Organizing Thursday: Ziploc Baggies

I don’t know why it took me so long to come up with this idea, but my new thing for organizing all the kids’ toys is Ziploc Baggies. I used to try putting things in their own shoeboxes, or storing them in the boxes they came in, or trying various other systems like keeping the little people in one place and little cars in another, but all of that seems to have gone out the window. The best thing I’m doing now is keeping things together with plastic bags. My younger son has a little farmhouse toy that came with five pieces that fit together and sing a little song, so I keep those five pieces in a plastic bag; my older son has a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Pizza Thrower that came with a million tiny pieces that, if they’re not being used, end up all over Casa Griffin, and so I keep them in a little bag. All the bath toys are divided, too — it’s my favorite organizational tool for the kids’ things. You can buy these bags at Amazon, although I’m pretty sure everyone has their own version somewhere in their house. Ziploc Baggies

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Comments

  1. Anonysaurus says:

    To IVFer from yesterday:
    I just saw your response to my post and I’m so sorry. I clearly didn’t communicate what I intended to. I’ve posted an apology/clarification over there. Again, what you read is definitely not what I was trying to communicate and I totally understand how you read it the way you did, and I’m truly sorry.

  2. Anonysaurus says:

    I always try to do the ziploc bag thing, but usually within about a month I end up with bins full of mixed small toys and empty ziploc bags! I think the key is in properly labeling the bags, that would probably lead to better compliance in my household. If I was crafty and had younger kids, I’d put a picture of what belongs in each bag on the bag, but that’s in my imaginary life where I’m organized and enjoy doing that sort of thing :-P

    • Anonymous says:

      I have much better luck with ziploc/tupperware plastic containers instead of bags. I cut out a picture from the box and tape the picture on the top or side. Makes it much easier for the kids to clean up after themselves.

      • Anonysaurus says:

        Good call! now that you say that, I do use the “disposable” cheaper ziplock containers to keep opened lego kits in, but I usually just throw the instruction book in there. Putting the picture from the box on the outside would make him a lot more likely to actually take the kit out and use it than opening them all to look for the one he wants would. Great idea!

        • NewMomAnon says:

          You could also tape an envelope to the front of the box and put the instructions in the envelope….(goes to Amazon to order clear envelopes)

      • Rainbow Hair says:

        This is so simple and so smart! Def. tucking this idea away.

    • avocado says:

      My Lego addict keeps each disassembled kit in a labeled gallon ziploc. The bags then go inside larger bins. A separate container for each kit would take up more space than we have. For space efficiency, we keep the instruction booklets all together in their own bin. This may inhibit creativity by discouraging her from combining parts from different kits, but she mainly wants to build from the instructions anyway.

      • Legos are the stuff of my nightmares. I see them in my future: under my feet, crippling me, taking over my house, and ending up in all manner of nook and crevice.

        These tips are so smart … now if I can only manage to pull them off when the time comes!!

        • avocado says:

          Legos are not so much a nightmare for me because most of the time they actually stick together and work the way they are supposed to. Those effing Glodie Blox things, on the other hand…

      • This system seems much smarter than our current one with Lego sets where a) Dad makes the toy while cheered on by child, b) Mom (inevitably Mom) steps on toy and breaks it while trying to make bed or something, c) the toy is junked for parts and we find random pieces for the next 100 days. Do your kids actually make them again?

        • avocado says:

          My kid does build her Lego sets over again. We originally kept them all assembled so she could play with them, but then all the bookcases got filled up with a Lego Friends city, an elf village, and the entire Star Wars galaxy and she would constantly be saving her allowance to buy a new set to build. Once most of the sets had been disassembled and put away for a few months, she stopped buying so many new sets and started rebuilding and playing with the ones she had, one or two at a time. The system works great for us.

          I have accidentally destroyed a couple of her creations by picking them up wrong.

          • Meg Murry says:

            My kids also do re-build semi-occasionally, so we try to keep the sets separate in individual large ziplocs or storage containers at least for a little while. We tend to get the Lego Creator 3-in-1 kits a lot, which have a couple different building options for each kit. If you look at rebrickable.com, you can also find “alternate builds” that people have submitted from the original sets, especially for the sets that are houses, etc. We also have some of the Lego Classic sets and some random Lego from my childhood so the kids do free building with those.

            Although, I’ll be honest – I’m an engineering nerd and I probably play with/build as much or more than my kids, because my oldest has moved on to computer programming and video games, and my youngest isn’t quite ready to do the complicated builds on his own.

        • Anonymama says:

          We build the actual Lego set once, it lasts maybe a month or so then gets broken up for parts and all parts go in the giant Lego bin. I do save the instructions in case anyone wants to build it again, but I really enjoy seeing how creative my kid gets with making up something on his own. And I enjoy it myself too.

        • Anonysaurus says:

          Mine likes to make them again, and we also have some of the sets where one set can make three different things (one makes a scorpion, a dragon, and a cobra, for example)

  3. Frozen Peach says:

    I have recently started working with a few new teams that include dudes who LOVE to interrupt and talk over women. Not men, only women. It’s really noticeable, to the point that several other (male!) colleagues have brought it up to me outside meetings. I’m frequently in the role of delivering practical-reality-that-isn’t-fun-but-must-be-reckoned-with information, and am also usually the youngest and only female person in the room/call, so it’s particularly irritating because they interrupt me to downplay or argue with whatever I’m saying. When other women participate, they get the same treatment. As an example, a colleague’s completely legitimate business concern, presented totally rationally, got interrupted and downplayed as “now let’s not get emotional about these things.”

    What are your strategies for dealing with this unbelievably rude behavior? I’m struggling to find a balance between calling it out/pushing back and sucking it up for the sake of playing nice and establishing relationships with people I’m stuck working with.

    • Anonymous says:

      Try posting over on the main page. There was a post there a couple months ago where someone talked about how an intern at their office did an amazing job dealing with this kind of situation. Wish I could remember what it was that she said/did.

      For the emotional comment, could you turn it around as “I agree Bob. I can see that you are emotional because you weren’t able to restrain yourself from interrupting colleague. We don’t mind this time Bob but please try to control your emotions and interruptions in the future. Now, on colleague’s great point, I agree with her that XYZ. Let’s get back to what she was saying.”

      I’ve also heard of continuing to speak as though the interrupter has not spoken and not acknowledging that they are speaking and continuing to speak until they stop. This might work in person but it rarely works via teleconference.

