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AwayEmily says
What shows do your early elementary kids like? They don’t have to be “educational” but I would prefer ones that do not feature people being obnoxious/snarky/mean to each other. My first-grader is growing out of the PBS kids repertoire.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Octonauts and Aliens are the big hits at our house. Octonauts is probably the more gentle one (and is somewhat educational!), as Aliens has lots of potty and slapstick humor. My kids also like the Floor is Lava. They watched the Magic Schoolbus (new one) for a bit, but they weren’t too interested.
luluaj says
Lion guard on disney plus is a huge hit with my 8 and 4 yo.
Anon says
Mine is younger but I know some first and second graders who still love Bluey.
GCA says
Wild Kratts is still a massive hit with my 2nd-grader. I bet Odd Squad and Dino Dana could be good for that age, too. Arthur?
AIMS says
I have a second grader and a 4 year old. Both love Bluey (Disney), Dino Dana and Creative Galaxy (Prime), and Wild Kratts (PBS). My second grader has also been on a big Elena of Avalor and Tangled (both on Disney) kick for all of first grade but I think she’s finally starting to lose interest.
FVNC says
My kids (4th grade and K) watch their fair share of trash with snark (Captain Man, ugh) but they really also enjoy You vs Wild with Bear Grylls, Floor is Lava, and the various baking shows like Nailed It.
octagon says
Oh yeah I think we’ve all seen every ep of Is It Cake at least 3x, which kiddo finds way more hilarious than the grownups but it’s still charming.
octagon says
My 2nd grader still loves Wild Kratts. Also Dino Dana (Prime), InBESTigators (Netflix) and Odd Squad (PBS). InBESTigators is really cute and between that and Bluey (which is also still popular) it confirms that Australian programming is really fantastic. Will be watching the replies here too, we are very sensitive to snark and trash-talking as entertainment at this age.
Spirograph says
My kids also like Octonauts and the Floor is Lava. Grizzy and the Lemmings (a Tom and Jerry-style slapstick cartoon), Storybots, LegoMasters, Teen Titans Go, and various cooking/baking shows especially ones that feature kids.
My daughter also likes Barbie-type things, but I try to redirect from those.
Mary Moo Cow says
I have a second and Kindergartner. They both like Bluey and the Tangled series on Disney and Arthur, Molly of Denali, Wild Kratts, Nature Cat, and Hero Elementary on PBS Kids. I’m resisting the Nickelodeon fare as long as I can.
anon says
Depends on how early, but when our now-fourth grader was in first/second grade, he liked Sharkdog on Netflix a lot.
Anonymous says
Second grader loves Mystery Doug (which they also watch at school) and Jonathan Bird’s Blue World. Both are sciency.
Anonymous says
At that age my daughter loved the series Cosmos. Wild Kratts is also great.
Anon says
My kindergartener likes Trolls the Beat Goes On (Netflix), Odd Squad (PBS), Wild Kratts (PBS), Barbie Life in the Dreamhouse (can be obnoxious but not usually mean IMHO), Full House, Fuller House, Nailed It (baking fails show on Netflix), the Floor is Lava, and recently has started appreciating some sports (formula 1 racing, women’s soccer and on occasion football)
Anonymous says
National Geographic via Disney Plus is a hit in our house.
Weird but True in particular is popular
Anonymous says
Shopping help? I’ve bought into the demi boot denim trend. But now I want some short cowboy boots. Suggestions? I’m looking at Kork-Ease Skye and Frye’s Billy western atm.
GCA says
I’m useless on cowboy boots and no one has ever accused me of being stylish, but if you feel like branching out, I wear my demi-boot jeans with combats. And I bet Dansko Maria boots or something in that style could be really cute with demi-boot denim.
Anon says
I’m coaching my early elementary daughter’s basketball team this winter. First time coaching a kid sport.
I have practice plans for the actual basketball activities and of course a snack plan. I’m trying to think of some of the “softer” elements I can add to make it fun. Any tips or ideas that you have done or seen done that can make the practice/game sessions a little “extra”? Like good ice breakers to learn names, silly songs that get the kids pumped, cute phrases to use to help describe some of the basics? Thanks!
Anon says
The blog Hungry Runner Girl had some ideas from when she was coaching kids cross-country!
Anonymous says
How old? I’ve coached 2nd grade girls softball and just wrapped up 3rd grade soccer. I’m slated for both K and 2nd soccer in the spring.
Some tips I’ve picked up over the years (may or may not work for an indoor sport):
– the kids get tired and hot. Frequent water breaks. Give them before the girls have to ask.
– keep them moving. We were always told if the girls are distracted/acting out it’s your fault as a coach for giving them downtime. Don’t choose drills that need a lot of set up or are complicated to explain. Demonstrate and get them moving- correct as you go.
– If they are K/1 it’s really about following directions and having fun vs learning the game. In our area girls don’t actually play bball games until 3rd. K-2 is all drills and half court scrimmages.
– with basketball I’d suggest races and also incorporating games into drills. Eg bounce passes where you have to do it in ABC order, or by height or whatever.
– if you can, do something like a free throw shootout/dance party. One of my kids “played” lax K-2 and I swear it was 50% dance party 50% lacrosse and it was her favorite sport.
– if the girls are 2nd grade or older and really struggling, it helps to share what you are trying to teach the girls with parents. We saw tremendous improvement after just letting parents know we were working on running shots on goal, for example, and it’s an easy thing to practice in the yard. You could tell parents what hoop height you used and to practice, say, free throws.
– our girls LOVE swag. It can be as easy as getting/making matching hair elastics or headbands. I have a mom who doesn’t coach but loves to craft so this is her job. Our girls show up dressed to win even if they lose :).
Anonymous says
Related to keeping them moving, set up multiple sets of drills or side stations to minimize waiting in line. If coach attention and feedback is required for one drill, set up one or two other activities for them to do independently on the way back.
OP says
Thank you!!!
Ooh, swag – yes, love it!
AIMS says
Older kid sleep issue – would love some advice. My kids share a room. They’re generally fine going to sleep. My almost 7 year old though will sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and then wake us up by, e.g., telling us that she’s awake (amazing), or asking to be covered, or saying she’s too hot, etc. It’s a semi-ongoing issue that comes and goes and we have explained to her over and over why we don’t wake up others in the middle of the night, that she can cover/uncover herself, she needs to go back to sleep or lie awake if she can’t, blah blah blah. Generally this comes and goes and we kind of put up with it because it always corrects itself before it gets too bad, and also because the kids share a room and it’s kind of impossible to just ignore her because then she’s going to wake up her sibling, which seems unfair to him.
But the last week or two, she is just in overdrive with this behavior. Sits up at 2 AM and just starts groaning loudly and yelling “I can’t sleep” or screaming “i’m hot! Uggghh”- it’s all super obnoxious and her brother, who usually sleeps through most things, wakes up and is then miserable too (abut more politely). We’re definitely miserable. And every morning it’s the same story – we talk about it, she says she’s sorry, she’ll do better, etc. and then it’s the same thing the next night or the night after.
I’m stuck for how to handle it because I can’t just ignore it due to her brother. And I don’t think she means to do this b/c she really does feel bad – she even makes us cards apologizing for “not letting us have good sleep” – but when it’s nighttime and she’s groggy, it’s like she just can’t think about anyone other than herself. Do I take her brother out to our room for a few days and just let her “cry it out”? Keep trying to explain why her behavior is unacceptable? What’s the move here? We already don’t engage and have a script of “go to sleep” when this happens.
