Maternity Monday: Jersey Wrap Dress

Lirola Maternity Jersey Dress | CorporetteMomsWe featured the regular version of this wrap dress a few weeks ago on Corporette, but it’s worth noting that the same Etsy seller has several cute maternity options.  I love the high neckline, the elbow length sleeves, the ladylike hemline, and the general, flattering vibe and color of the wrap dress.  It’s $129, and you can choose your length (and even order a custom size if you want). Lirola Maternity Jersey Wrap Dress

(L-2)

Building a maternity wardrobe for work? Check out our page with more suggestions along both classic and trendy/seasonal lines.

Comments

  1. Ladies, let’s talk about b-milk and formula feeding. I’m so impressed by the judgement-free nature of this community that I feel comfortable asking this question: is there anyone out there who b-fed 1 or a few kids and then went to formula for subsequent children? Did you have any guilt feelings in doing so?

    About me: I have two kids with a (wholly unplanned) third on the way. For Kid 1, I pumped like a maniac, made a lot of “classic” bf’ing mistakes and after a pretty major illness — for me — when baby was 9 months old, we went to formula. My intent had been to make it a year, but no big deal (in retrospect — I did beat myself up about not making my goal while I was in the thick of it). We combo fed from months 6-9, too.

    With Kid 2, I nursed him (and pumped while at work) for 12 months — but I knew a lot more then than I knew with the first. It was a ton of work and commitment, but I did it.

    So here comes kid #3 — and in general, I am just not excited by this pregnancy or the prospect of a child like I was with the first two. I know that a lot of that stems from my general dislike of pregnancy, the fact that this was unplanned, the reality that I have two other kids (age 5 and 2) to chase around, and also because I’m about to start a [email protected]$$ new job. All I really want to do is have the space and time to focus on work — not think about baby stuff. That said, I love my first two kids A TON and have no doubt that #3 will eventually feel that same type of affection…it’s just different this time around.

    And now I’m starting to think I might not nurse this third kid after maternity leave is over — or that I’d just pump for awhile, or combo feed, or whatever. I love the idea of getting my body/time back sooner than later but OH MAN THE GUILT. Which is silly, because we used formula with our first! But I somehow feel as though I’m not providing #3 with all of the resources I gave #1 and #2 — that I’m somehow less dedicated to this third child. Someone please tell me I’m being ridiculous.

    • (former) preg 3L says:

      I only have one (as you probably know) and I’m still pumping at work and nursing in the mornings (she’s 13 months). One of my ex-MIL’s best friends, whom I met while my STBX and I were still married and our daughter was very tiny, was telling me about her BF-ing struggles because I was struggling at the time. She said she nursed kids 1 & 2, but by kid 3, “it just wasn’t worth the effort while chasing two kids around.” She was perfectly happy with the decision, and all three kids turned out beautifully.

      That is to say, I think you can totally do formula from day 1 or formula from your first day back at work — and your child will turn out awesome. Whatever empowers you to be a happier, more loving mother, is the best choice for your family IMHO. I’d be very interested to hear what you decide though!

    • PregAnon says:

      I think you’re fine…my brother and I were both formula fed exclusively, and I think we’re ok! After reading “Bringing up Bebe” I’m realizing BF-ing is maybe more of a high pressure thing in the US than it is elsewhere. That’s my totally uneducated, I’m only 14 weeks pregnant opinion, but I think you have to do what feels right for you.

    • NewMomAnon says:

      I have only one kid and plan to stay that way for a while, but if I did have a second, ain’t no way I’d be pumping at work. I did that for a year with this kiddo and can see how much of a time suck it was and how it warped my ability to effectively use outside resources (grandmas, babysitters, even husband) because I was hoarding my “stash” for “emergencies” (which apparently didn’t include “mommy hasn’t slept in a week”).

      If I have another, I think I’d do formula at daycare and use that “pumping time” to take a yoga class during the day a few times a week. And hopefully keep up nursing at night and on weekends, but be OK with giving formula if I needed sleep or it didn’t work out or whatever. I think giving my kiddo a happier me and a larger world of involved, caring adults would be a greater gift than the benefits of b*milk over formula.

    • I haven’t been there but can definitely understand where you are coming from. You need to do what keeps you sane and happy for the entire family and if that’s formula so be it. Plus, I’ve heard that most of the benefits of bfeeding come from the first few weeks so if you’re doing that while on mat leave, baby number three will still get the upside.

    • So, I only have one kid, but my perspective on this is that it’s best to keep an open mind – you don’t have to decide right now. See how you feel on your maternity leave, how you feel when you are going back, and how you feel when you are back at work. At this point you don’t know how your kiddo will do at latching/nursing, what your supply will be like, or how you will feel about everything. And I’m not going to tell you you are being ridiculous, but I will remind you that no matter what you decide, your baby will be fine even if he or she gets more formula than your other kids. Read this if you need more reassurance: http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2009/04/the-case-against-breast-feeding/307311/

      And congratulations on #3 and the new job!

      Signed, Baby got a little formula in the first week when my milk took a long time coming, more in the second week when I was unexpectedly hospitalized, EBF for the next couple of months, supplemented when I couldn’t keep up with her appetite when I went back to work and started pumping, pumped until 11 months, and still bf-ing morning and bedtime now at nearly 12 months. Not everyone has a linear path or an easy to categorize feeding method. I’m sure hardcore bf-ers would judge me for giving formula almost since birth, and some people might think it’s silly or unnecessary that I’m still bf-ing at all at this point even though she gets tons of formula. Oh well.

    • We’re most likely one-and-done, but I wouldn’t hesitate to combo feed a second child. I was so particular about exclusively bf’ing our son, but by the time he was one, he was eating so much random food that it seems silly, looking back, that I was so stressed about not giving him a drop of formula.

