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Anonymous says
Off-seasonal question (since prices for winter gear are low now): we are planning to try skiing. Neither of us are skiers but we moved to an area where it’s really popular and want to try. I read Ann’s post about getting your kids started with skiing but I am mostly confused about how much I need of everything (we are going for a five-day trip). Do I need multiples for my kid (7yo) (and the adults) of the following, or just one (and if multiples, how many):
-Thermic underlayers
-Mittens
-Ski pants
-Ski jacket
-Ski socks (I assume I need a pair of socks per ski day? They are expensive though!!!)
Also are goggles needed or are sunglasses fine?
Many thanks in advance to all experienced skiers for helping this novice out!!!
GCA says
Not much of a downhill skier, but moved from a tropical climate to northern New England for college and am now raising kids in the Upper Midwest. I had to figure it out real fast if I wanted to play outdoors…
One set of ski jacket and pants. Bibs are nice for little kids; they prevent snow getting in the waistband of pants, and the straps are extendable so you can use them for several seasons. In an ideal world, I’d look for stuff manufactured in the last couple of years that is PFAS-free – not because wearing clothing with PFAS harms the wearer much directly, but because it gets into the ecosystem from manufacturing processes.
I would say 2-3 pairs ski socks. Wool socks will keep you warm even when they get wet. Air them out and air-dry them and you can alternate pairs, or at least that’s what we do. For a multi-day downhill ski trip at a resort, you would ideally have some sort of space for drying all your stuff.
1-2 pairs of mittens. If you’re in a wintry climate you tend to accumulate an array of warm, water-resistant mittens / gloves anyway. Air-dry these like socks.
I own 2-3 sets of things that could be used as thermal underlayers. I like to wear fleece-lined athletic tights under shell pants because I would run in the fleece tights all winter anyway. Thermal tops have come a long way since I was 18 (I hang on to stuff for decades); I got some Carhartt waffle thermals on closeout last year and was pleasantly surprised by how comfortable they were.
Casual skier, taking beginner lessons? Sunglasses are fine.
Anonymous says
Perfect, thank you so much (from one tropical climate-originator to another :-)
anon says
I grew up skiing most weekends and for a week at a time over school breaks. We always had 2 sets of long underwear and ski socks which would cover a weekend and for longer trips my parents just did laundry every other day. Ski pants and ski jacket you just need one. A single pair of mittens should also be fine, just make sure to set them to dry at the end of the day. I’d strongly recommend goggles especially for the 7yo because they function to keep your face warmer and protected from snow in a way that just sunglasses don’t.
k says
Agree with the above (as someone who is new to skiing, but did about 17 days last winter!)
Also please wear helmets! You will need something thin for warmth under helmet to cover your ears and something for your neck that you can pull over your face if needed on the lift. My 6 YO wears a thin balaclava under his helmet. I wear a thin headband with a thicker neck warmer.
I also like liner gloves under my waterproof, warm ski gloves.
Anon says
You will wear the same outerwear every day. Bring a few pairs of socks and rotate them (letting them fully dry and rinse in sink if needed) and bring a few pairs of long underwear, and call it good. I use wool for managing odor. Have a great time!
Anonymous says
I’m in Tx and do not ski, but lots of people borrow from friends when they’re only going to ski once a season.
Anon says
I don’t ski, but I own a lot of this gear. You’re going to need long underwear, wool/ski socks, mittens/gloves, and a ski jacket at minimum regardless. My DH and I both also own snow pants with a bib (I still love a bib) for shoveling snow. So I encourage you to make some good investments versus buying cheap gear in case you and the kids don’t like skiing.
Anonymous says
1 helmet (I prefer to buy over rent and you can use them for skating too generally
1 ski jacket
1 ski pants
3 ski socks
2 sets of warm long underwear
2 pairs of mittens
1 extra sweatshirt or fleece layer for under ski jacket if super cold
1 balaclava if cold otherwise helmet alone is warm enough
1 neckbuff
My kids prefer googles because it protects their faces if they wipeout in powdery conditions.
Decathlon or Mountain Warehouse are usually pretty inexpensive.
Take one set of extra socks and extra mitts with you to the hill. This amount assumes you wash every second day. Clothes will get sweaty so long underwear and ski socks need to get washed after they are worn.
Anonymous says
After living very near world class skiing for 15 years, i bought ALL the things and started skiing last winter. it was awesome with our 6 year old.
– Please also wear helmets! You can get these where you rent skis etc.
– You will also want a THIN balaclava / headband/ buff to keep your ears warm under helmet and to pull up over your face on the lift if needed. my son has a thin balaclava. I wear a thing ear covering headband and a thicker neck warmer.
– If you moved “close” to a ski hill, even if you only go for 5 days, probably will need warm gear anyways, so worth buying, but some resorts will also rent ski pants / jackets for the duration of your stay. These will be good quality.
– Hiking socks etc also work for skiing, but if you are buying ski specific socks get tall ones.
– one pair of “outer mittens”. Warm mittens very critical. I like have liner gloves inside my mittens, keeps hands warm if you are fussing with gear etc and then you get wash those if you hands get sweaty.
– I would really recommend googles over sunglasses to keep you warmer / block wind.
– Buying kids skis second hand could very easily be cheaper than renting for 5 days.
If we do multi-days of skiing, i would have 2-3 socks / underlayers per person, mostly because that would be what we have and unless you are skiing really hard you won’t get that sweaty / stinky. often my hubby and kid wears same underlayer 2 days in a row even if i pack more.
Anonymous says
I would have one pair of ski pants, one ski jacket, and two pairs of mittens/gloves for each person. If conditions are wetter or snowmaking is happening the gloves will be the first thing to get soaked. One set of base layer top/base layer bottom/ski socks per person per day. Two or three midlayers. One fleece gaiter.
For base layers I use regular leggings or fleece-lined leggings depending on the weather, plus a regular athletic wicking top, not specialized ski baselayers. I do prefer the top to have a quarter-zip or turtleneck if it’s cold. Socks and baselayers just get so sweaty and stinky that I don’t like to rewear them. If you are renting a condo with a washer/dryer you can take 2 or 3 sets and do laundry.
Anonymous says
Oh, and get helmets!
Anonymous says
Thanks so much for to everyone who replied! So helpful! Definitely planning to all wear helmets!!!
Spirograph says
Are you skiing every day? The main reason you’d need multiples is in case things don’t fully dry overnight. Hang everything to air/dry as soon as you return from the slopes. If you’re only going to ski twice, and not on back to back days, you can get away with one set…don’t sink too much money into this the first time out when you aren’t sure if you like it, yet!
If you’re skiing 3 or more days, I would have 2 sets of the following: base layers, socks, and mittens (at least one really good pair of ski mittens, the others can be regular “waterproof” play-in-the-snow mittens). One pair of pants and one jacket is fine. Bib overall snowpants will be fine for the kids, if they have those already.
