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Updated: Apr 26, 2024 114 Comments · by

Family Friday: Googly Eyes Puzzle

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Googly eyes puzzle box with several cartoon animals

My youngest loves puzzles, and some of his favorites are these with googly eyes.

These bright and colorful 48-piece puzzles all feature six fun googly eyes. They come in seven designs that appeal to kids, including animals, pirates, and vehicles.

They’re just right for my 4-year-old: He doesn’t need help putting them together, but they’re challenging enough to keep him busy for a while. 

Googly Eyes puzzles are available at Amazon for under $15.

Sales of note for 9.10.24

(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)

Kid/Family Sales

  • Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
  • Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
  • J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
  • Old Navy – 40% off everything
  • Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs

About Ann

Ann is a working mom, a longtime reader of Corporette and CorporetteMoms, and has been writing our morning fashion advice for working moms since November 2020! She has a daughter (born winter 2014) and a son (born fall 2019) and is a public interest lawyer in Washington, D.C.

Comments

  1. Mathy says

    Screaming into the void this morning: our preschooler daughter got off the waitlist yesterday for the first week of a summer camp in which she’s enrolled for the other seven weeks they offer. It’s one of those idyllic day camps at the private PreK-12 school that has a nice blend of nature and sports and art, and I logged on at 10am the Monday after Thanksgiving to get what I could for her because the camp always fills up on the first day of enrollment. We had until midnight last night to respond and secure her spot, and my husband said “no worries, I’ve got it.” I offered to do it for him because I had a down minute at work and my husband declined my help. Did he get it? No, of course he didn’t, and then he had a huge blowup this morning when he realized he didn’t because he was mad at himself and he made this morning really unpleasant for me and our kids.

    It’s all going to be fine. She won’t be there for the full summer and we won’t get the full summer discount, but we have care for her that week that we lost out on. But honestly, wth?!

    • Anon says

      Ugh. I would be annoyed too, but at least it was a relatively low stakes thing (she’s in preschool, you have other childcare, she still gets to be there most of the summer) and hopefully he realizes how important it is too be timely about camp stuff.

    • Anon says

      Ahh that is so frustrating. Maybe 7 weeks will be just the perfect amount and she’ll have tons of fun in her other activity the first week.

      Next year I’d probably Fair Play it and take the whole “summer camp” card myself. But choose something just as burdensome for husband to take on completely!

      • Anon says

        Yeah my husband is bad at stuff like this (genuinely, not just “bad” in an attempt to get out of chores) so I do pretty much all of this kind of thing and he does a lot more of the physical labor. It works really well for us and we both feel like our division of labor is fair.

        • Anon says

          This is the approach we use as well. The way we determine if someone is genuinely bad at something is if it affects things other than our relationship, like work. My husband is a terrible planner at work and at home. It sets up our joint happiness to fail if we give him that task and me some of the tasks he’s great at.

        • Anon says

          +1. Sometimes I wish it were different, but I am the planner in our relationship, and I just manage things like this myself because at least if I mess it up I only have myself to blame. My husband handles other things.
          I’m sorry, OP, I would be really annoyed too.

      • Mathy says

        Yeah I have normally owned all of the summer camp stuff, but inexplicably he took this on one year so our login for this particular camp defaults to his email. At this point if I try to take it back I’m worried this is going to be a “you can’t trust me to do this” thing which… I kind of don’t?

        This gets into a whole other thing about all of our various logins for joint accounts – like he set up utilities under his name and his default contact info, but he never checks them and never opens the emails. I wish I would just have all of this stuff set up for me in the first place!

        • Anonymous says

          “No KenSam I don’t trust you. Because you failed at a simple task even with a reminder. I’m sick of this dynamic. I am not your mom.”

          • Lil says

            We have a joint email address just for this reason. All bills, medical, school,childcare, household maintenance goes there.