      • If you are the youngest person in the room, do not tell someone more senior to control his or her emotions. You will not win, if you are junior, by being just as insulting as the interrupter. It will be much more effective to directly but firmly disagree: “I think X has a valid point that we are opening the company up to Y risk” and then add the reason you believe that. I would also be careful of using humor to hide negative comments unless you know your audience very well. If you respond in a negative fashion by sinking to their level, you risk obscuring your point.

        • ElisaR says:

          +1 telling someone to control their emotions and interruptions in the future would lead to a big old GOODBYE to individual that said that.

          I also find that after being interrupted I will take back control of the conversation and say “now as I started to say….x….it is important because…”. I do it in a passive aggressive way (which maybe isn’t good but my style) that lets everyone know I was interrupted and need to finish what I was saying.

    • 1) Call it out in the moment, esp if it didn’t happen to you. I’ve had good luck delivering pretty pointed comments with a smile and peppy tone, maybe because I’m a younger female so I don’t come across as threatening. “Whoa, I think you might be the one making this emotional. Let’s let Isa finish her concern.” or “Why don’t you let me finish before you start disagreeing with me?” or “Joe, that’s the third time interrupting others in this meeting alone. Do we need to introduce a talking stick?”

      2) Talk to your managers and mentors about this in the guise of asking for advice. “I’ve noticed there are a few people in the office who seem to constantly interrupt others, and the people they’re interrupting seem to fall in a similar demographic. Do you know what the company wants us to do in these situations? What would be a good way to handle this? I’ve been approached by others who ask if I’m seeing this behavior too – what should I be telling them?” and then definitely name names and demographics if asked, which you likely will be.

      3) Maybe, maybe talk to the person. I know that’s the grown up thing to do, but you and I both know it likely won’t work. I think you’ll need to do it, just to say you did. So you can keep it short and sweet. “Joe, over the past month you seem to interrupt your colleagues frequently, especially women colleagues. Can you take the next week to become more aware of this pattern and work on ways to decrease the number of times you’re interrupting others? I don’t think I need to tell you that we’re all professionals and we all have valid insights, so we need to listen to all viewpoints.”

    • Are you supervising these people or are they peers?

    • NewMomAnon says:

      I’m a conflict avoider, so in the past, I’ve taken these steps:

      – First, immediately after a meeting in which the guy interrupts/mansplains/downplays, go to talk with him privately in person and say, “Hey, I’m not sure if you were aware of this – you interrupted Linda 4 times in that meeting. It was distracting, and we missed some important information because of the interruptions. Next time, could you be mindful of waiting to talk until people finish?” Do this after two or three meetings, or until they become irritated that you keep pointing this out. People are less likely to get defensive if they aren’t trying to protect themselves in a public forum, and if you pose it as “pointing out new information and clearly stating the impact of that information.”
      – If they become irritated or it isn’t working, call it out in the moment when it happens to someone else. Public shaming is sometimes necessary. Expect backlash.
      – If it happens to you, just continue talking over the offender. I do this frequently, especially on conference calls; conference calls are awkward because you can’t see who is opening their mouth to talk, so it’s not uncommon to have people talking at the same time.
      – After public shaming, go to your/their supervisor. Bring a couple examples.
      – After that, go to HR, with examples.

      Meanwhile, get the women together (and sympathetic men) and get everyone on the same page that you’ll back each other up in these situations by repeating and attributing ideas.

      • Blueberry says:

        Even more conflict-avoidingly, I often just ask the interrupted person to repeat what they said. And if it happens to me, I often just keep on talking, especially on conf calls.

      • +1 it happens a lot in my field, particularly on conference calls, and I just keep talking. It becomes absurdly awkward, which I think gets the point across.

    • Rainbow Hair says:

      I seem to be suggesting this all over the place, but have you considered the cleansing power of fire?

      Here’s an anecdote that I sort of hate and sort of love. A few weeks ago I was at a meeting that was 90% men (most meetings in my industry are). There was a question for legal, searching for a particular phrase, and I suggested [words]. The men talked over me. I suggested it again. The men talked over me. My boss (a man) suggested the same thing I had suggested (he certainly hadn’t heard me). The men said, “great idea!” and I said, “hey you took the words right out of my mouth, boss!” And boss, immediately, said, “hey, it’s RainbowHair’s great idea!” and then everyone went on using my idea (which was also my boss’s idea).

      So what I liked was that my boss, without hesitation, handed over credit. What I hated was… everything else, especially that a man had to amplify my voice for the other men to hear it.

  4. Lean back in time?
    I have a great job that pays well and, apart from an annoying commute, I enjoy—although I don’t find it challenging. It has very predictable hours and I report to one person who is fantastic, and very understanding when I need to run to daycare to pick up a feverish toddler, etc.
    A former boss of mine called me recently to encourage me to come back in a supervisory role. It would be a small step up pay-wise from my current job; exact same commute. It is not a grinder, high pressure job, but it would require reporting to more people (which I think inherently gives you less flexibility over life). I like the idea of being a supervisor instead of a supervisee, even though I love my boss now. It would be more challenging and more varied work (I get bored here sometimes). I could telecommute sometimes. I’d have a title that is more respectable (not the right word but whatever) and more commensurate with my experience & skill level.
    There are lots of pros & cons, basically. But I’m afraid. My husband (law firm partner) and I are barely making life work with scheduling— daycare, work, commuting, dinner/bath/bed, the whole thing. We have a good arrangement but it’s tight. I’m afraid to introduce any uncertainty in the system. At the same time, my toddler is almost 2.5 YO, I’m not breastfeeding / pumping, no plans to have #2, and it seems like a good time to make a switch (5 years in my current position).
    Any advice? This would not be a huge lean-in, but it would certainly be more than what I have now.

    • NewMomAnon says:

      My two cents: if you have reliable daycare that you like and your kid has been attending the same daycare for at least a year, you don’t need as much daytime flexibility. Does your company offer backup child care arrangements? That plus telecommuting ability is probably enough flexibility during the day. I would also try to negotiate for some additional PTO days.

      If this job will include additional weekend, evening and early morning responsibilities, that’s challenging. I would be very hesitant to take on additional responsibilities outside of the normal work day.

    • Famouscait says:

      Can you go ahead and discuss schedule flexibility with the new job, as in – this is what I already am doing where I am (true or not) so it’s an important factor in any position to consider. That would also be a pretty good segue into a discussion about how the reporting structure would work. I currently report to two people (one where I work, and one off site) and I find it gives me more flexibility. I keep both supervisors happy, and since they don’t really talk to each other, I think they sometimes assume the other is more involved.

      Unless there is some other location with a less irritating commute that could potentially yield a job with similar pros, I’d seriously consider making the switch to the supervisor role.

