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When we were traveling last week, I saw a mom pulling her kids (ages 2 and 5, I’d guess) through the airport terminal with a foldable wagon. One kid sat in it and one walked beside her, and the wagon was piled high with carry-on luggage. Amazing. I marveled at it — it struck me as much better than bringing a double stroller if you really only need a single, and the fact that the mom could pull her carry-on luggage and/or her kids seemed great. The wagon I saw was a Quest wagon, which specifically says not to use it for kids (rather, for beach and sports stuff), but this Radio Flyer wagon is foldable and is intended for kids. It’s $179 at Amazon. Radio Flyer Kids’ Ultimate EZ Fold Wagon (L-3)Sales of note for 3.18.24
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Kid/Family Sales
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Meg Murry says
FYI, both links go to the Quest wagon right now, neither to the Radio Flyer.
Thanks for the idea though – this kind of thing might be a good gift for my sister who lives in a condo where her garage is pretty far from her unit.
Delayed milestones says
My 18-month old isn’t talking or walking yet. I’m not too worried – my other kids were late talkers, and this son is furniture walking like a champ – but the doc wants us to see a neurologist to check him for autism and have someone from state come help us with the physical stuff. Is there any downside to any of this? Thx in advance!
anne-on says
I worked in an early intervention center and the main takeaway is that, no, there is never any downside to early help. The therapists will give you tools and techniques to help move him along in his development, and you’ll (hopefully) get free or seriously discounted services.
I know sometimes there is reluctance to accept that there might be a problem with a child’s development, but its like walking on a broken limb, ignoring it doesn’t fix anything and can actually make it worse by delaying help.
NewMomAnon says
I was really worried about not talking at 18 months, and my kiddo is talking like a champ at 22 months. The walking…I would absolutely welcome the help of a professional by 18 months. If kiddo doesn’t need it, you haven’t lost anything but may have gained some cool parenting tips. If kiddo does it need, then you’ve gotten the help kiddo needs.
HM says
Our daughter was a preemie, and has been seen by a developmental physician her whole life – and its not a bad idea. In my experience, our Pediatrician was much more concerned than the developmental folks. Plus, the developmental doc gave us “games” to play to help getting her to milestones.
You kiddo doesn’t seem delayed from my experience, just on the later side of normal. I will say, once our daughter understood the concept of walking, and talking it happened very fast. She wasn’t speaking (maybe 3-5 words) at 18 months. Now, at almost 22 months, she’s speaking in phrases and almost sentences. It’s like an explosion once they’re ready.
Sam says
Need some sleep help for my younger one.
Scenario: My 9 month old cosleeps with me, in my bed. I know this is bad on many levels, but I’m super careful with bedding, and she is super stubborn, and my many, many attempts to get her to sleep in the crib didn’t work (think many nights of waking up every 30-40 minutes) so I’ve given up on that. I don’t have the ba11s to do CIO so please don’t suggest that.
My older (4.5 year old) one sleeps in his own room, on a mattress on the floor.
My longer term sleep plan is for the two of them to sleep on the mattress on the floor in the kids’ room. I think the younger one needs a physical warm body and I’m hoping to substitute mine with my son’s, or maybe with a comfort item (hasn’t worked so far).
Some questions:
– When can I do that? Perhaps when she reaches the one year mark? Anything I should be worried over like the older kid rolling over the younger one? She can crawl and pull up and frequently sits up in bed (to check if I’m there) so I feel like she’s less vulnerable to the early dangers.
– Any suggestions to begin this transition gently? I’m thinking I’ll start off sleeping with the 2 kids in their room and will slowly egress. Or something.
– Night weaning. I’m starting to do it by just patting her back to sleep but I’ll need to get that sorted before I start the move.
– Any success stories of cosleeping babies who eventually slept on their own? I feel like the possibility of reclaiming my own bed to enjoy with my husband seems so remote right now.
Thanks so much.
Anonymous says
Our family cosleeps in the same bed and it is not bad on many levels. I coslept with our first after several months like you described, and our second (who was premature) the doctors actually encouraged us to cosleep to avoid apnea episodes. I’m sure you know the rules – firm mattress, guardrail, etc. I’m a big fan of cosleeping. So our are preemie doctors and our pediatrician. Even though I definitely can’t talk about it at cocktail parties for dissaproving whispers.
That said, it’s a big leap to siblings. I have an almost three-year old and an almost one-year old and for us, they couldn’t possibly cosleep right now. The main reason is that my older son rolls and flails a lot. I often come in to him sleeping in a weird position or on top of a book or megablock. When we travel and he sleeps in the bed with me he thinks nothing of rolling onto my face at 4am and continuing to sleep. I do not think he would know if he rolled on top of our youngest. So for us – the rule is no sibling cosleeping until my youngest is strong enough to ‘get out from under’ my sleeping oldest.
