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One of the best tips I can think of for a mom who’s feeling frumpy — whether because your clothes don’t fit they used to, you don’t like where your weight is, you feel like you’re always covered in spitup, whatever — is to get the biggest, most glamorous sunglasses you can, and rock them out. On the weekends stick to basics (dark denim, white or black tee) until you find your footing again; with work I’d also suggest staying with basics that you feel good about. These nice sunglasses are 40% off at Nordstrom — they were $175 but are now marked to $101. kate spade new york ‘bernadette’ 58mm gradient sunglasses (L-2)Sales of note for 3.28.24
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Hydration says
My 18 month old daughter does not drink liquids. She’s still taking a morning bottle because she will actually drink sometimes as much as 8 ounces of milk, and I am not going to stop. But other than that, she is not interested in hydration. Sometimes she only has one wet diaper during the day at daycare. She gets milk at daycare at breakfast and lunch then water with snack and dinner. She’ll take a few sips and that’s it. I’ve tried juice. I’ve tried different cups. I’ve tried keeping a cup of water always handy. She’s just not super into drinking. And because of that, pooping is a constant and ongoing struggle. I dont want to get into a battle of wills over this, but is there anything I can do? She’s otherwise hearty and healthy and doing well.
For what its worth, I had the same problems at her age. And for many many years afterwards. Until I discovered coffee a few years ago.
NewMomAnon says
Have you tried goofy straws? My kiddo has a cup with a twirly straw (and a lid, thank goodness) and she loves making the liquid come up through the straw. I think she also sees me drinking water all the time, so she imitates; make sure you water around her.
Finally, have you tried flavorings or temperature changes? My kiddo doesn’t like cold water and wants it lukewarm from the tap (blech). She drinks a lot of water so I haven’t had to resort to this, but adding some blueberries, mint, cilantro, lemon, honey, or even Crystal Light/other flavor drops might help her.
BKDC says
Yikes, hopefully your pediatrician will have some ideas. But in the meantime, maybe push fruit such as watermelon? Or maybe homemade icepops made of frozen juice?
Meg Murry says
+1 to fruit with lots of water content – watermelon, grapes, etc. Here’s a list google offered up for me: http://healthyeating.sfgate.com/list-fruits-vegetable-high-water-content-8958.html
What is it about drinking liquids that you don’t like (other than coffee)? Is it just too bland, too boring? Do you just not think about it? I drink a ton of water (or tea, or whatever beverage is at hand) all day long, but my husband just isn’t a liquid drinker either and has to force himself to drink it on hot days.
During the times pooping is a struggle, avoid foods on the BRAT diet (bananas, rice, apples, toast) – especially bananas as they can really bind things up.
What about smoothies or yogurt?
FVNC says
What about fruit/veggie pouches? My 2.5 year old eats 2-3 per day, and gets some liquid that way.
anon says
Will she eat soup? What about water from a spoon? For some reason our baby loves drinking water or broth from a spoon, although he won’t drink much from a cup.
Anon says
I’d try modelling and offering water first at dinner (you or your husband sit down with her before there’s any food on the table and just drink a glass of water). Talk about being thirsty, having dry mouth, having an itchy throat etc. Give her the language to start recognizing signs of thirst being different from signs of hunger.
Other options might be letting her put food coloring in the water, giving her lightly flavored water (pieces of kiwi, cucumber, orange), watered down iced tea (sans ice), try different temperatures of water.
Also, if she’ll take a few sips at a time, try setting an alarm for every five minutes when you’re out walking or at the playground — Oh! Time for water! And just offer it constantly.
Anonymous says
Will she take water of watered down juice from a bottle? Not ideal but you could try the Pura stainless steel bottle with the changeable tops and switch her to the sippy or straw top once she’s consistently taking liquids.
JEB says
Any recommendations for books/resources for early toddler parenting? My daughter is 15 months old, and her willful side is coming on strong! She’s thankfully very sweet and happy, but she’s definitely testing the boundaries (which I know is normal). She thinks “no” is hilarious and loves to repeat the things we tell her not to, over and over and over again. It’s recently occurred to me that during the first year, our job was really just to love her and keep her alive. Now, in addition to those things, I realize we also need to make sure we’re not raising a tiny a-hole (although, I know toddlers are naturally tiny jerks :)). I feel slightly overwhelmed by this and don’t know where to start! Thanks in advance for your recommendations.
