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Anonymous says
It’s been a while since I’ve been to a wedding and have never really been with my own children, so curious – if a wedding invite calls for formal dress code, are children expected to have the same level of formality? We are invited to a summer wedding on a Sunday night and wondering if my son can wear a seersucker suit or if he needs an actual suit in a traditional fabric. Weather is likely to be hot given the time of year. Daughter would wear a pretty dress but nothing bejeweled or floor length, much to her disappointment. Kids are 8 and under, if it matters, and wedding is on Long Island.
Also, is there a difference between formal and black tie?
Anonymous says
I would put your son in a dark colored jacket for an evening wedding on LI. You could do seersucker and people would think it’s cute, but that’s a little less formal.
I had a formal summer wedding in CT. I really didn’t care one way or the other but the little boys there wore khakis and navy jackets. I think whatever dress your daughter wears will be fine. FWIW my cousin wore a full seersucker suit and rocked it so, whatever, honestly.
Anon says
Black Tie means men in tuxes and women in long dresses, though women can also often also wear formal short dresses. Whose wedding is this? A relative? What is the venue like? What does party dress mean to you that your daughter is wearing? And to me a 2 year old in a seeesucjer suit is different than a 7 year old
OP says
Wedding is of a relative, not super close. Dress will probably run the gamut from super dressed up to too casual. At least one or two men will wear a suit and a fancy tshirt under and some women will be in very short dresses that are generally not intended for weddings. Wedding venue on the very far end of Long Island.
Son, who is 5, already has a beige seersucker suit that should fit so just trying to figure out if he can wear it. Not sure that khakis and navy blazer is really more formal. Daughter has a floral dress similar to this one: https://www.janieandjack.com/item/girls-the-garden-rose-dress-100045808.html?lang=en_US&dwvar_100045808_color=JJ827&cgid=girls-dresses-and-rompers#?lang=en_US&prefn1=dress-type&prefv1=Floral&start=30&sz=12
I haven’t been to a wedding since before the pandemic so just have no recollection of what level formal is required. I know some relatives will just be wearing long column dresses. Think of something long and floaty chiffon myself to split the difference between over and underdressed. Thanks all!!!
Anon says
i’d put five year old in a navy suit, not khakis and a navy blazer. Seersucker only if it’s daytime.
Anon says
My view: Yes son can wear a seersucker suit to a formal summer wedding. Daughter will be fine. Yes there is a difference between formal and black-tie. Black-tie generally means floor-length for women and tuxedos for men.
Know your audience, but I just went to a black-tie optional April DC wedding (day wedding, evening reception) and the kids that were there were not in suits (except for one adorable baby) and the young girls were in what I would call a “party dress” but not something super formal. There was a lot more black on the women than I would have expected for a spring DC wedding, but most of the attendees were from the midwest and new england. Handful of tuxes, but mostly suits.
Anon says
Black tie optional is different than black tie.
Anon says
Yes, but “black-tie optional” is slightly more formal than “formal”, which is what the OP is trying to figure out, so I thought it was a helpful anecdata point when considering what kids would wear to a formal wedding.
NYCer says
I agree. I think your proposed outfits for the kids are totally fine for a summer wedding.
Anon says
Only d*cks would judge young children (or their parents) for dressing slightly less casually than the adults for a formal, evening event. My niece wore a spiderman costume to my wedding because it was the outfit that made her feel most special (she was 4). If you’re going to get something, I’d get it second-hand since it’s a single use outfit, and he’ll have outgrown it by the time a similar event comes up.
Spirograph says
I think a seersucker suit on a kid in the summer is completely appropriate for a formal wedding. Your kid outfit plans sound fine to me. IMO, as long as they are making an effort to look “fancy,” the rules aren’t strict for kids.
If you decide to buy anything new-to-you, I agree to look at consignment stores/ second hand. We get nearly all our fancy kid clothes from Kid-to-Kid. At the one near us, the selection often isn’t great for boy’s suits over about size 6, but there are always tons of party dresses.
Emma says
I personally think seersucker suit or navy jacket + khakis is fine, and daughter should wear a nice dress but does not need floor length or glitter. I cannot imagine anyone applying the same standards to a 5 and 8 year old as they do to adults.
Anon says
Agreed.
anon says
Agree. As long as they’re dressed up, I think it’s fine. (Also, kids’ dress up clothes get used infrequently enough that I want to get as much mileage as I can out of an outfit before they outgrow the thing.)
Anon says
There is a difference in formal vs black tie optional vs black tie, with formal being the most informal of the 3.
I’m a stickler for dressing appropriately but I think a 5 year old in a seersucker suit is fine. I would say that this is much preferable to navy blazer and khakis. With kids that young, “close enough” is fine.
OP says
Thanks everyone! Going with the seersucker and floral dress. Appreciate all the responses.
Anon says
Does anyone have a suggestion for a simple kids digital camera for a 5 year old that doesn’t have games?
anon says
I think you can disable the games on the VTech one (which is the kids camera I see most highly recommended).
AIMS says
Just a note that the vetch one is such a crappy camera! We have one from a few years ago and unless they did a complete overhaul it is total garbage. I feel like it may as well be a fisher price pretend camera for all the quality of its pictures. It’s only pluses are the very basic games which my kids do like and the fact that you can chuck it off the top of a bunk bed and it will be just fine.
If you want an actual camera for a kid that would be fun to use I would get a Polaroid.
OP says
they will use way too much paper. i could care less about the quality of the pics, mostly so they stop stealing my phone to take pics.
Anon says
I don’t think the brand we had was Vtech but agree that cameras sold as “kids cameras” are terrible quality and impossible to operate. We got one and I could barely manipulate the tiny buttons; I have no idea how a preschooler is supposed to.
I’m a fairly serious photographer myself, so I have some old digital point and shoots lying around and just gave my kid one. It doesn’t really have much value to me at this point, so if she breaks it whatever. I will also say that my 5 year old much prefers taking pictures on a phone to taking pictures on a camera (I think it’s simpler for kids because of the large digital display) so she also has an old iPhone that is essentially a small tablet (it connects to wifi but not cellular data) and of course we control what’s on that. We do have some games on there for her, but you could choose not to.
My k
R says
I recently got a Kidamento camera for my 3.5-year-old and have been happy with it so far.
Anon says
Consider getting a used point and shoot digital camera on FB Marketplace or Craigslist. $20-ish, better quality pictures and if they break it, no biggie.
OP says
i have twins so i don’t have two old phones lying around nor do i think i will be able to find two of the same on facebook marketplace. i don’t expect to actually print any of the pictures. just something for them to play around with that won’t break asap
Anon says
Can you ask family members? I have like four old iPhones and would happily give one to a friend or family member who wanted it for their kid to take pics.
anon says
There were some interesting late responses to the kindergarten reading thread yesterday, if anyone wants to look back at yesterday.
AIMS says
Thanks for pointing that out. I am on team “don’t panic but also don’t just assume it will be fine.” I have a young for her school year 2nd grader (just turned 7 in mid December) and reading is a real struggle after we assumed it would work itself out if we were just patient. It’s also much harder to fix at this point because what she wants to read at this age isn’t commensurate to her reading level and she’s developing a lot of issues around it because her friends are reading at a speed/level she can’t and she is feeling left out and like this is something she’s not good at. A book like 100 lessons also won’t cut it at this point. We are using it with our soon to be kindergartner though and it is helpful. And yes kids are all different – I was shocked that he knew how to write his own name a year ago at 4 when his sister was still using a scribble to “sign in” to class until 5+.
I also struggle with how much I need to be concerned – if she was in private school she would be in 1st grade based on that calendar year and reading great for the (1st) grade. But because she is in 2nd, she is just barely at grade level and it’s a constant struggle not to fall behind. I am sure we will get past it but it’s just harder now. Even a tutor is more fraught because at this age she associates it with being “behind.” I wish I was more on it earlier.
Boston Legal Eagle says
If she turned 7 in December, she’d be in 1st grade here in the MA public schools too (and I think most states have a Sept. 1 or so cut off now). I wonder why your area has the later cutoff?
Anon says
Yeah I feel like this is part of the problem. December cutoffs seem rare these days except in NYC.
NYCer says
NYC public schools have a very strict cutoff. Everyone born in the same calendar year is in the same grade in public schools. Private schools in the city have Sept 1 cutoff.
AIMS says
This – we are in NYC and there is no negotiation in public school. I spend a lot of time worrying that we did a huge disservice to our kid by not going to private but private generally means either religious school or around $50K/year and neither of those seemed appealing. But I do try to keep in mind the fact that what is “normal” would be very different in most school districts.
