Family Friday: Light-Up Crocs

As a fashion blogger, I never thought I’d be writing about clogs, but as a mom I find that I come down on the side of Crocs in the whole Crocs vs. Native Shoes debate. Even though all the cool kids are wearing Natives, my kids are obsessed with light-up things so they love their light-up Crocs. If your kid does too and needs some comfy shoes for wandering around and playing this summer, do note that Crocs now has light-up options. Light-Up Crocs (also at Amazon and Kohls)

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  1. Looking for recommendations on exersaucers or jumparoos. Our daughter is very short (1st percentile for length) so I’d appreciate recommendations for ones that are good for short kiddos. Also any preferance for exersaucer vs jumperoo? I’m leaning toward exersaucer just because I assume she won’t be able to jump much because of her height (or lack thereof).

    • What do you need to use it for? Just a place to sit her down? If that’s the case, stalk garage sales or goodwill and grab one for $5. Especially if your child is in daycare or something out-of-your-home during the workweek, you are going to use it a handful of times and that’s it.

      Or you can just skip it, lay/set her on a blanket, and put some toys in front of her. Same thing.

      • Anon OP says:

        Putting her on her back on the floor is not the same thing. Daughter has plagiocephaly and torticollis so keeping her off her head is important if we want to avoid a helmet.

        • Understood, but also know that depending on the age of your child, exersaucers and jumperoos can make those situations worse. My doctor specifically asked us to avoid those items when my son had a flat spot and torticollis because if they’re too young to sit on their own, they’ll slump in those seats and put additional pressure on their spines and muscles. There is also a risk of creating hip and foot/walking issues. If they’re old enough to sit on their own, then a floor with a fence, or a pack n play, is the best containment/entertainment option.

          • If you haven’t already, I would discuss your approach with a physical therapist, because I would guess they would not advise you to use a jumparoo over putting your child on the floor. My son had torticollis and ended up in a helmet and the first thing the physical therapist told us was that any baby container was going to exacerbate the problem. The jumparoo was at the top of the list she gave us as one of the worst for development because if torticollis isn’t properly treated it will cause complications with crawling and walking, and the jumparoo particularly can delay development in those areas. We still used a variety of baby containers in moderation, including rock n plays and jumperoos, but were told that being on the floor (even on his back) was a much better option than any type of containment device because being unrestrained on the floor would help treat the torticollis. With torticollis, the only things that are going to help avoid a helmet are tummy time and physical therapy (if needed).

    • I liked the exersaucer earlier on and the jumparoo once he was a bit more sturdy. In addition to height, kiddo also has to be heavy enough to stretch the jumparoo down to reach the floor, if that makes sense. We dd get a fair amount of use out of both, I thought. Second the recommendation to try to get a cheap one from a mom’s group or garage sale; that way if you don’t like it you can re-sell and try another one.

    • This is what we had, which was well-loved and passed down to friends:

      https://www.kohls.com/product/prd-1317325/evenflo-exersaucer-bounce-learn-bouncer-zoo-friends.jsp?prdPV=4

      My son is also a shortie and couldn’t reach the ground at first, so I put one of my old law school text books under his feet so he had something to push off against.

      • mascot says:

        We also have some really adorable pictures of my son standing on my law books under his jumperoo. He only cared about jumping, he wasn’t really into the toys.
        OP, does a doorway jumper solve the height problem- I think it’s more adjustable.

      • BTanon says:

        We had this one too and my kid liked it a lot. I loved the fact that it didn’t have anything that electronic that lit up / made noise / etc., just basic rattles and stuff.

    • Anonymous says:

      Putting a pillow on the ground underneath helps the shorties.

    • I actually think a jumperoo would be better for a shorter kiddo. They are height adjustable, and because the feet touch the floor, instead of what might be a rounded piece of plastic in an exersaucer, it’s easy to put books under their feet (we did the law books too–glad to know they are still good for something!)

    • I bought a used baby einstein exersaucer and you could adjust the height on it. LO loved it! He probably would have liked a jumping one too, but I didn’t want to buy 2 things and I saw this one first.

