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There are always a lot of cooks in the kitchen when it comes to feeding kids — your husband may portion out man sizes, your mother-in-law may think salami sandwiches are a-ok, and your nanny may see no problem with a lunch of Pirate’s Booty. (Of course the mother is always well-intentioned and perfect!) So even though these portion plates may seem a little obvious, they can be a great way to make sure everyone feeding your kid is on the same page when it comes to portion size and the general make-up of a healthy meal. Bonus: they’re dishwasher safe, only $6.95 each, and eligible for Prime. Super Healthy Kids Healthy Habits Kids Myplate (L-2)Sales of note for 4.18.24
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Spirograph says
I don’t get it… Is there something wrong with salami sandwiches?
Cute plates, though.
CHJ says
I might have had one for lunch yesterday…
AIMS says
There was a report by the World Health Organization about processed meat like salami causing cancer.
https://www.theguardian.com/society/2015/oct/26/bacon-ham-sausages-processed-meats-cancer-risk-smoking-says-who
I’d say it’s not an ideal food for anyone. But it is delicious, sure.
Shayla says
I’m not sure the risk is so high as to ban all salami sandwiches or say it isn’t an “ideal food.” Should we have processed meats at every meal? No. But in moderation? Sure. Just like everything else.
The article you post even clearly explains the results of the study behind these guidelines are heavily disputed, “Prof Ian Johnson, emeritus fellow at the Institute of Food Research, also said the effect was small. ‘It is certainly very inappropriate to suggest that any adverse effect of bacon and sausages on the risk of bowel cancer is comparable to the dangers of tobacco smoke, which is loaded with known chemical carcinogens and increases the risk of lung cancer in cigarette smokers by around twentyfold.'”
I just can’t get behind this fear culture.
Spirograph says
Oh yeah, now I remember reading about that when the study first came out. Clearly it did not make a big impression on me. Carcinogen or not, processed meat isn’t the healthiest choice, but it’s delicious, so I eat it occasionally and have no qualms about feeding it to my kids.
AIMS says
I wasn’t advocating a fear culture, just to be clear. Someone asked why salami sandwiches were bad and I answered. I eat salami so rarely myself that I don’t really think it matters & as you say, the article clearly says that there is little to no risk in moderation, if there is risk at all. But some people do eat processed meat much more frequently than that, as is evident even from the few comments here. Obviously, people disregard risks all the time, myself included, but I don’t have a problem being aware of the risks I am taking when I don’t wear SPF all the time or when I’ve done something else “unhealthy.”
NewMomAnon says
I’ve become convinced that everything causes cancer.
Sanctimommy says
Yea, that line in the narrative sounds like Sanctimommy wrote it.
FVNC says
True story: when I was a kid and refused to eat anything (and was dangerously underweight), my mother told me I had to pick a lunch meat to like. Inexplicably I chose salami. I ate a salami, mayonnaise, muenster cheese sandwich every day for over a decade. If I still had the metabolism of a teenager, I’d still eat one everyday. Salami: yuuuuum.
GCA says
Reading this my first thought was ‘Oh! I have salami in the fridge! Guess I know what I’m having for lunch!’ #workfromhomemomproblems
Shayla says
Ha. This was my exact reaction. Except I just had a provolone and salami roll up as a snack. #workfromhomePERKS :-)
anon says
The entire copy on this is sexist and try hard. Kat and co: Dads aren’t all idiots. Salami sandwiches are fine. How about relating to real people a little bit better in your effort to shill for this plate.
ChiLaw says
+1
How I would write it: “Of course we all have good intentions about feeding our kids healthy, balanced meals, every time. But we also know that’s not always going to happen. These plates look like they’d be a fun reminder to try to get more fruits and veggies into every meal, and even if that laughing strawberry ends up buried under a pile of Pirates Booty and goldfish crackers — at least they’re cute!”
Katala says
Love this!