AIMS says
To clarify – this is currently happening multiple times a night which is why it’s so particularly painful.
Anonymous says
Do you have another bedroom? Or is them sharing the only option. If they have to share, I’d have just whacked my sister with a pillow and this would have ended quickly.
Anonymous says
No other bedroom. We’re in NYC so even our bedroom isn’t that far. But the kid waking up doesn’t want to be alone so I can use the threat of moving brother to our room as leverage, maybe.
AIMS says
That was me. Name didn’t populate.
Anonymous says
I’d try melatonin before moving people around. I don’t like the idea of a threat or calling her obnoxious. She’s a child struggling to sleep?
AIMS says
I’m not actually calling her obnoxious. But i think it’s okay for me to say to internet friends and strangers that the behavior is itself obnoxious. Her little brother is literally saying “please let me sleep” and she is just wailing about being too hot or too cold or sometimes both and yelling “stop it!” at him. I know she’s a kid but basic rules apply to kids, too.
I am reluctant to use melatonin or other sleep aids (and while it’s considered “natural” when I tried melatonin I had nothing but bad dreams all night).
Anon says
If melatonin is giving you bad dreams, you probably had too high of a dose. Many Americans who use it take way too much. 1 mg has a substantial effect on 170 pound me and my mom who is 120 pounds gets knocked out by a child’s dose of 0.3 mg. Many American adults take 5-10 mg, which is crazy to me, given how my mom and I are affected by 1 mg or less.
I would take to a ped about it. If they’re supportive you could try a very, very low dose and gradually increase if it doesn’t seem to be having the desired effect.
Anonymous says
Ok. Seems like the point was getting outside opinions on this but guess not.
AIMS says
I welcome all outside opinions, including the reminder that melatonin exists and the implication that my tone is off, which it may well be given how sleep deprived I am. But just like moving the brother to his own room isn’t an option, I am unlikely to use medication before exhausting all other possible options, and my own parental philosophy on this is that there is nothing wrong with teaching an almost 7 year old child that actions have consequences. If she wants to continue sharing a room, she needs to be a considerate roommate. Others may differ and find melatonin to teach sleep is a better approach. I am really not judging.
Hmmm says
You’re fine, you’re allowed to vent here and nothing you said was inappropriate! Waking up and being loud as a behavior is objectively obnoxious.
Anon says
I’m a melatonin evangelist, but it generally helps more with falling asleep than staying asleep. I’m not sure it would do much good in this situation.
Clementine says
Oh man, AIMS. I relate so much to this. Two kids in a room. I think I figured out the little one is having night terrors (joyous, right?) but my almost 7 year old liked to do this…
Our solution (which will not work for everyone) is that I put an Echo dot in their room and my kid knows he can put on an audiobook when he wakes up at night. I think part of it is he gets lonely and somehow, the audiobook helps. I will occasionally hear him shout, “Alexa! Play Timeless Tales of Beatrix Potter, Peter Rabbit and Friends”.
Like I said, not for everybody – husband was super opposed to having an Alexa upstairs; however, kid loves audiobooks while he plays solo or cleans or when he just needs to chill.
Anon says
+1. My two were in the same room until we moved earlier this year, both early elementary. Our solution was also an Alexa set on very quiet. It plays white noise as they fall asleep but if one of them has troubles falling asleep or wakes up, they can whisper ask it to play an audiobook. We also do a spoonful of peanut butter before bed – I think my waker was using a ton of energy at the after school program and dinner wasn’t enough. That little bit of fat plus protein seems to help reduce the number of wake ups.
AIMS says
We don’t have an Alexa but I like the idea of giving her something to do if she wakes up. She has a reading light near her bed so maybe we can pick a a book or two for her to keep next to her bed in case she can’t sleep and wants to read.
Anonymous says
Before melotonin I’d try getting her more tired before bed and making sure she has a very full belly. We have a child with sleep issues and have seen several sleep consultants over the years.
Other ideas: offer an incentive for her to stay in bed all night. We did a sticker chart.
AIMS says
These are both good ideas. Thanks!
Anonymous says
Oh, and the other advice was push bedtime back. Make sure she’s really, really tired.
So Anon says
I wonder if your 7yo has gotten into a habit of waking up? I know that this happens to me on occasion. I will go through stretches where my body wakes up at 3 or 4 am. At first it is because I am hot/thirsty/whatever, and then my body gets the signal that waking up at 3am is a thing that happens. Ugh. I’ve also seen this play out with my kids. For us, if something happens 1-2 nights, then that’s ok, but the third night signals the start of a habit. In that case, my focus becomes resetting my or my kid’s internal clock. Sometimes melatonin helps, or a good dose of outside time on the weekend. I’ve noticed this with my oldest, who is 11. When it happens for him, I will bring him into my room and help him get a few nights of good sleep by being close to me before sending him back to his room. Older kids waking at night really stinks. I hope you all get good sleep soon.
Anonymous says
I don’t think it’s fair to remove her brother from his room because she is waking him up. I’d put her in the living room or somewhere else less pleasant until she can keep quiet all night.
AwayEmily says
I am SO WITH YOU on all of this. Sending the most empathetic vibes I can over the internet. My 4.5yo and 6.5yo share a room and the 4.5yo does so much of the 4am the groaning/complaining, etc. We haven’t completely eliminated it (and doubt if we ever will — the plan is to move the older one in with the baby as soon as the baby stops waking up at 5:30am) but it it’s gotten better. Here are a few things that helped:
1) We told him we’d have a “no yelling party” if he could go for a week without calling out for us. After a few false starts he did it, and I think it helped give him more confidence it was possible. I also think this put us in a more lighthearted mode about it, if that makes sense — it was all SO FRAUGHT because everyone was a mess in the middle of the night, and putting it in the context of just another habit he was trying to break (we had previously had a “no thumb sucking” party to celebrate his sister stopping) rather than a Thing he was Doing Wrong was helpful.
2) We told him that if he kept yelling, we would move his sister out of the room. To some extent this was an empty threat, because the other options are for her to sleep with the baby or with us. but One night we actually followed through and put her in the baby’s room, and her brother was NOT HAPPY, and changed his behavior accordingly the next night. I actually think putting her with us would have been even more effective since he would have been jealous on top of it. So yes, I think your instinct of pushing the idea that sharing a room is a privilege that can be revoked is a good one.
I also wanted to explicitly empathize with the feeling of being really sorry for them on the one hand, because they are kids and sleep is hard and they are legitimately feeling anxious/worried/etc, but simultaneously INCREDIBLY IRRITATED that they insist on waking the entire house and making the next day so much more difficult for everyone. I am definitely not always patient in these circumstances, which probably doesn’t help but it is really difficult when every twenty minutes in the middle of the night, just as you go back to sleep you are woken up by another plaintive cry with no justification.
Anonymous says
What about epsom salt baths? The magnesium might help her stay asleep.