Anonymous says
Thanks! Yes we’d plan to ski every day (this is in the Alps). Totally agree with not spending too much money, which is why I am trying to get some stuff very cheap now (and buying stuff used too). At least some of it can also be repurposed for general winter use…
Fallen says
Has anyone tried to go the OT route for picky eating / ARFID? We have tried a lot of the CBT techniques (food chaining, etc) with my very picky 6 year old with some limited success, but wondering if working with OT would be helpful. I know very little about OT or how it works.
Anonymous says
We don’t have feeding issues but we go to OT for other things, and we love it. It doesn’t hurt to get an evaluation done if you think you need it. Your pediatrician might also have an opinion on if OT could help in your case. If you happen to be in MoCo Maryland, we like the Pediatric Development Center (PDC) and I believe they handle ARFID issues as well.
Anon says
We did some OT for feeding (at the recommendation of an OT we saw for other things) and it didn’t seem to do much. The biggest thing that has helped was just the passage of time. Very few adults eat only five foods so I’m trying not to worry too much about it.
OP says
I wasn’t worried either (ironically I am a psychologist who treats ARFID among other things… I am close friends with some of the people from Harvard who created CBT for ARFID and they all say their own treatment is flawed/has limited success and passage of time is really the only thing that works for most) but ped is on me to deal with this. I mentioned to her we tried a lot of CBT techniques but she’s pressuring to do OT. In this part of town it’s 300 for a 30-minute appointment and inconvenient times so I want to make sure it will help. Kid is going lower and lower in weight percentile every year so she’s like you have to fix this, though.
Anon says
What does your ped say? We didn’t have the growth curve issue (my kid has always been near the top of the curve for both height and weight) but our ped is even more relaxed about it than I am.
I’ve posted this before but I was generally unimpressed with OT and have a hard time taking their recommendations as gospel. We took our kid in for a very specific issue when she was almost 4, they diagnosed her with a weak core and told us all these areas in which it would affect her life if we didn’t do OT. After a few months of weekly OT, they said her core issues were better (despite us not really seeing any progress in that area), but they identified a bunch of other issues she allegedly needed OT for, including picky eating, and wanted to continue therapy for at least a year for those issues. We continued for a while, and didn’t really see any progress and it felt like they were sort of just grasping at straws to keep us enrolled in OT. The only pediatric OT in my small city was expensive and a PITA to get to (more than 1 hour round trip from our home and our kid’s daycare) so ultimately we decided to just stop.
For eating, we’ve started to see some progress in the last year (mine is also 6) but it definitely comes in fits and starts. As someone else said peer pressure helps, and we’ve found vacations to places with unfamiliar foods are helpful too. Mine doesn’t try the unfamiliar foods yet, but all the exposure to new foods makes her more comfortable trying basic American food she’d previously refused to try.
Anon says
Oh sorry I misread and thought you were saying the OTs were pressuring you, not the ped. Hmm I don’t really know what to do in that situation. Maybe seek out a second ped opinion, but it’s hard if you really trust your ped and want to stick with them.
Anon says
We did feeding therapy (my kid wasn’t able to chew properly until after surgical intervention and then had to be taught) plus ARFID therapy. The feeding therapy was more helpful long term, we only did the ARFID therapy a handful of times – it’s pretty easy to do at home once you know the ideas.
What we did not do enough of was talk therapy – our kid had a ton of anxiety around food and was starting to refuse to go places/have tantrums. Once we realized it we started talking more about bringing safe foods, assuring them that they could read menus/bring their own food to playdates, talking with teachers and parents about having safe foods/not commenting on what kiddo was eating, etc. My child with ARFID is now 13 and eats SO many things I never would have thought they would try – partially due to peer pressure at lunch tables (if everyone thinks pizza is amazing maybe I should try it!) and partially due to curiosity and lack of pressure from us. Good luck, I know this is stressful!
Anonymous says
Peer pressure is really amazing for this! Also, sleepaway camp and YouTubers extolling the virtues of things like sushi – these all have convinced my very picky son to start trying a lot of new things as he has gotten older; he’s now 12. This is a child who didn’t learn to like pizza until he was 4 or 5, and still doesn’t really like french fries. Or soda. But all of a sudden he loves strawberries (would never try them before) and when we visited Morocco recently, he was scarfing down roasted goat and tried all kinds of things.
Sneaky toy purge says
Kid is turning 4 soon and has outgrown many of his toddler toys that are bulky and taking up a lot of space in the house. I’m planning to donate/ sell them, but I don’t want him to freak out when they are gone. It’s stuff he hasn’t played with in easily 6 months. Maybe move them to the attic or shed for a couple weeks then donate? There are a few things he agreed to give up already so he understands the toys are going to other children.
Anonymous says
I think talking to him about it might be better than just hiding toys and hoping he forgets about them. At least with my kid, he has a great memory and will bring up things we haven’t played with in years. It might be good to talk through how we haven’t played with these things in a long time, and other, younger kids might need them now. Maybe pairing that with getting a (small) new thing or a new experience to make it feel special for him?
Mary Moo Cow says
If he’s already agreed to give them up, then just bag them up and drop them off one day. For stuff you want to get rid of but he hasn’t said goodbye, I would store them in the attic for a few weeks. That’s what we’ve done, and, inevitably, nine months after it’s gone one kid asks about it, but the drama over it being gone is usually temporary.
DLC says
We had our kids choose which toys to keep and then told them the rest would get boxed up and put in the attic. So not quite getting rid of, but just out of sight.
I think working from a “What five things are you currently playing with?” mindset rather than a “what can we get rid of?” mindset was an easier framing for our kids.
Though full disclosure, one time they found the box and took everything back out, so we had to start all over again. We clearly have to get better at the “moving things out of the house” part of the plan.
anon says
Since he already agreed to getting rid of them, I think you’ll be surprised about how much he won’t miss them. That was our experience.
New Here says
I clean out toys twice a year (consignment sales).
What I do is sit things aside that I realize she hasn’t played with in a while (she’s 4.5). Sometimes she notices, most time she doesn’t. She’ll say “Why is my tunnel in here?” “You haven’t played with it in a while and I thought another kid may like it. Do you want to keep it?” A lot of times she says no, sometimes she says yes and it goes back in the playroom.
anon says
So, this is a bit do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do advice. Our 6yo didn’t have to purge much because we knew we were having more kids (currently have #3, a baby), and now he’s VERY hard to get to let go of things. Maybe if you start your 4 yo on it now, and do it openly so he can get used to the feeling he’ll be better at it down the road and not have my 6yo’s hoarding tendancies? Who knows lol.
Two things we did do that I’m glad about — One, we is made a small bin of baby toys (the “baby box”) and bring it out any time our friends brought over their babies. I plan to do the same with a few toddler toys, like one bag of duplos or something). Our “big” kids loved, loved doing this – they got to hear about which were their favorites as babies, practice being kind, etc. And, it narrowed down (eventually) what we saved. We also washed and saved some baby gear (some small stuffed animals, a few favorite outfits) for the kids to pick out to hand down to family/friends who were expecting. It was a good way for them to participate with showers. (Obviously, would NOT do this with some big clunky toddler toy!).
