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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anon says
Pregnant with my first and wondering what I should do ahead of time if anything to arrange pelvic floor therapy. I do not want to be one of those moms who laughs about peeing while laughing/sneezing/running/jumping because it really does not have to be that way. Our medical system in the USA does so little to promote pelvic floor therapy or to support moms so I just want to be sure that I have my ducks in a row in case I need it. Did you have a doctor set up before you gave birth in case you needed it? How long did you wait before you did treatment? Did you do anything else for your postpartum body such as seeing someone who specializes in treatment for diastasis recti? TIA!
anon says
I 100% get the concern and would do some research and gather recommendations now. Anything you can do in advance and not while sleep deprived is great. I gave birth 11 months ago and found that by 5- or 6-months post-partum I wasn’t having any pelvic floor issues so you might get lucky. But, yes, great to have the names of people to contact ahead of time. You are sooooooooooooooo tired later. Check out the NYTimes article A Survival Guide for the Fourth Trimester. They also have an article about a DR specialist in nyc but I’m not sure the article title.
Anonymous says
Wait and see if you need it. I had a third degree tear and have no issues at all in that department. We definitely need to do more for women as far as postpartum health care, but odds you will need pelvic floor therapy are pretty low.
Anonymous says
Same. A 3rd degree tear, a second degree tear and a “I’m going to stitch it up just in case” tear with my 3 and I have no problems at all. I didn’t do anything other than have really late full term babies (maybe my body had extra time to get ready?)
Mama Llama says
I think having a name is a good idea, especially if it will give you peace of mind. But try not to worry too much – I’ve had 2 kids (both c sections) and no issues. I do at-home exercises (kegels and pelvic tilts mostly).
Redux says
Hold up– is peeing while laughing/sneezing/running/jumping not the universal experience of v-birth moms? Do I need pelvic floor therapy???
Anon says
Yes! You don’t need to be peeing during those activities. In France pelvic floor therapy appointments are mandatory for all moms! (https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/nov/02/french-mothers-bladder-incontinence-nadia-sawalha)
Please seek out help from your doctor and if they ignore you – find a new doctor! Because life does not have to be this way. Separate rant: this is why I hate the money people are making off of those pee proof underwear … we should be solving the actual problem not just selling expensive things to make it easier.
BTW my cousin who had her last kid 4 years ago just started therapy and got a ton of help so its not too late.
rakma says
Apparently it no longer needs to be the norm.
I saw a urologist that works in the same practice as my OB, for a non-birth related issue, and he spent more time making sure I didn’t pee when I sneezed than on the issue I was there for (which turned out to be a non-issue). I was only a few months PP, and didn’t need to follow up, but he wanted to make sure I was aware that there were options. According to him, 80% of women are helped by the pelvic floor therapy, and most of the others can be helped with a simple in office procedure if the therapy doesn’t work.
Redux says
I had no idea. What does PF therapy entail?
Anonymouse says
Definitely get recommendations (if you have / know doula or low intervention birth places, they may be more helpful than your OB – my ob was like, tough, this is normal, but PT has helped a lot). Also call them to confirm if they need referrals (many require, even if your insurance doesn’t). AND – many of them are happy to have you bring in a newborn (presumably sleeping) baby with you to your appts. I was so annoyed not to know this – waited until I went back to work and had childcare and missed out on weeks of treatment. I think it’s worth going for a check in with PT 8-10 weeks post (you’ll probably see your OB at 6 weeks) and then proceeding from there as needed.
My experience with a full term v-birth was a 2nd degree tear and major pelvic floor issues which are *slowly* getting better after 2 months of treatment (starting at four months post-partum). Be aware they may want you to come twice a week – so try to find a place convenient to home or work once you’re finished maternity leave. I do over lunch as mornings and evenings are too hard with nursing + daycare drop off.
Other PSA is if you don’t click with the first PT and you have the option, switch to someone else in the practice. It’s a little awkward, but so worth it.
Pogo says
I’d agree with the doula as a good place to start. I didn’t end up needing anything, but my doula was all about pelvic floor rehab.
K. says
I just want to recommend the One Strong Mama program. It’s a bit pricey (To be clear, I don’t have anything to gain by recommending it!), but it’s a yoga program/ PT-type program to use during pregnancy to avoid any of the problems you mentioned. I have the issues you mentioned and it helped them from worsening and I used it post-partum too. It also has videos and information about childbirth and how to minimize issues also. It’s really helpful and very user-friendly.
