After giving up on a tangled necklace, I decided I needed a better way to store my jewelry MVPs.
These simple hooks from 3M attach to your wall without nails, and the adhesive removes cleanly from a variety of surfaces. They hold up to one pound (that’s a lot of necklaces!), and the clear finish works with any decor.
I think of jewelry as the finishing touch — I plan to put these up in my bathroom so I can put on my jewelry right before I head out the door.
Command’s Clear Jewelry Rack is available at Amazon.
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Anon says
Any favorite workouts for postpartum, especially post c-section?
Abby says
Nourish Move Love has a pp program on youtube that I followed and found appropriately challenging, but it wasn’t c-section specific. I really liked her core ones with a pelvic floor therapist talking through what you’re trying to feel, when to scale, etc.
Anon says
I didn’t have a c-section, but 2 months postpartum and currently loving the sweat app. BBG was way too hard for me when it came out back in the day, so I was surprised at how doable the post-pregnancy program is.
Anon says
Get Mom Strong, I think they have a 30 day free trial going on now.
New Here says
Check out BodyFit by Amy on YouTube. She has a lot of postpartum workouts, including those focused on people with DR. General core strength too.
Anony says
Seconding, I really loved these.
Anonymous says
Materra method
Anonymous says
So we had a weird experience at daycare and I just wanted some feedback/thoughts from y’all on it. Our son (4) has been having some behavioral problems, and we’re getting therapy set up for him to help address it. The daycare has been really nice to us about it and as far as we could tell, they have been managing his behaviors OK, including taking him out of the classroom when he gets upset. But yesterday at pick-up time, another parent confronted my husband (I wasn’t there) and asked him how we’re going to make sure our son doesn’t hit their kid. The parent also talked directly to our son and grabbed his chin so he would look at them. It made my husband uncomfortable and he quickly got our son and left. What, if anything, should we do now?
Anonymous says
You should speak to the director. It is not appropriate at all for another parent to touch your kid.
And they need to find a way to protect the other kids better if it has escalated to that point. My kid ended up having to switch daycares because he was terrified of a kid that was pushing and hitting every day and the parents kept saying they ‘were addressing it’. 4 is old enough for significant consequences for hitting. Not listening well or following directions is one thing, hitting at age 4 vs age 2 is a whole other ballpark. Schools and daycamps will not play around with that next year.
Anonymous says
It is the day care’s responsibility to keep the child from hitting other children. The parents cannot “address” school behavior at home. The teachers need to step up and manage the classroom.
Anonymous says
Parents can absolutely address school behaviours at home by providing consequences. It’s a 4 year old not a 2 year old.
No says
Ask any qualified professional (child psychologist, pediatrician) and they will tell you that at 4, immediately addressing behavior is the only way. So yes, the daycare needs to handle.
Anonymous says
Of course it needs to be addressed immediately. It also needs to be addressed at home.
Anon says
I also thought the consensus was that consequences at home for in-school behavior are too remote in time to be developmentally appropriate for a 4 year old. We have never had issues with hitting, but we got a lot of complaints from daycare teachers about my 4-5 year old doing normal stuff like not listening very well, and we weren’t really sure what to do. We asked our ped and she said “what happens in school is the daycare teacher’s problem” so we just went with that, plus occasional gentle reminders to listen to teachers.
That said, I know someone who got similar comments from daycare teachers, and took away all her kid’s toys and told him that he had to earn them back one by one with good reports from daycare. His behavior at school got a lot better. So it is possible for consequences at home to fix in-school behavior. But I think most people here would find that kind of consequence inappropriate and excessive especially for routine stuff like talking out of turn.
FVNC says
“Addressing the issue at home” can also mean talking about it, reading books about appropriate behavior, etc. My daughter, for a short time, was a biter and we for sure read books with variations of “teeth are for food not friends” over and over and over again. Teachers were very understanding (smallest toddler, speech delay, told me biting was her “defense”) but I did not want my kid to be expelled.
OP, this sounds like a challenging situation but I agree with others that the situation has escalated such that speaking to the director seems like the right next step.
Anonymous says
There is often no reliable immediate way to address hitting in a 4 year old. Home consequences may help some 4 year olds but definitely will not help all, as they need to learn other ways to deal and that takes time. It’s still developmentally normal at age 4, even if it’s behaviorally unacceptable. I can tell you that every single boy and most of the girls in my son’s first grade class still struggled with hitting, if that’s any barometer.
Anon says
Alert the director ASAP. The other parent is way out of line. This has nothing to do about your kid’s behavior and everything to do about his behavior right now- it’s completely inappropriate for him to confront you guys and touch your son.
anonM says
+1. Totally, totally not acceptable for them to touch your kid.