Anon says
Don’t blame yourself — my 6 year old is an only child and we’ve purged aggressively since she was an infant and she’s a full-on hoarder. I think it’s personality more than anything.
OP says
He agreed to give up some of the baby stuff, but when I asked him about a play set he hasn’t touched in at least 6 months he suddenly had to have it which is why I was hoping to be someone sneaky. I don’t think he will actually play with it but I asked and suddenly it’s the best thing ever again. I may try moving a couple things to the attic and see if he notices.
Anon says
I wouldn’t ask about getting rid of one thing at a time – guaranteed a kid will want to keep it! I would put a few items out and ask which he wants to keep and which he’s ready to give to other kids (either via the thrift store or putting out a free box at the playground).
Anon says
I have a trip coming up to see my in-laws and I am dreading it. They are nice people most of the time, but my mother-in-law is judgmental about other people’s parenting (proudly saying things like “My children never had tantrums” with the implication being it was because she was such a great parent). My in-law’s house is full of white, expensive furniture and they don’t childproof anything. Last time we visited them, my husband had a major blow up with them because they thought our kids were being too loud and rambunctious. I apologized to them and moved our kids to the basement to be quieter (my husband was much more defensive about it which led to the blowup) but my father in law didn’t accept my apology and just kept ranting at me. I thought his criticism was over the top but was trying to make peace. I am a conflict-averse people-pleaser by nature, so this whole episode was really depressing on a personal level. I grew up in a household where kids were encouraged to play and run around, whereas my in-laws view this as outrageously rude for kids to do indoors. They are very proud of their belongings and nice house, which of course I don’t want to disrespect, but my kids are young and it’s hard to stand over them and watch their every move during our stay. Do you have any advice for how I can make this trip go smoothly? I’m planning to try and arrange activities out of the house as much as possible and start reminding my kids of basic rules (indoor voices, no running) a couple weeks ahead of time. But I also want the right frame of mind so I’m not going into this feeling low. I didn’t even want to go on the last trip and it turned into a nightmare. It’s a lot of stress and expense. My kids love their grandparents and I know there is meaning in this that goes beyond my own experience with them, but ugh.
Anon says
I would make plans out of the house every single day. In-laws are welcome to join for anything they want. Next year I’d do the shortest trip ever and blame it on “flight prices.”
Ugh sorry says
I don’t say this lightly, but I’d probably forgo the trip (sounds like not an option this time) or get an AirBNB in those circumstances. It just isn’t possible for little kids to be quiet and calm all the time, and it sounds like your in-laws don’t actually want the disruption of having kids in the house when they aren’t used to it. I’d be honest with the in-laws that it seems like they aren’t comfortable having kids in the house and say you want to respect that so you’re staying elsewhere.
Aside from that, I’d get out of the house every single day for as long as possible. The in-laws can join you if they want to.
GCA says
Can you book a hotel? It doesn’t have to be a fancy one, my kids love a free breakfast and a tiny pool. That removes a significant stressor for all. Frame it as you wanting to be respectful of the ILs’ space and not stress them out with the burden of hosting (which is the truth, but the other half of the truth is that it removes a big source of pressure on you and your husband). Be really, really ‘nice’ about it to the point where they can’t refuse. “Oh no, I couldn’t do that to you – you know how disruptive little kid schedules are.” And arrange lots of activities out of the house where grandparents can spend time with kids if they want.
Anon says
+1. I was also going to suggest staying at a hotel.
Anonymous says
+1. Do not stay in their house.
Anon says
+3 I don’t stay at my in-laws house. We have an easy excuse because they live in NYC in a 1 bedroom apartment so there really isn’t space even for our family of three. But even if they had a larger house, a hotel would be non-negotiable for me. I need a private space to retreat to.
DLC says
How old are your kids and how ling is the stay?
My In Laws were like this (they passed away five years ago)- they lived in a pristine house in a small town and didn’t have a lot of child appropriate activities. Staying at a hotel was never an option because they would be shocked and hurt at the thought that we didn’t want to stay with them. (We’ve tried).
We got through it by keeping the trips short (three or four nights max), leaving the house a lot (even if it was just a walk around the block or going into the backyard. We also ate out a lot.), and watching a lot of television together. They were of limited mobility so sometimes they would come with us when we left the house, sometimes not.
If the basement is a good place for kids to expend energy, maybe lean into that. Can your Husband talk to his parents and set expectations/come up with activities and outlets for the kids. I know this would have been a difficult conversation for my Husband, so we tiptoed around things a lot and it wasn’t relaxing.
As for framing- I think you have the right idea to keep their grandparent/grandchild relationship in mind. I tried to remind myself that they were doing their best and they loved their grandchildren…. And now that they have passed, my kids remember not that Grandma and Grandpa were uptight, but that they took them to the zoo and the park and bought them ice cream and loved them. As difficult as my In Laws were, I would gladly have them still be with us.
(Also her kids probably never had tantrums because there were too scared of their parents and were afraid to express emotions or independent thoughts…if it’s anything like the way my husband grew up)
Walnut says
I would plan to be outside as much as possible. Maybe this is the trip the kids learn to make rollerblade? Task your in laws with procuring some outside games. A basic tent is also hours of entertainment. Sidewalk chalk is another easy thing to grab. My kids draw obstacle courses and then time themselves doing it.
Do your kids enjoy playing board or card games? Again, task the in laws with procuring a collection of them. We’re enjoying marathon Dutch Blitz right now.
When kids are at the end of their rope, queue up movie time. Maybe the Grandparents have fond memories of some classics they’d like to share with the kids?
Anonymous says
Similar situation – we do a combo of activities out of the house, short trip to a nearby location about 4-5 days into the visit, (because they would aghast at the idea that we would stay at an Air BNB but they will go to an Air BNB with us and are more chill around other people’s stuff). DH taking them out for an adults only dinner at a nice restaurant. Lots of walks in the neighbourhood if the kids are getting rambunctious. You can look up scavenger hunt lists online to make the activity fun for the kids. Sometimes just taking the kids for a walk around the block gives them a moment to relax.
anon says
Spend as much time outside the house as possible and better yet, stay in a hotel or air b&b and just go to their house for the day or meals or whatever. I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this; it sounds like a stressful situation that isn’t going to make anybody relaxed or happy.
Anonymous says
Get a hotel or Airbnb and meet in-laws for activities or meals outside of their house. If in-laws complain or push, your husband should explain it’s not comfortable for you to be at their house with your kids given what’s happened before.
Anony says
Just wanted you to know you are not alone. I will be on a similar trip in a few weeks. We tried to stay at an Airbnb 10 min walk away and come over for all meals but grandparents hit the roof with that plan. We have repeatedly said that we have young active and noisy children and we are worried since one grandparent is fall risk. It didn’t matter. You’ve done all that you can so don’t feel guilty about kids being kids. So, we will cope by being outside in the yard a lot, taking periodic morning trips to active kid places like splashparks, and doing a midpoint 2 day trip with our immediate family to decompress. Good luck!
Anonymous says
Why? Literally what are you thinking. Stay in a hotel. Visit them and then leave. You don’t have to sign up for having people yell at you like this. You’re showing your kids how to be doormats.
