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My parents and sister live a plane ride away, and when we see them, they love to shower our kids with gifts.
Since we enjoy traveling, my sister just gave me this Take Along Town Set from Melissa & Doug. This colorful, 18-piece wooden set includes a storage case that unfolds into a small town complete with road tracks for the included police car, fire truck, and ambulance to race to the rescue. There’s even a monorail that slides across a bridge piece. Although a bit large to drag onto a plane, it’s perfect for road trips.
This Take Along Town Set is $44.99 at Target.
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HSAL says
What are your best ideas for a 7 year old girl’s birthday party at home with four girl guests? So far I’m thinking maybe spa or a craft?
anon says
Craft definitely. I personally find spa stuff for little girls kind of icky but that’s just me.
GCA says
I was recently trying to figure out why I find spa/ manicure stuff for little girls icky, too, and then I read this piece pointing out that women tend to self-objectify more than men on social media – as in, those are the images they portray of themselves to the world: https://www.patreon.com/posts/71755612 I have a nagging sense they’re linked. I feel like there’s nothing intrinsically wrong about decorating your own body or caring for it, but the fact that people do this for little girls vs little boys sends a message about how we ‘do’ gender.
HSAL says
I get that. The extent of her “spa” is doing her nails and letting them dry while laying on the couch with cucumbers on her eyes, and her little brother does the same, but definitely something to keep in mind going forward. Since some people are clearly not into it probably safest to stay away.
Spirograph says
My boys also request for me to pain their nails just as often as my daughter does.
I do think craft is better though. Especially with only 4 girls, you could do one that’s a little more involved. I remember when I was about that age, I had a tea party birthday where my friends and I decorated giant Kentucky derby-style hats with silk flowers, feathers, and ribbons, decked ourselves out in dress-up clothes, and daintily ate our cupcakes. (and then the hats are the favor, obviously!)
Anon says
My daughter insists that DH gets his toenails painted too. To assuage his sensibilities I bought navy and a sparkly black polish so he doesn’t have to sport hot pink, but my otherwise very traditional, conservative husband spent most of the summer rocking painted toenails in sandals. His mother about fell over, but well, he’s leaned into the “girldad” lifestyle (and even bought a camping head flashlight so he can see better to paint DD’s tiny nails).
GCA says
Paint and sip, paint your own unicorn, make your own pizza, make your own slime? (i.e. something they can consume or take home?)
Anonymous says
Manicures and hair feathers!
Anon says
Oooh my seven year old would love hair feathers.
HSAL says
Oh I like the feathers idea. I’ve also seen hair tinsel. Gotta figure out how skilled I would need to be. Part of her present in sending her little siblings away with Dad so I’ll be flying solo. :)
Anonymous says
You may be able to hire someone to do it. But you can buy a kit on Am*zon. Then buy the real dyed rooster feathers – most kits come with fake feathers that don’t hold up. It’s actually really easy once you try it out a few times!!
anon says
We did a mermaid party one year where the kids did mermaid crafts (stringing necklaces and bracelets with shells) and then got mermaid hair dos (rainbow colored hair extensions) and nails while watching The Little Mermaid. They also decorated mermaid themed cupcakes.
Anon says
Craft + cookie or cupcake decorating. Maybe they could decorate their own aprons first and then decorate the cookies or cupcakes. How long is the party? Abd time of day? They could make their own pizzas?
Wallflower says
Smoothie bowl bar! Lots of fun ideas on Pinterest
anon says
I’m hosting one of these soon! I’m leaning into cookie decorating for the big activity. Yes, I’m probably a glutton for punishment because the potential for mess is quite large, but I’m going with it!
Anon says
Depending on time of year you could do gingerbread houses (or like Halloween houses – I know I saw those recently at Trader Joe’s or target)
SC says
PSA for anyone who wants to stick icing and candy on a house with their kid, the Halloween houses are SO much easier and more fun. When the whole house tilts sideways and icing is running down the house and candy is falling off, it just looks more haunted. When that happens to an elf’s house, there’s a much higher potential for tears.
Curious says
What would be a good under-$20 gift for:
Two year old who loves art and animals?
Two year old who is obsessed with how things work?
Books are a great choice if you have recommendations!
Anonymous says
There’s a series of books I really like, google “Abrams Block Books” , I think they’re around $20 and my toddler loves them.
Anonymous says
Usborne sticker books
Anonymous says
Love the Boon bath pipes for “how things work” kids.
Cb says
Our craft store does paintable animal masks! Those plus from fresh paints?
I had the Osborne lift the flap books but my son loves them.
anonM says
I recently bought the book Bubbles . . . Up (Davies)! and Foam Soap (Mika’s Fun House or Mr. Bubbles). The book is really fun to read and has beautiful illustrations.
Bear Builds a House would be good too for the “how things work” kid. It might be too detailed now at 2yo but my 4yo has always liked books like this and just understands more of the details now.
