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This dress is pretty highly rated, with 16 reviews and 4 stars. Note that, like most of Ming Wang’s designs, it’s machine wash warm and tumble dry low (and it’s wrinkle-resistant, too). If you’re looking for a basic dress that feels more luxe than, say, a t-shirt dress from Old Navy, do consider this brand. This style is $275 at Nordstrom, online only. V-Neck Dress Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for washable clothes for work, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear. Psst: At least Carter’s President’s Day sale has started already, and it looks like Nordstrom has already started marking stuff down as well — any sales you have your eye on? (L-all)Sales of note for 3.28.24
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- Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off your full-price purchase; extra 50% off sale
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- Nordstrom: Give $150 in gift cards, earn a $25 promo card (ends 3/31)
- Talbots – 40% off 1 item; 25% off everything else
- Zappos – 37,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – 50% off entire site
- Hanna Andersson – 30% off all swim; up to 30% off HannaJams
- J.Crew Crewcuts – 40% off sitewide; 50% off select swim; 50% off kids’ styles
- Old Navy – 50% off Easter deals
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
HSAL says
Funny daycare Valentine follow-up: We took in signed cards (from a box) along with the cookies we signed up to bring for my daughter’s toddler class. Last night when I picked her up I felt terrible because she had actual treats from the other kids – a banana, a juice box, a little container of fruit. BUT THEN I realized that those items were what the other parents had brought in for the party. So I think daycare distributed the leftovers among the kids in the class, but wrote who brought it as the “from”. Same marker, handwriting too similar to have been three different parents. We got a baggie of the leftover cookies, so I’m hoping everyone else’s cookies said “From: Baby HSAL” on them. But man that was rough until I realized what was going on. Next year I want to be the jerk parent like CPA Lady. :)
avocado says
That is hilarious. I am picturing a banana with “From Susie” written on it in Sharpie. Why on earth would they feel a need to attribute the leftovers to their source?
EB0220 says
Oh Valentine’s day at daycare. This will make you laugh (or cry). My younger daughter’s class always has potlucks for holidays. We got an invite for a cookie party so I just assumed I was supposed to bring cookies. Despite being super busy on Monday night, we baked a batch of cookies. Then, in the rush on Tuesday morning I forgot them so went out and bought cookies from a local bakery. When I arrived at the party…umm…apparently we didn’t have to bring cookies after all. Hah. Oh well. Everyone enjoyed the cookies I bought, but I wish I’d saved myself the trouble!
Anon in NOVA says
Oh noooo! All that trouble! I’m sorry! I guess it’s better to have them and not need them than need them and not have them, right?
CPA Lady says
Do it!!! Be me next year. Take up the torch!
CPA toddler got a baggie full of those annie’s bunny crackers, a few little cards from a box, an eraser shaped like a bee “bee mine”, and a couple of lollipops. Do 2 year olds eat lollipops? This is one of those things where I’ve never thought to give to my kid and then I wonder if I am waaaaay too anxious and just need to chill. I don’t care about the sugar, I’m just thinking about her choking on it? One time when I was middle school-ish age I got a hard peppermint candy lodged in my throat. I could still breathe barely and just sort of had to wait for it to melt enough to go down, so that experience probably is coloring my thought process.
avocado says
No hard candy, including lollipops, at that age!
And congrats on the crafting win. I hope you took photos!
Famouscait says
My two year old also got about a half dozen lollipops yesterday, and I wondered the same thing. I think mama and daddy may have to take one for the team and consume them ourselves, for safety’s sake…
jlg says
no and this makes me crazy. please don’t buy my kid candy or choking hazards. how hard is it to pick something that is just a card?
CPA Lady says
Yep. The bee eraser was the perfect “lodge in the windpipe” size too.
NewMomAnon says
I often give out stickers or temporary tattoos for exactly that reason – not choking hazards, no dietary issues, and they go away quickly so nothing left hanging around the house.
I’m dreading what I might find in kiddo’s cubby today – last year, she wouldn’t allow the Valentines cards to be thrown away and slept with them every night for months. She would carefully take inventory every night, and freak out if one got lost. Her class is twice as big this year so….could be exciting times in my house.
Anon says
Yes to the stickers and tattoos. Target also has a valentines favors section right next to the Valentines where you can get age appropriate favors like sticker mustaches and mini-bubbles and a straw with a heart bent into it.
Please no with the dumdums for 1 year olds or the airheads and gum for 2 year olds.
ChiLaw says
Yeah the teacher whispered to me, “choking hazards in there” as we were packing up her Valentines. WHY? I hid everything besides the goldfish and a mini KitKat (for my husband to eat today)!
CPA Lady says
Also, while I’m complaining, who in the hell actually likes dum dums? Is that a food that people enjoy? Because to me it has always been the bummer of the candy world, second only to circus peanuts.
Famouscait says
Ha ha! I LOVE both Dum dums and Circus Peanuts!! Send me your rejects!!! ;)
CPA Lady says
And I say this as a person who loves black jelly beans, so I’m probably a bit of a candy freak.
rosie says
I actually like dum dums (or at least did at one point). I would get bored with larger sized lollipops and not finish them, so they were always the right amount of hard candy for me.
SC says
I like dum dums. I always take one for myself at the kids’ haircut place.
Anonymous says
My kid has a severe nut allergy and dum dums are nut free. He consumes a lot of them at bday parties since he cant eat the cake or other treats.
lucy stone says
We just did a card – but I commented on yesterday’s post that we got a duck like yours yesterday!
LegalMomma says
I was the parent who completely forgot. This is kiddos first official week in the toddler class but daycare had sent home a list of names (that I misplaced). Kiddo came home with a bag of valentines/treats from her classmates. Oops Some of them seem not okay for a 22 month old though – I.e dum dums and other lollipops. Am I crazy or are those a choking hazard?
EP-er says
We sent in little clementines with a tag that said “Orange you glad we’re friends!” because I <3 puns and am trying to instill that in the kids. And I think that the sugar haul on V-day is as bad as Halloween. Their party was a nacho bar? I sent in sliced strawberries. (This is pre-k.)
My children ADORE dum-dums! Seriously, favorite treat.
Lyssa says
I’m looking for more kid-friendly, EASY vegetables to feed my 1.5 year old. Our go-to veggie method has generally been to warm up frozen veggies with a little butter and salt as a general side-item for most meals. But my toddler just won’t eat most of them, including the orange veggies that I expect kids to like (carrots, sweet potatoes, squash), as well as green beans, greens, and cauliflower. (So much for my goal to never have picky kids!)
It’s pretty much been all peas, all the time for her, but I want her to have more variety than that. Any suggestions? I know that if we try to work in things that have to be cut up and cooked for a while or prepped ahead of time, it often just won’t happen, so I’m looking for things that can go right from the fridge/freezer to the pan with minimal cooking (like peas!).
RDC says
Just to say that our 2yo is also veggie-averse! And we have the same method (frozen -> microwave -> salt). He does eat the “mixed veggies” packs with corn, carrots, and peas… sometimes.
GCA says
Keep offering, and in the meantime, you can hide veggies in things like soup/ stew/ muffins. Zucchini-carrot muffins are amazing!
