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AnonSF says
I understand that the “right” answer is “whichever I’m most comfortable with”, but hear me out anyway:
If your colleague 1) excused herself mid-business dinner to go pump, returning 20 minutes later, or 2) excused herself early from the dinner (after everyone finished eating but while they were still chatting/mingling), to go pump and didn’t return, which would be less weird?
I’m leaning towards 2 since I like to leave early anyway :) but also it’s my first work trip after mat leave and I just got a big promotion (with a toddler and newborn, so go me) and I want to make sure I’m making a good impression while also still taking care of my baby/body.
Anonymous says
Who is the audience and attendees? What is the purpose of the dinner? If you’re a minor player, 2. If the dinner matters, 3. Manipulate your schedule to pump before.
AnonSF says
Dinner with the Board of Directors and executives, the night before the board meeting. I’m one of the executives. I know everyone well (worked together for 3-15 years) with two exceptions.
I will be pumping right before but given prior dinner durations and my pump frequency, it’s likely I’d need to do 1 or 2.
Anonymous says
If the after-dinner chat is business bro nonsense that you usually avoid, 2.
If the after-dinner chat is where the real networking happens, 1.
AwayEmily says
well put!
Anon says
I don’t think either is weird.
Spirograph says
+1 I don’t think either is weird, but I’m curious about logistics. Are you dining in the hotel and you’ll be able to quickly go back and forth to your room to pump? Pumping somewhere in a restaurant? I think option 2 would just be easier, assuming you’re going back to your room and can just change out of work clothes and be done. BUT this is a know-your-office-culture thing, too. If the “real work” is likely to get done in the post-dinner chatting/mingling, choose option 1.
Also, congrats on your promotion!
Anonymous says
I think you would be fine with either 1 or 2. I usually try not to be the very first one to leave (even though I always want to be because I do not like staying out late). I also wouldn’t worry too much because it sounds like you’ll be with all of them the next day and that’s what they will remember, not what time you left at the dinner.
anon says
If you go with 2, I assume you would tell people you’re not coming back, right? It’s not weird to need to go pump, but it would be weird to say you were going to pump, not return, and not indicate that you weren’t returning. I’d just excuse myself for the evening in that case.
That being said, I do a lot of dinners of this type – I’m senior and generally don’t feel like I need to offer a general explanation as to why I need to step out or leave early. When I was pumping, I just mentioned to one of the other execs that I had a more personal relationship that I was going to do that and would be back in about 20 minutes in case someone got worried that I’d been taken ill. If I was leaving early, I just told people I was heading out (I, too, don’t like to stay up late at business dinners, and everyone knows it at this point, ha).
anon says
This is how I handle it, as someone pumping now.
My supply is lower at night so I haven’t needed to excuse myself from dinners to pump, but I have excused myself from all day meetings to do so. My boss is a man with two young kids and totally gets it, but most others are not aware. I don’t announce it at all; I just manipulate my schedule a bit and walk out at the right time.
On a trip to NYC when DD was about 5 months, I really needed to pump at night and told my coworkers and client that I was heading back to the hotel. It turned into ALL of us going back to the hotel bc NYC is unsafe now (eyeroll), and I basically pumped in my room then rejoined them out later. That was the only time it got a bit weird.
Anon says
also congrats on the promotion!!!
Anon says
Neither is awkward, if you don’t want to mention pumping you can do 1 by looking at your phone intensely, saying excuse me, and then walking th out as if you’re about to make a call/deal with urgent client thing.
anonM says
I’d be more inclined to go with #1, so I could do a really short pump session and not push it too much with the networking after dinner/worry about leaking etc. YMMV, but maybe just say something like, “hey, have to go pump, I’ll be back in 15. Dave, you better save all your good war stories for when I’m back, haha!” I really think people take cues from us, and if you act confident and breezy about it, they’ll move on quickly. You’re an exec (good for you!) so I’m sure you can pull that off. Maybe have a backup line in case someone asks wtf you mean. I work with mostly men well conversed in shop talk, so I’d probably try to think of a sarcastic retort, but know your audience.
Sigh, hopefully one day women won’t have to expend so much mental energy trying to strategize about these things?
Anon says
Ugh for kindergarten we have to pack
-Lunch
-Snack for the classroom that is fully disposable (I think this means no Tupperware?) and can be eaten without a spoon or fork
-Snack for aftercare that must be store bought and in a sealed package
Any suggestions for the latter two? No nuts.
I miss daycare and their provided meals & snacks already!
