Maternity Monday: Kevin Flare Maternity Pants

Not kid-related, but I’ll ask here because you all are nicer. Is it normal to say hello to acquaintances when you run into them out of context? A former co-worker frequently attends the same events as my family does. I don’t go out of my way to chase him down to say hello, but if our paths cross directly I will say hello. Every time this happens the guy acts offended that I have presumed to speak to him, or even to be present at the event. It’s not like I am interrupting a conversation he’s having or anything–he’s always just walking by or standing in front of me in line and I say hello and do the obligatory 30-second chat. Am I the weirdo here or is he? And should I stop acknowledging this person?

I need advice on how to handle fallout with a friend. Sorry for length. TLDR She offered/insisted to host my baby shower at my house but dropped the ball on two pretty big things – invitations and the menu – that I took over. She was extremely offended and has been talking badly about me to my family, including to my husband during the baby shower. I’m very hurt and idk how or whether to move forward with the friendship.

The invitations – Both our families are out of state, so I wanted to get invites out at least 60 days before. Every time I asked friend, she said she was working on it. Then weeks would go by and nothing. We had long phone calls and in person meetings that I thought were supposed to finalize everything but still nothing got done. I offered several times to just take it over. When we’d passed the 60 day mark, I told her no really this needs to get done so by X date please tell me you’ve ordered them or I will order them. She didn’t respond, so I ordered them. It took me like 30 minutes, I have no idea why or how she spun her wheels so much. Invites got sent like 45 days out.

The food – my mom was paying for the food but friend was ordering it. I didn’t really care about the food until I was dx with gestational diabetes 1.5 months ago. I told friend I need to be involved in conversations with the caterer. She ignored me. I asked about the menu. She ignored me – I think because she hadn’t picked the menu. By the time she finally told me the menu (2 weeks before shower), I had already contacted the caterer directly and asked them to please call me. There was nothing on her selected menu I could eat. I told her that, reiterated that this is a serious medical issue and I need to talk to the caterer directly, and she told me not to contact the caterer and apparently told the caterer to ignore me. The week before the shower, the menu still had nothing I could eat. I managed to get hold of the caterer to work with them. Friend also ignored my mom’s questions about how much the food would cost, so I got that info for my mom. I managed to finalize everything and get my mom the price two days before the shower.

The week before the shower, friend vented to my brother and sister in law, who she has never met in person, that I was a micromanaging b. I don’t know exactly what was said, but my brother thought the friendship was over and she wasn’t coming to the shower. She showed up and was rude to everyone all day (according to my mom, she mostly avoided me). During the shower, she cornered my husband and cried to him that I was a micromanaging b who was horrible to everyone all day and that my brother and SIL left the shower in tears because I was so horrible to SIL. I walked in on friend venting to DH and DH promptly excused himself. I asked friend what was wrong and she said nothing. Fwiw, bother and SIL said bye to me right before they walked out the door, they both said what a great time they had. Definitely no tears. Other friends texted me after and said it was the best baby shower they’d ever been to. I asked my mom if I was horrible and she and my stepdad didn’t know why I would think that (and he especially would not be shy).

I know friend is going through a lot at work. I’m very sorry that me asking for information and ultimately taking over these two things has pushed her “I’m a competent person” button in light of her work problems. She clearly took it very personally. She is also ADHD so I know some of these challenges come from that. But I’m pissed that she cornered my husband – during our baby shower, in our home – to talk trash about me and lie about me being horrible to everyone. None of this had to be so complicated. I just… don’t know where to go from here.

The Mom Hour podcast is ending. I only listened occasionally but it makes me sad. It filled a real niche. The other one I sometimes tune in for is Best of Both Worlds, which I have mixed feelings about.

Other personal development podcasts I listen to have become more focused on “midlife,” basically menopause and aging issues, as the hosts have reached that stage. I’m 40 and I have to say the content is often depressing.

Anyone have a parenting podcast that they love? Or other uplifting topics?

Help

My four year old has become a total nightmare at bedtime. He used to be a good sleeper when in a crib but I feel like since moving to a regular bed he’s gone downhill. I feel like we have a great routine and the expectations are super clear but every night he is out of bed over and over. If we do the walk him back to bed bit but not engage then he has a screaming temper tantrum almost to vomiting and that eats up our whole night. If we indulge his demands and lay down with him that eats up our night. Although I did this last night and it did work. I’m starting to resent him and it feels like we have zero time as adults anymore. He is also incredibly tired and that is affecting his behavior. He says he’s not tired and doesn’t want to sleep. We also have an issue with middle of the night wakeups and he demands to be tucked back in and half the time throws a fit if my husband won’t sleep with him the rest of the night. I know he understands boundaries because he knows I won’t sleep in his bed with him so he doesn’t even bother asking me. We’ve previously had amazing success with a sticker chart for the wakeups and had fully fixed that for awhile but it just seems like for the past 6 months we cycle through this madness with improvement here and there but no overall fix. Also we’ve done punishments but that feels like we’re constantly threatening and feels mean but loss of tv (we only do it on weekends so hard to make that threat realized) works well bc that’s his fav thing. Overall I find this age to be really challenging and him to be a really stubborn smart back-talky kid which I feel like exacerbates the issue. I also think as the saga continues each night he’s more tired which makes it worse. I’m just looking to see what others have done. I’m not willing to lay in there every night! My husband is also more of the weak link and my son knows it and exploits it. In theory I feel like some kind of boot camp where we commit to just walking him back with no fanfare even if he cries for x number of days might be worth it? He also insists we tuck him in and give hugs each time which also makes me unreasonably mad bc I know he’s coming out to get that tuck in again and again! So just walking him back feels like a loss each time if I’m re-tucking?! This post has gone on long enough please send advice.

How much feedback do you give to parents if a playdate doesn’t go well? My husband took a kid (who we’ve had before) on an outing, and said the kid was awful- mouthy, no manners, demanding, kept telling our youngest to shut up despite repeated requests to stop. Based on his recap, I’ll be honest I thought my husband should have taken a firmer line- like the kid demanded a lemonade as they were leaving, and he bought him one, which I would never have done (no means no!). I know the parents well enough that I think they would be mortified to hear this, but not well enough to feel comfortable calling or texting them about it, especially since I got it all second hand. My husband didn’t want to say anything but also doesn’t want to have the kid ever again, which might be awkward if suddenly we stop reciprocating. Kids are 8. I think there was also an element of my husband didn’t want to embarrass our kid by coming down too hard on their friend, which I guess I also don’t really agree with.