Anon says
My husband has psoriatic arthritis and we are dealing with a bad flare-up that makes walking extremely difficult for him. Needless to say, taking physical care of our 1-year old is also difficult. I’m leaving for a short-work trip tomorrow and I’m so anxious to leave them. He says he’ll manage and it is only one night and few hours that he’ll have to take care of her solo but I just feel so upset about it. About the flare up. About needing to find a new Rx for him. About our daughter possibly having a stomach bug. Any recommendations for helping him (and me!) through this emotionally? And physically? Basically just trying not to cry at work today…
Anon says
Chronic illness is so frustrating. I have multiple chronic illnesses and the unknown and lack of predictability can be really exhausting and stressful. My suggestion is to have as much back up plans as possible. Do you have family in the area or a close family friend that you could call and let them know what is I up so your husband knows they know and knows that they are available to call in case your husband needs the support? Make sure he knows its okay to reach out for that support and not to feel guilty about it. Can you hire a babysitter/caregiver to do the physical work for your husband while he is there? When my husband is about to leave town and I am feeling sick we make sure I have my list of all the options of support – house cleaner, grocery delivery, meal delivery, laundry pick up/delivery, etc.
Anonymous says
Are there things you can do to make t easier? Like let your 1 y/onsleepnin bed with dad, or put a pack-n-play in the master for kiddo so dad doesn’t have get up as quickly/go as far with kiddo?
Other things like having meals prepped and bags packed will really help so he won’t have to run around trying to do all that, just grab and go. Maybe even pack the car for him to cut down on trips to/from?
Can you ask someone (another parent? Babysitter?) to do childcare dropoff (assuming you don’t have in home care)? Maybe even talk to daycare and pay a teacher to do dropoff/pickup/both.
Mama Llama says
I’m sorry, this sounds really rough. How often do you travel for work? It might worth signing up for some kind of back-up care so that if this comes up again you can have a baby-sitter come help out. It’s expensive, but just knowing that you have the option might reduce your (and his) stress.
Anonanonanon says
I’m sorry, this is so stressful. However, I would trust him that he can handle it. I have a chronic condition (Crohns/Ulcerative Colitis) that sometimes cause debilitating pain and tie me to a toilet, but people with chronic illnesses are used to powering through/innovating ways to make it through the day when we have to.
I would definitely talk to him about what can be done ahead of time to minimize the amount of walking he’ll need to do. For example, having everything he needs to dry her off, dress her, feed her, etc. before bed already set up in kiddo’s bedroom before you leave town. If you have stairs, is there a mini fridge upstairs for milk or whatever kiddo drinks at bedtime? Maybe get some pedialyte or whatever else he will need if kiddo does indeed have a stomach bug, so he doesn’t have to drag a heavy kid into a store with him. Or sign up for Shipt so he can have it delivered to the house if needed. Make sure everything he could possibly need is as close to him as possible.
Good luck, and good job to you for recognizing how tough this is for him and for looking to make it better. You’re a good, supportive spouse :)
Anon says
I’m sorry. My mom has psoriatic arthritis and I have psoriasis (and had a post-partum joint pain flare, so I’m likely heading that direction too according to my rheumatologist). Couple of things:
Immediate. Agree to set up some changing stations, extra clothes, etc. on each floor so that he doesn’t have to navigate stairs more than once a day (or end to end in the house, if you don’t have stairs). Consider prepping the bottles and sippy cups for him, as I know for my mom (and me) the grasping and twisting can be problematic and some of those suckers are hard to get off. Consider also preprepping meals if you are still cutting into small pieces.
Consider a larger playard (we have our superyard), so kiddo can run “free” but he doesn’t have to chase her.
Future: Deep breath. I assume you have scheduled an appointment with his rheumatologist. If not, do so. Also, there are lots of drugs for PA out there now – I was pleasantly surprised when I went in last year (even one that is reportedly OK for pregnancy, although I’m not yet ready for systemics). And yes, the next few months are going to suck trying to figure out what works, but you guys will get through it. And you’ll find something that works – the options are so much better now than when he was likely first diagnosed and they’re only getting better every day!
CPA Lady says
This is not remotely the same thing, but I have intermittent back problems and had a really awful back spasm at one point that lasted several days, where I was in so much pain I could not even walk without crying, and lifting her was awful. This is of course when my husband was working nights and I was solo parenting 90% of the time and I had a huge chunky 1 year old. I made do. I did things like put a kitchen step stool in front of her crib to help her climb in, and a regular stool on the crib mattress that she could climb down on, and then I moved both stools several feet away once she was in. Getting her into the crib was the most difficult thing. I think I let her eat on the floor so I didn’t have to lift her into her high chair. We skipped baths. He’s right that he can do this for a night and change– he will be able to figure out creative solutions.