On a related note, she LOVES to gag herself with her fingers. I’ve tried redirecting her, telling her no (with increasing volume to get her attention), moving her hand away, etc. without much success. Thinking maybe her teeth were bothering her, I’ve also tried giving her teething toys as a replacement, but she isn’t interested. She does this to the point of almost puking and thinks it’s great fun. Anyone else experience this? Any advice?
mascot says
Re: the gagging, she is trying to get a rise out of you. It makes a funny noise, watch mom freak out. Just ignore it. She’ll get tired of it soon enough. If she does puke, it will probably freak her out. Stay calm “uhoh, lets clean you up, this is why we don’t swallow our hands”
Anonymous says
This is all totally normal. The repeating stuff over and over is her way of learning the ‘rules’ of being a little person. My 16 month old will occasionally do something he knows he’s not supposed to do while repeating ‘no, no, no’ – not sure if he just finds it too hard to resist or if he’s checking if the rules are still the same about not being allowed to do it. Calm redirection – often physical scooping him up and carrying him over to another interesting toy will work. No specific book recommendation – I just read The Honest Toddler twitter to maintain my sanity that all toddlers are like this.
Anonymous says
adding that I try to remember the Three Cs – Calm, Consistent, Clear reactions to Toddler behavior are the best for helping them understand how they are supposed to behave.
NewMomAnon says
“How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk.” It’s geared more toward older kids, but I read it when my kiddo was about a year old and found that it’s been helpful. I need to re-read it I think….
My biggest parenting aha at that age was that telling a toddler “no” is not as helpful as saying, “Mama doesn’t like that, so let’s look at this sparkly other thing.” If the child is hitting you, it’s because that is literally the only thing happening in their brain right then. You can usually replace that thought easily if you suggest something else.
Anonymous says
I forget where I read it but someone said dealing with toddlers is like hostage negotiation. It totally is – they know they have the ultimate power over you, and you have to remain calm and try to reason with someone who quite literally doesn’t understand what’s going on. They just know if they fling applesauce around the house, you’ll freak out and it’ll be great fun. I agree with the redirection tactic, or suggesting alternatives that force them to comply with what you really want in a way that they’ll agree to willingly (“OK, I can see you don’t want to walk, but my hands are full – can we hop instead? Hopping is super fun!”).
CPA Lady says
My daughter went through the gagging phase. She actually made herself throw up a couple of times including once in her car-seat (yay). The only thing that worked was not reacting to it. She still does it once in a while but it has mostly gone away. Sometimes I could distract her by making other noises like blowing raspberries and then she’d start doing it to. But reacting in any way just made her do it more.
TK says
I’ve found this helpful:
http://www.amazon.com/No-Bad-Kids-Toddler-Discipline/dp/1499351119
A little hippy-dippy (ie, doesn’t believe in time outs) but there’s some good stuff in there, and the techniques she’s suggested have worked with my kid. For example, once their comprehension can handle it (your kiddo may still be a little young) don’t address tantrums or behavior issues with distraction or redirection – let them ‘feel the big feelings’ related to whatever is making them upset so they learn how to actually process being angry / sad.
NewMomAnon says
I agree on “big feelings” – I use redirection when the kid is doing something that needs to stop (making a loud noise, hurting me or a friend, damaging property, etc) but is generally content. Big feelings should not be the subject of redirection; that is a parenting moment when you get to coach your kid through some of the tough parts of being human. I think that might be the most important job we have as parents of very young children.
Anons says
I recently read Tovah Klein’s “How Toddlers Thrive: What Parents Can Do Today for Children Ages 2-5 to Plant the Seeds of Lifelong Success” and Mary Kurcinka’s “Raising Your Spirited Child” I liked both books and think that many of Mary’s techniques and insights can apply to normal toddler as well as spirited ones. No Bad Kids and How to Talk So Children Will Listen are also supposed to be good and are on my reading list. Janet Lansbury’s website probably has some of the same info as her book (No Bad Kids), so you can always search her website for information on any particular issue. And congratulations on realizing that you are raising a little human and are trying to make the effort to get it right! I really do think the things you teach your toddler now (like how to handle things that don’t go their way, for example) can give them skills that will be valuable throughout their entire lifetime.
