Unlike most of The Fold’s pieces, their Clever Crepe Collection is machine washable. My pick is their Almeida Jacket.
This longline double-breasted blazer has a removable belt and functional pockets. The fabric, a washable, satin-backed crepe, is woven for stretch — it springs back into shape after tugging or folding. Wear this jacket on your next flight-to-meeting marathon.
This jacket is $550 at The Fold and comes in sizes UK 6/US 2 to UK 16/US 12. It’s available in navy, ivory, and black. If your office dress code is a little more relaxed, here’s a fun faux leather version for $119 at Nordstrom that comes in four seasonal pastels and sizes XS–XXL.
Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for washable clothes for work, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear.
This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
Sales of Note…
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale has started! See our thoughts here.
- Ann Taylor – $50 off $150; $100 off $250+; extra 30% off all sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 25% off purchase
- Eloquii – 60% off all tops
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off “dressed up” styles (lots of cute dresses!); extra 50% off select sale
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything; 60% off 100s of summer faves; extra 60% off clearance
- Loft – 40% off tops; 30% off full-price styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Talbots – 25-40% off select styles
- Zappos – 28,000+ sale items (for women)! Check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.
Kid/Family Sales
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off kids’ camp styles; extra 50% off select sale
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off summer pajamas; up to 50% off all baby styles (semi-annual baby event!)
- Carter’s – Summer deals from $5; up to 60% off swim
- Old Navy – 30% off your order; kid/toddler/baby tees $4
- Target – Kids’ swim from $8; summer accessories from $10
Cb says
Parent-teacher conferences tonight and we’ve all had ourselves in fits of laughter coming up with what the teacher will say.
“T is very naughty, he puts glue in his ears!” to which my son shouts “Pardon?”
“T is a perfectly ordinary pussycat, except, of course for his tail!”
But the real question is whether he and his bestie will be left together when the classes mix next year. They go down from 5 classes to 4 in 2nd year, and keep that group together through 7th year). The teacher mentioned their dependence in her conference yesterday which worries me slightly. I assume they might grow apart at some point, but T’s other pals are in 2nd or 3rd year, so I do like the idea of him having a solid pal in his class.
Any funny stories from conferences? Anything that surprised you?
Anonymous says
I would acknowledge her concern about their dependence but say that you feel it is better addressed by having them in the same class but not seated together in the classroom.
Mary Moo Cow says
At our last conference for our oldest, the teacher paused in her praise and said, with a smile, “Her desk is quite messy…” and we all turned to look. Then, “Oh, she kept some packing peanuts from our homemade cooler experiment. I didn’t know she had squirreled those away.” We laughed and assured the teacher that absolutely tracked with her home life.
Not what you asked, but I have some feelings about the same group being together every year. I’m always sad when my kids’ friends aren’t in their class, but I’ve come to appreciate the reasons for mixing it up every year. The kids get to know everyone, get some real life experience in rubbing along with people you don’t choose to be with, and the teachers don’t seem to feel like they “always get all the most disruptive kids.” Each grade level has the same recess and lunch, tho, so kids see each other every day. If I know the class would be the same for 5 years, I would be worried, too.
Cb says
Yeah, I think it’s really bizarre that they stick them together til they go to high school (aged 12). It makes it difficult to break up unhealthy dynamics? But apparently, this is the way it’s done.
Anon says
Our school purposely moves kids into different classes from their closest friends every year. It’s a little sad sometimes, but it’s policy. It’s also nice because I can tell my kids ahead of time they won’t be with so and so next year. I think it’s actually been super healthy. DS has a close friend who he does great with, but they still play outside of school and they see each other briefly for recess each day. I tend to completely defer on class placements to the school and highly recommend that – they know what they want to do.
Anon says
Our school does the same.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Same here on switching up the kids. Our school is fairly big so there are about 4-5 classes for each grade in elementary. It’s good for the kids to branch out their friend groups.
Anon says
I see your 4-5 classes per grade level and raise you EIGHT classes per grade level. It’s wild to me how big our elementary school is. Mine had two classes per grade!
GCA says
Heh, my elementary school had six classes per grade and…40 kids in a class. (This was the 90s outside the US!) They reshuffled the classes every year, but in the latter half of the elementary years this was by test performance (!) so I ended up with about 50%-75% of the same kids year to year. Later on, there was a big reshuffle for middle school as I went to a citywide magnet school, but I had plenty of friends from various activities who were not in my class and even outside of my school.
I think it’s pretty normal and healthy to learn to interact with different kids; it’s possible that doing so helps kids find ‘their people’ faster. It certainly helped quirky teenage me! And what’s that old Girl Scout song? Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other’s gold? :)
Anonymous says
I live in a place where kids reshuffle every year within the school and it has never been a bid deal; my son sees old friends at lunch and always makes new ones. We also reshuffle wildly between elementary and middle school, and then again for high school, which is a little worrisome. But someone told me it is a great opportunity for kids to “rebrand” themselves – it tends to break up cliques and allow kids to change. I don’t know if that is overly optimistic but it probably has some advantages.
Cb says
Conference is done – T is apparently the politest kid, so I get to feel like a very proud mum. She recommends keeping them together despite the fact that they are a bit codependent. She helps him join in, he helps her focus and settle. It’s a rowdy class of boys, and she worries he’d struggle to replace her. I think the other boys will catch up with him maturity wise eventually, but who knows…?
Boston Legal Eagle says
Haha, he sounds like my second. My first would probably be considered that rowdy boy and I can’t say he’s matured yet (1st grade still)…
Anonymous says
Funny conference story: My daughter’s teacher told us that she needed to show more leadership. Later I learned from other parents that she seemed to gave the exact same feedback to the parents of every smart, well-behaved kid in her class, every year. Apparently teachers were required to set “growth goals” and that’s the only one she could think of.
Cb says
We got skipping last conference…
This time, he’s a very precise writer but he’s a bit too methodical?
AIMS says
This is gorgeous.