Sarabeth says
If this is a problem for the OP’s husband, I will heartily recommend the floor bed. Both our kids went to a floor bed by 18 months. They rolled off a few times, but no one gets hurt and they figure it out. Plus if it’s an adult-sized bed, you can sleep in it with them if necessary. We rarely did that, but for a parent with mobility limits, it might be easier than going back and forth between rooms overnight. You do need to be able to get up and down from the floor yourself, which is a problem for some people.
Anonymous says
What are your essentials for a beach vacation with baby? I have rash guards, hats, mineral sunscreen (I bought ThinkBaby), a shade canopy and swim diapers. I’m pretty vigilant about the sun myself so we won’t be out from 10-2 and will be in the shade as much as possible. What am I forgetting?
Anonymous says
A picnic blanket or some other surface to put baby down on that isn’t sandy.
Anonymous says
I like the little pop-up shade tents for napping on the beach. Especially with babies, who need naps so often, it’s nice not to have to leave the beach for nap time, and the tent makes them feel cozier.
Anonymous says
How old is baby? Old enough for some kind of floatie device or sand toys?
I always take our outdoor blanket. We got ours at Costco but JJ cole sells one.
Baby sunglasses to see if they will tolerate them. I would also take a non mineral sunscreen if you haven’t used this one before. They’re much thicker to apply. (My dermatologist friend isn’t a huge fan of mineral sunscreens because application is harder and therefore less likely to be effective)
Anonymous says
9 months – is that old enough for floaties?i think the resort has lots of water toys. I don’t know how much we will let her play on the sand because I feel like she’ll just try to eat it.
Anonymous says
Definitely not old enough.
Anonymous says
Definitely old enough for one of the ring swim things with obvious parental involvement…
https://www.amazon.ca/Peradix-Inflatable-Sunshade-Swimming-Upgraded/dp/B01H00HJRY/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1543854343&sr=8-2&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=baby+swim+float
Anonanonanon says
I used one of these with my first, definitely prefer it because there’s less to inflate
https://www.amazon.com/SwimWays-11649-Spring-Canopy-Colors/dp/B00253T7R2/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&qid=1543856188&sr=8-7&keywords=baby+swim+float
Pogo says
Yeah, we put my kiddo in one of those at 6 mos and he tolerated it – it is annoying to inflate imo so not actually worth the money. He was more into splashing and spectating the older kids at the resort (in the baby pool, which was like 6″ deep, or more like a large puddle lol). I did not put him in the ocean at that age, though, just the pool. He was into sand eating, so we mostly stayed on the blanket.
I’d bring a carrier or wrap for hauling kiddo between car and the beach, or if you are going boating at all (I wore mine on the boat and he fell asleep!).
I also bring a portable high chair to the beach (one of those little fisher price ones that you can strap on a chair or just plunk on the floor) because it allows containment during feeding (think about peanut butter and sand… etc). It’s one more “thing” to carry but I think it’s worth it.
If you’re using a reuseable swim diaper, bring some kind of wet bag for it. And potentially get two because if your kid poops in it, that’s the end of swimming for the day.
Anonymous says
We did a Caribbean trip when my first was 9 months. Definitely interested in putting stuff in her mouth from the beach. That’s why the outdoor blanket was nice (when I could contain her on it). Much bigger than a towel.
Anonymous says
Oh and yes definitely bringing regular sunscreen too. I’m very pale and usually travel with several tubes of sunscreen.
Anonymous says
She may hate the sand at that age. If you can stand to bring a blow up pool you can put on the beach with her inside and a little water in case she prefers playing in water to sand.
FYI, I can tell you from experience if she eats the sand it just comes out the other end…
Anonymous says
Lip balm with SPF.
SC says
Don’t forget about yourself too! I always leave my own hat or sunglasses or something because I’m focused on all the baby/kid stuff.
Anonymous says
cornstarch or baby powder to get the sand off
HSAL says
Any experience with dairy sensitivies in breastfed babies? I’ve finally linked increased spit-up and green poop for them to me drinking larger quantities of milk – like a couple glasses a day. Everything I’ve read says you have to cut out all dairy in your diet to see a difference, but for me it looks like it’s just when I drink a lot. They’re perfectly fine otherwise so I’m thinking I’ll just watch my intake, but any other thoughts or things I should be on the lookout for?
Anonymous says
I don’t think increased spit-up and green poop is a dairy intolerance. Friends who have had this had babies with super mucosy poop and especially blood in the poop. Some babies are just spitters – mine spat pretty huge quantities every day for 6 months and then just stopped very suddenly with no changes to my diet or hers. And I don’t think green poop is concerning if it’s not accompanied by other symptoms.
