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Pictured above:
Maternity black dress, $39, at Dorothy Perkins / Helmut Lang Voltage draped Micro Modal cardigan, $140 / VIONIC with Orthaheel Technology Milan Casual Flat, $45 (was $129) / Tasha ‘Owl’ Infinity Scarf, $28, Nordstrom / Collection XIIX Packable Fedora, $24 (7 colors available)
Above, some of our first weekly recommendations for maternity style! As explained in our eBook, A Guide to Dressing Professionally While Pregnant, comfortable, supportive shoes are a must, as is sun protection like hats — and a great way to get more bang for your buck is to buy non-maternity items like the Helmut Lang cardigan or the infinity scarf (which will do double duty as a nursing cover if you choose to nurse). Get the book for free by signing up for our newsletter!
RR says
Hi ladies! So, I realize I’m probably overthinking this, but would love your thoughts. How do you “come out” and announce your pregnancy at work? I’m almost 11 weeks and will need to so this sooner or later (probably sooner, since I can’t button my regular pants). But I’m not sure how to handle it. Go around and tell everyone individually? Just out with it at a staff meeting? I would love to avoid making a big deal out of it — I feel like it’s a personal issue and don’t really want a lot of attention or an extensive discussion of pregnancy issues. I’m friendly with my colleagues, but not really friends, and there are about a dozen of us in my office. Fwiw, I will rotate out of this office before my maternity leave, so that doesn’t have to be part of the conversation. Would love any tips about how to handle this is a non-awkward way.
OfCounsel says
I told my boss and then found the biggest gossip in my office and told her. Voila! Twenty-four hours later the whole office knew (as well as some of our vendors). Barring that – I would insert it into conversation casually (e.g. “Man – I wish I could have a beer/go for sushi, etc., but it is amazing how much pregnancy interferes with weekend plans).
D.C. Gov't Gal says
I sadly don’t have any advice because I’m in a very similar position wondering the same thing! I’m almost 11 weeks as well and can’t button my pants either :) I already told my direct supervisor but asked him to keep things private…I ended up telling him sooner than planned because I am unable to go on a particular travel assignment because of the pregnancy (my heart has been racing, and I didn’t want to risk any further symptoms by traveling to a very high altitude).
As for the rest of my office, I’m thinking I will begin telling some of my closer colleagues around 12-13 weeks. I’ll also tell colleagues with whom I have joint cases. I think after that, I’ll just let the gossip spread on its own.
Congrats!
Mollie says
I would tell your boss first and then anyone else you’re comfortable with sharing your news. I don’t think it needs to be a big staff meeting announcement if your goal is to be discreet. In my experience I felt so much better after telling my boss. Congratulations and have a healthy pregnancy!
KLG says
I told my boss at 16 weeks. Even with having to wear a belly band (my pants stopped buttoning really early), I think I had camoflaged the bump pretty well, but unfortunately my morning sickness meant a big dive in productivity and lot of unexpected sick leave and I knew I had to explain it before my boss started asking me what was going on. Believe it or not, most people at work still didn’t notice until closer to 20 weeks. My family kept being like “you’re huge! Are you sure it’s not twins?” but people at work were astonished to hear how far along I was. After telling my boss, I told my two closest “friends” at work and then kind of let it spread from there.
MorganMarie says
First, I am so excited about this new site! I am a daily reader of Corporette, but very rarely comment. I plan to be a more active part of this community.
Second, I think many of us had the same concerns you do, RR. I chose to announce my pregnancy right at the end of my first trimester. I told the head of my practice group and my immediate supervisors and let others find out through the gossip mill. Since you don’t have to worry about discussing maternity leave with this office, I think this gives you more leeway to wait longer to tell if you want. I think most supervisors won’t make too big of a deal about it when you tell (especially if they are men)–my supervisors congratulated me, asked how I was feeling, asked about my plans for maternity leave (not applicable in your case) and then moved on. If you don’t want to tell everyone yourself (although you should be the one to tell your supervisors), is there someone in your office that you are close to that you can tell and ask them to subtly spread the word?
One thing I would suggest not doing is waiting until it is really physically obvious. A few of my co-workers didn’t tell their supervisors until after they were visibly showing and several of the supervisors commented on the fact that it was weird they were obviously pregnant and hadn’t said anything yet. Just my thoughts.
hellskitchen says
I shared it with my manager first and told her she should feel free to share with others. She tacked it at the end of a weekly team email with a note of congratulations. That way I didn’t have to feel like I needed to share with everyone individually and risk leaving someone out. It wasn’t as much of a big deal. I had several colleagues who were not included on that email and I shared with them when I saw them.