Book request – are there any books for early elementary school age kids that deal with friendship issues? My kid is navigating some issues with her best friend (friend is not always great to her) and I feel like it would help if she could read about similar experiences. Or at least this is how I get clarity and deal with my problems so it’s maybe worth a try… Thanks!
Anon says
We just read Ruby Lu Empress of Everything, part of which was about a falling out with a best friend and then reconnecting. Ruby also has a deaf cousin and grows up in a part immigrant family that she loves but also kind of resents, so lots of good content about empathy and difficulties in relationships in general.
Anon says
The Allie Finkle series by Meg Cabot, though they may be too old for her.
Mary Moo Cow says
JoJo Makoons comes to mind. Also, Ivy and Bean, but more as a model of what a truly great friendship is.
I’m drawing a blank, but your local kids’ librarian might have some suggestions.
Anon says
If anyone wants to feel better about their parenting, we realized yesterday while registering our kid for kindergarten that we just straight up forgot to take her to the pediatrician for her annual well visit. Her birthday was two months ago…
anonM says
To be fair, I have wondered why on earth I get 190292 reminder calls/cards/texts for dentist, etc. but none from the pediatrician’s office. Is that true for everyone?
NYCer says
My dentist allows us to book the next appointment (6 months out) while we are at the current appointment, but the pediatrician does not at this point (one year out). So I think the reminders from the dentist are auto-generated since we already have an appointment scheduled.
Anon says
Yeah our ped doesn’t book the next appointment at the current appointment the way our dentist does, which is part of the problem. Still I feel bad for just completely forgetting.
Anonymous says
Our ped has an annoying system where you can’t book more than 2 months out, but if you try to book less than 6 weeks out everything is full. So you have to call precisely at 2 months minus 1 day in order to get a time slot.
Anon says
Oh that is annoying!
SC says
Is your dentist in network with insurance? I’ve noticed that I get more reminders from providers who don’t take insurance or are out of network than with providers who are in network. In-network providers have more patients to see and often have long waiting lists, and they don’t make as much money from a visit with me (or one of my family members) as they do with a cash patient or out of network patient.
Anon says
I’m OP and kiddo’s dental cleanings are fully covered by our pretty basic dental insurance, but we still get multiple text reminders about the upcoming appointment. I think the key is that the appointment is scheduled and on the books so you get auto-reminders from a computer system. The ped doesn’t schedule appointments in advance the same way, so there’s nothing to remind you about. But dentists in general do seem more aggressive about reminding people to come in. I get paper flyers from my dentist telling me I’m overdue for a cleaning.
anon says
I have done that, too. And yeah, it’s weird that the ped never follows up for those in the same way that the dentist does! I’ve learned the hard way that I need to call at least 2-3 months in advance to schedule the annual well visit.
Cb says
I’ve found schedule sending emails really helpful for this stuff. For some reason, I’ll miss it if it’s just at the top of my calendar on a random day, but if I have an email to schedule to send in 3 months or 6 months, it’s really helpful.
Kids in the UK don’t see the doctor unless they are sick, so we only need to worry about the dentist, but it is helpful.
Anonymous says
The annual well child visit is completely useless because they won’t discuss any concerns or refill any prescriptions because they want to bill insurance for a separate visit for each issue. But our pediatrician won’t see you for an issue or prescription refill unless the kid is up to date on well child visits. It’s a total scam. It wastes time and money and exposes kids to germs in the office unnecessarily.
Anon says
Yeah, tbh I’m not really sure that she needs to see the doctor. We did her kindergarten immunizations at her 4 year appointment, because we travel internationally and we wanted the second MMR as soon as we could get it, and she sees the doctor often enough for things like ear infections that her growth, etc. is being monitored. And if we ask about any questions or concerns, it gets coded as non-preventative and we have to pay out of pocket, so I typically just keep mum at the visit and email the doctor any questions I have later. I’m kind of jealous of the UK’s more hands-off approach.
Anon says
Our schools require a physical every 12 months (with a grace period), and we have to submit the updated forms.
Anon says
Ours just seems to need immunization records, and we’re up to date on those, but I could be wrong.
Anonymous says
This makes me so so so happy to have Kaiser, where I actually feel we get the preventative care we need. Never any worry about bringing up unrelated issues at an appointment, etc. I’m sure people have differing opinions but we’ve had amazing care for complex issues like cancer, and I feel we get much more comprehensive care than when I had a PPO.
Anonymous says
It’s fine. My kid turned 9 in Sept and had her annual in January. I didn’t even forget- insurance mandates a full 366 days between visits and over time that has pushed out further and further. I think the earliest she could go this year was 12/24 which didn’t work for us.
Flower girls ish says
Shopping help! My 8, 3 and 2 year old girls are the “something blue” in SIL’s wedding. I think we could go white with a blue sash or accents or blue. Any good sources for pseudo-flower girl dresses?
Anonymous says
https://www.janieandjack.com/item/girls-eyelet-ruffle-ponte-dress-100045902.html?lang=en_US&dwvar_100045902_color=JJ913&cgid=girls-dresses-and-rompers
anon says
https://www.janieandjack.com/item/girls-boucle-collared-dress-100045898.html?lang=en_US&dwvar_100045898_color=JJ913&cgid=girls-dresses-and-rompers
https://www.bodenusa.com/en-us/embroidered-cross-back-dress-whisper-blue/sty-g4001-blu?cat=C1_S13_G4
Anne-on says
Given the time of year I’d probably go to your nicest mall in person to check out the Easter dress options. If you have time, they should also go on steep sale not long after easter which is when I bought my flower girl her dress (Macys, Nordstrom, and Dillards were all great for this). Otherwise, Janie and Jack, Boden, Hill House Home, and JCrew are all pretty reliable for cute things.
NYCer says
I am not sure how formal the wedding is, but if it is outdoors or on the more casual side, Hill House has some cute blue floral print dresses for kids.