Anon says
at our public K each week a parent has to sign up to bring snack for the week. i’d honestly rather it your way! but this is where applesauce pouches, yogurt pouches, string cheese, pretzels, popcorn, etc. come in
AwayEmily says
Costco is your friend here. Go and get a bunch of stuff (or just to a grocery store if you don’t have a Costco membership). Individual packages of Goldfish, granola bars, applesauce pouches, animal crackers, etc. Is it the healthiest snack in the world? Nah, but whatever. I would not even bother with cheese sticks, yogurt, etc since then you have to worry about refrigeration and storage.
Anonymlus says
Here’s ideas from what I send two toddlers and a first grader:
Goldfish/what thins/cheesits in a ziplock
Prepackaged pb crackers
Mini bags of chips
Those pretzels and cheese dip packages
Yogurt raisins/regular raisins/craisins
Cheese stick (unless you live in Texas: they will melt)
Some moms send homemade muffins but I’ve never gotten my ish together to make muffins on a week night.
Anon says
I posted below but I’m sometimes one of those moms! I make a double batch (on a weekend) and freeze them. I then stick them (still frozen) in the lunch box and they are defrosted by the time my kid eats them. Banana chocolate chip (with whole wheat flour) and oatmeal blueberry are the favorites and help my kid get a bit more fiber, which she needs. Obviously when s hits the fan at work or in life, this is one of the first things to go, but I do it as often as I can :) 24 muffins lasts a long time for snacks! One of my friend freezes them raw and bakes in the morning, but that’s more than I can handle.
I also sometimes make a double batch of chocolate chip cookie dough, separate it into balls and freeze on a tray, then dump into a ziploc bag. Then I pull out a few at a time to bake on weeknights or for playdates and I’m an absolute hero because who doesn’t love freshly baked cookies. Also helps me when I’ve had a rough day!
busybee says
This is the way.
Anon says
I would be really annoyed, this is a lot of waste for no reason. We do purchased packaged snacks sometimes but I also try to bake muffins to send as snacks when I can. They do much better in a small tupperware than in a bag where they will get squished! The packaged snacks are fine as a treat but they are not that healthy and I wouldn’t want to send them every single day. Would your kid be happy with an apple or banana?
Cb says
My son really likes dried mango, dried apricots for a snack, sometimes with some chocolate chips included. Could you send them in a little paper bag? Some of the eco companies make parchment paper bags. The waste would really bother me.
Anonymous says
Wax paper is another good choice for this — I used to wrap sandwiches in it before we switched to bento lunchboxes.
My kids went to a very crunchy Montessori school for a couple years and they had the opposite approach from OP’s: lunches were supposed to be 100% no waste. They’d compost napkins, but if you sent in a granola bar or anything individually wrapped, the trash came home in the lunch box; they did not allow the kids to throw anything away.
OP says
Yeah that’s kind of how I feel… I’m by no means “healthy mom” or “Pinterest mom” but I would like to send cereal or fresh fruit and it seems really wasteful to have to use ziploc bags or to have to buy individual containers at the store.
Anonymous says
dry cereal works in paper bags! ziploc has resealable paper snack size bags. Cheerios and corn squares are favorites here.
Anon says
I agree. I eat plenty of processed snacks but I’d want the option to send things from home and not purposefully pick out high-waste items from the store.
Anonymous says
I mean, it’s less wasteful than kids bringing in plastic containers that constantly go missing and then get tossed & need to be replaced.
Anon says
I get bulk boxes of snack size smart pop, pretzels, goldfish and pirate booty for this purpose. Babybel or string cheese also works.
Anonymous says
Sounds about right.
Snack: check what time of day it is served. In our elem, kinder kids eat LUNCH at 10:30am and snack around 1pm.
Ideas: clementines, baybel cheese,cheese sticks, cheese sandwich, pretzels, apple, banana, grapes, yogurt or applesauce pouches frozen the night before. My kids love the guac and tortilla chip packs by sabra.
Aftercare: pirate booty, chips, teddy grahams, ritz cheese crackers, Rice Krispie treats, etc.
Anonymous says
I was confused by the first snack requirement but maybe it’s no tupperware because they have snack outside on occasion and don’t want it getting forgotten on the playground. You can use small paper bags for a lot of stuff if you want to avoid plastic bags. We have nut allergies so nut free options are:
– bananas
– apples or apple slices
– orange slices in a ziploc bag
– popcorn in a plastic bag or paper bag
– granola bar
– homemade strawberry yoghurt minimuffins
– oatmeal raisin applesauce cookies
– cheese and crackers
For lunches we generally do leftovers twice a week (risotto works well, so does mac and cheese or lasagna) in a thermos container and sandwiches twice a week and then a homemade lunchables thing on the last day. YMMV depending on your kid. At the kindergarten stage we did homemade lunchables at least 2-3 times a week because those got eaten better than a ‘meal’ type lunch.