ChiLaw says
Also I keep revisiting this because if my MiL made my kiddo a sandwich, the chances that I would be anything but grateful that someone who wasn’t me was feeding the kiddo would be very very slim.
My husband (who is in charge of the food in our house! because he stays at home! and loves to cook! because it’s 20-f-ing-16 and that isn’t weird!) not only understands the appropriate portion for the kiddo (which, for the record, is “more than mom could possibly eat”), he cuts it into bite size pieces so she can eat it easily, and so it will be cool when she comes to the table.
And all of this feels more “real” to me than the weird image the copy above paints, of a perfectionist control-freak mother panicking if the nanny gives the kid a high-end snack food.
TL;DR eyerolls4dayz
hoola hoopa says
+1 great copy
Closet Redux says
Ugh, yes.
jlg says
also, melamine is gross. and do you really think that a “well intentioned” boundary-ignoring grandmother is going to pay more attention just because there are dopey pictures on the plate??? sorry, but no. see yesterday’s recommendations re: planetbox if you want something that portions food without leaching nasties.
Anonymous says
True story though, my dad once told my son that he needed to finish his cheezits before he could have his raspberries for dessert.
No, dad. But thanks for the laugh.
Ai says
+ 2. Really judge-y.
rakma says
Salami on rye was the first and only real craving I’ve had this pregnancy. I wanted one so much the other night I had it after dinner while DD and DH were eating chocolate ice cream.
AOP says
My kids had salami, broccoli, tortellini, and cookies yesterday for dinner. And the older one actually sucked on an orange slice, so I’m totally counting that. Was actually thinking it was an easy, relatively balanced yet portable dinner (was eaten on the run) – is it not?!
just Karen says
I would have counted that meal a total win if my kid ate anything in it other than just the cookies. She’s been on a fruit and bread (and cheese) only diet…we still give her the rest, we just throw it away. Come to think of it, fruit, bread, and cheese was basically all I could keep down when I was pregnant with her…
Anon says
Your daughter and I will be dining together. That’s pretty much my ideal diet :) (plus wine – I’ll pour juice for her).
ChiLaw says
Yeah totally impressed that a veggie and a meat were eaten by your kiddo. Mine went through a “nothing but carbs, please” phase, which made me worry, but like everything else, it passed.
I hosted a birthday party this weekend and had leftover cake , which she saw when I opened the fridge to get out the milk for her cereal for breakfast yesterday. “CAKE?!” she cried. “CAAAKE?!”
“No,” I said, “we don’t eat cake for breakfast.” And then I ducked out of her line of sight and ate cake for breakfast.
Anonymous says
YES.
Anon says
LOL. My son has literally smelled chocolate on my breath, and called me on it.
NewMomAnon says
My position on cake is that it is no less appropriate for breakfast than donuts or french toast. Which explains why my daughter ate peanut butter, cereal, and small slice of cake for breakfast this morning….
hoola hoopa says
protein + vegetable = solid win at our house.
bra advice says
Ladies, my bras are driving me crazy. I’m entering third trimester. I’m using extenders to make the bands bigger, and the cups are actually okay (though more full than usual). It’s the shoulder straps that are driving me mad – they keep slipping off my shoulder, basically within 15 minutes of putting the bra on, I think because the band is larger with the extender.
Any recs to hack the bras I own to keep the shoulder straps up? One bra does convert to racerback, but the straps really dig in to my shoulders. Or should I just bite the bullet and buy a couple of cheaper bras in larger sizes to get me through these last few months? TIA!
Closet Redux says
If you do buy new bras, get nursing bras (if you plan to nurse). In my experience my third tri size was about my nursing size and nursing bras will carry you further than a regular bra at this point.
CHJ says
+1. I suffered through my whole pregnancy in regular bras before discovering the magic of nursing bras. Get one now and feel better immediately.