Anon says
Anonymous, are you extra grumpy today? You seem a little harsh.
Anon says
I am a recovered people pleaser so treat it like an opportunity to learn and grow. You can be polite but your in-laws are in the wrong here and you cannot solve this problem – kids are noisily and messy. I’d focus on what you think is appropriate behavior when you are guests in someone’s home and plan with your husband how you all want to respond if your in-laws are complaining, then be on the same team. Honestly it’s better your husband blew up than tried to make his kids be robots to avoid conflict with his parents ! That is a good thing and lean on in!
Anon says
My kid is 3.5, social (loves meeting new people), potty-trained (daytime), and the feedback we get from school is overall great. He’s in ST, and progressing really well, it’s been about ~7 months.
The tantrums at home are…a lot, but I’m hoping time will help. I’ve noticed he’s not big on imaginary play – he’ll do a little here and there but he’s not keen on “acting like an animal” or playing with his stuffed animals at length. He likes his puzzles, books/being read to, all things numbers/alphabet, wrestling with his big brother, playing chase, etc. He also isn’t big into building things (with the exception of a set of blocks we have for the tub, which he loves to build against the bathtub wall) – he has a set of nesting/stacking blocks and prefers to nest them vs. stack them.
Does all of this seem reasonable for a kid his age, or should I be concerned about the minimal pretend play/building? My gut is this is more of a personality thing but google (I know) seems to tell me it could be a ND thing.
Anon says
Does he do anything imaginary, like pretending to drink from a toy cup, or “vrooming” a toy car? Kids that age have a really short attention span, so I would broaden your definition of imaginary play.
And how are his screen time levels? Yes, sometimes TV shows can be a jumping off point for play, but more often at that age I’ve seen it really dampen attention spans/creativity. I have a 3.25yo, and in seasons of more TV (like my current pregnancy…) his independent play has tanked. When I cut it out completely, he is much more imaginative. Even a little makes a big difference in their ability to self-entertain.
My kids were never big builders; I think that is totally a personality thing. But they all did love Duplo, etc for the creative play element (making a truck to fight a fire or collect garbage, vs building a tower, for example.)
Anon says
Don’t invent problems. All kids are different. The internet will convince you that every single behavior trait could be a sign of something.
busybee says
Honestly I hope my kids don’t do much pretend play because I haaaaaaate it.
He sounds totally fine and Google will tell you we all have horrible life-threatening conditions.
Anon says
Don’t pretend play with them! Adult involvement impedes children’s creativity, and as I remind my kids, playing is *their* work, not mine. Do things together you both enjoy, like reading or baking or games. But nope right out of all that pretend stuff and go do whatever you want/need to do while they play. They will complain at first but they’ll learn
anon says
+1 million
Anon says
Agreed. My 6 year old loves pretend play and I love to see her passion for it, but I don’t really play with her and never have. She’s become a kid who plays amazingly well alone and while I’m sure some of it is just personality, I think she’s had to build those skills because we weren’t always available for pretend play.
Anonymous says
I would trust feedback from his school teachers on whether he falls into the broad confines of normal.
Anon says
my kids only build with magnatiles, but not tall elaborate things, more like little square houses. minimal imaginary play as well, though did more around age 4.5/5. every kid is different and is allowed to have different likes/dislikes.
just stop googling
Anonymous says
I have a complaint. My only request is that you please not suggest I get divorced. Now the complaint: my husband is not pulling his weight. We agreed last year that things run more smoothly when I am not working. Fast forward six months and I find myself doing all the dishes all the laundry all the cooking all the cleaning and all the bedtime routines. WTF. I plan to talk to him about this is just needed to get my thoughts out on paper so to speak. His attitude seems to be “well I work all day why should I have to do stuff at home?” Which is honestly wild to me: a year ago I was working 60 hour weeks and he was doing all drop offs all pick ups, prepping dinner and cleaning up. I’m not saying I want to go back to that but he needs to step up.
Anon says
I’m confused, are you the SAHP? If so I don’t think it’s unreasonable for him to want to do less of home stuff (not none, just less). Maybe take a look at the fair play cards and talk through an arrangement of what makes the most sense for him to pick up (and make sure he has at least one of the ‘daily driver’ cards!).
Anonymous says
Yeah, the SAHP is in charge of housekeeping. That is literally their job! That means that they have some free time during the day and have to do some “work” in the evenings and on the weekend when the spouse who works outside the home is relaxing.
Anon says
I hope everyone who believes a SAHP bears the burden for the housework, even outside of their spouse’s working hours, really nailed it during maternity leave and had a sparkling house and dinner waiting for their husbands in the evening. Yes I know you were recovering, but presumably your other kids were still in childcare so no biggie, just one kid, right? Tons of time!
The bottom line is having kids makes your days unpredictable, and sometimes entirely focused on managing their/your needs and emotions (just think about all your weekends! Do you have 8 straight hours for chores?). It’s a nice theory that SAHPs should also manage the whole house, but in practice a family needs two adults willing to give 100% in all areas.
Anon says
Maternity leave and being a SAHM to school aged kids are very different though. I have been a SAHM, and now work part time, and I don’t think it is reasonable for OP to expect that her husband will have the same level of involvement in household chores as he did before she stopped working. That is partially the point of having a stay at home parent.
That being said, he should 100% be involved in bedtime routines regularly as that is his chance to spend time with the kids. OP – I would start the conversation with that piece of it.
Anon says
Yes, it is different (though as I prepare to have my fourth baby I look back and think I didn’t realize how easy it was to have just one kid, in retrospect) but I don’t think OP is expecting the same level of involvement as before. She is expecting SOME involvement. I agree that chores should skew to the SAHP, but in some stages of life that means 60-40 or 70-30, never 95-5. We also don’t know how old her kids are, maybe they aren’t all in school.
Anon says
Yeesh. I am a SAHM and my approach is my “job” is the kids and the house while DH is at work, but when we are both home everything becomes a shared responsibility. I do a lot more of the housework because I’m home, but he actually makes dinner 90% of the time, cleans the kitchen while I start bedtime, and puts the toddler to bed while I get to enjoy snuggles and reading to the older kids.
I’m glad you are planning to talk to him about. Can you put it in terms of these being your shared kids and house, and when you’re both home you share the work? Fair Play was discussed the other day, and while I’m pretty lukewarm on the whole system, I think it’s helpful framing to help uncover everything you both think you are doing and recognizing how to rebalance.
Anone says
this is honestly super nice that your husband works a full day and then makes dinner and cleans up. do you feel like it’s an even load like isn’t there more downtime in your day as a SAHP especially if you have older kids or your toddler does mothers day out etc? I’m not at all trying to be judgy, just trying to understand how a equal distribution looks like because my biggest gear is my husband wouldn’t do anything like what the OP is responding because I’d be a SAHP and my kids would be in school 7 hours a day when I don’t have to work
Anon says
It is nice that he does that, and I try to let him know frequently that I appreciate it. Dinner also matters “more” to him; the kids and I would be fine with pasta or a simple protein and side, but he really wants a main meal, a starch, two vegetables, etc (and he likes cooking). I meal plan and shop.
