roses before that, but it was much simpler to manage a household employee when my husband I were the only employers whose opinions mattered, and we controlled all the communications to her.
OP, think of the forming-storming-norming-performing team development stages. You will probably not get past the storming stage during the summer (especially because summer is not a great time for establishing routines to begin with!); you’re setting yourself up for a lot of stress and with very little up side.
Just joining the chorus here that there seems to be very little benefit to you in this plan and lots of costs. I’d take the opportunity to bow out by citing to the other Mom that it doesn’t make sense for you to pay $20/hour for this set up.
As soon as I found a great nanny, I had inbounds from neighbors and friends asking to share. I realize childcare is really hard to find, but it helped us in no way and we declined. In fact, I was really concerned it was going to create too much stress for our nanny. Are you really, really sure your nanny wants this? I definitely asked my nanny for her opinion too late in to talking to people about it. I did no long term damage to our relationship with her, fwiw, but it’s super stressful for the nanny (potentially), too.
Also, I’ve watched one friend nanny share before and the logistics seemed brutal. Part of the reason I opted for nanny vs group care is the schedule flexibility and, in our case, one-to-one care. I would have given a lot of that up had we done a share. The nanny works for you just as much as the other family – remember that. What you say/want doesn’t always win the day anymore.
I agree that $40/hr for what you describe is high. I think your offer was very fair (I’d probably have offered $32-34/hr), and also, I applaud her for trying to negotiate.
If you sort out the other logistics, I’d talk to the many and say “we are firm on the $38/hr but understand if that doesn’t work for you, in which case it will be just our kids.”
She can decide if she wants the extra $14/hr or not.
Do you think she feels the freedom to say no? Her negotiating price might be how she’s expressing her hesitancy with this option.
+1 – I have had a beloved nanny work with us for over 5 years. My husband used to say at the beginning that, well, she “could always say no” if we asked her to travel with us or work overtime or do something outside her normal duties. But – even this wonderful person, who we consider a member of our family, does not have full power or authority to say no. There is still a very large power imbalance. I think most household employees often weigh the burden of doing something they don’t want to do against the reality of realizing they might be fired for it or moved on after a few weeks or possibly worse. My nanny often “says no” though a variety of tells – body language, questions about the request, or through other means.
I agree with everyone else that I would not do this, but a few things to think about:
1. If you alternate houses, you are losing a lot of the convenience of a nanny. The difference between being able to leave the house or hole up in your wfh office without worrying about whether the kids are out of pjs yet vs needing to get everyone up, dressed, fed, and herded into the car is huge. Especially on lazy summer days.
1a. The easy solution to this is to just always keep the share at your house. You set yourself up more as a daycare director and the nanny is your employee and you manage the relationship vs having co-equal status with the other family. This allows you to manage the relationship, which is really important if you intend for the nanny to continue to working with your family after the summer. Also, I bet your nanny would be more comfortable staying in your space, since she already knows the ground rules and has a relationship with your family. However, it sounds like the other family needs care more hours than you do? In which case you would end up with extra kids at your house when you’re ready to have family time. That’s awkward at best.
2. If you do choose to go forward with the share, I encourage you to think about a weekly rate vs an hourly rate. Or at least a guaranteed weekly minimum. We’ve agreed on a weekly rate and availability between 8:30 and 5:30 with our summer babysitters in the past. Often we cut them loose earlier, but they are treating this as a full time job and deserve to have a consistent paycheck irrespective of whether I want to take the afternoon off and go to the pool with the kids. Given that you said the other kids will need care til 5 or 6 and you’re often done at 2, what was your plan for that? The nanny makes $40 per hour until you pick your kids up, then the other family pays $22 per hour until she goes home for the day? This is a lot of time-keeping. It will be a headache.
3. I cosign everything about whether the nanny really feels empowered to say no to this.
That is a lot of kids and dynamics to manage – two sets of siblings plus two sets of friends. I would not be enthusiastic if I was the nanny. The unreasonable price may be her way to say no and thank the idea.
Shoe Help says
Hi All – Packing my elementary aged kids for a two week international (not an easy way to shop for additional stuff) trip to visit family. The trip involves lots of walking and some beach time as well. Last year we took one pair of sneakers and one pair of Keen sandals each, and I don’t know that it was enough. How have you all handled this? I just bought them hardy sneakers (Merrells) instead of normal new balance, thinking that may bridge the gap, and I could still just bring Keen sandals. Should I add crocs? Another pair of lightweight sneakers? Thanks.