Aunt Jamesina says
I was this kid (although I didn’t share a room with my brother). I remember my dad telling me about ways he relaxed when he had trouble falling asleep– tensing and then relaxing muscles, sleeping with my head where my feet would normally go, counting games, breathing patterns, etc. I would talk it out with her during the day when she’s well rested and brainstorm ideas with her to distract herself when she wakes up, emphasizing that it’s important not to wake up her sibling. Perhaps you can propose that she can sleep on the couch if that’s a realistic possibility. I feel like at her age that would be exciting.
Anon says
Has anyone taken their kids to Lyle Lyle Crocodile? Would it be a good first movie for an almost 5 year old?
Suz says
For those of you with a “big” job and small children, what keeps you tied to the job? Money, status, the work itself? Ive been struggling in a job that’s high stress, low pay, but high status and interesting work, and questioning whether that’s enough reason to stay.
Anon says
It’s like your reading my mind :) In a very similar position over here.
I think for me what keeps me in is that I don’t think I’d be happy as a full time stay at home mom. My overachieving ways would be redirected on my kids, I’d end up overscheduling them, going too crazy keeping up our house, like it just wouldn’t be good for anybody. Unfortunately my career is not one that’s easy to downshift – like a part time gig would be perfect for me, but I can’t seem to find such a position.
Other things that keep me going (1) I do get a sense of purpose from my job and enjoy the intellectual challenge it presents, (2) I think about how when my kids are a bit older they’ll be more independent/busy with their own lives and I need something else in my life to devote my attention to and in my job it would be challenging to give it up and come back, (3) I look at the moms I know in my neighb who do stay home and while they’re all nice, I don’t fit in with them and so I think I’d be lonely if that was my crowd. The people are work with are more like me.
Anon says
There’s a big spectrum between “big job” and full-time stay at home mom though. I left a Big Job before having kids because I knew that job wouldn’t be compatible with motherhood for me. But I would also hate being a SAHM! There’s a lot of middle ground.
Anon says
Wait!! Don’t leave us hanging. Tell us what you did!
Anon says
Similar to the person below, left Big Law for government. It’s typically 9-5 and I have very generous vacation leave.
Anonymous says
Not the same anon, but I left BigLaw for the government and have a pretty chill 8-5 job with occasional busier periods, and I really like it. Plenty of sick leave and vacation available, lots of other moms in my group, and we do interesting work so it isn’t boring.
anon says
I also found a middle ground between a high-stress job and being a SAHM. I work in marketing. My full-time job is flexible, WFH, and pretty easy most days, which I appreciate, because I want extra bandwidth to focus on my kids and other life tasks I care about. I want to be there for my kids when they are sick, be able to pick them up from school, take them to activities, cook dinner, and have guilt-free time off to take care of personal projects, things like that. I’m also an insomniac, and previous jobs have kept me awake with worry, and I felt terrible a lot of the time. I aim for less stress now.
NYCer says
Same here, except that I went 70% in big law vs. getting a new job. I know everyone loves to preach that going part time at a law firm won’t help, but for me, it made a world of a difference. I do think this is practice area dependent though, but it is possible for it be done successfully.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
This is a good question. DH and I both have big jobs – his more traditional (BigLaw) and mine is in healthcare, so relatively low pay (vs. BigLaw, IBanking, etc.), high status, interesting work, and high stress. I think that what keeps me is the leadership/colleagues, opportunities, interesting work, fair pay, benefits, and flexibility. I do not enjoy the stress but since my grandboss reports to CEO, it’s part of flying so close to the sun.
I do know I could likely get paid more elsewhere but that it would be even more stressful (client facing and/or very profit driven) and possibly require very frequent travel, which I’m not ready to do at this point. Kids are almost 5 and almost 2 and I already feel like time is going so fast some days.
Anon says
I think loving your job is enough. I had a similar job that I loved… but then over time, since I had my kid, the work got less interesting. (I was essentially mommy-tracked.) So, I was essentially in a high stress, uninteresting position with mediocre pay for my field. For my position, it was just not really an option to lean out for a few years and lean back in once my kid was older. (I could have leaned out, but I didn’t see a path to catch up later in my career.) So, I took another job. Everyone’s “why” is different, but I would say that a lot of people that switch jobs when they have young kids are not leaving jobs they still find interesting. Often the job changes once they have kids or maybe they become less interested in the job when they have kids. The questions I would ask is: are you still interested in your job and do you still love it? If not, I don’t think you should stay there just because it’s a job that other people would find interesting.
Anonymous says
It’s not high status if it’s low pay. We live in a capitalist society.
Anonymous says
There are plenty of jobs, like working for a fancy public interest law organization, that are high status and low pay. Capitalism means that if there are lots of people who want the job because it is desirable (in this case confers status), employers can get by with offering low pay.
Anon says
Lots of government, non profit, ngo, academic jobs are regarded as high status but pay terribly.
Spirograph says
Yeah, at least in the DC area, status isn’t as closely tied to $$ as it is in other parts of the country. It’s all about who you know and have access to. I have a friend who is the deputy chief of staff for one of the senators that any adult in the US would know by name or sight. I’m positive I make more money than he does, but that’s not status around here. or at least not the whole picture
Anon says
+1, I was a Fed for many years and considered my job high status, high stress, but low pay.
Anon says
Admittedly biased because I’m married to a prof, but I think academia is high status and low(ish) pay. Tenure track jobs are REALLY hard to get, but they often don’t pay six figures, especially in non-STEM fields. Of course they’re also in the middle of nowhere, so money goes farther, but still.
Anon says
Lol this is something people tell themselves to make them feel better about their jobs. But in the real world 95% of people are going to find an ACLU lawyer making $80k more impressive than a Big Law partner doing corporate mergers for $1 million.
Clementine says
Oh, hey question I regularly ask myself.
In fairness, I switched from my ‘life consuming’ job to a ‘yeah, you have a lot going on but it’s not a problem to take a sick day and catch up in the evening’, so I can speak to a little of why I left and why I stay.
For me, part of it was that I had put so much work in to get where I was, I was (and am) really good at my job, and that I feel like if I leave, there is no path back. Like, if somebody said, ‘Hey Clementine! You can work 50% for the next 5 years with no hit to your reputation and be able to jump on right where you left off.’… I would jump immediately. But no, that’s not an option.
The other part (and this is personal to my family, it might not be an issue for yours) is two-fold – security. My mom was blindsided by a divorce and we struggled for years. I like knowing that I could support our family on just my income. Second, my spouse has a job that is really REALLY hard on the family. I would prefer that he leave the field, but he has made it clear that he might talk about leaving the field but won’t actually do it. It’s very comforting to me to know that if spouse called tomorrow and said, ‘I can’t do this anymore, I want to leave my job.’, I could support that.
Anon says
1) I’m a bit of a status person
2) Setting an example for my kids – my kids are small and I want them to remember mom working
3) I think I’d be bored as a SAHM (but I’d be plenty busy, I would have a lot to occupy me!)
Anon says
I spent the first 3 years of being a parent in coasting mode at work, then at year 4 I started job hunting, and by year 5 (and 2 kids), we moved to get a job more along the career I want. In the last 3 years since the change, I’ve changed companies and been promoted, so I’m flying higher in a higher stress, higher status job with meaningful work. My caveat is that I also make a lot of money, which means I just hired a house cleaner for biweekly cleanings, and we pay our neighbor to drop our kids off at school twice a week. Hired help makes my life logistically possible. I like my job (I love my job?) and I love how I feel about my career progression.