      • Your first two sentences are good advice. I feel like I have some leeway to probe since I know the (new) boss and he came to me, not vice versa. (Of course I also I don’t want to start from the position of “she wants a LIFESTYLE job.”)

        Your dual-reporting situation sounds pretty different from the multi-tiered hierarchy I’d be stepping into. Some of the bosses are high-up folks who’d expect me to be available *exactly* when they want to talk. Pretty sure hours / workday flexibility would decrease because of the rules of the higher-ups and the need to be present for the direct reports during the traditional work hours. But, you’re right that I need to probe that assumption.

        Thanks again to all for the advice. Also glad I have some career-dilemma comrades out there.

    • Wait, did I write this post? You are me except with a new opportunity in your midst. I’m curious what others say and what you decide to do.

      • Tired Mommy says:

        Are you both me?? This has been on my mind as well. Like my job, love the people I work with but slightly bored and ready to take on more responsibility….

    • Rainbow Hair says:

      I might be you but a few years junior, career-wise. I’m sharing this in the hope it gives you some insights into your own situation?

      Last night I was venting to my husband about an opportunity that I had in my hands and then had taken away (see my maudlin post on the main site yesterday afternoon), and big picture it forced me to acknowledge that I *want* to move into leadership, want to be a person people ask for guidance not just on the details of the law, but on the big “what should we do” questions. For what feels like forever I had been looking for a job that just wasn’t awful, that let me live my life, that let me feel stable (and wasn’t populated with overtly sexist a-holes). But I’m realizing I want more; I *do* want room to grow. (Not saying that room isn’t here, just that I have to push for it.)

      Anyway, I think that the desire to grow, have more responsibility, etc., is something you should’t ignore. Change is always scary, but if you feel stagnant, you might find yourself needing change without the good opportunity you have now. I don’t know that I have a strong vote one way or the other, but I want to encourage you to take your desire for growth/challenge seriously!

    • Thanks for this insight. There is certainly no reason not to throw my hat in the ring, is there? More information is never a bad thing. (This will be a competitively bid / posted opening).
      I probably should have fronted, also, that I am a highly anxious person who is just change-averse by nature. Even positive changes scare me. It hasn’t always served me well (Ex: I was excelling in Biglaw as a midlevel and jumped ship to a poor-fit, lower paying job, because I freaked out over getting married and acquiring a stepson and doubting that I could handle it well with such a busy and unpredictable career. I mean, I’m glad I’m not a law firm person *now* but there was no reason to leave when I did, in retrospect. Just a freak-out over a (wonderful) change in my personal life.)

      • Anonymous says:

        Sounded like a great opportunity until I read “barely making life work with scheduling— daycare, work, commuting, dinner/bath/bed, the whole thing. We have a good arrangement but it’s tight.”. It sounds like it might add more stress than it’s worth. Are there other ways that you can deal with the boredom factor? More involvement in professional associations, volunteer on a board, publish something? Those are all things you could step back from if it became too much.

    • Don’t underestimate the value of not being bored at work. It sounds like you are fairly happy in your current role, but you are not going to get less bored over time. And I frankly am not understanding the cons of the new job other than it is unknown. It doesn’t sound like there is any reason to believe new employer would be unreasonably inflexible, is there?

      In addition, since you are prepared to walk away from this opportunity anyway, you could negotiate the terms of accepting – like, I need to be able to leave occasionally midday if my kid is sick, I need to know in advance if I will need to work late, etc – why not lay it out and see what they say? You basically have nothing to loose here.

      • AEK, we cross-posted – I just saw your response. I totally get being change-adverse; I’m the same way. However, if you are anything like me, being truly challenged again will make you so so happy. Don’t settle for boredom because it is safe.

    • I would absolutely apply to the new job. I would inquire discreetly if you can about how much late night, weekend work the new job involves. Assuming that the hours are pretty much what you’re doing now or only slighter more, the new job sounds like a great opportunity. If it’s all nights and weekends all the time, then I personally wouldn’t move unless it was a big bump in salary/prestige (and probably not then either).

  5. POSITA says:

    I used gallon sized ziplock bags to prepare outfits for my three year old. It’s awesome. I pack outfit bags with clothes, undies, and socks when I do laundry each week. It only takes a minute or two. She can grab whichever bag in the morning and dress herself. No arguments. No crazy outfits. Easy for grandparents and babysitters, too.

    • NewMomAnon says:

      I tried this once and kiddo opened every baggy, picked the items she wanted to wear, then left the remaining items in the bags all over her room, and wore a crazy outfit to school. This may be a “know your child” thing!

      – signed, my daughter is at school today in clashing colors (orange-y red stripes, pink flowers, blue socks), with a dress over her shirt, and a silk scarf tied around her neck

      • Anon in NYC says:

        My daughter would do the same thing. Not because she wants to pick and choose her outfit (she generally doesn’t care), but because she wants to open ALL THE THINGS.

      • I love this idea, but this would be my son too. He would rummage through the bags until he found his triceratops shirt.

      • EB0220 says:

        My child would do this, too. Fortunately, I am greatly amused by the crazy outfits they pick. Today my 2 year old chose purple patterned pants, a red tutu, and a t-shirt from a state fair with cows on it. Awesome.

      • Edna Mazur says:

        I love this! My three year old (and two year old for that matter) have no interest in choosing their own clothes. I always love seeing bold choices/obviously chosen by the kiddo outfits!

    • I do this when packing for trips – each kid outfit gets put in an individual baggie. Easy to find those stupid tiny socks, easy to grab an extra if there’s a risk of needing to change, easy to tell what’s dirty and clean.

      I store the box of ziplocs in my suitcase and try to reuse them each trip if possible, so I think I’m only on my second box in about 5 years (2 kids).

      I got the idea because a friend of mine kept a baggie outfit for each kid in her car (suburbs) so she always had a change of clothes nearby. I’m pretty sure the outfit in my car for my 2yo is still 9 month sizes, so I’m sort of failing on that front. But I look organized when we travel!

      • I always pack the outfits a size up. I have a 9 month old and a 3.5 year old- outfits are – 12-18 month outfit and a 4/5 outfit. Will be a little big but better than too small!

  6. NewMomAnon says:

    Gah…I’m waiting for results of a medical test that will result in (a) immediate surgery with a guaranteed 5 day hospital stay and a month-long recovery, (b) a future surgery with a one night hospital stay and a 1-2 week recovery, or (c) more tests to figure out what the heck is wrong with me…and I’m struggling to do anything at work. I really want to close my door and just freak out, or go home and cry until I fall asleep. It doesn’t help that I have no imminent deadlines and kiddo isn’t sleeping (again). Plus, a big presentation to 80+ people tomorrow…

    • Anon in NYC says:

      Ugh! Sending hugs.

