Budget Thursday: Lightweight Ponte Sleeveless Dress

This dress from Uniqlo comes in a dark gray, black, and a pretty rose. Note that this is not a jersey dress, and it’s a much lighter weight ponte than what you may be thinking of for a ponte dress, so keep that in mind. The reviewers say it doesn’t cling, though, which is always my primary thought when I’m considering a jersey or ponte dress. This dress is simple and classic, and it would make a great option for work. It’s machine washable, which is always nice, and it’s only $20, too. Lightweight Ponte Sleeveless Dress

Here’s a plus-size option with many color choices.

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Comments

  1. I like this but would need to get it shortened to avoid being frumpy.
    Just an FYI – Uniqlo has a lot of gender neutral kids clothes that avoid the typical issues we all complain here about but at much lower prices than Primary, etc. Also, maybe it’s just me, but I appreciate the more muted colors, sometimes the kids section just looks like an exploded Crayola box to me and I am always happy to find colors that I won’t get tired of day in and day out.

    • AwayEmily says:

      AGREED. We have a lot of gender-neutral toddler clothes from Uniqlo. They are a really nice heavy weight, too (especially the leggings). Also worth noting that they have fairly frequent promotions (including free shipping) so it may be worth signing up for their email list if you think you’ll be buying from them semi-frequently…my husband gets all his dress shirts from there, and I have a ton of work clothes. I like that a lot of their adult stuff is loose-ish but not shapeless — good for ever-changing mom bodies (for example, right now I am wearing a non-maternity Uniqlo dress at 21 weeks pregnant).

    • + 1 million to Uniqlo toddler clothes. I love that they’re gender-neutral. Pants run slightly long.
      Their adult stuff is excellent, too; my skirts have held up for years and my jumpsuit is as close to PJs as I’ll ever get to wear to work.

    • Katala says:

      I just ordered my first batch of kids stuff from Uniqlo so I’m glad to hear everyone likes the quality! I bought all the sets of the new amazon carter’s brand for the baby – they look tired after just a couple months and I’m so sick of them. Hoping Uniqlo gets new stuff in soon because they were mostly out of things in my toddler’s size.

      • Haven’t tried the Amazon version yet, but I’ve noticed that in general with Carter’s stuff lately. Stuff looks really faded and dingy after just a few months. The colors also are VERY seasonal — which I love at the time I’m purchasing and regret three months later.

        • Katala says:

          Ha, yep! I got a day glo orange onesie/pants set (only the onesie was day glo) and now that fall’s around the corner I’m glad he’s growing out of it. It would look pretty weird in October with all the Halloween orange around.

          I’ve found the amazon version about the same as regular carters and the target version. Maybe slightly better than target, but I only have PJ’s from there so hard to say.

    • Rainbow Hair says:

      Oooh appreciate the rec! How does sizing work? I see 18-24 months and then 3T… would a solidly 2T toddler fit into the 3Ts or the 24M?

      • I’d say it runs a tiny bit big. When Carters 2T (which runs small) fit my string bean kiddo, Uniqlo 18-24 was slightly large on him. Now it’s perfect. He’s 37 inches or so, 27lbs. The best equivalent would probably be Children’s Place 2T, I think.

  2. PregLawyer says:

    I took an NIPT at 10w 6d, and it came back inconclusive. They did a follow up ultrasound and NT scan at 13w and everything was great, and now we’re waiting on blood test results from the first blood draw from the sequential screen. We opted not to redo the NIPT at this point.

    I feel like I haven’t received any straight news from the genetic counselor and perinatologist. I know anecdotes don’t really help, but has anyone been through this before?

    • AwayEmily says:

      My first NIPT was also inconclusive — my OB said it was fairly common, especially when you have it done on the early side — I guess there just isn’t quite enough of the baby’s DNA floating around in there yet. I had a second one done at 11.5 weeks and it was fine. With my current pregnancy I purposely waited until after 11 weeks to reduce the risk of getting another inconclusive result because it was so nerve-wracking to wait the first time. Can I ask why you opted not to do the NIPT again? Did they give you any specific information about what the problem was?

      • +1 My doctor actually wouldn’t do it before 11 weeks exactly for this reason. We miscalculated the dates initially (how I got pregnant, haha) and she had me come back after 11 weeks to be sure.

    • Anon in NYC says:

      I had inconclusive results from a not-NIPT blood test that suggested my daughter could have a fatal disease. My husband got tested and his results were inconclusive too. We had to go to genetic counseling, etc. We wound up doing the blood tests again a few weeks later and it all was fine. The genetic counselor said that sometimes results can be affected by when the blood is reviewed (like does the lab take 2 or 10 days to get to it, etc.).

      • Anon in NYC says:

        Now that I think about it, maybe it was a NIPT, but I always think of it as different from the MaterniT21 test.

        • AwayEmily says:

          I think that MaterniT21, Harmony, Panorama, etc are all varieties of NIPT, but I am not 100% sure on that.

    • Chi Squared says:

      Chiming in to agree with the other posters that the inconclusive result is most likely due to insufficient fetal DNA, or maybe even improper sample handling. From what I remember, the results sheet should give a number for fetal DNA fraction. The minimum threshold to get a result is around 4%. Why not get the NIPT re-done? If it was insufficient fetal DNA, there should be more than enough by now (increases with gestation).

  3. Daycare sadness says:

    My 9-month-old has been w a nanny since 3.5 months and, with doting grandparents close by, is used to being fawned over by 1-5 adults at any given time. This is her third day at daycare and she’s having a tough time–not knowing how to interact w the other kids, wanting to be held (hilarious because at home she’s so busy and has no patience for snuggles). The ratio in the room is great (5-6 kids, all around her age, and 2.5 teachers) and she’s the only new kid so they can help ease her in because the other kids are adjusted. She’s actually napping pretty well and they’re astounded by how much solid food she eats (they provide food). Is it possible for a baby to eat their feelings? ;)

    It just breaks my heart to know that she’s unhappy, even though I know daycare is the right thing to do. Any pep talk advice? How long did it take your kids to adjust? She’s such a sunny, good-natured kid in general, so it’s especially hard to hear that she’s been so upset.

    • Anonymous says:

      It took my kids about three weeks to adjust. It sounds like she is doing amazing. It’s totally normal that she would want to be held a bunch at the beginning in a new environment. Kids at that age don’t really ‘interact’ much, it’s more parallel play (playing near or next to each other) and watching other kids play. She’ll do great.

