Washable Wednesday: Kathryn Dress

This dress from Boden has sleeves, pockets, and a concealed back zip, and it’s fully lined — amazing! I think the polka dots are fun and cute without being too twee — it comes in a green-and-navy polka dot and the pictured gray-and-navy. (It looks like the dots are black onscreen, but the one reviewer says they’re actually dark blue.) It’s available in regular and long sizes and is $200 — but you can get 25% off right now with promo code 7V2T. Kathryn Dress

Two lower-priced options are from Old Navy (regular, tall, and petite) and Shoptiques. Here’s a dress in plus sizes (if you’re not crazy about the lace trim, you can always remove it) and a maternity dress.

Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for washable clothes for work, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear.

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Comments

  1. Taking a gestational diabetes test soon. Doctor’s instructions were to eat as normal, not do anything different and just not eat for 2 hours beforehand. When I followed these instructions with baby #1, I ate pasta for lunch, took the test, was just over the line of “normal” and then had to sit for the 4 hour test after fasting all night and it was miserable. Results were fine. I’m obviously not trying to cheat the test but would like to avoid the same experience. Curious what others’ did/do before their GD tests. When I spoke to a few friends after, they related instructions as varied as don’t eat for 4-6 hours beforehand and eat only very sparsely the whole day before, etc.

    PS: Thanks for all the fish advice/commiseration yesterday. Blue Apron responded (great idea!) that it was farmed barramundi from Vietnam but not sure what that means mercury level-wise. Back to google, I go. This fish will be too gross to eat by the time I solve this so that’s one way to deal with the issue I guess.

    • Diabetes runs in my family. I recall eating steel cut oats that morning and my test was fine (but I’ve also never had anywhere bordeline in the past). As long as you don’t eat a huge bagel or something right before, it shouldn’t skew the result all that much.

    • I had a similar experience with my first pregnancy, but passed the first time with my second. For the second, I ate a high protein breakfast with some whole wheat toast on the recommendation of my midwife. She also allowed me to drink juice instead of the nasty drink, so I am not sure if that played into it as well.

    • I wouldn’t worry about the fish, since it sounds like something you’re not eating frequently. The amount of mercury in any given fish is very unlikely to be harmful, but it can be an issue if you were eating lots and lots of fish.

    • Anon in NYC says:

      I ate lower carb the day before my test, scheduled my test first thing in the morning, and didn’t eat beforehand. Did fine on the 1 hour test.

      • This is what I am concerned with! A lot of people say this sort of thing but my doctor’s instructions are not to do this so I am conflicted. I have an afternoon appointment. I’m thinking I will eat a light dinner (protein + veggie) and eggs and whole wheat toast breakfast and either skip lunch or do a very light, very early something like a veggie soup. I really just want to avoid the situation of last time where I didn’t have GD but had to go through the misery of drinking 4 of those vile drinks during the longer test.

        • Anon in NYC says:

          I think your plan sounds fine. I know that I am sensitive to carbs generally, so that’s why I avoided them. I figured that if I truly had an insulin problem that it would show up on the 1 hour test.

        • PregLawyer says:

          My OB with the first pregnancy said this: “just have a normal day.” Then scheduled my blood draw for 1:00 pm. I ate a normal (pregnant lady) lunch and had the same result as you: a smidge over the threshold, which meant I had to do the 4-hour test.

          I got a new OB this time around and asked him about the glucose test and explained my previous results. He said that the big lunch definitely could have skewed my results, and that although I shouldn’t fast before the test, I should eat a light, protein based breakfast. I love new OB.

    • AwayEmily says:

      I had my 1-hour glucose test on Monday. Showed up, had blood drawn, went to my regular check-up, went back to the waiting room to finish up the hour and, while waiting, totally spaced and ATE A GRANOLA BAR. So, basically I disobeyed the most important glucose test rule. I told the woman who took my blood and she said (albeit politely) “well, you sure did screw up. I guess we’ll see what happens!”

    • NewMomAnon says:

      The midwife who gave me instructions told me to eat “normally,” but then winked and said, “But maybe not pancakes or donuts the morning of the test, and skip the midnight ice cream snack.” So I think it depends on what your “normal” is; probably a better set of instructions is to eat a “normally healthy, balanced diet consisting of whole grains, protein, fruit and veggies.” FWIW, I think I swapped out my breakfast cereal for scrambled eggs that morning.

      I don’t know that the amount of food should matter; you’ll mess up your glucose if you don’t eat enough. I would eat the right amount of food but just make sure it’s not predominantly processed carbs.

      • Anonymous says:

        +1 This is basically what I was told. Eat breakfast as normal, but not a good day for a smoothie. I think I avoided sugar entirely that morning before I took the test and had eggs or something like that. But I definitely ATE, I did not fast. Pregnant me doesn’t do well without breakfast. The day before I ate pretty much as normal but I didn’t eat any true sweets like a cookie.

      • IP Associate says:

        +1 – I was told the same thing for my glucose test a few months ago. The morning of, I had scrambled eggs with a glass of milk. I also accidentally ate a piece of chocolate before my test, but I still passed!

    • Anonymous says:

      I failed the first test and passed the second. For the first test I ate eggs that morning. I think next time I’m going to fast in the morning.

      • Maddie Ross says:

        I fasted for both of mine on the instruction of my doctor. Both were first thing in the morning (they set them to start half an hour before their other appointments). I passed both times.

      • Same for me. Ate eggs that morning and failed. Passed the second. I was told to eat normally but don’t eat a donut before it.

    • Anonymous says:

      There are different tests with different values in the results depending on your instructions from your doctor. There is random, fasting – 2 hour and fasting 4 hour in my area as common tests. I only ever did the random one. If you fast when you are not specifically told to do so or don’t fast when you were told to fast, or don’t fast for the right amount of time, then your results will not be accurate.

      It’s not a test you are trying to pass or fail. It’s informational.

      • Obviously if I have GD, I want to know about it. What I don’t want to do is have to take the test twice when I don’t have it. The last time I took it (after eating pasta) my numbers were literally borderline and my doctor even said that the number I had used to be considered normal but now they want the longer test if you have it. The test is misery for me – I don’t drink juice, soda, any kind of sweetened beverage. I hate sweet drinks of any kind. Even tea and honey is too much for me. So having to drink just one of those synthetic concoctions is nauseating. Having to drink 4 is the worst. That’s all I am trying to avoid.

        • ElisaR says:

          you’re right AIMS, the 4 hour test is no fun (I was so hungry I thought I would collapse – plus who has 4 hours to spare?). In my experience, you only have to drink the yucky drink once though (it’s more highly concentrated than the 1 hour test) and they test you every hour after that….. hopefully it won’t be an issue for you!

          • I remember having to drink it 4 times but maybe that’s not accurate. It was misery, either way. I live for breakfasts so for me it was pure torture.