If you’re questioning, I would ask what it is about your job you don’t like. If you got paid 2x the salary, would you think of leaving? If you had 50% less stress, would you stay? If you only worked 35 hours a week? It sounds like you’ve already made up your mind (“questioning whether that’s enough reason to stay”) – you shouldn’t stay! This job isn’t it for you! Figuring out the next step (salary, flexibility, stress, work hours) is probably the right move for you right now.
Anon says
(1) Like Clementine, I watched my mom flounder after a divorce and vowed to never to (intentionally) put my kids / myself in a situation of having to depend upon someone else for support
(2) I genuinely love my job, am intellectually fulfilled by it, and I worked d*mn hard to get it
(3) My kids aren’t going to be young forever, and if I step back now it’s going to be awfully hard to get back in
(4) For me, the ‘stress’ of a big job / kids is a planning-ahead challenge that I enjoy … I’d gladly take that kind of stress over the alternative ‘stress’ of financial uncertainty, reliance upon others, and the feeling that my brain (which I’ve invested a lot in) is melting.
It helps that my Big Job is with an employer that still lets me be very flexible with my time, supports time away for holidays and vacations, etc. I also feel valued and appreciated by my employer. Absent those things, I might have a different perspective.
EDAnon says
These are my reasons, too. My parents are still married but I would never be comfortable with not earning money to support my family. I don’t think I will get divorced, but my spouse could die or be disabled (we have had that happen in our family) and I want to have a stable career to rest on.
Anonymous says
I would like nothing better than to be a SAHM and freelance doing what is currently my serious unpaid hobby.
I keep my job for two reasons: money and the fact that I need to be able to support our family on just my salary if/when a not-unlikely adverse event (risk specific to our family) occurs. My job is not super high status but it sounds kind of cool. Lots of stress, moderate pay but waaaay less than I’d make in a job with more stress and more hours that I don’t want to take on.
Anonymous says
I left. I would urge you to consider that it isn’t “all or nothing.” If it’s the money, you can find a job that keeps you engaged but takes 50% of your energy/hours and likely still pays the bills.
Life for many people is more than your job.
Anon for this says
I’m a senior associate in NYC Big Law (litigation). I really like my job! I’m never happy with downtime, I need somewhere to channel my energy and focus, and I truly enjoy the legal issues I work on and am happy in the work environment at my firm. I clerked for a year so I experienced some of that “not all-consuming but not nothing either” and… I was dreadfully bored. If I had more free time I would probably drive my family and myself crazy. As it is, I eat dinner with the family and put kiddo to bed at least four nights per week, am usually around on weekends, and maintain a personal hobby. It’s a busy life but a very rich one. I’m just always doing something, including working at evenings so I can maximize family time during dinner/bedtime.
I’d also be lying if I didn’t say that a strong desire for financial security and independence is at play. Like others here, I saw my SAHM lose all stability in a divorce and struggle to find her footing financially and professionally. I adore my husband but I’d rather have him rely on me financially than me rely on him, x a million. It also helps that he has a good job but not an all-consuming one, so he’s able to flex his schedule and cover things like work travel.
Boston Legal Eagle says
“I adore my husband but I’d rather have him rely on me financially than me rely on him, x a million.” – this is me too, deep down, or at least making close to the same. I didn’t even have a SAHM, I had a mom who earned more than my dad, so maybe that’s part of it. But I also see the effects on my husband’s parents who had one outside the home worker and one SAHM, and I don’t think either of them was particularly fulfilled because one lost her purpose when the kids left and the other felt the stress of being the sole income earner with a big family. They’re divorced too.
So Anon says
I feel like the often repeated warning signal for this discussion, so feel free to skip if you’ve heard me say this before. I’m a corporate in-house attorney. While this job is less stressful than my big law days, I am also now more senior with more responsibility than in big law. I can have very long days but also the flexibility to get my kids off the bus, make dinner for them and work after they go to bed. I get paid well, though not as well as had I stayed in big law. I also moved to a slightly lower cost of living area. My marriage had been rocky for quite a while, but in late 2018 and early 2019, it came crashing down. My kids were 5 and 8. My ex had been making six figures, quit/was fired, and took a new job that pays less than 1/3 of what he had been making. I am now the sole provider for my children with an ex whose time with the kids is very limited. I make enough to support myself and my children and lead a good life. I am frequently exhausted, but I have the flexibility to parent them and be the solid and stable presence in their lives. In short, the stress of the big job is worth it to take care of myself and my kids.
Anon says
I have a highly paid Big Job where I work an 80% schedule (done before 3 PM everyday). My husband has a demanding, high stress, even more highly paid Big Job, so I need the more flexible schedule to keep our lives running since we have no local family.
Sometimes I am tempted to drop out but we recently bought our dream home, so we need my income to afford this house. :)
Pre-buying this house, I kept working because I’m an achievement-oriented person, and I didn’t think it was healthy for me to channel that need for accomplishment into my children. I enjoy having an identity outside of being their mom. I was also the daughter of a SAHM and while I think there were tremendous benefits for me, I also saw how hard it was for her when my sister and I got older and needed her less, and how financially impacted she was when my parents split up after 20+ years. My mom is also a high-achieving personality, and it is a lot of pressure to feel like you are someone’s barometer for their own personal success. So it’s a combination of my personality, self preservation/witnessing my mom’s experience, and I like the income.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’m not sure if my job qualifies as “big” but the title and my access to the C suite may make it seem that way. I have stressful seasons where I question why I stay, but I love my team, I have lots of flexibility and my pay is great. I have no travel requirements and can do mostly WFH, which are also key. Your options are not just big stress job v. SAHM, as others have said – there are lots of jobs in between. What do you like best about your job? The prestige? Do you need more money to make the rest of life manageable? It’s ok to leave for higher pay – that is how 90% of people get raises, not by staying put.
anon says
I’m pretty high up in the legal department of an F50 company (direct report to GC). It is stressful, but I stick with it for a couple of reasons. Money is the biggest – I am well-paid (mid-six figures all-in), and that helps me continue to feel a sense of financial autonomy in my family (my husband makes low-mid seven figures). I also think I would struggle with moving to a lower-stress job because I’m accustomed to a huge degree of autonomy and influence in my role. It would almost be easier for me psychologically to be a SAHM for a while than to move to a lower-level job in my industry.
Spirograph says
I start from the assumption that I work because I like having a job, but as for why I stay in my particular “big” job: money. I like my colleagues and boss as people, the work is interesting and I have decent flexibility when I need it, but I work more hours than I’d like to, and I would not do this job for a lower salary. When I burn out, I will absolutely aim to go back to government, preferably as an individual contributor. I like that my kids see me having a career, and they think it’s cool that I work for [household name company]. I don’t think they have any concept of my level, and I don’t lead with work/status socially. Status used to feel more important to me when I was younger and earlier in my career, but it’s fallen by the wayside since having kids. Money, on the other hand, at least buys me some time.
Anon says
I never know what people here mean by a “big job” – or rather I kind of do, in that it’s one that consumes a lot of time and energy, but I don’t know that it actually maps onto how interesting or important the work is most of the time unless you’re at a very high level. Anyway I left being a partner at a boutique firm that was highly regarded in our specialty to go to state government where I work 9-5. I couldn’t be happier. The work is still interesting and I’m probably doing more good for the world AND I have time to live the life I want to lead outside of work.