      • Daycare sadness says:

        Ha, by “interact” I mean that she tries to use other kids’ faces as handholds to pull herself up and then gets pissed when they swipe her back :)

    • I mean this in the nicest way possible, but she’s 9 months old. It’s been 3 days. Maybe my kids were dummies, but at 9 months I don’t even know how I’d be able to say that they “didn’t know how to interact with other kids” because they just crawled around and maybe stole a Cheerio on the floor.

      Literally she won’t remember being 9 months by the time she’s 12 months. It might be rough to go from 5 doting adults to just a portion of attention, but that’s a healthy lesson to learn and 9 months is just fine to learn it. (Think about people who have 2 or 3 or more kids – those youngest kids certainly aren’t getting undivided attention from more than one adult at a time, ever.)

      She sounds like a good, well-adjusted kid. If you feel good about the center, then give it a couple weeks and she’ll forget all about this and be on to the next crisis. You (and she) got this.

    • CPA Lady says:

      9 month olds do not particularly interact with other kids. I don’t think they really play WITH each other until they are close to three years old. They will play next to each other starting somewhere in the 18 month to 2 years old range, but not really interact.

      And she’s been there for three days. It’s going to be fine. She’ll be totally used to it by the end of a week or two.

    • Allie says:

      My 12 month old has been in daycare since she was six months old and it took until about 11 months for her to really be interested in interacting with the other kids there. She absolutely loves daycare. Hang in there! Adjusting takes time, and she’ll probably end up loving it. Give it several weeks at minimum.

    • It sounds like she’s doing great! It does take a little while to adjust – I would give it a week or two at least. (Some kids just have a harder time with transitions. A while back, there was a new kid in my son’s toddler class who was basically, let’s say, a wretched weepy mess every day when I saw her – and then one day it was like a switch flipped and she was roaming around playing and coloring and asking for stories.) Plus, ‘interacting with other kids’ typically just means stealing each other’s toys and then crying about it until they’re about 2.

    • avocado says:

      Yes, sounds like things are going really well. If she always wants to be held, she must be bonding with the caregivers, right? I don’t remember the kids in the infant room at my daughter’s day care really interacting with each other. They would primarily interact with the adults, and each teacher was pretty much always holding a baby.

    • Boston Legal Eagle says:

      There were a few 10-11 month old babies start at my kid’s daycare at that age for the first time. They cried (pretty much all day from what the teachers said) everyday for about three weeks. Then they got used to it and were/are fine now. My kid has been in the daycare since 4 months but he had an adjustment period going from infants to toddlers. This is very normal. It will take some time but she will get used to it! And then she’ll cry again with every new transition, but will get used to those too. I think the earlier you start daycare, the better the kids handle it, but that’s just me.

    • It is hard. Your reaction is normal. I think every parent would love for their child to be held more at that age at daycare. It just doesn’t happen. But your daughter is well cared for and her needs are being met. Give it a couple weeks. She’ll adjust. And so will you.

    • Daycare sadness says:

      Thanks everyone. I really appreciate it!

  4. PregLawyer says:

    Thanks for responding! The genetic counselor said we had a 1/3 chance of the second NIPT being inconclusive, and we were just inside the window of doing the sequential screen instead, so we opted to first do the sequential screen. I think we will do the NIPT also if we get bad results from the sequential screen.

    • AwayEmily says:

      That makes sense. I do think it’s probably worth having the blood test again if your insurance is paying for it, just because the sequential screen is a bit less accurate. So, if only for the peace of mind (plus, it’s really easy and non-invasive).

      Good luck with the waiting — this part sucks. I’m also currently in the waiting stage…had a weird anomaly on my 20-week ultrasound 2 weeks ago and FINALLY have an appointment with the genetic counselor/perinatal person tomorrow morning. I keep thinking “thank god we live in the time that we do”….as much as it can produce a lot of stress, I’m really grateful that we have all these options to learn more about our still-so-tiny babies.

  5. PregLawyer says:

    Ugh. Meant to be a response to AwayEmily.

  6. AwayEmily says:

    I know asking “what’s a good convertible carseat” is kind of an annoyingly vague question, but…we just got a second car and need a second carseat. We have a Diono Radian already and it’s fine (we got it mostly because it was one of the few that would fit in our tiny Honda Fit) but now we have a normal-sized car (Honda CRV) so we have more options.

    Mostly I want something that doesn’t require Herculean strength to tighten (the Diono is difficult!) and that is reasonably comfortable (Grandma has the cheapest Britax in her car and I don’t think it would be comfy for long trips). Cost isn’t a huge deal since it will eventually be used as our second kid’s main carseat.

    Any advice on carseats you have loved or hated (especially in terms of ease of use) would be very welcome!

    • Anon in NYC says:

      Britax Advocate ClickTight. It is a beast, but very cushioned and very easy to install. I think the Boulevard ClickTight is similar. My kid has sat in the Advocate for ~4 hours at a time without too much of a problem.

    • Second. Britax Advocate. We’ve had Boulevards and Advocates, and they are both great, but the Advocate has some side impact protection. We’ve had 3 kids in these seats, with many vacations that involved two days of driving to get to our destination and two days back. Everyone has been safe and comfortable, and they are super easy to use.

    • We use the Britax Marathon as our convertible (so from 9 months to roughly 3 years) and then upgrade them to the Britax Frontier. Both are incredibly comfortable – we’ve done 16+ hour road trips with one kid in each seat, and they had zero complaints about the seats.

      The ClickTight cannot be overstated. It’s amazing. They are the easiest car seats to install, esp after struggling with our old-style Gracos and the Latch thing on our Marathon.

      • We got the marathon and it seems comfy. It’s heavy but installation/adjusting isn’t difficult.

      • We had a Marathon pre-Click tight and I still found it easy to install using the lock offs (rarely latch). We dragged it on airplanes, rental cars, cabs, etc. My son is 5 and we JUST switched to a high back booster.

        I also find the reviews on https://carseatblog.com/ useful.

    • Following. I’ve read about the various Britax models and can’t tell the difference but like the ClickTight feature. Has anyone bought the super inexpensive Evenflos? Experiences with those?

      • Momata says:

        We have two super inexpensive evenflos (one convertible and one five-point back-to-booster). They have both been totally fine. The kids don’t complain, they are low profile for our second smaller car, and they are easy to travel with.

      • Katala says:

        We have an evenflo we use as our travel carseat and it’s fine. I probably wouldn’t use it as our main carseat because it doesn’t seem very padded/comfy. It’s also a lot harder to install than our Chicco. Other than those issues it’s been totally fine the few times we’ve used it.