Anon says
100% speak to the director. Another parent putting their hands on your child cannot be permitted. Also, I’d be asking how that parent knew that it was your child that was hitting. Is the staff telling the other parents that your child is hitting? Or is it the child reporting to their parent? My daughter was bitten a few times at daycare, and the director was always, always very careful to not divulge who the biter was. Obviously, these children are older and could be reporting to the other parent, but I’d still make sure it isn’t daycare staff. Also, are you sure your child actually did hit? Has that been reported to you? If your child is hitting other children frequently, you may want to meet with daycare to step up the preventive measures.
Anonymous says
Not OP but at 4 years old it would definitely be the kid. Staff never disclose that info.
Anon says
Yeah by 4 the info would be coming from the kid.
Anonymous says
Just adding to the chorus that it’s absolutely unacceptable for another parent to touch your kid. I’d argue that it’s unacceptable for another parent to even verbally confront your kid. Talk to the management.
Anon says
Talk to management and also practice your own phrases. “Excuse me, do not touch my child” should be ready to go at all times, daycare and elsewhere.
Anonymous says
Yes! What on earth was your husband doing?! “Don’t speak to my child, don’t touch my child, get away from us now”
Anonymous says
Sounds like the whole situation is out of hand. Get a meeting with the director ASAP.
If parents of a classmate know your kid is hitting theirs before you do, that’s a school issue.
The parents are out of line but I would be irate if my kid was getting hurt constantly by another classmate and there wasn’t active intervention.
Spirograph says
Oh wow. I’m sorry this happened to you. It’s not OK for anyone to manhandle your kid unless it’s to directly keep him or another child safe. I I would have said something to the other parent in the moment, but since that’s past I would talk to the teacher and school director about 1. How it was extremely inappropriate and made you very uncomfortable that the other parent interacted with your son this way, 2. How they are handling behavior in classroom to make sure everyone is safe, and whether there is anything you can do to support them. I would address it directly with the other parent too, next time you or your husband see him and tell him in no uncertain terms not to touch your child in anger ever again.
Assuming this was normal pre-k hitting (many, many prek kids hit sometimes!), not like a full-on attack that caused serious injury to the other child, the other parent was way, way out of line.
Anonymous says
Pre K hitting, especially on a persistent basis, is not something that ‘many many’ kids do. It is a minority of kids or one off incidents if it happens at all.
Anon says
Yeah I have to agree with this. The other kid’s dad’s behavior was super inappropriate but I don’t think this is normal 4 year old behavior at all. It’s normal for 4 year olds to talk out of turn or cry when they get upset, but hitting and biting are very unusual by 4.
Spirograph says
There’s nothing in the OP’s post that says she was aware her child was hitting on a persistent basis. My assumption is that this grabby dad’s kid came home and said “so-and-so hit me” the day before, and he decided it was a good idea to confront OP’s family. I’ve seen plenty of 4 year olds jostle each other on the playground, that’s what I meant by “normal preK hitting.” But maybe kids in my area are just particularly rambunctious.
Ifiknew says
my 4 year old said the kids in front of him weren’t moving in line when he asked them to and he pushed them. completely unacceptable on his part and the director talked to him but he was very pushy, hitting etc when he was 2 and I feel like it still pops up from. time to time whe. he’s hungry or tired or sick etc. not great and I wish he wasn’t that way, but I’m not sure it’s so unusual
Anonymous says
Eh, I don’t know. My son is in Kinder and at his camp this year and he told me about one kid pinching another kid, and also a toy being thrown at another child. Yes, I think the toddler-like biting mostly ends by 4, but kids are still impulsive and if annoyed by another child, or looking for a reaction, they may hit, kick, pinch, etc.
I will say this was something that really threw me with public Kinder. My kid reported being punched and kicked by another child and I was not made aware AT ALL (vs the incident reports you get in daycare). I texted a friend who volunteers at the school and she knew immediately who it was and said staff was aware, and that he would probably get a 1:1 para so the kid couldn’t do these types of things on the playground where there was less supervision. He ended up leaving the school – I truly hope to go to a more focused program for his needs – so it turned out to be a non-issue.
Finally, as a mom to my own kiddo with ADHD and behavior issues (possibly ASD, being eval’d), big hugs. Therapy HAS helped us, and though I’ll be flamed, meds did too. We started just before he turned 6 with the ped support. Amazingly he was always good at school but would hit and kick at home during tantrums and a couple times my husband and I sustained actual injuries (I got headbutted in the chin). The meds have given me SO MUCH HOPE. We will continue to fine tune. We’ll re-evaluate. We work with our own behavior coach for us as parents, and we keep school (and camp during summer) deeply in the loop. I was in a very, very dark place and some others on this board really helped, though there is also a strong anti-ADHD meds contingent for some reason, so please be gentle with yourself. You know kiddo best.
Cb says
Ugh, my kid has gotten hit by a pair of 6 year olds twice this week…
Anonymous says
Are you out of your mind? We’ve had two kids in preK and most preK kids sometimes hit.