By says
Agree, go ahead and buy a nursing bra and don’t sweat the size too much. Try a Coobie and a Bravado Body Silk Seamless for two great nursing bras that are flexible on sizing and will make you feel soooo much better instantly (the bottom bands on both were also super flexible — IMO you are at the point where your rib age expands and causes bra issues too)
MSJ says
I bought one new underwire from gap in my new size but mostly lived in Coobies. They’re not super supportive but we’re good enough for me. And soooo comfortable. I got a lot of milage out of them while nursing and still wear them around the house two yrs later
More bra woes says
Chantelle sells these little pieces of plastic that look like a weirdly shaped “8” with slits in the loops– you use it to pull the straps together in the back after lengthening the straps. It makes it into a semi-racerback without having to actually criscross the straps or have a convertible bra. I haven’t seen it sold in the US, but I haven’t looked–maybe somewhere like Nordstrom or a lingerie store would have it.
Piggybacking on this…I’m 24 weeks and my ribcage is still my normal size but my b00bs are gigantic. I’m a 32H (I think…in the one 32H bra I have, 1/3 of each cup is under my arm and not holding any b00b since my chest is not big enough across the front to contain the massive size of these cups, but I ‘m still spilling out the top), and was told at Destination Maternity, “We don’t go down to a 32 and we don’t go up to an H.” Very helpful. I ordered a Bella Materna nursing bra in size small/full cup, and it fits perfectly, but isn’t that supportive and makes me look saggy.
Any recs for bras in big cup sizes where the cups are narrow enough to actually be completely in front? Or a different solution altogether? I had one perfect Chantelle t-shirt bra, but it only goes up to an F and I outgrew it about 10 weeks ago.
Anonymous says
Panache is great for small band size and large cup size. They have super cute nursing bras too.
rdresq says
I went up to a 32H/I during my pregnancy, and ended up wearing 2 bras almost exclusively: Natori Pure Allure Contour Bra and Natori Feathers Contour Plunge. Both were incredibly comfortable and had enough stretch to get me to the end of my pregnancy. Also, when you start looking at nursing bras, I loved the Anita underwire nursing bra 5068. It was one of the only nursing bras that actually went up to 32I and gave me some support!
AJD says
I suggest the Anita nursing bras if you want underwire or Bravado essential embrace nursing bra for wireless. I had the same problem and it was sooo hard to find bras that fit. I got up to 32/34 K the first few week post delivery. You can Amazon Prime these two brands. I was able to wear the wireless for the first few months of breast feeding and the underwire one when I went back to work and wanted to feel kind of normal. I have yet to find a nursing tank that worked at these sizes.
hoola hoopa says
+1000 for Anita for nursing underwire and Bravado (bras, tanks, etc) for wireless. Panache is actually too supportive for my taste, so go that route if that’s your style.
I’m blessed with a small band/large cup when not bfing, too, and the bravado tanks are great even when not bfing. So go all in.
GCA says
Second, third, fourth, fifth the Coobie recommendation! I still live in them. I would have been, like, a 30D during pregnancy. Fat chance finding something that fit.
Anon says
Buy yourself a bra that fits. You deserve it!
GCA says
Quick moan about the night from h*ll:
Solo parenting, had accumulated work to do from weekend (entertaining a toddler for two days straight followed by cleaning up after said toddler is not conducive to 9pm work sessions), was trying to finish it all last night.
Kid woke up at 10.30, 12, 2, 3.30 with a poopy diaper (guess his stomach was bothering him the first 3 times!)…stayed up till 4.30, 5, up for the day at 7. I just barely got work done and slept about 4 hours all told. Oof. End of mild rant.
mascot says
Those are bad days. Hope that tonight goes better.
GCA says
Thanks! I’m staring at a particularly dense economics paper right now and going cross-eyed.