Anonymous says
+1. Double check that with your pediatrician, but IIRC ours said not to worry much about green poop.
HSAL says
Yeah, I think it’s just really minor. But there’s definitely a connection, it just manifests differently in them – one baby has the spit-up, one baby has the green mucousy poop. I had noticed it before that they came in waves but never really tested the theory. I had minimal milk unintentionally for a week or two, both babies were fine, then I had two glasses of chocolate milk and a bowl of cereal yesterday. The rest of the day and this morning he had the green poop and she had all the spit-up. Luckily we’ve never had the bloody poop or other symptoms, but I’m just hoping that a: minimizing milk means it doesn’t get worse for them and b: hoping they outgrow it (they’re almost 6 months now).
ElisaR says
My lactation consultant was pretty adamant about me not drinking cow’s milk. She said babies just can’t digest it. She also wasn’t a fan of cow’s cheese and other dairy products, but she was adamant about the milk. I love milk and didn’t drink it for 6 months. I did almond milk (blech) in my cereal. I didn’t cut out dairy otherwise, just straight milk.
Anon says
That seems crazy and wildly unscientific. I drank 2-3 cups of cow’s milk a day while nursing (from day 1 onward) and my baby had no issues. Also most formula is made from cow’s milk and most FF babies have no issues with that (I know it’s treated and isn’t the same as straight cow’s milk – but so is cow’s milk that a baby gets via breastmilk).
Pogo says
+! depends on how often it happens, but yeah. We had a couple green poops and ped said not to worry; I had a happy spitter who to this day (16mo!!) still spits up sometimes. However, it greatly decreased at 1 year.
I never bothered doing anything to my diet because ped didn’t think it was worth it.
Mama Llama says
Ooh, I am in the midst of this right now. The ped said cut it out completely based on a couple of diapers with a small amount of blood. I haven’t been perfect. Although I have cut milk, cheese, and yogurt completely, I have eaten the occasional baked good with butter in it or piece of milk chocolate candy. On Thanksgiving I had a spoonful of each of the various dairy-filled sides. We haven’t had a return of the bloody diapers, so I’m taking that to mean that what I’m doing is fine. We have never gotten rid of the green poop, but our ped said not to worry about that.
KateMiddletown says
We had the same symptoms and I showed a diaper picture to my per- she said that’s what it was. I’ve been avoiding dairy since Halloween- hasn’t come back.
Anonymous says
I’m also going through this with my almost 6 month old right now. We went from 8 green poops a day to ~1 yellow poop a day but I cut out all forms of dairy (even in baked goods etc). I also think it is likely just when I consumed big amounts of milk etc but honestly it hasn’t been that tough to cut out. Full disclosure: I am Canadian so still on maternity leave and basically only eat at home. I imagine will be a lot tougher when I’m back at work in a few months and wanting/needing to eat out more.
There is a Facebook group Dairy Free Diet-Breastfeeding that I have found helpful.
anon says
Yea I eliminated completely, then it kind of got annoying and started eating it again in small quantities. baby was fine when i have like a scoop of ice cream, but one time I was at an event at an italian restaurant where i consumed ceaser salad, cheese, cheesecake – basically all the dairy (bad mom over here, but it was my first time out of the house since having my twins) and it did seem to bother their stomachs. i’ve found that they are fine as long as i eat smallish quantities, but don’t consume a tub full of dairy
AwayEmily says
Not a bad mom at all! And now I want caeser salad…
MSPI says
My first had milk-soy-protein allergy (MSPI). Explosive green, foamy poop. Blood in poop. My kiddo wasn’t fussy and didn’t have any reflux issues, but blood in poop was what really made me and the ped chase this down starting around 3-4 weeks old. I first cut out dairy, and it didn’t work, then I cut soy, and it didn’t work, so we switched to Nutramigen cold turkey. She was on that for 2 weeks during which I pumped (and saved the milk in the deep freeze), all the while I continued to be off all dairy and soy. I went back to nursing 100% and she was good. At 4 months, I did a milk trial and she passed, then added soy and she passed, so I slowly reintroduced and she was good for 4 years. I was able to feed her all that freezer milk from the 2 week formula period. At age 5 she started getting what I’d call constant constipation (no difficulty passing stool but her system is generally just backed up and doesn’t evacuate as fast as she eats) and we found dairy to be contributing to this. She’s not “allergic” to dairy, but we avoid it when possible as it slows down her digestion and gives her a bit of a belly ache.
GCA says
This gives me hope for the future! My second seems very sensitive to any dairy in my diet. A little less so for soy, which I’m hoping to reintroduce soon.