Anonymous says
Another parent laid hands on your child? Call the director immediately. Raise an epic fuss.
anonM says
+1. Document in writing.
Anonymous says
What the other parent did was out of line and your husband should have handled it better in the moment.
Separately, it sounds like the kind of behavior your kid has is not “average 4 year old hitting.” My now 8 year old has a peer who has violent outbursts. He throws $hit at school- chairs, pencil sharpeners, whatever is between him and what he wants to do (usually leave). We had a major fuss last year because several kids, including mine, were physically hurt during an outburst. The result was he got 1.5 aids instead of the .5 he had been assigned in the past. It was a game changer. Kid is in my child’s classroom again this year and has a full time aid again.
Anonymous says
A minor complaint to start the day: we are having my 5 year old’s birthday and I sent the invite to my MIL. She texted back, and then brought it up in person this weekend, about how the invite says no gifts please. Why are we doing that, she’s only five, she should be getting more presents, this is so unusual, etc. I anticipate more questions about it on the actual day. My MIL is usually great so i’m not sure why this is getting to me, but maybe because it fits a pattern of her trying to give us tons of stuff (often junk from my husband’s childhood) and us resisting. My kid, between grandparents, aunts and uncles, and us, will be getting about 15 presents for her birthday- that is plenty, this is the norm in our birthday party circles, and we have a small house and tons of toys already! FWIW my husband and I agreed that in the future this just means she won’t be seeing the invite, haha.
Anonymous says
So we’ve done this as well but we don’t include the grandparents and ourselves in the no gift limit. My parents come over for dinner the day before or after the party and gift then. DH’s parents are not local so they send something in the mail that we open when kids open gift from us.
Anonymous says
OP here- we don’t include ourselves in that either (and I tried to make that clear to her!). But she definitely took issue with the fact that we are asking the friends coming to the party not to bring presents.
Anon says
Does she think the no gifts request includes her?
Anon says
I think this is a generational thing. But commiseration because my mother is the same as your MIL with the worthless junk. I never refuse anything (because it would hurt her feelings and there are some things that I want eventually), but most of the worthless, sentimental stuff sits in my basement until we do a semi-annual purge.
HSAL says
Do you mean she saw the invite for a friend party that says no gifts? (Since you say she’ll be getting plenty of family gifts).
Agreed on just not showing her the invite.
Anon says
I understand no gifts parties are common for classmates/friends (although not widely done in my area) but I think it’s kind of weird to include a grandparent in that. She shouldn’t bring her gift to the party, but it’s odd (IMO) to tell her she can’t give a gift at all. Especially because you said “My kid, between grandparents, aunts and uncles, and us, will be getting about 15 presents for her birthday” So…the kid’s other grandparents get to give gifts and MIL doesn’t? I can understand her being really upset about that.
Anonymous says
OP- apologies I wasn’t clear. MIL is of course welcome to give gifts, and she knows that. She took issue with the fact that the invite to the friends says no gifts.
Anon says
Ohh I misunderstood, sorry. Yeah I totally agree that’s unreasonable and you should just not show her the invite in the future.
AIMS says
I would just tell her that’s the social norm in your circle and repeat as needed. I think it’s pointless to argue the merits but people are more likely to accept social rules even if they personally think they’re dumb or silly.
Anonymous says
I don’t include MIL on these types of things for this very reason.
Also no matter how many gift ideas I give it is never enough. Her love language is plastic crap that will never break down in a landfill after my child has played with it for 10 minutes max. My sympathies.
Mom says
Any tips on helping a super-sensitive 4 year old? She cries over EVERYTHING at home (her arm brushed the wall, the blanket is on the “wrong” chair, the dog wagged his tail too close to her) which I think is because she’s exhausted after school but our recent move may be contributing. This is a new behavior since turning 4 (and moving) and her teachers say she’s happy at school. I try offering a nap or quiet time after school but she wants a snack and then to go to the playground and then to color, etc. I’m not sure how to help her and the crying every 5 minutes is exhausting…
Anonymous says
Moving is a huge life change. Can you try and keep other things as similar as possible? Same meals etc. and early bedtime.
SC says
I’d try insisting on some type of quiet time before going to the playground. Lay down and listen to a podcast, “read” quietly in her room, or even color quietly at the table if that’s calming for her.
I’d also try cutting back on the playground time, unless you think she has a ton of energy to expend at the end of the day. Of course unstructured, outdoor play is great for kids. But it sounds like she’s going past her limit.
AwayEmily says
Yes, if you can find a podcast or audiobook she likes, it can be a great way of decompressing. My kids do a lot of zoning out in their room while listening to audiobooks (coloring, brushing their ponies’ hair, aimlessly playing with Legos, etc). I notice a distinct improvement in their mood when they do that for 45 minutes after school. A good entry-level option is the Frozen audiobook — basically a word-by-word retelling of the movie. If she’s already seen the movie it’ll be nice and familiar. We got it via Libby. Or even music if there’s something she likes?