Have you tried broccoli, corn kernels, black and red beans, or chickpeas? Or other cooking methods (roasting, shredded raw carrots which my toddler will eat by the fistful, chopped-up napa cabbage sauteed with a little garlic and olive oil, bagged salads)?
avocado says
One my ultra-picky kid used to eat (until she realized what the green part actually was) is broccoli slaw and julienne carrots sauteed in a little butter with garlic, salt, and pepper. It has a very mild flavor and takes maybe 5 minutes. The different texture of the carrots may appeal even if your kid doesn’t ordinarily like carrots.
I have also had luck chopping spinach into thin ribbons and stirring it into pasta sauce (looks like basil, which she likes) and mixing pureed butternut squash into mac and cheese. I know some people are against mixing vegetables into other dishes because it’s “dishonest” and doesn’t teach the kid to appreciate the vegetable on its own, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Besides, what’s wrong with giving everyone some extra veggies when the opportunity arises? And it’s extra tasty for the adults, too!
Sarabeth says
I think the problem with disguising veggies comes if that’s the *only* way you offer them, so the kid doesn’t develop an expectation that (visible) veggies are part of a meal. If they are in addition to more visible veggies, I think it’s fine. And certainly, for some kids, the only way they will eat any vegetables for several years.
Closet Redux says
At our daycare they “hide” veggies this way but also serve the same veggie in its visible state on the side. So the kid gets, say, pureed broccoli in tomato sauce with a side of steamed broccoli. I like this idea as a compromise both to get the kid to eat the thing, but also to see it and try it on the side and help develop a taste for it.
Anonymous says
Your daycare sounds awesome.
Closet Redux says
Yes, they are awesome about food. I’ve gotten so many great ideas from them. I moved from a big city where we provided all the food for daycare to a small town where the daycare provides all the food. My kid eats much better now!
Butter says
I mix sweet potato or butternut squash puree into oatmeal, and we also buy these local giant veggie burgers likes to eat. Have you tried any bigger veggies? My kiddo likes to munch on long green beans, asparagus, and bigger stalks of broccoli – I think he likes to be able to hold it instead of just putting a smaller piece in his mouth.
Butter says
Also have a recipe for spinach cakes that I bust out every once in awhile from Eating Well. They freeze easy and are pretty yummy for kiddo and me alike.
Anon in NOVA says
I was a picky eater as a kid, and the only way I’d eat veggies is smothered in cheese sauce. This may not be what you’re looking for, but even as an adult that’s still the only way I’ll choke them down. Well, that or in stiry fry. The freezer section usually has broccoli etc. in cheese sauce you just have to microwave.
I know you’re probably hoping not to go that route, but I guess cheesy veggies are better than no veggies?
Pogo says
Or dips – does kiddo like dipping food into things? Ketchup, ranch dressing, cheesy sauce, sour cream? Not the most healthy, but even adults like broccoli or carrots better when dipped in ranch.
SC says
I’ve tried the dip thing with my toddler. Usually he just eats the dip by itself. If we put the dip on the vegetable, he’ll scrape off as much as he can and leave the vegetable.
Anon in NYC says
Have you tried corn? My daughter generally likes the peas + carrots + corn frozen veggie combo. Also, this is a really strange idea, but as a kid I used to love water chestnuts (so crunchy!). You can buy them in a can.
My daughter likes zucchini. I chop up a zucchini and then saute it with a little bit of onion/shallot + salt, and then right at the end I add in a bunch of lemon zest (or I’m sure you could just do some lemon juice). Total time, including chopping, is no more than 15 minutes. It keeps for a few days in the fridge, so I’ll pull it out and just put it on her plate or briefly microwave it.
Anon in NYC says
Oh – just thought of something else that we make for my daughter. We’ll take a bag or so of random frozen veggies (maybe like 1.5 bags) plus 1 can of chickpeas, and combine them in a pan with a smidge of oil and a tikka marsala simmer sauce. We’ll let it simmer until the veggies are cooked through – maybe 10-15 minutes – and my daughter loves it. I’ve definitely seen the simmer sauce at Trader Joe’s, although you might be able to find something very similar in any international aisle of a grocery store.
Anon in NOVA says
I’ve had decent luck with recipes from weelicious. The tone of the cook book was a bit… annoying.. but the recipes were actually great. You could try some stuff off the website to see what you think.
CLMom says
My 15 month old is just starting to reject certain veggies (pick up, taste, remove from mouth, put on floor). So far I’ve had good luck with frittatas for dinner. Last night was full of spinach. She picked around some of the bigger pieces, but at least got some veggies willingly.
AwayEmily says
If she likes sour/tart tasting things, what about broccoli with LOTS of lemon juice on it? My daughter eats enormous amounts of that. It doesn’t really taste like broccoli.
Anonymama says
Or vinegar? My kids eat veggies but also like with roasted with a bit of balsamic vinegar, olive oil, and salt, or just tossed with some salad dressing (vinaigrette or Chinese chicken salad dressing)
jlg says
roasted everything. even works with frozen stuff (at least for broccoli). roasted string beans require almost no prep (toss with olive oil, S&P, throw on sheet tray) and cook in around 15 min without much watching. they come out like green french fries. for broccoli, sometimes i sprinkle some parmesan on it to add flavor.
mascot says
My personal philosophy is/was that fruits (which my kid loves) have vitamins and minerals too. We found very few fruits that he didn’t like and focused on things like berries and whatever fresh fruit was in season. We focused on whole fruit rather than purees and juice. Add a multi-vitamin a couple of times a week and I figured that we had the nutritional aspect covered. I didn’t want to make veggies a battle. Obviously, exposure to vegetables is important so we experimented with all sorts of flavors and textures and presentations. Some were preferences were short lived (asparagus and Brussels sprouts), for others he preferred the raw veggie over the cooked. At 6, his favorite veggies are celery sticks, salad, cherry tomatoes, edamame, and roasted broccoli. Go figure.
PhilanthropyGirl says
This is what we’ve done with my veggie averse toddler. He eats tons of fruit and gets a multi. And he has vegetables on his plate every meal: basically whatever we’re having he is offered. He’s at the point he will sometimes… chew it…. before throwing it on the floor.
I occasionally hide veggies – veggie pasta has been my most successful hide. I sometimes keep those veggie/fruit pouches on hand for snacks, and those have been more welcome.
As an infant he ate veggie purees, but toddlerhood has turned him into a picky eater.
AnonMN says
We keep the Dr Praegers veggie cakes in the freezer to serve atleast once per week, as they are the only veggies my 3yo will eat. They even come in Dinosaur shapes, ha. Unfortunately, our local grocery store and Target’s stoped carrying them, so it requires a special trip to whole foods, but we just stock up while we are there.
We are also an unashamed pouch family. Apple + Spinach, and we call the veggie good for a serving.
Anon says
You must live in my house. Dr Praegers and pouches, with an occasional steamer bag of veggies (with some kind of sauce or dip). We aim for either a fruit or veggies with every meal, so we rotate through those three all week long.
