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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
JJ says
Contact allergies – help? Ever since switching daycares, my youngest son has had a gruesome rash on his upper hamstrings all the way down his legs. At first, his doctors thought it was a staph infection, but when it flared back up after a long course of heavy duty antibiotics (and tested negative for staph and MRSA), they sent us to a pediatric dermatologist.
The dermatologist took exactly 1 minute to realize that my son has an allergy to polyurethane and his potty training seat at daycare (and booster seat at home) were causing the rash. So, now we’re trying to prevent any skin contact with polyurethane, which I’m realizing is pretty difficult. Any chance anyone else here has dealt with this? His daycare director said she’s going to look into a stainless steel or similar insert for him to use in the potty – in the meantime, he’s sitting on a towel…
Anonymous says
Haven’t dealt with this personally but Google tells me that you can get a wooden potty seat on Amazon – search ‘Growing up green potty seat”
mascot says
Poor buddy. So he’s allergic to the foam covered seats? Is plastic ok? We used the Bemis next step toilet seats that have a plastic insert built into the regular toilet seat. Not for allergy reasons, but space constraints and a tendency to play with the potty chair.
For a booster seat, one of those wooden adjustable chairs could work (stokke or keekaroo)
Meg Murry says
I have not dealt with this particular issue (poor kiddo) but one other thing that you also may want to look into is what they are using to clean the potty seat – is it getting wiped down with Clorox Wipes or similar? If his skin is already raw, some of the heavily fragranced cleaning products also might irritate him.
Just something to watch for, in case whatever you switch to doesn’t work right away – the polyurethane may have been the initial trigger, but other things could then irritate the rash. That’s how contact allergies work for me – once something trips them off, things that were generally ok on my unbroken skin (like certain soaps or laundry detergents) irritate the rash further once I have a rash.
For at home, consider a seat like this – its a little toilet seat connected to the big seat, made of regular toilet seat plastic, not polyurethane. We never got one, although I wanted to, but our neighbors had one and really liked it: http://www.homedepot.com/p/KOHLER-Transitions-Nightlight-Elongated-Closed-Front-Toilet-Seat-in-White-K-2599-0/205861140
We also have a solid plastic (so I’m assuming not polyurethane – it’s definitely different from the squishy polyurethane one) seat from Target, but I don’t see it online now.
Anon says
When I worked in a preschool in college we were required by the department of health to clean everything that could come into contact with feces with a 1/10 bleach solution and a paper towel that was disposed of.
I’m sure every state is different, but clorox wipes probably shouldn’t cut it one way or the other.
Anonymous says
Our daughter has don fine without the seat/insert. She uses them because they have them at daycare, but we have 4 toilets at home and only one has the insert. She has no real trouble, but fell in a few times in the beginning. She’s 2.
JJ says
Thanks, everyone! Meg Murry – I think you’re probably right that while his rash is so active, it’s probably getting irritated by other things, as well. He’s had skin reactions to certain sunscreens, so I don’t doubt that a harsh or heavily fragranced cleaning product could be a contributing factor.
rakma says
I have contact allergies, and have found that eliminating almost all fragrances,harsh cleaning supplies, fabric softeners–even the ones that didn’t cause a reaction- has helped considerably, and made me less sensitive, so when I do come in contact to something that does cause a reaction, the flare ups are more mild and contained. I like the Babyganics line fore cleaning supplies–they haven’t caused any reactions for me, and work well enough that it’s not like cleaning with a wet paper towel. If daycare can’t change the cleaning supplies, can they rinse anything that will come in contact with his skin with plain water?
MSJ says
I have the same top on my (grown-up) Nalgene bottle and it’s awesome. Easy to clean and drink from. My one year old daughter loves to play with it and has figured out how to open it so I have to be careful when leaving it around the kids now
Semi-crunchy mom says
I like the Green Sprouts Glass Sip ‘n Straw Cup. The glass is surrounded by plastic so it doesn’t break if it falls (my daughter is given it her all but can’t break it). However, anything that touches the liquid is made of either glass or silicone to prevent chemical leeching.
KJ says
Thanks for this recommendation. I’m also semi-crunchy and semi trying to avoid plastic for my kid.
