Finally Friday: Ab-solution Itty Bitty Bootcut Jeans

These jeans are extremely popular at Nordstrom and have a million good reviews. They’re only $68, which is great, they come in both regular and petite, which is also great, and they’re available in sizes 0-14 and the very hard-to-find 16 petite. If you’re looking for a new jean for the weekend, give these a try. Wit & Wisdom Ab-solution Itty Bitty Bootcut Jeans

Wit & Wisdom also offers plus sizes.

(Looking for denim? Don’t forget to check out our recent roundup of the most-loved denim at Nordstrom…)

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Comments

  1. Anon in NOVA says:

    Hive- quick question
    I’m throwing a small baby shower this weekend (second baby), and I thought a nice thing to do would be to talk to the group and have everyone agree that part of our gifts to the mama to be are that she does not have to write us thank you notes. I’ve been to a lot of showers recently where they have a station set up for you to address an envelope to yourself to make the thank-you not process easier, but wouldn’t it be great if the mom just didn’t have to write them?
    These are all close friends of the mom. Would you, as a shower guest, be offended if the hostess suggested this, or on board? Or should I even care if they’re offended and focus on the mom-to-be?

    • Anonymous says:

      I wouldn’t be offended and I think you’re a saint for thinking of this. It took me FOREVER to finish all of the thank you notes from my baby (now 6 months old) and it became a huge pain in the butt (especially as gifts kept on coming after his birth). I’m a total traditionalist when it comes to things like thank you notes and I would not be at all offended if someone told me I wouldn’t be receiving a thank you note.

      • avocado says:

        +1. I am also a total traditionalist who is still clutching my pearls over the fact that two of my three recently married nieces and nephews never sent thank-you notes for their wedding gifts, but writing thank-you notes is just one more overwhelming thing for a busy and exhausted new mom to do. I think it is sweet and perfectly acceptable to handle it the way you propose–in fact, this seems much more polite than asking people to address their own envelopes.

        • Anon in NOVA says:

          Right? I always thought the “address your own envelope” thing was… uncomfortable. I totally understand the intention behind it, don’t get me wrong, but it also feels like you’re affirming that yes, you DO expect a thank you note, and here’s a pre-addressed envelope so no excuses.

    • Anonymous says:

      I think it’s fine to skip the thank you notes. At many showers I’ve attended, the thank you note station also serves as a bit of an activity and there’s usually a draw for a prize (to make sure no one forgets to write their address). You could just do blank cards/envelopes and people could write a short encouraging note for the mom and write their own name on the outside of the envelope so she could read the notes when she’s having a rough day.

      • Anon in NOVA says:

        This is a really cute idea, maybe notes to open up when you’re feeling overwhelmed or notes for 2am or something along those lines.
        Thanks for all of the responses, everyone. I, too, am a traditionalist (from the deep south!) but the thought of making a working new mother write thank you notes bummed me out.

    • Anonymous says:

      I love this.

    • What about thank you emails? I know email is not traditional, but this is what I did after my baby sprinkle for my 2nd child and I think they were appreciated. It seems odd to me as the recipient of a party and of generous gifts to no thank my friends at all. I think you can definitely suggest it to the the mom but if I were I would want to thank my friends somehow.

    • Running Numbers says:

      I don’t want to be the voice of dissent but I am very big on thank you cards. I had two rather large showers thrown for me and I was overwhelmed by the thoughtfulness, time and money that people invested in me. A meaningful thank you note feels like the least an expectant mom can do. That being said, I’m not overly offended when I don’t receive thank you cards, but I notice.

      • Anonymous says:

        I think thank you notes are a must for the person/people throwing you the shower – but for the people who just attended and brought you a gift?? That seems like overkill.

        • Running Numbers says:

          Yes! It’s still someone giving up their free time and money to celebrate someone else. It’s just nice.

          • Anonymous says:

            You do you, then. When I balance the effort in attending a shower vs. being a new mom (to 2 kiddos, nonetheless) and having to write a bunch of thank you notes, I guess I come out on the side of the mom not having additional things to do, just to placate me. It’s one thing for you to feel like you want to send them, it’s another to expect someone to send them to you.