    • October says:

      There was a baby einstein one that my son liked around 4-5 months (he was also short, and the doctor advised us to wait until his feet touch rather than putting things under him…though we bent that rule a little). I’ll look for a link. It was made for younger babies — a lot of jumperoos are 6 mo+ — so it was more stable and less bouncy. We got a separate bouncy jumperoo (fisher price?) for when he was a little older and that was much less of a hit. He wanted to be out and moving around at that point.

  2. My husband occasionally tells our 2.5yo son “don’t cry,” when DS is not really hurt but is whining / crying to get attention. I don’t like the idea of telling our son to stifle his emotions but sometimes the crying really does seem to be “fake,” for lack of a better term. (E.g., son gets scolded for something – last night it was biting – and out come the crocodile tears.). How do you handle this in the moment? How do I explain to husband why I don’t like saying “don’t cry” to our son? I’m not even sure I’m explaining it well here, and I’m at a loss as to how to convey my concerns to husband.

    • mascot says:

      So if he was shouting, you’d ask him to stop shouting and speak in an inside voice, right? I think it’s fine to treat whining/crying the same way. You aren’t stifling the emotion, you are merely asking for a more appropriate method of delivery. It’s a tall order for a 2.5 year old to be sure so you are going to get to repeat this lesson 1000s of times. They figure out at a really young age how to act to best manipulate their world and they know that crying get different attention-hence the crocodile tears. I think that this is totally different than telling a kid to suck it up when they are injured or scolding tears when they are genuinely upset and tears are normal.

    • I don’t use “don’t cry” because it’s pretty counterproductive. (Even for me as an adult! If I begin tearing up at an inappropriate time (e.g., at work) then telling myself ‘don’t cry’ makes it worse!)

      We all learn how to use our emotions and behavior to manipulate others – it’s human nature. So you can’t blame the kid for trying, just don’t capitulate. Encourage an appropriate response, or ignore it.

      For whining, I’ve had some success with, “I can’t hear you when you’re whining. Can you ask me in a nice way?” For tears after scolding, I have had limited success with, “are you sad because you feel sorry? Do you want to tell Daddy you’re sorry?” and if that doesn’t work, I ignore it until the storm passes.

      • +1

      • To the second point, I’ve had slightly more success giving them an “I statement” followed by a concrete act to a kid who is sad bc they did some wrong act. So, kid cries bc didn’t get his blue cup. Then hits me in frustration. So, “ouch! I do not like it when you hit me. I will not let you hit me. It would make me feel better if you give me a hug.” Kid will usually give a hug, and cheers up a bit. If still sad about the blue cup, something that holds the boundary but acknowledges the sad helps — ” I love the blue cup too. I wish we only had blue cups! I can’t wait for the dishes to be done so we can have the blue cup. How about the pink one while we wait?” Helps. Sometimes. If that speech doesn’t stop the tears, I ignore.

    • We literally call it fake crying – “Don’t fake-cry, DD.” We try to approach it as naming the emotion and explaining an appropriate way to express it. So in your example, we’d say “Are you sad that Daddy told you not to bite? And you feel bad for doing it? Good, I’m proud of you for learning not to hurt people! But it’s still not fun to feel sad and bad right? Do you want to give Sister a hug? That might help you BOTH feel better!” (We’ll that’s what I’d ideally say. It’s usually a little more rushed than that because I’m also making a sandwich and feeding the dog and comforting the bitten child.)

    • This is tough because it comes in so many different forms! This is what I do:

      If it’s something like crying because he was scolded, I usually say something like “I know you’re upset. But you still can’t [hit the dog/throw your water bottle/etc.]” and then let him keep crying until he’s gotten through it.

      If it’s whining/crying to get attention or out of frustration, I’ll get down on my knees and say “you are big enough to use your words. Can you use words to tell me what’s going on?”

      And if it’s whining because he wants to do something and we keep saying no (like watching TV – that’s a big one right now), I’ll be more stern and say “you’ve already asked, and we’ve already said no. If you keep whining, there will be no TV tomorrow either.”