Anon says
You can’t redshirt at all? To be clear, not criticizing your choices, just curious. I’m in the Midwest. Cutoff is August 1. It’s absolutely non-negotiable that you have to be 5 by August 1 (my daughter has a very bright, very mature friend born on August 3 who wasn’t allowed to start earlier) but holding kids back if they’re near the cutoff is super common. I would guess well over half of July birthdays are red-shirted and it’s not unheard of even for April/May birthdays.
NYCer says
My kids are in private school, but from what I understand from friends, there are essentially no exceptions to the rule. Kids can sometimes (rarely) repeat a grade once they are a bit older, but red-shirting to start late in K is virtually unheard of in NYC public schools.
Anon says
In the Midwest August 1 is not uncommon! School starts the first week of August and I think they want all the kids to be 5 before the school year.
I have a December birthday kid and omg she would have been a MESS if she’d gone to kindergarten at age 4. She feels sooo much more ready this year at 5. Red-shirting has gotten out of hand but if our schools had a December 31 cutoff, we definitely would have been red-shirting or looking at private schools with earlier cutoffs. I was very young for my grade (May birthday with an August cutoff, many June/July kids red-shirted) and I was fine, but I was several months into being 5 when I started K. I think the difference between 4.75 and 5.25 is pretty huge for many kids.
Anon says
I have a September birthday kid who started Kindergarten at age 4 (with an end of September cutoff, so she was literally the youngest in her grade) and she was indeed a mess. We stuck with it because it was academically the right fit, but socially and emotionally she was a hot mess. It’s gotten a little better as she’s gotten older, but we still get regular emails home from teachers about her lack of maturity.
If I had a December birthday kid who was struggling, I’d seriously consider switching to private with a Sept cutoff and redoing 2nd. No need to struggle when she’s really being pushed ahead.
AIMS says
The problem is once you’re “in” the school and your kid has a friend community, the kid will struggle just as much if not more, if she is taken out. She has friends, she is attached to being a “second grader.” We spoke about it – it would be devastating for her to repeat, whether at her school or private. I think short of moving out of state and saying, “sorry that’s just the rule here,” we would be just buying a whole new set of issues. And I do hope it will eventually work out because moving out of state isn’t going to happen.
Anon says
NY has a Dec cutoff and CT (where I am now) has a Jan 1 cutoff!! There have been pushes to move it to Sept, but there is a vocal group saying this would disadvantage lower income families because they’d have to pay for daycare for another year (don’t worry about the damage of starting K too young…). It’s awful!
Anon says
Public pre-K seems like a much better solution to that issue than pushing kids to start K before they’re reading.
Anon says
*before they’re ready
Anonymous says
I am in favor of a later cutoff. I had a November birthday and started K before I turned 5. The program was allegedly advanced a year and I was still bored to death. I would have hated school even more if I’d been forced to wait until I was nearly 6. It’s even worse now that the curriculum has been dumbed down. Our school district doesn’t even teach multiplication until halfway through third grade. This means that with redshirting, some of these kids are 10 before they encounter the concept. How could they not be bored?
Anonymous says
My 2nd grader turned 7 at the end of July in a district with a 9/1 cutoff. I am team “don’t worry” but I will caveat that with I’m team “don’t worry until the end of 1st grade.” If you are still concerned, seek help before the summer in our district kids enter K either 4 and 362 days or like…nearly 6.5.
ifiknew says
Can you explain more why its more difficult to fix as she’s older? Why wont a book like 100 lessons to read work at her age? Isn’t it okay to understand that maybe she’s not where her friends are but she will get there with consistency and practice? Maybe i’m oversimplifying it, but just genuinely curious.
Anon says
The 100 Lessons book is aimed at teaching kids to sound out words from the beginning. It isn’t appropriate for kids who have already been taught to sound out words, even if they don’t do it well. It’s really best for 4-5 yos, or a 6 yo who hasn’t started learning to read at all yet. By 7 or 1st grade, they are too far along for it to be a reasonable choice.
Telling her just to practice more is a terrible answer as in her opinion she likely thinks she’s practiced as much as them and is still behind. They’re in class together every day–so why is it easy for them and hard for her? Why is she being asked to read “baby” books when they are reading chapter books? Why is she getting pulled out for extra help and missing fun activities in class?
There’s a whole emotional component by 2nd grade where you have to keep a kid from feeling stupid or slow, but still get them to work at it.
Anon says
“They’re in class together every day–so why is it easy for them and hard for her?”
I don’t know that I really buy this as a concern. Reading is kind of something that has to “click” and there’s pretty big variation in when it clicks for different kids (anywhere from 4 to 8, I would say, although I’m not an expert). For a lot of kids it really does just take practice and patience! Reading didn’t click for me until I was a nearly 7 year old second semester first grader, but I was soon reading way above grade level and I don’t feel like I have any lasting trauma from being on the later side of normal for learning to read. I agree there’s more cause to be worried if your kid is in second grade and not reading fluently (regardless of age, because as you noted there are social issues in play too) but a lot of this comment seems very fear-mongering to me. Watch and wait is a very sensible approach for most kids in K and 1st.
Anon says
I think it’s inappropriate to tell a 7 yo just to try harder and practice more if they’re frustrated that friends are reading more quickly and more interesting things.
It’s fine if you were a late reader and never felt that way, but it can be a huge wound to some kids. They really care and can be super embarrassed that they can’t read like their peers.
Anon says
I mean I think it depends on what percentage of the class is reading. I understand that a kid would be upset if they’re the only one in a class of 30 who can’t read, but I don’t think it’s normally upsetting to a child to have half the class reading and half the class not reading and be in the half that’s not. The latter was more akin to my situation. In my area, reading is taught in first grade and kids are only stragglers if they enter second grade not reading, so it’s definitely not something I’d panic over in kindergarten when they still have over a year to learn on the “normal” timeline. I don’t think anyone is advising doing nothing if it’s May of first grade and your child still can’t read.
GCA says
Just going back and seeing those. I’m one of those ‘taught myself to read’ kids, but all the evidence says phonics are a necessary part of how kids learn to read in English.
Anecdotal evidence only — when friends handed down their copy of Teach Your Child to Read, we used it with astonishing effect for my 4yo, starting soon after she turned 4 and totally kid-led (we make a game of it and now she routinely reads words ‘in the wild’ — ‘car wash’, ‘win’, ‘go’, ‘singing’) in a way that my older kid was not doing at the same age. The methods in TYCTR seem very effective, and the pre-K year seems to be a sweet spot for it. I’d say it’s one tool in the toolbox. I think fostering a true *love* of reading also means reading to kids, reading together, modeling reading for your kids, and empowering them to choose reading at their own pace and according to their own interests.
Mm says
Interesting and helpful. Jumping off this – any recommended books and materials for teaching basic math skills at Pre-K level?
AIMS says
Not a book, but my pre-Ker loves NumberBlocks on Netflix. He truly learns from it, which I didn’t expect, and it’s a good way to introduce concepts in an age appropriate and entertaining way.
Anonymous says
Preschool math by Kate snow, but we find preschool math schools to be really organically absorbed? Like if you count literally anything with your child. Playing games. Word play “Ok I gave you two cookies, how many would it be if I gave you one more? One less?”. Number puzzles. Sequencing patterns with counting bears or Connect 4. They should be able to count to 29 (rote memorization) and recognize numbers 1-10 by kindergarten. I’ve never known a kid to struggle with this and I’m with a lot of pre-k kids. Unless they have a real learning disability
Anon says
This. My kids are elementary now, but they both love math and I think a big part is because we just made it a part of constant conversation. “Ooh I have 6 crescent rolls in this package. How many should each of the three of us get?” or “Let’s count how many red cars we see in the next minute!”
My kids were super into the play kitchen/ play food at that age, so we played store a LOT. Target had some felt money so I’d take a few items and use a post it note to list the cost, and then let them figure out what they could buy with their 10 felted $1 bills.
As they’ve gotten older, we still talk about math every day. I have them double recipes, we talk about the fractions in a delivery pizza, I let them go into dollar tree with a list and some cash and tell them to figure out how many items they can buy for themselves with the change.
Anonymous says
At that age I relied heavily on manipulatives, mainly base-10 blocks and fraction towers. The base-10 blocks teach place value and are also very helpful with regrouping in addition and subtraction. Fraction towers are good for converting fractions, adding and subtracting, and even multiplication of fractions, but you probably wouldn’t have them multiplying fractions in Pre-K. I also used 100 grids (a 10*10 table with numbers 1 – 100 in order) for skip counting, a teaching clock, and play money.