Curious says
I love these all! Thanks :)
Anonymous says
We had a little parent-teacher conference at my son’s (3-YO) daycare this morning. The teacher said he’s doing great in everything, but he lacks social skills, in that he almost never plays or interacts with the other kids. He is the youngest in the 3s room. On the weekends, we’ve had a few playdates with a kid that’s exactly the same age as him, and he does seem to interact there — share toys, name them, ask if he can have a turn, etc. Also, when he comes home he talks to me about the other kids in his class like he likes them (saying things like “I rode bikes with Jack today”). Please help me out with a gut-check — is this normal, or something we should work on/ask our ped about?
Boston Legal Eagle says
That seems a bit young to worry about “social skills” – aren’t they mostly still parallel playing at end of 2/young 3? I’ve already forgotten what my older one was like at that age, but I feel like my now almost 4 year old didn’t really start talking about what he does with his school friends until closer to 3.5/now. Also, some kids do better one on one (hence, the playdate) vs. a large preschool room where they would prefer to play by themselves.
Anonymous says
My now seven year old was like this at preschool. She did fine at play dates but had a hard time finding friends to play with at school. She’s like that to this day – she just does better in small groups/one on one vs in a bigger group setting. It overwhelms her. But she’s perfectly happy and well adjusted! This is just the best way she functions socially. She prefers a small group of close friends.
Spirograph says
I vote normal. 3 is still in parallel play territory
Cb says
Totally normal. 2 years ago, I asked the exact same question about my son after noticing he hung out with the adults all day at nursery. Now he seems to know every kid at the playpark (and their parents, because he still thinks adults have better chat…). He still doesn’t love big group hangs but plays really well in groups of 2 or 3.
FVNC says
Absent any other potential flags or falling behind on milestones, I also vote normal. I don’t think either of my kids truly played *with* other kids until they were 4ish.
TheElms says
I have a young 3 and she is still almost exclusively parallel playing. Her teachers have noted it and said its something to keep an eye on because they would expect it to shift in the next 3-6 months and if it doesn’t that might be a concern. So I think normal for now, but maybe re-evaluate in the spring?
Anonymous says
Yeh our 3yrs teacher literally said at the open house “At the beginning of the year we’ll still see a lot of parallel play, which is developmentally normal! And then we’ll see that shift by spring into interactive play”. So I vote very normal.
Anon says
My 3 year old claims he doesn’t play with kids at school. I think it’s normal.
Anon says
Late, but this seems completely normal to me. My daughter did not have real friends at daycare until she was almost 4 and no one expressed any concerns to us.
anon says
My 8 year old loves to read, yay! But, she stays up super late reading and is a monster in the morning. She is plenty tired after a full day of school, 1.5 hours of sports practice, but then still musters up enough energy to stay awake and read till 11pm, if we let her. I do not want to discourage reading, but I do want to encourage healthy habits, like getting enough rest. For bedtime, I read with her and her sibling for about 20 minutes and they are both allowed to read in their beds with their nightlights. Younger one reads for about 10 minutes, turns his light off, and goes to sleep. I tell 8 year old that its lights out at 9:30pm, but sometimes she will stay (just one more chapter pleease, or I just got to the good part!) and its hard to stay firm. This makes it hard for her to get up in the morning, and she’s just a grumpy, tired mess. With school and sports schedules this year, its hard to fit in free reading time. Advice? Commiseration?
Anonymous says
It’s your job to be firm on this! If she wants more reading time, offer dropping a sport.
HSAL says
I would enforce the lights out, but maybe if she’s easier to get up in the morning she could take the extra reading time then? Would she rather cut back on the sports? If it’s an hour and a half every day, that seems like a lot.
GCA says
Came here to say this too! My 2nd grader reads most in the morning – like 6-6.30am before we are all up for the day. He has soccer/ dance after school a couple of days a week, too, and is wiped out in the evening.
Spirograph says
I mean, I am sympathetic to her because I frequently (including last night) make poor choices when faced with the sleep-or-read tradeoff, but I agree that it’s your job to be firm on this. I let my 9 year old read until 9:30 if he wants to, but after that I take the book.
Anon says
+1
SC says
+1. If it’s causing problems in the morning, then I think you need to be firm.
anon says
At 8 yo we enforced an 8:15 PM lights out. If she wakes up early in the morning she reads before coming downstairs at 7 AM for breakfast. She often reads for 15-45 minutes in the morning.
FVNC says
We have similar issues with our daughter’s reading. In our case it isn’t bedtime, but reading is definitely causing problems — like, she’ll rush through math quizzes at school so that she has time to read while other kids finish, taking FORever to get ready in the morning because she’s reading rather than getting dressed/making bed, etc. It feels so wrong to say “STOP READING” but we’ve had to do it.
Anon says
Oh god this is my kid too. She knows mom is a big reader so any time there’s something she wants to avoid she goes to her room, starts reading and book and says ssshhhh I’m reading! If I try to interrupt. It’s cute but also frustrating!
anon says
I was this kid, lol.