Anon says
idk if i’d call this super sensitive, but more like she just moved, which was out of her control and now she wants control over lots of little things. i’ve been there, it is exhausting, but it will be a phase
Anony says
Fwiw, I was really surprised at how deeply moving affected my preschooler. We tried a few ideas but honestly, none of them really made a big difference (like in the moment sometimes, but not in the big picture overall). He just needed some time, and eventually got back to his normal self on this own.
Anon says
We’ve had this with our 4 year old as well – it’s sometimes like fake crying and other more whining. We’ve had discussions at other times about how we don’t understand fake cry/whine language, so we’re going to ask her to repeat until she can use her big girl voice. Varying success. Recently I was so fed up and spontaneously told her that fake crying hurts my toes and started curling my toes at her. Resulted in laughter and tone-change and has worked since (just curl my toes toward her). Prob not sanctioned by pros, but works for now and she can talk about in therapy some day.
(Obviously not for actual crying)
Anon says
Haha I love the toe thing. I do things like that too. Sometimes you just need to make them laugh!
Anonymous says
How is sleep going? Moving is huge, new school is huge. Try for a MUCH earlier bedtime.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1 – My MIL (White, Boomer) is obsessed with STUFF. DH jokes she’s a well-organized hoarder because she has so much stuff (e.g. she never liked cooking or entertaining but has sets on sets of various dishes to entertain with – she just liked getting them on sale).
Gift giving – especially to her kids and grandkids – is truly her love language. I come from a family/culture where you give money, focus on quality time/being there for one another, presents are never a focus/more of a token.
It took me a while to realize that for my MIL gifts/stuff = love. It’s different than how I feel but it’s definitely not wrong. All that being said, she should respect your boundaries and what you are saying about your home, and know that her presence is a great present (if she’s local).
Anonymous says
I am pretty sure your MIL’s race is not the reason she likes stuff. “No stuff except carefully curated wooden Montessori toys” is also a stereotypically “white” attitude, so are white people all hoarders or are they all snobs? Maybe stop with the racial generalizations.
Anon says
Yeah… that was super off putting to me too.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I’ve noticed this trend to accumulate stuff with all of my friend’s American-Born White, middle-class boomer parents – it’s something they’ve had to navigate regularly during gift giving seasons, when parents want to downsize, etc. – way moreso than in my other circles, which tend to skew BIPOC and/or immigrant.
I never said it was bad or negative, but I stand by my actual lived experience of what I’ve seen and experienced. Noting a cultural difference isn’t making a racial generalization (I never said “all” or “most”), and calling someone “White” isn’t racist.
Anon says
Making stereotypes about an entire group based on your individual experience with a few people in that group is actually the textbook definition of racism. I’m not saying all “poor oppressed white people,” obviously white people as a group are doing more than fine, but your attitude that your MiL’s annoying behaviors are related to her whiteness is super obnoxious. You would be freaking the F out if someone ranted about their Indian MIL’s annoying habits and tied it to her race.
Anon says
There are cultural differences between communities. Some communities especially historically have been relatively segregated by race. Maybe it’s awkward to just refer to it as “white” as there are other cultures out there that are also white, but it’s definitely one recognizable culture. People from different cultural backgrounds sometimes annoy each other.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Hey guys – don’t want to get into a nuanced discussion about prejudice, racism, or what “norms” and defaults are by U.S. Society – way too much to unpack on a comment about gift giving tendencies.
Sorry if it came across racist, that was not my intention, but clearly it wasn’t phrased well.
Anonymous says
I just want to say this may be the best way to shut down a conversation politely I’ve seen on a web forum.
And as a white person, I did not find your initial comments racist at all. My mom is a very young boomer and not particularly stuff-prone, but my grandmother is absolutely like this, and so are many many older white people I know. I thought it was a fair observation.
GCA says
I actually read More Sleep’s comment as an additional piece of context to try and explain why her MIL might hold certain beliefs about gifts. For instance, my ILs are also white Boomer-generation folks but they have moved many times and don’t have the same attitude to Stuff as many other Americans of their generation. Meanwhile, my own (Asian) parents are well-organized hoarders, having grown up in a time and place where Stuff and choices of goods were not plentiful (consequently, you hold on to as much as you can just in case something comes in handy)!
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Nesting fail, sorry – this was meant for the no gifts thread.
Anonymous says
My white boomer MIL is also like this. I get it. I knew you weren’t trying to be racist.
HSAL says
Same with my white boomer mom.
anonM says
+1. The reactions above surprised me.
Daycare Woes says
Looking for advice on a daycare situation. This week, we switched our 2yo to a new daycare center from an in-home daycare for the following reasons:
– significantly closer to home and longer hours to accommodate work travel in a new role (I’m getting back almost an hour a day)
– more structured schedule and more insight into her days. right now, the in-home situation is a black box, we hear if something goes wrong (she didn’t eat much today, etc) but we don’t really know any details about naps, eating. we get photos maybe once a month.