        • Anonymous says:

          I wasn’t just reply to you but also to other posters who were planning to eat differently or not or fast or not based on how it went last time. Changing behavior, unless directed by a doctor, is what causes problems, not the passing or failing the test. The test(s) are a PITA but no one should change their normal eating pattern in advance of the test unless specifically advised to do so.

    • AIMS, you are one of my favorite commenters, so I wanted to jump in and tell you that I think you are spending way too much energy on this fish issue. I just don’t believe that eating one meal of fish is going to affect your pregnancy at all. But if it’s going to stress you out, just throw it away – problem solved! Either way, don’t spend any more time googling it. ;)

      • Haha, thanks E! I agree completely. Had a crazy day at work and have not yet googled and will not be googling. Staying away from all things google related.

  2. anon for this says:

    Ladies, please talk to me about relocating in part to be closer to family. DH has an opportunity in the Bay Area where both of us are originally from. Our families live about an hour from each other, so not next door but certainly the same metro area.

    We have two small kids and when we visit family it’s so wonderful to see how much fun they have with their extended family. I know that my mom in particular would be extremely helpful (but she can also be pushy and blunt and push my husband’s buttons) and to some extent, husband’s family would help too.

    Husband and I are have good professional opportunities in the area, and I am already admitted to practice in California which is a huge bonus.

    We had always imagined moving back but now that it could actually be happening, part of me is concerned too. Here is why:

    My family and I are close but there is a lot of drama going on with MIL and SIL that could create tension. MIL and husband don’t get along too well, and neither do SIL and MIL. My family is also deeply religious and I would feel pressure to rejoin the church that I grew up in (which husband wants nothing to do with and does not want my kids involved either).

    In addition, the Bay Area is of course absurdly expensive (but we could afford it). Traffic is crazy and I don’t love the idea of living in the burbs (we’re in a large east coast city now, and I love the urban feel). Living in SF with young kids is not realistic.

    On the other hand, it would be really awesome to have my kids grow up with their cousins, uncles, aunts, grandparents around all the time. We could celebrate birthdays together and smaller holidays and have barbecues and potlucks and go to the park together. Our family overall is extremely warm and kind and loving and everyone adores my kids.

    I would really appreciate any thoughts on this subject. Thank you!

    • EB0220 says:

      We live in the same town as my in-laws. Overall, it’s really great. They’re only about 10 minutes away but VERY respectful of our space. They don’t stop by unannounced and don’t pressure us to spend a lot of time together. They watch the kids usually once a week and are available for backup care. They do travel frequently, and have some health issues, so they’re not an extremely reliable source of backup care. It is really nice to be able to see them for a quick dinner or event, without a huge investment of time and resources. I think you can be successful as long as you are clear about boundaries and expectations early on. Only you can decide on the location itself and whether the upside of being near family is worth the down sides of suburbs, traffic, etc.

      • anon for this says:

        Sounds like you have a great set up! I agree with you that getting together for a quick dinner would be so nice, as opposed to two or three extended visits a year (which is what we have now).

    • AnonMom says:

      I would definitely move to be closer to family as long as your housing situation, job, school for kids is being taken care of. As long as you and your husband are comfortable with your new home and jobs, you can create healthy boundaries with your family and not be dragged into family drama. If your mom can help, it will be perfect as long as you can also manage on your own. I would not move closer to family if I would need to get into debt or if I hated my new job, or if I had to rely on them constantly. I hope you will make it work and move to live close to them. Nothing compares to feeling loved and belonging!

    • We moved back to New Jersey to be closer to family (even before we had kids)–and now that we have a kid, I can’t imagine moving away, even though I sometimes claim that living in this state is literally taking years off of my life. (I do not have the constitution for living in the most densely populated state in the country.) It’s great having our daughter near some of her cousins, and my in-laws are willing to serve as back-up childcare for when daycare is closed or the kiddo is sick. (We’ve had to make surprisingly little use of this, but I imagine that it will be even more helpful when she reaches kindergarten age, with random in service days, religious holidays, etc.)

      Every family is different, but here are some observations on our situation that we might find helpful:
      1. Often, it surprises us how little we see my in-laws (who live about a half an hour away), despite the fact that my husband is very close with his family. It probably averages out to once or twice a month that we spend any real time together. We actually spend more time with my parents, who live a 4-5 hour drive away, because a. they are more proactive about scheduling time together, and b. when they are here, we spend all the hours in the weekend together.
      2. The family dynamic is only a little different living locally than it was living away. My husband spent a lot of time on the phone with his family when we weren’t local, so the things that drive him nuts about that now drove him nuts then as well, plus then there was the added stress of feeling guilty that he wasn’t able to help with things when they were having health issues.

      • anon for this says:

        Thanks for this. I feel like twice a month is actually a lot? :) As mentioned, I’m very close to my family but I couldn’t imagine seeing them more than every other weekend. I say this in part because traffic in the Bay Area is terrible and it’s not likely that my parents can just pop in on a weeknight after work given rush hour traffic.

        • I think it’s all about the context of the visit. The visits are rarely at our house–we usual go to my MIL’s or SIL’s, which is a lot less stressful for us than having them come over. If it’s twice a month, at least one is something super casual–e.g., so far this month we met my SIL, BIL and their almost-same-age-as-ours toddler at the pumpkin patch for an hour, and then my FIL spent several hours in our backyard helping my husband repair his tractor.

    • avocado says:

      I would not make a major move solely to be closer to family because you never know exactly how that part will work out. Shortly after we were married, we moved from just outside a big expensive city to a smaller, more liveable city where my husband’s parents had recently relocated. We thought it would be great to have his parents around for support, emergency backup, and tons of involvement in our future kid’s life. What actually happened was that after retirement his parents got even busier with community groups, a business they started, and frequent travel. They also became snowbirds who spend several months of the year at their vacation home in another state. We see them less than once a month, and they are never around to help out in a pinch. We can’t really help them out much either. We are happy with where we ended up and probably would have moved here anyway, but I am glad we didn’t move here just for family involvement that never materialized.

      • anon for this says:

        Thanks, this is a good point. My parents are exactly the opposite though — they firmly believe that grandkids take priority over everything else and they are not the type of people (old school immigrants) to get a vacation home or anything like that. My mom basically moved in with us for an entire year after my kids were born to cook, clean, etc. So I can say for sure that if we move back our kids are going to be priority #1 for everyone — in fact, one “worry” I have is that our families will probably want to drop by all the time to spend time with them. What can be great but sometimes a little distance is good too. :)

    • I might make the case for living close, but not too close, to family.