Samantha says
Sympathies! Remind yourself that these days will pass. Kids reach a “magic age” and then you actually can take about 8pm – 7am off from parenting. It’s hard to believe, but it will happen! Oh and I hear that there’s a point where kids wake up and make themselves breakfast on a saturday morning. I haven’t personal experience with that life stage but it’s the holy grail!
mascot says
feeding yourself breakfast on the weekends is a pretty cool trick. I think we got there about age 5? We put a cup of milk (with lid) in the fridge and a snack container on the counter full of dry cereal/granola/ graham crackers, etc. Kiddo is allowed to eat his “breakfast” and watch his Kindle. He hasn’t quite figured out turning on the tv and Netflix, but I am sure that is coming. I have clear memories of watching Saturday morning cartoons with a box of Cheerios while sitting in the doorway btwn the kitchen and den.
Anonymous says
My daughter is almost two and I find myself really wanting another child right now. The responsible thing to do is to wait another year and save more money for maternity leave and expenses. I know that. I am relatively young (30) and so there is time, biologically speaking. Though we could make it work financially if I got pregnant sooner, I know I would be stressed out and feel squeezed if I don’t take the next year + 9 months to save. BUT I REALLY WANT ANOTHER BABY RIGHT NOW. Anyone been here? What did you do?
NewMomAnon says
I’m not in a position to have another kid, so I’ve been really focusing on enjoying the kid I have and doing all the things that would be harder with two kids. Traveling with a child, playdates, having kiddo tag along while I visit with grown up friends, etc.
Another thought would be to break this down into smaller chunks; waiting a full year and accumulating the savings you need seems insurmountable, but what if you had some interim goals? Once there is X much in the bank, you’ll switch to barrier bc method; another goal met, and you’ll start charting; another goal and you can pull the goalie; last goal and you start actively trying.
Anon says
I feel you. My no2 just turned 12 mos. While I’m still sleep deprived, I still love the thought of another baby to love.
I’m done though. Raising two kids is what we have budgeted.
Anonymous says
Honestly – it’s much easier with one than two. Enjoy having only one for a bit, then have a second.
Much harder to get a break when there’s two. Will also be easier when older sibling is 4 vs. 3.
Shayla says
That’s tough. I think if you start a savings goal, and focus on that, it might be easier? You need $X for maternity leave, so when you get to 60% of $X, you can start trying. Then you’ll have 9 more months to get to 100% of your savings goals?
Samantha says
Try to distract yourself with a new hobby! I have to remind myself it’s hormonal and that I’m really just looking for a new “project”!
PhilanthropyGirl says
This is me right now. Philanthropy Baby turns 2 next week. I’ve been ready for another one for at least six months. And I swear everyone around me is pregnant – most of them with kiddos younger than PB. I’ve got a number of things holding me back, including the need to drop a few pounds, and saving up for leave. It’s really tough. And I’m 4 years older than you.
I’m taking a couple of approaches to calm the insanity. I’m working on enjoying how much time I can spend just with PB. It will be much harder to read all the books, take all the pictures, do all the art projects, etc…. when I have a nursling on hand. So I try to just enjoy the special time I will have just me and him.
I’m focusing on working toward goals. I’ve got a weightloss goal, a financial goal, and a couple of projects I’d like to finish before I’m too puky/achy/enormous/exhausted to attempt them. Checking boxes seems to help me feel like I’m moving toward PB2.
I’ve also really tried to focus on gratitude. It sounds cliche, but there are things in my past that have forced me to work on being grateful for exactly the moment I’m in. I’m striving for gratitude and contentment, whether one child or many. So pursuing whatever prayer/meditation/mindfulness best suits you has been really key – even to making the above things work.
I’m really sorry you feel the way you do. It’s a tough place to be. So go snuggle your daughter, enjoy your favorite adult beverage guilt free, and make a solid goal. May it help you with the wait.
AJD says
So with you on the focusing on gratitude. Sometimes when I get anxious about adding to the family I take a long lunch to people watch and focus on being grateful to have my one healthy child, my well paying job and a husband that lives with me and helps me raise my child. Many people with children have none of those.