GCA says
Oh, I’ve had a bit of a tough time with dairy protein sensitivity for my now almost 4mo. She had mucusy, sometimes blood-tinged poop and I’ve been off dairy and soy protein (soybean oil and lecithin seem to be ok) completely since she was 2 months old. Unfortunately I was Thanksgiving’d by DH’s aunt, who does not seem to get it and put butter in the sweet potato casserole and cream in the soup (‘oops I forgot’, even though we had warned her multiple times that I can’t have dairy). (I always bring my own nursing-safe sides and desserts to her house under the guise of ‘you’re doing so much already – this is just my little contribution to the meal’.) I spent that Friday and Saturday covered in spit-up, holding a screaming baby. Thought about pumping and dumping, but she was better by the end of Saturday. So if you get the dairy out of your system and then accidentally partake, it’s not the end of the world. It sounds like your twins aren’t super sensitive though, which is a big relief.
There is light at the end of the tunnel! From everything I’ve read, most kids outgrow the sensitivity. I would ask your ped or allergist about a plan for introducing solids – I don’t have experience in this area as we haven’t started baby on solids yet, but I’ll be asking at her 4mo checkup.
Survival tips for the time being: Whole30 recipes have neither dairy nor soy; foods labeled parve don’t contain dairy; Trader Joe’s and Ben & Jerry’s both have really good non-dairy ice cream options; and I have a small container of hypoallergenic formula just in case. Good luck!
Amelia Bedelia says
oh yes. my daughter was allergic to milk protein, soy protein AND lecithin AND soy bean oil, eggs, citrus. it was hell. she couldn’t even have the allergy formula because it had soybean oil. we finally found one through Europe that had nothing in it and put her on it at 10 mos (50 bucks a can!).
the good news is that she is four now and has outgrown everything except the soy (and now has a mild peanut allergy). it was trial and error for a while, but our pediatric allergist recommended we give her small amounts from 18 mos on to try to ease in her system. she now loves milk and scrambled eggs and all manner of things. soy produces hives and behavioural issues, though. but, frankly, we can handle no soy. it’s eliminating soy and dairy at the same time that is nearly impossible.
it’s horrible watching them in pain. but you do the best you can. it’s horrible while you are moving through it, but remember that the kiddo won’ have any memory of this. do whatever you can to survive.
Anonon says
Learned over the weekend that we are pregnant with no 2. And honestly, I’m so upset. We want another, and would like them to be close in age so I should be happy (and just got a pcos diagnosis so didn’t expect this). Kids would be 2.5 years apart.
I just now feel that I’m back to thriving at work. My pregnancies (many losses) have been complicated and our daughter has a rare genetic condition (not diagnosed until she was a year). DH is an amazing parent and partner but I find myself almost hoping I’ll miscarry again, which is a horrible thought to have. Have others experienced this with their 2nd? I think I have some ptsd from our daughter’s birth and first year but I just feel…so disappointed, which DH doesn’t understand. I guess I’m just looking to see if others have felt this way bc I feel such guilt.
Anon says
Your feelings are real. I would get yourself to a therapist to talk them through. Maybe its not time for you to have this child, maybe it is, but I would find someone supportive to discuss this with and not just feel guilt.
anon says
echoing this. no personal experience, but find a therapist to talk to. so sorry to hear about your daughter’s condition. not sure if you used ivf for this pregnancy to eliminate the risk of the genetic condition, but could you possibly be nervous about that and the unknown surrounding that? you could be nervous about making the transition from 1 to 2. pregnancy is not fun for many people, so you might want a second child, but not want to have to be pregnant. maybe you only want one. maybe you are one of those people who hates the first year and while you want a second the thought of doing that again just fills you with dread. whatever it is, please find someone to talk to in order to help you work through these feelings
RR says
Your feelings are absolutely valid and okay. There is no reason to feel guilty for your feelings. It’s normal, and many, many women have experienced similar feelings. We just don’t talk about it. I agree with anon regarding seeing a therapist to discuss and make decisions. And in the meantime, lots of virtual hugs.
Redux says
We are on week 2 of kids sharing a room and I feel confident in reporting that it is awesome! Collapsing the bedtime routine into one is amazing. The little one (almost 2) goes to bed slightly later and the older one (almost 5) slightly earlier than before. And they both sleep until the Ok to Wake clock turns green! And sometimes later! And, when one wakes in the night and cries and yells, the other one sleeps through– just like you all said they would! The predictability of the morning wake up time is so freeing. Knowing that they are not going to get up until 7, rather than wondering if the little one will wake up at 5:30 or 6 or 6:30, is such a relief.
We have not had the best success with nap time when the little one mostly yells and sings and throws his lovey to try to get the older one’s attention… But I’m still calling this a success. Thanks for all the advice!
