Makeup & Beauty Monday: The Complexion Set

Hypothetically, if you had a violent child, at what point would you send them away to a residential treatment program, therapeutic boarding school, or even military school? I think I would send a kid away by age 7 or 8 if they were attacking siblings or getting suspended from school for violent behavior. What would your threshold be?

Help me plan my daughter’s third birthday party. We are planning to have it at the local elementary school’s playground, where she will be starting preschool in a few weeks. We are inviting her new preschool class, some daycare friend, and some family friends –about 23 kids in total. Even though I expect that not everyone will come, it could easily be over 50 people once you count the parents.

First, given the size, I want to avoid providing a meal. Would you expect dinner at a party from 3 to 5 or 3:30 to 5:30? I think the later time would work better for the nap times of her daycare friends (don’t yet know the nap time of the preschool). I would provide lots of fruit, chips, fruit snacks, cupcakes, juice boxes, and water bottles. Any other ideas for food?

Second, any recommended wording for requesting no gifts. My daughter will get a ton of gifts from close family friends and family, and doesn’t need that many new toys. Also, it’s an economically diverse preschool so I don’t want any families to feel weird about not affording a gift.

Third, what do we do if it rains? We have a small townhouse in the city, so can’t fit that many people at our place. Do we just reschedule for the following weekend?

Fourth, do we need to provide entertainment beyond the playground? I figured I would bring some balls and maybe a bubble machine, but that the kids would mainly just play on the playground.

Fifth, any other advice for throwing a kid’s party? This is our first birthday party with friends, and I want my daughter to have a great time.

Parenting is hard. Toddlers are hard, big kids are hard, worrying about the future is hard. Let me start by saying that my oldest kid (10) is a smart, sweet kid who gets really good grades and is a phenomenal musician. He’s great about doing chores, an incredible traveller, and the most supportive teacher and coach when somebody is struggling to learn something.

And. Kid often just… tries to negotiate. Sees a direction as a starting point. Gets in trouble for silly things. Last night I found myself literally sitting awake worried about him being an employable human. This morning, he did something fairly mundane (tried to be funny and point out loopholes in the ‘no x’ rule we gave him) and I recognize that I totally erupted at this kid. I walked away, composed myself and apologized and told him that I worry about how this constant negotiation will impact him. I told him I worry about him as a functional human in society – because the world will be less kind than I am.

I don’t know if I’m looking for advice or commiseration here, but… I also see that I (as the parent who handed down that lovely ADHD) am far less understanding or accommodating of some ‘classic’ ADHD traits because I have them too and know how hard he will need to work.

has anyone tried the Jones road stuff? I see rave reviews from influencers, but I tried the miracle balm and it was like weird medicinal vaseline. I’m tempted by the face stuff for some reason, but also am wondering if the pencils are draggy…. thanks for any intel!

During a moment of high stress (toddler temper tantrum while locked out of our car in a heat wave), my husband threatened me with a clenched fist (“I could punch you” from several feet away) and then walked away. I had told him in an exasperated tone to just go for a walk since he was clearly getting stressed by the situation and then it happened. I’m blown away. We’ve been together nearly two decades and I can honestly say there were no other red flags – no attempts to control me, no belittling, no threats, no isolation from family and friends, nothing. I’ve felt safe and respected and loved for 18 years. If anything, I wondered at times if he was too easygoing to make a life with.

He has long struggled with anxiety and depression (and has lately been working on getting a new doctor, therapist, and trying a new med) but I had never, ever felt that it put me at risk, even when it made our marriage less happy. Having a baby increased his stress a lot and he has never done well with transitions (feels down and depressed), but even with that, I’ve seen how much effort he puts into being a good father and how much he enjoys our son even when he’s exhausted or otherwise having a tough day. Any frustrations he’s ever had seem like normal parenting challenges to me – nothing that ever raised the alarm, with the exception of me telling him one time that he was being too rough restraining our toddler during a nightmare, flailing dirty diaper change. He agreed and I’ve never seen it again. He has communicated many times that prolonged crying (starting with the colic days and tantrums now) really stresses him out, but he’s always handled it (if not as a perfectly zen gentle parent) with zero threat or indication of violence, ever.

I’m incredibly aware that DV can happen to anyone and that I’m not immune because of our long, positive history – but what on earth? How do I interpret this? He apologized in tears, says he has no idea why he reacted that way when he would never want to hurt us, is in disbelief that he could do that, and he will continue (since he had already started) the process of getting more mental health support. My gut feeling tells me that there won’t be a repeat and I don’t feel unsafe around him, just shocked and confused and hurt. However, I’m obviously afraid of being naive and the natural tendency to minimize these situations. I can’t put our son at risk and yet leaving also doesn’t feel like the outcome any of us want. Until this weekend, I very much thought we were all a happy family. What would you do?

Also, one thing I wanted to note – it really just makes things worse to read sharp one-liner responses like “Get out unless you want to be killed.” I saw a lot of those in just short Internet searches so far and felt worse with no greater clarity on how to handle my situation. If you have any other advice, it would be so welcome. It’s hard to find any similar stories online that don’t include a long pattern of abuse and red flags/clear escalation and I don’t want to confide in my best friend yet. I contacted a hotline and it was kind and yet vague with little to offer for a case like this – said that most cases have a long and clear pattern of abusive behaviors.