If you love your job and love working long hours I think that’s great. No shame in that whatsoever. But I generally think you can find interesting work that doesn’t require that.
anon4this says
I’m a biglaw partner (quite junior, but an equity partner) and on the whole while I don’t LOVE my job, I like it fine and usually find it interesting. I definitely wouldn’t do it if it didn’t pay what it does, though. The reasons keeping me here are (1) I for sure want to work outside the home, both because I’m not suited to being a SAHP (I know there is an ocean between what I do and SAHP) and because I like the example it sets for my daughters that moms can have big jobs too, (2) I have a ton of flexibility, (3) money and both the security and disposable income that go along with that. It has gotten a little easier in some ways as the kids have gotten older (early elem now, and it’s nice I can WFH with them underfoot if something happens where care falls through) but in some ways harder because it was easier to outsource care when they were infants vs now their needs are more emotional. DH has a big job too, but this works for us and we have what I think is a great relationship with our kids.
Anonymom says
Could have said this all to a tee. Biglaw junior equity partner, in litigation (but a specialized area). Only difference is my husband does not have a “big job” — although he is a teacher so I frankly think what he’s doing is more important to society — so the financial aspect is more important for us.
Anonymous says
During the academic year, I would classify some teaching positions as “big jobs.” There is not a lot of schedule flexibility and some teachers do a lot of prep and grading outside of school hours. Of course there are those who coast on old lesson plans, but for the ones who take it seriously it can be a lot of work. I do get tired of their griping because other jobs are difficult and stressful too, but I wouldn’t dismiss teaching as less demanding than, for example, some types of law practice.
Anonymous says
Yep. Not the poster above but my teacher husband is regularly working from when the kids go to bed until midnight or later and works some every weekend. I have a more traditionally considered big job (medium to me because I came here from litigation and now I only work business hours) but he has way less flexibility and works more hours during the school year. On the plus side he handles all school breaks, summer, etc.
Anonymom says
Agreed — I actually think my husband works crazy hard. I doubt his job as recognized as “big” the way that term is used on this board. Overall it works well for us though, he has less flexibility but much more predictability, which is basically the opposite of my job. And he has great health insurance/benefits that became really helpful once I made EP.
Alanna of Trebond says
Same. I had really hard few last weeks and I suggested that I quit my job, and my husband was like, we can’t afford our house without job. So….
Spirograph says
This is one of the main reasons that I am happy to stay in our “starter home” indefinitely, even though it may be a smidge cozier than comfortable when all our kids are all teenagers. We bought the house when both of us were making significantly less. At this point, either of us could quit our job without making major lifestyle changes, and when work sucks, it’s comforting to know that.
Anon says
It was also really important to DH and me to have a house we could afford on either salary alone. I realize that isn’t an option for everyone, especially in HCOL areas, but I’m really really glad we could do it.
Anon says
Honestly, it’s my identity. Growing up I was told that I can have it all – and up until now that has proved true. I have always been a high achiever like the other women here :) So, now I perpetuate the myth of having it all too. My life is finely tuned to balance two careers (big and medium-plus by this board’s standards), live-in child care, community/volunteer obligations, extended family obligations, self-care/health and keeping up with social pressures to be perfect mom, wife and friend. It takes extreme planning, coordination and luck. I’m very good at hiding the fact that at any given time, I’m failing at something to succeed in another area. I generally like the work that I do, but would definitely give it up if I had some kind of really substantial windfall. Idk if it’s worth, Idk if I’m happy, but I guess I’m satisfied that I doing what I’m “supposed” to do.
An.On. says
How much tv does/did your 1-2 year old watch? My husband pretty much turns on cocomelon every day after work for 1.5 hrs until I get home, and it drives me crazy. The kid isn’t sitting and watching it for hours, they’re up and about in between their favorite songs, but then it seems like it makes even less sense to turn it on if they’re not even paying attention to it.
Anon says
That’s a lot for that age. My kids wouldn’t really watch at that time. So I’d say occasional emergency videos like traveling but no regular TV. I don’t think he’s messing kid up, but it feels unnecessary.
Anonymous says
None. I would rather die than watch 1.5 hours of coco a day.
Clementine says
This would really bother me, in part because Cocomelon puts my 2 year old in a trance. Not for 2 hours, but I 100% use it for the 5-10 minutes I need to do hair in the morning.
It sounds like he’s using it for background noise? What about just… music? I don’t think you’re off base here.
Anon says
One child, just turned 2.
She occasionally watches 15-20 minutes of football with us on Sunday, but that’s it. She’s never seen any children’s programming. I guess we drank the AAP coolaid w/r/t screentime but I’m okay with that (because IMO my husband watched waaaaaaaay too much TV growing up and it carried over into a generally difficulty to wind-down and sleep without it).
Anon says
I wouldn’t like that either. Coco melon drives me mad (I tell my son coco melon is broken on our tv). But sounds like husband may be trying to survive.
We do a lot of screen time if kiddo (22 months) is sick. Otherwise I try to limit screens to 15-30 min a day, which includes scrolling through photos of himself, FaceTime, and baby shark everyday when brushing teeth. Also do screentime when he has to be on his nebulizer treatments, which is ~20 min twice a day if he has a cough.
I’ve thought about getting the Yoto player or a boom box because my son really likes music and maybe I could train him to prefer that or at least seek it out over the tv.
TheElms says
Other than long car rides (where no rules apply), at that age I’d say 0-15 minutes a day. Usually we used TV as a tool to get something done (more involved dinner prep for a few minutes, needed to take a short work call in the evening) or to make some toddler hygiene step more possible (cutting fingernails, hairbrushing) or if we were talking about something and wanted to show an example (I recall there was a volcano explosion and we were talking about it at dinner and kiddo wanted to see and then volcanos became an obsession for a bit).
Does your husband just like background noise? Could you stream music or an audiobook as an alternative? With music you could still get favorite songs.
Anon says
Agree, that’s a lot for that age. I would also be annoyed that your husband is using screentime to get out of his childcare duties and counting on the fact that you won’t do the same.
Not a stickler for AAP recs in general, but we did very little screentime before 2. She videochatted with family and probably saw us watching TV occasionally, but I don’t recall dedicated “plop her in front of the TV” time. The pandemic hit when she had just turned 2 so of course there was an insane amount of screentime-as-childcare (thanks Peppa and Daniel) but once we had daycare back and things normalized I would say it was rare to have more than half an hour a day. The exception was/is traveling, when it’s essentially unlimited. We did a 14 hour each way roadtrip in late 2020 and I think she watched TV for all but maybe half an hour of it one way.
AIMS says
This is what would annoy me too. FWIW, my oldest basically watched at most ~30 min once in a while at that age (mostly Daniel Tiger) and my youngest probably watched a lot more that 2 hrs because life with two kids during the pandemic WFH was just rough. They both seem fine now (i.e., she’s not any better at paying attention and he is hitting all the same milestones at the same time or even earlier)… BUT – I do get annoyed when it ends up that I am the one saying no to screen time and their dad turns on the TV whenever they ask and puts on whatever they want because it put the pressure on me to make up for that time, makes me the bad guy now that they’re older, and also takes away our ability to do certain stuff as a family because if they’re watching TV all day while I’m running errands, we’re not then sitting down to do family movie night, too. I like the suggestion to put on music instead.