Anon says
I was a HUGE reader as a kid and my parents were hesitant to enforce boundaries around it since they loved that I was reading. Don’t make their mistake- firm boundaries like you would with all activities. You won’t kill her spark at all.
Sf says
Parenting books for five year olds? He’s an angel in kinder and exhausted by the time he’s home. Acts out during dinner, brushing his teeth and the bathroom is a fight. It’s exhausting for us and winds up being yelling and tears too often. I know the status quo isn’t working.
Anonymous says
That’s totally normal. It’s literally all of them
Kindergarten is exhausting. Do everything you can to make night time easy. It will pass!
Cb says
Yeah, spend the time you’d spend reading a book and vegging on the couch. This is week 5 for us and he’s knackered by friday am.
Boston Legal Eagle says
This. Although some K-ers do this “restraint collapse” worse and for longer than others. My now 1st grader didn’t really adjust until the following winter. I don’t have any tips beyond having as early a dinner and bedtime (ours passed out by 7pm most nights) as you possibly can, and don’t schedule any after school activities this year.
early bedtime says
+1 on as early dinner/bedtime as possible.
Spirograph says
Yup. One of my kids was well into Jan-Feb before it got noticeably better. The other two pulled it together within the first month or two. You can’t parent your way out of a tired kid, the only solution is more sleep. This is the time for easy, early dinners that transition swiftly into wind-down bath/story/snuggle time and early lights out. Aim for 12 hours of sleep if you can. If you can’t, a nap or “quiet time” on weekends helps.
anon says
This sounds pretty normal for a kindergartener. Lots and lots of downtime, and waiting it out.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Hi – I posted earlier this week regarding my 4.5 year old. I forgot to mention he’s also in a transitional K class, which follows a Kinder schedule (including no nap), so I’m right there with you. I did put “How to talk so kids will listen” at hold on the library, but I also think it’s an adjustment thing.
I also found taking a snack to pick up helps a little. I never did this before, because I swore I wouldn’t be a snack mule/encourage car eating – joke is on me, even though I still hope this is the exception not the rule…
My favorite complaint this week was that “the chicken is too saucy”, and then he proceeded to have 3 servings.
ugh says
Ugh venting here. My strep infection was followed by bronchitis which it now turns out is pneumonia. Talk me down here though – pneumonia isn’t that bad right? Have any of y’all had it as adults? I’m staying home from the office today. I mostly have a bad cough and feel fatigued. I’m just not sure how I ever get better! Am on alll the drugs. But I already did antibiotics earlier for the strep so not expecting a quick fix.
Also supposed to fly for both of the next two weekends. And we have young kids.
Remember that Vicks commercial about how moms don’t get a sick day? I feel like that. DH is doing his absolute all but moms don’t get sick days.
OP says
ETA: I meant pneumonia doesn’t necessarily have to be that bad – i know it often is! just a scary sounding word and i don’t feel THAT bad. or that awesome either for that matter…
Anonymous says
Ok but also people with pneumonia don’t fly two weekends in a row. Cancel both of those trips now. You need rest.
Spirograph says
This. “Walking pneumonia” is totally a thing and it’s not that bad, comparatively, but it still means you can’t keep up your normal pace.
anon says
You’re not traveling the next two weekends. Take this seriously. Recover fully. You should cancel the trips despite my next comment, but god forbid you catch covid while you have pneumonia. I’m not even nearly as covid conscious as 75% of the people here, too, and that’s immediately where my head went.
Anne-on says
This. Ignoring it and trying to push through/fly will only prolong your recovery and/or result in complications. Let yourself rest – people will understand ‘my bronchitis turned into pneumonia and I’m on heavy duty medications and unable to travel’.
What would you say if a direct report told you this and then said ‘oh, but I’m totally ok to fly!’ – you’d tell them no, they need to rest, right? Do the same for yourself and let your standards slide – send out laundry, order in (or get ready to bake meals from trader joes/the market, skip cleaning (or get a cleaning crew in), etc.
OP says
I know you are all right. I actually haven’t traveled since June and one trip is a family wedding (haven’t seen that family since pre covid) and the other trip is to see college friends I haven’t seen in five years! It’s not that I normally have a frenetic travel schedule, I just do now :(
Fall illness stinks y’all
Anonymous says
And yet you still can’t go. Because you have pneumonia
anon says
FWIW I get terrible bronchitis annually – like, heads to ER, gets put on nebulizer, really really bad bronchitis for the last 4-5 years (fun fact: started right after I gave birth. Pulmonologist told me pregnancy can cause this… who knew). I’ve never had to develop in to pneumonia (always think it does then it comes back negative). But, I cannot function because the coughing is so bad for EASILY a week after the onset, but then there’s 3-4 weeks of lingering, nagging bad cough. I cant imagine what the overlay of pneumonia would do.
If I’m someone you were planning to go see, I wouldn’t want you anywhere near me. Sorry to be so blunt, but if you go you are incredibly selfish. Stay the eff home.
