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Cb says
Only child pro-tip. It’s the first day of the school holidays and we don’t have childcare so invited my son’s BFF over and the only parenting I’ve had to do the last 4 hours is making them lunch. I mean, my son’s room looks like a bomb hit Legoland, but I’m making them clean it up before watching a movie.
Vicky Austin says
“a bomb hit Legoland” HAHAHAHA
Cb says
They are tidying up and debating whether it’s better to watch more episodes or one long movie.
Emma says
I’m an only child and after a certain age my parents started inviting my best friend on vacation. I thought they were being nice to me, but in hindsight it was probably so they had a few minutes to themselves! It was also a win-win because BFF had a single mom who couldn’t really afford vacations. We are still friends today and I had a very happy singleton childhood.
OOO says
I have an only and love hearing these kinds of stories!
Anon says
I’m an only with an only and although I enjoyed the occasional times I got to bring a friend along, I also really loved vacations with just my parents (yes, even as a teen). We didn’t always get along perfectly, but family vacations with just the three of us are some of my most treasured childhood memories.
coreebrown@gmail.com says
I’m an only raising an only so try and encourage an open-door policy. I’ll always take your kid as a favour, we’ve got an extra booster seat for adventures, etc.
Anon says
I was the best friend who got invited to all the trips with my singleton best friend! I also am still close friends with the entire wonderful family. Their family was so different than mine in so many ways. I come from an incredibly active family and our trips were centered on active adventure, so trips included a lot of high adventure, and their family was far more cerebral and into wonderful food, so trips were to lovely places where we read and ate well. I feel incredibly lucky that I got to tag along. Both types of trips were incredible, and it was so wonderful to be exposed to both. The other unexpected bonus for me was that traveling together created a great bond, and I was treated as an extra daughter in this family. Although I always have had a pretty solid relationship with my mom, I really valued being able to spend time in someone else’s house that felt like “home,” but was one step removed from my parents during some of the more turbulent teenage years. Since we didn’t have close family nearby, it always felt like I had a surrogate extended family.
Anony says
My husband and I were just talking last night about taking a friend along on trips when my only is older, and it made me so happy to read your story. As much as I love our small family, I wish my kid had more “people,” and this gives me hope that we can make it happen!
Anon says
I think for them – it was wonderful. They could be very selective about who their people were, and if they wanted to just be on their own, they could make that choice too.
Anon says
Ha! Between the ages of 3 and about 6, if one kid got sick, I kept them both home for this very reason. I could actually do work while they palled around the house. It was always a disaster by the end of the day, but I could actually sit at my computer and get stuff done. If I just had my son home, he’d be at my elbow the whole freaking day.
Anonymous says
I find this to be true depending on the friend. My kiddo is younger so much of this is limited to neighborhood pals. One of her pals is great – they’ll stop by to ask for permission sometimes, but that’s about it. The other is way more work than my own child and lacks any sort of filter/fear of making unreasonable requests at another person’s house. It is frustrating because her parents are great, and we try to have a friendship with them. But the kiddo drives me nuts, and she exhausts my child. But in any event, Cb, I’m very happy your kiddo has a friend like that. I’m sure my only will get to that point, and we just need to have a variety of kiddos over to foster these relationships.
Maternity Clothing Help says
I’m really, really struggling to find maternity clothes that fit me. I’ve got a long history of weight issues (wicked case of PCOS) and body image and it’s absolutely wrecking me mentally. I’m not someone that gains only in my belly. My whole midsection is growing too despite every effort.
I’m in a business casual environment, client facing, arm of finance. A lot of men. I’m right now working on a uniform of black pants and tops but I’m 20 weeks and it’s only going to get worse. I’m gaining weight in my hips in addition to my belly.
I’m a 14, 5’8″ pre pregnancy and carry it alllll in my hips and rear. I’d kill for a couple dresses that I could swing this summer. Summer is def more casual. Guys are in pants and polos, so I can probably swing a polished jersey dress and toss a blazer over it for client meetings.
Any advice? Plus sized is too big. But some XLs are tight in my hips despite draping plentifully over my belly. This is the absolute pits.
I’ve tried Seraphine, Boden (just regular dresses sized up), Gap, Target, Pink Blush (many sizes stop at L), Old Navy.