          • Running Numbers says:

            No, you’re absolutely right. Like I said, I’m not offended if I don’t get them. I’ll also a grouch who does not like showers, so that’s where I’m coming from, too.

    • In House Lobbyist says:

      I would not be offended. I insist to all my friends note to write one. I tell them a pic of the baby afterwards will suffice. I think this is a great idea!

    • I’ve always been taught that a thank you note is only required if you weren’t able to say thank you in person. I HATE the idea of thank you notes for showers, since the entire point is acknowledging the gifts there in person. I begrudgingly did it as a showeree since I know it’s expected. As a guest, I’d love if the hostess suggested an idea like yours, since I’ve always hated the idea that my recipient has to say thank you twice. It just seems so silly and pointless.

      • To that point, I would definitely make sure to text or email someone who sent a gift but didn’t come, or who came but whose gift came in the mail at a later date. Mostly because when I send a gift and never hear anything, part of me wonders if the person ever got it!

        Otherwise, no hand-written thank you notes as a “gift” to mama-to-be sounds really thoughtful.

      • Anonymous says:

        This! Also, I had a tiny shower and always make sure to email pics of baby wearing/using gift to the giver, whenever possible. People would rather have baby pics. (And they can humble brag about their thoughtfulness while showing off baby picture.)

    • Tunnel says:

      I wouldn’t be offended as a guest. But if I was the expectant mom I would probably still end up sending thank you notes despite the agreement.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Y’all, I bought the Costco dress that was recommended earlier this week on this site and I LOVE IT! It’s definitely going to be my go-to weekend dress (and I just went online to buy another one!). I normally wear a M/L (still losing weight in the stomach section following baby) and I ordered a medium. I could probably wear a small but I kept the larger size to wear as a maternity dress for Baby #2.

  3. Anonymous says:

    Does anyone have a Sarah Wells pump bag? Or suggestions for roomy pump bag? I have a spectra s2 pump and would love to have ONE bag for carryng pump/parts/bottles AND laptop (13 inch) AND lunch for when I return to work. I commute by metro and don’t want to be a crazy bag lady (baby will not be commuting with me). I’d prefer not a backpack. I also want something that looks semi-professional. This is one of my purchases from my bonus this year (rest going to savings…of course) so even though spending $150-200 on a pump bag sounds silly, I don’t mind it as much as I usually would.

    • Anon in NOVA says:

      No suggestions, but doesn’t sound silly at all. Treat yoself!

    • I hated carrying the pump back and forth so I just left it at work during the week and had a small pump at home for emergencies. If it were me, I’d spend the money on getting a second pump so I had one for home and one for work. But if you want a good bag, a friend got a Tumi voyager tote and was very happy with it for exactly what you describe.

      • Butter says:

        +1 to getting a second pump (fwiw, I had a Medela PISA at home and Spectra at work). I still needed a large bag to bring my 4-bottle cooler and parts to and fro, but it could fit with my lunch in my regular bag.

        Also, by 6-8 months I was just leaving pump parts in the fridge all week at work, only bringing them home on the weekends to clean. Cut down immensely on bringing things to and fro, and kiddo survived.

        • I used milk bags and a pack it foldable cooler. Cut down on the number of bottles I needed to carry.

      • AwayEmily says:

        Also +1 on spending money on an extra pump (or getting an extra some other way). I spent a month carting the pump back and forth, then received a hand-me-down and was able to keep one at the office. It was So. Much. Better. Maybe you can get one from a friend?

    • Which one are you looking to buy? I bought the Annie in black before I came back to work. I liked it a lot. People could not tell it was a pump bag, and I brought it to court a couple times.

      I didn’t carry a laptop though, and I used the pump in style which is smaller. I think it could fit everything you are looking to carry, but might depend on how big your lunch is.

      • Anonymous says:

        I’m looking at the Abby. Thanks — I mostly just didn’t want it to scream pump bag.

    • anonymous says:

      Yes, I have one and loved it, and I’ve loaned it to a friend who is using it now. Agree that having two pumps is even more convenient, but if you can’t do that, the bag is great, especially for travelling. I had to go on several work trips while pumping and having the bag made is so much easier.

    • Tunnel says:

      I bought a big bag at Target. I could probably have fit 2 bowling balls in it. It was brown and looked professional enough.