    • Sounds rough. Can you close your door for a little while? Go for a walk? Finish up whatever you need to do for your presentation and go home? Sending you good thoughts.

    • avocado says:

      Crossing my fingers for you!

    • Hugs! I hope you get your answer soon. I know you said you have a big presentation tomorrow… but can you take a long lunch or something? Just to take a little time to yourself? I’m sure I couln’t concentrate in your position either.

    • Big hugs. Give yourself a mental deadline and get as prepared as you can for the presentation and then head home if you can.

      • avocado says:

        For the presentation, it sounds silly but it is so helpful to practice out loud. Plus, rehearsing could be a good distraction.

        • NewMomAnon says:

          The good news is that I’ve given this presentation about half a dozen times, so at least it isn’t new information…but yes, I should dust if off tonight.

    • Frozen Peach says:

      So many hugs!! Waiting with you.

    • NewMomAnon says:

      Update: results normal. Next time medical event occurs, head to the ER immediately. Super easy to do when alone with a sleeping (or not sleeping!) child.

      • Anonymous says:

        That’s great! And, well, you have to take care of your health. In this case, it means taking your child with you to the ER (or calling her dad and having him take care of her while you go to the ER).

      • avocado says:

        Glad to hear things are at least somewhat okay!

  7. Does anyone have recommendations for long tankinis? Post partum here and looking for something that doesn’t ride up… I have had a hard time finding long torso bathing suits that aren’t 1 pieces. Thanks.

    • I had a great maternity tankini that fit well into my post-partum period. Have you looked at any? They often have tons of ruching that let them hang down farther on sans-bump body and stay in place.
      I wish I remembered the brand of my specific one; I’m pretty sure it was from Amazon but might have been Old Navy.

    • Momata says:

      Athleta comes in talls. I’ve bought my suits from them for the past couple of years and they’ve held up really well. I get the Shirrendipity halter and find it flattering and secure. I also like the UPF long sleeve tops.

    • These are both great ideas – thanks.

    • I’m short waisted, but FWIW in my last tankini search to avoid exposing my midriff I just focused on finding high-waisted bottoms – Land’s End had some that go up to my rib-cage. And they are “shaping” too.

    • anonymous says:

      The tankini top I purchased from Target recently was pretty long on me – and I’m not particularly short-waisted. It was also a size small.

  8. Meg Murry says:

    I’ve also taken to organizing my purse with ziploc bags. I like to keep items in pouches in my purse in theory, but in reality I wind up taking the pouch out and just tossing 1-2 items from the pouch back in my purse. In a very short time, my purse is back to chaos, plus I have the additional random things my kids have asked me to put in there like little stacks of Legos or their ever so precious origami they made at school. We have Ziplocs in the storage closet next to my office, so every so often I wind up closing my door, dumping my purse onto my desk, shoveling everything into the Ziplocs so that I can find the one item I needed that had migrated to the bottom of my black hole.

    It’s not classy looking, right now it is working better than nothing – and partially empty Ziplocs take up less room than partially empty pouches since the Ziplocs can fold over or roll up, etc.

  9. Pigpen's Mama says:

    I know this is a good ‘problem’ to have — but I’ve got a solo weekend trip for a friend’s wedding this weekend. It’s someplace I’ve been wanting to go, I’m meeting other good friends there, and I need a break from my routine (work and family) here.

    But now I’m kinda dreading being gone from my LO for a few days, even though she’s in prime 2-year mode! It’s not like this is the first time I’ve been away for a few nights either!

    • Rainbow Hair says:

      Ha, isn’t that the push-pull of parenting? Every time I have/get to leave my kid, I’m excited and also I dread it. Do you have a travel tradition that makes you excited? I get an old fashioned at the airport/hotel bar as appropriate, which gives me something to look forward to. That and uninterrupted blowdrying.

      • Pigpen's Mama says:

        Ooo, I like that idea. I haven’t flow without kiddo in a long time, so a drink at the airport was out. Also, long showers without half-an-ear out for any crashes or screams!

      • Anon in NYC says:

        Same – I both want time away and then am sad leading up to it. Right now I’m craving a few hours to get a pedicure, or to spend a few hours clothing shopping, or to go to a movie. I haven’t seen a movie in a movie theater since before my daughter was born!

    • Anonysaurus says:

      Same boat, have a four day trip coming up and should be excited about alone time in a hotel but I’m also strangely bummed about it. Things I try to look forward to:
      -A drink on the airplane
      -room service
      -waking up and staying in bed to watch the news
      -manicure and/or pedicure at the airport if it’s a large airport that has a nail salon
      -Not checking a bag (I don’t know why this is so exciting, but I feel like such a young carefree professional when I just breeze out of the airport with my one carry on bag!)

    • EB0220 says:

      The thing I look forward to the most is watching a movie/show or reading a book uninterrupted. I usually download a ton of episodes of some show to my tablet and watch them on the plane, at the hotel at night, etc. It’s such a luxury.

      Also, drinks.

      • Anonysaurus says:

        ^yes! I once had to take a work trip to a place that didn’t have internet available in the lodging, and i downloaded a few books ahead of time. I got to read 4 books that week!! It was such a luxury.

  10. Tips for traveling with an infant to a tropical destination? He’ll be two and a half months and we’re traveling to stay at a family member’s apartment in Mexico. I exclusively pump and supplement with formula so will have to navigate pumping at the airport at least once. I’m not shy about it but tips on accomplishing easily? I didn’t buy him a seat on the plane so will need to check his car seat. I love baby wearing but should I check it at the gate or at the counter? Any other thoughts on travel or having a young baby in Mexico? It’s just my husband and I and we’re planning one day trip but will otherwise just lounging around relaxing before I go back to work.

    • Anonysaurus says:

      I would carry it to the gate on the off chance there’s a free seat. When I flew when my son was a baby, sometimes they’d have a free seat and go ahead and place me in that row so I could put him in the seat next to me. Also, I just feel like they’re less likely to lose it if I check it at the gate? Which probably isn’t true but makes me feel better.

      I hope you have a fun/awesome trip!

      • Edna Mazur says:

        Just coming to say this! Gate check your car seat. So luxurious when there is extra room and baby can have own, unpaid for seat. Check with your airline but I think most allow it and don’t count it toward your carry on allowance. Likewise, I think, for your pump since it is considered a medical device.

    • Sarabeth says:

      On pumping – bring a blanket/scarf and a hand pump so that you can pump in “public” if necessary. I’ve pumped this way on planes, in waiting areas, basically everywhere.