    • Anonymous says

      Why do women tolerate this? BenSteve we need to talk. You said you would take care of this. You didn’t, and now it’s also my problem to try and figure something else out. Even though I offered to take care of it. That’s unacceptable. And what is worse is how you handle it! How dare you have a big self indulgent meltdown and ruin the morning for me and our kids?! You don’t get to flip this situation you created into everyone feeling bad for you because you’re throwing a tantrum because you’re upset. Figured out a new camp and talk to a therapist about your behavior.

      • Anon says

        That isn’t the way you speak to someone you love. The way forward is to get a better division of labor so each person does what they’re good at. This was a learning experience and clearly it didn’t work out. I’d be frustrated too, but yelling and belittling your spouse absolutely doesn’t fix anything and it doesn’t get that camp spot.

          • Anon says

            Disagree. If I not only neglected to do something that negatively impacts my family but also made my family feel bad for my mistake, I deserve to be called out on it. OP needs couples therapy.

          • Anon says

            Yeah, maybe therapy is a good answer, but speaking in such a condescending, belittling way is cruel. Contempt for your spouse is a predictor of divorce – far more than making mistakes. Notice that OP doesn’t say this happens ALL the time. It’s an annoying mistake, definitely, but you don’t blow your marriage tf up over one mistake.

          • Anonymous says

            No but if someone makes a mistake and then they make a giant stink about it and upset the kids, maybe you do consider whether this is a good environment for your children.

        • Anonymous says

          Who said anything about her yelling? Sounds like he is the one doing that and it’s a pattern.

    • Anonymous says

      I’ve been there, and my husband reacts similarly when he realizes he messed up… he’s much harder on himself than anything I would say/do, and it’s unpleasant to be around. It’s a total ADHD pattern both to forget about a boring time-sensitive planning thing and also to beat yourself up over failure. However, he also really thrives on solving the problems he’s created, so if that were my husband in your story, he’d have been on the phone to the camp first thing this morning with a big Mea Culpa for the director trying to charm his way into clawing back that waitlist spot.

      I handle 90% of mundane administrative stuff for our family because I don’t mind, I’m good at it and he’s not. He does things I hate like vacation planning (with plenty of lead time, on slow days at work when he’s already taken his ADHD meds) and physically running errands after I’ve identified & made a list of the stuff that needs to be done.

    • Anonymous says

      Sounds like he should call and grovel with the camp. They (sadly) pity incompetent dads.

  2. anon says

    Dark question for a Friday morning. How do you dress a toddler for a funeral?

    My grandma is likely to pass soon; she’s 100 and has been frail for a few years, and had last rites administered this week so I’m assuming we’re close to the end. We’ll need to fly there which isn’t an issue other than hopefully getting flights last minute. I’m struggling with how to dress my 17 month old. All her clothes are bright and colorful. Do I get her a black dress to wear once? I’m reading online that it’s ok for kids not to wear black but she can’t exactly go in wearing a bright floral dress either. I’d like to order something this weekend so at least I have one thing taken care of.

    • anon says

      My grandmother died when my son was about 1.5. We put him a plain blue oxford, khakis, and his normal sneakers. I’m sure its a little different for girls, but just a solid colored dress should work.

    • Anon says

      How about a darker purple floral dress? or a navy blue tunic and whatever color pants you’ve got?

    • Anon says

      I’m sure this depends on where you live and culture/religion, but the last funeral I went to there was almost no one in black and quite a few people weren’t even in dark colors. I think no one is going to scrutinize what a young toddler is wearing.

    • Mary Moo Cow says

      We had to attend a summer funeral last year with two elementary age kids. I dressed them in solid pastel dresses, no sparkles. There weren’t many kids there, and they were all wearing something similar. You might try Janie & Jack or a solid dress from Mini Boden (my kids wore mint green and dark blue; I also ordered lilac and navy dresses for them to try. I ordered a few and shipped back what didn’t work.) And then don’t worry about it. If people have an issue with what a toddler is wearing to a funeral, one that you made the effort to attend, that’s a them problem.