Anonymous says
The story about the affluent Girl Scout troop where none of the first-graders could read is an example of the dangers of the current trend among wealthy parents to pooh-pooh at-home reading instruction. No, they are not going to learn in school! It is far more difficult to teach a resistant 7-year-old who’s has two years of negative experiences with classroom-based reading instruction than it is to spend 10 minutes a day doing phonics with a 4- or 5-year-old at home and hasn’t internalized the false message that reading is unpleasant.
Clementine says
Starting to plan for a replacement summer trip. Our international trip got cancelled because of husband’s work. Additionally, now husband (most likely) can’t go, but I’ve decided that the au pair and I will bring the kids (7,3,1) somewhere.
I want to go to the west coast, flying out of NYC so lots of east direct flights.
Ideas so far: LA-ish, maybe a day or two at Disneyland but also general sightseeing.
Portland, OR – could we rent bikes and bike trailers and go full Portland?
Honestly, my kids would be happy to swim in a hotel pool for 10 hours a day and occasionally go see something cool. I feel like there’s a resort that does this (Scottsdale?) but will it be too hot to exist? You guys have the best ideas..,
Anne-on says
What’s your general budget? San Diego and the Hotel del Coronado are supposed to be amazing for kids, you could pretty easily drive from there up to Annaheim and do Disney. DisneyLand is MUCH easier to do – smaller, more walkable, and more hotels which are ‘offsite’ but still an easy walk to the parks though a ton cheaper. You can start at Disney at one of the less expensive hotels and then splurge for the Coronado at the end of the trip? The San Juan Islands (Orcas) or Vancouver would also be really pretty in the summer months.
I’ve done Phoenix in August (work trip) and it was brutal – 104-110 in the days, and down to ‘only’ 90s at night for the evening dinners, I’d be worried about a 1 year old being outside for too long (even in the pool) with those temps – colleagues of mine in AZ/TX complain every year in August about how it’s too hot/air quality is too bad to even go to the pool.
Anonymous says
Hotel del Coronado is really expensive but lovely in the newer rooms. San Diego does got really hot at the end (maybe 100, but not always) of August/September, but isn’t too hot the rest of the time. Encinitas/Carlsbad has some newer resorts and you’d be near Legoland. Cardiff/Encinitas is very cute. San Diego downtown chidlren’s museum is pretty cool, and the San Diego Zoo is amazing. North County is more typical beach towns. Encinitas’s Moonlight Beach is one of my favorites.
FVNC says
If you go to the LA area, I agree you could spend a day or two at Disney; very do-able. Don’t stay in Anaheim the whole time, though…maybe Newport Beach or San Diego as suggested above.
If you want to go to PWN, I’d fly into Seattle and stay there for a few days. Then, rent a house on the Olympic Peninsula (Port Angeles area) and explore the rain forest, tide pools, etc. I love the San Juan Islands but would save that for an adults only trip or for when the kids are older. I personally would skip Portland, but if you want to do Oregon, Bend is amazing.
AIMS says
We had the best stay at Claremont in Berkeley. My kids still talk about it. Amazing weather in summer, huge pool, spa and gym, a kids center with babysitting so you can get a break if you’re solo, lots of things to do close by if you want to venture out (with kids or without).
FVNC says
Wow, that place looks amazing! Adding it to our list of “one day” travel…
Anon says
+1
I live in the area and the Claremont is my happy place.
OP you mention pool for your kids, SF would not work for this due to the “summer” weather (unless you find somewhere/are okay with indoor) but the Claremont fits the bill. Get croissants at Fournee across the street while you are there!
As an aside, OP have you ever done the bike trailer thing with your kids? We tried once on vacation when ours were your youngest ages and it was a miserable experience for all involved and we had to cut short. I know some make this work beautifully, but in our case if we had planned a whole trip around that it would have been a bummer.
Anon says
Scottsdale would be too hot for me in the summer, even if you planned to just hang at the resort pool. It would be a great spring break or fall break destination though.
Bay Area is a good suggestion. Lots of stuff to do in SF, fun day trips to places like Monterey, and the city of SF is usually pretty cool in the summer. I also think Seattle + surrounding beach areas would be a lot of fun. LA and San Diego are classics for a reason. Agree with a previous commenter that Portland OR wouldn’t be high on my list; I’d rather go to a beach area in Oregon.
And I know you said west coast but I always have to put in a plug for Bar Harbor/Acadia Maine, which I think is the best summer vacation destination for families in the continental US. It’s beautiful, great food, there’s so much fun stuff to do with kids, and the weather is usually nice in the summer.
Clementine says
Thank you! No to Acadia as I used to live near there and have no need to go back until my husband drags me.
Currently experimenting with the idea of flying to San Diego, doing 2 days, then Anaheim and doing a Disney day (or two) and then a day in LA and flying back via LAX.
NYC says
One internet stranger’s opinion (Socal native), but I would skip the day in LA and just spend an extra day in San Diego or Orange County. LA is a huge and spread out, and you’ll end up spending a lot of your one day there driving. You can fly direct from Orange County to Newark on United or to JFK on American.
Anon says
Got it. I agree with NYCer that I’d probably just do San Diego and theme parks and skip LA.
Anonymous says
If you are considering Portland, may I suggest the Bend area instead? Don’t get me wrong, Portland is super fun in the summer, but central Oregon is prime vacation destination. Sunriver and Black Butte are the best known resorts but there are tons and tons of types of places to stay and sooooo much to do!!
Anon says
Gift ideas for four year old boy? Budget $50.
Anon says
Legos
Anon says
Stomp rockets or remote controlled car.
Spirograph says
+! to stomp rockets
Add says
magnatiles.
anon says
Recommendations for a good children’s dictionary? My 7.5 year old wants one and I have no idea . . . also, favorite dinosaur books for a 4 year old? We already have the How Do Dinosaurs . . . books. TIA!
TheElms says
Miriam Webster has a pretty good children’s dictionary. It has a decent number of pictures and the explanations of the words are accurate but short and easy to follow.
AIMS says
My kid loves the DK Encyclopedia of Very Important Dinosaurs. We also have the National Geographic My First Dinosaur Encyclopedia but the pages constantly fall out so I don’t recommend it even though it’s otherwise also good.
We also like How to Catch a Dinosaur, Tiny T Rex and the Impossible Hug (the whole series is great), Dinosaurs Galore! by Giles Andrae (all his books are a hit with my kids), and When Dinosaurs Came with Everything.
Tea/Coffee says
Dinosaurs Love Underpants!
Anon says
The first Magic Treehouse is about dinosaurs and there’s a graphic novel version with lots of great color illustrations. My 5 year old is obsessed.
Anon says
Related to the wedding question above, though I’m a different poster, good source for a suit for a six year old? It’s for a 6 pm garden wedding in NYC. We tend to dress him more grown up, which he strongly prefers. TIA!
Anon says
J Crew
Spirograph says
How much do you want to spend? Like I said, my first choice is consignment for formal kid clothes since the cost per wear isn’t great (at least in my life). I just checked my boys’ suits, they are from Hartstrings, English Laundry & Tommy Hilfiger. Macy’s and Nordstrom (Rack) would be my first stop if you want to buy new. J Crew and Mens Warehouse both sell suits in boy’s sizes as well
Anonymous says
Target sells blazers and suit pants. My 5yo wore one of their blazers for Easter, and it looked perfectly fine. It’s clearly not as well made as what you would get at JCrew etc, but I don’t think anyone noticed the difference. I do buy him some things from JCrew, but I had a hard time shelling out for a blazer that I know he’ll outgrow in less than a year and only wear a few times.
Anonymous says
H&M has had great suiting for our boys. They often have a full 3 piece set up, each piece sold separately, if a vest is of any interest.
TheElms says
Is a necklace / bracelet beading kit and puffy stickers a fine birthday present for a 4 year old girl in our preschool class that I don’t know at all? Do parents dislike getting stickers? (These ones are good and peel off things easily). I just don’t want to be that parent but most of the kids in my daughters class are obsessed with stickers so it seemed like a good consumable gift.
Anon says
I’m totally happy to have my kids given stickers. A beading kit would be depend on a) are there younger siblings in the house such that beads are an annoying choking hazard and b) is it easy enough for a 4yo to do herself? My relatives have a bad habit of giving my kids craft kits that they don’t actually have the fine motor skills for, which just turns it into a whole production.
AwayEmily says
MINE TOO. I have complained about this before, my relatives constantly give my kids toys that are a good two year too old for them (no, my 3yo cannot actually build a model dinosaur but now that he sees the box he sure as hell wants to try and OH there will be tears).