      • I don’t know if this has been mentioned on here before before I’ve seen Mamava “lactation pods” around a few airports recently. So some airports are starting to get more pumping friendly!

    • Rainbow Hair says:

      I’ve seen pumping pods and also “nursing rooms” (which are just… rooms) either of which would work for pumping — check out the airports’ websites before you go. Oh I’ve also pumped in a kids play room? Not ideal, but they had an outlet in a corner so I just turned around and covered myself up?

      Definitely bring the seat to the gate, and nicely ask the gate agent and ask if there’s any chance you could be seated next to an empty seat so baby could sit there.

      Also give baby something to suck on for takeoff and landing. If he loves his bottle, that could be a good choice — or a pacifier if he uses one. It helps their ears.

  11. Turnip says:

    Parenting twins gets better, right?

    I know at 10 weeks we’re probably right in the worst of it, but now that they started daycare this week it seems like our only interactions with them are consoling them through the evening witching hour, rocking them to sleep when they’re screaming because they’re so exhausted, and trying to get them back to sleep when they wake up in the middle of the night. And I feel horrible for saying this, but it’s hard not to resent that there’s two of them when there are nights like last night where one or the other is awake and crying every 30 minutes from 3 am on, so we’re both zombies at work today. Also, when they are awake and cheerful I feel guilty for putting them down in their bouncers (where they will happily look around and be content) so I can unload the dishwasher or make dinner because everyone seems to say that using baby containers means your baby will be behind on all their ohgsical milestones but what else are you supposed to do when you want at least one adult free to do something that isn’t holding a baby?

    (

    • Turnip says:

      Missing the edit button…

      That should say “physical milestones “.

    • My twins are 9, and yes, it gets better. For me, even at 4 months was a huge turning point. 10 weeks is so early!

      My twins spent tons of time in bouncers and swings. I distinctly remember at that age being afraid to pick one up if they were content, because then what if the other one needs something and I end up with two non-content babies? OMG! They were fine. They hit their milestones. They are happy, and healthy, and athletic, and smart. I promise you are doing great and you will have two sassy tweens like me before you know it. (Of course, that leads to psychological difficulty, but it’s physically easier!)

    • Anonymous says:

      Hang in there. Twin parenting is really really hard. Are you connected with any twin/multiples groups in your area? There are usually some on FB. It can be really helpful to connect with other parents who understand. Each age has different challenges. They will sleep more as they get bigger but at least right now you don’t have to worry about meals/solids.

      Outsource whatever you can – I pay someone to just come weekly and fold/put away the laundry and change/wash the sheets – this is in addition to our regular cleaners – it keeps me sane. Grocery delivery for your groceries and autoship your diapers/wipes (we use Walmart).

      Sleep whenever you can. Nap when they nap on the weekends. Switch off getting up on weekend mornings so you can sleep 12 hours each once per week. Get ear plugs and an eye mask for each of you so when it is your turn to be ‘off’, you can actually sleep and not just listen to DH trying to settle the baby.

      For nighttime – take turns as much as possible. Go to bed as early as you can. We kept a cooler in our bedroom for bottles and a bottle warmer on the dresser so we didn’t have to go downstairs at night (they wouldn’t tandem feed so often I nursed one while DH bottle bed the other). Buy lots of extra bottles so you can just toss them in the dishwasher. Don’t waste time sterilizing stuff. Your dishwasher is fine.

      Don’t feel guilty about putting baby in the bouncer/swing. But, try babywearing if you haven’t already. I didn’t do this much until my twins were almost a year old and it made things so much easier! I could get so much done with a baby in the Ergo.

      Simplify wherever you can – pick two-three weeks of work clothes and just repeat those exact outfits. Crackers and cheese is dinner if it means you can get to bed an hour earlier or make it to your yoga class to stay sane.

    • ElisaR says:

      I don’t know anything about twins – but I do know one thing. If you are worried about their milestones with not loving on them enough it means you are a caring concerned parent and they are getting all the lovin’ they need! That was tricky wording but restated: the fact that you worry means you’re doing great and they will be fine.

      • bluefield says:

        I 100000% co-sign this. Neglectful parents are the ones who don’t even think about their babies hitting milestones. If you’re worried about it, I’m sure whatever you’re doing is fine.

    • POSITA says:

      If it’s helps, don’t worry about the container thing at all. Your babies should be getting lots of floor time at daycare. You don’t need to worry about this during the evening when everyone is tired and fussy.

      • +1 I stressed SO SO SO hard about the baby containers (and I only had one) because my son had a flat spot (which it turned out was caused by torticollis so it didn’t even matter how much he was or wasn’t in a baby container). If you haven’t already, talk to your daycare about baby container usage. Our daycare was willing to put a note on our son’s chart that he was not allowed to be in a container at all (we told them we were fine with occasional usage, but the head teacher insisted she was going to put “no usage” so they didn’t get in the habit) and knowing he wasn’t in them during the day was such a weight off my shoulders and greatly alleviated the guilt I felt about using them at home.

    • I only have 1, but FWIW in hindsight I regret not putting m son down in a baby container MORE. I stressed so much about talking to/interacting with/entertaining my son when it wasn’t necessary – if they need you, they will let you know. And little babies are pretty boring – they don’t offer much. I remember feeling like we really turned a corner around 6 months or so. Suddenly my son could sit up, and then soon he could crawl and when he would crawl to me and seek me out I realized how much he liked me. It just gets better over time. I cannot imagine dealing with two, so my heart goes out to you. You’re a hero, hang in there!

      • Maddie Ross says:

        Yup. Mom of 1 (at a time) here and I love me some baby containers. I have one in every room downstairs and another one upstairs (bouncers, swing, mamaroo, boppy nest, play mat, etc.). Whether I need to put her down for 30 seconds or 30 minutes, having that ability is so important. Do NOT worry about this.

        And again, not a mom of twins, but 10 weeks is still so little and so demanding. I feel like you turn a really big corner at 12-14 weeks (right around 3 months) and the difference between 3 months and 4 months is kind of staggering. You are so close!

    • twin mom says:

      You’ve gotten good practical advice, so I’ll address the feelings part. Mine are a year and a half, and for the first year I relatively frequently resented that there were two, which I felt really guilty about. What helped me was separating them as people from “the package they came in,” so I loved them with all my heart but was very frustrated that I couldn’t give all the attention to one for very long (much less any to myself).

      It keeps getting easier, though not linearly. Prioritize sleep by practicing good sleep habits and it will all come together in a couple to a few months. Everything gets better when there is more and more dependable sleep.