GCA says
Maternity pants can be tricky – depending on your baseline, sometimes they’re tight in the hips and rear before they really fit in the waist. I would go straight for the dresses. The last time I was pregnant was 5 years ago, but what about Hatch? They ran big on me. Or Isabella Oliver?
GCA says
Also, please be kind to yourself and make sure you have a medical practice that will work with you to avoid triggers such as unnecessary weigh-ins. I don’t know if this is your first pregnancy, but everyone’s body responds to pregnancy and postpartum differently (and sometimes one pregnancy can be very different from another — this happened to me) and your shape will continue to change. Definitely buy the clothes that fit and feel good.
Vicky Austin says
Not sure if much of it is work-appropriate, but see if Kindred Bravely will work? They have a better range of sizes.
An.On. says
If you’re getting bigger in the hips then you’re probably better off with something that’s not fitted below the waist. I know you said you already looked at Old Navy, but I’m thinking something like this shape in your regular size might work: https://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=664779002&cid=48687&pcid=48687&vid=1#pdp-page-content
It would look less casual with a jacket and jewelry.
Anonymous says
This–swing dresses are what you need.
Anon says
Maternity shopping is the pits generally, but when you are right around a cusp size, it’s especially the pits!
I purchased almost all of my maternity dresses from Poshmark and/or ebay and Motherhood Maternity was the brand that I bought the most. If you search by maternity size and brand on Poshmark, you can find a lot of different dresses, shirts, pants, etc. I think Motherhood Maternity used to carry a lot more work wear, so you can find a lot of dresses that work for a business or business casual environment. In my opinion, the resale market on sites like these for maternity clothes is one of the best because the use of these clothes are so limited. I did a quick search for Motherhood Maternity dresses size XL on Poshmark and there were, literally, 100s of posts.
Vicky Austin says
Ooh, how did I forget about Motherhood? I am still living in my leggings from them. That plus Seraphine dresses was literally all I wore while pregnant. (That and a much beloved sweatshirt dress from Banana factory.)
Anonymous says
This is a “trust the process” but here me out – bodycon stretchy jersey dress (I think mine were from Old Navy) in dark fabrics + regular blazer (maybe size up, now that the oversized blazer trend is here this should be your friend!). Yes, I know you don’t want all your lumps on display but I found the dark fabric combined with a forgiving blazer hid things and made me look semi-professional.
TheElms says
This is hard. I think if you look for floaty maternity dresses, as opposed to more fitted ones, that will give you extra space in the hips. If they are slightly two big in the belly you could try belting them above your belly, until your belly grows. I saw one at gap that might work:
https://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=815432052&cid=1008565&pcid=1008565&vid=1&nav=meganav%3AMaternity%3ACategories%3ADresses#pdp-page-content
And here are some other links:
https://www.seraphine.com/en-us/black-mock-wrap-maternity-nursing-dress/
https://www.macys.com/shop/product/24seven-comfort-apparel-midi-length-fit-flare-pocket-maternity-dress?ID=11071088&CategoryID=5449
https://us.ripematernity.com/products/knife-pleat-dress-black
Anonymous says
I did not discover them until after pregnancy, but Latched Mama dresses are so comfortable and they just fall nicely. Plus, pockets your phone won’t fall out of.
Anon says
If you’re 5’8″, consider getting a loose swing dress in a tall size. You can belt it above the belly to create a waist and the extra length will keep it from being too short as your bump grows.