      We’re about an hour from my parents, 45 min from my MIL (who comes to our house to watch the kids 3x/week) Living closer to my mother would probably be a strain on my marriage and my relationship with my mother. We’re far enough away that she can pretend I’m at church on Sunday morning, if we just don’t talk about it. If I lived in the same neighborhood (as both my sisters do) she’d be looking for me at church and calling ‘to make sure everything is ok’ every week when I’m not there, even though she knows I’m not practicing/don’t want to be involved.

      I can deal with her idea of helping in small doses (oh. you want to bring 2 different kinds of salad to the birthday party even though it’s already included in the catering I arranged? Fine, but you’re taking home the leftovers) but I could not deal with her watching my children regularly, or being in my house regularly. MIL is much more respectful of the boundaries we need, and doesn’t force us to renegotiate them constantly.

      On the other hand, both my parents would drop everything to come help in an emergency, and my retired father has offered to do things like sit in the house and wait for a repairman. So it’s not all terrible, but I personally need more space than my parents would probably like.

      • anon for this says:

        I absolutely agree. My parents live in a more remote area so I can confidently say that we would be a good 45 minute drive from both sides of the family because we would want to be close to our jobs (again, because traffic is terrible). 45 minutes is close enough to come over on the weekend but far enough that she won’t be dropping by. Thanks for the input!

    • I have a friend who recently moved to where her in-laws live, though her parents live somewhere else. What complicated their situation is the fact that they are renovating a house so they have been living with her in-laws. Her SIL also lives there and her MIL is accustomed to just stopping by unannounced at her house, but my friend most certainly does not want that.

      While they are in the midst of it, her advice (along with another friend who lives near both sets of parents) is to set ground rules. Before you move back tell your parents you will not be joining the church and you would not like to discuss it again. Obviously it is hard to know since this is a new situation, but set boundaries (like no coming by unannounced).

      Regarding the traffic/cost factors – maybe do a bit more research to see what your school options are, childcare, housing, commutes to work, etc. You will save money on flights home to visit family! And whether you really are ok with the suburban lifestyle. My parents were NYC dwellers for 20+ years and then once my younger sister reached school age they decided to leave the NY area all together and settled in the burbs of another east coast city. They said it was a HUGE culture shock, but in retrospect they are so glad they did it

      • anon for this says:

        Thanks for this. It may sound silly, but I’m actually very concerned about the culture shock of moving to the burbs. I grew up in the burbs but we have lived in cities for the last decade and I’m so accustomed to not driving, taking the subway, walking, etc. I think the only way it will work is if we live in a suburb that has a vibrant downtown area with lots of restaurants and such and we live within walking distance to that downtown area. Fortunately the Bay Area has some such suburbs so that gives me some comfort. :)

        Thank you all so much for the helpful advice! Keep it coming.

        • I recently moved from a walking city in the northeast to a driving city and it has been a HUGE culture shock for me. Particularly since the city we moved to has practically no walkable areas. i wish the city was better organized/had a cute downtown area with restaurants or a place to walk around. I think it was a huge culture shock for my parents and definitely took them time to get used to. My dad always said he missed being able to go outside and find coffee on every corner. But for them it was a better long term fit. If I had all the money in the world, I’d happily settle in NYC and raise kids there bc I’m such a city girl, but unfortunately that is not in the cards for us, so trying to focus on the positives of where I do live now. Grocery shopping with a car is amazing :-)

        • Rainbow Hair says:

          I thought I was a city girl for lyfe, but I now live in the suburbs, a mile from where my family lived when I was born, and 1/2 a mile from my parents! It’s mostly good. My family isn’t dramatic, though they are a pain in the butt. But I will say we are in one of those cute suburbs with a little downtown we can walk to, and we scrape by with just one car.

          Good things: we were strolling through the farmer’s market on Sunday when my dad called. They were going to the Indian buffet they know Kiddo likes. Would we like to join them there in an hour? Sure! Then my mom texted, “I can babysit on your anniversary if you want!” All of that is so nice. We have a pool, and trees!

          Bad things: ugh the suburbs. I hate driving everywhere, and being car dependent. There’s no chance of “sorry, we’re gonna do Xmas just us, cozy in our house.”

        • AwayEmily says:

          I lived in big East Coast cities (DC, Philly, Boston) for more than a decade and we just moved to a mid-size city in upstate NY. It’s actually been much less of a shock than I anticipated. We moved to a fairly dense area in the actual city itself (not a suburb) where we can walk to a park, a grocery store, the coffee shop, and a couple of restaurants. The big change is that before we could walk to 3 coffee shops, 4 grocery stores, etc…so, you have to get used to a smaller selection. On the up side, although we do drive more, the drives are really short because there is almost no traffic. So, if we want to go to an awesome new Korean restaurant across town, it takes us seven minutes of driving — whereas in Boston it would have been a 30 minute trip that involved paying for parking. Same with going to the science museum, the zoo, etc — everything is just really easy, which means we do a lot more fun mini-outings to new places.

          Also: we moved partly to be closer to my mother and it’s been great so far but I agree with other posters that you have to be clear about your expectations.

        • Living in a small city on the Peninsula doesn’t have to mean feeling like you’re totally in the burbs. I live in Palo Alto and rarely have to drive—I walk and bike most places (cargo bike for the kids). Caltrain is pretty useful. Groceries are delivered so I don’t have to do big grocery runs. Life is pretty awesome here except that real estate is unreasonably expensive.

          If you have to drive for work, you can use carpool lanes if you have an electric car and meet certain other requirements.

    • If you live in a city now, are you saying living in SF is unrealistic due to cost or other factors?

      • anon for this says:

        Good question. I think I just assumed that public schools in SF are not good, but this is based on data from 20 years ago when I grew up there so clearly things may have changed. If anyone can enlighten me, please do.

        I also don’t know how many young families live in the city. Also I’m not crazy about the foggy weather there. :) But of course, SF is beautiful and amazing and if we didn’t have kids we would likely move there in a heartbeat.

    • Again, this is a “know your family” situation, but all of the “set boundaries up front” advice is making me uncomfortable. I’d recommend having a conversation privately with your husband regarding what you are and are not comfortable with, so that if something does come up, you are on the same page, but I wouldn’t bring it up with the rest of the family just yet. It sounds like it’s been quite some time since you’ve all lived in the same area, and some things about relationships do change and evolve. Unless there’s been recent behavior (toward you, not a sibling) that is concerning, I would recommend giving them the benefit of the doubt first. It always surprises me on which subjects my in-laws acknowledge that we are full grown adults, and on which they do not–and I’m glad I didn’t set down a bunch of ground rules on topics that turned out not to be an issue.

      • NewMomAnon says:

        +1 to this. I had so many concerns about my in-laws after kiddo was born because they tend to be intrusive and controlling; instead they became snow birds and basically disappeared. And I had expected my parents to grandparent the way they had parented; emotionally distant, activity-oriented people. Instead they are a great source of support and emotional connection for kiddo, and are actually laid-back caregivers for her. I’m glad I didn’t charge out and create a million rules for everyone to follow. We’re all fine.