      It sounds to me, though, that your guilt is coming more from fearing you might not be giving #3 as much as gave #1 and #2, and you fear that being less dedicated to bf’ing #3 is proof of that. I don’t think you should feel that way. You are a much more seasoned parent now, and you can make decisions based on your full gamut of experiences (including the benefits of getting your body back early, having more time and energy to focus on your kids and your new job, etc.). It also sounds like your bf’ing experience wasn’t all that great with #1 and #2, so it makes sense that you would take that into account when making decisions about how to feed #3. None of that means that #3 is somehow less than the first two. S/he is just coming in at a different time, and will have a different experience. That experience will also have a lot of good sides (like older siblings! And chill parents!), so I wouldn’t worry that #3 is getting short shrift just because s/he might get more formula than the others.

      • Oh man. This was amazing to read — particularly your entire second paragraph. Thank you!

    • CPA Lady says:

      +1 to seeing how it goes. I decided when I was pregnant that I would do my best to nurse during my 12 week maternity leave and then switch to formula once I started back to work. I only kept nursing a couple times a day after I went back to work because I surprised myself and enjoyed it, not because it was “best”. Now I’m finally weaning her at 6 months. She’s healthy as a horse, happy, doing great, etc. on her mostly formula diet.

      I expected to be judged for using formula (especially because it was a choice, not something I was “forced” to do), but no one has said anything about it to me and I’m happy with my decision.

    • I had the exact same feelings with my second that you are having with your third. I nursed and pumped with DS for 14/15 months or so. We had a few hiccups in the beginning, but nursing was mostly smooth sailing for us. DS#2 was premature. tongue and lip tied and was born with a a sort of funny frowny faced shaped mouth. Despite numerous attempts and tongue and lip tie release, he was never able to nurse. Because he was premature, he was given formula from the beginning, and I also pumped. Because we never had a direct nursing relationship, my milk supply suffered despite pumping for at least 30 minutes 8 times a day. As a result, DS 2 was combo fed. Despite all the pumping I did, I still had horribly guilty thoughts about how I was not giving DS2 the benefits I had given DS1 especially since DS2 was a preemie. I ended up continuing to pump for 9 months. DS2 was then exclusively formula fed.

      I am here to tell you that my guilty feelings were ridiculous. I realized in retrospect that the decision on how to feed your child as an infant is in the grand scheme of things one of the most minor decisions you will make for your child. In retrospect, I think that I wasted a lot of valuable time that could have been spent with my family, on my career or bettering myself. I say trust your instincts that formula feeding is the best decision for your family. Only you know what will work best for you and your family.

      • Spirograph says:

        Thanks for this. I’m still nursing #2, but am getting exhausted just thinking about pumping at work again. I feel guilty because I did it for a year with #1, and haven’t totally made up my mind, but I’m strongly leaning toward switching to combo or formula exclusively.

    • Anonymous says:

      If I had to do it again I would have told my husband (who insisted on milk) to get stuffed and I would have formula fed since day 1. I wasted so much time pumping that I could have spent with my baby, sleeping or just being a happier person.

    • Just wanted to check back in and thank all of you who replied — it was great to read your advice and encouragement, not to mention hear about your own experiences. I like the idea of not making any firm decisions now and keeping an open mind. Y’all are the best, ladies!

    • PinkKeyboard says:

      Hopefully you see this… but just wanted to say that for my cousin’s 3rd baby she did formula because with 2 other kids needing her attention etc she just couldn’t do the breastfeeding. And this was a wanted (albeit surprise) baby and she went on to have a 4th. Sometimes you just need to do what is easiest. And being able to hand the baby (with a bottle) off to someone else to care for your other kids or just get a break is priceless. This doesn’t even bring up the issues of pumping etc as she’s a stay at home mom. Needless to say her 3rd seems just as healthy and smart as the 1st two.

    • anonomom says:

      ANP- hope you’ll see this. I didn’t read all the replies but I have a funny story about this subject from a friend. Friend graduated with a perfect 4.0 undergrad and then worked for a while and then went to a top 5 MBA program while pregnant with her first. Her husband was a SAHD. She nursed #1 but was so type-A that she drove herself crazy trying to be a perfect mom, wife, student and b-feed too. When she wanted #2, her husband agreed to it on one condition: That she agreed not to b-feed at all. He said that he knew she was too hard on herself and that she had to agree to try not to be “perfect”. She said that it was just overwhelming and his stipulation was the perfect thing for their family. So, yes, you are right to consider not b-feeding, especially given your other kids and your job. No guilt! is my motto.

  2. PSA for PT says:

    I’m putting this out there as a PSA as I was unaware that pelvic floor PT existed until just recently. 6+ months post partum I was still having bad pain that basically took s*x off the table. I had a c-section so wasnt expecting this and my OB just blamed bfeeding hormones. I recently discovered pelvic floor PT via a parenting podcast I follow and it was a relevation that other women suffer similarly and there was something that could help without weaning ahead of schedule. It turns out I have some pretty bad muscle knots internally from the weight of my pregnancy (I never knew this was even possible) that are the cause of the pain. The internal massage is as awkward as it sounds but such a great alternative to giving up on s*x for the foreseeable future. I’m just annoyed that so few OBs ever mention it as an option!

    • There is a chapter in Bringing Up Bebe about this. Apparently it’s de rigueur in France. It’s sounds like OBs here need to get with the program.

    • I couldn’t have s*x for several years with my DH until I discovered pelvic floor PT. It was life changing, literally. We now have two beautiful kids. I just wished I had known about it earlier (and this was after seeing several OBs – in the end, my PCP told me about it).

    • I did pelvic floor PT and it worked real wonders for me. A little awkward when I see my PT therapist in public…but she is nice enough not to make eye contact

    • The Longest Shortest Time podcast! Love it!

  3. PregAnon says:

    Ugh. Happy Monday. I got to work at 7:45, and promptly had to run to the bathroom and throw up. I’m 14.5 weeks, I’ve been sick over half of that time, I don’t feel good, I’m exhausted, and now I’ve killed a hemorrhoid and that is bleeding like crazy. My house looks like a tornado hit because we moved in October and I wasn’t finished getting set up when the exhaustion and sickness set in.