Jen says
Idk, I say go for it. It’ll probably take a few months anyway. We started TTC when Our first was 19 months, and got pregnant the month she turned 2. Baby arrived when she was nearly 3 and it was a great age (caveat: our oldest was daytime potty trained at 2, nighttime trained by 2.5, and has always been a great sleeper- so we had pretty much a full year break of diapers and “Baby stuff.”
MomAnon4This says
This. I’ve never, ever heard of anyone saying, “Wow, I have enough money for a kid! And the conception and pregnancy went exactly as planned!” Is that A Thing?
Shayla says
I read it as less needing to save for the entire existence of the child but just needing to have enough padding to get through maternity–which I presumed is just like mine: no paid leave only FMLA. Saving enough money to get through 12 weeks of not being paid is certainly a thing. Saving enough money for a kid generally, not sure it’s a thing, but isn’t deserving of your mockery.
MomAnon4This says
Sorry for mocking… we just had #3 completely unexpected, feeling poor. And my parents pointed out — you will never feel rich enough to have another child.
I don’t think I meant to mock, only to point out realism & practicality. Yes, saving for 12 weeks is a great idea.
(FWIW our 2 incomes have not been steady since 2011 — someone’s been unemployed every year — so our savings are shot. Definitely don’t take either financial or family planning advice from me. )
Anonymous says
Ha! OP here. I am just such a planner. But you’re right. What a stupid concept.
Anonymous says
The concept being, yes, I can plan this all to a T and it will go off without a hitch…When has that ever happened in my life?! Still, trying to be smart about money is one thing I can semi-control!
MomAnon4This says
Makes sense to control what you can — and hope and pray for the rest! Good luck!
Anon in NYC says
I can relate. I didn’t enjoy being pregnant (didn’t hate it either, just… meh). My daughter is almost 15 months and I am surprisingly interested in having a second already. For financial and logistical reasons, we can’t really start trying for probably another year…. but I’m surprisingly jealous of other pregnant women!
Closet Redux says
This is a really interesting report on a paper on the moral (and legal) judgments we levy on parents for placing their children “at risk,” even when those risks are in actuality extremely low.
http://www.npr.org/sections/13.7/2016/08/22/490847797/why-do-we-judge-parents-for-putting-kids-at-perceived-but-unreal-risk
I found the discussion fascinating. The experiments adjust for moral judgments on the parents (i.e when we perceive the parent’s behavior as morally suspect– leaving a child alone to go smoke a cigarette vs. leaving a child alone as the result of a parent’s medical emergency) and its effect on the judgment of risk to the child (i.e. the risk is objectively the same, but judged as worse when the parent action is morally suspect). Interestingly, the most harsh judges are other moms, even though presumably they have more experience caring for children and assessing risk than non-parents.
NewMomAnon says
Thank you for that article. I wish I had shirts for me and my daughter that said, “Yes, Mommy is taking a calculated parenting risk. Please ask her about it before you jump to conclusions.” Because:
I will not follow my daughter to the top of the playground equipment; research shows that kids are more likely to challenge themselves and take healthy risks if their parent isn’t standing right on top of them telling them how dangerous that activity is. I will give my kid two dollars and let her buy her own snack at the grocery store, because (a) it’s adorable and (b) I was terrified of interacting with cashiers until about halfway through college because I never did it myself. I will allow her to color at the kitchen table while I take laundry across the hall for a few minutes, because she needs to learn to entertain herself and tolerate being alone.
Lorelai Gilmore says
I read an article when Rory was young about how most injuries on playground slides were the result of adults going down the slide with their children. The heavy adult moves faster than the small child and ends up inadvertently getting tangled up and breaking the child’s arm. As a result, I never, EVER went down the slide with her, even though it meant other parents gave me judgy looks.
Also, I entirely agree with you about not following my kids on the playground and teaching them how to buy their own snacks! These are core developmental skills!
PhilanthropyGirl says
Thanks for sharing. Very interesting.
