Washable Workwear Wednesday: Ponte Sheath Dress

This dress has been around for years in different iterations — short sleeves! long sleeves! This year, it’s sleeveless, and available (so far) in navy and white, and has a nice keyhole feature. It’s machine washable and looks great for $108, at Nordstrom.   Ponte Sheath Dress

Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for washable clothes for work, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear.

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Comments

  1. Abdominal Binders says:

    Just had my second c-section and am looking for suggestions for abdominal binders. I understand they can provide a lot of support, which I clearly need at the moment. Thank you!

    • (Was) due in june says:

      Bellefit. I got one at Kat’s recommendation and it was great. Totally worth the cost after my c.

      • Abdominal Binders says:

        Thanks! Did you get the one with the front hooks and side zip or just the front hooks? Trying to decide if the first is worth the extra cost.

        • Depending on your size I have an unused small or xsmall that I could send you!

          I am a stroke risk, so I decided against using it. I think that’s the sort of thing your ob could worry about.

          • Abdominal Binders says:

            That is so generous of you! It looks like I would be a small now. Let me know the best way to get in touch with you.

            I don’t post too often, but I really appreciate how kind this community is. It is really wonderful to know that you can post here and get a lot of helpful comments and support on any issues.

        • (was) due in june says:

          Front hooks, no side zip. I really liked being able to start with the widest hooks and work my way in. I did not miss having a zipper.

          One of the best things I had postpartum. A+ would recommend.

          • +1 I also got the Bellefit with the front hooks, no side zip (although I didn’t have a C-section) and I LOVED it and thought it made a huge difference within just 2 weeks.

    • Lilliet says:

      I used the one provided by the hospital for a few weeks and then did physical therapy to properly get strength back in my abdomen. Talk to your OB if they have a PT they prefer, otherwise call your place of choice and ask if they have someone trained in vaginal floor type work, it’s all related. Unless there’s anything else, you would not need the internal.

    • ElisaR says:

      I would check with your OB to make sure it’s safe – my OB advised me to stay away from anything like that after major surgery (C-section)

    • Newbie Momma says:

      I didn’t have a C section but I used the belly bandit after and liked it a lot. I’m tall and the bellefit pulled to much and hit in the wrong places even with the extender.

    • I used Bellefit too, with the blessing of my OB, after a c section and it was a marvelous. I had only front hooks. bought both two sizes after the first one helped so well in the first 3 weeks I needed a smaller one. Not uncomfortable over incision. I wore it at all times except showering.

    • Legally Brunette says:

      If you’re going to get the Bellefit I would get it asap. I bought mine maybe 6-8 weeks pp, and I think it was too late at that point. I wore it consistently and unfortunately it did nothing for my mid-section. But I have friends who swear by it, but they used it almost immediately after birth.

      • (was) due in june says:

        I didn’t start wearing it until 6 or 8 weeks postpartum, but I do wish I had had it earlier to help support me and stop that “floppy” feeling from the surgery.

    • Meg Murry says:

      FYI, Bellefit (and many other abdominal binders) are considered a medical device, so if you ask your OB they may be able to write you a prescription (aka a note) and you can get it reimbursed from your FSA/HSA . If you have pre-tax dollars available for it, use them.

    • momoftwins says:

      I used a basic medical binder provided by the hospital at first, then bought a Squeem when it became clear I’d be using it for awhile. I’m still using the Squeem (down a size) under certain clothes at 6 mo pp. I prefer the hook-and-eye closures to velcro, which can be hard to get snug on your own.

  2. All these navy dresses, I want to get one… but this one looks like a bad c*cktail dress to me rather than something I’d want to wear to work.

  3. For those of you with elementary aged children: How much, if any, time do you spend in your child’s classroom? We had our second parent-teacher conference last week, and it was the last conference of the year. I have been in regular contact with this teacher via email and attended the Holiday play, but I haven’t really spent any time with my son at his school or in the classroom in general. When his teacher said that it was the last conference of the year, I was struck by how little I have been around for that part of my son’s life. Realistically, I do not think there is a way that I can regularly volunteer in the classroom while working full-time. Is this just part of growing up/learning that my son has a life independent of our family? Should I try and get in there more?

    • Anon in NOVA says:

      I felt really weird about this in Kindergarten, especially since my son attends before/after-school care offsite, so I wasn’t even in the school for dropoff/pickup!
      Now that he’s in first grade, I’m realizing it’s really normal and OK. It’s part of them growing up, they start to have these little independent lives that we’re less involved in, and it’s scary, but I suppose it’s good.