K. says
My two year old daughter loves broccoli with some soy sauce and brussels sprouts shredded and cooked with bacon. We also roast sweet potatoes and carrots and she loves those. It has taken her a long time to like salad and still that is iffy. Last night she had some avocado and cucumber. She loves cherry tomatoes cut in half. She is obviously a pretty adventurous eater, but we also just keep serving it to her and she eventually tries it and likes it.
Anon in NYC says
Oh I forgot about tomatoes – my kiddo loves grape tomatoes cut in half or quarters. I just have to be careful with the amount that she eats because too many tomatoes appears to give her some diaper rash.
Kim says
It sounds like you’re making a meal just for toddler? I felt in a rut too, so quit giving my kid her own meal at 18 months, she eats whatever we eat. I tend to make one-pot meals, so if nothing else I throw in a handful of spinach. And remember that spaghetti sauce is tomatoes! Well, that’s a fruit, but, it’s something!
shortperson says
i never liked vegetables as a kid, and later realized it’s because i just dont like vegetables steamed in the microwave which is how my mother made all vegetables. roasting vegetables takes time but little effort and we roast almost everything.
we also bring toddler to the farmers market every weekend and generally buy what she requests. she often likes to hang onto the raw vegetables she picks and take bites. she’s not a huge vegetable eater but i’m optimistic that taking bites and being willing to try things is good enough for now.
she also likes soups so we make the boxed trader joes vegetable soups sometimes. bringing up bebe swears by vegetable purees even for non babies.
ChiLaw says
Oh yay! I get to promote my favorite kid recipe! Wholesome Baby Food (dot com)’s Broccoli & Cheddar Cheese Nuggets recipe is great! We sort of make them pancake shaped. Oh man so delicious. Also we do roasted carrots rolled in some cumin. Nomnomnom.
In House Lobbyist says
We cook them in chicken broth and a little butter. The kids mostly eat them so I guess it works. I also hide it in anything and my 3 year old will eat anything dipped in ketchup.
Anonymama says
Try stir-frying the frozen veggies with some teriyaki sauce? Or roasting. Or sauté with lemon, salt, and maybe a bit of honey.
GCA says
Brief rant/ whinge: why are all the mommy & me classes on weekdays?
I was scouting around for something to do during our Presidents Day daycare closure, and noticed that at least one play space has, as its only weekend class, a ‘dad & me’ class. I resent that. Eff this. Husband also thinks it’s daft and that they’re throwing away potential $$$$$…
anne-on says
That’s ridiculous. A LOT of the indoor gyms by us have oodles of weekend classes because the outdoor play options in the winter in the Northeast are quite limited. But the ‘enrichment’ type classes were ALL during the weekdays, which drove me batty!
GCA says
Yeah, that’s where I am too. Science-fun classes, messy-toddler-art classes, music-and-dance classes…they’re all on weekdays. Grr.
TK says
I’d go to the Daddy and Me class. F that.
I would also drop a line to the owner of the gym and explain why their schedule is stupid.
Em says
+1 I did this with a Mommy Fitness class in my area.
Closet Redux says
Did it work? I did this last year and was told that there just wasnt enough interest.
Em says
No, it didn’t. I know a few people who go and I think the business is fine targeting the SAHM crowd. In my email I pointed out that almost all of their classes were not accessible to women who worked regular business hours (they had two on weeknights at 5:15 and two weekend classes), and that if they wanted to reach that audience, they may want to consider adding some later evening or more weekend classes. The owner emailed me back that they were adding a bunch of new class times shortly. That was 18 months ago and they have since removed one of the evening classes.
GCA says
We can’t be the only frustrated parents out there…
Closet Redux says
I feel like the only way to get something like this changed would be to go to the owner with a ready-made class. Maybe some parents at your kids’ daycare would commit to going if the class were offered on the weekend/ evening? Otherwise it seems easier for the owner not to risk it. She thinks she need not offer weekend classes because no one is interested, but if you could show interest and prove her wrong…
RDC says
For those who have 2 close in age – could you tell me about your bedtime routine? Baby RDC is only a month, so we’re not really there yet, but I can’t figure out even in the abstract how you’re supposed to get two kids down roughly at the same time. Big brother is 26 months and we start the bedtime routine/ordeal around 7:00 to have him in bed around 7:30. Ideally the baby could go down a bit earlier, closer to 7, and eventually they’ll share a room. How does that work??? If we put the baby down first, I fear the toddler will wake her; I also have (perhaps totally impossible) dreams of us eventually reading their bedtime stories together. Oh, and the baby is nursing to sleep so that needs to come last (after book reading, etc) How do you manage it?
Anonymous says
Baby goes to bed first, then toddler about 15 minutes later, once baby is more or less asleep. Mine are 2 and 4 now, and they more or less read books with me together at night, when they are not wrestling around the bed. This obviously gets easier once baby is not nursing to sleep. Also, obviously again, having 2 parents per 2 kids makes it easier. When I’m by myself, the oldest sits and reads a book on my bed (in theory) while I put the younger one down. Lately they’ve started going to bed at the same time, which was working alright, but now there is the whole new challenge of them riling each other up and chatting rather than falling asleep….
JTX says
I have 2 kids that are 2 years apart. They are now 18 months and 3.5 years and share a room. Right now we have staggered bedtimes: the younger one goes down around 7:30, and the older one goes down around 8:30. I give the younger one a bath around 7:00 and then read to him until his bedtime at 7:30, while my husband plays with the older one. Up until a month or so ago, that bedtime routine also included nursing. Then, I give the older one a bath and we read books on my bed until his bedtime at 8:30. We creep into the nursery without turning on any lights, and I rub his back in bed for a few minutes while he (silently) settles in.
Are you doing bedtime solo, or with a partner? I have covered bedtime solo a few times and it did not go very well, but my kids are both terrible sleepers and the younger one fights bedtime HARD. When I am doing it solo, I give both kids a bath around 7:00 and then the three of us read in the nursery until 7:30, when I put my youngest down. The older one and I then go read books in my room. Unfortunately, this results in some crying by the younger one when he is left alone in the nursery, but it’s unavoidable. And if we did this method every day, I’m sure he’d eventually stop crying.
You will probably notice your older child’s bedtime creeping later and later until he finally gives up his nap somewhere in the 3+ range. The younger one’s bedtime will also creep later as his or her naps consolidate. We had to reevaluate and tinker with the bedtime routine every few months to make it work.
You mentioned being worried that the toddler would wake up the baby. That was a HUGE problem for us, and my older son thought it was hilarious because it got a big reaction from us. This is probably terrible, but we used a sticker chart to get him to go to bed quietly. If he went to bed without a fuss, and stayed quiet and in his bed (except to use the bathroom), he got a sticker in the morning. When the sticker chart was full, he got a small present. I know that’s basically bribing your kid, but we were desperate. And it worked.
We are hoping that once our older kid drops his nap, we can do a joint bedtime routine with the same bedtime for both kids. The shared room has been tough for us, but as I said before, my kids are terrible sleepers. I will say you will be surprised what your older child will sleep through. My younger child still wakes at night and it usually doesn’t wake up the toddler. If it does, he sometimes comes and crawls in bed with us. Recently they have been waking up around the same time and talking and laughing with each other before I go get them out of their room, which is just adorable. I think it gets easier and easier as the kids get older (or I hope it does!).