Make yourself a weekly menu – it’s okay to repeat favorites. Familiar, easy to eat foods will ease the transition. Think about what snacks you’d pack for a daytrip and use that as a jumping off point for your list.
Anon says
Do you have a receipt for oatmeal raisin applesauce cookies? Sounds like a great snack option!
Anonymous says
I use the one from the Quaker Oats website but with like a quarter cup less brown sugar and a couple tablespoons of Greek yoghurt instead.
ANON says
The easiest way to do this is pull from the same stash of pre-packaged snacks for both school and aftercare. If you want to minimize waste where you can, I’d use wax paper bags (the kind you seal with little stickers) for the school snack and you can put in cheese, crackers, fruit, veggies, etc that’s not pre-packaged.
Anon says
What? That’s wild to require a storebought, individually sealed snack. That’s incredibly wasteful and cuts out some of the healthiest, most practical options you might have chosen. I don’t understand why they would require that…
Anonymous says
Because no one has time to help 25 5 year olds figure out complicated snacks.
Anon says
What’s complicated about a Tupperware (or a Ziplock if you don’t want glass/plastic containers) with a sliced apple and a few pieces of cheese?
Anonymous says
Opening it, closing it, putting it away.
Anonymous says
+1 to the Anon at 10:56
My kids could not reliably open small tupperware containers in kindergarten, and they *still* cannot reliably put things away. I’m pro no/low-waste snacks, but helping a couple kids open & keep track of a reuseable container is nbd, helping a whole class is a nightmare.
Anonymous says
Have you ever seen 30 5-year-olds try to open tupperware?
Anon says
OK, if it’s truly that impossible, then what’s wrong with a reusable Ziplock or even a non-reusable one?
Anonymous says
The only thing worse than tupperware is capri sun.
Anonie says
Do you have kids? Obviously helping the kid open it, making sure they put it back in their backpack (which BTW likely isn’t anywhere near the snack table), not mixing up the tupperwares of different kids, making sure the lid stays with the container and doesn’t get thrown away, matching the right lid with the right container, potentially breaking or cracking either the lid or the container. Versus just, sweep everything on the table into the trash at the end of snack time.
You may think it’s reasonable to ask teachers to do all this, but it’s pretty obvious “what’s complicated” about it if you have kids or have ever seen kids eat in a group setting.
Anon says
There are other ways to make it easier for the teachers without such a big f-you to the planet. I would suggest fruit as the easiest option for all involved. If even half the kids had fruit daily, that would be a significant reduction in plastic waste from just one classroom.
Anonymous says
Hahaha to fruit. What kid will gnaw on a whole apple? My kids insist that all fruit be cut up, which requires a container. Also, fruit alone is not filling enough for many kids.
anon says
I don’t know, though, is this really a common requirement? My kids were in K classes of 25 kids and 1 teacher and the assumption was that every kid had to deal with their own containers, but even my exceptionally scattered children always brought their reusable lunchboxes and snackboxes home. (This includes the kid who lost 3 jackets over the winter.) At 5 or 6 they’re totally capable of bring their snack from their cubby to their desk, eating it, and then taking the container back to their cubby.
Anon says
I agree – 2-year-olds will struggle but most 5 and 6-year-olds can easily do this.
Cerulean says
I’m guessing it’s because they might not be able to make sure the reusable container gets back into backpacks. It’s less to keep track of.
Anonymous says
Probably something to do with allergens? Like they want the ingredients on the wrapper in case another kid eats it and has a reaction?
Anon says
Yup, this is the reason. No guarantees something is allergen-free when it’s homemmade.
Anonymous says
Don’t make it hard. Granola bar and packet of cheesits. Apple and pretzels
octagon says
We hit up costco and buy a bunch of their nut-free options, then just rotate them. The ones that are the biggest hits are:
– granola bars
– mini muffins
– fig bars
– rice rollers
– string cheese (works if the snack is early enough in the morning that refrigeration is not an issue)
– goldfish
Anonymous says
If you want to be passive-aggressive about the aftercare snack, send a banana or a clementine.
OP says
Ha, I may just do that.
I do understand that a classroom teacher can’t be expected to help 20 brand new kindergartners with tupperware, but the aftercare requirement for store bought seems unnecessarily burdensome. I’m BEC with the aftercare though, which may be coloring my view. The program seems extremely rigid and all their communication feels like it’s bordering on hostile …so far they’ve made a much worse impression than the school.