    I am seriously sitting in my office crying because I feel so terrible. I just want to crawl into bed and stay there until this is all over.

    • Hugs. I’m there with you (16 weeks).

      There is nothing wrong with a mental health day, if you need it. I got one unexpectedly yesterday as I think I accidentally double dosed on my blood pressure meds, and then felt horribly off and fuzzy all day. BUT, after a day of laying on the couch, catching up on sleep, and for once, not caring that my house was a disaster area, I feel markedly better this morning.

      Also, buy yourself some spring flowers and set them within close eye sight (between you and the rest of the house?) a Bit of spring-time cheer may help! I hope you feel better soon.

      • PregAnon says:

        The flowers are a good idea!! We have a flower shop in the basement of our building and I may go down and get some for my office. I’m in house, so while we mostly have an open floor plan, they’ve stashed me back in this cave of a room with no windows. I’d rather be back out on the floor with big windows!

        The problem with me taking a mental health day or even working from home is I have a co-worker who is “senior” to me, and although I don’t report to her, she goes out of her way to sabotage me when I’m out. It’s gross and HR has been alerted, but our General Counsel is retiring and we don’t have a new one yet, so I’m kind of fending for myself. Which I’m sure is making me feel worse!

        What it comes down to, I think, after talking to some more senior people here that I am very close to, is that she’s decided I’m a “threat” (whatever that means when you’re in house…) and feels the need to pick me apart all the time.

    • PregAnon says:

      I just had Gatorade and sea salt and vinegar chips, and I feel better (I also took 2 zofran). I’m so weird.

      • Merabella says:

        Whatever gets you through. I basically ate Ritz Crackers and Cup-A-Noodle Soup for the first 3 months, because it was the only thing that didn’t make me want to die.

  4. Pigpen's Mama says:

    Shopping cart and high chair cover(s): where do they fall on the scale of “you might as well let your baby lick the bottom of your shoe if you don’t get one” to “you’re going to raise a grit-less child without a decent immune system”.

    Because on one hand, I’m sick of all the stuff, and on the other hand, shopping carts are pretty gross.

    • NewMomAnon says:

      My kid is in daycare. Daycare germs laugh at your shopping cart covers. I don’t use ’em.

    • I bought a shopping cart cover because I thought I would use it. I pretty much forgot it in the car 99% of the time, so it was fairly useless for me. If the shopping carts looked relatively grimy, I would wipe it down with one of the sanitizer wipes that all our grocery stores have by the carts now.

      But honestly? I figured my kid was probably getting exposed to more germs in daycare than he was in a shopping cart.

    • This is the one of 2 items we bought that was a complete waste of money. Many stores now (Target, grocery store) offer wipes to clean off a cart. For restaurants, I take a roll of Clorox wipes to clean the chair a bit before putting kiddo in. We used our cover exactly once; for me, it was way too complicated and time consuming to deal with while also wrangling a squirmy baby.

      • Dying to know — what was the other useless thing? (And only ending up with 2 is a pretty good track record!)

        • Ha, just saw this! You probably won’t read it, but….the second item was our “baby jail” — a mesh-sided, collapsible play area. We bought it like a week before baby started crawling, so of course she never wanted to spend time in it.

    • Spirograph says:

      I’ve never used them. Lots of grocery stores have wipes by their carts… I sometimes swipe with one of those (knowing full well that those antimicrobial wipes do not kill anything in the 5 seconds I use them for), but basically as long as I can’t see goo on the handle I don’t worry about it.

    • Pigpen's Mama says:

      Hah! See, I forget about daycare, because out of sight, out of mind (bad mommy). And daycare really is the equivalent of licking the bottom of a shoe, because those stupid paper shoe covers are pretty useless.

      Thanks, guys, for helping me keep my sanity.

    • More towards the latter – they seem like more trouble than they would be worth and we never used one; kid was fine. When he was in the stage where he wanted to put his mouth on everything, we tried to wipe the cart handles down with a sanatizer wipe or wet wipe, and discourage him from trying to chew them, but really, we probably didn’t even do that half the time.

      Germs happen no matter what you do. And remember that when they’re really little and delicate, you’re probably going to keep them in the carrier, rather than sit them in a cart or high chair, anyway.

    • Agree with everyone else that they’re kind of unnecessary and germs happen. Also, Pigpen’s Mama, I love your handle!

      • Pigpen's Mama fka noob says:

        Thanks! I have posted under a few handles (usually switching when I’m going to ask a ‘Am I a horrible mom’ question), but may stick with this one, as I’m not sure how my small, non-mobile child gets so dirty!

    • Maddie Ross says:

      Do you want mine? It’s completely un-used, though it did ride around in my car for 18months…

    • pockets says:

      I put these in the category of things that are specifically marketed to create, and then exploit, otherwise unfounded fears. My mom definitely did not use a cart cover when I was a baby, there was no hand sanitizer, and here I am, typing about it 30 years later.

    • Momata says:

      I don’t use either. I figure getting out of the house and running errands / grabbing food is challenge enough without adding more gear, and I certainly don’t need more laundry. I also just put kid’s food directly onto the restaurant table.

      • pockets says:

        I had a minor freak-out this weekend when we went to a diner and baby ate an orange slice off the diner table. I got over it but the combo of moist orange + high-traffic diner table almost got me.

      • Momata says:

        I agree it’s borderline. I figure her mitts are all over the table even if the food is on some sort of placemat, and the placemat just ensures more gear / food on the floor, so what’s the point?

    • mascot says:

      We used a highchair cover for a while, but not for health reasons. It made the highchair a bit more comfortable and had straps for toys/cups. I seem to remember that it had shoulder straps too to hold baby up a bit, but I could be making that up. I take a relaxed approach to germ avoidance and it seems to be working for us.
      I generally don’t use anti-bacterial products either. Hand sanitizer only comes out when hand-washing is otherwise impossible.

      • rakma says:

        We also used the highchair cover for a while, because it kept the baby in the high chair a bit more securely. DD likes to watch everyone who is not us (we’re super boring) so she’d turn around in the restaurant high chair, and basically be out of the straps. The cover kept her from twisting all the way around.