    • Cb says

      I think it depends on what kind of person your grandma is, would she have preferred to see children dressed cheerfully? I’d put a darker cardigan over an existing dress.

    • anon says

      Toddlers get a free pass to wear whatever at funerals, in my opinion. I’d go with either something solid colored or a darker pattern from that she currently has or if you have a local parents group, see if anything has something to borrow.

    • Anonymous says

      So, this is not what you asked and potentially an unpopular opinion, but I wouldn’t. For the funerals we had when our kiddo was young, the primarily affected parent went alone and kiddo stayed home with the other parent. So, DH went to his Grandpa’s funeral when kiddo was that age, and kiddo and I stayed home. Same with his step-Grandma and same but opposite for my Godmother. We’ve always appreciated the opportunity to solely focus on our grieving and the others at the funeral without the responsibility of parenting.

    • anon says

      Of course this depends on your family/culture, etc etc., but I think a bright dress is fine given the age. IMO 17mo is a hard age in formal settings, perhaps the hardest as a parent (often walking but no sense of danger or balance lol). But most people in attendance will see an adorable toddler as a bright spot and reminder of the circle of life at a solemn event. I’d shoot for something formal-ish (dress, not jeans/sweats) but still comfortable for her so you don’t end up spending half the time battling over the outfit. I think bright colors are fine for toddlers basically in any setting! One thing I can never seem to get right online ordering is shoes- maybe get new “dress” shoes in person this weekend if you don’t have them, so you know they fit, are broken in a bit, and aren’t something LO is going to be tripping/uncomfortable in.

    • Spirograph says

      First, I’m sorry for your anticipated loss.

      Agree that toddlers get a free pass for funerals (although I’d stay away from “festive” dresses with tulle and sequins), but… does your grandma and/or the people who are likely to be planning the service really want dark clothes? My grandma specifically requested that everyone wear bright colors for my grandpa’s memorial service a couple years ago.

    • Anonymous says

      I don’t think the toddler should be at the funeral at all. You fly in for it. Your spouse stays home with the baby.

      • Anon says

        If the death is due to old age and it is more of a celebration of life, I think it would be fine to bring the toddler. If you don’t get to see these relatives very often it would be nice for them to get to meet your daughter. As long as you are ok with the hassle of traveling with a toddler and the fact that you may need to carry her out of the funeral venue if she is disruptive.

      • Anon says

        It may be more of a family culture thing – in my family I’d bring little kids, since funerals like this are more like a family reunion for us.

        • Anonymous says

          +1 IME funerals for elderly people are more of a celebration of life / family reunion vibe with kids and “nice” clothes in any color. We left the kids at home for funerals of younger friends and family members, as those tend to be much more somber.

    • Anonymous says

      I would not take a 17 month old to a funeral. But it’s up to you; if you really feel strongly about taking her I don’t think it matters what she wears but I give you permission to shop as a form of grieving.

    • Anon says

      In our family if a loved one passes due to old age then people tend not to wear black, they wear nice clothes, maybe the same thing you might imagine wearing to church on a regular Sunday. It’s viewed more as a celebration of life. I was the only one who wore black to DH’s grandmother’s funeral.

    • Anonymouse says

      I would put my toddler into something relatively subdued from the closet (like, not neon unicorns), but I don’t think that this is a huge deal. I totally think a floral would be fine.

  3. Former junior associate says

    Nighttime dryness: we’ve just had my kid (5) out of nighttime pullups for 5 nights. 4 were absolutely dry; on the fifth he peed HUGELY in the bed while asleep. I assume this means we should go back to pullups (hormonally not read for consistent nighttime dryness, basically) and try again in maybe a month, but I can believe I’m off-base and this is just part of the process for some reason. Advice from the hive?

    • Anon says

      How was he doing before? If he was dry for a month in pull-ups and then you switched him, it’s possible this is a one-off. If he peed at least once a week, he’s probably not ready

      • Former junior associate says

        A few good dry days, but didn’t even make it quite a week. My instinct was consistent with your advice; thanks for the validation!