That’s all I’d pack for my 6-year-olds. Trips to cities we just bring their sneakers, but trips that involve beaches we add a pair of sandals/shoes that can get wet and dry easily. This strategy hasn’t failed us yet, but then again even at home my kids own a sum total of 4 pairs of shoes (sneakers, sandals, rain boots, snow boots) so basically wear sneakers every day except in the summer when they wear sandals.
When we visit my parents, we try and have lightweight sneakers x2 in case of mud, puddles, etc and crocs, but my son prefers to go barefoot on the beach.
Why weren’t Keens + sneakers enough? Did the sneakers get wet and need to dry out? Were they not supportive enough for hiking? Did the kids need slip-on sandals for the pool or the beach? Did they need dressier shoes?
I always bring 2 sneakers + sandals/water shoes. One pair of sneakers always gets wet. My kids are young – we really like the See Kai Run Saylor sneaker, which are lightweight, washable and dry quickly.
When we went on Spring Break, we only packed one pair of shoes for each kid and the only time I wished we had one more pair was when it rained and their shoes got wet. What gap are you thinking you need to fill?
Does your family have similar aged kids? You might also ask them if they have a spare pair of shoes you can use just in case. (This is what we did on Spring Break when our kid’s one pair of shoes got soaked.)
We’re doing a similar 2.5 week trip to see family this summer with older elementary kids. We usually bring sneakers, canvas slip ons, and athletic slides rather than Keens. They only really like Keens for wet hiking trips. For a regular beach they are stereotypical tweens and prefer slides or even flip flops so it’s easier to get them on and off, and they double as a quick errand type of shoe if needed.
We only ever use the canvas slip ons if we get caught in a downpour or something, but it’s nice to know we have a well-fitting, broken in alternative if we need it.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Well, today was the straw that broke the camel’s back. After working 60+ hour weeks since February, I come back today (after a long weekend away) to work and get a call from my boss at 8:30 AM telling me essentially how she’s struggling because she is being given growth opportunities that she feels like she can’t even pursue them because I’m not strong enough (paraphrasing) in the areas she needs me to be. I get this may just be fit, but I’m so tired of being told I’m “nice”, “helpful”, “high energy”, but not good enough. I was clear on my experience and expertise when I started this job, and they clearly need someone with a slightly different skill set. It’s a big job but I don’t get paid enough for this type of pressure.
Those who saw this coming, thank you. You were right. I’m now actually going to re-focus on finding something new and my exit strategy vs. trying to make this work.
Oh no, More Sleep! It does seem like a situation you’re not going to be able to win, so a graceful exit to something better sounds like a plan. How awful though!
Sorry this continues to happen but if you’re doing anything other than applying for new jobs you’re wasting your time.
Oh no. I’m sorry. Here to give you the pep talk to take your ‘nice’, ‘helpful’, ‘high-energy’ personality, skill set and experience somewhere else that actually values you for what you’re worth and makes full use of your talents. (Also, wow, a wee bit toxic of your boss to make it all about herself?)
Thank you. Yes, it’s quickly become (or perhaps always was and I didn’t let myself realize it) a toxic work environment with a sprinkle of culture of fear (for me at least, I hope this isn’t others’ experience).
That’s super inappropriate for her to make it your fault that she’s struggling. I mean I have employees who actually ARE the reason I’m struggling, but I don’t phrase it that way to them at all. It’s my job to get that person to the point where they can do the things I need them to do, not for me to guilt trip them. Also “good enough” is super vague feedback and also really unhelpful. Sounds like a not great manager tbh.
Yeah, I mean there is a specific area she wants me to grow in, which I think I have, but clearly it’s not been enough for her perception of the person in the role. And I literally cannot do anymore than I am already doing, so something’s gotta give.
Daycare bought says
Ugh, I need to vent. A big chain (Cadence Education) bought our beloved daycare a year and a half ago and it has been such a total disaster. Things aren’t being fixed at the facility, they chronically understaff the classes, and nearly all of the teachers that were there previously have left. There’s no way to contact anyone at the corporate level, even though the corporate people are calling the shots about how many teachers are allowed to be hired, etc. It’s so frustrating as there are very limited non-Cadence options in our area (they bought 10+ daycares). I really don’t want a nanny due to WFH, but I don’t know what we are going to do.
Ugh, I’m sorry.
I can’t help with the daycare aspect, but I will say that as someone with a nanny and a permanent (pre-Covid) WFH arrangement, I love it. It’s obviously you/nanny/kid dependent, but we have 2 kids (2.5 and newborn) and a small house, and I love seeing them all day long.