Anon says
Bronchitis and pneumonia aren’t contagious. I get the point that she should stay home to rest and recover but she’s not exposing other people by traveling.
anon says
The underlying infection that causes bronchitis is generally contagious. You have no idea if the underlying infection has cleared or not and when you’re coughing that the rate I cough when I get my bronchitis, you’re contagious. STAY HOME. For you, for others, just do it. jfc.
Anon says
I have MDs in the family and that is just totally false that if you’re coughing like crazy you’re contagious. The intensity of a cough depends on so many factors and has absolutely nothing to do with how infectious you are. A cough with bronchitis can linger for weeks or months and there’s no way a non-immunocompromised person is contagious with a virus for that long. Most of the viruses that cause bronchitis and pneumonia are common cold viruses. Unless you’re locking yourself in your house for two weeks every time you get the sniffles, you’re exposing people to your germs just as much as OP would be.
OP says
Just fyi my doctor has said I’m definitely not contagious! The underlying infection was a while ago and I’ve completed a round of antibiotics as well! For those wondering about bronchitis and pneumonia. My kids pediatrician said the same thing when I brought them in this week!
Anon says
Pneumonia is more severe than bronchitis but fwiw I have bad bronchitis currently and am traveling this weekend. My doctor assured me I’m not contagious (I was contagious ~2 weeks ago, when I had the virus that brought this on). The thought that I could get Covid while traveling and it could be really bad due to the current state of my lungs did cross my mind, but we just found out my kid’s best friend has Covid and my kid was exposed yesterday, so it’s not like staying home is guaranteed to keep us Covid free anyway. We always mask on planes, but if we didn’t I would wear one on this trip. I would ask your doctor for advice on whether you can travel.
OP says
Thanks! Good advice, I will.
And yeah, I’m not contagious. Wouldn’t have contemplated at all if I were! Whew didn’t expect a reaction on that one! Which is good because I haven’t spread it to my husband or kids!
Anon says
Yeah, a lot of people don’t understand that it’s not contagious. I have a kid who is bronchitis-prone and we’ve had to get multiple doctor’s notes explaining that just because she is coughing violently and coughing up disturbing amounts of mucus doesn’t mean she’s contagious. A doctor actually gave us permission to go on an international trip while she had bronchitis, although I probably wouldn’t have been comfortable with it unless her symptoms had mostly resolved by the time we were supposed to depart (fortunately they did). I hope you feel better soon! Chest infections are soo miserable.
AwayEmily says
How do I help room-sharing kids who have different sleep needs? My 4.5yo rarely sleeps for more than 10 hours (about 8-6). His 6yo sister would ideally get closer to 11.5 hours. Right now they are lights-out at 7:30 and their Hatch light turns green at 6:45, but this means the 4.5yo is spending a fair bit of time awake in their room. He does the best he can at being quiet, but frequently ends up accidentally waking up his sister/preventing her from going to sleep (dropping his book, taking a bathroom trip, etc). At this point splitting them up isn’t an option — the baby is in the guest room and she sleeps 6-5:30. They also both like being together. Eventually I’ll put the baby with whatever one of them her sleep matches better with, but that’s at least a year down the road. I’m just wondering if there’s some trick I haven’t thought of, or if this is just the way things go with room sharing. The 4yo has a Munchkin owl light and is allowed to read (“read”) quietly in the bed if he wakes up.
Anonymous says
That’s just what it is like!
Boston Legal Eagle says
Mine don’t room share but are you able to let the younger one hang out outside the bedroom with you guys for an extra half hour, while bigger one falls asleep, and then he can go in?
AwayEmily says
Good idea. Unfortunately the older one gets some serious FOMO if her little brother gets to hang out with parents while she has to go to bed. If she’s super exhausted we force it by making it special (one parent reads to her and then stays with her til she falls asleep) but this takes enough parental resources that it can’t be an everyday thing.
NYCer says
Can you let the younger one come out of his bedroom when he wakes up in the morning? Or stay up later outside the bedroom at night?
AwayEmily says
Ooo, I like the morning idea. I’m usually up early with the baby anyway so it’s doable.
Seafinch says
We have three kids (8,6, and3) in one room and whenever one awakes they just leave the room, quietly. They all get up at different times, sometimes almost two hours apart. they go to bed together at 2030.
TheElms says
Can you put one of them or both of them in some kind of large tent to make some more separation between them? I’ve seen these advertised but no idea what they are like in person. Also is the sound machine between them? If not i would move it so it is located between them to dampen the noise of the little one.
https://www.alvantor.com/collections/bed-tents?gclid=Cj0KCQjwsrWZBhC4ARIsAGGUJurylj2LDaHmyn9thzhCx42IiPH-xvsDmnftX3WGCbttOhrzmyN8opsaAgY1EALw_wcB
AwayEmily says
Interesting! They are in bunk beds, but I bet they make tents for those, too.