Anon says
I guarantee you the main reason they’re doing it is for allergies, not to wasteful or burdensome.
Anonymous says
Oh no, I’m so sorry this is the first impression of aftercare and hope it turns out better than it seems now. Aftercare is one of the BEST things about our school, for both me and my kids, and it makes life so much easier for all of us. They provide healthy-ish snacks, too!
OP says
Oh I’m not hating on aftercare in general – our program just seems like it’s not the best. In addition to the snack stuff, they’re extremely strict about attendance, make kids sit quietly for 30 minutes before they can go play (it’s “homework time” but my kindergarten kid doesn’t have any and I imagine even the older kids don’t have much at this point in the year) and make the kids switch stations on a regular schedule. It’s a rough adjustment for my kid from her much less structured daycare where she could basically do whatever she wanted. Plus all their emails to us come across as SO rude, which I know is not that big a deal but it really annoys me. We don’t need after school childcare, so we may just drop it if things don’t improve.
Megan says
I’m not sure i saw it mentioned but I just discovered walmart does individually packaged servings of dried fruit. They are no added sugars, so that’s the bonus for this snack.
Anon says
anyone here have an 8 or 9 year old daughter. are girls that age still into unicorn stuff or are unicorns considered for little kids
Anon says
I have an 8 year old who does not like unicorns but her two BFFs do. I think it’s much more kid-dependent than age. If my kid got a gift from a distant relative with unicorns on it she would not be offended, she’s just more like… over it because they are everywhere.
Anon says
this is more like my 5 year old twins are finally getting big girl beds (they still have converted cribs) and we’d like whatever bedding we get them to last like 3-5 years before we split them into their own rooms
Anon @ 10:00 am says
FWIW my 8 year old still likes her unicorn sheets even though she wouldn’t choose them today. But she also knows that I’m not the mom who would replace perfectly good sheets because she’s over unicorns, FWIW.
Anonymous says
I would definitely not get unicorns, or anything else cutesy, or anything with characters then. I would do tie-dye, a boho floral, or something else a 10-year-old would not deem babyish. Or go totally plain with the bedding so you can change out throw pillows, posters, and accessories as their interests grow.
Anon says
well that is what i would like to do, but i’m getting some pushback from the kids who say that florals/tie dye are boring. are rainbows or hearts ‘better’ than unicorns then?
Anon says
I would get what they want now. Bedding is cheap to replace (relatively speaking), doesn’t last forever and they can also deal with bedding they don’t love when they’re older. I don’t think it’s that big a deal to make an 8 year old sleep on unicorn sheets because that’s what she begged for when she was 5. It doesn’t matter what the pattern is, an 8 year old is going to whine about anything they picked out years ago.
Anonymous says
Rainbows and hearts are not much safer than unicorns. How about letting them choose whatever fun pillowcases they want? Much cheaper to swap out than sheets and duvet covers.
Anonymous says
in this context, my 10 year old still sleeps on her rainbow zebra sheets she got in Kindy. We donated her princess ones.
Find something fun. Also remember that you can replace sheets / get backups in a few years.
NYCer says
I would get them whatever fun sheets they want now and more neutral quilts, etc. Sheets are SO easy to swap out.
Anonymous says
My girls are just turned 7 and 9-about-to-turn-10. They are both over Unicorns but my 7 year old was never really into them anyway. I also have a 5 year old about to start K and she’s still into them!
My 7 year old is still really into American girl and also crafts, mineatures etc. my rising 4th grader likes axolotls, stuff related to her sports, trendy fashion stuff (aaaah!!!), nail polish, room decor etc. she just bought a pack of nail polish pens.
Spirograph says
My 8.5 year old daughter is as stereotypical as possible and unicorns, hearts, and rainbows were her favorite things for years. She picked a unicorn print for a new lunchbox a couple months ago (which kind of surprised me), and still likes her unicorn bedding. Very kid-dependent, I imagine.
EP-er says
We redid my 11 year old’s room two years ago and took her to Target to pick sheets… she picked alicorns! And is still happy with them. I go more for neutrals on the comforter/quilt/curtains etc. and what ever fun sheets they want. Much less expensive to swap them out.
Anonymous says
+1. Go neutral on the big stuff and then buy one pair of fun sheets. If you put the same sheets back on the bed every time you wash them then the backup pair can be plain. When she gets sick of the printed sheets she can get a new pair for a birthday or holiday, or swap them for the plain ones.
MIL Reacue says
In laws are here for a week and already off to a very complaint filled MIL start.
Distract me with funny kid stories.