RDC says
Usually with husband (in fact, usually he does bath/teeth/pjs and I just do bedtime stories at the end) but also curious how to manage with 1 parent for the occasional night when I want to go out w friends or he’s traveling.
AnonMN says
Typically we divide them up, and I do 1yo (nurses to sleep), then 30 minutes later, my husband puts the 3yo down. Both in the same room, but we have never had an issue with either waking the other up (even with loud nigh wakings, potty breaks, etc). Maybe we just got lucky in that department, but we also waited until 9-10 months to move 1yo into his brother’s room.
For solo nights, I set 3yo up with activity (lego building, train building, reading, etc) and tell him that I am putting 1yo to bed so I need him to be quiet and not come to the room unless he can not talk. We have had a few times where he comes in and is disruptive, but I let him know that if he can’t be silent, I am closing the door. It generally works, and our baby sitter does it as well.
I like having 3yos bed time slightly delayed, as it gives us atleast a few minutes of 1-1 time with him.
I’d also like to note, that it was just really hard until 1yo had a consistent bedtime w/ routine (around 9/10 months cause we’re not sleep trainers/too lazy to do anything about sleeping, ha). Sometimes I would nurse 1yo while reading to 3yo if I was attempting solo bedtime. We just kind of winged it until it seemed like 1yo was ready for more consistency. So all of that to say, it does get much much easier with older ages for both kids.
PEN says
in the next 3 months: kids are going to start sharing a room (au pair moving in) and I have no clue how it will ever work (and both currently sleep through the night).
at this point (3yo & 1.5yo): Separate rooms. dinner @615, then bath for both. Youngest does bedtime at 7. Usually one parent does it. If other parent isn’t home, oldest sits on couch outside youngest’s room and reads a book or plays quietly. In the past, has also gotten to watch Daniel Tiger 1/2 episode. Whatever to keep him quiet and safe. Oldest does bedtime at 730 and is usually asleep by 8. Both sleep until 645 am or so.
When the youngest was a newborn: We tried to keep consistency for the oldest and just did the newborn’s bedtime around him. I am big in to “bedtime routines” so we would make the newborn’s “bedtime” the first sleep after the oldest went to bed, which was 7:15 pm at that point. They were always in separate rooms and we did separate bedtimes.
Anon says
Mine are 1.5 and 3.5. They go to bed at the same time in the same room. Starting at 7: Bath, pajamas, teeth, diaper/potty, books in the room, short routine with song and prayer, then lights out around 8. They’re allowed to “read” or talk together quietly but must stay in their beds, and if one is tired, the other needs to let them sleep. (Which I repeat every night as a rule. “D, if S gets tired, you need to lay down and be quiet. Okay? (okay) S, if D gets tired, you need to lay down and be quiet. Okay? (okay) Good night, sleep sweet, kids!”)
This only started working well when my youngest turned 15 months and could understand the routine. They do stay up and talk together most nights, so they’re not asleep until closer to 830. But they stay in their room all night long and are MUCH better about not waking in the night, so I consider it a fair trade-off.
Kim says
Ages 21mo and 4.5. We do bedtime routine at the same time at about 7PM. Then 4yo gets in her bed, conks out almost immediately (sometime before 8PM). The baby…cannot stay in her darn bed, and will scream up a storm, which, after 10 minutes of screaming wakes up older child. So now she leaves the room and plays until about 830. She’s in a low bunk; she never would sleep in her crib in the first place, so that wouldn’t solve anything. So…I have no idea what to do. Oh and baby only wants Daddy at that point, so I’m off the hook but…still not ideal!
In House Lobbyist says
Mine are 3 years apart and are currently 6 and 3. We started them sleeping in the same room when baby was 10 months or so. We have mostly done bedtime together from that age – baths (if needed), play, books, and songs. For the most part both kids sleep well together and are pretty deep sleepers. Just last night, the older one threw up twice – so two trips to the bathroom ; two teeth brushes; crying; 1 sheet change; and pj change and move to my room. The 3 year old never woke up! They sleep through nighttime coughing fits, talking in their sleep and one crying out for mama. I think it has been great for the little one – she is a more “willful” child than my oldest and he is a good example for her about going to sleep. Also, he takes good care of her and would help find her pacifier or stuffed animal if she lost it. The baby started in a crib, moved to the toddler bed around 1.5 when big brother got bunkbeds and she is now on the top bunk. Sorry I don’t have more advice other than to just do it. I do have to go in more often than I would like with the little one to keep her from screaming her head off and waking up her brother. She tends to be dramatic and everything can turn into a meltdown so I have to head them off at bedtime to keep her quiet. But it is so sweet when you hear them snuggling and talking in the mornings.
Anonymous says
Little baby: Change baby. Hold baby or put baby on floor as you get older sibling ready. Hold baby as you read books (I highly recommend a loveseat in the shared/older room so that you can read in their room). Tuck in older and turn off light. Nurse baby to sleep while singing or sitting with older.
Older baby: Give baby pre-bed snack and change them while older gets on pjs to best of their ability. Otherwise mostly the same.
Totally Spent says
Please let me cry/vent since no one understands in real life. I am the only one of my friends except 1 who works and has kids.
8 months pregnant with a toddler. Working full-time and trying to get things in place for maternity leave while being out for doctor’s appointments all the time. Husband’s childless best friend is getting married in 3 weeks, which is a wonderful and happy event. However, every weekend until then involves a wedding type of event involving either me or husband or both. Have to get my bridesmaid dress ($) that I will never wear again altered ($). Have to buy shoes for the wedding ($) that I will never wear again. Have to be away from my kid the whole wedding weekend bc it’s no kids (which is fine, but it’s one of the last weekends we will have as a family of 3). To top it off, kid was just diagnosed with a severe food allergy after a recent ER visit and we have to go to numerous dr appts and carry an epipen ($$$$$) at all times. I am beginning to let it sink in that kid could have a possibly fatal reaction in the future. I break into tears even thinking about that yet but am trying to tell myself that it is a blessing that many others also have the same food allergy and there is some awareness about it.
I just can’t deal with it. It’s all too much and I feel like I have nothing left for this new baby. I have already scheduled two days of vacation in the next few weeks but need to save time for my maternity leave. As happy as I am for our friend, I don’t want to be in this wedding or give up every weekend for them. I just want to go home and rest. I feel totally empty. Thanks for letting me vent – I know you ladies understand.
Betty says
Oof. That is a lot to handle for anyone, let alone being 8 months pregnant! I haven’t been in your exact shoes, but I’ve been handed a fair share of overwhelming stuff in the last year. My advice is to be very gentle with yourself. You are rocking all of this, even if it feels like you are barely keeping your head above water. I know this is easier said than done, but this is not the time to do long-term planning or what-ifs. Take each day and event as it comes your way, and do no more than what must absolutely be done. Hang in there!