Anonymous says
These options are PRICEY but also beautiful and classic: https://us.lacoquetakids.com/collections/girls-special-occasion-edit?page=2
Anonymous says
I would put the 8-year-old in a solid pale blue “junior bridesmaid” type dress and the little ones in traditional white flower girl dresses with blue sashes. Dessy is a brand that does these in nice simple styles.
HSAL says
Good apps for a long car trip? Almost 5 and 7. They have Khan Academy and Quick Math, one plays games on Disney Now. Don’t mind paying for an app but would like to avoid in-game/freemium junk. Would Apple Arcade be good for that age? I saw some recommendations there.
ElisaR says
i don’t think this is quite what you are looking for…. but we have had good success listening to audible books on long car rides. Nate the Great, Frog and Toad….
Anon says
I’ll second audiobooks. My 8 and 5 yo enjoyed A Little Princess and The Secret Garden on recent trips. They also enjoyed the Gregor the Underlander series.
Mary Moo Cow says
Same on audiobooks. We also loved the Clementine series, Mercy Watson series, and are currently making our way through the American Girl series (both the old recorded books sets of the 6 volume classics and the new 2 book series.)
We also play “Guess in 10” because you don’t have to be able to read (identify by the picture on the card.)
We usually split the trip into one movie, a few car games, and a few hours of audiobooks.
Anonymous says
I know I spotted this recently but my similar age kids to yours looooove the boxcar children audio books. Even in preK they are easy to follow and there are dozens of them so the can occupy as much time as you need. Usually no wait time on Libby.
Anon says
ThinkRoll – problem solving
MathTango – addition or multiplication versions
FVNC says
My kids (9 and almost 6) both enjoy ABCya, and the content seems to be pretty good quality.
DLC says
My six year old has really been into playing Tetris lately. There’s a version called Falling Lightblocks that is, I think, ad free. He plays on my phone, but I think you can get a tablet version.
Then my kids also just like making videos and taking pictures with my tablet.
Anonymous says
One of my twins (age 2) is a poor sleeper. Always has been. He had ear tubes and asthma (reactive airway) but those seem well managed atm. The last two nights he’s started screaming around 4AM. He’s asleep when I go in. I comfort him and he eventually goes back to sleep, though it seems like he’s not really waking. I don’t think it’s night terrors: my oldest had those and he was completely terrified and distraught. My twin seems more like he’s mad or disoriented. Anyway, wondering if any of you have experienced this and have any advice. His sleep is improving, but issue after issue is making me reconsider whether we should have his adenoids removed (ENT gave us the option and we opted not to because he’s young, has already been put under for tubes, and it didn’t seem absolutely necessary). Thanks for any advice.
Anon says
My almost 2-year-old had tubes AND adenoids done and is still a terrible sleeper! If the ENT didn’t think the adenoids were enlarged it’s probably not that (does he sleep with his mouth open?). Some little kids are just poor sleepers. Like all of mine, lol, but this current toddler is the worst!
Anonymous says
Dustmite allergy?
Anon says
My 4 yo occasionally has something like this that I think is called “confusional arousal.” I’ll hear him crying and find him sitting up in bed, crying, usually with his hands shaking. He is not responsive to me though because he is actually asleep. It’s similar to sleepwalking. I sit with him and talk quietly telling him I’m there, so that whenever he snaps out of it and wakes up, he’ll have me (and it makes me feel a little better too). After 5 minutes or so, he wakes up, looks at me clearly, lays down and goes back to sleep. I was a little freaked out at first, but, after finding descriptions of it online that match his behavior to a T, I’m not concerned. For us, it generally happens for a few days or a week after he’s been sick and then they go away.
OP says
This seems like what it is. I was hoping there’s a solution, but like night terrors, we probably just have to deal with them until they go away.
anon says
Annoyed – got an email at 3p yesterday that there is a class party TODAY (kinder) at 2:30 and they need volunteers…and tomorrow is a field trip. Here’s hoping there are some parents with super flexible schedules….
anon says
That’s spectacularly bad planning on the school’s part.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Yikes – I feel like this would be hard for a SAHP with such short notice.
Then again, once in a while I read here and on the main board about those folks that can wrap up their work by 2 or 3 PM, so maybe they’ll come to the rescue. (Not saying this snarkily!)
Anonymous says
Yeah, I am wondering how I can get one of those jobs. I am expected to be on Teams 8:00 – 5:00 and am drowning in work.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Girl, same. “I make [great salary] a year and have leaned out to the point where I work with focus 10-3, and my management couldn’t be happier with my performance!” – I want one of these!
Anon says
I don’t think anyone has said that. I think you’re conflating two very separate things: 1) People with low-paying jobs who have leaned way out and work 10-3 or less (I’m one of them) and 2) people with high-paying “career” jobs who officially work part-time or limit their hours to something reasonable but still full-time-ish like 9-4:30.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Honest question – wouldn’t the second part of your response be what I’m referring to?
Anon says
You said that people say “I make [great salary] a year and have leaned out to the point where I work with focus 10-3.” I disagree that there are people who have talked about checking out to the point they barely work 10-3 and still earning big bucks. I’m certainly not disagreeing that someone who works 9-4:30 and makes $100k+ has a pretty sweet gig! But that’s an essentially full-time work schedule and is very different than working no more than 25 hours/week. My impression is that no one who has talked about cutting their hours to 10-3 or less is earning a lot, unless it’s like a self-employment situation where they charge a high hourly fee for their legal or consulting services, which I think we’d all agree is pretty different than a traditional office job with a boss.
anon says
You accept a pay cut. I’ve posted before but I work 9-3 (at most) fully remotely and make 50k. It’s not an impressive salary, and my husband is in the public sector, but it’s worth it for us
Anonymous says
What field do you work in? I haven’t actually taken the leap yet, but I’ve basically decided this is the move I need to make in the next year or two. My high-pay, high-stress job is not how I want to spend my life anymore.
Anonymous says
There are people claiming to make 6 figures doing this.
Anon says
I don’t recall anyone ever saying they made six figures doing this. I’m another person in this situation and I agree with the anon at 11:18 that the answer is a pay cut. I also make just over 50k.