MomAnon4This says
Interesting! A lot of class and gender judgments play into this…
mascot says
So the discussion about the NPR article posted above got me thinking- what skills/responsibilities are you teaching your child that you didn’t know how to do as a child? And, what did your parents do a good job teaching you from an early age? For me, it’s booking your own appointments (dentist, hair, etc)- my mom took care of all of that and it took me a long time to get past that slight anxiety of picking up the phone to talk to a stranger. On the other hand, by the time I was in high school, I could handle most any domestic task (laundry, ironing, cleaning the house, cooking, etc). I was also really good with figuring out directions because I had to rely on maps to plan my route when I learned to drive. (pre-GPS).
Anon says
This is a good one. Related to someone’s post above, we are trying to teach our 4 yr old to understand he can speak for himself. He has been ordering for himself at restaurants for about six months, and he’s at the point where he can handle the full “transaction” of selecting, ordering, paying for, and returning change related to the purchase of popsicles at the pool for himself and his brother. I think we’ve actually done well on this front. I think my son tended toward significant shyness, and this seems to really help him understand he has a ‘voice” (on a related note, my husband and I both agree that being in daycare situations has turned him into a super social kid who gets along well with other kids. take that, working mom guilt!).
Curious for other’s opinions here – my husband and I are people pleasers, and we both attribute it to appeasing our families while we were growing up (I had/have an anxious mom who could fly off the handle unexpectedly, and his parents had a volatile relationship – and from what I gather, his successes were the one unifying thing in their relationship). We are trying to teach our kids that they can say NO and get angry, and we try to keep our responses to the kids’ behavior very measured. I very badly want to avoid the trap for them, however, and would love to hear how other people learned to be very direct in business/personal dealings, especially since neither husband nor I are naturally that way.
Faye says
My husband comes from a family of people-pleasers-also-manipulators. We’ve worked hard on mapping out reasonable expectations on behavior and feelings. For example, you have to greet everyone who comes in our house, but you do NOT have to kiss or hug them. If Gramma pouts and says you’re hurting her feelings by not kissing her, that is HER issue with HER feelings. You can’t fix her feelings for her, and it’s okay for her to be sad. You still don’t have to change your behavior. We’ve tried to establish that you need to be polite to others, but that never involves crossing your own personal boundary.
On the flipside, we’ve also tried to never minimize feelings, and to recognize every feeling as valid. You just have to express it appropriately. So while yes I completely understand that you’re upset you can’t have the yellow bowl because it’s dirty, and I would be upset if I couldn’t have something important to me too, what is a good way to say that? Do we throw the blue bowl on the floor? No. We stomp our feet three times (thanks Daniel Tiger), take a deep breath, and then think of ways to help ourselves feel better.
Basically it’s saying that you are responsible for your own feelings, and no one else’s. If others get mad or sad, that’s okay, but they have to express those feelings in a nice way, and they have to respect your choices. It’s super hard, and it involves a lot of communication and dissecting interactions afterwards, but so far it seems to be working for us and our kids. (The in-laws, not so much. But again, that’s on them to sort out, we can’t fix it for them.)
Katala says
DH and I talk about this all the time, starting before DS was born. We feel that our parents really failed us in imparting most major life skills. We are both terrible with money and are struggling to learn financial skills. We are both terrible at “keeping house” – from meal planning/cooking to cleaning/organizing. Those are the most obvious but there are others we bring up when we think of them. DS is too young to learn most of this but we are trying to model the behavioral stuff and will be open and talk freely about the conceptual stuff.
I really wish I could think of things they did well we’d like to repeat… but nothing comes to mind. They’re all still pretty terrible at life in general and we do not want to end up like them.
/rant
If anyone has advice on teaching myself some of these basics now as an adult so I’m better able to pass them on, I’d love to hear it!
Anonymous says
I feel like my mom really tried to teach me how to do these types of life skills (laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc.) but I only managed the bare minimum through college, and only started to really “adult” when I was out of college. So, kudos to my mom for trying to teach me those things and I will try to teach my kiddo the same.