MorganMarie says
First, I am so excited about this new site! I am a daily reader of C*rp*r*tt*, but very rarely comment. I plan to be a more active part of this community.
Second, I think many of us had the same concerns you do, RR. I chose to announce my pregnancy right at the end of my first trimester. I told the head of my practice group and my immediate supervisors and let others find out through the gossip mill. Since you don’t have to worry about discussing maternity leave with this office, I think this gives you more leeway to wait longer to tell if you want. I think most supervisors won’t make too big of a deal about it when you tell (especially if they are men)–my supervisors congratulated me, asked how I was feeling, asked about my plans for maternity leave (not applicable in your case) and then moved on. If you don’t want to tell everyone yourself (although you should be the one to tell your supervisors), is there someone in your office that you are close to that you can tell and ask them to subtly spread the word?
One thing I would suggest not doing is waiting until it is really physically obvious. A few of my co-workers didn’t tell their supervisors until after they were visibly showing and several of the supervisors commented on the fact that it was weird they were obviously pregnant and hadn’t said anything yet. Just my thoughts.
RR says
Thanks everyone! Glad to know it’s not just me, and I really appreciate the stories. I think I will go with the office gossip idea — we conveniently have someone who will be perfect! Agree with not waiting until it’s visibly obvious … I’d rather head off the speculation before it starts.
Likewise, regular Corpor*tte reader but new commenter – excited about this new site and hope to participate more!
dhl says
Apologies in advance if this is too specific of a question for this forum, but I am starting back to work next week and will be pumping every day. The baby usually nurses on one side per feeding; should I try to mimic his feeding pattern and pump on only one side per session? Or should I be pumping both sides to keep my supply up (since it often goes down when moms go back to work?)
Mollie says
I pumped both sides when I went back to work every 2-3 hours for the first 3 months and then dropped it to 3 times a day. My kids both alternated sides when they nursed directly. There are so many great resources that can help explain pumping and paced bottle feeding for when you are away. Check out http://www.workandpump.com and kellymom.com
Eagle says
I would consider pumping both sides while you are at work. I did this with my first baby who was a 1-side nurser and I plan to do it with my 2nd when I return to work. I nurse my babies as soon as I get home. Often, the daycare has given an afternoon bottle so the baby is not starving and in need a full breast of milk.
ANP says
Third (fourth?) the vote to double pump each time. It’s most efficient and I’m guessing you have a double electric pump anyway, so no more trouble. Good luck!
(former) preg 3L says
FWIW, I have the same situation where my daughter nurses only on one side per feeding. I pump both, but only every other feeding. Meaning, if she nurses every 2 hours, I pump every 4 hours but I pump both. Sometimes I will nurse on one side and pump the other right before leaving for the day.
Donna says
Pump both sides for sure! Invest in one of the pumping bras so you’re still hands free and the compression actually helps you get a couple ounces out of there!
RRA says
I am at the stage where we have been thinking about trying for a long time and now we have everything in order to start trying. We’re both excited, but I’m looking for resources (books, blogs, websites) that give it to me straight – no fearmongering, no BS about nursery planning, no judgment.
I’m looking forward to having this website as a resource for work-related stuff, but any other suggestions are appreciated.
Eagle says
http://www.amazon.com/Expecting-Better-Conventional-Pregnancy-Wisdom/dp/1594204756
This book was very helpful to me. The author is an economist so her reviews of medical data was very interesting.
Anonymous says
I love this book, too. It wasn’t out during my first pregnancy, but I was happy to see that her conclusions were similar to the advice that my rather laid-back OB gave me. I am an economist, though in a different sub-field, so the author’s approach really resonated with me.
EB0220 says
I second this recommendation. Great resource!
anon says
Just another perspective: I am expecting my first and HATED the book. My OB does too. I think Oster mongers fear the same way every other book does, just towards her own conclusions. As an expectant mom who did not experience nausea, for example, her multiple chapters about the greatness of nausea and the badness of not having nausea made me really upset. As my OB says, there is an art to the science of all this and Emily Oster seems cloddish and heavy-handed in her numbers-driven considerations.
(former) preg 3L says
Thirding the recommendation for Expecting Better. For labor, I would read Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth if you want a natural birth. Then I would highly encourage you to start reading books about what to do with the baby once he/she arrives!