    • Cb says

      I’d just do a dream wee. We do it with my 6 year old. I know we should do all the tricks to expand his bladder and cut off liquids at 5pm, but it doesn’t work with our schedule right now, so is a summer project.

      • Former junior associate says

        Thanks! No interest in a dream pee right now, but will keep in my pocket in case it fits in the future!

    • TheElms says

      We just went pull up free for my almost 5 year old. She was dry in pullups for about 5 nights and intermittently dry before that for months — so I sort of thought she was just being lazy and peeing in the pullup because she could. She was dry the first 4 nights without a pullup, had a big accident, and has been dry the last 2 nights. I think we might have a few more accidents where she forgets she isn’t wearing a pull up, but I don’t think we can avoid that. Our plan is to push through for at least a month as long as it isn’t more than an accident a week. So it might be worth pushing through with no pullups to see how it goes.

    • Anon says

      I’d give it a little longer before going back to pull ups since it was only one accident. My four year old has occasional accidents but he’s mostly pee-free at night, so we just roll with it.

  4. Anon says

    Any tips for curling kids’ hair, especially fine (I think?) hair that doesn’t hold a curl easily? I’m pretty hopeless with hair, but last year I mastered the donut bun for my 6 year old’s dance recital. But this year they’re doing a Hawaiian dance and the hair has to be “half up, half down with lots of curls.” Argghh! I’ve tried to curl my daughter’s hair before just for fun and it didn’t work at all.

    Also it’s hilarious to me how much history is repeating itself. I was a figure skater and my mom was hopeless with hair & makeup and it was such a source of embarrassment for me, and now here I am doing the same thing to my daughter. Sorry, kiddo…

    • Spirograph says

      Have you tried rag curls? I find those stay better than heat-generated curls, especially if you work in some kind of hold product (mousse, gel) before you wrap up her hair. Then plenty of hairspray once you unwrap, and just cross your fingers that they stay.

    • Anonymous says

      Start with dry hair. Take a strand, spritz it with hair spray, curl it with a curling iron, pin the curl to dry, spritz it with hair spray while still pinned, when everything is curled and pinned spritz it all again with hair spray. Unpin and shake it out. Once it’s sitting right, spray it again.

    • Boston Legal Eagle says

      How serious do they expect parents to take this? My hair (fine and wavy/straight) doesn’t really hold a curl without a ton of hairspray and heat so I’d be wary of trying to do this with a kid. Can’t she just do her normal hair half up half down? Would they expect kids with naturally curly hair to straighten?

      • Anonymous says

        Lolz you must not have been a dancer. Yes the expectation is uniformity and yes that means heat and hairspray!

      • Anon says

        We are at a chill recreational dance studio so they don’t really care. I’m more worried about my daughter’s feelings if everyone else has curls and she doesn’t.
        That said, she will not have hair styled for the dress rehearsal because it’s at 3:50 on a Friday and I’m not pulling her out of school an hour early just to do hair. The director fully understands, which is one of the reasons I love this studio so much.

        • GCA says

          Gently – are you projecting from your own experience? I have an almost-6yo and she definitely does not care all that much about her appearance vs others’. It sounds like the studio is appropriately chill (it’s a 6yo recital and they understand kids), and I suspect many other families have equivalent hair headaches. If it’s not getting curls to stick, it’s wrangling hair into a slick bun.
          Re the curls, I was a dance kid with stick-straight hair so I feel you. Try Clementine’s curler + product + heat instructions.

          • Anon says

            Possibly :) but also even though the studio is relaxed, I want to do what they’ve asked. I’m not working myself into a state over it, just wondering if anyone had any tips.

      • Anonymous says

        Even with hairspray and heat, some hair does not hold a curl! Mine is that way, and so is my daughter’s. I curled her hair for family photos and could literally see her curls falling during the shoot.