– more socialization
The transition has gone really poorly so far. We expected some crying at drop-off, but she doesn’t seem to be adjusting/settling after I leave and her classroom teacher confirmed this. I can see from her face in photos and when I pick her up that she has been crying for a long time. Yesterday she was in the middle of a full on tantrum when I picked her up. Just completely inconsolable until she saw me, and her teacher looked worn out. She does seem to have small stretches where she participates in the activity, and she is eating and napping okay. My heart just broke seeing her like that at pickup yesterday, and I’m seriously considering putting her back in the old daycare. The reasons I listed above don’t seem to justify this amount of upset. What would you do – I know most kids adjust, but how long do you give it before you decide it’s not a good fit (especially if you have other options)? Adding that she LOVES her old daycare and we’ve never had any issues there, we switched solely for our own convenience and to give a bit more structure.
Anonymous says
Oof. We went through something similar around 3 and then at 3.5 (C*VID wrecked havoc on our daycare/preschool planning schedule).
1) keep in-home people in your family. We (STILL) see our old in home provider, invite her to birthdays, LO makes her presents, etc. I would text her when he was missing her/thinking of her. We still very much socialize w/ the other parents and kids/siblings from the in home – they are family. Make sure she knows they didn’t drop off the face of the earth.
2) Do you already send a stuffy/lovey? This was critical for our little guy. He needed to have it with him constantly in the beginning and really any transition.
I will say, it took months. Now everyday was not a sobfest. But many, many days the director would carry a screaming kiddo into the center because I could not pry him off me. One day I realized, huh, that doesn’t happen anymore! He really did thrive in the environment and it REALLY helped prep him for Kinder in a way I knew in-home wouldn’t. Those days when she had to pry him off me. OOF. I remember the very first day driving away how much I cried. But it got SOOOO much better. His ride or dies are from that program now. He talks about the director and all the teachers like his own family. They cried when he went on to public kinder.
I would also connect w/ other parents in the class. Schedule playdates outside of the program. Those parents were my lifeline in C*VID when I couldn’t physically enter the classroom because of the rules in our state – we would text constantly about the rumors our toddlers told us about the day (“Did Jonathan really finish using pull-ups at nap?! congrats!!”). Hang in there!
Anon says
I know this is hard but it’s all completely normal and it’s frankly insane to even contemplate that this place isn’t a “good fit” because your two year old is crying on her fourth (?) day. You made this choice for a reason, your child will adapt.
FVNC says
I’m sorry. This is really tough. But, switch back.
My own kids (now elem school aged) have been in many daycares due to family relocations, and have always adjusted within a few days. Maybe they’re not super happy at first, but after a day or two, no prolonged tears. The one time that wasn’t the case, we switched…and am so glad we did. I didn’t realize until after my son started at his new center how low-key stressed I constantly was about the previous school and sending my kid to a place he was clearly unhappy to be.
FVNC says
Oh, I missed that the switch was just this week. Maybe give it another week. I don’t know…I still stand by my comment above. Sometimes there’s nothing objectively wrong with a center, but it’s not right for your kid or family. And I’m assuming the in-home center is not super inconvenient, just less-than-ideal.
Anon says
Counterpoint: I know tons of kids who cried for a week or two after switching daycares, or even classrooms within the same daycare, and ultimately adjusted just fine. My own kid went through a period of crying at drop off for several months at age 4 even though there hadn’t been any changes at home or school and she loved school and was always happy at pickup. I think at age 2 crying at drop off for a week is *well* within the range of normal.
HSAL says
Agreed. It’s a big change at 2! I’d give it at least a month.
FVNC says
I agree crying at drop-off is totally normal. I understood OP’s comment to mean that kiddo was not only crying at drop-off, but all day long and fairly inconsolable. That level of distress seems atypical to me. FWIW, my kiddo was just-turned-2 when we started him at the school I mentioned above, so same age as OP’s kid. Sure, wait a month to see if it settles down…I think we waited a month or six weeks, believing our kiddo would settle down and adjust. We should have switched after the first day.
Daycare Woes OP says
Yes, you understood correctly. Teacher confirmed that kiddo is crying throughout the day, and what I witnessed at the end of the day was inconsolable crying. I agree with you that this adds a constant low level of stress to our days. We were originally going to give it a month for her to adjust, but now we’re just trying to hang on for two weeks (and only on day 4).
Anon says
A tantrum at the end of the day is completely normal for a 2 year old and likely completely unrelated to any drop off tears.
I guess if the teacher is saying she’s crying all day, then she’s crying all day, but I’d also think about how you ask the question. Sometimes it’s easy to simply agree with what people are saying so “was she crying all day?” may get a very different response than “do you have any concerns about how she’s settling in?” IME daycare teachers will do something about a kid who’s genuinely inconsolable all day, and will likely call you and want to have an discussion about it (though maybe not the first week).