Anon2 says
My 5 year old learned about ghosts from another kid this week. She’s not really afraid, definitely curious. But, she’s now convinced 5 ghosts are arriving by train from New York City sometime this week and coming to our house. So, naturally we’ve searched the house nightly for 5 ghosts from new york. She also asked me to drive by the train station on my way home to confirm whether or not they’re waiting.
So far, only one alleged sighting from her but she decided it wasn’t them because she only saw 2, and they obviously like to travel in a pack so the search goes on.
AwayEmily says
this made my day.
Anon says
mine too! thanks for this. i also love that you are entertaining her ideas about the ghosts. you’re a great mom!
GCA says
oh my gosh, mine too.
Does she have an idea of what she’ll do if/ when she finds them? Host a party?
Spirograph says
Yes! This is the logical next step. Anon2, I love that you’re playing along.
Anon2 says
She does not, but I’m here for this. Let’s see what the evening brings.
Anonymous says
You don’t have to stop by the train station to get them–they will hitchhike to your house.
Cb says
Ooh I’ve got picture book recs. Gustavo the Shy Ghost, and How to Make Friends With a Ghost.
Anon says
When I was a kid I was convinced there was a ghost living in my bedroom but that’s because I watched too much Unsolved Mysteries.
Cb says
My BIL and family arrive tonight – not staying with us and I’ve agreed to host dinner tonight + an outing on Saturday but otherwise it’s up to my husband.
A kid at my son’s birthday party told me her Viking name and said “I might look pretty but I am fierce and deadly!” That girl is going places.
The neighbour kid came over to get my kid “We’ve found a caterpillar, it may be poisonous, we don’t know!”
My son has turned 6 and transformed into the chattiest kid in town. He went and told the librarian (who asked) all about his summer holidays, and spent the last 30 minutes observing the electrician who talked him through exactly what he was doing.
Spirograph says
One of my favorite things about having kids is that it’s completely socially acceptable for them to ask endless questions, and I get to learn so many new things when they do! As much as I’d like to, it’s weird if *I* stand there and expect to be talked through an electrician’s work, but totally OK if I’m listening while an adorable 6 year old does it.
I got a very interesting overview of a soundboard recently when my curious kid started chatting up the sound technician on the way out of the theater. :)
Cb says
It’s true! I think the idea that everything is new and exciting for kids is one of my favourite bits.
There were some bug people at the library and I just left my son there, talking about his favourite bugs. There were no other kids so he got free rein of the microscope, etc.
Anon says
It’s actually not weird if you do that, though.
Anon says
It’s pretty rude if the person is trying to work. Tbh I also think it’s rude for a kid to badger someone who’s trying to work, and don’t let my kids ask endless questions either.
Anonymous says
It’s usually pretty easy to tell when someone is happy to indulge a kid’s questions and when he/she wants to be left alone. I don’t think anyone is suggesting that a kid can ask endless questions of an unwilling party just because they’re a kid. And to Anon 1:58’s point, many people would be happy for another adult to show interest in their work.
Spirograph says
My 7 year old has recently gotten obsessed with black holes and decided he wants to be an astrophysicist when he grows up so he can study them. I asked what his line of research will be, and he said, “mostly how to escape them, and whether spaghettification is reversible. Don’t worry, though, I will not travel to one, myself, to prove my theories, because I know you would cry forever if I die.”
Anonymous says
I love this on so many levels. : )
Anonymous says
Awww! Mine wanted to be an astrophysicist at that age to so she could discover “what is behind the universe.”
Anon says
My toddler saw me in the shower and said I have “grass.”
anon says
My 3yo said ‘you have hair on your butt’. It was umm… not my butt
Anon says
Ha. My 5 year old calls that region “the front bum.” We’re working on using accurate terms but can’t get away from calling her that.
Anon says
Her calling it that, lol
Anon says
Better than various human rights groups that call the v*gina the “front hole” to be inclusive. Vom.
Anon2 says
DD had a, urhmmm… “split injury”… down there that required an ER visit and subsequent follow ups this summer. She’s fine (evidently somewhat common?) but despite multiple full on gyn exams, using all the real words both at the hospital and at home for weeks, she thinks it’s hysterical that she “hurt her butt.” I’ve literally given up ha. You can only do so much with a 5 year old brain sometimes, I’m tellin’ ya.
Anonymous says
My four year old is at a half day soccer camp this week. He seems to really like it, which is a win!! I did ask him if he’d change anything about the camp, and he said “I really think they should commit more to the daily theme.” (As far as I am aware, the theme is loosely “soccer” followed by “keeping a dozen 4 year olds occupied for 3 straight hours”, so I am not sure where he gets the idea there is or should be a theme from.)