      • Pigpen's Mama fka noob says:

        This was the reason I was eyeing the covers. Baby girl is pretty tiny and likes to move around, so I was thinking the extra padding would kind of keep her in place until she grew into the chairs.

  5. Katala says:

    I’m closing in on 32 weeks, and we are unexpectedly moving the beginning of next month. I didn’t have much set up nursery-wise so not really losing any work on that front, and we planned to keep LO in our room for a while (now there will only be one bedroom, so sharing for a year unless it’s unworkable). Any advice for moving and getting everything set up during the last month-ish of pregnancy? I’m very excited about our new place (washer/dryer, doorman, elevator, dishwasher!!!) but also shocked/anxious about taking this on right now…

    • Congrats on the move! My advice: do NOT overdo it. Outsource, outsource, outsource. Even if you are Superwoman, or feel like you are Superwoman, lifting/bending/moving heavy things is not your friend right now. So be kind to yourself and understand (and accept) your capabilities. Do you have a partner or spouse who can take the reins? Family or close friends who can help? There is plenty to set up in a new home that has nothing to do with physical labor (calling utility companies, etc.) so don’t hesitate to “claim” those types of tasks.

      This is written, BTW, as a 25-weeks-pregnant woman who totally overdid it yesterday and is now suuuuuuper paying for it this morning.

      • Katala says:

        We are definitely hiring help to do the lifting part. No way am I carrying anything other than my belly down our stairs! And yes luckily husband is already telling me to just let him handle things so as long as I can avoid micromanaging my roll should be limited to packing (while sitting) and using the phone.
        Always a good reminder to take it slow – I ended up walking 6 miles on Friday (not all at once, and not intentionally) and oh man was I paying for it all weekend!

    • quailison says:

      Agreed on the do not over do it front – I started feeling really tired when I hit 36 weeks. Don’t forget in the rush of moving to have your hospital bags packed and ready to go – nothing like having to unpack boxes while in labor to find that extra phone charger or whatever. If you are driving to the hospital, make sure you know how to get there from the new place. And try to have all of this done three weeks in advance (haha), in case your kid comes two weeks early like mine and you end up at the hospital, after ten wrong turns, with a half-packed bag that you were going to finish packing “tomorrow”!

      Good luck with the move and the new baby! (And enjoy all your new amenities!)

      • Katala says:

        Such a good point, I hadn’t thought of that but I will definitely pack my hospital bag first, in a suitcase with a “don’t take anything out/put anything in” label!

    • Lorelai Gilmore says:

      I moved to a new house 9 days before I gave birth. Here’s the rule, as my doctor explained it to me. YOU DO NOTHING. You sit, you point, you tell people what to do, but you lift nothing and pack nothing. HIRE MOVERS.

      In terms of set-up, here’s what you need to have done by the time the baby arrives:
      1) Have a place for you to sleep.
      2) Have a place to put the baby while you are sleeping (crib, bouncer seat, or swing would all work.)
      3) Have a place to change the baby. I think it’s worth it to have a designated changing space.
      4) Have a sacred space to nurse the baby. That sounds totally goofy, but for me, it was lifechanging to have a rocking chair (we had a big recliner that rocked, which was super comfy), with a table, a lamp, a clock (so you can see how long you’ve been breast-feeding, etc.), and space to put your water bottle.
      5) It really helps to have your kitchen unpacked and organized.

      That’s basically all you need.

      Also, I found that it wasn’t that hard to work on unpacking the house after the baby was born. Life with a newborn is full of short spurts of time while the baby sleeps. It’s not long enough to take on and finish a major project like painting, but it’s plenty long enough to unpack a box. I built some Ikea furniture during maternity leave during the spurts of time between nursing :)

      • Katala says:

        This is so helpful, thank you! I’m printing this right now and putting it in my folder of lists to organize myself (but really my husband ;) for this project. It’s really great to hear that I won’t necessarily be living out of boxes for the next year if I don’t get it all done before baby arrives.

  6. Ideas on an European destination in May? says:

    I’m cross posting this in the hopes for several responses. My husband, kids (who are 2.5 and 4 months), my active 68 year old mom, and I would like to go for a 1 week vacation somewhere in Europe during early May. Mom has never been anywhere in Europe. DH and I would like to go somewhere we haven’t been before (we’ve been to Paris, all over Spain, London, Berlin, Istanbul, Rome, Florence, Athens, and the Greek islands).

    Any recommendations on a family friendly destination that has a good mix of history as well as natural beauty? I’ve been doing Google research and am overwhelmed by the options. Would also like to go somewhere where the weather will be warm (we’re in Boston and so, so tired of this snow). TIA!

    • pockets says:

      Costa Rica. Something for everyone, quick flight, only 1 hr time difference, very friendly people and very tourist-centric.

    • Spirograph says:

      Croatia! Or Scandanavia somewhere, but those countries are so expensive. I haven’t been to Iceland, myself, but everyone I know who has loved it.

      Eta Ireland. A shorter flight, too.

    • Nonny says:

      Since you have the little ones, have you thought of doing something like renting a cottage or villa in France or Italy for a week? Or even somewhere in England? It would be fairly relaxing, your 2.5 year old could run around the garden, and you could explore the local villages/towns rather than being city-based.

      Speaking as someone who has never done this but thinks it would be an awesome idea for a toddler….

    • Merabella says:

      Sicily. Loved it, lots of history, lots of beaches/warm weather!

      • We’re going to Sicily this spring! Any advice on where to go or toddler-friendly activities?

        • Merabella says:

          I wasn’t with any toddlers when I was there – know that they do not have “safety” features on any of the attractions – like some places didn’t have railings/minimal safety standards – so you’ll have to be vigilant.

          We did an all around tour and hit the hot spots, in September, so the weather was BEAUTIFUL – so spring weather is probably awesome as well – probably in the 70s/80s most days. We really liked Mount Etna, and the beaches at Taormina. Syracuse was really fun to see Greek ruins.