JEB says
Thanks everyone – much appreciated! Who knew this gag thing was so common…they’re such lovely little creatures :)
Anonymous says
Testing the gag reflex is totally normal – once they figure out they can do it, kids love to because it elicits a reaction.
TBK says
Is there anyone who has both a boy and a girl who has any thoughts on whether they tend to develop pretend play differently? One of my sons (A) has had some physical therapy and speech therapy. The therapists have commented on the fact that he doesn’t play pretend yet (he’ll be two later this month). It’s true he doesn’t but neither does his twin brother (B). What they do enjoy is stacking blocks, learning the names of colors and shapes, counting, fitting puzzle pieces together, exploring physical properties of objects (feeling different textures, experimenting with what sounds things make when you bash them on the floor or on your head or on your brother’s head, figuring out what bounces, etc.), and pushing cars off the edge of furniture. The au pair has tried to pretend “let’s put our toys to bed” with stuffed animals (at the suggestion of the therapists) but the boys were both totally uninterested. When I’ve handed B a doll, he smacked her on the ground and ran over her with a car. Meanwhile, my hairdresser was telling me all about how her 18 mo old daughter LOVES to play with her baby doll and how she and another hairdresser’s toddler daughter play “mommies” together all the time. I’m just wondering if there’s any gender dynamic at play (with the caveat of course that it’s totally okay for girls to play with trucks and boys to play with dolls, but MOST boys still prefer trucks and MOST girls prefer dolls). Anyone have any thoughts on this?
Charlie says
Interesting question…I don’t have any thoughts on the gender issue, but my 18 month old boy sounds a lot like yours. This morning for the very first time I noticed him pretending his granola bar was a train and saying choo choo. Other than that isolated incident he likes to knock things down, bang things together, and read. He doesn’t try to feed his stuffed animals or anything like that. I know there are definite developmental stages of play, and I suspect like most things there is a wide range of normal for progressing through those stages.
Samantha says
My boy didn’t start pretend play until late, probably around 3. Before that he was Not interested in stuffed animals and cuddly toys other than maybe running them over with a car – or later, having them “drive” the car. I used to try working on empathy using the animals but it didn’t click until it did. He did have friends who were girls who played “family” or “mommy” and some of them had younger siblings so they saw their moms pat the babies to sleep, etc. My son’s close friend, another girl, was as into trucks and jumping and climbing as he was. So I think it isn’t all girl/boy – some of it is environment or experience or personality.
My daughter, who is younger, is similarly interested in her brother’s trucks right now rather than in dolls. But she’s different in other ways (more interested in listening to music or dancing along than my son was).
Meg Murry says
I have 2 boys, but there is definitely a difference in how they play, and I think they learned it from their daycare classmates. The key for my youngest is that he was taken under the wing of 3 older girls at daycare who were going through a baby dolls phase – they would spend all day putting their baby dolls to bed, then getting them up and pushing them around in a doll stroller, pretending to feed them, etc. So he learned to play pretend from those older girls, and it has carried forward – he acts out interactions with his stuffed animals, etc, much more than his older brother did – big brother generally just used the stuffed animals as something to hug but didn’t play-act with them.
I think there is gender dynamic at play, but I also suspect that the hairdresser taught her kid how to play with the baby doll – kids don’t just learn these things in a vacuum. Could you get your boys into a play group (there are some in my area specifically for kids who are in early intervention, or even just a general one) so they can start learning from their peers and not just each other?
Also, do you have any room for a toy kitchen? My kids both LOVED to pretend play on that. Or maybe get them some dress up costume pieces for their upcoming birthday? Or is there a children’s museum or public library that has some of these things where they can try out different toys and activities with other kids their age? Pretend play can be more than just dolls and stuffed animals.