Anon says
Honestly, no one really manages me because I am more senior, so I do what I want with my day. If I didn’t have something important scheduled and wanted to take off or make it up later, I would just do it and block it on my calendar.
Anonnnnn says
Same. SVP of a F500, make close to 400K total comp. My standard availability is 9-5pm local time, and I occasionally do things before/after but it is rare.
Anonymous says
I need to figure this out. In theory, this should be my job… either company culture, my demanding boss, or personal failing on my part means I’m at this level but still working lots of hours with lots of stress.
anon says
Same. MD in finance.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Anon at 1:12pm – I think it is very boss dependent. I have more flexibility now than when I started in my more junior role here, and much of this is due to bosses.
anon says
I would kind of hope that no one signs up for either so the school really has to scramble and learns that they need to put out these requests with more advance warning.
Anonymous says
Was this the responsibility of the school or the room parent?
anon says
Wildly it was sent out by a random parent not the room parent, IDK. Along the lines of…we’re doing an egg hunt, food and crafts tomorrow for our spring party – we need 2 parents to volunteer to help with crafts!
And then what sounded like a cry for help from the teacher – hey field trip is Thurs we need more volunteers, even if you just chaperone your own kid!
Also – I’m someone who has “leaned out” I’m 80%, working 9- 4:30 and work only briefly on Fridays making six figures…and considering leaning out more eventually.
Anonymous says
I feel like this is a “we could use a hand or two tmw” type request, not a summons.
Anonymous says
I mean…I could have said yes. I have a meeting I’d blow off if I wanted to do it.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
A vent – please no “divorce him” comments.
I’ve been under a ton of pressure at work – it’s sort of a mix of pressure/opportunity/dealing with a tough boss, so I’ve been working extra hard to essentially feature some of my skills/demonstrate learnings. We also have a new executive leader, who seems great, but is new to the organization and on their own learning curve. On top of that I raised my hand to be part of this major deadline that could be game-changing for our department/org – everyone involved has been working 12+ hour days and weekends on it.
I had to take my car to the mechanic yesterday, and turns out it needed more work than we thought. Not surprising – it’s 10+ years old and manufacturer recommends a huge round of maintenance at this juncture. Mechanic has to keep my car through this afternoon. Neither of us asked mechanic how long it would take, so our bad.
DH had to move things around and do pick-up, and was cranky all evening about it and we were both working super late, have big deadlines/presentations today, and DH leaves on a work trip this afternoon. We haven’t had a chance to debrief but geez – it was literally one of a HANDFUL of times he’s had to do this, maybe even the first time. And as soon as kids were home, I did the dinner/bath/bed routine (per usual) while DH went right back to work, which we had agreed on, so I was even more annoyed at him being cranky about “losing time”. GAHHHHH.
Anon says
Vent away. I feel like all of us have been there from time to time with our spouse. Fingers crossed that less stressful season is ahead.
Mary Moo Cow says
Ugh. I’m guessing he reacted the way he did because of the timing, right before a work trip, after a big deadline. Here’s hoping your car is fixed and on time and you can claim some time as your own when he gets back from his trip.
Anonymous says
Solidarity. This generation of dads tends to think that if they do any housework or parenting it’s extra and they should get a gold medal, despite the fact that their wives are all working full-time and handling the bulk of the parenting and housework.
The other day I stumbled across the song “Days and Days” from the musical “Fun Home.” It perfectly captures the experience of being a modern mom, if you ignore that one line about the husband’s unusual extracurricular activities. It made me ugly cry. When I quoted the lyrics to my husband (Days and days and days/That’s how it happens/Days and days and days/Made of lunches/And car rides/And shirts and socks/And grades/And piano/And no one clocks the day you disappear), he said “but that’s not your life–I do the laundry!” Facepalm.
Anonymous says
I hear you. DH just had work trips in back to back weeks. Usually he doesn’t travel much so kids were not sleeping and upset that he was gone at the same time as I have a cold and am getting slammed at work. He came back whining about hotel issues and I was livid.
What has helped us is that our therapist recommended we write out our frustrations in an email but not send it for 24 hours and really think about how we are saying something/what we are saying. Let’s just say it’s given me a new perspective on some of the things I would have said in the heat of the moment.
Sometimes everyone just has an ‘awful horrible no good day’ on the same day.
Anonymous says
I am your DH sometimes (in fact, I’m the one who posted about my DH working a lot more recently after a promotion yesterday). I wonder if maybe this single instance isn’t the issue, but rather if he is frustrated about a shift in everyone’s availability recently. If you’re working 12+ hour days and weekends, is he picking up the slack? I’m not trying to be annoying…in fact realizing that my DH could have written your post is helping me be more empathetic toward him.
Anon says
I often feel this way too: “I’m allowed to be grumpy and stressed but you aren’t.” It’s a stressful situation. He’s human. You are too. It’s hard and annoying but it’s just life. You are focused on the pressure you feel, and he is too.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
BAHAHAHAHAH guys. I’m laughing. I spoke to DH. He said he was grumpy because 1. The request came last minute (true, but tis life); 2. We should have thought about this (true, but tis life); 3. He had to move some important client-facing meetings (which he didn’t tell me – he just said “I’ll move stuff around” – I was like “Dude just tell me next time they are of the immovable realm – we have other options to pick up our kids besides me or you); and 4. This was the big one – he had no idea that I had one of the fluid lights on in my car for a bit (whoops – my FIL swore he fixed it) until I told him the mechanic’s quote…
I didn’t even think of 4 (or 3….)