I would never be mad at getting stickers. I feel like we are constantly running low on them.
Spirograph says
+1 to all of this
The top shelf of the closet in my home office is toys that my kids need to grow into. Was a 3 year old going to build a soda can robot? Nope (wtf, FIL?!), but my 8 year old had a lot of fun with it several years alter! We finally got out the crystal-growing kit that had been sitting there for a couple years, too.
Anon says
Same. A lot of kits my kids have received lead to 20 min of parent involvement, 2 min of kid working independently, and lots to clean up. Maybe a bracelet that is already beaded and done (from a store :) and stickers would be a better option.
DLC says
Stickers are fun, particularly the kind that come in activity book so there is a designated place to stick them. Beading kits drive me nuts- they usually are poorly packaged and the beads roll all over the place when the box is opened and then there is no good way to corral everything.
Craft kits that we’ve enjoyed that don’t drive me nuts: fairy crowns, terrariums, Window cling kits, gummy candy kits, fashion plates, and just generic art supplies,
Anon says
stickers are great, and my twins got beading kits from melissa and doug for their 4th bday and it was their favorite gift! they could easily do it on their own once i tied a knot, and one of them is in OT for help with fine motor skills, so the beads were appropriate. i do not think you need to spend so much time worrying about whether the kid has younger siblings or not for a kid you don’t know
CCLA says
The m&d one does seem better suited to the younger kids than most kits. Our 4 and 6 yo were able to use it pretty independently, whereas with most other craft bead sets only the 6yo really goes to town.
Also, can never have too many stickers.
TheElms says
The necklace/bead set is a Melissa and Doug one that says 4+ on the box, so I think it should be fine from a skills perspective. And good point about the choking hazard, kiddo is the youngest in her family so all set there. But something to keep in mind for the other 5 (yes all the girls in her preschool class are born between May and July) girl birthday parties in the next 2 months we have ….
Anon says
Ha do you go to a university daycare? The cluster of birthdays from May to July is very noticeable.
NYCer says
FWIW, my daughter got that Melissa and Doug bead kid for her 4th bday from a friend in her preschool class, and she loves it.
Anon says
I have an only child, so can’t comment on the sibling thing, but one of my favorite birthday presents to receive is simple craft kits that my kid can do with minimal parental involvement, and for a 4 year old beading is probably in that category. Stickers definitely are. I despise the more elaborate kits (looking at you BFF who I adore but always sends my kid super complicated things she can’t do without our help).
If you’re looking for other ideas, I also like things that kids paint, but only if the item is pre-built. Someone sent us a birdhouse for my kid to paint but we had to assemble the birdhouse. I outsourced it to my mom but she complained about how annoying it was, and my mom is pretty handy.
Anon says
What are your favorite books/resources for learning about exercise during pregnancy? A friend gave me her copies of Expecting Better and Cribsheet and I found them both really lacking in the exercise sections – I like Oster overall, but she barely spent any time on exercise and in the little space she did, she didn’t challenge any of the long-running myths (i.e., you shouldn’t begin exercising for the first time during pregnancy) or address the known health benefits of exercise for non-pregnant women. I’m hoping to find something more evidence-based. My main pre-pregnancy (currently TTC) exercise is mountain biking, which I hope to keep up in very modified form, and my main problem is back pain from herniated discs several years back. I do PT diligently, but I know pregnancy is going to be a big stressor and I want to make sure I keep my core as strong as I can. Any advice/tips/resources?
Emma says
I don’t have a good source, but I had ongoing conversations about this with my doctor at every stage of pregnancy. Basically moderate exercise is fine as long as you’re comfortable and not pushing yourself too much. I ride horses and did that until about 8 weeks into pregnancy. Some people ride until much later but to me it wasn’t worth the risk of a fall or kick to the stomach – to each their own. I assume the same rationale applies to mountain biking, skiing, surfing and any other sports with a risk of impact to the stomach. I did spinning until my belly got big enough to be in the way (and in later pregnancy I was concerned about the loud music), and did prenatal yoga and swimming basically until I gave birth. I also walked a lot until my late third trimester when it was hot and I was miserable. The swimming was a lifesaver to me, I know some people are concerned about public pools but my doctor seemed not worried and I went to a nicer, quieter pool as opposed to my very busy neighborhood pool.
Anon says
What did your doctor say about horseback riding in the first trimester? I’ve heard some doctors give the blessing until a bit later (like 12-16 weeks) while the uterus is still well-protected. Did you stop at 8 weeks on her advice or for your own comfort?
Emma says
My doctor said I should stop after my first trimester for the same reason you mention – up until then the fetus is a basically a lump of cells that is well protected in your uterus, but after that if you suffer any kind of impact on your stomach it could potentially harm the baby. I was doing a half-lease on a horse so I basically gave my lessor a month’s notice once I found out I was pregnant. I thought about doing another month after that but I was nauseous and tired and scared of miscarriage so I decided not to. My friend rode until her 7th month so it really depends, but to be clear her doctor had also advised not to, and she decided to anyway because it’s a major part of her life and she has two healthy babies – this is anecdote not medical advice.
Anon says
Yep, that’s what I hear as well. I know some women who kept up riskier sports (skiing, mountain biking steeps, etc.) all throughout pregnancy, but for my personal comfort level, I’d rather aim for first trimester (if I feel well) and then focus on lower-risk, back-friendly strengthening for the rest. Glad you were able to keep riding for a few weeks at least!
Spirograph says
Do you want to know for knowledge’s sake, or are you trying to work out what exercise is right for you? I don’t remember any specific books that covered this in any more depth than you already know. I would just talk to your doctor about your desired activities, especially since there’s potential impact & falls involved with mountain biking. I was pretty active before pregnancy, and my doctors basically said to keep up whatever activities feel good. Anecdata: Swimming was my favorite and I swam basically until delivery. I kept up running into 2nd, weight training throughout my pregnancies (with some modifications & lack of motivation later on), and I biked regularly to work until midway through 3rd tri.
It’s been a minute since I was pregnant but the main thing I remember is — 1st trimester, whatever you have the energy for is fine. 2nd trimester you should start being careful with anything that involves balance or where you’re lying flat on your back (eg crunches or chest press). 3rd, watch out for hyperflexibility because all your joints get loose and weird.
Anon says
I want knowledge AND good resources on specific core work/exercises for my back problems. I can’t go nine months without working on my back – that’s how I’ve had severe pain relapses in the past. To be honest, the thought of my back going out again during the aches and pains of pregnancy is one of my bigger fears. It’s hard to picture unless you’ve been through it, but it can be really debilitating.
Anonymous says
I would not go this alone. Your PT probably has training & experience working with pregnant people (if not, find one who does!). You have specific needs based on your health history, and you should ask a professional give you an individual plan to manage them.
AwayEmily says
+1 to asking a PT who works with pregnant people. I did not work with one myself but a friend with a lot of back issues worked with one throughout her pregnancy and afterwards, and it helped a lot. I think this should not be a DIY thing given the severity of the issue (my husband has similar back issues so I totally get your concern — it is totally debilitating when his back goes out).
Anon says
Oh yes, I agree – I intend to work with my PT as well (I do now), but in my experience, their advice can be a little too one-size-fits-all. There are probably better PTs out there with experience working with pregnant women, but my insurance only covers two local options and I’ve tried them both. They’re better than nothing and have their place, but I want to do some research about things I can try at home on my own too.
anonM says
Hab-it has good core strength/pelvic floor strengthening. Some of the early videos look outdated but I still liked them. They’ll probably feel easy to you, but I think learning about pelvic floor strength now will help you get back to exercise postpartum in a healthier way. I am no expert, but I’d talk to your PT. When my pelvic floor weakens, I get more back pain, so I think you’ll want to address that holistically and maybe you can prevent issues! FWIW, if you like biking, a stationary bike is a good, low-impact exercise for postpartum, so that’s great. I’ll note that my pelvic floor issues were way worse than most moms my age, but you really don’t know ahead of time what your PP issues will be, and good pelvic floor health won’t hurt you. Good luck!
Anon says
Thanks for the Hab tip! Stationary biking makes me want to tear my face off, though, so if I can’t bike outside, I’ll switch to other activities :)
Anonymous says
In this situation I would look for either a PT with pregnancy specialization or a pilates instructor with pregnancy specialization. I injured my back last year and opted to seek out 1:1 pilates with someone who has a lot of experience with injury recovery. It’s been $$$$$$ but worth every penny. If you do something like pilates once a week and combine it with daily walks (or some other cardio), you’ll be in good shape.
startup lawyer says
For core, anything that exasperates diastasis recti should be avoided during pregnancy too – especially after the first trimester.