      I usually volunteer for one event a year (class party, etc.). I try to save most of my leave for showing up for stuff that’s important to him (a play they put on, the costume parade, etc.). This year I don’t think we’ve even had anything like that. To combat my inability to volunteer during the day, I offer to send in supplies the teacher may need, send in stuff for the christmas party, etc. I figure I’m helping take some of the financial burden off of the moms that are there in person. You can also email the teacher to see if she has anything she can send home for you to help with. Cutting things out, putting packets together, etc.

      My last piece of advice is to try to attend PTA events that may take place at the school in evening hours. PTA Bingo night, the book fair, etc. I felt much better once I got to know the physical building better and see some of his friends. I feel much more connected when I can visualize the gym/the face of the kid he’s saying he played with in PE, etc.

    • avocado says:

      I spend exactly zero time in the classroom. My daughter’s teacher even refused to hold a second parent-teacher conference with us because she sees no issues (we had concerns, but she didn’t want to meet with us and previous attempts to discuss said concerns were dismissed because she has good grades so we didn’t bother to insist). The only volunteer opportunities for moms are weekly commitments that are not compatible with work and travel. My husband participates in a volunteer program that allows dads to spend a single day at the school working in several different classrooms over the course of the day, but that program is not open to moms. Other than that, we attend back-to-school night, evening performances, and one or two daytime events per year and that’s it.

      When my daughter was younger she used to complain that I didn’t volunteer every week and come eat lunch with her in the cafeteria the way her friends’ moms did, but now she is happy as long as we show up for the really important events. School is “her” place. I help her stay organized and on top of assignments, but if she has an issue in the classroom I expect her to discuss it with the teacher herself before I get involved. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve e-mailed the teacher directly this year.

      • LegalMomma says:

        The fact that the volunteer program that allows a single day at the school working in several different classrooms is open to Dads but not Moms just tagged my rage button. ARGH why do schools insist on separating Moms versus Dads in that way!?!

        • Anonymous says:

          What? That is insanity!

        • avocado says:

          It is so incredibly sexist. I would protest it, but I don’t want my daughter to suffer because I am That Mom. We have already had issues because she expressed an interest in out-of-state colleges (she is only in the fifth grade but they were talking about colleges as part of a student council project). Apparently it’s absolutely hilarious that any kid from our sheltered little suburb would even have heard about any school other than State U. Rawr.

    • When my eldest was in first & second grade, I volunteered once/week in lieu of my lunch. This only worked because school was 5 minutes away from my office. I loved getting to know the kids and understanding a little more about the school day. But we moved… so that isn’t happening any more. I do try to attend the parties (four half day vacations) and chaperone one field trip/year. I like seeing how my child interacts with peers and in a different environment. My husband volunteered as mystery reader one day. I try to get grandma to fill in for me when I can’t make it — like to cheer on at the Fun Run or Field Day. My kids are just as happy to have grandma there as me or dad! As they get older, the teachers don’t want you around as much…. but I am lamenting that I am not going to be able to be as involved with my younger child’s class as much when she is in early el.

      I also made the decision (after attending a disastrous PTO meeting) that I would rather volunteer the little amount of time that I have directly with the class room instead of with the PTO. I’ll write them a check, but I don’t have the time to spend my evening watching inefficiency in action!

      We didn’t even get a second conference — spring conferences are optional and was deemed not needed. So instead we are emailing concerns also.

    • Mrs. Jones says:

      I think I’ve been in my son’s classroom three times all year: help with a fun run, initial teacher conference, and once to view class projects. I have volunteered to prepare newsletters and decorations when I’ve been off work here and there. I’ve attended a performance or two before and after school.

    • Anonymous says:

      Zero time volunteering in the classroom. Zero guilt about that.

      My mom was a working mom and didn’t volunteer in the classroom either. I try to attend one or two field trips a year (pumpkin patch in the fall, sports day in the spring usually) plus holiday concert (evening). I do try to drop off instead of school bus at least a few times a week so that I see the teachers regularly, and also email contact.

    • My son is only 2, but I feel zero obligation to spend time in the classroom when he’s in elementary school. I’m sure there are other ways to help and I’ll do what I can, but spending time at the school is quality time with my son. My own parents did no volunteering the classroom and I preferred it that way. In fact, I don’t really remember there being parents in the classroom when I was in elementary school.

    • Anonymous says:

      I volunteer a couple of times each year. I do 1-2 days in the classroom and often chaperon a field trip. Even though it’s not much, it’s really gives a feel for the classroom and teacher so it’s very worth while. My kids love it, too, and I know they won’t forever.