Anonymous says
Yeah, he’s wasting screentime unless he’s using it so he can have dinner on the table when you get home or something like that.
An.On. says
Thanks for all your comments. I normally hate to second guess parenting techniques, but it’s been bugging me. We did use more screen time when kid had a rough patch of illness, but husband hasn’t stopped now the kid is better. It’s hard because I really don’t know exactly what’s going on since I’m not there but basically it’s on every day when I get home. And haha, wishful thinking, but no, husband is not making dinner while it’s on – to be fair, even with the show on, kid doesn’t sit down for more than 5 minutes at a time. I will talk with him about just using the music, we have plenty of tablets and things that we can set up and leave on a countertop of something. Thank you for giving me some good ideas and support!
Anonymous says
The part about kid getting up and running around and not actually watching the show is what would concern me most. I don’t like setting the expectation that there will always be TV on in the background for other activities. When we have screentime, we are sitting down and just doing screentime with focus.
SC says
I have an older kid and am pretty liberal with screen time. But even now, my rule for the kid is that he has to be watching TV if it’s on for him. She’s not getting anything but noise out of having the TV on in the background. (That said, we do sometimes have football or basketball on while adults do chores and Kiddo plays. I don’t actually think it’s great for the kid, but my husband is going to have the game on, and I’d rather him do dishes or meal prep than sit on the couch for 4 hours.)
Marshmallow says
None at that age. She’s now 3.5 and might watch a PBS episode here or there, mostly on a weekend when we need to get something done.
Does your husband just not know what to do with the kid? Is he using it as background noise? We often just play music in our house while we do other things.
anon says
My kid is 2.5 and he watches about 45 minutes a day, but not cocomelon thank goodness, bc I hate it. It’s about 20 minutes after his nap until he’s awake enough to want to do other stuff, and 20-30 minutes while I make dinner.
Walnut says
I’ll be a dissenting comment here. It sounds like you’re not home to be terrorized by Cocomelon and your kid isn’t a zombie while it is on in the background. This isn’t a fight I’d pick.
MBRec says
We do 20 minutes in the morning with parent snuggles, and then 20/30 minutes in the evening while mom/dad cooks dinner. We hold pretty tightly to these times and it works well.
Exercising with Small Children says
For those of you with kids that wake up early– when do you work out? DS is currently about 20 months old. He used to sleep 7:30-8 pm to 7-7:30 am, which meant that I could sometimes workout after bedtime or before he woke up. However, DS now sleeps something like 8 pm to 6-6:30 am… We thought this was a phase that would be short-lived, but it’s been going on for a month, and it doesn’t seem like the time change will help. The later bed time means that I frequently don’t finish eating my dinner until after 8 pm, so there isn’t time to digest and work out before I go to bed. Also, DH is in charge of getting DS ready in the morning, but with DS waking up so early now, DH is normally trying to get himself ready along with DS, so I am needed in the morning routine. (When DS woke up at 7:30, DH would normally get himself ready before DS woke up, so I wasn’t involved in the morning routine.)
Anon says
My kid doesn’t wake up super early, but I work out during the work day. However, it’s not a very intense workout – just a walk.
AIMS says
At that age, putting my kids to sleep earlier paradoxically made them sleep later. Maybe try a 7 pm bedtime?
OP says
I’ve wondered this, but we’ve moved his bedtime up from 8 to 7:30 the past few days and it has just made him wake up at 6 am. I don’t know what’s going on, but I hate it.
Anon says
That strategy never worked for my kid. Earlier bedtimes meant earlier wakings.
Anonymous says
For my kid an earlier bedtime meant lots of screaming and never sleeping. Later bedtime = actually fell asleep.
Anon says
I work out either before bed or with my kids. With kids, I might be doing exercises on the floor while we play or going for a walk/run outside. If I exercise before bed, I’ve eaten dinner earlier with my family earlier. Is dinner time something you can change?
Anon says
+1 I eat with my kid so we’re done with dinner by 7pm
If your husband is in charge of morning routine, and child is waking up earlier, then isn’t the answer that your husband has to wake up earlier so he can still handle and you can still have your morning?
Clementine says
I started eating dinner with my kids at 5PM and then exercising at 830PM, taking a shower, and going to bed. This works because I don’t like going to bed with a full stomach.
OP says
How do you have dinner at 5 pm? Do you prep everything for dinner the night before?
I think this could work for us. DH and I are typically hungry when we get home from work and end up eating a snack. We aren’t doing super complicated dinners at the moment, but they still take 20-30 min to prep, which means I start eating right before DS wants to go to bed and then don’t finish eating until after bedtime. (DH does mornings, and I do evenings.)
Clementine says
It’s between 5:00-5:45. Earlier on WFH days.
Yeah, really simple dinners over here, but also I meal prep so that everything is ready to throw together. Like, on Sunday afternoons/evenings, I’ll make turkey meatballs, marinade chicken, chop veggies, etc.
Most of my ‘cooking’ is something like, ‘Okay, boil some water and throw in this pasta’ or ‘turn on oven. Dump things on sheet pan. Cook in oven.’
Anon says
Not that poster, but we also eat around 5:30. WFH makes this a lot easier and means I can do things that are simple to prep but require a lot of time in the oven, like lasagna (with oven ready noodles) and quiche. When DH and I both worked outside the home we did a lot of sauteed chicken and baked salmon.
Anon says
We usually start cooking dinner at 5, so dinner is on the table by 5:30-6. Sometimes I will give the kids a small snack or have one myself. Our dinners aren’t always simple but I will sometimes have very hands-off dinners based on things I’ve pre-prepped. I sometimes make enough to freeze leftovers for another meal.
DLC says
Keeping in mind that by “work out” I mean a 15 minute Fitness Blender video, I do it in the morning often with the kids climbing all over me. I just fit it in the first chance I get so sometimes it is before the kids have breakfast and sometimes it is after.
I do have the luxury of having a union mandates hour ling lunch break, so I will go on a thirty minute run then two or three times a week.
Can you do it after your husband has gotten himself ready? So say he gets himself ready by 7:30 while you watch the kid, then you workout at 7:30 while husband watches kid? Or switch off evening kid duties and exercise before bed. I’ve found that I have to be very protective of my time if I want to get a workout in, even if it’s just fifteen minutes.
Anon says
Thanks– yes, working out for me is typically a 30 min max workout on our Peloton or a 30 min strength/pilates workout. Sometimes on the weekends I do a longer yoga video during nap time. Nothing crazy. I just feel much better if I work out 3-4 times a week.
The morning may work– I am about to start a new job where I will WFH a few days a week. I had to be at my current/old job between 8-8:30 and no WFH really, so I would not have had time for a 730 am workout (or anything) before.
Anon says
We flex mornings for who does childcare (for us, it’s drop off at daycare) so I work out 2-3x a week, typically in the morning. Your DH can 100% take care of a child alone in the morning (as could you). DS goes in the crib (or in his room with books) while DH showers – whatever. Tell him you’re taking off M/W/F to work out (or whatever works for your schedule) and he can figure it out.
My partner works out after they get home before dinner a few times a week; I am 100% supportive of that because it works for them. What works for you?
Anonymous says
All three of our kids are up by 6:30 every morning. DH gets up at 5:30 to work out (no thank you). I work out during my lunch break. Neither of us can work out in the evening: it wires us and then we can’t sleep but are exhausted the next day.