That’s terrible. I know that Private Equity groups are getting into the child care business which is ridiculous. It’s not a place to make money! Teachers are already grossly underpaid.
I am sorry and hope you can find something else.
Out of curiosity, where do you live? Or type of community (college town, suburb, big city, etc.)?
Daycare naps says
For those with kiddos in daycare, what are the policies for non-nappers? My 4 year old does not nap and does not need a nap. If he takes one, he lies awake until 9-10pm. Our daycare requires him to stay quietly on his nap mat for 1.5-2 hours. They allow me to send coloring or activity books, but I don’t know what I can send that will occupy a kid that age awake on a mat for that long. They can’t/won’t provide another activity or allow him to get up. lIs this normal?
2 hours is not normal
Based on my experience, very Not Normal. Our preschool class is mixed age, so there are ages 3-5 in it. Almost all the 3yos nap and none of the 5yos, and the 4yos are a mix. They require all kids to lie on their cots and rest their bodies for about 20 minutes, and then after that a teacher quietly takes anyone out who is still awake and they go outside or play in the gym.
Our son’s 3 year old class has nap time from 1-3, but after about 20-30 minutes they take the awake kids to the next room over for books and quiet play.
I disagree with the people above. It’s pretty normal to require kids to stay on cots quietly for 1.5-2 hours. I’ve actually heard of schools that refuse to give kids any activities, but in our state, it’s a licensing rule that children age 3+ have to be given books or quiet activities to do if they’re still awake after half an hour. But they have to stay on the cot until the end of rest time (2 pm), which doesn’t seem unreasonable to me. My kid is loud and high-energy and I think learning how to sit and “read” quietly has been a useful skill.
Our daycare has an “awake room” that kids who aren’t asleep after 30 minutes can go to, but due to the volume of children at the school, they only get to go there once a week. It was also closed for years due to Covid and only recently reopened.
Two hours seems like a lot. At my son’s last daycare, non-nappers were expected to stay quiet for an hour or 90 minutes, reading, coloring, or even watching a tablet with headphones (parent provided). This was due to staffing constraints — teachers needed the break for their own lunch and planning periods (pre-K), and could not be actively watching kids. Nevertheless, my non-napping, chatty cathy son was often “teacher’s assistant” during planning period (basically, sitting beside his teacher while she worked), so the teachers were not super strict about it.
Oh wow. The 3 year olds had to lay quietly for 30-ish minutes and they put on a book on tape or guided meditation for them pretty often. At that point, the teachers would bring the non-sleepers to a corner of the classroom and quietly read a book or play with a quiet activity. They would keep the lights fairly low in the main room and play some quiet music and the kids wouldn’t have to sleep. At 4, the maximum nap time was an hour, but at least half the kids didn’t nap. They did the same with a quiet story so the kids could either rest or nap.
My kids all stopped napping before 2.5.
In their daycare, they could sit and do a quiet activity such as a puzzle or like at books. I think they had a “comfy corner” for this; they didn’t. Require (or even want) the kids on the mats or they’d bother other kids.
When the ages and timing worked, the kids were sent to visit other classrooms. For example, at age 3 one of my kids would spend her class’ Naptime in the baby room. The babies were up, they had room for her from a numbers standpoint, and she could color or even play with the babies, or go on walks with them- again, as long as the numbers were okay.
I love the age-mixing, what a sweet approach to a logistical problem. My 1yo would be OVERJOYED to get a 3yo visitor in her baby room, and my preschooler would love to show a toddler around his room!
I’m in Northern VA and fought this fight for two years because I had a kid just like yours. In this area, it’s a licensing issue – a daycare that is open for a certain number of hours has to offer a rest period of at least 2 hours in the afternoon. I know because I looked it up after going around and around with teachers because I couldn’t break the cycle of him sleeping for 2 hours after staying awake until 10PM every night. The teachers also are not allowed to wake kids up if they fall asleep. The only program I found that got around the requirement offered an “enrichment” class in the afternoon (Spanish or art), that was a considered a separate program from the daycare program. If you signed up for this “separate” program, then your kid was pulled out at naptime to go to another classroom for art. But this was specific to a much bigger daycare program that offered both full time and part time programs, so had two separate licenses needed to offer both programs. If you are running into this licensing issue or if it’s protocol at your preschool, the only thing that worked for us was graduating to K or moving to the bigger program with an afternoon enrichment class :(
I posted above at the same is true in MA, but I think they had like “sit on the mat for 15 min” then the kids went off to another classroom.
What state? I don’t recall the details but I believe Virginia has a mandatory nap time to give daycare workers a break.