      I simply email the teacher asking if there’s a day I could help in the next month, and they suggest a day/time. Usually I’m there for about 2 hours. I can work from home, so I don’t even need to take PTO, although sometimes I do use a PTO day and spend the rest of the day taking care of other things.

      Our school also has volunteer needs that are short in duration and/or evening hours, such as handing out candy for 1-2 hours at the Halloween family event or organizing fundraising orders one evening. Taking just one of those really helps out the likely ~12 parents who do 90% of the work at the school.

      I have also volunteered with the art literacy program. It’s a great program and I’m so thankful that the very dedicated volunteers make it happen for the all the classrooms, but I had to take a break this year because it was too much. It’s one evening or morning training, plus about 2 hrs in the classroom doing the activity, for each session. Our school does 3-4 sessions each year. So it’s still a fairly small and confined commitment. I hope to be able to pick it up again.

    • Work travel? says:

      I’ve been meaning to post a similar question, based on comments about school districts and quality, and how our kids (i.e., kids of educated parents who frequent this s i t e) are going to be OK no matter where we send them. Usually the narrative is that it’s because we are “involved parents.”

      But. I don’t feel like I’m particularly involved. I’m either working or with my new baby so I don’t ever volunteer. DH sometimes helps out (maybe once a month, although that’s averaged over the year, because he tends to volunteer for a few weeks in a row when they are doing a special series). Honestly I felt awful the other night at a performance – I kept asking the SAH mom next to me who each kid was as they came up to perform.

      We talk at dinner every night about how school went that day, and sometimes we learn more than other days. But I really don’t feel like I’m that involved in school. I don’t feel badly in the sense that I think it’s important for my kids to have their own space…but I do feel badly because part of our rationale for sending him to a less than stellar public school is that we’re supposed to be compensating in some way, and I just don’t know that we are doing that necessarily.

      So, not to hijack your thread, but kind of: What does it mean to really be involved in school?

      • Anonymous says:

        You don’t feel involved because you’re probably in a bubble where things like checking to make sure your kid did his homework and attending parent-teacher conferences are so normal that they don’t register as involved.

        On the worst end of the spectrum you have families involved in the child protection system because of drugs in the home, or not enough food, or parents who can’t be bothered to make their kid get on the school bus let alone check if they are passing math.

        There are also families that are struggling to get by – parents that are working two jobs or one job plus elder care for a dying parent plus unstable living situations and not able to check if their kid has any homework, or did their homework, or if he needs a tutor for chemistry and arranging for and paying for the tutor are beyond their means.

        And then there are families where there is economic security (and this can include private schools) but there are other factors, like a highly contentious divorce or mental health issues with the parents, where the kids are fed/clothed/at school but the parents are not really paying attention or communicating about whether or not Johnny is skipping school or just barely passing English.

        Being an involved parent means ensuring that your child regularly attends school, has been fed breakfast and has an appropriate lunch, is equipped for the day’s activities (gym clothes, music instrument for band practice), and has completed required homework. It means regularly attending parent-teacher conferences and arranging for an extra tutoring if required.

      • No way says:

        I don’t think being an involved parent has anything at all to do with volunteering in the classroom and serving in the PTA. That might make you an involved community member, but providing a supportive environment at home for your child to learn and grow is FAR more important than helping run the bake sale or Halloween party.

        Involved parents check in on school work and communicate with the teacher when something goes wrong. They expose their child to enriching situations (this can be going to the library and grocery shopping and making a list with your help, it doesn’t have to be violin lessons and foreign language immersion at two!). I used to be a classroom teacher, and I knew plenty of parents who were involved in school events who didn’t have such a stellar grasp on parenting (and vice versa).

      • Work travel? says:

        Thanks for these 2 replies, they are really helpful and reassuring. Yes, definitely in the bubble where that stuff just seems like what you do…even though as I reflect on my experiences as a kid, my parents didn’t engage as much.

    • Betty says:

      Thank you all for your responses. It helps to know that I am not alone in the amount of time I am in my kid’s school.

  4. Anon in NOVA says:

    I posted this on the main site accidentally… because I thought I was on this page. I was surprised at the topics being discussed until I realized it wasn’t the moms page!

    I’m giving two “informational interviews” to grad students from my alma mater this week. I do a decent amount of hiring so I’m used to real interviews, but I’ve never given an “informational interview” before. Any ideas of what I should prepare to answer? I’m afraid they’ll expect me to lead the conversation (even though I know they shouldn’t). I’m assuming “what is a typical day like” “what career options exist for someone with my degree” etc.