  4. Just came across this incredibly depressing essay – you might relate…

    https://motherwellmag.com/2017/01/19/the-myth-of-co-parenting/?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000037

    • avocado says:

      I totally relate to her story, but I also have come to realize over the years that I secretly don’t want to co-parent. I want to be the in-charge mom who manages the household and pays the bills and plans the vacations and refinances the mortgage and helps with the book report dioramas–and I also want to have a full-time job doing something that makes a difference in the world. In my ideal world my husband would agree that we should pay someone to clean the house so I could have more time to focus on our daughter, and he’d also stop complaining about having to do laundry and mow the lawn. He recently took on some additional child transportation duties, and even though this has done a lot for my sanity and has helped to even out the expectation that I’m always the one whose time at work will be sacrificed for kid-related reasons, I really resent the feeling that I’m ceding some kind of moral authority to him because now he’s pitching in.

      I also resent the fact that I don’t really have a choice whether to work or not. I don’t think I’d actually choose to stay home, even though it sounds awfully nice sometimes, but I’d like to feel a bigger sense of agency over my life. As it is, I need to remain in the labor force because there is a not-insubstantial risk that I might suddenly become the sole breadwinner at any time, and my husband believes that both partners should contribute financially so he would not willingly agree to let me become a SAHM.

      • CPA Lady says:

        I kind of agree with this. I like being in charge. My husband and I had a conversation about our strengths the other night and one of the things he mentioned was that I’m good at taking care of “the big things”…. planning, scheduling, etc. And I agree. I don’t mind doing this stuff, all I want is to be recognized, thanked, and helped when I ask for help. I’m starting to think I’m going to write what I need my husband to say on index cards and have him read them to me. This is possibly insane, but he’s a man of few words and my love language is words of affirmation.

        On the other hand, there is no way, no how I could be a SAHM. I’m too impatient. And I also saw my SAHM mother get stuck in a really bad situation with my dad because she hadn’t worked in years. No thanks. I’m just too risk averse for that.

        • My husband and I are on the same page most of the time about our division of household labour, but I’ve often wished there were two of me – one to do paid work that makes a difference in the world, and one to make a difference in the world on a much smaller, localised scale with my child.

    • POSITA says:

      This makes me glad that I worked Biglaw for the first few years after my daughter was born, despite some angst at the time. It really forced her dad to step up into a caregiving role. (If anything, I was the absentee parent.) Now I’ve stepped into a job with a better balance and we really are close to 50/50. I don’t know if we would have gotten here if I’d had a more relaxed job right from the start.

      • Anon in NYC says:

        We’re really close to 50/50 too. Something that helped us was my husband taking a month off right when my daughter was born and then also taking an additional 2 weeks completely solo when I returned to work.

        That first month was great because it was a huge adjustment for both of us and neither of us had to worry about getting up for work the next day while dealing with intense sleep deprivation. Also, we introduced bottles within the first week she was home, so he got to do a lot of feeding, bonding, and other caregiving that I think a lot of other dads don’t have the opportunity to do. The solo two weeks were also really nice for him – she was more alert and active and he got out of the house and did more, but he also experienced some of the pressures that I did when I was home by myself (like having to drop everything to feed her right that second, or diaper explosions, or the isolation).

    • Thanks for posting this. It was a good read and resonated.

      First, this article made me appreciate quite a few things about my husband and how hard he has worked to provide care for our daughter and bond with her even while working a super demanding job with long hours. But I still related to the author’s anger at how certain things were.

      For me, this article just emphasizes something I have felt lately–that the first 2 years are just hard. Hard. While I think men can be great caregivers, I do think that nature/biology has set up the mom to be the primary caregiver in the first two years of life. Like the author, my daughter is now in preschool and it is the first time that I feel she is where she is supposed to be. In paying the nanny during her first 18 months, I always felt that I was paying someone to take over *my* job. I’m glad I did it, I did not have a tremendous amount of guilt, and I think that my daughter had a wonderful infancy, but the feeling was still here–I was paying another woman to be “mommy” to my child. The feeling is very different when I drop her off at preschool. I’m hoping she has a good day, makes some art, plays with her friends, has fun, learns things. I’m not hoping that her teachers will do everything just the way that I would do it if I was there, the way I did when she was a baby. I don’t see them as a substitute for me the way it was when she was a baby.