Anon says
Maybe something like this: https://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=657448012&cid=15292&pcid=15292&vid=1&nav=hamnav%3AWomen%3AShop+Women%27s+Categories%3ADresses+&cpos=59&cexp=2926&kcid=CategoryIDs%3D15292&cvar=26331&ctype=Listing&cpid=res23062909195519335193335#pdp-page-content
https://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=559484002&cid=15292&pcid=15292&vid=1&nav=hamnav%3AWomen%3AShop%20Women%27s%20Categories%3ADresses%20&cpos=79&cexp=2926&kcid=CategoryIDs%3D15292&cvar=26331&ctype=Listing&cpid=res23062909195519335193335#pdp-page-content
Something like this might work in a tall without a belt:
https://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=658030012&cid=15292&pcid=15292&vid=1&nav=hamnav%3AWomen%3AShop+Women%27s+Categories%3ADresses+&cpos=109&cexp=2926&kcid=CategoryIDs%3D15292&ctype=Listing&cpid=res23062909195519335193335#pdp-page-content
https://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=715243002&cid=15292&pcid=15292&vid=1&nav=hamnav%3AWomen%3AShop%20Women%27s%20Categories%3ADresses%20&cpos=115&cexp=2926&kcid=CategoryIDs%3D15292&ctype=Listing&cpid=res23062909195519335193335#pdp-page-content
Emma says
Talk to me about weaning. DD is 9 months old and we’ve gotten doctor approval to slowly introduce regular milk. She will happily take a bottle of formula if I’m not around. I would like to wean during the day since she’s starting daycare soon, but keep the morning/bedtime feed to a while. Can I do this or will my supply drop completely?
Anon says
I think it’s very person dependent. I couldn’t and I believe that’s pretty normal/average. Having less than 5 sessions a day at 9 months dropped my supply and my daughter lost interest. I always had an average supply though and not an oversupply. My understanding is that most women who successfully dropping to twice a day are doing it when their kids are 12+ months.
Anon says
Disagree with your last sentence – I know lots of women including me who did this before 12 months and it worked out fine. I don’t think it necessarily works for everyone though.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I did this with both of my kids, for varying lengths. Stopped pumping completely at around 9 months for each kid (by then I had dropped to one pump per day), and continued to feed in the morning and night for about another month for kid 1 and until age 1 for kid 2. Not sure how much milk kids were getting at that point, but they seem satisfied enough at night and were sleeping through the night, so I wasn’t concerned about hunger. It was a nice bonding time for us.
If you haven’t already, gradually decrease your daytime pumping sessions so it’s not a big adjustment to drop.
Anonymous says
I stopped pumping when my son was a year old and kept nursing him morning and at night for another year. I doubt there was actually much milk coming out, but he seemed into it. OTOH, when I told he we weren’t going to do that anymore he was like, oh okay, and that was that. So maybe he was just humoring me? I thought weaning was going to be a whole thing and it wasn’t. But stopping pumping was the absolute best.
Vicky Austin says
I am already looking forward to stopping pumping.
AwayEmily says
Same…I stopped pumping at around 10 months with all three kids and switched to nursing AM/PM only. Weaned the first two completely at around 15 months. My third is almost 17 months and still doing AM/PM but I’m ready to stop soon.
Anonymous says
Anedata, n of 2, but I did this with both children around 9/10 months and had zero issues. With my first I think he was 10mos so I barely used any formula. My second I think I stopped pumping even earlier and we did formula for a few mos before moving to milk. With the second, I continued to nurse am/pm til around 18 months. He would have kept going, but I was kinda done. I still had to pump am/pm on business trips to avoid mastitis, but I looooved the snuggles.
Anon says
It’s definitely possible! I stopped pumping around 7 or 8 months, and kept nursing until my daughter lost interest at 18 months. We combo fed with formula and of course by 8 months she was eating a reasonable amount of solids, so I didn’t worry about my supply or anything and I think there were many months (especially towards the end) when she was just nursing for comfort rather than milk. That was fine with me, though.
Anon says
I’d probably keep up the 1 pumping session mid-day for another month. If you stop at 10 months and your supply fades over that month, by 11 months you can skip formula and just use cow milk. If your supply tanks before 10 months, it’s harder not to have to switch to formula and then away from formula shortly after.
anonM says
I don’t remember all the details yet, but around that age I slowed and then stopped pumping with #1, but kept nursing in the am/pm. You can drop a pumping session and see how it goes. Also, just a heads up, some kids will then “reverse cycle” I think it is called, when shifting to more consistent bottle use. DS would nurse for so. long. when we both got home from work/daycare. You just don’t want to get in a habit of them increasing night nursing, whether formula or pumped bottles. Good luck!
Anonymous says
My whole family is on week 3 of a strep plus a weird virus. Three Fridays ago oldest kiddo and I tested positive for strep. We both did 10 days of Amox. During that time, Twin A had diarrhea, high fever, one episode of vomiting. Then the oldest got it: 24 hours of high fever and vomiting (I gave him zofran the 3rd time he vomited water). Now twin B has diarrhea, congestion and eye discharge (probably pink eye). I had fever and body aches yesterday. Just wondering if anyone else has been through this.