Cate says
Yay! I’m one of those who confidently assured you it would go well, so I’m glad it turned out that way :)
And mine still don’t nap together… that’s a harder battle! But I bet they are going to love it so much sharing a room.
Redux says
Oh they already love it. The 5-year old told me this weekend that when she is older she wants to marry the 2-year old. I mean, what is marriage more than sharing a room?
Cate says
That is adorable. I love that she made that jump! My kids frequently play wedding too (at older sister’s request) and we just go with it!
AwayEmily says
This is so great to hear. Our kids are currently 2.5 and 10 months and I want to move them together once the younger one starts sleeping a little later (right now he regularly wakes up at around 5). Maybe after the time change in March…
Lyssa says
I’m looking for a good birthday gift for a 9 year old who has gotten into cooking (I love cooking, and love teaching it to kids). My (littler) kids flip out over the idea of having tools that are specifically theirs – would she be too old to like something like that? I’m thinking some sort of tool plus a kid-friendly cookbook, but I’m very open to suggestions. Preferably in the $20-25 dollar range, and preferably available on Prime.
Anonymous says
Pretty rolling pin?
Anon says
Fanny at Chez Panisse is a great cookbook for kids or you would be buying this used but they used to make American Girl cookbooks for each doll and they are pretty awesome. What about a nice wooden spoon with her initial on it? An apron? Or a kitchen timer that is decorated with something else she loves – like a Hello Kitty Kitchen timer.
Anonymous says
My 11-year-old still enjoys the American Girl cookbooks, which are no longer tied to the doll characters. American Girl also makes some cute sets of tools; the madeleine set is especially fun. The CIA’s cookbook The Young Chef is a more serious cookbook geared at kids who want to learn more about technique, but my picky eater said she wouldn’t actually want to eat any of the dishes in the book so we skipped it. The Williams-Sonoma kids’ books have solid recipes, but the photos are usually of younger kids.
Another option is a simple grown-up cookbook. My daughter likes cooking from the D@mn Delicious cookbook.
Anonymous says
Cook’s Illustrated has some ideas: https://www.cooksillustrated.com/buying-guides/welcome-to-the-kitchen-kids
Small Firm IP Litigator says
Echoing the grown-up cookbook, particularly if your kid is more serious/interested in technique. With my help, my son started using my Joy of Cooking when he was I think seven. He is now twelve, and reads and chooses recipes on his own – particularly for baking, although he (and I) find them underspiced and adjusts accordingly. I am teaching him how to can, and Food in Jars is great for that. We also have a dutch oven cookbook we bought at REI – has both camping and indoor versions. If I were to pick one book, I would go with Joy of Cooking if you think she is old enough.
Another great gift would be an extensive set of measuring cups and spoons, and/or a new apron.
Anonymous says
I’m 5 weeks pregnant and haven’t told any friends yet. I went to a party this weekend and just had sparkling water. I used to be a social drinker so people definitely noticed, and while no one asked me about it they all acted a little weird to me. How do I keep this up for several more weeks!? (The secret, not the not-drinking). Also my office party is this week… I’m ready with the antibiotics excuse if necessary. Anyway, just venting. Thanks!
Anon says
It’s not exactly what you asked, but you might consider telling those friends who would be your support system if something goes wrong.
Anonymous says
Ugh why does someone have to give this advice every single time someone asks about concealing an early pregnancy? If she wanted to tell, she would tell. There are lots of us who definitely wouldn’t want anyone to know if something went wrong and that’s a perfectly valid life choice, even if you feel differently. Good for me, not for you…
Anon says
I guess, but a lot of people are also conditioned that it’s not ok to tell until after the first trimester because GOD FORBID a woman would want to talk about an early pregnancy loss. So I think it’s valid to point out that it’s a choice.
Anonymous says
I don’t know any adult woman that thinks she can’t tell her friends and family whatever she wants whenever she wants. At work, maybe you feel like you have to follow rules about when you “should” tell. But with friends?
Pogo says
I was pregnant over the holidays and not telling two years ago. I ordered O’douls and asked for in a glass so no one could tell it was NA beer (at work functions).
At private parties I drank sparkling water. If anyone noticed they never said anything. Or maybe I said I was driving? Definitely no one asked me to my face.
Anonymous says
The office parties ended up being a lot easier than expected, except I wanted to eat the Brie. My husband handled bringing me drinks (here’s your vodka soda with extra lime!) or would swap out almost empty beer bottles with me.
Artemis says
I feel the need to interject a PSA here, from a three-times pregnant cheese fanatic, with the caveat that everyone should absolutely make any decision during pregnancy that makes them feel safe about carrying their baby.