There is a rest requirement in our state but it’s 20-30 minutes.
I believe ours had to stay very quiet only for about an hour. They were allowed to read books and listen to audiobooks/sleep stories as well. They had to make up their cot and lay down regardless, but didn’t have to sleep. I believe they were allowed to get up after an hour and continue quiet reading/coloring if other children were still sleeping.
We also dealt with the nap = awake til 9 or 10pm. We asked them to wake him up after an hour which helped immensely. On days he did skip nap as a 4yo, we needed a 6pm bedtime (I’m talking lights out 6pm) or we had a gremlin on our hands, so logistically we liked the nap, just asked them to keep it short. If your kid can hold it together better and you really don’t want a nap, you can request no nap explicitly and if needed get a doctor’s note.
My daughter was required to lie quietly on a cot for 2 hours every afternoon at day care until the end of kindergarten (private K at a day care). She could look at books but that was it. She stopped actually sleeping before age 2. It was horrible.
My daycare does this but my kiddo has gotten very good at grabbing a huge stack of books and looking through them one-by-one. Not ideal but seems to be where we’re at.
Same. Also I will say I have a kid who *never* sits quietly and looks at books at home so I guess I’d say there’s a chance this will work, even if you’re skeptical. I think there’s something to the peer pressure and if other kids are sitting quietly on the cot and looking at books or coloring, kids who aren’t naturally inclined towards these activities may follow the group. So I wouldn’t waste time worrying about it until you see it’s actually not working.
Same – she definitely wouldn’t do that at home and it took them a while to get her into the routine.
Current daycare: requires child to lie quietly on their mat 20-30 min, then may do quiet activities either at the mat or elsewhere in the room for maybe another hour (not sure). That first bit is no reading material allowed and that was a hard adjustment for my kid, because-
Previous daycare: reading material and quiet toys allowed at the mat from the start, then could get up after 30-60 min.
No daycare has ever required that WE send in books etc. does the daycare not have books and quiet toys?????
They do, but the current teacher doesn’t allow them to have them out during naptime.
That’s impossible. As I wrote above my daughter has to be quiet the whole time which is not ideal, but they get her set up with books etc.
I think the daycare lets kids have books and toys, they just want parents to send them in. Which is weird but not inherently problematic IMO.
The only part of this that’s weird to me is that you have to send in your own books and toys. Otherwise, this is how it’s been at all three daycares we’ve attended.
This is weird to me. My 4yo stopped napping before his 3rd birthday. He’s been at two schools over the last couple of years, and in both cases, they separate nappers and non-nappers. At his current school, non-nappers basically get recess on the school’s indoor playground. At his prior school, the non-nappers went into the hall, where a teacher provided oversight and set up toys. We’re in IL, for reference.
My kid’s class is mixed-age a he’s currently a napper (age 3.5), but he’s going to stop being in the nap group at the end of the month. They don’t have the older kids nap by default. Daycares can get away with lower ratios during nap time, which is probably the reason they’re doing it.
just venting. kid 1 threw up on thursday evening, DH was not home, so i had the pleasure of cleaning all of that up, and getting both kiddos to bed. had to cancel plans i’d made 6 weeks in advance with a friend on friday (this was a ‘treat’ to myself after solo parenting the following weekend when DH was away to do something fun) to stay home with sick kiddo, saturday was divide and conquer both kiddos, with healthy kiddo being jealous of sick kiddo’s time with mommy. and then last night kiddo #2 woke me up a million times, and eventually threw up and kiddo #1 was hysterical about going to school bc kiddo #2 gets to be with mommy (which is not the case bc our nanny is here). i am exhausted and very behind in life. should be a fun week…
I fully sympathize. It’s just awful. We got through a 3 week round of pink eye/fevers/stomach flu that eventually hit all of us. Then my husband went away for a long weekend. It’s not fun at all, and you deserve a break after this is all over.
Also, pull all the family rules on TV, take out and healthy eating. This is survival time. If you’re about to catch a stomach bug, you might as well have as many treats as you like yourself.
Also get crackers and soup if you don’t already have it.
We just went through stomach flu and it sucked so much. I hope you all recover quickly.
I am having a brain block and need help for eh mom hive. I’ve purchased my son a pair of Keen’s water shoes. They fit… but after wearing them for about an hour; they are rubbing on the back of his ankle/heel and caused a blister. The keens were purchased for the summer when his daycare goes to the splash pad (which is weekly) and some other water related adventures we have planned. Every other day of the year, he wears sneakers and socks and no issues with rubbing… these shoes just seem angled in the back so they’re digging into his heels. We tried the keens with socks and they worked great. However, you can’t wear socks to the sash pad. So, what can I do to make the backs of these shoes more comfortable for my son? I’m past the return window and the bigger size was too big on him, so I’d like to try and make these work before looking into a different pair of shoes. Thank you!!