      • NewMomAnon says:

        We have Evenflos, but not the super inexpensive ones – we have the Symphony DLX (or something similar, there were a number of variations). They are super easy to click into the LATCH system, but I’ve struggled to push it down tight enough in my car. It’s easy in my parents’ cars, my ex’s car, and the rentals I’ve installed it in, so I think it’s something about the angle of my back seat. Kiddo has never complained about being uncomfortable, and we’ve taken several long car trips. It is also big and heavy, so not a good choice if you have to take it out of the car often. It’s also really easy to clip a kid in, as long as the straps aren’t twisted under the padding; if the straps are twisted under the cushions, you basically can’t tighten it and have to disassemble the seat.

        I also have the cheapest Cosco Scenara for travel; it’s lightweight, but took almost half an hour to install in a rental the last time I used it.

      • AwayEmily says:

        I also get very confused by all the Britaxes. I found this helpful (though from 2015 so maybe somewhat out of date now?): http://mbeans.com/spillingthebeans/baby/car-seats/britax-clicktight-convertible-car-seats-whats-the-difference-ratingsreviewsprices/

    • Katala says:

      Really like our Chicco NextFit. It’s really easy to install correctly and seems pretty comfy. We have a maxi cosi in our other car and it seems a little bit more comfy, but it was much harder to install.

      Thinking about a Graco Extend2Fit once the baby needs a convertible so we can keep everyone rear facing longer (I have huge kiddos). Recommended by the car seat lady for extended rear facing. She has great reviews so you could look there too.

      • Katarina says:

        I second the Chicco NextFit. It is really easy to install with latch, but might be harder with seatbelt installation. I also like that it has a “Best” safety rating on Consumer Reports.

        • October says:

          I third the NextFit. I feel like Britax gets lots of love…maybe because it’s an expensive brand and has that posh feel about it..but all our Chicco seats are workhorses, easy to install and relatively low-profile for getting multiple seats/people in the car.

    • Will you use both cars equally? If so, my answer changes. but we have two just-fine-and-safe convertibles for our second car (DH’s sports car/drive-to-work car; I drive the family SUV to work), but they are Costco and Evenflo. They get used about 5x per year and we take them on airplanes because they are light. They are a PITA to install using LATCH (in my opinion), but the strap-install is super easy so that’s how we do it when we are using them as our air/rental car seats.*

      Otherwise we have a peg perego convertible, which has been great. We used to have a NextFit and that was fine, too. Both sorta heavy if you’re doing to be carrying them around. Both could still hold my tall 4 y/o and we only bumped her into a FF harnessed booster because we didn’t want to buy MORE carseats when the little one outgrew the carrier.

      • * PSA If you have AAA you can get a free carseat with your car rental if you use one of the AAA vendors (Hertz and Alamo?)

      • AwayEmily says:

        Yes, we probably will use both cars equally, otherwise we would totally go the just-fine route.

    • Sabba says:

      Just wanted to chime in that I had a horrible experience with the Advocate. The straps were really uneven (one side would be way too loose while the other was tight as could be) and customer service was COMPLETELY UNHELPFUL and seemed not to care that they were putting my child’s safety at risk. I would never buy another Britax. I think there is another brand that has the clicktight feature, maybe they are better.

      • Katala says:

        I think our Chicco has clicktight. Might be called something else, but makes getting a tight installation easy. We have a bunch of Chicco stuff and haven’t had any problems so can’t speak to customer service.

    • We love our Nuna Rava. Heavy-ish so not something you want to be toting back and forth, but seems comfortable for DD (1 yr) and is easy to use for me. It has a similar feature to the Britax clicktights – recommended belt installation instead of LATCH, and there’s a super simple path and click system. Has other nice safety features and has a machine washable cover! Also fits nicely in our mid-size SUV (we were also looking at Cleks but they didn’t leave a lot of room for a passenger to sit comfortably in the seat in front of the carseat, ymmv depending on car).

    • Anonymous says:

      Love the Clek Foonf – big, sturdy, comfy, kid sits up high and can see everything. Don’t like the Chicco NextFit -once the kids are a certain size it seems to swallow them up and it’s hard to tighten. Have a non-convertible Britax seat with ClickTight and really like the ClickTight feature. Makes installation so easy.

  7. I know solids are just for fun until kids are 1, but I’m stressed about my kid basically refusing solids. She’s 8 months now. We started at 6 months and she would try most things (and spit a lot out, but at least she’d try). Now she clamps her mouth shut for most everything except for one or two types of fruit. Any tips? Should I just feed her the fruit she likes and forget about the rest for a while so she’s at least in the practice of eating?

    • It it were me, I would actually stop with just the fruit she likes so that she doesn’t get the sense that all food is sweet. If she doesn’t eat solids, no big deal. Keep trying and eventually she will eat something else.

    • AwayEmily says:

      Also kids change SO fast. It’s quite possible that in a week she’ll think eating is the Best Thing Ever and then a week later she’ll hate it again. Maybe also try some finger foods…Cheerios, bits of cheese (kids all seem to love babybels), etc, and just sit at the table and hang out with her in a low-pressure way.

      • This. I worried a LOT when my baby started rejecting food and within 5 days that had changed… As much as you can, try not to stress about it.

    • Anonymous says:

      focus on finger foods that she can feed herself

    • NewMomAnon says:

      Yeah, I’d stop giving her fruit. If you haven’t started finger foods, start giving her a bit of whatever you’re eating. And let her play with the food; that’s most of the point of solid foods before one. After a couple months of purees and cereals, kiddo absolutely would not take anything off a spoon unless she was holding the spoon (which was messy), so we switched to finger foods.

    • I agree that you can try some finger foods, if you aren’t already. But I also found it useful to mix in new food with the stuff my kid already liked. Also, have you tried carrots and sweet potatoes – these were very good transition veggies for us because they’re sweet.

    • Jeffiner says:

      We started to offer soft foods at 6 months, but my baby really wasn’t interested. The only foods she would eat were pickles and refried beans, until she was about 11 months old. We kept offering all sorts of foods, and sometimes had success if we dunked food in pickle juice. We only offered her whatever foods we were eating for that meal, we didn’t give her pickles all the time. Then one day she just changed her mind and decided that she would eat all the foods. If your kid is happy and growing, don’t stress.

    • Strategy mom says:

      I’d be ok just giving her fruit – you are going to spoil her palate – my son who ate every puree under the son now won’t touch veggies so it’s not like their taste in puree ruins their ability to appreciate other flavors down the road.

      I would keep giving fruit purees and finger foods because its developmentally helpful for them to develop the oral reflexes, etc. (although you might want to confirm with pediatrician).