The warning against soft cheeses like Brie (in my understanding, not a scientist or doctor) is because soft cheeses, in much of the world (or at the gourmet level here) are not pasteurized. But most cheese sold in America is pasteurized, even Brie. You can’t check the package when it’s catered, but check the package when you buy it at the store or eat it a friend’s house or can see the package–if it’s pasteurized, consider Brie-ing away! (regular considerations regarding prep/listeria apply)
Anon says
Yes. Pasteurized cheese is fine, even if it’s soft. Almost all brie sold in the US is pasteurized.
Anon says
or just get a drink and sip it and kind of spit it back out into the drink. i managed to keep my twin pregnancy a secret for 16 weeks, including through the holiday season
anon says
ha. You thought you did. I literally have never ever been surprised by any person’s pregnancy announcement that I spend anytime around. I always guess weeks before they share. People are just polite.
Anon says
Yeah….this. Even if you’re not a drinker to begin with and you don’t get a visible belly, your face will get fuller and rounder. The face is always a dead giveaway. I’ve never been surprised by a pregnancy announcement. That doesn’t mean you have to tell anyone early though. Tell whenever you want.
Anonymous says
Of course everyone can tell. But these days, if someone is trying to conceal a pregnancy, she legitimately doesn’t want people to know, so it is kindest to let her maintain the fiction as long as she chooses. Anyone who wants others to know that she is pregnant will broadcast it from the rooftops. Nobody is concealing a pregnancy just to conform to social convention.
SC says
I always guess too. Then my husband gets mad at me for not telling him. (A) Until I’m told, it’s speculation, and talking about it is gossip, not news. (B) If they didn’t tell us, they don’t want us to know, and they certainly don’t want us to talk about it.
Anon says
+1. This is what I did – get a drink and pretend to drink. At some point, have my DH hold it for me while I run to the bathroom. He drank it, and then I carried the empty glass for a while after HE ran to the bathroom. Then ordered a second drink and just didn’t get around to drinking it before time was up – “I’m pacing myself, it’s the work party you know!”
And congrats anon. When you continually suspect it of every woman between 20 and 35, of course you’ll always be right. People “guessed” about my pregnancy for 5 years before I really was pregnant, so I’m sure they thought they knew ahead of time too. Hooray for them, I guess.
Anon says
Yes! I’m tired of the “pregnancy guessers”. I don’t understand what people get out of claiming that they always know beforehand.
ElisaR says
Exciting! I had to go MIA. I am such a bad liar and it would be 100% apparent if I wasn’t drinking. So I just didn’t go to some get-togethers until I was ready to tell everyone. Which was easy because I wasn’t feeling like a million bucks.
Office party…. well I would go and walk about for facetime and then skedaddle.
Anonymous says
Do what you have to do and let people speculate. Who cares?
Anonymous says
This. Two things:
1. There’s probably some confirmation bias in play here since you’re worried about people noticing you’re acting different.
2. People will be noticing and commenting on your body and your behavior more than ever in the next 9 months. You can either let it get to you, or just live your life. You don’t need to say anything other than “I’m not drinking tonight” + subject change if anyone asks. If they press you for more information (especially in a public / work setting!), they’re being rude. It doesn’t matter whether your pregnancy is actually a secret that no one suspects, people should still be polite enough not to talk about someone’s pregnancy until she brings it up first.
Small Firm IP Litigator says
Yeah, this. If I wanted water or a sparking water, I just straight up ordered that. Making fake orders and pretending to drink sounds like so much effort, and I would not be comfortable lying about it. I feel like I live in a different universe of something, but I have never had anyone comment on anything I did while trying to “conceal” a pregnancy, or treat me differently. Or I am oblivious.
AwayEmily says
I filled an empty beer bottle or can (can is better) with water and drank from it all night. Pretty fool-proof.
AwayEmily says
I will also say that I very much didn’t want people to know in the first trimester. Partly because I didn’t want to grieve with anyone but my husband if something happened, and partly because it was really important to me to have that be a time when the baby was a special shared secret between me and him. I liked that we were the only two who knew.
Artemis says
+1, did this multiple times, always worked.
CHL says
Also not sure the structure of your office party is but once I went to a dinner of 10 people for work and I called the restaurant ahead of time and asked them to bring me only virgin margaritas when I asked for regular (I was the only person at the table that could possibly be pregnant). They made it seem like something that they help with all the time. I’ve done the same thing with a friendly bar waitress and O’Douls.