I think water shoes are likely to cause blisters if worn for daily activities. We wear them at the pool/splash pad only
Thanks- he’s going to have to walk the 1/3 mile to the splash pad and then back to school this summer when they go, so he needs to be able to walk in them as well.
If he keeps wearing them with socks they may break in and start to fit better.
Can you either put a heel pad in the back of the shoe (maybe reinforced with some superglue if the regular adhesive works on a dry run) OR put one of those blister block waterseal bandaids on your kid on splash pad days?
You can try a heel pad or you can tape his feet. But if they don’t break in within a few wears and you are not financially strapped, I think you owe it to your kid to find shoes that actually fit him.
It might just be that keens aren’t the right fit. Some kids seem to wear crocs all day without issue; my kids would blister right up with those. One of mine lives in her keens and the other can’t tolerate them. I’ve had luck with my own shoes using the blister pads or moleskin until they’re broken in, but that takes time and might be easier to try another pair of shoes.
The shoe store told us my daughter should wear Keens with socks ten times before wearing them barefoot . . . .
ADHD parents- what are your best resources for getting help/guidance on behavior management?
I have a 7 y/o girl who has not been diagnosed (yet) but who very clearly has ADHD behaviors. We have an appointment to have her formally evaluated, but it’s not until the fall. She is academically hitting all benchmarks so the school isn’t concerned; her ped said she’s borderline in that she doesn’t seem to have academic performance issues but DH and I strongly suspect she’s doing a lot of compensating. She’s been placed in the inclusion classroom for the past 2 years and her teachers have told us they use classrooms techniques with her that are effective.
We need the equivalent techniques for home. Do we need a specific type of therapy/therapist?
We have read a couple books and have also found things that work through trial and error but I feel like we could always use more help.
What has worked well for you and your kids?
What is the reason they are giving you for a Sept eval? is the school year nearly done in your area?
My 3rd grade son was diagnosed earlier this year and the actual process is pretty easy. there’s a questionnaire from the ped that parents and teachers fill out. I think this Vanderbilt questionnaire is pretty widely used so you can definitely look it up in advance.
For my inattentive kid, Adderall has made a really positive difference.
Our ped had us do the Vanderbilt forms and we are meeting with her to discuss. We have an appt with a developmental ped but they are backed up until September.
We think she won’t qualify technically gas adhd because she doesn’t have impacted academic performance, but we’ll see. We are also less interested in meds and more in management techniques but we are not tied to that.
If her psychiatric Dr insists that academic impacts are necessary for an ADHD diagnosis, keep looking. It is not at all unusual to have ADHD without it showing in the grades, especially in girls. I have ADHD, and have always done better at school than in any other area of my life, because the structure worked for me. And since I’m a strong writer and fast reader, the grades can’t see whether I did my homework calmly over a week or in a panic at the last minute. The amount of stress involved in creating that lack of academic impact isn’t visible from the outside.
Op here- right. She has an appt for psych which is not until fall. The wait is insane.
And that’s why I’m here asking for suggestions :)
Sorry the wait is so ridiculous. I was more warning because there are some doctors who still assume that good grades and ADHD are mutually exclusive. Those doctors are wrong. So if her Dr tries to say she doesn’t ‘technically’ count as ADHD purely because of grades, its a sign that they are uneducated about ADHD and it may be time to switch.
Poor grades are not required for an ADHD diagnosis. Lots of smart kids with ADHD still manage to get straight As, but they have to put in more effort than they should. They may also be able to get As without fully understanding the material, which becomes a problem later on when they struggle in calculus because they faked their way through Algebra 2.
Occupational therapists can help with this or executive functioning coaches. I’ve seen a lot of people marketing themselves as coaches for children w/ ADHD/ ADD.
Choices summarized from least expensive/time intensive:
1) books w/exercises
2) 1-2 sessions with a consultant who would give you an action plan
3) on-going OT/ coaching
I have an 8yo who was formally diagnosed with combination ADHD (both inattentive and impulsive) earlier this school year. Ours sounds a little more extreme than you. He was fine academically in first grade (although very disruptive to the class) but as soon as second grade started the issues appeared in his school work. I’m not familiar with the term inclusion classroom, but if the school is having to use additional techniques, that would have qualified as ADHD symptoms appearing in a second setting (both school and home) for our pediatrician.