Anonymous says
This makes me exhausted and overwhelmed just to read about. Can you just lie and tell them your doc told you that you need to rest and that you can’t do the weekend stuff anymore? Or, just tell them the truth and say you are overwhelmed and need to spend some time resting and spending time with your kid and saving your strength? I’ve pulled the latter a couple times in the past few years because I have frankly been overwhelmed, and nobody has ever stopped being my friend because of it. If ever there were a time to bail on non-essential events, I’d say you have a pass, even if you feel like a flake. You could still go to the wedding but bail on the extra parts?
Either way, you’ve got this. I don’t know you but I’m sure given that you are pregnant with a toddler and working full time that you’ve felt completely spent before and powered through — you’ll do it again.
avocado says
Internet hugs. Is this wedding local, or will you be traveling?
I can’t imagine that anyone would fault you if you decided to stay home. The wife of one of my husband’s closest friends was something like 7 months pregnant when we got married, and my husband was not at all put out that she stayed home and his friend came alone. In fact, he was surprised that his friend came at all.
lsw says
What can you cancel for yourself about the wedding? Reading your paragraph it looks like it’s your husband’s best friend – not yours – how do you feel about bowing out of everything except the wedding weekend itself? Have your husband go to bat for you. Feign illness. Say your doctor has grounded you. Whatever it takes. A wedding is a day, not a month. You’re giving them a weekend.
How can your husband help with your son’s doctor appointments? (Knowing full well he can’t help you with your late-pregnancy ones…I remember being very annoyed by that, ha)
Take your vacation days now – are you saving them for maternity leave for $$ purposes? If so, have an honest talk with yourself/your husband about how much a few days will cost you and if it’s worth it for you to take it now. (I am on team Worth It, if that’s not obvious.)
At the very least, this will all be over SOON and you will have your new baby and you will give him or her all that she needs. You’re doing a lot for your husband and his best friend right now so that really gives him a great opportunity to pay you back helping out extra when the baby is born.
Internet hugs to you.
(Lastly, can you return the dress and not be in the wedding? Say your doctor told you you need to sit down or something.)
anne-on says
Oof. I echo the advice to try to sit out on some of these events, it is your husband’s friend and you are SUPER pregnant, so you totally get a pass.
Regarding the allergies – I totally understand. I absolutely freaked out when our son was diagnosed with allergies because I was just so so scared he’d accidentally ingest something he was allergic to (because hello, kids stick things in their mouths all.the.time). A few pieces of advice – mentally prepare yourself to have to travel with your own food/check labels. It is hard, it is draining, but it is doable. Do not be shy about bringing ‘safe’ food to restaurants for your kid. I wanted our kiddo to eat out with us but I wasn’t willing to risk contamination, and once I noted it to the waiter they never once gave us a hard time.
If your allergist allows it, I’d highly suggest doing the allergen blood AND skin test. Knowing just how allergic he was made me feel like I had more information. Ditto on trying to get your allergist to do ingestion testing early if the blood tests indicate you’re within the baseline. Knowing that he could eat 1/4 cup of straight dairy before reacting (when he was smaller) made me relax quite a bit – one random goldfish eaten off the floor would not trigger him!
Finally – find your tribe, and don’t worry about cutting out people who do not respect or minimize allergies. It can be scary and life threatening, and I do not put up with the ‘but why can’t my kid have a peanut butter sandwich at school! whiners’. A child’s life is more important than your child being inconvenienced for one meal, and if you can’t see that I don’t want to be around you.
Pogo says
As a former kid with a nut allergy, I give you all full permission to go Mama Bear on anyone who tries to downplay the seriousness. I’m glad there’s so much more awareness now – as a kiddo my parents just had to drill into me I could never eat cookies/other treats at school parties, could never eat someone else’s snack, etc.
GCA says
Agree with this (plus all of the wedding advice)! Son is allergic to peanuts; we carry epi-pens and Benadryl around. I don’t put up with people who try to minimize allergies, either.
Betty says
Absolutely. My son has Celiac’s (in addition to Crohn’s) so we get the eye roll when we pester about cross-contamination in restaurants and other places. I’ve learned to ignore those who don’t get it, think we are doing it as the latest fad, or being dramatic. While ingesting gluten will not endanger my son’s life in the moment, it will cause him to have massive diarrhea, be sick for a week, potentially land him in the hospital, and increase his chances of getting cancer. Do what you need to do, and don’t bat an eye at those who question. Or go mama bear on them. Depends on the moment.
Kim says
Skip the wedding!!!!!!
I was allergic to nuts for during pregnancies and nursing. Feed kiddo before you leave the house, always pack lunches and snacks, wash hands upon coming home (water not hand sanitizer). Most schools are super aware of policies, and many parents ask about allergies when hosting birthday parties. I know epi pens cost a lot, but keep many around – one permanently stays in kiddo’s school bag, one in your purse, one in each car, one at school. Benadryl around too. I had a few rules that cut out the majority of the likely contact, e.g. no Asian restaurants, no salads, no desserts/candies, since those frequently contain nuts or have cross-contamination. Figure out what style of restaurant or snack food that’s easy to find in stores that are okay for the allergy (for me it was TexMex). You’ll save enough on not going to restaurants that it will pay for the epi pens many times over ;)
Anon in NOVA says
OMG you’re actually IN the wedding?? Jeeeez that’s… a lot. I’m sorry.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with saying that you’re super pregnant (because you are) and that you need to rest some before the wedding, so only husband will be attending the events. Honestly, I’m not pregnant and have a school-aged child and would probably bail on some of the events myself. That’s a lot of childcare you’re having to arrange for the toddler!
Closet Redux says
Could you float the idea to the bride about bowing out of the wedding? I’m guessing she probably asked you to be a bridesmaid before you were pregnant. It’s possible she has thought about telling you that you don’t HAVE to be in the wedding since you’ll be so pregnant but doesn’t want to hurt your feelings by thinking she doesn’t WANT you in the wedding while you’re so pregnant. It could be a win-win.
TK says
Oh man. In this situation I would totally pretend my doctor told me I couldn’t attend the wedding. I’d use that weekend for some special mommy and me time with the toddler.
Anon says
I’d go even farther and ask my doctor at one of my 1000 appts to put me on modified bed rest. (Usually means you can drive yourself to work, or take a train if you don’t walk much at either end, and then come straight home, but no other moving from the couch.) Then you get a pass to stay home and breath.
Also, you are a rockstar for even considering standing up in a wedding at 39 weeks pregnant. I want to cry on your behalf. I was in a wedding for my sister at 4 weeks postpartum and had to skip basically everything but the actual ceremony at the church. I don’t know how I would have done it at 39 weeks.
lsw says
Agree!!
Anonymous says
Hugs. Bow out of the wedding events that you think you can’t handle. Get put on modified bed rest if needed.
Food allergies can be scary but they are manageable. Our oldest has fish/egg/dairy/peanut and we still manage international travel (Mexico, Italy, Germany, Canada) and have routines down for birthday parties/Halloween etc. It’s scary but doable. Peanut is the easiest by far because everyone knows about it and takes it seriously. I lurk here a fair bit so don’t hesitate to post if you have any questions about tactics/strategies to manage.
If you need permission to focus on taking care of yourself first, this is it. It’s okay to do that. No guilt.