Also, last night was the first time he has ever laughed so hard he cried. He heard the song “on top of spaghetti” and just lost it. Which I found surprising because he has definitely heard and sung that song before.
Anon says
My soon-to-be-three nephew refers to himself as a “puppy” and was in a tantrum and said “the puppies are frustrate.” This is a phrase we have all now adopted.
Anon. says
Hiking in Acadia National Park for vacation and my 6 year old was increasingly upset because we had not seen any forest creatures. Then while in the parking lot at one of the beaches he found a slug on the fence. His day was made: “I finally found a forest creature!!!!!” Over the moon excited, needed to have his picture taken with it, sat and observed the slug until my patience for the parking lot wore out.
Anon says
Aww! If you go back, do the Jordan Pond loop — oodles of frogs and tadpoles.
anonM says
This is perfect. Please frame this photo.
Anon says
My three year old thought the morning of her birthday party would be a good time to find a sharpie and draw all over her face.
Anon says
I used to be a nanny and I was pretty hands-off when I would take the kids to the park – I was just happy to sit on a bench and get a break when the kids played.
One day I took my three year old to the playground and there was another kid of a similar age who had a total helicopter mom hovering over him the whole time. He tried to climb up the slide and his mother immediately swooped in and forbid him from climbing up. My kid observed this and then informed the other kid, “My nanny lets me climb up the slide,” and proceeded to demonstrate.
It was kind of mean but so funny.
Anon says
i know there are a bunch of people who read here who survived the transition to K within the past year or so and a bunch of us about to transition. would love to hear any tips from those who went through it recently. did you read a lot of books about new schools? talk about it a lot, just wait til your kid brought it up, just do nothing, etc. also not just tips for the kids, but for us parents! i’m also anxious about the change
Anonie says
We did basically nothing in terms of preparing our kids. My kids were already in full time preschool, so kindergarten was exactly the same thing, just in a different building (and they attended 3 different daycares by the time they were in kinder, so they were also used to transitioning to new facilities).
Spirograph says
Same. If your kids have been in daycare, they will be fine. But parents… clear your evening calendar from now until at least Halloween. I hope for your sake that you have one of the magical 5 year olds who can still hold it together after a full day of kindergarten, but all three of my kids were exhausted and cranky/weepy in the evenings. It was surprising to me, since I didn’t think K would need significantly more stamina than full day preK, or maybe that’s just how transition stress manifested itself? but in any case, early bedtimes and lots of patience are needed for the first couple months.
Anon says
I have a 2023 kindergartner but we’re in the Midwest so we started already. First couple of days went really well! My kid was in full day daycare so is very used to separating from us and being in a school environment.
Fwiw not sure if this is universal but in our district K and first are very different. K is basically more structured pre-K with lots of play time, extra recess, rest time (my kid hasn’t napped in years but benefits from quiet book time) and no homework. First grade is way more academic, ~30 minutes of homework dally and no rest time. I’ve heard from multiple parents that the adjustment to first is harder than starting K.
Anon says
Oh and we did no prep except attending the official school events for incoming kindergartners – one in March and one in August.
ifiknew says
what kind of homework do your 1st graders get? Our elementary does no homework until 5th grade and im very annoyed about it. I think having some accountability at school will help my kids get in a routine of homework before the academic pressures ramp up in middle school and high school. I know I can provide things at home, but i dont think its as impactful as if the whole class is doing it.
Anonymous says
ours doesn’t either but (i actually cannot believe this) my daughter’s 3rd grade ASKED FOR HOMEWORK. The teacher was able to do it by making it optional but offering a class reward if the kids all did it.
Anon says
I don’t know – my kid is just starting K. But I’ve heard from other parents that it’s a lot and a huge change from K which has very light homework even at the end of the year.
I actually wish we didn’t have homework at all in early elementary school.
anon says
We have one transitioning this year (our first and only). Here’s what we’re doing based on some friend group crowd sourcing:
(1) reading On The Night Before Kindergarten on repeat (actually gifted to us by her new K teacher, so thoughtful!), (2) reading We Don’t Eat Our Classmates – lighthearted but does show some of the dynamics of a classroom, minus a kid-eating dinosaur, (3) Playing at our new school’s playground a bunch so it’s not a foreign place come day 1, (4) talking up the teacher – we just got teacher assignments yesterday. I couldn’t pick Mrs. Roberts out of a line up but you better believe I’ve told DD how wonderful she is, and that I know people who says she’s great, etc.