      I used to see generous maternity leaves (1 year plus) as ridiculous. After having my baby, I see long leaves as a recognition for a very human part of our life cycle that isn’t going away anytime too soon. I wish the U.S. would catch on to this, and provide incentives for paternity leave as well.

      • Oh, I so agree with you! The first 2 years are hard with a capital H, even with a daycare that we love and trust and where my son gets plenty of nurturing and social interaction. Even with a spouse who does his part despite also having long hours. I think I would get antsy on a 1-year maternity leave, and depending on where you are and the resources you have, it might also be socially isolating, but I firmly believe the option should be there for people who would like to use it.

      • See, I came to the opposite realization. For me, it wasn’t nature/biology, it was our systems and society that are still set up to make mom the primary caregiver. Even things as “simple” as staying home with a sick kid – the truth is that a boss will judge a dad much more harshly for his 3rd absence this quarter than that same boss will judge a mom. So it becomes easier for the mom to do it, yet again, which contributes to the perception in the marriage that her job just isn’t as demanding as his.

        I once read an online comment on some random article that was so profound, I saved it. I wish I would have saved the article too, so I could at least try to attribute this to the author. I’ll post it in a response here. But I feel like it explains my point of view much more accurately than I ever could.

        • I think it is both and there are certainly powerful cultural forces that need to change, like yesterday. But there are a ton of things that first year that were biological. I’m sure everyone experienced this differently, but my child was so attached to me. Of course, my husband couldn’t breastfeed, so food was all on me the first 6 months. But also, my child cried whenever anyone who wasn’t me held her for about the first 5 months . . . for her first year, she would refuse to be happy if she knew I was in the house but I wasn’t right there with her . . . for the first 18 months, it would take her 3 times as long to calm down at night if anyone but me went to comfort her (DH still would do this, but there was frustration for all involved) . . . etc. I think the biological things can reinforce the cultural ones, unfortunately.

        • avocado says:

          “Even things as “simple” as staying home with a sick kid – the truth is that a boss will judge a dad much more harshly for his 3rd absence this quarter than that same boss will judge a mom. ”

          My experience has been the opposite. On the few occasions when my husband has worked from home because of a sick kid or a snow day, he’s gotten genuine praise from co-workers for being such a great dad. I, on the other hand, get snarky comments about how nice it must be to have kids so I never have to work, often from co-workers who routinely come in late and leave early so they can pursue their hobbies.

          • Anon in NOVA says:

            I was going to say the same thing, avocado. In my professional experience, men can get away with much more when it comes to kid-related absences. If a mother does it, she “needs to re-evaluate if she should be working or not”. If a man does it, how cute! he’s parenting!

      • Betty says:

        Yes, the first two years are just hard! However, I think, and there is research to back-up, that much of what is viewed as biologically programmed “mothering” instinct is actually learned in the first 12 weeks to year of life, which is reinforced by our current system of maternity/paternity leave. Think about it this way: If a new father has a week or two of leave after a child is born and mom is staying home for 10-12 weeks, there is not a huge incentive or opportunity for the father to learn his child’s cries, what responses work and the peculiar needs/likes/dislikes of the child. Instead, it is the mother who learns these things and this pattern becomes entrenched in most parenting relationships. Mother learns child and child learns mother. It is reinforced by the unpaid nature of most leaves, including sick leave, in combination with the wage-penalty that mothers endure. It takes a huge effort to step outside of these reinforced roles. I wrote my law school note on this (and was published) and it happened to my husband and I, even as I could see it happening. Frustrating all the way around.

        • EBMom says:

          I agree, but as a couple that tried to split 50/50 from the start (my husband was home the first 4 weeks), he could not soothe the baby like I could. He lacked b**bs, of course but the baby also showed a strong preference for me from day 1. I still remember how broken he looked when my daughter cried and cried one night–I was trying to take a shower–and I handed my husband a dirty shirt of mine and he put her over it. She stopped crying immediately. And my husband just quietly said “She would rather be with your t-shirt than me.” He was so devastated. Just the smell of me could calm her down more than he could. That wasn’t his fault. He was learning the “mothering instinct” but our baby would have none of it.