    • Anonymous says:

      IME, those are the types of questions to ask. I’ve been surprised by the seemingly random or very specific questions they bring. Such as, if I want job X, should I learn software A or B? Or, how do you connect with people in aligned but different disciplines?

      The question that I answer even if they don’t think to ask it, is what type of a candidate would be appealing to my company. It’s usually the elephant in the room. I’m not going to get them a job, but I’ll tell them what type of skills, experience, education, and networking have been common among successful candidates.

      I haven’t found that I need to particularly prepare for anything. I do have a couple of common answers rehearsed from answering them often, but I haven’t even really been stumped by a question. If I can’t answer something very specific, I follow up by email after I’ve gotten an answer, which has happened only a couple of times.

      I used to get a lot of questions about balancing a professional career with a spouse’s professional career and children – and in the last five years I’ve seen those questions notably don’t come up, which I find interesting.

    • Meg Murry says:

      Can you be prepared to talk about your career path from grad school to your current job, and whether it was typical of a grad from your school/department or more of a meandering path? It would also be good to let them know the hiring norms in your industry – for instance, is there a fall career fair that they need to hit hard their last year, or do a lot of the big companies pretty much only hire from their summer intern pools, etc?

      Also, a lot of people want to know what to expect salary-wise during informational interviews, but are afraid to ask or don’t know how to do it non-awkwardly. If you know your company is competitive with entry level hires, it would be incredible kind of you to give them a ballpark as to what that figure is, or if your field has a straightforward title most entry level hires get you could plug that title and zipcode into salary dot com and them know if Salary dot com is actually somewhat realistic or if it’s actually way over or under estimating.

  5. Anonymous says:

    Advice needed re: dying cat…

    Three months ago my 14-year-old cat was diagnosed with cancer. Her face had started looking a bit asymmetrical to me, and what I thought was just disheveled fur on her cheek turned out to be a little lump growing in her face that was predicted to grow quite quickly. It had already broken the roots of some teeth and caused quite a bit of damage. She was likely in a lot of pain for quite some time and I had no idea. She has been on pain medication around-the-clock ever since (she first had a surgery where they removed a couple teeth and did a biopsy), and sure enough that little tumor is growing. Her face is much more uneven – it’s very obvious now that she has something very wrong with her and her mouth is now bleeding from time to time, she drools a lot, she eats a little less than she used to, and she meows throughout the day in a way that makes me think she’s uncomfortable. But it’s so hard to really know… And since she is still eating enough, she is still quite social with me and wants to be in my lap a lot, and she still seems to enjoy the things she used to (eg, she’ll chase after a string if you try to get her to play with it), I can’t seem to decide if it’s truly her time or not. But there’s now a bit of a deadline on the decision – feels a little callous to think of it that way, but I am at a loss for what to do…

    We have an 8-day vacation starting in 10 days. She has never been very comfortable adjusting easily to another home, and I suspect she is more scared and uncomfortable than the average cat when staying in a boarding facility, something she’s only had to do two or three times in her life. So even as a perfectly healthy cat, vacations away from her have never been ideal. Now that she is this sick and could take a turn for the worse any day, I feel awful about having what could be her final days be somewhere so uncomfortable for her. And of course I have no one in my personal network who could care for her at my home, let alone at their own home. My parents have cared for her at their house before, but they are scheduled to be out of town part of that week. And to ask them to have to give her pain medication every day and be watchful to take her to the vet to be put down if things get noticeably worse, seems like a lot even if they were here. I think it’s highly likely they’ll be the ones that would have to take her to be euthanized based on the latest progression.

    So I am contemplating euthanizing her before we leave – it seems cruel to me to board her when she’s this uncomfortable and scared. But I also know it’s possible she could be mildly comfortable for another few weeks before we have to put her down if we weren’t going anywhere. Realistically that’s all she has – I think my vet is surprised I haven’t had to bring her in sooner. And with the pace of her drooling and bleeding the last few days, it’s also possible that the decision will be made for me in a few days. But I actually have to decide in the next day or two in order to get on the vets schedule! I could always take her to an emergency clinic, but I’d prefer to take her to the vet I know and trust. There is no good answer here – but I’m sure that one is probably better than another. What would you do?

    Canceling the vacation is not really an option – this is a big one for us and we’ve saved a lot of money to pay for it that we wouldn’t get back if we canceled. We are meeting family at a destination across the country, and if we didn’t go it would be a hardship for them as well based on some of the plans we have.