Anonymous says
Not to pile on but I feel like #3 is really on him. My DH is also client facing: there are some clients who he could reschedule with no issues and there are some where he will tell me he really isn’t available. And then I panic and start calling people in the neighborhood.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Oh, I 100% think #3 is on him.
anon says
I’m the mom with the 3 year old who was waking constantly during the night and waking early every morning and basically making our lives miserable for almost a year now. At someone’s recommendation, we tried the Bedtime Pass method, and I’m happy to report that 5 nights in, things are MUCH improved. We are using little matchbox cars as an incentive and he’s very excited about that. We made two passes and explained that he has to have both in the morning to get a car (we should have just made one, but live and learn). He has still woken up at least once a night but one time was for a nightmare and other times were for the potty so we are ok with that. Hoping things continue to improve and that we’ll end up with zero wake ups some time soon. Anyway, wanted to say THANK YOU! to whoever gave me the advice about the passes, and to everyone else who gently pointed out that he was old enough to know better and that we needed to be more firm. We really needed that perspective.
Anon says
Do you have a link to wherever you learned more about the method? That sounds intriguing.
OP says
Sure, here are a few links that were shared but you can also just google it to learn more: https://www.apa.org/pubs/books/supplemental/pediatric-sleep-problems/The_Bedtime_Pass.pdf
https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2015/09/18/441492810/the-bedtime-pass-helps-parents-and-kids-skip-the-sleep-struggles
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1702334/
Anon says
ooo that was me! glad it’s working for you so far. fingers crossed it stays that way. my not as good sleeper has night terrors and unfortunately the pass system can’t really help with that
Isabella says
Is a Vanguard 529 still a good education savings account? I’ve let the perfect become the enemy of starting the good, and the time for extended research has run out.
Anon says
FWIW, I started a 529 account for my kid 3 years ago. So far I think the account has actually lost value by a small amount versus what we put it. I got into this same trap about overanalyzing but ended up settling on using our state’s program as the 529 vehicle. I like that they have an option to send links to friends and family so they can contribute. That might be a feature to watch out for.
For an actual investment selection, I just went with a target date index fund. A Vanguard option is/was available but the fees were higher. I think this is one of those “do the thing”, get it started, and don’t want it too close or too often because it’ll take a while.
Anon says
The only thing I would say is do a quick Google and see if there’s a state-specific one that gets you a tax break. I’m in Indiana and we get a 20% state tax credit on contributions up to $5k (and it’s refundable, which means you get the money even if you don’t owe any taxes). So if we didn’t use the state’s official plan we’d basically be leaving $1k/year on the table.
Anonymous says
In MA you can deduct $2500 if you go through fidelity. We have one account there To get the tax benefit and the other two in Utah.
Spirograph says
This. If your state offers a tax break for using your in-state 529 (Maryland also does — $2,500 per contributor per kid), it’s probably worth using that plan. Otherwise just pick the one with low fees and reasonable investment options. savingforcollege dot com is a good resource to compare. My understanding is there is some tax benefit to letting the money grow in a 529 vs a regular investment account even if you don’t get a state tax break, but I might be misremembering. In any case, we contribute for the tax break but are not intending to save enough to fully fund college in 529s because they’re restrictive. We also didn’t start til the kids were out of daycare.
I do not use the target date fund, but rather plan to adjust asset allocation to be slightly more conservative when each hits 4th grade, and then again in 7th,10th and when they actually start tapping into it.
anon says
Even without state-specific inducements, 529s provide an enormous tax benefit compared to a regular investment account! Money put in a 529 grows tax-free and there are no capital gains taxes on qualified withdrawals.
For families that are going to pay for their children’s higher education, it’s a great deal. Leftover funds can go to future grandchildren’s higher education.
Anon says
+1. And it can be used for graduate or professional school (including living expenses), it’s not just for undergrad tuition. We’re definitely cautious about not over-funding it, but I can’t imagine not putting any money it at all.
I-bonds also have tax free growth if the money is used for education, although there’s an income cap and many people here probably don’t qualify. We do, so our college savings is a mix of I-bonds and 529s.
Anon says
+1 to grandchildren. I would love to help give a leg up to the generation past my kids. I work with mostly engineers, and it’s shocking how many are concerned their kids will not go to college. But if you factor skilled trade programs costs, nieces/nephews, future generations, etc. I feel like something is better than nothing.
Anon says
Leftover funds (up to around $35k) can now also be rolled into a Roth IRA!
Anonymous says
My husband is a financial advisor and doesn’t like 529 plans (too restrictive), but generally recommends Vanguard for any investments.
Anon says
We use our state’s 529 to get the tax deduction and then periodically move that money to a different 529 plan with lower fees. I forget which one we use, but the goal was a fund with super low fees. Our state’s 529 plans have not great options.
Anon says
I ended up using their 529 because in my state you can deduct taxes on any plan. I was overwhelmed with choices and ended up with Vanguard because it seemed fine fee-wise and I already had a Vanguard account. I wish I had some more detailed analysis to share but it’s been good enough.
Boston Legal Eagle says
We have one through Vanguard and one state specific one through Fidelity. Both seem fine/do about the same.
So Anon says
My 9yo daughter is now slated for an MRI in the next month or so. They gave her/me the option of whether it is under anesthesia. The MRI will take about an hour and a half with each series about 5 minutes. She will need to be still. I’m on the fence about whether it is realistic for her to stay still for those repeated 5 minute stretches and in the MRI for over an hour. I would like to avoid anesthesia if possible but I would also like to avoid needing to repeat the MRI. Any experiences?
Anonymous says
My kid had an MRI at age 10 with no sedation. It was totally fine, but she wasn’t in the machine for that long. I would ask about what type of distraction they offer–music etc. Sedation and anesthesia are so awful that I’d try to avoid it if at all possible.
Spirograph says
My daughter did a few MRIs as part of a research study when she was 5 and younger. They had a movie playing in a mirror for her as a distraction and she was able to stay very still for short bursts over 30-60 min. I’d bet your 9 year old will be fine staying still (with all the pillows & props to hold her in place, too!), so I bet anesthesia is unnecessary.
Anon says
Does she get claustrophobic/panicky? I just had an MRI done and while it was generally fine, I could see how someone could tip over the edge and start spiraling, because it is rather tight and loud in there. I had to do a few deep breaths occasionally to pull it together (I am prone to being panicky).