Honestly we didn’t get a lot of traction in behaviors until we added in meds. We started extremely low and worked with the ped to slowly ramp up until we hit the sweet spot where he could focus enough to actually try techniques but still had his full personality intact. Before then, we worked on our own parenting behaviors to give him the best chance of success. The IG account @thechildhoodcollective has some good tips for parents. One of the biggest items for him is to break our requests down into bite-size chunks and help with the first step to build up momentum. The other big item is giving him 1:1 attention for 20 minutes each day – it helps him stay focused on homework or chores if someone is there “with” him.
As he gets closer to the tween years, we plan to go to family therapy. I strongly suspect my DH has undiagnosed ADHD, and my younger daughter may or may not have ADHD as well, so we want to get ahead of the conflicts and make sure we build that strong relationship before the rocky middle school years.
OP here. Thank you for the response! We actually strongly believe my husband has undiagnosed adhd as well. He is the one pushing to help kiddo build skills now, because he never had them. He was the kind of kid that got all As on tests and never did a lick of homework regardless of how it impacted his grades. He ended up with B grades and a 1600 SAT score.
He was also never hyperactive, just hyper focused/inattentive (still is).
Your husband is wise to want to help kiddo build executive functioning skills now–so much easier than waiting for him to flounder, then trying to teach him those skills while also rebuilding his self-confidence. I would encourage you and your husband not to resist medication if it becomes necessary. The right dosage of the right med can mean the difference between white-knuckling it with a million strategies and smooth sailing, for the entire family.
Speakinf from my own experience as an ADHD kid, a lot of those pinteresty gimmicks like sticker charts and daily activity boards and sht like that actually makes a huge difference for me. Anything to reduce how much executive functioning needs to be juggled in my head, and make it fun instead of frustrating. My mom had to draw them from scratch, but now there’s tons of options online.
Jewish culture says
PSA for the mom whose daughter hated Sunday school- I mentioned there are playgroups in my area. One was just posted and it looks like it’s grant funded…in case it’s helpful or inspirational:
“I’ll be running a free, local playgroup this Friday [……]for ages 0-4 celebrating Lag B’Omer and Shavuot. There will be music, a story, sensory craft activities, take home plush Torah, and blintzes, cookies, and coffee. Direct message me for location information and to learn about future events!
This program is sponsored by the generous support of CJP’s Lee L. and Judith E. Selwyn Foundation grant for the engagement of families with young children.”
That was me, thanks! I haven’t seen anything like this in my area, but good to know.
Do you have PJ Library? They also run little kids’ events in our area!
they will also fund an event if you want to host one
We get the books but I’ve never heard about any events.
Ugh today was aftercare registration for my incoming K-er. The process was super vague and unclear, we were just given an email and a phone number with no instructions about what to do. I emailed at 7:30 am and followed up with a phone call at 8:30, but apparently people sent emails at midnight and they’re ahead of me in the queue. But I don’t think it even matters because apparently it’s full with current families and there’s no space for kindergartners who don’t have an older sibling!
We’re fortunate that we have flexible jobs and local family and some neighbors willing to trade childcare, so we can make this work, but what an introduction to the K-12 childcare struggles.
This is the same issue in my town. If it’s any comfort it’s much better in 1st grade. Also, in our town the waitlist moves a lot.
+1 to the waitlist moving quickly. When we moved to our new town last summer, we were somewhere between 75-100 down for before school care. Both our kids had slots before the school year started. Fingers crossed it works out for you all!
Commiseration, also with incoming K-er. Our elementary aftercare is through the Y, but they won’t say what day registration starts. They recommend checking back daily. Ugh.
Hi all, perhaps a silly question here. I’m going to have my second child in two months, four years after my first. I’m feeling much calmer and more experienced overall, but I haven’t really done any prep/reading this time around. We have most of the gear and clothes already. I had a hard time nursing the first time around, and had to pump and nurse for months. Our baby was a so-so sleeper and didn’t philosophically believe in taking naps until a year, so we’re trying the Snoo this time around.
Do you recommend that I catch up on anything in particular for reading or new products? Anything that was really different with a new baby from the first? Those sleep window schedules never really worked the first time, but I’m interested in hearing your experiences :)
I only have one kid, but my experience with my only child taught me that I’d combo feed from the get-go if I had a second. There’s a lot of fear-mongering about how giving formula will interfere with the breastfeeding relationship but that wasn’t my experience or the experience of many others here. If I were having a second I’d just use formula the first few days and not even try to nurse until my milk came in (although I’ve heard it comes in faster the second time around). I also wouldn’t hesitate to supplement with a formula bottle before bed, which I think may have been a factor in why my kid slept so well.