    Thanks in advance for your thoughts. I hope I don’t sound like a cruel pet owner – but if I do, please go easy on me.

    • avocado says:

      Internet hugs. To me it sounds as if it would be best for everyone involved, including kitty, to do it before you leave.

    • Anon in NOVA says:

      I don’t think you sound cruel, you’re genuinely concerned about how she’ll spend her last days.

      Schedule the appointment now to get on the books, and then take some more time to see how you feel with the decision once it seems more “real”. You can always cancel last minute if you change your mind, but you may not be able to get on the books the last minute.

      • +1. This would be my advice.

      • Anon in NYC says:

        Yes, this. Get on the schedule now so you can give yourself more time to think about it.

        Hugs, this is a really hard decision. I have a dog and I don’t know what I would do if I were in your shoes. Frankly, if I thought that my choices were for her to be sad/uncomfortable for what could be her last remaining days and possibly leaving her to have to be put down by someone else versus putting her down myself, I would lean towards the latter.

        • mascot says:

          +3 to go ahead and set the date. It will give you some time to process the decision.
          I can understand trying to eek out as many good days as possible, but maybe balance that with the idea that you are sparing her potential really bad days and the very likely possibility that her time will come when you aren’t there. You will be sad on your vacation, but you won’t be spending all your time worrying about she’s doing and jumping when the phone rings thinking that it’s the call. Hugs.

    • I know this isn’t a parallel situation, exactly, but reading this made me think a lot about when we euthanized our dog this year. She was almost 16, dealing with fecal incontinence, very arthritic – but it was really, really hard to know when was the “right” time. I decided that when I went back to work after maternity leave, it should be then. (I say “I” instead of we, because she was my dog before meeting my husband, though obviously our whole family talked about it). It was one thing for me to constantly watch her and clean after her when I was home with the baby – completely another thing to expect someone else to do it while I was at work. And crating her all day was not a good option – if she had an issue, she would then go in her crate and have to be in there all day.

      I was really torn, because there was no “aha!” moment of, “Oh yes, this is exactly the right time.” So I let the outside situation of my returning to work dictate the time. And I STILL really struggled – is this the right time? Am I evil for timing this for when I go back to work? She’s having a sort of good day today, am I killing her?

      We had the vet come and euthanize her at our home. The few days before that, she got to eat whatever she wanted. We made her steak, oatmeal, sweet potatoes – all her favorite foods. It was a really beautiful experience (which sounds weird I’m sure), and my husband, me, and our ten year old (my SD) got to say goodbye. My mom took the baby out during the whole thing. It was so difficult and so sad but really peaceful. Ugh, I’m crying right now even though this was six months ago.

      Fast forward a week later, and I realized that I was feeling a huge sense of relief. I hadn’t realize how painful and difficult it was to watch Penny struggle, and how much stress and guilt I was feeling on a daily basis about her challenges with the steps, and with going to the bathroom, and with getting up and down. I was reminded of what a dear friend (and fellow dog owner) told me when I was agonizing over this decision – “You’ll never wish you had done it later, you might only wish you had done it sooner.”

      I don’t know if this helps at all, but what I’m trying to say was that having a “deadline” of an external event actually helped me make the right decision. It was really hard and really sad but ultimately the right one. Hugs to you and your family. Our furbabies give us so much love.

      • Anon in NYC says:

        Thanks for sharing. This was really nice to read, as my dog is getting older and I know this will be on the horizon sooner rather than later.

      • That made me tear up. Our old lab is 11, and she is my baby. I know I’ll have to do this at some point, and it’s heartbreaking.

      • Aw, I had a dog named Penny growing up!

    • Hugs. Our cat was diagnosed with cancer about 3 months ago, and we had to euthanize her last week. We also struggled with whether it was the right time, whether she was suffering, whether we were killing her. I also felt terrible knowing that I scheduled it at a time that was convenient for me (as regular readers know, DH is out of town this week, and I did not want to deal with euthanizing our cat alone).

      You may have already asked, but are you sure that you need to schedule in advance? I thought I would have to schedule at least several days in advance, as that’s how long it typically takes to get appointments, but my vet actually keeps a few hours open everyday for animals who need to be seen immediately and let us come in during that time. If you do need to schedule in advance, I agree with making the appointment now and giving yourself time to think about it.

      Hugs again. It’s a hard decision and a sad thing to do. I know you just want what’s best for your cat.