    • Anonymous says:

      I sort of did fruit for breakfast, veggie for lunch and protein for dinner about that age. She also refused a lot of purees as soon as she could pick up things with her fingers.

      I’d try mixing things into the purees she does like — a little at first and more later. Add some plain greek yogurt to make it all less sweet, mix in veggies, add some bigger chunks of whatever fruit it is to work on chewing/swallowing. And keep bringing back the other purees, even if she doesn’t eat them. I started relying on some foods she loved and then my LO decided she was bored of them (who gets bored of sweet potato?!). If you’re making or buying them, try freezing purees into 1/2 oz blocks to make them easy to mix together or so that if she refuses 1/2 oz of something you don’t care that much.

    • Keep in mind that it often take 15 to 20 encounters with a food item for it to become “familiar” enough for a child to eat it willingly. Keep offering the same foods consistently (e.g. one or two pureed veggies in a week for the whole week at all meals) and you may see progress.

      I found Matthew Amster-Burton’s book “Hungry Monkey” particularly informative on potential food issues (but I only read about four parenting type books all the way through pre-Kid, so consider the sample size). We followed a lot of his pointers from the book and have been rewarded with a six year old who eats curry, barbecue, dim sum, seafood and lots of raw veggies (but not tomato sauce other than on pizza for some reason, go figure).

  8. Second. Britax Advocate. We’ve had Boulevards and Advocates, and they are both great, but the Advocate has some side impact protection. We’ve had 3 kids in these seats, with many vacations that involved two days of driving to get to our destination and two days back. Everyone has been safe and comfortable, and they are super easy to use.

  9. For parents of older kids: what clothing items have you found are generally the kind you keep to pass along to another kid? I’m trying to decide what clothes/shoes/jackets I let my preschool-age kiddo pick out for herself, knowing that they’ll be recycling fodder when she’s done and which to choose myself in gender neutral colors so that we can save them for her little brother. Baby brother wore a lot of her baby clothes, but I’m finding that as she’s gotten older she’s rougher on her clothes (plus she wears them for longer) so they are in no shape to save/pass along. Tshirts, underwear, leggings, socks are definite recycling fodder. How about sweaters, shoes, pajamas, coats, snowsuits, boots, sneakers? Is there any category that you always buy with an eye toward multiple kids wearing the things? Are there categories that are definitely one-kid items?

  10. Anonymous says:

    WWYD – daycare question? I have a young 5 yr old daughter who has obvious pigmentation discoloration. No real adverse effect on her, just very noticeable to other people. Last year was her first year in a new school We worked hard with her all year to answer questions about it and to practice standing up for herself if kids were unkind about it. Lots of kids asked questions and got over it, but two kids in particular were unkind and teased her. We dealt with the two kids all year (the teachers were great about intervening, but it was definitely an ongoing issue).

    We elected to keep her at the school for an extra year of Jr-K b/c the feedback from her teachers was that she wasn’t ready for K socially. Among other issues, she “shuts down” after kids ask about the defect, and avoids any kids that ask about it. Unfortunately, it means she isolates herself from basically every kid. This year, the teachers wanted to help her determine when kids are being curious but not unkind, and how to move forward and still relate to/befriend the other kids.

    Anyway, halfway through last year, I found out one of the kids that teased her relentlessly would be doing a year of Jr K as well. I told the director not to place them in the same class, as I thought it would put her on the defensive immediately. She agreed. Of course, we showed up last week, and the kid is in her class. I was furious. I approached the director, and essentially, she just forgot our convo – also inadvertently made a comment that sounded like several parents asked not to be placed with this kid – I do know my daughter was not the only one he was tough on. She offered to move my daughter to the other Jr. K class.

    My husband is on the fence, but is leaning towards keeping her in the current class. He thinks under the watchful eye of the teacher, maybe they can repair the relationship, instead of avoiding it and just being on the playground together. His thinking is that she’ll learn more from addressing it head on with a teacher guiding her, especially as she’ll deal with this in some capacity her whole life.

    I see my husband’s point – but I think she’s 5, and the point of the year was to make her feel comfortable in her environment so she drops her defensiveness. Also, the other teacher’s personality is warm, kind, and effusive, and my daughter has repeatedly told me how much she loves the other teacher (saw her on the playground all year). Her current teacher seems lovely, but is more reserved.

    I have a meeting today to discuss with the director and a behavioral specialist at the school who has promised to weigh in all year. I think that even with the teacher on board to watch her, there are other kids in the class, and honestly, I know the school/his teacher last year worked hard with this kid, and it really didn’t change his behavior. I always promised myself I’d never be the parent who has my kid change classes, and I worry this is a slippery slope. Thoughts?

    • Anonymous says:

      I would 100% have the kid moved. I would insist on him being moved because her being moved sends the wrong message. He bullied her, the teachers did not adequately stop it. He needs to not be in her class.

      Also, I’m very surprised by the approach of expecting your daughter to repeatedly explain to other kids. It would have been much more appropriate for the teacher to talk to kids as a group about differences and how not everyone looks the same (different hair, skin color, abilities etc). And that how the kids are expected to be kind to everyone regardless of these differences.

      • CPA Lady says:

        ^ Agree with all of this.

      • Anonymous says:

        Regarding the teacher, I actually prefer the other teacher, so if anyone moves, I’d rather she gets the teacher who is a better fit for her.

        And, of course, her teachers addressed it with her class, and we picked the school b/c of their ongoing messages of inclusivity notwithstanding differences. But, also, of course, kids — on the playground, at the park, at the movies, etc. — are going to ask questions. Also, the crux of my comment is that most kids *didn’t* ask repeated questions, but asked once, and she shut down.

        It may not be intentional, but your implication that I’m not appropriately handling something my daughter has dealt with/will deal with her whole life, honestly, is not helpful here.

        • Anonymous says:

          There was certainly no offense intended. If anything, I was trying to express that the school should have had your back more last year in addressing this when it was clear that other kids kept asking her about it.

          This isn’t the main page. We were are generally quite supportive of each other and try to read that support into posts whenever it’s not clear how something should be taken.

          • Anonymous says:

            That’s fair. I didn’t convey it well in my original post, but I was really happy with how her teachers treated it last year. Her classroom was a protected, happy environment, but she wrote off kids that said anything, which is why we are continuing to work with her. I like the school, other than this very obvious mistake. I also know I’m defensive here because it is *hard* to know where I still need to protect her and where she needs to grow.