2 recommendations: Cherish the First 6 Weeks and 12 Hours in 12 Weeks. Sleep and nursing are the hardest parts of having a newborn.
KLG says
Personally, I was really turned off by Ina May’s book and also by the movie The Business of Being Born. They were both so anti-medical establishment. I really think the key is finding an OB or midwife that you like and that seems to work with your particular goals for/attitude towards pregnancy/childbirth. I would do your own research about the birthing options in your location (hospitals, birthing centers, midwives, etc.)
Many of my friends told me not to read What to Expect because it would scare the hell out of me, but I did not find that to be the case. I also liked the Mayo Clinic Guide to Pregnancy.
Magistra says
What I liked about Ina May’s book was all the birth stories. I have never witnessed a birth (except the screaming ones on television), and it was interesting to hear about many possible ways it could go down.
I liked that the Business of Being Born ended with a happy hospital birth–it was a reminder that plenty of people do have good hospital births. In that way, I thought the ending provided some balance to the rest of the piece.
I’d also recommend The Thinking Woman’s Guide to a Better Birth. It is a somewhat dry, research-based book and gives you some information with which to make up your own mind about various procedures.
Anon says
I’m a first time mom and sr associate at a big firm. I’m up for partner in a couple of years and have been told I am considered the strongest candidate in my class, which is great. But after several months back at work from maternity leave, I find myself wondering when this is supposed to get easier.
I really enjoy having a career, but I dread leaving my daughter. We have a wonderful nanny who my daughter loves, and I’m working a part time schedule so I have a bit more time at home. I’m in the office 9-5:30, four days a week — not bad. And yet, every Sunday, I feel depressed and sad thinking about the week to come and the time away from my baby. I don’t doubt that she is perfectly fine without me. But I MISS her!
I keep thinking this will abate, but it’s been 6 or 7 months and still going strong. Am I crazy to consider staying home? Are there other women who experience this and keep working?
TIA.
EmilyK says
I don’t think you’re crazy at all. I think we get a little bit brainwashed in law school and while associates to believe that ascending the promotional ladder at a firm is THE highest and best goal. It may be “the” goal for some people. It may be “the” goal for some people for some period of time. I fall into the latter category – promotions and pay increases were really important to a point, but when I now have to choose between having a family and being there for my future kids versus having a really great career but having that career realllllllly cut into family obligations, I’ve had to reassess my goals. Is it more important to me to be home to watch my kids take their first steps (and be more attached to me than a nanny or grandmother) than it is to be able to give them more financial stability that would come with me working full-time pretty much forever? That is such a tough question, at least for me. In many other professions, taking a year or two off doesn’t torpedo your career; in the legal profession, taking that much time off for any reason really jeopardizes your job stability, to say nothing of hindering advancement. I think it comes down to what’s more important to you, and that’s a very personal decision. It’s more important to me to stay home for a year or two to really cement the bond with my (future) kid(s), but, that being said, I suspect you have a better job than I do and would actually like to keep it. If your supervising partner is someone you feel you can trust, try talking to him/her about possibly going into a flex-time position (if your firm has them) or taking some time off. I had a friend who took a year off (although she did some work from home to stay connected with her clients) and asked to be “moved in” with the associate class behind her upon her return – she got her partnership, and she got her time off to spend with her new baby. It might be worth investigating?
Lorelai Gilmore says
Also an associate in BigLaw. After Baby No. 1, I desperately wanted to be at home full time. Financially, though, we could not pull it off (my partner was in grad school at the time and literally made No Money.) So I kept working because I had no choice. After Baby No. 2, however, I found that I was really happy to be back at work and now, I really am loving the mix. It does get easier and you can do both. Your baby will not love the nanny more than she loves you, and as you get more senior, I think it also gets a little easier. Good luck.
Donna says
This is exactly how I felt after #1 child and #2 child. If definitely gets easier. The first is the hardest! It took me about a year after coming back to not feel so terrible being at work, and actually feel glad I still had my career.
EB0220 says
I’m not in BigLaw, but I felt the same way when my daughter was small. It was excruciating to leave her for about the first year/year and a half. Somewhere around 18 months, she started really enjoying school and having fun with her little friends and connecting with her teachers. I finally felt like she was getting something out of it, and that’s when I started to feel better about working. I also have started doing something out of the ordinary routine with her one weekday evening – dinner/playtime at the park, going to a local area where we can walk around and see some horses, etc. That makes me feel like we are connecting and not getting lost in the weekly rush. Anyway, it DOES get easier but that doesn’t mean your thoughts are invalid! Good luck!