Swim Lessons says
Thinking about registering my baby son for “swim” lessons! He’ll be 6 months at the end of April, and I’m in DC- any suggestions for DC or NOVA? Thanks! I just loved swimming growing up, and we go to the beach a lot, and I’m so excited to introduce him!
Legally Brunette says
We take our kids to Ann’s Aquatics in Friendship Heights on weekends. Ann has been a DC swim instructor for decades and is so good with the kids. The pool is very clean and WARM (which I find to be very rare). Highly recommend.
I know they also do swim lessons at Wilson public pool and the JCC.
http://www.annsaquatics.com/
mascot says
My friend in the area used someone with the Infant Swim Resources program with her kids and loved it. It’s pretty time intensive though. For something less structured, see if any aquatic centers or rec centers have parent/child swim classes.
Oh, you didn’t ask this, but something I realized with littles at the beach. Buy the brightest rash guard/suits you can find for the beach. Especially on the Atlantic, dark colored rash guards are really hard to see when they go underwater. My kid may look like a highlighter on legs, but at least I can see him in the waves.
In House Lobbyist says
The infant swim rescue is amazing if you can find it. We did it with both kids and it still makes me cry thinking about it. We did 15 minutes lessons for 4 days for two weeks so yes it was time intensive for two weeks. Our teacher lost a child at 3 because of drowning so this is her life’s work. Drowning is the leading cause of death for children under 4. The ISR teaches them to roll over and float to rest and the “test” is done in full clothes, including shoes. And yes, I dress my kids in bright colored clothes anytime we head to a big event too and it makes a huge difference.
POSITA says
The JCC has great baby swim classes.
JEB says
We took classes through Alexandria City at a Rec Center on King Street.
Swim Lessons says
Thanks all! I think we’re going to try for the JCC. Also really appreciate the point about bright colored suits.
Legally Brunette says
I feel like the biggest idiot….kids want pancakes. I go to the store and buy a pancake mix and attempt to make them this morning. They stuck to two different pans (stainless steel and iron griddle). I oiled both of them generously. Do only non-sticks work in this case? Can someone recommend a good pancake pan preferably through Prime?
anne-on says
We just use cast iron with A LOT of butter. I think the trick is letting them get well set on the bottom before you try to flip them. I did just get my husband an electric griddle so he can do more pancakes at once, I just went with the highest reviewed one under $50 on amazon.
Sarabeth says
We use cast iron pans for our pancakes, with generous buttering in between each pancake. Never had a problem with sticking. Maybe try a different recipe?
Legally Brunette says
Thanks! This issue has actually come up with several recipes (both homemade and a mix from the store). Maybe my cast iron pan is defective….
lsw says
I prefer nonstick for the ease with pancakes! I have a Caphalon pancake pan that is the absolute best. (11 inch square)
Pogo says
We have that one, too.
Closet Redux says
Agree on nonstick for pancakes. My husband read recently some chef say that the only thing you should use nonsticks for is pancakes and eggs (and always with pancakes and eggs).
Kim says
More butter. I seriously hate my small cast iron; it’s new and it barely seasons so everything sticks unless you throw in a stick of butter. I like my big one, which was my mother’s. Ensure you wipe it out, don’t use soap or else you have to re-season. We just bought one of those stainless steel coated with ceramic, and love it. $20 at CVS in the As-Seen-On-TV section.
PhilanthropyGirl says
I have a cast iron griddle that sits over two burners on my stovetop. Is is perfect for pancakes, and replaced my electric griddle. Make sure it’s well seasoned and then use plenty of butter.
PEN says
do you make sure all the bubbles are popped before flipping? My husband taught me this and it has solved all my pancake sticking problems.
EBMom says
This. If the bubbles on top don’t stay open, the pancakes are not ready to flip yet. The recipes never have the timing right, so I have to rely on this trick.
H says
We use the Cuisinart Griddler for pancakes. It has nonstick pans that we never have to put butter on for cooking anything.
Anon in NOVA says
grease the spatula too. A lot of ruined pancakes are because they are sticking to the spatula, not the pan, if that makes sense.
shortperson says
if you have the kitchen space a griddle that you plug in separately is the best for pancakes. we have an all-clad one. it’s amazing. and toddler is obsessed with pancakes so we use it enough to justify. we actually got it for our wedding and rarely used it until this year but it’s been great.
AwayEmily says
Also make sure the butter is heated up really well before you add the batter.
JTX says
If your kid is into it, we use a mickey shaped waffle maker that never sticks and is basically fool-proof. I believe this is the one we have, which makes smooth mickey waffles that are basically pancakes: https://www.amazon.com/Disney-DCM-1-Classic-Brushed-Stainless/dp/B005PO9UUC/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1487183565&sr=8-3&keywords=mickey+waffle+maker.
anon says
I can only do this kind of thing in nonstick. Even old scratched nonstick works better for me than cast iron.
Anonymous says
With cas iron technique matters too… e sure it’s totally warmed up before you add cold butter then let the butter melt before you add mix.
Anonymous says
Looking for some breakfast inspiration. We typically have been eating yogurt with berries and granola, but my youngest decided he doesn’t want yogurt. So he eats berries and granola with a glass of milk, which is okay but probably not so great in terms of getting protein and fat into his body to start the day. I also am trying to think of ways to cut sugar (not that much in the granola, but still). I tried chia pudding — my oldest liked it but it’s been a no-go for my 2-year-old. Maybe scrambled eggs are the answer. I have shied away from cooking in the morning because I’m afraid it will take forever, but scrambled eggs really only take like 1 minute of active time, right? Other ideas? At one point I got it together to do mini egg bakes and the like ahead of time, maybe I’ll try that again…?
shortperson says
multigrain frozen waffles, toasted, with lots of peanut butter are our new standby. not the purest health food but i’m satisfied that she’s getting so much PB in her.
Anonymous says
he eats berries and granola with a glass of milk – this sounds great. Try full fat milk if you want him to get enough fat. Other easy options are avocado slices or sliced hardboiled egg (could make the night before)
Anonymous says
adding that you can also throw some hemp hearts in with the granola for added fat and protein
CHJ says
Have you tried making your own granola? You can make it loaded with nuts, so at least he’ll be getting protein and fat from the nuts. I’ll post my favorite recipe in a sec.
CHJ says
Here’s the recipe. You can use any nut (pecans are really good) and liberally increase the amount of nuts if you want more. You can also use less sugar if you want, although it’s really delicious as is.
http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/member/views/almond-granola-with-dried-fruit-52969321
H says
My 2 year old loves scrambled eggs. And we can sneak in spinach too.
Em says
I make big batches of pancakes and freeze them. I put some sort of fruits or veggies in them (apple/pear sauce, pureed sweet potato, grated carrots/zucchini, banana, blueberries, etc.) and yogurt for protein. I usually don’t add any sugar since the fruit adds enough sweetness.
AnonMN says
boiled eggs? That is our solution to needing protein in the morning. We’re just not enough of morning people to muster up the mental and physical energy to actually cook something in the morning. While we are cooking a weekend dinner (or sometimes weeknight) I cook up some boiled eggs to keep in the fridge for the week. You can also buy them pre-boiled at most stores. I did this when I was first back to work after my second and just couldn’t add another thing to the list.
anon says
we do dry cereal (cheerios, kix, etc) with a cup of milk, cut up fruit, and peanut butter eaten with a spoon. PB is key for fat and protein; milk also has a lot of protein.