The techs checked how I was doing between each photo, and rolled me out at one point to give me contrast. Because I stayed so still it was quicker than expected – they told me an hour, and it was more like 35 min. Can you ask if the hour+ time estimate builds in buffer?
I would also lean towards skipping the anesthesia and I bet they are pretty patient with kids. But, if you think there’s a not-small chance she’ll freak out, you might want to put her under.
Anon says
This strikes me as kid dependent. I would not have done anesthesia for my boys at that age who are rule followers and generally pretty calm, but absolutely would do it for 9 y/o DD who tends to panic and overthink things.
Anonymous says
My son had an MRI at age 5. So big caveat that 5 is a lot different than 9, but I had basically no confidence that he could lie still for that long, so we ended up choosing to give him anesthesia. I will say, rather than traditional anesthesia, they gave him an IV drug that basically just knocked him out for a set amount of time and then he woke up. He had way fewer side effects from that vs traditional anesthesia – no rage, nausea, nothing but mild disorientation and sleepiness. I wasn’t aware they were going to do that until the morning of the MRI, but you might ask. Another thing my local children’s hospital offers is an MRI simulator, that you can take your kid to before the actual MRI, to see if s/he can handle it. I thought that was clever. I have no idea if that’s an option for you, or how much it costs, but you might ask.
Spirograph says
Yeah, I’ll add that the study my daughter participated in had this too. And since it was a kid study, they were really good about doing everything in a kid-friendly way. The simulator had decorations on it to look like a spaceship and everything
anon says
What is the MRI of? If a lower extremity, you might be ok. Anything above the knee she’ll be covered past her head and I’d use anesthesia in a heartbeat for a kiddo that small.
Anon says
I know that no one can answer this except me, but would appreciate thoughts on whether to stay in my boring but easy and secure job or take a new role that seems more interesting and intellectually challenging but would require me to work a lot harder and spend more hours working. I’m asking here instead of the main page because I think motherhood is a big factor. If I didn’t have kids at home I would take the new role, but I currently work much less than 40 hours per week and my school age kids are home with me every day after school and for part of the summers, which I really love. If I took the new role they’d have to go to aftercare and full-time summer care. I’d be walking away from really generous vacation leave and unlimited sick leave to a job with one combined PTO bucket, which I also don’t love. But since my kids are past daycare age and don’t get sick often maybe it’s not that big a deal? The new job would be a significant step up in salary, but not to the point that it would really change our lives or anything.
I *think* I’m burned out on my current job and how badly I was treated during the early pandemic, and the new job could challenge me and make me excited about my career again, which would be awesome. But I’m also worried that I’ll go to the new job, realize I was actually burned out on work in general and have walked away from a unicorn lifestyle job. I also have really good security in my current job and new job would be at a typical corporation where I could be laid off if the economy struggles or let go if I’m under-performing.
Any thoughts?
Anonymous says
Given your description, I’d stay. Being a working mom just gets harder as the kids get older. I’d love to have a cushy, low-hours job right now.
Anonymous says
This. I switched to part time after both kids were in elementary school even though I swore for years I never would. I miss M-F, 9-5 daycare so much.
Anon says
Interesting. Can you tell me more about this? My kids are in K and 2nd and while they want to spend tons of time with me now, I assumed I only have a year or two before the oldest is looking for more space. I think of parenting middle and high schoolers as a much less time-intensive as their schedules get filled with friends, activities and homework and they have less interest in spending time with their parents. Is that not accurate? I’d love to hear more about how being a working parent gets harder as the kids get older (barring the daycare –> elementary tr@nsition, which we’re already past).
Anonymous says
See comment below about summer camp. They will also want to do after-school activities that require transportation, and for nearly all activities they will have to commit to multiple practices or classes per week in order to stay involved past age 8 or so. In late elementary school homework can get really intense with a high expectation for adult involvement. For example, our elementary school would assign complex projects involving library research, writing, construction of objects, and/or production of slides or videos, and expect the parents to support all of this instead of teaching the necessary skills during class time and/or breaking the project into parts that the kids could complete independently.
Anonymous says
Help with homework is not universal. We have a pretty militant no-helping with homework stance, other than things like driving kids to the library. My STEM PhD parents helped me with math and science homework way too much in middle and high school. I mastered the material enough to score well on class tests and do well on AP exams, but I didn’t learn how to study and problem solve, and it really came back to haunt me at college. I nearly dropped out because it was the first time I’d had to work hard at school and it was so overwhelming. I had a great childhood and am still very close to my parents, but this is the biggest parenting mistake they made and it’s the thing I feel mostly strongly about doing differently.
Anonymous says
Even driving to the library can be tricky logistics depending on kids activities and library hours. Library usage seems to be mostly online so far for our kids. They still go to the physical library every three weeks with their grandparents but they use online for schoolwork. It also depends on the homework. For grades 2 – 5 we get a lot of spelling test practice (involves parent reading out words), or reading assigned books to parents or reading their own writing to us which doesn’t give a lot of room to opt out. How much work it is to help with homework depends in part on how many kids OP has and their ages.
Anonymous says
Anon @ 12:32, leaving your kids to their own devices is fine in high school, but our elementary school explicitly designs the assignments so that they cannot be done without parent guidance. They are outsourcing the teaching to parents. Could your second-grader figure out how to get a library card, log in to the library website, search for books on the assigned topic, put those books on hold, pick them up, find the relevant facts in the books, organize them into an outline, and write a report on them? Then could they figure out how to search for pictures on the internet to illustrate relevant concepts and turn them into a slide show? Mine couldn’t.
Anonymous says
yes I was referring to middle and high school, which I thought was the subject of the original comment about helping with homework. Although our elementary school did not assign homework other than reading, which I think is becoming increasingly common.
Anonymous says
I made the original comment about helping with homework, and I was referring specifically to grades 2 – 5.
Anonymous says
They don’t want to spend time with their parents, but they definitely need their parents to drive them all over the place to hang out with friends, do activities, etc.