      • This is what I do. I’m sorry you are sad, but we can’t [thing that she did that she shouldn’t have]. I think you can acknowledge emotions about being scolded, which genuinely makes my youngest sad, without condoning the scolding behavior.

    • Anonymous says:

      My mom used to say something along the lines of “I don’t understand you when you use your whining voice. Can you use your (child name) voice to tell me what you need?”

    • We tell our daughter “this is not something to cry about.” We aren’t trying to stifle emotion, but rather trying to teach her that crying is for when she is hurt or scared, not when she doesn’t get her way ornwhen we tell her she had to stop choking her sister.

      Not sure the context your DH is using “don’t cry,” but maybe rephrasing on occasion will help. I am gender neutral on my intolderance for crybabies (crying when the purple crayon is not available vs using words).

      • NewMomAnon says:

        This seems inappropriate for 2.5 though – drawing distinctions between “what times are OK for crying” and “what times are not” requires reading nuanced social cues that likely escape a 2.5 year old, and the “rules” likely shift based on parental anxiety levels. Crying out of frustration is a thing, and should be honored just like hurt or fear….

        Instead of telling her it’s inappropriate to cry, maybe take one of the suggestions here and name the emotion, your action that triggered the emotion, and then just let the emotion play itself out without further comment?

        • We actually got it from our kids preschool teacher. Kids in that class start at 2.9. I’m not a child development expert by any means but apparently it’s a recommended approach. Plus, you aren’t expecting them to know, but rather, teaching what is and isn’t a crying level occurrence.

        • This one in particular sounds like crying out of shame, which is also a real emotion.

      • Just my two cents... says:

        I agree with NewMomAnon. Maybe it’s the way that you say you have an “intolerance for crybabies”? Probably it’s not the reality but from reading your post those words don’t sound empathetic to your child.

    • My son is a big emotions frequent crier (both fake and real). We let it get too far under the guise of not stifling emotions, and frankly, he’s become a bit spoiled about it (so much whining and crying and carrying on about everything we say no to). So to stop it we now say something along the lines of “I see you are upset about getting A cereal instead of B cereal, but crying doesn’t change my answer. I’m going to count to three and if you are not done crying you can go to the playroom until you are done.”

      Typically he stops crying by count 1, because its a fake cry.

      We save this response for crying related to not getting his way, etc. Not crying because he is hurt, etc.

    • Anonymous says:

      Has he read this article? Many of the points really resonated with me.https://www.nytimes.com/2017/06/02/upshot/how-to-raise-a-feminist-son.html

      • I was going to recommend this as well. In OP’s situation I would try to rename it as whining. I don’t think there is anything wrong with telling someone not to whine but to explain what they want/are unhappy about.

    • We’ve recently had success with, “Do you need attention?” We were on the couch disengaged, and Kiddo (2) was pacing around and whining. DH asked him, “Do you need attention?” Kiddo stopped, looked at us for a second, and said, “Yeeaaaah,” then climbed up on the couch with us. I know it’s not always feasible to give attention, but recognizing the need is still a good first step.

      For whining when he doesn’t get what he wants, we just repeat the same answer. We try to explain why in terms he can understand. (“We can’t eat crackers for dinner. You need different kinds of foods to be healthy and grow.”) That type of explanation helps maybe half the time.

    • With both of my sons, we tell them not to whine, but never not to cry.

    • Anonymous says:

      Haven’t read all of the replies, but we say: “No whining” and “Use your Big Girl voice” and “Are you having feelings?”

    • layered bob says:

      here is some perspective to share with your husband, perhaps: http://www.janetlansbury.com/2012/03/my-child-is-not-okay/

      Does it matter that his crying is “fake”? I try not to judge my children’s emotions except to acknowledge what it seems they are expressing to me. It is too much to ask of children to regulate their emotional state to be more comfortable for me – if I am annoyed or think a situation is not “worth” crying over, that is for me to deal with, not my child.