    • Anonymous says:

      Prague. You can see everything by walking. Plus the dollar is in the toilet.

    • Anonymous says:

      Oh and Monaco- you can rent a flat for 100 euros a day in the non peak season. Super nice. Everyone should go.

  7. I'm fat and I need maternity clothes says:

    Can you help? I was solidly in plus bottoms all the time prior to pregnancy, with most of my clothes coming from Talbots or Lands’ End. I am getting to the point where my pants are uncomfortable and it’s too cold where I live to wear dresses. Please recommend some stores that carry actual plus size maternity clothes that are presentable in a law firm setting – rayon pants and sailor blouses need not apply.

    • I think Old Navy carried some plus-sized maternity options. And Gap maternity pants went up to size 18, I think. Honestly, I think you’ll get more mileage out of dresses simply because they can be worn when you’re a couple different sizes. With tights, could you wear dresses now? I was an 18 or so on bottom before getting pregnant this last time, and I had some luck with Liz Lange and Merona dresses from Target.

      I was at a law firm then, too. The good news is that you’ll get a lot more leeway on how business-formal your wardrobe needs to be the more pregnant you get.

      • Lyssa says:

        I second the recommendation that you focus on dresses, since you can keep wearing them when it does finally warm up (and they are so much more comfortable!). I’ve had really good luck cutting up the waistband on a few pairs of tights to get me through, so you can probably get away with that since you’re still early. (Just cut a vertical slit down the front seam, and cut away extra from the sides in a V if it bothers you. I thought that they would just unravel, but they seem to hold up pretty well with that.)

    • Meg Murry says:

      How are/were you shaped pre-pregnancy? I’m plus sized as well, but always carried the most weight in my hips and thighs, not waist, so I was able to just go up 1-3 regular sizes in regular pants from the stores that I liked, sometimes using the elastic hairband trick on my pants at the end of a bloated day until 6 months. And I wound up using those pants postpartum for way longer than I care to admit to anyone in my real life (like 2+ years) as I have never really lost all the baby weight, and when I did lose my shape didn’t go back to my pre-pregnancy size.

    • rakma says:

      I was solidly plus size before, during and after being pregnant, and the best things I had were Lands End dresses a size or two bigger than I usually wore. Maternity tights are, to me, the worst torture after about 7 months, but before that were fine. I was also about 7,000 degrees for most of my pregnancy, so being cold was not a concern.

      I had a few pair of pants from Motherhood Maternity, they were not fabric I enjoyed, but they looked OK, and I bought those in a store, so at least I tried them on.

    • Old Navy, JC Penny and dresses

    • MomAnon4This says:

      The Destination Maternity does have plus sizes. I think my 2 pairs of Maternity black pants are from there.
      I’m surprised by how generous a lot of the XL and XXL maternity clothes are, from Target & Old Navy/Gap.
      It’s spring now so can you focus on dresses and regular cardigans or do they need to be suits?

      • Merabella says:

        Agreed about the Target/Old Navy sizing being generous. I’m a 12/14 probably in the rear at the moment, but in dresses I fit easily into Mediums at Target/Old Navy. Don’t know anything about suiting for pregnancy – since my office isn’t that formal.

      • I'm fat and I need maternity clothes says:

        I can probably pull off dresses and regular cardigans/blazers once it gets a little warmer. It’s still 30 where I live and the idea of putting tights around my bloated stomach just sounds awful.

    • (former) preg 3L says:

      THIGH HIGHS will change your life. You can get some pretty warm ones. SO much better than dealing with tights + a pregnant belly.

    • Lorelai Gilmore says:

      Oh honey, I FEEL YOUR PAIN. I am plus size (like size 22) and tall and I work in BigLaw and it was impossible to find clothes for my two pregnancies. Here’s what I did:

      1) You probably need at least one maternity suit. You might be able to buy this gray pinstriped suit: http://www.onestopplus.com/search/searchresults.aspx?searchheader=maternity&deptid=all&deptname=search%20all

      I owned it in black and grey. I had to get it tailored, but it was a lifesaver because I was in court for a lot of my pregnancy and needed something formal.

      If you can’t do a maternity suit, I found that I was able to fit into my regular suits for some time, leaving jackets unbuttoned.

      2) For me, the most comfortable and best-looking option was a maternity dress or skirt, black tights, and some sort of a maternity top. Destination Maternity is your best bet for that kind of stuff. A nice black cardigan will take you a long way.

      3) Comfy tights are your friend. I didn’t like the maternity hose but did just fine with black tights from Avenue in a size up – soft, stretchy, and super comfortable. Tights actually felt better than bare legs – something about the extra support, I think.

      4) Old Navy maternity is BIG. I did just fine in Old Navy XXL Maternity sizes for almost everything – especially yoga pants, tops, etc.

      5) Don’t be afraid of tailoring maternity clothes. I took those maternity suits (which looked terrible off the rack) to a good tailor, who made them workable. You could also take a regular skirt that you like to the tailor and have them add in an elastic panel to turn it into a maternity skirt.

      6) JC Penney carries good work clothes for plus size maternity. I was really happy with their stuff. (God bless JC Penney!) Their pants are way better than Destination Maternity pants.

      Good luck!

  8. Sleep Hell says:

    I am in a really bad sleep position with my 13 months old. Basically, I did everything wrong and walked and rocked her to sleep every single night for her entire life. I also co-sleep. Basically, she has never slept in a crib (but, I think she naps in a crib at daycare).

    I now want to transition her to her crib. Last night, I put her in the crib, with the plan of staying in the room and rubbing her back and signing to her. She screamed with such terror and determination and when when I lifted her out after about a minute of her terrified screams, she was shaking and her little heart was beating so fast. She clung to me in absolute desperation and I felt awful. I then walked her to sleep and let her sleep in my bed again.

    What do I do? Keep trying this crib thing and hope that after a few nights, she doesn’t scream with terror? I don’t think I can let her cry it out based on how terrified she seemed.