Anonymous says
I think you can have strep in your digestive system, and you can also get it more than once. I would ask the pediatrician.
Anon says
+1. We just finished a bout with strep and both my husband and daughter presented with vomiting, sore throat, and fever. We also had to throw away all toothbrushes, toothpaste, and sanitize all linens and dishes. You can definitely get reinfected. Hope you all feel better soon – serial illnesses are so taxing!!!
Anon says
You can get strep throat more than once, but reinfecting yourself immediately after recovering would be very unusual because you should have some short-term immunity. We’ve never thrown away toothbrushes or done any cleaning beyond normal things like laundry and running dishes through the dishwasher, and never had anyone get reinfected. I did have a kid get strep 3 times in one year, but each infection was months apart and right after an exposure at school.
Anonymous says
I always get vomiting with strep.
HSAL says
No help here but I’m so sorry and get better soon!
New Here says
Yep! I had strep the week leading up to Memorial Day. That was excruciating. My husband caught it that weekend.
Following week, I had a weird 24-hour stomach bug.
My daughter wrapped up 10 days of antibiotics for her bought of strep last Friday, only for me to wake up with pink eye, that turned out to be viral and possibly a symptom of an underlying sinus infection. I started getting a scratchy throat Saturday night that turned into soreness, headache, fatigue. I’m now on eye drops, antibiotics, steroid nasal spray and my doc gave me a steroid shot. I’ve lysol’ed everything in this house. My cleaners are coming today and then I’m going to lysol it all again!
Mary Moo Cow says
Ugh, my sympathies. My family has cycled through something similar, with pink eye, possibly strep, fever, and congestion for weeks. Kids had a very mild pink eye (like, blink and you’ll miss it), I got it in one eye, and DH got it in both eyes, so physicians weren’t sure if we had the same version or if I had a bacterial and he had a viral version. His physician said it could be the result of an adenoidal virus, which would explain the congestion and fever. I’m the only one still dealing with a sore throat and congestion and coughing, and I’ve over it.
Anon says
Are posts here taking a really long time to show up, or am I in moderation? I can’t tell, but I feel like it’s been like this all week?
Anon says
It’s been like that for months.
TheElms says
Agreed. Its really hard to get posts/comments through even if you are using your regular name and email.
Anon says
It’s really frustrating because I think it’s killing some really good conversations, and I don’t want to move to the main s i t e.
Pumping and work travel says
Talk to me about pumping and work travel! Never had to do it with my first (thanks, pandemic!), and have my first trip scheduled next month (and a 6 month old). He only gets breastmilk, no formula, and I generally nurse all of the feed except for 4-5 feeds/week (and he has no problem taking a bottle). I have about 250oz in the freezer right now so he’ll have more than enough for my 3 day trip.
Tips for pumping in strange offices, in transit, etc? Things that worked well and things that didn’t? If relevant, it’s a short flight but international (Canada/NYC).
Anonymous says
A portable power supply is key; the outlets on planes will not supply the full current (even at the right voltage) so the pump will be less effective. This also gives you the freedom to pump wherever.
Most airports now have dedicated rooms or mamava pods – things have really improved since my first 6 years ago (I remember pumping in a Denver aiport family restroom – these are the last resort if no dedicated mother’s room).
Bring the sanitizing wipes & a pumparoo bag (or just ziploc) for storing parts between pumps on the go – rinse w/ water and then sanitize. I also brought sanitizing microwave bags to really fully sanitize things every night. Brought my own little dish soap. I only brought 3 bottles, and would decant the milk into bags each time. Remember a sharpie to label. Always ask on-site (either at hotels, offices, etc) if there is a freezer you can use – I found freezing all my milk way easier to transport. I’d make every effort to keep my milk either frozen or refrigerated as much as possible and minimize time in just a cooler w/ freezer pack. There’s a product now called Ceres Chill that purports to keep milk cool without a cooler for like 24h, so you could look into that if you won’t be near a refrigerator all day.