            And, thanks Anon in NYC, if there is one thing I’ve learned in this process – it’s that teacher support and messaging will impact HOW kids ask questions (genuine curiosity, being kind with questions, etc.), but it will never PREVENT kids from asking. She will need to learn how to answer questions, and they need to learn how to ask them.

            All of you have given me food for thought, and I’m going to send my husband the responses to weigh in before our meeting. I really agree that the teachers can’t watch all the time.

        • Anon in NYC says:

          I would move her (rather than having the other kid moved). Your daughter likes the other teacher better, and it seems like she needs a nurturing environment right now. I agree with mascot that a teacher cannot police this relationship. You’re not sending her the wrong message here.

          FWIW, I do think it’s a good idea to teach your daughter skills to address the obvious and likely questions that kids may ask her. Yes, I agree that her teachers should be emphasizing differences and acceptance, but kids are kids and they’re going to ask questions. I think you’re doing the right thing there. One suggestion, since it seems like she’s still shutting down even with the discussions/tools, is to consider art therapy or the like for her.

    • mascot says:

      I’d move her to the other class. The school has already had a year to have the kids work it out with little success. Not a slam on the school because these are kids who have their own free will and personalities. Teachers have enough going on without having to constantly police this relationship. Maybe the kids can try again when they are older and more mature.

    • Delta Dawn says:

      I’d move her to the other class. Technically you wouldn’t have to change classes if the director had remembered your conversation– so you’ve already made this decision, in a way. I understand your husband’s thought that she would learn more from addressing it and learning to deal with it. She probably would. But do we have to do that at age 5? That opportunity will arise again (and again, and again). She’s already learned a lot about how people can be curious v. unkind, and maybe she can spend this year ruminating on that. There will be time later to learn about bullies. It sounds like the change would be easy enough this early, she loves the teacher she would be with, and the director is willing to do it. I’d move her.

      • Anonymous says:

        Ugh, that’s my thought, and why I’m so mad. I deliberately had the conversation so that we could avoid this situation altogether.

      • There was a good discussion about this issue (possibly on the main page) in relation to pre-teen girls in which the differences between active bullying vs. not including were discussed. People were mostly in agreement that they would consider moving classes for bullying but not for a group not including a child. This sounds like it is veering into active bullying. I see your husband’s point, but it isn’t like your daughter is getting a complete pass on dealing with difficult situations if she switches classes – the kids in the other class are still going to ask her about it. Not having to deal with the teasing may give her a chance to focus on learning how to appropriately process and respond to the neutral/curious questions, which will put her in a better position later on to properly process and deal with teasing.

    • Katala says:

      Agree with all, move her to the class that’s a better fit for her. You’re aware this could be a slippery slope issue, so you’re in a good position to not let that happen. It sounds like you have some specific goals for her this year that will prepare her to deal with situations like this in the future, but keeping her in the class would be a big impediment. In fact, being in the class with other kids that were bullied by this kid might give her some good models of different ways to deal with that behavior.

    • avocado says:

      I would definitely move her. It’s a pain that the school created this situation, but the other class sounds like a much better fit. A positive year in a supportive environment will probably make her more bully-resistant in the long run than a year of actively dealing with a bully at such a young age.

      • rakma says:

        Yes, this is what I was trying to comment but couldn’t find the right phrasing. A positive, supportive environment will make it easier for her to learn how to deal with the curious, but not malicious, questions.

    • Anonymous says:

      I would move her. If other parents are complaining about this kid then your daughter deserves to be protected from a nascent bully. (Also, the bully kid needs therapy — stat. Because this stuff usually just gets worse before (if) it gets better.)

      Also, shutting down/avoidance is a great coping tool (it’s not like you can actually change other people’s behavior, so get on with yourself), but she needs others.

  11. Did any of you stop wearing make-up to work or significantly scaled down your routine? I feel like it is an extra thing on my to do list in the morning. I only wear concealer, mascara, eye shadow, blush. Before that I wash my face and put on eye cream and lotion. Am I becoming lazy? I wish I was one of those women who look good just with lipstick. Or is it just the way you perceive yourself?

    • I think some of it is how you are used to seeing yourself. I use to fill in my eyebrows and I looked weird to myself without this but then I stopped, let me brows just slowly grow in and now I look overly dramatic if I add pencil unless I’m adding a full face of make up.

      But I’ve also definitely scaled down generally. Some days I wear nothing because I am lazy and I know I will just be sitting in my office writing and I honestly just don’t want to have to wash make up off at night; most days I’ll do a little BB cream and mascara, with some lipstick as blush and lip stain, but I’ll do it after I get to work at my desk. I bought a little desk mirror that lives in my office and I usually just leave a small make up bag in my desk during the week.

    • Anonymous says:

      I’ve scaled back to lotion (no eye cream) + BB Cream + concealer + mascara + small amount of blush or eyeliner depending on mood. I do eye cream and face cream at night.

    • CPA Lady says:

      I did for a while, but I found that I feel better when I do more. Times when I’ve done less corresponded with times I was depressed or overwhelmed or felt awful about myself. When I do more grooming, it helps me feel better, so I make myself do it even when I am feeling lazy. YMMV, of course.

      I do the exact same thing every single morning, for work, church, or bumming around on Saturdays. The only thing I change is lipstick color. Since I do the exact same thing every day, it takes me basically no time. I can do this entire thing in 3 minutes. I timed it a couple months ago out of curiosity, so I’d have a way to talk myself into it on mornings I don’t want to do it.

      -face lotion
      -eyelid primer
      -swipe light neutral eye-shadow under brow
      -swipe medium neutral eye-shadow over lid
      -curl eyelashes
      -mascara
      -pat concealer on under eyes
      -slap on blush
      -comb eyebrows and fill in bare patches w brow pencil
      -lipstick

      Sounds like a lot, but there’s not much technique and it’s all pretty neutral and natural looking.

    • I pretty much stopped wearing makeup when I got pregnant (two and a half years ago). I was (and pretty much still am) fine with it, but I agree with CPA Lady that I do feel better when I put at least SOME effort in. Today I’m wearing a little eyeliner and mascara. Occasionally I’ll do a powder foundation, and/or concealer if I need it. I never do blush or lipstick. So I think concealer, mascara, eyeshadow, and blush sounds like plenty of non-lazy makeup. :)

    • shortperson says:

      i keep it in my desk drawer and put it on at work.

    • NewMomAnon says:

      I started having eye issues related to using any kind of powder on my face, and anything at all near my eyes, so I stopped wearing all makeup. Some days I see my reflecting in the mirrored elevator and think, ugh, I look so tired. But I think it’s the right decision….sometime maybe I’ll figure out a makeup routine that doesn’t trigger the eye issues, but that time is not now.