    • Sarabeth says:

      Ugh. I’m sorry, that sounds hard. If you are comfortable with it, you could try a floor bed in her room – it would allow you to lie down with her while she goes to sleep, then get up and go to your own room. There will still probably be a process of teaching her to self-soothe, both initially and during overnight wakeups, but if you are lying down with her it might not be as traumatic for her.

    • Maddie Ross says:

      Does she nap in her crib at home? Can you start trying that first on the weekends and see how that goes? If she naps in a crib at daycare, that might be an easier transition.

    • I just have an 8 month old, but is it possible to wait until the point that she reasons more? I’ve had friends that wait to quit co-sleeping until there child is old enough to move up to a “big bed” and then they throw a party and make it sounds exciting. That’s worked really well for them. I don’t know if that is helpful for what stage you are at though. I like the floor bed idea too.

      • Sleep Hell says:

        There are a couple of reasons why I want to get her into a crib now rather than later, if at all possible.

        1) I’d like to have some “me and husband” time. Both in bed and before bed. Right now, I can’t just put her to bed and watch a movie or do the dishes or anything.
        2) I’m sick of being an all night buffet. My nipples are at the end of their rope.
        3) We’re not getting a great night sleep because she squirms and wakes me up and I squirm and wake her up.

        I love snuggling with her and I don’t even really mind that we co-slept for this long, but I’m over it. I’ll miss her in the bed (assuming I ever get her out), but I’m over it!

        • I completely understand! I just didn’t know if developmentally she was close to being able to have her own bed and understand that or not! Good luck with every thing!

    • rakma says:

      You sound like me 3 months ago. All of your reasons were my reasons, and yes, sometimes you just want to be able to do the dishes at 8pm damnit. Or you know, talk to your husband with out whispering.

      First, I’m sorry. It’s rough. Second, you didn’t do anything wrong, you did what you needed to do to survive the first year, and now that you want to change, it is possible.

      Here’s what we did: Got “The No Cry Sleep Solution” by Elizabeth Pantley (spoilers: there’s still crying). Hubby took of a week from work (happened to be the week after Christmas) and he was in charge of sleep from then on out. We created a bedtime routine, which ended with me nursing the baby, but not letting her fall asleep, handing her over and leaving. (yes, that was the hardest part of all of this, for me)

      For the first ~3 nights, hubby slept in the room on an air mattress, woke up and soothed her every time she woke up. After that point, she started sleeping in longer stretches (the nursing all night was just because I was there, she didn’t miss it when it wasn’t there anymore) and we’ve now got a 30 minute go to bed routine and she wakes up maybe once a night.

      It’s not perfect, but it is about 1000x better than it was.

      • Nonny says:

        Agreed re “The No Cry Sleep Solution”. I read it when we were co-sleeping and I was still a buffet at about 7 months, and I was ready to end both. Based on my reading on the subject, it sounds to me like you have several issues to deal with (as did I), and they have to be dealt with one at a time, which probably means that going from rocking, walking, co-sleeping, and being a buffet to all-night crib sleeping in one shot is probably not going to be the best option. You’ll probably have to work on one thing at a time. As I recall, Pantley recommends working on learning to fall asleep without props first.

        Even though my daughter was younger when we did this, we did eventually get past it and now she sleeps in her own room, in her own crib, and sometimes even sleeps all the way through the night. It can be done – it just might take you a month or two.

        • Sleep Hell says:

          Thank you. This is helpful. I’ve read (skimmed?) the book. One of the main take aways is that I’m going to actually have to do *something* if I want anything to change. Its not going to just magically happen. So I have to prepare myself for some work. I may not be willing to let her scream by herself for two hours, but I may have to be willing to let her scream while I hold her hand and sing to her and pat her back.

  9. quailison says:

    Serious question time. Before getting pregnant, spouse and I were pretty solidly on the same page about only wanting one kid. We made the decision to have the kid, and to stop at one, after a lot of thought and planning (as is my MO, haha) and were mostly concerned about costs – of child care, to my career, etc. Now kid is here, still a newborn, and I keep randomly bursting into tears looking at him and thinking that this is the only baby I will have. I love him so much and even though he is a lot of work I would totally do it again – except that rationally, it makes no sense. Even emotionally, I don’t want two or more kids as an abstract idea (like I want this kid to have a sibling or something). It’s just this weird baby nostalgia-in-the-moment thing.

    Did any of you have this? Did you get over it? I’m dealing with it now by (silently) reminding myself that I can’t have another kid for at least two years (job reasons) and so I can reconsider later. But I am truly surprised at how quickly I’ve gone from ambivalent to want.all.the.babies. This would be a really tough sell on my spouse.

    I’d love to hear from others who are “one and done” or in a similar spot. Probably not helpful right now to hear about how much you love your second kid that you didn’t originally plan on, because that will just make me cry on my kid’s head more :)

    • I don’t know what to tell you except that you are not alone. I am in the exact. same. position. Maybe it’s all the hormones and the feelings will eventually calm down, but for now I want like 20 babies. My brain keeps reminding me of who I used to be and what I used to think and how much all this costs, but my heart tells me to throw caution to the wind and have a baby at all times! Sigh.

      • quailison says:

        Thanks, LLC. That is super nice to know I’m not alone. I too am thinking hormones are at the root of this – of course hormones want us to like the all babies now because the babies need us all the time! Not that rationally knowing this helps, because as you say, my brain is not the problem here, it’s my heart. Sigh is right.

      • Pigpen's Mama fka noob says:

        +1, I’m really hoping it’s hormones, because I’ve been like this since my 6 month old was about two weeks old, even though I was firmly in the one and done camp.

        I think it’s because I know not only is she my first, but she’s my last. So all those firsts are a little sad and time is just flying. Damn hormones, now I’m almost tearing up at work.

        I will say it is getting a little better as time goes on, it was at it’s worst right around 3 months.

      • Sarabeth says:

        Same, same, same. And same husband who really does not want another. But my kid is 18 months, so it’s actually a reasonably time to start trying for another…except, husband.