        • Anonymous says

          You’re not using enough hairspray. Really get it wet and then blowdry the hairspray dry

    • Clementine says

      Curlers (not velcro ones, but the old school sponge curlers or rag curls) are your friend. Try seeing if kiddo can sleep in those. To slightly damp hair, comb through mousse, add curlers and go to bed. Right before the rehearsal, blow dry for a few minutes on hot then cool to really set them, then take out and brush out, spray them to death, and then you’re good.

      If not, then curl and pin like 9:51 said.

      Kenra hairspray. You can get it at Ulta. As somebody who does her daughter’s hair a lot, the right product makes all the difference.

    • Anonymous says

      My daughter’s hair is like this. I really like the L’ange Le Duo for curling both of our heads of hair, which are wildly different hair types. It is the only thing that will make a curl that lasts in kiddo’s hair. It’s also the only thing she’ll let me curl her hair with because it is fast and the outside isn’t hot like a curling iron (which also helps me feel a little more confident when doing her hair). Lots of hairspray (but after, not before, heat causes lots of hairspray to lose effectiveness). Don’t touch or comb through unless/until you actually have to. If the hair doesn’t hold curl well, it’ll fall out enough on its own.

    • Anon says

      Oh man, that’s the worst. I have to curl the hair way longer than you’re supposed to for it to have a chance of holding. I find that the Babyliss Miracurl works way better than a regular curling iron, too – so I basically just fry it in the Miracurl for 15-30 seconds. You can also put her hair in curlers while wet and let it dry. Usually you’d do it overnight but if the dance recital is later in the day, you’d probably have to pin the curls or leave the curlers after she wakes up. For just a one-time thing though, it may be easier to take her to a salon and leave with the curls pinned up.

      • Anon says

        Ooh I hadn’t even thought of going to a salon.l but that’s a good idea. I’m going to try it myself for picture day and if it’s horrible I might take her to a salon for the recital.

    • Anonymous says

      Put the lower half of her head in braids the night before. It will be wavy, not curly, but it’s fine and she’s 6. It will look good to her!

    • Anonymous says

      Are you friends with some of the other moms? I’m also hopeless with hair but some of my mom friends really love doing it and would be happy to help with something like this.

    • Anon says

      I have a distinct memory of my first Nutcracker when I needed half up half down curly hair and it was way out of my mom’s skillset! A few options:
      -Ask a friend, neighbor, or another parent in the class who is good with a curling iron to help out?
      -The old school overnight curlers are magic. Grab a half inch wide section, put on a ton of gel, roll it up in three curler and close the fastener. An hour before the recital, take out the curlers and spray with hairspray.
      -If you don’t want to deal with any of this, you can definitely buy a curly hairpiece attachment and then clip it into the half up pony. Even if the bottom is basically straight, it will give some consistency and bounce.

      Good luck!

  5. Anona says

    Another sleep question –

    Our 20 month old is napping for 2.5 hours at daycare, typically from 12:30 – 3:00. Daycare won’t wake him up earlier, but they will try to keep him awake longer before going down, so the total nap time is shorter even if the end time is the same.

    Over the past month or so, bedtime has pushed back to after 8pm, and recently he’s also woke up a couple times in the middle of the night and been up for hours. I don’t love this because it cuts into our time in the evening, and we’re definitely losing a lot of sleep at night, since he’s awake and mad from about 1:30 – 3:30. Is there anything we can do about this without changing the nap schedule? Will he eventually start taking a shorter nap on his own and the night time sleep and bedtime will adjust? Just looking for a light at the end of the tunnel here…

    • Anonymous says

      This might be a good time to introduce an ok to wake clock. It didn’t solve this particular problem for us but it’s very helpful now. My poor sleeper did the middle of the night wake and then it just…resolved on its own one day. He wasn’t sick, wasn’t teething: he just wanted to be awake from 2-4AM. I was also hobbled by the day care nap. You can try to tire him out or put him to bed earlier/later but nothing worked for us except time. I’m sure that’s not what you want to hear. We did have minimal success giving him a toy at bedtime and saying “if you wake up, you may play QUIETLY in your crib until you feel sleepy again.” He has a twin brother so I gave him explicit instructions not to wake him. Maybe try that? Mommy needs to sleep. You can play quietly! I will see you in the morning. I promise it won’t be like this forever. I know it’s not fun.