Anon says
I don’t have any tips but I would agree that I think cosleeping gets a bad rap. I have researched it rather extensively and don’t see an issue if you take the suggested precautions. I plan to cosleep with my newborn with a cosleeper bassinet. I had plenty of friends who coslept with their babies and transitioned them to their own crib/bed with no issues, so there is hope of you reclaiming your bed. There is enough stuff with parenting to feel guilty about – don’t feel guilty about this.
NewMomAnon says
I had a cosleeper who sounds like yours (co-slept or she woke up every 30-40 minutes, all night long). She stopped sleeping while co-sleeping, I made a massive driving error because I was totally sleep deprived and had my kiddo in the car with me (ran a red arrow with oncoming traffic because it didn’t even occur to me to look at the traffic signal). Luckily didn’t crash and the cop who stopped me was very kind. I did full extinction CIO sleep training that night. She cried for 30 minutes the first night, 15 minutes the second night. The third night she didn’t cry at all and slept 14 hours.
She now sleeps 12 hours a night in her own bed unless she is sick. I would kinda love to go back to co-sleeping, but it’s just too exciting for her and she can’t settle.
Samantha says
Thanks for the feedback. I’m getting enough sleep with the current arrangement so that’s not a concern to me. I do want to do the transition so that this is not our long run situation though.
anonymama says
To get ready for the transition I’d start trying to get baby used to sleeping next to you but not right on you, if you’re not doing that already (like, so baby can go to sleep without needing your actual body right against his, maybe transition from being next to you but just barely touching, to next to you but not quite touching, to having bit of space between you.
I can’t imagine a 1 year old and a 4 year old bed sharing. Just, my 4 year old flailed a lot in his sleep, and I’d imagine they’d wake each other up, and it doesn’t quite seem fair to make a little kid have to deal with a toddler in the nighttime, or to subject a toddler to a kid’s flailing. Or vice versa actually, as my 1 year old started wacking and biting (like, he’d wake up and flail his arm, wacking the pillow/bed/person who happened to be right there pretty hard). But maybe you have gentler, less wiggly kids?
In any case, if you’re doing a transition anyway I don’t know why you wouldn’t just transition the baby to her own bed/mattress in the same room with the other kid. I’d say: 1. night wean. 2. put additional mattress in room for you and baby, start putting baby to sleep there with you, but slowly move further away from baby until you are out of the room.
CPA Lady says
Did anyone here have a parent who worked nights? My husband has been working nights for about 4 years. It was always difficult, but now with a kid it feels so much harder. Because of our schedules, my daughter and I go 4 days of the week without seeing him at all, and then only see him for a few hours the other days because he doesn’t wake up until around 1:30-2:00 in the afternoon.
We got into a big blowup argument last weekend about how he doesn’t feel like he’s part of the family (the argument part came about when he blamed me for that, rather than blaming his job). It’s totally understandable that he doesn’t feel part of the family. I do 95% of the parenting and the vast majority of decision making. The long term solution is clearly that he needs to get a day job, but in the short term, do any of you have any suggestions about how to make him feel “part of the family”? I think we’re going to go to the zoo this weekend.
This is just so so hard and I don’t know anyone who deals with anything similar. Help me, hive.
Anonymama says
That’s tough. My dad worked nights for a while during my childhood and it was hard, I think hardest for him because he’s try to stay up to do stuff with family and then just be so sleep deprived. I think you can help by trying to make the time you do spend together real quality time (make and eat meals together, try to stay off phones/no tv and really interact) and also maybe making him part of the daily routine to the extent that you can (One or two days a week he does daycare pickup and dinner, or Saturday mornings we pick up the house and then have a family bike ride and then go out to lunch, something like that)
M says
My mom worked midnights for several years as a cop. But I think the key to making it work was that she didn’t get nearly enough sleep. So she frequently volunteered at the school and came to events but was chronically sleep deprived. In a way, she was able to “do it all” but I don’t think it is a healthy our sustainable model
When she was on shift work when my sister and I were really young, we always had a very late bedtime (around 10pm ) so that she could spend time with us before she went to work at 11. (And she finds it crazy that my husband and I enforce a 7pm bedtime for our toddlers)
NewMomAnon says
My dad traveled for work and would usually leave after dinner on Sunday and get home just in time for Thursday night dinner (as long as his flight arrived on time). My mom did everything from Sunday bedtime through Thursday evening.
I wish I had a good suggestion from their arrangement, but it was a bumpy ride with multiple separations and a constant feeling that dad wasn’t really involved in the parenting. I think the general arrangement was that my mom handled all child stuff while Dad was traveling, and Dad had full dominion of the kids on the weekend. We ate dinner as a family Thursday, ate at a restaurant Friday night, and went out for breakfast as a family Saturday morning. We also took two family vacations for a week each year.
Can you institute a “family communication plan” like a message board or sending each other detailed e-mails each day? Can he take over some consistent responsibility with you kid (packing her lunch and leaving a note, packing her backpack for the day, responsibility for doctor’s appts even if that means he has to give up some sleep, etc).
rakma says
My father worked a variety of shifts as a cop, and we turned out ok. Dad was probably chronically sleep deprived, but he tried to be with us as much as possible when he was home. He sometimes missed things like holidays (or did Christmas morning, then went to sleep so he could go into work that night) but did his best to be there when he was there. Not so much outings, but things like letting us play beauty parlor even though we all knew it wasn’t his favorite.