Clementine says
You know, I’m a big fan of bed tents for kids this age. It gives a little separation (and a little light blocking).
Downside is that it’s absolutely level 5000 Pilates to try and climb out of a toddler sized bed tent on a twin sized bed as a tall woman without waking said light sleeper… great for core strength though.
Anonymous says
I’m currently 31 weeks pregnant. I’ve had elevated bp readings at my prenatal appointments this entire pregnancy, but my readings at home have been perfect. (I had a late second trimester loss last year and am completely traumatized/hate being back at my obs office; my own bp cuff has been calibrated so I know it’s accurate.)
They have been watching me closely just to make sure nothing funky pops up. All of my labs are great, but a 24 hour urine test came back with high protein levels. I am so devastated and stressed out. They’re having me do the test again because all of my labs are coming back perfect and I have no symptoms. But if it’s high again, I’m looking at a preterm delivery or inpatient monitoring.
I’m not sure what I’m looking for. Commiseration? “Been there done that and we’re both ok” stories? This isn’t my first, but my two living children had very uncomplicated deliveries, so this is throwing me. Also, already traumatized and stressed out. Sigh….
Anon says
I had an early 2nd trimester loss and my subsequent pregnancy was not smooth sailing. High blood pressure (similar to yours where at home it was fine, but I stepped into that office and it went through the roof), sciatica, gestational diabetes scare, fell down and had some preterm contractions, bleeding from a subchorionic hematoma, placenta previa that resolved, etc. All of those would be enough to give someone anxiety let alone someone that has already had a loss. It’s okay to be devastated. My doctor and team were overly cautious with me because of my prior loss. It sounds like that is what is going on with your team as well. That was actually really encouraging to me knowing that they were also invested in making sure I got to bring a baby home with me. You can handle a preterm delivery. You can handle inpatient monitoring. You can handle a test that got screwed up and made you worry for nothing.
Anonymous says
Thank you for this ❤️❤️
Clementine says
That sucks. I wish so much I could have had a boring pregnancy and delivery and just complained about the ‘normal things’…. but instead I had a different variety of scary.
The truth exists whether you know it or not, and this is 100% the case where it’s MUCH better to know than not to know.
My positive – my son was born at 32 weeks. He’s now a smart, active, TALL first grader. It worked out.
Anonymous says
This is really helpful—thank you.
Isabella says
I had a similar experience with pre-pre-eclampsia, for a few weeks (maybe weeks 31-33?) the doctor was monitoring bp and urine very closely because some readings were good and some were borderline. That made it possible to wait and let baby cook longer, but still kept us safe and let the doctor catch when I did develop pre-eclampsia. Induction wasn’t my ideal, but it all worked out and LO is amazing and perfect!
Anon says
following up on what other people said, at 31 weeks your baby could be fine. ask them about the steriod injections for the baby’s lungs if they need to do preterm delivery. i have a friend who had inpatient monitoring for a week and then was sent home on modified bedrest. she had one older kid and i see that you have two, so this is the time to also lean in to your village. have a friend set up a meal train, ask people to take your older ones for playdates, all the screen time, takeout and frozen food. every day and every week counts. fingers crossed for you that you can make it a few more weeks, and if you can’t, i know many people who have had 31 weekers who are perfectly healthy (i’m a twin parent and part of a twin group so lots of premies! )
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I have a friend who had some placenta leaking issues during her pregnancy. There was constant tough news during the pregnancy. Ultimately, she had IP monitoring and then was discharged to bedrest. This was after a very long and painful fertility/IVF journey.
I think she ended up delivering on the earlier side…and today she has a beautiful toddler! I do think there were some (minor) gross motor delays because of baby’s hip development, but they corrected over time.
Associate says
Due with my first at the end of October. I work in the office full time about 45 mins away from home/the hospital where I plan on delivering. What do you do, just work in the office until you go into labor? What happens if labor starts at the office, can I still drive home? Should I propose a different solution? I’m the first attorney at my small firm to have baby. I have 12 weeks of leave and would prefer to save it for after my baby is born.
Anonymous says
Work from home when you are close to your due date.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Congrats! Yes, I’d ask if you can WFH starting around 37-38 weeks (or earlier, if doctor sees signs). If you can’t, I don’t think you can drive home when you’re in active labor, but often labor pains start well enough ahead of the actual delivery for you to know. Although I do know of a coworker whose water broke in our office so anything is possible… hence the WFH if you can, since it seems like your job doesn’t require that you actually be in the office (unlike a nurse or doctor, for example).
Spirograph says
+1 to ask if you can work from home the last few weeks. You probably won’t want to be in an office by that point. WFH wasn’t an option for me when my kids were born. With the first, I’d planned to work til the baby was born to save my leave, but I ended up throwing in the towel around 38 weeks because I was huge, uncomfortable, and didn’t want to get dressed or commute anymore. I declared that Friday my last day, and it ended up working out perfectly since labor started that Saturday evening. Subsequent pregnancies I just made 38 weeks my cutoff. I had 4 work days to rest before one baby was born, the other also was born the weekend after my planned last day.