In my particular situation, I have three kids and am pregnant, so my days are still very full with kids. The older two are in school, but because of finances they are home all summer and none of my toddlers have any kind of childcare program until they go to 4yo preK (also no house cleaner, minimal takeout food, etc). I do imagine the balance will change as they all get older, but there are so many schedule changes with school that I bet my kids will still be present for a lot of my days, and really my job is to be “available” for all that. I also do basically allll the planning and emotional labor side of things, including handling the finances, making and shuttling to all the appointments, etc.
One thing another commenter pointed out is that what matters most is feeling like you each get the downtime you need. Yes, I probably get more of it in the day-to-day; I will sit and read or rest while my kids have nap/quiet time or play. I also need more sleep, and my husband kindly gets up with the kids almost every day. But I have never been away from them since the oldest was born 9 years ago. My husband, on the other hand, takes a good amount of trips with friends and for leisure (like 2-3 days, not weeks at a time). I would say about 6 times a year? So in that way our breaks look different. And I am very cognizant to give him time to go to the gym when he wants to, or a couple free hours on the weekends.
These discussions about how families make it work are endlessly fascinating to me! I do feel like I ended up with a “good one”, and he is naturally a very hard worker in business and at home
Anon says
I would get a job again. No question.
Anonymous says
+1. Sounds like you would all be happiest if you had a 40-hour-per-week job and a house cleaning service, and you and husband split evening home and parenting duties.
Anon says
How old are the kids? I kind of see his point re housework and cooking, especially if your kids are in school or other care for part of the day. I am not saying that he should be doing NOTHING, but if roles were reversed and my husband quit his job, I would definitely expect him to handle the majority of the house stuff.
Anon says
Yep. I work and my husband stays home, kids are in daycare. He does all cleaning, laundry, cooking and still has tons of downtime! I help with bath and bedtime because I want the time with the kids.
Anon says
Ok, but your husband is a SAH housekeeper. He is not actively parenting if your kids are in daycare, therefore he has a lot more time to direct his schedule than most SAHPs. And daycare is often longer hours/more consistent days than school.
Anon says
Is your husband receptive to your concerns? If so, I would share them, but to end up with a positive result, try to avoid making it sound like criticism and blame (then he will most likely just get defensive and argue with you) and frame it more as “This is too much for me. I can’t do all of this. I’m exhausted. Can you help me?” Also, sit next to him as you talk. Sitting conversations are perceived as less adversarial and tend to go better.
OP says
This is a good reminder about framing. Thank you. I’m much more likely to get buy in from “can you help me?” Than “I’m annoyed about this/I do everything”
GCA says
1. Even if you are not employed for pay outside the house – you are working. Childcare and household labor are work, and you may still be working 60 hour weeks when you add it all up. When do YOU get a break?
2. In your limited time budget, because people working without pay also deserve rest, what do you and he agree are the priorities for your work? If you have a baby or toddler, maybe it’s childcare. If you have elementary schoolers, maybe it’s school and activity logistics. That’s not going to look like an 8h workday, either, and he needs to recognize that. Then, the rest is extra household labor and should therefore be split between the household members. Could a Fair Play-style division of labor be useful here?
Anon says
But if household labor is part of a stay at home parent’s work, then doesn’t it make sense that OP is doing most of the household labor during the day when her husband is at his job? If someone came here to post that her SAHD-husband was asking the working out of the house mom to do the laundry when she got home in the evening, I think we would all be telling her that her husband should be handling that as part of his stay at home dad duties.
Anon says
+1
Although the kids ages matter. If the oldest is 4 or less and she doesn’t have paid childcare, there probably isn’t enough time in the day for her to handle all the housework.
GCA says
Oh, I’m not saying that she just doesn’t do it – I’m saying, as others have said below, that they should think about having spent a similar amount of time working, but that for a SAHP, those work hours are going to look different from a traditional 8h shift.
Anon says
It is not fair to have the SAHP responsible for EVERY household chore, and that will look different for each family. In your example, maybe they decide that the working parent will do laundry, while the SAHP does 95 other things. But it should be a discussion and an agreement.
Caring for kids and shuttling them around and managing the household takes a lot of time and effort, and even if the kids are in school a SAHP isn’t literally at home alone for 8 hours a day —- maybe the latest kid doesn’t leave for school until almost 9, and the earliest kid gets home at 2:30, and in between she is volunteering at the school book fair, going to UPS, and doing the grocery shopping. So yah, sometimes laundry and other tasks need to get done in the evenings and both parents pitch in!
Anonymous says
My SAHM friends’ days are filled with volunteering that is mostly socializing, MOPS, Bible study, lunches with other SAHMS, library and playground meetups, pool days, etc. That’s all recreational even if the kids are with them.
Anon says
no the poster at 2:18pm, idk what taking your kids to the pool was like when they were little, or to the library, but for me – going to work was easier! even if they are recreational activities, with little kids in tow, they still require a lot of work
Anon says
I don’t think taking toddlers to any of those places is recreational!! Arguably it’s recreational with older kids, but I don’t even really agree with that. I enjoy going to the zoo with my 6 year old and it’s certainly WAY easier than taking a 2-3 year old, but I don’t think I’m “off duty” in the same way my husband is if he’s golfing alone or with other adults while I’m with the kid at the zoo. My husband and I count leisure time as time away from both work and child/house responsibilities.
Anonymous says
That is a fair complaint, and thank you for this cautionary tale. I’m on week 3 of layoff-induced summer vacation, and I’m doing all the things. My husband is doing less than he did when I was working, which makes sense, and I’m fine with it in theory, but I don’t want him to keep sliding further into unhelpfulness. To be fair, he’s still helping with dinner prep and/or cleanup sometimes, but not with any other housework or logistics or with getting the kids in bed. Granted, it’s summer and bedtime can be a little flexible, but I’m tired at the end of the day, too!
Let’s both have this conversation with our husbands. I know mine was a helpful and fairly equal partner when we were both working, and it sounds like yours was too. I think it’s easy to fall into a trap of forgetting that childcare and house stuff is also work. “I was at work and you were at home” is false framing. We were both working all day, we both still need to pitch in in the evening so we can both relax and recharge.
Anonymous says
Let’s do it! And yes, this is part of what’s frustrating/confusing. When we had one kid, he did at least 50% of the kid care: bottle feeding, diapers, night waking. And he did laundry, dishes, sweeping, etc. Now that we have three kids, he doesn’t do any of that. That’s the part I find frustrating. We’re both just older and sleep deprived and summer is kind of a slog. But there has to be a solution that works for both of us. I’ll plan to talk to him during date night tomorrow.
Anonymous says
When my husband was laid off last year for about 8 months, we treated it as if he had an extremely chill work from home job — he did kids drop off and pick up, handled doctor appts, and did laundry, vacuuming and basic meal prep while he was home. But he also spent a lot of time researching and applying to jobs, meeting people for coffee or lunch to network, and attending events. I still did some household chores. I’m planning to take 6-8 months off when I have a baby next year, and during that time we’ll treat it sort of the same way: job is the newborn, but I’ll have more flexibility to do things while he’s at work.