Anon says
I use my WFH days to workout. It’s usually a midday walk (sometimes if I have a call I just need to listen in/speak on – I’ll do this while walking) and then a 30 minute peleton video or jog before picking up kids. Some of the busier weeks, nothing happens or just the walk happens (e.g. the last 2 weeks). Once in a while, I’ll do a post-dinner/pre-bed workout, and that feels nice, too. I realize that I love walking, live in a walkable area of a very big, sprawling, car-driven city, and plan to just…do more of it. Tonight I’m meeting BFFs at a wine bar about 2 miles away and plan to walk or take the bus.
I’ve tried to wake up early and get it done, but I just don’t enjoy it as much. Plus I often log back in to work after my kids are asleep and I’ve tidied up (~8 PM) and then need time to wind down after that, and waking up extra early after that doesn’t feel great.
So Anon says
When my kids were little, I would either run with them in the stroller on the weekend or would work out over lunch. For lunchtime workouts, I could generally squeeze in a 30 minute workout (generally a run) with 10 minutes to change and stretch ahead of time and 20 minutes to cool down and change after. That sometimes means I’m still a bit gross for a post-lunch meeting, but that’s fine. If I needed longer to workout over lunch, that would typically mean that I got home or picked the kids up 30 minutes later in the day, but my sanity was worth it.
It’s Hard! says
This has been an ongoing struggle for me. This won’t work for everyone, but currently I leave work a little early a few days of week and workout while DH does pickup. I’ve also gotten by with 15 minute videos with kiddos climbing all over me in really busy times.
I’d try eating earlier all together and then working out after bedtime. If you’re going to start wfh home, this might solve itself as you can pretty much pick an hour during the day in most wfh jobs.
Anon says
Am I the only one here that just doesn’t work out in this season of life…I just don’t have the bandwidth in me to do so. I’m lucky if my kid wakes up at 6:30am—that’s sleeping in for me.
Anonymous says
Yeah I didn’t work out very regularly until my son was 2.5. I would ride my bike to work some, do some weekend classes at the Y, and probably some other stuff I can’t remember, but my consistent home workout routine didn’t happen until 2.5; before that, I just needed the sleep more. At that age, I started getting up 30 min earlier and doing FitnessBlender videos. My son was often awake and eating breakfast while I worked out and my husband was either getting ready or out the door as he has to leave really early. I can’t remember if we were allowing morning screen time or not at that age, but we did in the preschool years and that helped minimize interruptions, but I was almost always working out right next to my son.
Anonymous says
I haven’t managed to prioritize working out in years, unfortunately. My kids are up at 6 and between work and taking care of them, I don’t feel like I have been able to find the time for much of anything.
OP says
Thanks! These comments have been helpful. And yes, we both do prioritize sleep. I think recently I’ve gotten frustrated because I had actually been consistently working out until recently, and I just feel like our whole day is chaos now. Because of our house layout, I can’t just leave DH to deal with the morning routine while I exercise if DS wakes up unexpectedly early. We’re both the type of people that are not going to just start waking up at 5:30 every day in the off chance that DS wakes up at 6 am. I think, for us, trying to move dinner earlier may solve a lot of problems. I can also meal prep in the morning if needed while DS is doing the morning routine.
Anon says
Would you bring a hostess gift when you’re visiting family for the day? We’re going to see DH’s extended family (his aunt, uncle, cousins and cousins’ kids) in a nearby city this weekend. I know it’s not as obligatory as it would be if they were hosting us overnight, but I still feel really weird about showing up empty handed. DH says a gift is not necessary – I can’t tell if that’s because he’s a guy and he’s clueless or because his family actually has a different gifting culture. Also if we should bring one what should we bring? We live in str1p mall suburbia and they’re in an exciting big city, so it’s not like we can bring some fun local food item. We don’t drink, not sure they do either. Not sure how flowers would transport.
Anonymous says
When I feel awkward showing up empty handed, I bring a bottle of wine. Bring a small flower arrangement if they don’t drink or you aren’t sure. Whole Foods has a nice selection, as does Walmart usually.
Anon says
My family would absolutely not give gifts in a situation like this.
But, if you feel obligated then since it’s a nearby city I’m sure flowers would transport fine, or just pop in at a super market when you’re close to their house and get a bouquet of flowers there. Or, bring a plant (a mum?) as that would definitely survive the transport.
NYCer says
I think it would be easy enough to transport a bouquet of flowers. But I also think it is fine to show up empty handed.
Anonymous says
I would, but perhaps something like slightly fancier cookies that could also theoretically function as a snack for everyone. That way no one is offended if the hosts put it away, but also if the kids get hungry, there’s the snack to share!
Anonymous says
This is what I do – some kind of fancy non-perishable (or not quickly perishable) snack.
Spirograph says
My family tends to bring homemade desserts when visiting. We show up empty-handed with just 3 kids in tow if we’re visiting close family, but for extended family I’d probably bring some homemade cookies for everyone to share.
Anonymous says
I took my 3-yo to the dentist this morning, and they made us reschedule because he coughed. I totally understand them not wanting to see a patient with a cold to prevent the spread of disease, but I just feel like… when is my kid going to be totally cough-free? Maybe next spring? We’ve been basically one week on, one week off with colds this fall, and I don’t see it getting better this winter (fully vaxxed and flu shot though!).
Anon says
yeah I’m Covid cautious but that’s nutty.
EDAnon says
That is unreasonable. I cough from dry air and humidity here is like 20%. I cough a lot and don’t have COVID (I tested).
Anonymous says
That’s nuts. Was it a pediatric dentist? If not maybe try to find one of those, I would image they might be more understanding.
Spirograph says
omg I’d be so annoyed. After you’d already gotten to the office? no. At least in our area, healthcare offices are still masks-required, and both my dentist and my kids’ still wear face shields in addition to the mask. Obviously the patient can’t wear a mask at the dentist, but if everyone else is and it’s a normal occasional fall/winter sniffly cough vs constant hacking, that just seems like overkill.
Anon says
We had something similar where one of the older peds in our practice didn’t want to give kid the next round Covid shot because he was recovering from a cold and still had a cough but no fever.
My dude, kid’s in daycare. he is not going to not have a cough or runny nose for years.
Anon says
I understand your frustration but that actually makes more sense to me. There are valid medical reasons not to give a shot to someone who’s sick. There’s no medical reason a kid with a cough can’t have their teeth cleaned.
Anonymous says
Yeh anecdotally…we all got our flu shots 2 weeks ago while we had colds (no fever) and it was not our best idea ever. It made our colds resurge (we were all getting better and then got worse) and my kids were much crabbier than usual.
Boston Legal Eagle says
My 4 year old still has a cough 2+ weeks out from his last virus. Agree, there’s little chance these kids will be cough-free and runny-nose free this winter.
Anonymous says
Gift idea- working moms of young toddler.
I have a 29 year old working mom of a newly turned 1 year old in my life. I feel like this is some of you ladies.
Gift ideas? No alcohol. Budget ~$150. A gift card would be okay if that’s what you really want, but I’d also like to do a small gift.
Anon says
Can you give her the gift of time? Gift cert to a spa, and tell her you’ll babysit for a few hours while she’s there?