Redux says
I tried this once at a cocktail bar– excused myself to the bathroom to discretely tell the waitress to nix what I ordered and make me a mocktail of juices, explaining that I was pregnant but didn’t want everyone to know. She delivered drinks to everyone else at the table in delicately stemmed cocktail glasses. She served me a 16oz tumbler, as if I had ordered a soda. Everyone knew instantly.
Pogo says
Yeah, I had one waitress who was NOT catching on, and brought a giant tumbler, but I had one other who was so smooth about it. You just never know.
I might be dumb but I have never guessed someone was pregnant before they told.
Carine says
This worked for me once!
Anonymous says
Am I the only one who didn’t want to “pretend” to be drinking so that once I actually announced my pregnancy, people wouldn’t be like, wait, why were you pounding margaritas last month?
Please paint my dining room says
You all did so well picking everything for my master bath renovation (thank you) that I am no longer making paint decisions on my own. Please pick a paint color for my dining room. It must be Sherwin-Williams, other than that, no requirements.
We have a very traditional layout on our main floor, with segregated rooms. The dining room is visible from the living room, which is SW Upward. It’s also visible from the kitchen and family room, which are SW Agreeable Gray. The kitchen has very dark, dated, cherry wood cabinets and a white stone counter top. The cabinets are dated but will not change for the foreseeable future. The dining room features crown molding and a chair rail, both will stay white. There’s also a double sliding glass door to the deck in that room, with a natural oak (I guess) trim. The dining room table is a dark wood and the pictures in there, which I’ll keep, are black and white and in dark frames.
So, what color should the dining room be? I like that every room in my house currently flows well together. I’m not opposed to lightening it up a bit, or giving it a more rich color since the rest of the house is currently so light. (SW Sea Salt is also prevalent on the 1st floor with Comfort Gray in the powder room).
Thank you, kind, wise, internet friends!
Anonymous says
I would paint the living and dining rooms the same light color. To me, dark or bold paint colors look very dated. A high-contrast look with light walls and the dark furniture and B&W photos would be fresh and contemporary.
OP says
I can see the reasoning but I’m not in love with the Upward.
anon says
Maybe pick something on the same strip as some of your other colors?
Anonymous says
We just had fantastic luck with SW Requisite Gray.
OP says
That’s pretty and looks on point with what I was envisioning. Just a tad bit richer to me than Agreeable Gray. So much gray! Thanks.
Anonymous says
SW can make any paint color – it doesn’t have to be theirs. We’re also loyal to SW but have started painting our trim white. Following the recommendations of so many websites, we decided on Benjamin Moore Decorator’s White but had SW make the color for us. I think this is true of most paint retailers.
H13 says
We recently did our entire main floor in Balboa Mist. I think it is a Benjamin Moore color but they can match it for you. We love it.
Anonymous says
If I’m flying with a purse, a breast pump bag, and a carry on roller suitcase, I’ll probably have to check my suitcase, right?
Mama Llama says
Can you stuff the purse into one of the other bags for boarding?
Anon says
A breastpump is a medical device. It doesn’t count as a bag for purposes of the carry-on limit. So it’s fine: you’ll have your suitcase, your personal item (your purse) and your medical device (pump).
HSAL says
I suspect this ends up depending on your TSA agent, but I believe that while the breast pump is considered a medical device, a bag that it comes in does not. But I bet you can stuff the breast pump bag and your purse into a larger bag as your personal item.
Pogo says
I never had a problem flying with the exact set of items OP described. TSA typically doesn’t police your # of items, it tends to happen at boarding. Even then, I think maybe ONCE a gate agent asked, and I just said “this is my breast pump” and she was like, OK cool. It’s definitely a medical device, which does not count towards your carry on allotment.
The cooler full of milk is another story, though, unfortunately – it counts as a carry on. So I would use my PackIt freezer and carry the milk home in the suitcase.
Anonymous says
A breast pump counts as a medical device, so doesn’t necessarily fall into the suitcase + personal item limit. I would call your airline and ask, and even if the answer is that it’s okay I’d bring documentation to the airport since it’s not necessarily a routine accommodation.
Anon says
My dad flies all the time with his CPAP machine (+ bag, which holds the power cord and accessories) and no one has ever hassled him for saying it’s a medical device, nor does he bring any documentation about it. If they have any issues they open it up and see that it’s a medical device. I imagine a breastpump would be the same.
Like A Sieve says
I am more than a year postpartum and am experiencing…leaking…when I jump (I started working out). Help! What does one do for this in the short and long term? I’m open to seeing some kind of expert, but who would that be? My OB would be useless for this. In Chicago if there are any personnel recommendations…
HSAL says
Scroll up to the first post from today – lots of info on pelvic floor therapy.
Like A Sieve says
Good grief – busy mom fail!