    • Cornellian says:

      I never really had much to cut back. If anything I’ve scaled up and resisted going further. 98% of days I wear: BB cream, mascara, and a bit of brow mascara stuff (I have sort of strawberry blonde brows and eyelashes). I will occasionally add cream blush and/or concealer, but am just not built for lipstick. It ends up everywhere, I eat it, it looks the wrong color, it is gone in 2 hours. I can’t figure it out.

    • I never stopped, I wear pretty much the same amount as I wore in college (but it’s not much). MAC studio fix, blush, fill in eyebrows, and lipstick. If I’m feeling fancy, mascara and eyeliner. It takes all of 2 minutes and makes me look/feel so much better so I’m not stopping anytime soon.

    • Rainbow Hair says:

      Ha, you are doing a lot more than I do! On a makeup day (increasingly infrequent as my skin gets better/I get more at ease with my skin as it is) I do some BB cream, eyebrow pencil, and maybe a swoosh of eyeshadow.

      Most days lately it’s wash with water, throw on some serum and/or sunscreen, and I’m out the door.

    • I’ve basically never worn makeup regularly. Maybe I did in my early 20s? But minimal even then. I put it on for meetings with donors (I’m a fundraiser) and events. But I hate the way it feels and cannot be bothered. The idea that not wearing makeup means you are lazy is sexist I think. Most men are not required to jump through this hoop to be socially acceptable, and they are not lazy. Choosing to spend your time on other things is an okay choice in my book. And if you love wearing makeup, do it! Men can too it they want, whatever.

  12. True confession time: My husband and I are so burnt out from work lately. Plus, I’m pregnant. When our two year old asks to watch Daniel Tiger or whatever in the evenings, we let him watch as much as he wants. It’s hard to engage when we’re both exhausted. He gets no screen time at his amazing day care, so we figure it balances out. But that doesn’t make me feel that much less awful.

    • Anonymous says:

      Don’t feel awful! Daniel Tiger is a good program it’s not like you are putting on Star Wars!

      He has zero screen time all day, so screen time and snuggles at the end of the day won’t hurt him. It definitely balances out. And you’re pregnant, you need to take care of you and baby too.

      If you want another option, I often take out toys for my kids as soon as we come in the door. So I put the bucket of legos or trains and a stack of books or puzzles in the middle of the floor. I find it encourages them to take out the toys vs. having to decide what to pull out. After a long day at daycare they are often happy to have some solo play time too. I will put on the tv sometimes, but I usually wait for them to ask.

    • Daniel Tiger got us through my second pregnancy. I’d lay on the couch, DD1 would cuddle with me, DH would make dinner. Sometimes I even got off the couch to eat!

      This is temporary. You’re growing a tiny human, and caring for another small human. Plus, Daniel’s got some good lessons. We use phrases and songs from that show all the time. The episodes about the new baby gave my daughter a lot of language to express her feelings about her sister.

    • We do the same, except usually not in the evening (but I know Daniel Tiger is on during the day sometimes). I have the theme song actually stuck in my head right now. I’ve decided not to feel guilty about it. It could all be so much worse.

    • Totally with you. Also pregnant with #2 and an 18-month-old who is getting way more Daniel time than he used to. Also trying not to feel too guilty about it, but really enjoying the cuddles while he watches :)

    • Kid has started singing “When you don’t get what you want/ Stomp three times/ And make yourself feel better.” from Daniel Tiger. Typically in response to us declining his requests to watch TV. Heh.

      • Anon in NYC says:

        My kid loves to have me sing the little songs from Daniel Tiger. She particularly loves “when you have to potty, stop and go right away, flush and wash and be on your way.” Of course, when I ask her if she wants to sit on the potty her response is an emphatic no.

  13. As a spin-off from the above thread, does anyone have advice for how to explain physical differences (other than skin/ hair/ eye color) to small children? We have explained how everyone is different, and my kids get that some people have birthmarks, etc., but my four-year-old inadvertently says rude stuff from time to time and I don’t know how to correct it without making the kid he’s talking about feel bad. For example, my son met an older kid at the playground who had a large gap between her teeth–not because of missing teeth. He said, “where’s your teeth?” and the poor girl looked crushed and covered her mouth. I felt terrible because she was clearly sensitive about it. But I didn’t want to say, “We’re all different and special” or whatever because she really didn’t seem to want to linger on the fact of her “difference” at that moment. I also didn’t want to chastise him harshly in front of her because (1) he just didn’t get it and (2) that would imply that everyone was thinking it, but he was the only one rude enough to say it. I’d love some guidance!

    • NewMomAnon says:

      I’m struggling with the same thing – kiddo will say something about any difference she notices. We saw a woman who had lost her hair this weekend, and my kiddo pointed and asked, “Where is her hair?!”

      This is probably the wrong approach for people who aren’t comfortable talking about their differences, but I usually say, “I don’t know! Why don’t you talk with him or her and get to know them better so you can ask?” A friend with disabilities told me that she hates it when parents shut down kids who are asking about her wheelchair; it makes it seem like the wheelchair is bad or taboo. She would rather the kid just talk with her about it and ask questions.

      The one I’m really struggling with right now is kiddo pointing at a woman with square features, or a man with long hair, and asking whether it’s a boy or a girl. Because while a transgender person might (maybe, possibly) be ok talking about that, a non-transgender person is probably going to be embarrassed being asked if they are a boy or a girl. I haven’t found a graceful way to exit that conversation yet.

      • avocado says:

        I don’t know, it depends on the person being asked and the age of the kid asking. I have a feminine-looking short haircut and was very obviously born female. A 3-year-old once pointed at me and asked incredulously “Dat a girl?” I guess he’d never seen a short-haired woman before. I thought it was cute and funny and just responded, “Yes, some women have short hair like you do!” I think his mother was much more embarrassed than I was. I suspect my male co-worker with long hair would likely find this question similarly hilarious, at least from a preschooler.

        If you are worried, I’d just teach your kid not to stare, point, or ask the question loudly, and ask you quietly later.

        • NewMomAnon says:

          Unfortunately, the common themes so far has been that she identifies women who are (a) older, (b) have facial features that could be described as “homely” and (c) are dressed in dated casual clothes like elastic-waist jeans, old sneakers and crewneck sweatshirts, often with longer unstyled hair. It’s almost like, women must be well-maintained and elegant into their old age to be women, or they become men? It’s definitely not just a hair-length issue, which could be cute.

          I’m probably overthinking this. She’s three and a half….