DLC says
I find that for me, it’s not about how much work there is to do, but how much free/“me” time each of us is getting. The housework/childcare is infinite but free time isn’t. If you aren’t getting the same amount of time to yourself as he is, then something needs to shift- either hire more help or he takes over things.
Also- here is a thought- you don‘t say how old your kids are, but as kids get older, they may not need as much hands on care (bedtime, morning supervision, etc…), but they will need someone to turn to for the intangible emotional and mental support . If he opts out of the physical side of childcare while the kids are young, will he be there for the emotional side of parenting when it comes up? Will the kids see him as the parent they can count on in those moment? My 12 year old has a really close relationship with her father and I do think a lot of that stems from him being the primary parent while I worked evenings and weekends. There is a bigger picture here, than just breadwinner/homemaker. What messaging do you want your kids to internalize? (I mean maybe not as good of a logistical argument for the day to day, but when something feels off and I don’t know why, I often find it useful to really zoom out.)
Lyssa says
IMO, the way to look at this is are you two spending roughly (definitely roughly, obviously counting minutes is not going to help) a similar amount of time working, with “working” including paid work, childcare, housework, yard work, errands, etc. If it helps, my husband is a stay at home dad, and he definitely does the vast majority of the laundry, dishes, grocery shopping, errands, pet care, and yard work, along with childcare. I do more cooking (though I consider that a hobby in some ways) and I do the bedtime routines since the kids really want that time with me. I would say it’s similar to the person below who mentioned that it’s her job while he’s working and they split during his time off.
He hasn’t worked since we had kids, so I don’t have a comparison, but I definitely do feel like I work all day and he doesn’t, so I shouldn’t have that many responsibilities at home. (That’s not me trying to say your husband is actually pulling his weight; just trying to give you something to compare it to for perspective. You can decide whether he’s appropriately limiting his responsibilities based on making a roughly equal amount of work or truly leaving you with more than he is doing overall. But I do take into account that we’re making sacrifices in having him stay home, and part of the reasons that is worth it is that we have more leisure time as a family when I’m not working.)
Anon says
+1 to all of this.
anon says
yeah, my husband is a SAHD and in our view one of the benefits is that I *don’t* have to do as much home stuff after work; we collectively have more leisure time. I also do bedtime to get more time with the kids. I empty the dishwasher when I get up in the morning, spend some time every weekend doing house things, and handle the buying and donating of kids clothes… and that’s about it. I would be pretty annoyed if, when my husband quit his job, he still expected me to do as much as when we were both working – the whole point of him quitting was that it was too much and our lives ran better with a parent available all day.
I also agree that the idea should be that you’re spending approximately the same amount of time “working” and “free time”. DH gets more of his free time during the day – he’ll take the kids to the gym childcare, for instance, and get his workout in during the day so that he can clean up dinner in the evening while I go to the gym. We also still have a cleaning service come every two weeks – that was one of the ways we collectively solved the feeling of “I’m doing too much”/”you’re asking too much of me”.
Anonymous says
We both work but this is our system. “Working hours” include paid jobs, commuting to work, caring for our child, and taking care of housework. “Family time” does not count as working hours (e.g., if we go to the zoo). Then we try to ensure we have equal free time on top of that.
ifiknew says
I struggle with this one, because yes its wonderful to be able to take my kids to the zoo, but it’s still work to hang out with your kids on an extended basis. My husband will be like your day sounds so nice to go to the Children’s Museum with the kids and I’m like yes, I’m glad I had that time, but let me tell you about the 5 emotional outbursts they had (even at 5 and 7). it’s just not leisure time the way it is to be with adults or solo.
Anonymous says
yes, I’m the poster above who is recently laid off and I’m summer vacation with my three school age kids, for whom I am full-time referee. I love having the time with them, and I’m happy to be catching up on a lot of deferred household things (plus day to day cleaning, since we decided to let our housecleaner go), but my days don’t feel leisurely! If anything, I’m more tired in the evening than I was after an average day at the office. Our weekends have freed up considerably, though, which is wonderful for all of us.
Anonymous says
Sorry I wasn’t clear – when I say family time, I mean both parents and all kids doing an activity out of the house together. And it doesn’t count as free time or working hours – it’s basically disregarded.
If I take my son to the zoo or park or whatever by myself, that counts as childcare time – that’s just what I chose to do during my childcare time.
We came to this agreement because I was never getting actual free time – my husband had free and we did family activities and there was no time for me to do whatever. When I initially raised this as an issue my husband was like “oh but we went to the zoo/park/poop/whatever”(eg we did a fun thing so that counts as free time for both of us) and I was like yes I do enjoy those things but it’s also not the same as having free time to go to yoga by myself.
Anonymous says
DH and I both work now but we’ve each taken a year off with the kids at different stages. Our approach was always that the SAHP was ‘working’ while the other parent was at work and then everything else is 50-50. Working in home parent did nighttime wake ups M/T/W/Th, working outside the home parent did nighttime wake ups F/S/S. We had a meal schedule so we knew who was cooking on which day at which meal.
Play to each others strengths. I had dishes but like travel planning. DH hates laundry and scheduling. We also do best when there are really clear divisions of labor. He does the dishes. I do all laundry except his and manage wardrobes (seasonal changes/new sports gear). Like I’m not even sure I know how to work the dishwasher at this stage but I guarantee he has no idea what shoe size any of the 3 kids are or whose pants belong to which kid.
Anonymous says
There’s a lot of good discussion here, so I have a follow up. Yesterday my husband 1) made a comment that basically said “it’s not like you’re doing anything during the day.” I saw red, because I literally did not sit down yesterday. I was doing chores or transporting kids for 12 hours straight. I did not say anything to him, but I plan to. He transported two kids to swim lessons while I transported the other to his sports practice. Then, last night after I cooked dinner, he sat on the couch while I cleaned up the kitchen, then showered three kids and put them to bed. If he had asked me to have s3x I might have murdered him. Would you have been upset with these events? I’m totally fine with doing the majority of the household work during the day. But he’s basically disengaging from 7-10PM. And I just can’t see this being sustainable long term. Like I said, I plan to talk to him about it. I just want to know if I’m being a little entitled when I’m like “thanks for working all day now you need to do bedtime routine.”