      Here’s Janet Lansbury on whining: http://www.janetlansbury.com/2011/08/why-the-whining-and-4-steps-to-eventual-peace/

    • For older kids (his are 6 and 11, so definitely not a 2.5 yr old), a friend of mine will say, “What? I don’t speak whine.” He keeps his tone very light, and it leaves the door open for the kids to say what’s wrong in a more appropriate voice. He and his wife are also very good about addressing the kids’ concerns in an empathetic way after they’ve been communicated.

  3. Redux says:

    This is a say-nothing moment, right?

    My sister babies my nephew like crazy. Our kids are the same age– 3 and a half (they are a few weeks apart). My kid dresses herself, serves her own cereal, brushes her own teeth, etc. My sister does everything for my nephew, including using a bulb to suction out his mucous because he doesn’t know how to blow his nose and feeding him by putting a fork or spoon in his open mouth. She refers to herself and to him in the third person (“Does Henry want a snack?” “Mommy is going to eat a banana.”) Developmentally they are very much at the same stage so there is no reason for her to do all these things for him. My sister says he has no interest in doing things for himself, though while they’ve been at our house and he’s been watching my daughter, he’s started to want to do some of the things she does, like pouring water into a glass for himself or choosing his own snack.

    I very much don’t want to throw judgment at my sister who is a single mom and this is her only and final child. At the same time she has struggled with anxiety which reached a peak when her child was born and she was obsessed with how much he ate, weighed, slept, the condition of his skin, etc. These babying behaviors don’t seem to be hurting him or her– as I said, developmentally he seems totally fine and its not like he’s never going to learn to blow his own nose, so… say nothing? If I were to say something, how would I even go about it?

    • Vanessa says:

      Say nothing. Every family is different. I don’t really see this as harmful because eventually the child will rebel. And I wish my 3 yo would let me suction bulb his nose… He is not very effective when he tries to blow it himself.

  4. Maddie Ross says:

    PSA on Natives – if you like the look/style, but have trouble with hot spots or rubbing (which we did), the Toms version of the same shoes are softer and easier on feet. I highly recommend. Plus, they seem to go one sale more often than Natives.

  5. Any pointers for the 3rd trimester with kid #2? I’m in academia, on the tenure track (5 years to go before tenure review), and desperately trying to get a paper out/new research started before I give birth in August. Between our existing kid and all the household stuff, I can only seem to carve out 2 – 5 hours of productivity a day. My focus is drastically diminished. I literally fall asleep if I sit still long enough. And each day I’m further behind than I was the last and consequently more stressed…help!

    • Maddie Ross says:

      No real advice or pointers, but just commiseration. I had the same issue. I think with #1, everything was exciting and new and even the discomfort seemed like a means to an exciting end. With #2, I was exhausted and way more uncomfortable. Since I’d been thru it before, I basically just wanted to get the show on the road and have the baby. All I can say is farm out as much household stuff as you can. Take any help offered from friends or relatives. Hire help or even just let household stuff go. My toddler was living on PB&J and watched way too much TV the last 8 weeks or so of my second pregnancy. She lived (mostly). Good luck!

    • Blueberry says:

      Get more help with kid #1 and housework if you can. Also, accept that your body is not able to power through as before, and take naps and breaks when you need them. Better to be really productive for 5 hours than miserable and unproductive for a full workday.

    • AwayEmily says:

      oh man, I’m also on the tenure track and pregnant with #2…trying to get a book out before the baby comes in January. This makes me even more nervous. good luck!

  6. Anon for this says:

    Any Bay Area ladies have a recommendation for an OB near Palo Alto? New-ish to the area and looking for someone good. I’d also love to hear thoughts on delivering at the various hospitals!

    • You might want to choose your hospital first, then your OB.

      1. Stanford Hospital. Pros: If you or your baby are at all high risk, you have all of the resources right there. Many women choose to deliver at Stanford Hospital for this reason, despite the cons that I’m going to list. Cons: teaching hospital, medical residents, some shared rooms. Supposedly Stanford affiliates have some priority for the private rooms, but it’s still going to depend on availability.