    • I’m not sure how you deal with it in the moment, but my mom was very firm with me that we do not point and talk about someone’s appearance in public. She always made me feel like it was okay to ask her questions later.

      In the above situation, I probably would have said something like “everyone’s teeth are different, which is what makes our smiles so beautiful” and maybe told the girl that she has a lovely smile.

      • Spirograph says:

        I agree with this in principle, but I also think it can result in missed opportunities. I’ve encountered people who were happy to discuss their differences (or caretakers happy to discuss the differences of their charge) and seemed genuinely pleased when a child asked about a wheelchair, or a missing limb, or a special needs child acting different. I assume it’s much more common for someone to avoid the issue or person entirely while trying very hard not to look and/or looking uncomfortable, so a kid addressing it head-on with curiosity is almost a breath of fresh air.

        I definitely think putting an adult who seems amenable to the conversation on the spot is not the same as doing the same for a child. And a temporary difference from an injury is different than a permanent one. These are nuances that lost on small children, so a blanket prohibition is probably more appropriate. I would never want to make someone uncomfortable, but I also don’t want to give my kids the impression that they need to avoid engaging with people who look or act different. It’s a tough balance.

      • Anonymous says:

        I’m the Mom above, and I’m always, always grateful for a parent’s interjection like the one you mentioned. The awkward look away and walk away after a blunt question is worse. Kids gonna kid. Parents gotta add context. Adding a positive comment and something to help them identify with the person helps so much. So for my kid, my ideal response from a parent of a kid who just asked why my daughter’s skin is a certain way, would be “Just like you and Suzy have different colored hair, some people have different colored skin — I love how beautiful the different colors look together!” And my daughter will glow. She’ll also happily answer a follow-up question asking whether she was born like that or not.

        I saw it first hand with my younger child who asked about a woman in a wheelchair with no legs. He stared, then asked ME: “What’s that for?” I responded by looking at the woman, and drawing her in, and said “It’s a wheelchair, and I bet it helps her get around SO quickly. You love to go fast! ” And, then including her in the conversation “Does it help you get around so fast?”

        • Spirograph says:

          Thanks for this, I’ll use this explanation+compliment/common ground formula going forward if my kids ask an impolite question about someone’s appearance — especially another child’s.

    • Here’s a related question — do you tell your kid to do/not do something because other kids will laugh at him or her?

      Twice in the last week, I heard parents telling their kid not to do something because their friends would laugh at them. Once, a kid was crying on the way to school, and the mom said “better stop, or all your friends will think you are a baby!” and another, “I can’t believe you wore that, you look ridiculous and your friends will laugh.” Kids were probably 6 to 8 years old.

      I let my kids dress themselves, and they usually are mismatched. It is easier on me, and gives them control. But, it occurs to me that I look back at pictures of myself and cringe at how out of touch I was. My mom also didn’t really intervene to tell me that there were better choices. I didn’t learn how to really dress myself well until college. Maybe there’s a middle ground, but I hate the idea of telling my kids what to do in the context of other kids laughing at them.

      • avocado says:

        The two comments you relate are putdowns and I wouldn’t say that kind of thing. However, I have asked my kid a few times “Is that how you want to present yourself at school? Does that outfit/behavior send the message you want it to send?” I have also had a couple of talks with her about how grooming and behavior can provide fodder for tween nastiness–things like, “Kids your age are very observant about cleanliness and grooming, so if you don’t comb your hair you are creating the opportunity for people to tease you” and “If you brag about how smart you are some kids and adults will find that very off-putting.”

      • Rainbow Hair says:

        Oh boy! My instinct is to go way the other direction — “if people laugh at you they aren’t people whose approval you should be courting!” (uh, probably in more toddler appropriate vocab).

        I don’t think there’s anything wrong with saying something like, “do you want to talk about how some clothes match?” and giving examples from your own wardrobe, but building confidence seems so much more important than teaching your kid how to be more pleasing.

      • Anonymous says:

        Oh my god, I have so much social anxiety from my mom policing my actions with “what will people think” type stuff.

        1) Educating kids about things is different than telling them what to do. Therefore, if you are worried about how your kids dress, you should EDUCATE them so they can make informed choices.

        In this case: Take them to a fabric store and teach them what different kinds of fabrics are. Take them shopping (for you/your spouse/the other child) and do things like flip clothes inside out and show them how the seems work and how to tell good quality from bad. Buy a few fashion magazines and cut up the outfits / clothes in them and have kids assemble outfits. My mom got out a [email protected] colorwheel and taught me about complimentary colors. I went to a color draping activity as a tween (I am a summer AND a spring, thankyouverymuch.) Watch What Not To Wear and talk about “apropriateness,” “style,” “shape,” “cut,” whatever.

        And then, just like the parent who has taught their kid about healthy food and eating habits, you let the kid make their own choice.

    • EB0220 says:

      If it’s a permanent difference (like in the teeth example) I just say “That’s the way he/she was made.” We talk about this alllll the time when they ask simpler questions like “Why do you have brown hair but I have yellow hair?” or “What is that dog big and this dog little?”. So I think this response makes other physical differences seem like just as big of a deal as different hair color or height. If it’s something non-permanent (clothes, hair) I usually say “That’s how he/she likes it.” Maybe I’ll add “…boys can have long hair and girls can have short hair” or something else relevant to the discussion. I don’t know if this is right but the kids seem to take it in stride and we haven’t ever had an adverse reaction from the person they’re talking about…

  14. inexpensive jogging stroller rec? says:

    Thinking about jogging to-from daycare pickups. It’s only about 1.5 m each way, and all sidewalks, so I don’t think I need some heavy-duty stroller. Does anyone have a cheap recommendation? I have been scouring craigslist off and on for a while but nothing has come up.

    • AwayEmily says:

      No recommendation but when I need a specific kids item I often have more luck posting (usually in a parents listserv or facebook group) “does anyone have an X that they’d be willing to sell for $Y”) than I do just waiting for one to get posted as for sale. I think there are lots of parents out there who are too busy to actively put their stuff online for sale but will gladly sell it if someone else takes the initiative.

    • Anonymous says:

      I would get a second hand higher end stroller vs. buying new. Having one with a good suspension makes the ride much more comfortable for the kid. We have a Chariot (are they now Thule?) and really like it. Friends with Bobs are also really satisfied. If you buy a better quality one second hand, you can also likely resell it again to get back half of what you pay. I think the standard recommendation is also not to jog until they are at least 12 months (was 6 months when I was on mat leave but heard that the new recommendation is 12 months) so that might be something to consider depending on baby’s age.