      My boys love each other more than I can explain. They wake up and look for each other, chat before going to sleep, reserve 95% of head cuddles and kisses for their brother, and feed off each other’s wild, fun energy. It not only gets better, it gets so so good, and you have the rest of your live to enjoy them and their bond. Take this day by day. You are doing great!

      • Turnip says:

        Thanks for this! It’s really good to hear I’m not the only one who sometimes feels like this. I love both babies it’s dearly, but when I look at my friends with singletons it just seems so much easier!

      • This is definitely a thing. I have a 3rd child–a singleton–and it’s become very clear to me how different it is parenting one at a time. My twins missed out on some of that, and I missed out on some of that with them. BUT–they get something that most people don’t, which is their relationship with each other. A bond with someone who you’ve been with since the womb (or pre-womb petri dish in my case) is its own amazing gift. My youngest doesn’t get that. So, there are always balances.

    • Anonymous says:

      Mom of 22 month old twins here. Yes, it gets better. Better at 6 months, better at a year, better at 18 months, and better now. But it sucked then and I cried all the time. I also hated baby wearing and pushed them around in a big f-ing stroller. I used baby bouncers, swing, jumper. They met all their milestones and run around like crazy now. hang in there. Drink all the coffee.

    • Turnip says:

      Thank you everyone. Reading all your posts make me feel less like I’m failing at this whole parenting two at once thing. This first week of daycare/back at work is so hard.

      • Anonymous says:

        Hugs to you, Turnip. It will feel like a million years, but very soon, it will be better. During this time, I remember reading a twin mom blog that said something like, don’t worry about having to spread your love between them. Any love that you feel like you aren’t giving them individually, they will get from each other. Twin Mom’s post speaks to this above. Mine are still figuring our the loving each other part, but I think they’ll get there too. -22 month old twin mom anon from above.

  12. Any advice for coping with first trimester fatigue and insomnia? The combination of the two is killing me – it feels like I barely sleep at all. I have a two hour client meeting today and my only goal is to stay awake through the entire thing; I don’t think I can accomplish anymore than that.

    I can’t nap at work because my office is all glass, so there’s no privacy. Also, I’ve sworn off coffee, because I have a higher risk of miscarriage even without the caffeine.

    Is there anything else I can do to help manage this exhaustion?

    • rosie says:

      Drinking water, especially ice water helps me stay awake (I used to keep a travel mug to fill with ice water so it would stay cold). How is your eating? PB crackers was great for me because it kept me getting a little protein even though I was nauseous, and even if you’re not nauseous, having protein may help with energy levels. Walk outside if the weather’s nice to get a little fresh air?

      And totally ok that staying awake through your meeting is your one goal for the day. Your body is already doing a ton.

      • rosie says:

        Also on insomnia, perhaps ask your dr/midwife about taking something? I took diclegsis for nausea, which is unisom and B6 (so for insurance purposes I tried those 2 OTC drugs first). I had never taken unisom before, but found it to be a pretty good sleep aid.

        • +1 on the unisom/B6. Helped my nausea and helped me sleep.

          I also put together an “insomnia kit” in one of the guest bedrooms with headphones, magazine, glass of water, etc. So if I tossed and turned for too long, I got up and went in the other room to read, listen to a podcast or whatever until I felt sleepy again. Even just knowing I had the stuff prepared helped me sleep!

          Also, just go to bed at 8pm.

    • AnonMN says:

      For the insomnia, can you check with your midwife/ob about taking a magnesium supplement? I have dubbed magnesium the magic sleeping pregnancy/post pregnancy bullet. Those babies suck all of our nutrients out, and this was the thing that finally got me to sleep. You can also try an epsom salt bath before bed (as then your body will just absorb all of the magnesium it needs).

      For the fatigue, I just literally came home, ate, and went to bed. Which is hard for me because I am so type-A and want to do all the things, but the second time around it was much easier to know that it would be a short 6-8 weeks of fatigue and then I would be back to normal.

      Also, take a walk outside if you can before the big meeting, that always helped me make it through the afternoon.

      Good luck!

    • I can’t say I’ve ever had insomnia, so maybe this advice won’t help. You might find you sleep better if you get a short walk in in the evenings (I was too ill/exhausted to try this). Try forking over the money for a pregnancy pillow. Rolling over sucks, but my husband says I would start snoring mid-sentence complaining about how I hated the pillow. Talk to your OB – there are drugs that are safe(ish) for babies – and query whether no sleep is worse for the baby than the drugs.

      On the fatigue, sleep more. I know it sounds simple, but choose to let things that can wait wait and go to sleep, or at least be horizontal with your eyes closed. I stop working at 11/midnight period, and if I have to finish it in the morning or turn it in late, I’m not a doctor and no one is going to die. I have had to adjust to needing 9 hours to feel good. Second trimester now and I have been busy so getting 7/8ish and it is not enough, even with the naps in my (thankfully still frosted) office. We turned down most social events and dinners with friends and even some work events I would normally go to to conserve energy. I let chores lapse, my husband started ordering groceries for delivery online, and we started a mountain of clean laundry in the back bedroom because the folding and the putting away was just not going to happen. I stopped cooking and started ordering delivery.

      Drink lots – I find that lots of water and (when I was not pregnant) orange juice served me best during the 70+ billable hour weeks more so than coffee even when not pregnant. After some spectacular “evening sickness” with OJ, that is has been on the banned list since about week 7.

      • Anonymous says:

        For insomnia: make sure you are laying horizontally when you’re supposed to be sleeping. Even if you can’t sleep, your adrenals can’t relax unless your body is horizontal. So lay on the couch and watch tv if you’re up, but make sure to spend time laying down (don’t sit in bed and read a book).

    • Anonymous says:

      Try contrast showers twice a day, if you can. I used to say OVER MY DEAD BODY at the idea of contrast showers, but when I do them, the cold is more “lukewarm” and gradually gets colder each time so I’m not dumping ice water on my body. You only have to do 20 seconds of cold, alternating with 10 seconds of hot. Do as many cycles as you can (5 minutes worth, if you can manage). It really helps wake up your body in the morning and get you sleepy in the evening — no clue how it works, but I know it does!! (Congratulations on your pregnancy!)

    • Anonymous says:

      You can totally take Unisom for the insomnia. In fact B12 and Unisom are what’s in anti-morning sickness mess. I’d take that and be asleep by 8.00 the whole first trimester.

    • Anonymous says:

      My OB totally ok’d taking Benadryl at night for insomnia. But take it early enough that you can wake up in the morning!