Anon says
Check out Get Mom Strong. They have pregnancy and postpartum programs that are very popular with PTs and that I have used for pregnancy-related pelvic floor dysfunction. The exercises are traditional strength training based. If you prefer Pilates, I have heard great things about the Belle method.
Anon says
And definitely check with your physical therapist, but mine have endorsed the program.
Anon says
Definitely talk to your PT! But there are also lots of prenatal options out there. My local studios have prenatal yoga and Pilates classes and during my pregnancies I did a whole bunch of prenatal exercise courses on Beachbody – absolutely loved their prenatal yoga and barre offerings.
Emma says
At what age did you start dressing your baby in something other that pajamas or onesies? I had a September baby in a cold climate, so she spent most of her young life in footie pajamas and a sweater of some kind. Now that the weather is warming up I sometimes put cute summer outfits on, but only if we are going somewhere special. We were out and about the other day (getting coffee so she had just woken up and I tossed in the stroller in her PJs) and we ran into a friend who made a rather pointed remark about how my daughter should be wearing real clothes now. She is starting daycare soon – do I need to dress her for daycare? To be clear, we change PJs at least once a day after bath time, and obviously before that if they get dirty.
Anon says
I found once they start crawling/walking they may need clothes that are more substantial to stand up to being dragged on a floor, falling on pavement or getting grass and dirt stains. And when the weather warms up it becomes prime romper season. But there is no hard rule… I tend to prioritize comfort and mobility for my babies (aka clothes that are not tight and restrictive) so cotton sleepers usually work well. I haaate tight jeans and other “adult” clothes on small babies for this reason. We also go barefoot almost all of the time at home.
Emma says
Someone gifted us a fancy outfit in size 1M and I remember trying to put it on her for a picture and it was such a miserable experience. Zipper PJs all the way at that age! These days she is more cooperative and has better head control so I could change her in the morning, I guess I’m just lazy and she still naps twice a day so she is comfy in her PJs.
Anon says
Even when you drop the footed PJs, definitely dress her in clothes that are comfortable for napping. Soft leggings and shirts/onesies all the way. It’s way too much work for babies and toddlers to wear clothes they can’t nap in.
Anonymous says
Your friend sounds kind of rude. My first started day care at 6 weeks and well after he turned 1 (wasn’t walking, wore crib shoes) they politely asked me to start sending him in “real clothes” instead of sleep n plays. We did dress him for going out. Baby shorts and rompers are the cutest. I think you can keep yours in pjs as long as you want but maybe ask the day care.
Anon says
Definitely later than 7 months. I want to say she wore PJs in public until a year or so, but she was a late crawler/walker and didn’t start daycare until later. Your “friend” sounds like kind of an a-hole.
Emma says
Ok that makes me feel better! Yeah this particular friend is generally a good person but can be a little judgmental and very into her image so I’m trying to take it with a grain of salt. She isn’t crawling yet, unless you count army crawling backwards :)
Anonymous says
Omg that is so rude!!! I mostly used onesies and knit pants, or just onesies, until they were walking. One piece zip up pjs at that stage too. Then at some point switched to shirts that were not onesies but that was some point after 12 months. I’m not sure I understand what is the difference between that and “outfits” but if there is a difference, we never got to “outfits.” It was fine. Other kids at daycare / other social events in our lives were dressed the same. Footie pjs are annoying when they are learning to walk but otherwise please do no sweat this.
TheElms says
Your friend is being petty. I routinely see young toddlers that can walk in PJs at the park and then when they get to be 2 or 3 years old some kids only want to wear PJs. Dress your kid in anything that you like that is weather appropriate and I think you are good to go! The clothes do get more cute I think once they are walking (I think) so you may naturally move away from pjs. But some pjs are really really cute too!
DLC says
I think if it’s working for you then don’t let other people “should” you. For our kids there was no daytime vs night time clothes for the 10-12 months. When they started pulling up, we switched to footless sleepers (or in the summer just onesies with or without pants) so that they could be barefoot. I’m like you- we only changed after a bath or when dirty.
Anona says
My 8mo son went to daycare in footie PJs today (and we don’t bathe him everyday, although we do change his clothes more than daily!).
During the colder weather he would go in either footie PJs or long sleeved onesies and pants, and we got short rompers for warm weather. But we’ve had an unexpectedly cold April/May, and I’m not about to buy pants in the next size up that he’ll wear for max 2 weeks until we’re in the high 70s/80s regularly, so back into footie PJs it is. I do put Zutanos on him, but that’s only because he’s pulling up to standing on EVERYTHING.
Emma says
Our girl is tall so she’s growing out of her 9m footie PJs and I’m wondering how many to buy in the next size up! We have also had a chilly April, hoping things start to warm up so I can use shorts/dresses and not need to fit her long legs in there :) Also just looking up Zutanos – she’s not pulling up to stand but I can tell she really wants to.
GCA says
my first kid was a long and leggy baby and was early to pull up& walk; he went through a phase where we had to add baby legwarmers to everything or else there would be an ankle-sock gap! (Look up baby legwarmers – SO cute)
Anonymous says
We also have a September baby. We liked the routine of changing her in and out of PJs to mark day and night, and she’s a remarkably cooperative baby. So we started using onesies and leggings in the day pretty much as soon as she outgrew the NB size. We also like one-piece rompers. Now that its warm enough, she wears mostly short sleeved onesies and shorts so she has grip with her feet and knees to help her learn to crawl. She definitely slips on our floor/mat when shes in her PJs.
Emma says
Oh interesting! She is getting on all fours but not quite crawling yet. I haven’t noticed her slipping upstairs (carpet) and I’m worried she will faceplant on the hardwood floors downstairs so I don’t let her do that. But I’ll try to do short/rompers now that it’s warmer and see if it helps with the crawling.
NYC says
This is what we did with our girls too (neither was born in the fall, but I don’t think it really matters). Plus we were gifted a ton of clothes for all ages of baby-hood, so this way we actually got some use out of them.
Anonymous says
LOL I think our kid wore exclusively footed PJs until 9 or 10 months. It avoided the need for baby socks!
AwayEmily says
YES! Socks constantly fell off my babies’ feet, and they were all winter babies so we needed to keep those toesies warm. Footie pajamas 24/7 to the rescue!
An.On. says
Probably around a year, but ours was an early summer baby, so we were mainly indoors from 6-12 months anyway and we never bothered with shoes until they were 1 yo and walking outside. Plus they’d pull their socks off, so it was easier just to keep them in footie pyjamas when they were crawling. In fact I remember seeing a picture of my friend taking her similarly aged kids to the grocery store and I was agog that she’d managed to get shoes on them.
Anonymous says
Personally I never understood why people do all PJs. If you take them off first thing in the morning, then they stay clean for longer. And is it that much work to spend 2 minutes putting on something presentable in order to leave the house? Plus baby clothes are fun! I didn’t put my kids in anything fancy at that age–we’re talking Primary onesies and leggings, etc. But I did get them dressed. I would never comment on someone else’s baby, but I would probably think someone is having a hard time if they can’t get their baby in real clothes and be concerned.
Anonymous says
Wow. I honestly see zero difference- zero- between a knit sleeper and knit onesie/pants for babies. I cannot imagine the thought process you are noting about someone “not being able “ to get the baby in “clothes.” I put the baby in whatever seemed comfortable and appropriate for the day and for an infant that was often a one piece. I’m actually shocked by this judgment.
Anon says
Same, it seems so mean and arbitrary! We did (separate) footie PJs for day and night pretty regularly until about a year I think. It was easy and cozy and I’m not someone who ever really cooed over the cuteness of baby clothes. We traveled a lot with an infant and did lots of other things that are objectively harder than putting on clothes, so the idea that someone was looking at me thinking I was barely keeping myself together because my infant sometimes wore PJs during the day is kind of laughable but ok.
AwayEmily says
This is amazing. I’m picturing someone coming up to me and my 9-month-old baby-in-pajamas as we go for a walk one day, placing their hand gently on my shoulder and being like “Are you….okay? I’m just concerned you might be having a hard time, because your baby….well, I don’t want to alarm you, but your baby is…IN PAJAMAS.”
Anon says
Haha. You joke but someone essentially did that to me once! Maybe it was this poster. (It wasn’t, it was an 80 year old woman who reminded me of my very mean and judgy paternal grandmother.)
Anon says
Right?! She’s a baby, this is not a fashion show.
I would be tempted to respond, “oh she picked this out herself. I tried to tell her she needed clothes but she insisted this was more comfortable.”