MSJ says
The Pura Kiki cup is good for a steel option. They have a variety of styles
Morning routine help needed says
I need suggestions for improving my morning routine now that my husband and I have switched drop-off/pick-up responsibilities. I do drop-off now, for the first time in three years. When I used to do drop-off, it was really easy because my son was a baby and we would leave the house at 5:30 a.m., so I took him out of his crib and put him in the car. Now that I am not leaving the house so early and my son is 4 and has more definite opinions about how he’d like to spend his morning, I am struggling to come up with a good routine.
Currently, I get up at 5:45, check my emails, and then work out at home until 6:45, and take a shower. I let my son sleep until he wakes up, which will be between 7 and 8. If he wakes up before I am done getting ready for work or while I am dealing with work emails, I let him play until I am done. If he wake up at 7:45 or later, I make him start getting ready for school. But it is a constant struggle because he is constantly asking me to play or trying to stop getting ready so he can play if I do not watch him like a hawk.
I think my issues are: (1) my colleagues on the East Coast are used to me being available in the morning, and so I feel like I am bad at my job because it is harder for me to do calls/answer emails early in the morning like I used to (I am on the West Coast); (2) I am much more productive in the morning, so I’ve lost the best part of my work day; and (3) I get home about 1.5 hours later than I used to, and I feel like I’ve lost a lot of quality time with my kid because the mornings are not quality time — I basically feel like I am constantly scolding him to try to get him out of the house, whereas in the evenings after pick-up we would play.
Any suggestions? Having my husband handle drop-off again isn’t an option; we switched because he got a new job with hours that preclude him from doing drop-off.
JJ says
Feel free to disregard if it doesn’t work for you, but I’ve given in and let my kids watch TV or an iPad while we get ready in the mornings. They’ll still play, as well, but they’re more likely to stay put (for better or for worse) and not get into *everything* and less likely to try and injure/maim themselves if the TV is on. I push aside the guilt I feel for this each morning with the knowledge that I’m not leaving the house a sweaty, stressed out mess.
I also recommend doing everything possible the night before. All my bags, kid stuff, etc. goes in my car at night. I’ve drastically simplified my getting-ready routine and have it down to a science, so I can spend substantially less time worrying about that, as well.
Meg Murry says
Same here. We allow one episode of tv (usually it’s Curious George or other PBS kids) while eating breakfast, to allow the adults some time to run around getting ready without tripping over a kid.
What was your husband’s routine with him? Did he allow playtime in the morning?
Maddie Ross says
100% this. Kiddo has her own iPad (well, kindle) which she is allowed to watch in the mornings while we get ready. Practically speaking, about 4/5 days a week she watches. Usually there’s one where she loses interest and hangs out with us in the bathroom and bedroom, reading books or playing with other toys. We use the Amazon Prime streaming, which has all kinds of PBS kids options, so she gets to choose Curious George, Thomas, or the like.
mascot says
I’m in the trenches with you on this one with a 5 year old and being the primary parent for the morning routine. Some randomly ordered thoughts.
What time do you have to be out the door? Is there an option for dropping him off early if there is some work emergency? Our school lets the kids run around on the playground or in the gym so I don’t feel bad getting him to fun playtime at school. Otherwise, I stay off my phone and email once he is awake and focus on the household routine. Your colleagues will adjust if you have to sign off for a bit.
Pick out clothes and pack bags/review papers the night before. It may also help to have him do all his morning routine first before allowing him time to play. It’s a hard lesson and one we struggle with, but it’s easier than transitioning from playing to getting dressed in a rush, at least for my son. We praise heavily on days that he gets it all done quickly and without fighting. We also realize that we can’t leave the house in under 30-40 minutes from when he wakes up so we wake him up if needed. If getting dressed is turning into a power struggle, don’t be afraid to take him to school in his pjs with his clothes in hand (our teachers swear this works, although we’ve not done it)
Quality time in the morning isn’t guaranteed and I’ve let go of my guilt on that. I grab snippets by sitting down with him for breakfast (or at least being in the kitchen). If we get everything done, then we might play a quick game or something. Our conversations in the car are pretty good too and I enjoy those. But some days, even when I follow all my own advice, are just rough mornings and you can’t do much about it.