      • ElisaR says:

        +1

      • Anon for this says:

        +1 I’m glad we didn’t set ground rules since my parents would have started on the defensive and they’ve been so much more awesome than I thought they would be!

  3. Cute dress, but the description says Dry Clean Only

    • Anonymous says:

      Plus that is a long exposed zipper. I’ll do an exposed zipper at the office but only if it ends at my waistline and not my bottom.

      • Anonymous says:

        And my comment makes no sense because I thought I was commenting on the main page dress. Love the Moms page dress.

  4. AnonMom says:

    Good morning ladies!

    My son is 14 months old and he does not say any words yet. He does say “mama” while he plays but it is not addressed to me. He makes these funny noises when he “talks”, likes to hear himself shriek, laugh etc. Physically, he is very well developed for his age. But I am worried about language development.

    He cannot sit still for a second. He does not have patients to listen to me read or play with toys. He is always running around, bangs, makes loud noises etc:) He is perfectly happy (except for dramatic tantrums). Should I be worried? Did any of you have this problem? If yes, what did you do? The pediatrician told me that by his 15 month appointment he needs to say 3 words. We have a month but I am already worried. Thanks so much!

    • Anonymous says:

      Don’t stress! Kids that age rarely sit and read books – that would be unusual. He learns by you talking to him. Narrate what you are doing – Mommy is chopping onions, chop chop chop. And when he makes noises to you, even if they aren’t full words, respond to him as though he has spoken. Lots of music and songs are also good. Wheels on the Bus with the actions was a hit. Pause and give him a chance to say ‘beep’ or do the beep action.

      Other tips here: http://www.hanen.org/Helpful-Info/Parent-Tips/Parent-Tips—Without-Words.aspx

      • Anon in NYC says:

        My reply got eaten. I agree – I wouldn’t worry that much about it at 14 months. At 15 months my daughter (who was an early talker) seemingly started to lose words (like used to say X and then she didn’t), and our ped told us that language development can be interrupted by other developmental gains, like gross motor skills. And sure enough, at 15 months she was on the cusp of walking by herself. Our ped also asked about her receptive language (whether she understood us), which was solid, so she was not concerned at all.

    • I think you’re fine! Talking to him more is good advice. So is being around other kids, esp. if they talk. I am always amazed how much my daughter picks up after any one play date or from just hanging out with her cousins.

      Some things to remember: the three words don’t have to be real words, they just have to be something he says as words. Ma, Da, and Ba totally count if he instills them with any meaning, even if the meaning is “person I like” and “thing I want.” I think at the 15 month appointment we had the 3 words and then we were told we need 10 by 18 months and I panicked but it was fine. There was one week where all of a sudden my daughter started saying all these little words. She still doesn’t talk as clearly as some little kids her age but her doctor is really not concerned. She said as long as she is communicating, this will all even out by 3 between the kids who do sentences at 2 and the ones who still do one syllable for most words all even out.

    • Does he seem to understand when you talk to him? My DS didn’t talk more than mama/dada/baba until well after 18 months, but he understood us perfectly. Like, does he get excited if you say you’re going to the park or you’re having his favorite meal? Does he pout if you tell him no? Since he could understand us, and was making some attempt at language, our ped wasn’t concerned.

      DS is now just over 2, and is finally starting to speak in sentences. The other night, out of nowhere, he burst out in the Wheels on the Bus song, which was his longest intelligible “monologue” to date. But he can follow a 3 step instruction and is on track with other milestones, so our ped continues to be unconcerned. She says he’s just a kid who wants to know something completely before trying it, at least around language, so unless we see a backtrack, not to worry.

    • Wait a month and see what the doctor says. Language can emerge rather suddenly.

      • Pigpen's Mama says:

        +1

        My LO didn’t really talk much before 18 months and then right over 2 she had a language explosion. Now, at 3, she doesn’t stop talking.

    • Anonanonanon says:

      I was freaking out when my son was about 18-20 months and not really talking, especially since my brother is autistic so that was lurking in my mind. I talked to the ped about it, and she gave me a referral to the Health Dept. The state health department came out and evaluated him and found that he did have a 20% delay for his age, but didn’t qualify for intervention services because it needed to be MORE than 20% for services. Their assessment was that he was spoiled (not their words but what it boiled down to). He was home with me most of the time or with my mother, and never really HAD to ask for anything because his needs were always being anticipated, and they suggested putting him in daycare part time (My husband was deployed so i qualified for some free daycare) and it made a bit of a difference.
      Ultimately, his speech randomly took off when he was about 2, and he’s had no delays of any kind since then. I was so stressed about it back then, but looking back, everyone who said “it’ll come” was right.

      • Anonymous says:

        If it makes you feel any better, I basically had this exact situation. I was super well tuned into my oldest kid and she ended up speech delayed because she didn’t need to words to ask for what she wanted. Daycare really helped her as well.

    • I feel like you could be describing our son! He is 15 months and he sort of says Mama and Dada (though he just says those, not really addressed to us usually) and “Yaya” for his sister’s name. I hesitate to even say those are words since he doesn’t ask for us and makes those sounds all the time in the midst of his other sounds. He babbles CONSTANTLY. At our 15 m appointment, I asked about it, and the doctor said “He has three words” and looked at me kindly when I was stressing about it. I felt like they didn’t really “count” since he’s not using them to address us or call for us really, but she didn’t seem concerned.

    • Jeffiner says:

      My daughter didn’t say a word until she was 19 months old. My pediatrician was concerned, as was some advice columnist on the internet, but honestly, I wasn’t. My daughter was very social and happy, she made lots of sounds, and she understood lots of words. She said her first word at 19 months, and she started stringing multiple words into sentences at 20 months. When she moved up to the two-year-old room at daycare, they were surprised at what a talker she was.

      Kids develop differently. Delayed speech can be an issue, but I would look for lots of other warning sides besides just delayed speech.

    • Boston Legal Eagle says:

      Yes, we had (have?) this too. At our 15 month check-up, we couldn’t say that he had 3 words b/c he didn’t really, just a lot of babbling. We got a number for early intervention but also the advice to just wait and see, which is what we ended up doing. We were also told that if he tries to communicate by pointing or saying “ah” for example, that is a great sign. Now, our son is 18 months and says more noticeable words, maybe 7 or 8, and he seems to understand a lot more.

      Our son also loves to run around, climb, hit things and shriek. And oh those dramatic tantrums, I feel like they’ve gotten worse lately :)

    • Spirograph says:

      My son is 14 months old too and you just described him. It never occurred to me to be concerned…

  5. Newbie says:

    Has anyone seen the new Isabel Maternity line at Target? It’s a new partnership with Ingrid and Isabel, which has been suggested here before. I’m hoping it might be a good source for inexpensive basics.