          • EBMom says:

            I guess what I’m trying to say is that no amount of paternity leave is going to solve the tough balance that women will have to strike so long as we are the primary caregiver in infancy, which seems (to me) to be biological. I really don’t think that paternity leave would solve the issue. It would help, of course, and I fully support more paternity leave for all the benefits it produces later. But I don’t think it solves the primary caregiver problem in the first few months. I believe Anne-Marie Slaughter has it right–we have to start valuing caregiving, instead of expecting women to give up on caregiving.

          • See, I had the opposite happen. I had serious complications after delivery, so my DH spent the first 4-6 weeks as primary caregiver for our first. He changed every diaper, fed every bottle of formula or pumped milk, got up every night waking. And same kind of story, when I finally was able to be the one up in the middle of the night, she only calmed down if I was wearing his tshirt. Yes, devastating, but also a huge testament to the bonding power of those first few months. And we had a really rough learning curve as I tried to step into a caregiving role, and we tried to navigate splitting parenting duties.

            I will say, I think I had an easier time stepping in to the role than a guy would have. But again, hard to know if that’s nature or nuture, but I found people just naturally assumed I was the caregiver, so visitors handed a crying baby to me not him. Even our language – when baby had a dirty diaper, they almost always said “oh you need Mommy to change your diaper???” never daddy.

            Even people who try to split 50/50 don’t usually end up there. Almost always, the mom does way more like 75/25 (or 99/1 if he goes back to work after a week or two). I tend to agree with Betty – it takes HUGE effort to step outside of the established roles. What feels like 50/50 really often isn’t anywhere close to the true split.

          • EBMom says:

            Anon, that is really interesting. Thank you for sharing your experience. I had seen research that a woman’s chest smells the same as the baby’s amniotic fluid (seems like there is no way that dad could replicate that), but good to know that the baby could adapt to dad smell and recognize that smell as that of her primary caregiver. Very cool, although I’m sure that was a rough experience for you and your husband.

          • More than rough. Ours is much closer to a 50/50 split, but I feel like we had to go through a really awful and terrifying time to get there. It’s scary that is what it takes to get even close to a co-parent ideal.

            It’s funny, when I meet people now and say something like “Oh, I have no idea what the kids weigh, DH always takes them to the doctor, I don’t even know how often they need to go”, I get comments like “You are so lucky to have a husband who pitches in!”

            Even among the friends who say they co-parent, the mom is always the one who does all the emotional labor. It’s not splitting 50/50 for the mom to tell the dad to schedule Little Johnny’s 3 year old appt for either Mar 7 or Mar 15, any time after 5, because she knows dad will be home from work early on those days, and then tells her friends that dad is such a good partner. It’s splitting 50/50 when dad knows it’s needed, takes the initiative to schedule, rearranges his own work schedule, and takes the kid to it himself.

    • Anon in NOVA says:

      I’ve achieved coparenting. It involved getting a divorce and getting a new husband. It made me realize just how HARD it is to set those expectations when you go from married to married with kids (aka my first marriage). You really don’t know what it’s like/what help you’ll need until you’re in the trenches, and then it’s almost too late to have those discussions. But you can’t have those discussions on the front end when you don’t really grasp what parenting is like yet.
      When someone enters with the child already in the picture, it’s a lot easier to split 50/50. It’s a lot easier to go “here’s exactly what this involves and exactly the support I’ll need if you’re going to be a part of this”. It was really interesting to be able to have that conversation and set those expectations. But, as I pointed out above, I still don’t think it would have been possible with my first husband. I didn’t know what was/wasn’t important to me in a parenting partner until we were already parents.

  5. Legally Brunette says:

    Decorating question for the kids’ room. My son sleeps on a twin bed flushed to the side of a large blank wall. I don’t want to hang any pictures on there, in the off chance they fall on him while sleeping. But I don’t like having a large wall on there with nothing on it. Any suggestions for a large sticker decal I could put up there? 4 year old like trucks, Thomas, dinosaurs, astronomy. We have smaller peel off sticker art in my other son’s room over the changing station, but nothing large.

    Thanks for the feedback yesterday on DH’s snoring. Looks like many of us are in the same boat. :)

    • I had a giant wall map as a kid on the wall next to my bed. It was great and I learned all the world capitals.
      You could also get a photo mural ‘wallpaper’ or search for large decals on amazon.