For US TSA, I would declare my pump and ask what they wanted me to do. They usually asked that I take out any liquids (and the ice pack, even if frozen) and they would pull me aside for additional screening (usually swab my hands). Sometimes they literally wouldn’t do anything special- it’s all the discretion of the agents on duty.
Good luck! With my second I was so sick of the rigmarole I just pumped and dumped while travelling. If you do that you really simplify things (no need to sanitize or keep things cold), but it is emotionally difficult to pour your milk down the drain so I get why you may not want to do that.
AwayEmily says
Bring a light scarf so if necessary you can pump at an extra gate. I vastly preferred that to a restroom (and had to do it a few times if the nursing room was too far away from my gate). Bring more milk bags than you think you’ll need.
I just washed parts in the hotel sink with hotel soap.
Bring lots of ziplock bags (gallon and quart). On the way back you can fill a few quart bags with ice before leaving the hotel (make sure to double-bag) and then refill at airport as necessary (maybe won’t be if you have a direct flight). To me that was easier than lugging ice packs since lots of hotels don’t have freezers. Except for one really long trip I didn’t bother freezing my milk, just kept it in a fridge at the hotel and then in the cooler for the trip home.
Pumping and work travel says
Thanks for the tips! I admit that I wasn’t planning on trying to find a nursing room/pod/private space to pump. I was just going to sit in the gate area, pop my nursing cover on, and pump. I fall into the DGAF camp when it comes to nursing in public (I’ve only used said nursing cover once, and it was b/c I was nursing while walking 20 minutes and that felt weird), so I really don’t care if I bother people while I pump. Pumping in a bathroom sounds unpleasant!
AwayEmily says
Yes, totally fine to pump at the gate. That being said the nursing rooms can be really nice because they have cushy chairs, a sink, etc — so, often worth going for comfort reasons (rather than privacy reasons) if you are close by one anyway.
Pum says
Makes sense, thanks!
Anon318 says
Moms who have kids who specialized in a sport early, please offer your perspectives! And please be gentle – my kid didn’t come with a manual and we are trying to do the best thing for him long term.
DS is almost 8, began playing an individual sport with DH when he was 5 and began competing about a year ago. He loves the time with his dad and LOVES the friends he has made through competitions. The sport has been great for his socio-emotional development (learning emotional control, how to calm himself, focus, how rest and nutritional status impact emotions, how to deal with difficult competitors and their parents, how to set process instead of outcome goals, etc.). He is not motivated to practice in the way you might expect a future olympian to be, which I think is age appropriate, but he does practice at home on his own volition because he wants to compete. Over the last three months, he has improved dramatically to the point of qualifying to compete on the regional and national level and it feels like we’ve gone from zero to sixty so quickly!
I want to make sure DS is driving this train and feels like he can pump the brakes whenever he wants. Some steps we’ve taken include involving him in the planning of the competition season, making sure he only competes in competitions he chooses after understanding the tradeoffs (e.g., friend’s birthday party is the same date as competition. Which would you rather go to?), encouraging participation in other sports (he usually plays in a once-a-week after school “club” sport of choice with his buddies, switching up the sport every quarter or so), and prioritizing social time and unstructured down time. I’m also trying to find a balance between helping him pursue his goals and not allowing my six-year-old daughter to be overshadowed.
Any other best practices for supporting him and/or getting over my whiplash? Experiences of kids who specialized early and did/did not stick with the sport long term? Thanks!
Anon says
It sounds like you have a healthy attitude! I got very serious about figure skating when I was your son’s age, and it was my main activity and social network until high school graduation. I think my parents had a good attitude about it – they weren’t going to let me drop out of regular public school and they weren’t going to take a second mortgage on our home to afford skating (we knew families who did both these things), but as long as they could comfortably afford it and I could attend regular school, they let me pursue it at the level I wanted. In middle and high school I did have some special arrangements like a free period first thing so I could skate, but I stayed in regular school (in honors/AP classes). There was a clear understanding that if my grades started suffering, they would pull back on skating. The sibling being overshadowed thing would probably be my biggest concern as a parent; I was an only child.
Fwiw, (and I know it’s a long way off for you) I think it helped with college admissions because even though I wasn’t very good I had some prestigious-sounding competitions and awards. I think doing anything on the national level is big for college stuff.