Mom definitely shouldered most of the parenting duties when we were young, and they made arrangements that seem crazy to make things work–things like, we’d be dropped off at Grandma’s for 15 minutes so that Mom could get to class on time, because waiting until Dad got home from work would mean she’d be late. The odd schedules also worked out really well when we were school age–Mom left the house at 7am to teach a 7:30 class, but Dad was there to get us on the bus and provide last minute signatures.
We also developed weird little routines that helped keep us all connected–my little sister, at around 4 years old, would wake up when Dad got home, hours after her bed time, and eat a second dinner with him. Not something any adult would suggest, but it worked for her. Does his schedule allow for something like regular breakfast dates? Could he wake up for daycare drop off one day a week? Or have a regular afternoon of Daddy/Daughter time? (that’s working really well for my 2 year old on my work from home days–after dinner it’s Daddy/Daughter time, and I can get in a few more hours of work.)
EB0220 says
How old is your daughter? My husband traveled for work Mon-Thu for 2 years when my oldest was a baby. It was tough! Since I was the de facto parent Mon-Thu, I just kept doing most of the parenting the rest of the week. I also made many decisions without consulting him because he had never expressed an interest in things like daycare, pediatricians, etc. We had a couple of big fights before I realized how much he wanted to be involved and how I was unconsciously leaving him out of things just because he wasn’t physically present. I would definitely suggest over-communicating. Find a method that works for you – maybe daily emails/notes and a weekly check-in where you discuss bigger issues. If you can discuss a decision in advance, do. To encourage your husband and daughter to spend time together – can you get creative during the week? What are his hours? I assume he’s asleep when you guys are leaving for the day? Could he take your daughter out to lunch once a week? Not sure what his hours are but any time together would be good I think.
Faye says
My husband is a pilot, and his schedule usually means 5-6 days away then 1-3 days at home, and those days off aren’t usually weekends. We struggle with integrating him into routines as well, but here are a few things that have worked for us.
– We have solid routines for everything, and he drills on them so he can step in when he’s home. He can get the kids ready for school, he can put them to bed, he can take them to weekend activities, with minimal involvement from me.
– We divided household chores, so he can feel like he owns certain things. Putting up Christmas lights, washing towels and sheets, etc. When they were little, he was the only one who bathed them. Stuff that can be done any time, but it’s his to own.
– I keep him up to date with constant texts and pics. Funny thing X said, new thing Y is doing, look at Z’s funny hat. He feels connected, and it lets him know if routines or interests are changing.
– I outsource kid things to him if they can take place during the workday. He takes them to the Dr, he arranges parent teacher conferences, he researches the gear we need for our next activity. That way he’s making decisions too.
– Focus on the special things you can do because of his schedule. He can do mid-week lunch dates with me or the kids, he can cook a lovely breakfast on his days off, etc. When they were super young, he could go to the zoo or museum and it would be empty and feel like a private tour.
– They each have a “daddy pillow” which is just a pillow from shutterfly with his face on it. They sleep with it every night. It lets them give him a “hug” every night, and he feels part of their day even if not there.
– FaceTime calls as often as we can. Sometimes the timing doesn’t work, but if there’s a break that corresponds with dinner or bedtime or whenever they’re most talkative, have them tell daddy anything on their mind.
– Monthly 1:1 dates with each member of the family. We have adult date night, then date nights with each of the kids. It’s worth the push on family time to ensure everyone feels connected and loved.
It’s important to remember this kind of situation is hard on both of you. Be kind to both of you, and know you’re both doing the best you can to deal with an alternative lifestyle. It’s hard, but super rewarding.
Weird pumping behavior says
Need some pumping anecdata from you wonderful readers. I am 5 mos postpartum. Back at work since 3 mos pp. I used to be such an amazing pumper. I could fully drain in about 10 minutes, 15 tops, with great output. Flow would be fast and furious from let-down and eventually just stop — no tapering off.
Since I’ve been at work my supply has dwindled a bit, but not too much. What HAS significantly changed in the past few weeks has been the amount of time it takes to pump. I’m getting about the same amount of milk overall, but it takes so. much. longer. Like 30-45 minutes. And I’ll go through maybe 2 letdowns. But there is no distinct stopping point – the milk slows down and then all of a sudden boom — another letdown — and I just have to stay hooked to my pump until it’s done.
Is this just a thing that happens at this stage? Or is there something I can do to get my efficiency back?
kc esq says
Are you drinking enough water before pumping? Try more. If it’s really important to you, try renting a hospital-grade pump (at a hospital or Babies R Us).
EB0220 says
You may need to replace the membrane on your pump parts!
EB0220 says
Oh, you may want to try this: when the flow of milk slows down, turn off the pump, wait a minute or so, and then turn it back on. You should get another letdown and this may help you get milk out faster. I would usually massage toward the end of the session to encourage any more milk to come out.