FWIW, a coworker’s water broke at the office once… it wasn’t a big deal to her (3rd kid, no history of precipitous labor), but she was definitely office lore long after she left the job. IIRC, her husband just came to pick her up and take her to the hospital, and she had a healthy baby boy. a few hours later
Anon says
I work about 30 minutes from home and the hospital where I was to deliver. My plan was to work in the office until the week of my due date. I went to my 38 week appointment expecting to go back to work that afternoon and still work another week or week and a half and was told to come to the hospital that night for an induction. So, even if you plan, babies will come when they come and sooooo many things can chance on a dime. My advice would be to try to work from home if possible just for peace of mind about not having something happen at work. If not possible, make sure that you have prepped coverage well so that if you do have to leave unexpectedly, everyone is very prepared. Chances are good you will be able to drive yourself even if you go into labor at work and chances are also good that you won’t go into labor at work at all and all of this worry/planning will be for needless. Good luck with deciding if daycare should be close to home or to work, that’s an even harder dilemma in my experience!
California says
If you’re in California, a pregnant employee without complications qualifies for (partially paid through mandatory social insurance) pregnancy disability leave starting at 36 weeks. It doesn’t count against post-birth leave entitlements.
Anon4this says
I think that you’ll more than likely be able to drive home or to the hospital if labor starts at the office. Where would your partner be in relation to your office? If they are close (within 15-30 minutes) I’d have no concerns about working until your due date, if that’s what you want to do. It might be a good idea to keep some Adult Depends in the office and some spare yoga pants, in case your water does break yopu can put on the depends and will have dry pants. (Your water doesn’t usually break in a gush movie style before the start of contractions, I think it only happens in about 10% of labors, but it did for me.)
I had my first pre-pandemic and worked in the office up to 39 1/2 weeks, which was Friday and I was due the following Wednesday. I even went to a client dinner on my due date that involved driving 45 minutes across town by myself. I felt enormous and getting dressed was a huge pain but otherwise I felt fine. My water broke when I got home from the client dinner and I would have been able to drive myself to the hospital 25 minutes away, but my husband was home so he drove.
Anonymous says
Fwiw with my first, my water broke and there was a window of like maybe 10 min where I could have driven. I chose to shower and then DH drove me to the Hosptial. During the ~10 minute drive I went from crampy to full on baby having contractions, no way I could drive.
My second was induced and my 3rd I woke up with cramps and turned out I was in labor- I could have driven for a while with that one.
So…you never know. Have a ride handy.
Anne-on says
I’d work from home the 2 weeks before your due date. That was policy at the Big 4 I was at a decade (plus) ago when I was pregnant. There were enough women commuting in from NJ/CT/VA/MD/MA burbs/Philly burbs and went into labor early and had to have ambulances called for them from the metro area offices/got off on metro transit stations and called ambulances there at a pretty decent cost to the firm and risk to them. Consultants have been working remotely at client sites for decades now though so there was less hand wringing over WFH even then.
Anon says
I drove home and then to the hospital when my labor started – it was very mild early contractions. I went head and went into the hospital because I was supposed to be a planned C. It was fine. I only had limited maternity leave so I worked in the office up until delivery on two of my three – on the third my doctor prescribed bed rest so I was work from home for the last week or so. Again, it was fine. I’d try for wfh but if you don’t get it it’s not necessarily the end of the world. I was high risk so this wasn’t a smooth road for any of these pregnancies but the office to birth part wasn’t the tough or scary part.
Anonymous says
Piling on to the WFH bandwagon and adding another data point – all people/pregnancies are different but I definitely could not have driven 45 min by the end of either of my pregnancies so I wouldn’t have been able to come in if I had to drive myself.
An.On. says
Start working from home at least 1-2 weeks out from when your obgyn is thinking you might deliver, especially if they don’t think you’ll go full term, but plan to be able to drop all your projects immediately if necessary at any point during that time.
And just anecdotally, for my first I lost the plug on morning of day 1, worked all day, contractions started that evening, went to hospital at midnight, had baby by noon day 2. I had a few hours after contractions started getting uncomfortable before I reached “definitely shouldn’t be driving”, but I assumed everything would take a lot longer so I wasn’t in a huge rush. In retrospect, should definitely have used the rest of Day 1 to wrap up my files, but I was thinking I was going to do that the next day!
Anon says
I plan on being fully WFH a month before because my commute is 1.5hrs door to door (car, train, subway, walking) so I would not make it even to the subway from my office if I started contractions or my water broke. FWIW I am a public interest lawyer in a family friendly office. (Have not proposed this plan but don’t see why it’d be rejected).
govtattymom says
Congratulations, Associate! This conversation is so interesting! For my first, I worked in the office until my daughter was born. It honestly didn’t occur to me to work from home as my due date got closer. I ultimately had an induction but I could have easily gone into labor at work as I worked until my due date. For my second, I was WFH due to covid so the issue didn’t come up.