I’m not trying to be unkind but if I’d switched daycares every time my 2 year old cried at school, we would have gone through every daycare in my city within a couple months. I get that some kids are less sensitive than mine but still… this all sounds pretty normal to me.
Anonymous says
I switched my son from a center that was run by someone who had previously been running her own at home daycare so it basically had the same kind of issues/environment. We had zero insight into the staff, the schedule, really anything. We had other issues too like we got pushback when we asked for information. We switched to somewhere that was a little further away where we could now go into the room and see him at dropoff and pickup. I cannot overstate how important the communication and this new insight has been as he’s gotten older. We’ve needed to have that dialogue now for example with potty training, or getting to see who his classmates are and how he interacted, etc. he grew SO much at this new place too with a bigger playground, better curriculum, etc. That being said, he had to be peeled off of us sobbing for like 3 weeks? So I’d say give it a month. We heard anecdotally someone at the old center tried to move their kid and they quit after a week and brought the kid back to the old center. That could’ve been us too if we didn’t stick with it. But I will say I think my son was mostly okay during the day after the first week.
OP says
No, she knows that it doesn’t include her. Ha now I regret posting this because there is so much confusion. She thinks all teh friends coming to the party should be bringing gifts too.
Spirograph says
that’s how I read it, FWIW!
ElisaR says
An older client asked me yesterday if I was pregnant. I am not. I have not been pregnant for over 5 years but I’m carrying weight not just in my belly, but in the area I would consider above my belly. Like my whole abdomen beneath my breasts. I need to lose weight but I work out a few times a week and I don’t eat horribly. I recognize I can make improvements in these 2 areas and that’s my initial plan, but does anybody have any insights on slimming down this abdominal area? I do bar method often and it isn’t helping. I have been mistaken for being pregnant more than once.
Anonymous says
I know they say you can’t spot-reduce, but I find that core strength helps to pull all of that stuff in. Frequent yoga practice works well for me, and I have been interested in trying Restore Your Core.
Anon says
Do you have diastasis recti? Sounds possible based off your description. There are some online programs and PT can help some.
ElisaR says
maybe. i have been asking doctors about this for years and they keep saying “be gentle on yourself, you had a baby!”
Anon says
Ugh it’s such a rude question. If it makes you feel better I got asked if I was pregnant several times in my 20s (pre-kids) when I was objectively pretty slender, and definitely way thinner than I am now. I got a massage in Thailand and the masseuse kept congratulating me and pointing at my stomach and I kept saying “no I’m not pregnant” and she said “but you have such big belly! You look 7 months at least!” I look back at photos from that trip and I was not fat at all. Some people just carry weight in their abdomens.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
This isn’t a you issue, that’s a rude freaking thing to ask!
It sounds like you want to make some changes for yourself. I’ll say for someone who also carries weight in my stomach, things like pilates and barre (which I LOVE) do not help. In addition to good ol’ healthy eating, Cardio, HIIT, and weights do. I have to limit HIIT now because I am not trying for any injuries, and Cardio is more interval walking at high inclines on the treadmill with jogging vs. sprints.
Also, radical acceptance that I’m 40 and my body has changed after 2 kids.
Since I also carry weight in my stomach and have been asked since I was a teenager, and at various weights, if I was expecting.
Anonie says
Shapewear in professional settings
Anonymous says
I’m sorry! Pilates and barre are great for firming and toning, in my experience, but not really for losing weight. Everyone’s body is different, but the only way I lose weight is 1) eating healthy while cutting back on alcohol, desserts, and snacks and 2) running 2-3 times per week. If you’re committed to losing the weight, that’s the easy but hard solution I’d recommend. Good luck! You CAN make it happen. I gained just over 50lbs with both pregnancies and slowly worked it off both times.
Anon says
That’s so rude! You could have a diastasis, or you could just have fat. After my second pregnancy I just had so much fat only around my middle – I’m sure there was a hormonal factor at play. I still have some of it and I think it would go away if I lost weight, but not sure if I would regain it normally (all over) or just in my stomach again. If you think you might have a diastasis, it’s worth trying pelvic floor pt. There are specific exercises that could help close it. You can find instructions to self-check online, too, plus plenty of exercise info on Youtube and Instagram. But whatever, it’s totally fine to have fat on our stomachs.
Water beads at preschool says
Would you be okay with water beads being used in your child’s daycare class? LO is 3, and the class is 3-4. It seems needlessly risky to me but the teacher seems to think I’m overly worried.
ANon says
i’d just trust them. i have too many other things to worry about.