TheElms says
So the best gifts that we got around age 12 -18 months that are still being played with/used at 3.5 years are: learning tower, play kitchen, water table, little tikes ride on truck, ride on bouncy horse, magnatiles, duplos, better quality plastic animal sets, books. Depending on this person’s financial circumstances a gift card might be really appreciated along with a smaller present like a few board books.
Isabella says
Maybe a luxurious version of something that she uses for selfcare? Nice lotions or bath fizz?
OTOH, I’ll be following this because this is me, my family is asking what I want for Christmas, and I have no idea. No time to read or cook lately!
Anonymous says
Gift certificate to the nicest spa in the area. And offer to babysit
Anon says
Agreed, and not sure you need to offer to babysit unless you think they’re cash strapped. I’d be excited to have the excuse and then very willing to pay for a sitter.
Anon says
I think the babysitting offer is really nice even if they’re not cash strapped. Not everyone has a good sitter on standby, especially when their first child is barely 1. Finding a sitter isn’t some insurmountable thing, but it adds more work to the mom’s plate and I think if you can do it, offering to babysit is really nice and will make it much easier for mom to use the gift.
Anon says
Personally I have plenty of cash but I feel weird about asking friends or even some family to babysit, in case they feel like I’m taking advantage. It’s also really hard to find someone competent that I trust to babysit my kids. An offer would be greatly appreciated.
Anon says
But what about… baby’s other parent? That’s the beauty of a spa gift card. And she doesn’t have to clean the house before this person comes over to babysit.
Anon says
Yup, spa gift certificate and offer to babysit.
Anonymous says
If this is possible, how about split it into a small consumable gift (cheese, olives, fancy cookies, whatever), and then an approx ~$100 giftcard to a nice restaurant for date night and and offer to babysit if you’re local to them?
Anonymous says
*slight edit to nice restaurant for date night or girls’ night
Anonymous says
When I had my second kid a friend gave me a Shipt subscription for a year, and I love it.
Anon says
Babysit my children, please. Otherwise I’d love a massage or a gift certificate to a meal prep place.
Anonymous says
OP here. I should add that babysitting is not an option. It’s a work-adjacent relationship vs a personal one.
I know her well in a work sense, but not personally. I was hoping to get some ideas for a few luxe items and/or a place to which a gift card would be appreciated.
Anon says
I think if it’s a work relationship, a gift card to a nice restaurant might be suitable.
Anonymous says
But then…what if babysitting is an issue? This was my first idea but she’s going through all the new mom headaches- always out for kiddo’s illness, etc.
Anonymous says
+1. In this situation, I do a gift card to a local restaurant group that has a variety of reliable to very good restaurants at different price points, so it’ll work for a couple takeout dinners on busy days or 1-2 date nights. Obviously ymmv based on where you live, but this gives the person more flexibility.
CCLA says
Is it the mom’s bday or is this gift to mark the kid’s bday? Either way, with a work-adjacent relationship I’d probably do something consumable and celebratory like a bottle of veuve and a nice floral arrangement, or a couple of bottles from a fave winery. I echo the comments above that a gift card for a restaurant or spa might be well meant but end up harder to use in practice.
If the gift is to mark kiddo’s bday you could throw in a couple of board books, maybe check out your local independent bookstore and ask for recs for good but less common ones, since every parent seems to end up with multiple copies of the classics.
CCLA says
Whoops, just realIzed you said no alcohol. Consumables are still my go-to but if a GC I’d do spa over a restaurant for the childcare reasons.
Anon says
In that case, I’d do massage or spa gift certificate over restaurant. If she has a partner, it shouldn’t be that hard for her to sneak away for a couple of hours on the weekend. Or if you’re her supervisor and are in a position to give her a few hours of extra PTO you could do that? Since people don’t usually go to restaurants alone, that requires a babysitter in a way a spa certificate doesn’t.
anonM says
Tommy John PJs! Spa/massage kind of depend – personally, not my fav and I honestly am horrible at using those kinds of gift certificates. But I loved the fancy summer PJs DH got me for my birthday so much that he got me some winter ones for Christmas. A few other gifts I’ve really enjoyed – a fashionable friend sends me jewelry sometimes — nothing super expensive, but a cool stylish necklace once, another time it was a fair trade bracelet from a special etsy shop. It was nice to get something solely for me and something trendy, as I don’t spend a lot of time shopping for myself and at a the time I had a 1yo was definitely feeling frumpy. Someone also got me camping slippers- a kind of “extra” thing I would have never bought myself (and obviously depends on your friend’s interest!!) but I love them and it was so thoughtful!
Anon says
Those Stanley water bottles are so popular these days. I don’t need to buy myself another water bottle but I’d certainly be happy if someone gifted me one!
DLC says
Yeti Rambler so that she can drink her coffee hot even though she hasn’t had a chance to drink it until three hours after she makes it. You can even personalize it on their website.
A gift cert to somewhere like Nordstrom or Lulu or Athleta where she can get herself something nice.
anon says
Christmas Gift ideas for a 3 yo boy (other than toys). We’re pretty set on winter gear so i am asking for some fun/splurgey clothing items. but family is asking for a list and I want to think of functional stuff that won’t be added clutter. like maybe sheets for a big boy bed (he’s still in a crib) and other stuff that he may need in the next 6 months? Would also take book ideas.
anonM says
balance bike and helmet
Anon says
My LO is a little younger than yours. In addition to sheets for his bed, our non-toy list includes a bike helmet, membership to nearby activities like a zoo, art supplies (sort of a toy but also sort of consumable), a sled, and a backpack.
Anon says
I like things for feeding- fun or colourful or metal plates, cups, silverware, lunchbox, water bottles, etc…
Napmat for school (cause it can stay at school….)
Rain gear or umbrella
Bath toys.
Nightlight.
Anonymous says
Micro mini scooter. Play dough. Toy guitar. Art supplies (4 year old is really into glitter glue right now). Books – at that age we loved Two Old Potatoes and Me, Ox Cart Man, Night Driving, there is an awesome book with pictures but no words called Rainstorm by Barbara Lehman, The Honeybee by Kirsten Hall. But my three year kid’s actual favorite gift ever was a basic pair of kitchen tongs.
Anon says
My daughter turns three soon, so feel you on the clutter train and family that want to load up kiddo with gifts. If he’s making a switch soon to a twin bed, mattress protectors and foam bumpers might be good to add to your list with sheets and comforter.
In my current gift list for family: I’ve asked for art supplies, a couple of extra items she can use for baking, some more Magna-tiles as we have a small set, and a few Pete the Cat books (We don’t watch the show but she loves the books from daycare).
Kind an interesting combo, I’ve also requested a AirFort of the constellations (I figure this looks like it’ll collapse down well when not in use): https://www.airfort.com/products/constellation and a book to go with it: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/constellations-for-kids-ann-pearson/1141239020
I think it might make for a fun winter activity.
Anon says
Busy Toddler had a good list recently of non-fiction books for kids – like a kid’s atlas and big picture books about trains or art. The idea being they can grow with the kids and they can flip through and “discover” new things. I put some of them on my 3-year-old’s list.
octagon says
He’s probably almost ready for a micro-maxi 3-wheeled scooter? We got way more use out of ours than I ever expected. Does he have his own umbrella? Or his own flashlight? Those were also big hits in our house at that age.