    • CPA Lady says:

      Right there with you. One and done with a bad bout of post-partum baby fever that is finally settling down.

      When my daughter was about 12 weeks old I considered quitting my job to become Michelle Duggar 2.0. I sobbed over packing away her smaller onesies. I sobbed over nursing her. I was so sentimental about only getting to do everything once. I think it’s partly hormonal. And part of it is that you and I and other people who stop at one have closed a door. Even though it may be the right decision for us, its okay to be a little (or a lot) sad about it.

      I did feel really sick a month or so ago and thought that I might have accidentally gotten pregnant again. I did a pregnancy test and when it came back negative, I sobbed my face off, but all of a sudden I was at peace with our decision again. I still think about it, but the baby fever is nowhere near as bad anymore.

      I think parenting is bittersweet no matter how many children you have. There will always be a last time. Honestly, I’m shocked at how vulnerable I feel now in a way I never have before. I don’t think sorrow/joy/vulnerability, whatever it is, magically goes away when you have multiple children. I keep telling myself, anyway.

      • quailison says:

        I felt ridiculous the other day thinking that sometime will be the last time I put on our favorite bear outfit of his as he’s almost outgrown it. I mean, he’s been here for less than two months – I can’t be sad already! But I can be, because it is a little sad and that’s ok. The closing the door feels very conscious, and maybe if I could passively let the door be closed I would feel differently (but then I would just be upset about that, so, nevermind.)

        I also wondered if part of it is the vulnerability – that I feel like I should have more kids to “secure” myself so I will never feel sad if something bad happens. But that’s not a solution either for obvious reasons. I think as parents we do just open ourselves up to vulnerability, which on the whole I think is a positive for me. I guess having that become part of my conscious life is part of my journey. There will always be a last time, and the kid will grow up, and that’s the fun part and the hard part.

    • mascot says:

      1) Hormones are wacky things. Something has to keep you going through those screaming fits at 3am.
      2) Whether the last baby is number 1 or number 20, you will still have those “this is the last time I’ll ever…” moments. We didn’t decide to be one and done until our child was maybe 2? And I still have those pangs about wanting another, but I know that it’s nostalgia. A while back, I was late and completely panicked that I might be pregnant. Part of me was sad when the test came out negative, but a larger part of me was relieved. I think everyone has those moments that help you come to peace with your decision.

      • quailison says:

        I’ll keep reminding myself of the hormone factor – I feel so much more like myself than I did a month ago that I sometimes forget I’m probably still riding the crazy coaster. Rationality will return at some point!

        • (former) preg 3L says:

          I’ve read things that say that it takes THREE YEARS for a mom’s body to fully return to pre-pregnancy levels (hormones, vitamins, etc.). So, give yourself a pat on the back for being so awesome and keep riding the hormone wave. One kid or 10, and you’ll still have a “last” and then one day, you’ll get a chance to help out a new mom with a very tiny baby, and you’ll be so glad you get to go home and get a full night’s sleep :)

    • Manhattanite says:

      Not sure if this helps bc I’m not one and done, but my daughter is 2 and I can’t imagine going back to having a tiny one. She is more and more fun every day and for the past two+ years I always think I like her the best at whatever age she is right then.

      Plus, I don’t know your particular situation but it probably took me till 3ish months till I got completely over all the early postpartum hormones and stress related craziness of parenting a new baby.

      • quailison says:

        That’s really reassuring! I am definitely looking forward to seeing him grow up and I think that will quell some of the feelings once I know him a little better. Right now, I only know the tiny baby version – which is pretty much like most tiny babies (except mine is really the cutest, ever. ;))

      • Lyssa says:

        Agree with this. I have a second on the way (who will be the last, and I am having some of these feelings), but, at the same time, I’m trying to wrap my head around an actual baby, who can’t get around or communicate at all, as compared to my toddler who can do all of those things. In some ways, this sounds even harder now than it did back when I was a first-timer.

      • Maddie Ross says:

        This! I thought we always wanted more than 1, but now with our LO actually getting to be a true little person, I cannot fathom the idea of going back to the little baby stage at all. I kinda want to borrow a little newborn for like an hour to snuggle, and then give it back and read a book while my little person plays blocks or watches Caillou on the iPad because, well, 2 years olds rock.

    • Following, because I am in the same boat. But I have 2, and my youngest is 18 months. So I can’t even blame the hormones. My husband is adamant that 2 is all we are having, but that makes my uterus hurt to think about. Like you, no rational reason to have another one. Maybe if I can potty train baby #2 I will lose the urge to go back to square one with another baby…

    • Burgher says:

      I am so going through this right now. I just had my 2nd and last baby 5 1/2 weeks ago. I know I do not want to go through another pregnancy or have a third child, but I am getting so upset packing up the newborn onesies and knowing this is going to be my last baby ever. I wasn’t like this with my 1st, but we always planned on having 2. I thought I’d be relieved to be done, but instead I’m weepy and seriously thinking about a 3rd. I guess the human race wouldn’t have lasted too long if every woman had a kid and immediately thought, well, I’m never doing that again! So, I just keep reminding myself that it’s the hormones talking.

    • Lorelai Gilmore says:

      My only advice is just to decide not to worry about it until you have to. I couldn’t think about a second baby until my oldest was fully two years old, and we ended up having our kids spaced 3.5 years apart. You do not have to decide now.

      Also, your brain is crazy with hormones. For me, it was really important with both of my newborns that I told myself it wasn’t the “only” or “last” baby. That just felt like so much pressure! It was important for me to be able to tell myself that if I wanted another one, I could have another one, so I didn’t feel quite so emotionally overwhelmed for every little detail.

    • Anonyc says:

      Hormones will get you. My first kid, I couldn’t deal with the thought of another child for a long time (over a year) even though we definitely would be going for two. Then, all of a sudden, it’s like the memories of unrelenting crying/blowout diapers/labor/pregnancy crap was gone and I wanted another baby RIGHT THEN. Same exact thing happened after number two. And now even though I’m for sure done (like, we have three kids and most days we are in triage mode about something, if not all the things and chaos is my usual state of being), I am becoming that wacky lady who looks for any excuse to look at or hold a wee little one…and my third isn’t even one yet. Freaking hormones.