GCA says
Personally, I think you’re a little overinvested in what other people’s babies wear, to bed (what is bedtime if you are a baby?) or not.
Anon says
I’m totally confused by this. Most of the baby clothes my kids had for the first 6 months were literally called “sleep and play,” so they wore them at night and during the day. I would change them in to clean ones in the morning and at night, but pajamas = clothes for babies. As the weather warmed up, they switched to onesies and pants or shorts – which were generally hand me downs and therefore, far less presentable than the new sleep and plays that my MIL bought – but this PJs vs clothes seems like such a strange distinction to make.
Emma says
Ouch :) I don’t think I’ve been having a particularly hard time! I mean, at 6 weeks, yes. These days, my daughter is super fun to be around. But I guess my friend from the other day thinks the same way as you do. So I guess I will just have to live with the fact that some people are concerned about my well-being.
Anon says
It’s called concern tr0lling and it’s not nice.
Anonymous says
LOL. I posted below. I had a September 2020 baby and had zero outside support because family lived too far away. I was definitely having a hard time.
PJs all day says
Haha, what? I change the sleep and play whenever it’s dirty, gets spit up on, etc. Babies don’t need new outfits in the morning, they are just babies. If you enjoy it, that’s great, but your judgment is weird. Maybe you need a hobby.
Cerulean says
I had a super duper easy postpartum period and a pretty easygoing baby and I think baby outfits are cute, but… I really hated dealing with baby socks. Footed jammies are the best and you never have to worry about things matching.
Anon says
+1
Anonymous says
My early September 2020 baby pretty much exclusively wore sleep n plays until 6ish months. Obviously we weren’t going anywhere except daycare because of Covid. Her ankles were too skinny for most socks and booties, so this kept her feet warm. We switched to footless PJs/rompers so she could have bare feet as the weather warmed up and she got more interested in being mobile, so maybe by 9-8 mos we were done with 24/7 footie PJs? I will say that we stuck with one-piece outfits, and my pictures of her from summer 2021 are mostly of her wearing various short rompers.
Team Sleep and Play says
With my first, I did more outfits sooner for fear that someone was judging me. With my third, we do all sleep and plays. No need to force those sweet tiny little hands through actual shirts/pants, the socks never stay on, etc. and let’s be honest, someone is always judging me, I have three kids. At any given moment I’m doing something “wrong,” so whatever.
Anonymous says
My baby wore one-piece romper things without feet until she was maybe 10 months old and big enough that pants were a little less of a rumply mess. She did not wear footie PJs during the day after about 4-6 weeks, though. I always put her in different clothes during the day and at night just because of the ick factor, and footie PJs were too hot for daytime.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I think this group leans more on the side of casual sports teams/activities (which I’m all for!) but for those of you whose kids have done club travel teams and other intense sports, have the time sacrifices generally been worth it for your kids? I never thought we’d be a “sports family” but am now looking into club/travel soccer for my oldest because he loves it (like, wears a soccer jersey every day and constantly plays it in his free time loves it). I want to encourage him and I think it’s good for him to both keep playing and learn to lose and meet other people, etc., but are we signing ourselves up for years of this if we try it next year? I know it’s a whole industry and the clubs will take as much as I give them.
P.S. for those curious about Legoland NY – I didn’t give my review yet because my youngest and then I got a terrible stomach bug after, so we were just surviving, but the place itself was great. Perfect for my kids’ ages (7 and 4.5) and the hotel was everything you’d expect for a kid experience, and very convenient to walk to the park. Would recommend if you’re in driving distance and have younger kids.
Anon says
I’m generally anti-travel sports but the one exception is when it’s really kid-initiated and it’s something they REALLY want to do, which sounds like is the case for your older kid. I’d try it next year. If you find it’s not working for your family, you can always stop. I know there are some here who take the approach that if you let a kid do an activity you’re committing to it as long as they want to continue, but I don’t agree. “We tried and it doesn’t work for [our finances/our lifestyle/your education]” are valid reasons to take a step back from an activity.
And yay Legoland! We went to Florida earlier this year and it was super fun. My kid is in between the ages of your kids and I definitely feel like we hit the sweet spot age-wise. My boss was asking me if he should take his 9 and 12 year old but I think they’re probably kind of aging out of it, especially the 12 year old.
Spirograph says
Oh I’ve got this one. I was really reluctant to let my 4th grade son get involved in his travel sport. However, he had *such* a good experience with it last season. The travel team was obviously a huge time commitment — 2-3 weeknight practices, at least 1 game per weekend (metro area), long weekends there were tournaments that required a hotel stay — but he thrived with the more serious approach that made him feel good about hard work and skill development, and he really bonded with his teammates. Plus the constant physical activity got his energy out and we had far fewer behavior issues at home or at school. He’ll be on the travel team again next year, and I don’t have any hesitation about it this time. Fortunately, my other kids are not as serious about their activities (yet?), so the logistics are doable.
Is it worth it? On balance, yes. I will say that I felt like I only had two kids during the season. DH was an assistant coach for son’s team, so he and sports kid were often off together at practice (I think I can count on my fingers the number of practices I went to), and I spent a lot of time solo with the other two. That wasn’t great, and you should absolutely balance it between parents if you can. We are also really lucky that his teacher was a D1 athlete, was incredibly supportive and coached (ha) him on what it means to be a student athlete. Tournaments do not necessarily respect the school calendar, I was shocked to see games in the middle of a school day (we took those case-by-case).
All that said, I would do house league / rec level until it doesn’t meet your kid’s goals. We switched to travel because my son just wasn’t challenged by the level of play in rec league anymore, and wasn’t enjoying it. It’s hard to backtrack from travel team to club/rec unless your kid is specifically looking for something more casual again.
Boston Legal Eagle says
My kid sounds like your oldest – needs the physical activity and really thrives being very active and competitive (within reason). My younger is also not as passionate about sports or any group activity at this point, and doesn’t seem to be trending in that direction at all, so I don’t know that we’ll have to juggle much, at least early on.
Anonymous says
HI BOSTON FRIEND! How old is your son? In our town, travel soccer starts in 3rd grade and there is no in-town option. We are a BAYS town and some towns do have in-town until 5th grade but we do not. My kid quit soccer after 3rd grade but we know people that do BAYS through the town (two practices and then a travel game per week, optional 3rd practice for skills development) and then do club on top of that. These people have kids that are in 4th/5th now and clearly want to be playing soccer with all their free time and money. Near us there are club options (FC Metrowest is the one that most of our town plays through) and there are also leagues like Teamworks that field teams as another option for play that isn’t as intense as FC.
Our town also has travel-only lacrosse starting in 3rd grade. Basketball, baseball and softball have in-town options until more like middle school.
We do club volleyball (Gators) but only bc there is no in town option until middle school and my daughter really likes it. I have 3 kids and none of them are SO INTO sports that I see us being a sport family long term. One kid really likes to swim and will swim for the town team, one will probably stick with softball and may or may not play club (tbd on how much she wants to play in HS). We all ski so I prefer sports that don’t mess up my weekends on the mountains.
We joke that they are mathletes not athletes in this house and we do sports for fun not glory.
GCA says
I love the idea of doing math for glory :) And agree – what are the in-town options near you? And other sports? I think there’s a lot of value in having kids pick up skills from a range of sports (one skill set often translates to another, and pays off in the long run if kid gets serious about one sport. read Range by David Epstein) – if you can persuade him to try basketball or baseball or whatever.
Boston Legal Eagle says
He did basketball in the winter and liked it but didn’t get as passionate about it as soccer now. Baseball and lacrosse practices are oddly late around here (going past 7 during the week) but that may be an option in the future. And he does swim lessons year round.
Anonymous says
Oh…and at least it isn’t hockey. :)
Anonymous says
+ a million from a hockey mom
Anon says
Yep, I’ve straight up told my kids we will never be doing hockey or football. They can have their pick of all the rest.
Boston Legal Eagle says
It is NOT hockey! Thankfully. A lot of his friends do hockey and it’s definitely a commitment, even at their young ages.
He’s 7, going into 2nd grade next year, which is the earliest we’d consider for club. We do have in town through middle school, which starts travel in 3rd if you make it, 5th automatic travel. It’s a big soccer town. Luckily we enjoy watching it more than most other sports!
Anonymous says
Are you guys not BAYS? In our town anyway all 3rd graders play bays which is travel.
Anon says
My husband’s mom put him in hockey when he was about 5, but she got freaked out when they took out the sticks and immediately pulled him out of it. So he was a hockey player for like a week, lol.