POSITA says
I would probably try waking your son at the same time every morning. I think you might have more luck if the routine doesn’t change daily. That way he will know how much time he has to play.
anona says
Yes, this. Maybe wake him up at 7:15, have a set amount of time for mom time (read a book or play together for a few minutes while he wakes all the way up), and then get ready. Mine is a slow waker-upper, so it may work better for you to have the mom time as the reward once he is ready. Also, I have found that once he has eaten something he is much less easily distracted. Maybe think about working out in the evening after he goes to bed, so you have more time together in the morning?
Our routine is like this: wake up 7:15, cuddle/chat for about 10 minutes, sit him at table and continue chatting while I make/he eats breakfast, I bring clothes to him and he gets dressed at the table right after he finishes eating, shoes, brush teeth, out door. He is much less distractible when he is out of his room where all the toys are, and sitting at a table where the options are eat the food in front of you or put on the clothes that are on the chair next to you. It also eliminates having to decide what to wear, look at all the shirts in the drawer, oh hey there’s a lego, let’s build something, and on and on.
Meg Murry says
Yes, this. My husband does the morning routine most days (thank goodness for him!) but he says the key is to not have the kids leave the living room/kitchen. They get up, come downstairs and he either brings clothes to them or has them already laid out before kids come down. Same with breakfast – it is already ready before the kid gets there.
If your husband can’t do morning dropoff, can he at least help with some of the morning routine (laying out clothes, making breakfast, etc?) Or is he out the door super super early?
mascot says
This makes me feel much better that we dress our kid in the kitchen/family room and that others do too. One day he can go upstairs to change, but we aren’t there yet.
Anonymous says
skip your workout and answer emails/phone during that one hour (8:45 on the east coast). Is there a way to instead work out with your kid from 7-7:45? Bike ride for him + run for you, or just a walk together?
Anon says
Since he can’t really tell time, letting him choose when to get up and then some mornings being play mornings and some mornings being hurry up and get ready must be really confusing for him. He doesn’t know why some mornings are fun and some suck.
I’d suggest pushing him towards waking up (gently) while you shower. Go into his room and open the blinds or turn on a full spectrum light. Give him a kiss or hug and then hop in the shower. If necessary you can tell him about a special morning treat (he can stir the jam into his yogurt, it’s french toast sticks for breakfast, he picked today to wear his favorite t-shirt, or even he can watch an episode of something at breakfast). He may not always be awake by the time you’re out of the shower, but it will help normalize his schedule.
At four he should be starting to dress himself and could probably follow a picture checklist for getting ready (so either photos of him or even just like clip art type stuff of brushing teeth, going to the bathroom, getting dressed). Try to get him to do a few things with minimal supervision so you both have more time to play. The other thing is to come up with good “morning games.” Talking and silly games, like walking funny to the car, counting random things, singing silly songs, making faces in the mirror, and other things that don’t require getting out and putting away toys will fit better into a morning schedule.
And your colleagues will just have to suck it up. Though maybe if they know when you’ll be on call (Hey, my schedule’s changed — I won’t be able to take calls until 9:30 my time, but I’m still checking email.) that’ll help?
anne-on says
I’d first suggest doing as much as you can the night before. Pack lunches, lay out clothes, prep your breakfast, prep his backpack, etc. I used to load things I knew I needed into the car the night before (I have a garage) – so, extra diapers/blankets/books to go to the library/etc. It helped when all I needed to grab going out the door is my purse and my son’s lunch.
Can you prioritize morning emails to those that require an urgent response vs. those that can be shelved? I’m east coast and used to work with lots of west coast people and it was pretty common for me to do a flurry of emails at night my time and vice versa.
I know you have to get ready but can you try to make it fun for him? My son plays in my bedroom while I do my hair/makeup. We sing silly songs, he ‘hides’, he plays with jewelry/toys, he jumps on the bed a bit, etc. I also try to read poems/recite books to him as I get ready/unload the dishwasher/pack lunch. Good luck – the morning routine is never fun.