Anonymous says
Whoops I’m the OP. Left out that crucial detail.
anon says
Every time I see my husband sitting on the couch, I have to really think about it if my endless to do list really needs to be done at that particular moment. If so, I ask him to help (i.e. help shower kids and get them to bed), vs. pick up the million crumbs post kid lunch. Crumbs and mess drive me nuts, but it doesn’t HAVE to be done right when I want it too. It’s hard – For example, I had a lot of guilt last night because there were SO many dishes at the end of the day yesterday (my husband always does dishes and I do all the other “daily grind” tasks noted in Fair Play). I had free time in a slow day when I WFH and after the kids went to bed at 7, but he didnt get home until 730 pm from work. However, I left the dishes and watched tv because guess what, there are many days where I’m prepping lunch, dinner, packing lunches in the morning, grocery shopping, taking the kids to my parents that live in town, putting away all my and kids laundry, packing for trips for me and the kids etc that he gets free time. Does he help every time I ask him, yes 99% of the time without complaint, but I SO carry the mental load even as the parent that works 25 hours a week making about half of what he does. Every day is not going to be perfectly fair, but it should feel mostly fair overall.. no easy answers
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yes, I’d be upset, because it sounds like you are working all day too – he’s just not valuing it as work. I think a lot of SAHPs (and frankly, generally when it’s moms staying home) fall into this pattern. I like the approach of posters above who say to focus on your free time – he is getting 3 hours per day (at least) while you get none. That’s not fair. How you reconcile that is up to you, whether that means trading off nights or hiring more help during the day, but you’re right that this is not sustainable.
Coke zero says
Yes, this exchange would have made me irate. Is the problem that he genuinely doesn’t understand what you do all day? (Hard to believe, but I digress.) If so, educate him. If explaining what your days are like doesn’t get the message across, then go on a trip and have him be a SAHP for a few days.
I’m a big believer that each partner should spend about the same amount of time each day contributing to the family. Those contributions could be child care, working outside the home, cleaning, etc. I like this framing because it allows you to compare apples with oranges. Yesterday, it sounds like you contributed 15+ hours and he contributed maybe 10. That’s unfair.
Anon says
this would not work for me. i work part time and we have a nanny, but i also do a lot of solo parenting. i have more downtime than DH, but do all of the emotional labor/behind the scenes stuff. i require a lot more sleep than DH. when DH is home for dinner, i cook and then one of us plays with the kids and one cleans up. i do so many solo bedtimes, that when he isn’t traveling or at a work event, either we both do bedtime or he does it and i leave the house bc if i am home, they want me involved (the idea of me sitting on the couch while he does bedtime would never ever work in our house). it sounds like this is a big change in your life and routine and you need some open communication to discuss it
Anonymous says
I think it’s totally reasonable for DH to step up and help with showers and bedtime, if only because in our house that doubles as quality time with the kids and we both appreciate having it. But I’m a little concerned with your framing here. It almost sounds like your ideal would be for you both to be doing chores and getting things done from 7-10pm every night. Shouldn’t the goal be for you BOTH to be able to relax for a couple hours at the end of the day? If your chore list is too long to make that possible, then you need to edit the list so that you can prioritize what needs to get done during daytime working hours.
busybee says
This stuck out at me too. OP, I have 3 young kids so I totally understand how much work they are! But 12 hours is a lot, plus then 3 more in the evening? I agree that the to-do list needs so editing.
Are there ways to simplify anything? Maybe a carpool with a neighborhood family to events, or meal planning so you don’t have to cook dinner nightly? (Plus then you don’t have to clean the kitchen as much). Are your kids old enough that they could be taught to shower more independently? What chores are they responsible for?
OP says
This is a fair point. Two ledes I buried: I’m doing carpooling for a friends kids. She’s going through a divorce and doesn’t have a ton of local support. It’s not a big ask but it does put some strain on me. I’ll think about that one. Two: my youngest are twins. Do I want my husband to be enthusiastic about bedtime? Sure but honestly most days it’s a slog. I don’t blame him for wanting to avoid it. I do need to involve the kids in more chores, even though that means more work for me initially teaching them how to do stuff correctly.
Anonymous says
This would make me mad beyond the reasons you are saying. Doesn’t he want to spend time with his kids? Like, my husband works long hours out of the house so I do a lot on my own. He makes it home for bed time a few nights a week and he loves doing it because…he’s been at work all day and he wants to have quality time with his kid? Yes, I understand some childcare activities like bed time can be long/drawn out but they’re also…spending time with your child, that you love. It would be one thing if it was a one off occurrence (sometimes I have a hard day and I ask my husband to do it) but disengaging every night during the limited hours you have to see your kids seems problematic. Participating in their activities of daily living/caretaking is an important foundation for the parent/child relationship.
Anon says
That would be the big issue for me as well. If the issue is really you being burnt out and having too much to do, a mother’s helper a few nights a week could fix it. But outsourcing doesn’t solve the problem of a dad who doesn’t want to see his kids.
Anonymous says
we have a written schedule as to who does bedtime on which days. Like he does it when I have yoga and I do it when he has his running club. We have a schedule because we bathe the kids not every day and otherwise it’s easy to lose track of whose day and whether or not the kids need a bath.
DLC says
I have a seasonal job and my Husband has said the same “It’s not like you are doing anything…”thing to me during my unemployed off season, and it makes me LIVID. I told him that by saying that, it makes me feel like he does not value the work that I do to keep the family and house running. Then he complains that we never got to spend time together. I told him if he wanted to have tv and cuddle time together, he needed to help with the evening pick up/bedtime routine because otherwise I’m too busy/tired to hang out with him.
Anonymous says
Yeah so this is a vastly different question than the one you originally posted. Maybe reflect on that.
Anonymous says
I have done a couple of short stints as a SAHM and have several SAHM friends. I have also been the partner with the “big” job, high travel, and long commute. As a SAHM, I find it hard to believe that you are not getting a fair amount of downtime during the day if you aren’t getting all the laundry, cleaning, and cooking done during business hours. You and your husband are probably getting similar amounts of downtime, just at different times of day.
Your husband should be involved in bedtime routines, if only to maintain his connection to the kids. But it’s unfair to expect him to work outside the home all day and then come home and cook dinner and do laundry unless you are also working outside the home. Imagine the ire that would be directed here at a SAHD who expected his working wife to cook and clean.
Anon says
Someone did post here about having a SAH husband but their child has also been in regular childcare (maybe is now in school/camp?) and on a day off from camp the dad and kid were just going to play video games all day. There was no ire, but as a SAHM I felt a little shocked, as my kids are home all the time and get max 1 hour of screen time a day. Maybe moms hold ourselves to higher standards, but also each family seems to have a different definition of the SAHP’s role. In my opinion it’s to be a PARENT, which doesn’t mean entertaining my kids all day, but it does mean being intentional about my time with them and our daily routine, with large chunks of time at the library or a playground. It also means I get 1-2 big chores done a day, plus the regular daily grind, but a lot of the day is kid-focused.
(I say this with no ill will toward the poster I’m referencing, clearly this works for you and if you have no issue with it, don’t rock the boat! But I do think there’s still more of an expectation for SAHMs to do everything well vs SAHDs).
Coke zero says
I don’t know anyone who is capable of caring for four small children all day while simultaneously cramming all of the cleaning, laundry, cooking, errands, etc. that a six-person household requires into a ten-hour workday. In fact, if I was looking to offload all of that work, I would expect to need to hire two full-time employees: a nanny and a housekeeper.
Anonymous says
This. The number of kids is key. One kid? lots of stuff gets done. 3 kids of different ages? Whole other ballgame. Half the time you don’t even get a time when all 3 are napping at the same time.