      It does take time to get back to your baseline, far longer than you think, hope, or expect. I’m not even sure I’ve been “myself” since I started growing people on the side nearly 7 years ago. But if the question is, is post-partum baby fever a real thing, than I’d say a resounding yes. It fades, but maybe I’ll always feel that little pang when I see a newborn, cuz now I know (cue violins).

      If the question is, should I have another kid? That’s harder, and the constants that existed before you had a kid may very well have changed. You’re allowed to change your opinion given new facts (like how awesome your kid is, and how you enjoy being a parent). But things will always change. Some people plan on two and have one because they find out one is enough. Some plan on two and have three (my hand is raised here). It’s funny to me when people make grand pronouncements (I will have X number of kids! I will EBF! I will never let my kid watch TV!), then proceed to upend their lives with a kid but still believe that the decisions they originally made–before that life-altering addition–are set in stone. There’s no right answers. The number of kids you have versus the number of kids you considered having are like splits in your life path. Especially with children, it’s easy to see your life as it is, and then say, but if we had one more/one less kid, this is how my life would be different, and feel like you miss that alternative life you could have had.

      And you can always table the issue and revisit it once you’ve got some more distance/are less under the hormone fog. Your partner’s mind may also change–it might not just be you. Get used to the changes one kid brings and enjoy them. Good luck!

    • quailison says:

      Thanks everyone for your thoughtful replies. I feel much better knowing I’m not alone, and you’ve all given me some really good things to think about. Really appreciate it!

  10. Our nanny just started two weeks ago and is totally blowing me away with how wonderful she is. Any ideas on gestures I can make to show her how appreciative we are? We are not in the position to give her a raise, nor does she really seem motivated by money. I continually thank her but it doesn’t seem like enough!

    • I would try to think of ways to improve her working conditions. Can you stock her favorite foods/drinks at your house? Offer paid time off? Seek her input on toys or other gear for the kids that would make her life easier?

    • (former) preg 3L says:

      I agree with KJ’s suggestions — but also, any chance this is just the “honeymoon” phase and that once you start showing how amazed you are, she’ll start slacking off? Sorry, maybe I’m a huge cynic, but I’d just be verbally appreciative and hope that it lasts. You can give her a huge holiday bonus if she’s amazing all year.

    • Carrie M says:

      This may sound harsh, but a former colleague gave me advice once that I think is applicable here: don’t reward people for just doing their jobs…that’s what you’re paying them to do. I think it’s great that you’re being appreciative, and you should keep doing so. But….you’re only two weeks in. You don’t want to set a precedent that you might feel compelled to continue meeting if she continues to do a wonderful job.

      One idea for continuing to show appreciation: asking if there’s anything you can do to make her job better — e.g., helping set up play dates so she has some adult interaction, making it easier for her to get outside once the weather is nice, etc. Or offering to make investments in her – splitting the cost of an early development class she wants to take, etc.

  11. IVF anon says:

    I’m doing a FET in about a week which will require progesterone. My clinic, one of the top few in the country, typically does PIO (progesterone by huge scary needle injected in the rear). My doctor will allow me to do suppositories instead, and told me before that outcomes are similar but they prefer PIO because they can monitor your blood levels and it’s what they do, so it’s what they have a track record with.

    On the one hand, I would love love love to avoid the needles (I’m terrified and can’t believe I got through all the smaller stim cycle needles). On the other, if I compromise my chances of success (only if by, say 5%), and don’t do everything possible in my power to make this successful and it doesn’t work, will I ever be able to accept that and move on? I only have two embryos.

    Anyone been here or have advice? Thanks! This feels so isolating.

    • (former) preg 3L says:

      No advice, just BIG hugs. You’re going to be a rockstar mama.

    • If it makes you feel better, I was never offered the injections and the suppositories were the standard protocol at my clinic. It worked and I am now the very happy mother of twins. From what I read at the time (a bit over a year ago) it seemed very common.
      Good luck! It’s such an emotional roller-coaster especially when you are hopped up on hormones. Unfortunately, I seem to have been on both sides of the percentages/odds games – beating them in certain situations and on the losing side in others. There’s so little control in the end.

    • PinkKeyboard says:

      I did IVF (I have 2 in the freezer for a FET later) and did both. PIO and the suppositories. I didn’t find the injections that bad, you heat the oil (in it’s vial in a cup of warm water), hunt down your husband, sterilize your tush, and he sticks you. Then you apply a warm compress and massage the area to help the oil disperse. I normally just hopped in the shower right after. I know some people can have reactions to the oil used but other than some very mild soreness and the annoyance of hunting down my husband every night, then every other night, it wasn’t so bad. I got to stop once my progesterone levels were maintaining themselves at high levels (blood tests). So basically I don’t know if it will affect your outcome but if you do it…..it isn’t so bad. Do make sure your husband is good at sticking you, has he done the HCG shots for you? If they can’t just do a nice vigorous stab it will be much less comfortable.

    • Thank you all. Can’t tell you how much I appreciate your kindness and thoughts. I’m going to speak with my doctor about this again, but have a feeling I will try PIO and see how I do, with an option to switch over.

    • TwinMOM says:

      Not sure if you’re still reading this, but my RE gave me Emla cream for my PIO injections. It numbs the area and made the process mostly painless. It’s a bit of a PITA in that you need to apply it an hour before you inject and cover it with plastic wrap to hold it against the skin, but totally worth it. Also, my husband was terrible at giving me injections so I just did them myself. If you end up doing them yourself, I recommend using a sharpie pen to outline the target area and using a mirror to see what you’re doing. There are a lot of videos online showing women doing the injections on themselves that I found very helpful to watch. Good luck!

  12. Manhattanite says:

    The dress looks lovely. Anyone have any experience with it or the seller?

Speak Your Mind