Two Cents says
Here are some easy ideas for protein/fat that work well for us:
– Several spoons of peanut butter/almond butter
– small bowl of hummus (either by itself or you can give some pita in half for kid to scoop with)
– avocado slices with sea salt
– eggs prepared any style
avocado says
Coffee cup scrambled eggs!
http://www.incredibleegg.org/recipe/microwave-coffee-cup-scramble/
Frozen Peach says
So I’ve been reading the book by the author of the blog AndthenweSaved, and it’s inspired me.
A spending fast is too drastic for my life circumstances, but I have come up with an alternative idea that I’m actually really dorkily excited about.
I’m not allowed to shop for anything in any “fun” category until I have used ALL of what I currently have in that category.
So no new fun fragrances until the cabinet of half-used bottles is empty!
No more hair or skin products until I have used up all of the ones I have stashed in my bathroom cabinet!
No more books until I’ve winnowed down my backlog significantly!
No more clothes until I’ve completely purged my closet and identified what I *truly* need when I’m not sorting through tons of stuff I never wear to find the 5 items I do!
No more new makeup until I’ve used all of what I’ve got in that product (mascara, lipstick, etc).
This is going to be really hard, but I’ve realized that I’ve gotten hooked on the thrill of spending online. The new administration has me reflecting on what would happen if we had to pick up and go and generally reevaluating my priorities.
Has anyone done something similar? Not a total spending fast, but a “no more new until the old is used up”? I’m great for this with stuff like shampoo. Not so for more fun things.
Would love ideas, tips, commiseration, etc. Not sharing with anyone in real life because I don’t want to be policed, but I would love the accountability of sharing with you!
This morning I had great fun layering several old perfumes I hadn’t worn in years, including one that I’m 99% sure dates back to 1998 (The Healing Garden Gingerlily Therapy).
Anonymous says
Except maybe throw away old makeup after a while, even if you haven’t used it all up. It starts to get sort of bacteria-infested after a while.
avocado says
I have been doing this with books, makeup, and toiletries for years. I have recently been moving in this direction with food too, which is more difficult because the stores frequently tend to run out of my favorite items, which screws up my carefully planned menus when I get to Trader Joe’s and find out that they are out of enchilada sauce. I have also tried to institute this rule with craft and hobby supplies–no more buying supplies for a project until the last one is finished.
I am having a harder time with clothes. I recently did a modified KonMari purge, and I’ve always made lists of items I really need and stalked sales. The problem is that I can never find the exact perfect high-quality item that fits right and coordinates with everything else in my closet. For business formal I’ve mostly solved problem by buying a bunch of M.M. LaFleur dresses and a jardigan, and in the summer my in-office uniform is t-shirt dresses and a fatigue jacket or jean jacket (we are on the very casual end of business casual in the office and business formal on the road). But for the rest of the year I have a bunch of pants and skirts and a few blazers but no good tops to wear with them. I need to do a more rigorous purge or find a new source for tops or something.
I am also trying to cut back on clothing purchases for the kid, especially buying ahead in the next size. Her preferences change on a regular basis. This summer she was demanding jeggings and cute tops and knit dresses with defined waists. Now all she will actually wear is Zella leggings and cute workout tops or baggy t-shirts from her sporting events.
It is an ongoing process. Part of my inspiration is the fact that our house has teeny tiny closets and a small kitchen, and I would rather have less stuff than buy a bigger house that I’d have to keep clean. I would also like to save even more money, but at this point I think I’ve squeezed just about all I can out of our budget this way except maybe in the realm of clothing. I also like the idea of being able to pick up and go easily–not just in the worst-case scenario, but even if we just got sick of living here and wanted a change of pace.
anne-on says
FYI – I really like both Brooks Borthers for ‘formal’ blouses, and Boden/Ann Taylor Loft/JCrew Outlet for ‘fun’ (but still nice) blouses. Or, you could just buy 2-3 ravello tops at Boden, and 2-3 merino wool shells/sweaters at Brooks Brothers and call it a day.
My personal rule is solids/neutrals on the bottom and colors/patterns on top. I tend to stick to grey/navy/green for bottoms and then purples/lighter blues/pinks/reds/yellow/prints with those colors on top. I echo the colors of my blouses in my shoes. It also works nicely for travel as I can generally get away with one pair of either red or purple heels for a 2-3 day trip.
avocado says
Thanks for the suggestions! Definitely looking for fun-but-still-nice blouses with simple lines, prints and solids. I tried the Ravello and it didn’t hang right on me, but that is exactly the type of thing I’m looking for.
Alexandria VA says
Check Madewell. They often have a top similar to the Ravello.
SC says
I do this, but I started somewhat naturally in grad school, when DH and I had no money and lived in a 300-sq-ft apartment. The habits just kinda stuck, especially because we’re still in a 1-bathroom, 1000-sq-ft apartment.
So, first, I’d recommend a purge of hair products, cosmetics, fragrances, etc. For me, the point is to simplify but to have what I enjoy using. Don’t force yourself to use something you don’t like. Once you’ve narrowed it down to stuff you like, organize it the way you like it. And then, just don’t buy more. The hardest thing for me is to avoid walking up and down the drug store aisles when waiting for a prescription–I typically run to the grocery store instead (it’s right next-door), but figure out a way to avoid the temptations.
For clothes, the point is to have what I like to wear and to be able to find it. I keep my closet organized (if the clothes aren’t on the floor or in the drier, which half the time they are). I did a big purge a couple of years ago because we were renovating. Now I regularly throw out things that I don’t like anymore or that have seen better days. I don’t have a specific budget or hard-and-fast rules, but I know what I need to replace or what I’d like to add to my closet, and I know that I currently have 15 tops to wear under suits and really don’t need anymore.
For books, the thing that helps me is Wish Lists. When someone suggests a book, or I read a book review, or the main s*te has one of its threads, I decide whether I’d like it and add it to a Wish List. My library’s website has an option for Lists, so I have one for Fiction, one for Non-Fiction, and one for books available electronically. For the books my library doesn’t have (mostly obscure books or foreign authors), I add it to an Amazon Wishlist specifically for books. It’s almost as good as buying the book.
avocado says
When I hear about an interesting book, I download the free sample onto my Kindle.
lsw says
I need this throw-out inspiration. It’s really, really hard for me to part with things, because I fall prey to the “it’s still got some use in it” trap. I just read The Hoarder in You based on recommendations from the main s!te, and that + KonMari-ing have helped, but I still struggle with this. For example, I have a pair of boots that I wore really hard and really loved, but they are looking worn. I am tempted to give them to Goodwill because I don’t wear them much anymore. But I don’t wear them because they are wan-looking. But I don’t throw them away because that seems wasteful and I don’t have another pair of boots that fits that hole. Or my drawer full of 25 lipsticks when I only wear a few. For some reason I feel bad throwing them away. Although just writing this out makes me think I should throw some out tonight…
In the hoarding book I was moved by her description of talking to clients and asking them to scale their anticipated anxiety on throwing something out and then to throw it out and scale their actual anxiety. I probably need to just deal with the anxiety of throwing out the stupid lipsticks and understand it will fade soon.