As for what I’m trying to teach, it’s complicated, but I was a really angry kid/teen who didn’t have a good or healthy outlet for anger (poor examples from family). Partly because I didn’t know how to manage my emotions and my parents refused to send me to therapy (despite my asking). I missed out on a lot from that period in my life, which is really sad. I am much more even-keeled now, and I really hope to teach my LO how to process emotions (or at least help the process).
ChiLaw says
I think about this a lot too.
My childhood was very loving, but there wasn’t a lot of room for “negative” emotions. My kiddo is only 18 months, but I try to tell her things like, “it’s OK to be sad that we can’t go to Grandma’s right now. We can’t go, but I understand that you’re sad. Maybe a big hug from [toy] would help?” or the same when she’s angry. I am trying very hard to break my habit of telling her “don’t be sad” or “don’t be angry” (when I mean, “i’m sorry you’re sad!”) because she’s going to have those feelings, and I just want her to learn what to do with them! (I am still learning what to do with my sadness and anger, to be honest.)
I am also trying to model this in easy-to-digest, not-too-scary ways for her. “Mommy is mad because you threw a fit on the change table. Mommy isn’t going to play right now, because mommy is mad. In a minute, I will be ready to play with you again.” And then of course, hugs and playing in a minute, when I’ve cooled down/washed myself after her gross change table fit. (My husband thinks this is too harsh. IDK, it’s a work in progress.)
Karin says
I wouldn’t say that’s too harsh at all. Seems like you’re doing a really good job modelling how to articulate feelings in a balanced way!
Anonymous says
Not totally on point, and maybe this is a whole separate conversation, but I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how to teach my sons to respect other people’s bodies — basically, that no means no. (They are only very little kids, but I think this is an important concept to instill from a young age, given how many instances I see of privileged, entitled young men from relatively affluent backgrounds engaging in all kinds of despicable behavior — see, e.g., Stanford swimmer guy, etc. etc.) I keep telling them that it is important to pay attention to people when they tell you they don’t like something you are doing to their body. I’m not sure much of it is sticking.
More in line with the theme, I am trying to (and enjoying) teaching my kids about cooking. Mostly it’s just a fun thing to do with them, but they also learn about what goes into our food, and what are healthy things to put into our bodies to help them grow and get strong.
Anonymous says
I should also be clear — these conversations are in the context of a response to pinching, tickling, generally annoying other people physically — obviously not, you know, the more serious and scary stuff at this age.
Closet Redux says
Yes, totally what I am talking about with my comment bow (posted before I saw yours). I have a daughter and I am so grateful that these lessons are targeted at sons, too. Somewhere on the internets I have seen the phrase, “If she’s not having fun, you have to stop,” or “It’s her body, she decides when you can touch her,” which I like for their directness and clarity, though they seem a bit direct (but maybe that’s the right way to be).
Anon in NYC says
I also want to teach my daughter about autonomy over her body. Like, she doesn’t have to hug or kiss someone if she doesn’t want to, even if grandparent/aunt/uncle/whomever asks for one.
Anonymous says
Those are good. I think being direct is important when it comes to this stuff.
NewMomAnon says
I am working on consent too! For me, it takes two forms right now – one, respecting my daughter when she says “no” about her body (which is so, so hard) and two, really enforcing it when I say no about something she is doing to my body. She needs to learn to expect others to respect her body, and also to respect others’ bodies.
mascot says
Regarding body respect and saying no- keep talking, they need to hear it regularly. My son does this thing at bedtime where he bear hugs me and covers my face with kisses. After a few seconds, I’ve had enough of being love-mauled so I tell him very clearly that I don’t want to be hugged/kissed anymore and that he needs to stop, removing him if necessary. I’d like to think that little acts like this help keep the idea of consent in his head. We also don’t make him hug people if he doesn’t want to – he’s a hugger so it’s rare- and tell him to high-five or give handshakes to his friends who aren’t into the bear hugs.
Also, see if your school offers age appropriate good touch/bad touch type classes. Anti-bullying curriculum ties into this as well.