That’s about it. I’m team If You Talk About it Too Much, You Create The Problem. Like, Daniel Tiger created anxieties my kid didn’t have, if that makes sense. So, talk about it, hit it head on, but don’t dwell and definitely recognize that your feelings/sadness/anxieties are yours and not necessarily the kid’s. I plan to cry all the ugly tears after I’m out of her sight on day 1. Good luck – you got this!
Anon says
That actually seems like a ton of prep to me! We didn’t read any books.
Anonymous says
Am I a weirdo because I was not weepy about my kid starting K, just incredibly excited for her to be a big kid and do all the fun big kid things?
Anon says
no! everyone is different. i have twins and so i’m kind of weepy since it’s like both at once and we LOVED their preschool, but a lot of their friends have younger siblings so are still at the school/the school actually also has an elementary school so some of their friends are staying, so i think i’m equally sad/weepy about leaving their school as i am about them growing up. i also went to smaller private schools my whole life and this is my first introduction to public school.
Anon says
I wouldn’t say I’m weepy but I’m definitely emotional about it. This is the end of a huge parenting chapter (my K-er is my only) and I’m a but nostalgic for the tiny baby who came home from the hospital what feels like yesterday. I’m also unbelievably excited for big kid fun and for her world to expand as she learns and grows. There’s room for both.
Anonymous says
Nope. Our school has a “boo hoo/woo hoo” breakfast for parents of kindergarteners. I’ve been a “woo hoo!!” Every time. But some parents sob!
Anonymous says
My youngest goes to K this year. I have battle scars. I feel ready!
We are:
Picking out many outfit options in advance
Clearing schedules for after school. She’s signed up for a couple activities but will be missing the first days of each unless by some miracle she is not a Hot Mess.
DH and I took several days off
We have meals for the week planned, as well as a fridge full of snacks.
Big sisters can’t wait to show youngest around but I’m pretty sure it is going to turn into a fight over who gets to take her around. We are making a schedule.
octagon says
Someone gave us the book Butterflies on the First Day of School and it was just perfect, it captures the nervous/excited feeling really well. We still pull it out each year. For my kid, it helped to hear that every kid was new to the class, it was okay to feel a little anxious, and that everyone would learn together.
And oh my goodness, lean in to those after-school snuggles and early bedtimes the first few weeks. It’s so much for their little brains to absorb, they just need so much extra comforting. I loved feeling like I could re-center my kid at the end of the day.
FVNC says
Following up on the conversation from earlier this week about adolescent girls, sports, and periods — I saw this NYT article that might be helpful for the OP’s daughter(s). Not sure if someone else posted already. I thought it was a great article!
https://www.nytimes.com/2023/08/08/style/womens-sports-uniforms-change.html
Anon says
I really liked this article too. We need a paradigm shift in so many ways!
Anon says
Many of you probably know this, but apparently a lot of National Parks have junior ranger programs where kids can do certain activities and earn a badge specific to that national park. We spend every summer near Acadia but I had no idea about it until this summer when a ranger started chatting with my 5 year old and mentioned it. It was a huge hit with my kiddo, who normally isn’t inclined towards workbook-type things.
Anon says
Ha, I remember doing this myself when I was 8 in Yellowstone! I loved it!
Anonymous says
We love the junior ranger program! I participated when I was a kid too.
Anonymous says
My in laws will start shopping for Christmas gifts soon if they haven’t already. What is the best way for my husband to communicate a limit on gifts and the limit on the size?
I don’t want to be too controlling but they’ve also been pushing the limit year after year in quantity and size. Every year they send more stuff. Last Christmas we hit our limit with probably 8 gifts per kid, and one being a massive princess doll house (I’m talking 4 ft high, very wide, 3 stories tall).
Not to be dramatic, but the quantity of stuff and the resulting mess (my house looked like a bomb went off in a toy store) put somewhat of a damper on Christmas morning for me. I’m not a particularly tidy person but the amount of stuff was overwhelming.
I really want to limit them to like 3-4 gifts but also communicate that it can’t be a new dollhouse, a new big doll stroller, and a new something else very big. Because if I just say 3-4 it will be huge things we don’t have space for.
They are also not “experience gift” people despite our requests.
Any thoughts?
Anon says
Some ideas:
-Are the in-laws local or visited frequently enough that they could keep physically large things at their house?
-Would they get offended if some things get donated relatively quickly?
-Can you brainstorm something big that you actually want that they could buy?
But ultimately I don’t know that there’s a great solution. I think you either just tell them directly and risk offending them, or deal with it.
Anonymous says
“I know that your gifts to the kids come from a place of love, but we’ve realized that Christmas in our home has become too much about gifts and not enough about the true spirit of the season. As the kids get older, we really want them to understand this. This year, we’re going to be reducing the number of gifts we give, and instead looking for ways to give back and love our neighbors. We hoped that you might join us in this.”