Anon says
I don’t know if it was on the main s i t e or on this one that someone recommended that Daily OM course “A Year to Clear”, but I signed up about a month ago and I’m finding it to be very helpful and workable in my life in a way that Kon Marie was not. KM was too extreme. I have a 2 year old. I dont have days to spend touching everything in my house. But the year to clear course is really small chunks. Just a few sentences to read each day, and it talks about clearing your mind, clearing your attachment to stuff, and clearing the stuff itself.
Here’s the link if you are interested: http://dailyom.com/cgi-bin/courses/courseoverview.cgi?cid=532
lsw says
Thank you so much!
Pogo says
I’ve been doing this for a few years, with the hardest one being clothes. The rule I have with DH is that any new item of clothing that comes in must replace one that’s worn-out or doesn’t get worn. Honestly he’s worse than I am about seeing a sale at Macy’s, or going to the outlets.
But it is tough to ignore cute clothes even if you don’t “need” them!
SC says
FWIW, I don’t keep a strict one-in-one-out rule. It’s hard for me to find quality clothes that I look and feel good in, so I’ll buy something that works for me when I find it as long as it’s something I’ve been thinking I want to buy (for me, right now, a navy suit, another sheath dress). But I’ll also throw 3-5 things out just because they don’t look good anymore, without saying to myself, “I get to go shopping.” Overall, I probably own half as many clothes as I did 3 years ago.
JEB says
I’m curious how you all would have handled a particular situation. My daughter is 2. I’ve been trying to instill better boundaries during meal times. For example, she doesn’t get endless choices of what to eat anymore (we used to be bad about this).
Last night, she threw her food of the floor, and I reminded her that wasn’t allowed and she could hand me anything she didn’t want. She threw it again, and I warned her that the next time, dinner would be over. She then threw it again, so in response I calmly cleaned up her plate, put her milk back in the fridge, cleaned her hands/face, and took her out of her highchair, stating that dinner was over because she threw her food. She then proceeded to throw an epic tantrum on the floor, screaming that she wanted dinner and wanted to eat. I went to sit at the bottom of the nearby stairs, where we could still see each other. Whenever she paused to take a breath, I calmly asked her to stop crying and come talk to me. This went on for about 10 minutes, with me frantically searching my brain for ideas of how to end it without giving in! Miraculously, she randomly took a deep breath, mostly stopped crying, and ran over to jump into my arms. She whimpered that she wanted to “talk to me.” I hugged her and talked to her briefly about what happened and why we ended dinner. Once she was completely calm, I allowed her to get back into her highchair and finish eating.
Assuming she hadn’t come over and calmed down on her own, what should I have done to end the situation? I suppose she had to stop crying sometime. Was I wrong to allow her to resume dinner once she calmed down?
Sometimes I feel like I’m blindly making this all up as I go!
Anonymous says
I think you did great. I usually say “do you need a hug?” My 5 year old had a tantrum yesterday but immediately said yes to a hug and it calmed her down. For food throwing, if they throw their plate, I keep the plate and offer one bit of food at a time on their tray. If they throw that, I offer to feed them (spoon feed) and they hate the loss of control with that so they have mostly stopped throwing food.
CPA Lady says
We’re all blindly making it up. It’s hard. So take what I do with a grain of salt.
If my 2 year old throws food she gets one warning. If she throws it again, dinner is over. Food in the trashcan. Done. If (when) she has a tantrum, she gets carried to her room and left there with the door open while my husband and I finish eating. Typically when she starts to really misbehave at dinner it’s reached the point where she isn’t hungry anymore anyway. If I’m concerned that she’s going to bed hungry, I’ll give her a small snack later, unrelated to the food we ate at dinner and with enough of a time separation that it’s not just getting to go back to the table. This happens really rarely. We only had to be hard-asses a couple of times. For more minor infractions, we don’t end dinner. That only happens when she throws food.
As far as tantrums go, I don’t try to get my daughter to stop having a tantrum. This is based on her personality. Trying to make her stop, talking to her during, trying to hold her, etc just makes it worse. I typically take her to her room, give her a lovey or stuffed animal, and leave her there with the door open. When she’s done, she comes out on her own. Then we hug it out and I tell her it’s okay to have “big feelings”. Other people find different things work with their kids. I think this is not a one-size-fits-all thing.
shortperson says
i dont think there’s a “right” answer. personally i wouldnt have let her had dinner back. i’ve seen too much of my older nieces and nephews ignoring my siblings’ threats knowing there would be no real follow through. so i when i announce a consequence like this for my 2 year old there’s no going back. she knows it and tends to listen. but when she doesnt i always wonder if i’m being too mean. i dont think so, as the lessons tend to stick and we dont usually have to repeat consequences. but who knows, we’re all making it up as we go.
Wow says
You did great, I probably would have done exactly the same thing. I know some people would just throw the food away but my immigrant roots/ food is love/feed them till they burst upbringing would never allow for that. I wouldn’t be able to let my kid go to bed hungry. Certainly not at age 2.
Anon in NYC says
I think it sounds like you did the right thing! My 20 month old has started flipping her plate over on the table, getting all of her food on the table. I am so reluctant to just end the meal right then (I don’t want her to be hungry!), but I take the plate away and she can eat her dinner off the table (which she often does). I worry that I’m creating bad habits, but who knows.
P says
I would have done the same thing. Sometimes I think we get too worked up about being consistent with rules. Probably by the time the tantrum was over she had completely forgotten about what had happened before.
frustrated flanges says
One of my employees has forgotten some sort of pump part or pump three times in the last four workdays. I’m trying to be accommodating but at what point can I be like COME ON just keep a set at work. I’m a pumping mom too but this is impacting the rest of the staff.
anon says
Jeez, I think you could definitely suggest she keep a spare set on hand. That’s pretty basic stuff.
Closet Redux says
This may sounds nuts but it totally did not occur to me that I could buy spare parts and keep a set at work until someone suggested it.
CHJ says
+1. This was the greatest revelation ever when someone suggested it to me.
Anonymous says
+1 I needed someone to suggest it, too. I was shocked by how cheap it was to have extras, also. I expected it to be prohibitively expensive.
Extra bottles, too. You would not believe how many times I left my bottles at home.
lsw says
And extra lids. I forgot them for the second time yesterday, but last time I did it someone on this s!te had the genius suggestion to use an unused water bottle. So problem avoided!
Anon says
+1. Changed my life when a more seasoned mom pulled me aside and told me to keep 1) an extra set of pump parts and 2) one of those $40 manual pumps at work. I had no idea. We ended up putting a sign of “helpful pumping tips” in the mother’s room. (Also: watch videos of baby on your phone, to eat some candy to keep your blood sugar up, chug water, make a list of “reasons you work” for those hard days, a sports bra can be a pumping bra if you just cut some slits, lay a burp cloth on your lap for the inevitable spill, etc). We also made a collage of various “reasons you work” from a survey we did and hung it in there too.
mascot says
That sounds like a great way to support working moms.