      2. Sequoia Hospital in Redwood City. I delivered here. All private rooms, very comfortable, I really liked. Other people I’ve known who have delivered here have had good experiences, too.

      3. El Camino Hospital in Mountain View(?). I’ve heard good things, and think it would probably be similar to Sequoia.

      What people like in an OB varies really widely. For example, one of my top criteria was office wait times.

    • palo alto mom says:

      Lucile Packard Children’s Hospital at Stanford (physically connected to Stanford Hospital and where the labor and delivery and maternity units are)! I received great care there and they’re equipped to handle just about anything for mom and baby, including routine births. They have a brand new bulding opening soon (this winter I think), which should cut back on having to share rooms (even in the current facility, it’s likely that one won’t have to share a room).

      Sequoia is a Catholic hospital, so I stay away because I don’t want to support entities where religious leadership gets a say in care.

      As a caveat, I’m an alum who used to work within the health system affiliated with the university. To my knowledge, there’s no special treatment for alumni.

      • Interesting – I didn’t know that about Sequoia.

        There is definitely a “friends and family” program at Stanford for current affiliates – not alumni, but current employees/faculty that will get you priority for a private room, though. Have known people who have used it. Not well advertised.

    • Anon For This says:

      I’ve heard great experiences about El Camino Hospital (also private rooms for delivery), and am delivering baby #2 there. (I delivered my first at Washington Hospital in the East Bay, but moved in the intervening years). PAMF Mountain View OBs all deliver at El Camino.

  7. avocado says:

    Suggestions for books on parenting tween girls? I have read Untangled and How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and American Girls and Queen Bees and Wannabes are both on my list. Middle school is looming and all of a sudden my previously self-assured little mini-feminist STEM girl has decided that “the popular girls think I’m weird” and “I don’t want to go to science camp this summer because I am always the only girl and the boys never let me do anything.” Ugh.

    • Ugh. I so hate this. We are just starting to get into some issues too. Usually, my daughter is confident in herself and doesn’t care what others think, but how long can she sustain that? I hate that kids have to go through this.

    • Anonymous says:

      Reviving Ophelia (though it was the first and probably the newer ones cover the same things). I remember reading it at 16-17 and really wishing I had read it before puberty hit.

      On a practical note, I would contact science camp about her complaints. I would also start looking for some like-minded girls (older and younger!) who have similar interests. (Reach out to local high school club advisers and see if there are girls willing to mentor a tween. Science/programming/robotics clubs, but also things like Knowledge Bowl, Academic Decathlon, debate or chess clubs). If she’s really adamant about not attending science camp I’d try to get her to focus on skill based camps, even if they are”girly.” Cooking, sewing or craft camps might give her some really practical skills (which have been shown to have a positive impact on self esteem) and something she feels like she can talk to other girls about.

      • PS – just on that one point, STEM-type camps exist specifically for girls! Girls Who Code, Girls Make Games, etc. Maybe late for this year but for future years.

  8. Sabba says:

    This has nothing to do with parenting, but I have a vent and for various reasons do not want to share it in real life with anyone, but maybe some of you ladies can relate. Does anyone else think that Comey would not have made his October announcement about the Hillary Clinton emails if the AG (at that time, Loretta Lynch) had been a man? I would not say he did it consciously as some sort of s*xist act, but I absolutely question if Comey would have acted the same way last October if the AG had been a dude. Admittedly, some of my own experiences with men who must report to women (and don’t like it) may be coloring my view, but I put so much blame on Comey for the election. It really seemed that all roads led to misogony in 2016. OK, rant over. I don’t mean to offend anyone, just wanted to get this off my chest. Hope that is OK.

    • NewMomAnon says:

      I had so many feelings about Comey’s testimony too but I’ve worked in the federal government and realize that I don’t have enough information to judge anything that’s happening definitively.