      • Anona says

        That’s a good idea – we have a Hatch already that we could program with the lights for him. And he does have books in the crib with him most nights, but a couple toys is also a good idea.

    • Anonymous says

      Yes, it’s really hard to adjust sleep at home based on daycare nap rules. He will start taking a shorter nap on his own (or his classmates will, which will keep him up later at naptime or wake him up earlier). Sleep at home will readjust…until you get to the point where he’s ready to drop naps entirely, but daycare is required to offer naptime and classmates are still napping.

    • Anon says

      Wake windows at that age are 4 to 6 hours. A higher sleep needs kid may be ready for bed 4 hours after the nap ends, but a lower one may not be for 6 hours, putting your ideal bedtime closer to 9pm. He will probably be ready for shorter naps after age 2, but if they refuse to wake him you could run into the problem of his still sleeping until 3 and then needing an even longer wake window because of the older age. Perhaps the next room at daycare will handle things differently, and allow the schedule to be pushed up?

    • Anonymous says

      It’s not necessarily excessive.

      Is there teething? I would try for outside time in the evening – great time of year for a walk after dinner and then an 8pm bedtime.

    • Anon says

      Two separate issues here, I think. The first is the later bedtime. My 5 year old still falls asleep at quiet time at preschool. So, her bedtime is after 8. It was even worse at daycare when they let them sleep for about the length of time you are talking about. Some of this worked itself out because the other kids would start waking up earlier and would wake her up. I also know that my state has a rule that they have to offer the quiet time for a designated amount of time. If the kid falls asleep in that time, they can’t wake them up. However, our daycare got around that with opening the blinds and purposefully not being quiet when they were ready for the last of the sleepers to be awake. The rules allow for quiet playing if a child doesn’t fall asleep, but they aren’t allowed to offer quiet toys (books/puzzles/etc.) until at least 20-30 minutes have passed, and my kid always fell asleep during that time. We just deal with the later bedtimes and await the time when she isn’t offered the quiet time at school next year. The second issue is the wakeups during the night. Because of the later bedtime, are you sure he isn’t waking up because he’s hungry? I’d try a boring, but filling bedtime snack (we use yogurt, but a banana, peanut butter toast, or something similar would work) to see if that keeps him asleep through the night.

      • Anona says

        Thanks for helping me feel better about the later bedtime – I see all these things about kids not going to bed after 8, but it’s just not realistic for him to go down earlier! And the nights with the wakings have been ones where bedtime was on the (even) later side, he didn’t eat much with dinner, or both – I’ll definitely try a snack!

  6. Anon says

    Is 1-2-3 Magic still current? I’m browsing a copy from the library and I like what I see, but some of it looks quite a bit different from some of the more recent parenting books I’ve heard of. It looks like it’s been around for quite a while – has it aged well?

    • Anonymous says

      The question is, does it work without causing harm? The answer to that question will be different for every child. Read both the old and the new with a critical eye, try out what makes sense to you, and see what works.

  7. Anonymous says

    When did you consider it “safe” to move on from training underwear? 3.5 yo has been pt for 6 mos and is growing out of the Hanna training underwear, most accidents happen during nap at daycare. Hoping to be able to move on to something more Target-priced…

    • AwayEmily says

      We never used training underwear — went right to regular undies, but kept the kid in diapers for naps until they consistently woke up dry for a couple of weeks (took like 1 month for my daughter and more like 6 months for my son).

    • anon says

      We went straight from diapers to normal underwear, but also daycare used pull-ups at naptime until kids were consistently dry. Is that an option for your center?