    • Anon (OP) says:

      Thanks so much for the tips! I’m definitely going to call my doctor and ask about some kind of sleep aid (Unisom, B6, Benadryl, whatever it takes – I had no idea those were an option during pregnancy). I’m good at getting in bed early, but I have trouble falling asleep (even though I’m exhausted), nor can I stay asleep. I’ll try to do a better job of laying flat and I like the idea of an insomnia kit for those nights when it’s really bad.

      • rosie says:

        I don’t know if insomnia is new for you in pregnancy or if it’s something you generally experience, but one thing I will say is that getting in bed early and spending a long time not sleeping does not usually help me. Better for me to figure out what I can do to make myself more comfortable (pee, have a snack, etc.) or distract myself (watch an episode of silly TV, etc.) than lie there staring at the ceiling getting anxious about how little sleep I will get that night.

        Also forgot to mention earlier, perhaps guided sleep meditation could help. There is a short one I sometimes do that says that lying in bed and relaxing will help you feel more rested so it’s ok if you cannot sleep–I don’t know how true that is, but it does take off some of the pressure to go to sleep that I think can become a really hard cycle when you’re having trouble sleeping and very focused on getting in bed early so you can sleep.

  13. Eleanor Rigby says:

    Vent: I’m a litigation attorney, with a three year old at home, and currently 38 weeks pregnant. I am doing all I can to stay focused, but it is proving difficult. The pain, fatigue, and constant bathroom breaks are wearing me down. *just keep swimming, just keep swimming*

    • rosie says:

      A few days behind you :). Just keep swimming…and fidgeting in my chair trying to get comfortable.

    • JayJay says:

      Just keep swimming! I was you. You’ll get through it.

      On a lighter note, when I was 39 weeks pregnant, I dropped my lip gloss on the floor of my office while I was working. I called my work bff (who was a couple offices down from mine) to come pick it up for me, because I didn’t want to spend 10 minutes trying to do it myself.

      • I’ve got you beat – I dropped a chip under my desk at 8 months. Couldn’t reach it. Left it there. The office cleaners NEVER PICKED IT UP and it was still there when I got back from maternity leave. I got attached. A month or two after I came back they replaced the carpet and it finally got thrown in a roll of carpet. So for all those people on the main s1te complaining about their cleaners…yep.

    • POSITA says:

      This was me almost exactly one year ago. (My little one turns 1 in two weeks.) I found maternity leave was sooooo much easier than those last few weeks. They were terrible.

      I ended up going on leave at 39 weeks and I am so grateful that I did. I was able to sleep, clean the house and finally feel ready for kid no.2. It was one of the best decisions ever. Can you stop a bit early?

      • Eleanor Rigby says:

        My due date is May 4th. I was thinking about starting maternity leave early– May 1st–if no baby before that. This option is becoming more and more appealing.

    • EB0220 says:

      Exhausting. Any chance you can work from home the last few days? It makes it so much more pleasant.

  14. Anonymous says:

    My two year old daughter is extremely passive with other kids. If a more spirited child pushes her or hits her or takes a toy from her, she looks confused but otherwise doesn’t really react. She doesn’t cry. Doesn’t go to an adult for comfort. One time we were at a friend’s house and her son was put on timeout over eight times in an hour in a half for hitting her. She never made a peep.

    After that incident, she and I “talked” about the fact that it’s never ok for someone to touch her like that and she should feel free to say “no” or “stop” or to come to mommy or another adult for help. I asked her if it made her sad, and she said yes.

    And she remembers which kids are particularly rough on her. When we talk about her friends she will say something like “Joey owwie” and pat herself on the head. And I will notice her trying to avoid these kids, but if they come up to her and hit her again, she still doesn’t have a reaction. And I think because of this, the other kids kind of think of her as an easy target so they keep doing it. The other parents and I try to intervene as much as possible, but there is only so much you can do.

    I know she’s very young, but I don’t want her thinking this is ok! And the fact that it’s mostly boys who are rough with her especially bothers me because I don’t want her thinking it’s normal for males to be handsy or physical with females. We are very conscious of stopping tickling when she asks or not hugging her if she says she doesn’t want a hug. But this has me stumped.

    For what it’s worth, I totally get that hitting and pushing are normal toddler behaviors. I’m more looking for suggestions on how to empower my daughter if other kids touch her or treat her in ways she does not like.

    • Anonymous says:

      I realize now that this is a total novel. Thanks to anyone who read this crazy long post 😀

    • Blueberry says:

      I think you’re doing the right things. By continuing to say the same things to her and by intervening if kids are rough with her and saying that we don’t push our friends, I think you’ll get the message across. My now 4-year-old was the same at that age and now I worry that he is becoming too aggressive with other kids, so…

    • Anon in NYC says:

      How verbal is your daughter? In the moment does she turn towards you or your SO and look at you (even if she doesn’t say anything)? I think that some kids, by nature, are more passive. But I also think, like Blueberry said, that if you see something you can intervene and say something neutral and show her what to do by example.

    • Our daycare teaches the kids to say “I don’t like that” whenever someone hits/pushes/takes their toy or whatever. When they were younger they just said “mine” for toys and “no” for touching.

    • Our kid (25 mo) is also pretty passive. Very very very verbal but not that confident physically despite being large. Our daycare has worked hard at teaching the kids to say “No thank you,” “No pushing,” etc for physical behaviors they don’t like. There’s a particular kid who’s just a lot more physical than ours (exuberant, but also pushing/hitting) and so we do a fair amount of of role playing at home — when our kid says “[Other kid] push me today,” we say “And what did you say to him? No pushing? Yes, that’s right! We tell him No Pushing!” It’s starting to work!!!

    • Anonymama says:

      Can you practice with her on responding verbally? Like, role play if Johnny (or a rude dinosaur) hits/pushes, what do you do? And have her practice yelling “stop!” Or “I don’t like that” or “no pushing, rude dinosaur!” as loud as she can? If she practices it amped up a bit, and especially in a goofy/giggly, not scary way, maybe she will feel more comfortable saying something when it actually happens. (Like pretend that you didn’t hear her “huh? What did you say?”)

  15. Cross-posting with the main site because I posted this late on the morning thread, and maybe it’s a better fit here anyways.

    I’m just venting… We don’t post many pictures of our son on social media–DH probably posts one every 3 months, and I post one every 6. We use a private photo share to share photos with our family. I have never minded when one of our family members (usually a grandparent) takes a photo of our son while they’re babysitting or hanging out with us and posts it on social media, partly because it doesn’t happen all that often.