TBK says
My sons had a playdate today with a little girl and her au pair who live a few houses down. My boys are 18 mo and the little girl is 19 mo. My au pair reports that the boys shared all their toys, smiled the whole time, and were excellent hosts. Their daddy is a southern gentleman so I’m not surprised, but I am surprised at how intensely proud I feel of my boys! I mean, all they did was refrain from being little jerks, but somehow, still quite proud this morning!
Anon says
Having TWO 19 month olds who aren’t little jerks is a great accomplishment and you should be proud! I think a lot of kids are inherently little jerks at this age so I would typically give a parent a pass at this age anyway.
TBK says
They’re complete jerks to each other. They routinely steal toys and food from each other, try to shut each other into cupboards, grab each other’s hair, shove their hands in each other’s faces. Glad they showed some manners to our guest.
kc esq says
OMG, yes. My twin boys are in daycare, where they apparently haven’t had a set of twins yet. So we get worried reports that they are “aggressive with each other”. But they’re nice to other kids, so I’m happy. Twins don’t have the same boundaries with each other as normal humans.
TBK says
Given they spent the first 30some weeks of their existence kicking each other in the face, crammed into my uterus, it’s no wonder they freely climb over and on top of one another.
5 year old says
Am I the only one who has been reading this site long enough to remember when Kat announced her first pregnancy? And now her son is FIVE?!?! OMG where is the time going…
Anonymous says
Nope, I had the same thought here.
UpstateNYatty says
YES! I was thinking the same thing. I remember compulsively reading as many posts as I could as I began my first job as a new attorney–what color nail polish is okay, how high of heels is too high, what to wear to an outdoor office get together?! Fast forward 5+ years, I’m still at the same job with a baby on the way! Now I spend all my time overe here on *Moms, where my interests are a bit different–what’s the best way to clean pump parts at work, what type of out of office message should I have on maternity leave–things sure change!
HSAL says
This post is by Kate, not Kat, but I admit I’m not sure how old Kat’s oldest is. But I also remember the pregnancy announcment. This site makes me feel old. :)
HSAL says
And no work today means time to search the other site – looks like Jack just turned four last month.
Butter says
Q – how asinine is it to even consider traveling to another city (not far but not close) for a once in a lifetime job interview two to three weeks after my due date? This is predicated on the assumption baby comes out within a week of my actual due date (on either side), which I know is a wild card. Family would travel with me as I can’t imagine they wouldn’t. I wasn’t planning on leaving the house let alone the state for the several weeks after giving birth, but have to do my due diligence given the situation…I feel like this is an impossibility but wanted to check my gut with the hive. (And unfort the date can’t be moved, this is one of those wonky situations where the date is set in stone months/years in advance.)
Maddie Ross says
How far would you be traveling and how long an interview would it be? And what would their reaction be if you suddenly had to cancel? While I was hormonally unstable and still figuring out BF-ing a bit, I was otherwise completely fine two weeks after my LO’s birth and probably could have pulled it together for an hour or two. It would not have been my “best” though, and probably not lifetime job opportunity good. But at the same time, I’m a firm believer in the idea that all people (women esp.) can step up in the pinch and get done what they need to. The harder part in my opinion would be the traveling (if more than an hour or so) and negotiating BF-ing/pumping.
sfg says
+1 to all this. Really just depends what the logistics are and how you are post-hospital. I would certainly try for it if the travel is not overly complicated (nonstop flight, family who will truly help you) and the interview would not be more than a couple of hours if you plan to BF, as you will likely be pretty uncomfortable by the end of it (Though I guess you could use bathroom breaks to hand express…).
Anonymous says
I traveled 2 hours for an interview 4 weeks after giving birth (and recognize that a week makes a big difference at the newborn stage). I had a great pregnancy and uncomplicated delivery, which is why it was doable. There were logistical issues (yay for pumping in a parking garage) and I was exhausted, but it was doable.
Butter says
Hmmm, y’all have me thinking. Nonstop flight, approximately an hour and change, and one of those shuttle situations where flights go back and forth every hour. Interview is a doozy – several hours, meeting with lots of people. But given it’s length and different components, that might mean there could be some time built in to pop into a private room to pump…
I know not to plan too much this far ahead and that everything can change between now and then, but wasn’t sure if I should just pull the stopper on the process now or wait until the month/weeks before when I have more info. Seems like maybe this is one to wait and watch.