      I don’t know if this helps or not, but my feeling about the 2016 election was that the American populace, media and government officials were not ready to accept a female president. Comey’s actions didn’t make a difference; Russia didn’t make a difference; any male candidate running against Hillary was going to win.
      Trump was the lucky beneficiary of being in the right place at the right time.

      The upsdie: the election flushed out that reality for some of the population that couldn’t see it before. It’s sad, and it stinks to realize that I’m making my career in a world that still isn’t ready to help me succeed, but at least we know how much work is ahead of us. Before the election, I honestly thought that there wasn’t much need for feminism anymore. I would have probably admitted to being a feminist but with a bunch of caveats. Now, I am a feminist, and I will tell anyone, and I will instill both those values and the importance of that movement in my daughter (and sons if I ever have them).

      Long story short: it was sad to realize that we were not as far along as we had hoped on gender relations. But at least now we know how much work is left to be done, and can renew our push to get there.

      • Sabba says:

        I think I agree on pretty much everything you said, although I do think Comey’s October announcement played a role in the election. But all the other things you said are true too, so who knows what portion of it was from Comey and what portion of it was from the country not being able to accept a female president. I guess Comey bothers me the most because I don’t think he would ever label his actions as s*xist, or admit to having a bias against his female superior, or possibly even realize he had one, but there it is (at least in my mind). He seems like a guy I might have dated at one point, or considered a friend, and sometimes I just feel like Offred (in the Handmaid’s Tale, the book) when she suspects that Luke doesn’t seem to mind, or possibly enjoys, his new power over her in the new world order. I’m just looking around and being like DOES ANYONE SEE WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE? So many people were happy with his testimony yesterday, but all I can think is ‘Well, you are a big part of the reason we are in the mess, so f* you and anyone else who doesn’t think they have any personal responsibility for what is happening here.’

        It certainly was a wake up call.

      • Yeah, I’m not sure how much Comey impacted the election. I look at the previous NYC mayoral race where the establishment woman candidate got trounced by the guy on the left — New Yorkers didn’t believe identity was more important than economics. A lot of people still don’t get that NAFTA isn’t the reason steel mills closed down (mini-mills and India supplying China did). I also don’t think most Bernie supporters had any idea how leftist Clinton was on economics (she ran to the LEFT of Obama, idiots). But mostly I think it was sexism in voters, plain and simple.

      • Chi Squared says:

        My assessment of the 2016 election is that Hilary Clinton was a deeply flawed candidate who failed to persuade voters that she was trustworthy, has principles, and would be a good leader for this country. She happened to be a woman, yes. But that’s not why I didn’t vote for her, and that’s not why she lost the election.

        • bluefield says:

          Trump, however, was a perfect candidate who ran on impeccable principles, was supremely trustworthy, and showed over and over again that he would be a great leader for this country. Nope, gender had nothing to do with it.

        • Spirograph says:

          I did vote for her, but I also agree she was a deeply flawed candidate. I think she would have been a good president, but her campaign didn’t do a good job of selling that. I think Trump is awful for a lot of reasons, but his strategy was effective. I think sexism played a role, Comey played a role, Russia played a role, but the electoral map and Trump’s message and personal brand as a brash unapologetic a$$hat really resonating in big swaths of the country played a much bigger one. Also the Supreme Court seat.

          The whole sexism angle is incredibly frustrating, though. It’s disappointing to see so many signs that I had rose-colored glasses on when looking at America, pre-November.

        • Anonymous says:
  9. No-cry sleep training? says:

    I’m about ready to help my 4.5 month old learn how fall asleep independently, mostly because I think I should due to recommendations from doctor etc. But I know myself, and I will not be able to do CIO. We currently nurse to the brink of sleep and then put him down. I’ve tried putting him down wide-awake, but he just plays for a while and then starts complaining. I think pick up/put down is something I can do. Has anyone ever done this with success? Any other no cry sleep training success stories?

    • To answer the question you asked: I used the pick up / put down method successfully with my six week old. It wasn’t traditional sleep training, but to teach her to go to sleep in her crib, rather than in our bed right next to me. It was a ton of work, though – I was still on maternity leave and almost lost my mind every day.