Anon says
No, I would not. There are too many ways this could go terribly wrong, and I just don’t see any benefits. My son is 2.5, so I would assume a 3 year old is somewhat better at following rules than he is, but I know my son will sometimes put things in his mouth to push boundaries. Like, if you said “do not put that in your mouth,” he might do it and then look at you and giggle. I would be horrified if he was doing that with water beads.
Anonymous says
No way.
Anon says
Yes
OP says
One additional clarification- they are only supposed to be used when supervised, but are kept on a low shelf where kids can (and do) get into them all the time. So IDK. I don’t want to be that mom but this seems weird to me given all of the publicity around the dangers for kids.
nope says
not at all, they should be banned. they are so dangerous if ingested and at least at home there can be direct supervision. at a daycare it’s like 1 to 8 or 9 right? Pull some articles, call the licensing board if needed.
Anonymous says
Absolutely not.
Anon says
Nope. I see no benefit and lots of potential risk. 4/5+ sure, but I’d raise a fuss at 3 years old. Maybe white lie that your son has been sticking things up his nose at home so you need to limit all the small things?
Anonymous says
Check with the school. Our preschool is super insane about everything and they actually use orbeez. So they must be too small to be an choking hazard or some other exception.
I’m talking over the top about saftey.
Anon says
Choking isn’t the (only) issue. They are toxic if swallowed.
Mathy says
My 8-year-old son is so reluctant to read and has zero reading stamina. Getting him to sit down and read for 20 minutes at a time is an exercise in frustration. Help me! Any ideas to get him to enjoy reading and improve his ability to sit down for a few minutes and actually read? We have the most success with graphic novels and non-fiction list books (e.g. Top 100 Sports Facts). Would love for him to read chapter books, obviously. Ugh, feeling like a terrible parent about this.
Anonymous says
Have you tried having him read along to audiobooks?
Anon says
Get him books he likes, and don’t worry about what he “should” be reading.
Anonymous says
Agree with this. Go browse at the library, there are a million silly series he might like, many that are probably based around his interests. My kids love marvel, spiderman, and disney “easy reader” books. They are absolutely mind numbing for me to read and I know there’s tons of better stuff out there but it’s absolutely not something I want to push them on when it’s so nice to see them so happy to sit down and pick up a book.
anon says
Yep, reading is reading. My kids adore the mind-numbing repetitive Rainbow Fairies, Candy Fairies, Farm Animal Fairies, etc books and will read them over and over. It’s not at all fine literature, but it’s teaching them that reading for fun is something they enjoy and it’s practicing their reading skills.
I figure it’s like how I read “chick lit” or “beach reads” for fun, not War and Peace or Sense and Sensibility or other “classics”.
Anonymous says
I third this! My 7 year old was a really reluctant reader until she discovered graphic novels. What I also found that helped was frequent trips to the library where she was free to play and explore, and the fact that the library runs a summer reading program with prizes. The minute my kid saw she could get a button for every six hours she read? It was on. So I would say don’t be above bribes and prizes!
Anonymous says
+1! My almost-8 year old liked being read to, but is a reluctant independent reader. He found a dog man book at the library this week, and voluntarily read it to himself before bed for 15m yesterday! I was very excited, but kept it cool in front of him. I have found the more I encourage reading, the less he’s into it.
Anon says
My 5 year old is not reading herself, but graphic novels were what finally got her interested in being read to! She was ready for more complex plots long before she was ready to give up pictures, and I wish we’d introduced them earlier.
anon says
My kids tend to pick out rubbish books at the library, and then don’t want to read them because they aren’t good. We do a lot better if I also make suggestions for books. They will get into good stories and then can’t put the books down.
I have built up a pretty good reputation with my kids for suggesting good books so they are usually willing to give my suggestions a try. That said, I’m suggesting books I think they’ll love and not for any academic purpose. I started doing this during COVID when we couldn’t go to the library to browse, but it’s carried over. At the library, my kids will pick a few books and I’ll pick a few books, so they have options to pick between at home.
Momofthree says
Agree with the others- reading is reading. It’s been hard for me to see that maybe my kids won’t like to read the same books that I did (after I lovingly kept them from when I was a child), but that’s a me issue not a them issue. Now I try to get into the books that they like, even if it means singing “twinkle, twinkle little fart” from Dogman.
Graphic novels have the same complex themes and words as regular books- my kids will still ask questions about words or ideas.
anon says
Reading takes up a lot of mental energy. We increased reading stamina by taking turns. We’d start with the adult reading 2+ pages and the kid reading a short paragraph, and then slowly move up to splitting the reading with us alternating pages. Usually by the time they were comfortable with 50/50, our kids would feel confident reading a chapter or more on their own. I’d then move to slightly harder read aloud books to increase the challenge and leave the easier series to solo reading time.
Our favorite intro chapter books are Dragon Masters, Kingdom of Wrenly and The Last Firehawk. We also had luck with The Magic School Bus series with the kid reading the call outs. The I Survived series may be good for a book that bridges non-fiction and fiction, but is a bit more challenging.