Anonymous says
I was against travel sports but had a kid who desperately wanted to do it, so we gave in. It was mostly a good experience. I don’t regret letting her go that route, but I do regret our choice of club (it turned out to be a toxic coaching environment and she was so much happier when we found out how bad it was and moved her). Other than making sure it’s a positive experience, my main caution is about siblings. I have seen travel sports take over many siblings’ lives, mostly younger but sometimes older. On my daughter’s team there was a family who made their other two kids quit all their activities so they could all go to the chosen one’s meets. One of my daughter’s friends never got to do activities of her own because the family prioritized her two brothers’ baseball tournaments. The families with the happiest kids tended to let each kid pursue their interests as far as the kid chose and to divide and conquer for logistics.
Anon says
Yeah, I’m kind of uncomfortable with seeing younger siblings on the sidelines all day every weekend – especially when it’s younger girls watching their older brothers. It seems to send a message that “he comes first,” even though I know families are doing their best.
Anon says
+1 to there being a gendered component to it.
Boston Legal Eagle says
That may become my youngest (boy though). I have a sense that his activities will be less time consuming – just his personality. We do divide and conquer sometimes now with soccer games, the younger one just stays home or helps the other parent with chores!
Spirograph says
This was my main worry about the travel sports, too. For context – I have an 8 year old daughter and 6 year old son in addition to the travel sport 4th grader. Younger son dabbles in the older brother’s sport, but prefers one with a different season calendar and at a lower level so it doesn’t conflict much. Daughter is in ballet, but at the once-a-week-on-Saturday level. They both also like karate – two weeknights, in the same class.
Everyone goes to daughter’s dance recitals because they’re so infrequent, but we do NOT all go to the sportsball games every weekend. One parent goes to the game (or we send the kid with a carpool friend), and everyone else sticks with regularly scheduled programming.
The one who gets “stuck” the most tagging along to a sibling’s activity is my youngest, who often has to hang out with me during ballet class on Saturdays. Fortunately, he still thinks I’m awesome and loves the one-on-one time. We usually browse the farmer’s market around the corner from ballet class, or if the weather’s bad we go to the library or get a cake pop (for him) and coffee (for me) and chit chat at Starbucks.
Boston Legal Eagle says
That is so sweet with your youngest :) My youngest loooves me too, for now – I look forward to some Starbucks dates!
Anon says
I definitely think this is an unpopular opinion here and IRL, but travel sports are a hard pass for our family. A friend’s kids do travel baseball and it consumes their lives. Like every weekend is all baseball all the time, they miss not-insignificant amounts of school for baseball, the family never travels anywhere except for baseball, they never see socialize with anyone who isn’t involved in their baseball group, etc. It just seems awful to me. And at least in that case both kids are really passionate about baseball. I’ve seen it where one kid’s activity just devours the other kids’ activities and social lives and that seems so unfair to the other kids.
I guess in your situation I would say why not just sign him up for rec soccer? He’s only 7. Unless he’s some kind of one-in-a-million soccer talent, the rec version will likely fulfill his passion for soccer at this age. If in a few years it becomes clear that he’s incredibly talented and needs more of a challenge than rec soccer can provide, then you can cross that bridge when you come to it.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Thanks for this – your thinking is what my husband thinks too. Just keep it at town for now. He is definitely not a unique superstar, just very into it.
AwayEmily says
I would kind of agree with this as well, having had a few family members (including my nephew) who did the intensive sport thing. It really cuts down on family time. If there’s a way to fulfill his love of soccer without it also being as intense an experience as club soccer, I’d go for that. Especially at this point when (at least for my first-grader) just having down time to relax, play pretend, and hang out with her family still seems really important to her. I guess what I’m trying to say is that even setting aside the logistical stuff, these are a lot of hours in your son’s life that are going to be spent doing soccer and soccer-related things. That means those hours are NOT going to be spent doing something else. And if the “something else” is valuable (to him or to your family as a whole), then that’s a cost worth considering. This is by no means dissing the value of club soccer; my nephew legitimately adores it — it’s just that it comes at a cost.
Boston Legal Eagle says
You’re right about the time cost – he really does genuinely prefer to do soccer during most of his free time now though! We have to decide on our end whether it’s worth it for us to sacrifice our time for his passion.
And I know I’m sounding a bit intense here – he’s still so young and he could change his mind in the next few years. I’m just trying to catch his interest while we can, without pushing him. And I want him to learn to be a team player and learn to lose, because that is a struggle of his, in a way that my youngest doesn’t need such a lesson.
Anon says
I don’t think you sound intense! I’m the one who said travel sports are a hard pass for my family, but you sound very reasonable to me. Every family makes different choices.
Anon says
As much as I don’t like what’s happened with youth and high school sports, it seems unavoidable. If your son wants to play in high school, he likely needs to play club.
We’re not there with kids yet, so can’t comment on this from a mom perspective but I can comment as a former athlete.
I loved, loved, loved soccer and played township / middle school / high school JV soccer but my parents were super against all club sports. I was constantly doing drills in my yard, playing pickup whenever I could, and ran track to stay fit for soccer. I loved it and really would have done anything to improve, but didn’t play year round like literally every single one of my high school teammates did. I truly think that this held me back. I played 3 years of JV soccer but was cut my senior year (school had a “no seniors on JV rule” and I wasn’t good enough for varsity; my junior year I was the only junior on JV (several others made it, but then quit). After getting cut from soccer I tried out for XC and ended up lettering in it (and ran track in college), so I guess it was fine in the end but it killed me to not be playing soccer.
My love of soccer did not dissipate, and as an adult I now play on a club team. Even now, I’m happiest when I’m playing. Our season starts in 2 weeks and I am so looking forward to it.
So, if your son loves it this much, I would support his interest and let him play. If he loses his passion, then you can step back to more casual soccer. But, if it’s something he really loves don’t be the one to hold him back.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Thanks for this too! Part of this is my own wishes that my parents had enrolled me more in more intense and serious dance classes (or even more sports to try!) because I don’t think I was able to achieve what I really wanted. He’s got some of my more intense, driven personality in that sense – but it’s a fine line between pushing to be better and burning out.
avocado says
I have a similar perspective. I desperately wanted to do ballet and/or gymnastics very seriously, but my parents made me quit both at the end of third grade because they were tired of paying and chauffeuring. I took up an instrument at school in fifth grade, begged my parents for lessons for years and finally got them in tenth grade, was very successful junior and senior years, and majored in music performance in college, but I always wondered what more could have been if I’d had lessons sooner. As a result, I’ve chosen to let my daughter dictate the level of intensity with her activities. She did not make what I thought were the wisest choices (devoted 9 years to a sport where she had less natural ability than she did in other areas, quit piano lessons once she had to actually work at it and didn’t come back to music until halfway through high school, etc.) but nearing the end of her junior year she is happy with where she’s landed and doesn’t resent me for holding her back or pushing her to do something she didn’t want to do so I think this plan was a success.
Anon says
I don’t think it’s realistic to expect that a child dictates that level of intensity of a sport. Maybe this isn’t such a big issue with soccer, but there are certainly sports out there like horseback riding and figure skating that can get cost-prohibitive and disruptive to a child’s life and education quickly. I was a figure skater and many friends dropped out due to costs and I don’t think their parents were doing the wrong thing by refusing to bankrupt the family so they could keep skating. For my parents, cost wasn’t the big issue, but they were adamant that skating was never going to interfere with my education because they assessed (correctly) that I was not going to the Olympics and would need a college education for my future. But 12 year olds can be myopic and I’m sure if they’d offered me the opportunity to drop out of school and focus on skating full-time I would have taken it.
avocado says
There’s a big difference between letting a kid drop out of school to pursue an Olympic dream and letting them choose whether to do rec or travel sports. My kid did beg to attend an expensive specialized boarding school that we couldn’t afford and wouldn’t have met her academic needs, and that one was a big nope. We have supported the various pursuits up to 16 hours/week of training, but school still comes first.
Anonymous says
On the flip side, almost everyone I know who did very competitive dance as a teenager also had an eating disorder or body dysmorphia they had to work out in college. None of them became a professional dancer. I hope this isn’t common, but it was for most people I knew. With dance and other sports, you have a really good chance of injury too. When people start getting older, some are fine, but some physical deterioration as an older adult goes back to blowing your knee out in high school soccer. Grass is always greener right.
Anon says
Tips on hospital admissions with little babies? We will be here for a few days and am blanking on what to bring. I am EBF, doesn’t take a bottle.
AIMS says
Long phone cord charger, comfy clothes, toothbrush/toothpaste (they usually have though), granola bars. If you have one of those plane pillows for your neck and plan to be napping in a chair a lot, bring that.