    • This is so hard, my heart goes out to you. First off, you could potentially board your cat at the vet – we did that when our cat was sick and we had to leave town. However, while we were away, we got back some test results showing that she was basically dying – we had no idea she was that sick before we left – and my husband changed his flight so he could come back a day early and be there when they put her down. It was both terrible and expensive (this was also on my birthday, and I got to fly home alone with my toddler son). I think I would think about the worse case scenario for either putting her down before you go and for waiting, and try to figure out which you would regret more. For me, the worst case for waiting would be worse, but this is a very personal decision, and neither choice is wrong. Also, definitely look into whether there is someone local who can do euthanasia in your home – your vet might have referrals.

      FWIW, we had a very sweet cat with cancer several years ago (different from the cat we boarded I mentioned above). My husband was terrified that he wouldn’t know when it was time to put her down, and that she would suffer needlessly because he couldn’t make a decision. In the end, she died quickly, without assistance. She was eating (her #1 favorite thing) at home happily enough, and then 30 minutes later she walked in to find me and passed out at my feet. I raced her to the vet’s as fast as I could–mostly because my husband wasn’t at home, and I didn’t know what else to do and wanted him to be able to be with her if possible–but she died in the car. Her last few minutes could probably have been better, but it wasn’t a long period of time that she suffered. Okay now I’m crying. Part of me really feels like she knew how hard this would be for us and spared us making a decision. Maybe your cat will too.

      The only other advice I have is that when we asked the vet how we would know when it was time, she said we’d just know, partly because our cat would stop acting like a pet and more like an animal, if that makes sense. If you haven’t already, talk it through with the vet.

    • NewMomAnon says:

      Similar to lsw – I had an older dog with heart issues and pancreatitis, and incontinence as a result of both. She then developed a very painful eye issue. I was newly single, with a baby, trying to sell a house while I lived in it (with a baby and an in incontinent dog). The vet kept suggesting we try “just one more thing.” I knew I wasn’t giving her the care she needed for that “one more thing” to help (she basically needed round the clock care, and I couldn’t). I finally just asked to euthanize her. It was hard, and I cried a lot afterward….but it was absolutely the right thing. In retrospect, she was in a lot of pain, probably more than she showed, and even though there was a possibility we could alleviate it, it wasn’t a big possibility and her quality of life while we tried was not good.

      Which is to say – if you are considering euthanasia, it is probably time.

    • We boarded our elderly cat with health problems at a vet, and she ended up passing away while we were away. If I could have done things differently, I would have euthanized her rather than boarding her, mainly for selfish reasons–I would have felt better being there for those last moments. I know she was comfortable and cared for, but I felt I didn’t uphold my responsibility to her.

      Like you we couldn’t cancel the vacation (we were visiting my elderly Grandmother in another state) and I wish I would have considered the stress of being in an unfamiliar place and being so far out of her routine when I made the decision.

      It’s such a hard decision to make, and hope you find the path that makes the most sense to you.

    • Hugs. I am sorry about your kitty. We euthanized our dog in the fall after a cancer diagnosis and months of treatments that had varying degrees of mild success (really hedging that one). It was really hard, and honestly it still is. But I don’t think the euthanasia was hard for her. It was at home where she was comfortable and with a trusted and compassionate vet. After all she had done for us, it was our final act of love to her. Animals don’t feel the anxiety or dread around a cancer diagnosis and treatments, they only know the physical aspect of it.

      I get what you’re saying about the vacation. But it sounds like it is time soon regardless, and I second the advice to talk it through with your vet. The conventional wisdom is better to do it a day early than an hour too late (or something like that), though, and I don’t want you to feel that you are somehow not doing all you can for her if you decide to say goodbye to her before your scheduled trip.

    • You’re not cruel. You want to enjoy your vacation and you would not do so if you were thinking about kitty the whole time.

      I know because my cat was diagnosed with leukemia while on vacation and would have died if the person watching him hadn’t brought him in (he had stopped eating and drinking). It was incredibly stressful (and expensive) emergency-boarding him at the kitty ICU and taking calls with the vet throughout the vacation. I was constantly worried he was about to die and I would have much rather been there to say good-bye than on a beach… it was awful.

      He pulled through, but it sounds like yours might not be so lucky. I would absolutely take her in now if she only has a few weeks anyway.

    • I was in the same boat four years ago and we decided to put my cat down before we got married/had a three week honeymoon. It was awful, but it was going to be awful no matter what. My parents could have taken her, but that would have meant two long car trips and weeks in a house with a strange dog and cat. She was taking medication that was kind of holding things at bay, but she was on a downward spiral and it was important to me to be the one who did it, and not my parents. I’m so sorry. Good luck.