      • Anonymous says

        It’s an option, but kids are given a choice at naptime, and kiddo always chooses no pullup. It’s not that often anymore, so that probably answers my question. The training underwear was extremely helpful while she was learning how to wait in line for the potty.

  8. Anon says

    Random rant – A mom in my local group just asked for a babysitter because she needs to run an errand this weekend. “My husband will be there but he’s not really comfortable with babies, please let me know if you know a babysitter!”. My husband is far from perfect and we struggle with the balance of chores and me being the default parent, but I cannot imagine not being able to leave a 6-month old baby with their father for 3 hours on a weekend. I’m forever thankful I took up spinning as soon as my pelvic floor would allow and DH spent 2 hours alone every weekend with our newborn and he figured it out and can now spend a day with our kid without needing to hire a babysitter!

    • Anon says

      That is absurd and so sad.
      Less ridiculous but still weird to me is women who have to fly in their mom to help their husbands every time they travel for work. I’ve never heard of a man doing this outside of the newborn period.

      • Cb says

        So sad. That dad is really missing out on bonding time with his own kid.

        My MIL will sometimes come while I’m traveling, but because it gives her proper time with my son without the distraction of mama. My husband thinks it’s more work than help to have his mum here.

        • Anon says

          Yeah it’s not that wanting an extra set of hands is bad. It’s more that some men really can’t manage a night or two with their kids (actual kids, not tiny babies) without help. And it bothers me that it’s almost always grandma who’s flown in, not grandpa. Just icky gender dynamics. Although I know your dad was super involved.

          • Cb says

            Yep, my dad was a SAHD with me, and spent 6 months as my son’s nanny. He’s a total baby whisperer. Like moms travelling solo hand my dad their infants on planes. So I think I was raised with high expectations of men as carers for babies. Weirdly, now that my son is 6, he’s less comfortable. But he does the school run and buys Chinese takeaway.

          • Anonymous says

            Funny story, I went on vacation with my sister for a week+ and left three kids <5 with my husband. He invited his dad to visit for part of the time, thinking an extra set of hands would help (MIL lives on the opposite coast). When I got home, DH informed me that his dad being there was more like having an extra kid than an extra adult, and also my toddler daughter had eaten pop-pop's prostate medicine.

        • Anon says

          My inlaws came out to help my husband for one of my work trips when my son was 2 or so. I came home to a giftcard for a massage and flowers because apparently their ‘help’ made it crystal clear to my husband exactly how hard it was to solo parent a toddler PLUS manage a household. My husband was in big finance and out of the house from 7am-6pm at that point (which was considered ‘slacking’).
          The amount of 40-something friends I know married to GenX men who think equal parenting means loading the dishwasher and throwing in some laundry is nuts. My best friend’s husband NEVER took his own kids out of the house solo because it was ‘too hard’. I have no words.

      • Anon says

        Ha, when my husband is away I’ll often have my mom come for part of it, but it’s partly a social visit and she’s only 1.5 hours away driving. I’m a SAHM so it’s a lot of hours alone with children, and it’s nice to have company. If it were a plane ticket, it definitely wouldn’t be worth it for any trips less than a week.

        • Anon says

          Yeah I totally get that! And I did the same tbh. I’m talking about women who can’t accept speaking invites until they verify that grandma is free for childcare because the husband can’t manage alone. Very different than just “my mom’s around and I’d appreciate extra hands and company.”

          • Anon says

            True, and I get your point! My husband had a weeklong business trip and I had covid so canceled grandma and it was just fine. And my husband prefers to not have elderly company lol so he manages the kids on his own. It is a sad state of affairs that help is considered *crucial* instead of a benefit

      • Spirograph says

        Flying wouldn’t be worth it for me, personally, but we at least talk about whether to invite my mom for a long weekend any time either my husband or I has a longer work trip. Mostly because it’s literally impossible to get all my kids to their activities without two drivers on a couple days, and if the kids haven’t seen grandma in a while, that’s sometimes preferable to orchestrating a bunch of carpools.