Anonymous says
It’s the logistics around the friends/activities/homework that are the killer. In the daycare and early elementary years they have a lot less opinions about what they want. I have 3 so it’s not about them getting whatever they want but just about the logistics of swim lessons when they are in 3 different levels which are not offered on the same day at the same time but we’ve been telling them for years that learning to swim is a safety thing and we can’t just drop it. Or one kid who is dying to go to basketball camp but that’s across town so I need to work out the drop offs/pick ups but registration opened already and there are only a few spots left. Some friends deal with it via an afterschool nanny who drives but those can be expensive and not easy to find. And they are not always equipped to handle homework (like ‘interview a relative who was alive in the 1960s’ with 24 hours notice).
Mary Moo Cow says
My kids are also K and 2nd and I think about scaling back at work all the time, because I assume it’s just going to get harder and parenting more time intensive. They will need more help with homework/school/learning study skills and time management, clubs, sports, learning how to do laundry and clean the house. Then there’s the emotional capacity I’ll need to be a safe place and listen to all the needs of “big kids, big problems.” There’s also my own sentimentality that I think I will start wanting to grab any time I can with them before they go off on their own, and the car ride from school to activities seems like where really good conversations can happen.
Anon says
I wouldn’t call it cushy if she’s burnt out and miserable.
Anon says
What part of your life excites you/fulfills you most? From what do you derive your biggest sense of identify? Being a mom, your career or some third option like a hobby (in which case, keep the job and allot more time to option 3)? Personally, I would stay at the job (having summers with my kids is something I really enjoy and know I won’t regret). But you have to be honest with yourself.
Anon says
Definitely family/kids first. Even when I enjoyed my career it was a distinct second to family, and at this point I’d say it’s third after family and a hobby.
Anonymous says
Summer camp logistics are a nightmare where I live. Around age 12 they don’t want to go to summer camp anymore but can’t be left home alone all day every day. And in upper elementary they want to do what their friends are doing so the 10am-3pm horse camp and not the 9-5 city camp they accepted for grade 1/2/3.
Anon says
Do people not do sleepaway camp anymore? At that age my husband and I were both at sleepaway camp except for the odd week or two.
Anonymous says
That’s always been BY FAR the minority. Obviously there are some people who do it, but growing up middle class in the PNW I knew zero people who went to sleep away camp for the whole summer and only a handful who did a week or two (Girl Scout camp, bible camp, bnai brith camp etc).
Anonymous says
This varies a lot by area I think. I didn’t grow up with sleepaway camp beyond a week at Girl Scouts in the summer. My kids don’t do sleepaway and I don’t know of any of their friends who do. It’s day camps all summer here. City camps or camps at the university generally have good hours but the older elementary and junior high kids seem to go to interest specific camps that have awful hours so there’s a lot of trading off leaving work early with other parents.
Anonymous says
Multi-week summer camps are very, very expensive. The only person I know who sends her kids to one is a biglaw partner who sends her kids to the religiously affiliated camp she attended as a kid. It is just not a thing culturally in many places. I get a lot of judgment from other parents for sending my kid to sleepaway camp for a week.
Anon says
Sleepaway camp is normal in our circles (we’re Jewish) but I don’t know anyone who goes all summer and my kids would be unhappy about having to go for that long. They love camp and have a separate set of camp friends, but they want time at home with their local friends too. And camp doesn’t even cover the full summer break even if we wanted to send them away for that long. The “full session” (which you have to do if you’re in high school; elementary and middle schoolers can and often do go for less time) is 5.5 weeks. Our summer break is only 10 weeks, which I feel like is fairly short for public schools, but camp would still barely cover half the summer.
Anon says
@2:31 a lot of camps have tuition assistance these days and generally the first week is the most expensive and the weekly rate gets cheaper and cheaper the more weeks you do. So I don’t think it’s finances that’s the biggest factor necessarily, but I agree many people only go for a couple weeks or don’t go at all.
Anonymous says
Laughing at the idea that camp is not expensive. I spent $6,000 on a three-week camp last summer, and that was with a partial merit scholarship.
anon says
There is not a culture of sleepaway camp in many parts of the country. Here, you might be gone for a week, tops. It’s definitely not an all-summer thing.
Anon says
I would do whatever would make you happier, but not for the kids. All there studied show that it truly doesn’t matter for the kids. It sounds like it would make you happier to take it? Working a boring and secure job would make me miserable, but others may be fine with it. Whatever you decide; I wouldn’t do it for guilt for the kids. Eg Read the thread on the main page on how many grown ups see their own parents.
Anonymous says
Don’t change now but keep looking for other options. You need a change but this seems like it would add a lot of stress. Like exchanging one kind of stress for another.
Anon says
I think that’s actually the main thing that’s giving me pause about staying. The new job is basically as good as it will get without completely changing careers. It seems like a great team, interesting work and the pay is at the very top end of what I could expect (honestly, I thought the salary was a typo when I saw the job ad). My current situation is a unicorn – there’s basically no way I’m going to replicate it, and I think I do want to leave, so it seems silly to pass up this great opportunity. I’ve been casually looking for a couple years now, and most jobs I’ve seen are my current salary or lower, but would be giving up the perks I have currently like short hours and job security. So it sort of feels like a mistake to pass this up.
Anonymous says
Maybe work through an exercise of how you would manage the next six months or year would look like if you took that job? Might give you some more concrete ideas of changes both logistical and financial that you would undertake. Would give you a better understanding of the two options.
At least at this stage of my life, I can’t just compare the actual jobs – I need to compare the ‘whole life’ perspective. At one point, I was making the big job work but it require a lot more $$ on childcare and weekly housecleaning and outsourcing laundry to cleaners. Managing the logistics of outsourcing took more work than I realized it would but that balance will be different for everyone depending on where you live. Like in my area, it’s super hard to get a nanny or afterschool care due to a childcare shortage but easier to get cleaning help.
NYCer says
I am admittedly not nearly as ambitious as many on this board, but I would stay in your current unicorn lifestyle job for now. I think there is a lot of value in having a flexible job and built-up good will.