  6. Anonymous says:

    Hello guys. Awkward subject but I’ve struggled with incontinence post baby for two years now with no end in sight. What options have you ladies tried? I know there’s a surgical option out there. I live in a smaller center in Canada and could use a recommendation for incontinence underwear as well.

    Thanks guys, this is honestly a super embarrassing problem.

    • Momata says:

      Get thee to a pelvic floor physical therapist. Not embarrassing — super common. (Longest Shortest Time recently had an episode on injuries/complications from pregnancy and v-birth and how nobody tells you those “risks” even as they tell you all the risks of a C section.”

      • Original poster says:

        I had an emergency c-section haha. Less than two hours in labor. haha.

        I am under 30 and honestly the problem is so bad. When I have a cold and sneeze all day it’s an absolute disaster. It has had an impact on my gym schedule, my clothing, whether I go out at night etc. horrible.

      • Anonymous says:

        YES!!! Go to a pelvic floor physical therapist asap. Sometimes they’ll use the terms maternal/women’s health, post partum, etc.

    • Anonymous says:

      I’ll go anon for this one too. I have had the same problem (stress urinary incontinence) and just saw a doctor about it yesterday. I would recommend that you try to find a doctor who can do an evaluation to see what the physical problem is. Call your obgyn and see if s/he has a recommendation (or maybe your gyn can do an eval?). The exam was no more invasive than a normal gyn exam. My issue is that while my bladder is basically well supported – I don’t have a prolapse or anything like that – my pelvic floor muscles are weak. Basically, her answer was: 1) kegels, and 2) look into poise impressa (can be found on amazon), which is inserted like a tampon but can help with leakage.

      If I were done having kids (I’m not), she said that there is a surgical option. But it often doesn’t last through another pregnancy/childbirth, so she wouldn’t recommend it at this time. In terms of underwear – have you looked at Thinx?

      • Semi-nonymous says:

        FYI, the same company that makes Thinx makes another product called Icon that is very similar to Thinx but optimize for bladder issues instead of periods. However, I’d recommend that if you are going to research it you do it from home and/or in an incognito browser, because otherwise you *will* get sidebar ads about their products at the most inconvenient times.

        I haven’t bought any yet, but now that I had my IUD out and am no longer in the “wear a pantiliner daily due to random sporadic spotting” I am considering them. I’m now at the point where I’m ok 95% of the time, but a sudden sneeze or coughing spell can lead to issues.

        • Ha – I’m the poster below who had surgery, and not needing pads anymore is making me consider loosing the IUD too (copper T). I could handle the endless bleeding when I was wearing a pad everyday anyway, but now… Sometimes lady parts are not for the faint of heart.

      • Original poster says:

        Thank you for the poise impressa imformation! I had never heard of this and am going to check it out.

    • I dealt with stress incontinence as well and ultimately had surgery, a mid-urethral sling-about a month ago. Honestly, it has been awesome, so I recommend it as an option if nothing else helps. Start by getting an evaluation from a urogynecologist – I got referrals from my OB/GYN. They will probably advise physical therapy as a first step. This helps many women, but did not for me. The other two options for me were injections – like fillers – around the opening of the urethra I think, or surgery.

      For leakage, I used regular maxipads (Always ultrathins or generic equivalent). My leakage was not constant, more due to coughing/exertion/etc. You may have a different issue.

      One other interesting note – when I first started going to doctors for this, I was still nursing, and the doctor mentioned that hormone levels impact the muscles in the area. I noticed this once I weaned too – right before my period, my leakage was worse. So if you are still nursing you may see some improvement when you wean anyway. This is more a fun fact than a treatment strategy.

      Regarding my surgery experience, it was super easy. I went in Friday morning, came home the same day, and honestly felt pretty normal except from soreness the next day. I took a few days off work because I had planned to not knowing how I would feel, but I could have gone in on Monday. About 3 weeks after surgery I was cleared to start exercising again and went on my first run since my son was born. I don’t leak anymore, an it’s been life changing for me. If anyone is in NYC and is looking for a urogynecologist, I highly recommed Nirit Rosenblum at NYU Langone.

      This is a really common problem, but you do not and should not need to live this way.

    • Anonymous says:

      Try Pelvic floor phyiso before you resort to surgery. I’m in a small city in Canada and there are increasingly pelvic floor PTs available. If my small city has two, I can pretty much guarantee there’s one in your city. Check out the websites of PT clinics in your city, look for a practitioner that either specifically says pelvic floor or women’s health.

