Do You Let Your Kids Play With Water Guns (or, What Toys Don’t You Let Your Kids Play With?)?
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It’s the season for outdoor water fun — swimming, running through sprinklers, etc. — so we thought it would be a good time to ask: Do you let your kids play with water guns and other toy weapons, such as Nerf guns? For his birthday last year, my son got one of those giant, Super Soaker-type of water guns (from a classmate), and this year for his birthday he received a Nerf gun (also from a friend — not us). He’s been asking for a Nerf gun for a long time and was so excited to get one. The kids’ parents didn’t know that we hadn’t given him any toy guns (I’m not a big fan), and in the end, we’ve let him play with the gifts (although we do have rules, such as “Don’t ever aim them at people or animals”).
If you want to keep your kids away from toy guns, a total ban seems impossible. If you prohibit them from playing with water guns and other weapon-like toys, won’t they just go and use them at a friend’s house and/or get invited to a “Nerf Wars” type of party for a friend’s birthday? (My son, who’s in primary school, has gone to two so far.) Or does it make a difference if you personally show your disapproval? Some parents just give up and go along with with the (stereotypical) reasoning that “Boys will turn anything into a gun anyway.” If we give our kids water guns and so on, should that enter at all into our conversations with them about, for example, why their school has lockdown drills? Do kids really look at violence or guns any differently when they play with toy guns.
I’ll admit that I haven’t been motivated enough to do any Googling about the effects of playing with toy guns, and whether my uneasiness is warranted — and when I finally did, er, today, I learned that research hasn’t found a link between violent play as a child and violent behavior as an adult. Many studies have drawn conclusions like that of this one, as summarized by Slate: “[W]hen kids incorporate violence into their pretend play, they may learn how to control real violent impulses and regulate their emotions.”
So, do tell: Do you let your kids play with water guns and other toy weapons? If not, why — and if so, what are your ground rules (and the conversations you’ve had with your kids about them)? Have you bought things like water guns or Nerf guns for your kids’ friends? If you prohibit toy guns at home and your child receives one as a gift (or gets one in a party favor bag) what do you do, and how do you explain it to your child?
Further Reading:
- It’s Fine for Kids to Play With Pretend Guns [Slate]
- Why Boys Love Guns, and What to Do About It [CNN]
- Boys and Guns: What’s a Parent to Do? [PBS Parents]
- Weapons Ban: Just How Bad Are Toy Guns for Kids? [ParentMap]
- Keeping Kids From Toy Guns: How One Mother Changed Her Mind [The Atlantic]
Pictured: Deposit Photos / leon_traut.
I have four sons and a daughter. My husband and I support responsibility in all areas – and part of being responsible is being kind. Teaching them how to handle things that need to be handled responsibly is much more effective when they have access to such things than just telling them facts about things irrelevant to their daily lives. This is true whether it is supersoaker, compound bow, gun – or baseball bat or rock. They could shoot, swing, or throw as the case may be – if/when they had shown themselves responsible enough to be trusted with such a things. All five are now responsible, kind, nonviolent, nonthreatening adults now.
Being responsible is more than just not hurting anyone – it is choosing where and how you shoot (swing, throw, etc)… because the risk of an accident and even just perception matter too.
Being kind is more than just not hurting other people; you also respect other people’s choices. Don’t squirt anyone who doesn’t want to be squirted – but if you don’t want to be squirted then you also don’t get to squirt other people. And much more, of course.
There are downsides to trying too hard to eliminate risks. I think it is better to teach kids how to handle the risks.
3rd person
Fortnight is a 3rd person co-op game that does include shooting (in addition to other tasks)
So we had a Nerf wars party last year for my son’s birthday. This year is a Water Wars party with water guns and water balloons. We also go to Nerf wars at a local gym quite often. We have a no shoot a person in the head rule for both. But I live in a deep red state, have a Marine husband, and hunting was a way of life when I grew up. My kids each got their lifetime hunting and fishing license before they turned 2 and the price went up. Boy Scouts do archery and BB gun shooting. We practice gun safety instead of gun avoidance. So maybe I am totally wrong but Nerf guns and water guns are fun and I fully expect adults will participate in our Water Wars Party on a hot day.
I was not crazy about the idea of Nerf guns but let the lad get some for his 12th birthday. I find I am more flexible on this than I expected but not as much as the lad would like. For example I would not let him get “Plants vs Zombies Garden Warfare” a few years ago because it is a first-person shooter. I also would not let him get “Overwatch” but realized he might play it at his friends’ houses. I did let him get “Fortnite” recently after reading a bunch of articles about how strategic the gameplay is and how you can emphasize teamwork. I still don’t like the first person shooter aspect.
And on the subject of toy guns, I really appreciate that Slate article posted above. My husband and I haven’t talked about this, but I’m leaning towards play guns like nerf and water OK, guns that look real, not okay.