Anonymous says
It sounds like you’re excited about the new role- can you negotiate on anything of the things you don’t like, like the PTO bucket? Are there other moms in the role and how do they do it? Is now your husbands time to lean out so you can lean in?
I was in an easy role with a lot of flexibility that made me really hesitant to leave, but I did and I’m really glad. I didn’t realize how burnt out I was on it until I got the chance to meet new people, learn a new role, etc. it did wonders for my mental health and sense of identity. It sounds like you would regret not taking this, so here’s a vote for do it.
Anon says
I think if you’re looking for some external permission to not #girlboss and keep a more relaxed job for now, you have full validation.
I personally had a pretty good example of my mom scaling her career down when her kids were little, and it took a while, but once we were off to college, she’s worked her way up to a pretty interesting career. So just because you don’t want to complicate your life right now. Doesn’t mean 10 years from now you couldn’t move on to something bigger and more challenging.
Anon says
My kids are still in daycare but I have stayed in my flexible, easy job (that lacks challenge and high pay) because I want more time for my family, household tasks, and my own well-being. School schedules seem insane to me. There is so much time off. It blows my mind. I already feel stressed with all my kid’s sick days. Outsourcing is everyone’s answer but that seems stressful to manage too. If I found my career path meaningful and fulfilling in a deeper way (or if it paid me twice as much), I might recalibrate. I also like having goodwill with the coworkers I’ve known for years, and I believe my job security is much better than if I started somewhere else new.
Anonymous says
I don’t know if this is helpful, if not just ignore. I posted here a few weeks ago because I was offered my dream job…but with an hour+ commute each way. I ended up turning the job down. My bff, who works in my industry, told me to my face I was making a mistake by turning it down. But she lives to work: I don’t. I ended up getting a unicorn WFH consulting job a few weeks later. I’m so, so happy with my new job: my boss and I are on the same page, my team is super collaborative, I can pick up my oldest and set him up with tv and a snack while I finish up my tasks. But that’s just me: my bff would leap at the chance to commute for her dream job. Can you see if there’s a secret option c? Not this opportunity, not staying where you are, but the best of both? I know that sounds really glib but I didn’t think I would find something like that and I did. I know it’s hard.
TheElms says
I have the big challenging job (but it also has the lifestyle changing salary) and I’d love the unicorn job with a good salary. BUT my kids are 1 and almost 4, so ymmv. Can you send the kids to a bit more summer care this summer than strictly necessary for your job and take a real break from your current job? Is there anything you can do to make it more interesting (it might not be more intellectually challenging) like take on a new project, get a new initiative off the ground?
Anonymous says
If the money isn’t going to change your life, I’d stay.
Boston Legal Eagle says
It’s a hard decision, Anon, for many of the reasons people have said. I often feel that I can’t quite seem to have it all in terms of work fulfillment and family fulfillment. I don’t want a job that takes all of my time, but I also find a lot of value in my career and I know I’m highly skilled at my job. I am very bored when I don’t have enough to do at work. But there are a lot of constraints on my time with my kids, who are getting older and physically easier but logistically harder. I feel like with every decision, we’ll have to give something up. And it’s not easy to give up career/personal fulfillment even though of course we want to spend the time with our families. That doesn’t answer your question but hopefully helps you feel like there is no one right answer!
Anon says
I made a similar transition three years ago and have been really happy with the results. Two things I would suggest:
1. Ask someone close to you if you seem happy. For me, I had similarly been underworked at my previous job and there were some other issues. After the change, a close family member said – I’m so glad for you, I could tell you had been so unhappy working there! I was like, I didn’t know – why didn’t you tell me! I hadn’t realized that my work unhappiness/unfulfilled feeling was leaking into the rest of my life.
2. Will you really have to work many more hours? I’ve found that I get so much more done in a day when (1) I have more to do, and (2) I’m more interested in my work.
roxie says
Choose the bigger life. Invest in your intellectual and professional growth. You deserve it.
Anon says
Any book recs that are basically the same text/picture ratio as Princess in Black? My 3-year-old loves them for read aloud but I’d love to branch out.
The Kayla and King books also seem to work but most of the early chapter books are too long and have too much text to pictures. (E.g., Zoey and Sassafrass). I really need things that are a complete story we can read in one sitting. She loves animals, especially cats, and super heroes. (We have the Kitty mystery books but still a little advanced for her).
Anon says
Is there a reason you want to move on from picture books? Picture books are EXCELLENT for kids, even long past the point when they can read novels on their own. There is often much more complex vocabulary (since it’s assumed a parent is reading) and, as your daughter has figured out, the illustrations enhance the reading experience.
I love the booklists that Read Aloud Revival puts out (found on the website). I especially like the monthly lists, and at the beginning of the month I put a bunch on hold at the library so it’s easy to pick up a stack.
Anon says
No I don’t particularly need to move on but she has been asking for the Princess in Black ones and nothing else lately so I figured she was liking the longer format. But maybe it’s the subject matter mostly who knows. I’ll check out Read Aloud Revival!
Anon says
Someone sent us a Magic Treehouse graphic novel and my PIB-loving kid really likes that. The actual books have some pictures, but nowhere near as many as Princess in Black.
AwayEmily says
I think I asked this question years ago! At that age we had good luck with Mercy Watson (though I find it annoying), the Iris and Walter series (love these), and Barkus.
TheElms says
This is a good list — https://everyday-reading.com/beginner-chapter-books/
anon says
Try the “I Can Read” books that are Level 1. Frog and Toad, Little Bear. Also seconding picture books but ones with more words. Classics like Strega Nona, Bremen Town Musicians, Sylvester and the Magic Pebble, Ada Twist (and all her friends!). We also started with fairy tales around that age.
DLC says
It’s a stand alone book, not a series but Wild Honey from The Moon is a charming story about a mother shrew who goes on an adventure to find medicine for her sick baby shrew. It’s a beautiful book that feels one step beyond picture books, but not really a chapter book.
Also Lulu and the Brontosaurus series. Though Lulu can be a little bit of a pill.