    • Anonymous says:

      I went to Target after it came out (in July-ish?) and was super excited, but only ended up purchasing a black T-shirt (which, coincidentally, I am wearing today). Some of the pieces (looking at you, pleated popover shirt) make you look 8 months pregnant even when you’re not!

      That said, our Target doesn’t have a huge maternity section, so I probably only saw 1/8 of the clothes that I’m seeing online. I would check it out in person, but I probably wouldn’t buy online; I just wasn’t that impressed.

    • They have sold it for a while, but I think it was previously under a different name. Anyway, their maternity tights were my favorite for a winter pregnancy. Cheap but didn’t get holes and held up nicely in terms of quality.

    • lucy stone says:

      I haven’t seen it, but my favorite place for cheap basics was BumpStart at Macy’s. I still wear the tanks and the tees on weekends because they are comfortable and they were so cheap!

  6. Any adoptive moms out there?

    I just turned 40. I’ve been TTC for the last couple of years, with no luck. We’d really like to expand our family (have a 3 1/2 year old now), and at this point I see our options as IVF or adoption. I’m leaning adoption because I’m tired of my body failing me, and having my work / home / emotional life dictated by my hormones and baby-making capacity (or lack thereof.)

    At this point we’re only considering domestic newborn adoption. Any moms out there able to share tips as we start on this journey?

    • AnotherAnon says:

      I’m a foster mom on track to adopt after the waiting period has passed. Our foster son came to us at 5 weeks and is now 8 months, so hopefully this is helpful. I love our foster baby: he’s wonderful and has changed my life for the better. The process is hard. Not that IVF wouldn’t be hard, or that parenting a biological kid isn’t hard too. My advice is: get a lot of information about adoption and specifically the kind you want to do (not sure if you’re going through an agency or an adoption attorney). The laws vary by state. The market for domestic newborns is VERY competitive. Try to find an agency or support group to answer your questions. Read Empowered to Connect. Good luck!

    • Anon for this says:

      I have a bio 2 year old and am unable to have any more kids. We’ve really thought through this and ultimately decided to become foster parents. We’re open to adopting, but aren’t actively pursuing it.

      We decided we were okay long term if our family was three people, but we wanted to ‘put our money where our mouth is’ in terms of helping kids who needed a safe place to go. Initially, we expected an infant or toddler to be placed with us, but our current kiddo is in lower elementary school. Trauma is hard and adoption is a kind of trauma that manifests itself in so many different ways and I’m not totally sure that is something that a lot of adoptive parents realize.

      The other thing to prepare yourself with adoption for is the absolutely unexpected date of when a child is coming. I have friends who got a call on a Friday that there was a baby and they were picked by birth mom, they got to her city at midnight in anticipation of a morning pickup of baby, and then mom changed her mind. Expecting it would be awhile until they got another call, they were shocked when two months later, they got another call and 10 days later were a family of 3. There’s not the expected date like there is in a pregnancy. Lots of uncertainty.

  7. Basic Shorter Cardigan says:

    Anyone have suggestions for a short (not cropped, but ending at ~ waist, not the longer boyfriend style) black cardigan that will accommodate the growing bump alternative to fitted blazers?

    I wear a lot of dresses, but like having the extra layer both for warmth as well as making it a little more business formal.

    (I know a lot of guides say you can keep wearing your regular blazers … but mine are mainly fitted two button equestrian style, and they’re already way too small in both bust and waist …)

    • AnonMom says:

      The Jackie cardigan from J. Crew. Sometimes they have sales. Also Halogen makes nice ones. This is exactly what I wore while pregnant-dresses with cardigans as the jackets were not comfy plus I did not want to invest in them.

      • Blueberry says:

        There is also a JCrew Factory version — a little lower quality but not bad. I think every second woman I work with has at least one of these.

    • NewMomAnon says:

      I just kept wearing my cardigans all pregnancy, with various iterations of buttoning. I like Banana Republic merino wool cardigans.

    • J Crew Factory and Lands End

  8. Yesterday I put together an outfit that I was so impressed with I took a photo of myself so I could remember it later. It was nothing earth-shattering– a knee-length navy skirt, deep red blouse, a camel blazer, and flats. Also, a necklace. I cannot remember the last time I looked so put together (to myself of course; probably no one else noticed). It did make me think I want to do a better job of blazer separates. I have a lot of suits but now am not in a suit-heavy job, so I don’t wear them much because they look very much like suit jackets and not like separates. Where do you buy separates? The last time I went into a Banana (which is where most of my suits are from) I found their suits pretty basic and uninspired (good for many settings, just not for mine!). Any favorite blazer separates retailers?

    • AwayEmily says:

      It depends somewhat on your body shape. I love H&M blazers — they often have interesting details and they also tend to have a great selection of collarless ones, which is a look I like. But I think they are better for narrow shoulders/smaller busts.

      • No crying says:

        Second the H&M rec with the caveat that they are not made with wool blends so they don’t hold up. I love the more fitted cuts but they start to show wear after not too long so I feel too underdressed for certain client meetings.

    • Anon in NYC says:

      The Limited (historically), Express (especially for knit type styles), Banana Republic, and Ann Taylor.

    • NewMomAnon says:

      Boden often has interesting blazers.

    • Non Mom says:

      Tablots has a lot of blazers, especially colored blazers.

    • Blazers says:

      I’m loving the j.crew parke blazer. I bought it in theee colors. It’s a wool blend but has some give to it and is comfy but looks polished. I like the regent too but it looks a little odd if you’re not flat-chested, IMO.

  9. Paging girl on fire/stuck in moderation from yesterday says:

    Just wanted to let you know that people are thinking of you and I hope that you are managing ok. You have so much on your plate and I really hope you’ve been able to reach out to some family/friends for help. Hang in there!

    • Great minds think alike. I was just coming here to say the same thing.

      • Anon for this says:

        Me too. I am sending good thoughts (and prayers too, if that’s your thing) your way.

    • Also, I was curious. Was the BIL at issue your husband’s brother? I realize it could also be your sibling’s spouse. I think this kind of major issue could cause anyone to need in-patient mental health treatment, never mind if they had a pre-existing condition. It probably took a lot for your husband to not physically harm BIL so taking care of himself is probably better for the family in the long run than him in jail, no matter how justified. That doesn’t necessarily make it easier for you but something understanding a bit why someone needs to do something makes it easier to swallow.

    • Girl on fire says:

      Thank you so much! Prayers are definitely my thing.