      But why do sleep training now if you have a system that is working for you?? Even if spend the time and the emotional energy to successfully sleep train him now, something will happen down the road – teething, vacation, stop nursing, whatever – and you’ll be sleep training again at 9 months, or 14 months, or something. I mean, maybe this is worthwhile if you can’t always be there to put your son to sleep, or if your bedtime routine takes more time than what you described, but otherwise? Don’t let perfection be the enemy of good enough!

      • No-cry sleep training? says:

        Good question. I guess because everyone is convincing me I NEED to now otherwise I’ll end up with a college kid nursing to sleep (being a bit facetious obviously but that’s how it feels). I would like him to fall asleep independently *eventually* so don’t want to miss a window where sleep training is possible.

        • FTMinFL says:

          Check out Elizabeth Pantley’s book “The No Cry Sleep Solution”. I downloaded the audiobook when my little guy was the same age as yours and my biggest takeaway was that I didn’t have a problem and there was no need to sleep train at this point! We continued doing what was working for us (and I really mean working – I enjoyed our routine and he did, too. If you’re struggling, then that’s a whole different story.). However, there may be techniques that help you if/when you’re ready for a change. Little guy is now 19 months with fantastic sleep habits and I look back with happiness at how we got here.

      • Anonymous says:

        I have to respond to your second paragraph, as the parent of an 18-month-old I always nursed to the brink of sleep. Our kid still needs milk (and snuggles) to fall asleep, including at 2 a.m. when he wakes up. It’s so, so hard. DH sleeps on the floor with him every night, and it takes us 45 mins or so to get him to sleep. I REALLY wish we had cut that habit earlier.

        • You’re right, I tried to make the point too strongly. I think there are plenty of windows between 4.5 and 18 months, though. We did CIO Ferber method at 13 months or so, shortly after I stopped nursing. It was three hellish nights, if I remember correctly. And we just got done with another round of (totally different, three weeks of) sleep training as our two year old moved into a toddler bed. Anonymous, good luck – it is definitely harder as they get older!!

          • Anonymous says:

            It’s SO hard, especially when your kid pukes after just a couple minutes of crying. Oof. I think DH will be on the floor for a while… thankfully he doesn’t seem to mind most nights.

        • Anonymous says:

          Yep, we’re a “sleep on the floor family” at 18 months too! (Though that’s because we did a Montessori floor bed. Probably saved us a broken arm / head since we have a climber, tho.)

          We’re hoping at two we can start the sleep lady shuffle.

    • Sabba says:

      I think you could try the Pick Up, Put Down method or the No Cry Sleep Solution to avoid tears. At some point you will need to break the nurse to sleep habit if you want the baby to sleep on his own, but there are lots of ways to do that. As E said, there is absolutely no need to sleep train now if you don’t want to. Your baby is going through a developmental leap (the “4 month sleep regression) that ends about 5.5 months after your baby’s due date. Many babies are ready to naturally improve their sleep habits at that time. This is why 6 months is so often recommended for sleep training–months 3, 4, and 5 can be pretty rough for many babies.

      From the experience of me and my other mom friends, sleep training also seems to be something that you have about 18 months to figure out. After that, crib escapes become a problem and the usual advice and methods may not work, although there are other methods for “big” kids. Good luck!

    • Go on vacation and let husband CIO. (Kiddo still falls asleep almost instantly when husband comforts her and will spend an hour bothering me).

    • I see no need for any sleep training at this age, unless you want to, because the 4 month sleep regression is going to disrupt everything. We did pick-up/put down around 6 months, when I was ready for my babies to start the night in their crib rather than spend all evening in my arms. They still moved to our bed after first waking, but I had free arms in the evening. It take a while (sometimes 45 minutes to an hour) but after a day or two they got it down and it look less and less time. We did: nurse to sleep, put baby down in crib. Baby wakes because you put him down, so you pick up, soothe back to sleep. Put down again, pick up if fussy, wash, rinse, repeat until sleeping in crib.