Anonymous says
Whatever your plan, remember that, statistically, first babies are late–maybe a week late on average? I think the data is in Expecting Better. I worked in the office pretty much right to my due date, which was fine, because both my babies were born 40+10.
Anonymous says
Yeah I worked in my office (this was 10 years ago so WFH was rare) until I hit, uh, 41 weeks plus a couple of days, at which point I went on leave. I was induced at 41+6 and gave birth the day I hit 42 weeks. I never thought I would be so lucky as to deliver early or have a fast labor, and I was correct. It would have been nice to WFH though.
Anonymous says
Adding to the WFH in the last few weeks chorus. However, have you talked with your boss/manager about this at all, or maybe your admin (to the extent you feel comfortable doing so)? In my personal situation, associate in a law firm, I have a good relationship with my boss. He was actually quite concerned (for no actual reason, just had it in his head) that I was going to go into labor in the office. He would have gladly had me work at home the last trimester!!!
So, he, our joint admin, and I had a very, very, very, very, very loose “plan”. Basically, my admin had an index card at her desk that had the name of the hospital where I was going to deliver, the name of my OB group, and my husband’s office and cell phone numbers. The only “plan” was that if I went into labor our admin (or boss, if necessary) would call my husband only if I was physically unable to do so. And should there truly be an emergency,
They would try to get me To that specific Hospital. My admin and boss have met my husband on multiple occasions, and my group at work is decently close such that I felt totally comfortable with discussing this basic information (I recognize not everyone feels this way). My husband is already listed as my work emergency contact, but this was just an “in case” and in a spot that was easy for anyone to grab.
Anon says
Yeah second this. Once I was close to the end it stressed other people out to have my around so they were very accommodating of a WFH request!
anon says
I probably could have driven maybe 30 min with each from the point that I first new labor was or might be coming, and mine were pretty fast (12 hours/3 hours). However, I went into labor at 38 weeks and 39 weeks at night, at home. I’m wondering if its uncommon to go into active labor so quickly during the day? With my second I woke up because I knew my water was about to break, it did, and then I had about 30 minutes before labor started hard and fast. I did my hair and made some calls, but could have driven. Also to some extent your body knows when/where its safe to labor, if you do go into labor and have to drive I’m guessing you make it.
DLC says
I know several friends who called an ambulance to get to the hospital, so that is an option if you’re at work and can’t WFH.
I will also say, with my second, I didn’t realize I was in labor until it was almost too late (baby arrived twenty minutes after I got to the hospital). My water didn’t break and the contractions weren’t text book. (First child was emergency C-section so this was my first experience with labor). So… it may be a really hard thing to predict.
anon says
Help me solve my screen time problem.
To be clear, the kids aren’t the problem. I am. I’m embarrassed to say it, but my evening phone use is out of control. Setting limits on my iphone doesn’t do anything because it’s easy to bypass. I think my problem is the lack of substitute activity. I’m scrolling insta or FB while my kids are playing or doing homework, knowing that I don’t want to get engrossed in my own activity, like reading, because I’ll either be interrupted at some point or need to be more hands-on. It feels “not worth it” to get started, which I realize is a very limiting thought. Sometimes I just don’t want to do more chores, I want to relax, and the phone is a quick and easy fix. I have occasionally signed out of the most tempting accounts, and that works for a while, but I’ve been through several cycles of this. I really don’t want my kids to see me zoning out on my phone all the time.
AwayEmily says
Physically move it somewhere inaccessible. Just like you wouldn’t leave a bunch of candy in the middle of the living room and expect your kids to ignore it, you can’t expect yourself to be able to just resist. It’s hard! Phones are designed to pull you in! So put it upstairs by your bed for the evening, or a high shelf in the back of the closet, or wherever makes it more difficult for you to grab it.
Mary Moo Cow says
+1. And then engage in something else to build that muscle memory: watch your kids play for a few minutes, or flip through a magazine if a book feels like it is not worth it. Unload the dishwasher (I recently timed it because I was always putting it off as taking too much time, and it took all of 3 minutes), load the dishwasher, put one basket of laundry away, etc. Start with substitutes for small blocks of time. Good luck! DH is terrible about zoning out on his phone and I wish he had your self-awareness.
Anonymous says
Put the phone in a separate designated spot and – this sounds like a great time to read magazines (we have the biggest pile of New Yorkers) or, my favorite, read cookbooks for ideas.
Isabella says
This is honestly the biggest parenting problem DH and I have had so far. Our screen habits are nothing like what we say we want LO to learn :(. It’s hard!
I have to leave me phone in another room. DH compromises by wearing Bluetooth headphones, which I don’t love but it’s better than phone-in-hand. And we’re not doing that great at it, even so.