      The BIL in question is my husband’s sister’s spouse. We had the tough conversation with her last night. She (not shocked here) denies everything and thinks we’re nuts to listen to a toddler. Threatened to harm herself, said a lot of really hurtful and nasty things. Which I get, given the circumstances. But all of the professionals we have consulted have told us the same thing with the facts we had– we did the right thing and probably saved our kid from years and years of abuse. So my poor husband is reeling from having caused her so much pain and losing that relationship for the foreseeable future. I’m so glad he’s getting help with processing all of this. My favorite quote from last night, re my SIL’s marriage to Uncle Grabby: “we don’t need counseling because unlike some people, we talk to each OTHER!!” I honestly had a minute of having to stifle my laughter. If you’re afraid of counseling, that’s a huge shiny blinking neon sign that you need some.

      The advice y’all have given has been so, so crucial. Especially the hard pass on making any decisions for six months. Before all this started, we were house shopping and working on a few family projects and honestly, a lot of other things directed at trying to improve/ fix our lives (when really my husband needed to fix his emotions and psyche). It’s oddly hard to let all that go– and yet seems like the right thing to do for now. I’m getting used to the new medicated person I’m married to– I like him a lot, but it’s still strange. And I’m trying to keep my head down at work and make lots of lists and just generally put one foot in front of the other. For some reason cooking really appeals to me right now– I want something I CAN CONTROL.

      The support means the world. I’m trying to stay calm and focus on the immediate tasks at hand, because that is getting me through. If anyone has any good old-fashioned screwball comedy recommendations, I’m looking for some movies for the weekend. We’ve made plans to carve pumpkins with some friends and their kids, and other than that, lie low. I’m starting to be able to sleep more soundly now that my husband is home again, and right now I feel like I could sleep for a week.

      • Girl on fire says:

        I should also clarify that we connected with local family to make sure SIL is safe after our convo last night.

        • good for you! i’m sure i honestly also would be a bit defensive if someone every told me that about my husband (at least initially) – though it sounds like her reaction was extreme, but you definitely did the right thing. hopefully the “time heals all wounds” will apply to your husband’s relationship with his sister, once they both have time to digest.

          given that your daughter is 2.5 i’m hoping that she still naps, on Friday night you should go to sleep when she goes to bed and nap during all of her naps! not sure how your husband is doing/what he is able to manage with the kid/i know that dealing with mental health issues for oneself is also exhausting, but maybe one of you can entertain kid on saturday morning so one can sleep late and the other on sunday. i don’t have too many movie suggestions, but if you haven’t seen meet the parents, it made me lol

          hopefully all of the cuteness that comes along with Halloween will give you something to smile about, at least for a day :-)

        • Rainbow Hair says:

          Giant hugs to you.

          You seem to have your sh*t SO together — I’m impressed.

          • Spirograph says:

            +1. I think you’re awesome and I hope to exhibit half as much grace under pressure if the situation ever calls for it. All the internet hugs and high-fives.

        • Anon in NYC says:

          Glad to hear the update. Giant hugs – and I hope you get some rest this weekend.

      • Anonymous says:

        For comedy, I’m a huge fan of Tommy Boy and the very similar Black Sheep.

      • Recently my husband and I re-watched all of the Austin Powers movies. We laughed so hard. Also, Young Frankenstein is great for this time of year.

  10. Introverted kids? says:

    My daughter just turned 4, and in the past 6-9 months has just…shrank back…from socialization. I don’t want to say “regressed” per se, but something has changed. It’s like she just doesn’t like playing with other kids. Or, she’s so bad/nervous at initiating play or conversation that she prefers just to play alone vs deal with it.

    She has a core group of 2-3 girls that she has preschool and ballet with. She sees these girls every single day, and has for 2 years. They’re a pack. Yet, when we go to preschool or dance class or run into one of them around town, the other girl will say HI [DAUGHTER]!!!! and run up to her. My daughter hides behind my leg and refuses to acknowledge the other kid. Even though they play together all.the.time. and my kid declares them all her best friends.

    Similarly, when we went to a birthday party recently (it was one of The Girls’ birthdays, but had beer and parents and families were invited to stay) she only wanted to play with me or DH (note: didn’t care one way or the other about her younger sister) and refused to play with any of the other kids.

    She’s also been in preschool for 2 years. But this year (same school, mostly the same kids), when I drop her off, it’s always the same thing: “I just don’t know what to do.” She won’t take any suggestions, like “hey look at this XYZ.” and just stands and sulks. Sometimes cries in protest, but usually just stands around all depressed. I *know* she loves the school. And when I pick her up, she never wants to leave. She loves her teachers and tells me she wishes she could sleep at school.

    Is it that her bond/desire to be with a parent is just so strong it trumps kids when they’re around? Is it more introversion (DH is a huge introvert and he always comes to Daughter’s defense when I start worrying about stuff like this–but he’s not there to see it and doesn’t see how incredibly rude she is) and simple desire to play alone vs with anyone? A bad combo of the two?

    We have fall conferences coming up with her teachers and this is on my list for sure. But I’m wondering how much is age-appropriate weirdness and how much is potentially something more. It seems like she needs coping strategies for transitions or meeting people, or coaching to look people in the eye. And all this is new within the last 6 months or so.

    • Anonymous says:

      Does she have any time in her day to just be by herself and recharge? If she’s an introvert I don’t think it’s unusual that she is overwhelmed by situations like a birthday party. At 4, I’ve seen lots of kids react that way. At daycare/preschool – is it a busy room or is there a quiet spot where she can sit with a book? For introverts, having to interact and socialize all day long can be exhausting. After daycare, the more introverted of my three kids loves to play near us (same room) but not necessarily interacting – like doing puzzles by himself or looking at books. Once he’s had a half hour or so to recharge, he’s usually good to go again and wants to ‘help’ me cook supper.

    • Anonymous says:

      My friend’s daughter has gone/is going through something similar (is a wallflower at parties, even though these are her best friends, won’t make eye contact with people, won’t greet others). It was really bad when she was around 4-5, and has improved as she has gotten older (now 6). That, coupled with other behavior (perfectionist and anxious tendencies, huge toddler-style meltdowns as a 5 year old), led my friend to art therapy for her kid. I think she has mixed reviews of it – her kid is pretty close lipped so isn’t opening up to the therapist in a meaningful way. But at the same time, I think the kid has developed some coping strategies for when she felt overwhelmed and at risk of losing control.

      I’m not saying your daughter needs therapy of any kind, but if this behavior is part of something else, maybe something to consider. FWIW, my friend’s husband (and my friend) were both initially really against any sort of therapy/classification for their kid. My friend’s husband is a huge extrovert and would get so frustrated that kid wouldn’t participate/would be rude, but also thought that she would just outgrow it. Which she has, in part. She now greets people, for example. She’s still not a huge joiner. But for her, there were other factors that made therapy a good next step.

    • can you ask her teachers what she is like once you leave her at school? has anything changed recently at home, from your work schedules to frequent guests, etc. has younger sister been getting any special or extra attention lately?