Thanks, we did use formula a lot (not a huge supply), but I tried to follow the wake schedule advice not to feed to sleep (waking them up for a few minutes). My friend ignored that and feed to sleep for years with no issues, so I’m going to try that this time :)
I’m the 12:15 poster and I didn’t feed to sleep fwiw (at least not in the sense that the baby fell asleep while feeding and then was transferred to the bassinet). We put her down drowsy but awake. But after the last nursing session of the day we’d top her off with a couple ounces of formula, even after we had otherwise weaned from formula after my milk came in. I’m sure there was an element of luck involved, but I think I’ve heard that formula fed babies do sleep through the night earlier on average.
Preach! I am three weeks postpartum with Baby #2 and we are combo feeding; usually just a formula bottle from dad before bed so I can go to sleep earlier but also did a few more bottles in the early days when my n*ps were adjusting to BFing. It’s made a HUGE difference in my peace of mind. Most things will come back to you quickly and you’ll be able to easily look up and spot check anything you don’t quite remember. Can happily report that so far it feels like riding a bike and easier than Baby #1 in almost every way.
Great to hear! As I’m getting closer, it’s getting real, but good to hear it’s been easier.
Agreed. I would have saved myself a lot of anxiety and sleep deprivation if we had given baby a little formula. She took a bottle very well, nursed fine once she got the hang of it, and oof, I hated pumping so much.
My biggest concern would be verifying the hospital’s policies on rooming in and BFing.
I think you’re good to skip reading and look up anything you need as you go along.
The only things I would look into is what products might now be recalled (both my go tos – hoppy and rock-n-play) and and maybe get a better pump of whatever is the latest since that seems to have changed the most in 4 years.
If you are trying to nurse again, pack these in your bag: Lansinoh Soothies Gel Pads
Just soak in focused time with your first now.
We definitely are. We’re going to hit up some restaurants with our big kid while we can “easily” manage one. I think we’re going to do a bounce house birthday, which seems extravagant for 4, but is a last blast for having one kiddo.
I’ll just say not to prejudge how BF will go. My body seemed to produce much sooner with my second and I already knew how to get a good latch. My second also came out bigger. It was so much easier.
+1. Second kid found the n*pple during the first skin-to-skin right after birth and tried to latch. It was so, so different than first.
Thanks, good to hear about other experiences :)
I’m hoping that’s the case for me too. I had everted n*pples, and think the shape has changed. I also used a shield for months and months, but was a little anxious due to the lactation consults being down on that.
I used a shield for 18 months. Didn’t seem to interfere with feeding at all, I had a very big baby. It was slightly annoying to have to carry it around, but no moreso annoying than carrying formula bottles or solid food.
Bring the shield with you- or at the least, don’t hesitate to ask for 1 at the hospital. I also had inverted nipples that got shredded by my kids. Nipple shield made early nursing bearable & I had to fight a little bit the 2nd time around to get one. The third time I just brought some that I bought myself.
2nd time around I felt more comfortable advocating for myself- you know what worked for you in the past, so you should feel free to ask for it/advocate for yourself because no one else will.
2nd timer says
had a 3.5 year gap before my 2nd. we bought a package of 10 nights with a night doula that we used twice a week, amazing for getting to do bedtime with our first, and be more rested. She worked 9p-7a. Also due to covid we ended up using a private lactation consultant and it was the best thing, way better than the hospital lactation consultants and it was 100% covered due to the affordable care act.
Now they have like little dash cameras you can buy for $40 to see the baby in her car seat, they even have night vision. the breast-friend nursing pillow is so much better than the old boppy.
As far as sleep, I would avoid feeding to sleep still, your friend sounds like she got lucky. Yes, it’s nice to have a sure-fire way to get the babe to sleep, but then the baby wakes up and needs to eat in order to fall back to sleep, they don’t learn to put themselves to sleep. I did not feed to sleep with kid 2 and it was life changing how much more freedom I had and how much better he slept, I did miss the snuggles though. we pulled the trigger on a sleep coach at 4 months and it was amazing too. with baby 1 I kept thinking she’d grow out of it and learn to sleep better, she finally slept through at 18 months. I vowed not to wait that long with kid 2.
Counterpoint: i fed to sleep with both, and maybe just got lucky with both, but didn’t have any issues. They both learned to fall asleep on their own for naps pretty quickly, and were sleeping through the night by 8 weeks. I would not have traded those cozy baby moments for anything. But like literally everything with babies/parenting, you know yourself and your child best, and YMMV.