Anon says
I’m not sure that there is a “best” way to do this in all honesty. In my experience, grandparents are either going to listen to what parents are saying with regard to what you would like them to gift or they aren’t. If they already didn’t listen to requests for experience gifts, they probably won’t listen to this either. And what would be consequence of them not listening to you? Not giving the kids the gifts? Sending them back? Neither of those options will put you in a good light with your kids or your in laws. It’s a recipe for hurt feelings and anger all around. I think all you can do here is keep putting requests out there or be willing to face the fall out of not giving the kids the gifts.
Anon says
do they ask for gift suggestions or they just buy whatever it is that they want to buy? or categories, like something to read, something to wear, etc. have you ever given away any of these gifts? can you return other things before your kids open them? (obv only works if your kids are little), or you and DH not get them gifts?
Anon says
Yeah, cutting back on gifts yourself or doing an experience gift instead of physical gifts seems logical. For our child’s fifth birthday, we didn’t buy her any physical gifts because she had ~15-20 gifts from family members (no one person was excessive but she has a bunch of people who shop for her) and 20+ presents from her class party. When she doesn’t have such large friend parties I imagine we’ll buy her something, but not that much.
Bean74 says
I think not getting gifts from you or DH honestly kind of sucks, though. YMMV, and it might be a bonus for some people, but I end up feeling resentful that I have to be the one to cut back because other people won’t listen to me.
My son has a late December birthday, though, so between that, Christmas, and very generous aunts and uncles, I always end up feeling overwhelmed by the sheer amount of new stuff in our home.
Anon says
I said above that we didn’t do physical gifts for our kid’s last birthday but we did a big experience gift. We got the joy of gift-giving without the clutter. And our kid absolutely loved the experience.
Anonymous says
“Mom and dad the gifts are way too much. We don’t have room and the quantity is excessive. I need you to dial it back.”
Anonymous says
This is what (sort of) worked for us.
Anonymous says
how old are the kids? Help the kids put together a christmas list with toys that fit your requirements. American girl dolls, legos, crafts, instax camera, that sort of thing.
Look at what you need to buy this year anyway and put it on the christmas list- soccer cleats/socks, bikes, sport sweatshirt with the kids name embroidered on it (hot ticket in my house), fave team hat/jersey,
AwayEmily says
What worked for us was this: “[Kid] has been saying that what she really wants for Christmas from you is to visit you. Instead of a regular Christmas gift, would you be willing to help pay for a plane ticket for her to fly out with one of us to see you? I know she would just be over the moon about it.”
If the in-laws live nearby, then maybe you could do a version of “what she really wants for Christmas is to go on a weekend trip to [destination] with you.”
For us this got at the heart of it — the grandparents want to feel loved. And a regular “experience” gift (e.g. zoo membership) doesn’t quite do it, but hearing that their grandkid actually wants to spend time with them — it does. I will say that of course my kids did not actually volunteer “I don’t want any presents, I want to go visit Grandma,” but when I broached the topic with them “What about if one of your Christmas presents was a special trip to Arizona?” they were VERY into it so I felt okay in slightly exaggerating their preferences. Obviously if your kids would actively not WANT to spend time with their grandparents this wouldn’t work.
Anonymous says
We did this with local grandparents. They asked what she wanted and she said “a special day with you!” They were tickled pink and started taking her out to dinner and the children’s theatre for Christmas and birthdays.
Anon says
I would get each kid to make a very specific wish list (of reasonable gifts) and have the in laws stick to the list. Frame it as “this is what the kids really want!”
Anonie says
It sounds like the atmosphere on Christmas morning is important to you, so can you move the “opening presents from grandma and grandpa” to another time? My suggestion would be to do it when they first arrive or if not that, on Christmas Eve, or later on Christmas Day. I would also be annoyed/uncomfortable with the Christmas morning gifts being overwhelmed by an overload from your in-laws.
anonM says
Can they buy clothes, PJ, and/or shoes? Do a joint gift that still has the “wow” factor they sound like they’re going for? Pay for a subscription for books/art supplies? We have some family members that I’ve gotten to focus more on cute clothes and one of the craft subscriptions. She loves me sending pics of the kids in matching clothes, and while matching clothes are cute it is something I normally wouldn’t bother with, so it feels much more win/win than big plastic gifts. A few other ideas – next size swim suits, open ended toys like Sarah’s silk fort kit, kid electric toothbrushes (cute characters were a hit with my kids), a specific book series/set.
Anonymous says
OP here. Thanks for all the ideas. This is great!