Vicky Austin says
Graphic novels and nonfiction count! Lean into it. If you run out of ideas, consult your local librarian (in the kids’ section if your library is big enough to have multiple). I guarantee they will be delighted to help.
Ifiknew says
make sure the 20 minutes are at a time when he’s not too tired hungry etc. it’s completely futile for my kids if they’re not in the right mindset
Anon says
Are there times when he’s bored and reading is the most appealing option? My kid isn’t a big reader but reads during aftercare quiet time because it’s preferable to sitting quietly doing nothing.
AwayEmily says
Yeah, I find that a lot of it is putting a book in their hand at the right time, ie when there’s no other options. My 7yo is most likely to read when (1) her brother is annoying her and she wants to escape for awhile, (2) I make her go to bed but she’s not tired yet and there’s nothing else to do, (3) we’re in the car and I say no to a podcast (sometimes I really need quiet when I drive).
GCA says
Graphic novels totally count! For kids who like nonfiction, the ‘Who Would Win’ and NatGeo almanac were a hit with my 8yo. Chase your kid’s interests, whether it’s spider facts, sports history, dragon-themed fantasy, or space exploration (my kid inexplicably knows a vast amount about the Apollo moon landing and is now looking for more books – probably due in part to the ‘rocket science’ week at summer camp). And then of course there’s role modeling – is he seeing other family members get really lost in a good book on a regular basis?
Do you suspect any specific reading issues (or even eyesight issues?) or is he doing ok in school? If there are no issues he will probably come to chapter books on his own time.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yes to graphic novels and nonfiction. And also, if he never gets super into chapter books, that is ok too. Some people just don’t get into fiction books and that’s ok! My husband, for instance, hardly ever reads a fiction book for fun. He reads newspapers and magazines (online) and some non-fiction occasionally, and he is IMO a smart, nice guy. I grew up devouring chapter books and still read when I can, but it’s ok for people to be different there.
Tea/Coffee says
Graphic novels are totally great if he will read them without griping! My son was obsessed (Dogman, sigh) and I thought he’d never move on but one day… it just happened. I think there’s a magic moment where the words on the page become something they see in their head vs hear in their head (bad explanation) and it’s different for every kid. My DD had that lightbulb moment way sooner, DS later.
Anonymous says
One strategy that works for us (8 year old boy) list leave a variety of really interesting looking nonfiction books around the house- by his bed, on the coffee table, in the bathroom etc. nonfiction is what he likes. Things he’s gotten into include sports biographies (Epic Athletes series by Dan Wetzel), Weird But True fact books, other National Geographic facts books, almanac, various atlases aimed at kids (not all just maps, lots of infographics), book about the Silk Road. There is a series of choose your own adventure type historical books – the series is called An Interactive History Adventure if you are using a card catalog but then authors are all different- that have shorter segments than a true chapter book and were a really great bridge to chapter books.
Spirograph says
Add me to everyone’s chorus of “graphic novels count.” I personally don’t like to read graphic novels, but my two older kids are obsessed with them. I keep trying to nudge them toward various chapter books, and sometimes they’ll humor me, but all they want is Cat Kid Comics and Dog Man and anything by Raina Telgemeier. I give up, diff’rent strokes. If they’re enjoying books, that’s good enough for me!
Anonymous says
I would take away the graphic novels and replace them with whatever fun books with actual words he likes. My experience was that my formerly enthusiastic reader discovered graphic novels and suddenly became too lazy to read real books with words. Graphic novels are like sugary cereal–fine for a fun dessert treat once in a while, but if you let them have it for breakfast they will never want to eat real food again.
Anon says
Nooo please don’t do this. It’s a great way to make a kid hate reading.
Fostering a love of reading is a million times more important than making sure they’re reading “quality content.” Especially at age 8. Ask your school or public librarian if you don’t believe me. Ours specifically sent home a note asking parents to let their children check out graphic novels if that’s what the kid wants.
Anon says
Graphic novels have words in them!
Conference Outfit says
Attending a conference in Cleveland at the beginning of October. First time going to this conference and from photos last year it looks like a huge range of attire. It’s tech focused but not exactly a hoodie tech vibe. I’m thinking something like ponte/pull on pants, blouse, sweater blazer, and loafers. Basically what I would wear if I went into the office.
Any favorite ponte pants or similar comfy pants masquerading as trousers? I wfh full time so I don’t want to spend a ton, but still want to look put together.
Curvy size 10.
Anonie says
I like these: https://www.nordstrom.com/s/nydj-stretch-knit-trousers-regular-petite/4625280?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FAll%20Results&color=001
Anonymous says
Not exactly ponte but I like Jamie pant from J Crew Factory and they’re on sale.
Anonymous says
Loft has several. I have the Pintucked Fluid Taper Pants and they’re super comfy, but they have a pull on Ponte as well.