      On the off chance that we are in the same small city, if you post your city name I can give you the recommendation for my city.

  7. Anon for this too says:

    I just started PT for this. I have a prolapsed bladder and the exercises are already helping after just a few weeks.

  8. lucy stone says:

    My kid is on a two week bottle strike and I have a night meeting tomorrow. She’s seven months old and refuses all bottles and sippies offered. She just wants to nurse. Please help!

    • (was) due in june says:

      My kid always hated bottles and sippies. Try a straw cup; we started it around then. Also, as the ped and the LC had to remind me multiple times, children will not voluntarily starve themselves, so eventually if she gets thirsty/hungry enough, she’s going to drink.

    • Work travel? says:

      First 2 kids always hated bottles but took sippy cups of milk no problem….as long as I wasn’t in the house (seriously, they could smell me in the basement from the 2nd story).

      And I agree w above – babies will not starve themselves, once they get hungry enough they will eat/drink. Good luck!

  9. NewMomAnon says:

    Has anyone done cry it out with an older child? I think I need to try it. The time change threw us off and things are getting worse, not better.

    I’ve ordered the special night time light bulbs, because the first thing she does when left alone in her room is turn on all the lamps. I also ordered a monkey lock for the door because she’s strong enough to rip the tension gate out if she gets mad enough, and her door won’t close because of some work landlord did (grr).

    All of her toys are stored in her room, and there isn’t really any place else to store them. Do they need to be removed? Any resources on preschool age cry it out? Any first hand experience?

    I’m not inclined to do the sleep lady shuffle stuff, because whatever boundaries I’m setting right now aren’t working, and I don’t think that will change. I think we need a hard bedtime reset with de minimis parental interaction for a few nights, just to see if that works.

    • Sabba says:

      I think Ferber has a chapter on sleep issues with older kids. You probably don’t need to remove the toys unless there are any that pose a safety hazard (this would also apply to furniture–it needs to be secured or removed) or if she starts using them to create problems, like throwing them at the wall. You might try the bedtime pass as part of the “CIO” method or just on its own–just Google the “bedtime pass.” Your instincts are probably right on needing the hard reset. Be calm, be firm, say what you mean (and mean it), and follow through, whatever method you implement. Good luck!

    • Anon in NYC says:

      Toddler sleep issues are terrible. I haven’t done CIO with an older kid, but but from what I’ve seen, communication in advance about changes to the bedtime routine is important, as well as sticking with it. For example: https://scienceofmom.com/2014/07/29/getting-our-3-year-old-back-to-good-sleep-in-9-not-easy-steps/

      Also, https://www.thenewbasics.com/en/book-excerpt/sleep/ (look at the 18+ month section).

      Good luck!

    • anonymous says:

      Try preciouslittlesleep dot com for articles/podcasts on this. Her stuff is so common sense and easy to read/understand and there is a decent amount of advice in the comments section too if I recall correctly.

  10. Anon Mom says:

    Does anyone have the Uppababy Vista Double stroller? If so, would love to get your answers to two questions. First, is it worth it given how expensive it is? Meaning, is it durable/awesome/versatile enough? Second, can you put two toddler seats on it at the same time or does it have to be one toddler seat and one “rumble” seat? I ask because all the pictures I see use a toddler and a rumble seat, but that seems impractical because the rumble seat tops out at a 35 lb weight limit. I’d like to be able to buy and use a second toddler seat once baby #2 outgrows the carseat, but can’t tell if that’s possible. Thanks ladies!

    • double everything... says:

      I do! It’s really durable and rides well (over city streets and sidewalks). I’d say that whether it’s worth it depends on how much you will use it and where (for me it was all the time and in NYC, so very worth it). You can put one toddler seat and one rumble seat at the same time. The rumble seat is very similar to the toddler seat it comes with but maybe a tiny bit shallower? I haven’t looked into the weight limit because I plan to make mine walk when they hit 35 pounds (I have twins who are small for their age). If we need a stroller when they reach that size, I plan to use the double umbrella stroller.

      A lot of people sell these used, so you can check out parenting boards/facebook groups if cost is holding you back. They are really sturdy, so I think a used one would still last a long time!

      • double everything... says:

        Also, if you have two seats of any kind on the vista, make sure you get the adapters! They provide much more space between the kids by putting them in a stadium seating position.

      • For reference, my 88%tile 3.5 y/o is just barely 35lbs. She generally prefers walking for using in strollers but is very happy with a rumble seat when she doesn’t want to walk. YMMV.

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