      • Yeah, I’ve heard the recommendation shift to 12 months – it was 6 months in 2015 when I started.

        Depending on how much you use it, and/ or if you want to use it with another kid, you might not want to plan on reselling it. I’ve destroyed our BOB basket and it drifts to the left when I run…!

        Besides the classic BOB Revolution, I’ve also heard great things about Bumbleride, which now makes a stroller (the Bumbleride Speed) explicitly designed for running.

    • My sister has an inexpensive Babytrend jogger and it’s been holding up great through two kids.

    • Are you in Chicago? I’m looking to unload our Bob and you could have it.

      • inexpensive jogging stroller rec? says:

        ahhh sadly no. I’m in Pittsburgh, just in case anyone else has one to unload!

        thanks for the recs, all!

        • Kelly says:

          Coming from a fellow pittsburgher – get a bob. Our sidewalks are horrendous and even walking I can barely tolerate our non bob.

          • inexpensive jogging stroller rec? says:

            ugh yes. we bought a used uppababy vista and it was worth every penny. I hate pushing any other stroller over our sh$# sidewalks.

    • Anonymous says:

      You don’t mention a price range, but I’ve been eyeing bicycle trailers that can be converted into joggers for when my 4mo is bigger. They tend to run in the low-$100 range.

    • Anonymous says:

      Also, craigslist and ebay alerts. Make the computer do the work.

  15. Anonymous says:

    Re stroller search:
    Take a look in the Facebook group “strollerqueen strollerswap.” You may be able to find a second hand one to buy locally.

  16. D. Meagle says:

    My son just turned 3, and while he has always been a little aggressive, lately, the aggression is increasing and often coupled with explosive tantrums. He bites (and breaks skin), hits, pinches and throws things. FWIW, it is usually with people he is very comfortable with – me and my husband, our daughter and the nanny. I’ve asked about his behavior at camp and nursery school, and apparently he is as sweet as can be when he is there.

    Today, he managed to bite, hit, pinch, choke and throw shoes at me in the two hour period between waking up and leaving for school. The nanny just called a few minutes ago to tell me that he was hitting and biting her because she was trying to change his diaper.

    Looking for suggestions on how to handle this. I’ve tried time outs, which does not phase him. With the biting, I’ve bitten him back and he laughs. There are some other personal and work stresses I am dealing with at present, and dealing with this too makes me want to shut the door to my office and cry because I feel helpless as to what to do.

    • Mrs. Jones says:

      Oh, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I was going to suggest time outs. If that doesn’t work, think of some other consequence for him to deal with. Like no dessert, taking away a toy, or something. Give him a stuffed animal or pillow to hit if he’s upset.
      I def wouldn’t bite him back. You don’t want him to think that’s normal behavior for adults or kids.

    • Redux says:

      My kid went through a violent period when she was a bit younger than your kiddo. I picked a refrain and wore it out, “I wont let you hurt me; use your gentle hands” and would physically restrain her if I could and hold her close, like a hard hug, or, walk away if I couldn’t. Once she calmed down, I would make her show me “gentle hands,” just touching me with a gentle touch.

      I feel like all the advice I read was to figure out her trigger and cut that out (too tired/ hungry/ not enough attention/ etc.) but I felt like it was so random so that never really worked for us. She also used to bite us when she was happy as like a playful thing– the way a puppy sometimes will– which was weird and not sure I knew how to cut off that trigger.

      FWIW our daycare said it was a very common phase and just to be consistent with her. She grew out of it.

      • Anonymous says:

        I responded below but +1 to the gentle hands and acting it out and having them try it on us after we try on them. We use that a lot to show how to touch.

    • Anonymous says:

      Can you elaborate more about the personal and work stresses? As I was reading through your post, the first thing that came to mind is that he is acting out because he’s upset and at 3, struggles to deal with his strong emotions. I would try to focus on the cause of the behavior and not the behavior itself.

      For the behavior, be firm and consistent with no hitting/no biting messages. Don’t bite back – that doesn’t work and just confuses kids. How verbal is he? Teaching emotions words has helped out kids. Like “Are you feeling mad? You can say I’m mad and Mommy can help you.” Then we’ll do a physical thing to deal with the anger like shaking the mad out of our arms or stomping our feet in circle while we hold hands. Having an acceptable physical outlet really seems to help over the unacceptable physical outlets.

      We just got through a rough period with my two year old. Family was staying with us for a month. He was super sad when his cousins left but struggled to figure out how to deal with the emotions. Lots of acting out which was unusual for him. I leaned into it with extra babywearing and cuddles and it seemed to help. That plus adjustment to his new routine.

      • +1 to giving him the words to express his emotions and giving him the appropriate way to react. We bought a ton of those emotion books and read them every single day to our kids when each one went through the physical phase. And we practiced over and over – “You seem MAD. Are you MAD? When Mama is mad, I like to stomp my feet. Like this. *stomp stomp* And then I feel better. Do you want to try? Let’s do it together. I’m MAD! STOMP!”

        The best emotion books we found were the Hello Genius series by Michael Dahl. Little Monkey Calms Down was good for anger, I think there’s actually one called Little Dino Doesn’t Bite too.

    • NewMomAnon says:

      I try to lean into physical touch when kiddo gets like that; obviously she needs some physical connection at that point, so rather than push her away or say no, I go out of my way to give her lots of hugs and cuddles on my terms (which is hard when you’re concerned for your own physical safety, but…there’s parenthood for you). I also try to take 15-20 minutes a day to roughhouse with her, and try to make sure she gets a lot of outdoor play time either at home or daycare.

      And I talk about her feelings, but I also talk about my feelings and how I’m managing myself. So last night I was super stressed, and I told her that I was really worried about X, Y and Z, and that I was going to slow down and say the things I was grateful for, and then take some big deep breaths to calm down. I’ve apologized to her a couple of times when I snapped at her because I was stressed, and explained that she wasn’t the problem, mama’s feelings were the problem, and mama is doing [things] to help calm down mama’s feelings. I’ve seen kiddo imitate those coping skills.

    • d. meagle says:

      Thanks for the commiseration everyone. I feel like less of a horrible mom than I did earlier in the day. I also just placed an amazon order – we have lots of fun reading materials arriving this weekend.

  17. Katala says:

    Thanks for the advice the other day on introducing formula to my 8 mo old. Happy to report he got 2 oz that night and chugged it like a champ, 1/3 bottles at daycare yesterday and another 2 oz with dad, all with no problems at all. And I didn’t have to stress that I wasn’t pumping enough! Yay!

  18. Chloe Snead says:

    I love this!

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