      Once I was ready to wean off co-sleeping and night feedings (around 10-11 months) my husband takes over all night time duty. For night wakings he starts with a bottle, then rocks to sleep. Then he starts eliminating the amount of milk in the bottle. Then he switches to water, and then just rocking to sleep. This happens over a month or two.

      Our kids have never cried it out, but are both great and independent sleepers at 16months and 3.5 years.

      I hate the notion that 1) if you don’t CIO you are miserable and sleep deprived (I was not), 2) husbands should do CIO (my husband is equally unwilling to do it) 3) your baby must CIO or YOU WILL NEVER SLEEP AGAIN (false). I was happy to help with the process, even if it took longer.

      • Anonymous says:

        My baby didn’t have a four month sleep regression. We used the method outlined in Bringing Up Bebe and baby started dropping night feedings at 6 WEEKS (even though EBF) and slept through the night at 9 weeks.

        I read about people night nursing at 10 months and thinking of being that exhausted for a year makes me want to DIE. (I was so tired at 6 weeks I would just nurse and cry. It physically HURT to wake up.)

        (Still sleep deprived, but that’s because chasing a toddler is EXHAUSTING.)

        • I think you missed the last of my post where I said I wasn’t exhausted. Co-sleeping makes night waking so much more tolerable if you’re nursing.. I get that everyone’s experience is different though, I’m just sharing mine.

        • Yeah, those night feedings the first few weeks are interminable, but they get to be really short and easy after just a few months so they really aren’t such a big deal as you are thinking!

      • Wow you misread the dad should do it statement! It’s not about HIM. It’s about the baby. She expects A LOT from me and is much more willing to not put him through the wringer. If she conked out after 15 minutes with me, I would have CIO. But she’ll wail for an hour if she thinks I’m available.

  10. This is totally an emotional rant, but maybe some of you can relate. So, I’m on the precipice of getting promoted to a leadership position at work and part of me is thrilled. I recently learned that another colleague who I’d considered a peer is leaning out big time and was approved to work at 80% time, with the eventual goal of being at 50% time. We each had our first kids 3 weeks apart (7 long years ago)! And I’m really happy for her, and insanely jealous. Despite moving up, I have had a lot of internal conflict/struggle with working full-time. And until one year ago, there was absolutely no precedent in our office for part-time work, so I’ve soldiered through and grown my career. Sometimes I want to stop. I want to say screw it, I’m tired of working full time. I don’t want to stay at home, but I am so freaking tired from holding it together. But for my DH, it’s sort of a nonstarter that we both be full-time workers. AND I feel like I’ve gotten too deep into my career to turn back. This is my reaction pretty much every time I hear about one of my friends and peers leaning out: I want that, too. And I’m too freaking scared to rock the boat and make it happen.

    • ElisaR says:

      I get what you’re saying – I recently had lunch with a former peer that I came up through the ranks with…. she’s now a SAHM. I have never really wanted to be a SAHM but I couldn’t help but be a little bit envious of her life….. I think it’s natural to compare yourself to people that you have always related to but I find it helps me to remind myself “you do you”. I had an old boss that would say “the opposite of contentment is comparison” which doesn’t really make sense but I know what he meant. Your friend is probably freaking out about the serious lean out and when she hears of your advancement might say “wow, I wish that was me….” but she has opted to go a different route!

      • I think Teddy Roosevelt said “Comparison is the thief of joy.” There’s also “The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.” and “Don’t compare your inside to someone else’s outside.” There are a million quotes about this because humans have been doing it since the beginning of time, but the truth remains – you’re probably focusing on all the good parts of her life and none of the bad ones (and doing the opposite to yourself).

        Had you gone part time and she stayed full time, you’d probably be kicking yourself about not getting the promotion right now.

        • You’re probably right. If I weren’t so conflicted about my role as a working mom, I don’t think this would bother me a bit. The truth is that even though I’ve been working full time for the whole time I’ve been a parent, I am pretty ambivalent about it.

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