Good luck and best wishes for everyone to be well soon!
EP-er says
This is a good list! I would also bring a book/magazine/suduko for you. I’m not sure how old your little one is, but possibly a few favorite books & a blankey, too. I know I would read to my baby in hospital, especially when I couldn’t hold him. I would also designate someone to head up a call tree for you — that way you are only updating one or two people and they can share news with other concerned friends/family.
Best wishes for you and your little one!
Anonymous says
They will probably feed you if you are EBF but if you don’t love hospital food, bring snacks. If your baby needs anything to sleep (e.g. swaddle, sound machine, etc) bring that. I would bring a sleep mask and earplugs for you, and maybe a pillow.
Anonymous says
When do your elementary kids play with friends? Mine is in second grade. Thus far we have avoided being overly scheduled, but this semester we are starting to see a lot more time in activities (swim lessons twice a week, soccer once a week or basketball once a week, religious school one week afternoon), aftercare. We still have a good amount of weekend time available but all his friends have sports that seem to take up the weekend (or opposite religious school schedules). It feels like the difficulty playing with kids at our house or theirs is really impacting his ability to have deep friendships. Do we just keep trying on the weekends? How do you fit this in?? He does sometimes play with neighbors in the 5:30-7 pm range but those are different kids and that’s so close to bedtime it often leads to overstimulated behavior issues.
Anonymous says
I have 3 girls: PK (just turned 5), 1st and 3rd.
PK-er has playdates after preschool and before the big kids get home. she also tags along to sport stuff with siblings and plays with other siblings (many are her friends from PK).
For my 1st grader the easiest thing is to have one of her friends take the bus home with her one day midweek. I drop friend off on my way to take someone somewhere. She also will occasionally tag along to a sports practice of my oldest since there are several sibling pairs where my kids are friends with both. Soccer practice is on a field with an awesome playground so it’s a popular place to socialize. She also does girl scouts which is one giant playdate (our troop is a coop and all our homes have been approved meeting locations so we rotate the 8 girls around houses and plan a 4 hours meeting once a month where they do 85% playdate 15% actual scout activities…they are going to an escape room this weekend.)
My 3rd grader has one neighborhood friend that she will hang out with after school for a bit in between activities during the week (eg. from 3-4 before soccer, or after neighbor is done with piano until dinner). She plays lots of sports and sees friends there. Her bestie is not in her class this year but is on one of her sports teams, so they will often do a sleepover and then go to their weekend game together. She also plays with friends online after school for a bit most days but is almost 10 and I think of it like when I was a 10 year old chatting with my BFFs on the phone for hours. This weekend my 1st grader has a 3 hour lax event so 3rd grader made plans with buddies who also have sisters going- they are planning to play cards, bracelet making crafts, snacks, and they are going to bring their lax sticks in case they want to throw the ball a bit.
Anonymous says
Thanks. What is your afterschool arrangement? My husband is the parent on duty after school but they don’t get home till after 4 (on days where we don’t have aftercare- school ends at 3:45) and often either our kid or another has swimming or sports or something by 5ish. Do you have a sitter in the afternoon or how do you manage it? I also work from home without any designated home office space, ha.
Anonymous says
Preschool ends at either 1 or 3. Kids get off the bus at 2:50. On most days at least one kid has an activity but they don’t start til more like 4:30/5ish, so it gives a good hour or so for playtime. Sometimes it’ll be a friend with a house on the way to the activity, sometimes it’ll be a friend that also does the activity and they can go together.
DH and I both WFH.
However…one of my first grader’s friends has two FT working parents outside the house. They have an after school sitter for their 3 kiddos. We swap playdates all the time. I have their sitter’s number and just text her and the mom/dad.
Other families we know have the kids in aftercare which is IME one big playdate.
Anon says
Not OP but I’m glad to hear Girl Scouts is 80% play date. I have a kid who has been pretty resistant to activities because she just wants to play and everything we’ve signed her up for so far hasn’t had enough play. We’re doing Girl Scouts this coming year and hoping it will be more her vibe.
Anonymous says
I posted about our troop above and fair warning we’ve met lots of troops that are NOT like this. Other troops might meet once or twice a month at the library or in a classroom after school wearing uniforms and they do a badge and leave. it’s apparently rare/not generally done to meet at homes but we got all of ours approved by the council (it’s a lot of paperwork- this meant every parent had to be CORI checked, create an Action Plan for any animals living in the home, swear not to let the kids play on Dangerous Things such as trampolines, etc. We initially did it because the troop formed during covid when there were no public places available and have just continued because the girls like it).
Anonymous says
Our Girl Scout troop is the opposite of a play date. It’s all badge work and field trips.
Anon says
I have an incoming kindergartener and am wondering about this as well. My kid isn’t very scheduled, but some friends are and many friends have older siblings, plus there are regular weekend birthday parties, so scheduling play dates on weekends is already getting really difficult. We don’t have anywhere near as many playdates as she’d like even though we have a rotation of at least 4-5 different kids we invite over.
I was hoping once she’s in kindergarten we’d be able to set some things up for weekday afternoons (I work but have a flexible enough schedule I could watch kids after school once per week), but I can’t imagine other moms are going to let a stranger pick up their kid…right? Or even if the other mom is somehow cool with it, it’s probably really logistically complicated to get the school release a kid who’s not my own to me. So we’ll probably be limited to kids of SAHMs for weekday stuff and I don’t know how many kids that will be.
Anonymous says
It’s really not that hard. In our school you just send in a dismissal change. If both kids ride the bus, then they can ride home together regardless of the route (eg. if my kid is bus 1 and friend is bus 2, they can both ride bus 1 to our house after school). If my kid is a walker, friend can just get a note that they are a walker on X day and come home with my kid. If my kid is car, or wants a non-bus friend to come over, then I’d pickup by car and get the playdate too.
Anon says
Ok good to know. We live a half mile from the school so not eligible for the bus route, but we could/would walk to avoid carseat issues.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Sports really do start to take over weekends :) My kid has not been able to do playdates with his hockey friends because they have constant practices and/or games Sept.-April. I think that we got lucky though in that my kid is in an aftercare program with a bunch of his friends, so they spend a lot of time playing there. And occasional birthday parties on the weekends. Beyond that, it’s hard to schedule playdates. It seems like people need at least a month’s notice, and even then they’re busy.
Anon says
Yeah I sort of feel like at least in K-3 aftercare is all the playdate they need. Kids that age just want to hang out with their buddies and don’t care where. I don’t think there is anything sacrosanct about visiting someone’s home until you get more into the tween years.
Anon says
yes, but not everyone’s friends also do aftercare or have the same after school arrangement. growing up i recall having playdates on Friday afternoons or i did gymnastics with a friend from school. my mom worked part time so was able to pick my sister and i up from school every day and i still don’t think we had many playdates during the week. people had activities, kids were tired, parents were managing schedules of multiple kids etc.
Anon says
Sure, but kids will also make new friends there even if their pre-existing friends aren’t doing aftercare and those may end up being the most solid friendships, which I think is fine.
Mary Moo Cow says
Mine are Kindergarten and 2nd and we really only do playdates on the weekends, and not as frequently as they would like. We fit more in over school breaks. One thing I’ve found with my older is that several of her friends are the youngest of 3, and are the least available, because family is already committed for events for the older two or sports events that run Friday afternoon to Sunday evening. Twice we’ve hosted 5 girls for a few hours, once on a Friday afternoon on a school holiday and once on Sunday afternoon. Over the summer, we usually have a playdate about once a month for each girl. We usually have to plan a play date 3 weeks in advance, and almost never on the first choice date, but so be it. Otherwise, same here, we’re playing with neighbors for an hour after an early dinner during the week.
Spirograph says
My kids go to school-based aftercare every day, so that’s when they play with their school friends. Then they play neighbors (oddly enough, none of our immediate neighbors go to the same elementary school) until dinner / bedtime. We occasionally set up weekend playdates but mostly it’s more improptu neighbor play. My 4th grader is starting to venture further afield in the neighborhood to find school friends in the evenings or on weekends when there are no sports conflicts, but I don’t need to mediate that beyond telling him what time to be home.
AwayEmily says
I have a first-grader and we don’t do any activities except swim lessons once a week. Her after-school is closed on Fridays so on that day we often have a friend over. And we will generally just pick them up and take them home with us (we have an extra booster in the car for just this reason). Or walk, if it’s nice out.
when we do social stuff on weekends it’s usually whole-family “playdates,” like meeting up with another family for a picnic in the park or having them over for dinner. That way we get some adult hang-out time, too.