A job outside the house also includes breaks. There’s no lunch break when you’re a SAHM.
Anon says
This is incredibly family specific. It depends on the number of kids, ages, whether they are in school, etc.
Cerulean says
I’m late to this conversation, but this thread made me think of something I read online about Schrödinger’s baby— childcare that is simultaneously not work when you’re doing it during the day, but it is work for your husband who wants to rest after a long day when he comes home.
Coke zero says
I love this!
Anon says
Yes!! I don’t understand how we can discount the child care work during the day but also act like it’s a burden for the spouse to help with it at night.
My kids must be higher maintenance than others, but I get essentially no downtime on weekends if my spouse isn’t there. I also get only a minimal amount of housework done. It’s hard. I feel like it would be the same during the week.
Anon says
I don’t get much housework done on weekends either, because it’s my only chance to see my kid and I want to have my attention focused on her. It would be different if she were home with me during the week though. She would have to spend some time being bored while I did some chores like laundry. Most SAHMs take kids grocery shopping and stuff like that, so it’s not really either/or kids or chores.
Also most kids are either young enough to still take a nap or old enough to be in preschool or K-12 school, so you have that block of time. Even if it’s only 2 hours a day, it’s 10 hours a week total – you can get a lot of housework done in that time.
Anonymous says
Why wouldn’t you do the vast majority of the housework and childcare? What did you think you’d do as a stay at home mom? A year ago you were contributing financially. Now you aren’t and you aren’t busy outside the home 60 hours a week.
GCA says
found the dad!
Anon says
I can see the argument that the housework should be mainly her responsibility, unless she has several kids between the ages of 0-6, because I don’t really think taking care of school age kids is a full time job. But she said he’s “disengaging between 7 and 10 pm” which seems like a big issue, regardless of how it impacts her. The kids need a dad and are going to notice his absence soon enough, if they haven’t already.
anonamama says
Back to work from maternity leave and *so* grateful I have this place to make the transition smoother. (Forgot DS shoes one day, spilled an entire bottle of milk today, no work clothes fit, etc etc)
This weekend is LO’s baptism + brunch, which we are hosting in a private room at a restaurant. There will be about a dozen kids, aged 2-12. Event won’t be terribly long, What could I bring for their entertainment? Thought about turning one into an art table with a long roll of paper. Any other ideas? thanks!
k says
First: you are doing great. (spilling milk means you are dealing with it, forgetting shoes mean you got to drop off).
Activities:
– art supplies / paper. (and maybe some paper that would allow older kids to separate their work from the younger kids). Add stickers for the littles. Resist the urge to get craft kids that all the smaller kids will need help with.
– maybe a game that doesn’t require much reading for older kids? Sorry? Taco vs. Burrito (most popular in our family right now)
if you wanted to be a bit extra: do very simple goody bags for the kids. In them i would put: (i) a small snack and tiny amount of candy (provides bridge to food arriving if needed) – a bag of goldfish and a couple halloween size treats is plenty, (ii) stickers (see above), (iii) a play with right now item: depending on how much space you have – i have never met a kid that didn’t love a bouncy ball OR tech deck skate boards are also wildly beloved and are tiny (and these will also be played with after the party too)
Mary Moo Cow says
An art table sounds good, as long as the restaurant doesn’t mind. Card games like Uno and Taco Goat Cheese Pizza for kids who can read and Guess Who? and Chuckle & Roar charades for non-readers. For the small kids, a few of those “books” that come with figurines and playmats. You could also ask the older kids to be the designated photographers and give them a digital or disposable camera and encourage candids during the brunch.
Cerulean says
Maybe I’m old school, but I wouldn’t expect any sort of entertainment for my kid in this scenario, and parents of younger kids will know to being something to keep their entertained. The older kids will be fine left to their own devices. Maybe bring some coloring pages and crayons. Don’t sweat it, and don’t create more work for yourself!
Potluck says
Low stakes question. Need to bring an “American” food to a German preschool potluck next week. What is easy and toddler friendly?
Anonymous says
Chocolate chip cookies! Or cut up pigs in a blanket.
Anon says
Brownies!
Anonymous says
Macaroni and cheese from a box. Maybe tacky but it will ALL get eaten.
Anon says
Mac and cheese is good. Also NY style pizza if you can get that near you.
Clementine says
Mini American style pancakes? PBJ (if nuts are okay) cut up into quarters? mini blueberry muffins (American style)?
Or – the favorite of all our au pairs – get American breakfast cereal and send that in. Cinnamon Toast Crunch? 10/10.
An.On. says
Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches
Anonymous says
You could also do something pumpkin, like pumpkin muffins/bread
Anon says
I don’t think that’s as uniquely American as other ideas on this thread.
Anonymous says
Well, pumpkin is native to North America, so it is in some ways more American than a lot of other things. But I guess it made its way around the world long ago.
Cerulean says
Baked goods made from canned pumpkin is decidedly (North) American. My French friends are typically skeptical of eating pie “made from a vegetable “. They eat pumpkin as a roasted vegetable.
Anonymous says
Chicken nuggets, Mac n cheese, goldfish, pizza, pb&j.
Anonymous says
Very surprised at the PB&J suggestions. Are there preschools/daycares that allow PB?! Every child care setting I have experience with is totally nut-free. Not judging the suggestion– PB is quintessential American– but fascinated by the differences in facilities.
anon says
My kids have been in 2 daycares and 2 public schools and all have allowed nuts, even though one of their daycare classes and public school classes did have a kid with a peanut allergy.
Anon says
I asked a similar question a couple years ago because all the daycares in my area are nut-free and a bunch of people said their daycares allowed nuts.
Our public school allows nuts in the cafeteria, although in-class snacks have to be nut-free, which makes sense to me. I assume in the cafeteria they have a nutfree table, which isn’t workable in the classroom setting. Aftercare also bans nuts and I don’t really understand that because aftercare takes place in the cafeteria.
Spirograph says
Ok I recognize that people do this every day all over the world, but first world whine: our clothes dryer is broken and I just hung up a family of five’s worth of laundry on a line in the back yard. So time and space consuming, so annoying. I am instituting a “you will wear everything except underwear and socks at least three times before it can go in the wash, unless visibly dirty or stinky even after airing out for a day” rule effective immediately. Dryer repair appt isn’t until Monday.
Anonymous says
Yes, there is a reason that clothes dryers were invented!
Clementine says
Oh man, I will say that I grew up with hippie parents and we dried everything on the line in the summer… HOWEVER. When my dryer broke with husband out of town and 3 small kids, I literally drove my clothes to Grandma’s house to use her dryer.
Coree says
Oh no! We hang most things out when the weather cooperates but european loads are smaller, so it’s fewer clothes, but more frequent washing. Also, my husband does it…
Anonymous says
I live in Houston so things will get moldy before they dry. There’s also a non zero chance your stuff will get rained on, even midsummer. Maybe there’s a good reason very few people lived here before things like clothes dryers and air conditioning.
Ifiknew says
is there a neighbors dryer you could use?
Anon says
Many dry cleaners offer a wash dry & fold service for regular laundry