Lorelai Gilmore says
I was thinking more about you last night and wanted to come back to this comment thread with one other small piece of advice: give it at least a year. I vividly remember that when my first baby hit the nine month mark, I started feeling so much better – not just about working, but about everything. Pregnancy hormones are No Joke, and for me, it took at least those nine months to begin feeling more like myself. You are probably still in the weeds of some post-partum issues, have a baby that doesn’t sleep perfectly through the night every night (more power to you if you are, but my baby didn’t sleep through the night until she was a year old!), and are just learning how to be a mom. That’s a huge learning curve! If you really do enjoy your career, I would strongly encourage you to just give it some additional time. You’ve only been back for a few months. Hang in there. It will get better. Don’t quit until you’ve given it the chance to work.
Kate says
Does anyone have suggestions for good, high quality maternity suiting? It seems there is a huge void in this particular area. I have come across some “suits” that were expensive-ish ($250+ for a single-sized jacket & pants set, or blazers ~$150+) but were of astonishingly awful quality: cheap material, badly sewn, lumpy lining, no buttons on the sleeves, no back vent…Has anyone found any of good quality for the price? I only considered suits that were meant to camouflage my bump, rather than flaunt it, but Destination Maternity (and its associated stores) and Figure8 were both no-gos for me. I ended up going up a size in J.Crew. So frustrating! Suggestions?
Magistra says
I am at 29 weeks and have found that a suit jacket from J. Crew in twice my normal size is just the ticket. I wear it over dresses. Of course this doesn’t help with the skirt part (if you really do need a suit)–but a bella band might help you for a while (with a skirt purchased a few sizes up)?
I have made it this far wearing very few “maternity “items. The sale stuff from nicer stores (Talbots, J.Crew) is often cheaper and much better quality. So I just buy several sizes up in dresses and skirts. And at least some of the items (the ones that aren’t massively bigger than I usually wear) I’ll be able to tailor to fit after the pregnancy and post-partum period.
I guess I’m just commiserating with you. The options are bad.
CM says
I’m doing the same thing. I’m about 30 weeks with baby number 2. Oddly enough, I’ve actually leaned up since getting pregnant and my suit jackets still work – granted they don’t really button or only button at the top. I’ve accepted that for the days that I need to be in a suit. I have a two pairs of black dress pants that will work with the suit – one from Pea in the Pod and the other from Loft (both purchased in 2012 though). I also have a plain black skirt that is suit appropriate (Pea in the Pod 2012). Now, I typically wear a dress with the jacket. I’ve picked my a few wrap dresses (non-maternity) in a size up and Target (surprisingly) has a few good options. I wear this dress usually once a week – http://www.target.com/p/liz-lange-for-target-maternity-sleeveless-ponte-dress-black/-/A-14641558#prodSlot=large_3_16 And I’ve picked up a few non-maternity options that are suit-acceptable. I don’t work in BigLaw and have a business casual office. But I still wear a suit 1-3 times a week for court appearances, networking events, etc.
Oh, if you do decide to check out the Target dress I’ve linked, be aware it runs large. I’m typically about a 10 prematernity and the medium is a little big on me. I probably could have gotten a small. But with the belt and suit jacket, it works.
anon says
Question: does anyone have a suggestion for an affectionate name for the baby to call a grandparent’s spouse? My mom feels strongly that she wants them to be grandma and grandpa. Given that I grew up without a dad and her spouse has done very little to build a relationship with me over the past 12 years, I am opposed to that. I’d be open to “Uncle Jim,” which she doesn’t like. Any other ideas?
Maddie Ross says
Would you be comfortable with a variant of “grandpa” like “Pop-pop” or “poppy”? Even though it sounds like you don’t have the relationship with your step-dad that you want, 12 years to me sounds like a long time for them to have been married for you to want to ignore their relationship. Honestly, strong opposition to this I think will only make it harder in the long run on all elements of the relationship. Particularly where it sounds like there’s not another father figure in your life to be the child’s maternal grandfather.
anon says
I think Uncle would be confusing. In my experience, going by the first name only is typical in this situation. My anecdata: I have a maternal grandfather who divorced my grandmother and remarried before I was born, and his wife has always been “Mary” to me. In our case, I understood that I was not supposed to be close to her, that my mom wasn’t, and looking back I think it’s a little unfortunate, but I don’t think you can put all that on the choice of title. My husband also had a step-grandfather whom he called by first name only and they were very close.