Closet Redux says
We always had lots of household chores (cleaning, cooking, taking care of the dog) for which I experienced varying levels of disdain throughout my childhood, but am extremely grateful for now. My husband, by contrast, did none of those things and is far less successful or confident in his abilities to do what I think of as simple things (a few days ago I blew his mind by showing him that the couch cushions unzipped and could be thrown in the laundry).
My parents also taught us exceptional phone and in-person communication skills and I think that helped me tremendously especially when I was a young woman entering the work force. My voice is steady and clear and I know how to project. So many young women lack for this ability!
In terms of new skills I want to impart to my kiddo, body and food positivity is a huge one. I didn’t have it as bad as others, but I definitely always felt self-conscious about what my body looked like and what I was feeding myself (esp in those hungry, active, growth spurt years) because my mother probably without thinking would make comments about my body. Together with this is definitely body ownership language– saying no means no, even when it’s just about tickling or not wanting to give a hug to a friend or adult or relative when they ask for one.
H says
Good topic! Two things come to mind for me: 1) Incorporate math into everyday life. I really wish my parents had pushed me toward STEM from an early age, although neither of them are in STEM professions so that’s probably why they didn’t. DH is an engineer so fortunately we’re on the same page about that. 2) Cooking. My mom hated cooking and viewed it as a chore. So now I view it as a chore and don’t really enjoy it.
NewMomAnon says
Ooo, I like the STEM one. I try to show my daughter how much I actually enjoy math and science whenever possible. Maybe we need to set off some baking soda and vinegar rockets tomorrow….
And have you noticed that cooking gives a lot of opportunities to talk about math and science? I talk through how I’m “halving” my ingredients, and why we use certain ingredients to bind or make sauces thick or whatever, and what is happening when we use the microwave or boil water. Maybe you would enjoy cooking more if you thought about it like a big science experiment!
Also, there was this awesome kickstarter called Cubetto – it’s billed as a “programming” robot for k ids as young as 3. I funded the kickstarter so I’ll be hopefully getting one in a few weeks, will check back in about it then.
Anon. says
Just got walked in on while pumping. Door doesn’t lock but I have a do not disturb sign up and a large office chair wedged up against the door. This person didn’t knock and barged in so violently that the office chair went flying across the room.
Anon in NYC says
That’s the WORST. But at least that person is probably mortified and will never be so rude again.
LegalMomma says
Ugh. that sucks. Hopefully they quickly apologized and removed themselves! I had to have a secretary repeatedly inform a partner that No he couldn’t go into my office when the door was shut (note there was a Do Not Enter sign) – and a chair pushed up against the door, hence why he hadn’t just barged in already, and the third time he asked but why not? she very bluntly (and loudly) informed him “Because she is expressing her milk!” Horrifying in the moment (I could hear all of this going down), but in hindsight very funny. He also later informed me I should change the sign to read “Come in get sued.”
Just know it wasn’t your fault – you did what you had to!
hoola hoopa says
Yep. After one of my coworkers was walked in on by someone ignoring the more subtlety worded sign, she started using one that said only “PUMPING”. Worked like charm!
I doubt intruder in question will ever make the mistake again. But it is so unnerving! I was walked in on (by another pumping mom – community pumping room in cube land – so really not even embarrassing), and I was jumpy for months after.
MomAnon4This says
OMG that sucks.
do NOT apologize!! Not sure what else to do in this situation?!
mascot says
I’ve heard that one of those rubber door stop floor wedges does pretty well for offices without a lock.
TK says
Yup. I carried one with me at all times during the months I was pumping.
Can you diplomatically send a company e-mail that says, “Some of you may have noticed that I occasionally have a “Do Not Disturb” sign on my office door. This is to prevent people from walking in while I express breast milk for my new baby. Please do not enter my office when this sign is up.”
Anonymous says
Repeat after me: the intruder is the one that should be embarrassed. Ugh.