Thanks to both. This is the hard part about kids, some things just work for some and don’t for others, like feeding to sleep.
Ooh I didn’t realize you could space out night doula time or that they had small packages. I will look into local options. I’m also trying to get some occasional, paid morning care while I’m on leave this time around. Lack of sleep was so hard for me.
I did no prep for my second and it was just an easier experience all the way around. Nursing was easier, I didn’t feel like I had to track wake windows, my baby was pretty chill. I don’t think much has changed over the last four years aside from things like the Rock n play recall and some guidance on newborns no longer wearing hats. I found it helpful to get a bassinet stroller so the baby could sleep flat while we were at the park or playing in the yard. Baby carriers are helpful too, if you don’t already have one.
IVF Anon says
Hi friends. At long last, a happy update from me. It would seem our March FET worked. I’m 10 weeks pregnant as of yesterday! Due right around Thanksgiving. As you may recall I was very, very conflicted about going through with the FET, citing this new Big Job and just overall mental health should the transfer fail [again] but we are very cautiously optimistic and had the first OB appointment this past Friday. All is going as well as it possibly could and I have to admit as soon as I saw a positive line I was very excited, which was a nice gut check to some of my earlier doubts.
Feeling pretty miserable physically – I forgot about this phase and also the fact I’m 6 years old than when I was last in a first trimester – but hopefully this is behind me soon enough. Because of course, I’ve had a lot of travel lately, a lot of client facing meetings. I think it’s overall a good thing – trying to see as many people as possible while I’m not showing. That being said I feel like I’m enormous and perpetually majorly bloated. I have gained about 10 lbs since start of FET cycle in mid feb, some of which is probably fertility hormone stuff. Some of my go-to sheath dresses definitely don’t fit well enough to wear anymore (pour one out for the MMLafleur wardrobe…).
I do have a real fear that I will miss out on business opportunities because of the pregnancy and people drawing conclusions that I’ll be out/unavailable for extended periods of time. With that, any suggestions for how to dress to minimize a growing bump? Was thinking black, more flowy-ish dresses plus blazers, aiming to take advantage of a trend away from biz formal to biz casual and summer/early fall wardrobe flexibility. Any other pro tips on this front or where to find? I’m in the office 5 days so I definitely need to be prepared.
What about a full on red ensemble, with a big red puffy jacket and red sneakers? JK…but speaking of Rihanna, be conscious of the belly rub and avoid that if you’re trying to wait to announce. Black is also pretty minimizing. Avoid the side-scrunched shirts – other moms will probably spot that a mile away. And prep your no alcohol response now so you don’t stumble on it.
I swapped from sheath dress to A-line, boxy, or fit and flare style dresses with a blazer, sometimes in a size up. I kept wearing my normal blazers. No one noticed new dresses. The dresses a size up worked well into second tri.
My chest gets bigger in pregnancy so I really needed the size up for that before the belly. The nice thing is that the dresses fit post partum (while bfing) for return to work.
congratulations! I second all of this, you can hide a changing body with non-fitted dresses much more easily than with separates. If more casual looks work in your office, I’d also take advantage of the apparent floral trend… large, non-geometric patterns can hide all kinds of things.
Oh yay! Congratulations!! I’m so glad you got a happy update! I was just thinking about you the other day.
I’m no help on the hiding it front. I’m currently 22 weeks with my 2nd and very clearly popped at 17 weeks in a way I didn’t with my first. Like, people were politely not commenting with my first when I was 30 weeks pregnant, and this time they’re immediately saying “congratulations!” when seeing me. (Which- not cool commenting on a woman’s body, guys, but that’s a whole different thing). It helped to have my elevator spiel about leave coverage ready to go.
Congrats!! My transfer is in a week fingers crossed
Had my NT scan today and it’s too thick. Anxiously awaiting NIPT results and trying not to spiral but it’s very difficult!
This happened to my friend and everything was fine. Not sure exact stats but I think it’s pretty common to have the thick NT and then have everything be normal.
Mine showed that too, everything was fine.
That test has a higher false positive rate. I know multiple people who got a hit on it but a normal fetus. That’s great you have NIPT as a follow-up.
Happened to me too ! (Won’t say try not to stress because I know you can’t , but just adding more anecdata that this is common!)
How thick? Mine was borderline and after months of a wild goose chase, all tests (and there were SO MANY) turned out oK. My healthy happy son is about to turn 2. Sorry you’re going through this. I remember how isolating and stressful it was.