    • Is it possible she is having trouble right when she arrives but then warms up during the day? My son is weird about greeting his friends – he often didn’t want to talk to kids or teachers right when he walked in the door to preschool, and when we run into friends on the walk to kindergarten now he often hides/doesn’t want to talk. By all accounts he’s pretty gregarious, very good at verbalizing his feelings, and generally has good social skills, but he just feels shy at first. I think a lot of other kids did the same thing at preschool, and the teacher tried to model using words – “I’m not ready to talk yet” or “I’m feeling shy right now.”

      She may also just struggle with transitions, which I think is very normal too. For this I think making a plan in advance is helpful – like, when we get to school, we’re going to put away your stuff, I will give you 3 kisses and 1 hug, and then I will leave and you will do x activity. Give her input into the plan (decide what activity she will do and what good-bye ritual will entail) and then help her implement it. Her friends can come to her or not as they choose.

  11. Anonymous says:

    Ahh! We just found out we are having a boy and I feel so happy but overwhelmed. I know nothing about boys at all! Encouragement?

    • I’m having a boy and know nothing about them either! I’m super excited. You’ll do great. Boy, girl, whatever – it’s all wonderful.

    • PregLawyer says:

      My first is a boy – the one on the way is a girl. I can’t compare yet, so I don’t know what, if anything, is specific to boys, but here are my three observations.
      1) The pee shoots everywhere. EVERYWHERE. When you’re changing him, put the new diaper on top so that it blocks are geyser action. Peepee Teepee’s don’t work.
      2) Read up on this, but I think boys’ development tends to move more quickly for physical stuff, but slower on social/emotional and language. That was definitely true for our guy.
      3) You can teach your boy to be an empathetic nurturer! We emphasize taking care of his stuffed animals, talking about feelings, and giving gentle touches and showing love.

      • lots of boys says:

        yes, pee goes everywhere. get yourself a keekaroo!!!

      • NOVA Anon says:

        I used a dry wipe for that purpose – the NICU stocked them and I kept buying them after he came home, b/c I found it helpful to dry him off using these to help prevent diaper rash: Medline Ultrasoft Disposable Dry Cleansing Cloth Wipe. Just put the dry wipe on top while you’re changing him, and it will soak up any pee.

    • Anonymous says:

      I have one boy and another boy on the way. They’re fun – and a lot of work. I’m a little sad that I’ll only end up with boys (done after this one) but my boy loves his mama and as PregLawyer said, I can’t wait to teach them both to be empathetic, kind little boys who any girl (or boy) would love to marry!

    • I have two boys and I love it. We waited to find out and I was really happy. Boys love their mamas. They are high energy but also so cuddly and cute.

    • Boston Legal Eagle says:

      I feel like I tell everyone this but it’s so so important to raise boys who respect women. We need more of that in the world. I think all of us moms on this site want to raise strong, powerful women, but we need to do this with boys too.

      • I know you mean this in the best way, but I just have to say as a mother of a boy it kind of rubs me the wrong way when friends with daughters post similar sentiments on Facebook, especially without any useful advice about how to achieve it. The implication is that without these exhortations we would all just be content to raise the next Harvey Weinstein or something, or that our sons are all just latent predators.

        I realize I’m being cranky – mostly I think I just hate being told what to do.

        • The encouragement to raise boys who respect women is 100% of the time offered with good intentions. Literally no one is offering this encouragement with the expectation that your default would otherwise be to raise a sexual predator. Assume good intentions.

          I think Boston Legal Eagle was moreso encouraging us to view raising boys as just as much of an opportunity. Earlier in this conversation, someone mentioned being a little sad about not having any girls. The idea is that even though it would be amazing to raise a strong, independent daughter, we can also raise respectful sons who treat women as equals. It’s just as important to raise a feminist son as it is to raise a feminist daughter, and it’s just as amazing of an opportunity.

          • I see it as just as much of a service to the world as raising a strong and independent daughter. (And husbands and other male role models had better pay attention, too – in everything from calling out bias to bearing their fair share of emotional labour.)

    • I have a boy! He’s 2.5! I still know nothing about them! Pee goes everywhere. He is a huge mama’s boy and a big cuddlebug. And yes, raising a (white – well, half, anyway) boy to be a responsible, nurturing, woke person who respects women is an enormous responsibility.

    • Maybe I’m totally off base, but I’m still not really seeing a gender difference in my almost 3 year old boy and the little girls in his class. I mean, sure, the girls might wear dresses, but at the end of the day, they are all toddlers trying to learn more about the world around them and have similar struggles and fears. I chat regularly with the moms of girls and they have the same struggles and fears that I do about being a parent.

      But yes, I agree that it is our responsibility as parents to raise our boys to not be jerks and be respectful of women. I think it starts with sons seeing how dad treats mom.

    • Spirograph says:

      I see major, major differences in my son and my daughter’s (4.5 and almost 3, respectively) interests and temperament, and along totally gender-stereotypical lines, despite my best efforts. But the sample size is too small to attribute them to gender; bottom line, kids have an identifiable personality and interests *really* early. Earlier than you can imagine unless one of them actually lives with you.

      All littles are great! I felt the same “what do I do with a boy?!” panic when I found out #1 was a boy, but aside from the sports obsession and bathroom humor (omg the bathroom humor), I feel like, boys: they’re just like us!

  12. BabyKicks says:

    What was the earliest you felt your baby kick when you were pregnant? I’m about 14.5 weeks along with #2 and I swear I can feel baby boy kicking – but it seems way too early! Maybe it’s just gas? :)

    • lots of boys says:

      I think I felt it a little later, but honestly, I was confused by gas for a long time. I definitely made my husband feel “the baby” several times only to realize that it was actually gas…

    • Anon in NYC says:

      I started feeling ~something~ at around 16 weeks, and then was sure it was kicks at around 18 weeks. I’ve heard it can be even earlier with #2 since you already recognize the feeling!

    • ElisaR says:

      i barely felt #1 kick ever (placenta was on the outside)…. with #2 i think i felt it around 16 weeks! amazing how the placement of the placenta totally changed things for me…. so maybe you’re feeling it!

    • Turtle says:

      I’m 14+2 with #1 and can’t wait to feel this! I was told it was closer to 20 weeks, so I haven’t really been paying attention… now I will!

  13. I cannot stop burping these little tiny burps and swallowing – two things that plagued me when I was pregnant, which of course has me wondering if I need to go buy a test! I’m 8 months PP though and haven’t had a period yet so I have no idea of timing. I wasn’t pregnant when I saw my OB a week ago to get new BC after weaning, but she told me I should take a test in two weeks just to make sure. I’m not really asking a question…just sharing the new random thing I cannot stop thinking about.

    • The last person that posted a “am I pregnant” conundrum was. Go take a test and let us know!