Anonymous says
+1 to all of this. If the sport is gymnastics I would also caution you about Future Stars and the other elite-path development programs. Go into them with your eyes wide open because most of the kids who qualify for these programs end up burning out before they go elite, and the environment pushes very strongly for home-schooling.
Anon318 says
Thanks to both of you! It is good to have a little validation that it isn’t crazy to let him dedicate so much time and effort to a single sport. The sport is golf, not gymnastics, and there is certainly an intense culture at the higher level. Thankfully most kids are working around normal school requirements. In this era of NIL/fuzzy lines between amateur and professional, the social media and brand ambassador side of things is jarring. Lots of conversations about how to keep this fun and only as pressure-filled as DS wants need to happen over the next years!
Anonymous says
I would ban all social media and brand ambassador stuff to keep it about the sport.
Anonymous says
He’s 7. If anyone tried to discuss any of that with you walk out they don’t have your kids best interests at heart. Just because an opportunity exists does not mean you need to take it. On no planet does a 7 year old need to be travelling even state wide for golf!
Anon says
Off topic, but has golf really exploded in popularity with kids recently? My high school had a golf team but I never heard of anyone playing it much younger than that until recently and now it seems like it’s everywhere among elementary age kids. I know someone who just had her 4 year old girl in golf camp, and a relative’s 8 year old just won a big statewide golf event.
Anon says
+1 to the above. Keep the attitude healthy, be the parent who shows up just because you love to watch your kid play, and don’t get overly invested in their performance.
My husband was a phenom at his sport at a young age — featured on national television, etc. He feels incredibly lucky that his parents let him pursue the sport, but they never tied his identity to the sport. When it became clear that his growth trajectory probably was going to kill his longterm involvement in it (D1 collegiate and/or pro), he abruptly changed course and started competing in a totally different sport. To this day, he marks the conversation where he told his dad he wanted to shift gears as among the most important in his life — everyone else told him why he was throwing his whole life away, etc. etc. in shifting away from his first sport, except his dad – who just told him to go for it and that he was proud of him.
Like the poster above – it opened doors for him to incredible experiences, and he’s so thankful his parents let him follow his passion. He’s equally very thankful that they didn’t force him to stick with it, or uproot his family to a better training facility or pull him out of schooling, etc., all of which were options to him.
Anon318 says
I love this perspective!! I do want DS to feel like he can have that “I’m done” conversation with us any time he wants and expect to be met with love and encouragement. I also love the validation about no moving for training or pulling him out of school. Thank you!
Anonymous says
Golf seems like a sport where you don’t have to be all in or completely done. In gymnastics or figure skating it’s harder to step back to a more recreational level. You can practice golf as much or as little as you want to, play as often or as infrequently as you want to, etc.
Anon says
+1. I was a serious competitive gymnast from age 4 until I decided to quit at 12. I still VIVIDLY remember being in the car with my mom on the way to my last practice and telling her I wanted to quit. She was so okay with it and so supportive while also being pretty nonchalant about it. Knowing you can walk away at any time and still be loved and valued by your family is huge for kids who make a certain sport or achievement their whole personality (aka me, as an overachieving eldest daughter).
Anonymous says
Everything you’re doing sounds good. The one thing I would consider is the wear and tear on his body (for example, if he swims, it would be his shoulders). I swam through college at the D3 level, but didn’t start swimming competitively until I was 10 or so and even then I wasn’t doing it every season, two a days, etc until I got to college. Several of my friends who swam in college, but had specialized much earlier, had to have shoulder surgeries because of overuse, which is kind of insane to think of necessary for an 19 year old.
Anonymous says
I have a kid who specialized early in a sport where even perfectly average kids who will never compete in college train 20 hours a week by age 10. What I saw was that the 8-year-old phenoms tended to flame out by the end of middle school, whereas the kids quietly making slow and steady progress were the ones who lasted all the way through the end of high school. It’s also a thing that the tiny kids on social media and the news, with endorsements, etc. are generally not the same ones who end up succeeding in the long run. I would temper your excitement about his early success, keep him focused on the game itself, keep him entirely off social media and out of the public eye and away from any contact with sponsors etc., and insist that school be the top priority.
octagon says
My kid is the same age as yours, though he’s lower ability. We’re having those conversations now as we think about year-round swimming leagues and how many practices to commit to (they suggest 3x a week which seems like a lot to commit to a year at a time for a kid of this age, we likely will end up at 2 and can add more if he wants to). I’ve made it clear to kiddo that I will drive him to as many practices as he wants to go to, we are able to supplement with lessons or clinics but I won’t force them. Kiddo has to take on more responsibility with keeping gear organized, being ready to go without being reminded, etc. I was an elite swimmer but burned out in high school (and probably cost me scholarships) so I am very mindful of not wanting to push too much and instead cultivate a lifelong love of the sport and good sportsmanship.