JEB says
Definitely don’t cancel yet. Wait and see how you’re doing. Looking back, I would have been okay 3 weeks pp. Not my best by any means, but I think I could have pulled it off with family/husband help.
If you do go, I would recommend getting the Medela hand pump (I think it’s called the Harmony??) I primarily use my double electric pump, but the hand pump has been a lifesaver in situations like this. It easily fits in a purse, and you can quickly (a couple of minutes each side) express enough to stay comfortable when you’re in a rush. I think it was like $40 on Amazon. Take an extra shirt and nursing pads, just in case.
anne-on says
Would it be possible to have a family member (like mom or sister or even friend) travel with you for physical support, and another stay at home to help your husband with the baby? I just think it’d be easier to keep baby and caregiver at home with everything they need (place to nap, no exposure to germs, easy access to formula or pumped milk) and have you travel separately.
Meg Murry says
I think it totally depends. A huge part of it is that you know it is coming, so you can prepare (somewhat for it). My first had some medical issues, and we were still going to the hospital or doctor’s office daily until 2 weeks, and multiple times a week at 3 weeks and I hadn’t had more than 2 hours of sleep in a row – I was barely coherent, and didn’t even feel safe driving – so I probably would have had to cancel. With my second, I was better prepared and we had less issues, so I probably would have been ok, although not at anything near my best.
My biggest advice is to outsource everything (every single thing) possible postpartum other than bf (if that’s what you want to do) and sleeping so you can heal as much as possible. Don’t be a martyr – have people make food for you, do your laundry, clean your house, etc etc. People ask how Marissa Mayer is back to work at 2 weeks – it’s because she has a staff to do everything, so all she has to do for those 2 weeks is heal.
You may need to combo feed from early on, because chances are you won’t be able to stockpile a day’s worth of milk by 2-3 weeks unless you pump like crazy from day one – and that’s asking to make yourself a crazy person, not helping you heal.
Also, FYI, at 2-3 weeks postpartum my belly was only down to 6-7 months pregnant level, but it went down a little each day. So have interview clothes ready for your pregnancy body in a variety of shapes, and be prepared that it may be a bit of an elephant in the room (you probably want to mention you are postpartum or it may be assumed that you are in fact in mid-pregnancy, not post pregnancy).
If your family would travel with you, you probably need to talk to your pediatrician. At 2-3 weeks old, baby wouldn’t have had any vaccinations yet, and an airplane seems like exposure to an awful lot of germs. I know people do it, but it would make me nervous unless my doctor was ok with it or could recommend some precautions we could take (besides tons of hand sanitizer).
KJ says
I would go for it, but keep in mind that it might not happen. My baby was almost 2 weeks late, and I was back in the hospital when she was a week old. There are a lot of variables, any one of which could mean canceling. Whatever happens, good luck!
Butter says
Thanks all! Lots of great suggestions, information, and things to consider here, all of which is really appreciated.
Spirograph says
I’m late, but maybe you’ll check back tomorrow.
I say, not asinine at all. Certainly let your contact at the company know the situation and the possibility that you would have to back out at the last minute, but FWIW I felt fine within a week. I was spreading mulch in my yard a few days after I came home from the hospital. My baby was born on a Saturday, and I took one week off from my grad school class (~3 hours + commuting time) and went back the following week with a hand pump and a stash of heavy-duty pads. Don’t sell yourself short – it is 100% possible that you can do this. You will almost certainly be exhausted afterward, but you can do it. It is also possible that circumstances could prevent travel, but I think anyone would understand you making a closer-to-gametime decision. Good luck! (I would NOT go to the interview if it’s within the first week; I was uncomfortable and leaking too many bodily fluids to deal with outside of my own home for an entire day.)
If you can be home again within 24 hours, I agree with the suggestion to consider leaving the baby at home with family; it will be a lot easier, logistically (but may be more difficult emotionally).
AIMS says
Maybe I’m crazy, but I’d do it.