    • rakma says:

      Those two things are both symptoms of my acid reflux, which was at it’s worst while I was pregnant. Could that be the culprit?

    • Anonymous says:

      Were you just relying on BF as BC prior to weaning? If so, I would definitely take a test. BF is not reliable as BC.

      • Hah, mostly. I was prescribed a BF safe birth control but stopped taking it because I thought it was making me gain weight (in spite of my best efforts to lose it). I knew it was risky, but figured the chances were pretty slim with no period and the fact that we barely did it anyways. We want one more anyways so I felt ok with the risk…but alas, I just went a bought a test and it’s negative. I got a little excited driving over to the pharmacy though.

    • I never got that in my pregnancies until much later – like 5.5 months + so maybe not?
      Obviously nothing wrong with taking a test if you’re concerned but I don’t think one equals another necessarily. I felt a lot of my pregnancy symptoms for months PP, including phantom kicking, and it really messed with my head but my doctor said it’s perfectly normal.

  14. Anonymous says:

    Ugh, you guys, my little boy had to be separated from the rest of his preschool class for fighting with another kid. Not sure if I’m looking for advice or assurance that he’s not going to grow up to be a hooligan. It’s really just this one kid who really pushes his buttons (I mean, he fights with his brother too, etc., but nothing out of the ordinary, I think). This kind of thing has been happening more and more, and it needs to stop somehow.
    When we talk about it, he says that when the kid bothers him (I think it’s usually doing things like chasing him around or grabbing things away from him), he tells me he tries all the strategies we go over, like telling him to stop, or moving away from the kid, or getting the teachers to help, but it seems like he eventually resorts to being mean and physical with the other kid when he reaches a limit. I don’t want to expect too much self control from my almost 5-year-old, but violence is never the answer, and he’s got to learn to deal with this in another way. ugh.

    • OK, this was my kid 2 or 3 years ago. He’s now 7 and has grown out of it, I swear. Part of it is learning better ways to deal with frustration, but maturity has played a big role, too. However, he’s had some very proactive teachers who have had to help him deal with it. I can reinforce the lessons at home, but I am not there when it’s happening! So, I’d push your teachers to come up with a plan for reinforcing good behaviors and discouraging the not-so-desirable ones. I would hope there are several steps they can take before physically separating him from the group; that should be a last resort.

      • Your son may be too young to really grasp this, but my kid has greatly benefited from internalizing the phrase “I can be OK even when others are not.” Also, he’s had to learn how to deal with bad situations by either:
        1) Using his words and saying “I don’t like that. Please stop.”
        2) Walking away if that doesn’t work.
        3) Telling an adult if he’s getting frustrated and needs a break from interacting from a certain kid.

        Again, this has taken a lot of practice and several years of ups and downs. But, he’s now a second-grader and my teacher assures me he isn’t a hooligan in the least.

    • NewMomAnon says:

      Aww. I’m imagining how stressful that must be for your kiddo too. Does your preschool have more than one classroom? Maybe you could ask for your son to be moved to a different classroom to figure out if it’s just this one kid pushing his buttons, or a more global issue. Set him up for success.

      Tangent: My kiddo came home from preschool last night and announced “[Classmate] is a bad boy because he FIGHTS!” And I was like…”Woah. He must be fighting with another kid; how do we feel about that other kid?” And my kiddo looks me in the eye and says, “No mama, he just fights by himself.” Which is a Thing, but not a punishable offense (or at least I hope not because I fight with myself all the time).

    • Anon in NYC says:

      Ugh. That sucks. Are the teachers intervening before it gets to that point? What are the tactics they’re using with the other kid to get him to stop bothering your son? If this is a known problem, what have they been doing to prevent this from happening? I mean, if your son was pushed to the point of fighting with this kid, where were the adults in the room up until that point?

    • Anonymous says:

      What’s helped my oldest is not just talking about strategies for responses but actually role playing them with me. We take turns being him and the annoying kid. My kid thinks it’s hilarious when I pretend to be him.

    • Anonymous says:

      Thanks for the thoughtful replies! And keep them coming if anyone else has thoughts. We are going to set up a meeting with the teachers to understand how they handle this at school, and what we should be doing at home. I have a lot of trust in his teachers, so I’m fairly sure they tried a host of strategies before he had to be isolated — and I’m sure he’s not entirely innocent in causing things to escalate.

      I really like the role playing idea. We will give this a go.

    • Mrs. Jones says:

      We had a lot of problems with son fighting/acting out in kindergarten last year. We tried several things but what seemed to work best was play therapy, finally.

  15. Lalou says:

    Which pregnancy vitamins do you recommend? Also, when did you start taking it? I am thinking to start trying to conceive in about 3 months.

    • rakma says:

      Rainbow Light Prenatals were recommended by my midwife, and I never had issues with them.

    • Garden of Life. The prenatal one a day + a separate fish oil one for pregnancy (I think it’s called Ocean’s Mom). I really like their vitamins, a doctor friend recommended them as being well-reviewed in medical studies and they’ve never given me issues. It’s a little annoying to do fish oil one separately but my understanding is that it’s not as effective when they mix it in with a regular vitamin, which is why some companies won’t do them all in one. Also, the GoL one tastes and smells like strawberries :)

      I didn’t take the prenatals ahead of time, just took a one a day that had the recommended dosage of folic acid, etc., which my OB said was all you need. Prenatals are not good long term so if it takes you a while to conceive it’s not good to start too early. The one a day I took was also Garden of Life, I think the “RAW ONE for Women”

    • start now so it can get built up in your system. there is no harm from prenatal vitamins, just the cost. my doc said any brand is really fine. it’s taken us much longer than we’d hoped to conceive so i probably could’ve waited to start, but it might be super fast for you! good luck!

    • I like the olly gummies, the only vitamins I’ve ever taken consistently.

    • ElisaR says:

      doctor said any brand was fine, but I had read that you want to make sure they contain DHA and are food based….I took the SolaRay Once Daily Prenatals (originally i purchased at Whole Foods but then bought off Amazon after that). They smell weird but if you just take it really fast it didn’t bother me much….

      Like everything I was religious about taking them for my first pregnancy (didn’t do it early because pregnancy was a surprise) and have been less than religious for my second pregnancy (also a surprise so didn’t take them early again).

    • Anonymous says:

      Start now, if you don’t already take a multi with folic acid. My OB recommended starting 3 months before TTC.

      And I agree that any brand is fine, but keep in mind that you may have difficulty swallowing pills once you actually get pregnant (hello, nausea). I started with Rainbow Light but ended up switching to gummies for that reason.

      Re: DHA, very few prenatals have the recommended amount, so I’d take a separate pill for that. I liked Nordic Naturals with strawberry flavor.

  16. Love the dress, but says Dry Clean Only…

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