      • Legally Brunette says:

        Ooo, I love that!! Great idea. :)

      • avocado says:

        We have a thick and shiny USA map from Land of Nod that’s mounted on a wall using removable sticky squares. It looks really nice and has held up well over time despite the fact that there’s no frame to protect it.

      • Anonymous says:

        Yup, we put up a huge world map decal in our son’s room and he loves it (he’s just a baby now but it will be staying up – took forever to hang that darn thing!). He loves looking at it when he’s just chilling in his crib and I love the idea that it will inspire a love of travel in the future.

        On a side note, there are lots of cool decals available, Blick makes some really cool ones for kids. Or just search on Etsy.

      • Rainbow Hair says:

        It’s making me smile how many of you have maps in your kids’ rooms. My girl has lots of maps and a few globes, and green and blue stuff (and rainbow toys because she’s a kid) and I find them the right amount of stimulating/interesting without being so busy that the room isn’t restful.

    • POSITA says:

      We hung pictures, but screwed through the frames into the studs and chose frames with acrylic instead of glass. They look great and she could literally climb them without getting hurt. It was easy to do with cheap Ikea frames.

      I think she would have picked at any sort of decal so we opted to go a different direction.

    • We used Fatheads https://www.fathead.com/

      We had classic Disney characters for a while, then replaces them with airplanes. Daughter had Hello Kitty, now has butterflies. I love them because they are safer & you can replace them easily as the kids’ interests changes without redecorating the whole room. Plain walls + neutral quilt combined with character sheets + stickers on the wall = no painting for years! We’ve never had any issues/damages removing them.

    • Anonymous says:

      We used decals from Trendypeasdecals on Etsy. They’ve held up well for a year and a half now (although they are not at touching height!).

    • Could you hang a tapestry or a cute quilt? We have hung a fancy baby quilt with a farm scene that was never actually used as a blanket.

    • Anonymous says:

      Hmmm I JUST bought a big picture to put in a frame above my kid’s bed in exactly this position. Is this a terrible idea?

      My other kid has a tapestry over his crib.

      • October says:

        I’m definitely a worrier when it comes to things falling off the walls when they sleep. I’ve heard that for babies in cribs you shouldn’t hang anything big on the wall (not a decal, not a decorative quilt) juuust in case it should fall and suffocate them. Depending on the age of the baby/ability to move around, I guess you could ignore… but I’m pretty risk-averse.

      • If you live in earthquake country, I wouldn’t hang a picture over the bed.

      • Anonymous says:

        I never thought twice about hanging stuff over the bed, and currently have 3 frames with actual glass in them I think. I don’t live in an earthquake area. If it isn’t too big and uses plexiglass, I can’t imagine it could seriously injure your child even if it did fall. My son is 4 though.

      • Anonymous says:

        11:35 poster here. The kid that would have the framed picture over his bed is 4. We live in Northern Virginia, which isn’t really earthquake country (except for that one time five years ago…!), but maybe I’ll use plexiglass in the frame. I hadn’t even thought of that!

        The tapestry over my 2-yo’s crib (well, sort of converted toddler bed) is nailed in with 4 nails, so I think we’re alright on that front :)

  6. Recommendations for chic, modern office supplies to replace old wicker baskets that are holding things such as paperclips and markers? My office has a large shared space, some of which can be seen by clients, and it just looks so bad, but I have lived with it so long I don’t know what looks good. This is petty but I appreciate some guidance!

    • Anonymous says:

      Container Store has some great options that aren’t wicker – and I think Ikea has cheaper options as well

    • Marilla says:

      Honestly, start with the dollar store! There’s a surprising amount of basic/semi-cute office supply stuff for about $3. Then check your equivalent of Winners/Marshalls – also a bunch of cute baskets, containers, file trays, etc.

    • Try target also! It has that one aisle with cute office stuff. Also, you might be able to get something at the dollar sport at target.

      • Anon in NOVA says:

        I laughed at “that one aisle with cute office stuff”. Only because I know exactly which one you’re talking about. Usually somewhat-randomly placed near the greeting cards and party supplies
        dollar spot in target is a good call, too

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