This is on my mind quite a bit as my dad hunts and also has a terrible memory. I ask every time I go to my parents’ cabin, before we arrive, if the guns have been locked in the garage (a separate structure from the house). Even though I grew up in a house with (hunting) guns, and literally never even considered playing with them, it really scares me since my son is so little. I was taught to shoot a rifle safely as a kid but I really had/have zero interest in shooting things and I don’t even remember if my dad’s guns were at our house growing up in a safe or maybe stored at the cabin. But as my dad gets older he’s more absentminded and also, my son gets into everything. I know there is nothing more to do than what we are doing but I still get nervous about it.
We are not at that point yet because of age, but I think we will probably allow nerf/water guns that clearly look like toys. We will also teach our child to treat guns or things that look like guns as loaded no matter what anyone tells her, go tell an adult if she sees one, do not touch it, etc.
I am really concerned about the increasing number of real guns that look like toys. This seems likely to heighten the already unacceptable risk that children, particularly POC children, will be hurt or killed for playing with a toy. If cloves are illegal because they might appeal to kids too much, how can we justify allowing guns that look like cell phones?
Water guns that don’t look like real guns are okay in our house. Kids are allowed to spray water at each other with them. I think of them as more analogous to a garden hose than a real gun. Also sometimes refer to them as water squirters. We don’t do any other toy guns and don’t allow them to pretend to shoot/hurt toys or each other.
i am 100% for any gun regulation we can get, and would ban most guns if it were up to me. but i have no problem with nerf and water guns that do not look or function like the real thing and are played with other consenting kids (or adults)
We allow water guns, nerf guns, and laser tag guns. At some point, we will also allow exposure to riflery through summer camp or scouts or the like. Pellet guns are a lot stronger than the BB guns we had growing up so I’m not inclined to encourage those.
And honestly, to TK’s horror story mentioned above, I see that more as an issue of horribly irresponsible gun storage than an increased attraction to guns stemming from having toy guns. Nerf guns and other brightly colored pieces of plastic make it easy to tell fake from real. Kids also need to know what to do if they see a possible gun- treat it like a snake, don’t touch, go tell a grown up. Even then, a child shouldn’t be stumbling across an unsecured, loaded weapon- this is a failure on the part of an adult.
I think that unfortunately this question also brings up one regarding race and prejudice. As a woman of color and a soon-to-be mother of a son, I understand that a black child wielding a toy gun unfortunately has the potential for dire consequences for him. I believe your initial worry was encouraging violent play, but the perception of violence in children of color is already unfairly a reality, and I know that I personally will not want this to be a situation my son will have to face. I do remember playing with super soaker water guns as a little girl and it was fun, but also in my backyard, away from prying eyes…
This is one subject where my background is so different than many opinions on this site. I grew up with a dad and many extended family members who hunt. We routinely hosted family and friends in our home to hunt with my dad. In addition, my grandfather was a policeman and had various handguns that were passed to his children as historical items. My dad also has some antique hunting guns from his grandparents. But my dad, our relatives, and his friends are very responsible and taught us how to be responsible with them in the house. My dad’s pretty hardcore about safety. I am not sure ammunition ever really even entered our house. We almost only had it in season, and my dad usually kept it in his truck. I think he would stick leftovers out of reach in our garage or something if he even kept them. We have no interest in guns or activities that involve guns so do not have any. The bigger issue is when my dad is gone, he wants a lot of that stuff to stay in the family. But it will probably go to some of my male cousins, maybe my nephew (my dad’s only grandson) if he is interested.
I truly haven’t made up my mind on gun issues. In theory, I support responsible gun ownership, but am becoming more and more realistic that too many people aren’t responsible.
Bright neon water guns are okay in book. I’d hesitate on something realistic looking. I have a timid daughter who is 100% girl, so I think I might get off the hook on a lot of the toy gun issues.
I struggle with this. I wanted to be a ‘no gun’ household but already today my 4-year old made a gun with legos and another gun out of his toast. Many of the cartoons he watches (power ranges, transformers, lego batman) have guns (though of course no graphic violence.) So part of me says, you can’t fight the tide – just let him play with toy guns.
Then again, two weeks ago a 7-year-old boy in my state found a loaded actual gun in a box that also had a toy in it and shot himself in the head. It’s still being investigated but the reasonable assumption from people is that he just thought it was another toy.
This would be a battle I wouldn’t win with DH. He doesn’t own any guns (other than a pellet gun) but he definitely thinks things like guns, firecrackers, etc are cool and fun. I do not. I think a total ban on gun-like toys would be hard to enforce because DH so clearly thinks they’re fun, but I certainly won’t be buying them for my kids.
Re: play violence, I was shocked a few years ago when my 3yo niece was playing with a toy pirate ship which had cannons. She would pretend fire the cannon and then ask me to “make the pirates die”!! I have no idea how a 3yo knew that, but she definitely didn’t own any toy guns at the time. So, just banning toy guns does not prohibit violent play – I think you’d have to isolate completely from older kids to rule that out.