FWIW, over the last year one of the best tools we’ve used is to take enforced breaks of 3-4 weeks where there is no sport, and let him start to miss it and be excited to get back in the pool. It naturally happens in December around the holidays but we did another one in May before the summer season and it seemed to really help.
Also, not sure if it’s where we live or just kids today, but I’ve been really surprised at the level of involvement in sports for his peers – nearly every kid does a travel sport or some other activity with a significant investment of time (horseback riding, elite chess).
Anonymous says
I think the expectation for upper-middle-class kids today is that they will do a travel sport or some other activity at a very high level. Once you get past mid-elementary, there really isn’t much available at a less intense level so they are all kind of steered towards travel sports.
Anon says
Depends on where you live and your circles, I think. Living in a college town with a lot of professor’s kids, I don’t feel like there’s much pressure to do intense sports. Some kids do, but it’s by no means everyone. Academic pressure is what I worry about more.
Anon says
Sorry to take this to a dark place, but I live in an area where Larry Nassar ab*sed many young athletes, including some of my close friends, so I have to say this – be aware of coaches/instructors who create toxic environments. Stand up to the coach when appropriate. Let your kids know it’s ok to challenge authority sometimes. Don’t leave your kid alone with a coach or doctor.
Anon says
Ugh, we’re supposed to leave on our first ever kid free vacation tomorrow and of course our kid has come down with a fever and sore throat. There was strep exposure at school so guessing it’s that, and taking her to the doctor momentarily. Hopefully she’ll feel better by tomorrow morning after 24 hours on antibiotics and we’ll be able to go? Covid test was negative, which is good because that would definitely cancel the trip.
Anon says
I think you’ll be ok – I was relieved to get a strep diagnosis when it hit our house because you are no longer contagious 24 hours after starting antibiotics (according to urgent care) and kiddo immediately felt better whereas with covid or other viruses (HFM I’m looking at you!!!!) you are just kind of stuck until it’s run its course (and infected everyone else along the way). Just make sure to sanitize/get rid of things the infected person used!
Anon says
Thanks, it is strep. For some reason, strep hits my kid hard like no other illness does. The last time it took three or four days into the antibiotics before she was anything approaching normal energy levels and appetite and she seemed to have lingering fatigue for weeks (almost like “long strep”?), but you’re probably right that her contagious period will end within 24 hours.
Anon says
“Glad” you got a diagnosis. Yes, for us the question in that circumstance is whether we want to risk infecting a non-household caregiver. Covid, HFM – obviously we’d have to cancel. (Can you tell I have some HGM stress memories? Shudder. ) Strep being treated? All good, kid might be lower energy but won’t get grandma sick. I would disclose, of course.
I hope you get to go – kid free vacation sounds amazing.
Anon says
Yeah, honestly – a lower energy kid with special direction to hang out on the couch and watch movies is kind of great if they’re staying with a grandparent.
Anon says
You have clearly not met my mother 🤣 She’s 71 but has way more energy than me and DH combined, and never uses screens to give herself a break. When we thought my kid was going to be healthy, she had planned a whole itinerary of super active stuff for them to (but of course she’ll let a sick kid rest).
But yes we of course disclosed the strep and they’re fine with it, and they would (understandably) not be fine with Covid and probably not with something like flu or HFM so this is probably best case scenario illness-wise.
Anonymous says
Are you my SIL? My MIL is also a high-energy dynamo. I admire her but get exhausted just hearing about her schedule. Her many grandchildren adore doing All the Things with her.
Anon says
There must be two of them :) I’m her only child and my daughter is her only grandchild. I do not understand where her energy comes from and wish I had a fraction of it! I would blame my job, but she still works too.