Meg Murry says
Or does your au pair have any other au pair friends with kids that are slightly older than yours? Maybe they could trade off play dates (Tuesday mornings at your house, Thursday mornings at the other family) so your boys could have some interaction with slightly older kids? My kids picked up way more from wanting to mimic a slightly older kid than when an adult tried to teach them – and I think it has made a HUGE difference in that my youngest watches his older brother like a hawk and tries to imitate him so that he started doing all kinds of physical activities and milestones like potty training, eating with utensils, climbing stairs and drinking from regular cups earlier.
TBK says
Unfortunately all her friends either have younger kids or much older — 6-10 yr olds. But the kids are going to preschool 2 mornings a week in the fall, and I’m definitely hopeful that being around other kids will jump start some of these things. They’ll be among the very youngest in the room since they only just make the 2.5 yo cut off by a week, so even in their classroom, they other kids will likely be a little more advanced. Plus they’ll be around the 3 and 4 yos in the other rooms.
TBK says
Sorry, didn’t mean to imply that it was all about not playing with dolls. I think even pretending to drive cars would count as “pretending” but I’m wondering if boys tend to pretend even things like that later than girls start pretending. I think one of their grandmothers is buying them a play kitchen for their birthday (thanks to advice from this s!te!) and the nursery volunteer at church last weekend said that B played with the toy kitchen almost the whole hour (although whether even he was pretending to cook or whatever I don’t know — he could have just been stuffing things in the oven the whole time, which would seem the most likely).
Meg Murry says
Oh, I know what you meant. I wast just suggesting that if the therapist suggested you try playing “put stuffed animal to bed” and they boys weren’t having any of it, you could consider trying other avenues of pretend play and see what clicked.
I think you are right in that some kids are more into pretend early and other kids are more into figuring out how stuff works early – and it tends to be that girls are more likely to be on the pretending side and boys are more likely to be on the practical “does this bounce? does this float? count how many” side.
The concern about not pretending could be part of the overall concern about whether your son may be on the ASD spectrum – many kids that are on the spectrum are extremely literal and don’t really take to pretending. However – it also could just mean that your boys just aren’t into pretending YET, not that they have autism. Maybe I’m a little bit spectrum-y myself, but I’ve always preferred science experiments or building with Legos or seeing how things work to pretending to play-act a story, and that “how does the world work” curiosity has served me well as a scientist and engineer.
Anonymous says
I have one of each, and honestly I didn’t pay a ton of attention to this, but I feel like my son has always been a mimic. He doesn’t do “caretaking” pretend play, but he mimics sports players (mimes a swig of a water bottle while he’s being a hockey goalie, and does overly dramatic diving soccer saves when the ball is anywhere near him), moves his animals around the farm with noises, drives to [correct state] to visit grandma complete with getting irritated at other drivers, “reads” stories to various objects – clearly exactly how the teachers do it at daycare, turning the book around to show pictures and occasionally reminding everyone “I should see all your eyes looking up here at my book!” etc.
My daughter is a little younger than a year and a half, but she does not do dolls. She watches her brother and does anything he does. If he puts a stuffed animal in the little stroller to push around, she’ll do that too, but if he doesn’t do it first, she’s just as likely to put a truck in there, or to just play with the truck. The one thing she consistently pretends is that she’s talking on a phone. Using any object she happens to pick up, no matter how little resemblance to a phone it actually has.
AEK says
The phone thing!! My son has a toy owl phone that I have “answered” for him, and after watching me pretend to talk on it (or talk TO it, for all he knows) he now does this with all of his toys (or his diaper cream, or his spoon).
He is definitely not playing pretend, though. I am sure he has no concept of a real phone or the idea that someone is on the other end. He just holds things next to his ear and talks because it’s what you do with things now.
TBK says
My other son, B, picks up a play phone and says “hello!” I don’t know where he got it from. We only have cell phones and since we always know who’s calling, we honestly mostly say “hey” when we answer, or “hey, dad” or whatever.
Pigpen's Mama says
The phone thing is about all my 1.5 yr old does for pretend play. Which is so weird because I don’t think she sees us talk on the phone that much, she’ll take something phone-like, hold it down to her shoulder and say ‘el-oh’. Of course she refused to actually talk on the phone with my mom the other day.