    But this morning, one of the grandparents, who is actually a step-grandparent, downloaded a photo from our private photo share and posted it on social media. That feels weird and different to me. Also, the photo was one of my son making a funny face, and while I think it’s adorable, I would not have shared with lots of people he barely knows or has never met, especially since they don’t know the context. (DH added an explanatory comment.) On top of all that, this photo is posted alongside photos of the step-grandparent’s biological grandchildren, whom she obviously favors. The photos of the other kids are much more normal, conventionally attractive photos of the kids with cute smiles. So, I know I should assume good intentions and all, but I’m just upset that she went out of her way to download a goofy picture of my son from the private photo share and then posted it alongside two cute pictures of her “real” grandchildren smiling normally. Grrrr.

    • Anonymous says:

      This would annoy me too. Would it be worth it to mention that the pictures you share on the photo site aren’t for mass distribution? Or would that just cause more trouble than it’s worth?

      My in-laws put a picture of me and my husband and our newborn on their Christmas card. It was from right after I gave birth–I’m talking still sweaty and looking pretty exhausted. I love that picture, but it’s not attractive and from a very private moment. I was not happy. But I didn’t say anything because it was too late and not worth the fall out. But it sounds like it might be worth it to say something here if she is going to start semi regularly sharing photos on Facebook.

    • We posted a ton of pictures on social media for the first year of my son’s life and then we had an incident where one of his photos was being used on a third party page without our knowledge or permission that freaked us out, so we quit posting photos of him and asked our family not to post any photos either. We also have a private page for sharing photos and have a description that states people are welcome to save and print photos from the page, but please do not share or post them outside the page. Would a similar message work for your page, as well as spreading the new “rule” casually by word of mouth? We will occasionally give grandparents permission to post a one-off holiday photo so they can show off their grandson, but they know not to do so without our permission. This also gives us some control over what photos are being widely shared (ex. I told my mom she could post a photo from Easter, but would not give her the green light to share a bathtub photo).

      • ElisaR says:

        curious about the photo that was used on a 3rd party page? if you’re comfortable sharing more details I’d love to hear — sometimes I need a reminder about the need to maintain privacy.

      • NewMomAnon says:

        How did you find the picture posted on the third party page? I worry about this sometimes. I am very careful not to post pictures that I think would embarrass my daughter later, and she’s starting to hit a point where I ask her if I can post a picture. I’m also super careful to post only those pictures that portray her best sides; no tantrums, no sulking, no potty pics, no “I’m so exasperated!” pictures. I never post naked kid pics (even when she was a tiny baby). But I obviously don’t want even her adorable, best side pictures to end up on a commercial website without my/her consent.

      • It was the page of a former care giver who had some significant personal issues, but we were still tangentially connected to on FB. Luckily we had a good enough relationship with her that we were able to contact her to take it down and she did, but it was a pretty big wake up call for us about how easily it could happen again and how we may not be lucky enough the next time that we would find it or that the person would just take it down. After the fact a ton of friends came out with other stories of similar stuff happening, including a family friend who had all of her 10-year-olds photos stolen off her FB, a fake profile made for him, and she had to petition FB for months to get it removed.

    • Hmm. While stories like Anonymous’s freak me out, I don’t want to take a stance against any social media photos. It’s more that I don’t want every detail of our lives being broadcast to people I barely know or don’t know at all, and I’m sensitive to how disconcerting it might be for a child to find out that every adult friend and relative he meets has seen hundreds of photos of him or her, and some of those pictures might even be embarrassing when they’re older. Since I’d prefer not to create a rule, it’s probably not worth saying anything. And there’s nothing wrong or inappropriate about the photo she posted–he’s just making a silly face, and it’s weird juxtaposed with his cousins’ normal pictures. I feel better just venting about it though :-)

      • Venting always helps. We post occasional pictures to facebook, and my husband sends other photos of Baby HSAL to his family on their group text thread. Last winter his father took one of the photos and posted it – it was supposed to be our Christmas card! So we made him take it down. Just recently we had to tell him that when he posted pictures of her, he needed to change his privacy settings to friends-only instead of public. I understand not wanting to make a rule, but it does seem fair to let you choose which photos of your kid are posted to social media, especially when they’re pictures you took.

    • rosie says:

      What line do you want to draw (if any)? Or is this mainly irking you because it’s the step-grandparent (and you’ve seen this element of favoritism) & the particular photo used (in which case vent away)?

      I generally think it’s weird to download photos you are sent (by email or private sharing site) and then repost them, and I think that requesting that photos circulated like this are not shared on social media is very reasonable. If you post picts on social media, it seems like it’s harder to say that grandparents cannot take their own picts and post them (harder in that I think my mom would push back, not that it’s objectively unreasonable :)).

      • I agree with your second paragraph. It’s weird to post someone else’s picture. If a grandparent posts one he/she takes, presumably they’re communicating something about their own life and activities, and I’m OK with the occasional photo that says, “Look, I spent the evening babysitting my grandchild.” But it feels more invasive to have a picture that DH took on our family vacation downloaded and shared by a grandparent who wasn’t even there. Then, on top of that, I’m irked because (a) it’s a photo I wouldn’t have shared, even though it’s not objectively inappropriate, and (b) it’s compared with nicer photos of the favored grandchildren.

        It’s the whole combination that bothers me. I might be just a little annoyed with the goofy photo if the grandparent had used a their own photo or one that we had already posted (I even asked DH if he had already posted that one), thinking she just went with what’s available. And I’d be just a little annoyed if she had taken a nice photo and put it with the other grandchildren, thinking she went on our Photoshare to get a nicer one than what she had available on her phone (especially since we don’t post many). But why go out of your way and then choose that specific photo?

        • Anon in NYC says:

          We have asked our parents to limit what they share on social media. So they have mostly limited their posts to specific events where they’re with kiddo (babysitting, a family dinner, holidays). We too have a specific photo sharing site where we post tons of photos just for family. On occasion, my dad has asked to share a photo that we have not shared publicly. Since it’s not that frequent, I’ll usually allow it. But I do think in that scenario (where I’ve periodically given permission) that there’s a fine line between what’s okay and not okay to post, and I can’t expect my dad to always get it right.

          If you haven’t given your family permission to download/post the photos you’ve shared on the private site, I’d focus on that issue rather than the favoritism. I would just ask your family to not do that going forward – tell her that it’s okay that it happened, but reiterate the social media rules for your child.

    • EB0220 says:

      I think it’s worth asking her not to post photos that you share privately with family only. If you’re OK with her posting something that you’ve posted on social media – tell her that’s fine. But you made these private for a reason and I think it’s good to set proper boundaries. Think about how you’ll feel if it becomes a pattern…you’ll wish you’d said something the first time when it wasn’t a huge deal.

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