If your mom would be really upset by having the baby call her husband Jim, can you compromise on a diminutive like Pop-pop?
Meg Murry says
Does he have any other grandchildren? If so, what do they call him? Otherwise, is it the worst thing in the world if your child calls him “Grandpa Jim”? My children have multiple Grandpa [Firstname or Lastname]s and they aren’t confused by it. Just because he hasn’t been a great stepdad to you doesn’t mean he won’t try to be a good grandfather to your son, as long as you let him try.
Or would you be ok with a Grandpa variant like others have suggested? What about Gramps, or Grampy Jim, or something from your or his heritage, like Abuelo (Spanish), Opa (Dutch/German), Nonno (Italian)? Or your child may come up with his own cute variation that sticks if you give it time.
hoola hoopa says
We had a similar situation and everyone eventually naturally converged on “Jim”. It was actually sort of endearing how much the person wanted to have a nickname – they tried for “Uncle Jimmy” – but since everyone else calls them “Jim” that’s what the kids ended up calling them, too.
I’ve also been in the child’s position and also used FirstName.
GL! You’ll find that while everyone may have a starting point, these nick names take their own path.
anonymama says
We have this on my husband’s side and have agreed to “Grandpa Firstname” for one and “Nonny” for the other, which is what her biological grandchildren call her. When I was thinking about this before our first child was born, I read something that really stuck with me and that I try to keep in mind when my in-laws irritate me (often!): It’s true that the person in question doesn’t have a parental relationship with you – or may even have had a rocky relationship with you – but a baby = a new life, and a new possibility for a positive relationship. So, I try to think: If someone wants to have a grandparent relationship with my child, it means they want to be involved and to love my child. Why would I want to deprive my child of more people who love him?
Famouscait says
Tacking on to the conversation above about how to announce pregnancy at work… how/when do you discuss maternity leave? As in, I’m close to being ready to tell my boss and coworkers I’m pregnant (currently 13 weeks) but don’t have a 12-point plan for maternity leave. I know I want to take one and roughly how long it will be, but in terms of actual logistics (transitioning duties, etc.) I feel like it’s way too early to try to nail that down. Did folks handle this as two separate conversations ( 1) announce pregnancy 2) plan maternity leave) or did you do it all in one fell swoop?
Mollie says
For me it was definitely a two part conversation and ultimately a 3 part conversation because I also had a month of bed rest that was unexpected. My boss and I made a plan when I was about half way through my pregnancy about what the transition would look like and the amount of time I would be taking off, when I would be available if question arose that couldn’t be answered by anyone else in the office, etc.
FVNC says
In my initial announcement/conversation, I did 3 things: disclosed my pregnancy, outlined my planned leave in very broad terms (I was due in October, so I just indicated that I planned to be out for the rest of the year), and emphasized my intention to return from work (for me, that was never a question). I announced at around 4 months, and it would have been way too early at that time to discuss the specifics of work transition during leave. I think having a multi-part conversation gives all affected parties the chance to absorb the news and think about the best way to allocate work during leave.
Traveling for Job says
So I’m not a mom but planning on tying to be in the next year or so. I’m also considering taking a position that will require much more travel than what I do now. The position would be super fulfilling from a professional/personal standpoint (and much better than my current soul-sucking position), but will I regret this if I end up with a little one? I’ve never been one to “lean out” before absolutely necessary, but I want to know if I’m being naïve thinking I can make it work. Or will I be a better mom because I’m happier on a day-today basis at work (that’s what I like to think).
EB0220 says
Yes, I think it would be really hard. However, I think it’s doable if you have a partner/spouse who does not travel and is willing to shoulder kid duties while you are gone. My husband has traveled every week since our daughter was born 2 years ago, and it’s been tough but survivable. There is no way I, personally, could have traveled much. I nursed her and the pumping logistics were daunting. On top of that, the thought of being away from my daughter for long did (and still does) make me feel very anxious. Not worth it for me, but that doesn’t mean that some don’t do it and do it well. Bottom line – I think you should go ahead with what is interesting to you right now, and make any modifications when baby does arrive. The pregnancy timetable can be so uncertain that I don’t think it makes sense to make any decisions so far in advance!