She’ll pretend to eat with a spoon or drink from a cup, but no putting her dolly to bed and she’d just as soon push blocks in her shopping cart as a stuffed animal. Of course, she could be having amazingly creative pretend play at daycare, but at home her playing is really destroying the living room as fast as possible by dumping out everything she can get her tiny little hands on!
RR says
I don’t know about the gender differences, but I do think there are just personality differences. I don’t remember my twins (a boy and a girl) doing much pretend play at that age, but my 2.5 year old is all about pretend. She’s been carrying a baby around pretending with it for the last year and it just gets more elaborate all the time. With my twins, when they did start, my daughter was always more elaborate and imaginative. I don’t know if it’s because she’s a girl or just more creative in general (she’s very much like me, and my son is more analytical).
I think Meg Murray also has a great point. My 2.5 year old is likely watching and learning from her older siblings and thus starting some of this earlier.
MomAnon4This says
My son at that age related a lot to media – let’s act like this character from a book or story, or even from a TV show or a movie that we’d seen (we’d put on movies while he played, he wouldn’t sit and watch at that age). Also sometimes he’d switch it up and he would want to be Daddy and Daddy would have to be SonName, which was confusing and controlling, not sure if it classifies as let’s pretend. Exercises and yoga are good times for let’s pretend – walk like a bear! Stretch like a giraffe!
My son was WAY into pretend, but he was also very verbal. The little girls loved him at that age. He played differently with boys. Eventually they all got into playing house or something together at preschool.
Anonymama says
I don’t really think pretend play has any relation to gender, but the kid of pretend play might. Like, trucks driving, loading, unloading, stuffed animals running and jumping and climbing (and, let’s be honest, attacking). Like, do you goof around with talking to the stuffed animals, pretending they are giving hugs and kisses or hiding and jumping out, or with having the toy airplane do a rescue operation, or taking off and doing a loopty-loop? Or act out whatever the character in their favorite books is doing?
Anonymous says
Can you try different types of pretend play? Pretend play doesn’t have to be house play based. Line up their little chairs in a row and pretend to ride the bus or train etc? They can pretend to be trucks and chase each other around saying beep beep and stop at a pretend stop sign. Pretend to be trees by putting arms above head and swaying in the wind?
I have two boys and one girl – pretend play is about individual kids having different interests not gender IMHO. Would definitely listen to the therapists if they have any concerns and encourage pretend play if that’s typical for their ages.
Pogo says
For those of you who convinced your RE to do remote monitoring which allowed you to travel for work, how did the conversation go? I brought it up to the nurse today after finding out this month will probably be a wash as I’ll be ready to trigger when DH is out of town. She proposed frozen semen from him and IUI, but I mentioned that I have work travel as well, that I couldn’t cancel. She then said, “Well, what are you going to do when you actually have kids?”
It sorta knocked the wind out of me and I didn’t want to propose the remote monitoring. I would think I could get the bloodwork and u/s done at any hospital (assuming they take my insurance or I pay out of pocket), and fly back claiming a “medical emergency” to get IUI’d? Is this ridiculous?
The nurse made me feel so terrible, like we are already putting our careers in front of our non-existent children.
RR says
WTH? I’d be having a conversation with someone about that woman. When you have kids, contrary to her apparent belief, they are not actually strapped to you (most of the time). So, other people (like their other parent or other responsible adults) can care for them while you are out of town. There’s no logical correlation, and she should f$*% off.
Deep breath.
I only had this come up once, during my second IVF for my youngest a few years ago. I didn’t end up having to do it, and I can’t remember why. But, what I recall is that it was just for a blood draw, and they were going to send me to someplace (not a hospital) for the blood draw. It didn’t end up being necessary.
NewMomAnon says
In this case, it sounds like a manipulative tactic by the nurse. Recognize it for what it is; it’s about her, not you. You have the flexibility to make the medical scheduling work with your work schedule, so why not take full advantage of that?
And you know…I have a similar thought sometimes when talking with people who are thinking of starting families, or women who are pregnant. Their lives are so full and so busy, it just seems unthinkable that a child will fit into the mix. But it’s not something I say, because I had that hectic, busy life before my kiddo came too and here I am. You’ll find ways to flex when you have to flex.