Anon says
I have gone through this exact dynamic many times, especially the feeling of it not being “worth it” to start a book. I wish I had more solutions, but the only ones that help at all are making a rule that I can only use the phone standing up while it’s plugged into the wall (not by my bed) and telling myself “don’t be an idiot” when the thought “I don’t have enough time for it to be worth it” goes through my head. For me, it helps to recognize that as a toxic thought to fight against. I can read 2 whole chapters in 15 minutes! I can do 10 crossword clues! I can do a whole dang yoga video! If there are times when I’m truly too tired to read a book, then it means I need to go to sleep, not opt for my phone.
Beyond the immediate phone use side of things, the other thing that works best for my quality of life is making more high-quality plans, including exercise. You might find this article helpful: https://www.nytimes.com/2022/09/13/opinion/burnout-quiet-quitting.html
Good luck!! This is an important goal and something to work on – I have definitely benefited from fighting against my natural sloth urges.
Anon says
I struggle with this too. What’s helped me is putting the phone away/out of reach and putting a bunch of more tangible activities close by- magazines to flip through, a paper sudoku book, my kindle with poetry books on it, puzzles in the cozy months. Oh- and this sounds weird but having a cold La Croix in a glass. The drink hits the relaxing/pleasure center in my brain so I can sit and be content just watching for a few minutes.
Spirograph says
I go through phases like this, and I find it’s tied to mental exhaustion (or physical, but mental is more common in my life). Then it’s a vicious cycle because scrolling is not actually restful, you just get the little dopamine hits that temporarily trick you into think it is. Delete FB and insta, don’t just log out.
I have a “phone box.” It is literally a decorative box with a lid. It doesn’t have a charger or anything fancy. I put my phone in it when my kids get home and don’t take it out again until after they’re in bed unless there’s a specific task I need to accomplish with it. I try to get my husband to do the same, but with mixed results.
And +1 to everyone who’s said magazines are perfect for these small moments of downtime. I also just … take a cup of tea and go sit in the adirondack chair in the yard and watch the birds and clouds until someone yells for me.
anon says
OP here, and the mental exhaustion is real. My work stress is high right now, which is really not helping matters. The weather is finally cooling off, which will be a good motivator to get my tail outdoors again. I used to subscribe to quite a few magazines and stopped at some point. Perhaps I need to rethink that.
Spirograph says
I’m right there with you, re: work stress these days. If it’s any help/motivation, I find that quitting mindless screen time ultimately makes me feel better. There’s a little cold turkey period where my fingers twitch for my phone, but once I rebuild the muscle memory of doing something else when my first impulse is to scroll, it helps pull me out of the stress funk.
And to the point below about B&W mode, my google phone has “wellness” settings, and I suspect other bands do too — I have it scheduled to be B&W only from 10pm – 7am. Sometimes I override if I forgot to do my Wordle earlier in the day :) but otherwise it’s a good reminder to put it down.
Anon says
If you can’t get yourself to put it far away or have a job that requires close proximity to the phone (doctor on call?), change the screen so it’s black and white. It’s very easy on the iPhone: usually triple click the right power button. Makes the screen less fun and enticing.
books with pretty pictures says
To substitute for garbage phone time, I like to get very light books at the library: stuff with pretty pictures that are good for flipping through: cookbooks, party planning books, nature/travel, etc.
If I only have more serious books on hand, I’m going to pick up my phone when I have small pockets of time or just need to turn off my brain.
Anon says
Agree on putting the phone in another room or on your mantle or something. Is there anything you can do with your hands that would be satisfying? Embroidery, jigsaw puzzles, very simple knitting, putting photos in an album, coloring books, and whittling can all be picked up and put down easily. For awhile I kept a bag with postcards, stamps, and a nice pen in my living room and that was lovely to send out a random note when I had a few minutes. Magazines, cookbooks, and home design catalogues are also good fluff. Or just put on music and sit back and listen to it and enjoy life!
Toddler snow gear? says
Favorite winter coat for a 2.5-year-old playing in the snow in the upper Midwest? Car seat safety isn’t an issue – she can wear a fleece – but I’m having a hard time finding something she can move her arms in.
GCA says
This gives me the most delightful mental image of toddlers in full marshmallow mode in their little winter coats and snow bibs. If it’s mainly for outdoor play, what about a snowsuit? You / daycare teachers only have to wrestle her into one thing and it may provide more arm mobility. Lands End and LL Bean both have them.
Anonymous says
We might just do that. I have some hand-me-down bib snowpants that do fit, and a couple of hand-me-down coats that are either “yucky” (her words) or just make her uncomfortable. I think the coats are designed for older kids who are stronger/have better gross motor skills and then just sized down for toddlers.
Anon says
Hanna snow suits were the thing when I was a kid.
Anonymous says
Oh I had one of these for my son at that age and it was great. Check eBay.
Anonymous says
Llbean. Even my kid could move in it at 1 (and walking). He wore it for 2 winters. The snowsuit and coat he wore was worn by FOUR cousins before him, 2 in Chicago.