    • GCA says

      I wasn’t particularly comfortable with babies either before having one, but I learned.

      • Boston Legal Eagle says

        Yep, this. Never held one before my own but somehow I figured it out! This is why all men should take a separate paternity leave after mom goes back to work.

      • Anon OP says

        Same. Little babies are scary, I get it. But also, the only way to become comfortable with them is to spend time with them. I was seriously tempted to tell the mom her husband will never get comfortable with their child unless he spends time with them, but then decided to mind my own business (also, others beat me to it).

      • Anonymous says

        Same! I will admit I did bring in my mom a few times during my maternity leave (she was like “okay, I haven’t dealt with a baby in 36 years, so no promises, but we will figure it out together!”), but then I learned.
        My husband was actually the more confident one, and he loves when they get some one-on-one time. I understand there are special boys’ night traditions.

    • Anonymous says

      Yeah that makes me really sad. I was afraid of babies (and kittens) until I had one. The nurse actually told me “you’re not going to break him.” And so far I haven’t!

      • Anonymous says

        I was scared when I was pregnant because I had never even held a newborn before. My boss would tell me that people a lot dumber then had raised kids, and I would be fine. It oddly helped me

    • Spirograph says

      What on earth. I bet he’d figure it out if she didn’t gatekeep like this. My husband would be livid at this public declaration of his incompetence and unhelpfulness!

      • Anon says

        Yeah, unpopular opinion but there is a lot of maternal gatekeeping out there. I have to hold my tongue when my best friend acts her husband to do something for the kid and then watches him to criticize what he’s doing. Somehow he’s still competent (mostly…) but it’s so demoralizing.

    • Anonymous says

      Yeh it’s sad, but there’s a lot of cultures where men don’t assist in childcare at all until the kids are much much older. So yeh it may seem outlandish in America but not for other countries.

    • Anon says

      IME people with that extreme of a dynamic (literally never leaving the kids alone with dad) are dealing with a partner with more than meets the eye (or Facebook post) like not trusting him because of DV/substance abuse/other abuse etc. (very different than dads just not helping out of outdated gender norms)

  9. Anon says

    I will be on a girls’ trip for five days next week. (DH will hold down the fort.) This will be the first time I will be away from DS since last year. In previous years I did not prep DS about it beforehand, but now he’s 3.5 and will notice (and care) that I am not there when he comes home from school. Should I tell him in the days leading up to the trip that I will be gone for a while but I will come back? Or should I not say anything?

      • Spirograph says

        I agree. Definitely say something, but not too far in advance. And be specific: “I’m leaving after you go to school tomorrow, and I’ll be home after bedtime on Friday, so I’ll see you when you wake up on Saturday morning.” And then lay out any adjustments to routine, like if you divide drop off/pick up, “Dad’s going to take you to school AND pick you up this week.

      • anon says

        For my then 3.5 year old, she needed like a week’s notice. So this is probably a YMMV depending on kid. I found the more lead time I gave her and the more I talked about it casually the less she thought it was a big deal.

      • anon says

        Yep. Tell kiddo the day before. Not right at bedtime so they have time to process/ask questions. My husband travels a lot and we make a “countdown till dad gets home” calendar. For a weekend, probably not a big deal but for longer trips it is really helpful.

  10. Anona says

    Agree the bedtime isn’t excessive, just not ideal (I’m most interested in strategies to manage the middle of the night)! We do usually do outdoor time after dinner – most days from about 6:45 – 7:30 or so. Then quiet playtime in his room, books, brush his teeth, and into the crib around 8pm. A couple more books, a song, and then he’s usually asleep ~8:20.

    • Anon says

      I have a longer reply above, but I think bedtime snack is a possible, low risk solution to try to solve this!

  11. Vicky Austin says

    DH’s uncle has a drive-travel heavy job and swung through town to see us this morning, which meant we got treated to breakfast AND now they’ve taken DS off to explore town and I’m on my work call in peace with the door open. Bliss.

    Happy Friday all.

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